Let's get ready to rumble!
You're clipping.
We're doing an intro?
Alright, this is the intro.
I love it.
This is the intro to our brand new podcast.
Which is named?
Nothing right now, it's not named.
It's in the works.
Not everybody likes my ideas and I'm taking them personally.
Your idea was good.
I'm going to take it out on them in this game.
Let's go through the names we came up with.
We had Katoncast, Katanine, Kataning, Kataking, Katocking, Settling.
Welcome Brother Landon.
For those at home enjoying that intro, that was being played live on my Yamaha Porta Sound.
In front of our studio audience, PSS50.
Which I got for Danny Ferenback for his birthday party.
And I liked it so much that I am going to keep it.
So Danny, if you're listening, you're welcome.
Has this party happened?
Is this person Landon?
Oh, and you're going to keep it?
This is a real story?
It was a gift and now it's not.
Facebook marketplace, $35.
This guy who sold it to me, his name was Artem.
He made me watch him play it before he sold it to me.
Which was very respectful so that he knew that it worked.
That's awesome.
I'm going to slow it down for a second just so we can say in our very first episode,
this is a podcast all about, well it's all about whatever we want it to be.
But the premise is simply that we are going to be playing a game of Katan while we discuss our lives.
Tucker's got excellent would you rather questions.
Probably nothing prepared.
Oh, they're prepared, baby.
So that's just what you should expect for the next seven hours.
I mean 45 minutes.
Hopefully less.
We're going to keep this as brief as possible.
Keeping it tight.
Yeah, it's just going to be fun anecdotes and interesting questions and heartfelt lyrics.
Heartfelt lyrics, mostly.
Tucker and I are going to play Katan and Landon is going to spill his guts,
pour out his heart.
This is going to be the first successful musical podcast.
Correct.
It's going to be a musical all on the fly.
The first successful podcast as far as I'm concerned.
All right.
So without further ado, we're going to start with the day one on our path to global takeover.
So I think the problem is Katan is a very visual game.
So I think that is a good point, which we're just now realizing.
But it might be helpful to describe the board every now and then.
Yeah, that's brilliant.
Just a little check in.
So right now this board is looking pretty well diversified.
So this is the board.
We haven't even seen the numbers yet.
I'm going to roll.
I got a one, which is good.
I rolled a five, which is strong.
This is going to be a six, I'm telling you.
Oh, it's a four.
All right.
So for the listeners at home, you want to flip that over real quick?
Flip that over.
So this is an interesting podcast because there might be some people who are more interesting
and just interested in slice of life stuff,
but there are people that genuinely care about Katan.
If you're in the latter category, what I'm looking at right now is a board that is pretty low on wheat.
Very low on wheat.
The wheat, you're going to get fours, 11s, threes, and tens.
And also it's kind of a botch, not a botch setup, but we've got a six and an eight and a touch right next to each other.
It's a weird board.
Oh, do we want to move that?
Or do you want to keep that?
I want to keep it.
What about that?
Yeah, that's good.
All right, we fixed it.
We moved on the sixes so it's not touching the eights.
So for the listeners at home, my style of gameplay is I really, really value wheat
because you use it to settle, get a development card, and cities.
It's the most used resource, so why not have it in abundance?
Ladies.
Let's get that wheat.
The scad Katans.
Okay.
You guys discuss.
There's one place to go and he's stalling.
There's a five, six, and a ten, and an eight, nine, and a ten as far as I'm concerned.
But they're both pretty similar.
In fact, almost identical.
The question is, are fives going to be hot or are nines going to be hot?
And are eights going to be hot or are sixes going to be hot?
I don't know.
That's the whole...
I'm not stalling.
I never stall.
I think you should go right there.
Tucker points to the desert.
Tucker's pointed at a spot between a desert 11 and a three.
Yeah, so you don't need to say for the listeners every single one.
For the listeners who are at home.
Okay.
For the listeners who are not at home, I'm not going to...
Then go fuck yourself.
All right.
Just for...
Live studio audiences on their own.
No.
For the sake of...
That was crazy.
...enjoyment.
I'm putting my settlement on an eight, nine, and ten, building a road towards salvation.
So he's got sheep, brick, and wheat.
I like going last.
Going last is typically the strongest.
Agreed.
In my...
Especially if it's a strong board.
Yeah.
Where there's a lot of options.
Yeah.
This one is going to be weird though.
Another interesting aspect of this podcast...
I'm just going to keep talking about why this podcast is interesting is the way that guitar
is usually played is...
Talk about how interesting we are.
It's slow and it's methodical and it's a lot of silent thought.
So I think in the context of a podcast, it's going to be fast.
We're going to be making more mistakes, I think.
Right.
Easy.
And I think it'll take longer than a normal game because we'll have to be...
We're doing two jobs here.
Right.
And we're getting paid twice as much as we normally get paid to play guitar.
Right.
Oh, that's actually a perfect segue.
Just want to give a quick shout out.
Thank you to our sponsor today.
Anal Probes by Serda.
Serda mattress now makes anal probes.
We're beta testing them.
Yeah.
If you want to get a free anal probe, use code KTODCAST.
I really just was going to let you go as long as you wanted to go on the anal probe bit.
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Use code KTODCAST for 15% off on your first anal probe.
Give a shout out to them.
I've got six.
I love them.
They've got a variety of products.
I've got six in me.
Yeah.
This is a good wood board.
Yes.
For the listeners at home, I'm noticing the wood on this board is popping.
Eights, nines, fives, and fours.
The ore has a six, two, and a three.
The sheep has 11, eight, and six.
Brick is 12, nine, and five.
Yeah, there's a lot of inside baseball for...
Listen, if I'm listening to this podcast, the bare minimum is I can have a decent idea of what the board looks like.
I mean, yeah, if you are into Catan as much as we are, you are loving this podcast.
You're tolerating it.
You're tolerating it, at least.
You are doing probably no more than two other things while listening to this podcast.
Right.
You're driving, masturbating, cooking, driving.
All right, James has settled on...
I was just fully thinking for the last four minutes.
All right, fine.
James is on an eight and a five of wood and a ten of sheep.
I'm going to try and play the wood game this go.
It's funny that we kind of are going to tell you all about our strategies as we go, but also our opponents.
So I'm going for this wood port.
I went ham on the wood.
I don't have any brick.
But you're hoping to leverage that wood port.
I mean, yeah, ideally I'll have a two for one wood and a three for one shortly.
I don't want to do that.
But I always try the port thing, and it's a gamble.
It's more of a gamble than I typically will admit to myself.
I think, oh, I'll get a rolls.
It'll be great.
But it's exciting.
It's exciting.
You can't deny the excitement.
I don't know where to go.
I want wood and I want ore, and I don't think I'll get...
You can't get both.
Yeah, I think I'm going to go there.
All right.
So I've placed on a four, five, 11, two wood, one wheat.
So I have all the resources except ore, which is going to hurt me in the long run.
I need wood and ore, but I'm going to have to make a concession.
That's what I needed.
Yeah.
What are the chances?
Do you know what would make this podcast way better?
I'd have a beer right now.
It's 9 a.m. on a Tuesday, Tucker.
Listen, listen.
It's a medicinal beer, to quote our friend, friend of the podcast, Wes.
Medicinal.
Enemy number one of the podcast.
Yeah, we'll have friends and enemies of the podcast.
A frenemy, really?
Yes.
Okay, I've settled on a ore, wood, and a sheep.
Yoink.
And all of our settlements are on it.
I wish we had a sound effect for when the game actually starts.
Yoink.
There it was.
Let's get ready to rumble.
Yeah, we got to get that dice ASMR.
You can hear the dice jiggling in my hands like some very delicate balls.
This is a monumental throw of the dice, the beginning.
And we got a 12.
For the listeners at home, he rolled the dice, and we're off, people.
Nine.
I don't give a flying toot about a nine.
I'll tell you that right now.
This is a G-rated podcast.
I'm going to say it.
Two.
Oh, wow, I'm fucking cooking right now, audience.
We are.
We're just driving F-bombs left and right.
Oh, I mean we start out with anal frobes.
I don't give a flying toot, but Landon gives a fuck about a two.
All right, I'm putting down a road.
And Landon's off.
Landon looks very...
I mean, we're one road in, but of course we always have to think about the future of this game.
Landon looks very similar to Hugh Grant.
Right.
Is what James was going to say.
But worse somehow.
Landon is set up to settle on two very strong secondary positions.
Six.
Would anyone like any wood?
No.
First trade of the podcast.
Oh, we got a trade.
What's the trade sound?
Oh my god.
You should have the synth next to you and make like...
Does it have sound effects, or is it just...
I need a different synth for that.
We'll work that out in episode two.
Or even if you can do like a dun dun, you know, on the synth.
All right, guys.
My friend Jamie's calling.
Let's see what Jamie's got to say.
Exciting.
Jamie, you're on the Katan cast.
What's happening?
Oh, hello.
What's up?
He probably has no idea.
What's up?
Never thought I'd be here.
Yeah, you made it.
First guest of the podcast.
You're the first guest.
Okay, what are you going to ask me?
What's up?
You called me.
Who are you?
What are you doing?
Oh, that's right.
I called you.
You want to come over?
Wow.
Friend of the podcast, Wes, is walking in the door as well.
Oh, a lot's happening.
Okay, you're going...
You don't want to come over first?
Uh...
It's like...
It opens the door.
Wes is there on the phone.
Tucker says, we're recording a podcast.
And Wes just turns around.
The look of disappointment.
Jamie, what do you want to do?
And he's gone.
He might have just gone home.
Yeah, that was awesome.
I have to pick you up?
You would have to.
You can't...
I mean, I would normally, but we're in the middle of the podcast.
So would you want to do an Uber?
It'd probably be like eight bucks.
I can also do that.
But I can also just go on the run and then do that.
All right, fine.
Go on the run.
Okay, all right.
All right, and that was Jamie.
Play him off, James.
Play him off.
Jamie off.
All right, bye, Jamie.
I'm a drummer.
All right, thank you, Jamie, for calling in.
This is the person you were madly in love with.
Okay.
Wow, we've rolled the dice thrice.
And if you are our 100th caller, you win.
Tucker, what are you doing on your roll right now?
Oh.
You win the last piece of turkey in the fridge.
Would anyone like wood?
No, you asked us eight minutes ago.
Is there a break out there yet?
I don't think I have any break.
No, another two.
If we don't focus on the game, then these episodes are going to wind up being an hour
and 45 minutes long.
Who wants wood or sheep?
I want you to...
All right, I'm passing that on to Jamie.
All right, I'm passing the dice.
What were you after?
I want wheat or brick.
I would do a wheat for a wood.
Okay.
I think speed katan for the sake of the listeners at home.
Should we do our first hypothetical?
Sure.
This would be a great time for your wooden gather.
This is...
Can you do a little intro for my segment?
Lannan, you got to do something.
We got to figure out these little songs.
This segment is called...
We got little different songs from this unit.
Also, will the mic pick it up over there?
Here's hypotheticals.
All right.
You got to call it Would You Rather, because that's what it is.
All right.
Awesome.
What about...
It's too long.
It's pretty long, but yeah.
Anyway, the blues.
You constantly have to listen to music for 22 hours a day or no music ever?
Can I make music still?
Yes, but nonstop music for 22 hours.
So if you're making music, then you're listening to it.
You know what I mean?
It can be on low.
It can be background music, 22 hours a day, rest of your life.
How are we listening to the music?
Is it like a chip in our...
But I'm like, is there a chip in our brain that's just like...
Or do we have to wear headphones 22 hours a day?
No, no, no, no, no.
Just constant background music in your life.
I don't know the technical...
It's just a speaker.
Yeah, that's an eight.
It just appears out of nowhere.
Yeah.
So, anyone want wood?
No?
Okay.
Yeah, it could be back...
You could have it when you're sleeping.
Yeah.
It's a five.
And I'm the guy who's gonna...
What is music?
That's what I'm trying to say here.
It's like, God.
At what point does it...
You know what I mean.
You know what?
Jazz counts, classical counts.
I built a city.
I'm just telling everybody I built a city.
Can I listen to ambient music?
Built a city.
Can I listen to droney, super chill?
As long as it's...
I built a city.
As long as it's music, quote unquote.
Tonal.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
I really wanna know more about this definition of music that you got.
This is why you asked the question.
Yeah, yeah.
And this is why everyone's listening.
The answer for me is quite easy.
James Roller 7.
I built a city also.
So...
I said it like a thousand times, but you guys are just dealing with your fucking stupid
ass question, which I haven't answered for.
I think Landon's going all in on the music 22 hours a day.
I am.
If it's a speaker that's somewhere in a room and I can put it on level one...
You have to be able to hear it.
You can't turn it into zero.
It's not on mute, but it's on level one.
You need to be listening to music 22 hours a day.
Is that a better way to phrase it, Tucker?
No, it just has to be on.
I think Tucker's the...
You need to hear music in your brain 22 hours a day.
I don't care how that happens.
But it could be like this...
It could be quiet.
You need to be able to know it's there.
Kind of like tinnitus.
You know it's there.
All right, I'm done.
Here we go.
It's another fun thing for the listeners at home.
Good block.
This is the pilot episode, and I'm already worried that these are going to be two hour
long episodes.
Katana takes a long time.
We'll also cut it down.
Definitely.
Yeah.
Two tens in a row.
Five minutes.
A fun fact for the listeners at home.
A lot of people refer to the ringing in your ears as tinnitus, but that is actually incorrect.
It is pronounced tinnitus.
The suffix of itis implies swelling.
Nerd.
Which is not what tinnitus is.
Tinnitus.
It's tinnitus.
Tinnitus.
All right, that was cool.
Who's got sheep?
I have no cards.
I have sheep.
I would like a...
I don't want anything.
Order an oar?
I don't want anything.
Okay, great.
Moving on.
Tinnitus.
Did you know that Frankenstein is the name of the...
Yes.
Doctor and other...
For the record, I was...
I think it was like three tens.
Twelves are hot.
We can get a lot of twelves.
And that's the only reason why this game is going so...
And that's a seven.
That's five.
And I think you took from me, so I'll take from you.
So James, yes, you can listen to ambiance music.
Ambiance.
You can listen to ambiance music.
Ambiance.
Because like, you know, got to listen to music 22 hours a day.
18 of those hours like every day is just going to be like Brian Eno or something.
Sure.
Like, background...
I'd probably go for...
And then you got two hours after...
My relationship with music would be so different.
Yeah, you would hate it.
I would, yeah.
No, it can be super fucking quiet.
There have been more twos and twelves than sixes.
Okay, I will trade two wood for a brick.
Don't have it.
Okay.
Doesn't bet a nine yet.
Very low.
Oh, there's been one nine.
Six and five.
And there's the nine.
Would you like to revisit that trade?
Are you talking to me?
Yep.
Two...
I don't have any wood.
No, I give two wood.
You give me a brick.
Okay.
He got two brick.
I'll do it.
Oh.
I'll do it.
Did Wes actually leave?
No, he's just on the phone outside.
He's contemplating going home because...
Okay, does anybody need sheep or wood or ore?
Sheep, wood, or ore?
I want wheat, obviously.
Obviously.
No?
No.
Okay.
Moving on.
I'm going to chill for a second.
Did any of us decide every time someone...
We passed the dice.
I've rolled a five.
Yep.
I like that.
I'd like a brick.
Who wants to potentially loan your boy a brick?
Nope.
I cannot do.
All right.
Hot ten.
Here we go.
I'm rolling dice.
This game's flying by now.
Four?
That would be a four for the viewers.
The viewers who are watching.
Viewers.
Yeah, it's going to be a...
Visual only, no sound.
Visual, yeah.
The sound is just temp so we can animate what we're doing.
Yeah.
Just to round out the question, I think if I can listen to music on level one...
God, good block.
A couple of fives, not going through...
All day, I'm going to listen on level one because I think it still would be really nice
to get the opportunity to listen to good music when I want to intentionally.
Yeah.
I've rolled a ten.
What are you guys listening to these days?
That's a great question.
Yeah, I know what you're listening to actually.
I can answer that for you.
Yeah, tell me what I'm listening to.
You're listening to the Bye Bye podcast that I made for our friend Danny for her going
away party.
I loved that podcast.
You can find it.
Oh, I said podcast?
Shit, I meant playlist.
Bye Bye playlist.
I have been listening to that playlist.
So, Landon made a playlist for his friend and who's going away because she's leaving.
And it's really good.
That playlist is going to morph into our party playlist for our Halloween party we're having
with someone.
And that will be called Ghouls and Shit.
Right.
And we made an awesome flyer.
You are all invited, all of our listeners.
Come on over to Glendale.
The only people who would ever hear this are the people who would definitely be at our
party.
Yes.
And my mother.
Shirley's not coming?
She'll probably come.
Okay, great.
I'm going to do a development card.
What are we doing it for?
First development card.
Oh.
Sick.
Gosh.
That was awesome.
You sure?
Yeah.
I'm only up.
No, I'm only after Brooke now.
Tucker, your turn.
Live recording a podcast and he's not in the room for a second.
Sorry, I was sending an email for the viewers at home that is electronic mail.
You don't need your job.
This is our job now.
Thanks to Serna Anilberg.
Nice.
All right, does anyone want... Yeah, we're all making six figures from this.
Can you imagine?
Yeah.
Can you believe it?
Does anyone want wheat?
Can you believe it?
Okay.
Nine.
Ooh.
For the listeners at home, that was a nine.
Yes.
And nine is a prime number.
Fun fact.
It's a magic number.
Okay, I'm going to settle.
Here we go.
So I think it's important for the viewers since this is a visual game to check in every
now and then.
Currently, Landon has four points.
He has three settlements in the city.
Landon's looking dangerous.
He's got a city and two settlements.
He's got a position for another great settlement coming.
He just built a road so he can settle there next turn if he gets the rolls.
Oh, you built a road or a settlement?
I settled and I built a road.
Meanwhile, I have built one road this game.
And I'm building another development.
Right.
But James... I'm firmly in last place.
Here's what I'll say about you, James.
Yes.
Great guy.
Sneaky Catan player.
Huge cock.
Who said that?
You sneak up in Catan games.
I feel like you have a habit of not doing well at the beginning, saying the game's over,
and then coming back and whooping it up.
It's the phenomenon that the players in first and second place are just constantly going
to be trying to tear each other down.
If you're in last place, you automatically have that advantage to get back in.
Tens are hard.
Never give up, kids.
Never give up.
To all of our 10-year-old listeners.
We all said yes, we'd listen to music 24 hours.
Yes.
If I can put on level... 22 hours.
You get two hours off.
Yep.
Easily.
If it's on level one and I can just have the most chill droning shit...
What if I try to make the argument that white noise could be music?
I deny it for this hypothetical.
Okay.
He denies it.
It's got to be Tucker's... This is a music theory.
It's a good segment.
I will say though, I really love... Tucker is the god of this segment.
Yes, he is.
I'm the type of guy that really values silence.
I love silence.
So the rest of this podcast will be silent.
To honor my preferences.
And our sponsor... What was it?
Jackie's Air Holes.
No, no, no.
It's the anal.
Dry pretzels.
You know, Serta.
They make mattresses?
I'm doing nothing.
You might know them from Serta Anal Probes and Serta Anal Probes.
Serta Anal Probes.
Rolled gold pretzels.
The little airplane snackies.
I'm putting down a wood.
I'm putting down a sheep.
You got a wood.
Putting down a wheat.
He's settling.
And I'm putting down four more wheat for a brick.
Landon is starting to pull away.
He's got five.
He's two roads away from six, seven, longest road.
He might have two nights, which would put him one night away from eight, nine, largest
army.
Fuck.
His path to success is clear.
I've rolled a seven, and you know I'm gonna...
I just lost four of my cards for the audience.
I'm gonna take that cute little sheep.
The front door opens.
Oh, welcome Wes to our podcast.
Wes walks in.
Friend of the podcast, Wes Brubbob.
At five foot, 11 inches.
God, he looks so good.
Born 1994.
He looks so good.
He's got something wrapped in foil.
He's got something wrapped in foil, and we're all curious.
All right, well, Wes will be joining in here for the rest of the podcast.
Yeah, that's the guest segment.
He's got a little bit of a
podcast.
He doesn't have a mic, so he'll just have to yell.
Room sound.
Who is this for?
No one?
Thank you.
That was Wes Brubbob.
For people who want to pass.
Get him out of here.
Anyone want wheat?
I can give up three wheats.
Three wheat for a wood.
James?
James, can you get in the zone here, bud?
Three wheat for a wood.
Plug back in.
Three wheat for a wood?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Holy shit.
I'm gonna settle now.
For the listeners at home, Bodega Park is a delicious sandwich establishment in Silver
Lake that Wes has procured a sandwich from.
Is that where you went?
Yeah, we went there.
Chab cheese.
Chab cheese, boys.
I'm playing the first night of the game.
Play the night song.
And we all hated that.
That's kind of what a night might sound like, though.
No.
Taking from...
You took from me last time.
Oh, StarCrafts of Card.
No cards, buddy, boy.
Are you after anything?
No, I just have a wheat, so I'm gonna take that.
Do your worst.
Did you go to the North Hollywood?
Anything but that.
The song?
I won.
God damn it.
I won.
God damn it.
He took something.
Big day at Bodega Park.
Oh.
That was Wes's...
Big shout out to our sponsor today, Bodega Park.
Make it a Bodega Day.
Make it a Bodega.
We'll keep working on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're gonna keep dropping it.
They're gonna want something.
Okay.
James, make a move.
Oh, keep building a city.
Buildin' a city.
Make a move song.
All right, let me ask you guys a question.
Would you rather have to send a nude of yours to a random contact in your phone every single
day for the rest of your life?
Or would you rather receive a nude from one of your parents every day?
Okay, parents, I would block them.
You have to look at it every day.
You have...
I'm playing a development card.
Then...
You have received...
Because here's the thing about receiving a nude from your parents every day.
It's hot.
Okay.
So, it affects you, but it doesn't really affect your life.
It's just like a bummer for 10 minutes every day.
Technically the damage is limited to one person.
It's you.
It's terrible for you.
You have to figure out a way to move on with your life having to look at your naked parents
every day.
But, yeah.
But, how many contacts do you have in your phone?
And you said you have to send a nude to a random contact in your phone every day.
So, all of your contacts will inevitably get multiple nudes of you.
Yeah, it could be the same person two days in a row by accident.
But, maybe like 200, 400, I don't know how many people.
Like 300 people in your contact list.
That's 300 people that are gonna need to numb themselves to the fact that your career...
No, it's gotta be the parents.
Numb themselves.
At least you can suffer in silence and keep your career and your friends and your life
partially intact.
Receive the parent nudes.
That's what Tucker's...
Tucker's...
You had some like really brutal would-you-rathers.
You're like really especially good at just like coming up with like...
Yeah, yeah.
My favorite is would you rather fall 100 feet into the ocean or appear 200 feet below the
ocean?
See what I mean?
This is just like off the top of his dome, people.
That's actually...
It's easy.
I don't think it's as easy as you think it is.
I'd rather take my chances surviving falling.
Right.
Because if you appear below, you're gonna almost get the bends.
100 feet is not a big...
I'll certainly get the bends.
I'm going to...
It's survival.
...play my second night.
Yeah.
Put it back.
It's gonna sound like it's so high.
But you can survive.
I don't think...
And it's over in a second.
Well, here's the thing.
You're in the middle of the ocean, so you gotta survive that part too.
That's where we're going.
I have a sweet, sweet numb capacity.
It is.
Yeah.
Okay, I'll take from Tucker.
Dude.
One of the bends, you gotta...
I think you're crazy.
There's a higher chance of death if you go 200 feet below, I'd say.
Yes.
Falling from 100 feet, as long as you kind of go in like...
Tucker says you're in the middle of the ocean, though.
With basic...
If you fall and break any limb, you'll drown.
Yeah.
You'll be double drowned.
You'll fall.
Well, if you're in the middle of the ocean, fuck it.
You're gonna die.
This is a hypothetical.
You die in either one.
I don't know if he said that.
He didn't say in the middle of the ocean.
Here's a fun take.
He said it.
Did you say middle of the ocean?
Middle of the ocean.
He said just...
No, no, okay, not the middle of the ocean.
Like someone...
If you can survive the...
You can see land.
That must sound funny.
You still have to swim.
Yeah.
You know, fun fact about the nude thing...
Dogs instead of cats.
I have never sent a nude.
Roll gold instead of antiprops.
Sorry, very different things were just said.
No, I've never sent a nude.
I've received a nude, but I've never sent one.
I mean...
You've never sent a nude.
Right.
Well, you've got a long life ahead of you.
We don't know that, personally.
I've sent very, very few nudes in my life.
All right.
How many nudes have we sent?
Play me out.
Yeah, this is a good question.
Many nudes.
It could be the name of this podcast.
Many nudes.
Many nudes with the dudes.
Am I right, boys?
Hey, I know.
I hate that.
We do not.
We are out of beer.
Play the out of beer song, please.
Oh, sure, I got you.
Womp, womp.
There you go.
That's terrible.
It's a mess.
Guys, who wants brick?
James, I know you want brick.
I'd go for brick.
I can only give you sheep, though.
That's fine.
I know.
People are going to be like, I have no idea what's going on.
Three, four, five, six, seven.
Sheep, brick, wood, and wheat.
I mean, here's what's going on.
Landon is...
Okay, so for anyone who wants inside...
He's one night away from winning.
Eight points.
We don't want to talk about it.
Oh, this is probably a good time to introduce the Catan board.
Yeah, great.
So we have a Catan board.
And we got wheat.
And we keep track of how many people win.
Sheep.
And right now we're all tied.
I'll take an ore.
And we get a lot of confused for an ore.
Tucker, do you have a sheep?
I got wheat.
Would you trade a wheat?
You guys...
Would you not trade a wheat?
Yeah, what can you give me?
A sheep or ore?
Oh, ore.
I'll do ore.
Okay, thank you.
So, right, the last round of this chalkboard,
we were playing to 25 games.
The winner got treated to octopus sushi in Glendale.
Proud sponsor.
Yeah.
Shout out to octopus sushi.
The only place to get a live cat.
So...
To eat or to...
To adopt.
No.
You fool.
Five.
Yeah, I, being Landon, the victor of the last 25 games,
we erased the board, started over.
Landon and Tucker have five games under our belts.
James is just trailing ever so closely with four wins.
Today could be the day that James ties it all up.
Yeah, this is kind of like season two of our Catan, I don't know, League of Three.
I don't like League.
Oh, and that's a re-roll.
I'm trying to go with sports analogy, but...
Yeah, we have this little thing where we re-roll if the dice isn't fully on the table.
And you guys better believe that there's going to be a sick audio for Heart of the Cards.
Oh.
And it's happening.
Is that coming up here?
Wow.
We're getting pretty close.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
He's got eight points.
I've got five.
Tucker?
Four.
For those listening in...
Interesting.
Not last place.
Not last place over here.
When a player gets nine points and the quickest path to victory is pulling a development card
and it being a victory point, we call that Heart of the Cards.
Shout out to Yu-Gi-Oh, right?
Did you guys watch Yu-Gi-Oh?
Oh, yeah, Heart of the Cards, whatever.
Yeah, that's from Yu-Gi-Oh.
I didn't come up with that.
I thought you made that up.
No, it's from Yu-Gi-Oh.
So my whole life is a lie.
My whole life is a lie.
I'm trying to make a trade, fellas.
Anybody got wheat?
I have wheat.
I want ore.
I have brick and sheep.
I can give two sheep for a wheat or a wood.
Don't have that.
You've got to stay lean.
So right now, I'm going to describe the board a little bit for our listeners.
Right now, Landon is basically crossing the whole board.
I'm just going to yolo.
With eight roads.
I have longest road.
I'm about to get largest army if I can pull up another knight.
But James is investing in development cards, so you never know what could happen.
And I'm a...
He's a sad little boy.
He's a five.
And he is a sad little man.
I'm a sad little man.
So what I'm going to try and do here to explain my strategy, Landon, don't listen.
I'm going to try and get the longest road and take it away from Landon.
So we're going to see how that goes.
And I will gladly...
I'm going to go on a record and gladly help Tucker.
And James is going to buy the rooms.
And I'm going to say good fucking luck because...
It's over.
It's got to be over soon.
You've got a puny little situation going on there.
Puny little wiener.
Good luck, dude, because you've got a small penis.
You're such a bitch, dude.
All right, here we go.
All right.
Everything that we are not.
Here we go.
Yep.
Well, guys...
It's the game.
No, it's not the game.
It's not the game.
Harder the cards.
All right, all right.
The fanfare.
It's time for Harder the Cards.
You're almost done listening to this episode.
Your sweet release is near.
Harder the cards.
That was awesome.
I mean, it was something.
It was something.
We got a we.
We got a she.
We'll work on the sounds for that.
We got four other...
Two professional musician producers.
And that's the best we could come up with.
We're doing this on the fly.
We are loose.
Yeah, this is loose.
And it was not a victory point.
The game continues.
We haven't decided the name of the pod yet.
World of Seven.
So here's the question.
I'll tell you some options you tell me if you like.
Catan, cast, settling.
Settlers of Glendale, Catan, cast, settling.
Night.
Move it back here.
I'm going to go here again.
I know.
I do like...
Settling.
Exactly.
The audience is settling.
We're settling.
I have a feeling.
Yeah, there's something clean about that.
Oh, thanks for moving that night.
That is a nine for everyone at home.
Four brick for Landon.
So here's my dilemma.
I'm losing.
I think it's over for us, buddy.
Not yet.
Who are you calling buddy?
It's not.
The game is not technically over, but I'm looking at this board.
Close to a reroll, but...
Okay.
I wish I could remember what this...
You don't need to play the heart of the card song every heart of the card.
Yes, he does.
Do you remember it?
Oh my God.
Oh, it's a different audio.
Oh, no.
Heart of the cards.
All right.
That was...
And or.
We're going to record these, so it's just...
Four brick, yeah, exactly.
I kind of like the idea that it's different every time.
It's good that the game continues.
The game continues.
Well, at the very least, we got to mic up this board.
Yeah, yeah, we got to do that.
Oh, that's a reroll.
Seven, going right back to Landon.
No, don't put it there.
I'm going to go here, give me a bricky.
Landon, or Tucker, do you want this brick for something?
Oh my God, I would...
Are you trying to road it up or what?
No, I'm trying to settle.
Give me wheat.
He has four.
Give me wheat.
I have five roads.
Do you have any wheat?
I don't want to trade.
Watch out, I got five points now, so coming it hot.
Tucker and I are now tied for second with five, and is the game over?
Landon has a song.
The game's over.
Yeah, that's the sound of my third night giving me 10 points.
Well, guys.
You already had that?
I just picked it up last turn.
This sucked.
On my next turn, I could have stopped him with this night.
Yeah.
All right, well thanks for joining us.
The Kataan cookie has crumbled in Landon's direction.
He gets the tasty treat this time.
Oh, should we have you go up on the board?
How do we record this?
For the viewers at home.
Yeah, for the viewers at home.
I don't know, he's going to go up to the chalkboard.
Landon's going to go up to the chalkboard.
He's going to go up to the whole tally for our victories, and he's going to go rub it in our faces publicly.
There's going to be no confusion in this podcast.
Landon is leading with six wins.
Tucker behind five, James behind four.
Anyways, I'm so glad that we found a name for our podcast while we played that game.
We have to come up with a name before we hit stop record.
Maybe by the time anyone hears this, there will be a name.
There probably will be, but.
The temperature of what I've been hearing between Lauren and Wes was settling.
I think settling is too vague.
It's kind of vague, but it's a good idea.
Let's pull the audience.
If you think settling, call in and you want to do line number one.
All right. Well, this podcast is called Settling, I think.