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Hello players who use cult-like tactics to get more people to join their table.
And DMs who have 16 dead Snapchat group chats dedicated to games I'll never play.
And introducing new players who have watched absentmindedly D&D for about two years now
and never played in any kind of way ever at all.
Welcome to Table Talk. I'm Maddie. And I'm Robert.
What are we doing today, Robert?
Today we are walking... Hey, wait, I'm Elle.
We're getting there. We're getting there.
My bad.
Today we're walking Elle, my fiancee, Elle's friend, also we all live together.
And we all study to broad together.
We're getting there, dog. I'm getting there. We're going to walk her through how to make a character in D&D 5th edition.
Like her intro, what have you believed, she has never once played, she has never participated.
She does occasionally give feedback when she sits at the table and yells at people.
I'll say she heckles for sure.
She does heckle. She's a heckler. She'll be a random person in a store and be like,
I'm stupid. And then leave and that's the only interaction she has.
You want to build on that? You can join. And she goes, no, I don't like you all.
I just like being cool for like two seconds. Goodbye.
I do like sharing little stories outside of game that technically didn't happen inside of the game itself.
But we talk in the car afterwards and I'm like, you know that one character in the store that heckled you, this is what she did after that.
You're a big world builder.
Great in stories. So what is your, just really kind of quickly, what is your experience with tabletop RPGs?
What qualifies as experience.
So like have you played any? Do you know about any?
Do you know what they are?
Any interest? Do you watch any?
I...
My friends play at least once a week, at times more often than that, sometimes a whole vacation.
That's not true. It feels bad.
It's not true.
So I've watched and I've listened and slept through a lot.
What have you watched?
Two different campaigns.
Well, I guess technically like two levels of one campaign and then a whole other one.
I feel like the second bit was kind of separate.
Yeah, it was. That was kind of the idea.
And you also watched...
And I'm also watching a court of fan flowers on that one thing.
Drop out.
Don't speak at the same time as me again.
Drop out.
I'm almost done with it too.
What do you think?
Hell yeah.
Well, I kind of got too wrapped into not just watching the episodes, but also watching like the, the out, what do they call it?
Like not canon conversation, their reflections.
Like the adventuring parties.
Yeah.
I love the adventuring parties.
After talks.
Yeah, they were a thing until I was like already almost halfway through and then I had to go back and rewatch it all.
So it's really put me back.
So why haven't you played before?
You like watching it to an extent.
This isn't like cornering you on the podcast.
You can corner me.
I don't want to corner you.
You had a curiosity.
Why haven't you played before?
Um, it feels very high pressure.
And I already have a hard enough time just having fun with friends in general.
So there's really no reason for me to put any sort of extra expectation on that time.
Yeah.
You've seen me go through like sometimes when you build,
Sounds rough.
Hype something up in your head and you expect one thing and then go in and then it doesn't happen.
It's like, it kind of sucks.
But you also have a lot of experience, not in gaming specifically, but in like writing and like flavor and all.
She's a big board game girlie.
I am a board game girlie.
She started a board game collection for us all.
We have like six of them.
Fucking love a good board game.
They're all great.
Yeah.
So today we're gonna walk her through how to build a character.
That's valid.
Like that's addition.
Oh yeah.
I don't play D&D, but I read lots of stuff.
Yep.
You read lots of things.
What kind of things you read?
All the things.
Like what?
Um, well when you think of D&D, right?
You think of fantasy motion.
Yeah.
So of course I read Travis Baldtree's new book, which everybody's talking about as the way to get your book girlfriend into D&D.
And I liked the book.
So I guess it could have worked.
What was the book called?
Great question.
The sequel that I need to read is called Something in Bone Dust.
Oh.
Legends and lattes.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
And I've read a lot of fantasy, I am a Sarah J. Maskerly, no I don't want to talk about it.
I've read those.
Those are the ones that we make fun of you for?
Yes.
The Smut Fairy books.
That's not what they are.
It's a very small percentage.
As we kept moving through the sequels, it became more prevalent.
It was not my choice.
Anyways.
I've read the Hobbit.
They call them Smut Fairy books.
I'd like to get into the Lord of the Rings.
You know, that's the fantasy stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Have you ever thought about playing in one of those settings?
Or, I don't know, just kind of thought about how interesting or if it is, I guess has the
idea ever kind of jumped out at you that it'd be cool to kind of like role play in one of
those?
The closest I've ever got to role playing is playing pretend for way too late in age.
I play pretend forever.
So no.
Well, that's what it is though.
My opinion, I think that playing D&D is the same as playing like fucking horses or some
shit at recess, except...
Horses.
Like, well, I didn't play horses, but I knew people who did.
And like, it's basically, it feels like that to me, except you roll dice sometimes.
Yeah, to an extent for sure.
Like, for me, in the way that I approach role play, it's very that play pretend like you
do when you're a kid.
But I know that some people also like completely just narrate and be like, this is what my character
does.
I'm not in character at all.
It's very like third person.
That's sometimes that's how I get when I play.
I haven't played in a while, but that's how I get when I do play is this, like, oftentimes
I'll say this person does this or he feels this way or I think he does this because it's
easier for me to do like the Sims top down.
Kind of this is what the character thinks or feels as opposed to like being the character.
It's easier when I'm DMing to be that person.
I don't know why it just is, but as the player, for some reason, I feel more comfortable doing
the like.
I think he's feeling this and then he does that.
That's weird because I think it would be the opposite.
Yeah, I thought it would be to.
I think it's just I spend more time with the NPCs that I play as a DM and it helps to feel
more connected to them individually as opposed to them.
Yeah, because there's so many personalities that I have to separate.
It's easier to like it makes it easier when they all have a very distinct personality.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I lived on a cul-de-sac and every single time it rained, there would be like the it would
fill up the middle and especially like around the edges of the street, it would get like
really thick and like there'd be almost like a little bit of a current.
So I would always like pick a bunch of leaves and they would be the ferry boats.
Oh, hell, you would like top down, pretend.
So I mean, I guess in that way it was pretty fucking third person.
So you played a D&D.
You just didn't know it.
Yeah, I guess.
I'm like those little seeds that fell that what do they call them?
The helicopters.
I love those things.
My fairies rode the shit out of those things.
Hell, yes.
What were those?
They rode the shit out of those things.
There were like so many movies that were like little fairy people that came out.
They were all animated.
The borrowers.
Yeah.
I always think of the borrowers and what's the studio deadly one?
Oh, Secret Life of...
Arietti.
Yeah.
Fucking love that shit, man.
I was thinking like...
I love Sentai.
I wasn't even thinking 2D Animator.
I was thinking like I think it's called like Epic or something.
Yeah.
Like those type.
The one with the bird?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
So there's this one scene.
I'm so sorry.
There's this one scene where it's the slug and he has a crush on like the main character
girl right?
No, there's the main character.
Oh, I know.
Yeah.
Gungo.
Wait, what was it?
Where was it?
Gonna cry to your flat face, mommy.
That's my favorite part.
She references that so often.
It's kind of crazy.
I cannot tell you guys if I had any details about that movie, but you said that.
Look at yourself.
You can't.
Your eyeballs are stuck in your head.
Jeez, how much of this do you have?
She got this shit quoted, dog.
Oh my God.
It's one scene.
It's one specific scene.
Well, yay.
So time to hop into the character things.
If that's okay with everybody.
I suppose.
I have the sheet next to me, so that way it's easier for me to point and tell you where
things are.
Oh, did he say what we were doing?
Yeah, building a character for somebody for the first time.
And then Madison's gonna join with.
Less narration on Madison's behalf, but it's kind of fun to be able to walk them both
through it, and it's easier to walk through when you have somebody to do it with.
And it's also fun to make a character with someone.
So if we're going from book, like just straight up the book order, the first thing we'll pick
is race.
If you look at your character sheet, it's at the top right.
What's closest to fairy?
There is a fairy class.
Really fairy.
So I'm just gonna, I'm a speedrun the races, and I'm sure you'll, you'll say fairy, but
I'm a read amount out anyways, because it's kind of part of the thing.
I'm listening.
Dwarf.
Elv.
Different kinds of elves.
Different kinds of dwarves.
Every one of these is gonna have what's called a sub race, which I'm sure you can figure
out what that is.
Bless you.
Jesus Christ.
Why is this book doing this?
Humans, which exactly what they sound like.
They're boring.
Dragonborn.
They're dragons.
Gnomes.
They're gnomes.
Half elves, half orcs, because you can't play a full orc.
A tiefling.
What the fuck?
A tiefling is like a humanoid with like, those are all from the player's handbook.
There's more.
But tieflings are like devil people.
Well, they're humans that someone in their ancestry either made a deal with or slept
with somebody from hell.
And now they look a little hellish.
So sometimes they'll have like horns or tails or like all black eyes.
And a lot of the times their skin will be different colors.
So they could be like pink or purple or blue or red.
They're general in like the D&D lore world.
They're regarded as like suspicious because it's like, like there's, there's canonical
D&D racism, which we've talked about before on the podcast.
Yeah, it's kind of annoying.
And they're like, you don't trust tieflings.
They're shady and they steal things and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like, that's just racial profiling.
Like it's fully racism.
All right.
So because fairy is not available in the traditional player's handbook, I'm just going to pull
it up on the D&D Wiki because that's going to be easiest.
And there's a whole bunch of other races that aren't included.
There's, well, now I have, it's fucking blanking.
There's orc.
Yeah, you can do a full orc if you want.
There's centaurs.
There's satyrs.
Or I don't think centaurs, but satyrs.
Yeah.
Wasn't there like, isn't, I think in my book there was a succubus.
You can't.
You can't play a straight up succus, but you could role play one for sure.
Yeah.
So you would be like a tiefling and then you would, you could either work with your
game.
There's that rat man.
Oh, Cugrash.
What the fuck is Cugrash?
He's just a real.
Isn't he just a guy with fluid powers?
Yeah.
He's just a druid who's stuck as a rat.
Yeah.
He doesn't have like special rat powers.
No, there's like a specific, remember I was reading my book and I was like, what does
this mean?
I just think of it like a rat man.
Oh, I don't know.
There are so many.
There's also ASMR, which are kind of the opposite of tieflings.
They're like the angel people.
There's what the fuck?
Dakota's obsessed with them.
The dragon worm.
Coal waltz.
Yeah.
They're a little stupid goblins, but smarter.
Yeah.
A goblin is a race that's not available in the player.
What about the ones who change shape?
Shifters.
Oh yeah, shifters.
Those are also in there.
There's, I'm going to pull up the warlocks.
That's a class.
That's a class, but warforged are a race.
Oh my God, yeah.
Warforged.
Which are the robot people who are broken and busted to high hell.
What's the difference between a class and a race?
So a race is like what you are, a class is what you do.
So like you are a human, but you could also be a librarian.
Yeah.
And that's part of your feature.
That's like your background.
There's a lot of things.
So.
That makes sense.
There are bird folk, bug bears, centaur, changeling, damn fear, which is a vampire.
Yeah.
Because they won't let you play vampires.
What about the ones that were in the movie that we saw?
So an airacocra.
Oh yeah.
The flight, the big bird guys.
The bird guy would be an airacocra.
Yeah, those guys are fun.
There were.
What about the sassy girl?
Is sassy?
Anybody know who I'm talking about?
Druid?
The one that wild shaped all the time?
Yeah.
She was a tiefling.
Yeah, she was a tiefling.
She had horns.
No other tiefling features.
I'm kind of disappointed at that.
She also didn't look like a tiefling at all.
She just looked like a person, which I mean technically your tiefling can be that.
What about the guy with the armor that everybody liked?
The paladin?
He was a human.
Oh yeah.
He was just a really hot guy.
Ganassi, which are basically like elemental people.
Yeah.
I don't know much about them.
Goblins, nooms, goliaths, which are just big strong people.
Halflings.
Goblins can be little.
Halflings are a lot like that.
Bobgoblins, kinkus, which are basically just crows that speak in code.
Yep.
They're weird.
They speak only in lines that they've heard.
So they can only mimic what other people have said.
Lizard folk.
Like bumblebee.
Lionines, which are basically just lions.
The transformer.
Oh yeah.
Okay, I thought you meant like bumblebees and I was like what the fuck are you talking
about?
Tabaxes, which are just cat people.
Yeah.
Tritons, which are like mermaids.
You could like the warrior cat thing.
If you wanted to live that out, you could get to backseat.
There's turtles, which are giant turtle people.
And then on the opposite end of that, there are elephantine, which are just giant elephant
people.
All right, so what am I choosing?
There's bunny people.
I think you said you wanted to do fairy.
Right, but is there an explanation of it?
Yeah.
Let me look it up.
I feel like if I choose anything, it's got to be like a small person.
That doesn't make sense.
I got you.
Fairies are little.
Arey-y-y is little.
The part of it.
Fairy is a race.
Should I also choose a fairy?
Choose whatever you want, dog.
Well, would you rather me be little to you or the same size as you?
I feel like same size.
I mean, we've got to be like, I'm imagining that we're running like a scheme or like partners
in crime.
Fairies are infused with the magic of their home, the Feywild, and can be a great way
to play, especially if you prefer to stay in the back of the party and fight at range.
As a Fey, they're innately magical and fuse with whimsical energy fueled by impulse and
emotion and have the incredible ability to fly.
Some fun things about them.
At level one, fairies can fly equal to their walking speed, which is really, really good.
They're most useful.
Some classes that lend themselves a little bit more naturally to those, but I'm not going
to read those out loud, so you can choose whatever you want to.
They're very good at fighting at range, but they can also fight up close and personal
if you'd like to just hit people.
I have a question.
What's up?
So if they're at racial right, fairy, right?
So you know how in like some universes, fairies are always little and then in others, it's
like this thing that they can switch between.
So in this in five E, they're just small, but they do have, I believe, something where
they can grow a size once a day or did they take that away?
I have no idea.
I know that that was in the UA version of it, but that might not read their book.
That's one of the issues with fifth edition in general is that they've added so many
classes and people have homebrewed so many classes that have then become canonized that
it's really hard to figure out what's official and what's not.
So in the player's handbook, like the thing that came out first for fifth edition next
to the monster manual, like five races total.
Which way did they spell fairy?
The boring way.
Yep.
But they spell it differently for other things.
Yeah.
Like fairy fire is spelled differently.
I'm trying to decide between playing a fairy or playing an Eldren, Eladrin, whatever they
are, the elves that change with the seasons from the Feywild.
I have no idea what that is.
I think I'm going to go with fairy just because I have one build that I've been dying to do
forever that involves a fairy.
Wow.
Two fairies.
Next.
Okay.
Next thing is going to be class.
Start there.
I'm a fairy.
What do I do?
Yeah.
So I'm just going to read out the descriptions of the basic classes in fifth edition.
There are many, many more.
Well, there aren't actually that many more base classes.
There are many subclasses.
So for classes, there is Barbarian, which they, I'm just going to read the fucking description
in the player's handbook, fierce warrior of primitive background who can enter a battle
rage.
So the special thing about them is that they can go into what's called a rage.
They do a lot of damage.
They're harder to hit, but they can't cast any spells.
Bronover brain.
Very much that.
Bards, which are like magicians, but all with music.
It's pretty much their whole stick.
They do music magic.
The stereotype is that they like fuck a lot.
I feel like Bards could also be poetry.
That too.
Yeah.
There's just usually an instrument that accompanies whatever it is they're doing.
There's just letting you know that as an English major and somebody can just be.
Well, you remember Simeon.
He fucking wrapped.
Oh yeah, I know.
We had or not.
We had there's a class that Matt Mercer made, which is called the maestro and it's all
about a conductor and a bar to conducts in the supposed to like actually speaking.
And I've also seen some stuff online about people using dancing as a barred thing, which
I think as an ex ballerina, I think is sick as fuck.
In the Phantom Tobu Tobu, the maestro conducts not music, but the sunrise and the sunset.
Oh, cool.
So cute.
I remember we read that together recently.
All right, folks.
What track?
We got a lot more to get through.
Conducting a sunrise clerics, a priestly champion who wields divine magic power in service of
a higher power.
So it's kind of like you're a priest.
You repeat that.
I'm sorry.
Priest.
God's real.
Okay.
So and this is relevant.
I got seven more glasses to get through.
This is relevant, though.
So in the episode that will not be episode the adventure, whatever the heck you call
it.
Adventureing party.
Thank you.
And that episode that I was watching to you.
Translator.
Sorry.
It's in you.
They were talking about how one of the characters is a warlock.
Yeah, we're like, what's that word when when you have warlocks below you and you give them
magic?
Patron.
Yes.
Yeah, patron.
She was a warlock patron and they were talking about how it's interesting that like a warlock
and cleric are it's like cleric is God for power and warlock warlock person for power.
Yeah, they they functionally get their power from the same place.
It's just that there's a difference in bond.
That is my background knowledge.
One of the cool I'm going to use an example from kind of tying into what you're talking
about from critical role.
They have a character named Jester in the second season of it and her patron or she's
a cleric and her like godly like that she follows is someone who is used to being a warlock
patron and fully thought like, oh, this is like going to be a warlock situation.
No, surprise.
She's a cleric and so you can have the same patron be like a warlock patron and then also
a cleric for someone else in a weird way.
Clerics are really good at healing.
They're also really good at protecting their allies.
They can do a little bit of damage, but their primary role is to keep people alive.
There's Druid.
You remember the movie we watched the girl that turned into like, yeah, that's what
a druid does.
Well, there, let me correct myself.
There are many different subclasses of druid.
There are those that use like magic of the earth and then there are those that use like
storm magic and then there are people where you can turn into stars.
Motherfucker.
Sorry.
And then there are those that turn into animals.
So wouldn't like a, how would a fairy druid even work?
Like would the things she turned into be fairy signs?
No, you would turn, you turn into the, the full thing.
So whenever you wild shape, which is what the feature is called, you turn into every
aspect of that creature.
Okay.
Next class.
A fighter is kind of like a barbarian, but a little bit more well rounded.
They're good at using a lot of weapons and a lot of armor instead of just only hitting
people really hard.
Okay.
Monk, they hit people with their fists.
They take a lot of extra, they take a lot of extra turns.
They can hit a lot of people a lot of times.
They run really fast.
Is the only one not focused on hitting the druid and the cleric?
No.
I'm getting there dog.
There's a lot on the list.
Okay.
Paladin, which is like the best class in the game.
So they do everything that clerics do and then do all the damage that barbarians do,
but they're one class and they're incredibly broken.
They also have, usually they have some sort of a deity or a patron and they take what's
called an oath and that oath gives them specific abilities or powers or whatever.
For me, for whatever reason, they've always read Jocks to me.
I don't know why Paladins and Jocks are very similar in my mind.
But that's just me giving you information.
Lovely.
Rangers.
They're all about using ranged weapons that doesn't have to just be a bow.
I really want to make a ranger who uses throwing knives or just thrown projectiles in general.
They have a lot of bonuses to sneaking around and being stealthy and operating in the woods.
You pick the preferred enemy type, which basically means anytime you fight that specific kind
of enemy, you get extra bonuses and stuff.
Rogue.
That's exactly what it sounds like.
They're sneaky motherfuckers that do a lot of sneak attack dice.
So if you like sleuthing and not being seen and hitting people and then running away.
Which would be great for a fairy.
I kind of want to make a water fairy that's super, super sweet and sleuthing on accident.
She's just real quiet and ends up behind you.
I know what I mean.
Like an accidental.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
Yeah.
Well, no, it's like, it's like they're like, oh my God, that was so cool.
You went and got that.
And she's like, I just walked over there.
She's just like, I'm just small.
They're like, how do you make your footsteps so silent?
I don't know.
I'm just walking.
How do you make your footsteps so loud?
Sorcerer.
Spellcaster who draws on an inherent magic from gift or bloodline.
I'm going to talk about all three of the magic classes at the same time because the biggest
differences are between each other.
There's sorcerers, wizards, and warlocks.
Sorcerers, you're just born that way and are good at magic.
Wizards you have to study and you know a lot more spells than everybody else.
You're like a little toolbox for everybody.
And then warlocks, you get your power, your spells from your patron or your deity or whatever
fucking bond you make.
Dims the differences.
Sorcerers don't have to work for anything, wizards study a lot and warlocks prey to somebody
or killed somebody.
Sorcerers are just like, cool, my grandmother fucked a dragon and now I can do whatever I
want.
Alternatively, they're just like, yeah, no one really knows why I am the way I am, but
fuck you.
I love sorcerers a lot.
Sorcerers are the more, can be the more melee focused, wizardy class, spellcasting class.
The warlocks are a close second, but sorcerers oftentimes find themselves in front of people.
It's like a physical hit.
So like as opposed to like a gun or like a bow and arrow.
So like a hammer.
Yeah, a hammer is an option.
Or like a sword.
I mean most people think of a sword, but a hammer definitely works.
So those are all your classes.
Barbarians, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Fighter, Monk, Paladin, Ranger, Rogue, Sorcerer, Warlock
and Wizard.
What were the two quiet sneaky ones?
It was Rogue and...
Druid in theory, or monk I guess.
I would say Ranger.
I think all three of them can be.
Should I go with Rogue or Ranger?
Remind me.
Ranger, you're going to hit things from afar.
Rogue, you're going to hit things up close.
I'll go Rogue.
Cool.
Rogue it is.
Rogue's also a really fun class.
I'm going Barbarian.
Yeah, we know what build you're doing.
Yeah.
Alright.
Put Rogue up there.
Capital R.
However you want to do it.
It's Capital R in the book if that makes you feel any better.
I'll go all lowercase for Vibes.
For Vibes I love it.
Alright.
It's Vansub.
Bard, do you want to mark her?
I just don't have any.
She has a whole thing of pins here and does not have one of the things that she needs.
Crazy.
Yeah.
Okay.
Background or alignment or player name or experience points.
There are a lot of different things that you can do at this point.
So let me see what the order in the book is.
Okay.
Skill of room, she's living.
Just reading someone in the instructions.
When you know I get to pick a name.
Whenever you fucking want to man.
Do you want to do one now?
I'm going to sit here and Google fairy names as we talk.
Cool.
I have mine picked out.
You still seem to be.
Okay.
So we're doing some fun things now.
So if you look on, God I haven't looked at this sheet in forever.
Yeah.
You look on the left side of your sheet.
The left side of my sheet.
Where all them things are.
You got to like look.
Play by play folks.
Is that she was not looking at the seats.
Can you see where it says, see the box it says saving throws.
Yeah.
Okay.
So rogues are proficient in two kinds of saving throws.
Dexterity and intelligence.
So you're going to bubble in or start next to them.
However you want to do it.
Those two things.
And then we'll talk about proficiency bonuses and what proficiency means later.
Because right now it doesn't matter.
I should have picked a special color of pen.
What can I know what I know.
What class.
Barbarian.
I mean what do you think they are Madison.
Strength and constitution.
Yeah.
I'm 95% certain that they are in fact strength and constitution.
What else.
Correct.
Would they be.
Barbarian.
Saving throws strength and constitution.
Who would have thought.
Look at me.
Who would have thought.
Okay.
Next for the rogues.
You also get to pick out a couple of other things.
Every class comes with its own set of features.
So marking those as we go will make it easier for coming back to it later.
So we're just going to keep you at level one because that's going to be easiest.
You see where it says proficiency bonus above saving throws.
Do I see where it says proficient.
Yes.
You're going to write plus two.
Plus.
Thank you.
Now.
And then it'll be important later.
Okay.
What the fuck else is important.
The first time we've ever felt level one anything.
Yeah.
You see where it says hit dice.
Hit dice.
It's in the middle.
It's like smack dab in the middle.
Smack dab in the middle.
You see it.
Uh huh.
You're going to write 1d8.
One.
I don't know.
Can you look it up.
Dog.
D.
Well, I thought I could look it up looks like I'm just going to spam click until I
hopefully get to the right page.
What's a giving you so far.
Stupid names.
typically.
This is what I always do.
1d12.
Thank you.
I, look at scientific names for flowers.
flowers. Scientific names for flowers. You've heard to hear folks the best way to find fairy
names. That being said, mine's dandelions. So I went none of the above. That's just a regular flower
name. I like dandelions. So do I. But I spelled lion L Y O N. All right, dear. You got one more
thing. All right, you see the box under saving throws. The one that says attacks and spell casting.
No, no, the box saving throws. The one that says skills. Yeah, skills. So every class comes with its
own handful of skills that you get to be proficient in. So you'll get to choose. If I'm proficient in
animal handling, I don't care if it applies to the class. I'm changing it. If you are or aren't are.
So you do want animal. I don't. You don't want it. You don't have to be. I don't want it. You don't
have to be. Threat to make, which is if I like animals, I'll kill myself. Like you definitely
don't have to be good. That's not a thing that you have to do. Crazy stance. I'm glad. Oh, boy. Okay.
Okay. So my skills are you get to choose two from the list that I'm going to read off to you. Oh, so
don't I have the list? Yeah, but not every not every class can be proficient in certain skills. Oh,
okay, I'm listening. So for rogues, you get to choose from acrobatics, athletics, deception, insight,
intimidation, slower acrobatics, athletics, deception, insight, intimidation, investigation,
perception, performance, persuasion, slide of hand, and stealth. You get to choose two of those to be
good at. Right. Didn't you say earlier that a rogue is just naturally good at stealth? So why is that
one of the two? Why isn't that just something I get? Because sometimes you still have to make those
decisions. Well, that's, but if you plan on doing a lot of slew thing, then stealth makes sense to be
one of your proficiencies. Okay. If you plan on stealing a lot, that's what slide of hand is. The rest
of them are fairly straightforward. In terms of what they do acrobatics, you like doing flips,
athletics, you like running deception, you like to deceive insights good for like figuring out the
intentions of people or the vibes of a situation. If you're a viper person, what's the difference
between perception and investigation? So investigation is going to be like you walk into a
room and you're looking for a piece of paper, you know, roll investigation, perception is I walk into
a cave, I want to see if I can spot any enemies in the room around me, perception, like you walk
into a room and you just feel like something is like there's a great evil here or like theoretically
a character could be like pretty, pretty thick, scold a little, a little lacking in the intelligence
department, but have like really high perception and just go off vibes.
Yeah, just perceptions wisdom. It's one of the base scores.
I like vibes. All right, so we'll do perception. That makes sense.
I played a character who called everything that she did when like regarding like making a check
for magic or something. She just called them five checks. So one of the things that you get, you
get at the first level, dear, is you get to choose two of your skill proficiencies or one of your
skill proficiency. What the fuck? Okay, the rogue expertise thing. Anyways, you get to choose one of
those or both of those to be really, really good at. What? It's called expertise. At first level,
choose two of your skill proficiencies. So the two that you just bubbled in or one of your skill
proficiencies and proficiency with thieves tools. So these tools are the things you use to unlock
doors break into chests, unlock a window. If you if you imagine yourself have proficiency with those,
I'll just be as good as the average person. Correct. Or you can be double proficient in both
perception and stealth. So you get to add even more numbers to those. I'll just be double,
I think. Okay, so do whatever you want to do to those signify that those are doubled. For example,
I do that you can circle the little black dots. You can write stars next to them. However,
you want to do it. These sheets were not designed well. You say that. No, I'm I'll gladly say that.
Okay, the sheets themselves could have been designed much better. The game itself is pretty
solid. The sheets just aren't designed super super well. And I think that's pretty well
established. For example, for L and anyone listening as I'm going through and building my
character as well, my chosen skills because you get to choose to for barbarian because we're
stupid is intimidation and perception and you get to choose from a very short list of you
could choose animal handling, athletics, intimidation, nature, perception or survival. How stupid
do you want to be folks? She ain't that she and all that. Yeah, they never are. So now that we
have figured out what your rogue thingies are, that's pretty much all you get from them because
you're only level one. So the rest of them don't necessarily matter. We don't even have to do
subclass because you're not level three. So I'm not going to worry about that either. So let's just
scroll through the book here and see what comes up next. I'm not quite sure I don't have like the
order of the things in the book memorized. So we're at personality and background. So name. What
would you like your character's name to be? I don't know. What is your name, Madison? Dandelion
with the what with the I being a Y because I wanted it to be a little bit fantasy, even though
else says it just makes me sound like a white mom trying to make their kids unique. I liked the
idea of her nickname being lion. That's cute. So I thought it might be a little bit fun or dandy.
Or dandy like her last name is do drop. Okay. But what's her first name? What's another word
for silver? For silver? Because I know. Oh, oh, right. Yeah. Silver mist. Well, yeah. But I don't
necessarily need silver. Yeah, that's why you like you change things around. Another name. My girl
don't even have a last name. You can do cloudy do drop. Cloudy. Cloudy do drop. If I met someone
in their name was cloudy do drop. I am that's so funny. The fuck up. You missed. There's mist.
Mist just mist. Misty. And why is it name? It's a fairy name. Do drop. I mean, I love misty from
Unsleeping City. So I'm also biased there of a fairy I like named misty fairy first names. I'm sorry.
I should have prepared. No, this is what the process is like. Experience Aurora Ella Faye.
Adalina. I don't know. Avery. Avery. Adeline is pretty every school time I hear the name
Adeline. I think of haunting Adeline. And if you don't know what that is, don't look it up.
Is it that book? What is it that book? Fiona. Everyone. Okay. Aurelia. Aurelia is a lot.
Serena Ophelia Luna Amethyst Astrid Cecilia. Come on, dog. Cecilia is pretty.
I think when you're just yelling names at me. What about Cecilia? What about? What's a flower
you like? Let's try my method. Oh my God. Let me give you a fucking flower. What about?
This is the hardest part of figuring out characters, folks. It's coming up with a name.
You like dandelions. Give me a second. What about? Let me give you an idea. I have an idea.
What's the idea? What's the idea? What about Eliana? Sure. Okay. Eliana Dewdrop. Don't
say it like that. El play Eliana Dewdrop. Eliana Dewdrop. Don't say it. Eliana Dewdrop
is her friend. There's a graced rare name. Okay. Say it how you'd like it to be said
then. Not with your tone. So say it. You're not allowed to say the name. Eliana Dewdrop.
It's fine. Disgusting. Really? That works? So fucking gross. I'm assuming the sex is female.
Yeah. It's an option on here. I just thought I would read it out loud in case she would
decide to pull a 180. The day I play a man. Madison refuses to play a man for somebody
that prides themselves on role playing everything she won't play a man. I play a man. I would
play non-binary. I play a man enough on stage. I am constantly cast as a man or a little
boy specifically. Is that on here? No. Okay. No. It's just something to decide. If you're
looking for flavor go to the next page if you want to go ahead and knock that out. My name
is Eliana Dewdrop. Stay here for a second. Let's just get some of the other basics figured
out really quick. Dexterity. This is you all finally getting to see Robert actually trying
to corral people on this podcast. Oh what if we just go into that really quick. No. There's
an order. There's order. What's up. Let's look at it. Okay. All right. Are you good.
Are we solid. Can I get to choose my saving throws or were they something that comes to
the class. Okay. I couldn't remember. Sorry. Continue. Okay. You can do an alignment. We
already gave her a dice and she's only level one. Oh that's the good bad. We've got to
roll for our stats before we can get some alignment. We have lawful good neutral good
chaotic good lawful neutral neutral chaotic visual lawful. Yes. Let me pull up one of
the amazing fucking annoying visuals because that was just a lot of words. It is. It's
word soup. It's exactly what it is. So chaotic evil is like the Joker. Lawful good is like
Superman. Believe it or not. I actually understand what they mean. I just to think about it.
I have to have something to look at. Okay. I've talked to her at length. If you want
how you don't believe it because they don't neutral doesn't exist. I know I know you're
a fake thing that people made up so that they could feel good about themselves making this
rant like because you know what I'm totally apathetic be neutral though. Yeah but those
characters are fun but that's neutral. I would say in that case. Yeah maybe. So I'm
definitely somewhere in the good. Somebody give me neutral. We don't want to be evil.
Her name is Eliana do draw. Yeah. I'm bad. Can be evil. That's the duo. It's like trolls
the movie. God. So I know I'm good. What's neutral good.
Neutral good. So if you're thinking the easy way I can explain neutral good is by explaining
the two on the other side of it. When I think of neutral good I think of like when your
partner hands you a rock and you're like oh that was nice. This is a pretty rock. That
is that is nothing with perfect example of neutral good because chaotic good is like
I'm going to do what I got a good Robin Hood. Yeah. Lawful good is Batman. I'm going to
go new Batman is lawful goods crazy. It is though. I think he's chaotic good because
he doesn't care about law. He doesn't really want to be stuck on the whole like I'm a
symbol thing. I still think he's lawful good. Anyways you get the idea. You get the idea
even if you don't agree with my example so neutral good would be like it's just like
a person like a like a citizen. Yeah. Yeah. You're just like pretty good by nature. You
know you're not you're not going out of your way to be either kind of good. You're just
good by nature. Last name is do drop. Yeah. She's like a sweet kind of good. I'm thinking
I'm thinking like Apple Dumplin but grown up fairy. That's the vibe. Yes. Hell yes.
What the fuck. Strawberry short. What the fuck. Strawberry short. This is for people
listening. Ellen I went as strawberry shortcake and lemon rang for Halloween. It was beautiful
looking adorable. I guess I won't go full evil because that's a lot. Why not. Because
you get mad at me every time I'm you can be fully. Well I'm not the enemy for this.
No that's true. Whatever you want. This exists in a vacuum. These characters will never be
touched again. We're independent bitches. Yeah. Fucking I'm not going to go chaotic evil.
That's a lot. Please don't. Please please do not. It's such a fucking unhinged option.
Chaotic neutral. Does that work. Chaotic neutral is fine with me. I think chaotic evil is fun.
I just I just play out more like a like a fun way though like a fun like I'm not like a
like evil evil. It's just like a I like running around the village and kicking over barrels
and like yeah that's chaotic neutral to me because it's like I think it's still evil
though. What's an example of chaotic neutral. People say Jack Sparrow a lot. OK. It's like
so like Harley Quinn and the new TV show. Yes. It's like doing whatever your whims are.
Like you don't really care about law or other people that much but it's like I feel like
doing this thing I'm going to do this thing or maybe you care sometimes but your actions
and your inclinations make you do bad things. Yes. It's more chaotic neutral. And this is
the primary reason why I have beef with neutral in general is because of what people will
oftentimes use chaotic neutral to do. He told me to put my name here. Sorry. Sorry.
So for chaotic neutral what do you mean. I thought you put your name over there. Real
life name. All right. So chaotic neutral. The reason why I have beef with the alignment
is because people will basically use that as a blanket reason to do anything they want
to whenever they want to do it without having to be called on a reason for it. Which is
not what chaotic neutral is. That's chaotic evil. Yeah. But that's the way that people
play it. I'm just going to jump in here. I have a quick for a disclaimer to anyone who's
listening to this and knows me. I'm really sleepy right now. So that's going to be impacting
all of my behavior. Are you apologizing to us. No. No. Whoever listens to this I guess.
All right. Moving on. I won't go on. No. She's making a face. It's to us a little bit. I've
gone on that rant many times. I won't do it again. What next. All right. Personal. What's
background. Yeah. What's background Robert. Yeah. What's background Robert. Nothing fucking
fun. Robert. We just did a whole episode where we delved into background and we were like
oh it actually is fun. It can be if you use it in the right way with the way that it fucking
exists in this god awful book. Well it looks like there's only one little line for it.
So can't be that. Let me go to the thing where you get to choose background. She is such
a fucking heckler. It drives me nuts. So here are your backgrounds. You're ready. Yeah.
I'm a lot of folk hero. Guild artisan. Hermit. Noble. Is there anything like. Olden child.
Sage sailor. The soldier. I think there's something somewhere scholar. A chair is crazy. That's
not an option. Yeah that's not. Noble. Yeah. You could do it. You're gonna get you like
this. I don't know like the daughter of somebody important and like got a chance to like study
all the fun books and. No. No. No. Okay. Well. Can I look. Noble can also be like a nepo baby.
I don't want to be a nepo baby. Okay. Well maybe you're the noble person and you're noble
because of how pretty you are. Are we thinking noble as in like noble. The the the good person
trait or noble. Noble like money trait. Okay. No. Okay. Well you pick up that guy that I
just dropped. Yeah in just a minute. I'm gonna. Yep. Yep. I know. I'm seeing it. I'm hearing
it. Your laptop and just talk aloud when I have a question. No that's okay. What. Right.
It's easier to do it on my end. Okay. I'm listening. You said act. You want somebody
that's more like. Golden child. Yeah I want like like imagine she grew up in a small village
and everybody loved her the whole time she grew up and she's like oh I'd enjoy. Yeah.
But they all know she's a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what that is. Even if
she's a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Folk heroes are often used for like barbarians that like
carry all the hay and have slain the monsters. Even if she only accomplishes things on accident.
Yeah. That's I mean that's a great background for a folk hero because it's like all these
people have these fun stories about you and all these crazy things you've done but in
reality you've just like walked into it. Like oh thanks. I didn't do that intentionally but
I mean I'm not gonna tell you no. No it's like all of it goes to over. Yeah. Let me let me
arrange you the description. You don't have to do this but this is just what the description
is. You come from a humble social rank but you are destined for so much more already
the people of your home village regard you as their champions and your destiny cause you
just stand again. It's it's very intense but the way that we're playing it is a bit more
like the people love you. I think I'm going to go with a giant fountaling. Like a fountaling
with giants like though you aren't a giant you grew up among giants. You're an orphan
taken in. So you just want Napoleon syndrome. No I think it's like buddy the elf. Oh OK
I'm sure. Like that's the vibe. So you get two extra skill proficiencies. I'm sorry one
of them is animal handling. What. Yeah it's a folk hero thing so you'll bubble in animal
handling and survival. Why. Because you're a folk hero. Well you're the DM you could
let her switch it out. Yeah. If you do survival and then pick another thing. OK. I'll do survival.
And then whatever else you want. I didn't even know giant family was an option that's
fucking hilarious. I didn't either man. Perfect for what I'm trying to do. Yeah kind of crazy.
So well I'll let you finish that. I want you to finish what you're doing. I feel like I
should probably do performance maybe. Performance would be cute. Are you like a singer. Well
no my the reason I thought of it is because of like it wouldn't be like intentional performance
but it would be like even though she is so did see she still accomplishes all these great
things to some extent. Performance is more like bullshitting. You're on a stage with
a loop. I don't want to do that. I think acrobatic. You're trying to say she's more like intelligent
or she's like she's not smart. OK. Give me a give me like a trait. She's smart. Is she
fast. Is she quick. She nimble. OK. So she's pretty. So she's not right. That's not. Persuasion.
You want persuasion. Not a fucking skill. Listen I'm thinking acrobatics because I'm
thinking like she's just like I'm dancing. You're taking it too far and also you're a
man. So watch the way you say that. Sir. Just repeat it with your sand. You're not allowed
but it's different. It is different. I'm dancing. Anyways it's supposed to be like like like
if her personality was an object it'd be a bubble. OK. And she just like very Sailor
Moon to me. I've never watched Sailor Moon. That's crazy. So very up your alley. Sorry.
To move on to the next things. OK. You're making silver best. You can do. By the way.
But better. Do you want to do the suggested character character traits where you roll
on a table and I tell you what you get and that's like part of your character. If you
like it you can keep it. If you don't like it you don't have to. OK. OK. Cool. I'm not
going to do the defining event because unless you feel like you know what go ahead and roll
a D 10 for me. This is the D 10. This is the defining event. So this is what like the thing
that you did either on purpose or by accident that like really solidified you as the folk
hero in the village you're from. OK. Don't do it that way. What the fuck are you doing.
I was going to let the mic here. She's a menace. I didn't. I thought that was a zero. So zero
is not an option. It's a 10. So like it's. Oh. You've got to imagine the one in front
of it so you can tell the difference between like a one on here and a 10. I'm going to
read this and you're not going to like it. But if you want to spin it go for it. So 10
is I was recruited into a Lord's Army. I rose to leadership and was commended for my heroism.
Bull. But the way the way that I could see that work for you is that maybe you're so
like you're so did see you and you're so pretty and like naturally not allowed to say that
we're not your mother fucker. I'm using the description to describe your character that
you use. Don't at me. Son of a bitch. Maybe it's more like your. I don't know. You're
like the leader of like the dance crew or like the I don't know something cute. Whatever
fairies so I can only accomplish cute things. I can't accomplish important things with this
podcast. You got to stop pageants. No. OK. What exactly are you all picturing a different
person in our minds. I don't know how to put the person that's in my mind in your mind.
OK. So are you thinking like she accidentally I'm thinking like water reserve apple dumpling
grown up. Yes. I get that mother fucker apple dumpling done other than like spill strawberry
shortcakes cake during that one like short. You know what I'm talking about. What has
she done. That's great. Well OK. It would be stuff like that. It would be stuff like
I'm creating a clean water reserve. Like like finding things that people have lost on accident
and I don't know. Doing nice little small. What's one. Like a lord. I don't know. Missing
give me an object. Crown crown. Maybe you found this missing crown. Everyone was like
maybe you found again. Where does this all go. What are we doing. Your head. Your head.
This is this is just headcanon. OK. I'm going to say a thing out loud. Don't jump on my
ass. Maybe you found the fake King or Queens. Crown. Just on accident. Just totally on accident
and they thought it was the coolest shit ever saved their first born child. Jesus Christ.
Just jump. OK. How did you do that. How did you do that. Yeah. Do drop. What. How did
you do that. What. How did you do that. What. How did you do it. What. You. Have to know.
Maybe because you're so quiet and so naturally gifted at being quiet they sent you into like
the cave of an evil monster to retrieve a sacred herb that only grows in a grotto and
you lucked your way into grabbing it. Guy never saw you. You came back and you were like yeah
that shit was easy. And it was like for tangled in that save the queen so she was able to
have the baby. We got it. We did it. You got an herb for the the the fake Queens first
born because you're just naturally good at not being seen. Zero effort put into it. I
didn't volunteer for it either. Everybody else was all that like the interests of the
cave and nobody wanted to go in and then people pushed me in front and I was just a
little like this is that I just saw a character. I'll go in. This is absolutely bizarre character.
I'll go in. I'm going to roll for my quick. I didn't even understand why it was dangerous.
I just walked in there and then found myself a little plan. Roll a D8 for me dear. I don't
have. Madison would you mind handing her a date.
Now we're going to. Do you need L. I don't know. Ask him.
Now we're going to get into the optional personality traits to roll that for me.
Is that something that goes on this paper. You see these little things over here on the
right. I do. I was just double checking. Yeah.
I got an eight. OK. Here's a personality trait. Feel free to take it or leave it.
I get an eight out of eight. No. I get bored easily when I am going to get when am I going
to get on with my life. No I think she's pretty content.
It's not. OK.
I don't think I had a personal. I think she knows who she is.
When I set my mind to something I follow through no matter what gets in my way.
I think she gets distracted. I judge people by their actions not their words.
I don't think she's judgmental. So if you see somebody on the side of the
road. Shoot a puppy.
You're not going to judge that. A fucking do drop.
You're not judging that. She's just like oh there goes a puppy that's been shot.
No judgment on the guy that did it. I don't know if it's no judgment but not like all
the time. Holy fuck.
It's not saying like you're judging all the time. It's saying like when you do judge people
or when you come to a conclusion on someone you do it off their actions.
But I think part of the problem with do drop is that she doesn't come to a lot of conclusions.
Okay so maybe she has a tendency. How about this one. Thinking is for other people.
I prefer action. Motherfucker if you say that's not who she is you just verbatim said that
she thinks a lot and comes to no conclusions. Yeah she thinks a lot. She doesn't act a ton.
These are going to be the two stupidest fairies. I miss you.
She's not stupid. Gabrielle you got to give her a personality
trait. You got to.
Let me look at the list and I'll tell you which one.
I've read you everyone on the list. Are you dead serious.
And you've told me no. Okay fine I'll go with the judgment one.
I have a strong sense of fair play and always try to find the most equitable solution to
arguments. Okay.
Write it down. That's a lot of words.
I like to play fair. She likes to play fair. She likes the best option for everybody.
I'm just going to say equitable or values equity.
You're impossible. Can I say that.
You can put whatever you want to put on that sheet.
Thank you. Can I do mine.
I don't know if we have time for yours Madison.
Okay. Can you roll a six for me dear whenever you
get a chance. Maybe get down right in that one.
It's almost like you have time. You're here to talk writing.
We've done your character build. This is a D six.
That's a D. Nope. The ones with the six sides.
Right. Yeah.
Roll one of those. One of those. One of those.
Okay. It's a five.
Okay. This is your ideal. You don't have to keep it.
I got it.
There's no good in pretending to be something I'm not.
You're sincere.
I like sincere.
All right. You can put sincere.
I'm going to put sincerity.
That's what it says on the sheet. You're doing great.
How's the kind of person that you need to set out about two and a half hours to do the
character sheet. Not because it's going to be complicated
but because you got to dig out all the words that are floating around in her brain so that
she can put them on the paper. Some of the other people we play with.
We also need two and a half hours to dig out.
We're two really hard.
Roll another one for me.
A three.
A proud noble once gave me.
What's this for.
This is Bond.
Okay.
A proud noble once gave me a horrible beating and I will take it.
Never mind. Not doing that one.
I'm not even going to finish reading that one.
Okay.
I'm going to go with the land. I love the land and I will protect the land.
If we made it the land nature then that'd be fine.
I mean yeah.
My tools are a symbol of my past life and I carry them so that I will never forget my
roots.
I'm good with the land one just as long as all of us protect those who cannot protect
themselves.
Nature.
I wish my childhood sweetheart had come with me.
I'm going to go with the land one but we're going to say that it's a nice.
Yeah.
Okay.
So what do I put just like nature.
Capital.
I love the land.
I'm not the land nature.
You can write I love nature.
I'm just going to put nature with a capital Gabrielle.
Robert.
Write the word on the paper.
Okay folks.
Write the word on the paper.
Bloss.
Roll a D six.
I don't think we need to roll for that.
That's okay.
That's all right.
I'm not going to read that one out loud.
Not going to read that one.
If you wanted me to make a character because some of them are like you should have done
these first and then I build everything else off of what I asked you before the episode.
Did you want to build a character like personality based off the roles or did you want to come
in with a character first and you went I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't have any ideas.
All right.
I didn't have one.
The tyrant who rules my land will stop at nothing to see me killed.
I'm smelling a big fat no one that one.
I mean I don't know.
Maybe she accidentally does a lot of good things.
I'm convinced of the significance of my destiny and I'm blind to my shortcomings and the risk
of failure.
The people who knew me when I was young know my shameful secrets so I can never go home
again.
I'm not going to write my destiny thing.
I have a weakness for the vices of the city.
Especially hard drink.
I like the destiny thing.
Secretly I believe that things would be better if I were the one ruling everybody.
Can we read the destiny.
I have trouble trusting my allies.
I'm thinking maybe the destiny one if you're convinced of the significance of my own destiny
and I'm blind to my shortcomings and risk of failure.
Yes.
Right.
However you write whatever you want to write.
It's going to help you remember that.
I'm going to put optimistic.
That's not what that says.
This is a flaw.
That's not what that says at all.
It is a flaw.
She's so optimistic.
No I think the flaw on this one is that she I can fix him.
I think the flaw on this one is that she's a little self focused.
No.
Yeah.
I'm convinced of the significance of my own destiny and I'm blind to everything else.
It doesn't say blind to everything else.
Blind to my shortcomings and risk of failure.
Yeah my shortcomings and risk of failure.
It's a flaw.
Optimism is crazy.
It's a flaw.
It's like negative optimism.
No.
Some people are too optimistic.
She's so optimistic about her destiny that she doesn't recognize when she's putting herself
in difficult or dangerous situation.
So she's so self like she has a level of like yeah nothing's going to happen because it's
me.
No.
But that's just what you said.
She just doesn't consider it.
She would never say nothing's going to happen because it's me.
She would just say nothing because she wouldn't think of anything.
How stupid is she.
She's not stupid.
Are you sure.
Repeat back to me what you just said.
She never thinks of anything.
Stupid is a harsh word.
Is she not the brightest.
Is she lacking brain cells.
Lacking brain cells is also not kind.
She may have she sat under an apple tree and was conked a few times.
She is the personification of a bubble.
That's how simple.
I don't know.
That's better or worse.
It's sound and simple.
It sounded like that really hit a mark.
Anyways.
So she's my flaw is simplicity.
Maybe like doesn't think about the bigger picture like yeah I want to do this thing.
I don't care if it has any like political repercussions.
Yeah.
It's almost like narrow minded but narrow focused.
Short sided simple.
Short sided is good.
Short sided.
No peripheral.
Just straightforward.
And fucking.
We're all seeing her now.
Okay.
This is a bad.
I'm so proud.
Fucking crazy character.
I don't know how this person is alive.
It's super mixed.
It's do drop.
Fucking Eliana do drop is going to walk into a bar on night one of being an adventurer
and is just going to get absolutely fucking ripped and roared to the whole guy DM Tavern.
No everybody loves her.
Right up until she says the wrong thing to the wrong person because she's short sided.
She never says anything bad.
And see that's where the bad things come from because in her mind nothing she says
is negative.
I need to rework my character.
That's okay.
I need to know.
At this point I think you need to be somebody that's going to take advantage of that one
because I think that one is going to walk in hand head first to a cave with like a troll
and be like hey do you have a gold coin to spare.
Yeah dandelions traits.
Please don't eat me.
Oh my God.
Why would you eat me.
What I lack in stature I make up for with sheer spite.
But my personality and your name kind of match up like I'm a little laundry I'm a go pick
me some dandelions and oh my God look there's my friend.
She's going to hit you so fast.
It's going to be so quickly and the line is in a bar fight and I support her.
Women's rights.
Dear God.
Who are these people.
Juice.
So we have the class the background the player name the alignment the race the personality
the ideals the pawns the laws.
What's that peach thing like a peach believe me.
All right the next one is the characteristic you have which will go under features and
traits on the right features and traits on your role a d8 for me.
That's the one with eight sides.
Also gets a role for this is this an eight.
This is for her specifically as you guys know the shapes better.
Eight.
Sure Madison.
Is that a seven or a one.
That's a seven.
You smell like fresh brownies.
No.
Six.
Roll again.
Okay she took the dice.
She got a six.
Your legs are like insects.
You have insectile legs.
No.
Sucks to suck.
No you let her switch.
What'd you get.
A five.
You have a small spectral horn on your forehead like a unicorn horn.
Can it be a little off to the side.
Sure.
A little lopsided horn.
What's a three.
Can it be like you have exceptionally large ears.
No.
Cool.
Years it is buddy.
What about what about like the the little girl on my hero like that kind of a vibe.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It's like the little one.
Yeah.
That's cute.
I love that.
How do I put big ass ears.
Large ears.
You can just write horn.
I'm just going to put off centered horn.
I'm going to put airy like.
Oh put that on the second sheet.
Not there.
It doesn't matter where she puts it.
She was going to put it under features.
It doesn't matter where she puts it.
I don't think we're getting far enough to do features.
Where am I supposed to put it.
You can put it right where I told you to put it dear.
Where did you tell me to put it.
On the front right where you were writing.
Yeah.
But she told me not ignore Madison.
Fuck me.
I know nothing.
Ignore Madison.
It's not important enough to put it on the second sheet.
Put mine on the second sheet.
Nobody asked.
Maybe the viewers want to fucking listen to me.
Robert says you don't.
Maybe the viewers like to drop.
I think I'd like to drop too.
I'm just telling you where to put things on the paper.
Don't care about flashing her out fully.
We are fleshing her out fully.
I literally I went back to that table just for you.
Believe it or not.
She's not real.
I know.
I actually think it'd be really cool to see them at the table but I know you're not going
to play.
Yeah.
Who's she not real to now motherfucker.
You can try me and try me again later this summer.
She seems a little more real to me.
Doesn't she.
In July.
Who's she real to me again in July.
Motherfucker.
Ask me again in July.
She's real to me.
Do we need to cut this out.
Do I need to hit the button.
Why would you cut this out.
Take a breath.
Y'all are getting into a fucking domestic.
That needs to be cut out.
What's wrong with you.
Like not an argument that's like a word.
You can stop now.
That's all right.
It's a fucking.
Okay.
It's all right.
How am I.
It's okay.
You can stop now.
It's all right.
That's enough.
Don't worry about it.
What's next.
Robert.
What is next.
What's next is ability scores.
My favorite thing so you're going to roll four of those little guys those little sixes.
Where am I looking on the sheet.
Calm the fuck down on the left.
Okay.
In the left.
Roll them.
Yeah.
Okay.
You're going to want something to write things down on so just flip your paper over.
Oh my god.
Holy fuck.
I think I got four ones unless those are all really skinny seven.
That has to be intelligence.
That is the lowest roll I think I've ever seen in my life.
Can you re-roll those.
I don't really like re-roll one possible.
No that is quite literally the lowest roll humanly possible.
That would be a three intelligence.
That's better.
So now you'll take the lowest one out.
That's going to be three and you'll add those numbers up.
So flip your little paper.
Flip your paper over.
So you're going to write this big number down.
14.
I don't want to.
Can I use your paper.
I don't want to make my paper dirty.
You cannot.
Can you describe what you're doing.
Not writing on my paper.
Madison can you describe what she's writing it on her wrist.
As opposed to getting the back of her paper quote unquote dirty.
Can you roll it again for me.
We're never going to use these sheets because we're not going to play it.
No she said revisit in July.
Roll them for me.
Holy fuck what is that a two two and a one.
Two two three.
So drop two.
Yeah she's got it.
Look at her go she's got it.
All right.
On the wrist is crazy.
I'm going to have you do that four more times.
In the meantime Madison walk me through your character.
Yeah.
So Dan the lion is a fairy who was raised by Giants.
Yeah.
You just fucking abandoned me.
Well there's the chart on here.
Right.
But the chart sucks because it doesn't actually give you personality options other than one
but for my origin let's see.
You were lost or abandoned as a child in a jungle that teamed with ravenous dinosaurs
there you found an equally lost frost giant and together you survived.
Well how do you do.
That's crazy.
How did you.
That's a lot.
I don't know how to deal with all that but but a little tiny itty bitty fairy raised
by Giants.
It's like a buddy the elf situation where it was like a like we don't talk about the
elf.
OK.
Well she has strong feelings about the movie elf by the way none of which we agree with
well and I like L.
Exactly.
I like the idea of a fairy.
I would say that that was a giant.
They don't really acknowledge the fact that she's a fairy.
That's funny.
When she goes her whole life not knowing that she's a fairy and like bring it up and she's
like what.
What are you talking about.
Not fairy.
I just have it.
Hip.
You're a fucking fairy.
Find your fucking business.
She said I'm just little.
Yeah.
I'm just little and when she gets older she's going to take path of the giant barbarians
so she can grow to be giant.
She's very hot headed.
Varian to the vices of the world.
Have fun.
No idea how she is friends with Eliana.
We'll figure that out eventually.
Yeah that's definitely like on the road kind of thing.
Yeah.
You know I have my number.
That's a thing of circumstances.
Fantastic.
So flip it.
Yeah wait you never flipped it over in the first place.
Move your arms.
Those are the six.
Look at the things in the low.
Six.
A one plus one plus four.
You could re-roll your ones dear.
I mean I think a six.
I already wrote it down.
New number.
Well this is on my arm.
It's not like I can just erase it.
Yeah new number.
Someone chose to write it on their arm.
This five is twelve.
So instead of six it's twelve.
She's lying rain man over here folks.
She's just writing his shit down.
She's like the movie.
Oh my god what's that fucking is seven.
Yeah.
Yeah where he wakes up and he's just got shit all over himself.
What movie is that.
That's not seven.
What fucking movie is that where the guy wakes up and he's covered himself in like tattoos
and scribbles and shit and he's like he has amnesia.
I don't know.
Anyways that's what she's doing.
I have my numbers.
Fantastic.
So what we're going to do now is you see all those fun little words in the left far left
strength dexterity constitution intelligence wisdom charisma.
Sorry.
You see them bad boys.
I feel like it's we're thinking yes I see them.
Go ahead.
Fantastic.
So now what you're going to do is you're going to assign those numbers to those little
things.
Here's my thought process.
All right walk me through it.
I'm thinking that dexterity should be the highest.
Correct.
You're right on the money.
Do I put the number in the box or in the oval.
It truly is question.
I think it's I think it's the box.
I think you put the plus in the in the little circle.
So I have a 14.
I put the plus big in the little circle because I use my modifier more than your cell number.
All right.
So now we're going to we're going to let's talk through this.
I am so I put 14 for dexterity.
Okay.
Cool.
What's your next time.
I think it's a priority I think is charisma.
Okay.
Which is a 12.
Okay.
And then I'm thinking maybe my next priority.
She doesn't need you.
She doesn't.
Is constitution.
Interesting choice.
I would maybe think wisdom.
Oh because my vibes.
Yeah your vibes.
11.
Fair you don't really have to worry about getting hit that much.
Then I'm going to put my next constitution.
I'm going to do that.
That's a 10.
Okay.
And then I'll put a 10 for my intelligence and a nine for my strength because I feel
like strength should be my lowest.
Yeah.
Strength or intelligence for sure.
I'm rolling so well.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Can you read the numbers out loud for me.
A nine for strength.
A 14 for oh who are you asking.
You.
Okay.
A 14 for dexterity.
10 for constitution.
10 for intelligence.
11 for wisdom.
And 12 for charisma.
All right.
So now one of the things that you get to do as a fairy is you get to increase one ability
score by two increase a different one by one or increase three different scores by one.
Can you repeat that.
You can increase one score by two and another score by one or you can increase three different
scores by one.
Oh.
See your options.
Nice.
What's the highest score you can have like a 20.
A 20 is the highest that you can have without a bunch of fuck shit going on.
So I would probably if I were you I would probably do the three ones just because you
don't have super fantastic stats.
I'd probably three lowest.
I'd probably put one in dexterity just because having that 15 will be nice.
So did I write a 14 when I'm going to have to have a 15 in my whole papers ruined.
It is dirty paper.
Now yeah sorry.
Why you don't take care of sheets and pen ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry.
Damn she just offered you in a layer.
Holy shit.
Okay so I'm putting dexterity of 15 and then you get to increase two other ones by one
as well.
What was the maybe I'll put my strength.
Yeah I'd get it to 10.
So when you're at nine you're going to roll with minuses 10 you're going to roll flat.
So 100% getting rid of that nine is going to be really good.
And then what did you ask Madison.
I was going to ask what they are but I'm just going to look them up and do this.
Should I add another one to my charisma.
Yeah.
Because that charisma is like making people like your charisma.
Yeah pretty much.
Persuasion.
Performance I think is charisma.
Yeah it is.
Okay next.
Okay I think that's pretty much it unless I'm forgetting anything right.
You have your scores.
You have your saving throws.
You know what your skills are.
Your speed hit points and all that fun stuff isn't super important.
You have your background your alignment your personality traits.
You don't have any features unfortunately because you're not high enough level for that.
If you want to flip to the next page though we can do the more character customizing part
where you come up with the age with your eyes look like your height your skin your hair
your weight.
What language do I speak.
Languages you speak you speak read and write common and one of the language.
What are the other language.
Fail language.
Sylvan.
So it would probably be common in Sylvan.
So Sylvan is what like most people in the Feywild speak so that's like where all the
fairies and mythical creatures hang out.
I should put that in the bottom left box.
Wherever it says language is known you.
Quick for the listeners my score a range because I rolled crazy well is an 18 in strength
a 13 in dexterity a 16 in constitution a 13 in intelligence a 14 in wisdom and a 13
in charisma I rolled two 16s and the rest were 13s.
How do you spell the family.
Oh why.
Yeah Sylvan Sylvan.
Sylvan.
So for your hit points you'll roll if you want to figure what that if you want to figure
that out your role 1d8.
Where is that.
Plus your con modifier.
What am I looking at the front page.
I thought you said that.
Hit points.
What am I rolling.
1d8 is your level one.
This is a 10 level one 1d8 plus your con mod.
This is a 10.
That's a 10.
Wow.
It's aggressive.
It was not aggressive throwing dice something else.
So five and then what's your constitution score.
So just a five so you'll write five in that little box where it says current hit points.
The giant box.
Fantastic.
Your speed is going to be 30.
And then what's your dexterity.
The total score.
So 15 minus 10 is five five divided by two is still two.
So you're going to have a plus two for initiative.
Why not two and a half.
Just two and a half doesn't exist.
Half numbers aren't real in this world.
Which makes it all the more easier.
I don't know your armor class.
We'd have to figure out what you're wearing.
I don't know that.
That means unless you really want to sit down and go through the armors that you're you
all are using.
You don't want to do that.
Okay.
It's a lot of work.
It's probably going to be like 10 plus your dexterity modifier.
So it's going to be like 12.
I am getting a little sleepy though.
So what's a modifier for constitution real quick.
What do you mean.
A modifier for a 16.
I meant sorry.
A modifier for 16.
So minus 10 divided by two.
Sixteen minus 10 Madison is three divided by no the answer is three.
Oh 16 minus divided by two is three.
I just said what she said blindly.
I said right at minus 10.
She goes three.
The answer is three.
I'm a theater major.
I'm sleepy.
Three.
I know you're sleepy.
So let's do the fun part and then we will wrap this episode up.
So go to the second page.
I can always come back for a second episode.
You sure can.
So how old do we think she is.
Fairies can be I'm pretty sure fairies can be relatively old.
I'm going to look up the fairy age range for fifth edition and that'll give you a better
idea.
Thank you.
Yep.
So fairies mature at 40 in the Feywild they are ageless and other planes they will age
similarly to elves commonly exceeding 800 years old.
So in comparison to humans we mature at like what 25.
Yeah.
So I think about double the age right in terms of.
So I'm thinking I want her to be like a little younger than me.
So like 19.
Then for a fairy that'd be like 30 something.
What about 29.
She's a child.
She's a baby.
You say 29.
Okay.
She's like 15.
What about 33.
Okay.
That's closer to like 18.
What about 37.
I need to do 35 or 36.
36 is good.
36.
She's 36 years old.
What about you Madison.
I love the idea of being a 14 year old with this character.
Oh my God.
I'm not going to.
You could though.
No.
You could be a child.
That feels like a lot.
You're never going to play her.
I know.
Never going to play her.
I feel like Eliana is probably going to go by do drop to everyone else but to her like
bestie bestie friends.
She's Ellie.
Cute.
That's cute.
How tall is she.
Small.
Very size.
Yeah.
Very height.
Their height is typically between three and four feet.
Not including their wings.
In pixie form fairies are three to five inches in giant forms are three to five feet tall.
I am five.
Five.
That's pretty average.
So if we're downing that she's probably when she's like pixie size she's probably like
four or five inches tall.
I thought you said it was three to four inches.
Three to five.
I'm going to go.
You got three numbers to choose from.
Three.
Cool.
She's tiny.
I was going to say.
How big is she when she's grown.
Three feet.
No but like when you said we were talking earlier about whether you're going from feet to inches.
So just scale it up.
Three inches three feet.
Oh.
Yeah.
She's three feet tall.
There are ways to get bigger with spells and stuff but just thinking about the conversions
she's still only like three feet tall.
Unless you want her to be taller when she switches.
Okay.
This is a fantasy world.
Was it inches.
Yep.
Three inches.
You can do whatever you want.
You could say three inches tall five feet tall.
I don't give a shit.
What now.
Well go one over.
Wait.
Probably in the grams.
Not that it matters.
What's an average fairy weight.
That's what I'm going to look up.
Fairy weight.
I'll say weight really only matters if you're looking at like carrying capacity which.
Fairies typically.
Ten pounds.
I'll go with that.
Ten pounds.
Pounds.
And three inches.
The.
They are hefty.
They're dense.
When they're yeah.
That's the idea.
When they're tall they're like 30 to 40 pounds.
When they're small they're 10 pounds.
And they are thick but they got lead bones.
They.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
I mean it's why Ant-Man's so successful.
I was not picturing her with thick thighs but I guess she might have to have some.
It's like a hundred and ninety pound man in a body this big.
Is she thick.
I don't know.
Apparently.
What color are her eyes.
Blue obviously.
Oh my fucking.
It's a beard drop.
Dumbass.
Right on the fucking paper.
Beard drop.
What about the color of her skin.
Don't say blue.
It's not blue.
What is it.
I don't know.
I hadn't considered it.
Because let's all be honest.
We live in a society where we immediately assume that the character is white.
So let's even ask the question.
Most people do that.
Even people of color that are studies on it.
It's not a good thing by any means.
No.
We totally understand.
I'm saying that now that you've asked the question I have to really think about it.
Okay.
Like I don't know.
It could be any color really.
Daniel in has like green tinge skin like it's very like green on like you just look like a tiny elf
You got big ears, too
I'm gonna talk about the ears. I'm gonna start calling you an elf
Just really small
I do love the idea of her even being small by like fairy standards
I've like no your your runts even for like
You smile man. Yeah, you were saying dear maybe like a little warm
Warm as
Like like not tan
Like peach
Not peach in between peach and
Like like sunshiny like sunkist
You know you can choose you can choose man
Pull up like a fucking what what is it pantone?
I'm gonna lose it. Okay. This is what's gonna break me
Not the years of doing it with people that play it's the one time this this is what's gonna kill me
This is crazy to watch you. There's no level of like hair pulling out that you have done
There's no level of guidance that works. It's just
You just got fucking pull the thoughts out one by one until one of them works
Chart of skin colors right now by the way
Oh boy
Limestone is a skin color
What colors are hair what styles they're both a lot lighter than I thought we were going yeah
That's why when you were in use of Sun Kiss. That's why I like looked at you was like she's like pretty pale. Yeah
Okay, cool. Okay, so dandelions probably like
Give me like a sprinkle
Sprinkle sprinkle
Rose beige
Like in yeah, yeah, yeah fade into a green
This is crazy
I'm not writing Rose beige down on
I'm not but I really what's the hairstyle
I'm gonna stick Bob not fuck as Bob just a Bob like a Bob of bangs
Who for a do-drop I thought it'd be kind of cute. Oh, I see her with short hair for sure. I think it's cute
I see like a really look at the short hairstyles. Sorry. I feel like an adorable little please tell me you have a hairstyle in mind
Sure. Yeah
Probably like to I think she's got this is gonna be weird for me. I think she has orange hair
Or like red hair. I know that sounds like a weird thing for me to be like this is weird for me
But like I realize I've mostly play like blonde characters
Yeah, which is really weird real big affinity for bonds because I'm not the slightest bit blonde
Not even a little life or do I have any desire to dye my hair blonde in real life?
But most of the characters I played at the table have had like white or like
hair, but I think
Curly orange hair because all my characters have a little bit of curl
In like two like French braids down and then they're tied with like little like it's giving a horse girl
Braids braids is giving horse girl giving like a horse girl
Girl scout boy scout kind of vibes, you know, I mean it's definitely like a young look for sure
And they're like tied at the bottom with like
Instead of ribbons, it's like
Like that's just like a very like fairy thing in my head grass hair
But the braids are also like I do I don't know the world
Please don't
What are we know? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we we're marking out a lot of things?
They are
Okay, but like the glowy kind of brown sure, okay, okay, what's the other thing that we've changed?
Oh
No, cuz like this is gonna sound a little gross for you
But in like, you know when like golden hour hits sometimes you look at Robert's eyes
And I don't look at Robert's eyes ever Robert what color are my eyes?
Brown you only knew that because recently they're brown. He got always been brown
You didn't know that until recently brown and I think I'm gonna do like curly hair, okay?
That is shorter yeah with bangs
And it's got like a very round feel to it, right? It's giving curly fuck ass, Bob
Not that short
When I think of a curly fuck ass Bob, it's like all in here, right? I want it to be like I
Don't know if that made sense I could pull up photos of myself that sound like this haircut
Curly fuck ass Bob is crazy to go with the new hair
She has to have a darker skin tone so more than tan
Googling curly fuck ass Bob
Yeah, that exists
Let me see I probably had that hairstyle
Let me open the image
Oh, yeah, it's not great. Oh
It can exist it can exist
Curly fuck ass Bob's
Oh, just simultaneously cringed. Oh, sorry to whoever comes up on the first search on Google images for
Anybody looks up curly fuck ass Bob. It's the first one that pops up. You'll know it when you say it
Not overusing I said she has braids and you went it's giving horse girl. It is how do those correlate?
It just does what kind of brains like French break. Yeah, like yeah worse girl
You can't expect her to be on your side not with a French braid
I want you to learn how to do that one. What's it called my sister does them are they called Dutch braids?
I don't fucking know. I love Dutch brain. I only know horse girls. Okay, though
I don't know any other type of brain other than French braid. Well, I don't even know that so
Well folks, I think we're pretty much done here unless anybody wants to walk us through their character backstory
Madison's gonna pretty much told us hers. I pretty much told you mine. Yeah
Yeah, she's like how do we sink? Oh
Jesus Christ, this is a fun part pull up the the the the relationship questions
She's just precious so how did they meet?
But we need to establish how they met relationship. Oh, well, do you ever explore your fairy heritage?
She thinks she's a giant right you ever explore your fairies doesn't know
What if she's what if you're like an exchange student? Okay, I can rock with that
You're the person that has to like show her what being a fairy's like
She doesn't know she's a fairy so you're just expecting her to know and then she's like a cultural exchange program where I like go to the
Feywild yeah, and you're like
This is like a little school world. Yeah, it's like fan. It's giving fantasy high a little bit
Yeah, I'm like everybody's avoiding her because she's weird and is a fairy but doesn't think she is one and I don't know
No, she's like crushed coke bottles on her head. Oh my god. I didn't know no better. Oh my god
Bikes is that what is yeah, I only wanted to know no better
I think I uploaded that into the table talk drive. Okay. Let me try that. Let me try them
Okay, so you're you're a cultural exchange student. I'm a cultural exchange student
Crazy still names Dan and what they thought was a giant
It was just a
Well, I know I think that what happened was the elders in the giant village were like we know she's a fairy
Giants are mad stupid dog. Yeah, but I think they're not either morons
I can I think they canonically can tell what if they sent you to like infiltrate the village
Your goal is to conquer no because she definitely would be too into that giant that's the idea
I mean she would do that. She would
She'd be I love the idea also of them be like we don't know how to break it to her
Let's just send her with a bunch of fairies and she'll figure it out on her
I mean you do go to conquer though
I could see that as like a me accidentally
Thwarting you the entire time and you think you singly like angry or with me and me being like we're friends
We like what's your fucking pride this bitch will not leave me alone and she's like she's so nice
You want to go get lunch where in this fucking share drive would it be Madison? I guess it's not there
Kids on bikes
We're going to get peach Bellini's for lunch
Your to like what 19?
What's the legal drinking age for fairies
Probably 40 you think they're not partying maybe 30 shit. I think it's much lower. We'll call it 30
I don't know things about the law. You don't get to decide to fuck
I like to push my boundaries. I don't know things about the law. I don't know it's illegal to drink
So I wouldn't I don't think to do just a little peach. I think she's drinking a beer. Are you kidding? That's
Correct, I think she's gross. Oh
No, that's valid. I think that's what she's used to drinking. She was raised by giants
She's drinking a dandelion not me nog
Disgusting in the lion's like yeah, it's like like she's used to moonshine
Oh boy, you a peach Bellini and you hate it. No, I think she's confused. She's like it's a sweet
It's not supposed to be sweet. It's supposed to like burn
I cannot for the life of me find this document
Yeah, can't find it shit's been lost
Let me look dog. It's he's not here. I said it might not be in the shared things. We look up the kids on bikes PDF
It's in the back of it. I did on the internet. Yeah
No, Madison on fucking dial up. Don't you just let Maddie look on the internet
This is gonna sound crazy on the internet that you could
Hey, dear, where else would I look that up at? I don't know. Let Maddie look pull up on my fucking phone
I'm pulling it up. I'm trying to pull it up now at least I'm downloading it
So do you are you like do you do good in school?
That's a great question. I took a great question in the game. Oh, no, I know
I
Feel like she does decent
They have a very back of a book
Yeah, like I feel like when it comes to the dizziness
It's definitely more of like a common sense thing and like a perception thing like even though she
She has that aura stuff and can know when something feels wrong. She may not be able to articulate it. Yeah, she's just like ooh
Weird energy
I get that I think that because she also has
She also has proficiency in perception and I think that she's very more of like a reading a situation of being like
Yeah, these people are ready to fight. Yeah, she's like a crystal holder, you know, she's a crystal girlie. Yeah
Yeah, she is like her tarot
She can't read
Tarot specifically, okay
Okay, okay. Thank you for the clarification
I'm being like yeah, she actually doesn't know how to read. No, she can't read tarot
Bro, why are 95% of the things in the back of this book one shot and she absolutely overpays the girl
The one shot. Yeah, you could have said that. Sorry
She pays someone to do tarot card readings in the Feywild. Yeah, she overpays for it. Oh
She doesn't know any better I this how is she
Surviving yeah, she lay I feel like she's got to be on the equivalent of like the cheerleading team
No
But she is like she could be like the water girl, you know what I mean
Yeah, she hydrates hell yeah
Does she have like a voice do you do like a voice for her character you don't know
I do not
Okay character, you know a character. You don't know we know each other don't know each other I
Thought we just decided we got to know each other. Did you just meet are we thinking like you all just met?
Sure, okay, and we'll do a character. You don't know
Dear would you mind rolling a d20?
You one
Boy what an episode home down what an episode
You know some sometimes people call me a contrarian. I think the real one is the person who I sleep with
Okay, don't ever say that again. Why don't on the internet. Why don't you want to associate with this character?
Why don't I yeah, why don't you want to associate with this character? I don't have any
It's just a person. I don't have one come up with one
Why doesn't your character want to associate with her character?
Because she's too busy appreciating the beauty of life
Okay, she'd be distracted by the lovely things and she'd just be trying to do everything else
Yeah, cool
Roll a d20 for me Madison
14
Who does this character have a very public feud with?
Me you me yeah you
Anyone and everyone oh my god
No, I don't think it's anyone and everyone, but I think that there's definitely like
She's probably got authority issues
Right any like village elders and eat teachers
Yeah, especially anyone who likes us shit about like her being a fairy. Oh, right probably is like what the like tries to mentor you
Talk it about dog anybody who tries to mentor you culturally like you're there yeah
Yeah, I'm not a guy to achieve your trip
It's so abundantly obvious to everyone else that you're you're here to infiltrate just because of how unhappy you are
But they're still gonna try and do their job because they're nice people and like yeah
reculture you
You know
It's just so very clear that you would love to just take it all over but it's like this little 14 year old
It's like yeah, I'm gonna roll the village this might be reading a little bit like assimilation. I think we've gone too far guys
Dear would you mind rolling another 24 me?
Thank you for sharing every time before you roll it you like stared it for two seconds
Like you're asking at something and then you roll it dear. Why are so many people afraid of this character?
She stomps
She's loud
In my perception based on what I know and have absorbed
She's never learned if like she doesn't fly because everybody else walks on the ground
So it's just the loudest quiet stomps around it's just she stomps
It's just like from like the outside world. It's just the tiniest little pitter-patter. Yeah, it's like fucking ant footsteps
Yeah, but the angst is loud but to everybody else in the village is this is flat-footed ass large footed mother fucker
Just large foot flat ass motherfucker fairy just running around
Still somehow the smallest fairy in the building and yet the loudest the picture I'm getting is large ears long
Short body. That's so cute though because we're opposites. Nobody can hear me watch
I just like glide across to whatever I'm walking on and you do a
Fucking funk. She doesn't stop wearing her giant clothes like it's like my god
Whatever the fairy clothes are very elegant very pretty very like nature influence. Oh, yeah, I'm beautiful
Hers are like fucking animal hide
Disgusting in like roller 20 for me. She's the size of the stitches
15 did we're to do that yet rolling in
Nine nine what volunteer work have you heard that this character does fucking all of it?
Like what does she not do it's kind of annoying I hydrate
She hydrates. She's the fucking water girl hydrate or died right man. You know what they say
She volunteered for this stupid ass cultural exchange program thing. I miss a hundred percent of the shots. You don't take no
No, she is not that and here would you mind rolling a 24 me don't ever ever say that
In a game you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take I
Believe that's a six you believe that's a six. It's a little far away. Why is this character's family so important in town?
In town and down
One of her parents is
But like not like a like
Like a Irby doctor
Like a medicine man
No, it's more than that so like it's like Katniss's mom, okay, okay, sorry
He's a medicine man. She works in the war medicine man
We're gonna go with the medicine man fantastic. She has no father's okay. She has no father's no
mother and a parent
Okay, thank you very much. So a mother and a father or a mother and a mother a mother and a parent a mother and a not mother a mother and a parent
that
What non-binary no, I understand that what role is this person?
Did just present they're a parent
In what sits you define the role that this parent has
Robert, I hope this is you not you not understand
You know like you could be a parent without being specifically like a mom or a dad. No, I understand that that's what she's what is the parent do
Be my parent right like how what do they do?
Like what is their job? Yeah, like what do they do? Oh?
Well now I have to decide which one's the medicine person I
Feel like the mom is the medicine mom and then just the parent is the parent
Like our jobs a nonprofit
No, no cuz I can't I have to I'm neutral right so I can't be brought up and like a two
They're a lawyer. I
Mean that's giving you two sides of the coin right a lawyer and like someone involved in healthcare a
Medicine woman and a lawyer no they are
Baker those are two good things
You can be two good things that just makes the character all that more obnoxious they have a donut shop
So a baker cool
Who's turn is it to roll the 20 I got a 10 fantastic I reserve the right to take all of this back
How far would you go to get to know this character and why?
Well not far at all. I think dandelion might get her wires crossed and think that this person is more important than she is
Oh, yeah, everybody does like me. I don't know that though. It is like this is this is my end
This is my way to get to the top
You know everybody
It's like cool you're just a person yeah, and I think that's what it is
So at first it's like yeah, let's go grab lunch and do many
Petis like I'm realizing now this character is very like reading like toff from like avatar of last airbender
Right like it is just very like being like yeah
Let's be gal pals or whatever and then the more she's talking to her the more she's like oh
You're just
Pretty and likable like they're like you're not a mastermind
You're not like overthinking and thinking ahead to my next one under the line. Just you're just there
You roll that 24 me dear and the dandelion little puff that flows
And it pisses her off so badly
I'm a four
You're a four
What charming habit is this character known for throughout the town?
Placing pretty rocks and little flowers on people's doorsteps as she passes
But not on like a regular basis or anything that you could like time or expect. It's very random
It's very somehow it always finds you on the day you need it
All right our last roll
Three
What wonderful thing did this character do that the whole town was talking about?
Yeah, you
Fuck too many answers for for now, okay, I guess
Occupied me
Out of our fucking business for five goddamn minutes
No, I think like there was some like physical threat like something was probably trying to like come in and fight or
Like a monster attacking or something like that and then they in the lion just being who day in the lion is by nature
Doesn't let that fuck shit slide and swings and takes down the monster and everyone's like oh my god
She's like turning over a new leaf. She's saving our village. No, but it's gotta be something silly to where it's not like actually a monster
It's just like like where we took a shortcut through some fields to get to my house
And then suddenly there was like a fox or a coyote and I'd attacked you and you killed it
And it was like look look at her defending our produce. Yeah, she's like motherfucker. Looked at me wrong total accident
Yeah, like she cares about the local economy
Meanwhile, she's already skinning it and everyone's like that's a lot like and then you like they end up giving you a job on that
Farm yeah, and she's like I don't I don't you take it just because you need some
Rugs for generations to come you're like for the love of God. Please give me something to do with my body
I'll work on the farm
Everybody just does I'm gonna have to be here. I might as well do something with it. Yeah it being my body, of course
I love the idea of this character just being like like this group of very nice people this very nice society being like
Oh, she's so sweet
Look at her. She's lovely. She's even hanging out with like the other person who's like always doing good
And she's like I fucking hate it here. Yeah, and a shot of a rabbit Chihuahua
Yeah, just like if you put like a rabbit Chihuahua and like a little sweater and booties
It's the cleaner there. Oh, okay, okay, and she's just like foaming at the mouth
Yeah
She's not a cute like I mean she's cute but like
She's not pleasant
Not pleasant at all. Well, thank you everybody for tuning in to our latest episode of table talk
Um, maybe we'll bring it along in the future. Maybe we won't maybe we won't do it at 11 30 at night
Maybe we'll
Next time I think I should talk about board games
Maybe we'll do a board game episode and strafe a little far from the the ttrpg thing
Yeah, we'll get away from dnd and talk about anything else
Sorry, we know that that's what you all listen to the podcast for
For our winning commentary on
Talk to you all
Thursday