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Hello players who give their characters a D&D, tattoos, and bright colored hair because they're too scared to do that in real life.
DMs who spend hours on a staff block just to use the character for a single one-shot.
Welcome to Table Talk. I'm Maddie. And I'm Robert. What are we doing today Robert?
Well, we are attempting to record both video and audio of a one-shot that we've already recorded video and audio for.
But I think we're cursed. Every time we try to do video, it doesn't work. Either the phone stops working or whatever.
We've been trying. Camera, we've used shits out. Like it just doesn't...
We've been trying to do video for about two months now.
If anyone has any tips on how to either get a phone to take a video or just how to record for longer than 29 minutes and 59 seconds, we're all ears.
Yeah, everything we use fights us. So if you don't have video for this, don't be surprised. I'm now recording part one again.
Yeah. So many technical difficulties with this episode. It's been...
But we're going to get into it anyways. So this is a one-shot set in Sapphire City in the Capes and Crooks module for fifth edition.
We've done episodes, two episodes, one on...
Ten of the three. We've done one on the system overall. We've done one on character creation.
And we've done one on just talking about our campaign and the setting itself.
So this is a one-shot that takes place in the specific setting that we've created using characters that we made with the Capes and Crooks system.
And the last episode, if you haven't watched the last couple of episodes, I recommend you do so.
This just won't... Yeah, listen, sorry. I mean, you could watch the bar move across your screen.
Yeah.
On Spotify, you can look at the little green bar, progress.
Instead of our beautiful faces. We are dressed in full costume. Or at least I'm dressed in full costume.
I listen. After the first time I give up, I was like, it's not... We're cursed. It's not happening.
Our first one shot, the point pleasant one, we were both dressed like so in it. It was so fun.
And it just...
Video fuck this again. Video fuck this.
30 minutes.
So just imagine we're dressed up.
Imagine. Imagine Wackens.
What?
Imagine Wackens. Like imagine dragons. It's just like a funny thing to say.
Oh, I didn't... I've never...
Okay, sorry. No, I'm not trying to like...
No, that's alright.
No.
It's okay.
No.
I'm gonna read a condensed version of the intro I wrote because last time I did this, it came out super long-winded and...
It's basically...
You guys are more excited.
It's just like an intro to the show. Well, I mean, I'm thinking of like...
Higher quality something so that when I'm talking I can physically see what it is I'm talking about.
We don't have that.
We just have like words in theater of the mind.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Like there's no set to zoom in on. There's no promotional pictures to put up.
I mean, we can do that if we get a camera, but maybe we'll start a Kickstarter.
To fund a single camera.
Or use the Patreon.
Or you could subscribe to our Patreon. We don't have any membership like to your services where you can pay us yet, but we'll set that up.
Maybe that's how we'll do the video camera.
Yeah.
Instead of just my phone that likes to stop working after 45 minutes.
For some fucking reason.
I...
Um...
Part of me really just doesn't want to fucking read this.
You know what?
I'm not.
I'm not reading it.
Now you've teased him.
I'm not reading it.
Sucks to be you all.
I'm not reading it.
We'll put it on our Patreon.
Oh, yeah. I'll put this whole script with 17 spelling errors on Patreon so you can read what wasn't read.
Um, I'm just gonna start...
Carid rentros then.
So we pick up on a simulated hot summer night, street lights a buzz with blue neon light and anti gravity vehicles.
Buzz by leaving zero trace of their powerful magnetic engines.
Skyscrapers built to the very top of the dome, flashed with bright colors, filled with ads purchased by corpos with control of the high society of sapphire city.
I'm not talking about the crank windows and the anti-gravity vehicles.
I refuse to do it.
Across the concrete maze deep within the recess of a sense abandoned industrial warehouse, we find smoke.
It's a ashen hair deviant dressed in rip black jeans.
Probably like black vans or converse with some sort of a black t-shirt.
Probably of a band and then a leather jacket that has pins sort of all across it.
Who's waiting in a very long line to get into a party that he very much does not want to be here for.
But instead of doing his character intro first, we're gonna do Madison's because it's awkward for me to continue to go first again.
Just underneath the concrete, we pop up into, I guess, pop down into a room that is filled with flashing lights, strong drinks, people dressed in little to nothing.
It is a room where anything goes. Everybody can have their powers or deviations on full display with zero recourse, no judgment.
And it's a sort of Madison compared it to a German sex dungeon.
Yeah.
Where like you can be yourself and like you don't have to.
Like a sex club.
Yeah, like a sex club.
So this is like a power, like a deviant power club where people can sort of party and drink and, you know, participate in festivities without having to worry about society or DRT.
Deviant response teams sort of looking at them with a side eye.
Last time we did this, we did rave music and things got out of hand.
So I think this time we're going to go more just like, I mean, we can still do rave-ish music.
We tried to determine if there's a good mix between rave and like punk music.
I think there is.
I'm not going to like get into like the nuances of it, but there is a crossover.
So whatever whatever song comes to mind when I say a rave punk song is playing, that's the song, whatever you're picturing right now.
Or I guess imagining listening.
That's what's playing right now.
And what is fetch doing?
Well, first, so fetch is she's probably like, I haven't written down.
She's five four, five three, but she wears like shoes with a little bit of like a platform on them.
Yeah.
Like thick combat boots.
She's pale. She's got gray eyes, freckles, nose piercing, ear piercings.
She has like a short haircut that's like an undercut and like a shaved side.
And there's like designs shaved into the side and it's like bright colors.
It's like teals and pinks and greens.
Like it's just multicolored hair.
Fun.
She is dressed in like she's dressed like a ray like a punk rave like again a punk rave.
This is like whatever you think that's what that's what it is.
It's like somebody's very alternative looking and it's clear that the like the punk side is probably a little bit more there when she's not party.
But it like full like rave outfit.
So like not a lot going on.
You can also see on her face she's got like a like glowing pink and like multicolored like how you would imagine like rave makeup and stuff.
But instead of it actually being physical makeup, it's like glowing constructs that she's holding with her powers, which aren't neon.
And it kind of goes for her outfit as well of like there's a lot of it that's like flashing or like glowing neon and it's like very constructy.
And she's going apeshit.
She is like truly that's the best word for it.
She's probably standing on a table somewhere and she's fucking slamming back shots and she's probably I still like this is something I did last time and I absolutely loved it.
So she's doing it again.
You know what raves the little thing that people do with their fingers.
Well, with finger light tricks.
She's like doing that to people and just fucking them like they are getting like it's it's aggressive.
And she's just like randomly shooting off lights and just like she needs to come with an epilepsy warning.
Correct.
She's like the I compared it last time to the scene and Birds of Prey with Harley at the at the club.
And she's like moving like that in real time.
Like it's like real time but it looks like she's blurry as she's like moving around and you're like is it because she's on drugs or is it because I'm on drugs.
I said not sober.
Yeah, not sober at all.
Not sober in the fucking slightest just having the fucking time of her life.
Of course.
Two checks you choose which one to make first Constitution saving through in a perception check.
Okay.
The first was all do the Constitution saving through first.
That one would be a I'm going to pull out a calculator because I'm fucking awful at math.
It's not going to be high.
And eight.
I rolled it to who and then.
Strong perception check is going to be a fucking 24.
Fantastic.
The bodies of all different colors, textures and forms for a night of absolute textures is crazy.
You have people with like fucking glass for skin.
You have people who's transfer who's sort of deviations are more animal powered and have like patches of fur thick like rhino skin.
You have other people where like maybe their skin is more squishy and malleable as their power deviation is to like make themselves sort of liquid.
So textures is 100% the right word to use.
But you have all of these people of all of these different I mean some of them probably aren't even people smash together for an absolute night of debauchery sponsored by tonight's infamous host.
Codfather who sits at the far end of this room on the opposite end of all of this chaos on a large cartoonishly large throne.
And then he has like a little giant I want to say a little giant glass of some sort of brownish dark liquid yet chewing just absolutely chewing on a cigar.
You don't chew cigars.
That's the bit that I'm on.
He's chewing on them.
Fucking that's the equivalent of like someone eating a cigarette.
Yeah, no it's fucking disgusting. The room absolutely reeks of spilled cocktails made from incredibly strong bootleg drinks that only people can smuggle through the bay which is stones throw away from where you all are at.
Speaking of the bay this particular club I guess you could call it is called the fish tank.
The fish tank because on the very back wall just behind Codfather is a clear plexiglass wall probably six seven feet thick and you can see out into the bay that lays just on the outside of the dome that sort of is over sapphire city.
So to kind of get a lay right you have the dome and then on one end you have a little bay where you have a port that's where a lot of people like to bring in and out goods.
You have the illegal kind and then sort of all around you're surrounded by different terrain out in the wilds where nobody really stays or lives because everything's gone to shit.
Yeah, fucking Mad Max out there.
Yeah, pretty much. I mean it's a lot worse than that right.
It's fucking people with boomerangs trying to cut off people's hands.
This is like the least you're worried right like you have plants with faces and shit gets crazy out there.
Trippy as fuck.
I haven't put a lot of thought into it but I just know it's crazy.
Fair enough.
On your constitution saving throw on an eight.
The drinks are starting to catch up.
Every shot or every drink in this place is laced with just like a little bit of something whether it's like LSD or acid or ecstasy or a downer.
Everything comes with its own little like tiny little bit of drug to make all the drinks and all the fun that more that much more exciting.
And you've taken just a few too many.
Listen, that's you know maybe that's a familiar feeling for this character.
For sure.
Give me a deck saving throw.
Decks?
Yeah, give me decks.
Give me decks.
Give me decks to every saving throw.
Well with disadvantage right because you're drunk.
Sorry I should have clarified that I didn't mean to steal the 20.
I started saying it before she said not 20.
I'm so sorry.
This is fucking bullshit.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go with the rules.
13.
Last I wouldn't we because we had to record I was pissed because I got like five or six nat 20s in the last time we played and I mean hey certain I was strong though.
So that was right.
You have to keep it.
You got like an eight to 13 and nat 20 and another 13.
Yeah.
I know you got a 24 and eight to 24 and at 20 and a 13.
You managed to swerve in and out of the sort of crowd that is just absolutely swallowing up everybody that comes into this room managing not to spill any of your drinks but at some point you take it as half step back just a little too quickly and somebody fully checks you and spills a drink all over your top.
Lack of top.
Sorry just on your bare ass body.
Correct.
Disgusting.
It's a rave.
It's worse I would rather have clothes in between me and a fucking stick.
Yeah that's foul as fuck.
Yeah I'm gonna turn around and drawing clock who did that immediately.
Yeah you wheel around and it's one of the bartender slash guards one of the any power deviants that works exclusively exclusively for cod father this one is like half puffer fish half man his like skin is a little bloated and he has these tiny little pricks that come out of like all different areas of a skin he's got large kind of puffy cheeks and like a yellow
complexion he turns ring oh I'm so sorry miss I didn't see you they just so small not that first of all this is a real life me getting upset why is it always this I'm not that one.
First of all you call a party foul.
Like.
What do you mean what do you mean a party foul party foul you spilled your yeah you see how many people are in this place if we did party fouls it'd be chaos.
Yeah well my drink got spilled so.
You want to take it up with the boss.
Or you could just get me a new one.
Or what are you drinking.
That's a great question what are you drinking.
Fuck if I know what is fetched drinking.
Um she's gonna go give me a give me a bullshit name I'll tell you what what's in it.
Go see what I did last time the drowned the drowns is it has gin vodka disgusting rum.
Oh my god moonshine what and four like four like like some sprite just throwing every carousel.
At it man and like when they give it to you there's like a little tap of acid like on the lip of it.
Or no no let's do Molly there's like some Molly involved.
Okay he turns around and he goes yeah you don't actually think we just ran out of gin so I don't really think I can get you a drowned you went literally anything else.
What the fuck else do you have.
Why don't you go over there and take a fucking look you got eyes right.
You're the one who spilled my goddamn drink.
At this point which is apparently the last of the fucking gin in this entire goddamn establishment so really this is worse.
People start looking around is you and this fucking guard are getting into it.
I'm standing on a bar stool.
You said the man's taller than me I'm I will not be the shortest one in this competition.
Cool you get up on a bar stool to get like face to face with this guy and his cheeks are starting to puff up real big and the rest of his body starting to blow it a little bit and his like what used to be sort of like half inch little like spines are like fully extended now.
He's a little menacing he's a little menacing but I mean it's kind of everybody in here.
He's not backing down.
I'm not backing down.
You're rolling initiative.
You're going to roll initiative.
I just want my goddamn drink.
I give you two options initiative or intimidation.
Believe it or not I don't have my intimidation is a plus three.
Dems to rules man.
Let's do intimidation.
Go.
12.
Okay.
Yeah.
What do you say?
I think it was what I was saying earlier about this being the last fucking gin in this goddamn establishment.
So you know I'm not even supposed to get the drink that I have drink is more valuable now and it's on the fucking floor.
What the fuck is the floor going to do with it?
You see the guard.
Molly in it you motherfucker.
You see the guard kind of takes a second and like looks around at the crowd that's starting to like form around him and he gets like a little bit closer to facing and goes listen miss.
If you don't quit fucking yelling at me in front of his room full of people at the car father pays to beat the car father pays that the car father pays to be here.
I'm going to have to drag your ass out and it's not going to be pretty.
The little clothing you're wearing and your little hooker skirt is going to come right off.
I'm stabbing.
I pull out my knife.
Oh my god.
I'm going to have my little light switch blade and I'm swinging.
Cool.
What do they say?
You got to roll for initiative first.
That is a where the fuck is my.
It's my first time playing without a computer in front of me where I keep my notes normally.
So this is weird for me.
17.
He got a non natural 20.
I always like this with you.
So anyways we're going to pop back outside to smoke.
I'm going to try and do a better job of describing since Madison always gives you an inch by inch description.
His hair is like it's got this large white streak that kind of goes from the front just before it goes into a sideburn straight down the back.
He is kind of like a skater boy build.
So he's not like super buff.
He's very like skinny and kind of lanky.
Langley.
What's the fuck's the word?
Gangley.
Thank you.
He's 5'10".
He's not like super tall or super short.
He's very average.
But he's got very much like like a skater boy build because he spends most of his days like climbing buildings and graffiti and scrambling up fire escapes, which for some reason still exists in this fucking universe along with crank windows.
Can't get rid of all the fun stuff.
And he is waiting in line sort of tapping his foot impatiently with like a pair of earbuds and just like waiting to get into this place.
The line is fucking packed.
He checks his phone.
We're going to flash back a couple of minutes before a puffer fish man spilled a drink on you and you get a little ding on your phone.
And it's smoke texting.
Hey, what do I tell the guy at the front?
They just let you in like there's not.
He texts back.
He goes, they're not letting anybody in.
They said the party's too full.
I don't know.
Fucking stab someone inside and then like there's an empty.
What if I just killed somebody that opened up a spot.
That was my it's like as fetched.
I think that's kind of the instinct.
Double text.
He goes, how important is it that I get into this club tonight?
Please.
I mean, I'm just letting you know that I'm going to have a great time tonight.
So if you want to be there to either pick up the pieces or to keep me in check because apparently that's something that I have to have.
He takes back and says, please don't stab anybody.
I'll make my way in.
When have I ever done that?
I'm going to go ahead and roll persuasion on behalf of smokes on behalf of smokes on smokes behalf.
He's got a plus 13 to this.
Yeah, he got a 24.
He pops his earbuds out pops in his little case and puts in his back pocket and he just starts kind of doing crowd work.
He starts going to like the person who goes, hey, it's so nice to see.
When's the last time that we hung actually I think there was somebody on the corner that was selling a thing and I think you wanted to buy it.
One second though and then next person and next person and next person.
It's compliments and flattery and oh my God, it's been so long.
Smoke doesn't really get around all that much like he prefers to hang out with his graffiti crew.
So 95% of the people he's walking through and being like, oh my God, like it's been so long.
It's so nice. It's all bullshit.
But like in the half second that these people are distracted looking at something else that he throws,
he's onto the next person onto the next person and onto the next person until he gets to the very front.
And this guy's like half hammerhead, half man, sort of large super tight black t-shirt with just like his arms crossed.
He just kind of like saunters up super cool like and he's like, hey, what's up, man?
Just squeeze on by real quick.
Just trying to get into this party and have a good time.
The rest of these guys, you know, he's kind of lame.
I'll spice things up or something.
Hammerhead guy's like not feeling. He's like, no, party's full.
Come back again.
Smoke goes, really, man?
I just, I made the long trip over here to see a friend and, you know,
he said something about running out of alcohol or drugs and I thought, you know, maybe I could supply,
supply the deal.
He's just talking out of his ass.
Got to roll another persuasion.
Oh, well, Jesus Christ, 26.
Hammerhead guy kind of like looks around for a second and like pulls out his phone and checks it.
He goes, yeah, yeah, they're saying that we're at a gym, but I don't, you know, like holding any bottles of alcohol, man.
It's like, what the fuck are you trying to sell here?
He pulls out a card that says the Chroma crew on it and kind of flashes and he goes, listen, we did,
we did a job for you guys not that long ago, actually, and we painted the inside of this room.
Word on the street is people like it so much that they've started coming around more often.
So why don't you let me take a look inside and maybe I can call somebody and we'll get you some more drinks.
He just like pats the guy's shoulder before he has a chance to respond and pushes away through the door.
Hammerhead guy's just like, what the fuck?
And then immediately a bunch of other people come to the front door and are like, hey, where the fuck did you let that guy?
He's not even dressed for the party and smoke makes his way on through the crowd until he finds fetch holding a knife out on a.
Still standing on the bar stool on a bar stool in front of a puffer fish man.
Gonna make the third persuasion.
Relaxing. I'm gonna make a perception on his half.
That's not great. That's not great at all. That's a 10.
How many people are watching this interaction?
A lot.
Like this is a fun thing to watch. This is like a fun thing to gather around.
It's not every day you see like a neon lady and a puffer fish man.
I don't know what the fuck happened with that.
And a puffer fish man swing in the middle of a place like this.
See me as a player doesn't want it to be like, it'll be fine.
So he's gonna make a strength check to try and grab you if you'd like to make a post strength.
I very much would go for it.
Easily gonna have like a plus four to this 20.
Not now.
Yeah.
Yeah. I got a 12.
He fully goes to like grab you and that shit's gonna hurt because like he's fully.
He's a puffer fish like this shit's gonna be really painful if he grabs you.
What do you do is he tries to like kind of just barrel towards you and grab.
I mean, I don't want to actually use this ability because I just rolled well, but she's a teleporter.
I don't want to use my act because I only get so many a day.
So I don't want to actually use it here.
Part of the system. You only get so many things a day.
But I already rolled well enough to get out of it.
So I'm trying to figure out.
So she like, no, actually, no, this is like bar fight etiquette for her.
Like it's not, this is not her first fucking brawl.
Instead of getting down off the bar stool, she like literally like jumps up onto the bar.
Like behind her and like steps onto the next bar stool.
And do I get to take my turn now?
Yeah, if you want to.
I'm when I'm stepping onto that next bar stool.
So I'm now next to him.
I think she's fully going to like one of her legs comes up and like kicks him in the back of the neck.
So he like goes forward a little bit and then she's like pulling out her.
Her little switchblade made a light light and is just going to straight up like put it right up against the back of his neck.
Not stabbing, not stabbing, not stabbing yet.
And is going to lean in and say, OK, motherfucker, first of all, swinging on a lady rude.
Second of all, not a hooker, although there was no shame in that game.
And I really don't appreciate the derogatory tone there.
Third of all, where the fuck is my drink?
As you're in the middle of your speech, everybody's like, oh shit.
Like as they watch him eat massive shit and then like you with the knife and right on cue,
smoke kind of rolls into the middle of the situation.
He goes, hey, it's a little early to be auditioning for the circus sunshine.
Why don't you get off the bar stool and he helps the pufferfish guy up and he's like, hey, man, I'm so sorry about my friend.
She's had a few too many.
She actually just texted me and said that she needed help getting out,
but I think she might have to chill for a few.
So if I hear that.
Yeah, you can hear it.
Oh, I'm so fucked up.
You hear that?
Absolutely plastered over there.
I'm on the bar.
I'm taking a patron's drink.
You can be slighted a hand check.
Cool.
I'm not trying to be slight about it.
This is to see if anybody decides they want to pick a fight over someone's.
20.
Yeah, you don't.
Cool.
People are too not in shock, but just like eyes focused on everything that's happening
and now smoke has sort of put the attention on himself.
He helps the pufferfish guy up and he goes, hey, man, you need to get her the fuck out
of here.
She just put a knife to win a cod father's guys.
She could be fucking killed for that right here right now.
And smoke is like, hey, man, chill, chill.
It's good.
I tell you what though, why don't you just leave her alone and I don't go tell cod father
about the fact that you have not been giving people their drinks.
He's going to roll intimidation.
Can I see if there actually is jit behind the bar?
Not bad.
26.
Yeah, give me a give me a perception check.
Yeah, your perception check.
Holy shit.
28.
There is so much alcohol behind that bar and there's plenty of bottles of gin.
He probably just thought that you were really trashed and wanted you to leave.
Cool.
Nice.
One of the bottles.
For a slight a hand check with disadvantage.
DC 15.
14.
Cool.
So a smoke is done putting out one fire.
Okay, I was just to do it or to see if you could do it.
This is to help the fire.
I was never mind.
What you said, can I take one of the bottles?
Yeah, I was going to slide a hand check.
Not to like have for me.
This is to show the motherfucker that there's a bottle of gin.
Right.
I mean, partially still a fire.
It's not going to be polite.
I'll tell you that right now.
The pufferfish guy kind of, he puffs his chest out and gets kind of down on smoke.
I mean, smoke's not short.
He's very much average height, but the pufferfish guy's probably closer to like 6'2".
But on a 26, smoke kind of like makes his eyes kind of glow red for a second and his hands kind of start radiating smoke and get a little bit intangible.
Part of his get up, his weapon is a chain that's always wrapped around his arm.
And he kind of makes that glow red hot for a second.
And the pufferfish guy kind of takes a couple of looks like sizes him up and he's like, you know what?
Fine.
I'll back off.
You need to get her out of here before the end of the night or I'm going to throw both your asses out and it's not going to be me that's doing it.
It's going to be that guy over there with six rows of teeth that's more than happy to eat a couple of guests.
That's all I'm saying.
As he goes to walk away, smoke kind of grabs him by the arm and he's like,
Hey man, I think you still owe her a fucking drink.
And the pufferfish guy goes, yeah man, for sure, whatever.
And then walks over behind the bar, pushes you out of the way and makes you a drink or has the bartender make a drink.
And he sets two shots of the same drink down on the bar and he goes, it's on the house.
And then walks away.
Smoke slides over to the bar and grabs a shot.
And you know, so you-
I'm slamming that shit.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, we're going, we're going.
And then you get a constitution saving throw for both of us.
No.
I'm flying.
How did you get?
23.
I got a 12.
It's not bad though.
It's not awful.
Smoke is a, like, very much a man from, if Seattle existed, a man from Seattle that prefers to get high and graffiti.
He's not really, um, like a hard liquor and drug kind of person, so he takes the shot just kind of off the adrenaline of the moment.
And just fucking, what the fuck are you drinking?
That is some of the most fa- was there drugs in that?
Oh, Molly, yeah.
What do you mean, oh, Molly, yeah.
Well, I-
That, that was foul.
That was disgusting.
I don't see those of you had.
Nine?
Nine.
Well, oh, okay, of this shot or of shots total?
I've only had three of this.
I don't want to know shots total.
So what's up with this place?
Well, the staff is a fucking buzzkill, apparently.
Yeah, seems like it.
I was still sitting on the bar having this full conversation.
Bartender just keeps like looking at smoke, being like, hey man, like, is she gonna, and he's just like, don't, he's not worth it.
Don't fuck with me.
He's not worth it.
Um, I was planning on getting absolutely fucked up.
Um, I, I'm not having a grand old time.
Part, like the people here kind of suck.
Yeah, it doesn't really seem like a fun place to be.
Eh.
You check out some of the people in here, man?
I lifted-
I have rap sheets longer than I am tall.
I lifted shit off a couple of them.
Lifted shit off of a room full of criminals that all have powers.
Yeah.
What do you get your amazing ideas from, Fett?
Um, having a sense of humor.
I didn't know you came equipped with one of those.
Yeah.
Well, I tell you what, if we're already stealing stuff off of them and I'm about to take the worst trip of my life in a place I don't want to be-
You'll be fine.
Why don't we make it a competition and see how much we can lift all these bozos before we leave?
Deal.
Um, I can't say the same as last time because you all didn't get to hear what happened last time.
Do you want to do it together or do you want to do it separate?
Um, let's do it together because I've got multiple different ideas on how they can run schemes.
Okay.
Um, what check would you like to make?
Uh, performance.
Cool.
Um, smoke will run sleight of hand.
Hmm.
Fuck yeah.
24.
15.
Not awful.
Um, I don't know.
24.
15.
Not awful.
Um, I will say we'll meet in the middle and call it 20.
You and Smoke have done this routine plenty of times, going to different places, public squares, bars, kind of wherever you can in just one person running distraction on the other person lifting stuff.
The two of you have bounced around places for what feels like forever.
You're currently staying in like this burned out apartment building somewhere in the eastern fringes.
Uh, they're just basically waiting to tear down to put down, like to put up another industrial warehouse that'll go out and like a month, uh, once the newest thing comes in and the old thing goes out.
So, kind of the way that you all make money is by essentially robbing people blind all the time.
So this is a very normal thing for you all to be doing going around and, uh, lifting shit off of people.
So like, what do you, what do you do?
What's your routine?
I think, I think there's two primary ones, which, uh, the first is fetch is playing, uh, half playing half actually being the, the drunk pretty girl.
Like she's, she's a very attractive person.
Yeah.
Um, and going up and being like, Oh my God, like I'm so sorry and like bumping into people and like that thing of like, Oh my gosh, wow, you're so strong.
Oh my gosh, your hands are so big.
And then just like hooking her finger around a ring and just like, like popping it off.
She's also like taking some stuff, but like playing that, um, and using like her charms that way.
And then I think, um, while like he comes in and like, and then I think another option for people that she doesn't like clock that that would work on is, uh, it's a fight.
Like starting the fight, the same thing that actually happens in real life.
Um, it's that energy of like, Oh my God, you bumped into me and you spilled like shit on me and oh my God, like you got to fucking take care of this or like going and acting like even messing with me.
Acting like even messy or drunk and being like they're about to like, like get into a scuffle with someone and while that's happening, he's either like coming up and like lifting or if he's like coming in and like being like, whoa.
Yeah.
Like kind of like pulling you away and be like, I'm so sorry.
I mean, that's a really killer jacket though.
Where'd you get that?
And then like kind of getting a little handy patting him down.
And guys like, Whoa, what the fuck?
He's like, Oh, sorry.
Just he's busy been a long night.
A lot of drinks.
Um, go that way.
Just kind of doing that routine, um, like using his amorphous enhancement, being able to like kind of turn himself into, um, smoke, sort of literally floating between the crowd and just kind of like waiting on the outskirts until you've picked somebody and then coming up behind them,
grabbing something out of their, out of their pants pocket or coming up behind them and like also acting super drunk or like they're cooler.
They're bros and just kind of getting enough jostling movement in there for one of the two of you to pick something off of them and then go into the next person.
And I think she's also fully like on her own, like not even as part of the like the duo routine.
There's like a random times where she'll just like fully like grab somebody and start like dancing with them and then just hands in the back pocket, like fully like, yeah, I'm into this.
Why my cash is gone.
Yeah, there's not cash in this world, but credits.
Same difference.
So just like fully on her.
Like that's not a part of the, the like competition.
That's just, yeah.
Like past the time and the moments that like fetch goes off and does those things.
And then she just smokes, smoke finds like random fucking tables where they're betting on different things and like uses uses his sort of smoke ability to kind of blow puffs of I keep saying smoke to keep blowing puffs to smoke in people's eyes and like switch around the chips or whatever they're betting on very quickly and just really kind of pushing his like rock, charisma and charm right in these guys faces just hustling them by essentially cheating and just kind of making their way through the room that way.
I'm going to roll something.
So you all did pretty well.
And I'm going to roll a couple of dice and figure out how many credits you all walk away with at the end of the night.
Yeah.
It's not bad.
3000.
Not a bad night.
I mean, this is this a room full of high rollers.
I mean, that's something else to preface, right?
Like this is a dangerous place to be trying to run this kind of scheme at.
Between you being as is inebriated as you are and smoke being as confident as he is and running the scheme.
There's really not a lot of fourth thought that goes into like, is this the right place or is this the wrong place?
Like if anything, it's just like a room full of more opportunities.
But it's also one of those things where it's like, you know, these people come to a club where like thugs and gangsters and super villains like to hang out.
You got to expect to get lifted at some point.
You know, it's like you're crazy if you leave something in your bare pocket in a place like this.
I'm going to roll something.
I also don't think there's a thing in Fetch's brain that tells her that there's a time and place for things.
Right.
Like I think it's just everything is fair game all the time.
And for Smog it's very much the opposite.
It's trying to pick like the right moment or the right thing to say to the right person in the right instance.
And it's just a lot of damage control on his end, like pulling you away before something wrong is set or before the fucking.
Before you say something to the wrong person that you repeated to the person behind them and they're like two feet away.
And it's like, oh, yeah.
She's making like the biggest, like burliest looking dudes to like try and lift from.
And it's like, yeah, that's like a challenge. That's fun.
Yeah. No, it's a crazy fucking night for sure.
Do you want to do another shot before you leave?
Or do you just kind of want to go?
I'm taking as many shots as possible.
Con saving throw.
Um, 12.
I don't know why I just typed in six plus six.
You're funny.
Ricky got a 15.
No, not great.
It's not Ricky.
It's not sorry.
It's not Ricky.
Smoke got a 15.
So not awful.
Do have you taken another shot of something that tastes absolutely awful and probably has drugs in it?
And dance and lift and dance and lift and dance and lift pretty much the whole night.
At some point the crowd starts to wind down.
People are starting to pick up chairs and like put them back in their places and the guards like cool party's over.
Shit's done.
Get the fuck out of here.
Are there rafters?
No, you guys are underground.
Damn.
Crazy.
I was, I was, do you want to do anything else with that?
I wanted to be on like a rafter like you just want to like hang out until everybody disappears.
No, like she's fucked up and having a good time.
She's not just partying like I was, she's physically hanging from the rafters.
You don't know how she got up there.
She climbed like on like climbing on people.
I mean, there's plenty of shit for you to teleport on top of, but there aren't like rafters.
You guys are underground building kind of deal.
She closes parties down semi frequently.
She's like on top of something she shouldn't be on top of.
Give me a perception check as the nine wets.
Night winds down.
I'm all over the place.
Um, perception 13 plus 9 22.
Not bad.
I'm going to roll on smokes.
We have no heat and see shit.
Is you all begin to make your way with the crowd towards the exit?
Another group of what looks like more, I don't want to say more formal gangsters,
but what looked like a couple of more gang members that aren't affiliated with Godfather's gang.
Walk into the club as it's shutting down.
None of the guards tell them to go away and they seem to go straight up to Godfather's place.
Godfather's throne.
I guess you could call it.
And you recognize one of the guys that's leading the group is Ricky Sanchez,
who is another local gang leader who's much smaller than Godfather.
Same smuggling, same drug deals, same gun deals, all the fun nefarious shit.
What it looks like they're having a meeting.
How drunk am I?
Um, given all of your con saves probably vary.
You're not like puking in the bathroom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just want to know if I'm, I feel like a shot off from that.
I recognize this on a time, she doesn't really recognize that there's like not a time and place for everything,
but I'm just trying to decide how far I'm going with that.
If I see someone I know walk into a place and whether or not I'm going to greet them.
Yeah, I'm interrupting.
Okay, cool.
Uh, what do you say it?
Who do you say it to?
Has like Ricky's like walking up or like, I'm assuming it's like a bigger room, right?
Yeah.
The room's pretty empty now, like it's pretty large when there's not like a hundred bodies in it.
We're like making our way towards the exit or something and then I like see Ricky and I'm fully like,
oh my God, man!
And like talking about this party fuck it sucks, everyone's leaving, I don't know why.
Um, Jesus.
And just like going up and just like fully like arms around the shoulder greeting me like,
did you get a new shipment in for me?
Cool.
Uh, Ricky, Ricky looks mortified as you start yelling about how bad the party is.
And about, oh my God, he's huge.
Ricky, uh, Ricky's like, I want to say five, seven, five, eight.
He's got short, um, kind of spiked up black hair.
Um, he's not super, he's not dressed super well.
He's got like an cargo pants and a tank like a black tank, uh, with a very large automatic rifle kind of slung across the back.
Like he's, there's no attempt to make it look like he's anything other than he is.
Yeah.
He goes, hey, fetch, I am actually right in the middle.
He kind of like pushes you off and like sets you down by your shoulders.
Like I'm right in the middle of a deal.
I'm so cool getting you somewhere of whatever it is you're looking for, just like not tonight, not right now.
I got something big going on.
Uh, Godfather goes over, he goes, Hey, what's the fucking hold up over there?
Me?
Um, usually Ricky just puts his head down for a second and takes his hands off and backs away and Godfather's sort of large body.
You can feel the ground shake when he like gets up and starts walking down off of his throne.
Smoke at this point is like pulling on, on your fucking arm being like, Hey, we gotta, we gotta go.
Like let's move.
Let's say Ricky, it's been so nice to see you, man.
I party hopping.
We're, we're party hopping.
We're party, we're party hopping.
We're party hopping right now.
Um, can you give me a dexterity check with disadvantage and, um, or I guess we'll call it a saving throw and then I'm going to do one for Fetch, or not Fetch, smoke as well.
One was a nat 20.
And the other one was a, uh, non-nat 20.
Oh wow. Um, cool.
Yeah, you, just have something that's not the nat 20 because I fully would have just teleported the fuck out of there.
And then smoke, um, fucking dash for the door is Confather steps kind of like loom in the distance.
He's like, Hey, the party's just fucking starting over here.
And like as he's getting louder, fucking smoke fully just like yanks you forward.
And it's like, don't talk to him.
Don't talk to him.
Just get out of the building.
Let's just get out.
Let's go to another one.
Um, and some of the guards are like, Hey, he's talking to you and you guys fucking jet up the stairs and yell out into the night.
Uh, Sapphire setting in the Eastern fringes.
Do I know of another party that's happening?
Uh, give me a Lord check.
Uh, two.
Two?
Two.
A raw two?
A raw two.
Um, no.
I can make a fucking party.
You could throw one at your abandoned department for sure.
You could do like a block party at your house.
Okay.
Cool.
Uh, you and smoke.
Smoke thinks at this point that y'all are just going back to your place to sort of crash for the evening.
She's lying to him and telling him that yes they are.
Oh my God.
Can you give me a deception check?
I guess I'll roll and say on behalf of smoke.
18.
God damn it.
I got a 12.
Um, yeah, smoke is just at this point happy that you all made it out and he's just kind of, he pops one at your
butt in and starts texting a couple of different people and is like, yeah, no, for sure.
Totally.
Just like fully clocked out as he's walking kind of on autopilot back towards the place.
You know, I've learned my lesson.
I drank too much.
Yeah.
I'll call in a night.
We can get some water.
For sure.
Yep.
I'm also pulling out my phone and texting and calling as many people as possible.
Yeah, he's so fucking oblivious.
She doesn't actually, she doesn't fucking know anyone.
She doesn't make a lot of friends.
She probably knows like smoke.
That's like a good guy calling dealers.
Yeah, it's like, I think the only other people in her phone are dealers like Ricky's like
a friend and that he's a dealer.
Yeah.
She bothers for sure.
You call a bunch of different people, primarily dealers.
I guess give me a fucking persuasion, Jack.
See how many people you think you can bring 17.
Uh, you get a surprisingly high amount of people texting back and like RSVPing for this thing.
It's like two in the morning.
You all are getting back to this.
Literally, is a burned out abandoned apartment building in the middle of the French's.
What are you telling people as they're texting you and they'll be like, hey, got your voicemail.
Super fucking weird call.
Where's the party?
I think that's the phone call.
It's literally like fucking party, man.
Come on.
We're just texting back.
What party?
Where?
How many, like what?
Is it BYOB?
Like what?
Yes, it's BYOB.
Bring BYO, so many bees.
Oh my God.
We owe all of the bees.
Smoke, what's our address?
Like the numbers.
He looks up from his phone and takes out one of his ears and he goes, what's our what?
Like the number on the building.
You mean the number that's been burned off the front of the building?
So we don't have an address.
No, we don't have an address.
That would defeat the purpose.
We're trying to like hide and be undercover.
Yeah.
You're just trying to like.
I just want to have a friend over.
What friend?
Can I do a lower check to come up with somebody's name?
Yeah, give me a lower check.
Call it DC10.
Yes.
Cool, give me a name.
Fucking, literally the first name that popped in my head was Ricky, like unrelated to this,
just as a name.
Yeah, sure.
He goes, yeah, didn't he in the middle of a deal?
It ended.
Yeah.
Right.
And he's going to.
We got some new stuff in.
He's going to come hang out with us in our city burned out apartment.
Well, he's going to come hang out with me.
Right.
You know, we live together, right?
Yeah, but I'm like.
Like it's, we share custody of the house.
Yeah, it's shared custody of the house.
It's not custody.
It's a fucking house.
Right.
Well, it's actually, it's a burned out apartment building that nobody lives in anymore.
So, okay.
You know what, you and Ricky live your best life.
I'll find anywhere else to be.
No, you can still be at the fucking house.
No, that's okay.
No, no, no, no, no, stay at the house.
No, it's all right.
I think I owe Ricky something.
I don't remember what, and I'd rather not be a costate of my own home.
It'll be fine.
He seems like the kind of guy that a bullet gun out of my town.
I don't have the credits.
His gun's already out.
It's fine.
He doesn't pull it out.
It's just there.
Um, sure.
He goes, all right, you know what?
Fine.
I'm not gonna stop doing my thing, but I will.
What thing are you doing?
I'm probably gonna fucking graffiti and paint up some of the attacks from the other rooms.
I've only done like the top floor.
I still got all the floors underneath it.
This is like my showcase.
You're like, okay.
Listen, the rest of the fucking, the Chroma Gang are gonna be absolutely floored when
they come and see this whole guy.
You said invite him.
You know what's not?
You're not really there seeing.
Can I try and grab the card out of his pocket?
Give me a slide of a hand check.
I'm gonna like, info on it.
I'm gonna roll against the perception.
19.
Cool.
Uh, yeah.
Do you want to do it in a very obvious way or do you want to do it in a very, like, he
didn't notice way?
Uh, with him, he didn't notice way.
Cool.
Uh, he turns around to probably kick down or pull down one of the ladders that you all
have to use to like get into the rest of the building and just swipe his little-
She's really like drunk, subbling me like, oh, sorry.
His little fucking, uh, tiny little tagged card that has, just basically just gluises
like Chroma crew on it and then it's got a couple of numbers on the back.
Which one of these numbers is-
Are you asking that out loud?
Yeah.
He turns around, he goes, what the fuck?
What do you mean?
Which one?
Which number's what?
Which one of the numbers?
The top one, the middle one or the bottom one.
What are you doing?
How about none of them?
I'm inviting your friend.
What?
I don't need them to come here right now.
This is not the scene, man.
We're talking like graffiti together.
Be cute.
Um, right as you and fucking Smokester arguing as you all make your way towards the top,
uh, a bunch of people start funneling into the bottom and just kind of going to the top
looking for you all and smoke kind of like leans out of the window and he goes, who the fuck are they?
I have no idea.
I'm so drunk.
Oh my god.
I have the strongest feeling right now that that frantic buzzing in your pocket might mean
that you have a bit of an idea.
Fetch, how many people did you invite to our place?
I don't know.
That's 100% true.
I don't know.
That's what do you mean you don't know?
And as you all are going back and forth, the fucking, I mean there's no door, right?
Like there aren't any doors in this place.
The fucking people just start piling in and fucking random, like just random people are
like, Fetch!
Smokers!
So long people are fucking setting up alcohol all over the place.
People are immediately doing drugs and it turns into a massive house party super quick.
So invite your friends.
Oh my god.
Um, give me another con save.
Trying to see how mad he would be if I actually did like call a number on this because I don't
want to like ruin his life as a player.
Oh, um, nine.
You are officially into constant nausea territory.
You are like, you are a half step to the left away from facing the toilet bowl.
Uh, you and, and smoke at this point is kind of sitting out just mad upset that his home
has just been invaded.
Uh, and hella people pile in, they start feeding you shots.
They start feeding each other shots and it's just a whole another fucking party.
Three, four AM rolls around another two hours of absolute fucking debauchery goes by.
I'm gonna roll a slide of hand or stealth with disadvantage for the party on the block
to see how noticeable it is.
Obviously a house doesn't have.
Yeah, cool.
That's a hot eight.
Um, you all make zero attempt to be, to be quiet.
I think she's so into it.
She's like making lights and shit.
Yeah, you're like doing the fucking finger thing, firing neon lights everywhere.
Other people are running around using their powers willy nilly motherfuckers are starting
like trash fires in different rooms, like just absolutely lighting the house.
God damn it.
Um, yeah, people fucking flying around and getting super small and running around on
the floor.
It's absolute madness.
Um, right around like five, I'm gonna say 435 in the morning at this point rolls around.
The sun is just barely starting to peak up over the horizon.
People show zero sign of stopping.
This party stopped literally started literally only two hours ago.
Um, but you hear your perception check actually, instead of just straight up saying what happens.
That 20.
Um, you all are like on the fifth floor.
So this is like a five story building and floor by floor, it starts to get like super
quiet like the first floor goes quiet, second floor quiet, third floor quiet, fourth floor
quiet.
So you're stopping, partying and as you look out of the top, um, like one of the top windows,
people are just like sprinting out like they are funneling and dashing down the fucking
sidewalks.
Not that bad of a fucking party.
Uh, and then you hear a familiar thud, thud, thud is somebody massive is coming up the
back stairwell up to the fifth floor.
Uh, and several half fish, half men, uh, guards, clearance, puffer fish there, puffer fish is
there, hammer head guy is there, there's an octopus there, just all sorts of different
fucking sea life people walk in, uh, and immediately start like telling people to clear out or
kicking bottles over being absolute assholes.
Hey.
Yeah, as you go to get in one of their faces, he pulls out a gun and it's just like you back
the fuck up.
It's puffer fish guy immediately.
He like, you go to somebody else and he gets in front of you.
He goes, you know what?
Fuck you.
I don't want to give you a drink anyways.
You crazy bitch.
I don't know you a goddamn thing.
You see another guy goes, what did you call him?
He goes, hey, it's just like a part of the thing.
Not a part of the fucking thing.
A smoke comes in and he goes, hey man, what the fuck is this about dude?
Like this is just like a.
Yeah, smoke gonna need to like.
It's just like a fucking party.
Uh, and then everybody kind of stands up a little straighter is like this massive figure
like ducks underneath, um, the, uh, the fucking entrance to the room.
And uh, another sort of deep super thick Eastern fringes accent comes from the very back room
and goes, hey, thought I told you all not to run out of my fucking club earlier after
I had my little deal with Ricky Sanchez.
Uh, and his cod father standing in your all's a fucking trash fire living room.
And what I'm imagining because I, what I was trying to say was.
He's fully having to crouch the whole time he's in the room.
Like wanting to swing on the puffer fish guy.
I think it's fully, she's got like barrel of the gun to the chest and she's like fully
like holding the knife like up to him.
Smoke is just like hands on both your chest.
Please stop being like, I didn't know you were talking to me.
I'll be completely honest man.
Uh, give me a note of con save.
We'll call your final one for the evening to see if you can sober up.
I do.
What'd you get?
Uh, 19.
Cool.
Uh, you sober up several shots disappear and you are a lot more lucid than you were 20
minutes ago.
The way she so was up, she's like steps up a little.
Like just for the adrenaline that comes from that.
Yeah, it's like, you know, when you like, this something I've never done in real life.
Sometimes when you're like really drunk.
I've never done in real life.
I've never stabbed myself, but I have like, like I've jumped into like an ice cold pool
like on multiple occasions.
It's like, like shock yourself back to it.
Yeah, but like with a knife and stabbing herself in the leg and like there's no like
attempt to hide it.
It's not like, uh, it's like, oh, time for business.
Cool.
Okay.
Yep.
Uh, you watch this.
Some of the guards look at that.
Fuck.
Um, and it's fine.
It's not your leg.
It's the other starts like tilting his nose up towards the air is blood starts to run
down your leg and he's like, what is, uh, what is that?
Are you, are you okay?
And he like gets his face giant fucking massive head.
It gets like right down next to your leg as you start ripping blood.
But you're a little fucking close there.
Like, he goes, what?
I'm just trying to help a little lady out.
Okay.
I'm fucking looks up and smiles.
And it's just row after row of rank ass teeth.
His skin is like gold encrusted and he has just, just under the layer of his skin.
He has like a titanium, um, like Dural layer so that he's incredibly hard to hurt.
The gold is just for fun and flashiness.
But his teeth, because they're sharks teeth, they shed, so he can't really plate those.
So it's just like half of them are broken or chewed up.
And then the other half are like brand new sharp fresh out of the box.
Shark facts.
Yeah.
Shark facts, shark facts.
So, the smoke again tries to like hop in between you and Godfrey and is like, Hey, man, welcome
to the play.
Uh, me Casa, Su Casa.
Welcome to smoke and fetches place.
What can I do you for?
Are you hitting on me or trying to eat me?
Shut the fuck up.
I'm curious.
Yes.
Let him go.
You don't want to know the answer to that?
No, I don't want to know the answer to that.
I'm so sorry.
She's always liked this.
This is me so.
Yeah.
This is definitely Fetsovert.
The Godfather kind of stands up and as much as he can without his head hitting the ceiling
and he goes to one of the like shitty couches, sits down on it and the thing just fucking
breaks under his weight.
And then like kind of he can't snap because he's got fins.
So he just kind of like fins at somebody and one of the guards runs over another cigar
and he starts, doesn't like it, chews on it and just starts chewing on his cigar.
Another guard on the other side pulls out this like really antique whiskey box opens
it pours him a glass and hands it to him.
He didn't say anything.
He just like sits there and chews on a cigar and drinks his drink and is just kind of like
taken into place.
So I'm just supposed to figure out what that was.
Okay.
Weird things have happened.
After with like a super long awkward silence, smoke is just kind of standing around.
I just talk to him the entire time.
Yeah.
You're just fucking motor mouth and none of the guards are talking.
Smoke is like actively, he's actually going to do perception check.
That fucking puff of a bitch in the mouth.
Yeah.
Smoke is going to try and find the closest exit to jump out of that is not like immediately
covered by a guard in case things go super, super south.
And he starts like backing towards a window where there aren't like multiple guards standing
next to it.
And he's just kind of like, let's like, hey, like, you just kind of like kick your foot
his frizzies like back up.
Am I able to see like another rooftop from where I am?
Um, or a window where I can see out of it.
Give me a perception check.
We'll say DC 15.
There's one close enough.
Yeah.
Like there's there's one within range.
Um, my range is 120.
13.
Um, there is, there is not a rooftop within range.
You could probably get on like a fire escape.
Maybe it's going to be a sketchy jump.
There aren't a whole lot of buildings in the eastern fringes.
Like a lot of them are kind of sparse and spread out.
But you could certainly try it.
Okay.
Uh, if I can cod father eventually choose down sort of his cigar to a nub and there's
kind of like, he didn't, again, didn't flick it.
He just kind of swatts it out of his mouth and it goes flying across the room.
He goes, listen, that cigar is probably worth more than your whole fucking house.
Yeah, I would imagine.
Look at it.
Yeah.
So, um, how do you all plan on repaying the 3000 credits you managed to steal from
my customers tonight?
See now I'm like bounce like I'm teleporting away.
Right now, now that he said something, it's like fight or flight kicks in immediately.
Yeah, and it's flight for sure.
Um, I'll have a conversation.
I just teleporting out feels boring.
You can just teleport out.
If you think you can get away.
I'm confident I could.
You mean inside check?
Um, 18, 19.
There was a solid chance that regardless of where you teleport, he has guards close enough
that they could probably catch you, whether it's in a vehicle or just enough people outside.
Um, you have been to that club enough times and have used your powers in enough ways that
you, they probably know what you can do.
Yeah.
They probably know that you can teleport and move super fast and can blind people.
Uh, so whatever they've got prepared, assuming they have something prepared, it's probably
enough.
Okay.
Um, well, it's not, it wasn't your, we didn't steal from you.
Right.
You didn't steal from, you just stayed, you just stole from my patrons.
Yeah.
Stole from my customers that, you know, spend their hard-earned credits.
My place at the parties that I host where I have to fight the drinks and the drugs and
the fun and then you just thought you'd come in and run your little fucking scheme with
smoke boil over here, just stealing people's things.
That's where we're drawing the line in that club.
Cause I saw two people.
I saw things that he goes, I couldn't get into the bathroom because there was an orgy
going on in there.
He likes it.
He was like a guy who shrunk down and was like literally in another man's ass.
I'm not judging.
Like I'll try anything once, but like,
Oh yeah, boys reference.
Um, it was just a sex thing that I could think of that had something to do with superpowers.
Uh, account father sits forward a little bit and he goes, yeah, well, you know the difference
between somebody fucking in my bathroom and somebody taking the stuff out of the pockets
of my patrons is one of you got caught and the other one didn't.
Well, they weren't very subtle about it.
So they're like, they probably did get caught.
Right.
But that's just for kicks.
You're just stealing my money.
Yeah, for kicks, for kicks.
He goes, why don't we try this out for kicks?
He stands up and takes off his, his like trench coat and he's in like this kind of, uh, pinstripe
suit and he kind of has to like waddle his way over there because again, he's too tall
for the ceiling.
Um, and he, he walks over and pulls out this sort of cartoonishly small gun that's like,
it's got like this kind of like fucking like the dolphin flipper thing that goes, yeah,
he's got like that where he like sticks his fin in the holster and it's like this little
thing that sticks onto the end and he pulls out this cartoonishly small gun.
He goes, I tell you what, just for kicks, why don't you open your mouth and I stick
this in, uh, and we'll see how many times I have to pull it before you go splat.
Just for kicks.
I come into your home and I do something just for kicks.
I look at smoke.
Oh my God.
It's like like a reservoir lead.
Like, yeah, basically smoke, no, smoke knows what this look means.
This look means I don't know what else to say.
I've run out of things to do.
Please help.
Um, and he goes, hey man, and then he doesn't put himself between you and the gun.
But he, uh, he like fucking coward.
He gets real casual.
His like his posture drops.
Um, he's a lot less tense.
His eyes relax.
Uh, it's not awful.
He, 17 persuasion check.
He just goes, hey man, and then kind of like puts his hand on the gun and just lightly,
super lightly pushes it down.
He goes, listen, as fun as Russian roulette is, I got a feeling that you're a guy that
needs a favor.
And I think that, uh, me and Fetch, we're the kind of people that can pull off one hell
of a favor.
She can teleport.
I can squeeze into spaces that are literally this big and nobody will ever know we're there.
So what if, what if we just, uh, we reimburse you?
He starts pulling out all the credits that you all took and literally just starts handing
them out, like setting them on the floor.
And he goes, listen, there's, there's two, there's 2,000 credits right there.
I think the, you said three.
I think, I think we might have spent it on a few too many drinks.
Well, we were inside and we paid you, right?
Like we bought drinks from your place.
Uh, but what if we just, what if we just, what if we just, what if we just, what if
we gave you the 2K and then offered to pay you back in like a favor?
Like what if we just stole something?
Uh, Godfather just kind of looks down at the, at the 2,000 credits and these little kind
of like plastic chips.
They're a little bit more fancy than credit cards and basically just fucking stomps on
them and shatters them.
So they're worth nothing now.
He goes, he gets really close to smoking and opens his mouth.
He goes, how's that for your 2,000 fucking chips?
You absolute bozos.
Um, and then.
I allowed to talk yet.
I like to say that.
Turns around and walks away.
He goes, I tell you what, for this transgression against myself, my crew, my good people,
my family, my family, against my family.
Why don't, why don't I take you up on that favor?
Yeah.
Why don't, why don't you do something for me and then I don't fucking eat you too in
your family room right now?
How's that sound?
My love to talk yet.
He just sticks his hands up and he's like, listen, I got us this far.
I'm good at favors.
I owe a lot of people a lot of things and you know, most of the time they have a positive
review after.
Confather kind of smirks for a second and he goes, he's fun.
Is that sounds fetch?
I can afford people and things that you can't imagine and no offense, but I have a taste
for slightly finer things than backyard trash that likes to get high off of shitty drinks
at the fish tank and lives in an abandoned burned out building.
I can't stab Godfather, correct?
You cannot.
You know what?
You can certainly try.
DM tried a true phrase.
You can try.
You may certainly give it your best to go.
I want people listening to know.
We had a whole conversation about this where I was like, I as a player struggle to make
impulsive shitty decisions and I'm playing a character who would make shitty impulsive
decisions.
But I as a player, I'm like, no, I don't want to like fuck things up.
So I'm pushing boundaries for myself today.
I'm not going to stab him.
You started talking about favors and smoke kind of homestab.
He goes, I tell you what, give us your hardest, shittiest job that your little fish goons
over there, including little dickhead puffer fish man, by the way, that is an absolute
asshole you should hire in your staff.
It will take it and we'll get it done within 24 hours.
Or you can eat his balls right here right now.
Well, I mean, not right here right now.
I'd have to be later if we fail the job, right?
But that's shut up.
Conferrer goes, wow.
You two, you got some stones.
My hardest job that my boys can't handle.
I don't know if you noticed, but some of my boys have skin thicker than steel.
I don't know what you and your little girly pop outfit in fucking leather jacket, your
little spray paint canes laid everywhere I'm going to do, but I tell you what, you can
take a stab at it and when you die, that'll be penance enough.
And what happens if we don't die?
Then consider your debt repaid.
Maybe I'll even give you another job.
You guys can be like little errand boys, you know, that I just don't pay any money and
don't eat.
Smoke, you're going to have to like step in and stop me at some point because I'm telling
you right now, I do.
Fetch, please.
I think it's fully a thing where like Fetch can't fully control like her, like literally
going into like her being this impulsive and this like, like she like, it's like her fingertips
and like the body around her like literally.
Give me a wisdom saving throw.
It's like fucking.
Yeah, you start like vibrating.
Wisdom.
Yeah, give me wisdom saving throw.
You're able to hold it together just a little bit longer.
And smoke goes, listen man, listen, I think it's been a long morning.
I think we all should get a little bit of shut eye and then you can shoot us whatever
kind of deal you want, whatever kind of job and we'll get it done within 24 hours.
So let's just, let's all take a breath right.
We're all friends here.
We're all deviants in the struggle together.
Fuck DRT.
Fuck the SCPD.
Fuck the Pufferfish guy.
What the fuck did I do?
Fuck you.
Everybody goes, yeah man, you kind of did that to yourself like you called her a bitch
or anything.
He goes, well, it's just part of this stick.
He also called me a hooker.
Godfather just kind of laughs.
He goes, you two, you two might, might upgrade from messengers to jesters because it, there's
something weird and fucked up going on here.
And I think that shit is absolutely hilarious.
But yeah, I tell you what, I'll get out of here, I'll get out of here, little shitty
house and I'll have one of my guys drop you a little note and you can, you try not to
die.
See around Fetch, see around Smoke and he sits up off of your now shattered chair, kicks
a bunch of shit across the floor and then walks out.
Can I stick, no.
Can you stick a track room, Godfather?
Yeah.
Give me a slight hand check.
Smoke will assist.
30-20.
Cool.
Smoke also got a dirty 20.
Y'all are chilling.
He turns around and his guys also turn around kind of quickly to leave out of the door and
Smoke clocks the really crazy and impulsive decision you're about to make but he knows
that it's better to just ate it than to try and stop it.
So he runs interference and kind of like disperses his body in sort of this big puff of smoke
that makes it look like it just came from one of the trash fires in the room so that
the guards can't see what's happening behind Godfather and then you slap a little shitty
tracker on him and Smoke kind of like manifests back behind the fucking cloud and like yanks
you back so that you all are a good 5 or 10 feet away from Godfather.
Fucking fine work.
No, listen, listen.
We got, we got.
I don't know what that was.
I need to hit something right now and I'm letting you know that.
Godfather is right.
Take the wall.
Right as he's going.
Godfather, right as he's about to walk out of the room, he goes, oh, and I told a couple
of my boys that they could take a few potshots at YouTube for being absolute assholes.
So I tell you what, consider this a tryout.
If you make it past the boys, you can come work for me for a day and then maybe just
get eaten or killed.
I don't know what ever kind of bunch that we want to get into.
Yeah, you all have fun fucking bozos and then like just breaks part of the door frame and
leaves.
It's cool.
So the guards who are going to stay and fight us are in the room, right?
Yep.
But we want to close this to the door frame that Godfather just walked out of.
We don't have a battle map, by the way, so I just have this little shitty virtual battle
map pulled up on my end.
So it's going to be theater of the mind for all of us except for me, just so I can know
distances because somebody has my battle maps.
We have one at the house.
We do.
It's just hexes and I'm not used to using it yet.
It's a very nice battle map.
I'm just not used to using it.
Okay.
Blame it on me.
There's two guys standing by the door.
There's one guy off sort of behind you into the left, one guy off and behind you to the
right and then there's one guy kind of like in the middle.
So they're a total of five.
I'm just, I want to fire something at wherever Godfather just was.
That's why I'm trying to hit the guard closest to it.
Okay.
Yeah, for sure.
Go ahead and roll initiative for me, I guess.
What did you get?
22.
Yeah, 24.
Hell yeah.
24.
No, same team.
Sorry.
Same team indeed.
Not used to that.
Same team indeed.
All right.
Let me go ahead and plug in a few more of these guys and we will get to going.
Trying to decide if I just want to like fucking nuke the room.
Fucking nuke the room.
Please don't.
If we're talking signature power, nuke the room.
I'm not signature powering because I don't have a ring down.
Thank you.
I was going to say please don't if that's what we're talking about.
No.
Shout out to improvedinitiative.herokuapp.com.
I love this shit.
I use it all the time.
We're not sponsored.
It'd be cool if we could be, but it's a website so I don't really know if that's an option.
Yeah, they're fucking awesome.
I use them for everything.
You can do any number of things in this shit and it's fan fucking tastic.
So, literally 30 seconds and I already have the combat encounter up and running.
It's wonderful.
Smoke is going to go first.
There are five guys in the room.
I will, they all have numbers.
Again, this is theater of the mind.
This is more just totaling up how much damage you all do individually.
So let me go ahead and pull up my guy's step block and we can get to getting.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
He has all fucking bunch of fun stuff.
Um, heat ray, a firing weapon, fainting strike, wall of fire, which would be a crazy thing
to use in the house.
We can, I don't think we could stay here after this.
Oh no.
Oh no, not at all.
Um, definitely not a thing that you all can afford to do.
So I tell you what, since how, how big are we doing?
How big are we going?
I'm, are we trying to end this shit like super quick or are we trying to hit people?
I'm trying to make this quick.
Okay, cool.
Uh, he's going to cast explosion at the fifth level.
Oh, that quick.
Yeah, that quick.
Uh, let me do something cool first, motherfucker.
Listen, there are five guys, he's just going to throw it in the biggest group in front
of him.
He kind of like walks forward for a second like he's not going to hit me.
Hey guys, like listen, we don't have to like fire or anything.
He goes, psych bitch.
And then, um, sort of generates this massive ball of fire and smoke in his hands and then
throws it right in the middle of the three that is towards the, um, towards the entrance.
And I'm going to go ahead and roll some damage and dexterity throws on their half.
Question.
You had a question.
Nevermind.
I was going to ask about the thing that we do at our table where people can go on the
same turn if they choose to.
Um, yeah, well, yeah, my stuff is more like hitting people individually.
So before we, right, explosion, I was going to ask if I could, well, I mean, it'll, it'll
help in the long run.
Okay.
So 20 foot radius centered on a point.
They have to make dexterity saving throws, 86 fire damage or half as much on a successful
run.
It lights everything on fire, which means we're going to have another on fire house.
Power slide of fourth level or higher and additional 1d6.
So I'm going to roll 10d6 fire damage for these guys, which by the way is not enough
to kill them outright, even if I crit.
I'm not doing anything crazy.
I have three.
I just need seven.
Seven.
Exactly.
Seven.
Exactly.
So I'm going to roll 10d6 fire damage.
Hell yeah.
I didn't get anything below a three.
That's crazy.
Um, six, 12.
I don't know what a lot of six is.
So that's 24, um, 29, 34, 37.
Good job, damn.
39, 42, and 47.
And then plus his ability mod, which is going to be a plus or his attack mod, which is going
to be plus four, so we're at 52.
And then he has control points as part of his class, which means we're going to, could
I twin spell this?
No, because it has to be something that targets an individual.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
Like you can do Eldridge Blast if all of them are going at a single target.
So the elemental controller roll is very similar to sorcerer, um, and that you have a lot of
different, like you have control points that you can use to twin spell and increase a thing
or do a thing or that kind of shit.
Um, so he has a number equal to his level for the day, which is going to be 11.
So I need to make one, two, three dexterity saving throws that need to be, his DC is a
17.
Fucking crazy.
So they need to make, cool.
Uh, he's going to burn three of them and force one target to roll with disadvantage.
So he's down to nine because this guy rolled a 17.
He got a four.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, that guy failed too.
Yeah, they all fucking failed.
Um, yeah, he burns three control points and as he notices, one guy is about to dodge just
out of the way and take half damage.
He throws like another puff of smoke in that guy's eyes.
Um, and he kind of falls to the floor instead.
So they're going to take the full, how much did I say?
52, 53, uh, 50, 52 damage flat.
It's going to be fire.
Um, I think there's some other fun things I get to do as well because it is fire.
These power deals fire damage.
You can add your con mod to one damage roll.
So I will do that.
So add another four to that.
We'll call it 56.
Um, and they failed.
Cool.
Fantastic.
So I'm just going to do another four damage.
I think that might be it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that might be it.
I think it's, uh, I think it's all you.
All right.
I'm going to see just fucking blows up the best back half of the fucking room.
Damn, I just realized that this is going to take two turns to do.
That's all right.
It's right.
A lot of my stuff is set up.
I came out swinging with my biggest spell.
Yeah.
One of my biggest spells.
Well, I can't do anything this turn if I want to set it up.
That's all right.
I'm not going to fucking kill him this turn.
Yeah.
Uh, they are, the three that he hit are badly fucking injured.
Um, Pufferfish, Pufferfish guy was the guy in the middle and like half of his body is
like burned and he's like patting himself out and you can smell this fucking like rancid
burnt seafood smell as his like quills start to curl up on themselves and his, his puffer
like you can hear the air as he tries to like fill his body up and it's just like it's
just coming out through the holes in his skin.
It's fucking gnarly to watch.
Um, if that is also going to yell at this mug and be like, leave the puffer bitch for
me.
Okay.
I hate turns around as these guys are like rolling on the ground screaming and panning.
He's like, why didn't fucking kill him, man?
He's right there.
I'm just saying don't he's right there.
Just hit him.
I'm like, I fucking two guys behind you are just looking at each other like, are they
really fucking talking to each other right now?
I'm like fully calling dibs on which ones I want.
Is there like scrambling for their guns to try and level them?
Um, I'm going to go ahead and use for my, I'm going to add, well, my bonus action is
going to be, I'll do my action first.
Sorry.
I'm.
You're all good?
Um, I'm going to, um, in the same spot.
Wait, how many of these?
Nevermind.
That one's confusing.
I'm going to ignore that.
I'm just going to fucking take blast.
Um, the, the guys that would just hit three of them.
Okay.
Cool.
Uh, that very well mind just fucking kill him.
Truly.
I don't want to kill him yet.
I'm going to do overkill.
Yeah.
Is what it is.
Can I, can I do two bonus actions on this tongue then?
Can you do two bonus actions?
That's crazy.
Ask.
Oh wait.
No, I can't.
Nevermind.
Cause what I wanted to do won't work.
I have to like have a turn to set it up.
Um, so I guess I'll just fucking kinetic blast.
Kinetic blast.
Um, one is a.
Uh, once a 21.
Does that hit?
Yeah.
19 hits.
Does a.
Does a 21 hit.
You're funny.
Does a 19 hit.
Yeah.
19 hits.
Um, that's another 19.
These are fucking goons, dog.
They're all going to get God.
These are absolute goons.
Um, for those that are listening that don't know what this system is like.
If you haven't listened to the previous episodes.
Listen to them.
You only get three power slots.
So when it's like, Holy shit, 52 damage on the first, like that's because that's my
whole, that's one third of the amount of things I can do.
Everyone's a warlock.
Yeah.
Everyone's a warlock, which is fun.
Cause you can also then spend these things called stamina die to get more, um, slots
back, which is also a really fun, hero-y thing to do.
Uh, one of them is going to take five, one of them is going to take six and one of them
is going to take three.
Um, and then they're also going to be prone.
Fantastic.
Um, they.
Yeah.
They all fall prone, uh, back into the fire that's already spreading.
So they're all going to take one D four, uh, fire damage at the beginning of their turn.
And then as a bonus action, I'm going to use, oh, this is a power.
Um, can I, can I bonus action something?
Will you let me bonus action something at the end of my turn?
Fine.
Thank you.
I'm just going to fiery weapon.
I'm just going to.
Oh, cool.
So we could do it at the same time.
Yeah.
We can make it like a, it's just going to bonus.
Yeah.
I'm just going to light my thing up.
He's, um, is you're hitting people with kinetic blasts and readying your weapon.
No, wait till I read it like, pull our weapons out at the same time.
Motherfuckin' it works cool.
Just going to narrate, so I was going to do, what I'm going to say does it before you.
Cause he did it at the same time.
Okay.
Uh, she's going to use blade of light.
You can go.
You want to narrate what that looks like?
Well, I was going to, but then I was going to shut my ass for it.
I'm going to let you narrate first because I feel kind of bad.
Um, he, as he turns around and starts like talking with you, is you're just casually
blasting these fucking thugs, uh, in the living room.
Not even looking.
It's just like behind and it's like, uh, it's like a literal neon light.
I mean, he just kind of walked up and he was like, Hey, you fucking what?
Bam.
And then just fucking turns around.
He goes, look at these fucking guys.
Like y'all are just chatting.
Is the two behind you are just boozy.
The fact that their friends are now on the floor, like rolling around in fire.
Um, he like unravels his train a little chain a little bit and then kind of like whips
it against the ground.
He doesn't light it on fire cause fire is not his thing, but smoke has to come from
somewhere.
So we call it fire damage mechanically.
Um, and like in between the links of his chain, like these little tiny puffs of like orange
reddish smoke, um, kind of pop up all over the chain.
And is he kind of like drags it across the floor?
It leaves like scorch marks on the ground.
Um, she, she like swings her hands and it's a, it's called blade of light.
We already talked about this.
It's not a blade.
It's a bat, um, with like a bat of light.
It's got like nails in it and shit.
Um, and it's like made of like literal neon light and she just kind of like swings it
around and she's, uh, no, she'll be cute.
And she like hits the bottom of her feet like she's batting.
Um, like how in baseball or softball you like hit your cleats to get the third out of them.
Um, and it's just, but yeah, other than that, it's very casual and you can see that she's
probably like prepping to move.
Cool.
Um, it's going to be the three guys that are on the ground with like three HP.
They're all going to use half their movement speed to stand up.
I guess I won't brain them.
Um, start a fire and, um, what's your AC?
Uh, 15.
Okay.
They're going to roll with a plus five to hits.
First one hits.
Second guy is going to aim at me.
A minute.
Second one misses.
Third guy is going to aim at me.
Um, third guy is also going to miss.
One of those is going to shoot his buddy instead.
Well, there's only one guy that hit anyways.
Well, he's going to shoot his buddy instead.
What's what?
Uh, projectile transfer.
So I basically, um, when you are targeted by a ranged attack, you can use your reaction
to open up two small portals, one where it takes whatever.
Yeah.
That's so fucking cool.
So it's such a cool ability.
Yeah.
That's one of my favorite things that they can do.
It's not even a power slot.
Cool.
Um, I'm going to roll three to six damage.
Okay.
Well, it wasn't a lot of damage anyways, but it's enough to kill him.
Uh, for piercing damage is he sort of one of the guys, the puffer, the puffer fish man
like pulls up a large kind of cartoonish revolver and fires a point blank and right as it's
about to hit you, you know, and then fucking portal opens up next to this other guy's head
and just punk guy hits the ground.
He just turns around and he's like, fucking no.
And then turns around and goes to fire again.
And the other guy also misses as well.
Tough.
Yeah.
Now it's the two guys in the back.
Hey, it's literally friendly fire.
Yeah.
And then in the back, which way are you facing?
Um, not to be Ben, but it sounds like you're facing towards the buffer fish guy if I had
to guess.
Yeah.
Okay.
So they're going to have advantage attacking you.
Um, did you see your AC was sorry?
15.
One guy hits.
The guy's going to go for smoke.
Okay.
They both hit.
Nothing fucking crazy.
I don't know.
I just used a goddamn, uh, just 15.
So 10, 16, 19 piercing damage to you.
Um,
That's not nothing.
And then, oh Jesus Christ.
It's, it's worse to me.
I got three sixes and a two for smoke.
Six, 12, 18, 20, 20 piercing damage to smoke.
By the way, his less health.
Um, he's not really at 62 now.
He's not really fucking meant to get hit.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
He's not really meant to get hit.
That's what sorcerers are like.
Yeah.
It's rough.
Yeah, rough indeed.
I'm trying to see if I have any reactions.
Cause I have several.
I just don't think that that's fucking one of them.
No, it's sure the fuck isn't cool.
I'm just taking 20 to the face.
That hurts.
Uh, yeah.
Fucking the guys behind you both pull up these like little
sawed off shotguns and just fucking boom, boom straight into the back of
both of you guys as you all are focusing on the three on the floor.
Sorry, two on the floor, two up, one on the floor as one is now dead.
Okay.
I am no longer at 77.
I am at 67.
Cool.
It's gonna be a smoke start.
How high low are you?
Can I hit people?
What?
I'm at 62.
What's your max HP?
81.
You got hit for 19?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm stupid.
I only went down 10.
I need to go down 20.
Oh, that's...
57.
My bad.
Not 67.
No, thanks.
Thanks for reminding me, I guess.
Um, cool.
Time to start fucking hitting people.
I guess.
Do I have anything else I want to do?
Or that I can do?
No.
Try to make a contested bonus action painting strike.
No.
Wall of Fire, no.
Siphon left, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
I tell you what he is going to do though.
He yells, he like dashes.
He turns into like a ball of smoke in this like puff of orange red kind of black smoke.
Dash is right at one of the guys behind you that just fired their shotgun.
And when he reappears, he's going to cast smoke bomb in his feet, which is going to create
a 20 foot radius sphere fog.
Everything is obscured right before the smoke goes out and he yells, well, it fucks you
a little bit, but he yells back to you and goes, take care of the two guys in the ground.
I got these.
And just kind of like laughs as he sort of forces them into a 1v1.
I just got my bat out.
They're going to take what?
A fuck I could kick them.
Which is going to give him advantage and disadvantage.
Everything is heavily obscured.
I wasted a power slot for fucking nothing.
He like hits the ground in a puff of smoke and then brings him like materializes himself
and is going to take two swings with advantage on the guy closest to him.
Do I have anything that can undo what he did?
It's going to be, okay, that's a hit.
Let's see if I can just kill the guy.
I don't think I can.
No, I don't think I can.
I don't think I can do that much damage.
That's why I wanted to fight him.
Unless you can do 67 damage in a turn.
I can.
With a melee hit?
With my fucking bat that I just pulled out, yes.
Praising.
Damage, damage, damage, damage, damage.
Here, melee adept.
Use a power that deals fire damage.
You can add your Christmas.
I'm just making sure I don't have anything else here to look at, folks.
I got a lot of things.
I would have been doing 32 plus 5 to 8.
What is the automatic 32 from?
Or is it just that you assuming that if you crit?
I mean, I probably will because of the teleport thing.
Where the fuck did I put his weapon at?
It's somewhere on the sheet.
There we go.
2d6 plus an additional thing.
So we're going to roll those.
Nothing dumbing crazy 4, 10.
And then he's got a...
Let's do another one of those.
16.
God damn it.
17.
And then because of fiery weapon, he's going to do a little bit of extra damage now that he's hitting this guy.
And it's going to be an extra 3d6.
So...
17.
25 damage.
Not awful, all things considered.
As he comes up next to the guy, he just kind of starts firing into the smoke.
And he manifests behind him and taps him.
He's like, oh, you're missing something?
And then he wraps the fucking chain around his fist and then just fucking punches him in the face.
His face is fucking scorched and he just starts screaming out in pain.
And that's going to be his turn.
Cool.
Well...
You have two guys standing in front of you.
Just the guys who were from the fire?
Yeah.
Yeah, the other two you can't see.
Yeah.
I'm not...
There's no point in me teleporting over and doing that much damage.
Because I can just fucking kill him right now with kinetic blast.
So I'm just going to kinetic blast them.
Cool.
Row to hit.
What's the AC?
What'd you get?
2.17s and a...
22.
Yeah, that'll do it.
Rover damage.
One of them takes 6.
Actually, no.
One of them takes...
Yeah.
One of them takes 9 and then the other one takes...
12.
Cool.
The one that takes 12 dies.
The one that takes 6 is barely alive.
He's also pushed back 10 feet in his prone.
Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
What does your kinetic blast look like?
I mentioned it before.
It's just like literal neon.
Just neon beams?
Yeah.
Cool.
He's gonna...
He's not going to do anything.
So now it's the goon's turn.
The one that is left alive, which...
Frisjits and giggles on, say, as buffer fishman.
He's going to take his multi-attack.
The only person he can see is you.
Both are gonna hit.
Uh, I'm gonna help close the zee.
Uh, he just got pushed, so...
Probably 15 feet away.
I'm trying to see if I can...
What type of...
Oh, no, it just says an attack.
It doesn't say melee.
Cool, I'm gonna hit him back.
And I'm also gonna dodge what he does.
Okay.
Do you have to roll anything for this?
No, this is an at will called tactical advantage
when a creature hits you with an attack.
You can use your reaction to take the dodge action.
Um, and then when I take the dodge action,
uh, you can also make an attack against that creature.
Okay.
And they also provoke opportunities to attack
when they enter my reach.
Um, and we discussed that, like, attacks count
as, like, single target spells, so...
Do you have any regular attacks that can hit 15 feet away?
Um, no, but it just says an attack.
It doesn't say a melee attack.
I'm gonna assume it means a melee attack,
because there's one that specifies an at will
or a melee attack in response.
Okay, then I'm still gonna dodge.
Yeah, still dodge.
Um, which, does he just miss entirely?
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
Um, hey, misses!
God damn it.
Guy can't hit shit.
Now it's the two guys that are gonna roll with disadvantage
that are both gonna fire with smoke.
Yeah, a fat chance.
It's a natural one.
He's gonna hit his friend.
Um, roll 46.
God damn it.
She would do more damage.
Two, four, six, 11.
Um, they start yelling out in the smoke,
being like, hey, man, fucking fire that way.
He goes, I'm firing that way, and then just fucking...
Toom!
And he's...
Yeah, he can hear his fingers.
He goes, what the fuck, man?
You shot me in the legs!
My only good one!
Tough.
Um, and yeah, they're just fucking stumbling around
in the smoke, just, like, bumbling into each other.
And one guy's fucking just, oh shit, and shoots the wrong person.
Uh, it's gonna be smoke again.
Does he wanna do anything other than hit people?
Probably not.
It's like the main thing he does.
It's a bunch of people.
He's running around, running around, running around.
Um...
You know what?
Just because.
Uh, I'm gonna take an action called Powerful Leap,
takes a dash action, and then jumps.
Creature in that space needs to make a dex save,
they ever take 46 plus dex mod.
Uh, something, 8 damage.
Uh, on a successful one, they take half as much on fail.
They take full, and they're prone.
Um, and it's also gonna clear the smoke,
cause it's kind of like a big whoosh when he lands.
So, it'll clear the smoke out.
Thank you.
Uh, the guy needs to make a dex save.
He's gonna fail.
Then he says, no, he was gonna make, anyways, he's a fucking 17.
So, 46 plus dex mod, so that's gonna be his, uh...
Is he jumping on Pufferfish guy?
No, he's jumping on one of the two behind you.
Then that's gonna clear out the, the smoke bomb.
Gotcha.
So he's gonna roll 46.
Uh-uh, 10.
Okay, so another 16 damage to one of the guys.
Um, is he, like, turns himself into solid smoke,
kind of flies up into the air,
and then lands down with a punch in the floor,
and his, like, the rest of the smoke kind of, like, whooshes out,
and swipes the fucking legs out from underneath both guys.
They're both prone, um, and one of them has a nice big scorch mark
on his chest where smoke kind of just punched him into the floor,
um, and does such oney damage.
And that's, I think, gonna be his turn,
unless he has a bonus action he can do, which I don't think he does.
And I mean, he's turning...
Nope. That's it.
I'm gonna full, like, have a conversation to, like,
we need to look for a new place,
because, like, you fucked up the floor,
and also too many people know where we live.
Yeah, he starts, like, looking around,
kind of, like, dusting his fist off,
and he's like, yeah, no, these guys are...
Punched the motherfucker into the floor.
Listen, he had it coming.
Okay, okay, while I'm, like, having this conversation,
I'm gonna teleport,
and I'm gonna go behind one of the guys
who I'm assuming he's near...
How hard is the one?
The one that he's been hitting has taken 40-ish damage.
Okay.
The other guy hasn't taken any.
So he's a full.
I'll go to the other guy.
Okay.
Um, and I'm going to, like, once...
Still having this conversation, just as I'm, like, readying to hit.
Um...
I'm going to use my little fun thing,
because I teleported behind him,
and he hasn't gone yet.
I get advantage, and then if both of these hit,
I crit...
Um, would a 17 hit?
17 on hit.
So I'm assuming that a 19 would also hit.
A 19 will also hit.
So that's gonna crit.
So I'm gonna do...
Since I'm using Blade of Light,
that's gonna be, um, four times eight.
So 32 base damage,
and then I'm gonna roll.
I'm gonna get all my little V8s out here,
because I also have Brutal Critical,
which allows you to roll an additional damage die
when you crit, um, with a melee weapon.
And because this counts as a melee weapon,
in the description of the spell, it means I get to add one.
Four...
I need one more.
Why can I not...
Can you hit me with the eight?
I'm struggling to find one, for some fucking reason.
Thank you.
An eight.
Alright.
So that's gonna be a...
plus six, plus seven, plus...
three, plus...
eight.
59 damage.
Cool.
Uh, what's it look like?
I mean, he doesn't die, but...
Yeah.
Um, she's like...
You punched the motherfucker through the floor,
you dipshit, and so it's like, I guess from his perspective,
it goes from a conversation that's happening over here
to suddenly the conversation is, um, right behind my ear.
And she, um, I think is just gonna, like,
tap him on the shoulder so he turns around
and then just fucking brains him with, um, this glowing bat.
Um, it's not like skilled fighting.
It's like, it's like dirty, it's like messy,
it's, I don't give a fuck, it's...
Yeah, yeah.
100%.
Um, cool.
What a fucking turn from fetch.
We have two guys left.
And then I'm going to use my movement to go over,
uh, towards smoking the other guy.
Yep, we have one guy at the end,
we have two guys behind.
We have one guy at the end,
Puffer Fishman's gonna stand up and fire.
Death's going to hit.
Um, it's going for you.
And then the other two guys that are still alive
are gonna both fire at smoke.
And both of those hit.
God damn.
Fucking Jesus.
One of those is, I'm gonna use the one that hit me
and is gonna hit one of his buddies.
Okay, how many times do you do that?
Uh, four.
Okay, cool.
I've used it twice.
I will roll...
I mostly use flick ups.
The one that hits you hits one of the friends.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'll roll that one first, that's gonna be 10,
11, 14 damage to one of the friends,
and then the other two are just gonna roll four smoke.
Fucking yikes.
Um, six.
Is that your foot?
Yeah, it's my foot.
Sorry.
12, 13.
I'm not taking on my business.
16.
God damn.
Uh, 17, 18,
24.
God bless.
Uh, 29 damage to smoke,
as they absolutely lay into him.
He gets like fucking ping ponged back between two shotguns.
Uh, he's like fucking, he's trying to track where you're going,
and then he kind of is, you're behind him and you stab the guy.
He then turns around,
and instead of firing at you,
the guy levels his shotgun as he's now prone
and just kind of aims up and he goes,
gotcha bitch,
and then fires straight into fucking smoke's chest.
He gets launched back,
and then guy behind him fucking hits,
fucking smacks him down and shoots him in the back.
She does.
So, he's just kind of like rolling around to his front.
It's like these bullets are like kind of dropping out of his body
as he's trying to just push them out of himself
using his like smoke abilities.
And he's just like,
dad, fucking hurt.
Oh.
Assholes.
Um, and it's gonna be smoke's turn.
See, normally I'd say don't get blood on the carpet,
but like, well, well past that point.
Yeah, what fucking carpet.
Yeah, this is bad, dawg.
It looks like shit in here.
Yeah, it's gonna be, I'm gonna try to transfer, okay.
Very weapon heat ray.
Yeah, we'll do a big spell.
Fuck these guys.
Um, we're gonna do a scorching ray at the fifth level,
so I'm gonna do 66,
and that's gonna be, or no.
Yeah, that's 66.
Three firemen,
so target, power two,
on a hit, takes two d6,
and additional plus one, yeah, 66,
plus my charisma mod and fire damage.
So I get to do extra things with fire damage.
Yay.
I get, uh, one, two, three,
I get six different rays,
so split them up evenly, two for each person.
Yeah.
Do I need to roll the hits,
or do they need to pass something?
Nope, range power attack, cool.
It's got a plus,
what does he have to hit with this?
Ranged power.
I'm just gonna see if I have anything that like,
helps boost other people,
but I don't, it's all about getting me away.
Yeah, it's alright.
Uh, the first two hit,
I need to roll six, I realize,
that hits, that hits, that hits.
Cool.
Oh, that's, that's a net 20.
Um, fantastic.
He hits all three of them,
so that's gonna be 12 damage,
let's see here,
it's 66 that I can split up between each of them,
so, I think I'm just gonna kill one of them
and let the other two take a little bit more damage
since I can split them up however I want to.
So if I have six beams,
I think I'll send four of them to one guy
and then five and six to another guy.
I'll kill Puffer Bitch.
Yeah, Puffer Bitch is, he's got no health.
Yeah, I'm keeping him alive for shits and giggles.
I'm gonna try and fucking fry the guy,
since one of them is a crit,
I'm gonna fry the guy in front of me,
that hit me the first time and do an automatic,
so, 24 damage I think?
Yeah, 24 damage plus his modifier,
which is gonna be 8, so 32.
I can't do math.
His modifier is 8?
His modifier is 8.
Oh, okay, the bonus.
Yeah, the bonus is 8.
I thought you meant like his power ability modifier
and I was like, how the fuck did you get an 8?
Power ability?
This is bonus plus 8, I don't know what the fuck that means.
That's attack bonus.
Yeah, attack bonus is 8.
His just regular additive is 4.
Okay, gotcha.
But you just add your, whatever your spellcaster mode is.
Yeah, it was agonizing blast?
No, this is just like a regular hit.
I think you just add your charisma.
I also have that on the fire damage.
I can choose one of these guys to attack on that extra 4.
Okay.
Two beans.
So, it's gonna be an automatic.
4, 28, and 32 damage.
The first guy, roll another couple of these.
36, we're gonna need another one.
Yeah, a guy that hit him with the first shotgun blast
fully gets fried and then I'm just gonna roll the regular D6s
for the other two, six, and then five.
Pufferfish is to let you get to kill Pufferfish is at one.
Pufferfish should be a pile of ash, he's at one.
We'll call it non-lethal damage.
The other guy that you hit is also pretty low,
but not quite dead.
Fuckin' smoke stands up and kinda like sticks his fist up in the air
and then all of his fingers kind of like split off into these little missiles
of like hot red flame and then like tack themselves into people
and then kind of like explode.
The first guy that he hits basically gets turned into a pile of literal ashes,
four of these individual things.
He's like, you motherfucker, and then basically throws like four of the fingers
that turn into these little smoke missiles into the first guy
and he just gets absolutely obliterated.
And then the one finds its way into Pufferfish's only remaining good arm
and blows off a good chunk of that.
And then the other guy behind him fucking cries out in pain
as part of his lower leg gets ripped into by one of these little missiles.
And that is scorching rain.
And I guess I'll do an additional four damage with my conmod
with Agonyzing Blast of the guy behind me.
So he's a 10 HP.
So pick whichever one you'd like.
You wanna kill Pufferfish or you wanna kill the guy behind me?
Either way they're dead.
Yeah, I think I might be able to do both.
It's stupid.
How close is the guy behind me?
If you go to Pufferfish guy, the guy behind you will be about 30 feet away.
How close is the guy behind me now?
The guy behind you now is probably 15 feet away.
Okay.
Mmm.
I'm gonna...
No, because I can't attack.
I can only see one.
Ooh.
Who is?
Story purposes.
I'm going to way overkill Pufferfish guy.
Yeah, way overkill Pufferfish.
I didn't tell you, bitch.
Yeah, I'm...
Did you dress like a whore?
He called me a hookah.
Didn't get me my fucking rum.
Didn't get you your rum?
I am teleporting behind him and I am going to not even use my light bat,
which is like clearly the better weapon.
I'm pulling out the fucking knife that I like had earlier.
Mmm.
And I'm gonna like fucking kick him down.
Do I have to roll to kick him down?
No, I'm not gonna make you roll to kick him down.
I was about to say, I feel like this man...
He's dead either way.
You do what you want to him.
Yeah.
And be like, who's the fucking bitch now?
And then...
Toe.
Slices.
Let us start.
Yeah.
And he fucking...
Pfft.
He's been fucking half his body's burned, smell of burnt seafood,
part of his other arm has been torn off from Smokes Attack
and then you just fucking killing blow.
Slate his throat with his hot plasma neon knife
and he just falls to the ground chokin' his own blood.
Can I take his gun?
Yeah, you can take his gun.
You lose gun.
Cool.
This is a shitty revolver.
Cool.
Super revolver did damage.
I'll take it.
Last guy is gonna fire at Smoke again,
because why not?
He misses.
Fucking asshole.
It's gonna be Smokes turn.
Smokes to finish off his guy.
Have fun.
Um...
Let me come in with you.
Cool.
He's going to bonus action, fainting strike,
target must make a Wisda contested insight check
versus a deception check.
On a failure you have advantage on your next attack roll against that creature.
Um, and then I can crit on a 19.
Which is fun.
So, I make...
Yay!
Uh, phew, he got a fucking two for insight.
Unless I...
Yeah, unless I got a nat one.
I got a 23 for deception.
Um, is the guy's laying prone with his shotgun.
Fucking Smoke starts like, kinda,
teleporting back and forth in front of him,
or just kind of like here and there and here and there.
He's like, well, you gonna fucking shoot me?
You gonna shoot me now?
Go ahead, pull the fucking trigger.
And guys just like firing all over the place.
And as he's like reloading his last two shells,
he just kinda comes up behind him.
Um, so that's gonna give him...
Pull it through my favorite fucking tapestry.
You dipshit.
Your tapestry was kinda ugly.
I'm kinda glad we can get new ones.
Um...
You dick.
And then he's going to use his regular actions
to do Siphon Life.
And they hit this guy with some necrotic damage
to get some health.
Please.
And he casts this at the fifth level,
which is gonna take me up to...
I saw what your health was at, and I took your wounds.
Yeah, until the pyrons you can make the attack again
on each of your tech.
Power slot of the fourth level or higher
increases by a 1d6 for each slot above third.
So, I'm at 3d6 naturally.
I go to above that.
I'm at 5d6.
I took one of your dice.
Thanks.
I have still a lot of yours over here
because I don't have enough d6s,
so I'm gonna roll with advantage.
That's where all my fucking d6s are.
Hell yeah!
I crit!
Fuck this guy!
Um...
So, roll regular damage and then roll Siphon Life damage.
Fuckin asshole.
Okay, five...
Well, normally on other podcasts,
there's other people that can talk while...
Yeah, 14...
It's just two of us,
so it's just one person doing bits
while the other person does math.
The other person's doing bits.
Yeah, 18 plus 14.
I can't do math.
And we're bad enough at math
that we can't talk at the same time
while someone else does math.
And then...
We forget what numbers are.
Yep.
An additional...
5d6.
And Siphon Life.
Jesus Christ, that was a lot.
10...
12...
20...
24...
So...
55 damage to this guy who's got 10 health.
Hell yeah!
25 of it's gonna come back to me in Siphon Life.
So I'm gonna get some fucking...
some HP back!
Pee back!
Piece of shit!
Not more than he did to me.
I'm at like 20 health.
But, um...
When Smoke teleports behind the guy
as he's like fucking shaking on the ground
trying to reload his gun,
he wraps his chain around his neck
and then kind of pulls him up
so that his eye level, he goes,
yeah, next time you shoot a guy with fucking smoke powers,
make sure he dies.
And then proceeds to, like,
basically siphon the life out of him
using his smoke powers.
It looks like he's almost like
pulling the breath out of the guy
as he chokes with no air in his lungs.
He's doing that creepy shit again?
He goes, fuck off, man, this shit hurts!
Uh, and you can, you watch as like
all the little fucking holes
that are leaking blood in his, uh,
in his outfit start to kind of get plugged
with these little, like, smoke cylinders
that basically patch himself up.
Just use the fucking bandaid, you freak!
He drops the guy to the floor
and fucking unwraps the chain.
He's like, hey, man,
I'm not happy with how it looks either.
If I could do the whole
draining somebody of their life force
thing and make it look not like that,
I would, but I can't.
And now we're here with five dead bodies,
half of our house is on fire
for the second time again,
and I'm pretty sure there's a hole in the floor.
So you want to know what that sounds like to me?
Sounds like we need to get a new place.
Sounds like bail time.
Also sounds like we have 24 hours
from about half an hour ago
to complete a job, so.
What's the job?
Yeah, we don't know.
We just killed all the five guys
that could have told us.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm assuming one of them
was supposed to tell us.
We can...
Fuck it.
I don't want to deal with Cod.
If I see Cod, brother,
I think it's on site at this point.
So I'm not asking him.
I say we...
Make a lore check.
Ricky was just with him.
Yep.
Ricky was just with him.
He goes, yeah.
Ricky, yeah, for sure.
I don't know how much...
Ricky, I think I might have...
Ricky.
Yeah, who gives a shit?
What?
Nothing.
What?
Don't worry about it.
What?
Listen, out of the two of us,
who bails who out of more situations?
I don't ever need to be bailed out...
Get us eaten 30 minutes ago
by a giant shark man.
Both of us?
It sounded like you offered him a party favor,
and he laughed in your face and said,
I like to pay for nicer things and then left.
I didn't mean I was going to fuck him.
I want that to be known.
I think he thinks that you were going to fuck him.
Well, he was getting awfully close to my leg earlier,
so that was creepy on him.
It's almost like you spilled blood in a room with a shark.
Well, that was...
It's a quick way to sober up.
I'm glad you sobered up enough.
I mean, Lidl would have walked away out of another one
of these bullshit things alive, so...
What do you mean these bullshit things?
I have fun.
I'm gonna...
I know where Ricky's place is, right?
You and Smoke probably both know where Ricky's place is.
I mean, he's another gang in the city.
Oh, by the way, that's what we were talking about.
You fucker.
What?
What are we talking about?
What are you all, Ricky?
What?
Fucking teleports out of the window.
No, I'm teleporting as well.
Yep.
He just fucking smoke whist his way out of the window,
and you all off into the night, or into the morning now.
It's probably like close to 6 a.m.
The sun is fully up.
You all have had zero sleep,
have had a lot of shots, and a lot of drugs.
Um...
Well...
Ricky's got up us.
We'll go ahead and say that you both incur a point of exhaustion
at this point, unless you...
Unless you find time to do a long rest between now and the mission.
Which, technically, you do have time.
It's just gonna...
I mean, we can long rest at Ricky, or short rest at Ricky's.
That's a sketchy ass place to short rest.
I'm aware.
So...
We are at one point of exhaustion, folks.
Let me see if I have it on my little DM screen,
and I can tell you all why that sucks.
Exhaustion's not a fun thing.
Exhaustion, for those that are unversed in fifth edition,
basically means that for every level of that that you incur,
the shittier and shittier things get for you.
So, it can happen when you go too long without long resting.
It can happen if you choose to stay up in the middle of the night
and go on watch while your party member sleeps.
Sometimes spells can incur a level point of exhaustion.
Um...
But at the level we're at, which is level one,
the effect is disadvantage on all ability checks.
Which, again, the fact that there are six levels of this
and the first one sucks that bad...
Yeah, it's rough.
The second level, if we get to there as our speeds are halved,
the third is disadvantage on attack rolls and saving throws.
The fourth is hit point maximum is halved.
The fifth is speeders reduced to zero,
and if we get to level six, it is instantaneous death.
I would rather have my movement speed halved.
That feels more like a level one.
Would have disadvantage on all ability checks? Yeah.
I agree. That's a crazy thing to swing with.
Like...
That is wild for fucking wizards to lead with.
Yeah.
They said, hey, guess what?
You stayed up all like overnight to keep watch,
because you all just...
You had to sleep over?
You had to keep your friends from getting shanked in the middle of the night
because they made poor decisions,
and you're the person that helps people? That sucks.
You now have disadvantage on 75% of the things you're going to do.
Have fun resting when you all are running from a dragon.
Yeah.
Anyway, where the fuck is Ricky?
Where the fuck is Ricky, indeed?
We're actually going to go ahead and call it, because it's 1.30 in the morning.
Before we get to the next part of our one-shots,
where we actually get to dig into whatever job Codfather has.
So thank you all for hopefully watching,
if not listening to our third actual play of season two, third actual play overall.
If you haven't listened to the other two, please do.
I think they're good. Kind of, maybe, hopefully.
Hopefully we'll see you on time, next.
We'll see you on time, if we don't.
In general.
Yep, in general. Who knows when this episode's coming out,
and when part two of this episode's coming out.
Bye-bye!
Bye!