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Hello players who love D&D but cannot be bothered to read any of the actual canonical source material.
DMs who have never once DMed a high fantasy campaign and refused to read any of the original source books.
Welcome to Table Talk. I'm Maddie.
And I'm Robert.
What are we doing today, Robert?
This setup fucking sucks.
We're in a different room.
Because somebody is also recording at the ass crack of the evening.
So we are playing Dungeons and Dragons Ultimate Edition Trivial Preserve.
We went through this as a group the other day before one of our sessions as we were waiting on somebody to show up late as usual.
And realized very quickly that none of us, except maybe one person who's read the source books,
knows a single guide to him thing about traditional Dungeons and Dragons.
Like these questions are fucking nuts.
It's like what color did the wizard in the Dungeons and Dragons TV show slash cartoon wear?
We thought so.
I was with a friend of ours as we were picking this game out.
And I got so excited because I thought I was going to be asking questions about like,
what spell does this and what class is able to do this feature and like things that are more like to the games mechanics.
And we were super excited for that reason.
And then we got the game and it's like lore.
It's like who founded Baldur's Gate?
Tell us about who's who's who's fucking mayor of the Sword Coast.
Yeah, no thanks.
Yeah, what's happening with our.
That's a great question.
I don't know.
This is a new setup. This is a new room.
I'm trying not to blast my ears with our volume,
but it doesn't look like I can do individual headphone control.
Just one.
Oh, just one. Just one volume.
Okay.
I hope the sound mix is right.
Yeah, so it makes you be fine.
I have the volume turned up.
So this is, yeah, this sucks.
The setup sucks.
I mean, the room is nice.
Don't get me wrong.
The podcast is like the setup is nice.
It's just not our usual room that we spend hours.
Putting together.
So, um,
manual labor.
Yeah, unpaid.
Well, she gets paid.
I don't.
Anyways, uh, yeah, we've never played show of a suit either.
This is her first time.
I literally looked up how to play the game on wiki how,
because fun fact.
These are the instructions.
These are the other instructions.
They don't tell you shit.
Um, like they literally just how do you win?
Get six wedges.
Roll and move to center.
Must land on it.
Exactly.
It kind of, it really, we're not sponsored by trivial pursuit.
Or Wizards of the Coast.
Or anyone.
If you want to sponsor us.
Single group.
If you want to sponsor, I will.
Okay.
There was a cool brand.
Yeah.
That sent me a free, uh, tabletop map on, uh, from Project Doc.
But I'll talk about that later.
Um, sponsor us.
Sponsor us.
So, uh, sponsor.
Anyway, let's, let's play.
How do we decide who goes first?
Oh, wait.
I'm an owl bear.
I'm a mind flare.
The minis are really cool for this.
I guess we can shout those out.
I thought about just straight up using the minis.
It's like a campaign thing.
But again, I don't play high fantasy and it doesn't look like these
motherfuckers are meant to come off the stand.
Oh, absolutely not.
Um, there's a, we got a mimic.
Um, do you want to hold them up?
Sure.
Uh, we got a mimic.
Uh, are they literally called like, uh, flaming skulls?
Yeah.
I didn't want to get that wrong.
No, they're flaming.
No, it's literally just flaming skulls.
It's just a very traditional, um, stupid fucking monster.
A beholder.
A tiny little beholder.
Um, and a gelatinous cube.
How are beholders made, Madison?
Don't do this to me.
Do you know how a beholder's made?
Don't do this to me.
I don't give a fucking about beholders.
It's like one of the most iconic monsters.
Listen, listen, I got it to D&D because I thought it was like a fun game.
Take a stab at how you think beholder's made.
Peter thing.
Take a stab at it.
You behold something.
No, not quite.
Uh, I'm probably going to a bunch of this and I'm sure somebody who's listening will
call me on it, but my understanding of how a beholder is made is basically through
negative emotions.
Oh.
They're literally born out of like terrible, awful, negative emotions.
So could be beholding like a terror.
Yeah, kind of.
That's kind of the idea.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, that's, I want to say something before this starts because I'm going to be stupid
in this game.
We're going to mindflare and I'm, uh, let me finish the thing that I was about to say
the under dark.
Let me finish the thing I'm about to terrible awful place to have evil noem's there.
I know.
I know a little bit about the other dark.
I want to preface the beginning of this evil as a femme person in a nerd space.
I constantly feel that the fat like to prove myself because like you go into a comic book
store and you're like, Oh, name fucking three comic runs of this character and blah, blah,
blah, blah.
Oh, that's mom to con, hedgehogBLE that shit before I just putting it out there.
I'm having fun gang.
You know, no, anything about the
They'd give you like a cool d6. Nah, dog
They give you that
We're so negative everything that we talk about. This is just one that about
Alright, what a roll I got a two beat a two man. See if I can I got a one
Holy shit, okay, so the way trivial pursuit is played
I think is that you start in the center you roll a dice you move your way out the goals to collect one of every color
Yeah, I'm on a time crunch slash limit. So that's probably not gonna happen, but we'll see
Freeze I'm gonna move three spaces in any direction. Oh
Jesus what question do I want to do we want to read what the categories are yeah magic in
Miscellaneous history monsters dungeons and adventures characters and cosmology
I'm gonna take the easy way out and go cosmology. I feel like I got that one
So this is when the other player or team hurry up and then reads the cosmology question. Okay in Eberon
Oh
We spent we spent how long of a campaign in a baron never made it out of one city
In Eberon during what activity do mortals usually encounter the plane of existence?
Dalkor
Activity I would like to homebrew rule. I'm gonna
That's what I says. I'm gonna homebrew rule when we inevitably fail a question
I think that we should be allowed to ask a question on the card to the person that we think that they would get
Okay sleeping
Sleeping yeah
Holy shit. Yeah, can we count it? Yes dreaming when mortals dream
They are physically project their minds to the Dalkor which are you play out?
I did I know this only because I remember what
The the the races, but they're basically dream people. They're like
They're a humanoid race green magic and miscellany. Okay
How many days is a corpse immune to the spell speak with dead after having been the target of it?
Days is it 30?
Is that your answer? Yeah, I'm gonna go 30 is probably not I was I was gonna like make a math joke. It's 10 damn
Son of a bitch I couldn't divide. I know it's you and I just
I was like 30 days sounds good for that, right? I mean, it's always like 30 or 10 and you move three in any direction
Oh
God, it's basically just choosing what kind of question. I don't I don't have faith in any of them
Magic history monsters dungeons and adventures characters and cosmology. Yeah, but here's the thing they don't actually follow those no things
It's just random. Correct. Cool. Okay, um, I
I'm gonna roll a d6 to the side for I didn't assign them
cool
Pink
Dungeons and adventures
Yeah, you're fucked in a horde of the dragon queen
What flying ice?
Dragons built and inhabited by giants is being shared with the cult of the dragon. I
Once again famously hate dragons the one from Shrek
No
What's that fucking is it charades where you have to like try and yeah, we're about to play this shit with charades dog
All right, I'll ask you another question since you don't even do it. Whatever what burley whiteford if you get this wrong
What burley whiteford creature lives in frozen regions and can freeze targets with their chilling gaze
It's white it's cold it's hairy
It's like a mythical creature that some people believe in today. Oh the Yeti there you go. Okay, you're welcome
I didn't know the freezing creatures with its gaze. I the Yeti to me is like like that's fucking
You got it right? Well again. Hey, otherwise, we're never gonna get through this correct
They're the same so what direction would you like to go in four? Do I get one of the yellow ones now? Nope?
You have to land on it exactly
You don't want to play that way
No fun. Let's play the rules
All right. Oh, what did you lean on blue characters?
And dark Sun
Whatever that is characters of the Templar class cannot be of what alignment. This is just a shot evil
No, it's actually the opposite. Good good
It's good exactly Templar characters are always neutral or evil
Well that sucks for them
Doreen
Why are we putting people in boxes? Why are we saying that that some oh?
I was going on a bit never mind. I'm trying to get in a lot of blue
Minder a character who the minder who minder
Minder man
That's not on here finder a character from the forgotten realms comic books. No was a sentient version of what kind of construct no
Construct fucking book. No, what is it golem piss off?
Minder is a iron golem animated by the spirit of male door
Okay here, I'll ask you a question that you should know oh my god, there's several like really good ones on here
Okay
There's one I want to ask you, but you're not gonna get it. Yeah
Dying adventures in fifth edition D&D
Must make what kind of role in order to stabilize you should get that
In order to stabilize its death saving throws in it
Correct. Yeah, well in my mind
I was thinking like players can also make a medicine check to stabilize another player
So that's where my mind went originally says like surely it's not that easy
It's a core mechanic of the game. No, it is. It was that easy
Well, the other question I wanted one of the 11 characters
It landed on a wedge of the 1978 players handbook. How many were recognizably women one zero zero
Holy shit. Yeah, I asked me another one. This one's monsters
Monsters on a wedge. Which one is that the orange one orange one our green dragons typically lawful or chaotic
Green shit, I feel like you've gotten this you've gotten so many like your questions are so much easier
Are they normally lawful or chaotic? Yeah
chaotic
Damnit, they're green
Lawful son of a bitch. I don't know my fucking dragon colors
I've only ever played with a handful of them in the campaigns the second that a dragon with a white one
I've played with a red one. I've played with a gold one. I've played with a black one
How many of them died all of them and I can suddenly I played with TMA and
Bahamut
Those are the two I was referring to those are the two that are all colors early Bahamut snub at TMA
Okay, if I get this green one I get a little I get a little slice of cake
What the fuck what what?
Huh one of these we found was misprinted what spell level is a cantrip
It's not it's zero
Zero is correct. Can trips are simple
I get a little slice. I read that wrong
At first I read that is what spell is a cantrip
What the what the fuck does that mean? What spell is a cantrip? I'm asking you I had no idea
I thought they were gaslighting me roll again
For oh shit, I lost my little cake you gotta push it in until it clicks
One two three four yellow
What was the first game product sold by Wizards of the Coast
It's the name of a game. You're not gonna get it. Yeah toss me that trash can so I'm gonna have my spit tune for the session
I'm so sorry to everyone who witnessed that
You're not gonna get it
No, I found out if we're not gonna get it let's make something up, so I'm gonna say
We hate women the board game the primal order a role-playing game for god-level characters co-authored by Peter Atkinson
Whoever the fuck that is I
Know the name Peter Atkinson what kind of spell takes extra time to cast but doesn't expend a spell slot ritual
Yeah, I know my spell casting shit. I know my game mechanics
One two three four it sucks history
Well, what kind of giant is King Snir Iron Belly who dwells in who I'm
King Snir
Iron Belly who dwells in Moosebleheim. I
Know how to answer this because it's it's a mythology thing, but you don't know shit frost no
It is fire Moosebleheim's like a like a dimension of fire. It's a
Norse. Yeah, it's a Norse mythology thing. So I knew it was worse, but I
Yep, he's a fire giant. Um
I'm not asking that one. I'm tired of you wanting
Which way I won't move the spaces just ask question
What is the term for the bond some magic items need to establish with potential users before they will
tune mint
See I know game mechanics. It's cake. I only know we play games
So the closest I've gotten to like traditional D&D and like the realm of that is like I watch
I can't really and I just have to try and get this one
I what are you picking up a card for no valid orange monsters orange?
Orange is not monsters. Is it? Yeah, it is monsters yellow. I'm crazy
What creature combines the features of a horse in an eagle and can be trained as a flying mount?
Huh you I you as soon as I say this you're gonna know it
So I'm just we're gonna play what what's the gay where you get to give people hints like not charades
Isn't it charades? No charades. It's like physical. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know just I might yeah
Where you put the timer I that could work that we played that at Disney and it got
I should was atrocious. We had a crowd watching us. Yeah
What creatures horse in an eagle and can be trained as a flying mount and an eagle so it has like a beak. Oh
a Griffin
I'm not gonna say I'm gonna give you one more shot
One more shot. You're you're close those letters are in it. It's kind of
Pegasus no, I'm gonna pretend what say that fuck is it a Pegasus is a horse with wings
I need you to know that yeah an eagle and a horse. So it's got like a beak
It's got like a beat. That's why I was like Griffin like
Yeah, and like beak talons and wings like in Harry Potter you that doesn't mean anything to you never mind
You like the Petrotus things. No
Yeah, also, I haven't read or watched any of the Harry Potter things
Yeah
Harry Potter themed bar like a
I fed all the drinks to somebody else a hippogriff. Oh a hippogriff
Thanks, no, I'm not no we're gonna get through this. I'm so sorry I
Was okay green I had a question here that I could have asked you and you could have gotten points for
What is it no late now? What is it too late now? I
Was the question with a lifespan of around 750 years at what age does an elf typically claim adulthood and an adult name
What think about how old the character that I play the elf character I played was 200 250
100 yeah
This is the most cooperative ever been in anything that we've ever done
Anyway the green one the green one what necromantic spell is particularly effective against plants and plant type creatures
Blight
Ght blight would you like to share with the class Robert? It's okay. I've talked about it before in a previous episode go listen
Robert built a whole plants encounter
Somebody took blight and I didn't check spells. It was it was so fast. I mean it wasn't it was bullshit
But I card just flew
You were making cards fly I roll again
four one two three four
four the dungeons thing when TSR compiled all of the early
No
When TSR compiled all of the early giant and Drow modules into a single continuous super module. What was the product called? I don't know
Bucket and Giants and Drow
Queen of spiders sure
Fuck off. Let's see
A lesser face spirit that is bound to a tree becomes what kind of creature dry up. Yes
How's all now? Let's see if I got a one
Fuck me. I got a five God
Sucks to suck. I
Don't like that you're getting on me. I mean didn't make a bit of difference dog
We both have one I know
What was the product title of the loosely finder that replaced the monster manual in the second edition of ad and d?
Advanced Dungeons and Dragons
No
No, final answer. No is my final answer
Monstrous compendium no
Fuck wrote that
I
Okay
I'm sure that there's some cards were all of them air earth fire and water element
Elementals elementals are all immune to which kind of damage. Oh
Shit, you should know this is DM. We've never fought elementals never not once. Why would I know that?
You should know things
Huh
Well, it's not it acid doesn't make sense, right?
Well, no acid could work fire doesn't make sense acid
Close poison poison. Oh, that makes sense
I was trying to think of like all the elements that could realistically break the other ones down
I guess acid would work for us. Yeah, that's kind of annoying. I mean acid breaks everything down
No, it's valid. I mean fire make it bigger. I guess one
Maybe I don't know. Well again
One
Alrighty pink the ballad of Sakatha
Sakatha
Fortells in a new way try another pronunciation. I keep the ballad of Sakita. I'm adding a tea ballad of song
Sure, not sponsored
Fortells the under the undeath of the
The
Next question eponymous
EPO in why MOU s cover there's if it's a question just let me see the 1982 module
You're not gonna get it
Just count Dracula 12 tomb of the lizard king
Wait, I thought the question was asking for like one person. All right
Since I got fucking ragged on for not knowing a goddamn hippogriff
What do you call a fire fiery bird like elemental that explodes when it dies leaving me a shape center?
Yep hatched a new one Phoenix. There you go. Congratulations. Roll again
For
blue
Please members of the harpers and Phaeron sometimes were a silver pin that combines the image of a harp with what other symbol I
Know this because it's in our waterdeep game
That we have at home like the board game. Uh-huh shit in their schedule
Fuck yeah, oh, yeah, I never play them though. Nope. You sure don't I
I always choose to get it pretty colors gonna get it
It's just a fucking shape man
Square
Crescent moon what oh
bullshit
Shit if it's a shape if it's a shape. It's just a crescent. It's an aggressive moon found in Barovia
St. Markovia's thigh bone can be used as what kind of weapon
A thigh bone think about it. What kind of weapon do you think you could use you could turn a thigh bone into?
This is just a martial weapon guess
Well, so fun fact. I was actually reading about bone weapons earlier today
Uh-huh
I know they some of them made boomerangs
But I don't think that's the answer to this question
Oh, my my instinct is like honestly you could for talking about turning bones into weapons
Legitimately several possibilities. Oh, love. Yeah dagger. Yeah
Improvised weapon. I think if you're picking up somebody's bone that counts holy
Shank that would be a dagger arrowheads just arrows
Let's go with a knife. It's a mace
And get fucked get so fucked five
Yellow what 1988 novel no stop by our a
Salvatore introduced the character Drizzit do Erdon dungeons and milfs
The crystal shard very close though
Super close which gender is higher ranking in drow society male or female
Female correct. Yeah
The only reason why they would put it on there
Six
Five six has I'm on another fucking pie. Let's go
Get me. I want lip gloss. Give me pink
Give me pink pink
I'm getting there dungeons and adventures, which we all know I'm not gonna get which famous hill giant chief is named after D&D co-creator Dave Arneson
No
Suck a dash
Final
Suck a dash
Nostra
Basically artisan backwards. No, what's another question?
Um, are they all kind of bad?
Let's try
Yeah, that means they're all bad
Which of the outer planes is a place of dramatic scenery and good-natured but passionate inhabitants including numerous elves. Oh, uh,
Outer plane passion
Have heard of this one, which is the only reason I threw it your way. I don't think you're gonna get it
Yeah, not gonna get it our Boria
Also known as the Olympian Glades of Arboria in case you didn't get it from Arboria
Madison is trying to get you off this blue peg
Dove and florin Falcon hand. We're both members of which courageous adventuring company in Faerun
A Harper's no nights of myth drainer. Um, you might dog you might
Know cuz don't team me up cuz my fail. It's gonna be so much name one of the two material components required by the spell regenerate. Oh
Motherfucker it did the kind of a kind of liquid in a random object. You're never gonna get
I thought it was a seed but if it's the random object, I'm never gonna get that I'm not gonna guess that it's a circular object and
The kind of water
Holy water, there you go. Cool. Oh
Take your peg. Oh
Wait, I get the yeah, yeah, this is not gonna happen folks
Not at all one one
Well, what is it? What color yellow yellow a dungeon master who is overly generous and awarding treasure is running
What style of D&D game named after a game show host?
What you don't know who this is. I don't know who this is
Style of playing
I
Name any man Bill Clinton, okay
Monty Hall
The host of let's make a deal
The there's the
Which type of giant ranks highest in the cash structure of giant society frost storm cloud hill fire or stone
Frost incorrect. It's storm
Because they're literally higher than all the other oh
Whatever
That's I thought maybe you would
Fuck was that that was the box Jesus Christ. Let's see if there's another one on here. You'll get
Nope nope
No card. Yeah, you're not get any of those
Not a roll. I
Don't get to go anywhere pink
And what order do players fight frost hill and fire giants in the against the Giants module series
I have to pick the fucking order
What yeah frost fire and hill
Is that what no like is that what it says yeah frost hill and fire I'm thinking a hill
Thinking hills first because they're the dumbest and the easiest kill
So now it's just a guess on fucking fire eyes
I'm thinking I'm thinking oh shit, man. I'm thinking ice and fire
What's the order hill away the real the answer hill frost fire yeah, oh you said that yeah
I got lost you said ice
I was thinking like layers of like the earth that you move through right hills at the top in fury ice is next is it's like stone
And then at the bottom you get the hell it's like fire
Yeah, let's go give me pink. This is the same as stone. Yeah, basically
That's definitely not what hills for
Three one shit. I gotta go back cuz I already got this one
Cosmology
What's the question which of the outer planes is a morass morass?
I don't know of
impertinent matter in energy with no structure
but
What can be imposed by discipled minds?
You'll know the name of the answer, but I don't know if you'll get the answer from the question anti matter
The plane of anti matter. Yeah, that's my favorite plane. It's my favorite plane too. It's limbo
You're lying
Whatever dude also known as the ever-changing chaos of limbo. Oh shit. Maybe that's where Magnolia was from
Maybe
Yeah, can I ask another one? Okay another chance to get off this?
One two or three two
What was the subtitle of the D&D computer game sequel Baldur's Gate to fuck you?
I thought you would know this. This is why I asked you
I thought you would know this no I have seen Baldur's someone in our friend group played this one and talked about it recently
And used the subtitle. I knew the subtitle believe it or not
I don't know what the subtitle is. I still haven't played Baldur's Gate because Baldur's Gate 3 because I know that it's gonna be like the Sims
And I suck the fucking no, that's why I don't play video games. That is the
That is a BAM. Okay, cool. Amna. I don't fucking know.
Roll bitch
Don't call me bitch. It's a friendly term. It's an endearing term. I don't give a fuck
one two
three four five
green
I