Hello players who bring a detailed back story to a one-shot.
DMs who give every NPC a European-ish accent.
You cannot keep them straight.
Correct. Welcome back to Table Talk. I'm Maddie.
And I'm Robert.
And welcome to part two of our little one-shot adventure, our like season finale part two.
Yeah, season one finale.
Yep, our actual play.
Yes. So do we want to just jump right into it?
I mean, if you're joining us now, there is a part one to this.
I suppose you could pick up here, but you might be a little bit confused.
You will literally have no idea what has happened.
Correct. So please listen to part one.
These should be dropping at the same time or maybe a day apart.
I haven't decided yet. That's what happens when you've got two people with ADHD
who are in charge of their own upload schedule.
Yep.
It gets messy.
It sure does.
So how about we just jump right into it?
Can I do a check to see kind of what's around me?
Yeah.
Should I try that dice again?
I'm going to go ahead and read a little description. They've provided me for this.
So the crack in the obelisk's wall.
So as you all slide down, or as we, as you all slide down into the crevice,
you eventually find what feels like mostly flat kind of stone footing.
And you can see this sort of large crack in the obelisk wall,
where there's some daylight sort of filtering in through a triangle shaped room,
ending in a dark and narrow passageway.
Stale dead air permeates this tunnel, gently rushing past you,
and out of the obelisk through the crack in the structure,
creating an unsettling breeze that carries the stench of decay.
Oh God, it smells like shit down here.
You can tell from this distance that a cave-in has collapsed most of the hallway here
with rubble blocking the path to your immediate left,
is an archway that leads into pitch black darkness.
Along the arch carved in a florid script that any dwarf could tell you
what have been impossible to chisel into stone is the phrase,
those that fear truth's light shall be smote by it.
Those that fear truth's light shall be smote by it?
Smote by it.
I don't know.
Smote the correct past tense of smite?
That was my reading that.
I've been smote.
I'm so assuming that that's what that means.
I've been smote.
Oh my God.
I'm gonna say it again.
I don't know if this is a riddle or a warning.
Those that fear, I already fucking forgot it.
I can't read.
What does it read?
Those that fear truth's light shall be smote by it.
I'm not gonna write that down.
And it seems as though the...
Can I do a check to see if this kind of feels,
I don't know if this would be a check.
Does this feel like a warning?
Does this feel like a riddle?
Or does this just kind of feel like a decor,
like a live laugh love thing that's kind of just tackled
into the wall?
A live laugh love thing.
It's funny as fuck.
Give me an inside check.
I'm gonna try those dice one more time.
Yeah.
Eva's gonna go and do a nature check alongside,
just because that's what she does best.
Was it an inside check?
And this is to see...
Eva's gonna specifically try and figure out if the phrase
was carved with an object,
like if it looks like it was clearly chiddled with a tool,
or if it was like magically like seared onto the wall.
I got a 16.
Eva got a 14.
16 and 14, between the two of you.
So what are you...
What exactly are you trying to figure out?
I'm trying to figure out if this is like...
Is this a warning?
If this is like a warning or a riddle,
or if this is just something that's on beyonds.
It seems to be more of like a warning,
or maybe a phrase or a saying.
So something to keep in mind about this area,
something that you're sort of reminded of
as you read this phrase over and over again in your head,
trying to figure out what it's supposed to serve as.
This, everything under this obelisk used to be basically
a giant public library for magical beings
and people studying the arcane arts.
And they had like an open doors policy
that anybody from any realm could travel and then study here.
So it's most likely, with Eva's 14,
she puts together that this has been here
probably around the same time that the rest of the structure was made.
So this isn't something that somebody knew has put in as a warning.
This is probably just a saying that like the mages
or the bookkeepers like to go by.
Okay, alright, that's not too bad.
Then I guess, let's see what I can do with this
can trip real quick. Hell yeah.
Okay, can I, Thaumaturgy, you can cause flames to like flicker
or brighten and change colors and kind of things like that.
Could I do a small light with Thaumaturgy as we make our way in?
Sure, 100%.
Let's see here if Eva has a Dungeons pack,
a Dungeoneers pack or whatever the pack it is.
Oh shit, I never even look at like what I actually have.
I've got a Dungeoneers pack.
Do you have that then? That should come with some sort of a torch
if I am thinking of it, correct?
You probably are. We've never used like...
No, you never end up using them.
You never end up using them.
Unless it's like, I tell you what,
one of the first sessions I actually ever played in D&D like as a player,
somebody used something in it like on the first session
to set up like trip wires with the rope
because we were like camping in the middle of fuck nowhere
and had been followed by this thing in the woods
and so he like set up these little bells that were attached to the rope
that was like... Oh, the little... from like a thieves...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, 10 torches.
Includes a backpack, a bed roll, a mess kit, a tinder box,
10 torches, 10 days of rations, and a water scan.
And also has 50 feet of hemp and rope trapped to the side of it.
Then I will pull out a little torch.
Yeah, let's bust out a couple of torches, man.
Yeah, let's do that. I'm gonna make mine pink with my magic.
Ha ha ha. It was just... it was like very matter of fact about it,
like sets down the sack, rolls it all out, does like an inventory take,
like very military, very like trying to take stock of what we have as we go down,
lights the torch, looks up and you're like doing your little like pink magic.
Yeah, I reach into my bag, immediately pull out a torch and like snap my fingers
and I'm like ha ha.
She just like rolls her eyes.
I'm literally a tiefling, fire is so fucking easy.
Fucking mages.
Hey, it was a little bigoted of you.
I'm not saying anything about your... never mind, I'm not even gonna say that.
Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. Say something.
Say something down here in the dark, Sparrow.
Who do you think's coming out of this one alive if it comes down to me and you, huh?
Uh, you're not gonna leave me.
I mean, probably not, but...
That's what I thought.
Besides the point.
Okay, come on, let's go.
Wonderful. You all put your backpack on and begin to walky-walk.
So, again, there are a couple of different things to note here.
So there's a cave in at the end of the main hall that you all are in
that completely like blocks off that whole end of the hallway.
Um, let's see here.
She's just been too holy shit.
That's crazy.
What?
And then there's the dark into Archway as well, what seems to be the alternative path.
She's gonna make a...
Eva's going to make a perception check or investigation check to see if there's a way through the rubble.
Um, it clearly looks like this hallway like leads to a set of stairs that's probably closer to where you all want to go.
The Archway seems to be more like a detour, but only one of those paths is open.
So...
Cool.
Eva got like a 17.
Um, she immediately begins like assessing the rubble, moving some of the rocks, like trying to see how like tough and heavy some of the pieces of rubble are.
And she goes, no, at least two days, two groups full grown men, not going to happen.
Okay, so where do we go instead?
The Archway.
Oh, the big ominous.
I thought we were already headed that way.
No, what?
Sorry.
It seems as though there's some sort of chamber underneath here and stairs would be easier than having to go all the way around.
Oh, gotcha, gotcha.
You see what I'm saying?
Well, listen, when it comes to adventures and shit like this, you know, you can never take the easy way out. It's always the most complicated, backward ass thing that you gotta do.
How often do you, like, complicate the adventure?
Well, in military, it's very efficient.
Like, we would just bring, like, explosives and straight to it.
No, honey, I kinda just do my own thing.
Most of the time, the adventures that I get myself into are not intended.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Wow, you are such a character.
You know who I am.
I sometimes I forget, you know, that, like, we're cut from different material, different cloth, you know?
Listen, we both hate authority and that's all that matters at the end of the day.
No, that's so fair.
Fuck authority.
Wonderful.
You all crossed the threshold into the darky area.
The darky area?
The darky area.
Cool.
Am I able to, like, kinda use my torch?
As you enter the darkness.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
There is a rush of light.
I don't like you having a bookstool, though.
As a single dancing flame bounces from one oil-filled sconce to the next, setting them a light before continuing its enchanting dance down the hall.
You can make out shapes along the walls as your stretched shadow surveys the scene.
Okay.
So our torches are fucking...
This was unnecessary.
It seems as though we don't need them.
Yeah.
Well...
This is what I was saying about you fucking mages.
Instead of just putting a sign up that says,
Don't waste a whole torch.
I'm going through magically like the whole hallway.
It's magic fire.
It's not even gonna, like, really burn through it if I don't want it to.
I think I can do an investigation check.
Yeah.
Uh, that is going to be a...
Investigation?
Uh, that would be...
I rolled an 11.
I've got a plus, too.
I also got one from the look stone, so that's going to be 15.
15 is what we needed.
Uh, the ornate shapes that are along the walls are actually ornate weapons that have been mounted onto smooth white marble surfaces.
Can I see if it looks like it's trap triggered?
Um, yeah.
Give me a slight hand check.
Uh, 13 plus 4 is 17 plus 1 is 18.
No, it does not appear that there's any kind of trap.
Um, but on an 18, you can see that these weapons are like fully like as fixed to the wall.
Oh, that sounds like a challenge to me.
Yeah.
No, this is definitely like a, like a strike check kind of deal.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, Iba, you want some, uh, you want some, uh, new jewelry?
I don't call it jewelry.
It's equipment.
I know, but it's more fun to call it jewelry.
Okay.
Well, you rip the shit out of the wall.
I will get ripping.
Thank you.
God.
No, not even close.
Uh, yeah.
Iba fully like puts her pack down, sets her shit down, does like a couple of stretches, and then like two hands, one foot on the wall, like fully just trying to yank and goes nowhere with it.
Cool.
Yeah.
Go and get me an athletics check.
Oh hell yeah.
That was a 19 plus one plus one is, uh, 21.
21?
Yeah.
21 does not do it.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
21 does not do it.
God damn it.
I know.
Um, I'm gonna, can I, what is interesting though?
I damaged the wall around it.
Just determine what kind of a weapon.
Okay.
What is interesting though is even as you take your hands away from the wall having just like tried to remove the weapons, um, a perfect carbon shadow copy of the weapon that you have just tried to pull off the wall is still in your hand as you take your hand off of it.
Does it?
Same for Iba.
Is it like solid?
Yeah, it's like solid.
It's like a shadow weapon.
All right, I'll take it.
Tech.
Can I immediately try to load up on as many weapons as possible?
Yeah.
You can just start like touching them and pulling them.
Yeah.
How many can I get?
Just one.
So it's like every time you go to pull another one, like the other one dissipates.
Yeah.
What type of weapons?
Uh, your choice.
Hammers is, they have like hammers, whips, blades.
Uh, a whip would, a whip sounds cool as fuck.
I know that only does what we before.
Give me an arcana check.
Uh, that was a 14.
Okay.
Um, so the, the shadow weapon.
So the shadow weapons will only last for a minute.
So they do go away.
Um, but you'll get to keep them for a minute.
So I hope there's no combat encounters ahead that would make perfect use of the shadow
weapons.
For a minute?
For a minute.
Um, and then what is Iba gonna take?
Iba has so many weapons already.
She's a weapons master.
I'm definitely not proficient in a whip.
I don't give a shit.
Hell yeah.
I don't care.
Um, I mean it's a shadow.
It's just like molds to your hand.
Um, it really only does one before.
Let's take like a fucking battle axe one on.
But it sounds real cool.
Wonderful.
Less damage than my fucking all of my other weapons, but that's fine.
Uh, as you and Iba begin walking down the hall, um, you notice something.
The shadows that you and Iba are casting against the white marble walls aren't quite synchronized
with your movements fully.
Oh fuck though.
Listen.
I've been around.
I know my fucking.
I know my fucking folklore.
I know my, I know my wives tales.
Uh, 30, 20.
Yeah.
Same things.
Um, investigate, observe, check.
Cool.
Uh, when these are just straight up facts about the things.
Let's see, you know, the periphery, the shadows move a little slower than you and Iba.
And it almost seems as though they're on like a time delay of every two seconds.
Like you wave your hand this way, like two seconds later, the way it follows.
Um, I was trying to like delay, but you did it at the same fucking time.
However, whenever you observe them directly, they're perfectly synchronized.
So when they're like out of your periphery, that's when they're like lagging.
But when you're looking at them directly, they're like in perfect sync.
Yeah.
We can fucking hot tail it out of this goddamn room.
I'm not fucking with shadow people.
Something else you notice is that anytime you like start to look at them out of your periphery, like you shift from direct observation to peripheral, they seem to almost like get closer, like move closer to you.
Can I do an arcana check on these fuckers?
I don't know if an arcana check is going to do anything, truly.
Can I do a, uh, I guess would it be an insight check?
I'm trying to see if these things are trying to throw down.
Yeah, give me an insight check.
Uh, that is a 15.
It is difficult to determine the intent because they are just sort of mimicking your movements.
Like there's no facial expressions.
There's no like bad vibes.
It's just like a freaky shadow.
Can I test to see if there's an echo too?
Yeah.
You just want to like say something down the hall.
Hey!
Yeah, there's an echo.
For sure.
Um, because you got such a high thing though, something else you notice is that the shadow weapon in your hand is not in the right direction.
It's not in their hand.
Like there's no copy of that as well.
I guess it's a slight advantage there, but I don't like any of this actually.
Uh, and funny enough, one of them gets close enough that you can see that it looks like even though they shouldn't have facial expressions, one of them is beginning to smile.
Is this a friendly smile or is this a creepy smile?
This is definitely a creepier smile.
Creepy because it's a shadow or creepy because it's trying to be creepy.
As in I need you to roll initiative.
Cool.
As the shadows leap off of the wall.
I fucking knew it.
Uh-uh.
God bless it dude.
Both roll fucking garbage.
Fucking seven.
Nine.
You know what's fun?
The shadow's going the same initiative as us.
Of course.
Yup.
You still have mage armor up by the way.
Oh, sick.
It lasts for eight hours.
I love that.
So I don't, hopefully this isn't going to be longer than any of it.
Shadow warriors in the same points created as well, access to the shadow version.
Visible for milliers, it reduced to zero.
Shadow community immediately by.
Maybe don't read this out loud.
Disappeared.
No, it's alright.
If only I could have a torch for other.
Oh.
Interesting.
Okay, cool.
I should have chose a fucking great axe instead of this goddamn little whip.
I have two shadow warriors, one that is a perfect mirror image of Eva and one that is a perfect mirror image of sparrow.
And they ready your, like your version, ready your arcane focus and Eva's version is going to ready one of her many weapons.
Alrighty.
Let's do this, I guess.
Who goes first?
Um, what did you get?
Uh, seven, eight, nine, ten.
So it's going to be you, then your copy, then Eva, then Eva's copy.
Okay.
Um, I'm going to, fuck.
I'm already down several spell slots from last time.
And none of my cantrips are particularly helpful because I don't think illusions are really going to be.
Bring your hit points, your total hit points.
Uh, total hit points.
I think I get, I've got a max health of 19, I'm currently at 14.
19.
Cool.
I'm just going to fuck in ice knife.
Wait, how, where are we?
How close?
Um, like five, 10 feet away.
Five, 10 feet away is Eva within five feet of my shadow.
Is Eva's shadow within five feet of your shadow?
Is, I would like to know if who is within five feet of my shadow?
Eva.
Or Eva's shadow.
Eva's shadow, not Eva.
Eva's, yeah.
Well, because I mean you all were presumably walking together, right?
So they entered this fight mirroring, mirroring your stance with Eva.
So if you were walking shoulder to shoulder, then, yeah.
Um, all right.
Then I'm going to do ice knife.
Cool.
And then for mine.
Ice knife.
Make a spell attack.
Uh, that is going to be a...
I've never seen something ask me to roll a D3 before.
A seven.
I got a 17 to hit.
But I've seen D3s, but...
I've never seen something ask me to roll a D3 before.
I mean, I'm just going to roll a four and just eliminate the four.
That's crazy.
What the fuck?
Yeah, that's odd.
What'd you get?
Uh, 17.
Yeah, 17.
And this is to hit which one?
Uh, my shadow.
What is your raising?
15.
It is.
Cool.
Uh, so then it's going to take 1d10 piercing damage, and then I'm also going to need a dexterity saving throw.
What is your dex?
Uh, it is plus two.
Okay, what does it have to beat?
Um, jeez, hang on.
I'm so bad at dealing with multiple numbers at once.
I just rolled a 10.
I wrote that down, so don't forget it.
What was the question?
What does it need to be?
Uh, my spell DC is 15.
Got a 16.
God fucking dammit.
Um, that's fine.
It's still going to take 10 damage.
Nice.
Um, and I'm also going to need a dex saving throw from Eva's shadow.
Eva's shadow.
Eva's shadow does not pass.
Hell yeah.
Alright, that's going to be 2d6 to her then.
That's going to be 5 damage total.
Wonderful.
To Eva?
Yeah.
To what?
Eva's shadow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Eva's shadow.
And then would you like to take any movements?
Um, should I back up?
I mean, I'm a spellcaster, so it doesn't really matter.
I'll back up like 5, 10 feet.
Okay.
Um, it is going to advance exactly as many feet as you do.
Jesus fuck.
So as you walk back 10 feet, it's like still 5 feet away from you, walks back to you.
Get a personality!
Um, it is now like, it's, um, you can almost see like facial expressions, it's like talking
after you.
There's no noise that comes out of it, but like it's-
Fuck off.
Yeah, you can see it kind of like in a weird twisted smile.
Uh-uh.
It is now going to be you, your copy.
Yeah.
You're good, yeah.
This is what it's going to do.
You're going to, it's going to do the exact same thing.
I've, I've fucking figured.
Yep, exact same thing.
So I need a dexterity saving throw from, well, I got to see if I can hit you first, right?
I mean, I still have to do the dexterity no matter what.
Well, I hit.
God damn it.
No, I need a dexterity saving throw from you, and then I need a dexterity saving throw
from Eva.
Yeah, well, I fucking passed that dexterity saving throw.
That was a 22.
Eva also passes.
Um, so we're chilling.
So how much damage?
Uh, it's going to be, I snipe does 1d10 piercing damage because it hit me.
Um, and then the shard explodes.
Um, Eva should no longer be within-
Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Eva's chilling.
Cool.
So I don't take the 2d6 cold damage.
So you'll just take six damage then.
Fuck.
You'll just take six damage.
I'm on eight health.
You will just take the six.
I'm going to die.
Yeah, there's a solid chance.
Um, cool beans.
It is now Eva's turn.
Eva's going to make, like, like a, like a tactician's check sort of deal.
We'll call it insight to see if her theory is correct.
Cool.
Eva is going to ready her shadow battle axe and take a swing at her copy.
Since she is within five feet of her.
Oh my God, she misses with the first swing.
Eva.
Come on.
Okay.
Um, Eva has a plus.
She's got a 15.
I just rolled an 11.
I'm going to burn a superiority die and add a d8 to this because I don't want to miss.
Both attacks.
So I just need, like, a five.
Eva needs to get-
Will you please roll with a d8, guys?
You got an eight.
We're chilling.
Eva hits her copy.
Um, I'm not even going to roll damage as Eva's shadow battle axe makes contact with her
shadowy self.
Um, her shadowy self fully dissipates.
You just have to hit it?
Just like, you know, phew.
Oh, well shit.
Okay.
Yeah.
Is it my turn?
Um, Eva's going to walk, like, get close to you so that, well, actually no, with fucking
an ice knife.
I probably shouldn't.
Uh, yeah.
Eva's just going to, like, get behind you, like, get behind your copy.
Eva's going to get behind your copy.
Okay.
Yep.
Uh...
She's going to yell out, hit them with shadow.
Yeah, I gathered that part.
Thank you, though.
Uh, I'm going to use the fucking, uh, shadow whip.
Cool.
Uh, that is going to be a 19.
Yeah, 19 does it.
I'm going to have to roll damage.
It dissipates.
Perfect.
Because it doesn't do much damage anyway.
Hell yeah.
Uh, shadow weapons disappear.
Now I wasted a fucking spell.
Jesus.
Counter has been solved.
All right.
Let's keep going.
Yeah, let's get the fuck out.
Um, Eva's-
We need to take a rest soon, by the way.
There's also, I went, I went to do something.
She's going to, she's going to walk up to the, the, um, oh, what did it call them?
Not the things.
Uh, the sconces.
The sconces that Magically Lighted themselves is going to start, like, capping a few of them
so that the lights go out.
Um, well, if, think about it, if the shadows that are attacking us are created by making
more shadows, if we take away light, there's no shadow to be made.
You see what I'm saying?
Do you have dark vision?
Yeah.
What is we have?
Torch.
I mean, in theory, bright enough light should also work.
So if we just, we go back to the original plan, we say fuck the mages, conches, and we use
the torch.
Okay.
That's the whole plan.
We need to, like, cap them as we go though, or we might get hit again.
Gotcha.
I'm just using thaumaturate.
Do you mind?
Cool.
You and Eva walked down the hallway, all 250 feet apparently, and just, like, keep capping
those conches.
You want to play 20 questions or something?
You're gonna fucking walk.
Um, wonderful.
Accessing by opening up our door.
Yeah, I'm not going to do a fucking trap door.
I don't have time for that.
Once the door party is, yep, cool.
We're not doing a trap door.
Actually, you know what?
You wanted a riddle.
Yeah, give me a riddle.
Yeah, we'll do a riddle.
Madison asked before we started this if I could give her, or I guess myself and her,
a riddle.
But you're gonna know the answer.
I'll just cover it up.
Like, I'll just see it.
Like, I'll just read the prompt and then close the book.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
You want a riddle or you want a cyber?
We're gonna be, if it's a cyber.
I don't know if I want to embarrass myself with a cyber.
Let's do a riddle.
Okay.
Um.
Or like, look up like a random riddle generator if it doesn't give you the answer.
No, it's okay.
I've picked one and I've covered up the answer for myself.
Okay.
You and Iba walk up on a large ornate door, covered in magical runes, and as you look
at the runes, they almost seem to unscramble themselves in sort of this cool magic trick.
Oh, hey.
And form into words that you and Iba can read.
Well, can Iba read?
Iba can read in this one.
Fuck you.
In an episode that we scrapped, we were doing a lot of rhymes and riddles and it was Iba,
it was my turn and I was given Robert a riddle and Iba just rolled fucking that one for reading.
For reading comprehension.
Bro, for reading comprehension.
Um, so I just started taking words out of the puzzle.
Yep.
All right.
Many keys I do possess but can't open a lock.
Your feet will move in time as all your fingers take a walk.
Piano?
Ah, wow.
Yeah.
Wow, that was easy.
Look at you.
I'm good at riddles.
Holy shit.
Yeah, you say a piano and the fucking door just clicks open.
Runes like form a little piano and then like play a couple of keys.
Give me another.
Okay.
Jesus Christ, I guess another one opens.
That was too easy.
Everybody understands that time flows but one way yet I'm the only place where today comes before yesterday.
Read that again.
Everybody understands that time flows but one way yet I'm the only place where today comes before yesterday.
My first thought is one of those calendars where you pull off the day.
But I don't think that's the answer that they're looking for.
Like an advent calendar?
Like you think the answer is an advent calendar?
No, I don't think the answer is actually an advent calendar.
You think like ancient mages of like magical order were like in the dungeon going.
I wonder what we should make the answer for this here riddle.
Why are you sassy today?
Advent calendar.
Did you sleep all right?
I don't know if I slept.
Honey, that's bad.
Goliaths don't need beauty sleep.
Okay, I'm not saying just general sleep is pretty beneficial.
No, it's time that I'm not sleeping.
I'm not plotting on the death and demise of the military folk that I wish to kill back in homeland.
Eva, we gotta get you a hobby.
I think my hobby is killing sons of beaches.
I think that's my hobby.
Fair enough.
Okay, riddle.
Readle.
Time flows but one way.
I don't suppose you're good at riddles.
Not particularly.
Yeah, time flows but one way.
Reading was not a big up on least of things to learn.
From like fucking Sparta.
I don't know what.
That's not a real thing to me.
Where?
Nothing in this world.
Nothing.
It was a place in a dream I had.
A place in a dream.
You're one crazy lady.
You know that?
I know.
I'm so quirky and interesting.
Can you read the riddle again?
Crazy things.
Yep.
Everybody understands that time flows but one way, yet I'm the only place where today comes before yesterday.
A T comes before Y in the alphabet.
Uh huh.
So today would come before yesterday.
Is it a dictionary?
It is a dictionary.
Crazy.
Jesus.
I'm fucking good at this.
I'm on fire, man.
I'm not going to put us through a third one.
But yeah, you say a dictionary and the letters rearrange themselves, the symbols rearrange themselves to look like a dictionary sort of like a book flowing open back and forth.
And then the door clicks open.
Hell yeah.
We're into the next chamber, even to nothing.
See, I got a 20 charisma.
That means all the talking shit is my specialty and you know, you're strong.
That's funny.
As you enter this chamber, you are bathed in an almost blinding glow of moonlight beaming in from somewhere above.
Remarkable given it was daylight when you entered the spire.
The floor and walls of this circular chamber are white marble streaked with iridescent gray and lavender.
An elaborate lighting fixture hangs from the ceiling, which upon second glance you realize is a group of ornate mirrors suspended and angled to reflect the moonlight and diffuse it throughout the room.
Some of the mirrors also create a single shaft of focused moonlight, which forms a large circle on the wall opposite the door.
There is a circular pool of water in the middle of the room.
Its surface still and clear as glass.
Two three foot long levers just out of it.
Judd out of it.
Jesus Christ.
The first lever has a white handle and the second lever has a black handle.
As you and Eva both walk through the doorway into the chamber, the door swings shut on its own accord, and the walls begin to rotate around you with a steady whirring and clicking.
How fast are they going?
Just like, I mean enough to sort of change the room up, not like super fast.
Okay, well I was going to comment on the decor being very pretty, you know, like after we get to wherever we get whatever we're done now.
It seems fragile.
Things break easy.
Why, why put glass underground?
I was going to say if we settle down after all this, I would love to have one of these in the living room, but...
You want to have big moonlight mirror in living room?
Yes, pretty.
For what purpose?
It's pretty.
But what purpose?
To blind your foes as they try to ambush you in the middle of night?
I, Shana Eva, sometimes you just like to look at things because they're pretty.
I just mean decoration.
I don't understand.
You make no sense.
You have no survival instincts.
I don't need them.
Only care about pretty, not living.
I do have survival instincts.
I do think survival instincts need to kick in so we can get the fuck out of the mirror room.
Okay, I get that.
Wonderful.
Let's go to the next question, Jack, or an investigation, your choice.
Well, nat 20, so it doesn't matter.
Also nat 20 doesn't matter.
Jesus.
Cool.
So the circle of moonlight...
We just become so fucking stupid.
Yes, you all are just arguing about decoration versus like practical use of material objects in a room.
It suddenly clicks with both of you as you're like examining all the things.
That the circle of moonlight on the wall that's being bounced off one of the mirrors is roughly twice the size of the pool in the center of the room.
That's one nat 20 got me?
Yeah, I mean, I'll go ahead and give you another one too because there's another check to be made as well.
And also you also reveal a set of small gemstones mounted in an arc above the door frame from left to right.
There's a color combination.
Okay, cool.
What color are the gemstones?
Purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red from left to right.
Purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red.
I'm going to read this back to make sure I got it right.
Purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red.
Yep.
Purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red.
Yep.
Cool.
Are there things in the room that are those colors?
I've now spent basically 15, 20 minutes reading half the description of Madison because this puzzle doesn't even make sense to me and I'm reading the GM notes.
Basically the only thing we did, I wrote down and drew very crude drawings trying to get my bearing and we're going to read those again.
So you kind of have a grasp.
So the room is circular.
There is a moon pool like a, it doesn't make any sense to call it a moon pool.
There is a pool of water in the middle of the room and then inside that pool of water, there is a large rectangular box that houses two levers.
One is white, one is black.
On that box, on that rectangle box, there are five gems and in no particular order, each gem has a different color.
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple.
It also notes specifically in the description that the gems are a dull color as opposed to the bright moonlight.
Like there seems to be like an odd juxtaposition.
There is also, above that moon pool, there is a set of light fixtures like mirrors basically that are bouncing this large source of moonlight that is a little bit more complex.
There is a large source of moonlight that is coming from apparently nowhere onto the wall of the room.
And it seems roughly about the size of the moon pool.
On top of that, anytime either Eba or Sparrow takes a step in this room, the doorway that has an arch above it with six different gems,
or five different gems from left to right, purple, blue, green, yellow, orange and red, and that's six,
it's a lot of different shades, anytime they move and misaligns with doors basically.
So yeah, that's where we're at.
The room spins when we walk. It moves the doorway. There are gems above the doorway.
There are gems on this thing that houses the levers.
There are two levers inside the moon pool and there's moonlight.
Alright, my first thing, I would like to use Mage Hand and move the chandelier.
I'm just calling it a chandelier.
I would like to adjust where the moonlight is hitting the wall and I would like to try and aim for that to kind of hit the pool of water like a spotlight.
Wonderful.
Eba's going to reach her hand out and keep you from casting magic and just go, wait a second, I'm going to roll a wisdom perception check.
Cool.
Eba takes a little bit of time and basically starts knocking.
It looks weird as fuck.
She's taking some of her Warhammer and knocking on different places on the floor.
What the fuck are you doing?
And like putting her ear to the floor and go shh.
I think we are in a large elevator.
So when we walk, you see how walls rotate.
We're not moving side to side, we're moving up and down.
That's confusing.
That is confusing.
But the reason I stop is that maybe moonlight keeps us from moving in a direction.
So maybe we need to align with certain door first.
Okay, got it.
But that's just a guess.
I trust you're good on your mind.
We're talking about survival instincts.
Apparently I don't have any.
You don't.
I'm going to teach you.
You teach me what pretty mean I teach you how to survive.
Alright.
That's the deal we'll make.
It's a deal.
Cool.
Then I'm going to just kind of make my way and explain my thought process to Eba and our listeners.
So if the order of the gemstones on the door are purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red,
I would like to go and push the levers or push a lever and try and follow that order.
So if it's on those in a certain order, if it's like, if for example...
So you want to like walk until we're aligned with white and then push the lever forward.
I'm so confused with all of the aligning thing.
Yeah, I'm also confused with the aligning thing.
I'm just walking.
Okay.
I would like to walk to the lever.
Which one?
There's white and there's black.
Can I do a check?
I'm going to fucking vibe check and see which one I should go towards.
For sure, for sure.
Eba will vibe check with you.
What is a vibe?
I use Arkana for vibe check.
She's just doing insight.
That would be a 20.
She also got a dirty 20.
And this is to ascertain whether or not pulling these levers is a bad thing.
Black or what?
There does not seem to be like...
There's no...
In the way that they were made, in the way that Eba's like trying to figure them out by jiggling them back and forth,
to hear the mechanisms underneath, there does not seem to be any function right now to either lever.
I'm still going to try.
It looks like you can just throw them forward and backward and nothing is going to happen.
Well then, I'll do the white one.
I would like to...
So for example, we're saying that the ones on the gemstones on the box are in ROYGBIV.
So for example, it's purple first on the wall, so I'm going to pull the lever all the way down to where the purple is.
For sure, for sure.
And then just follow that order.
So do purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red.
That it effectively does nothing.
You just hear an empty clink.
There is clearly a position for each of them, but nothing is happening with them.
Okay.
Maybe if we somehow flip it...
I'm just going to go ahead and start adjusting the mirrors to try and get the moonlight on the pool.
That's what I was trying to do.
Which is what you were going to do.
She's going to go ahead and move forward with that.
Cool.
How's she doing that?
There's like... oh, like scaffolds to climb up.
Okay.
For non-magically inclined people.
Sucks a suck.
Yeah, pretty much.
It's definitely designed for people with mage hand, if it makes you feel any better.
Yeah, that's what I was trying to do from the beginning.
She's like, I got these.
She's like hanging from the ceiling with one hand, trying to like bat the fucking mirrors in the right position.
I'm going to get adjusted.
After like 15 excruciating minutes of her, just like batting the mirrors.
Let me do it.
The moonlight is solid on the moon pool.
And the gyms that were once cloudy are now bright and pearlescent.
Does it sound like the mechanisms are working?
It now feels that whenever you pull one of the levers, something is actually happening.
Cool.
I guess I'd like to set them both originally in...
Cool.
So you're going to throw...
So the black lever is going to be the one that seems to correspond to your gyms.
So as you throw the black lever down to, or I guess leave it on purple, the room whirls to life and begins to move what feels like up.
It feels like up.
So like...
It's up the goal?
I mean, ideally we go down because we need to go further down.
Okay.
I push the lever the other person's direction.
So you're going to move it one or are you just going to throw it?
Because they're like...
Yeah, I'll just move it one for now.
Okay.
You move it down another one and it feels like you move like one floor down.
Okay.
I'll just keep going forward one.
Okay.
You just keep going forward one until you feel like you're at the bottom of the elevator.
Does the door seem to stop?
Yes.
Like the archway stops and we can leave the room?
Yeah.
Bottom floor!
So as you begin to walk away from the moon pool, the room rotates away from the door?
God fucking...
Do I go back and the door goes back?
So you have to like continue to walk until it rotates fully around until it's...
So if I keep walking it'll eventually come back around.
Okay then yeah, I just keep walking.
Cool.
Am I able to go through the door?
Every time you like take a step, it fully like it does like a full rotation.
It's like in segments so that you can't just like step in.
Does that make sense?
No.
You can't just like line it up.
Like it moves too fast for that to happen.
Okay.
God damn it.
Have we tried pushing the white handle?
Oh fuck!
Yeah, I'm going to do that.
So you walk in circle until we have room aligned with hallway and then I crank son of bitch
into right position.
How are you going to get there?
Because every time we walk it shifts.
Are you going to drop from the ceiling?
Well my thought that...
Yeah, no she's down from the ceiling.
Oh.
Like the moonlight only had to be adjusted once.
She's down from the ceiling.
She's just watching you run in circles.
Am I...
Okay.
Yeah, you just learn walking in circles.
Like trying to get it to align with the room.
Cool.
She cranks the white lever in the fully opposite position as you eventually get the hallway
lined up with the red gym door and you feel something click into place.
Your steps will no longer move you away from the door.
Cool.
I gestured at the doorway.
Wonderful.
You all go to the red door.
So we're going to go and move on to the last part of this one shot because that's what
we did.
Each color...
What do you mean that's what we did?
Each color was a different room to be explored.
Oh!
So purple was the original chamber.
Blue was a different chamber that had a couple of magical items in it and some enemies.
Wait, no.
Did we go back?
Green also had enemies and two more magical items.
Yellow had fuck all in it.
Orange had so much in it.
I don't know why it's like three paragraphs.
Let's go to orange.
And then red is the chamber.
Let's go to orange.
Cool.
Yeah, you all pop back up to orange and then...
Like it's a super simple puzzle.
I mean it's essentially just like the lever corresponds to the floor and then you have
to lock the white lever in place to get the right...
Which was the one with magical items?
To green and blue.
Blue and green.
Let's do...
I say we do two floors depending on how long they take.
Let's start with blue.
Okay, so that's the second floor then.
It is an empty chamber containing 2d4 plus one enemies.
Yellow has fuck all.
Maybe we need to take a nap in yellow because I'm an eight health.
So there are going to be four blood oozes that are in blue.
It is an empty chamber with four blood oozes that are blocking what seems to be a rather
large chest that has been cracked open and is spilling out gold in a couple of fun trinkets
laying on top.
Okay, Eva, quick thing.
We find a room that's empty.
We take a little bit of a nap.
What do you mean little bit of nap?
I'm an eight health.
Our zeppelin flew away in the wind.
Yeah.
So don't we need to be fast?
Yeah, but I'm not.
When you mean little nap, do you mean short rest or like big nap, like sleep?
We can do a short rest.
We can go through something then.
We can just keep cranking until we find a room.
You eventually go to yellow, which is basically a cave in chamber that's mostly inaccessible.
It smells wet and damp.
Just like a shitty room.
It'll be fun, I guess.
Eva's going to make a perception jack.
Room seems clear.
Cool.
Hit a short rest then.
All right.
I'm going to look up real quick because we don't normally do short rest.
If you have it on the app, if you hit short rest, it'll give you the benefits.
Okay, perfect.
It's not going to be much at level three, if I'm being honest with you, but like for
me, it regains like my superiority dice.
It did nothing for me.
Yeah.
We're not really a level where a short rest is going to do anything.
I mean, I'll give you 10 hit points because you don't have a lot of health to begin with.
I'm just trying to see if I can get any spell slots back.
That I don't think is going to happen at level three.
Fuck.
That's why I'm going to take a long rest.
It's all right.
Okay, we've had our long rest.
I'll not pace myself in this one.
What are we doing next?
Are we going back to the room with blood ooze or are we going to...
Yeah, let's do that.
Going back to the red room.
The blood ooze room?
Yeah.
Okay.
There was gold in there.
I mean, listen, I'm off of our material, we can smelt that down, make something.
Or we can keep it as you know.
You know that you can buy things with gold, right?
You can buy weapons.
You mean like barter, like trade?
It's just buying.
Okay.
Well, we normally just like seize back in homeland.
We take, you know, like I'm bigger than you.
So what you have is mine.
Generally not how it works in most other parts.
Okay.
Well, your parts seem weak and ineffective and inefficient.
But listen, I don't judge you in the way that you live your life and you seem awful judgmental
mind.
Well, you know, you live weak life and that's just, it's part of strong to criticize weak
until weak becomes strong.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like...
I get that you're trying to help me but it just, you're hurting my feelings.
I can't, I can't lift rock, rock, I can't lift.
And I'm over here like boom, big rock on shoulder.
You know what?
I'm going to berate you and break you down until you can lift big rock.
We don't have to do all that.
You're like muscle.
I must tear you apart fiber by fiber.
You don't need to do that.
You want to be a strong spirit.
No, no.
I don't need to be big and strong.
That's what I'm a magician for.
Began strong magician though.
Because then if somebody tried to call you out, you can say, I'm not punk ass beach and
you can punch them in face.
That's generally what I use a knife for.
Well, knife is, knife is, is, is coward's way.
Listen, my thing is I'm a little bit more.
Just stab people.
Yeah, I get that.
I'm a little bit more covert.
I run in like political circles and like.
You're slimy.
You're like, you're like ooze.
You wait and flooring.
I'm slippery.
People work over and bam, you like ambush.
Correct.
Why do you like this?
What do you mean why am I like this?
It's not fun.
It is fun.
It's not, you don't, there's like that takes all of the rush out.
Yeah, have you ever crushed someone emotionally and mentally as opposed to just physically?
I mean not usually the other two come with the physical crush.
Yeah, but it's.
I make grown man cry because I can squeeze not so hard they pop.
Usually they're mentally and emotionally traumatized for life.
That is great, but you can also humiliate someone without hurting them.
I don't think that's true.
You can.
I don't believe it.
Oh, next city we go to.
It sounds as though you've been emotionally humiliated by other individuals and that
sounds like a little problem.
No.
I would never let someone do that to me.
I crushed them physically before that.
Why are you here?
It hurts me mentally.
What do you mean?
I'm not in the mood to move your place.
Well, I committed murder.
Right?
So I'm on the run.
Okay.
Never fucking mind.
I'm still I am being strong enough to then go back and I understand.
I understand.
Let's go back and fight blood.
Okay.
You seem really caught up on this.
Yeah, because this I'm not having a fucking.
Okay.
I mean, you are.
We literally are having this.
We're doing this now.
Elevator.
This now in the moonlight.
Yeah, moonlight elevator.
We are having a conversation.
And there's different ways that people can live their lives.
We need someone when we go into a town and they've got an army that will be able to kill
you, Eva.
We need to be able to sweep off people.
Not that you poison food supply.
Okay.
Well, you don't have time to always poison the fucking food supply.
If you plan appropriately, you always have time to poison food supply.
Well, what if things come down to it?
You're going to need things like food and shelter.
And guess what?
I'm going to go punch Uzi's now.
Because you need to be able to.
Okay.
I'm going to get a little bit of a sparyl, but we need to hit things and talk to us.
It has not been great.
I love talk.
I'm going to work on you.
Jesus fucking.
You don't need to fix me.
Wonderful.
You have the opposite of I can fix him.
The complete opposite.
I will.
I can crush her.
I will break her.
I will fix the weak.
I will break her parentheses positive.
All right.
I'm blood oozes.
I'm not going to bother drawing them out.
We got three in the room.
It's two of us.
Cool.
I'm going to be doing Shaboom baby.
I'm not.
I'm going to do this like you would do fucking kids on bikes.
We're just going to roll the 20s.
It does the rolls.
Yep.
Rolling the 20s.
I don't feel like doing all the combat.
All right.
That's fine.
I don't have enough spell slots anyway.
That's okay.
So I got a 10.
Let's see what the ooze gets.
Aha.
E would be to ooze number one.
Ooze number one is down.
I got a...
Am I adding anything to this?
Or just straight?
You can use your spell tag.
Cool.
Then 16 plus seven.
Fucking wonderful.
Ooze nings and nat 20.
Ooze gets a 15.
Cool.
Ooze is dead.
And then...
The other one.
16 plus seven again.
Wonderful.
Ooze number three does.
Cool.
Wonderful.
Just fucking like rocking music montage.
Just going through.
Can we do that?
No.
Is that copyrighted?
No.
I'm pretty sure it is.
Okay.
Well, I only got like three notes.
Just like fucking smashing and kicking and throwing and bolting and magic and physical
and crossing.
Ooze is dead.
We have 30 gold.
Hell yeah.
There is a small ring with a silver incantation chiseled into it and a wand.
Archana check.
Archana check on both.
Hell yeah.
Archana check.
17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.
Call it ring of invisibility and wand of magic missiles.
You can say something while I'm writing this down.
Okay.
We switched to a green room now.
Sounds good to me.
Start cranking green.
Wonderful.
There are two, what appear to be injured, limping humanoid individuals in the back of
a room.
Oh God.
Are you okay?
He just like calls out and like readies her like long bow.
Is this a good or bad situation?
One of them walks up.
It's like two zombies that are basically like eating the dead corpse.
Okay.
So bad.
So we kill.
We kill.
Sounds good to me.
All right.
Contestor rolls again.
Oh God.
Three plus seven.
Ten.
Oh.
Zombie got a 16.
Does that mean I die?
No.
We'll not call it die.
I'll just roll damage.
Okay.
We'll just call it a D6.
Three damage.
Fuck.
All right.
I'll roll again.
Zombie number one is fast nimble and agile.
16 plus seven for the next one.
And sprints.
It's you head on cutting you just across the side as you miss.
Mother fucker.
You spin around and hit him again.
He fails.
How do you kill zombie number one?
I this worked.
Am I, I'm trying to decide whether I'm using magic for this or since we're doing contested
rolls here if I'm going Marshall because I'm running low on spell slots.
No.
At this point, I'm proving a fucking point to Eva that I can take care of myself.
I'm using my daggers and then I'm probably crossbow one.
Check.
Yeah.
You fully just run up and just stick two daggers in.
Zombie number one's head and pull out and hit the crossbow.
Eva's fully got like zombie number two in a headlock and sees you using daggers and
is like, nice.
No.
This is, no.
Don't be proud.
This is the proof that I can already do the things.
Fucking talking about Sparrow, you get in there and you just, ah, you stab.
I was doing this before I met you.
And now you're doing it with me and it's, oh, it's absolutely glorious because now I can
break you in the process and you do it better.
Do not break me.
Yes, we break.
We don't.
We break and get stronger.
Like I break zombies neck.
Oh my God.
If you break me, I'm giving you a makeover and etiquette lessons.
What the fuck?
What do you mean?
I don't, that sounds terrifying.
That's scary.
It means I'm going to braid your hair, bitch.
Scarier than the zombies.
Exactly.
And at the end of the room on the dead member of the order of the ochre eye, there is a
long sword and a potion of greater healing.
I'm taking the sword.
That sounds very fair.
I'll take the healing potion.
I'll toss it to you if you need it.
Wonderful.
Next room.
Wait, what was in purple?
Yellow's cave.
Can we go to purple?
Yep.
Purple was the original chamber.
Oh yeah.
And then we did blue.
Blue is oozes, green was zombies, yellow was moss cave.
Yeah, orange.
Okay, so orange is a mostly caved in chamber, but one that features a small pathway that
leads to a large hole overlooking the chamber below, which is actually this chamber that
I have drawn ahead of time on our map.
Yeah.
You actually see a large, sort of tall and scrawny, lanky figure who is lounging in a
makeshift throne made of undead minions that appear to be still alive in some capacity.
Oh Jesus Christ.
And he is surrounded as well by several others that are not bound to his undead throne.
You tiresome.
You're just going to call out.
Yeah.
Cool.
He just looks up kind of surprised and go, oh, I didn't know I had guests.
Yeah.
Well, why don't you come through the front door then?
What?
What are you all in?
Like you're above me.
There's just a door you could have walked through.
Yeah, there was a cave in.
The stairs were blocked.
Right.
So just come down to the red door instead of the orange.
You see what I'm saying?
Oh yeah.
No, we took a couple pit stops, killed a couple things.
Yep.
You can come down to the last one and we can just, we can talk.
This just feels weird.
You yelling at me from up there.
Should we have done like a surprise thing, Eva?
You know, I was thinking about maybe a surprise thing and then you yelled out to converse with
him and well, that kind of went out the window.
You're hallucinating.
You know, I don't think I am.
I've been in this chamber for several hundred years and hallucinations are one thing and
real living, breathing people are another.
Nah.
Okay.
Well, I'll be here waiting for you to be an illusion again, I guess.
Cool.
I'm sorry.
That's my bad, Eva.
Sparrow, you're so pretty.
Thank you.
I'll take it.
Yeah.
You're pretty like chandelier that holds no purpose.
Okay.
We could have just left it at your pretty.
Cool.
We go down to red door now and face directly.
Yeah.
Go under fault.
Um.
The room where we are?
No, y'all.
That's why I said you guys were above like looking down.
Oh, that.
This is me misunderstanding what was happening.
Yeah, no, that was meant for like a round of surprise.
Well, I committed, so.
We're chill.
Sorry.
Now, we're cool.
Um, I get to read this swanky as description that is you all walk through and there's some
monologue here as well.
My bad.
The door opens to reveal a long cathedral like room.
There are murals painted on the walls and 10 large red focusing crystals lining either
side of the room, two of which have been shaken loose from their housing structure in a strewn
about the floor.
It's going to be this, which I'm pointing to, and that one which I pointed to.
Those were two important things that I didn't see until I read the description.
I'm going to color them.
Yep.
Go for it.
At the end of this chamber full of coffins in various states of despair is a large sarcophagus
and beyond is a throne built from the bones in the undead.
Sitting on the edge of it is a gauntman, all knees and elbows drinking from a silver goblet.
He pierces its youth through a curtain of stringy silver hair.
He has green eyes glimmering with an unearthly light.
In a silken voice, he says, yes, my saviors.
Thank you for securing my exit from this wretched place.
I've been trying for decades to figure a way out of that cursed contraption.
You had a personality shift.
Like lazily kicks like the coffin below them.
Earthquakes, you got to love them.
Of course, if it weren't for a chance thunderstorm and a bit of lightning that I managed to divert
from its path, who knows how long I would have been trapped in this purgatory.
We're going to need you to come to save me, correct?
We're just going to need you to like knock off it.
Pledge your service to me and return for the secrets to eternal life?
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's shake on it then.
Nah, I don't really touch other people.
He's out like his long gaunt bony hand.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Here's the thing.
I'm totally into this whole thing.
Like I'm so fucking gung ho for necromancy and all that shit.
We are going to need you to chill on the earthquakes.
I don't know why.
For a minute I was going to have him be like, what are you talking about necromancy?
He sits on a throne of undead, surrounded by zombies being like, I don't know what you're
talking about.
I just woke up from a really long nap.
Listen, no, I'm so into what you're doing here.
We do need you to like knock off the earthquakes and shit though.
But the earthquake was me awakening from my summer exiting purgatory.
I can't just knock off the earthquakes.
I need to be free.
That's what you're here to do, right?
You're here to rescue me?
Yeah, yeah, totally.
What are we supposed to be doing here?
The task that you were given by the member of the Okurai Loretta was to find the source
of the arcane energy, the evil arcane energy that was seeping out from the spire.
Okay.
That just recently started because of the earthquake.
Okay.
Now I know how I'm going to play this.
All right.
Presumably this is...
Yeah.
So you've just woke up recently, right?
Well, you know, it's funny you should just, you should say recently.
So I was in a bit of a kerfuffle, if you will.
We had a disagreement of words with a powerful, should we say, organization of magical beings.
I think you might have heard of them called the Okurai.
And never heard of them.
Well, it's funny that you should mention that this is actually their, this is like their
establishment.
And I got into a disagreement with them several hundred years ago about transporting some
bodies.
And I got into a disagreement with them, unfortunately, got lost in transport and they were used
for some unseemly things.
And because of that, they decided to...
Are you acknowledging that they're uns...
Are you saying what you did with them is unseemly?
No, I'm saying that what they were found to have had unseemly things done to them.
And they accused me of it because I was responsible for transporting the bodies of the deceased
mage members of the Okurai.
I also, before I do this insight check, has he noticed or acknowledged Eba?
Because I've assumed that I jumped ahead and started talking.
Yeah, I mean, he's just talking to you.
I mean, he's kind of like gestured to you and Eba.
Damn, I was going to pass the ring of invisibility.
Oh, no.
I mean, she presumably walked in with you.
God damn it.
Okay.
I mean, if that's something...
I'll tell you what, let me...
I didn't think this through.
I didn't think about the fact that this is like the final thought.
Maybe she would think about this.
Okay, she got an 18.
If you think that you would have thought to slip her the ring of invisibility...
Okay, I'll slide a hand check it right now.
Cool, yeah, you can slide a hand check.
See if you can slip off the ring to Eba.
19 plus 4 plus 1.
Yeah, between her wisdom check and your slide of hand check, 100%, you pawn off the ring
of invisibility and Eba slips that motherfucker on and immediately just out.
Cool.
Wonderful.
He's going to have a passive perception.
Let me see what that is.
Oh, and then I got to do my insight check on him.
Yes, then you'll be your insight check.
Oh hell yeah, another 19.
Jesus Christ.
Plus 3 plus 4.
Holy fuck.
So 19 plus 4 is 23.
Yep, plus 3, 26.
Holy shit dude.
What do you want to know?
What are you trying to like?
I'm trying to see if he's telling the truth and there is more to like.
Telling the truth about what specifically?
He made it sound like the reason he got sealed down here was because they accused him of
doing something that he didn't do.
That he didn't do.
I get it right, like there was this misunderstanding the bodies were found this way but I'm not
responsible.
He's lying out of his ass.
Yeah, 100%.
He's very much trying to put this off on the order to spend them.
It's like, no they were like, they jumped the gun, they went a little too far too quickly.
I just like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
No, I totally get that.
See, I'm also in a similar situation.
I'm actually wanted by the law in several states for something that I didn't do.
So I get it completely.
All of these fucking authority figures, they just point the finger, I got horns and they
just see that and that's all they see really.
Yeah.
It's fucked up.
It's real fucked up.
So when did you wake up exactly?
Well you know, I've been stewing.
If you say I've been.
Yeah, like restless sleeping.
Restless sleeping.
So part of their punishment for the sort of unseenly acts that were committed on these
bodies was to be given what they thought that I wanted in sort of a sick and twisted sort
of way.
Like eternal life, which is of course what they thought the person that committed these
acts wanted.
But inside of a sarcophagus with no sleep, no food, no light, no contact.
Oh well that's fucked up.
It's incredible.
I mean it's torture.
Yeah.
Right?
I mean that's straight up, that's just torture.
And if it weren't for the fact that I've been sort of accruing power here in the sarcophagus
and managed to divert that lightning strike from the storm, I would have never been able
to break out a sarcophagus in the first place.
Have you been accruing power?
I've been stewing.
Just being angry.
Oh like emotional.
Yeah, like emotional power.
Okay, gotcha, gotcha.
Not like charging up physically.
I mean kind of charging up physically.
Do you get your powers from your emotions?
Um, I mean does anybody really know where they get their powers from?
I mean.
Do you just want to shake on this and we'll call it a day?
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, give me a second.
Yeah, you give me out of here and I give you eternal life.
I have a question.
This, this, this, this, this, this.
Right.
Technical question.
Um, the lady, which she was telling me about this, she didn't say that he was alive, correct?
She was like he's dead.
You were drinking that water for so long.
Yes.
Okay, cool.
So she, am I able to like kind of discern, was she intentionally lying?
No.
No, she truly, I mean she said, you were like chances of him being dead, she was like nine
out of ten.
Okay, so not an intentional.
So this is like the 1% worst case scenario guy that they locked up for centuries because
he wanted to become a lich.
Yeah.
Has woken himself up.
And then it's just been fucking stewing apparently.
Has been stewing, has been a crewing power.
Cool.
Um, at this point.
But based on what he said, he was never technically dead to begin with.
They like locked him in, I mean if he's to be believed, he's been like locked in an eternal
undead slumber.
So part of it's on them for not just making him dead, dead.
Double check.
Like I double tap.
Like that's.
Yeah, 100%.
It's kind of on you.
Yeah, should have put a couple more locks on it.
Am I able to while I'm talking with him, can I try and clock if there's any like arcane
focus on him or anything?
Yeah, give me an arcana check.
Items.
Well, what we'll call an arcana and perception check combined.
That's kind of my goal with like talking to him and.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like trying to notice things.
I'm getting information from him.
Yeah.
Um, 16 plus that's dirty 20, 21.
Um, yeah.
So there are 10 super bright glowing red arcane like signets.
If you will, they're like crystals being housed in these large containers that are around
the room.
Two of them are just like just basically they look like they've been knocked off of their
pedestals.
Okay.
And those are all on a 21.
Those are all deeply connected in some way to whatever enchantment was placed in the
sarcophagus that he's exited from.
Okay.
Uh, and he's why the fuck did they put a throne down here?
That's also.
Well, it looks like he made the throne.
Okay.
Looks like one of his first things that he did down here was like assemble the dead bodies
in like a throne.
All right.
Necromancer is a show.
Um, am I able to while I'm talking to him also, um, because my whole goal with talking
to him is kind of like Robin Hood and shit.
Um, am I able to like, does he have any magical items on his person?
Um, it doesn't appear that he's wearing any magical items now.
Okay.
Damn.
Um, is there anything else around him that seems like it would be of note?
Uh, um, there are, so he himself has two zombies or what looked to be undead creatures on either
side of him, like left and right.
And then, um, there are coffins strewn throughout the room that seem to be lit up with some
sort of arcane sigils.
Like it looks like they've been freshly like carved onto the top of the, like the coffins.
Um, and those very well might contain more creatures that he's going to presumably like
try to raise over time or in threat of combat.
Okay.
Uh, none of mine are going to do particularly well in close quarters.
Eh, it'll be fine.
Okay.
Um, I'll give him my mage hand to shake, not my physical hand.
Um, cool.
Do conjure mage hand to shake his, like his regular hand and he like feels like the grip
of the main chain goes, you know, that's a really cute party trick that we used to,
um, we used to do me and the order back when we were kind of close and they weren't, um,
trying to imprison me for all eternity.
Um, but unfortunately this kind of deal has to be sealed with a physically a shake.
See, I'm not really in the market of a handshake is just a lot, you know, like take me out
to dinner first, that kind of situation.
I'm not just.
I'm going to give you a tour to life.
You can have no tour to your place with me.
Am I able to place where Eva is?
Um, give me a perception check and I'm going to roll stealth for her.
Uh, 13, 14, 15.
Um, you can, you can just barely place out.
I'm going to go ahead and get many's out.
Um, mm-hmm.
She is about halfway down the chamber.
Like you just kind of barely catch like a rustling of bones.
Um, that she kind of like walks into that he's definitely not going to notice, but that
you looking out for Eva are going to notice.
Okay.
So stall longer.
Where am I?
Um, you're all the way at the end of the room.
Oh shit.
Okay.
So I'm going to go ahead and get her his zombies that are on either side of his sarcophagi.
Yeah, I thought I was closer.
Yeah.
And that's what Eva's been doing, trying to get close enough to like take a shot.
Yeah.
Presumably.
And she wants ranged, correct?
Um, I mean, yeah, she is a ranged character.
So I mean, she doesn't need to, um, she doesn't need to be close, but because she uses both
like a mall, well she has this new longsword.
She has the longsword and she has the arrow.
So it's kind of one of those things where like being in that mid range is the best case
scenario for her because it means that if they try to advance on her, cool.
She's got melee combat.
If they stay arranged, cool.
She's got ranged combat.
So she's in position.
Yeah.
She's good.
She's good to go whenever.
Cool.
Uh, then I am going to straight.
Am I able to, I, okay.
I'm going to swing.
Um, not physically swing, but, uh, yeah, I'm definitely throwing hands.
Um, am I able to discern any advantage from talking to him and being charming and deceptive?
Um, let me make a deception check, please.
I'm begging you, I have a plus seven.
You want an assumption check for what?
I don't, I'm trying to be like smooth and like, yeah, no, I'm here for the good thing.
So it's like surprise motherfucker.
When I, if I'm having a conversation with you and I pull a knife on you and lunge across
the table to stab you, you would like a round of surprise.
The deal I will make with you is that I would ask you to close half the distance.
And when you do really get into the act of like, cool, I'm walking to shake your hand.
Boom.
Yeah.
Okay, level ice knife.
Ice knife.
I like to think of his ice bear from, wonderful.
Whatever the thing is.
So I'll give that to you and then I'm going to roll initiative for things.
Roll lawyer's seat and dean.
Cool.
Take your round of surprise.
All right.
Second level ice knife.
So I'm going to roll the hit.
Does a 15 plus seven hit?
Yeah.
15 plus seven will do it.
Okay.
So I'm going to roll and then I'm also going to need a dexterity saving throw.
Okay.
Dexterity saving throw.
That passes.
Damn.
That's going to be eight and then it doesn't take any of the additional damage so there
was no fucking point.
God damn it.
That would have been so good.
It doesn't say take half the damage.
I would like to argue that it should take half from the exploding dice or from the exploding
knife.
Well, what do you want to take half damage?
Since he passed the dexterity saving throw.
Or because normally it's if you pass you don't take any of the damage but I cast it as a
second level so I could try and get some of that damage and I failed.
Nah, roll lawyer.
God damn it.
You called me around.
I know.
14 damage.
I'm going to call you around and surprise.
I'm going to call you on.
All right.
And he just takes eight damage.
Just eight damage it is.
And then I'm going to roll a wild magic surge.
Cool.
No wild magic surge.
Yep.
You just throw, yeah, you like are walking towards him like getting ready to like, yeah,
I'm shaking your hand and then just like with the other hand behind you.
Psych bitch.
Yeah, just throw a fucking ice knife and it hits him like straight and it's like, ah,
you.
What were you going to call me?
Nothing.
No, go ahead.
What were you going to call me?
Say it.
Say it bitch.
Damn.
Say it bitch is crazy.
What is next?
We're about to start throwing real hands.
I'm trying to think if there's, um, I've got an object interaction.
Can I do a check on these coffins to see about how soon I think that they're going to open
and more bitches are going to pop out?
Minus a check.
18, 19, sorry.
We're about to look soon.
You have a feeling that at the big, I made the DC 20 in my head to know exactly what
the mechanic was.
So I'm not going to say exactly what it is.
You get the idea that every so often he is going to begin basically awakening them one
at a time.
Okay.
Gotcha.
What that looks like mechanically.
Who knows?
Now what is Eva's turn?
She'd like to take some movements.
I'm trying to think.
I feel like I'm in a good spot.
I feel like you're in a good spot too.
I would, I would tell Eva's going to go for this guy and she's coming out of his ability.
So she's going to join you in that round of surprise.
I'm going to go for the, go for the big guy and go with advantage.
Well she has clear as land of sight on him.
She doesn't really have a line of sight on the big guy.
So with an advantage, cool.
That's a hit.
Roll some Diggy damage and this is a longbow, 2d6 plus 2.
Five, that's going to be 10 damage total to one of our fleshy boys.
One of our undead, uh, zombie boys.
You just, um, just, uh, just kind of like a thunk barely even interrupts like the, the
drooling.
Get fucked.
So I'm going to take her round, um, and it takes 10 damage from its first attack and
then Eva is going to hit it again.
She hits again.
Hell yeah.
Wow.
She rolled max damage on that one.
Fuck yeah.
So another 14 damage this time.
Um, holy shit.
This thing's got like, so little health left.
She, and because you know what, that's not one attack over half its health, but that's
two attacks I'm going to consider it half its health in one go.
Oh yeah.
So she is going to essentially, she's going to fire one arrow into, um, it's like, it's
got one large hand that it's like using as a club that it's like been stitched together
that looks like it would do a lot of like blood damage.
She fires one arrow into sort of like the joint, like the socket where the arm would
go in and then fires another arrow that splits that one straight down the center.
Uh, and the arm is basically hanging by a thread.
So if it tries to swing, it's going to lose the arm.
Gross.
It's hanging by like flesh and sinew now that like a lot of the flesh has been ripped
off of it.
Get fucked, I guess.
Get fucked indeed.
Um, and Eva is going to take some movement now that she has seen five, 10, 15, 20, 25.
Well, you need line of sight, so let's not do that.
Uh, five, 10, 15.
I'll be okay.
I can move before I attack to get line of sight.
The other thing is she doesn't know about the gems, so that's not going to be a priority
for her.
So she's going to get on top of the sarcophagus so that she has like, they have to add her.
Question.
We have to get him in the sarcophagus before we put the gems up, correct?
You don't know.
Shit.
Yeah, unfortunately it's something we're 100% aware of as of right now.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, cool.
It is now going to be a regular initiative.
So I'm going to roll a D6 and one of our coffin boys is going to wake up.
It's going to be coffin number two.
You could exit out for me so that way I know it's been used.
And two is going to be a ochre zombie.
Gross.
Gross indeed.
Let me get another mini out.
I do love fried ochre though.
Ochre zombie.
So let's say it's got a Z on it.
Throw that over there for me.
Um, cool.
We have just had crypt number two pop open with a, um, what appears to be the body of
one of the members of the ochre eye that has been zombified by Lord boredom.
I was tiresome.
Same difference.
So close.
What the fuck ever, bro.
And I need to roll initiative for that thing since it enters at the top.
It's going to be a 16.
That's going to go right after Eva.
Cool, cool.
Wonderful.
It is you at the top of the initiative.
All right, I'm going to use my wand of magic missiles and hit a Lord boring bitch, uh,
for, uh, 3d4 plus four.
And he's just going to take that.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, I can't counter and don't have to roll the hits.
Magic missiles.
Fucking nuts.
I've never actually used it before.
I think this is my first time.
It's fun.
It doesn't do a lot of damage, but when you start getting higher levels and just you're
throwing out like 10d4, it's like cool.
Yeah.
You don't even get to roll against this.
Um, four, five, six, another four, um, eight, nine, 10, uh, plus four, 14 damage.
14 damage altogether.
Yeah.
Wonderful.
Um, so not too shabby.
And then that's my action.
Um, and then I'm going to, I'm still in a pretty good spot.
Yep.
Being there in the, being there in the middle.
I feel like I want to do something else on my turn.
So can I do object interaction?
You got movement.
You got checks.
Can I do a check to see if I think that putting the gyms up is going to help us now or if
he needs to be in the sarcophagus for that?
Yeah.
Give me an inside check or a card of check.
17 plus four plus five, 17 plus five.
Jesus.
17 plus five.
Yeah.
So that would be 22.
God damn.
22.
Um, it doesn't look like there needs to be a particular order, but it would help to have
the gyms.
It feels as though, seems as though, reads as though having the gyms restored to their
original placement would help with getting him in.
So the way that these gyms appear to work on a 22 is once they're all in their correct
pedestals, so once they've all been replaced, um, they are all, I mean, they're basically
like batteries for one large enchantment spell that has been laid on top of the sarcophagus.
So it's kind of like you've got to, you've got to put in the batteries before you can
flip the switch.
Gotcha.
Otherwise you're just going to, it's like kind of trying to hold the switch up while
you're trying to put the batteries in.
So it's one of those things, once you get the gyms in, ideally what happens next is
you then force the, uh, force the tiresome back into the sarcophagi and then try to
reactivate whatever enchantment was on it originally.
Got it.
Okay.
Um, then I think that'll be it for my turn.
Wonderful.
Um.
Uh, can I yell to Eba?
Sure.
Uh, toss me the ring when you get a second.
Oh, oh, okay.
That's all.
That's a hell of a throw, man.
Um, yeah, you're like 40 feet away.
A 40 foot throw with a fucking silver ring.
All right, fine.
I'll move a little bit forward.
Uh, 10, 15, 20.
I don't want to be that close to a coffin in case a fucker pops out.
No, fair enough.
Fair enough.
Um, Queens.
Eba, free object interaction.
Give me a slide of hand check.
I'm going to make an athletics check.
Uh, 17 plus, uh, four plus five.
Yep, we are solid then.
Uh, she takes off the ring and like perfectly throws it to you and you snatch it right out
of the air and she is going to take another shot at our zombie friend.
She's going to miss the first one.
Unfortunately.
Oh, and Eba.
She's going to hit the second one.
Roll some damage.
Hell yeah, she kills it.
Hell yeah.
Um, another max damage roll, 14 damage and our first flesh column is a down before it
even gets to act in initiative.
Get fucked.
Uh, she is going to shout across the room using her like free like speech per turn.
Uh, what's up with crystal?
Did crystal need to be back in?
Yeah, crystal.
Or do I need to put you back in coffin?
We want, well, it's probably going to be both, but yeah, putting the crystal, I can take
care of the crystals up if you want to take care of getting him in the coffin when it comes
to that.
Oh, I'm so down for putting him in coffin.
I know you are.
I'd like to see you try.
Me?
But well, well, both of you.
Oh, this is tiresome.
Yeah, tiresome.
I thought Eba was fucking funny.
I was like, hello?
No, this is tiresome.
Like being like, no, like I'd like to see you try.
We're not talking to you.
What?
You're talking about me though.
Yeah, but we're not talking to you.
Well, that's rude.
Mind your business.
This is, this has been my business for 300 years.
You are so impolite.
And I'm going to get a lot conversation.
No, what?
Conversation is over.
Okay.
You are a very impolite guest.
How dare you?
Cool.
Eba's going to take five.
Let's see how these stupid fucking squares are.
Five, 10, 15, 20, 20, damn it.
So one of the gyms, you all can't see this, but one of the gyms that we need to get housed
is on the opposite side of Lord Tiresome.
And there's not really a way for Eba to get around him.
I don't really want to get in melee a range of this guy.
So I think Eba's going to like just stay here.
Yeah.
She's just going to stay here and hope that like tiresome comes at her.
Yeah.
So that she can kind of run around.
So she's just going to preserve her movement and her time.
Sounds good.
She is actually going to take her free action to investigate the coffin.
She's currently standing on though to see if it has any undead occupants that might
decide they want to leap out on a random dice roll.
I got fucking jack in the box.
She just takes like the end of her war hammer and just like slams it through the top of
the sarcophagus, fully just like crash, and then like looks down and goes, this one's
empty.
Thank you, Eba.
You're welcome.
She's like a bull in a china shop.
And then like brings it back up, throws it on her pack.
Remind me to never take you on any stealth missions.
It is Jean-Bien the back's turn.
So he is going to be troublesome.
He is not going to go attack anything.
He is going to try and unhouse another gym.
That bitch.
He's going to make a strength check.
Where's the other gym?
So each of these, I didn't draw an extra fucking object.
Each one of these also has like a gym on it.
So the gyms are also meant to contain like the people inside.
Got it.
Yeah.
So he's going to...
I thought it was just two.
No, no, there are 10 gyms.
He's going to pop out of his and attempt to rip the gym off the top.
It's so fucking fun.
Strength.
He's got a plus one to this.
He's got a higher.
He's got a five.
He's going to fail.
And then it's going to be his entire turn.
All right.
Fucking useless.
Stupid zombies.
You fucked.
Can't expect them to do a guy-diam thing.
Who is next in order.
It is going to be this guy.
Who is going to...
5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
He's going to close the distance.
He is large.
Oh, that's me.
Fuck.
Yeah, that is you.
I was looking through my spells and shit.
That is you.
Cool beans.
Starts its turn with...
Okay, that's not important.
That's not important.
Oh.
Interesting.
So you see as the golem begins to walk or rush forward, all of the space behind it, and
this is kind of in a shitty, drawn way, has now become destroyed and torn up from its
mass dragging objects behind it.
So any area that this thing walks in is now going to be considered difficult to reign.
As it is tearing up the floor.
We need to kill him.
He's going to make an attack against you.
What is your AC?
15.
I'll roll in front of the board.
Plus five to hit.
10.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, you're good.
He takes one.
We're going to miss, motherfucker.
He's not missing, just hits like one of the stone slabs behind you.
Try again.
Use sidestep, and that is going to be his whole motherfucking turn.
Um, Cole, we just tore up the goddamn floor.
You useless piece of shit.
God damn.
All right, it's Lord Fuckface's turn.
Let's see what he's got in his wheelhouse.
What is his action economy looking like?
What's fucking lame?
What, that's so lame.
I don't do the thing you do where you're like, that's lame.
I'm going to like buff it up.
No, I'm not.
Um, cool.
He is going to fly.
Hello?
Um, he is like kind of ethereal, spirited looking.
He's got like flesh on the bone, off the bone.
I thought he was just a man.
That's what we all thought.
And then he floated off the fucking throne, and now he's like half spirit, half man kind
of deal.
He is going to lock eyes with Eba, um, and in like a very polite way, like extend his
hand and go, what you mind giving me your soul darling?
And you watch this.
Hey, leave her alone.
Don't say that.
Eba's eyes go blank.
And Eba's going to make a charisma, skidding throw.
No.
It was just, this is her worst fucking, she got a minus one to this.
So um, yeah, not great for Eba.
Where does she got to pass?
Yikes.
Yeah.
Oh my God, she passed somehow.
Holy shit, she got a fucking 16.
Eba like fully like snaps out of it and swings her head back and forth.
And goes, I don't like petty mind tricks.
You spirit fuck.
Hell yeah.
You want my soul, you better come take my body first.
Jesus.
Uh, wonderful.
That is going to be his entire turn.
We're now going to move back to the top of initiative work.
Cause that is the end of the round.
I'm going to roll another D six.
We have another creature that has popped up.
This one is on, um, three.
So let me get another thing out here.
Your three definitely looks like an M. Oh yeah.
And this is going to be a skeleton.
Any ochre?
Bones boy.
It's an S. It's supposed to be an S. My bad.
Um, Cole's skeleton pops out of numero three.
It looks like a fucking rune of some kind.
It doesn't look like an S.
God damn, 17?
It doesn't matter.
We're still at the top of the order, but like Jesus Christ.
Cool.
It is you.
Okay.
Starting your turn within the attack range of our flesh golem.
Yeah, I feel like I got to kill him.
Um, how do I want to do that?
Let me see.
I'm probably going to save my spell slots for fuck oh.
So I'm going to, oh, that's not even much.
Not to fuck oh.
Yeah.
I guess I'm going to magic missile him at point blank range.
Damn.
You just got to like wand.
I mean, in my head, she definitely is like, like, I would love to stab him with it.
That's so funny.
Just for flavor.
Stab him with the wand.
Yeah.
That's funny.
All right.
Eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, twelve damage.
Wonderful.
Twelve damage is a fucking fair amount.
Could I argue, because I hate the, the, the putting on the ring is an action.
Could I argue that that is a bonus action?
No.
Okay.
Then that's my turn.
I was here.
My fiance has arrived.
Hello.
Come in as we start.
Hello.
Beating as we are still beating the absolute shit out of some undead beanie boys.
You want to say hi?
She on.
That's, that's hello enough.
Um, wonderful.
Is that your turn?
You got to do anything else?
Uh, that's all I really can do.
Because if I leave here, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to get it.
And I don't have any bonus actions because I'm a level three sorcerer.
Damn.
That's cool.
Uh, is going to be Eva's turn.
Now here's the question.
Do we think Eva is going to attempt to assist?
Do we think Eva is going to attempt to assist or do we think Eva is going to attempt to
1v1 Lord tiresome?
Um, I mean, I truly think that either situation is going to be good.
Okay.
Um, I'm at 15 health.
So that's what worries me because the biggest creature in the room is currently the one
that you're squared up with.
Yeah.
So, yeah, maybe help me.
Okay.
Eva is going to, with limited ammo, Eva is going to hop off this Rikof guy, go five,
10, 15, 20, 25 and get right up in this thing's face.
Um, cool.
She is going to unsheath her new magical longsword that she has pocketed off of her zombie friends
from earlier, which now adds an additional plus one to hit.
So this has got a plus seven to hit.
She is going to take two large swings at this flesh column that is currently squaring up
on sparrow.
Only has 15 health.
You say only 15.
I'm at a max of 19.
Um.
I was saying that I'm looking good on health.
First is a hit.
That's gonna, I don't have damage from longsword pulled up, but because it's magical.
I'm just going to make a number up because it's magical.
I'm just going to call it 2D6.
I think that's accurate for a longsword.
Or maybe it's a great sword.
Well my Warhammer is 1D8, so I'm just going to call it 2D6.
Yeah, sounds good.
So that's going to be a nine.
Nine damage to the flesh column.
She takes a nice chunky chunk out of it.
Big ass.
That's going to bring this thing down to that many hit points.
And then she's going to swing again.
There is potential for her to kill this thing.
Please.
There's also going to be a hit.
That's a six.
Please kill it.
That's a one.
God damn it, Eva.
Um, six, one.
Okay, that is another, uh, only eight damage unfortunately, which is not enough to kill
our monster.
Um, she unsheaths her longsword and rushes this thing and starts, uh, unfamiliar with
how to use a longsword.
She's more of like a club weapon kind of person, like a bloodshed.
She's just using it like a club?
Yeah, she's essentially like trying to just like hack at this thing.
Like longswords, like there's usually a lot of stabbing motions and trying to use like
the, the sharp point of the sword.
She's fully just taking like fucking like ham chunks out of this thing as she is just
like slamming it in.
She's not using like the blunt side of the sword, like the smooth side.
She is using the sharp like long edge, but she's not like trying to stab.
She's just like trying to take slices and chunks off.
Well, that's not.
You fucking die.
You're doing a great job, sugar.
Jesus man of stone.
Yeah.
Trust like stabbing as opposed to like hacking.
Stabbing as opposed to hacking.
You heard it here first folks.
Um, always stab, never hack.
Skelly boy's turn.
Skelly, Skelly boy.
He's a Skelly Skelly boy.
Oker Skellits.
And here we go.
What do we got?
We have a range attack.
I don't know.
No, but it's got bones.
Bones and stones.
Bones and stones is what we got.
Bones and stones is definitely.
Given the fact that it doesn't fucking have any pluses to strength, it's not gonna attempt
to actually remove any gems.
Slowly making their way.
10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
Just the bones and he's going to, 10, 15, 20, 20.
He's going to throw stones.
Stones.
Mind your fucking business.
Gonna throw fucking rocks at, uh, Spiro.
Just your AC.
15.
It's going to be a hit.
What?
He got a, um, a non-natural 20.
Jesus.
Yeah, non-natural 20.
Um, and let me roll my B6, which is in my hand.
I couldn't find it.
It's going to be 5 Legendary Damage as it picks up a large piece of broken stone and
hurls it with all of its bony strength.
Cool.
I'm about to have to take that post in a greater healing.
That's cool.
Yeah, go for it for sure, for sure.
Um, it's now Zobby's turn.
He's going to make another strength attack to try and upheave this gym.
And that is unfortunately going to be a pass.
He is going to unheave one of our gyms.
Be red.
So we now have three gyms that have been upheaved and an additional monster.
So we have, we're down one monster, up two monsters, and we are one gym unheaved.
Two more gyms need to be slotted.
Not looking good for our heroes.
Mighty pair of us.
We're getting fox.
We are truly kind of losing this fight, but it is what it is.
Uh, all right.
Next is going to be, that was our zombie, our flesh column who is face to face with
Sparrow.
Sparrow, Earth Sparrow.
High Mids and Health.
It is going to hit Eba with a new found rage using one of its perks.
It's going to roll a D4.
Wow.
On that's crazy.
Yeah, it starts its turn within.
That sucks.
What?
What's happening?
It's going to continue to do so until it is.
What in the fuck?
That's crazy.
What's happening?
Would you like to share with the class?
No.
Um, give me a nature check.
Yeah, because I'm so good at those.
I'm doing nature check as well.
Uh, actually that wasn't bad.
That was a dirty 20.
Um, this ochre flesh column has entered some sort of rage state having under a certain
threshold of hit points and is now going to attack with advantage until it either regains
a certain amount of hit points or it dies.
Fuck.
Yep.
Um, and it is also on a 20.
It is gaining some unnatural addition to strength being within 10 feet of Lord, um,
the higher some Lord bitch ass.
So it's going to roll with a plus five with advantage to hit, uh, from the neighborhood
Eba.
Yeah, that first one was a hit.
I don't even know why I rolled the second one.
Uh, cool.
It's going to hit Eba for 1d8 plus four.
Jesus.
That's brutal.
Okay.
It's only eight damage.
That's not the worst.
Um, but unfortunately as part of this attack, it also gets to grab.
No.
So we are going to roll some opposed athletic checks here folks to see if Eba gets put into
a grapple.
I can't even use fucking eyes.
She's right next to him.
Okay.
And he was going to roll strength.
Eba just barely passes.
Um, manages to shove off the golem is that attempts to wrestle her with its only remaining
arm.
Okay.
I'm going to have to start slinging spells on this motherfucker.
Yeah.
Not super great.
Uh, with its only remaining arm and is going to attempt to, or no, this one hasn't been
hit by even everyone.
The other one's the one that died to you.
Yeah.
The other one's the one that died.
So this one's got two free arms.
Cool.
That's going to be the golem's turn.
Um, what is next?
It is going to be Lord tiresome.
Can I get a charisma saving throw from you, Madison?
Get in fucking try.
From Sparrow DC 13.
Well I rolled a 13, but I also get a plus seven.
So get fucked.
Jesus Christ.
I have a 20.
Again, extends his long, ethereal hand and goes, won't you make a deal with me?
Uh, slap it.
And you feel something sort of, uh, begin to push its way into your thoughts, but you're
very charismatic and managed to, um, but yep, you just like mental image middle finger
and he is forced out of your mind space.
Try the fuck again.
He is going to climb on top of his unsurciful guy, which is funny.
Uh, this is going to be his turn.
So we are a start of initiative again.
I'm going to roll another D six.
We are going to introduce another creature to combat.
Number four, please.
All right.
What is number four on our list?
Holy shit.
There's a lot of creatures and Oaker flesh column.
Are you shitting me?
I have 10 health.
Another Oaker flesh column.
I am not going down in another fucking combat encounter.
You might just be.
Oaker flesh column on four, please.
Listen, what I'm learning is sorcerers are great in like a campaign setting, but for
one shots when they don't have plot armor, well, not even, okay, fuck off.
You can't complain about me being plot armor proof when you gave me the plot armor.
When they don't, yeah, when they don't have plot armor, they suck.
Oh no, I was just going to say they're great in a party, but no, that's valid.
When it's one of two people.
Alrighty, we're going to go ahead and move on to our next round of combat.
Am I in the Gollum's attack radius?
Let's see here.
Yes.
Shit.
Actually, adjacent squares are 10 feet, which is stupid, so no, you're fine.
Hell yeah.
I'm going to, I'm going to take my action while I'm moving, which is to drink that fucking
potion.
Hell yeah.
Get a little bit of health back, not much, but I'm going to go ahead and roll 2d4.
It's better healing, isn't it?
Yeah, it's going to do 2d4 plus 2.
Do you not have a d4 in this box?
There's a d4.
I do have a d4.
I still her dice box and put it back in the house wherever it belongs and didn't think
to bring it back, so.
Fuck a bitch.
Yep.
Okay, that's not bad.
I rolled six, plus two is eight.
Cool.
That's going to take me back up to full health.
18.
Let's go.
Hell yeah.
And then I'm going to move.
Fuck.
I really don't want to go over here where all of them are, so I'm going to...
Shit.
Yeah, there's a lot going on right now.
I have 10, 15, 20.
There's a lot going on, folks.
We have three gems that need to be socketed, before we can start the ritual.
We have four enemies, five enemies if you include Lord Tiresome.
I don't.
Well, he is an enemy.
I will say that much.
He's a bad one.
And I don't think I have any bonus actions that I can do because I really just kind of
needed that health.
And drinking a potion is an action in this, correct?
Yes.
All right.
So that's going to be it.
Yeah.
Pretty boring turn.
We are on Eva now.
So what is she going to do?
She has a significantly...
Please kill that fucking Gollum.
She's got a significantly higher strength score.
My thought is, as much as I would love to kill Gollum, to try and get to one of the gems
and see if I can socket it.
So that's where I was headed.
So I tell you what then.
I will...
I'm going to move down the room towards the three enemies and the two gems.
Are you going to count out loud?
Sorry.
Just fucking silence.
15, 20, 20, 25.
And I still want to be able to have line of sight on him.
Okay.
Just behind...
Well, that might fuck me if I roll a six, but we'll see.
Anyways, I'm just behind one of the gems.
Not one of the unsocketed ones, but one of the socketed ones.
I'm going to take two attacks.
Wait, why are we trying to take the gems out?
No.
I'm here so that I can shoot the one I shoot.
And then I can run there on my next turn and try and socket another one.
Okay.
Jesus.
No.
I lost a marker.
Okay.
We have a plus six to hit with the long bow.
I guess I could throw the spear for funsies.
Let me look at lightning spear again really quick.
Oh, we can't do that.
That's copywritten.
Yeah.
Can't do any of the fun.
We got to find...
So if anyone has suggestions, this is some fun royalty free music that we can...
We can just play or hum in the background whenever...
Yeah.
I love the idea of being like, yeah, what's the royalty free music I can hum?
Yeah, some royalty free music that I'm allowed to hum.
Please and thank you.
Okay.
100 is being transformed into a magical bolt of lightning for me, a line of five feet
wide that extends out from you to a target with 100.
Jesus.
Each creature on the line excluding you and the target.
That's kind of stupid.
Taking 46 lightning damage.
Turns back into a javelin.
I reach the target and make a ranged attack against the target on a hit.
Jesus.
Okay.
Cool.
Um, knowing how much that could do, I'm not going to do that.
I'm going to rewind my movement for a second.
DM perks.
Five, ten.
Y'all do it all the time.
Don't say anything wrong.
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty.
Not on his zone.
Twenty-five, thirty.
I'm going to go for the zombie in the back.
All right.
I'm going to have Eva or myself technically roll a perception check because technically
the target that I'm trying to hit is behind.
Two things in front of me, but I'm tall.
Eva's tall.
So we're going to see if Eva can see it.
She's thirty.
Um, call it DC-50.
I'm seeing through people.
Yeah, seventeen.
Let's go.
Cool.
So Eva is going to roll, not roll.
She's going to throw her javelin of lightning.
Hundred and twenty feet.
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty.
Yeah, that's well within range.
She's going to, well, I guess speak the command word.
I don't know what the fuck that would be.
Uh, into a bolt of lightning forming a line of five feet that extends out from you to
a target with a hundred and twenty feet.
Each creature in the line excluding you and the target must make a DC-13 dexterity saving
throw, take forty six lightning damage on a failed safe and half as much on a successful
one.
The lightning bolt turns back into a javelin once it reaches the target, make a ranged
weapon attack against the target on a hit.
The target takes damage from the javelin plus forty six lightning damage.
Jesus.
So much.
Javelin's property can't be used again until next.
Oh, well, that's why.
Cool.
Uh, I was going to say this is.
Is it a one time a day?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I might be able to fry all three of these guys though, so.
I mean, please do.
I would be very beneficial.
We're going to try.
Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and roll our dexterity saving throws for our skeleton
in our gole- oh shit.
Golem number two.
The fuck is my dexterity?
Let me see if they have any bonuses to dexterity.
I don't know why they would.
One of them is a mountain of flesh and the other one is bones with no muscles, so.
Oh, sorry.
They better the fuck not.
Oh, okay.
Well, well, the skeleton actually has an annoyingly high plus.
Fucked.
So, what are all for the first bones?
Um, it is just bones.
13.
It fails.
Skeleton fails now for the golem.
Golem fails.
Hell yeah.
The zombie.
Well, actually, no, he doesn't make the, he doesn't make the throw.
Yeah.
Bitch.
Get fucked.
All right.
So for D six, you hear me, the D six is in there.
Please don't think.
So I don't have to roll one six times.
Sharing a dice box, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh yeah.
I have four.
That's not terrible.
I got two fives, a four and a two.
So six plus 10, 16.
Nevermind.
What?
I'm bad at math.
What do you mean?
You were talking about, I'm bad at math.
Ignore me.
I got two more because it's four D six.
Oh no, that was exactly four.
I'm, hmm.
We're having a stroke today, ladies and gentlemen.
It's a day guys.
It's a day.
Um, T or Lord.
Yeah, no, that was 46.
It's rough out here sometimes.
All right.
And then I need to roll the extra damage for the zombie itself, who's going to get hit
with the actual javelin.
Six.
I think that might be enough to kill the zombie at least.
Please.
That's sick.
Um, I will narrate in just a moment once I figure out.
Yeah.
Once I figure out damage and health and such.
Um, and who's going to be going next to the initiative or maybe the skeleton.
The skeleton might be dead.
Let's see here.
Please be dead.
Okay.
That's damaged there.
Please be dead.
That's damaged there.
And that's damaged there.
Um, one of my 16 is math people.
Fucking hate math.
There we go.
Um, Eva, I'm pretty sure what we ended off with was Eva was attempting to hit the column
that was between you, between Sparrow and herself.
She runs forward, runnies the javelin, having never used it before, and hurls it, threads
the needle between a skeleton and a flesh column and pins the zombie right in the chest
and sort of left in its wake is this large bolt of blue lightning that crackles through
the entire room, fries the skeleton, skeleton dies, uh, does more than half of the hit points
to the golem.
So the golem is going to end up losing an arm, which means no multi attack and the zombie
um, dies upon being hit by the javelin as the lightning comes to a point and completely
obliterates the zombie into a nice fine dust.
Fuck yes.
There's the zombie.
There's the skeleton.
Cool beans.
Oh god, that, that's a fucking sick magic weapon, dude.
Holy shit.
I think it looks something.
That's so cool.
Cool.
I have no skeleton for initiative, which means we're going to go move to golem one,
who is closest to Sparrow.
God.
I'm going to roll a wisdom saving throw here because I realized that in this moment, if
it hits you, there's a chance you go down.
Yeah.
So, uh, to see if it goes for Eba, who has just fried three of its friend, or two of
its friends basically almost killed the other one, or if it's going to go for Sparrow, who
is technically the closer target.
So we'll say, um, wisdom saving throw.
This thing is not super wise.
It's a pile of flesh.
Okay.
This is rolling flat.
Uh, we'll say 15 or above.
It'll go for Sparrow.
Anything below a 15, it'll go for Eba.
So it's a roll.
It's a flat roll.
It's a fucking two.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
This thing is going to go for Eba, who just launched this fucking lightning javelin straight
through three enemies.
God, that was so fun.
Um, okay.
Golem.
How much move and speed?
Only 15.
Right.
Cause you're just a pile.
Oh, that's me.
I am all over the folks today, guys.
All over the folks?
All over the folks today, guys.
Five.
I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
That's all it needs to do because it's fucking huge.
Well, large, technically huge is an actual size.
Don't call me on that.
Um, all right.
It's going to roll to attack.
Eba has a AC of 15.
Thanks to Sparrow's Maid Armour.
You're welcome.
Bum, bum, bum, bum.
All right.
Path of Destruction.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Whatever the Golems move is considered difficult terrain.
So I'm going to go and mark that on our board here.
We have quite a bit of difficult terrain.
Unfortunately, folks.
Also, why do we got to kill that motherfucker?
Yeah.
It is leaving a nice path of destruction, which is exactly what it does.
So we start to turn with 20 hit points or fewer.
Roll a d4.
I am reading this out loud because it is what it is.
The minerality 4 on a 4, it's going to do a thing.
What thing?
We're not going to find out.
It's fucking 2.
Um, cool.
He's going to go for, right, Eba, and roll the hit.
He's got a plus 5 for this.
Oh, that's a fucking 23.
Geez.
This one also only has one arm left, which is crazy.
Um, cool.
So I guess I'm going to go roll damage real quick and then we'll do some near-ratin.
So it's going to be 1d8 plus 4.
Ouch.
That's survivable.
That hurts.
Yeah.
I mean, I live this no matter what, but.
Hell yeah.
Fuck yeah.
It's a 5 in 1.
It's still 5 health, but I don't give a shit.
Dumbass golem.
Dumbass golem indeed.
Um, cool.
Minus 5 on our hit points here.
Fantastic.
Uh, and then unfortunately it has an extra feature.
I'm going to roll strength saving throw for Eba.
And she's got a plus 5 for these.
So it doesn't matter.
She rolled that one.
Oh.
Wow.
It doesn't matter at all.
Um, cool.
So Eba runs forward, attempting to take out as many of the enemies as possible.
Um, pulls the javelin out of her backpack, throws it straight all the way.
I mean, she basically does like a 60 foot throw.
Um, hits a zombie, straight in the chest, obliterates it, fries a skeleton, takes out
half a golem.
Um, and then right as she's about to turn around and head back towards Sparrow, uh,
the first flesh golem that was summoned by Lord Tiresome runs up behind her.
Uh, and then basically just takes one large, meaty hand and knocks her to the ground.
Um, and then slams it down on top of her to keep her from moving.
And she is effectively grappled on a natural one.
Fuck.
Fuck it.
Yikes.
Fuck.
Like, Eba, like, gas for breath.
As all of the air is just pushed out of her lungs.
Um, or it wouldn't be, it wouldn't be sucking.
It'd be blowing out.
Yeah, it'd be blowing out.
Yeah, there we go.
Uh, as Eba just gets slammed around.
You gotta do more sound effects on this.
Yeah, I know.
I'm trying to, I'm working on it, man.
I'm working on it.
Um, that fucking sucks.
Yeah, that's cool.
Cool.
Zombies out of initiative.
Now we are back, golem, golem two.
That one's out.
Okay.
There's no reason really for it to go for Eba at this point, so we're gonna try and
go fuck up another, another jam, folks.
Okay.
These squares are asinine.
I don't know this map.
I've got it.
Great, but five, ten, fifteen, yeah.
Cool.
We're just guessing.
We are at this point.
We're just kind of guessing.
This map is, it's nice, but the lines that they-
Each square has four squares in it, so it's hard to tell.
And the lining that they use for the squares is black, and the map itself is actually pretty
close to gray, so it's like fucking impossible to tell where the actual lines are at.
They are on here.
You just have to stare at it for a second.
Yeah.
Cool.
Um, that column is going to make a string check against our other gym.
Jesus, man.
Um, I think it needs a fifteen.
Oh no, it's a thirteen.
I'm realizing now, playing with just-
Fucking fails.
Two of us.
You're kind of just, you are carrying everything.
Pretty much.
Um, so our column number two runs over to the gym, and missing basically half of its body
now that he was fried it off with the lightning javelin, it is only able to get one meaty
palm up on the gym.
It attempts to pull it down, and it fails.
Yeah, get fucked.
And that is literally all it's gonna do.
Sorry, get fucked.
So it's creating some more difficult terrain, because that's basically the only thing it's
good for.
Oh, it also needs to roll a d4, because it's less than half a tip length.
There's fucking one, doesn't matter.
Hell yeah!
Fantastic.
Um, we are back to Lord Tiresome.
Let me go to home guys.
Stap lock.
Bitch ass.
Okay.
Um, what is Lord Tiresome gonna do?
What is Lord Tiresome gonna do?
Um, ooh.
No, this makes sense.
Um, cool, Lord Tiresome floats on over, see here, what is his movement speed?
He's got quite a bit of it actually, it's kind of crazy.
Um, see here, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40.
He flies 40 feet, so that he can see Eva as she's being pinned down by the golem, and
she's going to force Eva to make a charisma saving throw.
No!
I will say because she got a nat one, I'm gonna roll with disadvantage.
Motherfucker.
Yeah.
This is something to impose a nat one, I like doing something with nat ones and nat
20s, so yeah, consequences, that sort of thing.
Um, he like floats down to the ground and she's like struggling to breathe and gets
basically like face to face with her.
He's like kind of upside down from where she's at, and he stares into her eyes and goes,
and hands is like, puts his hand out to like touch her forehead instead of like holding
her hand, because obviously she's like underneath the golem.
Yeah.
Um, and he just goes, let's make a deal.
Um, and Jesus, Eva does not have, I don't think a single plus sticker, actually I think
she has a minus.
Yeah, she has a minus to charisma saving throws.
This is going so bad.
So, I'm gonna roll 2, that sucks.
I don't know how she didn't get hit by this earlier to be fair.
Ah, wow, okay, that's a pass.
Fuck yeah.
I'm gonna roll a little more.
The first one was a 14.
Oh no, she just barely fails.
Just barely fails.
Um, Eva, using all of the strength she has left, attempts to force Lord Tyreesome out
of her mind, but being pinned down by the golem, and him making physical, like direct
physical contact with her is going to force his way into her mind.
We will see consequences of that action in just a moment.
Where the fuck?
Hey, this shit sucks.
Do you have something you want to send in to make it better?
Criticisms, topics you'd like to see discussed, or an advertisement you'd like to run.
Maybe you even want to sponsor an episode.
If so, shoot us a message at mc460 at evansville.edu or DM us on Instagram at Crescent Magazine.
Or we'll never get better, like these fucking guys.
Hello, we're back.
I just realized that all of my really expensive fucking dice that my fiancee bought me for
my birthday before last cracked overnight in my car.
I just went to go roll with them.
We've been doing this whole episode with them, and I realized that I had some liquid stuff
on my hand, looked over at my dice, and saw that every one of them, with the exception
of the D8 and the D4, were cracked all around.
Our best guess is that it is a cold weather thing with resin.
They were left out in the car for a night or two, and about five degree weather, so
I mean that definitely could be it, but I know they weren't banged around, I kept them
in a safe place, etc, etc.
But anyways, we're gonna get back to the fun now that I've lost my favorite pair of dice.
Please, thank you for bearing with us for so many cuts, and hey, we're back.
Hey, we're back.
Recording this episode has been crazy.
Yep.
Okay, so, right, last thing that happened was Eva got hit with something.
Yeah.
Cool.
Sparrow, you're up.
Fuck.
Can you give me a perception or insight check to notice if anything has happened with
Eva?
Um, perception, or no, wait, fuck, insight's gonna be higher, but it's gonna be 18.
Um, 18 will do it.
So as you sprint past the golem, um, I mean, you hear like the crack of lightning from
the javelin, and Eva sort of, her footsteps stop, you hear her get slammed to the ground,
and then you watch as Lord tiresome, move his thing over again, Lord tiresome, uh, floats
essentially like horizontal above her, gets face to face, and does something, um, that
seems to, uh, stun her for a moment.
Okay, I'm gonna do something.
Um, I'm going to, in a new turn of action, hoping this works, please, oh my god, this
works, I'm gonna pull out the wand of magic missiles, and I'm gonna use that, so I get
to send three of them.
I'm sending two to Lord bitch ass, and I'm going to yell, I'm so sorry, and I'm gonna
send one to Eva.
My reasoning being, I'm going to explain to the listeners, um, if this is a charm effect,
um, if you are, uh, injured, you get to take a saving throw to try and roll out of a charmed
effect most of the time.
Uh, if you are also hitting the person who is casting some type of charm effect, which
is what I'm guessing this is because it's a charisma saving throw, um, then they have
to, uh, do a constitute, or a, um, oh my god, concentration check, uh, to see if they can
maintain that spell or that charm effect.
So I'm, that is why I am attacking my party member here.
Yep.
Um, cool.
So because they're a magic missile, there is no roll, uh, there is no roll to hit.
Yes.
But, uh, something unfortunate does happen.
As you throw three magic missiles, uh, two at Lord tiresome and one at Eva, you watch
as Lord tiresome, uh, fully disappears and like a puff of sort of blue and green ethereal
smoke.
Pardon?
Give me a perception check, please.
God damn it.
Eight, nine, ten, eleven, uh, twelve, cause I've got that stone.
Um, yeah, twelve is good enough.
What you watch is that blue, green ethereal sort of ghastly mist, um, essentially shoots
itself directly at Eva's face and she is, it seems to inhale the entire cloud of mist.
Um, but you did it Eva, which is so smart on you.
Shout out to your knowledge of the game.
Uh, so I'm going to roll something for, I think I'm a good player.
I'm going to roll something for, so do I not get to hit him at all?
Uh, no, they do not.
I'm going to roll a thing for a thing.
So he's gonna draw roll damage for Eva.
Um, yes you will.
Oh thank god it's a one.
Okay.
Um, it takes two damage.
Nothing seems to happen when you damage her.
There is no immediate like effect.
It doesn't, like she doesn't exhale the mist.
Um, she just takes the damage.
Um, that was so smart.
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
Um, also going to talk my thoughts out loud because this is something that you will probably
find yourself in a situation similar if you're listening and you haven't played before.
Yep.
Um, so because I'm limited on actions and I did that as my action, trying to get someone
out of a charmed effect is also going to be an action.
So I cannot do that this turn.
So I'm kind of in a position where I can go over to Eva and I can try to help her or
I can get the fuck away.
Knowing how charm effects work and knowing how much damage Eva can do in a turn.
Yeah.
It definitely makes the most sense to back away.
Yeah, because if she comes for me, I'm fucked.
So I'm going to...
Yeah, give me how many hip points you have.
Yeah.
I'm going to make my way over to that gym that's loose.
Yep.
And can I, is that an object interaction or is that...
I'll let it be an object interaction.
That's fine.
25.
Wonderful.
And you're behind a little bit of cover too, which is nice.
I'm in that bitch.
I would like to try and put the gym back where the fuck it goes.
Cool.
Give me a DC12 strength check, please.
Strength?
Strength.
You got to pick it up.
Eight.
Oh wait, nine.
Nine is not a 12.
It's close.
Yeah, you get down into like a full squat position and get like both hands underneath
this gym that's basically the size of your torso and it will not budge off the ground.
A big ass gym.
They're large.
They contain...
Give me an arcana check actually as you make physical contact with it.
Your dice are shit.
I don't know nothing.
I was a nat one.
Yeah, you know nothing.
You know less than nothing.
It's a shiny, pretty gym.
Looks like it'd be fun to steal.
Maybe I can steal this.
What if I just stole this and just...
Instead.
What if you just steal it instead?
All right.
Well, that is my turn.
It is Iba's go.
Okay, so she's going to stand up.
Golem is going to let go of its grapple willingly.
Right, I have Iba stats on my phone.
I'm such a silly guy.
Okay.
I add silliest goose some would say.
Listen, you're the one that's set silly goose juice.
That's not me.
I'm going to do them.
Okay, so you are say at least in three quarters cover where you're at.
I'm better fucking being.
Yeah, Iba's going to make a perception check or an investigation check.
Please be dumb.
She has a...
No, we'll do perception.
Plus two.
Can you just give me a stealth check?
Yeah.
Please and thank you.
That is going to be a...
Okay, 17.
Yeah, 17 is great.
You watch as Iba...
Well, you can't really see anything actually because you're behind cover, but you hear
Iba get off the ground and just kind of like walking around the room.
That's fucking terrifying.
And she is going to go over here and she is going to make a strength check.
God.
You hear what sounds like...
That was a two by the way.
Yeah, it was a fucking two.
You hear what sounds like Iba struggling to uncouple one of the gyms from its housings.
Well, like she's struggling to.
These are big ass gyms.
Struggling to, yeah.
Struggle boss man.
All right.
Let's see here.
One, ten, fifteen, twenty, cool.
Wonderful.
Wonderful, wonderful.
This is not fun anymore.
Something's going on with Iba.
Yeah, this is definitely a...
Golem number one.
It's here to go again.
Back to one player versus DM.
Five and...
No allies.
Fifteen, fifteen is as far as the...
Stay the fuck away!
Fifteen is as far as it can fucking go, man.
It's not going anywhere else.
This is so scary.
I need you to know...
This is terrifying.
Iba, who's like a fucking survival military expert, is like out looking for you.
Crazy stuff, man.
And there's bodies in this bitch.
There is bodies in this bitch.
And I'm a sorcerer.
This Golem is going to make a strength check with disadvantage to try and uncouple this
gym.
Yeah, it's a fail.
Wonderful.
Because he only has one arm.
Shout out to Iba.
He is not able to get his giant meaty fucking club around the red gym.
And it is just like lamely hitting it against the side of the coupling.
Thank God these people are so dumb.
This is terrifying.
This is so scary.
This is currently like a 1v3.
That's crazy.
There's more.
Four if you can't retire some.
No, that's valid.
This is now Golem number two.
This is so fucking scary.
Golem number two is going to go over into the same thing.
No, you said you want to do Elastobus.
This is that.
Cool.
If not for disadvantage, they both would have uncoupled.
That's crazy.
Oh yeah, I also need to roll a d4 for both of them.
No, no, cool.
Never going to hit a four.
That doesn't happen.
And then we are back at the top of the order with Sparrow.
But unfortunately another one of our coffins is going to pop up.
Oh my, no!
Because we are in the second round.
Okay.
Is there a one anywhere on this bitch?
Uh, yeah.
Did I already use it?
I thought this was, what?
I have numbers on the, on our map by the way, which is where, oh, this is one.
You've got to be shitting me.
That's one.
You've got to be shitting me.
Um, nothing happens.
I don't trust you.
Nothing happens.
Okay.
Um, listen, all I did was roll a dice.
I hope that was just for Lord Tiresome.
Nothing happened.
Um, Sparrow, what is your go?
This is so bad.
I don't even know what to do at this point.
Oh my God, everything's bad.
Um, can I, I don't want to hit Eva again, but I think that's my only option at this
point.
And that's going to be my whole fucking turn.
Yeah, that's so unfortunate.
This is so bad.
This is just, okay.
Um, let's see what I can do.
Okay, for wild magic surge.
Uh, okay, so no one's able to see me, correct?
Um, yeah, I'll save it to 17.
Okay.
They're all kind of focused on doing their own thing right now.
What do you mean?
I might have been wrong.
I might not have two attacks.
Okay.
Kind of silly.
It's just taking extra action once between the rest, which is going to be action surge.
I don't know if I have two attacks.
Oh well, it doesn't matter.
We're here now.
Fuck.
Without two attacks, we would have been fucked.
So I was trying to see if I could use Disguise Self to just look like a bad guy.
Did you just look like one of the undead fucks?
Yeah.
Um, so, reading Disguise Self, it doesn't specify, it's like you can appear taller or
like thin or fat or in between.
You can't change your body type, so you must adopt a form that has like, so I have to look
humanoid.
Oh God, do I want to do that?
I have limited spell slots.
Um.
Dun dun dun dun dun.
Yeah, I feel backed in a corner and I don't think anyone's going to be making insight checks
on me, so.
I'm wondering you've been backed in.
Uh, yeah, if no one can see me, I think I'm just, I'm going to cast.
Gonna hit Disguise Self.
Disguise.
No, I've got the fucking ring that turns me invisible.
I put that the fuck on.
Sick.
Um, I'm not sure that's how this ring works, but I'm just going to give it to you anyways.
You go invisible.
That's my, it's an action.
Yeah, that's fine.
Well, we'll call it object interaction.
Okay.
Um.
To slip a ring on.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay, okay, so if I'm turned invisible with the ring.
Yep.
I can try and do something first.
Some real, some real golem moment right here.
It's a lot lower than the ring's actions happening.
Am I able to pop up and would I have line of sight on Eva?
Give me a perception check.
Cause it, just looking at it, probably not, but we'll see.
Okay.
That's nine.
Perception.
12.
Um, you do not.
You do not technically know where Eva is right now.
That's a real like Abby versus Ally last of us moment right now.
Can I use some movement?
Skulking around in.
And climb on top of the coffin.
This movement or this coffin?
Yeah.
You did it.
Would I have line of sight on her then?
Um.
You know what?
Is this like a raised coffin?
Yeah, it is.
I'm trying to determine how tall the coffin is compared to the gym like coupling she's
behind.
Um, you know what?
We'll just do a luck check.
We'll say 11 or higher.
You're good.
10 or below.
She's got half cover, which is just going to raise any like is going to raise raising.
You're good.
You were good.
You have clear line of sight on Eva.
Then I'm going to use Lawn of Magic missiles again.
Hell yeah.
I'm going to send one to her and I'm going to send the other two to that golem fuck.
Cool.
Uh, and then I'm going to which golem fuck.
This one.
I'm putting the ring on and using the rest of my movement to get back off the coffin.
Okay.
Come in front of the throne.
Right.
So because I'm not 100% sure how invisibility ring works, I think it's going to tune in
thing, whatever, whatever, whatever.
I'm just going to say that for the, for the purpose of this particular combat encounter,
you can go invisible once.
Once you've like broken your invisibility, having put the ring on, that's it until you
hit a long rest.
Does that make sense?
So this will be your one time to use the ring.
Okay.
Cool.
Um, I feel like I need to.
I need to get an attack in first.
Roll damage.
No, that makes total sense.
Cause it goes off anyway.
Yeah.
Um, that's going to be a, or I'm going to roll for the golem first.
Okay.
That was a three.
That was one.
So the golem's going to take four, five, six.
Six.
And Eva's going to take two.
Or no, three, cause I had a plus one.
Okay.
Cool beans.
You said he was going to take two.
Three.
I was wrong.
Three.
Okay.
Um, six.
Um, okay.
And then Eva's going to take three, six.
Three.
Jesus Christ.
Sorry.
The golem takes six.
Eva takes three.
How the fuck would Eva get?
I'm there.
I'm there now.
Okay.
I'm with you.
Okay.
Um, cool.
I'm going to bring him a visibility on and, uh, whoosh, disappear.
And I'm fucking terrified.
Is it now?
Eva's turn.
She roll?
Um, all right.
That's the whole reason I hit her.
She needs to roll.
Duh.
Yeah.
Duh.
That's my whole, that's my whole, whole fucking plan here.
One.
Oh my God.
No.
She just, she needed a 13.
She got a 12.
I'm going to cry.
She needed a 13.
She got a 12 because she has a minus one.
This is so.
This is her Christmas saving throw.
Sorry.
Um, I'm about to go slap her.
Wow.
That's so bad.
Well, it's a charisma save.
It's usually a wisdom save to break out of it.
And there's nothing on here about what save she has to make to break it.
I'm just, you know what?
No, that makes sense.
Repeat the save that she had to, yeah, pass the first time.
Um, cool.
She is going to dart free.
You will dart in that direction now that you're kind of behind there.
I'm invisible.
Yep.
Did she see where I went?
We're going to roll a perception check to see if she caught line of sight.
It's going to be such a sad ending if Eva just fucking kills.
You want to look at that?
This is going to be such a sad ending.
I rolled a nat 20.
Um.
Well folks, that is the end of Sparrow.
Eva is going to...
This is so bad.
This is literal dog shit.
Eva's going to burn her...
This is a fun game.
Eva's going to burn her, um, what is it?
The fucking feet that allows you to take the extra action between us.
I can't remember what it's called, but...
Oh, action surge.
Eva's going to burn action surge.
She's going to use one of those actions to dash to double her movement speed.
What the fuck, you don't have to do this.
5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 40, 45.
I'll say 5 to climb up.
She's right here.
I hope she's at second wind.
This is exactly where she's at.
I'm about to set her on fire.
She used her second wind earlier.
Well, I'm sorry.
She's about to be on fire.
Um, so Eva basically crosses.
You hear her military boots, um, slapping against the ground.
Is she, uh, fully sprints?
Basically, you drop off behind the, uh, sarcophagus, pop the ring on, and then immediately you
hear Eva's large footsteps, like full dead sprinting in silence.
Go away!
Directly towards the end, and then you can, uh, feel her hop up onto the sarcophagus that
you are just underneath.
Now, I can't see invisible things.
Neither can Eva.
She got a natural 20-er perception, which means she at least saw you when you ducked
down.
So, um...
Here's what I'm, I'm a do.
Uh, I'm gonna say that because she has two attack actions, she's literally just gonna
fire down with her, uh, crossbow, and I'm gonna pick a number one through four.
Two.
Okay.
I'm gonna roll a D4.
Um, and that is the space that she is going to hit.
And she's going to just fire directly down.
Yeah.
Um, okay.
Let me go in.
Do you want me to roll the hit first, or do you want me to roll for the space?
Uh, fucking up to you.
I'm so stressed right now!
Okay.
Um, she's got a plus six to hit.
I was on campus for eight hours today.
I have not been home.
Okay.
You said two?
I'm so stressed.
Yeah.
Um, you are sitting there, like, silent in breath, like, hand over mouth, terrified as
Eva, this giant Goliath woman is above you, um, and you feel right past your head as an
arrow cling right into the ground next to you.
Um, and then you can hear her ready up another arrow.
I can't move.
You cannot.
Um, I'm gonna roll again.
I'd like to remind you again we're level three.
What are your hit points up?
Eighteen.
You're an 18.
All right, cause you popped the potion.
Um, what's Eva at?
Eva is at 13.
I don't want to kill her.
And if I'd- Oh, fuck, that would kill her.
So, um, you hear Eva, uh, massive strong arms pull back this large war bow and once
again feel another whoosh, as it goes right past your head, um, hitting some of your hair
and then cling into the ground next to you.
She missed both times.
Oh my god.
I'm sweating in real life.
I hate this.
Um.
This is turned so, like, this is legitimately, like, this feels like a horror-
Yeah, a little bit.
This, like, is a horror movie.
Um, cool.
We're back to Golem 1.
Thank god you didn't hit me, cause I was gonna hellish review, and I- let me tell you.
Damn.
Bitch was going down.
Damn.
All right, Golem 1 is gonna continue to do the same thing with the gym.
Well, you know what?
Golem 1 is going to- Golem 1 should fight Eva.
Back straight across this way, making all of this space behind him difficult to reign.
Um, and then Golem 2 is going to essentially do the same thing.
Five, ten, fifteen, and make all of this space back here difficult to reign.
Okay.
If we can't find her, we'll make it hard for her to walk.
Fair enough.
Um, and then I need to roll D4s for them, cause they're both in her half.
Nope.
Cool.
They're just never gonna get to do one of their things.
Um, cause it's- that's all with D4.
I don't have any sympathy for them.
Golem 1, nothing happens there.
She's back to you.
Oh my god.
I'm gonna roll another D6.
For what?
Oh, wait, no, you're right.
You're right.
You have another round, until that happens.
Yeah.
Calm the fuck down.
No coffins are bursting yet.
Okay.
This is bad.
Um- A little.
A little?
This is so bad.
A little.
Um, okay.
God.
Well, if I cast a spell or I attack, I become uninvisible.
I don't want to do that, really, at the moment.
Um, I don't- okay.
I think I'm just gonna take the dash action.
Cool.
And, um- Can you give me a slide of- or stealth tech to see how quiet you are when you move?
Cause invisibility doesn't- I don't believe it stops.
Let me look that up.
Bring the visibility.
If she can't see me.
But she can hear you, and she's right next to you, so I'm just gonna see how quiet you
are.
This isn't to get an attack of opportunity, unless you were like a nat one.
This is to see if she can listen to where you're going.
Just cause you're right underneath her.
Um, keep you from making-
30-20.
Sound.
Um, D&D.
Come on, man.
Give me an answer here.
Makes you undetected.
Okay.
Cool.
So sneaking does need to happen if you want to eliminate-
I got a 30-20.
Um, yeah.
You're- I mean, I roll a perception check on behalf of Eba, but she's gonna have to hit
either an 18, and a 19, or a 20, so.
I'll kill you.
She rolled a 19.
I'll kill you.
Real life.
I'll kill you.
Real life.
No attacks of opportunity.
Um, yeah.
That's all I'll say.
No attacks of opportunity.
Okay.
Well, I'm just gonna keep me in my bed.
Okay.
Jesus, you have movement.
Yeah.
Good lord, man.
She just, like, crossed half the fucking map.
I'm fucking running.
Wild.
Wonderful.
Um, it is Eba.
Okay.
Um, so all she knows is that you are somewhere in this direction, because invisibility,
it truly is invisible.
Um, I'm gonna make an investigation check.
She's gonna also need to hit a 20 if she's gonna be able to find you.
That's right.
Invisibility's really coming in clutch.
Shit.
Eba rolled a natural 20 on investigation.
Um, you know that by trade, by what little experience you know of her childhood, that
Eba grew up in wilderness.
She was raised in mountains.
She was trained to not only be an incredibly proficient military warrior, but to be a hunter
and tracker.
Yeah.
You hear as Eba 5'10", jumps down, and you can hear her, like, moving things around
on the ground, clearly looking for tracks.
Um, as she begins hunting you.
5'10", 15', 20', 25', we'll see.
No, I'm gonna follow the exact path that you went.
25', 30'.
Okay.
There is no fucking way, even on a natural 20 investigation, that she's gonna be able
to just know where you're at based on where she's at with tracks.
Um, but she is very much on your trail.
Uh, and because she is right next to one of the gyms, she might as well go ahead and roll
the hit.
Um, actually, we're gonna try something different.
You hear her once again, knock an arrow, and she's going to fire at it something.
Damn.
Can't believe she, that's crazy.
Uh, you hear a loud crack as, um, what sounds like glass or a gym sort of shattering as
she fires an arrow into one of the gyms that is still on its pedestal, and it begins leaking
some of its arcane magic.
I don't often say that fights are unwinnable in D&D, because there's, like, always a chance.
This feels, this feels bad right now, folks.
I'm just gonna put an X on top of that one, so we know what to want to do.
Yeah.
Um, and now that I know she doesn't have two attacks, I'm not gonna worry about it.
So, it is back to column one.
What the fuck do I even do with this guy, man?
Die.
Like, we're to that point in combat, folks, where the only thing I can do with my creatures
is just continue to create difficult terrain for Madison, or for Sparrow, because, I mean,
they can continue to try and make strength saving throws, but the only two creatures
I have left.
I wonder what it's like as a player where your only option is to run.
The only two creatures I have left both have disadvantage on strength saving, and I guess
they can try and hit the gyms, but they don't, the gyms are so high they would still roll
with disadvantage, like, why do they just fucking die?
Like, I don't, I mean.
Now you know, this is how I feel.
This one is just gonna keep going in this direction, fifteen.
Um, well, you know what?
Yeah, because it can't squeeze through.
It's a small space, so this is gonna take half its movement to go back in its own difficult
terrain.
So, five, ten, yep, that's literally as far as it can go.
It can move one space in difficult terrain because it has fifteen feet of movement speed,
so it's just gonna try and work its way back.
Fucking stupid ASU, so some other fucking golems.
Um, roll a D4.
Nope.
Roll a D4.
Nope.
I've rolled one, twos, and threes, folks, for this effect that these golems have, and
I have not rolled a single four.
Um, one, two, three.
Create some more difficult terrain.
Okay, um, it is back to you.
About to legit go to the other room, like.
Just leave the room.
Like.
It's definitely a thought.
Just gonna abandon Eva.
No, I'm gonna go take a long rest and come back.
She's just gonna leave her alone?
I don't know what the fuck to do, man!
Wow.
I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this.
Okay.
This is so fun, because as soon as I hit or attack, I'm visible.
As soon as I cast a spell, I'm visible.
Okay.
I guess I'm gonna try to, as an object interaction, lift the gym that I'm next to.
Give me a, uh, insight, yeah, give me an insight check as you, as you make contact with the
gym.
Uh, 16, 17, 18, 19, 30, 20.
Based on your arcana checks and all of your previous knowledge of the way that this obelisk
works, your mind begins to drift back to all the conversations you had with Loretta about
how the magic of this place, specifically the obelisk above, works.
Uh, and as you begin to look at the gym going to lift it, you realize that it's made out
of actually the exact same stone that the obelisk is made out of.
This one's just, these are just fully charged.
Now, on a, what do you have?
Dirty 20?
Yeah.
On a dirty 20, there, there is a way, well not even a way, it is totally possible that
you could use these gyms as mini arcane focuses.
And because of the kind of energy that is contained within the gym, specifically that
of an enchantment to force or to, uh, to keep tiresome, uh, in his sarcophagus, if you could
hit Eba, uh, or even Lord tiresome himself with some of the energy from the gym that
might either force him out of her or might bind him temporarily.
Okay.
I'll fucking try that.
You're like little batteries full of powerful arcane energy.
Well, I'm going to lick the battery.
Um, how do I, how do I get this bitch to work?
I mean, just use your object interaction arcane focus.
Yeah, I'll try that.
I'll do that.
Full of beans.
I gotta find something to flub and hit Eba.
We've got to hit her with something.
And if I'm using arcane focus, I need to not use a cantrip.
Yep.
Cool.
Has to be a spell.
Um, so.
There's a solid chance that Eba's going to die from it, but we'll see.
We'll see.
I'm so sorry.
This is just, as far as you can tell, this is the only guaranteed way to force him out
of her.
All the only guaranteed hit I have other than magic missile, which I'm using a wand for,
so I don't need that.
I'm going to have to use I-sniff.
Eww.
Yikes.
Because the other one, there's a risk if I miss.
Right.
I'm, I'm just out fucking naked.
Everyone could see me.
Right.
You at least, you at least might be able to down one of your enemies.
Fair enough.
I-sniff, I do guarantee you the damage.
Okay.
We're, we're doing it.
We're doing it folks.
We might just straight up kill Eba, but hey, at least she's not an enemy.
All right.
Does a 20 hit.
Yeah.
20 does it.
It's just, what, 20'll do it.
Just wondering.
You know what her AC is.
Yeah, I'm aware I gave it to her.
Yeah, dirty 20'll do it.
All right.
Here's the d10.
10.
Oh.
10 piercing damage.
Okay.
Can I get the X-Series saving throw?
Yeah.
Love that I didn't matter.
What do I have to get?
You have to beat a 15.
Nope.
Uh, five.
15 damage.
Um, cool.
What do you, what do you do?
Um, I put my hands on, like plant my hand solid on the gem on the other side.
Um, I feel like as soon as like my hands touch it and the ice like shit starts to form because
it's ice and I-sniff.
Right.
I can't become visible and my hands are all icy and it's sick.
Oh, I gotta roll a wild magic surge real quick.
Crackling red energy, unlike the black from earlier.
Yeah.
I'm gonna roll more magic.
Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna say that.
Damn.
Yeah.
That would have been such a sick moment.
That would have been cool.
Narratively, fucking.
Narratively, it would have been sick.
Um, and I'm going to say, I'm so sorry.
Wonderful.
And it's just gonna fucking straight for you.
You're gonna have to step out a little bit to get line of sight on her.
That's fine.
One more over.
There you go.
Um, yeah.
That's unfortunate.
I cry a little bit.
Yeah.
T-rolls down your cheek as you hurl a charged, um, fucking ice knife directly at Eva's center
of mass, which is gonna be- It hits her, it explodes and she takes cold damage, which
was the- Right, which was the five.
Um, yep.
It, as it leaves your hands, very similar to, uh, sort of what happened last time, it's
sort of a morph-smit air, and this time instead of being sort of a black, icy lightning bolt
this time, it is basically the opposite of red.
Um, glowing with red, uh, like entrapment containment energy that's been leached off
of this gym, um, and makes solid contact with Eva's chest.
There is a bright flash of red light, uh, as whatever magic here goes off, and when
the dust settles, Eva is, uh, on the ground.
And not just that, Lord Tyre Sum is also, instead of floating this time, he is out-so-just
outside of Eva's body, laying in difficult terrain and appears to be, um, prone, contained
something.
Uh, as his body, as he begins to writhe and seize on the ground with this, uh, red arcane
energy that's essentially been placed here solely to keep his, uh, form from gaining
power.
You fuck.
Um, Tyrena decided to go there, I want to go ahead and use my-
Uh, and Rhyn is-
What word?
Rhyn is Eva, um, sort of hits the ground, like she sort of takes a knee, trying to steady
herself, and then sort of looks up, white, uh, sort of the white eyes has gone from her
eyes, and she just kind of gives you like a thumbs up as she hits the ground and goes
forward.
Don't, don't give me a-
Nice shot, Sparrow!
Uh, and then falls forward onto the ground.
Oh my God!
Oh yeah.
Those cannot be her last words.
Yup.
Uh, cool.
This is a fun game, ladies and gentlemen.
We're back to Eva.
Eva's gonna make a death saving throw.
Oh!
She got a natural 20, that's two successes.
Holy shit.
I got so excited I cut myself.
Ooh.
Yikes.
Uh, yep.
Eva just rolled a death saving throw, got a natural 20, holy shit.
Uh, Will to live, man, strong within this one.
She's just so proud of me.
She's got two pluses.
She is absolutely proud of you, man.
Survival.
She was on about survival this whole time, and you've managed to like fully hold your
own in a room full of enemies.
No, the goal here, never mind.
Oh, Jesus.
Uh, cool.
I'm doing it my way, though, with like trickery and like slash it.
Back to Golem 1.
So 5, well, 5, 10, 15.
He's just gonna try and get as close to his papa as possible.
I don't call him that.
He's papa.
The flesh Golem is going to move over there.
Um, he's gonna give him the help action.
That's what he's gonna do.
So you want the Golem sort of limps its way through its own difficult terrain and then
tries to like throw its body in front of Lord Tyre Sum.
Not in any way that's actually gonna give him like half cover, but he's trying to do
something.
Um, and then we are back to Golem 2.
So here we are.
God fuck.
Why is it immune to its own difficult terrain?
That's so fucking stupid.
Okay, so 5, 10, nope, that's as far as you can go.
Difficult terrain.
Cool.
Yep, can't do anything.
These Golems are so fucking stupid, man.
Uh, let me roll 2d4s to see if our Golem effects happen.
Fuck no.
I've rolled these like, I've rolled this four like eight times and haven't gotten a single
guy DM4.
Um, it is now Lord Tyre Sum's turn.
He is going to roll, uh, something.
I'm not gonna say what it is.
He's gonna roll something, um, flat.
He's gonna roll it flat.
Right, yeah, gonna roll it flat.
I'll cover my ears so you can tell the listeners.
Um, hmm.
Okay, uh, he is still writhing on the ground with red energy and you watch as his sort
of like caporial form is, for the first time in this entire fight, made physical.
Okay, I, physically I could fucking, he is made physical.
All right, I can deal with that.
Perhaps his, his eternal, uh, life sleep slumber in the sarcophagus will be ended.
He'll just go out the old fashioned way.
Um, fuck torturing him for all eternity.
Here you go.
Okay.
Back, actually, wait a minute, d6.
That's so unfortunate.
No.
That's so unfortunate.
So, yep, things are still happening, folks.
One of our last remaining, like, coffin areas pops open and it is not an ogre, it is, or
it is not a flesh column, it is not a skeleton.
It is a blood red ooze.
Uh, it is essentially just dragging with it a large pile of bones and what appears to
be like the gelified remains of a ochre soldier.
Um, we have another enemy on the table, folks.
I don't have time for this.
We don't have time for this.
Oh, but we're here.
We are here.
Okay.
Let's fucking do something.
You got this, I believe.
All right, my turn again.
Cool.
My move, let's see if I can even, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five.
Okay.
I can, like, just get up there.
Uh, so I've got Motherfucker in line of sight, correct?
Uh, yes, you do.
Cool.
Um, God, I wish I could get over there and get, like, up close and personal while I fuck
his shit, but...
Yeah.
All right, I'm going to...
He's got hit points.
No, and I can't ice-nav him because Eva's right there.
Eva is right there and any damage is an automatic failure.
Yeah.
But it's not automatic death, and she's got two successes, so...
I don't want to risk that.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't want to risk that.
Okay.
Um...
Okay.
Is he looking hurt?
Um...
Hmm.
No.
He has not been hit a single time this entire combat encounter.
Uh...
His focus has been entirely on the golems and the minions and the gyms.
This is just the first time that he looks as though you could just...
I'm going to take back my movement.
Seriously?
He's damaged him.
I'm going to touch the fucking battery again.
Um...
There's another one right behind me.
Yeah, so use the one behind you.
Wonderful.
Uh, so I'm licking the battery again, and I'm going to do...
I guess it doesn't really matter.
The chaos bolt.
Oh, okay.
Chaos bolt it is, man.
Uh...
19.
19 will do it.
Well, some damage, man.
Alright.
Um...
Uh-uh.
I don't know if there's many of these.
Uh...
Do you want the green will pick damage type?
Sure, green will pick damage type.
Uh, it is going to be cold damage.
Let's see.
I guess that's my fucking theme.
Let's see if guys got any resistances.
I'm going to cry if he does.
You're funny.
I'm not joking.
Uh, damn.
Are you shitting me?
Cool.
Can I...
Can you do an arcana check?
Yeah, I don't need to do an arcana check.
I know what that noise means.
Well, you need to know if it's one thing or the other, because there are two different things that could be happening here.
It's going to be 16, 17, 20.
It is not resistance, it is immunity.
Oh!
He is a ghostly spirit.
One of the only damages that he is immune to is cold.
Well, I...
I will give you the other two, though, because you got a dirty 20.
Uh, he is also immune to necrotic and poison damage.
Uh, and he has several condition immunities, including charmed, exhaustion, frightened, grappled, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned, prone, and restrained.
Jesus.
Uh, well, I cannot choose the damage type.
You cannot.
So, there is going to be no damage dealt here, unfortunately.
Okay.
You watch as your cold chaos bolt hits him directly as he arrives on the ground and seemingly does zero damage to anything he's wearing or himself.
He is still writhing with red energy and seizing on the ground, but he has taken no damage.
Wonderful.
You have movement left.
Um, well...
Um, gonna...
Can I get a sense that these batteries are like the obelisk in that they need a round to charge back up?
Um, you mean before they can be used again?
Yeah.
Uh, I'm not gonna be doing a check.
I mean, you've spent enough arcana checks and perception and insight on these things to know at this point.
They...
Because the gems are so much smaller,
they're run... you run the risk of using too much of the energy that is within them and then effectively rendering them useless.
And if that happens, then whatever ritual has to be completed, da-da-da-da, can't happen.
Um, but I mean, there's also an opportunity if you use them as a weapon to just straight up kill him as opposed to trap him.
So, I mean...
I'm trying to kill the motherfucker.
Well, if that's the case, then you technically still have one, two, three if you include the broken one.
We don't know what's going on with that.
Four, five, six, seven, eight chances to do that.
God damn it.
Okay, if I can survive that long.
Or if Eva could get up, there's potential for her to do something with it, but she's not a magic user,
so we'd have to find an alternative way for that to happen.
Yeah, well, I'm trying to get her up.
I can't.
It's okay. She might just straight up get up.
Um, I'm going to then, I guess...
He's going to be able to get me no matter what.
Unless...
Who, the...
The ooze?
No, because I can go in here, five.
I'll say ooze also doesn't have a lot of movement speed.
I'm going to come in here.
Uh, for those listening, she has ducked just into a sort of outclove with another large sarcophagus.
Kind of a way out of sight of everything.
Yeah.
Is that going to be your turn?
That's all I can do.
Wonderful.
Eva rolled a 12 for her last and only needed death saving throw.
Um, so she is 10, and I'm pretty sure the rules are that she's unconscious.
Yeah.
Um, unconscious and at one, but she is alive.
Um, I think that's stupid.
So I'm going to roll a wisdom, or I'm going to roll a constitution saving throw.
We're going to call it DC 15 to see if she can essentially force herself to wake up,
uh, and to be in any kind of a fighting state.
So, she's going to plus four to this.
Sparrow is about to find religion.
She's got a 17.
Um, you watch as...
Well, you don't watch, actually, you don't see anything happen because you duck behind.
Yeah.
Eva stands up, gets to both feet, um, and pulls out the, um, magical longsword.
Actually, wait a minute.
I'm going to roll, wait a second.
She's going to see, I'm going to see if Eva can put things together because I, as a DM,
I'm not just going to be like, oh yeah, she knows things because I know things because
she's been down and brainwashed for most of this fight.
So, I'm going to roll an inside check on behalf of Eva.
Uh, for what I'm looking for, I'll call it TC13.
She's got a plus one to this, two to this, two to this.
I don't know what the fuck that was.
13!
Hell yeah.
Um, Eva looks to the ground, um, looks at Lord Tyreesome, goes to pull out the new magical
longsword that she has, and then also looks past him and sees the arrow that she has just
struck into the gem.
Um, she is going to go 5, 10, 15, 20.
Well, she has two attacks, actually.
Oh, no, I know exactly what she's going to do.
5, 10, 15, 20.
Hmm.
There are so many things, so many things that I'm thinking would be fun to do, and I just
don't know which one she's going to do.
So, I guess to think out loud, she's clocked that the red energy that's coming from the
gem, um, is what is happening to Lord Tyreesome.
So, her first idea, my first idea, was to go over to the gem and rip out the arrow that
she, uh, hit it with earlier, since that'll be charged with, yeah, with the same energy.
But my other thought was to also hit him with the longsword and then to try and like, pin
him to the ground with it while he's in his physical form, but she doesn't know if that's
going to keep him there once he rolls out of whatever's happening to him.
Yeah.
So, she also has to go past the golem to get to that.
I'm, question, is he, and she will take an attack of opportunity.
How restrained is he?
Um, is he like paralyzed?
It looks like he's paralyzed.
Okay.
Which he's technically immune to, but I don't think he was.
Can I, can I yell something to Eva?
Sure.
Uh, just hit him!
Just hit him.
Cool.
Uh, she hears that.
And this is where I am going to explain to another player.
Um, if someone is paralyzed, that means that all, um, attacks made within a five foot radius
of them, uh, crit.
Right.
Right, right, right.
Um, that's fucking crazy, actually.
I'm a good player.
Oh.
I know my rules.
Wait a minute.
Um, sorry folks, I'm going to look something up real quick.
I'm going to see how much her longsword does.
Longsword plus one, five E, because I didn't write that down for some fucking reason.
I know I have a plus one to hit, I don't know if it increases damage or not.
It is a magical item though, which is pretty nice.
Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um.
Cool.
We will just call it, uh, well, let's look at our damage real quick for the weapons that
she has on her already.
She has a Warhammer, Longbow, Mall, and so on and so forth.
So we'll say, man, this is difficult.
Trying to figure out what she wants to do.
I mean, there's just so many options with combat that it's like, what the fuck does she, uh,
God.
Okay.
She's going to try something.
She is going to, yeah, she's not proficient with the longsword.
Um, she's not able to do a whole lot of damage.
So she's going to do something risky.
She is going to pull out her Warhammer.
Um, well, actually, no, she's going to pull out the Mall because the Mall does a little
bit more damage.
She is first going to take a swing at the gym nearest her.
So she needs a 13 to hit.
She's got a plus five with it, so.
I better be getting some of the credit for this cool thing if it works out.
Nat 20.
Holy shit.
Natural 20.
Um, wow.
Cool.
Eva hears what you say, uh, and trying to bridge, essentially bridge the gap between ideas,
pulls out her Mall and then swings it straight back into the gym.
On a natural 20, she shatters the gym.
Uh, but now her Mall is completely bathed in red arcane and trapment energy.
And then with her second attack, she is going to then swing it back down with the sharpen
directly into Lord Tiresons chest.
Fuck you.
And it's not, it's not, I'm not, I'm not going to have to roll.
Yeah.
I'm just going to pretend that I'm able to see.
So because this thing is bathed completely in the kind of energy that is paralyzing him
in the first place, we are going to double the amount of damage dies.
This might just kill him.
It should.
It's my kill him.
Well, I mean, he's got more health than you think he does, but.
Well, he's a bitch.
Uh, okay.
So reading things out loud.
She, her Mall does 2d6.
We're going to double the amount of d6s.
So we're going to say 4d6.
So 612, uh, 24.
And then 24, she's going to plus three to that as well, which is going to bring it to 27.
And then because this is that kind of energy, we're going to, what I've been doing with this
particular kind of energy is dabbling it.
So he is going to take 27 plus 27.
I can't do math.
Oh my God.
I forgot I had a crossbow this whole fucking time.
I'm going to use an L.
God.
She is going to do 54 damage.
Um, yeah.
So she stands up, uh, after being basically facedown in sort of the blood in, in dust
and potlub bones that have been laying all across the room.
Uh, here's you shout to just hit him.
Has that moment of thought where like as a military strategist, do I go for the weapon
that's a guaranteed hit or do I take a swing knowing that I should hit.
Decides to sort of, uh, split, split it instead and kind of do one of both.
So using her first attack completely shatters the gym, uh, bathing her mall in red arcane
energy.
And then on the backswing uses the sharpen and puts it directly into, uh, Lord tiresome's
chest.
And with a sickening crack, uh, it makes its way all the way through the floor.
Uh, and Lord tiresome is dead and all of our flesh golems, oozes, zombies, et cetera.
I better go the fuck away.
Uh, fall to the floor lifeless.
Does he still have enough in him that I can go gloat?
Um, nah, he's dead.
Damn.
He's like dead, dead.
Can I loot him?
Um, and she is going to, Eva is just like out of pure exhaustion.
Having just barely pulled this off, Eva is just going to like fall to the ground and
like lay next to his dead body, just like panting, like covered in like fucking ice shards,
clothes are ripped to shit.
I will, I will go over there.
Um, how you doing champ?
Oh Jesus Christ, I didn't think this combat encounter was ever going to fucking end.
Um, yeah, Lord tiresome is just there dead on the ground with like this still like glowing
bright red maw that is just like fully, his whole chest is basically caved in as this thing
is just sitting inside of him.
Uh, I would like to, does he have anything that like identifies him like does he wear
any like jewelry or like.
He has a, um, yeah, he has a pendant that has the sigil of the, uh, the ochre order,
uh, around his neck.
Cool, I rip it off him.
Cool, you rip the sigil of the, yeah, you rip the, uh, the pendant of the ochre order
off of his lifeless body.
Wonderful.
And then the,
the blood on the mall should also be enough proof.
Um,
Wow, what a combat encounter, holy shit.
Okay, time to go back to the book.
There isn't ending to this.
We're not going to have a moment.
I'm just also flipping through, um, trying to get things moving.
I didn't, truly I did not expect this combat encounter to end as quickly as it did.
He had 50 health by the way.
So she like barely killed him with her 54 damage.
You're welcome for me knowing my fucking rules.
Yeah, without, yeah, without that, that wouldn't have happened.
Holy fuck.
Uh, like just,
Who's the survivalist now, bitch?
Just like a heavy panting on the floor.
She's like, uh, you are, you are a sparrow.
I'll give it to you.
That's what I thought.
I'm keeping the model.
You see that's glowing red energy.
It's fucking sick.
Yeah, it's cool.
It also has blood on it so we can show that as proof that we, uh, killed the bitch.
I mean, if you hit me with another fucking ice knife.
Oh my God.
I swear to God.
I was trying to help you.
Next time the mall's going at you, okay?
Uh-huh, okay, sure thing.
Um, I'll give her a hand and help her up.
Yeah, sure.
Give me a strength check.
Just for fun, here at the end.
Nat 20.
Yeah, cool.
Sure, just fucking meaty ass like handshake pull up straight off the ground.
Um, and she is, she's up.
Y'all are moving.
See, there's more to just physical brute strength.
Sometimes you've got to think about where the brute strength goes and that's where I come in.
Yeah, but do you know what killed him?
Oh my God.
Do you see the hammer in his chest?
Who's the one who got him there?
Is that the magical spell?
He was in sad view, Eva.
Physical, yeah, it was disgusting.
I now know what a dead spirit tastes like.
What does it taste like?
Fucking like, like this guy, gross, like Ash, like, like, uh, I don't fucking know.
I'm like thinking of him, I don't know why in that moment, but I imagined him looking like fucking the slime guy from Ghostbusters.
Oh my God.
Fucking disgusting.
Sliver?
Yeah, sliver.
Ew.
That's what I imagined.
So she's just like covered in like fucking green ethereal gunk.
Oh.
And ice shards.
That is disgusting.
Okay.
Yeah, it's, it's, how do you think I feel?
I can't fucking breathe.
I think you cracked the rib.
Oh my.
I think I might have cracked two ribs, actually.
Okay, maybe I killed you a little, but you're fine now.
You know, I thought I'd appreciate it, because it got that son of a bitch out of me.
Yeah.
And now look at him.
Should we like take the body or something as proof, or do you think maybe it's like bad luck to take him out of-
What if we just like cut his head off?
Oh, do they do, do fingerprints exist in this world?
Like, do they know how to fingerprint people?
Nah.
I was gonna say cut off his hand.
Uh, yeah, I'm gonna take out my dagger and just start sawing.
Oh Jesus, what are you taking?
Taking his head?
Well, I guess we could take the whole body.
Never mind.
I got a weird look.
Metal as fuck.
Uh, no, that's fine.
Cool.
Eba, yeah, just, um, keeping his body like still on the mall.
She just like pulls the mall up and then slings it over her shoulder and is just carrying him like a little backpack.
That works.
I'm going to need help getting out of here, by the way.
I can't fucking move.
Oh, shit.
Can I do a medicine check?
Yeah, she's got one hit point.
If she had failed that, there's, yeah, she would have fucking died.
Yeah, give me a medicine check to see if you can patch Eba up.
Here you go.
Uh, 10 with my little, with my little rock.
I'll give her another hit point.
She's a 2.
I'll say that is enough for you to like get under her like just, she's so much taller than you.
So it's just like she's got like one hand like on your shoulder, like trying to use you as a crutch.
Okay.
You know what?
You're almost dead.
It's fine.
I'll let it go.
Wonderful.
Um, cool.
You all fucking, you and Eba.
I'm now at full hit points.
And off, ma'am.
That's crazy.
There's so many, oh, elevator, elevator, hell yeah, there's an elevator.
Space dissipate resulting in this person's arm making sure.
Cool.
Um, and now that all of our magical energy and someone and so forth has kind of dropped
down from this place, you all get a sending spell message from Loretta, who is letting
you know that she is back with the imperious on our way.
Storm has suddenly dissipated on our way.
Got the body.
Cool.
Um, you and an Eba clamor your way up through the and the entire scolarium and eventually
make your way outside to the obelisk.
Um, just sort of to the outside and it looks as though there's an immediate change to the
scab as it was called.
Uh, the sort of the, the blood swampy kind of like mixture that's been around the, uh,
the obelisk has seemingly turned into just sort of like clear muddy, clear money fucking
opposite words.
Uh, like muddy swamp water and the plants have sort of lost a lot of their like blood
like tension have gone back to just sort of like a regular looking swamp.
That's any improvement.
I still don't like swamps.
Yep.
Nasty shit.
Nasty shit indeed.
Uh, Larita pulls the imperious down and lets you on the board.
Cool.
Uh, Eba, go ahead and drop the body.
Uh, yeah, cool.
Eba like walks past Larita who's just like jaw gape as she sees like Eba just walking
past holes in her closer torn.
She's like literally got two HP.
And then also in my head, she just puts him down and then she just fucking has this fucking
crazy magical weapon like all over her shoulder and then just drops the body along with the
weapon on one of her tables that's got like books and shit on it.
And then just, I'll be back and then fully just like, like a tree just falls into the
nearest chair and conks.
Uh, yeah.
Do you have any like clerics?
Also just a general tip, killing a necromancer.
You might want to make sure that he's dead.
Well, we, we entrapped him with a powerful and trapping spell.
So he shouldn't have been able to come back alive in the first place.
I don't quite understand why he's, I mean, he's dead now.
Oh, very.
Yeah.
No, he's, yeah, no.
Wow.
That's like really impressive.
Yeah.
I stabbed him a good couple times after he's gone.
Could have been like a lich or something, you know, like that's not anymore.
Not anymore.
So it would seem.
Um, yeah, we can get you and your, your galpow back and give her a little bit of, a little
bit of healing magic from one of the, one of the practicing clerics.
That would be wonderful.
Thank you.
Uh, some, some new clothes would also be wonderful.
Uh, she's a little fucked up.
There's a lot of.
There's, there's dialogue for me to read in one of the, like the opening line she says
is like, did you find out what caused the earthquake?
Cause he escaped.
I don't need to ask that.
He's dead on her fucking table.
Yeah.
I don't think we were meant to bring the body back.
Jesus Christ.
Um, yeah, that's crazy.
Uh, did, do you tell her anything else about anything you all saw down there about a
lot of any of the stuff that you picked up or?
Um, uh, do you, do you just like we went down there and we killed them?
Here he is.
No, I'll give her, I'll give her information.
Um, I'm not going to mention that we got like golden weapons from there.
Uh, she doesn't need to know where those came from, but, uh, yeah, just kind of going over
basic information and talking about, uh, the two of the gyms were broken and that is what
allowed him to, uh, to get out, so maybe use better glue next time.
I don't know.
Well, you, the fact, the fact that you just insinuated that we would, we would glue.
I don't know what y'all do.
Undead, powerful mage in a short car.
Did you not see like the glowing red gyms and?
Yeah, no, the two of the gyms were broken.
They'd come off there.
They were broken.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it seems that it may be, yeah, maybe the earthquake did knock them off their pedestal.
I mean, did you, did you see anything about his, his experiments?
Did you pick up any magical trinkets or any gear from, from down in the scolarium?
Uh, did we?
No, we didn't.
This genuine question is genuine.
Um, I mean, you have a wand of magic missile.
Oh.
It's a magical ability and Eva has a magical longsword.
You said that we could take the things that we found.
Okay.
Cool.
So you're not going to try and lie about it.
I was ready to roll inside or chill.
I mean, she can.
She can roll inside.
Go ahead.
Sure.
Let me roll deception.
She doesn't know a goddamn thing.
That's my fucking dog.
She rolled a five.
Um, cool.
Yeah.
The ring is on my hand that I'm just doing with.
Yeah.
The ring, literally, she's just like taking you at id fucking face value.
I mean, if you just picked up any like odds and ends as long as it doesn't have any information
or any, uh, I don't know, symbols of the ochre order on it, we do still want to be.
Oh, I give him that.
I give her that.
Or wait.
Dependent.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Can I do a check on the pendant?
I want to vibe.
I want to.
Not like in front of her.
I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick.
Um, oh, okay.
That we don't have a bathroom on the airship.
It's not something that the imperious comes equipped with, is there anything else you'd
like to give me or show me or, uh, we're just really concerned.
You know, part of the reason that we had to seal the whole thing.
Is there anything in particular you're looking for?
If he had any kind of memorabilia on his person, it would have signified the order that he
was a part of or any books or, uh, magical items that might have had the sigil of the
ochre order on him.
That would be greatly appreciated.
Wow.
Well, part of the reason why we, we sealed it in the first place, if you remember my
monologue from earlier, was that, uh, well, we, we realized that the, the power of the
scolarium and the magic held within was too great to just open up to the, uh, the public.
And as you could see, uh, the now deceased, uh, Lord Nevermore was a great example of
what happened.
Who?
Not Jesus Christ, Nevermore.
Uh, tiresome.
Lord tiresome.
That's not even close.
It's a great example of what can happen when a person that knows even a little bit about
magic gets their hands on the knowledge of this scolarium.
So I'm just trying to make sure that you don't leave with any of the artifacts and that we
can continue to maintain a, uh, a layer of security around, you know, creating another
Lord Tire Sum or something.
I do an insight check on her.
Yeah.
I don't like the idea that anyone who can get their hands on magic.
Right.
What'd you get?
Uh, I don't know.
What'd you get?
Uh, was it a nat one?
No.
Cool.
Uh, none.
None.
Um, you don't, what are you looking for?
I'm trying to figure out if this is like legit.
I don't, I just, I think it's weird to be like, yeah, give me any memorabilia he had.
Oh, um, no, there doesn't seem to be any alternative, uh, Tira Motos.
I mean, she's pretty upfront in terms of like, why she's, she wants the artifacts or memorabilia,
anything with the sigillon.
I mean, there's no, you don't feel on it.
I mean, on a nine, you don't feel like there's any ulterior intent or motivation behind what
she's saying.
Because like you get the idea that because her mother was sort of part of the order and
did a really, uh, like important job of keeping track of all the information and the books
and the artifacts, that there's also probably a deep sense of pride here as well about maintaining
that knowledge and keeping it within the order.
Uh, I saw an, I give a dependent.
Cool.
Uh, you pop over the pendant, the Rita sort of flips it over and then it has, um, it has
Lord tiresome Belivar engraved in the back.
Um, and sort of the front side is the, that bright yellow eye that is the sigill of, um,
yeah, the upper order.
I deeply appreciate you turning this over.
I imagine that it's very tempting to keep magical items of great power to yourself.
That's a great power.
Well, I don't necessarily know if the sit like the pendant itself, I'd have to study
it a little bit to figure that out.
But, uh, I mean, there's a chance it came off as an undead, incredibly powerful magical
being.
Some of his essence might be trapped in here.
I'm not quite sure.
I mean, he's a little bit of his essence is everywhere down there.
We've like, right, right.
But like magically it might have been, you know, he might have passed it on to dependent
before death or, I mean, who knows, made his or slippery tricky, especially necromancers,
as you can see.
I don't like your little, I don't like your energy.
I don't like her energy.
I really don't like her energy with mages.
But I tell you what, because you were honest with me and you didn't have to be, I will
double the amount of gold you were you and your your gal powder getting wonderful.
You can just call her Eva.
You don't have to write right.
Right.
I will double the amount of gold and you can keep the magical items that you were loaned.
Oh, wonderful.
Rock and rock.
Yeah.
Wonderful.
Just the rock.
Nice having a rock.
That's crazy, man.
Cool.
That is pretty much it for the one shot.
All right.
Well, I'm going to go retire with my gal pill.
Yeah.
You and you and Eva, after Eva wakes up, you've used the bathroom.
You and Eva head off presumably to the next place wherever that might be.
Thank you all for tuning in to our first and certainly not our last actual play.
It might come out in two parts.
It might come out in three.
Not sure.
It took us roughly about four and a half hours to record the whole thing.
So it just depends on how I want to split things up when I have to edit this fucking
monster of an episode.
Yeah.
But you hopefully should get it eventually on this Thursday.
So I look forward to seeing you all back for the beginning of season two, where hopefully
we will have visual and audio equipment so that you can not only listen, but watch along.
And you can see our wonderful faces.
I roll like four natural 20s in a row for enemies.
Yeah.
My saving throws, though.
That was clutch.
And then you'll see me launch myself across the table and beat the shit out of Robert
on camera.
Yeah.
True fact.
Thank you all so much for listening and supporting this season.
We really appreciate everything that you guys do for us.
Awesome.
We will see you guys next time.
Bye-bye.
See you next Thursday.