and
the ends of the bill and so believable that your players start asking you if
that's just how you are
back to table talk
i'm robert's
i'm maddie
in today we are going to talking about choosing spells this will probably be
for real i know last time are a couple times ago we said we're going to do a
half episode to turn out to be an hour long
we'll see we're actually hoping for this one to be an hour so after this one
uh... we're gonna do like a brief combat play through with
myself and madison being two players and then we also deeming
which i've done that a couple times it's not the most difficult thing in the
world
but today we're gonna walk you through choosing spells and what that process
is like
and then uh... the next episode after that or maybe even the same part of this
it just depends on how long we go
you'll get combat uh... with the character made with those spells
so
madison
what do you like to do whenever you're making a character
uh... and you're like having to choose spells like what's your process like so
i've got a love hate relationship when it comes to choosing spells because it's
really fun
however it can be really really fucking tedious as well
and when you're playing a spell casting class where you don't get to switch out
your spells
like with prayer or some shit like basically any divine spell casting you
could just be like i can switch them out between rest
you can't do that when you're playing a full spell casting class like a
or
i guess
clerics are also like a full spell casting class
but if you're playing something like a source or or a barred you can't switch
it out so it's like permanent so there's a little bit of pressure there
uh... yeah cuz like
it's permanent like i don't know the way that i've always done it is
uh... if somebody wants to change their spells really bad like on a long rest
um...
cool with that you know like
i don't
i don't like making it to where people
absolutely like have to use something that they just don't want to
uh... but there are some classes that you're you're right in saying that some
classes have
uh... significantly easier time switching between like spells and prepared
spells and learning spells
it's really complicated really fast
yeah it's also a thing of like i think starting out
making a character for the first time in picking your spells is the hardest
because you don't know what world you're in fully yet
and you don't know how combat encounters tend to go
or like what type of enemies you're gonna be fighting
verses like if you're leveling up in your picking new spells
you have an idea of like where you are what's happening in the story where
you're going in the story
so you kind of know like what type of spells that you want to take
uh... we were talking about that uh...
i'm also in the process of literally figuring out
how to do the combat encounter and she immediately is like so what kind of
creatures are we gonna fight so i like know what spells to pick and because
there are a lot of questions you can ask it i mean i guess you can ask it in
real life i mean you can you can definitely ask it like we've talked
about this is some of the class tough to i'm not
have you pick like a preferred enemy type like on ranger
yeah and pick something that you're literally never going to encounter
and like there was a clip from the the latest season of dimension twenty where
uh... and they're all playing
uh... stouts
or stotes or whatever basically like little like
weasel looking mother for little critters
and brinn is playing a paladin and
uh... he asked sabria at one point he was like
so there's a thing where i've got like divine or since divine
i literally just played a paladin
like two weekends ago so i should know that
but where you can sense like um... fiends and like undeads in the area and
things like that
uh... and he's like we are not going to be able yet to take on evil
and he's like we don't we're not playing in a setting where there are different
like
races or like different like types so can i use this
to find my children and she was like yeah that's actually like funny as fuck
um...
but it's like one of those situations
but
uh... i'm gonna go through and kind of walk through my process of picking spells
for sparrow which is homegirl that we made in the
uh... magic character creation episode
uh... she's like a she's a tiefling wild magic sorcerer
um... with like the flavor text of like a robin hood
type character
uh... so i'm gonna keep that in mind because i like to let the personality
of my character influence the spells that i'm picking
if i'm
playing a character that is like a robin hood type maybe i'm not choose a bunch
of like
spells that have to do with like
absorbing elements or acid or like yeah generally you're gonna wanna pick stuff
that like you know make sense with the fucking character you're playing yes
i'm also someone who like i always keep like a handful of like certain spells
that i think are very useful or like utility based
uh... mage armor is something that i'm always gonna pick if i'm playing a
any class that has access to mage armor because it's really nice
what does mage armor do?
mage armor is a first level spell
that uh...
you touch a willing creature who isn't wearing armor and a protective magical
force surrounds them
targets base AC becomes thirteen plus its dex modifier
and it lasts for eight hours
interesting
which is only available to sorcerers and wizards because they are both
fucking squishy is all hell
uh...
but so i'm gonna go through here so i'm gonna go to uh... and you'll find it in
like the little advancement chart
uh... with your class
and it'll show you like how many spells you know at what level
uh... how many cantrips you know and cantrips are like
there's spells that aren't really spells like they don't count against
uh...
the number of times like
you've got spell slots which basically means you could only cast this many
spells
per long rest
and you can't cast anymore that
and you have to cast a spell of that level that you like have available like i
can cast a first level spell
uh... and i can upcast it as a second level spell however i cannot cast a
second level spell as a first level spell
uh... which
is kind of confusing to say out loud but when you like see it like written down
it makes a lot more sense
uh... so read your player's handbook or whatever uh... pdf
because we're not encouraging
uh... finding pds but also whatever you can find you know if you can find it
we're we're not going to stop you
uh... i use wiki dot
i'm using wiki dot right now because i like the way that it has the spells listed
out
yeah wiki dot is nice
i love it so much
so i'm looking at my character is going to be third level
so i'm going to go to the third level thing on the table
and it's going to tell me that i know four cantrips so i'm going to go and by
the way on your character sheet uh... the third page is going to have
access to all that information
uh... and then my spell casting ability that i'm going to keep in mind is
charisma which you'll also be able to find on your class table
uh... my spell save dc is fifteen
not quite sure how
you get that i'll be honest i put
i plugged myself into an app
uh... you're talking about how people get spell dcs
yeah
yeah it's like your intelligence modifier plus i think ten is usually what
it is or whatever your spell casting modifier is
whatever your spell casting mod is
that makes sense
if you cast with like charisma versus intelligence so if you're a warlock
instead of a wizard
uh... i'm pretty sure when you're coming up with your spell dc it's ten plus
whatever that modifier is so if you have a plus six to your charisma your spell
dc for all of your spells will be sixteen
that makes sense because i'm working with a uh... a twenty in
charisma
because i rolled very well
uh... and then you also get your spell attack bonus which is going to be your
proficiency bonus plus
your spell casting ability modifier so for charisma
uh... i have a twenty in charisma so that's going to be a plus five so that would be
a plus five plus my proficiency bonus which is a plus two which is going to
give me that plus seven
you're gonna add that to any attack rolls that you roll
for a spell
we'll get into that later
cantrips
i'll be honest i'm not the biggest fan of the of the sorcerer cantrips
i mean they're not bad
uh... but
they're not always like the most useful in the world
yeah so every
and we've kind of talked about this in some of the previous videos every class
uh... at least every spell casting class is going to have their own list of cantrips
that they have available
they're not always exclusive
uh... and you can also take feats and backgrounds that allow you to or not
backgrounds we can take feats that allow you to like pull from other classes
shout out spell sniper which allows you to do any ranged cantrip which means
you can choose eldritch blast and that levels up with you
and you can just in your spells also then ignore um...
like cover
if you don't have full cover
you're getting hit
yeah every every spell casting class is going to have a different uh... like
lineup if you will of
uh...
i'm doing two things at once
like a different lineup of cantrips that are exclusive to them some cantrips
were shared across classes like i think some of the cleric impaladin cantrips
line up a little bit just because you know that there's only some of the spells
holy
yeah and there's only so many spells uh... that are worth using so it's kind of
one of those things like keeping the the bundle of shit to choose from
the your cantrips are basically going to be which year you're going to use the
majority of the time unless you're in combat in which usually that'll be a
spell like a spell spell
uh... the more you level up the more you can use those spells but like generally
speaking anywhere from i would say like level
basically levels one through five you're gonna have to rely on your cantrips
a lot so like choose
wisely because you're gonna have like three maybe four spell slots max
they're not going to do a whole lot of damage
and then you're just gonna have to either throw hands or use cantrips
yeah cantrips are going to be your friend so i always no matter what class i'm
playing i'm going to choose
at least or depending on how many cantrips i get i get
that i say four or three cantrips
i get four cantrips
if i've got the option of four cantrips i'm going to pick at least two of those
to be damage dealing
uh... because i want something to rely on in combat
and i'm also going to keep in mind
the type of character i'm playing and the personality there
while i look through these i already have some kind of like mark that i want to
uh... the first one i'm probably gonna do in this one is not a damage dealing
cantrip
but it makes sense for the character i'm playing which is made hand
which basically uh... is a spectral floating hands that appears within thirty
feet of you
and you use your action to control the hand you can make it open a door or a
container
or like
uh... it's a hand
it can't attack you have a hand that can do things
yeah but like as i'm playing like a pick pocket character
each hand makes sense
uh... which like technically you can't
use it to pick pocket but like if you're playing a robin hood character or a pick
pocket character talk to your dm
just ask like i'm not going to tell somebody that
i'm not going to tell anybody that like they can't use it to do that
it's just gonna be higher dc yeah that's the way that i like to do things
if a spell says that you explicitly can't do something but you really want to
do it and there's like good reason for it or it's a fun role play moment or like
rule of cool
i'm just gonna make the dc a lot harder and then there will be more
significant like consequences to fucking up that role
yeah uh... so like if you you want to use mage hand to pick pocket spell says
you can't but like it's a robin hood dealer it's like a really important item
uh... like cool role like dc twenty r conne check i'm probably not going to give
that to level three player but like maybe i do
uh... minutes like if you pass holy fuck like this awesome feet of magic has been
pulled off and if you fail it's like you talk on it it's just about to like
come free of the pocket and then it's nags on a button and like the but yeah
it's the ground and like
combat around yes so like
combat encounter immediately much you know or just like immediately just words
you know just hands
uh... so you did this
ask truly
this is also my my uh... kind of rule of thumb
uh... the next one i'm gonna do is mine sliver
uh...
which is you drive a disorienting spike of psychic energy into the mind of a
creature you can see
they must succeed on an intelligent saving throw or take one d six psychic
damage and subtract one d four for the next saving throw it makes before the end
of your turn
which is pretty nice all things considered
uh... and i also like
it's
if i'm playing a robin hood type character even though i'm playing a
sorcerer
uh... i'm probably gonna be thinking of this in like terms of rogue
labor
uh... so it's in the the combat i don't think is going to be like
very uh... aggressive in terms of like physicality so doing things that are
dealing with like psychic damage
or like the mind or like playing dirty i think is going to be
uh... kind of a fun
character moment so that's the next one i'm gonna take so we've got two of the
four down
uh... the next one i'm gonna take is one that i like a lot which is shocking
grasp
uh... lightning springs from your hands to live to deliver a shock to a creature
you try to touch you make a melee spell attack against the target which is what
i'm gonna add that plus seven to it
uh... you have advantage on the role if the target is wearing armor made of
metal
which is
uh... and then on a hit and silly thing to be like hey you know like a really
common type of armor that like a lot of people like to wear
give me a bit of it because it provides you with like i don't know a lot of
benefits actually
no it doesn't get fucked yeah
take one d eight lightning damage and can't take reactions until the start of
its next turn
uh... this is also something where you'll see like a little
bubble that says underneath and at higher levels
uh... and it's gonna say the spells damage increases by one d eight when you
reach fifth level eleventh level and seventeen level that's not going to
affect me now but
that is let me know that i have higher levels i'm gonna be able to do more
things which is pretty much only gonna happen with uh... damage dealing can't
trip like your your friends is not going to level up with you if you take
friends is a country honestly should i use friends as my last can't trip
uh... i mean certainly can
my other one was gonna be lightning lure but that doesn't make sense with the
flavor the character i just really like
lightning lorenza can't really like lightning lorenza can't get there now
which like can't trip i say fuck it just choose what you like
yeah like as much as
matches it's good to like and absolutely maximize the amount of utility
you're getting out of them like
most of the time you just got to play the game until you can like figure out
what works best for you or what spells you like
like madison has generally the same like list of spells that she likes to use
in the majority of her play through is her characters regardless of
the setting of the character i mean this time it's a little more like trying to
show you all what it would be like
uh... with a brand new character but
generally speaking she's somebody that's gonna have i'm always gonna have made
armor i'm always gonna have shield i'm always gonna have silvery barbs i'm
always gonna have
like my other three spells that i really like i'm always going to do whatever i
can to get eldritch blast no matter what character i'm playing
uh... but those are just because that's my personal play style and i think that
the flavor of them comes out differently with each character
because you can use the same spell in very different ways
at our current table uh... our spells are even more limited
than like in five e
uh... like it basically it follows like the warlock spell casting for everyone
you only get like three or four
it's a little intense sometimes like it's very limited uh... you have to
really put a lot of thought into
i mean basically into
what you choose like even more so than a traditional five e-camping because
you're so fucking limited on what you have
yeah it's it's a bit much sometimes it's really a while to get
demig to get it down even for me
to realize like what i could
give you all is players because
a limited our actions as you all just don't have them but you can do right now
that being said they are all incredibly powerful things we can do
there's not a lot of them
uh... but like two of us at the table have the same at will thing which is
basically a cantrip
uh... and it's called kinetic blast and it's basically the same things elder
to last but we use it in two completely different ways mine is like a little
baseball
made of pure light
and i like literally toss around like a baseball like as nervous tick or like
when she's bored she'll just straight up some in it and start like
just playing catch with herself and like tossing it up and catching it and the
other player it's like a zap
uh... the zap
of like energy
uh... so the flavor of these spells can look completely different if you want
them to
uh... but i think for my last cantrip i'm gonna do friends which is it
which granted i'm just basically using these spells for the combat encounter
and friends is not going to help me in the combat encounter but it makes sense
flavor wise
did you finally figure out what you were telling me
yeah i figured i was trying to do so what i've been doing this whole time uh...
if you want to know what i'm doing
this is also a great example of like player versus dm situation right now is we're both
preparing for the same thing
yeah i have been
so we normally play on like uh... a play mat or a tv
depending on uh...
how fancy we want to be how fancy we want to be here how like underprepared i
am is is often what i drop it down to like if i just don't feel like coming up
with a whole bunch of fucking png's and backgrounds and shit on i'm not like
fear of the mind works just fine it's gotten me through the last several years
okay
uh... but what i'm not doing anything is new for us
yeah what i'm doing now uh... friendly i sdms that tips and tricks that kind of
thing is i am currently
uh... using a
uh... an app like a little software can ideal
uh... called role twenty
it's really really really really really useful if you like to play online or
even if you have like a tv
set up uh... it's really kind of the most out of what you make it
so easy to do
tv setups like literally just find a shitty flat screen tv and then put it on
the table honestly i think it's easier than using a mat sometimes
it is like it is a hundred percent but that's what i'm i've been doing uh...
in i'm not ever gonna do a video unlike the way to use it unless somebody
fucking ask me to do it
but please ask us to do things i haven't used this software and fucking forever
and i'm just having to reteach myself on the fly but right now all i'm doing is
i'm putting a map down
i'm putting tokens down
uh... and then i need to come up with you like goons essentially throw in
there so that's what i've been doing
another great example of like the differences in preparing for the same
thing yeah for me it's finding a map i like and for me it's
picking what spells i want to use coming up with stat blocks are finding
stat blocks and putting them in a combat tracker which will talk with me get
the combat portion he's got a lot more to do
uh... but yeah i'm gonna use friends is my last cantrip which is uh...
for the duration you have advantage on all charisma checks directed at one
creature of your choice that is not hostile towards you
when the spell ends the creature realizes that you used magic to influence
its mute and becomes hostile to you
a creature prone to violence might attack you another creature might seek
retribution in other ways at the deans discretion depending on the nature of
how your interaction with a ghost
it's funny as fuck
it's such an odd spell
uh... it's it's funny as fuck in its concepts to me that anyone would pick
it because it's basically a spell where it's like yeah
you're gonna get
what you want for a minute in non-combat time which is not very long
not at all
unless you're in combat
like not even kind of
uh... and then after it immediately attacks you
or
seeks retribution in other ways so it's like cool
i'm gonna put a mark on your family
yeah basically like it's a crazy spell but i think that makes sense with the
kit with a robin hood type character
because
you know charm and like suave and then also charm and suave want to hit them
you know it's all this
so it's just funny to me uh... all right
so those are gonna be my cantrips so next time to move forward and on my
like little class advancement table it's gonna tell me that i know
uh... four spells total
so that means even though i have more than four spell slots i can only know
four spells
shut up
they don't be knowing a lot of it and i was shit man but they could be doing
whatever the fuck they want to be no fucking nothing
sorcerers are like
you gotta get a good couple of levels in for sorcerers to start making them
useful
yeah i'll be honest though so like wizards are nerds
like they know shit but they're fucking losers they gotta
they gotta carry books with them
yeah and they also get to know twice as much as you do
sorcerers are basically those kids that like when you're in high school and
you're auditioning for the play and they just like stumble into the
auditorium and go
yeah sure and then they get the lead
yeah sorcerers are very much like that
wizards are like the people who have been like studying for their whole lives
yeah they're like i'm in dance classes three times a week and i do private
voice lessons and this motherfucker
who literally just walked up
and like has twelve conflicts your funny it's to play the lead
i that's drawing from my own experiences
uh... but like that's the vibe of like a sorcerer is someone who isn't like
trying hard to be able to do the things that they do
it's a little fuck it up
it is and that's why i love them that's why they're charisma based
uh...
warlocks are kind of the same though
yeah but at least warlocks are like i have a reason for my power
sorcerers are like someone in my family
fucked somebody and now i have powers it doesn't even have to be that like it
can just be i'm just be random naturally good at magic guys
all you losers that had to learn it not me dude
yeah not me
uh... could never be me and i love playing sorcerers for that reason
now for sure
but anyway so we're gonna look at some of the source of spells so because i only
know for i'm probably gonna choose
uh... and i have
four
first-level spells available to me and two second-level spells
so i would that means that i'm probably gonna pick one second-level spell to know
and then the rest and then like three first-level spells because that makes the
most sense
so doesn't make the most sense
to me it does
kaffir
i don't like when you doubt me
can do
so i'm gonna start
for my sake in my sanity i like to start with my higher-level spells i don't
know why
but that is just the way that my brain works
so i already know the second-level spells
pretty well and by the way this is also like
go to wiki dot just read through and see which spells you like i'm just walking
you through the ones that i'm in particular choosing
because i don't want this to be long episode and there's no possible way for us to go through every
spell
uh... i will say
i'm
this was a toss up between two different spells
uh... and they're both spells that i use a lot of and one of them was hold
person
uh... which i almost chose
uh... which is you choose a humanoid that you can see within range target must
succeed in a wisdom saving throw or be paralyzed
for the duration
there are lines
turns they can make a wisdom saving throw
uh... success the spell into target i've used the spell to kill so many mother
fuckers
because we need to have a popular spell did when you paralyze a creature
any melee attack
within made within five feet of them automatically crits
uh...
and they automatically fail any like saving for that they have to do so they're
just gonna take that's damage on everything
uh... which is why it's great
but i don't think that it makes the most sense for this character to have that
uh... so i'm gonna go with another one of my favorites
uh... for lower level spells and that is more text work
uh...
it is a second level conjuration spell
uh... you magically twist the space around another creature that you can see
within range target must succeed on a constitution saving throw
the target can choose to fail
or the target is teleported to an unoccupied space of your choosing that
you can see within range
uh... in the range is ninety feet
the chosen space must be on a surface or in a liquid that can support the target
without having to squeeze
the spell is so nice you can use it to transport your allies in front of someone
so if you have a tank in the party you can go ahead and just like
have a row here i'm gonna put you in front of me
uh... or like a little behind the enemy if you have a rogue in your party
i'm i guess i'm going to take that yeah you could just
basically and it's like as a second level
teleportation spell
yeah that's wild that's really really nice
like it's ridiculously nice and it can lend to some really cool moments because
you can use it as utilities film
uh... to like
help and boost your teammates
uh... or alternatively you can use it to say no actually
fuck you to an enemy
that is like coming at you
not uh... and you're like not you
you're gonna go somewhere else
uh... so i'm gonna take that one is my second level spell and now i'm gonna move
to my
first level spells of which i'm going to choose
three
so once again uh... for my spells i'm gonna mostly choose combat focused ones
because i'm about to
use this character for just a combat encounter
if i was
picking these for like
real life i probably would take the spell charm persons
which is like a better version of the friends can trip
uh... which is you charm a humanoid creature wisdom saving throw
uh... if it fails it's charmed by you until the spell ends
uh... and then when the spell ends the creature knows that it was charmed by you
it doesn't become hostile like friends
now you have immediately get fucking it's hands on site they're like really
it's so hot in front with you
friends is so god to even are you yet it's armed is just like oh yeah we were
like buddies for a second and it definitely wasn't like natural buddies
but i have the ability to choose whether or not i like being friends with you
yeah friends go now
no work where enemies now it's on fucking site there's no choice in really i
don't know how friends is helpful
uh... it
certainly it i mean i guess i could see a fun role play thing being like trying
to take somebody into attacking you
okay yeah setting and so you cast friends of it like it looks like i have
buddy buddy now shit they're freaking out like i don't know why the free
self-defense bro
he's one first
no that's fair and if you knock him out or kill him quick enough no one's gonna
fucking be able to find out from the guy that was just charmed i mean that's
true if it's someone that you're already gonna like anyway i guess go ahead and
know that you already have fucking beef it's like alright dude let's do this
yeah it's friends motherfucker have fun not hating me
friends interesting spell charm person is better in every way but because i'm
just doing this for a comment counter
i'm not gonna choose charm
but i would normally
uh... the one i am gonna take right next to it though because we keep up with
them alphabetical order which is so fucking nice
uh... is chaos bolt
i'm playing a wild magic sorcerer so this makes perfect sense
chaos bolt has a range of a hundred and twenty feet which is a lot
uh... you hurl and and
delating what is that one gilating and gilating so like
like a heart
okay yeah okay
you hurl and undulating warbling mass of chaotic energy at one creature make a
range cell attack
uh... when you hit the target is going to take two d eight plus one d six damage
choose one of those dates the number rolled on that die
determines the attack
damages type
as shown below and there's a little chart
uh... and so it can take either acid cold fire forest lightning poison psychic
or thunder damage and you don't get to choose
which could be a literal role of the dice if you're fighting something that is
immune to a certain type of
uh... attack
and if you roll the same number on both d eights
the energy leaps from one target to another creature of your choice within
thirty feet of it
uh...
and then that can continue happening infinitely if you keep rolling eight so
ladies and gentlemen to me that sounds like you should just go out by some
weighted dice ladies and gentlemen and ladies anybody that's really interested
everyone in between as well
uh... we're inclusive here we don't discriminate um...
we don't discriminate by loaded dice
that was
specifically by loaded dice yeah
uh... some to take chaos bolt
uh... because of relief that means one
uh... what is loaded dice mean i mean like
why are we encouraging them to buy a little dice because if you keep just
getting d eights you can infinitely do it
now i guess that's valid
there's not a max
and it says in the description
there is not a map between these two walls
uh... well now i know we're fighting wolves i mean
if you look at the fucking screen i know but i was like that i was okay
the theater of the mind they don't know what i can see
yeah whatever
you know i i i i i okay this is mostly real like i tried to lie earlier be like
you should just tell me what we're fighting so i can pick the correct
now you know it's straight now i know straight wolves
just straight walls
walls i mean different kinds of walls but like straight walls you have pretty much
okay
not gay wolves
straight walls
the street is because i don't want to kill gay wolves wow you tell me that you
wouldn't kill a gay wolf out of like
principle
i'm not homophobic you would die
you would just die if a gay wolf chose to kill me that's the way i go
your boldest fuck for that
i make my choices that i stand by them
fucking clearly
say wave a woman comes at me with a knife guess i'm getting stabbed
that's
i don't support women by the way i don't support women robert does not support
women that is what he's saying directly right now i support women a lot
homeslice that sounds like someone who doesn't support what are you talking
about
all right spells do i have any yeah what other spells do you want i'm keep it
going i know i've got three more to choose from and i picked these ahead of
time and then i didn't pick any others because i was like i can come up with
them in the moment i don't i'm not someone who can do that
yeah you would think after uh improving long enough
for like almost two years you would have it down okay first of all i've
improved a lot longer than two years i'm an actor hire me if you have any jobs
coming up i need work
um i need work there was a tick tock we saw the other day that was uh...
talking about people at haunted houses scare me because i just remember that
that their theater kids in the top comment was like i went into a haunted
house and told people i'm so glad y'all have work
and that should crack me the fuck up you know my god i realize that's a little
fucked up in today's no it is so funny it is for sure fucked up but also i'm
suffering from that so i'm saying i'm suffering from that like i ever got
jobs at the first place i don't um
and don't laugh at that it's a little funny anyway now i'm going to choose
mage armor you should always take mage armor
um i mentioned it earlier but your ac becomes 13 plus your dex
mage armor is pretty clutched for eight hours
um so there's no reason that you don't need that
yes yes um so i'm gonna take that and then what do i want my
oh wait no i get i get one more and here's the thing where i say that i
always pick the same one but this one makes sense
no but it's i need to pick another combat thing don't i yeah i would advise it
fuck it no i'm gonna be stupid i'm not going to because it can sometimes help
in combat i'm gonna do silvery barbs um don't make that face don't make that
to her don't make that fucking face at the wolves being like
hurt me less you have fucking scabies
yeah harry fox no that's vicious mockery same goddamn difference
um so silvery barbs is a reaction do the same thing you take when a creature
within you within 60 feet of you succeeds on an attack roll an ability
check or saving throw so it doesn't even have to be an attack against you
you can see like maybe one of these wolves is trying to
unlock a door and i could say actually no fuck you wolf
right you can't unlock that door like what do you do you magically distract the
creature and turn its momentary uncertainty into encouragement for
another creature the triggering creature must re-roll the d20
in each lower roll so it doesn't have to be an insult it could also be like
like i've done this in a campaign before um one of my characters like was in a
conversation and the conversation wasn't going well i use silvery barbs and the
way that i did that was flashing um it it is just a distraction of
you all can't see me right now but i was shaking my head
the amount of times that she's been like if i flash them
will i get away with this thing and every time the answer is
please don't from everyone at the table everyone's like you can put those away
you can put them away like it's cool that you have them at all but like you
don't have to listen when you're the only girl at the table
you're gonna resolve another girl at the table so bad
me too i want another girl at the table to become a regular
so fucking i have been trying to make that happen i love
all of my guys don't get me wrong i cannot keep doing this i cannot keep
doing this it's stressing me the fuck out dude
it's stressing me out the testosterone in the room is just a little fucking too
high man it's so much i mean granted if we bump up another
person we're gonna be at seven players as opposed to six but we have a girl
we would have a girl kick one of the boys out
what the fuck ever bro all right how much left we have a spell slinging
this is the last spell so i'm just gonna say my next the the the last part of
silvery barbs and then we're good which does uh you can then choose a different
creature you could see within range and that creature has advantage on their
next attack roll ability check or saving throw that it makes with him the next
minute so i mean you could flash two people this
is just theoretically like something that you could do i i know most races do in
fact have two tits so i mean if you could like aim them
kakai in either direction you know what i'm saying
yeah it's like but one of them it's distracting and then the other one it's
like yeah boobs right i can do this or if you got one in
front of one behind you can flash both ways so you drop
trowel and you flash at the same time oh okay i get what you're saying yeah like
drop your pants so it's like i thought you meant like one
tit is in front and one on your back and i was like one race in bnd
somebody make that somebody homebrew that uh please don't
please do please do not i think it's so funny don't do that
um silvery barbs ladies and gentlemen silvery barbs flashing mother fuckers
flash people it's funny is that all your spells yes all right mary christens
we're gonna go into combat because we're only 30 minutes in and this should only
take 30 minutes really we're gonna go straight into it on the same
episode she did stay on time so it's hot as balls in here what we're
gonna go ahead and do first uh we're gonna start with the very first thing
is ever gonna happen in combat is rolling for initiative
whoo um so i also have my uh character sheets pulled up i've got it on my
phone as well um the app that i like to use yep um but
once again we'll link it into the script in the description if you want to follow
we should have brought a little box it's a rolling
oh we can use my box oh like the giant the lid
oh the lid we're using the the top lid of her box
all right we're gonna roll for eba oh not bad i got an 18
not bad i got a fucking 18 baby let's go
um i have which dice am i gonna use oh jeez i don't know i'm not i didn't
make the character home size jesus calm yourself pick
what's wrong with you um this one i like the gray one
okay the table talk guys yeah the table talk guys is cool with me
nat 20 natural 20 wow that hurts okay i should not go first in combat
i'm just gonna put 30 in here because there's realistically no way so i use a
couple of different things when i'm setting up combat encounters i guess i
do have to be a dm in a player at the same time um if you look up cobalt
combat encounter uh you will find um that that basically
gives you like a measurement tool if you're trying to figure out just how
complicated or how difficult the combat encounter is for your players
um i don't use it the most often um but i use it occasionally just to get like a
good read on if a combat encounter is going to be too
challenging um sometimes it'll tell you hard and your
characters will fucking cakewalk through it other times it'll tell you easy
and it'll be like a medium to hard encounter so a lot of it does come down
to knowing uh the spells and the tactics of your players and like how well they
mesh as a group um what kind of enemies are you having them fight like if
they're all martial characters that don't have any range and you throw them
like six rangers that all have like plus 20 to stealth
you know they're probably gonna have a fucking hard time with that yeah as
opposed to like just melee on melee that's probably gonna be a lot more
little bit equal like yeah be nice about it yep just a little um so the other
thing that i have open is called improved initiative um it's another combat
tracker so you can actually port straight from the cobalt combat
encounter to improved initiative um it's a little difficult to use it first
they have basically a library of every of like a lot of the standard traditional
5e monsters as well as some from like other books
you add them into combat encounter uh then you add your players you can make
custom sheets um you can do all sorts of crazy shit on this app it's i still
don't know how to use it and i've been using it for close to two years
truly the it's fucking endless um you can also have people play it multiple
like have multiple people on this app at the same time so i can have
like if i'm playing um across the room or if i just want everybody to be able
to see everything a little more real time i can have them all log into the same
app and then start a session and then they can all watch uh how initiative and
combat happens on the little turn order thing so that's nice
um other things that i have pulled up already told you guys about roll 20
it's free for i mean you pretty much get the whole app for free
there are some premium assets that come with the subscription and there for a
while i considered getting it but we've now that we've dropped down to
um uh like a tv setting to give it's just kind of one of those
things where i don't really want to spend the money on it but those are the
three things i have pulled up right now so what madison and myself as a player
are gonna see um is the roll 20 map maybe we'll
take a screenshot of this also in link it right yeah i guess that's the thing we
can do sorry i just don't know how the fuck that works also i guess i already
somehow managed to fuck up my little token thing anyway i have little people i'm
gonna see what we look like doesn't matter um i could have generated some cute
ones you could have so i forget what software i use for this but there's a
website if you basically just look up like token png maker you can drop in
any screenshot of any picture and it'll crop it like a little circle and then
give you the little outline with it and that's what i used to make um all of
these like these were all different characters and one of the campaigns you
were playing so um because i would love to use that yeah i'll just have to look
it up at some point but it's it's the first thing that pops up so anyways um
we rolled for initiative something else that can happen at the beginning of
combat is um surprise so i'm also looking off of the uh official
players handbook so that way i'm not like skipping steps in what is considered
traditional combat it's almost always going to start with
initiative which basically just means that you're going to determine the order
in which you go uh that's going to happen for literally everybody enemies
included and enemies that are not uh present so sometimes what'll happen is
enemies or pc nbcs will roll stealth checks and won't be noticed when the
combat counter starts and then we'll basically get a round of surprise
yeah so that's the surprise is so fucked so surprise is something i've used
like maybe twice it's it kills people it's fucking
silly it kills people which is so funny because it's on the order of combat
literally looking at chapter nine combat which is the ghost players handbook
if first thing it says is determine whether or not your party is surprised
so everybody has a passive perception which i'm pretty sure is 10 plus whatever
your perception is right yeah um so if i roll for it let's say
this combat encounter is going to involve uh ibo the abbey character and
then sparrow manasins character in six seven eight wolves
so if i had rolled stealth checks for two bodies let's say i rolled
four stealth checks for four of the wolves and the other two didn't roll stealth
at all what but didn't happen is once my players chose to engage like once they
rolled initiative there would be a round of surprise because they the the wolves
were never found and then those four wolves would basically get
turn after turn after turn after turn um and you can't react you can't take
reactions you can't like nothing uh because basically the idea is that you've
been ambushed yeah but there's no surprise here
um and like i said it's normally based off of your passive perception
did we get to role play a little why are we why are we fighting wolves where are
um listen i'm getting there you gotta give me a fucking you gotta give me a
minute um i did i am using just a one shot um
which i can tell you all what i'm using i did buy it i didn't pdf this one
uh just because you know small creators that kind of deal so it's
portals never take anything from a small creator
yeah so it's called the wolves of welton it's produced by a winghorn press i
don't know if that's a person or a group or a company but it's basically just
uh a second and third level adventure for dragons
dungeons and dragons dragons and dungeons fifth edition um there's a whole
one shot in here but i'm only using the combat encounter just because they have
uh a lot of really good information already on there for me so i don't have
to determine a whole lot of things um flavor background so the setup for
this one shot to my knowledge is that it's basically a group of adventurers
who are investigating why like sheep are going missing from local farms
and it's wolves but these wolves are like oddly intelligent and then the whole
thing is like tracking them and then finding them at their den and
that's when the combat encounter starts apparently fighting them in their home
apparently yeah apparently you can also like negotiate with them they speak
broken common i didn't read the whole thing front to back just because i
didn't have the time for it but it genuinely looks like an interesting
one shot please check it out if you're looking for something fun to run
okay um so that's kind of the setup so we're just
here on essentially like erin or for hire uh of a local like a couple of local
farms whose like livestock has gone missing to these seemingly
intelligent wolves like they never attack people they never go out of their way
to like harm conscious beings but they always take like sheep and cows and
chickens um and for whatever reason our negotiations have gone south in combat
has um combat has started well we're like hey maybe don't eat
and they were like nah mother fuckers we're hungry who are you
who are you i'll be damned if i'm not going to eat
um so that's what we're walking into so now i also need to roll initiative for
six wolves um i have their pre-generated stat blocks on my
lappy top they all get a plus two to initiative
a few min or six tilting the laptop away from me i'm trying to keep you from
seeing things that's a 14 yeah hold that oh my god it's a 17
that's a 19 what the fuck let me write these down real quick before i forget
them so these wolves are gonna kick ass what the
fuck 14 17 19 so one of them already has a 21 initiative
holy shit these wolves are crazy okay that's only a
no that's another 19 i can't read them illiterate not actually
um sometimes it feels like it i like that you have to clarify that you're not
actually illiterate like sometimes i genuinely feel like i am dude
like it's bad i mean i'm not gonna act like sometimes i don't
also think that about you and then i need to come up with two more
16 and use different dice 15
so it's a matter of times that this dice has fucked us over
and then it only rolls well for enemies anytime he is rolling for allies
it rolls like a three yeah no true story actually
it's kind of bad hey this shit sucks do you have something you want to send in
to make it better criticisms topics you'd like to see discussed or an
advertisement you'd like to run maybe you even want to sponsor an episode
if so shoot us a message at mc460 at evansville.edu or dms on
instagram at crescent magazine or we'll never get better
like these fucking guys so let's do that
and then there were two enemies that i forgot to add in on my little combat
tracker here so i'm gonna i'm about to like put the mic up when we roll so you
can hear the dice like asmr you're funny like here's
here's some dice noises why would you do that
i don't know for fun i don't know for fun
oh my god starting counter so you're still at that
i got to that sorry i'm having to go through and redo all these because
stupid fucking app is being complicated
yeah pork with dm never fucking ends did
never while he's doing that let's play game called guess how many d20s that i
own this is when you're guessing in your head
fucking absurd robert you can guess oh i'm allowed to guess
yeah i don't think you have the actual number
i'm gonna go with 10 or 11 10 or 11 okay one two three four five six seven
eight nine 10 11 12 and then i have another one at home
she's uh well i was almost there i started playing d&d two years ago
yeah um i don't know if you all have noticed she's a bit of a fucking dice
goblin no like fully a dice goblin like the most
dice goblin he dies goblin i think i've ever met that is not true didn't
doesn't ben have a giant bag yeah you know he just bought that bag straight
you have taken the time to like hand pick multiple sets of dice my man bought
like a basically santa claus sack of dice and was like this is
all the dice i'll ever need okay well one of you bought it like two years ago
one of these sets did come with uh one by the way one five one of them had five
sets one in one of them and you have how many d20s
13 uh so five out of 13 came together yeah yep
that means you bought eight other individual sets of d20s
or of dice period i like and i'll be honest
i said goblin new pair of dice for every character goblin
two characters of mine currently don't have a set of dice straight up mother
fucking goblin dude all right uh it is time to get these things started so
something else you can do instead of doing passive perception as you can do
active perceptions so you can have them like if a player thinks it's a little
suspicious that they can't see any enemies and maybe they're supposed to be
here it feels like they're walking into a trap you can also say can i roll a
perception check or investigation to see if we're about to get bushed
um in which case you can roll your active perception and active perception
check against their stealth checks instead of just being passive
and they're not trying to sneak up on us right no no they're all they're all
posted okay scared there's six of them and two of us
they're about that you've got to do a voice for whatever you're playing as a
player so you can tell the difference what isn't that your favorite thing
i don't know how to do abby doesn't have a fucking voice she's just a woman like
okay well then pitch your voice up a little ah i already have a high pitch
voice dude i don't know what to tell you man
maybe we'll do an episode on how to do voices yeah voices is one thing that i
struggle with like once i find a voice i can sit in it but like until i find it
and actively play around with it i fucking can't yeah i'm gonna decide what
it what is what is physically impossible sparrows
gonna be cockney because we're going with robin hood
vibes um i almost thought about russian because abby strikes me as a very
white person yeah i want to learn it how to do a
russian accent i can i'm not gonna attempt it so my
question accent is very bad i did i need to work i did a fucking poor french guy
forever i don't know if you remember that
that was interesting the french skeleton the french skeleton that i remember
him yeah all right so we're gonna go and start
this um i played a french paladin like two weeks ago and she
kicked so much ass she did go around in this like unironically
a lot of these men so it's actually gonna it's gonna be madison top of the
order she'll go ahead and show you things sorry spin around it's gonna be
fair and can't be a winner all right um
i'm gonna move us immediately like a little bit i have no idea what i'm gonna
do um i'm gonna start and i guess just straight
up
no i'm gonna be smart about this i'm gonna cast uh mage armor on myself
wonderful so in combat you have something called action economy you have
an action a bonus action and a reaction yes so um generally 99 of the things
you're gonna want to do are gonna be actions
you'll also get free object interactions so like pick up a stick draw your sword
open the door close the window like that's usually free
um but the mage armor is is that a bonus action uh is an action
it's an action so that's going to be like her primary thing she does on her turn
and then she still has a bonus action and a reaction and i can move as well and
she can yeah you can move and break up your actions and bonus actions and all
that so if you have 30 feet of movement you can move five action move another
10 reaction if somebody hits you like if you get an
attack of opportunity yeah and then bonus action after your last like 15 feet
so you can also break things up it took me forever to figure that out
so i'm gonna mage armor which is gonna take my ac from 12 to 15
yeah um which isn't nothing which isn't nothing
correct and that's gonna definitely be better and then i get 30 feet of movement
because i have a speed of 30 um which is like how much you can move in
seven seconds because that's how long each um round in combat canonically
takes in dnd oh yeah dude um looking at the map uh you all
can't really see it right now but like the wolves are legit posted the fucc up
outside of the den yeah uh and there's also something called attack of
opportunity where if you're like running in a creature space
and you then exit their attack radius then they get to attack you so if i run
forward i'm gonna get attacks of opportunity from several wolves
if you run out of their space running into their space does not trigger an
attack of opportunity exiting their space it does so if she runs up in like
bonks one of these guys in their face she enters within five feet of them
that's not going to provoke an attack of opportunity what will attack in uh what
will provoke one is if she decides to then use her movement on her next turn
to try and move um out of like basically five feet
more than five feet away from that creature yeah uh and that also is
entirely dependent on what the creature is like attack radius is so
most of the time it's gonna be five feet they're also like larger creatures
that have ten which means you can move up with you can move up to ten feet away
from them and not provoke one because they basically have long a range
but that is something you have to be wary of running in the middle of a group
of enemies is that if they start surrounding you and you try to dip
you're taking a shit ton of attacks of opportunity
which are all reactions by the way can i like hide
or i guess i can't hide because i don't have bone attack to hide but can i
stand behind the is that a campfire yeah campfire
yeah i'll stand behind the campfire five ten she's moved
ten feet standing behind the campfire uh i know that turn seems really boring
but it's gonna help me when i get hit yes it is and i have an aca 15 so before i
do anything else i'm gonna go to my character sheet or my app
i'm gonna go where it says that i've got spells and i'm gonna uh the app i'm
using i'm just gonna click it and say cast first level spell
um so i can keep track of how many spells that i've cast and then on the
character sheet you can also there's a little spot that says like slots expended
and then you put like one there yep all right it is wolf number one's turn
it is going to let's see here sometimes it's kind of hard
to as a dm decide who you're gonna hit um like what rhyme or reason there is to
it generally the way that i like to play it is the
dumb or the creature um the more just like simple they are in
combat so in this case a wolf has an intelligence score of
10 which is baseline so like if they know they're in danger i would know as
much as like a 12 year old yeah if they're in danger i'm not gonna make
them run head first into death like i'm gonna make them smart enough to
bail if they feel like they're gonna die or if it makes more sense to retreat
but in this case it's full health it's probably hungry so i'm just gonna have it
go to what at whatever is like physically close to it i mean did you think i
don't know if they were eating like sheep and chicken and shit i'm like well now
we've rolled up on their home and they're gonna defend it i mean maybe they'll
eat you maybe they won't okay i just i didn't know what their goal was so
wolves have let's see a perception check to see if the wolf is gonna
actively eat me yeah you can do a perception check to see if the wolf has
any intentions of eating you
uh i was actually not bad um 18 um they don't seem like they're hungry
uh like they're not um they were hungry well like they're not growling and
when you roll a perception check every wolf looks hungry
um like looking at them their bellies look full they're not emaciated their
muscles still like very strong so clearly they've been eating good enough so
like this isn't a they've been stealing fucking sheep because they've been
stealing fucking sheep so this isn't like uh i'm attacking because i want food
this is probably like i'm attacking because you've just rolled up on our
home okay so this is like personal yeah this is like get off my property
okay um so they have 40 feet of movement which is a lot
so five 10 15 20 25 so it's gonna get right in between
eba and sparrow and then it's going to make an attack roll against
sparrow um well you know what eba is a lot larger than sparrow so if i'm trying
to play wolves like threat assessment i'm gonna have them going for the scrawny
i'm gonna have them go for like the seven i forgot i made her tall right but as a
as like compared to the seven-foot tall goliath who's slender she's like slim
thing he's built like a brick house like you know we're going for the one that
seems to pose more of a threat on the immediate um once manisyn
slash sparrow starts throwing attacks at that point i would have them switch it
up um and that's just something you'll have to pick up as a dm just
learning how ruthless you want to play your uh your enemies like i personally
have the most fun playing enemies that are genuinely intelligent
because it means that i don't have to make stupid fucking decisions
um but sometimes the most fun is when you have a group of enemies that are all
just stupid and are only there to hit things
like goblins or orcs or fucking bugbears like
or wolves uh but it's it's all it's a hell of a lot of fun when you play
something like a dragon that has like a really high intelligence score
and so it's like instead of taking a turn to just fire breath them
you like go and attack the supports for the cave to like have it cave in around
them yeah it's also the most fucked up
it that's where like the player versus dm
shit starts to like really like set in um because you realize that you are actively
having to play against i'll say at some point we'll probably do it we'll
probably bring in another player and do like a higher level combat encounter
and y'all will see how fucking aggressive the player versus dm thing gets
so quickly especially when like everyone's vested in what's happening
because it's yeah i rolled a natural 20 i didn't do that and they're like no you
rolled the dice this is going to kill a favorite character of ours
you get to get on yeah so and then everyone stares at you i'm gonna roll
the hit um wolf has one attack which is bite uh it is a melee attack it has a
reach of five feet very cute and has a plus four to hit
and then it says it well i'll say this i'll do it like i would normally do it so
i'm just gonna roll the hit sparrow what a sparrows i see
at 15 right i thought you were attacking eba
mage oh fuck i am attacking eba thank you for reminding me holy
shit hold your dm's accountable it also doesn't make a bit of difference because
somehow eba's ac is fucking 13 um and i rolled a
i rolled an 18 so we're getting fucked either way
eba's getting fucking yomped um so we have a plus four
yeah eba's gonna take what the fuck do you mean
yeah eba's going to take um so this is when you're gonna look at whatever like
attack damage the creatures have she's gonna take 2d4
plus 2 damage oh Jesus christ i almost rolled a 6 which is a lot different
um d4 is the smallest dice in the game so where's my other d4
um good you can also take um pro tip is a dm you can also just take average if you
don't want to do all the math or roll the dice like for more dramatic moments
where it's like literally the difference in the roll is going to like make or
break the moment roll it in front or roll it behind
either way it's fun and stressful but if it's just like
roll it behind the screen because you know you got another
line yeah you know you got another 10 rounds ahead of you just start taking
fucking average man like it speeds up the game
but in this moment i'm not going to take average just because it's a little
more traditional to not um mother fuck me i rolled a 4 to 1 which
isn't terrible so it's gonna be five damage and then they have a plus two on
top of that so eba's gonna take i can't do math
uh five plus two seven damage wow seven eight fuck i was gonna be like the way
i'm about to die listen it's the way this combat
encounter might not go very well for the air and then it says that the target is a
creature it must succeed on a dc 11 strength saving throw or be knocked
prone um eba's a strong eba's a strong bitch
fuck up eba's a strong bitch so eba's gonna roll
fuck up i'm sick eba rolled a um like a 24 oh thank god i love that eba rolled a
24 so eba's not uh this is when you can get into fun
air-reading stuff i was gonna say that like the first like the most like the
the boldest wolf of the pack immediately sprints forward like seeing eba and
sparrow is a threat sparrow immediately ducks behind the campfire that's
sitting in front of the fucking thing which why is her in camp where i'm sitting
in front um and like ducks behind the smoke so the first
wolf immediately like can no longer sing sparrow and goes for the largest
object in front of it being eba eba's a tall fucking seven foot
goliath fully just like kicks the fucking dog in response the dog like
latches on to her leg and starts really tearing it up and then just kicks it
with the other leg she's not prone um did the wolf i'm not gonna do that for
everything but did the wolves light this campfire
i need to know that there is actually some interesting backstory behind a
couple of these wolves that do make them relatively intelligent
i don't know again we might have to run this one shot at some point on like an
episode but like yeah there's a high possibility that at least one of them
did um wolf number six so wolf number six is
gonna be closest to sparrow like wolf number six wolf number six is gonna
roll the hint that's a natural 20 oh my fuck
i'm gonna beat your ass um because madison is level three
oh my god because madison is level three i'm not going to do what we normally do
which is max damage plus regular roll for damage
so what that would look like for most sessions is 19 hit points on a natural
20 what that would most what that would look like is it says 2d4 plus
2 so i would go what is the maximum amount of damage that you could do with
2d4 plus 2 it's gonna be 10 and then i would roll an additional set of damage
dice because that's what makes critical hits fun is you just get to do an
absurd amount of damage madison's level three so i'm just
gonna say 10 damage and call it there nine hit points yeah i don't know what
wolves they thought level three characters can handle but i mean are we
doing the roll where if you do more than half of the hit points in a single
oh oh yeah that's another fun thing you can do in combat i shouldn't have said
that by the way this is where you all if you take more than half of your
it's in one hit there's usually some form of
dismemberment that happens or like severe injury
um what could that look like dude i don't even know what that looks like
right now can i get a dc a let's check saving throw please
sure robert sure let me just give my fucking dice
damn i thought she was just throwing my expensive dice 15 yeah you passed baby
um yeah why not you lose something what would you like to lose
i don't want to lose a finger yeah i was gonna say you can lose a couple of
fingers like a couple or like yeah okay we'll go with we'll go with two fingers
we'll go with two fingers we'll go like i guess i lose my ring and my pinky
that's exactly what i was thinking you lose your ring and your pinky so wolf
number six uh immediately like packed tactics right wolves operate the way i'm
thinking about this is so fucked up operate in packs so like one's taking
the other one's no healing in this party wolf sex is immediately gonna dash
around the campfire and then immediately lunge at sparrow taking off two
fingers in the process but because sparrow passes for strength saving throw
um her fingers do not get like essentially the benefit here is the
fingers coming off keeps you from going prone that's so cool robert that's so
fucking cool i'm gonna plug my laptop in now wolf number two is gonna go
homie is going to this is also whereas a dm you go hey i just took a player's
finger off maybe the next one doesn't attack them
that's literally what i'm about to do calm yourself five ten 15 20 25 30 35 40
wolf number two is gonna begin circling um give me a perception check and i'll
roll one as well okay i got a 23 i got a six um
eba's gonna fully gonna notice like even in the midst of combat my fingers are
gone i don't see shit eba's gonna check immediately that there is one of the
wolves one of the six wolves that they immediately like that they rolled up on
starts essentially circling around the back of them most likely to come and do
some sort of like pincer attack or counterattack to come behind and like
like basically force them in a space where they can't run but it's not going
to run an attack and is going to let the first wolf um take care of everything
yeah she's looking for an outlet folks oh there's an outlet behind you jesus christ
um so yeah on a 23 eba immediately clocks she's a tactician she's incredibly
intelligent she study military tactics and wolves while animals still follow
pack tactics so eba immediately picks up on the fact that they're gonna try and
flank her uh and get some numbers in there that's gonna be the wolf's turn it is
now gonna be eba's turn what can eba do is really unfortunate because eba's a
ranged is a ranged attacker uh and fun fact about ranged weapons you have
disadvantage whenever you try to hit something that is within this combat
encounter is going to deal with how to deal with character death in your first
combat yeah there's like a there's a solid chance that that that's what happens um yeah
let's see here plus two to range attacks she can heal herself not you but she can
heal herself she can also reduce damage once good for her she can do something
called uh action surge which allows you to take one extra action between rest which
is really fun and then she has to priority die for all sorts of fun stuff so uh i don't
really like doing the whole disadvantage with ranged weapons unless it's like within five feet
so the way that the crossbow works that i have is it's 80 it says 80 slash 320 that means you have
i forgot the little wild magic surge ah go ahead that means you have disadvantage on anything under
80 feet and you have a maximum of 320 feet the longbow says 150 600 which means you have
disadvantage on anything under 150 i think that shit's fucking silly how am i supposed to play
a ranged character if i can't hit something within 30 feet of me and not have disadvantage
yeah so i don't do that because i also think that i even within five feet i'm like you can
fucking hit somebody with like the so that hand a lot of pistol whip someone so what i'm gonna do
is i'm gonna say that she's gonna immediately switch to her uh her light crossbow so she's
gonna take her free action and switch to her light crossbow like one handed instead of her longbow
which she favors using and she is going to essentially point this thing like point blank
at the wolf that is uh reeling from being kicked and fire without disadvantage because that's
fucking silly so she has a plus six to hit wow that is not super high but i don't think they have
very high bc's either i realized looking at my thing i could have hell of rebuked the fuck out
of that wolf and i didn't yeah read your character sheets guys like read them a lot uh because you'll
forget super quickly about things that are really helpful so she rolled three points she rolled a
14 which is gonna hit so part of the fun thing about comment encounters is also figuring out what
the ec's of the thing you're fighting are so we know that it is at maximum 14 because on a 14 if
it's ac is 14 you hit um so now we're gonna roll some damn blitz so the light crossbow is going to be
1d8 plus 2 which honestly with this low health as these guys are there is a chance that she could
kill this thing in one hit um they don't have a lot of health which i think is how the designers of
the one shot meant this to be balanced i also think they meant for there to be four instead of two so
part of that's just on me for not reading the whole thing i'm missing two fingers i'm gonna roll a d8
oh my god i rolled a one oh my god i rolled a one i guess i i'm gonna silvery barbs i'm gonna help
i'm gonna help my girl out thank you what do you what do you say um i know i it's a moment of
distraction so i guess i'm gonna be like hey uh i was about to be like a flasher but
what no that's what we were talking about earlier no i'm aware flashing thing i'm not gonna
actually flash her because that doesn't make any sense but i'm so fucking funny i'm going to like
i guess uh throw my my oh wait no i don't have my fingers because the wolf ate them
i was gonna throw my fingers at the wolf um
um i guess can i like can i like pull the tail on the dog and i and it screams loud or the wolf
and it like screams loud enough sure sure you can link reach over and yank the tail so i rolled an
eight on the the second one which is 11 damage and that kills the wolf shout out to silvery barbs
so eba making this lightning quick decision to not only clock the wolf to her left but then
immediately pull out her hand crossbow and pointed at the wolf in front of her
you're gonna be like almost almost almost misses sparrow missing two fingers is like not today
motherfucker yanks the tail the wolf keeping it from dodging out of the way and eba scores this
thing straight between the eyes dealing 11 damage killing it dead um eba is then going to bonus action
heal herself um because i don't like being this low health uh so she can roll 1d10 plus
levels well i can't heal other people no i'm actually i i'm not gonna do that because if i
roll maximum i'm gonna roll above my hit points so eba is now going to take her one um action surge
and switch to her now this is where i would say um make a dexterity check so i'm gonna make myself
do a dexterity check to see if she can switch between her crossbow and her longbow quick enough
to aim at the wolf uh the wolf the wolf two that's circling around them so i'll say on like
10 dexterity saving throw our 10 like uh we'll do 10 athletics just because she's you know
she's she's buff uh will allow her to switch to her other weapon without taking an action
that's an 11 plus that doesn't matter i passed anyways so i'm gonna allow eba to switch to her
longbow which is gonna do just a little more damage so that's so silly the longbow and the
crossbow do exactly the same amount of damage so i'm gonna change that i'm gonna have the longbow do
um 2d6 as this is so not fair to watch your dm also play and be like no we're gonna change that
well now that i'm now that we're knees deep in this combat encounter and i'm realizing how it's
just not gonna fucking work for us i gotta kind of change it up so i'm gonna have the longbow do
2d6 instead of 1d8 that's also a lesson for dms if you realize immediately that you're about to
kill your entire don't commit you don't need to commit committing is not going to do anything for
you unless that's just a fun thing for you and your players to do you know what i'm saying and in
this moment i'm trying to show you all we'll talk you all through how to do this so that's not very
fun for me so i'm gonna roll 2d6 uh action surge give myself an extra action per turn and take a
shot at wolf two it's not a bad roll i got a seven plus um so it's gonna be nine damage which is
gonna badly wound the wolf uh but not enough to kill it unfortunately so oh they probably have like
10 or 11 hit points yeah somewhere like that right well 11 11 11 kill it 11 killed it and a nine
didn't so it means it's gotta be somewhere literally between 10 and 11 um so wolf number two is badly
injured that is also more than half its hit points in one attack so i'm gonna say legs take its take
its paws i'm gonna say that this shot is like it's just off center like eba is a trained hunter and
military tactician aims for center of mass to basically hit its heart and just misses enough
that instead of hitting its heart it basically goes through the back half of it and gets stuck in one
of its leg bones like its femur that's gonna reduce half its movement speed down to 20 until it can
dislodge the arrow okay um so it's gonna have significantly lower movement speed i'm gonna go
ahead and delete this thing off of here and then eba's gonna back the fuck up because ranged weapons
is what we're about folks eba's gonna take some movement speed and also because this wolf is now
at 20 i just need to make sure that i'm 20 away from it and then it can't fucking hit me one two
three four so five 10 15 20 so i just need to move i'm gonna move one more out well if it's
five 10 15 20 it'd be within five feet so i'm literally gonna move one foot out actually no
i'm gonna move over here so that way i can help you in case you need it so five 10 15 20 25 30
yep 30 so i'm gonna move for 30 feet to the right which is gonna put her behind the wolf that's
hitting sparrow and give her a better shot on the wolves over to the right um so it's kind of some
tactical repositioning and now we're gonna go to wolf number three um one of the other yeah one of
the wolves has died so wolf number three is actually gonna do something five 10 15 20 let's see here
which um yeah i'll say that this wolf i'm gonna roll a perception check on behalf of that wolf
to see if it noticed eba um pawning one of its friends uh it rolled a natural one it is so confused
i'm gonna half its movement speed because it's in distress after watching one of its like brethren
get fucking domed between the eyes it was that was his lover five 10 15 20 it's just gonna move
20 feet forward which is almost enough to hit sparrow but not enough um wolf number four
game is scary is gonna see here so five 10 15 20 out of here five 30 35 40 um just adjacent well
can i get close to eba one two so sorry folks i'm trying to come up with uh i'm trying to like feet
movement speed so the wolf is gonna try and get as close as it can to eba five 10 15 20 25 30 35
just enough to get close enough to eba to roll to hit her uh we're gonna try and hit eba as i see
again natural one uh i'm gonna say that this wolf is going to fall prone which means it's
gonna have to take at least half its movement speed to stand up that's a fun thing to do on
natural ones no matter what the role is is have something fucked up happen yeah so i'm gonna say
that like this wolf immediately charges eba and eba like the second this wolf goes to lunch um eba
basically sweeps its front legs out of each other or at like out of out from underneath it kicking
the shit out of these so it's like well she's all fucking legs dude she's not she's so tall that
like reaching down with her hands isn't really an option so she's like fully using her legs to do
everything she's gonna sweep the legs from out uh out underneath wolf number four essentially making
it eat straight dirt instead of flesh and bone and it is going to fall prone so that means it's
gonna have to use half its movement speed to stand up um and it's gonna have a disadvantage on anything
it tries to do from the prone position and everything else will have advantage trying to hit it
sucks to fucking suck wolf four get shit on get shit on indeed all right wolf number five is
gonna pop into action i can't see sparrows so i'm gonna make the logical decision to go for eba
five ten fifteen twenty twenty five thirty thirty five forty not enough but close enough um so that's
gonna be wolf five's turn and next is going to be top of the order so that is officially one
round of combat completed so seven seconds so seven seconds yeah uh i think six actually six
seconds is one full round of combat okay which is fucking absurd to think about by the way you
could be in an hour long real life combat encounter and it only lasts a total of a minute yeah it's
nutty it's fucking it makes no sense anyways madison's gonna be up now um sparrows got two
bitches on her i'm pissed uh and i read my character sheet again uh instead of just the
fucking spells that i had because i could have done so much more than just cast mage armor um so i
am going to um well first i'm gonna roll for a wild magic surge because that's something that
wild magic sorcerers do every time they cast a spell and i forgot to do that um so if i roll and
the way that we do wild magic surges is a roll that we stole from uh britain lee milligan which is
every time that i don't roll a one on the wild magic surge then the number increases i rolled a
16 so you know wild magic so that means if she hits a three or below she'll have a wild magic
which i'm probably gonna fake a wild magic surge during this so you all can see it that's fun um
and then i'm going to uh now missing two fucking fingers and a little upset i'm gonna cast a chaos
bolt at the wolf that took my honestly if she were a martial character this is where i was at the end
would be like you have advantage or disadvantage because you're missing two fingers and that's like
a really important part of holding a melee weapon but i mean i'm spell casting baby casting spells
so like i'm not there's no reason to give you disadvantage for that as long as you got an arcane
focus like you're you're gooting you're chill so i am going to actually no i she just got like
k o'd i'm gonna spend um sorcery points which is another thing that sorcery sources can do yeah
i'm going to do twin spells so i'm going to take this single target non-self spell um and it costs
one sorcery point per level so this is a first level spell so i'm gonna do two sorcery points out
of my three sorcery points that i have and i'm going to win spell it hit um both of these
wolves that are next to me twin spell is so sick it's also so broken uh one natural 20 and the
other one definitely gets and the other one's a 15 plus seven yep yep they both hit so both hit
so i'm gonna do the either one of them hit first another one of them had been hit um so it really
doesn't matter which one you choose this is where like you would go okay which one of them looks more
hurt uh that's the one that you would crit on do perception check yeah you would you're gonna want
to crit on the one that has probably the not the most damage taken like it just depends on how fucked
up they are if there's a chance to kill something take it if there's not hit the thing that has the
most health uh the one that i crit if it's just taking max damage is going to take 22 we'll do
max plus roll max plus roll yeah i'll be kind in that way because there's a solid chance you would
have died on the first hit so i mean it's already gonna die oh yeah it's already dead 22 yeah you
don't even have that's before i add the regular so this is where it gets fun how do you want to do
it um i'm gonna just go ahead and roll for flavor purposes here that's the one on the damage it's
gonna do you want to you want to make that the one that took your fingers yeah that makes more sense
right so pro tips it's a dm whenever a player does something cool let them describe it or
encourage them to roleplay it um it's going to do cold damage so it is just going to be um which is
kind of funny because i'm a tiefling so it should be fire it's not um so she's gonna be kind of like
fucking pissed and it's like not a scream of pain it's like mother fucker it's like stubbing a
toe kind of yelling yeah and is immediately uh both hands is gonna like throw down towards
both of these wolves and with one hand just straight up i think brains like no physically hits the
wolf like a punch and then the wolf just turns and do a fucking block of ice oh sick um and so
that's that one and then the other one i'm gonna roll is gonna be 2d8 now she's gonna roll regular
damage for this one so wolf number six is dead two fingers and it's belly no more um and i'm
gonna go ahead and say out loud that the um the the multicolored one here is gonna determine the
damage type for this other one um so damn that sucks wow is it 2d8 plus the d6 yeah oh wow and
i rolled a one on both of them um so it's gonna take acid damage it's gonna be um so it's gonna be
six seven eight eight damage eight acid damage that that hurts um so the other one's not dead
that hurts great um it's pretty fucking close but it's again you did have you did more than half
of its hit points in one attack so we'll say that like on that other thing i want to i want to damage
its jaw yeah uh you can fully i'll let you do that you take like a swipe at its jaw and it manages to
like pull back just enough to keep you from going straight through its skull and instead you take
off its lower jaw so now it's just like this acidity bloody mass where it's only like the top
half of a jaw and then nothing below it gross um which i will say will reduce how much damage it does
on a bite and then i this is also i'm gonna roll um because i used a sorcery point to do another
spell i would say that that's too wild magic surge rolls yeah i'll give it to you um so that's
gonna be roll again that was a nat 20 um and another nat 20s so we're up to five so now she
rolls a five or lower 20s in a roll two nines 20s in a roll yeah that's a bit intense um and then i'm
just gonna talk through because i did a lot right there for sorcerers how much i spent in terms of
like action economy for people oh and i also still have movement well six is um yep and no attacks
of opportunity because you killed the only thing within five feet of you yeah so i i cast two first
level spells no because twins doesn't make it cast another spell so you use one spell slot in
source one spell slot and two and two sorcery points um so i have one first level spell left
one first level spell slot left and then two uh second level spell slots left and then i'm going
i've got movement um am i with an i'm in with that wolf's no 10 feet okay fun fact about squares
and grids and in fifth edition this is infuriating they're 10 feet uh something diagonal to you is
not five feet it is 10 feet it's so interesting that's very silly um i'm going to go five 10 five 10
15 20 25 35 30 30 um so i'm gonna describe where i am i am now we've in front of eba uh i guess like
and eba has two wolves in front of her in between so i can help her bear but i'm also not going to
get fucking 20 um kayo'd by a wolf yep hopefully uh wolf two is going to take its turn but because
it has half its movement speed after taking an arrow to the femur it is only going to be able
to move 20 feet towards eba and sparrow it is now eba's mother fucking turn and all i got is hands
baby get it together eba yeah you're telling me um that's the one that took a lot of damage
these two have not been hit yet or has one have one of them yet no this one's prone right this
this one over there is missing a jaw this one's prone this one's missing a jaw and this one has
got the arrow to the femur what the little rings on them the show conditions oh i guess i can do that
um slow yeah so on roll 20 you can add little conditions to them i don't really have one for
this guy i'll do that i guess and then this he's sad it's a little broken heart guy is i can't see
it might not be that he ron wonderful so uh it makes no sense at this point for eba to do one
of two things either retreat because she will not take an attack of opportunity to put more
distance between her and the wolves um or just go ahead and hit the wolf it doesn't really matter
um because it's a ranged thing eba's going to take part of her movement speed and retreat not
super far just far enough that she can kind of see all of the wolves and still hit the one that's
prone she'll get disadvantage on that uh or she'll get advantage on that sorry that's kind of a
stupid thing to say so eba's gonna roll with her um longbow that she still has out i'm not
gonna have her put it up uh just because i don't really want to okay that's gonna hit that's gonna be a
uh six plus twelve it's gonna be an 18 now we roll some damage was gonna be 2d6 plus two
no i got plenty um oh my god another fucking one and a four the same damage i got last time i'm not
using silvery barbs again that's so fucking annoying i got the exact same though i got last time
is is this wolf already hurt five six seven no this one isn't taking any damage this one's just
prone because it missed um so that's gonna be six damage seven damage seven damage um so it is not
dead but it is badly injured um technically that is more than half its hit points but not by a lot
so i'm not really gonna give it any particular kind of disadvantage it's already fucking prone
what was half its hit points all right i guess i should have rolled again to see if i got a natural
20 and that one natural one thank god for advantage um how much worth what what did you do how much
damage did it do so it took seven damage okay and that was half a tip point so i'm gonna remember that
yeah baby half a tip points well what more than half a tip more than half a tip points okay i was
like that doesn't make any sense get it together madison i i y'all want to know how many times i've
failed a math class because it's a number that is more than one that's funny as fuck all right um
that's gonna be eve's turn not doing a whole lot because we're level three it's gonna be wolf new
marrow trace five 10 15 20 this thing is immediately gonna run itself or run directly to or that's
not three i can't fucking count this is three five 10 20 25 is twin spelling only one yeah
because it's a very subtle uh this wolf is gonna go to sparrow this is the one missing half its draw
so it's gonna do reduce damage um plus four 15 15 or you at 16 i'm 15 15 is exactly enough to hit
so we're gonna roll one damage dice instead of two because half its damage i roll the two
oh i'm still up i'm gonna hellish four damage four damage four damage and a strength saving throw
okay um uh i'll do it yeah i was at 15 and then i'm going to use hellish rebuke because that is
one of my features that i get as a reaction as a tiefling i'm gonna pull that up really fast
because i will only have my spell list you only have one reaction by the way like regardless of
how many things hit you so some some players have a tax of opportunity that's reaction some people
have spells like hellish rebuke that's reaction so let's say three enemies attack you in succession
the first one misses the second one is only one off or is only one above your ac so you reaction
shield and that means it can't hit you the third one rolls like i don't know a 19 and 18 and does
hit you you cannot use another reaction to shield again you only have one reaction yeah you won't
get it back until the start of your next turn so choose wisely i'm gonna do hellish rebuke um
um you point your finger and the creature that damaged you is momentary surrounded by hellish
flames um the creature must make a deck saving throw it takes 2d10 fire damage uh it passes
so it's gonna take half damage so i'm gonna roll 2d10 um that's gonna be 15 um because that was
10 out of 5 so half of 15 is do seven round down seven uh so it's gonna take seven damage
seven damages enough to kill it i'm gonna get a lid on fire after losing half a job
damn see you were all worried about it well i meant five hit points still so if i get hit
hit points baby wolf number four is gonna spend its turn no getting the fuck up
the wolf number four is gonna get up spend half its movement speed and it does not have
enough to reach eva which means it's going to use the rest of it to spare instead who just
fucking melted wild magic surge wild magic so melted one of her brothers please please fucking
wild magic search nope we're up to six um wolf number four is gonna take a swing at sparrow
which might be enough to down sparrow we'll have to see um no i gotta fucking to it misses
misses hanging on by a thread man hanging on by a thread um jesus christ i spit on the
wolf is such an intense fucking statement um now we're gonna have some new some new enemies join
the fray what yeah baby you didn't think it was that easy did you i for the episode i thought it
would be nah honestly robert all right um give me a perception give me a perception check please
five ten fifteen twenty twenty five thirty thirty five forty forty five fifty seventeen um you
managed to hear before you see so the cave behind both you and eva is like completely pitch black you
can't see anything on the inside i know the map we're looking at would make you think otherwise
yeah um well i mean like there's no light inside is what i'm trying to say
um and you hear it before you see it this massive hulking what looks like a cross between a bear
and a wolf a way or bear uh is going to sprint full charge out of the front of the cave in
b-line straight for sparrow not enough movement speed to make it to sparrow um but this thing looks
absolutely fucking pissed as it runs out to watch three of its uh basically children
and all dead on the ground around it this is where you as a player get to have some fun moments
where you go i spent so many spell slots because i thought this was just going to be wolves so i
wasn't like yeah i don't need to pace myself and so um just keep that in mind as a player as a
perception player to player tip this uh where bear looking thing has a red hot streak of hair that
runs down basically the front of its snout all the way it's back and almost like a mohawk looking
deal um and it is going to open its large jaws and flame breath directly in front of sparrow
i'm going to need a dexterity saving throw please i'm assuming that's a pass how would you get 18
18 passes um this where bear looking thing also apparently has some sort of fire breath is it
unleashes a torrent of fire from its jaws i'm resistant to fire damage so she's going to take
half of half um so the way that the spell works is that each creature in that area must make a dc
13 dexterity saving throw taking 2d8 fire damage on a failed saver half as much on a successful one
so because she is resistant to fire damage and she passed the saving throw she's about to go the
fuck down she's going to take half of half um i mean probably not you're taking half of half
madison i have five uh-huh half of half it doesn't even do that much damage to begin with there's no
plus to this this is just i could roll two ones and you take one like okay you'll be okay you'll
survive madison get stressed the fuck out and i get so stressed i'm not built for combat i am
a person i am built for role playing and shopping episodes with your friends um that's going to be
nine so half of nine is four around you know four half of four is two so you're going to take two
fire damage um this fire hits your naturally fire resistant tiefling skin and manages to burn off
some of the garb you have wrapped around it for armor and it is pist my baby you'll cape not the
cape cute little cape let maybe i'll put character art maybe i'll i've been fucking around with i'll
be honest don't get me wrong we're going to do a whole episode about ai uh because i've got very
very very strong opinions on ai as a uh actor and a person who creates content and work but
i've been fucking around with this one ai and i've gotten pretty good making like character art on it
well number five is going to make a wisdom saving throw to determine which um player it wants to
go for it makes the most sense to go for sparrow to try and take out one of its combatants uh i'm
going to say on a tenor below it's going to go for eba on an 11 or higher it's going to follow
the role of the like alpha creature in this combat encounter uh which is the flame striked
wearbear uh and it is going to follow its lead so does it have any pluses to wisdom no i don't
think it does why would it oh it has a plus one okay so we're going to roll each it uh yes instead
each hit it rolled a fucking natural one so it's going to go for eba i'm not really going to give
it anything particularly bad on this one um just because it was like to determine who it's going to
hit one two three four that's exact so that's 20 and it's going to go for eba sounds an awful lot
like eva from walley oh i don't know what the fuck i just did walley such a good movie 18 definitely
going to hit eba so that's going to be another 2d4 doot doot doot doot what are we on for wild
magic surge i'm writing though it's six six so that's going to be three damage plus two so five
damage to eba eba's going to take that shit because she's a motherfucking beast truly a giant person
five damaging shit mother fucker try again you slimy bitch all right um who is next madison we are on
round three fuck madison is um she is stuck between a rock and a wearbear yeah so
so this is so fun i did not pace myself in the slightest for this um i mean i have some
second level spells but like yeah i took vortex warp so i guess i could like vortex warp the fuck out
yeah but where i'm not going to leave my teammate i mean to eba yeah i don't think that's going to
help us i can't do shit well at this point what i would suggest doing is the person who wants to see
you survive is um try and escape the thing that has feet of movement and flame breath no no for sure
yeah so just like jet you know yeah i guess i'm gonna vortex warp myself um which how many
feet i'm pretty sure it's a range of 90 feet um i'm gonna click on vortex warp really quick so
i can double check and make sure that this is correct um because it says uh it on another creature
you can see within range i would like to argue do i think that sparrow is a pretty vain person or
she cares enough about her appearance on another she would have range i think she would have a
mirror and if i can pull out a mirror and look into the mirror and see myself can i make that argument
this is another thing that you can do as a player dear god is this a stretch yes she yeah she has a
mirror and is going to cast it on herself in the mirror which we're not even gonna get into the
implications of using magic on a mirror and having that like bounce off that didn't fucking make any
sense in theory the mirror should just get teleported okay you can say no um i am gonna say no actually
i'm gonna say no well i tried you did try so you know that's something um so now we're gonna go
through plan b this is this is how i play as a player by the way is a lot of bullshit as constant
negotiation but sometimes it's yes um there's this one clip of brinn talking about the seven
where he was like sometimes you just got to be like hey no yeah no you can't do that no thanks um
i'm a pass but i'm gonna damn well try this is gonna be our longest episode we're in hour and
30 oh god uh well i mean it's a combat encounter it is a combat encounter they're always fucking long
did um my fiance is currently uh half asleep on the floor and just said that we're not allowed to
watch a horror movie now that we've we've gone to an hour and 30 that's so mean anyways let's
continue so we can wrap this up okay help we can hear you um you already have my jacket
i don't know where the other ones at uh yeah i don't know where's that so the answer is now i'm
going to um i guess she's perpetually cold by the way that's not me just being a deck i guess
i'm just fucking high tailing uh and dash do i have to let's see how many feet away you can get
how many what's your movements be 30 and you're gonna take an attack of opportunity for wolf
number four which could very well kill you it's going to there's no way it can't um i mean if
it are you at four i'm at three oh yeah so we have a new uh we have to stand and fight or you
could vortex warp the wolf and then run yeah but i was gonna do something else on my turn
because that's a vortex warp is a second level spell and i don't have that many left no that's
so valid um you try to fucking hit it then yeah i mean does it look hurt i don't think this one's
lost any hit points fuck i don't yeah these these wolf number four wolf number five i don't think
i've been hit um that's so cool that's no no wolf or was it yeah no wolf four is lost about half
its hit points okay there's a solid chance you do it um i would have to do really well on this but
i'm going to then knowing that i don't have a lot of uh spell slots left i'm gonna use a cantrip uh
and i'm gonna do i'm gonna do i guess shocking grasp is gonna do the most so i'm gonna do a attack
roll nat 20 yeah that does it um so that's gonna be a d8 plus i don't think you'd like three of
these things um get you so tase the shit out of that wolf yeah i'm just gonna grab it and it just
fucking yep and just let loose just finger tasers basically that's the way we do it 100% uh and then
i'm gonna roll a i know i don't technically roll a wild magic surge for cantrips but for the purpose
of me trying to roll a wild magic surge in this to show people can i roll a wild net yeah i guess
i mean i haven't been getting it still not gonna get it still no word seven god damn how many
i'm uh feed a moment you have uh 30 okay i'm assuming you just want to get as far away from this thing as possible yeah five 10 15 20 25 30
also this is a size too small what the fuck it's a bear madison did you think it was gonna be medium
i hoped that insinuates that a bear is roughly the same size as a person may shacks big he's a person
yeah shack is also like the same size as eba and the bear is bigger than eba so
anyways don't call me stupid we're not knowing the size of a bear that's gonna be her turn
actually fat bear week just happened shout out to nagia that shits fun as fuck to watch i've never
i did not heard of that i don't know anything of fat bear week no dude it's so fucking fun
it's so fun shout out to otis uh fat bear winter fucking three years not in a row but like three
separate years man's oldest fuck hibernates for hella long and comes out chunky as fuck good for him
i'm an animal guy if y'all can't tell all right um it's now going to be i'm not i mean i've wolf one
i talk and i have a good player on wolf six goes dead this is just me in real life so i'm not who
is not dead five 10 15 20 wolf two is struggling to catch up to anybody uh it is now going to be
eba the one that we fucked uh his legs yeah that's the one that i hit like three fucking rounds ago
and it's just been limping its way towards us the whole time limp more wow not limp more
get fucked jesus christ get fucked excuse me um you're not excuse here's a question do i try to
roll like see if i romance damage and kill the wolf in front of me or do i take the pretty much
guaranteed kill and hit wolf two or do i try and hit the where bear with the fucking mohawk and
and hope we can start taking down its health i mean i would take care of these fucking wolves
because once again if i get hit by anything so do we go for like pretty much a guaranteed kill
or do i do i try and hit the one that has most of its health actually all of itself what do we
think i would see this is a really good question um we're all the wisdom saving throw and even so
i'm gonna say on a let's say that's like what a day 18 and 19 what is the smartest possible
decision for eba to make here eba is at 23 hit points she has a reaction to half the half any
attack um and she can also bonus action heal herself so eba is not really in a bad position so
she's gonna go ahead and hit uh she's gonna take the guaranteed kill and hit wolf two and just hope
that does it uh because realistically she can take another couple of hits from eba's fucking chill
and sparrow is fucked yeah um i'm gonna go ahead and add one of my superiority died to this so i have
four of them i can spend their d8s uh i can add them to a number of different things i'm gonna add
this d8 in particular to this roll to hit um shout out to eba i don't even fucking need that i got a
17 plus eight cool um now we're gonna roll some damage we still have our longbow out we're not
gonna switch that up anytime soon we're gonna do 2d6 do do do do do do do do do do do do
do are we gonna get copyright i hope not uh 3 plus 2 is 5 plus 3 is 8 8 is enough damage to kill it
um a wolf number 2 goes down with another shot between the eyes um eba is now going to go ahead
and take her turn and risk a attack of opportunity and use some of her movement speed so this wolf
is gonna take its reaction to take a swipe at eba and is not gonna hit um it's fucking somehow dude
it fucked five ten fifteen or actually here's what we're gonna do eba's a tactician she's an
incredibly intelligent person so i'm gonna say that eba's gonna run left while sparrow runs right
to try and get this where bear to like have to make a decision on who to hit because since we've
seen it has fire breath if we get stuck in the same area there's a chance that we both take a
lot of damage at the same time um and eba has enough range and sparrow has enough range that like we
can just keep tag teaming this thing from afar so eba's gonna go ahead and take her movement so five
ten fifteen twenty the wolf uh we already did the thing 25 30 so this puts eba pretty close to the
where barrel things considered but like you know like what's it gonna do tactician baby and then
she's gonna bonus action heal herself with a d 10 plus three uh oh shit that's a nine let's go
so we're gonna heal ourselves 12 ladies and gentlemen such an interesting mix for a two
party like that brings her up to full combat to have to fight her in a sorcerer is an interesting
choice it's fun a lot of fun it's a lot of hit and run um wolf number three is dead the only one
left on the board is five here's now the where bear with the flaming mohawks turn uh this thing is
actually pretty intelligent so it is what's its movement speed five so five ten let's see here
jesus christ i can't count five ten fifteen twenty twenty five thirty thirty five
hmm what do we think the more intelligent decision is this is where it gets difficult
because like i know this is an intelligent creature that should make the smartest decision
do i go for the what's basically a guaranteed kill and remove one of the players for combat
or do i beeline it straight for the character that is actively killing the majority of these
things and taking no damage while doing i would go for the the the person that's sitting pretty
no that's so valid um especially because this thing knows it can do a lot of damage
so it's going to try and take eba out pretty quick it doesn't even have to use like a third of its
movement speed to get to eba um and it is going to start fucking hitting people did all right what's
it got let's see here so first i'm going to roll the d6 to see if it's flame breath recharges
it does not and then i'm going to roll the hit it's got a plus five to hit
it's a fucking natural 20 wow i guess it made the right decision um so it is going to do one d6
plus three so maximum first that's going to be nine damage off the top and then it's going to roll
another d6 to try and take another swipe out of eba oh my fuck a six uh so another nine damage
so it did maximum damage twice so this thing eba has taken 18 points of piercing damage which is
more than half her max or which is more than yeah more than half her max um so we're going to say
that because eba has been holding her longbow in front of her this whole time uh in an attempt to
like throw up her hands uh this thing is going to go straight through her longbow and and longbow
and snap it so she's down a weapon um down her her highest damage weapon in fact um and then
it's going to put eba at a severe disadvantage on top of the 18 piercing damage this thing did
it also needs uh eba needs to pass a strength saving throw or be knocked prone
eba does not pass i don't think nope eba doesn't pass and she is going to be knocked prone as well
which means anything that hits her is going to have advantage yikes now it's going to take the
rest of its movement speed oh it doesn't need to and to go to sparrow that's so fucking fun okay
um and then we are going to go ahead and pass turn where's combat tracker there it is
two wolf numero five wolf five is going to try and make the easy decision here five ten 15 20
and try and kill eba while she's down so this thing is going to have advantage
i haven't done any damage to this one yet um oh fuck i forgot to do a thing eba's going to
take her reaction and actually half that 18 damage uh when she can only do once per long rest
bad bitch um so i'm going to roll a d12 and then add my constitution modifier to this and subtract
that much damage from uh the where bears attack fucking good for her oh fuck me that's a two plus
like four i think i i i don't have enough to use so yeah four so only four damage that's all right
don't worry about it um so i'm going to give her back four points of health i would have done it
anyways so um the wolf misses i'm pretty sure no wolf hit a nine it has a plus four to hit that's
exactly enough to hit eba unfortunately god damn it um so we are going to roll 2d4 again
oh i guess i should roll again to see if it gets a natural 20 it doesn't
why don't i just leave my fucking dice out i'm thirsty but i keep putting my dice back in
my little box instead of just so we can use it to prop this up out um 2d4 god fuck uh it's going to
be six plus two another eight damage to eba um she is down to nine hit points sick colbeans
funsies this is not you you're up vortex okay piss out i'm going to um i'm going to spend uh my
last what you could do my last drop it in the fire i was but i'm about to use my last couple
sorcery points i would there's that theory or vortex warp has a range of 90 feet i can put
this bitch 90 feet to fuck away from us yeah that's so totally fair um and then i'm about to like
dump all of my last remaining sorcery points and spell slots into what i'm about to do do it um so
i'm going to use quickenspell and i'm going to um so that's going to take a spell that has the
casting time of an action spend two sorcery points to change bonus action i have exactly
two sorcery points i'm going to spend both of those wow what's she gonna do and i'm going to
vortex warp and i'm going to use this as my bonus action first um i'm going to vortex warp it uh
yeah and i'm going to put that bitch 90 feet away just somewhere 90 feet away however 20 25 30 a fun
little thing about 40 spell 50 55 60 65 70 75 jesus christ 85 god fuck it is far away get the fuck
away from me holy shit and then i just got launched basically this is vortex where it was just like a
small black hole appears and then just sucks them into it and then uh spits them out somewhere else
and then i'm going to use my last second level spell slot and i'm going to upcast my fun little
spell chaos bolt chaos bolt has a range of 120 feet so it is well within my range um that text
so because i'm upcasting it it's going to take an extra d6 um of the type of uh damage rolled for
each slot level above first so it's going to do um 2d8 plus 2d6 damage so i'm going to go
ahead and pull those out the dice for that out and then i'm going to choose um the the little
multicolored dice to roll the type of damage and i'm just gonna hope it's not resistant to whatever
i mean their wolves are not resistant to or no the the wear bear oh fuck yeah the wear
bear does have different stats thanks for reminding me i need to have that pulled up does it have any
resistance in so i rolled a six a five a four and a two and then um that cold damage it's going to
do cold damage um so the six plus five is 11 plus four is 15 is 16 17 damage um two damn damn to the
wear bear 17 yeah um and then i guess should i stay where i am i would or should i run into the cave
yeah but the cave is gonna put you so much closer to that thing yeah no that's true i think i'm just
gonna stay i would where the fuck i am and that is taking me down i've used both of my
second level spell slots and i'm gonna roll two more wild magic spells pretty much down to
fucking even at this point she's running out zero if i do not fucking also something i haven't
been doing my worst dice something i haven't been doing is keeping track of um ammo with
ranged weapons generally i don't do that unless it just runs super long wild magic surge and i'm
gonna roll again just see if i'm at one yeah baby so it's gonna be here's the table i made a custom
table for my last character i'm gonna use my wild magic dice now i got some magic i got dice
specifically for wild magic specifically for this um well fuck off you offer me your dice every time
i so much as look at mine and i offer you mine you're gonna go no i have my own dice no i appreciate
it i just i bought dice double standing for this purpose are you gonna root around any longer
well i was trying to find them um and i can't and i'm a little upset bro just roll some dice
i'm trying to get the fuck out of this bitch i found it um 67 um you god fucking you are frightened
by the nearest creature until the end of your next turn that's so fucking funny that is so
fucking funny oh my god so sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes there's fun things on the
wild magic table and i don't think it makes sense for you to be afraid of the wolf i can re-roll
i don't think it makes sense for you to be afraid of the wolf so i'm gonna say you're afraid of the
werebear no that's it didn't make any fucking sense um maybe in that moment like the werebear fully
stands up like on its two hinds and just starts like pounding its chest and in that moment like
it makes eye contact with you drool is dripping out of its jaws and that just like strikes a moment
of fear and this thing is obviously very pointed at you yeah so i will say because i haven't taken
my movement when you are frightened in dnd you have to take your movement to move away from that
creature so i'm gonna run 30 feet away from this fucking i i'll say there's fucking distance there
is like nowhere else for you to go on this map so we're literally just gonna put you the farthest
away you can get yeah it's just a good 120 feet away yeah so it's got at least two turns to catch
up to you unless it i mean it ends after my next turn oh that's not bad so and next on the combat
tracker is pretty sure it's gonna be me if um correct it is gonna be me i would go and spend
half her movement speed to stand the fuck up um get off the ground what are we doing get it together
dude and we literally talked earlier about like rely on your cantrips at lower level don't go in
with your spells first i'm winning with spells first i i i did i do spells first well normally
she always rolls fucking she's always empty at the end of every fucking combat encounter it's like
and i always add more creatures the longer the combat encounter goes and then she's like damn
i wish i'd save my spells i wish i'd known there were gonna be more creatures okay to when i was
magnolia i had like full fucking spells by the end because i was playing a warlock sorcerer mix
and she had goddamn near infinite spell slots it was insane um eva is going to every other time
however i'm out of spells since her longbow has been broken and she doesn't have another weapon
equipped she's going to take her action uh she has a war master so she has four weapons total
she is going to switch to her maul which is basically just a really thick ass hammer um
it is two handed as well i'm pretty sure it is bludgeoning damage or she's gonna pull out this
giant maul that she's been keeping like strapped to her back and she is going to add another
superiority die she's only got a total of four she's gonna add a superiority die uh when she hits
this thing to one of the maneuvers that eva has is that she can put things into a grapple um well
you know what i'll save that for when we hit so when we start hitting the wear bear i'm gonna just use
um i'm just well i don't know we'll see we'll see we'll see we'll see we'll see we'll see
that's a 15 so i don't need to add any superiority to that and then i'm gonna roll 2d6
plus 3 which if i'm lucky we'll be able to fucking kill it uh and i don't have to worry about this
dumb thing anymore yeah yeah that's enough um that's 9 10 11 12 12 damage which is one more than
the max uh so eva's going to pull out this giant two handed maul and basically take it and just
like racket ball this fucking wolf like just send that shit straight through the front of its chest
and send it flying into the campfire in front of her and she's going to take the remaining
15 feet of fucking movement and retreat retreat cool now it's just me you in the wear bear so
um wear bear's done see i thought this is what the combat account is gonna take the action
in life than the two of us no then i forgot how you play wear bear's gonna take which is one big
guy and a fuck ton of little goons to dash 5 10 because it's more fun that way 15 it is when you
see the big guy first 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 we don't need to do all that 80 85 90 95
i'm out of range that's its whole turn i'm 120 feet away yeah and it it used its action yeah
yeah i know this is about to turn into running i'm so fucking serious robert this is not a joke
um i've never done this but here's something you could do if you would want to switch initiative
order with eva and have eva go first to see if she can like distract or put the wear bear in
like a grapple we can do that i've never encouraged people to do that but it's something fun that you
could do okay like to allow essentially to switch your turn order with another player before the
beginning of the next combat or beginning of the next round which would technically be now so
they're gonna like tag team and switch it up eva's gonna go 5 10 15 20 i'm gonna say that because
this bear is facing sparrow i'm gonna give eva advantage on this hell yeah she's gonna continue
to use her mall um decide whether i'm gonna use my last spell slot to help her i don't know what
this thing's ac is um you should look that the fuck up oh well i do now jesus christ give me a second
i got a 15 i don't need to add a superiority i died to that so now i'm gonna roll another 2d6
fuck me four plus three so seven damage and then i am going to spend the superiority die in this
moment to do a bonus action grapple to try and remove this thing's uh combat like economy basically
so i'm gonna make a strength versus strength check so when you make the choice to shove or grapple
you're gonna be rolling strength versus strength um you're the thing that is attempting to be grappled
is going to roll strength and the thing that is trying to grapple or are also going to roll strength
i don't know if it's a saving throw or just mod i'm gonna say mod for simplicity um and essentially
if the thing that is trying to grapple wins that uh like roll off i guess um it's gonna put it in a
grapple and then when i get to talk about the grapple condition so i'm gonna roll first for the
flame haired wearbear which is gonna have a plus three to this
it's gonna be a nine um and then eba no fucking reason she should lose this because i'm adding a d8
to this uh and she has a plus three same as the wearbear get the fuck together yeah eba got a
fucking 16 don't even need to use a superiority die i guess i will for funsies i don't save it
well i had i had to spend it to give myself the bonus action so um that's gonna put the wearbear
in a motherfucking grapple get back punk ass bitch so that means it's gonna have um
oh i have the grapple condition this is why i brought the fucking dm thing with me i brought the
dm thing oh yeah yeah because it talks about the grapple condition because i always have to
remind myself what the fuck it does um dodge disengage conditions prone restraints stunned
uncount jeez fucking christ there's a lot of conditions a grapple creature speed becomes zero
and it can't benefit benefit from any bonus to its speed the condition into the grapple is
incapacitated the condition also ends if an effect removes the grapple creature from the
reach of the grappler so on so forth so essentially if it's not afforded anymore anyway
essentially if sparrow decides to run um it can't chase her as long as eba is holding this thing back
yeah i'm gonna say that eba essentially just like runs behind this thing and like uses the
sharpen yeah like most malls will have a bear and a headlock yeah most malls will have like a
pick at the end so that way it can be used as a piercing weapon as well i'm gonna say that she
fully just like runs and jumps on the back of this thing and drives the pick straight through its back
and it is essentially just riding this thing on like pure will of shoving this weapon deeper and
deeper into the bear uh so that it can't go anywhere um and now it's gonna go to the bear
because we are on opposite sides of this thing in terms of turn order um this thing is intelligent
enough that i'm gonna say well it is intelligent but it's also an animal so i'm gonna have it do
another wisdom saving throw we'll say under tenet goes for eba over tenets gonna continue to go for
sparrow i roll a fucking natural 20 oh my god this is the third natural 20 i've rolled for an enemy
this isn't even a real combat encounter this happens every fucking time this happens every
fucking time i that's insane the way if these dice were not as expensive as they were if these were
like normal dice they would have gone missing robin um yeah she's yeah my fiance about the dice
that i'm not gonna mess with the dice sparrow has gone down so uh the flaming here where bear
rolled maximum damage which is going to be uh 12 plus three so 19 not enough or is that enough
oh shit she has 19 hit points uh if you do no it's more than a maximum right what's more than
maximum you're good so you don't go you're not permanently dead you're just down so if you go
more than if you hit somebody and you do more than their maximum amount of hit points in one hit
they permadi this thing does exactly 19 damage which is not enough to put around a permanently
down like permanently kill because it also subtracts that three yeah it also has to go
past your your regular hit points so this thing would have to do 19 plus three plus one so 19
plus four so this thing would have to do 25 damage in it yeah um and it only does the second time
you've almost permacilled me uh in like a week damage fucking i'm stupid six plus six is 12
plus three 15 not oh anyways fun thing that could happen in combat but it's not going to happen in
this moment um i'm gonna say the where bear like essentially takes a moment steals itself after
feeling this mall get driven into its back uh and essentially trying to play to its strengths at this
point is gonna go for the thing that is the most wounded which is gonna be sparrow and it's just
gonna take one large swipe across sparrow's chest which is going to knock her into the unconscious
incapacitated state making death saving throws death saving throws so it is now sparrow's turn
sparrow's going to make the first first death saving throw so much fucking fun guys play this
game it's so much fucking fun it's a pass 14 um on a i think it's on a tenor higher it's a pass on
nine or below it's a fail so if you get three passes you you go to one and you become conscious uh if
it's three fails you permanently die yeah uh you can take the help action medicine checks to try and
like bring somebody to a stabilized state to to get around this is just gonna be you playing with
i'm so fucking excited for this i was hoping it was gonna come down to eve on this bear what the
fuck is wrong with this he was fucking cool shit dude yeah so i'm gonna consider playing
eve on a i'm a co-host of this podcast and i just get to sit here and watch it's now gonna go let me
play eve okay the flame thing does not get its it's uh it's fire breath back it's gonna be eve's
turn i'm gonna give eve advantage on this because why not uh that just sounds like a fun moment for
her um i'm gonna say that she is going to leave the mall inside of this thing um and is going to
switch to her uh like uh what is it like a warhammer kind of deal um she does has shit she got four
weapons home slice she got four um and she is going to or actually no she's not she's gonna switch to
her hand crossbow um and is i'm gonna make a dexterity saving throw really quick i'm gonna say dc 10
that's a pass so i'm gonna have her one hand hold on to the mall while this creature is like
raging to buck her off and then i'm gonna have her reach in the like her back pocket and pull out
the hand crossbow and try and shoot this thing and basically in the back of the head oh yeah uh so i'm
gonna give her advantage on that um i'll see if i need to add a superiority dice to this we'll find out
uh it's an eight yeah i need to add a superiority die and it's another eight she hits um sick
it's gonna be 2d4 i'm gonna or 2d6 i'm gonna add an extra d6 just for how fucking close she is to this
thing um because i don't know i think that makes sense so we're gonna do 3d6 plus 3 oh my god those
are abysmal jesus fucking christ uh four four so that's gonna be eight damage total oh my god this
thing is not even close jesus fucking christ wise it's got so much health um i'm down to one superiority
die so fuck me i guess i'm just gonna stay i don't really have anything else i can do yeah um pass
this to the bear bear is gonna target nothing else i can do bear is gonna try and turn around and
hit me um i'm gonna say because i'm on its back it's gonna have to break the grapple first because
i think that just makes sense so i'm gonna roll strength against strength bear rolled at 10
eva rolled a 14 so it is not gonna break the grapple that's gonna be its whole action um it
has no movement speed now so now it's gonna go back to sparrow sparrow needs to roll another d20
see if sparrow comes back to life 15 hey she's got two successes i can we do the eiley beardly rule
if you roll like a nat 20 i'm just back sure why did i put that in there yeah why'd you throw it in
there my detail i keep my d20 separate i'm gonna roll it like now now yeah yeah not an address
dammit to 13 back to eva 13's close enough to nat 20 give it to me eva's gonna continue to try and
do the same thing um yeah eva's gonna continue to try and do this there's not much else eva can do in
this point so oh my fuck that's a four plus six to hit so 10 um my last superiority die i'm gonna
go ahead and roll it or i said she had advantage from there i'll see if i get this one nope that one's
lower than the first one oh how am i failing at my own combat encounter such a fun game um that's
just enough that's just enough 15 15 hits eva's gonna roll some more fucking damage dice
jesus christ oh my god two sixes 12 um 14 14 is enough this thing is dead um eva is going to spend
her last action of combat uh doing the same thing holding on with one hand to the maw that is currently
through the wearbear and is going to fully take her hand crossbow and essentially stick it right
up to its eye socket and just fire so that it goes through the soft part of its skull into its head um
and it is going to essentially exit just through the backside of this thing and is going to fall
limp in front of sparrow and then if we were going to continue this combat there's another creature
that i never put in fuck you uh uh fuck you uh uh see her roll a medicine check to see if she
can breathe this was supposed to be chill she brings sparrow back she got a 17 on her medicine check i'm
gonna say that she like rips them all out of the wearbear and basically walks down the front of
this thing and then just like hand down like fully just picks you up fuck you and that's gonna be it
for a fucking session today we are i'm pretty sure two hours deep yep two hours and five minutes
um this is definitely the longest episode but we try to do a lot of things in one so what could we
say uh thank you all for joining in for another episode of table talk um that's as much of a
combat breakdown as you're ever gonna get see you next time we don't know what we're doing next time
yet goodbye bye