1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,720 Welcome to It's Your Loss podcast, where raw stories of resilience and healing are told, 2 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:18,600 all while uncovering and destigmatizing the diverse symptoms of loss. 3 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,600 Welcome back to the podcast. 4 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,800 If you missed last month's episode, well, it's your loss. 5 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:29,800 I am host Michael Blanc, and I am with the illustrious Edith Ivhay. 6 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:30,800 Rosenblat. 7 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,400 Yes, actually in person. 8 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:40,800 We're sitting inside her car, and we had the idea for the perfect Christmas episode after 9 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:46,000 two hours of drinking coffee and water and just kind of staring at each other. 10 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:54,320 The idea is Christmas, normally known for its sense of family, especially if you have 11 00:00:54,320 --> 00:01:00,000 a nice steady, balanced, normal life. 12 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,000 It's about family. 13 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,160 None chaotic, none addicted. 14 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,840 And also togetherness and stuff like that. 15 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:14,140 But there are a lot of people out there, my ex included, who are experiencing a profound 16 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:17,080 sense of loss this holiday season. 17 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:22,280 I kind of wanted to shine light on that because a lot of people tend to kind of hold this 18 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:27,200 in their chest instead of talking about it. 19 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,200 And I'm a big proponent. 20 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,480 I've said this before, and I'll say it again. 21 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,920 Anxiety is always smaller when you get it out of your mouth. 22 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:38,080 And hopefully hearing somebody talk about what I'm about to talk about, what Edith is 23 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:43,200 going to join with me, maybe you want to talk about it as well. 24 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:49,080 So this episode, if you happen to be listening to it on Spotify, Spotify has comments now, 25 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,320 and I would love to hear from you. 26 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:54,160 If you would love to send an email, you could always do it with sitting with you. 27 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,960 No G. And it's all one word. 28 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,960 S-I-T-T-I-N-Y-O-U. 29 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,960 No, wait. 30 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,960 W-I-T-H-Y-O-U. 31 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:03,960 At gmail.com. 32 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:08,280 If you got anxieties this season and you don't feel like you got anybody to talk to. 33 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,520 Let's work it out. 34 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,520 Please. 35 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:16,200 I mean, like I said, my ex is, I got to sit down with her and have a good conversation. 36 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,920 We're still very much good friends. 37 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:24,120 And so we feel comfortable talking to each other about anything that's bothering us. 38 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:28,720 And the passing of her mother not only hit her pretty hard, but it hit me pretty hard 39 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:29,720 too. 40 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,280 I've never seen or heard somebody wail like that. 41 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,280 I've heard about it. 42 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,280 I've seen it in movies. 43 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,280 Marley? 44 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:37,280 No, my ex. 45 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:38,280 Oh, your ex. 46 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,280 Luckily my in-laws are still very much alive. 47 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:47,960 Actually, my father-in-law just recently had a very recent scrape with what could have been 48 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:48,960 a lot worse. 49 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,680 His boat exploded, but everybody's okay. 50 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,080 Everybody's okay. 51 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:57,480 But no, my ex-mother-in-law, she passed away this year. 52 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:02,640 And like I said, the sounds that she made, bone-chilling, she came up to me immediately 53 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,720 and she was like, hey, I want to be on your podcast. 54 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,720 I'm like, this pain is too new. 55 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,760 I can't have you on my podcast yet. 56 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,520 I'm, please, process. 57 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,480 I will help you process, but I'm not going to do it and record. 58 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:14,480 Immediately. 59 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:15,480 Yeah, because that's selfish. 60 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:16,480 Because there's a lot, yeah. 61 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:17,480 Yeah, that's sad to be selfish. 62 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:22,720 A lot to unpack and you can't even come to the realizations that you need because the 63 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,160 grief is so fresh, it's like a cut. 64 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,160 Yeah, exactly. 65 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,400 And this would be nothing but just lemon juice. 66 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,280 Right in the wound. 67 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,920 So we waited, we waited for a while. 68 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:37,960 There was an episode that's recorded, but I'm not going to release that just yet. 69 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,840 And I still want to make sure that it gets it to do its time. 70 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:45,200 You know, I know, and she said it before, this is going to be her first Christmas without 71 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,440 her mom being alive. 72 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,640 And she said Mother's Day was already rough or, I mean, it's been a hell of a year. 73 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,640 And I know that there are other people out there who are going through not only family 74 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,520 loss, uh, loss comes in all different forms. 75 00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,520 So much loss. 76 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,520 Yeah. 77 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,520 Yeah. 78 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:02,520 Money loss. 79 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:03,520 Say you lost your job beforehand. 80 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:04,520 Friendships. 81 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,520 Uh, yeah. 82 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:06,520 Yeah, friendships. 83 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,520 Familial loss. 84 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,520 Uh, material loss. 85 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,520 Material loss. 86 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:14,360 Especially, oh my God, all the people who got affected by the, uh, the Milton. 87 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,520 Milton Hurricane Milton. 88 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:16,520 In Tennessee. 89 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,520 I heard they're still dealing with that. 90 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:19,520 Tennessee, North Carolina. 91 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:24,440 In fact, we've been driving around South Carolina, uh, over the last two days and I'm sure you've 92 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,240 seen all the trees in the side of the road. 93 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,240 And here's the thing and myself included. 94 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:31,240 Okay. 95 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:36,960 Myself and we are not taught how to deal with grief. 96 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:43,000 From the time we're very small, we're taught how to be a consumer and to consume and get 97 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,000 things. 98 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,000 But then there's all that middle ground. 99 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,000 All that middle ground. 100 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,840 A lot of emotional middle ground. 101 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,520 That's not, that's not told. 102 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:55,640 Like there are a lot of people who say that there should be things that we learn in school 103 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,720 taxes, uh, how to change attire. 104 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,720 And there are some schools that are doing better at teaching hands on stuff, but there's 105 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,680 still a very large gap because I feel like schools don't think that it, that they have 106 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:11,320 to, that they put all the emotional learning, all the, the growing up on the parents, like 107 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,640 the parents will teach them all this. 108 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:19,840 There are kids out there whose parents are not emotionally stalwart enough to actually 109 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,440 say, Hey, this is how you deal with loss. 110 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,440 They're, they're flushing. 111 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,280 Uh, this is a very small example of it, but they're flushing their goldfish down the toilet 112 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,400 and then getting another one before the kid comes home. 113 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,400 Um, there's a lot of that. 114 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,040 My parents did that. 115 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:38,320 Or, you know, checking in every once in a while, like say after a grandparent dies or 116 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,320 something like that. 117 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,120 And then when the kid starts acting out, it's like, Oh man, you must have ADHD. 118 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,120 You must have something wrong. 119 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,600 Maybe we need to medicate you. 120 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,560 This doesn't happen to every child. 121 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,560 Happened to me though. 122 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:48,560 But we, exactly. 123 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:49,560 We hear about it. 124 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,440 We've seen examples of it. 125 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:57,080 And so when it comes to be later, when you're an adult and say that you're, you're, you 126 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:02,280 are now the parent, you have learned what you can through the school of whatever hard 127 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,280 knocks you've been through to learn with your emotional stuff. 128 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:10,560 And then all of a sudden a hurricane wipes it, wipes out your like entire house and you 129 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:16,040 and you, your kid, your family, you know, are now faced coming into the holidays, having 130 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:22,680 to probably like lean on somebody else or just tried to face it yourself because you 131 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,200 don't have anybody else. 132 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,200 Exactly. 133 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:32,240 And that's, that's the reason you have, uh, it's your lost podcast and bisexual. 134 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,240 Coffee. 135 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,000 We do that together. 136 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:41,160 And then I have naked onion mystery tours podcast and beyond normal podcast for women 137 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:47,680 because there's so much grief out there and we're not discussing it enough. 138 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:52,040 I don't think a lot of people feel like, again, they don't feel like they have somebody to 139 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,400 talk to about that. 140 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,000 They feel like they have to go, they have to go it alone. 141 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:01,880 Um, that this, it's their lot to, to my cross to bear. 142 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:02,880 Yeah. 143 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,400 For some people, let's be honest, is this voice right here? 144 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,800 Is this podcast going to reach them if they don't have anything to listen to it on? 145 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:15,320 No, but I hope it reaches out to somebody who knows, who's been affected, who is being 146 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:19,760 quiet, who feels like they just have to keep moving forward because that's the only thing 147 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:20,760 that they can do. 148 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,120 They can't show the weakness. 149 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,440 They can't break down. 150 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,360 This podcast has been from the get go. 151 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,600 The one thing that I want, I'm rambling here. 152 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,640 It's manifesting. 153 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,640 That's what's happening. 154 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:41,040 This podcast has always been about de-stigmatizing and yeah, and showing that it is okay that 155 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:45,560 you are feeling the symptoms or that the symptoms that someone that you're seeing, it's going 156 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:46,560 to be different. 157 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,160 It's going to be hard to see and it's going to be even harder for them to feel. 158 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,720 Can I, can I, you can, okay. 159 00:07:52,720 --> 00:08:00,440 As a child, I would get screamed at a lot so that to the point when I became an adult, 160 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,960 if someone screamed at me, I'd be reactionary to their screaming. 161 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:14,400 Well the thing is, the yelling, the screaming, the behaviors all come from the same place, 162 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,400 grief. 163 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:21,280 Some kind of grief is happening and I've learned from the people that I love when they're going 164 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,760 through grief. 165 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:27,640 Mr. LeBlanc over here had to remind me that my partner was grieving something before I 166 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,960 left. 167 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,640 But that was, I don't know. 168 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:36,120 But I have the ability to turn it around and create something different from it. 169 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,440 A better story. 170 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:44,160 So what I'm going to do is I'm going to be a better listener. 171 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,640 Just a better listener. 172 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:52,320 And I won't mirror back the pain, but I'll be a better listener. 173 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:57,160 Because sometimes listening is one of the good first steps because it's not about what 174 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,960 you can do for them. 175 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:04,120 Which is why there are a couple of things that I try not to say when I hear that somebody's 176 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,680 lost something, whether it be property or family or anything. 177 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,680 There are two big things that I don't say. 178 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:12,280 I don't say I'm sorry immediately because Lord knows they've heard that enough by people 179 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,680 who don't know what else to say. 180 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:20,440 And then the next thing I don't ask, I don't ask like, what can I get you? 181 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:25,040 Because that implies that there's like something physical that they need. 182 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,600 It's what the best thing is, what can I do for you? 183 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,840 Just an action and figure out whatever that action is. 184 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:37,840 Going into this holiday season for Christmas, I mean we've already been through Thanksgiving 185 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:41,000 and I know that there are a lot of people out there who invite people who aren't their 186 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,880 family into a Thanksgiving scenario. 187 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,760 Actually I just got back from Todd A. Davis' Thanksgiving. 188 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:53,920 There's a whole backstory about that, but he invites friends who don't have other family 189 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,480 to hang out with over to his house. 190 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:57,480 Oh, that's fun. 191 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,480 It is. 192 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,680 And it's amazing. 193 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,000 And it's one of those things where he just invites, he doesn't say, hey, I know you're 194 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:12,040 in this situation, but he invites that to the people he knows first and he's like, hey, 195 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,440 come on out. 196 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,920 And then if they want to talk about it while they're there, cool. 197 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:20,360 If they don't want to talk about their situation, they still had a moment to share with somebody 198 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,280 even because food's healing. 199 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,160 Let's be honest, you know. 200 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,880 So that entire event is just great. 201 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:32,200 Some second time I've been there, I'm really honored to be a part of that tradition. 202 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,600 He's really brought me into his fold. 203 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,800 I really like that. 204 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,960 But around Christmas time, there are people out there who feel guilty that they can't 205 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,240 afford something right now. 206 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:46,080 There are people out there who don't have a family member to lean on that they used to, 207 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:52,720 a house to go to that they once had, a job that was once bringing the food and the presents 208 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,640 that they thought they were going to bring this year. 209 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:59,160 I'm not saying that we have to go out there and save everyone, but I'm saying if you got 210 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:03,720 somebody who's close to you, now's the time to, again, not ask them what you can. 211 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:08,920 Don't ask them if they need anything because if that's easy to say no, don't give them 212 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,400 a yes or no answer. 213 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,720 Ask them what can I do for you. 214 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,480 And I'm telling you. 215 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:19,040 And one question right there is huge just between human beings in general. 216 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:24,840 I say to my girlfriends, how can I serve you? 217 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,200 Because honestly, they don't get that. 218 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,400 No one says that to them. 219 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:34,600 My partner, I don't say that to you because that might turn into something else. 220 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:35,600 But I do. 221 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,800 I'm a better listener. 222 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,880 I'm a better listener. 223 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:45,680 And when they need something, I make sure that I have it shut off my ears. 224 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:50,560 I used to be very prone to, oh, you want this? 225 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:51,560 Really? 226 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,760 Okay, let me not give you that. 227 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,280 I don't know why I would like that. 228 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,160 I think my mom would like that or something. 229 00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:59,240 I don't know that. 230 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:07,960 I'm going to say that sounds, I use this term as the internet has introduced it here recently. 231 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,880 That sounds like some straight up rat behavior. 232 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:10,880 I'm not going to lie. 233 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:11,880 Oh, yes. 234 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:12,880 Yeah. 235 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,320 Well, now I'm not going to do it. 236 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,880 Look, look. 237 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,360 I haven't done that a lot. 238 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:24,080 My whole life was people-pleasy. 239 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,880 Little toxic people-pleasy. 240 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,360 So then I had to go to the other direction and be like, no. 241 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,880 Well, now I got to find the middle ground. 242 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,960 Setting boundaries for yourself is helping, right? 243 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,840 But you also can get addicting. 244 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,160 It's almost like getting a little taste of power. 245 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:44,040 And then you're like, oh, oh, I am the master of my own destiny. 246 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,040 Hey. 247 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:49,520 So what plans, if anything, you have this holiday season? 248 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,720 So I'm going in November. 249 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,840 There is a podcast that I was a part of. 250 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,080 It was called Dinner with Schmucks. 251 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,600 And they were out of Brandon. 252 00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,760 You ever seen that movie? 253 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:00,760 In Florida, absolutely. 254 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:01,760 Like a hundred million times. 255 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:02,760 It's ridiculous. 256 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:03,760 So funny. 257 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:10,320 But what we would do, Dinner with Schmucks, is we would just find the funniest. 258 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,800 You were talking about people and humans. 259 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,960 We would find the funniest human stories. 260 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:21,480 Like Black Man wears white socks into pool. 261 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:25,480 Karen actually was complaining at the man for wearing his socks. 262 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:26,480 Oh, yeah. 263 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,640 That sounds like some good old red at rage bait right there. 264 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:29,640 Oh, my God. 265 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,720 To me, as an empath with having compassion and things, I'm like, yeah. 266 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,840 Like, well, maybe you wanted to cover up his feet. 267 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:36,840 Yeah. 268 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:37,840 Definitely. 269 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,120 Maybe that was all he wanted to do was just cover up his feet. 270 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,800 Maybe they weren't as pretty as he wanted them to be. 271 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,800 So he's in the pool. 272 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,800 Or just walking on that concrete is so. 273 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:52,560 A tactile experience that they can't handle. 274 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,960 So we would do stories like that. 275 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,200 Super funny. 276 00:13:56,200 --> 00:14:01,520 A Karen in New York City, a little boy, a little Black boy, had a backpack on. 277 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:06,680 He was passing by her and he turned and then his backpack hit her. 278 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,440 Oh, I think I heard about that. 279 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:09,440 Yeah. 280 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,440 And she called the police. 281 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:12,760 So we would do those stories. 282 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,680 The police are so easy to call these. 283 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:15,680 Oh, my God. 284 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:16,680 No, they. 285 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:20,480 I feel like for some people it should be like an extra couple of buttons on the phone. 286 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,840 Like a little thing that warrants is like, hey, are you experiencing this? 287 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,640 Maybe you shouldn't call the police right now. 288 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:27,640 Exactly. 289 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,120 They have some moments. 290 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,960 We've done all the stories. 291 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:35,840 So with dinner and with schmucks, we would cook these recipes that we would get online. 292 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,480 Oh, my God. 293 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,360 One time we did a schnickle. 294 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,760 A schnickle. 295 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,640 Which is a snickers and a pickle. 296 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,640 Okay. 297 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:45,640 Yeah. 298 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:46,640 Okay. 299 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:51,520 And it's you cut the dill pickle and then you cut the candy bar in half and you put 300 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,960 the dill pickle in the middle and then you eat it. 301 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:54,960 I've seen this. 302 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:55,960 Oh, my God. 303 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:56,960 You've tasted it. 304 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:57,960 I've never tasted it. 305 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:02,960 It is the perfect amount of disgusting and sweet. 306 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:03,960 I mean. 307 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,960 You're selling it for me. 308 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:06,960 Let me tell you. 309 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:07,960 Oh, my God. 310 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,600 It was so bad. 311 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,200 So we would do that. 312 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,160 And that's what you're doing this year. 313 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,800 So yeah, we're going to do an episode. 314 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:20,400 I'm flying up the Thanksgiving week, the beginning of Thanksgiving week. 315 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,440 I'm going to help them cook. 316 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,000 And then whether we podcast or not is completely fine. 317 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,360 They have a son named Raymond. 318 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,360 Now I think they've slowed down a little bit. 319 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:35,360 But for those of you listening and you're wondering, was there a continuity error? 320 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:36,840 No. 321 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:40,520 Thanksgiving hasn't happened by the time we recorded this. 322 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:44,600 But just in case that it happened to get a little later or anything before I released 323 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,320 it, I just went ahead and told people that I did the things. 324 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,320 I've already been invited to the thanks Gary thing. 325 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:53,280 So I am still doing that this year and she's going to dinner for schmucks. 326 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,280 Yes. 327 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,280 What about Christmas? 328 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,480 No plans. 329 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:04,640 I think my roommate and I are going to go to the Muta triangle. 330 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:11,440 No, it's a place that everyone goes and it's literally beautifully decorated. 331 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:17,280 And I can't remember the name of it, but it's not Amelia Island. 332 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,280 Anastasia? 333 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,280 St. Augustine. 334 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,280 St. Augustine. 335 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,280 I've been there as well. 336 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:26,240 The city's annual night of lights festival is a three world class display of three 337 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:31,040 million lights that transform the city from late November to January. 338 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:36,400 The historic district is a great place to stay and visitors can enjoy horse drawn carriages, 339 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,200 seasonal shopping and outdoor dining. 340 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,600 Well, that sounds downright magical. 341 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,600 Yeah. 342 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,000 We need some magic. 343 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000 We do. 344 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:48,400 We just need friendship, magic and the holidays. 345 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:55,720 So Christmas as I've grown up over the years, I almost got to a point and this is kind of 346 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,600 bringing us a little bit back into the lost thing, but I'll dive in and come right back 347 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,800 out. 348 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,240 I got to the point where Christmas just wasn't important to me. 349 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,240 I got it. 350 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,240 Like at all. 351 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,240 Yeah. 352 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,840 I fell out of Christianity, found Buddhism for a while there, thought that well, since 353 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,080 I'm a Buddhist, I don't have to really care about that. 354 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:17,400 Turns out it really doesn't matter who you are. 355 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:22,840 You were probably part of some organization of people that celebrates something at the 356 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:26,640 end of the year and it's normally around family or togetherness or something like that. 357 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:32,360 And so like I really don't have to, no, I don't have to say, you know, yeah, Christmas. 358 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,360 Christmas is what I know. 359 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:38,840 It's now the, it's the event that everybody kind of gathers around and it's called, you 360 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,360 know, different things, different places, different holidays happen at the same time. 361 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,360 You know, I'm looking at a Hanukkah, looking at Kwanzaa. 362 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,680 There's also some other ones, but those are the big three that we normally think about 363 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:52,520 when that this time of year starts to befall upon us. 364 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,560 I got to the point where I really didn't like hanging out with a family that I was married 365 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,720 into because there was always drama. 366 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:04,280 And it, it was just kind of like a drawn off thing that we would just have like a small 367 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,080 celebration between me and my ex. 368 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,600 We didn't really have a lot of money, so we'd celebrate what we could. 369 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:10,600 Christmas wasn't huge. 370 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:11,600 We didn't decorate nothing. 371 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:16,720 And, you know, if we did go to other events for families or something, it was just really 372 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,720 quick. 373 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,320 It was like a, like a banquet dinner or something like that. 374 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,640 And then the year would continue. 375 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,560 Like we would probably have better time in the new year than we would actually during 376 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,560 Christmas time. 377 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:31,160 And then I married into the family that I married into now. 378 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,080 Oh, they're all about Christmas, I bet. 379 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,080 Definitely. 380 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,760 It's, it's the end of the year. 381 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,440 We never get all the way to Christmas before we have our family get together because we 382 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:44,520 like, my wife, she has to work on Christmas normally every year just because of the nature 383 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,520 of her job. 384 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:46,520 What does she do? 385 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:50,440 She works in a care facility for people with mental illnesses. 386 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,440 Okay. 387 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,400 And so that's a year-round thing. 388 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,400 Like they need staff. 389 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,400 Oh, it's non-stop. 390 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,400 I understand. 391 00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:01,400 And since her family always has this earlier in the month celebration where we go up to 392 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:06,800 the mountains and all the uncles, the cousins, everybody, you know, we're all, we're all getting 393 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,240 together, the parents. 394 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:09,880 And it's just, it's great. 395 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:16,800 And they make this giant pot of like a spiced wine and have great conversations. 396 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:22,720 There are always giant stockings that are passed around that everybody chips into. 397 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:23,720 It's a great thing. 398 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,960 So since we have that earlier in the month, Marley goes, well, I'm clear. 399 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,560 I've already done my thing in my family. 400 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,920 So if you want off for Christmas, I'll be that person. 401 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:38,200 And so she goes in there and that way the other staff normally, she takes a 12 hour, 402 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:42,680 12 hour stand, and like that leaves like three of the other staff to just stay home for the 403 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:43,680 rest of them. 404 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,080 And she's glad to take that step. 405 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:51,480 But that thing in earlier in the month, like around the 15th or the 16th or whenever it 406 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:55,160 is, that revived my love for the holiday. 407 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,200 And it brought the magic home a little bit for me. 408 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,720 It was, it was a resurgence. 409 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:01,720 Women are creators. 410 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:02,720 Yeah. 411 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:09,920 And first and foremost, and you are lucky to have that centeredness to where you're 412 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,000 being is also a creator. 413 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:18,360 I mean, there's lots of creators, but women, it's a comfort. 414 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,800 It's a comfort to be a creator. 415 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:27,680 It, for me, if I'm not creating, then anxiety and stress come in. 416 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:32,280 During the holidays, I know, I just want to share this story one Christmas. 417 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:38,240 I spent with a friend of mine, you know, my family and I were not getting along. 418 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:45,840 And this friend of mine and I went to Walgreens, got a canned ham, a can of green beans, and 419 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:52,880 the French onions and the French onion soup mix, and a box of macaroni and cheese. 420 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,160 None of this was fresh. 421 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,160 Yeah, yeah. 422 00:20:55,160 --> 00:21:01,800 It probably screams sodium to somebody, but I mean, I was in my 20s and we put that dinner 423 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:06,320 together and we had a blast. 424 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,200 We got in our pajamas. 425 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:15,040 We watched this movie with this little kid who licks a pole and gets his tongue. 426 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,040 A Christmas story. 427 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,040 Yes. 428 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,040 Yeah. 429 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,040 We watched that. 430 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,040 We watched family vacation. 431 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,040 It's a movie where a kid licks a pole. 432 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,040 Licks the pole. 433 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:28,840 And then family vacation or Christmas vacation, and lampoos, Christmas vacation. 434 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:36,080 We just watched all these movies and popped popcorn and laughed and fell asleep in like 435 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,840 a complete sugar coma on the floor. 436 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:39,840 Yeah. 437 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:45,840 There's definitely a magic in creating small moments out of cheap events. 438 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:46,840 Right. 439 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:53,520 And because those for me like last the longest, like one time moved into a place with my ex 440 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:58,840 after living with roommates for the longest time, we finally got to a place where we could 441 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,400 live by our own. 442 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:06,400 And we got the last big furniture in there and we sat down. 443 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,560 She sat down in a chair. 444 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:08,760 I sat down on the floor. 445 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,760 The only food that we had brought in with us was a can of baked beans and hot dogs. 446 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,240 I love it. 447 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:18,000 And we were just sitting there and just tearing, no, no, ground beef too. 448 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,000 It was extra protein. 449 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,000 I love it. 450 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,000 I love it. 451 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,000 And so it was the best meal ever. 452 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:26,240 And that's, it's, it's a good moment that solidifies inside my brain. 453 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,240 Fine. 454 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:33,720 I guess, you know, can be said to try to find those small moments in between as well. 455 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:38,600 So if you're out there and you listen to this thing and I know we kind of went on hard on 456 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,840 the people who have lost things. 457 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,360 Well, this is a podcast about loss. 458 00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:46,880 We went hard on that because I want to, I want to let you know that if you are thinking 459 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:51,360 that you need to go help somebody or you know somebody who you can help or somebody comes 460 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:56,960 up to you and actually asks for help, know that again, it's the small moments that will 461 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,040 probably help them forever. 462 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,600 Even if it is just getting their kid like one toy during this holiday season where they 463 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,440 can't get it or giving them a place to stay for the night. 464 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:12,440 If that's available within, you know, your house, the small moments are going to help. 465 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:18,120 You can transform a person's perspective about a situation using the words. 466 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:25,720 I actually ran into a woman in a park and I was meditating and walking at the same time, 467 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,320 one of the habits I tell you that I have. 468 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:36,560 And this woman was feeling great angst and pain and just opens, just said hi to me and 469 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:41,320 just started opening up about her situation and how she felt. 470 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:46,680 Not only did she get the name of your podcast, but then the name of our podcast, I gave her 471 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:54,440 a card to my hormone doctor and she received so many gifts in that moment and she gave 472 00:23:54,440 --> 00:24:01,600 me a big hug and expressed her gratitude and it just flipped a switch and it changed her 473 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,680 perspective of her entire day. 474 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,920 I have to ask because you know, giving people the name of our podcast is cool, you know, 475 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,680 I can't deny the chance for that. 476 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:18,560 But do you mind telling us what was going on with this individual that hormone doctor 477 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,360 and podcast help? 478 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:21,360 Yeah. 479 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:26,560 Well, well, she was experiencing loss, relationship loss. 480 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:33,440 She and her partner got together because he wanted to help her and she wanted to help 481 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:40,040 him and now she was like, now we're both codependent. 482 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,040 Okay. 483 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,400 They lost their identity somewhere. 484 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,400 Sure. 485 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:52,120 And I told her that in listening to these podcasts, it would give her some ideas on 486 00:24:52,120 --> 00:25:01,880 how to expound on her perspective and not feel so closed in because when you're, I'm 487 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,000 listening to myself as I'm talking. 488 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,000 That's good. 489 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,000 That's a good thing to do. 490 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:13,360 And when you're sitting in the house with the same person over and over and over and 491 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:17,760 over, you guys come home together, you eat together, you watch TV together, you do all 492 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:18,760 these things together. 493 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:19,760 Yeah. 494 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,560 Well, then you start resenting one another like, hey, resentment is easy to build. 495 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:24,560 It is easy. 496 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,320 It's an easy house. 497 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:30,280 And I'm telling you now, I don't want it. 498 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,880 I don't want to resent anybody in my life. 499 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:33,880 That's good. 500 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:41,360 So I showed her listening to a podcast, even if it wasn't ours, would create new beliefs. 501 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,200 In creating new beliefs, you create new habits. 502 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,440 In creating new habits, you create a new perspective. 503 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,640 In creating a new perspective, you create a reality. 504 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:56,400 When you create a reality, then you're creating a universe and a community and all these different 505 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:57,900 things. 506 00:25:57,900 --> 00:25:59,920 You're a creator. 507 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:00,920 So. 508 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:01,920 Okay. 509 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:02,920 Good. 510 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,040 So, you hear, oh man, times are rough for you. 511 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,040 Hey, I do a podcast. 512 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,040 Yeah, times are rough for you. 513 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,040 And then you just kind of walk away. 514 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:09,040 No, okay, that makes sense. 515 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,160 That's what I told her the whole thing. 516 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,160 Yeah. 517 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,840 Everything I just told you, I told her. 518 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,760 And depending, I don't want to dig too much in this person's life, but depending on where 519 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:24,240 she is in life, maybe seeking a hormone therapist would definitely kind of help. 520 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,240 That's what I thought. 521 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,240 I told her that too. 522 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:27,240 That makes sense. 523 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:28,240 Yeah. 524 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,520 That actually right there marks. 525 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:31,520 Circle. 526 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,520 Yeah. 527 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:37,680 So, that's the end of what I consider to be season one of the It's Your Loss podcast. 528 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,520 I'm glad, Edith, I got you in here twice this year. 529 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:41,680 I'm glad to be here. 530 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:49,280 I'm sure there's more room for us to experience more loss through the year and process it, 531 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,240 you know, on a microphone for other people to listen to. 532 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,080 Because it's important, you know? 533 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:59,160 Like I said, anxiety is a lot smaller when it's outside of your mouth. 534 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,680 So talking about it is huge. 535 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:01,680 That is the truth. 536 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,320 Stay tuned for season two. 537 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:10,480 Episode one should be coming out on the third Thursday of April 2005. 538 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:11,480 2025. 539 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:12,480 2025. 540 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:13,480 That's right. 541 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:14,480 Can you believe it? 542 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,480 That's how numbers work. 543 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:16,480 2005. 544 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,480 Wow. 545 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:18,480 I forgot how numbers work. 546 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,480 I was a hot mess in 2005. 547 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,400 I think we all were. 548 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,600 All works in progress. 549 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:33,080 But so yes, the third August, the third Thursday in August in 2025. 550 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,120 And like I said, I don't want to give away the guest because it was very special for 551 00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:44,400 me and I think the conversation is nice, raw, and it's exactly what we need to hear, but 552 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,720 not until April. 553 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,120 Like share, follow. 554 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,120 Hey, thanks. 555 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:49,120 Appreciate that. 556 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:51,120 I don't do enough of that on my own podcast. 557 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,120 I really don't. 558 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:58,760 Once again, this has been Michael LeBlanc with Edith, Ivey, Rosenblatt, and if you miss 559 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:03,320 the next episode of the podcast, still it's your loss. 560 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,320 Thank you so much. 561 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:23,240 Bye bye.