1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,720 Before we start this podcast, I want to say that every project I have pretty much has 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,960 a village behind it, and this one is no exception. 3 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:12,960 I want to thank the patrons who stepped in on my Kickstarter to really make sure that 4 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,800 this got off the ground. 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:23,680 Denise Grady, Caden White-Wattam, Amanda Peake, Todd A. Davis, Jay Grant, and Corey Watson. 6 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:28,040 Without you guys, I wouldn't be sitting here talking with the awesome guest that I'm 7 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:29,880 about to talk to. 8 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,160 Thank you so much. 9 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:37,560 I thought about starting off my episode today with a Romulan word of the day just to kind 10 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:42,120 of make you feel at home, as soon as you do the Klingon word of the day. 11 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:47,280 That would have been, but that was thought of about two minutes before I hit join on 12 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,280 the podcast. 13 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:55,720 I was like, not today, not today, but maybe, maybe one day. 14 00:00:55,720 --> 00:01:00,800 Welcome to It's Your Loss podcast, where raw stories of resilience and healing are told, 15 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:10,160 all while uncovering and destigmatizing the diverse symptoms of loss. 16 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,360 Welcome back to the podcast. 17 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,840 If you missed last month's episode, well, it's your loss. 18 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:22,360 I'm host Michael LeBlanc, and I am here with podcaster, stand-up comedian, extraordinary 19 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,280 guy all around, and he smells vaguely like chocolate chip cookies. 20 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,520 I don't know what that's about, but it's amazing. 21 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,840 Everybody say hello to Todd A. Davis. 22 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:31,840 Todd! 23 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,160 Hey, how are you? 24 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,240 I'm doing well, man. 25 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,240 I'm doing well. 26 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,400 Hi, Neon, man. 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,560 I'm really excited about this. 28 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:43,920 I'm very excited to have you on, because I was on a podcast beforehand, but you showed 29 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,200 me what a professional podcaster is. 30 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,600 You gave me a script, which I did not give you. 31 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,400 You always sound good. 32 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:56,880 The video is vaguely nerdy, especially when you're ready to go, because right now, I'm 33 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,400 seeing some weird, some chords and whatnot. 34 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:05,160 Yeah, I can't decide what to do with these little LED lights. 35 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,600 That's what this string is. 36 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,120 But I have my Star Trek comics. 37 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,120 You do. 38 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,400 I've got a broken TARDIS lava lamp. 39 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,320 Oh, that is what that is, isn't it? 40 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,320 Yeah. 41 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,320 Oh, that's great. 42 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,640 I have some Marvel hardcovers. 43 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,360 My D&D stuff. 44 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,960 I have some horror movies stuff. 45 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,840 I have my Walking Dead collection. 46 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:32,000 I have the Enterprise BCND over my head. 47 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,000 Which are holding up the LED strands. 48 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,000 It's a good use of them. 49 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,000 Yeah, exactly. 50 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:43,760 My office is just chock full of nerdy, of nerdy fun things. 51 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,520 It is a mess, just like my personality. 52 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:50,320 Well, I love it at the time that I came over there, man. 53 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:54,880 I just walked around there and I just, every corner of that little space that I saw resonated 54 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:58,800 with me on a very nerdy level. 55 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:03,520 And speaking of things that be considered nerdy, one of the things that you're actually 56 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:08,240 going to be the first person that I try this out on, there's a spot on my side on sheet 57 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,280 that says what your favorite game is. 58 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:17,080 And ideally what I was going to do was play over Zoom games and that's not going to work 59 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,360 because I feel like it takes away from the conversation and also this is the whole thing. 60 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,480 So I scrapped that. 61 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,880 So instead, you said that your favorite game, according to this was Super Mario Brothers 62 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:27,880 Wii. 63 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:28,880 Oh, yes. 64 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:35,600 And so I took it upon myself to print out the horoscope as it pertains to Mario. 65 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:39,640 And what I need to know from you, what is your birthday? 66 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,600 December the 26th. 67 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,760 Day after Christmas. 68 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,200 While you look that up, would you like to hear the joke I tell everybody when they find out 69 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,560 I'm a Christmas baby? 70 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,560 Oh, please. 71 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,400 So the person says, you know, oh, Christmas baby. 72 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:58,800 Yeah, mom and dad actually did a really good job of making sure that, you know, it was 73 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,440 a very special time for me. 74 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:05,520 On Christmas, I got really great gifts and then the next day I got the batteries to put 75 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:06,520 in them. 76 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,800 But I'm bummed. 77 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:09,800 Home comedian. 78 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,880 Everybody available for parties, bar mitzvahs, corporate events. 79 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:17,960 You can't hear it, but I'm sure there's a room full of laughter for you out there. 80 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,240 Somebody's applauding for you. 81 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,560 All right. 82 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,440 That's the running motif of my entire comedy career. 83 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,840 Somewhere there's a room full of people laughing. 84 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:32,040 I tell my wife all the time is like, you don't have to laugh at my jokes for me to know I'm 85 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,040 funny. 86 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,400 I'm hilarious. 87 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,000 All the way at the back of the page, because obviously, you know, the area you have to 88 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,080 make me flip all the pages to get there. 89 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,280 According to this, so you are a Capricorn. 90 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:44,280 Yes. 91 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,280 Okay. 92 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,280 That one is right. 93 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,280 Good. 94 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,080 That means this is from a reputable website. 95 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,240 It says your King Boo. 96 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,960 And yeah, you tell me how well this fits you. 97 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,120 Also known as the master of illusions. 98 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:02,360 King Boo is the main antagonist from the Luigi Manson series. 99 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,000 King Boo is the bow bowser of the Luigi games. 100 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,000 Why? 101 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,000 Okay. 102 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,280 I'm going to get this. 103 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:13,120 Good fit for the Capricorn Zodiac sign, the bowser of January's. 104 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,120 What? 105 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:18,320 I should have vetted this. 106 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:22,440 Anyway, as someone who controls over the booze, it says that King Boo, here we go, is a good 107 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,440 manager. 108 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,400 However, one of King's boo's weaknesses, however, is he's unforgiving. 109 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,400 I don't know. 110 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,400 I don't know. 111 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,400 I think I know you a little bit, Todd. 112 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,280 I'm not feeling that one. 113 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,880 I have been known to hold a grudge or two. 114 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:41,560 As I'm getting older, I'm realizing grudges are not worth holding onto. 115 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,520 So I am, I am slowly letting those go. 116 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:45,760 Master of illusions. 117 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:54,160 I feel like putting on a face to do stand up comedy, putting on a decent face of voice 118 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:58,520 to do podcasting is a little bit of a magic trick. 119 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:04,680 You got to kind of put forth your best foot or your best voice, or you got to at least 120 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:11,040 make it till you make it as much praise as you gave me at the beginning for the professionalism 121 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,400 of my podcast. 122 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:18,520 I have been on podcasts before for years before starting my own. 123 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:27,560 And it was kind of a combination of, hey, I see this show is doing a certain thing and 124 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,160 here's what I like. 125 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,360 These are the things I don't like. 126 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,360 So let's lose that. 127 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,360 And then I would appear. 128 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,240 I would appear on another show. 129 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,240 And I would say, oh, this is the same thing. 130 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:36,240 Oh, these are the things I like. 131 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,240 Get rid of the rest. 132 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,680 And I did that a couple of other times. 133 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:44,720 And by the time it came down to start mine, it was kind of, all right, I'm going to make 134 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:45,720 notes. 135 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,120 I'm not going to be married to them because I don't want it to sound like I'm reading 136 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:55,360 off of a cue card because if I start reading something, it's going to sound pre rehearsed 137 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,880 and it's just, it's going to fall flat. 138 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:02,880 So I do like the spontaneous nature of a real conversation. 139 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:08,240 But at the same time, I kind of set a goal for myself of, I want to have some of the 140 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,560 Star Trek actors. 141 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,400 I want to have some scientists. 142 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:17,960 I want to have some authors and some of these folks may or may not have done podcasts before 143 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,360 or have a certain public image to. 144 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:22,360 That's true. 145 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,360 Yeah. 146 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,360 Yeah. 147 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,680 They got to project a little bit. 148 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:26,680 Exactly. 149 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:32,960 I wanted to put those notes together and send them so that they are the most comfortable 150 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:38,840 that they can be in this particular environment talking to somebody they may not know. 151 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:39,840 Yeah. 152 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:44,200 So, you know, in doing that, I mean, you've been the recipient of my notes a few times 153 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:49,280 and they are pretty thorough, but at the same time, there's enough room in there for 154 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:50,960 casual conversations. 155 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,880 Plenty of flexibilities. 156 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:57,240 So while we're talking, I flipped over to mine, which I was born May 7th. 157 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,240 It's a tourist. 158 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:02,360 The one that I'm pretty happy about, my favorite color is green, forest green specifically. 159 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:08,320 But evidently, Yoshi is the tourist of the Mario world, tends to make friends with other 160 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:12,080 members of the same species, commonly seen as green. 161 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,680 One of the tourists' favorite two colors. 162 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,680 Oh, I didn't realize that was that simple. 163 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,680 Okay. 164 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:17,680 I'm basic. 165 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:18,680 All right. 166 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,680 Cool. 167 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:25,160 Since Yoshi loves to touch and taste people and objects around him, he matches his tourists 168 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,160 as well. 169 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:33,520 His uncanny resemblance between a tourist and Yoshi tells us he was fit to be this zodiac 170 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,520 sign. 171 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,040 So that's what Mario can teach us. 172 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,760 I love to taste people and I love the color green. 173 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,360 Hey, you know what? 174 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,120 I'm a horror toge. 175 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:47,600 There's people in this world that pay a lot, that pay a lot of money to be tasted. 176 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,600 That's true. 177 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:49,880 That's true. 178 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,800 And pay people a lot of money to get tasted. 179 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,440 So that's nice. 180 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:58,680 I could read it off for you, but I think it would sound better coming from you. 181 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:02,240 Todd, what have you lost in life? 182 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,880 Well, two big things spring to mind. 183 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:15,880 The first is maybe a bit abstract, but the loss of opportunity as a younger person. 184 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:25,800 Growing up, I was very outgoing and creative to a point where I started to show inclinations 185 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:32,040 toward creative writing and storytelling and acting. 186 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:40,160 But those things were not encouraged by anyone really in my life at that point. 187 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:44,760 I'm talking probably high school years, you know, the formative years. 188 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:52,960 Now, and even, you know, and all of that stuff, even into stand up, like I just turned 40. 189 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:53,960 I am. 190 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:54,960 Happy birthday. 191 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:55,960 Thank you. 192 00:09:55,960 --> 00:10:04,040 I am one of the ancient relics at the stand up comedy club amongst a bunch of 20 somethings 193 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,560 all getting up there to tell their jokes. 194 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:12,000 And I think to myself, you know, gosh, you know, I'm not quite at a decade of doing stand 195 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,520 up, but what if I had started 10 years earlier? 196 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,160 You know, what if, you know, what would have happened? 197 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,480 Where would I be creatively? 198 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:25,760 If I had pursued acting with all the gusto that I did other things in my life, you know, 199 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,000 where would I be? 200 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,040 Where would I be with that creative writing? 201 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:36,200 Had I pursued hell, something as simple as an English degree and college, you know, when 202 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,720 you're supposed to go to college right after high school? 203 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,720 That's what they tell you. 204 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:41,720 Yeah. 205 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,960 They tell you to do that. 206 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:43,960 Well, sort of. 207 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,840 They heavily imply that. 208 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:49,840 But if you're a little thick like me, it doesn't really take. 209 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:55,000 But basically, you know, it was because the youngest of three. 210 00:10:55,000 --> 00:11:02,000 And so my parents had me when they were in their 40s and they just kind of, you know, 211 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,920 it's 13 years between me and my next oldest brother. 212 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:13,560 So they kind of let my brothers and Looney Tunes from the 40s raise me. 213 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:21,840 Now that gave me a unique perspective being raised in a house full of adults and watching 214 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:27,920 cartoons during the day, you know, like I said, Looney Tunes from the 40s. 215 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,120 But then hanging out with my brothers who were in their teens. 216 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,520 Actually by the time I came around, my oldest brother had already moved out. 217 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,160 He's 20 years older than me. 218 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,160 Oh, wow. 219 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,440 They had us generations apart. 220 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:45,480 But by the time I was three, four, five years old and hanging out with my the middle brother, 221 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,280 my middle brother, Chris, Jim is my older, my oldest brother. 222 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:53,840 He was watching David Letterman Saturday Night Live. 223 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,080 The kids in the hall. 224 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,080 Like 18, 19 by that point, right? 225 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,080 Yeah. 226 00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,080 Yeah. 227 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,080 17, 18, 19. 228 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:01,080 Yeah. 229 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:06,880 And so that kind of gave me this my sense of humor and my style of comedy. 230 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:11,760 I've always had trouble describing myself and my comedy style, right? 231 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:16,840 But someone else said that my style is highbrow silly. 232 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:17,880 And I love that. 233 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,600 It's so it's so compact. 234 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:24,600 But knowing my background of Looney Tunes and late night stand up like that kind of 235 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,600 fits. 236 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,600 Yeah. 237 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,600 So that track. 238 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:34,280 And I've kind of gotten around the idea of losing that opportunity is when I look at 239 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:39,720 myself next to these 20 something year old comedians who are doing their jokes, I'm coming 240 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:46,840 to it with the perspective of an additional 20 years of life and being married for over 241 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:47,840 a decade. 242 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:48,840 And more. 243 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,360 You have more to pull from your, your bag of tricks is a little more full than these 244 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,240 20 something people who are getting on stage. 245 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,240 Well, exactly. 246 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,560 I mean, I don't know all their lives, but I, I feel like I could make you accept. 247 00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,200 Same assumption with that. 248 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,200 Yeah. 249 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:05,040 So, yeah, you know, that, that's the first thing, the loss of potential life. 250 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:10,640 I guess it was the loss of a, an alternate reality for me. 251 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:11,640 Sure. 252 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:12,640 Sure. 253 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:17,920 Somewhere out there, there's a Todd who's either on SNL or directing films or acting 254 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:23,040 in films or doing something like that, writing comic books or something. 255 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:30,920 But the other, the other big part was the loss of my mom when I was 19. 256 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:37,200 She got sick the summer after I graduated high school a year later, she was gone. 257 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,440 She had a disease called scleroderma. 258 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:48,280 The term literally means a hardening of the skin and it shows up in like your hands that 259 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:51,680 they kind of turn white and they get hard to the touch. 260 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:52,680 Yeah. 261 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,560 And she actually had it in her lungs. 262 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:59,840 In the end, the lungs couldn't get the oxygen into the blood and she, which caused her to 263 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:00,840 have a heart attack. 264 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,840 Yeah. 265 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,520 There's, there's not much, there's not much coming back after when your body decides 266 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,840 to not bring in oxygen, which I can relate. 267 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:12,440 My mom passed away from a COPD, which I mean, she was bringing in the oxygen, but the CO2 268 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,200 was staying afterwards. 269 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,800 And so it was just kind of like a quiet good night basically. 270 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,800 She went to bed and yeah. 271 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:20,800 Jeez, Louise. 272 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,720 I feel you with the, the loss of your mom. 273 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,720 You know, I don't want to treat this like a game of poker, but I think I can one up 274 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,560 you with the loss of my father as well. 275 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:32,480 Now, I feel like, you know, the older you get though, the more you can just keep pulling 276 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,720 out of a deck of cards that you've been slowly building over life is like, right, here's 277 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:40,040 mom, here's dad, here's an inlaw, you know, oh sure. 278 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:45,800 We feel that, you know, in that deck of cards, you know, you also have the, the more abstract 279 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:46,800 stuff. 280 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,440 So it's, it's cool that you started off with the abstract because when a lot of people 281 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,680 talk about what they lost in life, they want to talk about the people. 282 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:57,760 They want to talk about the, the physical stuff. 283 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:02,800 I haven't yet talked to a person who has had a loss of a limb, but there is a guy that, 284 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,720 you know, I may be talking to that was born without them. 285 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:10,880 So he kind of came with, with a deck that was already started for him. 286 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,360 And yeah, the things that he's done with his life, he's inspirational speaker. 287 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,280 He's a standup comedian. 288 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:17,280 He's, he's an author. 289 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,400 I mean, he's, I mean, he's living his life. 290 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:24,960 And he's a lot lighter than a lot of us because of the limbs that he doesn't have. 291 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,200 And I said, I really hope to get him on the show where we've got people out there searching 292 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,040 for him, asking for him. 293 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:34,360 Who would you say were your biggest naysayers, your biggest obstacle makers? 294 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,360 How did you get around them? 295 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,120 I think the easiest one to point to is probably school guidance counselor. 296 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:43,880 I was one of those kids that on graduation day, you know, you walk up, they hand you 297 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,240 the little leather bound folder thing. 298 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,240 Oh yeah. 299 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,360 You go back to, you shake the hand, you go back to your seat. 300 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:54,280 I was the one who opened it, saw that it was in there, took a big sigh of relief and then 301 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,480 relax. 302 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:03,640 But yeah, you know, a school guidance counselor, I think a conversation or two, or hell, just 303 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:10,000 looking at my grades, barely passing math, barely passing science, doing pretty decent 304 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000 in English. 305 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,800 Oh, he's really good at chorus, really good at acting. 306 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:19,320 Like, that should probably be a discussion. 307 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,280 Mom and dad, they are the definition of boomers. 308 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:27,800 My father was born in the forties, served in Vietnam, more of a practical mentality 309 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:33,160 of, well, that's all well and good, but you need a tangible skill. 310 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:37,840 You need, you know, something that you can, a trade that you need a trade, boy, you need 311 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:38,840 a trade. 312 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:39,840 Exactly. 313 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,840 Exactly. 314 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,800 Just taking a small break to tell you that this episode of the podcast is brought to 315 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:51,400 you by Dink, spelled D-I-N-Q-D-N-D in the coffin hold of the USS Enterprise. 316 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:55,280 It's my first book, a memoir in which I tell you about trying and failing in the Navy's 317 00:16:55,280 --> 00:17:00,360 school for nuclear operators, all while juggling marriage and depression. 318 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:01,960 Where does D&D come in? 319 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,960 It's woven all throughout the book. 320 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,280 Check it out on Amazon as a paperback or on Kindle. 321 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:12,520 The link's in the description below. 322 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:16,080 And it was kind of encouraging some time ago. 323 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:22,600 I mean, I was still living at home, but I ran across an article about Robin Williams, 324 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,680 who his father, the same way. 325 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,120 I heard that before, yeah. 326 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:30,080 Yeah, take up a trade and he became a welder. 327 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:40,560 Fast forward a few years to, I had a short term job working as a welder's spotter, basically 328 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,200 making fire watch. 329 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:47,600 That's why I was a fire watch for a welder, which basically involves standing there, watching 330 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,920 the guy do the thing and making sure he doesn't catch on fire. 331 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:56,280 But at the same time, do a Google search of what a general welder makes. 332 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,640 It's pretty decent money. 333 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:05,800 So looking at that, I kind of wish someone had had the conversation, either my dad or 334 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:11,600 a school guidance counselor to say, hey, look, you're doing these creative things that are 335 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:12,840 great. 336 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,920 It's going to be very difficult to earn money in the arts. 337 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,720 That's the reality. 338 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:23,520 Here are some simple things that you can do that will put you in a better position to 339 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,760 earn money down the road. 340 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:29,000 One of them, what I was already involved in martial arts. 341 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:33,800 Seriously, if you're listening to this and you have young kids, martial arts isn't on 342 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,360 their radar. 343 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:39,560 When they are done with eighth grade, get them involved in martial arts. 344 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:43,360 They'll have a black belt by the time they go to college. 345 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,040 That looks good on a college transcript. 346 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,240 It also looks good on your resume and job applications. 347 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:55,200 That would have looked good on my resume or job applications, but I was doing martial 348 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,200 arts. 349 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,400 I was just doing a simple karate class. 350 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:03,000 I was showing them a certain stretch, just a simple back bend. 351 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,400 A little too far, my diaphragm seized on me. 352 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,280 So I fall over and I'm having a coffee fit. 353 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,120 They think I've hurt myself. 354 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,120 They use that. 355 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:15,400 They told me at the time, it's like, well, you hurt yourself, just doing the simple thing. 356 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,480 You can't do karate. 357 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:17,480 So they took me out of it. 358 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:24,920 Turns out that we had to run because of the dealer that they had been getting their weed 359 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:25,920 from. 360 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,120 They had smoked it instead of sold it. 361 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:32,040 We had to run so we can no longer be in that area and go to that karate class. 362 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,640 I wouldn't find that out until way later. 363 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:38,080 I thank them for holding that information from me until I was old enough to understand. 364 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,960 But yes, you're right. 365 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,560 Following through with that is, yeah, it looks great. 366 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:52,160 Even going back to certain trades like being able to weld or being able to drive a forklift. 367 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,160 Sure. 368 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,160 A forklift certification. 369 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,440 That's where it's at. 370 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,440 Yeah. 371 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:57,440 A CDL. 372 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,640 Gosh, if you got a CDL, you'll make money. 373 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:06,320 Keep talking these sexy things to me and this is going to turn into a different podcast. 374 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:11,480 I worked with a comedian who had a day job at a bank. 375 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,480 They were a bank teller. 376 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:17,640 And at the time I still had my nine to five, which was paralegal. 377 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,680 And I said, are you a notary? 378 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:27,080 I said, no, I was like, trust me, spend the 25 bucks to become a notary. 379 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,960 And it's with you for a decade. 380 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:29,960 You are. 381 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:30,960 You are correct. 382 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,480 You can leverage it for a little pay bump. 383 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,720 Any notary public that I've ever had to find in my life is like the most, they're doing 384 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:40,640 the most other non paperwork related things. 385 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,120 One time I found out the person I had been slinging burgers with for like the greater 386 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:45,640 part of three years was the notary public. 387 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,400 And I'm sitting there, I had just happened to mention to him. 388 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,400 I needed one. 389 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,520 They're like, dude, I got you. 390 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,000 He came in the other day had his, had his whole case in his stamp. 391 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,000 He's like, what you need? 392 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,000 What you need? 393 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,000 Hey, you come here, watch this. 394 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,000 We're going to get this handle. 395 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,000 All right. 396 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000 Let's hurry up. 397 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,000 We got lunch rush. 398 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,000 It's great. 399 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,000 And it's so useful. 400 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,000 It's so helpful. 401 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,000 I mean, I'm not going to trade any kind of trade. 402 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,000 My goodness. 403 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:08,600 I mean, I'm slowly trying to do more, like more creative stuff between writing my book, 404 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,800 doing this podcast, doing social media creation. 405 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,760 And I still have my nine to five, which is a wonderful job. 406 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,000 It's the first longterm office job I've ever had. 407 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,880 Oh, it's still not where I thought I was going to be for the longest time. 408 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,560 I thought I was going to be an architect. 409 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,280 I went to school for that. 410 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,640 I went to ITT tech for that. 411 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:31,760 And now if you know anything about ITT tech, you realize how boned I am now that I can't 412 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,720 do anything with that. 413 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:34,720 I was ready for it. 414 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:38,920 You see, for me, it was more on the lines of just flowing along, I think, until I found 415 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,600 the right thing to float in. 416 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:44,680 And not a lot of people on my end telling me that I couldn't do things, which is why 417 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:50,400 I think I've tried to do so many different things along the way until I found something 418 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:55,480 that I'm comfortable, happy and thriving in, which I'm hoping that, I mean, I'm hoping 419 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,920 that's where you feel that you are right now. 420 00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:58,920 Yeah. 421 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,040 It's a lot to keep up with. 422 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:07,320 I am pretty much in the position of when I talk to someone about my podcast, they go, 423 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,320 oh, how do you did it? 424 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:14,080 I was like, if it's not me, I'm having to ask someone and out of the goodness of their 425 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:18,760 heart, they are giving me their time and their creative efforts. 426 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:28,040 Because when it comes to scheduling the show, writing the script, booking the guests, hosting, 427 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:35,880 recording, editing, producing, uploading, hosting, and then promoting, that's all me. 428 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:42,600 Now I have some folks who have done some promotional episode cards for me. 429 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:48,960 My good friend of many, many years at this point, Justin Bishop, is very creative. 430 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:52,080 I think he even went to school for graphic design. 431 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:56,600 I told him what I was doing and he creates these beautiful episode cards that have all 432 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:02,680 the info and logo and the whole thing and they look gorgeous. 433 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:08,040 Again, he's a dear friend who out of the goodness of his heart has, yeah, here you go. 434 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,480 He cranks them out for me. 435 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,080 I've offered to pay him. 436 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,040 Those kind of people are godsends, man. 437 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,040 Oh, yeah. 438 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,440 I have offered to pay him on more than one occasion and he's like, no, man, I got you. 439 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,440 I got you. 440 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,720 I was like, okay, all right. 441 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:29,720 He also did my intro music, which incorporates some sound clips, Star Trek franchise. 442 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:34,520 I was just listening to your last episode, actually, and I normally skip most people's 443 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:39,160 beginning podcasts because I've listened to it for so much, but when you within, what 444 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:44,200 is it, like the first five, six seconds you hear Cisco say, this is a massive win for 445 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,960 the good guys, I think I'm getting that wrong. 446 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:51,040 But yeah, just the way that he says it and it just brings me into the whole experience 447 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,240 and I'm just in there just listening to the whole thing again. 448 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:54,240 The guy did a great job. 449 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,240 Yeah. 450 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,240 Yeah. 451 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,240 Justin put that together for me. 452 00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,320 He's also been podcasting. 453 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:08,840 I think he's he and my other podcaster in crime, Gary Horn, who the three of us, Gary, 454 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:13,320 Justin and myself, were all co-hosts of Cinema Shock. 455 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:14,320 Yeah. 456 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,320 Justin's a big movie fan. 457 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:16,320 So is Gary. 458 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:21,760 I see a lot of movies, but I'm kind of the fresh perspective. 459 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,400 Gary, as he works with the National. 460 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,260 Yeah, he works with the National Wrestling Alliance. 461 00:24:27,260 --> 00:24:33,880 So he kind of gets the inside track and Justin is the historian. 462 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:39,520 So between the three of us and we've all been friends for at least 20 years at this point, 463 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:43,600 we do Cinema Shock where we cover cult and genre film history. 464 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:48,320 And so we get into the the stories behind the stories of your favorite filmmakers. 465 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,520 And that's and that's been fun. 466 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:56,480 But you know, Justin and Gary started that podcast probably, I want to say, at least 467 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:02,840 a year before I joined, which was probably at least another year or two before I started 468 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,160 my own, probably getting the timeline wrong. 469 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,520 But they've been at it much longer than I know. 470 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:09,520 Yeah. 471 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,560 Nobody's going to know. 472 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:20,280 I was able to draw on their wealth of knowledge in terms of hardware, software, tips for doing 473 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,280 interviews. 474 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,880 Gary, I mentioned Gary works with the National Wrestling Alliance. 475 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:30,280 He does a lot of their backstage interviews with these wrestlers who just got finished 476 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,680 with their matches and stuff. 477 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,280 So they're out of breath, they're sweaty and, hey, come answer a couple of questions 478 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,840 on camera. 479 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,480 So that take that takes a little bit of a hook spot. 480 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:44,720 But you know, be able to stick a microphone in somebody's face and get those special moments 481 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:50,400 before they head off to the locker room or something is pretty is pretty important. 482 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:56,080 One of the things I did before this is turning into a how to podcast. 483 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,880 But don't worry, I'll turn it around at some point, I promise. 484 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:00,880 Okay. 485 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:05,800 One of the things I did as I was trying to beef up my resume in terms of writing and 486 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:11,000 creative endeavors was I was and still am playing fantasy football. 487 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,080 And I thought, you know what, why don't I do like some sports writing? 488 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:24,000 And I started covering a local high school and a local division to college football team. 489 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:30,040 And that was another great boot camp in terms of can you keep writing? 490 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,160 Because I was the only one in the press box without a laptop. 491 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,040 So I was handwriting everything. 492 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,040 Oh, gee. 493 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,040 Nice. 494 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:38,040 Oh, yeah. 495 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:43,480 And then as the game wound down, I had to fight my way through the crowds to get down 496 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:52,040 to the field to grab a couple quotes from star player, the coach, somebody and do all 497 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:57,120 of that, get back to the house, put the finishing touches on the article and send it off before 498 00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:58,120 midnight. 499 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:00,920 And wow, that is tough to do. 500 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,440 That's twice a week for 10 to 12 weeks in a row. 501 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,560 I'm feeling tired just thinking about that workload. 502 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:07,560 My guy. 503 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:08,560 Oh, yeah. 504 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:09,560 I mean, don't get me. 505 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,560 Don't get me wrong. 506 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:14,040 Like one thing about being creative and wanting to pump things out and trying to stay on a 507 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:19,720 schedule is like knowing how long it takes either write something down or edit it, you 508 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:24,360 know, the the long time in between conception and presentation. 509 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:29,640 Now, that that alone, I guess I could probably turn into like a loss of time because think 510 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,960 of how much time we've spent staring at screens and whatnot. 511 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,200 What could we have been doing with our life? 512 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,320 Oh, sure. 513 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:42,800 It also kind of put me in the position to be more creative with my use of time. 514 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,960 So high school plays Friday nights. 515 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,000 College more often than not plays Saturday. 516 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,000 Saturday, right? 517 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,000 I know that much. 518 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,000 Yeah. 519 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:58,040 So after the weekend, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I was looking up the rosters. 520 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:06,000 I was even writing some tentative titles for the article based on the mascots and the names 521 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,000 of the school. 522 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:11,480 So I got them ready to go for multiple different scenarios, whether it was close or whether 523 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:16,080 it was, you know, a big blowout, both directions of who won. 524 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:20,720 So I tried to do my due diligence of like, OK, here's my titles and, you know, do as 525 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:26,880 much work as I could beforehand so that I could focus on the game and the stats for 526 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,360 that particular evening. 527 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:35,200 And it was a really, it was, it was really sobering sitting in the press box next to 528 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,200 another writer. 529 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,320 And I was like, OK, well, have a good night. 530 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,520 I was just just out of curiosity. 531 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:41,520 When's your deadline? 532 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:42,520 And he goes 10 minutes ago. 533 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,520 I was like, oh my God, OK. 534 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,040 Game is over yet. 535 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:55,400 But geez, Louise, before then I would sit and stare at screens and really take my time. 536 00:28:55,400 --> 00:29:01,840 Get on every word and make it would go back and rewrite things, trying to get it in that 537 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:02,840 final form. 538 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:03,840 Right. 539 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:08,000 And I think one thing that the sports writing taught me was just do it. 540 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,640 Just put it, just put it out. 541 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:14,560 Just put it out and you might get a chance to do a second draft. 542 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,520 But you got to be on top of your game so that you can crank this thing out and get it in 543 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:19,520 on time. 544 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:25,920 And that, I think, taught me to not be so precious with my words so that I can, bringing 545 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,520 it back, afford to lose words that I would hold dear. 546 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,440 Because you've got to let go of some things sometimes. 547 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:34,440 Yeah. 548 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:35,440 Yeah. 549 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:40,720 Especially, say, like writers, the things that they write, think how much they spend 550 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:46,000 creating these characters, these situations, these worlds, if they're a fiction writer 551 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:51,440 or flow of ideas, if they're, say, I wanted to say a fact writer. 552 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,440 That's not a thing, a nonfiction writer. 553 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:57,320 And then getting down to the final thing and realizing, you know, I probably have to, 554 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:01,040 like, cut or reshape all of this. 555 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:05,040 That alone, I think, could probably start, I've had to cut and shape things. 556 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,720 And I have, like, the moments of, like, anger. 557 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,280 Like, why did you write like that? 558 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:11,600 And then regrets. 559 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:15,480 And then, you know, I just, I just, like, blow through grief the whole time. 560 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,040 One of the things we were talking about before we actually jumped in here, we were talking 561 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:26,240 about writing in general and how authors, I've written one book, I've got two thirds 562 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,240 of a first draft, like somewhere out there in the world, which this November I'll be 563 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:30,240 hitting hard again. 564 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,480 We were talking about, you said, hey, leave your book on a shelf, 10 years, come back 565 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,080 to it. 566 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,080 And I can only imagine what I'm going to see and how I'm going to feel about that when 567 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:41,080 I see it. 568 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,200 You mentioned that you thought about rewriting some of your old stories as you were looking 569 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:46,640 at them. 570 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,800 And I was thinking, like, what if some of, like, the bigger authors, you know, thought 571 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:51,800 like that? 572 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:57,680 I would love to pick Brandon Sanderson's brain because the style, his style is most 573 00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,920 of all the same when it comes to fantasy. 574 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:03,240 I mean, obviously, his books are wildly different from each other. 575 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:10,280 They're all connected by his cos smear, cos sphere, but his first book, it felt so blocky 576 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,360 and compared to what he's got now. 577 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,000 And I love, I love the man's work. 578 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:15,400 I really do. 579 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:19,920 But wonder if he ever goes back and he's like, man, you know, if I had the time when 580 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,800 I rewrite that novel, and I don't know, you know, I think maybe he kind of thinks of it 581 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:30,040 as kind of like the first, you know, stepping stones of what he was starting to create. 582 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:35,200 I remember trying to read Anne Rice's interview with Vampire. 583 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,400 I loved the movie. 584 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:38,400 I was like, you know what? 585 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,200 Let's gosh, if this is the movie, imagine the book. 586 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:45,080 And I could not get through the first 10 pages. 587 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:49,160 It's, listen, I don't need three pages of you describing Louis shirt. 588 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,160 Yeah. 589 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,600 Let's let's move it along. 590 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:57,480 So you know, I always wonder if there was if, you know, rest in peace and rice, but 591 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:03,360 like, I wonder if she had ever thought about taking it back to formula and, you know, seeing 592 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:11,120 because I mean, the movie is such a well told and well cut together narrative. 593 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,720 It's very, it's very well presented. 594 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:19,280 I don't know how much she had to do with an, with the actual movie adaptation itself. 595 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,200 I would imagine at that time a pretty good deal. 596 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:23,200 Yeah. 597 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,720 And watch me like Google later and be completely wrong, but it always helps to have somebody 598 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:33,800 who when you're making into kind of like a different format, you know, they've got like 599 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,040 a couple of writers going, well, that's, that's great that this works in the book, but we 600 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:41,920 can't describe her internal thought process for 45 minutes while everything else happens 601 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:42,920 around them. 602 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:43,920 And this is not how this isn't going to work. 603 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:44,920 Yeah. 604 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:49,160 I think because of that team that probably helped out with that was instrumental to getting 605 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,680 everybody to know the story of interview with the vampire. 606 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:52,680 Yeah. 607 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:57,240 And now that I think about it, I think she might have been the credited screenwriter. 608 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,000 So maybe the movie was her second crack at it. 609 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,000 Maybe it was. 610 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,000 It may have been. 611 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:05,880 I'd say I'm a better, a better writer. 612 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,000 And would, would, yeah, right. 613 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,200 Like, luckily for us, this isn't a writing podcast. 614 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:15,960 Having I said, let's just shift tones completely before we run out of room. 615 00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:21,000 You mentioned that your mom passing was one of your other losses. 616 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,000 How recent. 617 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,280 Well, I was, I was 19 and I just turned 40. 618 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,240 So we're talking, you know, 20 years ago. 619 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:29,240 Okay. 620 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:30,240 Okay. 621 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,200 So you're 19 years old, you know, you're, you're, you're, let's be honest, most of 622 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:37,320 us, they want to say that you're, you're an adult by the time you hit 18, because it's 623 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,040 very important for legal reasons. 624 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,680 You know, by the time you're 18, you can do a lot. 625 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:45,400 But emotionally, let's be honest, you don't really start solidifying until you're like 626 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:46,400 your mid 20s. 627 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:47,760 Fair way to ask it. 628 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,280 How did your mom's death shape your life? 629 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:58,760 It didn't really hit me at first until it didn't, it didn't hit me until I saw, until 630 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,520 I saw her in the box. 631 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:08,960 And that was kind of, let me back up and just say, you know, living here in South Carolina, 632 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:13,320 we are in the buckle of the Bible belt church on every corner. 633 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:14,520 It's yeah. 634 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:15,520 So raise. 635 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:16,520 Trust me, I know. 636 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:17,520 Yeah. 637 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:18,520 Yeah. 638 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:22,440 You live close to the pickings that, you know, if an ice cream shop closes down, boom, it's 639 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:23,440 now a church. 640 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,120 So I, I understand. 641 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:31,960 Being raised in that environment and going to school in that environment, my father graduated 642 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:38,000 from Bob Jones University, which listeners, if you don't know, take a second and Google 643 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,000 it. 644 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,000 Google it. 645 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:44,160 It's kind of, yeah, it's kind of a big deal in terms of like Southern Baptist educational 646 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:45,160 institutions. 647 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:46,160 Yeah. 648 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,200 If you want to be drenched in it, go there and visit their museum sometime. 649 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,200 It's a, it's a very well curated museum. 650 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:53,200 Yeah. 651 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:57,720 It is actually like one of the best religious art museums in the world. 652 00:34:57,720 --> 00:34:58,720 Yeah. 653 00:34:58,720 --> 00:34:59,720 It's really nice. 654 00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:00,720 So much so. 655 00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:09,160 We went there with my agnostic, sarcastic friend of mine who she was like, Hey, for 656 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,120 a laugh, let's go to Bob Jones. 657 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:12,280 And I'm like, what do you mean for a laugh? 658 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:13,520 Like, what do you think is going to happen there? 659 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,640 She's like, I bet it's going to be so funny. 660 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,360 Even she was kind of like somber and humble as she was going through. 661 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,840 It's like, holy crap, this is really well done. 662 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:22,840 Yeah. 663 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,320 I'm being raised in that. 664 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:37,000 And then seeing my mother in the casket, I felt a big sense of betrayal by my faith. 665 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:45,080 Having a father who was at least neglected by his parents, sure, causing him to say, 666 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:46,080 well, fuck the world. 667 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,080 I'm going to nom. 668 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:48,080 Am I allowed to curse? 669 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:49,080 I don't. 670 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:50,080 Yes. 671 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:51,080 Okay. 672 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:52,080 Okay. 673 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,960 I'm not going to be a team band on this specifically. 674 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:54,960 So. 675 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:55,960 Okay, cool. 676 00:35:55,960 --> 00:36:02,400 But yeah, he, he just said, you know, fuck it to the world and went and joined the military. 677 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:06,360 And then when things were starting to get a certain way in the military, he said, well, 678 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,560 screw that, I'm going somewhere else. 679 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:14,400 And then he went to, he went to Bob Jones and got his masters of divinity was on track 680 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:18,000 to be a preacher and that's a certain, that's a certain turn. 681 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:19,000 Yeah. 682 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,000 Oh yeah. 683 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,000 Wow. 684 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,000 Masters of divinity. 685 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:27,120 And at a certain turn he, he rejected that as well, which Bob Jones isn't cheap. 686 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,400 It is not. 687 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,000 Which put our family into poverty. 688 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:38,800 You can imagine being a Vietnam veteran and then diving headfirst into a religious belief 689 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:43,440 that you're really not 100% invested in. 690 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,840 You can imagine how my father treated my mother. 691 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:47,840 Not great. 692 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:48,840 I sure. 693 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:55,720 So when she passed away, my initial thought was like I said, of betrayal, but the, the 694 00:36:55,720 --> 00:37:02,720 overarching theme was you took the wrong, you know, to God, you took the wrong parent. 695 00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:06,400 And that gave me a big crisis of faith. 696 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:14,040 And I think my first, I mean, it was my first real big loss as, as a young man growing up. 697 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:20,880 That kind of set me down a path of dark emotions and dark thoughts. 698 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:26,640 And you know, at that point I was heavily into martial arts, which as good as martial 699 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,160 arts is you're still engaging in hand to hand combat. 700 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:34,440 You're still engaging in violence, which does certain things to you. 701 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:35,440 That's true. 702 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:36,440 Yeah. 703 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:40,120 You can only do that for, for so long and time after time without having some kind of 704 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:41,920 kickback on your system. 705 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:42,920 Exactly. 706 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:49,680 So, was, you know, kind of stewing in this dark emotional, psychological sludge. 707 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:55,400 Finally, I started putting pen to paper and I wrote my first comic book. 708 00:37:55,400 --> 00:38:01,120 It was sort of just dumping all of this negativity out on the page. 709 00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:02,120 Sure. 710 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:07,440 And it's so how long in between your mom's passing in the ink to page? 711 00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:12,680 I finished, I finished it roughly a year after she passed away. 712 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:19,760 So in that time, probably once the dust settled, got started on it, maybe a month after she 713 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:20,760 had passed away. 714 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:21,760 Okay. 715 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,680 And then just cranked it out. 716 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:31,000 The interesting thing is I distinctly recall as I'm on that last page typing the words 717 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,000 the end. 718 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:33,000 Yeah. 719 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:37,360 And as soon as I hit that last E or that D, I'm good at spelling. 720 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,240 It's the only English version of the end. 721 00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:42,240 Yeah, exactly. 722 00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:47,440 But as soon as I hit that last letter, it was like someone came up behind me and took 723 00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:52,240 a backpack, a big heavy backpack off of my shoulders. 724 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,880 It was a bizarre feeling. 725 00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,680 But I was like, I think I'm okay. 726 00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:01,800 I think I'm not okay, but I'm better. 727 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,200 Starting to heal maybe. 728 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:04,200 Yeah. 729 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:11,720 And then the guilt set in because I was feeling better when my father had lost his partner 730 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:13,600 of 40 years. 731 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:17,080 My brothers had lost their mother as well. 732 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,480 And I was starting to rebound. 733 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:24,560 Now granted, I was much younger and kids tend to bounce back from these things faster than 734 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,160 someone older. 735 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:31,720 But I took that draft and I showed it to a friend of mine, a childhood friend of mine, 736 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:35,440 who also knew my family and knew my mother as well. 737 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,520 He was going to a great guy. 738 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:39,800 He's now a tattoo artist. 739 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:40,800 Jason Bunner. 740 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,040 And he's, you know, shout out to Jason. 741 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:49,840 At the time he was in school at Winthrop University and getting an art degree. 742 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,040 He's graphic design artist. 743 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,920 He's, as I mentioned, he's now a tattoo artist. 744 00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:56,880 Art has been his whole life. 745 00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:01,760 So I showed it to him and he said, you have to let me do the artwork for this. 746 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:06,120 And at the time, I didn't even really structure it like a comic script. 747 00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:11,720 It was just sort of a brain dump of a narrative on paper. 748 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:13,720 And he said, you got to let me do the artwork for this. 749 00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:15,560 I said, okay, for, for what? 750 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:20,920 He goes, well, my thesis is coming up for, for school. 751 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,160 And I need a, I need a subject. 752 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:27,600 And because we're friends, because I knew your mom, you know, I'm also into comics. 753 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:29,760 I'm a big comic book guy myself. 754 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,200 He goes, you got to let me do this. 755 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:32,600 I said, okay, yeah, sure. 756 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:33,600 It's yours. 757 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:38,360 And he's a huge subject to use as a thesis is raw and emotional and as powerful as that 758 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:39,360 is. 759 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,360 Yeah. 760 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,960 I could see why he saw that and was like, this is, this would be perfect. 761 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:43,960 That's yeah. 762 00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,600 And the nice thing was, is he did it beautifully. 763 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,240 The artwork's wonderful. 764 00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:50,360 Oh, that's great. 765 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:57,240 And because his parents saw it as a school project, they footed the bill for printing 766 00:40:57,240 --> 00:40:58,720 in full color. 767 00:40:58,720 --> 00:40:59,720 All right. 768 00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:01,480 Hardback, a hardback edition. 769 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,520 I think we produced six copies total. 770 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:05,680 I've got two of them. 771 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:06,680 They're on my shelf. 772 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,800 And yeah, it's, it was really nice. 773 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:15,160 But you know, like you, like we said before we started to roll, I, you know, certain 774 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,160 things happened in the editing process. 775 00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,960 Things got changed a little bit here and there. 776 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:27,960 And even just in my own personal growth as a writer, as a storyteller, if I were to tell 777 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,920 the same story today, they'd be worlds apart. 778 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:31,920 Of course. 779 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:38,560 And I've, I've considered going back and doing a second pass at that story. 780 00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:43,880 And every time I get to thinking about it, I see it sitting on my shelf and then I take 781 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:49,080 a second guess and I'm just actually, no, I don't, I don't want to revisit that. 782 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:55,640 So the loss of my mother gave me this book, but because I've let those feelings and emotions 783 00:41:55,640 --> 00:42:02,040 go because I've lost those, I'm not going to do another version so that that's a lost 784 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,920 version that will never be seen or read. 785 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:05,920 I guess. 786 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:06,920 Yeah. 787 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,960 So the bad turned into something good. 788 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:09,960 Yeah. 789 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:14,720 Wanting to revisit it's probably a bad idea, which is actually probably good for me. 790 00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:18,760 And the monkey and the weasel keep chasing each other around the tree. 791 00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:25,480 Um, well, so it sounds like to me that your coping mechanism, um, it probably mostly senders 792 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:29,280 around creation, which is, is great. 793 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:33,320 I mean, a lot of people have different, different methods, different modes. 794 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,480 Mine seemed to be creation as well. 795 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,160 The whole reason I started the sitting with you, which at the point was called sitting 796 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:44,080 with Michael platform at all was to deal with the emotions after my mom passed, which has 797 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:45,800 been much more recent. 798 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,720 It's been six, seven, eight, eight years. 799 00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:49,960 Eight years. 800 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:54,920 Had it not been for that, I wouldn't have started doing vlogs and I wouldn't have started 801 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,200 thinking about doing videos and then all this. 802 00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:01,960 It just, you look back at it, the path looks very, you know, nominal. 803 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,320 You're like, okay, I can see exactly where all this happened. 804 00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,000 But at the time, man, you're just forcing your way through. 805 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,000 Yeah. 806 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,440 Hindsight's a, hindsight's a funny thing. 807 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,040 It really is. 808 00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:14,560 You even know that as a younger person. 809 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,280 It's a common phrase and you, okay. 810 00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:17,280 Yeah. 811 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:18,280 I know what that means. 812 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:24,160 But then when you get there, like now I'm 40 and looking at the 20 year old Todd going, 813 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:25,680 where are you thinking? 814 00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:26,680 Thanks. 815 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,680 Thanks for not doing anything too stupid. 816 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,200 Thank you for me still being here. 817 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,200 20 year old me. 818 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,400 However, you're all more on. 819 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:35,400 Right. 820 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:40,400 So quick diversion into a funny story about thank you. 821 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:41,880 I'm still here. 822 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:42,880 Yeah. 823 00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:50,320 During our trip to the UK, we landed in Edinburgh, December 21st. 824 00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:51,320 And that's where we spent. 825 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,320 Yeah. 826 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:53,320 That's last year. 827 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,240 That's where we spent Christmas and my 40th birthday. 828 00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,720 It was an absolute blast. 829 00:43:58,720 --> 00:43:59,720 I got stories for this. 830 00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:00,720 I enjoyed the Instagrams. 831 00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:01,720 I enjoyed it. 832 00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:02,720 Oh, thank you. 833 00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:03,720 Yeah. 834 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,160 That was some good stuff. 835 00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:13,040 Just before we got on the train to go to London, we stopped at a little pub and I said, 836 00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,680 you know, some of the things are different here. 837 00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:20,200 I'm not a big Bailey's drinker, but I seem, you see it all over the place. 838 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:21,200 Yeah. 839 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,200 They're in the UK. 840 00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,320 I think I got advertised pretty heavily the last time I went. 841 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:25,320 Yeah. 842 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:26,320 Yeah. 843 00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:27,320 So I said, you know what? 844 00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:28,800 Let me get a let me get an Irish coffee and they brought the Bailey's. 845 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:30,760 And I have the guy brought it from around the bar. 846 00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,320 We were we were there at a very slow time of the day. 847 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,040 So there were only a few people there. 848 00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:38,320 He brought it over and I said, you know, I actually we used to work at a still and we 849 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:42,360 made a product similar to Bailey's. 850 00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:50,280 It was fresh cream, rum and a five grain bourbon as opposed to cream and Irish whiskey. 851 00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:51,280 Right. 852 00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:52,280 And I said, really? 853 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:53,280 I said, yeah. 854 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:59,040 And then I started to tell him the different cocktails that I used to make with with that. 855 00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:00,040 Yeah. 856 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:05,520 And at one point and I will wear this as a badge of pride, a Scottish bartender leaned 857 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:09,080 over to my wife and said, how is this fucker still alive? 858 00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:10,080 You're right. 859 00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,360 You should wear that as a badge of honor. 860 00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:13,360 That's great. 861 00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:14,360 Sorry. 862 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,360 A little rubber trick. 863 00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:17,360 That's great. 864 00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:18,360 Yeah. 865 00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:19,360 That's great. 866 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:24,400 That was one big question after the conversation and you pretty much like during one, I got 867 00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:28,280 to ask about, you know, do you feel glad at all that your mom died? 868 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,520 I mean, that was just a huge question I got to ask somebody. 869 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:35,520 So to you, obviously that's not the question. 870 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:44,560 But do you do you ever find yourself revisiting the guilt or how much guilt do you even have 871 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:51,440 about the idea of thinking you took the wrong parent while you were looking at your mom? 872 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:58,240 In a sense, in a sense, some point I don't recall when, but I sort of I don't want to 873 00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:07,480 say I repaired my religious thoughts and beliefs, my faith, but I redefined them and restructured 874 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:16,200 them and have a better understanding in my own heart and mind of this life when juxtaposed 875 00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,640 with whatever comes next. 876 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:29,840 That being said, because my father treated my mother the way he did, I've begun to look 877 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:38,120 at myself in my own marriage and how I treat my wife and my friends, my colleagues and 878 00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:39,920 co-workers. 879 00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:43,960 And there was a time where I thought, gosh, dad never trained me. 880 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:44,960 It didn't teach me it. 881 00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,400 He didn't teach me a goddamn thing. 882 00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:53,360 But at some point it changed into I know what not to do. 883 00:46:53,360 --> 00:47:02,680 So learning that, thinking that that was a loss of instruction has turned into a big 884 00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:11,800 gain of knowledge, of avoidance, of a pretty big pitfall. 885 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:17,440 When your wife tries to talk to you to television, get off the couch once in a while. 886 00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:23,000 Dude, I hear you resonate with that so much, actually. 887 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:29,840 The other part of it is, and maybe a little more, someone who was raised in religion, 888 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,080 you always hear the phrase of vengeance is mine. 889 00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,200 I will repay, say, at the Lord. 890 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:37,560 I don't know the book chapter and verse. 891 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,560 That's OK. 892 00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:39,560 But that is what I feel. 893 00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:40,560 I don't either. 894 00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:50,760 In thinking that God took the wrong parent, my view on that changed as well in that dad 895 00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:53,440 has to deal with the loss. 896 00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:56,600 He his punishment is he's survived. 897 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:57,600 He has to live. 898 00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,120 He has to keep living. 899 00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:07,160 He learned he learned really quickly that the friends of Patton, Walt Davis were actually 900 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,160 the friends of Pat Davis. 901 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,800 Yeah. 902 00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,280 And they went away real quick. 903 00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:18,200 And now for better or worse, he sits at home. 904 00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:20,920 All he wanted to do was sit in front of the TV. 905 00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:22,160 That's all that's left. 906 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:23,800 He sits in front of the TV. 907 00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:32,440 So he kind of it's as a writer, you who gains perspective, you learn to appreciate poetic 908 00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:33,440 justice. 909 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:37,640 And yeah, that's kind of it. 910 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:45,720 I got to commend you for the strength of realizing that not everything that happens 911 00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:50,800 negative in your life is necessarily negative to you. 912 00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:55,920 You know, sometimes you're just there when negative shit happens and may affect your 913 00:48:55,920 --> 00:49:00,680 life, but it doesn't necessarily have to shape your life to in the same kind of bell 914 00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:04,240 curve that happens once that negativity happens. 915 00:49:04,240 --> 00:49:05,240 Yeah. 916 00:49:05,240 --> 00:49:07,440 That's that's that's a great strength, Todd. 917 00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:08,440 Thank you. 918 00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:09,440 I appreciate it. 919 00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:14,440 It's, you know, look, anybody who's listening, neither one of us have said anything about 920 00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:15,800 it being easy. 921 00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:17,920 No, no, no, it's not. 922 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:19,440 It stings like a motherfucker. 923 00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,840 Let me tell you. 924 00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:29,160 But you know, again, with perspective, with time, the hurt doesn't go away, but it becomes 925 00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:30,720 easier to deal with. 926 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:31,720 Yeah. 927 00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:35,600 And the heaviness gets lighter over time. 928 00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:41,480 You get stronger with the heavy with the heaviness on your shoulders or soul, however 929 00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:42,840 you want to define that. 930 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:49,840 If by chance you're listening to this and you just lost somebody, nothing I say is going 931 00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,080 to make you feel any better. 932 00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:53,480 It's going to sound hollow. 933 00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:54,480 It's yeah. 934 00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:59,160 It's they're going to all sound like cliches and you're just going to roll your eyes and 935 00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:00,760 maybe even hit skip. 936 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:01,760 I would. 937 00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:02,760 Yeah, that's right. 938 00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:03,760 You're prerogative. 939 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,640 But go ahead, advertise skipping this podcast. 940 00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:07,640 Do it. 941 00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:08,640 Yeah, I was going to say. 942 00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:12,240 Are you please don't please don't. 943 00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:15,880 But just know that you're not alone. 944 00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:20,840 If you've got that negative energy, find something to pour it into. 945 00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:29,920 It can be some sort of creative project or some sort of self improvement endeavor or 946 00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:35,600 something, anything, pour it into that and you'll be surprised at how much better you 947 00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:39,320 feel instead of letting it sit and stew inside. 948 00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:40,320 Yeah. 949 00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:45,800 I'm a big fan of saying that anxiety always anxiety, stress, grief, all of it seems a 950 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:49,160 little bit smaller once you have a chance to express it. 951 00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:50,160 Yeah. 952 00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:54,040 Which, which is great, which I think that that's a that's a good natural closing spot 953 00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:55,040 right there. 954 00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:57,800 I, I was going to say, hey, you got any words of wisdom? 955 00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,320 I feel like you, you nailed it. 956 00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:00,320 Good job. 957 00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:01,320 Good job. 958 00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:02,800 You're quite welcome. 959 00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:07,520 Well, top four, I fully close this out, man, which again, thank you so much for being here 960 00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:09,400 in the first season of the. 961 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,400 Where can people find you? 962 00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:17,560 If you're interested in hearing me talk with my friends about fun old movies, head over 963 00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,160 to cinema shock.net. 964 00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:27,520 That will give you links to the show episodes as well as links for our merch and our discord. 965 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:33,960 If you want to hear me talk with a rotating panel of guests about the Star Trek franchise, 966 00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:40,280 please look up a computer resume podcast available wherever you get your podcasts. 967 00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:45,160 It is at computer resume on all of the socials. 968 00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:51,000 And if you want to reach out to me directly, I'm at Mr. Todd, a Davis on Facebook, Twitter, 969 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:54,880 Instagram, Letterbox and D&D beyond as long as they behave themselves. 970 00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:55,880 Great. 971 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:56,880 That's great. 972 00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,560 And you might even hear my voice a couple of times on that computer resume podcast. 973 00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:00,560 If you get the right. 974 00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:01,560 That's right. 975 00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:02,560 Yeah. 976 00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:07,040 As always, this is the host, Michael LeBlanc. 977 00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:13,120 And if you miss next month's episodes, well, it's still going to be your loss. 978 00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:14,120 Thank you so much, John. 979 00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:15,120 Thank you, Michael. 980 00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,120 This has been an absolute blast. 981 00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:18,120 I appreciate it, buddy. 982 00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:19,120 Not a problem. 983 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:32,280 See ya.