1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,720 Before we start this podcast, I want to say that every project I have pretty much has 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,960 a village behind it, and this one is no exception. 3 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:12,960 I want to thank the patrons who stepped in on my Kickstarter to really make sure that 4 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,800 this got off the ground. 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:23,680 Denise Grady, Caden White-Wattam, Amanda Peake, Todd A. Davis, Jay Grant, and Corey Watson. 6 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:28,040 Without you guys, I wouldn't be sitting here talking with the awesome guest that I'm 7 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:29,880 about to talk to. 8 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:30,880 Thank you so much. 9 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:35,600 I'll go ahead and lay down the rules now, then I'll start the podcast, and then about 10 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:42,440 every six minutes or so, we're going to have an encounter, okay, using the stats that you 11 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,520 gave me. 12 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:48,680 And I'll have to say, you as a character are a whole lot more well-rounded. 13 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,280 I am pretty well-rounded. 14 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,280 Yeah. 15 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,280 I took a look at it. 16 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:56,120 I have negatives in mind. 17 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,120 It's not great. 18 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:03,480 If you go to the post-it, you automatically get a negative, right? 19 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:08,560 Welcome to It's Your Loss podcast, where raw stories of resilience and healing are told, 20 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:17,680 all while uncovering and destigmatizing the diverse symptoms of loss. 21 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:18,880 Welcome back to the podcast. 22 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,640 If you missed last month's episode, well, it's your loss. 23 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:27,360 I am host Michael LeBlanc, and with me today is the guy who ever gave me the first chance 24 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,480 to be on a podcast at all. 25 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:34,280 He is host of the High Life podcast, spelled with a Y, but not where you think. 26 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,760 It is Steven Rhodes. 27 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:36,760 Hello, Steven. 28 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:37,760 Hello. 29 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:38,760 Thank you. 30 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:39,840 Hey, not a problem. 31 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:40,840 Not a problem. 32 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:46,600 I'm so glad, like everybody who I've been on a podcast with so far has been guests now 33 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,120 that you've here. 34 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,120 Yeah. 35 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,120 I feel like I'm giving back to the podcast world. 36 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,360 It feels good doing that. 37 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:58,440 You know, it's nice to be a guest on somebody else's show. 38 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,120 When's the last time you were a guest? 39 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,040 Oh, a little over a year ago. 40 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,040 Okay. 41 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,040 Okay. 42 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,640 I did Above the Bar podcast. 43 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:08,640 All right. 44 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:12,920 Well, how was the vibe on that podcast? 45 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,240 Oh, it was great. 46 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,640 He makes you feel like you're just chit-chatting at a bar. 47 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:19,640 Oh, that's all. 48 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,920 He'll bring up a topic for you guys to discuss and you just go for it. 49 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:24,920 Is it a one-on-one, one-on-two? 50 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:25,920 Yeah. 51 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:26,920 One-on-one. 52 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:27,920 One-on-one. 53 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:28,920 Yeah. 54 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:33,600 I thought about doing like two hosts altogether, like interviewing one person and then I was 55 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,600 like... 56 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:35,960 I've thought about that before. 57 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:36,960 Yeah. 58 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:37,960 And I'm like, but the scheduling. 59 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:38,960 Dear God, the scheduling. 60 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:39,960 Oh, yeah. 61 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:40,960 Trust me. 62 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:41,960 I know. 63 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:47,520 It's hard enough to get grown adults to play, you know, D&D or any kind of tabletops in the 64 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:51,440 RPG, you know, trying to get them together to record a podcast for just one hour. 65 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,920 No, that's rough. 66 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:53,920 That's rough. 67 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:54,920 All right. 68 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,760 So I'm going to hit the timer starting now, but in the meantime, I'll go ahead and start 69 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,280 this conversation. 70 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:06,600 Stephen, Steve, as you wanted to be called, what have you lost? 71 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:12,320 So I lost what I liked to call my safety net in this community. 72 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:20,000 I live in a very small town, we literally have one gas station and then like a little 73 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,680 rinky dink gas station that's sort of in town too. 74 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:24,680 Sure. 75 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,880 I know a couple of towns like that in South Carolina. 76 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:27,880 Yeah. 77 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:28,880 I want to call Pumping Town. 78 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:29,880 Okay. 79 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:38,360 So I met someone and things did not turn out well at all. 80 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:39,360 Okay. 81 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:45,640 So that made me lose the safety feeling that I had living here. 82 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,640 That's a different type of loss than one that I talked about before. 83 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,720 We've had a couple of emotional and conceptual losses. 84 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:58,400 I think those can be kind of a little bit more lasting when it comes to their effects 85 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:03,200 just because you lose something physical, you know that that's gone, but you lose something 86 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,560 like emotional or, you know, intangible. 87 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,760 It's kind of hard to recover from that. 88 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:09,760 What was your relationship? 89 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:10,760 What was the relationship itself? 90 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,880 What was it like, you know, overall and then what went wrong? 91 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,880 Okay. 92 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:22,000 So the relationship, like I said, it was a girlfriend and when things started, it was 93 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,000 great. 94 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:32,640 What I didn't realize was it was a facade and her true self came out later in the form 95 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,640 of drugs. 96 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:40,640 And that is where things went wrong was she fell back into drugs, which I didn't realize 97 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:48,720 she had been heavy in and it turned her into somebody else and that turned into a very 98 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,720 scary situation. 99 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:51,720 Sure. 100 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:56,160 God, I can understand that. 101 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:00,400 My personal relationship with my parents was marred because of drugs and it just kind 102 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,400 of warped and shaped into something just completely different by the end. 103 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,680 But the drugs are rough. 104 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,920 Are we talking, I mean, I don't know how deep you want to go into it. 105 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,920 Her drug of choice was methamphetamine. 106 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:10,920 Oh, okay. 107 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:11,920 Yeah. 108 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:12,920 All right. 109 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:13,920 Let's dive in deep. 110 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,720 For the longest time, I didn't even know she was doing it. 111 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:23,840 By the time I realized it, I had to figure out a way to leave carefully and then didn't 112 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,400 go how I wanted. 113 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,400 Holy crap. 114 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,520 I've never had to deal with anybody doing meth other than the occasional people who 115 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,240 have maybe met on the street. 116 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,440 You know, right? 117 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,800 And it's so easy to notice. 118 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,800 Right. 119 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:36,800 But a stranger. 120 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:37,800 That's wild. 121 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,200 Live with the person. 122 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:43,640 And especially since she was a former, you know, she was already an addict when I met 123 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:48,800 her, I didn't notice a whole lot of behavior changes at first. 124 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:49,800 She was probably already well versed in hiding. 125 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,680 It wasn't until she was doing more and more of it. 126 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,640 And she was probably well versed in hiding it. 127 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,640 Yeah. 128 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,640 Wow. 129 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:56,640 Okay. 130 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,920 Leading up to it, I mean, was there ever like a internal doubt where you're like, okay, 131 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:04,120 maybe this is something that I can help her get over or did you just see what was happening? 132 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,120 I'd be like, I did. 133 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,280 I did try for a while. 134 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:13,240 I told I made a deal with her that if she would get clean, I would stay. 135 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:17,840 And so she quit for a week, week and a half. 136 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,040 And she's right back to it. 137 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,880 Cold turkey without any help. 138 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:26,440 I've tried, you know, finding help for her and stuff. 139 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,560 She didn't want help. 140 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,320 She refused any sort of help. 141 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:36,720 She tried turning to religion, but the people that she was joining in with were other meth 142 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:37,720 addicts. 143 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:38,720 Oh no. 144 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,760 And I'm like, that's not helping. 145 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,440 Now it's just a group of meth addicts trying to talk about Jesus. 146 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:53,240 That's a round the mulberry bush type situation until eventually pop goes the weasel. 147 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,440 I have a random number generator on the screen as well. 148 00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:01,400 And it's going to give me a random number between 12 and 341. 149 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:06,640 That corresponds to a pay in the monster manual. 150 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,640 Okay. 151 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,440 We're going to, I'm going to do the version of that. 152 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:11,440 I do too. 153 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:15,440 Luckily for me, there's some D&D folks who are in this house and I'm borrowing their 154 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,960 dice and all their stuff, all my DM stuff at home. 155 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:18,960 There you go. 156 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:19,960 I didn't think that far ahead. 157 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,720 So what I'm going to do is we're going to choose a monster. 158 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,440 We're going, I'm going to give you the, their, their highest stat and their lowest stat. 159 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,360 And this is where this is going to deviate from standard D&D. 160 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:34,920 You're going to choose the stat that you want to use to go up against that monster. 161 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:40,080 We roll each of their D 20 against that stat, add the modifiers and whoever wins comes out 162 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,160 on top three strikes. 163 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,160 You're out. 164 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,960 I have my own D 20. 165 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:44,960 Okay. 166 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:45,960 Even better. 167 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:46,960 Even better. 168 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:47,960 All right. 169 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:48,960 So you can actually roll your own D 20. 170 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:49,960 I'll roll monsters. 171 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:54,080 I'll roll my D 20 and then I'll do the same for me over here. 172 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,760 And you're a kind of at a slight disadvantage obviously because I'm reading the monster 173 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:03,280 manual, but I'm going to be just, just know that I'm playing with the honor system here. 174 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,880 I'm going to try to play as fair as possible, but like I said, I do have negative. 175 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:12,800 So I may not be leaning on, say my strength or my dexterity. 176 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,080 Those are horrible. 177 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,360 As I was answering the questions on the quiz that gave us these stats, I was just, I was 178 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,360 just shaking my head. 179 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,480 Like I, I would die in the world of D&D. 180 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,680 I would be the guy selling cabbages on the side of the road. 181 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,160 That would be my job. 182 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,360 I was thoroughly shocked. 183 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,360 My athleticism. 184 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,360 Yeah. 185 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,360 Yeah, dude. 186 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,840 It looks like you could, I mean, you could definitely probably take me in a, in a fight 187 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:40,560 if we were just to throw these stats together, I think it all depends on the role of the 188 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,560 dice, right? 189 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,560 Right. 190 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:43,560 All right. 191 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:48,120 We got page 12, which that is the first page. 192 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,640 And if it's the first page, maybe it's not going to be so bad, you know, who knows? 193 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,000 I don't think they're going to start. 194 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,440 It is the, it is the monster manual, which means that, you know, it's supposed to be 195 00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,000 some of the big bads. 196 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,000 So we'll see. 197 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000 Yeah. 198 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:06,960 Uh, I think this is pronounced and the people out there who know how to pronounce this may 199 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:13,080 butcher me later, but it looks like it's arachakra, which is a medium humanoid neutral 200 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:19,520 god, our neutral good bird man thing with a giant, with a giant spear. 201 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:31,120 I will tell you that its highest is dexterity at 14 and its lowest is constitution at 10. 202 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,840 So you can use any stat that you want. 203 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,200 And this thing can summon air elementals while you're looking at it. 204 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:43,360 Well, I'm going to use my charisma. 205 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,360 Nice. 206 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:45,360 Okay. 207 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,360 All right. 208 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,800 And against its charisma, I'll go ahead and roll. 209 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,360 You guys should be able to hear my dice. 210 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:54,800 I messed with the audio and not so there we go. 211 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:55,800 All right. 212 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:56,800 You go ahead and roll. 213 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,840 And I'll tell you what, uh, what we got going on here. 214 00:09:58,840 --> 00:09:59,840 I got a six. 215 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,840 You got a six with a charisma bonus. 216 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,360 You have a charisma bonus. 217 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,560 You do a plus one. 218 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,880 You have a seven against their impeccably rolled 16. 219 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:09,880 I am so sorry. 220 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,120 They risked you to death. 221 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:14,240 Uh, you are, you are a down one, my guy. 222 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,240 All right. 223 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:22,160 Um, and I am going to use what I think is my highest, which is, uh, I think I'm also 224 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,560 going to use charisma on this scale. 225 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:27,800 I'll try not to use this different one each time, but my charisma is the highest. 226 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,240 I, uh, that's what it says. 227 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,440 So I'm rolling for that. 228 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,440 Yeah. 229 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,600 I was trying, I was torn between my charisma and my intelligence, right? 230 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,320 Uh, and I didn't win. 231 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:48,560 It is 13 to me nine for the a rock, a rock, Gakura either way. 232 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:49,560 So I win that one. 233 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:53,200 Who knew that I would actually win something with the stats that I rolled because like I 234 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,280 said, I was in the negative in some places, but we'll see. 235 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,280 We'll see. 236 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,440 I'm, I'm going to see it this way. 237 00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,440 My charisma is burned. 238 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,000 I can't use charisma next time. 239 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,000 Okay. 240 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,880 So that's going to be the rules I set upon myself. 241 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:04,880 All right. 242 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,000 So back to the methamphetamines. 243 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:13,040 She tries to find help and she winds up basically in the welcoming hands, well-meaning, but 244 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:17,760 still probably very effective methods or excuse me, methamphetamine users. 245 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:24,520 I don't know how PC I want to go with this, but did that kind of wake you up into what 246 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,040 kind of environment you were in? 247 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,600 Or did you already know that drugs were kind of a problem in the area? 248 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,880 Oh, I already knew drugs were a problem in the area. 249 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:37,160 That's why as soon as I found out the people she was around, I knew what was happening. 250 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:43,880 And I slowly started figuring out where I could go. 251 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:44,880 Okay. 252 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:49,760 If, if I, you know, for me to leave, where can I go? 253 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,800 So were you at, were you staying with her at her place? 254 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:53,800 Yes. 255 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,800 Wow. 256 00:11:54,800 --> 00:12:01,800 Well, she would leave and be gone for hours, come home for one, maybe two hours and then 257 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:02,800 leave again. 258 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,000 Damn dude, that's rough. 259 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,920 How long was this relationship going for? 260 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:07,920 Six months. 261 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,000 Okay. 262 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:14,120 And how long of that did you not know that she was on meth? 263 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,920 The first two or three months. 264 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:18,920 Okay. 265 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:19,920 Wow. 266 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:24,600 I moved out of the bedroom and just was living in the house because I had nowhere else to 267 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,600 go. 268 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,600 Sure. 269 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,960 Well, what about now? 270 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,440 Did you manage to get out? 271 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,160 Like what's your situation right now? 272 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:41,360 So now I actively avoid her and anyone who may, you know, contact her. 273 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:47,240 I'm sure she knows that I'm, that I, you know, back at my old job is I left, I moved out 274 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:54,680 of town for about nine months, got a different job, changed jobs like three times just to 275 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,040 make sure. 276 00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,680 And I ended up having to come back. 277 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:05,960 Just because easier where you were or no, I'm living with a friend. 278 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:06,960 Oh, okay. 279 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:07,960 That's good. 280 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:08,960 Yeah. 281 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:15,080 Far enough away from her that she can't find me, but she could come find me at my job if 282 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,400 she really wanted to. 283 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,120 It doesn't sound like that's happened yet. 284 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:23,760 No, no, it has not, but I do have full permission from my manager and the business owner that 285 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:28,040 if she tries to even show up on property, I can just contact police. 286 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,040 Okay. 287 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,040 Well, all right. 288 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,040 Good. 289 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,360 Well, it looks like that you're on a good path as far as creating as much distance and 290 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:39,160 yeah, and to keep the distance, which, you know, it didn't sound like at any point you 291 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,040 were thinking, man, I should go back and try to save her, which. 292 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:48,600 No, after the things that transpired the night that I, I'll say it escaped. 293 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:49,800 I didn't care. 294 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,520 I cared about my safety and my wellbeing. 295 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,520 And that was it. 296 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:59,800 So, self-advocacy, making sure that you are, you know, you're healthy and you're doing 297 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:00,800 good for you. 298 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:01,800 That's always the best thing. 299 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,400 Like the falling in love is a huge thing. 300 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:10,040 Like the brain does all types of, yeah, like wild things when it's in love from changing 301 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:14,560 its own body, chemistry, you know, just ignoring everybody else around them except for what 302 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,880 their fixation is at that time. 303 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:22,440 So from going from such a high to such a low and just two or three months later, what 304 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:28,240 do you think your, or did you experience a grieving process of that sudden loss of what 305 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,240 you thought you had? 306 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:37,600 So what I'd numb myself, I tried to numb myself mentally, started smoking a lot more weed, 307 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:42,080 which there's nothing wrong with, with weed, obviously, like that's. 308 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,840 Yeah, no, I don't vilify weed at all. 309 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:49,120 The only time I'm like, boo weed is when that's all people spend their money on because I've 310 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,880 seen people that like it's that whole thing. 311 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,760 They don't, they want to make things livable in the house. 312 00:14:55,760 --> 00:15:00,400 I had to stay at an insanely high, high. 313 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,800 Gotcha. 314 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,360 And so this is while because she was right there in the middle of everything. 315 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,360 Right. 316 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:10,880 Because she would pick fights with me just just to get me riled up just to get me to 317 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:11,880 fight with her. 318 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:20,080 And if I stayed at that high just constantly, then she couldn't get to me. 319 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:26,440 I rolled another random number taking us to page 143 in the monster manual. 320 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:35,160 We are now looking at Dow DAO, the large elemental neutral evil. 321 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,960 And they're basically they're an earth elemental. 322 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,800 That's what I'm seeing here. 323 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:45,880 They're their highest is a constitution of 24. 324 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,400 Their lowest is a dexterity. 325 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,160 You can choose either one. 326 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:53,560 The lowest is a dexterity and intelligence of 12. 327 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,400 Oh, now the intelligence was 12. 328 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,400 Yeah. 329 00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,920 The intelligence was 12. 330 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,520 So they're going to go with intelligence. 331 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,000 Going to go with intelligence. 332 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000 All right. 333 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,440 Roll for your intelligence, sir. 334 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,440 I got a 16. 335 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,440 Oh, okay. 336 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,760 16 plus one. 337 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:11,760 I guess so. 338 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:12,760 I don't know the pluses. 339 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:13,760 So you. 340 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:14,760 Okay. 341 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:15,760 So you rolled a 16. 342 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:16,760 Okay. 343 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:17,760 Yeah. 344 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,760 I think I've been a good thing. 345 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,760 Let's see how they roll with a you said intelligence. 346 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:22,760 Yes. 347 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:23,760 All right. 348 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:24,760 They got a six. 349 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:25,760 Congratulations. 350 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,440 You took down the earth element for you. 351 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:28,440 No loss there. 352 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,440 All right. 353 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,440 And I let's see. 354 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,440 I've earned my charisma. 355 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:39,280 I'm going to go with my wisdom, which is they only have a plus one on their wisdom. 356 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,280 Okay. 357 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,280 See, they've got a 13. 358 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,480 Oh, I almost not wanted. 359 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,480 I lost. 360 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,480 We are now one to one. 361 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,480 That is unfortunate. 362 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:54,480 But hey, you have a you have a earth elemental under your belt. 363 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,880 Congratulations. 364 00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:02,240 This episode is brought to you by my own book, dink spelled D. I. N. Q. D and D in the coffin 365 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,440 hold of the USS enterprise. 366 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,320 Though I've never had to deal with a loved one on meth like Steve had. 367 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,960 I did grow up with parents who were addicts through their decision and my desire to get 368 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:11,960 the hell out of dodge. 369 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,760 I chose to spend four years in the US Navy. 370 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,280 This began the most stressful and transformative years of my twenties. 371 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,120 Get your copy down on Amazon and paperback or on Kindle. 372 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:23,200 The links in the description below. 373 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:30,040 And if that doesn't make you want to buy my book, what does all right, Steve, you're 374 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,600 in the middle of this tumultuous relationship. 375 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,000 She's trying to pick fights with you every chance she gets. 376 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:41,240 And you are just sitting on cloud high every chance that you get. 377 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:42,240 Yes. 378 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,600 So when did you realize you had to stop doing that? 379 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,040 Because I imagine that you did at some point. 380 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,680 You're like, this is, this is, I got to get out. 381 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,680 This is, this is not conducive to my health. 382 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,880 And how are you feeling about during then? 383 00:17:55,880 --> 00:18:00,440 So I started planning where I could go when I leave. 384 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:08,720 And I hadn't quite figured out the where, but I was talking to my sister who lives nearby 385 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:15,520 and I told her that I needed to start trying to slowly move out. 386 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:21,520 Because if I suddenly moved out, she would freak and, you know, it wouldn't be pretty. 387 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:25,600 I didn't even get a chance to try to slowly move out. 388 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:33,480 The same day as that conversation, she snapped something. 389 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:40,800 So she came home completely denying that she was on anything, but I could tell. 390 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:45,720 And we went to, I was trying to go to bed because I had to get up early the next day 391 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,720 and let me go to bed. 392 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,560 Oh, can you, can you run downstairs and do this? 393 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,720 Can you run over here and do this? 394 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,720 Can you do this? 395 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:54,720 Can you do this? 396 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,520 She would make sure that I couldn't even sit out and eat dinner. 397 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:03,120 So when she finally passed out on her bed, I was like, okay, I can get some sleep now. 398 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:07,720 And about an hour or two later, she popped up freaking out because her phone wasn't plugged 399 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,640 in and she was afraid it was going to die. 400 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,880 She had to have her phone. 401 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:17,560 Now her phone only worked on the Wi-Fi because she didn't want a real working phone because 402 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:18,560 then she could be tracked. 403 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,560 Okay. 404 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,280 A little bit of paranoia there with your drug use. 405 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,280 That's normal. 406 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:30,040 I helped her find her phone, but in the process of looking for her phone, the Wi-Fi came unplugged. 407 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:37,400 She asked me to use my phone because she had to call someone and I said, fine, here's my 408 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,400 phone, I'll go fix the internet. 409 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:40,800 Get the internet fixed. 410 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,720 I go back to her and I'm like, okay, can I have my phone back now? 411 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,720 No. 412 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,000 I thought this is another one of her games. 413 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,920 She's just trying to goat me into a fight. 414 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:51,920 So I said, I'm not playing. 415 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,280 I need to go back to sleep. 416 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,400 I need my phone tomorrow. 417 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,760 Can I have my phone back? 418 00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:58,760 And again, she refused. 419 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:02,720 And then she started going through my phone trying to find something to pick a fight about. 420 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:03,720 Oh no. 421 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,600 She's getting worse. 422 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:12,920 I was smarter than to leave anything in my phone, even contact with my family about her. 423 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,160 Especially by that point. 424 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,160 Yes. 425 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,640 Since you knew what it was about, right? 426 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:22,000 So when she couldn't find anything, she decided to just go on a rampage. 427 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,560 She started telling me that I needed to get out of her house and I said, okay, let me 428 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,640 gather my stuff. 429 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,160 I'll leave right now. 430 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,280 And she's like, no, you can't take anything with you. 431 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,280 I want you out of my house. 432 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,640 I said, no, that's not how this works. 433 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,080 I take my stuff with me and I leave. 434 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,080 Right. 435 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:38,320 She goes, no, you can come back for it later. 436 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,880 I said, I've been through this rodeo before. 437 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,320 I would need a court order to come get my stuff back. 438 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,320 Right. 439 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,960 I'm leaving with my stuff. 440 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,520 Kept arguing with me. 441 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:53,480 At this point, I actually turned the camera on my laptop on because I was sitting in front 442 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,480 of my laptop. 443 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,840 I turned the camera on to record for my safety. 444 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:03,720 Eventually, it turned into, she was calling random people on my phone, but nobody's answering 445 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,960 because it's like two, three o'clock in the morning. 446 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:13,720 Eventually, it turned into, okay, if you go to my friend's house that lives a block away, 447 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,480 if you go to their house, I'll give you your phone. 448 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,720 If you go with me to their house, I'll give you your phone back. 449 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:21,720 Okay. 450 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,240 It's middle of the night. 451 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,520 I'm exhausted, whatever, to get this fight to end. 452 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:26,520 Do you know? 453 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,520 Right. 454 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,200 Well, I start walking. 455 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:33,040 She wanted me to get in the car with her fused. 456 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,040 Just did not seem like a good idea. 457 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:39,280 No, not in close quarters area with somebody like that. 458 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:40,280 No. 459 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,280 Right. 460 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,080 So I walked, she drove. 461 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:49,360 This is in January, beginning of February. 462 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,360 Very cold outside. 463 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:51,360 Yeah. 464 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,360 Yeah. 465 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:53,360 So we get to her friend's house. 466 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,320 I then go, okay, we're here. 467 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,320 Let me have my phone. 468 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,320 Yeah. 469 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,320 I'm outside. 470 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:02,920 So then she's trying to get her friend to wake up and to the door. 471 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,080 That is about 30 to 45 minutes. 472 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,680 Eventually we get inside. 473 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:08,960 She tells me to sit down. 474 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:13,240 She has somebody watch me to make sure I don't go anywhere. 475 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,200 She goes, talks to her friend. 476 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,200 She comes back and goes, you need to go talk to my friend now. 477 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:19,200 Okay. 478 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,760 How kind of ritual is this? 479 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:21,760 It's weird. 480 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:22,760 I'm like, whatever. 481 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,840 So I go talk to her friend. 482 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:30,000 I look at her friend and I said, I'm not allowed to leave. 483 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,200 She won't give me my phone. 484 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,480 Do you agree I'm being held against my will? 485 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,480 And she goes, yes. 486 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,320 I said that I need you to call the cops. 487 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,760 Fun fact, there's no way to call the police from a laptop. 488 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,200 It seems like a missed opportunity for communication. 489 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,200 Yeah. 490 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,200 Yeah. 491 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,200 There's no way to get ahold of anyone. 492 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,200 I've never thought about that. 493 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,200 I've never thought about that. 494 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,200 Yeah. 495 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:56,000 I mean, neither until that was my only option. 496 00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:03,080 So anyways, her friend refused to call the police and I had to sit there and then she 497 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:09,880 came back in the room, began to kick me, say awful things about me, making fun of my weight 498 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,920 and other parts of my body that she could just ridicule. 499 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,320 Yeah, I'm doing. 500 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:21,280 One point she threatened to bash my head in. 501 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:25,320 She said something about cutting me open and crawling inside my rib cage. 502 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,400 You know, a lot of people have said this and the more you say it, the more you realize 503 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:30,920 how true the phrase is. 504 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,280 Meth is a hell of a drug. 505 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:34,280 It is. 506 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,280 Dear God. 507 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,280 All right. 508 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,840 So obviously she didn't climb inside your rib cage, which is good. 509 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:40,840 Which is good. 510 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:46,760 I'm glad you're healthy, alive and here talking with me today because we have another monster 511 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,600 to battle. 512 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:51,600 You're going to page 88. 513 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,000 This will be your choice right here. 514 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,680 There are actually three creatures on here. 515 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:57,680 Okay. 516 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,000 All of them are dragons. 517 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,360 Of course. 518 00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:05,240 You get to choose what age they are ranging from the youngest to the middle age to the 519 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,240 oldest. 520 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,760 They're all black dragons. 521 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,400 Which one do you want to face off on? 522 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:11,400 So there's three of them. 523 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,400 Three. 524 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,400 Yep. 525 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,080 You got an adult, a a Wormling and a young black dragon. 526 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,640 I will go with the middle aged one. 527 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:19,640 The young black dragon. 528 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:20,640 Okay. 529 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,240 They are not as strong as the earth elemental. 530 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,400 I'll give you that. 531 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:29,200 Again, this one's strength is the highest at 19 plus four. 532 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,400 Their weakness is wisdom at 11. 533 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,640 So they get no modifier to that. 534 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,400 How do you take on the black dragon? 535 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:39,400 Let's go with wisdom. 536 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,400 Let's let's. 537 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,400 All right. 538 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:42,400 Let's get for the biscuit. 539 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,400 All right. 540 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,400 Roll your wisdom. 541 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,400 Roll your wisdom. 542 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,400 I'll roll. 543 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,400 I'll roll the young black dragon's wisdom and see what happens here. 544 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,640 All right, I got a 16. 545 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,000 That beats their 14. 546 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,000 Hey. 547 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,120 You out wisdom, a young black dragon. 548 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:57,640 You left him bamboozled. 549 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:58,640 You did. 550 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,640 We're out of you. 551 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:01,640 You know what? 552 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:06,160 Just because I think this is going to end in failure unless somehow I get a nat 20, which 553 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,240 you shouldn't get nat 20 on stat checks. 554 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,240 But you know, it's whatever. 555 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,240 It's my game. 556 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,240 I do what I want. 557 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,240 Exactly. 558 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,600 Going toe to toe with this thing on strength. 559 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,600 Okay. 560 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,600 Yeah. 561 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,520 I mean, I don't have much else to go with here. 562 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,960 My stats were not the best. 563 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:23,960 Here we go. 564 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,280 So three minus two is one. 565 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,280 Yeah. 566 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:28,720 At least it's not a nat one. 567 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,320 If they get a nat one, if they get a nat one, I win. 568 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:33,320 All right. 569 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,320 Here we go. 570 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:35,320 No. 571 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,400 That is, I am now down two to your one. 572 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,400 Not bad. 573 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:40,400 Not bad. 574 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:41,400 You're winning. 575 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:42,400 Now, now it's two. 576 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,400 Well, yeah, you won two, but three strikes are out. 577 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,400 Okay. 578 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,680 So if I bite it again, you win by default. 579 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:53,320 Let's talk a little bit about the emotions that all this brought up. 580 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,400 Obviously during that time, you're feeling frustrated, scared. 581 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,920 I'm guessing angry. 582 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,520 Like you're probably feeling a full spectrum of what would be like the negative part of 583 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:07,320 the emotion wheel, which I just thought about the emotion wheel through therapy. 584 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:11,880 I recommend it right after you got out and you know, you're finding, you found those 585 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:12,880 other places to stay. 586 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,720 You found those other jobs to do. 587 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,640 You know the five stages, right? 588 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:24,360 And if not, not to remind you anyway, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. 589 00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:29,080 Which one of those do you feel like you spent more time in than others? 590 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:34,040 And you know, have you reached the acceptance point yet that, you know, that's a chapter 591 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,560 behind you or do you feel like you're still stewing in it? 592 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:41,040 I spent a lot of time in anger. 593 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,840 They're rightly so. 594 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:44,680 I mean, there was nothing to borrow. 595 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:49,600 I had already made, you know, a bargain with her that she broke. 596 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,600 Right. 597 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,800 So there was, there was nothing to bargain for. 598 00:26:53,800 --> 00:27:03,960 Yeah, I spent a long time in anger and I basically just became the most selfish person I could 599 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:04,960 for a while. 600 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,880 I mean, as you're right, I mean, a lot of people do kind of withdrawal when it comes 601 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:09,960 to coping. 602 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,240 Some people use humor. 603 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,240 Some people deflect. 604 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:17,680 Some people seek comfort from others around them, but coping looks different from everybody. 605 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:24,360 What was your worst moment during that anger withdrawn self that you. 606 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:32,760 What scared the hell out of me was I got a message from her through somebody else and 607 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,680 she described the house I was living in. 608 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:37,680 Okay. 609 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:38,680 Yeah, that's terrifying. 610 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:39,680 Yeah. 611 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:43,000 I mean, that's some gangland shit right there. 612 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:50,200 And so I was living with a buddy of mine in a double wide trailer and the message I received 613 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:55,360 was something about living with another guy in a double wide trailer. 614 00:27:55,360 --> 00:28:02,280 And then she referred, referred to the area that I lived in as a high meth area, which 615 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:03,560 I found out later on. 616 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:08,680 She was actually confused and was thinking, confusing where I was living with somewhere 617 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:09,680 else area. 618 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,360 I mean, a little bit further away. 619 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:13,360 Sure. 620 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:15,600 You know, I can see what she was confused. 621 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:22,720 So felt better at that point that she, okay, if she's thinking I'm in this area over here, 622 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,280 then she's not looking where I am over here. 623 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:26,280 Right. 624 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,120 Take to the acceptance. 625 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:34,720 When I realized I had to come back, I talked to a few people in the area asked, you know, 626 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:42,080 if there'd been any sightings of her, has she been into the gas station I work at now? 627 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:47,240 And they said she's been in here maybe once or twice in the past nine months. 628 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:51,880 They said it's usually right after I would stop by because she would be looking for me. 629 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:57,400 But when I found out that she is no longer living in the house that she was in, felt better 630 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:02,880 about coming back because she wasn't in the areas that she was before. 631 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:06,360 What about some other things because the way I broke it down, I saw that, you know, you've 632 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:12,200 got not only the loss of security, but kind of like a loss of trust there for a while. 633 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:16,040 I don't know if you're going to be looking to jump into a relationship anytime soon after 634 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,240 right after this and also took quite a while. 635 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,240 Yeah. 636 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:21,240 And during that, you lost freedom. 637 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:22,520 You lost freedom while you were with her. 638 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:27,200 You lost freedom just being able to go wherever you could without worrying about running into 639 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,200 her. 640 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,840 So between that, between the trust that you might have and somebody, you know, had to 641 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,960 change had to change some of the stores that I would that I would go to because I knew 642 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,600 there was people there that had connections with her. 643 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:40,840 Which one was the worst though? 644 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:45,320 Was it security, the law, the security, the trust or the freedom? 645 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,400 Which one would you say really kind of stung the most? 646 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,120 Probably the trust. 647 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:56,640 I wasn't sure who to trust for a long time because most of the people that I knew knew 648 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,920 her and I didn't know whose side they were on. 649 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:03,440 So, you know, if I could trust them, like people would be like, Hey, like where you 650 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:04,440 been? 651 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:05,440 I can't tell you. 652 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:10,440 In fact, when I came back, people, you know, so many people were like, Oh, you know, I'm 653 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,440 glad you're back. 654 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,040 I'm glad you're, you know, you're back working here. 655 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:16,040 I'm glad you're back in the community and oh, where you been? 656 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,200 I literally just tell people I was in hiding. 657 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,840 Like somebody who had been through the relocation program, just be like, Yeah, don't worry about 658 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:22,840 it. 659 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:23,840 I was away. 660 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:24,840 Exactly. 661 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:33,000 We are doing the random generator page 22, going further back into the book. 662 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,280 We have Acer, which is another elemental. 663 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,720 It's a fire elemental, a dwarvish fire elemental, you know, as they are. 664 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:44,320 Um, it's, it has a strength of 17 with a modifier of three. 665 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:50,800 Its lowest is charisma, which I've known a couple of charismatic dwarves in my time playing 666 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,600 D&D, but that seems to be on track though. 667 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,440 Very strong, not a lot of charisma. 668 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:56,440 What was the charisma? 669 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,440 A 10 with a modifier at zero. 670 00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,440 Okay. 671 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:00,440 All right. 672 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:01,440 So what do you want to do? 673 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,600 I'm going to try for my charisma again. 674 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,800 And I will roll for their charisma as well. 675 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:07,680 So I got an 11. 676 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,800 Yeah, you got 11 plus one. 677 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,000 That is your 12. 678 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:15,080 They got, they, they just geeked out with a 14 over your 12. 679 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:16,080 I do apologize. 680 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:17,080 Man. 681 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:22,520 Smited by the fire elemental and I haven't used intelligence yet. 682 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,280 You know, we'll try my intelligence against theirs. 683 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:31,040 I got a 14 and then I had a 15. 684 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,360 That was a good romp through the, the, the fields of D&D for a moment. 685 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:36,280 I hope it, I hope you felt like you were there. 686 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:42,720 I hope as your DM, I really brought you into the game. 687 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:47,280 So you're saying the loss of trust probably stung the most because it wasn't just trust 688 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,440 about somebody who you might have a relationship with. 689 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,840 It's also the people surrounding there. 690 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:57,480 And if you're big into the community, of course it's going to sting. 691 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:04,240 What would you say to somebody having gone through this now, having on what I hope to 692 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:09,240 be is a, is it as a mend after all this? 693 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:13,040 What would you say to somebody who is going through the same shit? 694 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,560 What's the, what's the biggest advice you would give them? 695 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:22,360 If you're dealing with a significant other that is doing drugs of any kind that is causing 696 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:28,080 problems in the relationship, if finding them help isn't working, if making deals with them 697 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:33,240 isn't working, if it's not working, if they, they're only going to get clean if they want 698 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:34,240 to. 699 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:35,240 Right. 700 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:39,520 If it's not working, it's okay to give up. 701 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:45,200 It's okay to, to say, can't do this anymore. 702 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:51,360 And I know a lot of people have children with addicts and staying with them just because 703 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,320 you haven't child with them is not good for the child. 704 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:55,320 No. 705 00:32:55,320 --> 00:33:00,400 Uh, which is not to say that staying, breaking up and starting the separation process is 706 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:01,840 going to be easy. 707 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:06,440 It's not, it's not, but it's a lot healthier and safer for you and the child. 708 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,600 Yeah, you got to think of the returns that are definitely going to come after that. 709 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:16,000 I lost people's respect when I stayed with her instead of leaving the first time. 710 00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:20,240 I got accused of even doing the drugs with her. 711 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,360 I could see that from the outside looking in, I guess. 712 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:23,360 Yeah. 713 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,360 You just took a casual glance at it. 714 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,480 You know, when I'm, when I'm sitting there saying, oh, I'm going to leave, I'm going 715 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:28,480 to leave. 716 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:29,480 And then all of a sudden I don't leave. 717 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,360 Oh, he must, he must be addicted to it also. 718 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,360 She got him hooked. 719 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,480 Sounds like you were kind of bargaining with yourself there and they, hey, this might get 720 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:37,480 better. 721 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:38,480 Yeah. 722 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,040 We've got a, got something we can change. 723 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:42,760 And dude, I'm sorry you went through that. 724 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,880 Um, I mean, I'm glad you're out of it now. 725 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,920 The escape was emotional. 726 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:53,840 I can't, I don't know, for some reason I can't cry in front of people. 727 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,360 Can't even, can't even produce a tear. 728 00:33:56,360 --> 00:34:02,240 But I straight up ugly cried right in front of my sister when I got to her house. 729 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:03,240 Well, good. 730 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,520 You need to, you need to let that shit out. 731 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:07,520 Um, yeah. 732 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:08,520 Yeah. 733 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,760 It was, it was a wave that could just not be held back any longer. 734 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:11,760 Right. 735 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:12,760 Well, after that, I'm not surprised. 736 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,160 Me personally, I probably would have been crying in the middle of it. 737 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:19,560 I'm, I, I'm a guy who, I tried to stay in quiet. 738 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:24,520 So all that stuff that's inside of you, it gets a little smaller when you get the chance 739 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,160 to actually let it out. 740 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,760 And sharing it with somebody helps. 741 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,720 And so I'm really glad that you had the chance to share this with me. 742 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:35,400 I'm starting to realize that these single stories of losses that people are saying is 743 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,280 like, Hey, I lost my relationship. 744 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:38,800 Hey, I lost my job. 745 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,560 I, I lost my mom. 746 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:46,760 They always come with a, a more intricate layer of losses that are just kind of baked 747 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,560 into all that. 748 00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,360 What's, what's next for you now? 749 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,960 Is there any of this that you're bringing forward and you've got a plan to shape your 750 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:54,960 future differently? 751 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,600 Are you just taking one day at a time? 752 00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:58,720 It's life looking for you right now. 753 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:05,720 I'm currently updating someone we have my hands on, you know, in engagement this year 754 00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:08,960 and possibly a wedding by the end of the year. 755 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,720 Her I've been on and off for 15 years. 756 00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:17,280 That's a lot quicker than I thought you were actually going to say. 757 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,440 We're taking things very serious. 758 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:20,440 Let me ask this. 759 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,200 Does she know about the story? 760 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:23,200 Yes. 761 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:30,920 Actually, she is going to college right now for her master's degree in healthcare management. 762 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:32,240 Really? 763 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:40,880 And she had to do a, one of her classes is public speaking and she had to do one on trauma. 764 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:46,560 And I actually typed out the entire story of what happened to me for her. 765 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:52,600 And she read it in a, in a different room for me and immediately came in the room and 766 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:58,080 just wanted to hold me because she had never heard the full story until that, until then. 767 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,960 Dude, that, I bet that was cathartic as hell though. 768 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:07,920 Like, I, to type it out, I had to, I had to put your buds in and turn on just some angry 769 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:16,840 music just to just be able to focus on the events of that night without, without being 770 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,440 like I can't do this anymore. 771 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:19,440 Okay. 772 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,200 How'd you feel by the end of it? 773 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,560 I hesitated on sending it to her. 774 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:27,000 I did hesitate on hitting send. 775 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:33,160 I want, I want to applaud you because not many people would even have the energy to 776 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:37,200 actually go through putting the whole thing down like that so soon after the event, like 777 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,200 just for me writing. 778 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:43,400 Well, so the event happened a year ago this week. 779 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:44,400 I know. 780 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:48,200 For me, I consider that pretty soon. 781 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:54,600 So much stuff happens to me just month by month that my brain has no concept of time 782 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:55,600 anymore. 783 00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:56,600 Okay. 784 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:57,600 All right. 785 00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:58,800 Well, I'd say what? 786 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:03,600 How about the next time that you have a huge traumatic event that you want to, to talk 787 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:04,600 about live? 788 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:08,600 Well, you know, live, so to speak with air quotes. 789 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,160 You know, you could always come back and you could just deep dive in another story. 790 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:13,160 There we go. 791 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,160 Yeah. 792 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:15,480 I'll be here for that. 793 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,000 I'm completely down with that. 794 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:21,560 It's kind of the whole part and parcel of why I'm doing this podcast and begin with. 795 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:25,960 So just one more question because I wanted to know and circle this on my list. 796 00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:31,800 Do you feel like the way that you're feeling about the community now, the art has it healed 797 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:32,800 at all? 798 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,400 Are you still worrying about who, who might be siding with who might be reporting back 799 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:38,400 to her? 800 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:48,400 I've sort of been able to figure out who is more on her side, which has helped me with 801 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,680 deciding where I can shop. 802 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:56,680 And there's, there's some people that, you know, there's, there's the first group of 803 00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,760 people that I was like, okay, these are for sure reporting back to her. 804 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:01,760 Yeah. 805 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:08,560 And there's been people in that group that, you know, I don't, I don't know what happened, 806 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:13,440 but they're not reporting back to her, at least not anymore. 807 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:17,840 And then there's also people that I thought I could trust that I've found out I can't. 808 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,480 Dude, you really got shook up over there without. 809 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:21,480 Yeah. 810 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:26,760 I'm very careful on what I tell people when I'm at work. 811 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,400 Well, some more people on your side, you know what I'm saying? 812 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:37,840 So, so to also tag onto what life's looking for like for me now, I have plans in the fall 813 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,400 to go back to school. 814 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:40,400 Okay. 815 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:44,600 I'm going to study media because I still have the dream of doing a radio. 816 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:45,600 As you should. 817 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:46,600 You got a good one. 818 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,560 And I want to do it. 819 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,720 And the ways that I've been trying to go about it are not working. 820 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:56,560 Well, I got to change up the strategy and going back to school could really help. 821 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:57,560 Okay. 822 00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:01,120 So there's a great media arts program in the area. 823 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,640 Well, I feel like that's a good segue as ever. 824 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,800 Do you want to tell people where they can find you while you try to do this? 825 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:09,800 Yes. 826 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:15,520 So you can find me at High Life Podcast on Tiktok. 827 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:20,120 There's underscores between each word or just Google High Life Podcast. 828 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:21,640 I do have merch now. 829 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:22,640 It does. 830 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:27,640 It's spelled H-I-G-H space L-Y-F-E. 831 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:28,640 There's that Y. 832 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,040 I was saying that know where it was. 833 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,920 I was trying to avoid a lawsuit from Miller. 834 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:35,920 You're doing good so far. 835 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:37,440 I think you're below their radar. 836 00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:38,440 Right. 837 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:39,440 All right. 838 00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:44,760 I also do have another show that should be coming out soon. 839 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:49,520 It's been a project going on for over a year. 840 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:55,760 I think we're just about ready to start releasing these episodes. 841 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,160 It's called What You Didn't Know. 842 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,960 Season one is What You Didn't Know about rock and roll. 843 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:08,720 We are following the history and from where rock and roll started to where it is now. 844 00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:10,880 Heck yeah, dude. 845 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:16,000 Can you give me a two-word sneak peek of what season two might be about? 846 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,200 We've not got that far. 847 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:18,200 Okay. 848 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:19,200 All right. 849 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:20,200 We're going to keep a nice and silence on that one. 850 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,200 Gotcha. 851 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:22,200 All right. 852 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,520 Well, Steve, thank you so much for joining me, man. 853 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,760 It sounds like to me that you're still in a healing process. 854 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,480 I'm glad you got somebody to heal with you. 855 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:30,480 Let's keep in touch, man. 856 00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:31,480 Yes. 857 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:35,920 If there's room in season two, by all means, I'm going to be hitting you up. 858 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:36,920 Okay. 859 00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:37,920 All right, man. 860 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:39,280 Well, I'm your host Michael LeBlanc. 861 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,920 If you happen to miss next month's episode, still, it's your loss. 862 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:44,480 I'll talk to you guys later. 863 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:59,760 Bye-bye.