1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,700 Before we start this podcast, I want to say that every project I have pretty much has 2 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:07,940 a village behind it, and this one is no exception. 3 00:00:07,940 --> 00:00:12,940 I want to thank the patrons who stepped in on my Kickstarter to really make sure that 4 00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:14,780 this got off the ground. 5 00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:22,700 Denise Grady, Caden White-Wattam, Amanda Peake, Todd A. Davis, Jay Grant, and Corey 6 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:23,700 Watson. 7 00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:28,020 Without you guys, I wouldn't be sitting here talking with the awesome guest that I'm 8 00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:29,860 about to talk to. 9 00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:31,860 Thank you so much. 10 00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:47,300 Welcome back to the It's Your Loss podcast. 11 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:52,660 Welcome to It's Your Loss podcast, where raw stories of resilience and healing are told, 12 00:00:52,660 --> 00:01:01,340 all while uncovering and destigmatizing the diverse symptoms of loss. 13 00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:02,340 Welcome back to the podcast. 14 00:01:02,340 --> 00:01:05,540 If you missed last month's episode, he's doing great. 15 00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:06,540 Instantly. 16 00:01:06,540 --> 00:01:07,540 It's your loss. 17 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:08,540 There we go. 18 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:09,540 We got in there. 19 00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:14,060 I'm Michael DeBlanc, and I have Sam Simmons here who- 20 00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:15,060 Director Simmons on TikTok. 21 00:01:15,060 --> 00:01:16,060 Director Simmons. 22 00:01:16,060 --> 00:01:17,060 Yes. 23 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,140 Give the title some respect. 24 00:01:19,140 --> 00:01:23,940 We became acquaintances over TikTok, and I think we just became friends over some cheap 25 00:01:23,940 --> 00:01:25,980 Mexican food, so pretty excited. 26 00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:26,980 I mean, you can call it cheap. 27 00:01:26,980 --> 00:01:28,980 I was the one that was paying for it. 28 00:01:28,980 --> 00:01:29,980 That's true. 29 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:32,980 And I will pay you back in the free water that comes from my picture. 30 00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,980 I'm like, hey, that works. 31 00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:35,980 It works. 32 00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:41,460 So you're the kind of guy who I've already realized that a conversation can go anywhere. 33 00:01:41,460 --> 00:01:45,660 So we're going to start this off in one direction, and we're going to see where it goes from 34 00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:46,660 here. 35 00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:47,660 So I'm just going to ask you- 36 00:01:47,660 --> 00:01:48,660 You're with the flow. 37 00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:49,660 Yeah. 38 00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,860 What have you lost? 39 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:54,860 Way too many games at Fortnite, honestly. 40 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:55,860 It's really bad. 41 00:01:55,860 --> 00:02:00,180 I'll drop down into like a tipsy town- not tipsy town, but no. 42 00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:01,500 What's the big city? 43 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:05,500 And then I'll just like die in 99th, like every single time. 44 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,660 I'm really bad at games. 45 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,660 Yeah. 46 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,740 Any of those Royale games I'm pretty horrible in. 47 00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:12,300 Fortnite is even worse because they get distracted by the colors. 48 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,300 Oh, yeah. 49 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,300 Yeah. 50 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,980 The colors, the shininess, I'm like, oh, all this is pretty, and I'm going to be capped 51 00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:17,860 like from yards away. 52 00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:22,700 And I've tried doing the more realistic one, PUBG, and- 53 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:24,020 I haven't played it yet. 54 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,020 I've heard good things. 55 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,020 I mean, it's not bad. 56 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:27,020 It's not bad. 57 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:29,940 The only problem is, is I still suck at that game. 58 00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:34,740 So yeah, I'll make it to like maybe 70, you know, 70% of the people who were before that. 59 00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:37,100 Is that also like one of the top 100 sort of things? 60 00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:40,380 Like where you have 100 people in there and then you have to survive to another one? 61 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:41,380 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 62 00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:42,380 Definitely. 63 00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,380 Okay. 64 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,380 So I've never actually played it. 65 00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:50,060 It just happens. And very gritty, we took snapshots from 1940s Russia. 66 00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:51,060 Right. 67 00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,060 scenery. 68 00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:53,580 Well, I mean Fortnite is really realistic also. 69 00:02:53,580 --> 00:02:58,320 I mean, after you get shot, you get danced on in default, of course by Peter Griffin, 70 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,360 who just happens to be very buff. 71 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,060 You know, that happens all the time. 72 00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:03,060 I'm so glad it chose- 73 00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:04,200 I don't know what you're talking about. 74 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:08,300 Actually, because when they announced Peter Griffin, and I was like, oh, that's the metrics 75 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,300 on it. 76 00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:12,940 I mean, your hip box is going to be huge, but now we've decided to go with Buff Griffin, 77 00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:15,940 which I imagine most of the hitbox is just in his gen. 78 00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:16,780 More than likely. 79 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:17,620 More than likely. 80 00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:19,380 Honestly, it's huge, he's shaped like a box. 81 00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:23,620 So, but I will tell you, for those who are wondering 82 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,860 if we're just gonna talk about him losing video games, 83 00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:28,620 no, evidently he lost family members and a friend as well, 84 00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:29,780 but we'll get into that in a minute. 85 00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:31,260 Yeah, I've lost a few friends. 86 00:03:31,260 --> 00:03:34,180 I put one question on my website, 87 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,980 just to make a different angle of conversation 88 00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:39,140 and it is what's your favorite game? 89 00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:42,500 And, yeah, I get different answers all the time 90 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:44,460 from ranging from card games, video games, 91 00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,180 and the one that you put, I don't know if you remember, 92 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:47,460 but I'll go ahead and let you know. 93 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,220 Super Smash Brothers Ultimate. 94 00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:50,500 Ultimate, specifically. 95 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,020 Yeah, yeah, no, I remember that one. 96 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:56,660 I've put like 5,000 hours into Smash Brothers altogether, 97 00:03:56,660 --> 00:04:01,140 either through Melee or from Brawl all the way to Ultimate. 98 00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:04,180 Now, it's an addiction at this point. 99 00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:06,540 I'm never getting any better, obviously. 100 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:08,820 Like, I start off really bad in video games 101 00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:11,620 and I just try my best and it just ends up really badly 102 00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:15,020 anyways, but it's just fun. 103 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:15,860 It's an addiction. 104 00:04:15,860 --> 00:04:16,700 It is fun. 105 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:21,060 I got a chance to play it once on a giant LED screen. 106 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:21,900 Nice. 107 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:24,340 It was, yeah, it was a sample, 108 00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:27,020 sample panel's a part of a larger wall 109 00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:28,500 that's supposed to be put into a church. 110 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,340 Okay. 111 00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:30,700 And, but the thing was, is that this thing was like 112 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:32,540 four feet away from my eyes. 113 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:35,740 So, I am, my neck is whipping around like, 114 00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:38,460 I'm watching a tennis match while we're playing this game. 115 00:04:38,460 --> 00:04:39,500 I didn't win that one. 116 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,980 And like Smash Brothers, 117 00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:43,940 there's only a couple people that I do maim, 118 00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:45,220 maim, not maim. 119 00:04:45,220 --> 00:04:46,060 Right. 120 00:04:46,060 --> 00:04:49,060 And, but it's never, it's never great. 121 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,940 Most of the time I just have like a couple of moves 122 00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:52,580 that I just know that are gonna work for me. 123 00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:54,340 What I wanna know is, and this is a question 124 00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:56,140 that I came up with at the top of my head, 125 00:04:56,140 --> 00:04:58,420 who do you maim in Smash Brothers 126 00:04:58,420 --> 00:05:01,500 and why does it reflect who hurt you in your life? 127 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,140 That's the best question. 128 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:05,500 Ganondorf and my father. 129 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:06,340 Oh. 130 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,780 Yes. 131 00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:12,780 No, no, no, I maim Pichu because it's very small and adorable. 132 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,620 Yes. 133 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:16,500 Doesn't, doesn't reflect anybody that hurt me in life. 134 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,900 Maybe like ex-girlfriends being like super cute 135 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:21,900 and then like ruining me emotionally for decades. 136 00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:25,300 A lot of, a lot of cute, cute, quick girlfriends. 137 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,460 Just destroying your psyche. 138 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,300 Oh yeah. 139 00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,460 No, that's what they're built for, obviously. 140 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,300 I've got two baby girls of my own. 141 00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:37,140 And yeah, I'm pretty sure that the psychiatry, 142 00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,540 the psychiatry, going to go to the therapy 143 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,740 is gonna cost me the most in my entire life. 144 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,980 That's something I look forward to. 145 00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:43,820 Yeah. 146 00:05:43,820 --> 00:05:46,700 The, there was a book one time I read, 147 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,020 we passed it around in high school. 148 00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:49,900 It was the guy's guide to dating 149 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,540 and other things too terrible to mention. 150 00:05:52,540 --> 00:05:53,380 It was a great book. 151 00:05:53,380 --> 00:05:54,220 Easy. 152 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:55,620 It passed, it was like the, 153 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:57,740 it was like a sisterhood of traveling pants type moment. 154 00:05:57,740 --> 00:06:01,380 That book got into every kid's hand and when I got it, 155 00:06:01,380 --> 00:06:03,020 I never returned it to anybody else. 156 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,620 It's somewhere in my private library. 157 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:06,900 I think it might be up in the attic somewhere. 158 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:07,740 But. 159 00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:09,140 I will make sure to note not to give you any books. 160 00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:09,980 Yeah. 161 00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:11,180 Cause I'm just gonna squirreled. 162 00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,020 And they're gifts. 163 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:12,860 It's mine. 164 00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:13,700 It's gone. 165 00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,220 But there was one line in there I never forgot. 166 00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:17,780 It was like 16 year old girls are like cats. 167 00:06:17,780 --> 00:06:19,540 If they were any larger, they'd eat us. 168 00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:20,500 That is accurate. 169 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:21,340 Yeah. 170 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,180 Yeah, very much so. 171 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,740 That, that, that's the reason, 172 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:25,500 the only reason why I didn't date in high school. 173 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:26,340 That was it. 174 00:06:26,340 --> 00:06:27,180 Yeah. 175 00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:28,020 Oh, that one was? 176 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:28,860 Yeah, that was the reason. 177 00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:29,700 Oh, that's the reason. 178 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:30,540 I'm looking at you right now. 179 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:32,020 That is not the only reason, but it's, okay. 180 00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,700 That makes sense. 181 00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:36,340 I haven't record any of this on my phone. 182 00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:37,660 Oh, you actually have a clip. 183 00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:38,620 I took a picture. 184 00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:39,460 That's it. 185 00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:40,300 Anyway. 186 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,140 You should probably check to see if mine's still recording. 187 00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:41,980 You probably should. 188 00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,820 Cause like every 10 minutes it sometimes turns off 189 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,300 or it just stays on for 30 minutes. 190 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:46,140 I'm not entirely sure. 191 00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:46,980 Go check it out. 192 00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:47,820 Go check it out. 193 00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:48,820 Just, I'll say it out. 194 00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:51,860 Take a look at it back exactly where I was. 195 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:52,700 Yeah. 196 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:53,540 Does that work? 197 00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:54,380 Yeah. 198 00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:55,220 It's still working. 199 00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:56,060 All right, good. 200 00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:56,900 Smash Brothers Ultimate. 201 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,500 I main Pichu and I've been maining Pichu in only this one. 202 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,100 I play Ganondorf all the way through Melee, 203 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:04,420 which is bad because Ganondorf sucks. 204 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:05,260 Yeah. 205 00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:06,820 Ganondorf also sucks. 206 00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:07,660 Yeah. 207 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,740 But I wanted to learn something brand new. 208 00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,860 Pichu is like really fun. 209 00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:12,700 Yeah. 210 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,180 Like all over the place. 211 00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:15,020 Ganondorf. 212 00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,100 It was broken at the very beginning of the game. 213 00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:16,940 Yeah. 214 00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:17,780 So I was like, hell yeah. 215 00:07:17,780 --> 00:07:18,780 I get like free wins. 216 00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:20,100 No, it's not like that. 217 00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:20,940 They nerfed them, 218 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,820 but I will say that he is still good 219 00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:25,500 for some wins against newbies. 220 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,100 You know, people who don't understand the mechanics 221 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:28,740 of the game, you can still, you know, 222 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,820 hit some good slams and the next thing you know, you know, 223 00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:33,380 they're up to like 80% and like two hits. 224 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,220 Pichu wins. 225 00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:37,500 And it just makes life like a thousand times nicer. 226 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,980 I like the ones that give you the ability to counter. 227 00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,060 So I'm a huge. 228 00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:42,900 Okay. 229 00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:43,740 Oh my gosh. 230 00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:44,580 Sordy. 231 00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:45,420 Yeah. 232 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,460 The Marth Roy. 233 00:07:46,460 --> 00:07:47,300 Thank you. 234 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,140 Marth. 235 00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:48,980 Yeah. 236 00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:49,820 Yeah. 237 00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:50,660 I like Marth. 238 00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:51,500 I like Marth. 239 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,340 Roy's pretty good. 240 00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:53,180 You know, I've tried out Marth, 241 00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,220 but his tippers are so difficult for me to really pick up. 242 00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:55,060 Yeah. 243 00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:55,900 Just because of the amount of spacing 244 00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:56,860 that is required there. 245 00:07:56,860 --> 00:07:59,260 It requires like talent that I don't have. 246 00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:01,860 There's a finesse that somehow I found myself 247 00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:04,620 in the realm for, I don't, I don't know where I found it. 248 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:05,460 I just picked it up one day. 249 00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:06,460 I was like, you're my guy. 250 00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:07,300 Okay. 251 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:08,140 That makes sense. 252 00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:08,980 Yeah. 253 00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:09,300 I'm a little too ungebunked for that, 254 00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:10,340 but I mean, that makes sense. 255 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:11,180 Yeah. 256 00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:12,500 Well, when I'm feeling like that, 257 00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:14,340 then I pick up Donkey Kong. 258 00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:15,180 Yeah. 259 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,180 Just keep slapping the ground. 260 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:17,020 Nobody can get around me. 261 00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:17,860 It's great. 262 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:18,700 Bring it to me. 263 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:19,540 Yeah. 264 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:20,380 All right. 265 00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:22,260 So, you know, video games. 266 00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:23,100 Back on topic. 267 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:23,940 Yeah. 268 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:24,780 Back on topic. 269 00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:26,260 You know, but this, we can't all be gloom and doom, 270 00:08:26,260 --> 00:08:27,100 but I'll be honest with you. 271 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:27,940 Right. 272 00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:28,940 I think these episodes, I'll be honest with you. 273 00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:32,340 I have found that talking about loss brings out, 274 00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:34,700 especially if it's an older loss, 275 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:37,380 will bring sometimes a little bit of levity 276 00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,580 and more lighthearted conversation 277 00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:41,460 because of the fact that they've been able to deal with it. 278 00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:42,300 Yeah, that's good. 279 00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,500 I've had a couple of people ask me, 280 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:46,180 it's like, hey, Michael, can I get on your podcast? 281 00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:47,220 I just lost my mom. 282 00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:49,780 And I'm like, you just like, dude, are you sure? 283 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,700 Like, are you sure you want to do this? 284 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,700 This isn't necessarily free therapy. 285 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:57,140 You know, it's just a way for you to say stuff out loud. 286 00:08:57,140 --> 00:08:57,980 Yeah. 287 00:08:57,980 --> 00:08:58,820 Exactly. 288 00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:01,220 You know, let people know how you dealt with it 289 00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,100 because other people out there may have dealt with it 290 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,700 the same way and felt weird about it. 291 00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:06,380 You know, like, I don't know. 292 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,980 Like there have been stories that I haven't heard, 293 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:11,220 but I've heard other stories that led me into wanting to get 294 00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:13,300 into this kind of thing where people, 295 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:15,580 they do like small bits of self harm, 296 00:09:15,580 --> 00:09:17,220 like, you know, picking at their nails excessively 297 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:19,300 when they get stressed or when they start thinking about 298 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,660 like loss, they'll find themselves like picking the hair 299 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,060 out of their fricking eyebrows. 300 00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:23,900 It's weird. 301 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:24,740 That's a weird point. 302 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:25,740 But it's the way that they cope. 303 00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:28,740 And I just want to let people know that, you know, 304 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,580 these different stories are going to be something that, 305 00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:33,300 hopefully that you, you may see yourself in 306 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:34,860 or you may see others in and you're going to learn 307 00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:38,020 how to either be there for people when they're coping 308 00:09:38,020 --> 00:09:40,460 or learn a new way of coping yourself or realize 309 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:42,140 that maybe you're not just a weirdo. 310 00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:42,980 Right. 311 00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:43,980 And everybody has their own different styles 312 00:09:43,980 --> 00:09:46,140 of coping mechanisms at the end of the day. 313 00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:50,140 So even if you think you're not coping the right way, 314 00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:52,180 it's still a coping mechanism. 315 00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:55,780 And it's allowing you to at least live through it 316 00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:57,180 and make that memory. 317 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,500 And hell, if you, even if you're just a crier 318 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,300 and you happen to be a dude, which a lot of dudes 319 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,820 when they start crying, the people around them going, 320 00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:04,740 man, you need a man up. 321 00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:06,060 Yeah, fuck those guys. 322 00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:06,900 Yeah. 323 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,500 You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. 324 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:10,020 You already have enough at that point. 325 00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:12,140 I'll go ahead and start with my main question on here. 326 00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:15,900 And which the people that you said that you've, 327 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,300 the people that you said you lost your life in, 328 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,980 there are other things that you've lost as well. 329 00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:20,940 But the people you said were your grandmother 330 00:10:20,940 --> 00:10:22,460 and a friend from high school. 331 00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:23,820 Do you want to talk about one of those 332 00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:26,740 and how that helped shape your life to where you are at now? 333 00:10:26,740 --> 00:10:28,260 I've actually had a couple of friends from high school 334 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:29,860 that ended up dying. 335 00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:32,620 And I don't know if they've really shaped my life. 336 00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:34,620 It was just the thing that happened. 337 00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:39,620 And the way that you deal with it just kind of forms how, 338 00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,020 I don't know where I'm going with this. 339 00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:43,540 That's right, with a ramble. 340 00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:45,340 Everybody that has died around me 341 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:48,740 as far as friend groups are concerned from high school 342 00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:50,060 or from middle school or something, 343 00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,860 they were friends of friends. 344 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:55,420 So I wasn't the one that was directly impacted 345 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:56,860 by all of it. 346 00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:59,140 Brett Moore, a friend of mine from high school, 347 00:10:59,140 --> 00:11:01,620 just like, I want to say it was adjacent, 348 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:04,620 but not necessarily completely adjacent. 349 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:08,940 He ended up dying from hanging himself back in 2012. 350 00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:09,780 Oh, wow. 351 00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:12,420 And that was difficult for our entire friend group. 352 00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:16,340 And I didn't directly get affected by it, 353 00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:18,900 but I watched all of my friends be affected 354 00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,380 by that massive loss. 355 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,140 Yeah, well, which that itself, 356 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:25,340 I mean, just observing other people dealing with loss, 357 00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,420 does, you know, to borrow the term 358 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,060 from role-playing games, psychic damage. 359 00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:30,900 True. 360 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:33,580 And you find yourself, especially if you happen to be 361 00:11:33,580 --> 00:11:37,220 a person who empathizes or really understands 362 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:39,860 just from the way that people express themselves, 363 00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:42,060 kind of what they're going through. 364 00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,300 You know, you find yourself, 365 00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:47,380 how you feel mirroring maybe what they're going through. 366 00:11:47,380 --> 00:11:50,300 So I'm one of those people who, 367 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:52,380 as my therapist tells me, this isn't a good thing, 368 00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:54,060 but who tries to mind read. 369 00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:59,060 So if I'm seeing people go through a tough situation, 370 00:11:59,340 --> 00:12:00,580 I'm starting to try to think, it's like, 371 00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:03,020 oh, they're thinking like this, this is what they need. 372 00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:04,340 I've learned as I've gotten older 373 00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:07,780 to express those ideas, especially to them, 374 00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:09,580 is like, hey, I think you're feeling this, 375 00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:10,660 I don't know, how are you doing? 376 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:11,500 Can I help? 377 00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,340 Do you want me to help? 378 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,780 Do you want me to just be here? 379 00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:14,620 Right. 380 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:18,300 Which, you know, sometimes loss can, you know, 381 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,780 it's a tertiary effect on people. 382 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:22,500 It's not necessarily the thing that hits you. 383 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:23,980 Right. 384 00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:26,020 And in my personal point of view, 385 00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:27,380 when it comes to that sort of thing, 386 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:31,260 I tend to just try to be as positive as physically possible, 387 00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:33,820 but that also means that in my style of coping, 388 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,540 I'm not able to really voice any of the concerns 389 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:37,620 that are happening. 390 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:41,060 So even though, like I've had friends that died, 391 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:46,060 it's, I guess a negative style of like dealing with that, 392 00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:49,780 just by saying like, it's okay, 393 00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:51,780 that sort of stuff happens, 394 00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:52,940 but that doesn't necessarily mean 395 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,060 that you work all the way through it. 396 00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:56,260 And I don't think I necessarily have. 397 00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:58,140 I mean, even with this style of conversation 398 00:12:58,140 --> 00:12:59,220 where we're talking about this, 399 00:12:59,220 --> 00:13:01,580 I'm not, I haven't really worked through it. 400 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,420 Yeah. 401 00:13:02,420 --> 00:13:03,820 And that's fine. 402 00:13:03,820 --> 00:13:06,380 There's a lot of things that I still haven't worked through. 403 00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:09,380 Like there are some people who say that 404 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:12,260 if a certain important person in your family dies, 405 00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:15,540 like say your mom and dad, which both of mine have passed. 406 00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:16,700 Want to talk about that? 407 00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:17,820 Yeah, thank you. 408 00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:19,580 They, I didn't get to see the bodies. 409 00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:22,500 I had the chance to see moms and I turned her down. 410 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:26,100 And dad passed away before I had a chance to go to Oklahoma 411 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:30,220 and he got handled or his body got cremated 412 00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,060 before I got to see it. 413 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,420 So there are people out there who's going, 414 00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:35,100 oh man, you'll never get that closure. 415 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,540 And for mom, it was a little easier. 416 00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,580 I actually would much rather prefer to remember her 417 00:13:39,580 --> 00:13:41,460 in the ways that I remembered her 418 00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:42,740 because it had been in a couple of days. 419 00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:47,540 I feel honestly that it's easier to not see them 420 00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,460 and just remember how they were 421 00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,100 because I get this like weird feeling 422 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:54,780 when it comes to like dead people that they're not there. 423 00:13:54,780 --> 00:13:56,420 Like you're seeing just some body 424 00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:59,780 that's kind of just laying down in a casket or something. 425 00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:02,180 There's not really a person there anymore. 426 00:14:02,180 --> 00:14:04,940 And they kind of, if I see somebody in a casket, 427 00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:07,180 like an open casket, it's like, 428 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,780 it kind of ruins my view on who they were 429 00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:11,820 as a person beforehand. 430 00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,900 And that's a weird thing. 431 00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:17,980 Especially if, because not everybody who deals 432 00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:21,780 with cadavers in any situation 433 00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:24,340 as far as preparing them for open viewing 434 00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:26,220 or anything like that, they're not all 435 00:14:26,220 --> 00:14:28,340 with the same kind of, they don't have the same. 436 00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:29,180 Some of them you have talent. 437 00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:30,340 Back together, yeah, yeah. 438 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,060 Yeah, they don't have the same talent. 439 00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:34,180 And so some of them, yeah, they look like 440 00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:36,460 dolled up effigies of a memory. 441 00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,460 Right. 442 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,140 Now the one person who in my life 443 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,500 that I've seen an open casket, I haven't seen many, 444 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:45,420 but my grandfather, the people who he chose, 445 00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:48,500 he was the kind of guy who was like, 446 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:52,380 I am going to make sure that every aspect 447 00:14:52,380 --> 00:14:55,340 of what happens to me after I die is gonna be handled. 448 00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:59,180 So I think that he was interviewing people. 449 00:14:59,180 --> 00:15:02,500 He's like, hey, show me your body of work, so to speak. 450 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,780 I wanna make sure you're gonna handle me with grace. 451 00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:05,700 Body of work. 452 00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:06,540 Right, right, right. 453 00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:08,100 Thank you, thank you. 454 00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:09,620 Hesitated I'm saying it, but I'm glad 455 00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:10,460 to follow through, Landon. 456 00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,180 Yay, it worked, yeah. 457 00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:13,340 But no, he looked immaculate. 458 00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:15,620 He looked like he was laying down for a nap. 459 00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:17,220 I'll be honest with you, he looked better 460 00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:18,780 than the last time I saw him, 461 00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:20,340 which had been like a couple of years. 462 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:21,500 That's nice, yeah. 463 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:22,340 That's really nice. 464 00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:23,180 But you don't get that every time. 465 00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:26,100 So I could definitely, don't get that so often 466 00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,780 that it's starting to become the thing is like, 467 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,020 no, I'd rather not. 468 00:15:29,020 --> 00:15:30,100 Yeah, absolutely. 469 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:34,500 Because like when, if I see somebody who is like dead, 470 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:38,100 dead, if you see somebody who's not taken care of 471 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:42,260 in the right way, it puts like a finality into it 472 00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:45,820 that they are no longer there and that the person 473 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,220 is actually gone gone. 474 00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:52,220 But I feel like if you see somebody who is alive 475 00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:55,340 one second and then I don't actually see their caskets 476 00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:58,300 the next, then they're still kind of alive 477 00:15:58,300 --> 00:15:59,540 in my point of view. 478 00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:03,700 Sure, which I think some therapists may say that, 479 00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:06,180 hey, we gotta figure out a way to let it go. 480 00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:09,340 But there's something to be said for real life, 481 00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:10,540 being real with yourself and going, 482 00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:12,620 yes, I'm not going to see this person again, 483 00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:14,380 but holding their memories in a brighter light. 484 00:16:14,380 --> 00:16:16,340 I think I got a better way to say it now. 485 00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:17,180 Go ahead. 486 00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:18,020 I'm sorry. 487 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:18,860 Go ahead. 488 00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:21,260 I feel like if somebody is, 489 00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:23,020 maybe I don't have the right way to say it. 490 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:27,900 If you see somebody who is alive 491 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,860 and you get to actually experience life with them, 492 00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:31,660 but as soon as they die, 493 00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:33,380 I don't want to see them in their casket 494 00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:35,620 because there's almost that little bit of denial 495 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,020 in the back of your head where that person 496 00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:38,340 is still kind of alive. 497 00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:39,940 And you can still live for them 498 00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:41,540 because you're doing something for them. 499 00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:42,380 Absolutely. 500 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,380 But if you see them actually dead, 501 00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:47,460 dead in the casket, just ready to go into the ground, 502 00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:50,460 it's like their story is over. 503 00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,340 You're no longer doing something for them. 504 00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:53,340 They're no longer there. 505 00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:54,580 They're in the next place, 506 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,860 whatever happens to be that in your religion or something. 507 00:16:56,860 --> 00:17:00,500 But that doesn't, it means that they're not there with you. 508 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,780 And I feel that that ruins the memory almost. 509 00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:04,740 It's that little bit of denial 510 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:06,340 that you can have in the back of your head 511 00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:07,580 to help move on, 512 00:17:07,580 --> 00:17:10,660 but also to continue doing something for them 513 00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:12,060 as in living for them. 514 00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:15,260 Is there anything that you're doing right now in your life 515 00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:19,580 that you feel either started due to a loss 516 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,060 and wanting to keep a memory or an idea going? 517 00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:25,060 I don't know. 518 00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:27,060 My mother left when I was really young, 519 00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:28,260 so when I was eight. 520 00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:31,060 So the idea of maybe she was dead, 521 00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:34,380 that always just messed with my head in a way like, 522 00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:37,260 okay, well, if she's actually dead, I can just move on. 523 00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:38,300 But if she's not dead 524 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,300 and she's just out there living her life, 525 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,540 that means that I can, 526 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,300 I'm not doing something for her 527 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,820 and she's just doing something away. 528 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,100 So I have to figure out at a young age, 529 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:52,220 how to even cope with the loss of that. 530 00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:54,220 Now, it turns out she's still alive. 531 00:17:54,220 --> 00:17:56,900 She lives in Winnipeg, Manitoba or something like that. 532 00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,140 She's having a good old time. 533 00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:01,060 But as a young kid trying to figure out that 534 00:18:01,060 --> 00:18:02,860 and try to wrap your mind around it, 535 00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:04,420 it makes things slightly difficult. 536 00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:05,420 Yeah. 537 00:18:05,420 --> 00:18:07,700 My parents did a really good job session with my mom. 538 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,540 Did a really good job pushing the rest of the family away. 539 00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:14,620 So my idea of family was just me, my mom and my dad. 540 00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:17,220 Like everybody else was mostly still alive. 541 00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:20,220 And mom talked about definitely her side of the family. 542 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:23,020 But I got to see my grandparents, 543 00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:24,660 maybe every once in a little while 544 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,380 and there was always like a weird tension in the house 545 00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:29,740 whenever we did just because mom, she just is what she did. 546 00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:30,980 She just pushed people away. 547 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:33,340 And I didn't get really to figure out 548 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:35,300 how that was going to affect me later in life 549 00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:36,740 until after they pass away. 550 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,700 And I'm approaching my family. 551 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,580 I'm like, hey, I'm Michael. 552 00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:41,460 Nice to meet you. 553 00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:43,340 I know that we're basically getting to know each other 554 00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:44,180 because mom. 555 00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:46,380 That makes you almost like estranged to your own family. 556 00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:47,220 It does. 557 00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:48,180 That's that. 558 00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:51,180 And then they were worried that I was like mom and dad 559 00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:54,100 that every conversation ended with, hey, how can you help me? 560 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,020 And once they learned after a few conversations 561 00:18:57,020 --> 00:18:58,580 that I'm not doing that, you know, 562 00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:00,820 I'm actually just saying, hey, how you doing? 563 00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:02,500 Hope you're living well. 564 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,700 You don't have to give me money for this conversation. 565 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:06,260 It opened that relationship back up. 566 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:06,740 A little bit. 567 00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:07,940 Yeah. 568 00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:11,980 I got two aunts and an uncle now who I barely 569 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:14,700 knew existed only by name alone, maybe, 570 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:16,380 is the only reason I knew him. 571 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:19,620 And now we have good conversations. 572 00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:22,940 I'm old enough that I cherish Facebook. 573 00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:23,420 Right. 574 00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:23,780 Yeah. 575 00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:24,980 Keep in touch with family. 576 00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:26,540 It's not going to follow me on TikTok. 577 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,900 Plus, that allows you to see family members that you didn't 578 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:29,660 even know you had. 579 00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:30,140 Exactly. 580 00:19:30,140 --> 00:19:30,740 Yeah. 581 00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:31,980 There was an uncle out in California. 582 00:19:31,980 --> 00:19:35,980 Turns out his whole thing is that he lives in California, 583 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:38,140 but he works for a museum. 584 00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:41,500 So he gathers a whole bunch of old, cool, historical facts 585 00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:42,260 on Facebook. 586 00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,540 And I would have never known about that. 587 00:19:44,540 --> 00:19:47,300 I just kept living in that sphere that my mom had established. 588 00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:48,660 Right. 589 00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:49,580 This is also weird. 590 00:19:49,580 --> 00:19:51,220 I haven't actually done this sort of thing. 591 00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:52,700 So I feel like every conversation, 592 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:53,820 I have to say it perfectly. 593 00:19:53,820 --> 00:19:55,700 But I guess this is more like a conversation. 594 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:55,980 Yeah. 595 00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:56,180 Yeah. 596 00:19:56,180 --> 00:19:57,300 This is definitely more free form. 597 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,420 Now, there's a couple of podcasts out there. 598 00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:03,100 I'm listening to this one right now because I basically 599 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:05,340 hit the roulette wheel on trying to figure out 600 00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:06,580 what I wanted to listen to. 601 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,580 And so I went to Spotify. 602 00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:10,060 It was like, give me random podcast. 603 00:20:10,060 --> 00:20:14,380 And it gave me this one called Well Now, Well, Comma Now. 604 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:19,180 And it's all about how people, how they deal with wellness, 605 00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:22,780 how they feel like wellness culture affects them, 606 00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:25,340 or part of wellness culture that they subscribe to. 607 00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:25,900 Right. 608 00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:29,340 And I listened to them every conversation. 609 00:20:29,340 --> 00:20:30,140 Yeah, it's polished. 610 00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:30,620 It's clipped. 611 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:33,020 You can tell they're reading from a piece of paper, which 612 00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:36,700 the only pieces of paper that I have are just suggestions. 613 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:37,220 Yeah. 614 00:20:37,220 --> 00:20:40,580 So I listened to the Murder Mystery sort of podcasts 615 00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:42,260 every so often that my wife sends me. 616 00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:43,900 And they always sound so crisp and clean. 617 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:46,660 And I'm like, I wish I could sound like that normal conversation. 618 00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:48,020 It never occurred to me that they might just 619 00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:49,020 be reading off a script. 620 00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:50,020 Yeah. 621 00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:50,820 So they'll have a script. 622 00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:51,740 They'll have highlights. 623 00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:56,060 And the more sponsors that this is what I thought I'd 624 00:20:56,060 --> 00:20:57,460 This is what I'm picking up. 625 00:20:57,460 --> 00:21:00,220 There's more sponsors that you have, the more time and preparation 626 00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,500 you have to write a script and be able to read it perfectly. 627 00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:04,140 Oh my goodness, that makes so much sense. 628 00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:04,780 Yeah. 629 00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:07,860 And my only sponsor happens to be this ad 630 00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:09,100 that I'm going to read right now. 631 00:21:11,860 --> 00:21:12,700 That's right. 632 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:14,180 This ad read right here. 633 00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:16,060 Hey, this is Michael LeBlanc, your guide 634 00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:17,980 through It's Your Laws podcast. 635 00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:20,780 Before we delve back in, this is a reminder that my memoir, 636 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,220 Dink, D&D in the coffin hold of the USS Enterprise, 637 00:21:24,220 --> 00:21:27,300 is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble as an e-book 638 00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:30,260 and as a paperback on Amazon. 639 00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:32,940 It's a memoir from the ages of five to 23 640 00:21:32,940 --> 00:21:35,540 and a journey through all the losses, triumph, and magic 641 00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:39,660 that tabletop RPGs gave me to help me keep saying and to heal. 642 00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:41,700 Grab your copy because your support 643 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:46,140 keeps this quet podcasting and exploring loss alive. 644 00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:47,940 Now let's get back to the story unfolding 645 00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:52,740 on It's Your Laws podcast. 646 00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:53,540 See? 647 00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:54,260 Painless. 648 00:21:54,260 --> 00:21:54,740 Painless. 649 00:21:54,740 --> 00:21:55,660 Just like that. 650 00:21:55,660 --> 00:21:56,980 I would have gotten you to read it, 651 00:21:56,980 --> 00:21:58,340 but I feel like it would sound hollow. 652 00:21:58,340 --> 00:21:59,740 You haven't read my book yet, so you know. 653 00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:00,420 Yeah, not yet. 654 00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:01,260 Yeah, not yet. 655 00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:02,740 I mean, I can try. 656 00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:03,260 You know what? 657 00:22:03,260 --> 00:22:04,740 This is what this podcast is turned into. 658 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:07,220 Go ahead and tell my book, Crack Open Chapter 1. 659 00:22:07,220 --> 00:22:09,780 We're just going to sit here and have you read out loud. 660 00:22:09,780 --> 00:22:11,260 Hello, let me fly. 661 00:22:11,260 --> 00:22:11,860 Oh my goodness. 662 00:22:11,860 --> 00:22:15,140 OK, so I feel like this is more like a pop quiz. 663 00:22:15,140 --> 00:22:17,300 Like, I'm supposed to have this already memorized 664 00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:18,540 at this point completely. 665 00:22:18,540 --> 00:22:20,140 I can tell you were not ready for this. 666 00:22:20,140 --> 00:22:20,980 Am I wearing underwear? 667 00:22:20,980 --> 00:22:22,940 Am I wearing pants? 668 00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:24,580 For the viewers at home, I'm not. 669 00:22:24,580 --> 00:22:25,220 Yeah. 670 00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,220 I was like, why wear pants when you're just 671 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:28,500 being shown from the waist up? 672 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:31,980 I mean, you got to be free. 673 00:22:31,980 --> 00:22:33,020 All right, so. 674 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,260 Actually, for the viewers at home, 675 00:22:34,260 --> 00:22:35,980 they don't even notice that there's two cats here. 676 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:36,660 That's true. 677 00:22:36,660 --> 00:22:37,140 Yeah. 678 00:22:37,140 --> 00:22:38,660 There could be a secret third cat 679 00:22:38,660 --> 00:22:40,420 that nobody's actually seeing. 680 00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:41,340 The ceiling cat. 681 00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:43,660 There's always ceiling cat. 682 00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:46,140 All right, so. 683 00:22:46,140 --> 00:22:49,060 Let's talk about the other losses 684 00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:50,060 that you were talking about. 685 00:22:50,060 --> 00:22:52,940 The points that were not people losses. 686 00:22:52,940 --> 00:22:56,180 I believe you mentioned lost about jobs, which is very valid. 687 00:22:56,180 --> 00:22:57,380 It can definitely. 688 00:22:57,380 --> 00:22:58,820 Can we start from the very beginning? 689 00:22:58,820 --> 00:23:00,580 Yeah, but you know what? 690 00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:01,700 Welcome out of the podcast. 691 00:23:01,700 --> 00:23:02,180 9-11. 692 00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:03,060 I think it's the last. 693 00:23:03,060 --> 00:23:05,460 No. 694 00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:08,740 So, but no, tell me about some losses that. 695 00:23:08,740 --> 00:23:09,380 I get. 696 00:23:09,380 --> 00:23:13,940 I stay up at night just thinking about if Taco Bell ever 697 00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:15,500 got rid of the Crunchwrap Supreme. 698 00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:18,700 And I feel like that that is a thing that would just ruin me. 699 00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:21,460 Honestly, I cry myself to sleep every night. 700 00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:23,780 I mean, that's like just because I'm a millennial, 701 00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:27,940 honestly, but sometimes it's because I'm thinking about it. 702 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,100 I feel you. 703 00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:30,300 I would be ruined. 704 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:32,380 Taco Bell is such a guilty. 705 00:23:32,380 --> 00:23:35,500 I mean, they already got rid of like the amount of lettuce 706 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:37,740 or the amount of meat that's on the inside. 707 00:23:37,740 --> 00:23:39,700 So it's not the right sort of Crunchwrap Supreme. 708 00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:42,340 They've also gotten rid of people who know how to roll a burrito properly. 709 00:23:42,340 --> 00:23:44,980 So every bite is a different. 710 00:23:44,980 --> 00:23:48,300 I mean, they hire at like $7.25 an hour still. 711 00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:50,300 So I mean, I'm pretty sure. 712 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:50,940 Yeah. 713 00:23:50,940 --> 00:23:51,460 Yeah. 714 00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:52,020 McDonald's. 715 00:23:52,020 --> 00:23:53,900 McDonald's since 2009. 716 00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:54,260 Yeah. 717 00:23:54,260 --> 00:23:56,060 You know, if it's not broke, don't fix it. 718 00:23:56,060 --> 00:23:58,820 Is that what happened with us? 719 00:23:58,820 --> 00:24:02,220 Taco Bell, when you're here, you're here. 720 00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:03,260 Get used to it. 721 00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:03,620 Yeah. 722 00:24:03,620 --> 00:24:06,340 So having no money, just the loss of money 723 00:24:06,340 --> 00:24:08,420 is like detrimental to sanity. 724 00:24:08,420 --> 00:24:08,660 Yeah. 725 00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:12,620 Honestly, I've got three kids for the viewers at home, 726 00:24:12,620 --> 00:24:14,780 only have one if you're ever thinking about it 727 00:24:14,780 --> 00:24:16,740 or zero, that's probably the best. 728 00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:18,420 Because then you might have a little bit of money. 729 00:24:18,420 --> 00:24:22,020 But right now, I got to tell you, even if I make $10,000 more, 730 00:24:22,020 --> 00:24:24,540 I still feel like I'm making $10,000 less. 731 00:24:24,540 --> 00:24:28,580 Well, as an adult, the more money you get, the more things find you to take that money away. 732 00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:29,500 Right. 733 00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:30,140 So right. 734 00:24:30,140 --> 00:24:33,660 What I could do with $10,000 right now, fix the things in my house 735 00:24:33,660 --> 00:24:39,460 and maybe buy a gaming PC, which is what I've always wanted. 736 00:24:39,460 --> 00:24:44,580 But of course, losing jobs, losing any sort of income, it sucks. 737 00:24:44,580 --> 00:24:49,860 And the idea of not having that sort of thing in the bank accounts, 738 00:24:49,860 --> 00:24:52,700 especially with a family, is rough. 739 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:53,220 Yeah. 740 00:24:53,220 --> 00:24:54,220 Yeah. 741 00:24:54,220 --> 00:24:57,500 So have you found yourself in a situation like that where you're like, 742 00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,660 oh, shit, I just lost a point of income? 743 00:25:00,660 --> 00:25:02,260 2020, honestly. 744 00:25:02,260 --> 00:25:04,020 I feel like everybody did. 745 00:25:04,020 --> 00:25:05,260 Happened to me twice. 746 00:25:05,260 --> 00:25:07,260 Yeah, twice. 747 00:25:07,260 --> 00:25:10,140 I just bought a house, 2019. 748 00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:15,020 And we had our daughter five days later, which was fantastic. 749 00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:17,460 And we were living the high life in December. 750 00:25:17,460 --> 00:25:21,060 And then one month later, COVID hit the United States. 751 00:25:21,060 --> 00:25:26,020 Everybody started going into lockdown in February and by March, I was out of income. 752 00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:27,540 Nobody was hiring. 753 00:25:27,540 --> 00:25:29,500 I got laid off. 754 00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:31,620 So that's just a lot of bills. 755 00:25:31,620 --> 00:25:35,500 And then trying to find something from the ground up sucks. 756 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:37,780 So how do you feel that you mentally dealt with it? 757 00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:38,780 What was your first? 758 00:25:38,780 --> 00:25:40,740 Mentally, cried every single night. 759 00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:43,620 And then I played Animal Crossing when it finally came out. 760 00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:44,860 Oh, you were on the lucky one. 761 00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:45,860 I tried to get that. 762 00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:46,500 Didn't work for me. 763 00:25:46,500 --> 00:25:47,620 Couldn't find a console. 764 00:25:47,620 --> 00:25:48,460 Couldn't find a game. 765 00:25:48,460 --> 00:25:48,940 Really? 766 00:25:48,940 --> 00:25:50,980 I just doubled down on Xbox. 767 00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:53,700 So I had three Nintendo switches over at the house. 768 00:25:53,700 --> 00:25:55,060 Yeah, because I'm a nerd. 769 00:25:55,060 --> 00:25:55,900 You were prepared. 770 00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:56,220 Yeah. 771 00:25:56,220 --> 00:25:58,700 Well, I have kids really like playing video games also. 772 00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:00,260 And my wife really likes playing video games. 773 00:26:00,260 --> 00:26:02,620 So we need to have like a Nintendo switch for everywhere. 774 00:26:02,620 --> 00:26:03,700 And Nintendo family, huh? 775 00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:04,460 Yeah, pretty good. 776 00:26:04,460 --> 00:26:04,860 Of course. 777 00:26:04,860 --> 00:26:05,060 Yeah. 778 00:26:05,060 --> 00:26:08,140 If my wife did want to play games, which she doesn't. 779 00:26:08,140 --> 00:26:09,380 She doesn't understand gaming at all. 780 00:26:09,380 --> 00:26:10,820 In fact, we had a conversation the other day. 781 00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:13,180 She was like, yeah, my parents didn't spend time on that shit. 782 00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:14,060 Her words exactly. 783 00:26:14,060 --> 00:26:16,460 And I felt like she physically attacked me. 784 00:26:16,460 --> 00:26:18,020 But I realized that she was just being real. 785 00:26:18,020 --> 00:26:19,420 She was being herself. 786 00:26:19,420 --> 00:26:21,940 But the time that she has played video games, 787 00:26:21,940 --> 00:26:24,220 but the time that she was a nanny, 788 00:26:24,220 --> 00:26:26,180 she would play Mario. 789 00:26:26,180 --> 00:26:26,860 Right. 790 00:26:26,860 --> 00:26:28,940 So she was she's a Nintendo fan as well. 791 00:26:28,940 --> 00:26:30,020 OK, that makes sense. 792 00:26:30,020 --> 00:26:30,260 Yeah. 793 00:26:30,260 --> 00:26:32,020 But all the stuff that I play on the Xbox, 794 00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:34,140 like I play like every once in a while, 795 00:26:34,140 --> 00:26:36,380 I want to dive into Superhot, which is just. 796 00:26:36,380 --> 00:26:37,740 Yeah, it's good. 797 00:26:37,740 --> 00:26:38,580 It's a great game. 798 00:26:38,580 --> 00:26:39,060 I love it. 799 00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:40,740 And she her words. 800 00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:42,020 I hate this game. 801 00:26:42,020 --> 00:26:44,420 I'm like, who hurt you? 802 00:26:44,420 --> 00:26:46,020 It's just really. 803 00:26:46,020 --> 00:26:46,460 Yeah. 804 00:26:46,460 --> 00:26:46,820 I don't know. 805 00:26:46,820 --> 00:26:48,740 My wife grew up in a household where 806 00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:51,580 her brothers played fighting games and soccer games. 807 00:26:51,580 --> 00:26:52,620 And that was it. 808 00:26:52,620 --> 00:26:54,460 And she was, of course, the girl who 809 00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:56,140 wasn't allowed to play video games. 810 00:26:56,140 --> 00:26:58,700 Or she was given a controller that didn't necessarily work. 811 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,980 So she definitely did not like playing video games 812 00:27:00,980 --> 00:27:04,860 until I forced her to play Breath of the Wild for the first time. 813 00:27:04,860 --> 00:27:06,660 And she was like, oh, I kind of like this. 814 00:27:06,660 --> 00:27:07,980 And then I forced her to play Skyrim. 815 00:27:07,980 --> 00:27:09,780 And she was like, oh, my goodness, I love this. 816 00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:12,100 And then I showed her Stardew Valley. 817 00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:15,540 And she's never wanted to play any other game since then. 818 00:27:15,540 --> 00:27:18,460 Moral of the story, don't show your wife or girlfriend 819 00:27:18,460 --> 00:27:21,220 Stardew Valley, because that will be there next few months. 820 00:27:21,220 --> 00:27:21,700 Yeah. 821 00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:23,620 Stardew Valley is one of those games 822 00:27:23,620 --> 00:27:25,500 that I found late in life. 823 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,820 And by late, I mean November of last year. 824 00:27:28,820 --> 00:27:32,900 And it's been it's it's been an addiction. 825 00:27:32,900 --> 00:27:33,340 Yeah. 826 00:27:33,340 --> 00:27:35,980 And it's been one of those games that I go to when 827 00:27:35,980 --> 00:27:40,140 every other game in my library just seems too much. 828 00:27:40,140 --> 00:27:40,820 Mm-hmm. 829 00:27:40,820 --> 00:27:42,220 You know, like just too much to do. 830 00:27:42,220 --> 00:27:44,220 Sometimes I just want to relax and chill. 831 00:27:44,220 --> 00:27:45,780 And then, you know, go in the cave, 832 00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:48,500 slap a couple of monsters around with a wooden sword. 833 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:49,220 Because I don't know. 834 00:27:49,220 --> 00:27:51,020 I always find myself romancing Sam. 835 00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:53,020 Oh, because he's a man child. 836 00:27:53,020 --> 00:27:55,500 And that just like screams to me a little bit. 837 00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:56,740 I feel that, man. 838 00:27:56,740 --> 00:27:57,500 I get that. 839 00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:59,140 And maybe that's just like my heart 840 00:27:59,140 --> 00:28:01,500 longing for hanging out with the bros again. 841 00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:04,500 But yeah, no, he just he speaks to me. 842 00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:05,780 You know, it's interesting. 843 00:28:05,780 --> 00:28:07,900 This is actually something that we can keep on topic 844 00:28:07,900 --> 00:28:09,740 and actually talk about. 845 00:28:09,740 --> 00:28:11,540 So I got Starfield. 846 00:28:11,540 --> 00:28:14,940 And with Bethesda, what it likes to do is, 847 00:28:14,940 --> 00:28:16,740 especially in its longer games, it wants to give you 848 00:28:16,740 --> 00:28:19,420 the chance to romance the characters that you're with. 849 00:28:19,420 --> 00:28:19,780 Of course. 850 00:28:19,780 --> 00:28:22,740 And one of the the first time I ever played, 851 00:28:22,740 --> 00:28:24,740 there's this character and there's names Barrett. 852 00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:27,420 He is this. 853 00:28:27,420 --> 00:28:28,620 He's kind of a space scoundrel. 854 00:28:28,620 --> 00:28:31,300 I'm getting serious Han solo vibes from him. 855 00:28:31,300 --> 00:28:35,420 Actually, he can get along with pirates as well as, 856 00:28:35,420 --> 00:28:40,300 you know, the more stuffy shirt political types. 857 00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:42,620 Anyway, as I was fine that you were 858 00:28:42,620 --> 00:28:46,180 mancing like these fake characters and stuff in video games. 859 00:28:46,180 --> 00:28:47,980 Is that because you weren't loved properly as a child? 860 00:28:47,980 --> 00:28:51,340 You know, it very well could be, you know. 861 00:28:51,340 --> 00:28:51,900 You know what? 862 00:28:51,900 --> 00:28:53,020 I'm going to stop paying my therapist. 863 00:28:53,020 --> 00:28:54,420 Sam, you just need to come around more often. 864 00:28:54,420 --> 00:28:56,180 That's what they all. 865 00:28:56,180 --> 00:28:57,060 I'm cheaper. 866 00:28:57,060 --> 00:28:58,700 Yeah. 867 00:28:58,700 --> 00:28:59,940 I bought you off of the thing of water. 868 00:28:59,940 --> 00:29:01,620 No, water is really good. 869 00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:03,260 The yeah, it is the filter. 870 00:29:03,260 --> 00:29:03,860 We got here is great. 871 00:29:03,860 --> 00:29:05,580 Bramperetta just heads different. 872 00:29:05,580 --> 00:29:06,660 I'm telling you, it's properly chills. 873 00:29:06,660 --> 00:29:07,340 Crisp. 874 00:29:07,340 --> 00:29:09,980 It's almost as good as McDonald's. 875 00:29:09,980 --> 00:29:12,180 But anyway, so yeah, I wind up romancing Barrett 876 00:29:12,180 --> 00:29:14,860 because I feel I feel like he's the good character. 877 00:29:14,860 --> 00:29:18,180 And you know, spoiler alert, if you want to fast forward 878 00:29:18,180 --> 00:29:20,860 to like what looks like it's going to be, maybe, I don't know, 879 00:29:20,860 --> 00:29:21,940 it's going to be edited. 880 00:29:21,940 --> 00:29:23,420 Spoiler alert. 881 00:29:23,420 --> 00:29:25,660 The character who you're romancing 882 00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:28,500 gets thrown into a situation where it's either them 883 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:33,540 or the rest of the people that you're adventuring with. 884 00:29:33,540 --> 00:29:34,820 I haven't actually played the video game. 885 00:29:34,820 --> 00:29:35,980 You're ruining this for me. 886 00:29:35,980 --> 00:29:36,980 Yeah. 887 00:29:36,980 --> 00:29:38,060 Man, you have I know. 888 00:29:38,060 --> 00:29:40,140 You have no idea when it's coming, though. 889 00:29:40,140 --> 00:29:41,060 OK, that's a good point. 890 00:29:41,060 --> 00:29:42,020 That's a good point. 891 00:29:42,020 --> 00:29:44,300 I'm never going to play Starfield, but I mean, continue. 892 00:29:44,300 --> 00:29:48,060 But yeah, so I with a big heart that I am goes, 893 00:29:48,060 --> 00:29:51,180 you know, the means of the mini, the way the needs of the few, 894 00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:54,940 and the way that the story was told because one. 895 00:29:54,940 --> 00:29:56,780 You killed off the love of your life. 896 00:29:56,780 --> 00:29:57,620 I let him die. 897 00:29:57,620 --> 00:29:58,340 I let him die. 898 00:29:58,340 --> 00:30:01,860 And so did she get to go to the place and see his dead body 899 00:30:01,860 --> 00:30:03,940 and he's being like cradled by the one person who 900 00:30:03,940 --> 00:30:05,100 was there with him. 901 00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:06,660 With the graphics. 902 00:30:06,660 --> 00:30:09,580 Yeah, obviously, you know, you probably go over to his eyes 903 00:30:09,580 --> 00:30:11,180 or just wide open his mouth still moving. 904 00:30:11,180 --> 00:30:12,580 But you know, he's dead. 905 00:30:12,580 --> 00:30:14,380 The ragdoll physics is still there. 906 00:30:14,380 --> 00:30:17,220 He's just kind of like flailing around. 907 00:30:17,220 --> 00:30:21,220 But I'm going to be real like for as much as I was in that moment, 908 00:30:21,220 --> 00:30:22,340 I was immersed. 909 00:30:22,340 --> 00:30:27,020 Dude, I actually I actually went through like a very quick flash 910 00:30:27,020 --> 00:30:29,500 of the five of the five stages. 911 00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:31,780 Like, you know, no. 912 00:30:31,780 --> 00:30:36,220 I was angry at the the antagonist the way that he's supposed to. 913 00:30:36,220 --> 00:30:37,620 It's good storytelling one. 914 00:30:37,620 --> 00:30:39,860 If a story can do that, I've had books do that too. 915 00:30:39,860 --> 00:30:43,220 Stephen King writes great characters that when they've 916 00:30:43,220 --> 00:30:44,700 gotten lost killed. 917 00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:45,820 Oh, yeah, you get lost. 918 00:30:45,820 --> 00:30:46,940 I threw a book one time. 919 00:30:46,940 --> 00:30:49,380 I just was like, it hit spine first in the wall. 920 00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:51,460 And if you hit anything with the spine of a book, 921 00:30:51,460 --> 00:30:52,540 you're damaging it. 922 00:30:52,540 --> 00:30:55,460 A spine of a book is a very thick, hard object. 923 00:30:55,460 --> 00:30:56,620 Especially Stephen King. 924 00:30:56,620 --> 00:30:58,940 Because if you throw the stand, that's basically a brick. 925 00:30:58,940 --> 00:30:59,580 Exactly. 926 00:30:59,580 --> 00:31:00,180 Exactly. 927 00:31:00,180 --> 00:31:03,020 You know who's spine wasn't strong now. 928 00:31:03,020 --> 00:31:05,380 That would be Stephen King's when he got hit by that van. 929 00:31:05,380 --> 00:31:07,300 But he's OK now. 930 00:31:07,300 --> 00:31:08,220 He's OK now. 931 00:31:08,220 --> 00:31:09,220 I know about that. 932 00:31:09,220 --> 00:31:12,620 Yeah, you know, he wrote that into his own books. 933 00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:13,180 That's how much. 934 00:31:13,180 --> 00:31:15,260 Keep in the Stephen King lore. 935 00:31:15,260 --> 00:31:17,140 Let's just talk about him for the next 40 minutes. 936 00:31:17,140 --> 00:31:20,460 Yes, the cocaine induced writing session. 937 00:31:20,460 --> 00:31:22,020 Oh, you were a writer, weren't you? 938 00:31:22,020 --> 00:31:22,260 Yeah. 939 00:31:22,260 --> 00:31:23,660 So you know all about that. 940 00:31:23,660 --> 00:31:26,980 Yeah, just massive amounts of Escobar style cocaine 941 00:31:26,980 --> 00:31:29,620 that I keep piled up just to meet the deadlines. 942 00:31:29,620 --> 00:31:31,500 Oh, I mean, you have to with this economy. 943 00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:32,500 It's a poor economy. 944 00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:35,340 It's a poor economy. 945 00:31:35,340 --> 00:31:36,940 Oh, so all right. 946 00:31:36,940 --> 00:31:38,700 So I admitted. 947 00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:40,220 And I imagine that you were being. 948 00:31:40,220 --> 00:31:41,820 Admitted like I was being interrogated. 949 00:31:41,820 --> 00:31:42,780 Yeah, I know, right? 950 00:31:42,780 --> 00:31:43,540 Yeah. 951 00:31:43,540 --> 00:31:48,220 That you cried when you realized that, you know, 952 00:31:48,220 --> 00:31:49,980 holy shit, I got this family, this house, 953 00:31:49,980 --> 00:31:52,620 and everything to take care of, and everything like that. 954 00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:53,580 Was there anything else? 955 00:31:53,580 --> 00:31:56,860 Was your relationship, did it feel any strain? 956 00:31:56,860 --> 00:31:58,940 Were you feeling like anger, resentment, or anything? 957 00:31:58,940 --> 00:32:00,980 Like how did that, how did that play out? 958 00:32:00,980 --> 00:32:04,780 Actually, no, no point was our relationship ever put in jeopardy 959 00:32:04,780 --> 00:32:06,100 even a little bit. 960 00:32:06,100 --> 00:32:09,540 But it was the idea that I wasn't enough to be able to support 961 00:32:09,540 --> 00:32:14,540 my own children or the wife that has already given me so much. 962 00:32:14,540 --> 00:32:18,980 I felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to. 963 00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:19,340 Right. 964 00:32:19,340 --> 00:32:21,820 And that just wrecked me emotionally. 965 00:32:21,820 --> 00:32:24,460 And I want to say like physically for like a while, 966 00:32:24,460 --> 00:32:26,980 I felt like six in my stomach almost every single day 967 00:32:26,980 --> 00:32:29,780 thinking I have to wake up, I'm going to go into the living room, 968 00:32:29,780 --> 00:32:33,340 I'm going to apply for as many positions as I can throughout 969 00:32:33,340 --> 00:32:35,980 the entire country, does not matter where it is, 970 00:32:35,980 --> 00:32:38,780 as long as it puts food on the, into the bank accounts 971 00:32:38,780 --> 00:32:40,180 and food on the table. 972 00:32:40,180 --> 00:32:43,300 You're a, sound like a guy who likes to hit the ground running. 973 00:32:43,300 --> 00:32:43,740 Yeah. 974 00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:46,620 Not a lot of time for wallowing on, on the dime, so to speak. 975 00:32:46,620 --> 00:32:48,100 Yeah. 976 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:50,460 Just wears at you over time. 977 00:32:50,460 --> 00:32:53,460 And I, I don't know if I could ever do that ever again, 978 00:32:53,460 --> 00:32:56,940 but if I did get the experience now to have to deal with it. 979 00:32:56,940 --> 00:33:00,940 I, I went through, I know I went through like anger, 980 00:33:00,940 --> 00:33:04,020 definitely depression, not some, actually I did do a little bit 981 00:33:04,020 --> 00:33:06,540 of bargaining when I got let go of Delta. 982 00:33:06,540 --> 00:33:09,820 I should write down all of the five stages so that way I could 983 00:33:09,820 --> 00:33:10,580 just reference them. 984 00:33:10,580 --> 00:33:11,100 Yeah. 985 00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:12,820 Cause that would have been a lot easier. 986 00:33:12,820 --> 00:33:13,860 I didn't even think about it. 987 00:33:13,860 --> 00:33:15,700 I did not plan for the podcast even slightly. 988 00:33:15,700 --> 00:33:18,100 Actually bring that up a lot of times during the conversations 989 00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:18,740 that we've had. 990 00:33:18,740 --> 00:33:19,100 Right. 991 00:33:19,100 --> 00:33:22,540 And it's, if anybody who is actually listening to this, 992 00:33:22,540 --> 00:33:26,100 you may see like a progression of conversation and 993 00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:29,540 cohesiveness and maybe even quality because I'm, 994 00:33:29,540 --> 00:33:31,860 I'm learning as I go along and remembering to read things that 995 00:33:31,860 --> 00:33:34,140 I forgot to read before even starting the stamp thing. 996 00:33:34,140 --> 00:33:35,180 Right. 997 00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:37,620 But we're just kind of going off the wall while we're here. 998 00:33:37,620 --> 00:33:38,140 Exactly. 999 00:33:38,140 --> 00:33:38,900 Yeah. 1000 00:33:38,900 --> 00:33:41,900 And if I, if I was really good, I would have like a second computer. 1001 00:33:41,900 --> 00:33:42,780 It's like right here. 1002 00:33:42,780 --> 00:33:43,340 You were good. 1003 00:33:43,340 --> 00:33:44,740 I could just like pull things up. 1004 00:33:44,740 --> 00:33:48,380 But if we were good, we would have had actual equipment and 1005 00:33:48,380 --> 00:33:52,660 actual computer professionals, definitely not us here. 1006 00:33:52,660 --> 00:33:54,460 No, I would have definitely ghost written this. 1007 00:33:54,460 --> 00:33:55,700 The cats would definitely be here. 1008 00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:56,100 Yeah. 1009 00:33:56,100 --> 00:33:56,660 Obviously. 1010 00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:57,260 Actually, you know what? 1011 00:33:57,260 --> 00:33:58,100 They're the main stars. 1012 00:33:58,100 --> 00:33:59,580 Put them in front of the camera. 1013 00:33:59,580 --> 00:34:00,620 God, that's what people want to see. 1014 00:34:00,620 --> 00:34:01,780 That's right. 1015 00:34:01,780 --> 00:34:01,980 Yeah. 1016 00:34:01,980 --> 00:34:02,460 It's a view. 1017 00:34:02,460 --> 00:34:05,580 It's like, yeah, that's how you do it. 1018 00:34:05,580 --> 00:34:06,940 Well, these cats have personality. 1019 00:34:06,940 --> 00:34:07,620 They do. 1020 00:34:07,620 --> 00:34:08,460 They do. 1021 00:34:08,460 --> 00:34:11,460 And some of it is entirely too much. 1022 00:34:11,460 --> 00:34:14,980 They need to, you know, realize who's paying them or feeding them. 1023 00:34:14,980 --> 00:34:18,460 Well, they know who God in this house. 1024 00:34:18,460 --> 00:34:19,460 It's them. 1025 00:34:19,460 --> 00:34:20,780 Seriously. 1026 00:34:20,780 --> 00:34:22,380 So I have a question. 1027 00:34:22,380 --> 00:34:23,420 Delta. 1028 00:34:23,420 --> 00:34:24,260 Yeah, Delta. 1029 00:34:24,260 --> 00:34:24,940 That's right. 1030 00:34:24,940 --> 00:34:26,180 I wrote it down. 1031 00:34:26,180 --> 00:34:26,740 As you say. 1032 00:34:26,740 --> 00:34:27,060 Good job. 1033 00:34:27,060 --> 00:34:28,860 Good job. 1034 00:34:28,860 --> 00:34:30,500 Somebody's getting their shit together. 1035 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:30,980 I'm glad. 1036 00:34:30,980 --> 00:34:33,740 So 2020, I was working for Delta. 1037 00:34:33,740 --> 00:34:36,620 Started in actually 2019 because I quit my job at McDonald's 1038 00:34:36,620 --> 00:34:40,180 because I realized after having an introspective moment of staring 1039 00:34:40,180 --> 00:34:43,900 into the friars, the fries were burbling, I said out loud. 1040 00:34:43,900 --> 00:34:45,180 And my crew was worried about me. 1041 00:34:45,180 --> 00:34:48,340 I said out loud, this job's going to kill me. 1042 00:34:48,340 --> 00:34:49,980 And they were like, Michael, you OK? 1043 00:34:49,980 --> 00:34:50,820 I'm like, I don't know. 1044 00:34:50,820 --> 00:34:52,020 So sort of after that, I quit. 1045 00:34:52,020 --> 00:34:52,820 I started at Delta. 1046 00:34:52,820 --> 00:34:54,820 But I was last. 1047 00:34:54,820 --> 00:34:58,060 So how princesses usually look into some puddle 1048 00:34:58,060 --> 00:34:59,020 and see their reflection. 1049 00:34:59,020 --> 00:35:00,220 They're like, who am I? 1050 00:35:00,220 --> 00:35:02,140 You looked into the fryer with all the fry bits 1051 00:35:02,140 --> 00:35:04,220 and you're like, hmm, who am I? 1052 00:35:04,220 --> 00:35:04,700 Yeah. 1053 00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:05,200 Yeah. 1054 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:05,980 Who am I? 1055 00:35:05,980 --> 00:35:09,140 Is there longevity in this? 1056 00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:10,380 There was not. 1057 00:35:10,380 --> 00:35:14,420 So the job that I found, I was last in first out, basically. 1058 00:35:14,420 --> 00:35:17,580 Because COVID hit, lockdowns happened, jobs were affected, 1059 00:35:17,580 --> 00:35:19,300 especially in the airline business. 1060 00:35:19,300 --> 00:35:20,700 And I was in the mechanic area. 1061 00:35:20,700 --> 00:35:24,460 But still, if flights aren't happening, money's not coming in 1062 00:35:24,460 --> 00:35:26,780 and people aren't getting paid, I've got to do what I've got to do. 1063 00:35:26,780 --> 00:35:29,140 So I actually did a little bit of bargaining 1064 00:35:29,140 --> 00:35:32,340 when they called me one morning. 1065 00:35:32,340 --> 00:35:34,780 They gave the most bullshit answer, or a bullshit reason. 1066 00:35:34,780 --> 00:35:37,100 They said I had stolen food from the fridge. 1067 00:35:37,100 --> 00:35:39,140 And that was the reason I let them go. 1068 00:35:39,140 --> 00:35:40,740 And I'm like, well, let's just come up with a reason. 1069 00:35:40,740 --> 00:35:41,220 Well, yeah. 1070 00:35:41,220 --> 00:35:41,780 Like, yeah. 1071 00:35:41,780 --> 00:35:45,900 It's better for the metrics than to say, oh no, 1072 00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:48,380 this pandemic is getting us. 1073 00:35:48,380 --> 00:35:49,380 And we have to start cutting. 1074 00:35:49,380 --> 00:35:49,860 Better for the stock? 1075 00:35:49,860 --> 00:35:50,380 Yeah. 1076 00:35:50,380 --> 00:35:50,860 Others also. 1077 00:35:50,860 --> 00:35:51,420 Right. 1078 00:35:51,420 --> 00:35:55,100 So we got rid of a thief instead of cutting down for that. 1079 00:35:55,100 --> 00:35:57,180 But anyway, I was like, no, I don't know where 1080 00:35:57,180 --> 00:35:58,020 you got your information. 1081 00:35:58,020 --> 00:36:01,980 Like, I was pleading with the, because I was through a mediary 1082 00:36:01,980 --> 00:36:02,700 staffing service. 1083 00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:03,420 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1084 00:36:03,420 --> 00:36:03,780 Yeah. 1085 00:36:03,780 --> 00:36:06,740 And so I told him, it's like, you need to find out who you're talking to, 1086 00:36:06,740 --> 00:36:08,780 who told you that, because, I mean, that's some bullshit. 1087 00:36:08,780 --> 00:36:12,300 And so she got back in touch with me about 30 minutes later. 1088 00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:14,060 And I was like, no, I'm sorry. 1089 00:36:14,060 --> 00:36:15,140 This is it. 1090 00:36:15,140 --> 00:36:16,180 You're not going back to there. 1091 00:36:16,180 --> 00:36:17,420 I was like, OK. 1092 00:36:17,420 --> 00:36:20,380 That puts you on the bad side for the staffing service also. 1093 00:36:20,380 --> 00:36:20,820 It did. 1094 00:36:20,820 --> 00:36:26,460 But two weeks later, she got a letter from the guy saying, hey, 1095 00:36:26,460 --> 00:36:27,700 this is actually what happened. 1096 00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:30,020 Because he evidently, I don't know, never really got a chance 1097 00:36:30,020 --> 00:36:30,420 to talk to him. 1098 00:36:30,420 --> 00:36:31,420 But I'd like to thank you. 1099 00:36:31,420 --> 00:36:33,420 He thought, I don't want to ruin this kid's future. 1100 00:36:33,420 --> 00:36:33,900 What kid? 1101 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:36,460 I was 35, 30 something years old either way. 1102 00:36:36,460 --> 00:36:38,860 I don't want to ruin this kid's future. 1103 00:36:38,860 --> 00:36:41,580 Here recently, I'm starting to think of myself as adult evidently. 1104 00:36:41,580 --> 00:36:42,820 No, everything was fine with them. 1105 00:36:42,820 --> 00:36:44,900 But I didn't go through that staffing agency again. 1106 00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:46,300 Goumar in appearance. 1107 00:36:46,300 --> 00:36:47,180 Jen Z at heart. 1108 00:36:47,180 --> 00:36:47,700 Exactly. 1109 00:36:47,700 --> 00:36:48,180 There we go. 1110 00:36:48,180 --> 00:36:48,900 That's what it is. 1111 00:36:48,900 --> 00:36:51,300 And so I found another job. 1112 00:36:51,300 --> 00:36:54,780 That one after I got lost, after I got lost, 1113 00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:57,020 after they let me go out of the second job, 1114 00:36:57,020 --> 00:36:58,300 that one was just disappointment. 1115 00:36:58,300 --> 00:36:59,540 Because I knew it was coming. 1116 00:36:59,540 --> 00:37:01,060 It was owned by an overseas company. 1117 00:37:01,060 --> 00:37:03,580 And the overseas company was looking at us over here 1118 00:37:03,580 --> 00:37:06,740 in America going, you guys don't know how to handle yourself 1119 00:37:06,740 --> 00:37:07,740 during all of this. 1120 00:37:07,740 --> 00:37:10,260 So cut 50% of your workforce. 1121 00:37:10,260 --> 00:37:12,580 Again, last and first out. 1122 00:37:12,580 --> 00:37:15,140 But no, the way that Delta went, dude, I seriously 1123 00:37:15,140 --> 00:37:19,100 got a flash of just anger, depression, bargaining, 1124 00:37:19,100 --> 00:37:20,420 eventually acceptance. 1125 00:37:20,420 --> 00:37:21,460 Because what am I going to do? 1126 00:37:21,460 --> 00:37:22,620 Go up to Delta. 1127 00:37:22,620 --> 00:37:24,180 Just walk in. 1128 00:37:24,180 --> 00:37:27,660 Go, hey, my badge isn't clocking me in for some reason. 1129 00:37:27,660 --> 00:37:29,700 What's this about? 1130 00:37:29,700 --> 00:37:34,180 So it just goes to show that, and I've said this before, 1131 00:37:34,180 --> 00:37:37,900 that losing denial and acceptance. 1132 00:37:37,900 --> 00:37:38,860 Definitely bargaining. 1133 00:37:38,860 --> 00:37:39,940 Yeah, denial. 1134 00:37:39,940 --> 00:37:40,860 There was a little bit of denial. 1135 00:37:40,860 --> 00:37:43,620 I definitely didn't have to Google the five stages of grief 1136 00:37:43,620 --> 00:37:45,540 because I didn't actually remember what it was. 1137 00:37:45,540 --> 00:37:47,660 Good job on doing that when the camera wasn't on you. 1138 00:37:47,660 --> 00:37:50,460 I mean, not when the camera wasn't on you. 1139 00:37:50,460 --> 00:37:54,220 But no, so it doesn't matter exactly what you're losing. 1140 00:37:54,220 --> 00:37:57,860 Will and can trigger those feelings in you. 1141 00:37:57,860 --> 00:38:01,460 And it's perfectly valid because we, as humans, 1142 00:38:01,460 --> 00:38:02,940 don't like things to change. 1143 00:38:02,940 --> 00:38:04,820 We don't like to lose things. 1144 00:38:04,820 --> 00:38:08,420 Which is, I think, why I find so much solace in Buddhism 1145 00:38:08,420 --> 00:38:08,980 the way I do. 1146 00:38:08,980 --> 00:38:11,300 Because it's kind of taught me to let go of things. 1147 00:38:11,300 --> 00:38:14,460 Because the wanting to hold on to things, 1148 00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:17,660 whether or not even if it's a memory or if it's an idea, 1149 00:38:17,660 --> 00:38:20,620 a job, a person, the wanting of that person 1150 00:38:20,620 --> 00:38:24,020 to be a solid thing in your life causes suffering. 1151 00:38:24,020 --> 00:38:27,260 And there's a lot of things, actually, it turns out, 1152 00:38:27,260 --> 00:38:28,180 that causes suffering. 1153 00:38:28,180 --> 00:38:29,900 But that's one of them as well. 1154 00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:32,300 And so if you can free yourself from that, 1155 00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:36,100 that's a huge relief on just going through life. 1156 00:38:36,100 --> 00:38:37,860 And your whole psyche at the end of the day. 1157 00:38:37,860 --> 00:38:41,100 Yeah, yeah, it's easier to reconcile yourself 1158 00:38:41,100 --> 00:38:42,220 with yourself. 1159 00:38:42,220 --> 00:38:45,180 It kind of helps to smooth the rough edges. 1160 00:38:45,180 --> 00:38:45,940 Yeah. 1161 00:38:45,940 --> 00:38:50,540 All right, so let's see if there's anything else on here. 1162 00:38:50,540 --> 00:38:54,180 The only things I have here is Palestine. 1163 00:38:54,180 --> 00:38:54,780 Yeah? 1164 00:38:54,780 --> 00:38:55,780 That's a lot. 1165 00:38:55,780 --> 00:38:56,500 There's a lot. 1166 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:57,500 That's deep. 1167 00:38:57,500 --> 00:38:57,980 I don't know. 1168 00:38:57,980 --> 00:39:01,100 I don't know if we got time to dig into the Middle East crisis. 1169 00:39:01,100 --> 00:39:02,140 Maybe one day. 1170 00:39:02,140 --> 00:39:04,500 I mean, you're going to experience loss nowadays 1171 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:05,500 in your day-to-day life. 1172 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:08,300 That is every single moment that you get onto Instagram 1173 00:39:08,300 --> 00:39:08,900 or TikTok. 1174 00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:11,100 That's all over the For You pages. 1175 00:39:11,100 --> 00:39:11,700 That's true. 1176 00:39:11,700 --> 00:39:13,940 That's the current piece of news that's going on. 1177 00:39:13,940 --> 00:39:15,860 If you're one of those people who want to experience loss 1178 00:39:15,860 --> 00:39:17,580 through other people's losses. 1179 00:39:17,580 --> 00:39:21,780 Yeah, I don't know if wanting to or that's just the sort of thing. 1180 00:39:21,780 --> 00:39:25,140 I also have very non-sequitur sequel movies. 1181 00:39:25,140 --> 00:39:29,340 You wanted to be good, but ruined the whole series for you. 1182 00:39:29,340 --> 00:39:31,940 Yeah, I'll give a minute to that. 1183 00:39:31,940 --> 00:39:32,700 Serenity. 1184 00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:33,620 Serenity. 1185 00:39:33,620 --> 00:39:34,260 From Firefly? 1186 00:39:34,260 --> 00:39:34,700 Yeah. 1187 00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:35,500 Did you ever watch that? 1188 00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:36,100 I did watch. 1189 00:39:36,100 --> 00:39:36,940 Yeah, because I got. 1190 00:39:36,940 --> 00:39:38,340 That hurt me on the inside. 1191 00:39:38,340 --> 00:39:39,900 I mean, it didn't ruin the whole series. 1192 00:39:39,900 --> 00:39:42,380 But Firefly was so good. 1193 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:47,140 And then they ruined it by killing off my man, Wash. 1194 00:39:47,140 --> 00:39:48,220 Leave it to win, man. 1195 00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:50,500 And yeah, I just, oh, god, yeah. 1196 00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:51,940 That one, the win it. 1197 00:39:51,940 --> 00:39:52,260 Wait a second. 1198 00:39:52,260 --> 00:39:52,660 I'm sorry. 1199 00:39:52,660 --> 00:39:53,580 Spoiler alert. 1200 00:39:53,580 --> 00:39:54,260 Oh my god. 1201 00:39:54,260 --> 00:39:55,980 I'm so sorry, guys. 1202 00:39:55,980 --> 00:39:58,100 But the death on that screen was one of the ones 1203 00:39:58,100 --> 00:40:00,700 that you physically felt when you saw it. 1204 00:40:00,700 --> 00:40:01,580 I cried in the theater. 1205 00:40:01,580 --> 00:40:03,500 Hey, I'll cry at a movie. 1206 00:40:03,500 --> 00:40:04,260 I have no problem doing that. 1207 00:40:04,260 --> 00:40:04,780 Loudly. 1208 00:40:04,780 --> 00:40:08,140 They probably had to get me out of there at some point. 1209 00:40:08,140 --> 00:40:11,420 It's like, I need to run. 1210 00:40:11,420 --> 00:40:13,140 Just gripping onto the curtain down 1211 00:40:13,140 --> 00:40:16,300 at the very bottom, like, sweeping tears into it. 1212 00:40:16,300 --> 00:40:18,020 The minimum wage workers that work 1213 00:40:18,020 --> 00:40:21,380 at the theater having to drag me out of there by my feet 1214 00:40:21,380 --> 00:40:22,700 as I'm clawing at the ground. 1215 00:40:22,700 --> 00:40:23,180 Whoa. 1216 00:40:23,180 --> 00:40:26,780 It's so loud. 1217 00:40:26,780 --> 00:40:27,820 Happens to the fast bus. 1218 00:40:27,820 --> 00:40:32,540 And then there's movies that have come along that, like you 1219 00:40:32,540 --> 00:40:34,300 said, that weren't as good as they wanted to be. 1220 00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:36,460 And I'm going to go ahead and defend it 1221 00:40:36,460 --> 00:40:38,060 when it first came out, because it was cool. 1222 00:40:38,060 --> 00:40:40,740 Star Wars equals Star Wars. 1223 00:40:40,740 --> 00:40:43,940 He whispers into the compression mic. 1224 00:40:43,940 --> 00:40:46,780 Now, look, Star Wars, for me, is a great time for me 1225 00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:48,780 to just sit down with my brain turned off. 1226 00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:51,780 They can give me almost anything, even if it's some BS, 1227 00:40:51,780 --> 00:40:54,340 like, hey, the emperor's back. 1228 00:40:54,340 --> 00:40:54,820 Woo. 1229 00:40:54,820 --> 00:40:57,140 OK, replace the emperor, OK? 1230 00:40:57,140 --> 00:40:57,460 Yeah. 1231 00:40:57,460 --> 00:40:58,740 With Jar Jar Binks. 1232 00:40:58,740 --> 00:41:00,340 If they brought Jar Jar Binks back, OK? 1233 00:41:00,340 --> 00:41:02,820 All of a sudden, the movies go from, man, 1234 00:41:02,820 --> 00:41:04,740 this is like a really bad series to, 1235 00:41:04,740 --> 00:41:06,460 this is the best series of all time, 1236 00:41:06,460 --> 00:41:07,700 and everything's going to be memed. 1237 00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:09,460 I can't believe they were so pulled. 1238 00:41:09,460 --> 00:41:09,940 Right. 1239 00:41:09,940 --> 00:41:14,740 It's like, um, but no, the same character, same lines, 1240 00:41:14,740 --> 00:41:16,500 same delivery, Jar Jar Binks. 1241 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:17,180 Oh, man. 1242 00:41:17,180 --> 00:41:17,860 Right? 1243 00:41:17,860 --> 00:41:19,860 Dude, you should have been in that boardroom. 1244 00:41:19,860 --> 00:41:21,100 I should have. 1245 00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:21,900 They must have been. 1246 00:41:21,900 --> 00:41:23,500 The newest Matrix movie. 1247 00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:24,860 Oh, I haven't seen it. 1248 00:41:24,860 --> 00:41:27,780 Which I had to watch it twice to understand it, 1249 00:41:27,780 --> 00:41:29,260 which it's a Wachowski film. 1250 00:41:29,260 --> 00:41:31,820 I understand, you know, they got layers. 1251 00:41:31,820 --> 00:41:35,180 But this one, it was, it's meta, man. 1252 00:41:35,180 --> 00:41:36,100 It's very meta. 1253 00:41:36,100 --> 00:41:38,540 It's very self-aware. 1254 00:41:38,540 --> 00:41:42,820 And I think maybe it was a logical step to make. 1255 00:41:42,820 --> 00:41:46,060 If you were in a room by yourself with your sister 1256 00:41:46,060 --> 00:41:48,740 for long enough and you were just throwing ideas back and forth 1257 00:41:48,740 --> 00:41:49,260 like they were. 1258 00:41:49,260 --> 00:41:49,860 Yeah. 1259 00:41:49,860 --> 00:41:53,300 But I think to the rest of the public, we were all like, 1260 00:41:53,300 --> 00:41:55,540 we, we didn't, we understand. 1261 00:41:55,540 --> 00:41:56,900 We didn't want this. 1262 00:41:56,900 --> 00:41:57,860 Right. 1263 00:41:57,860 --> 00:41:59,100 Right. 1264 00:41:59,100 --> 00:42:03,700 The only thing that I know about it is that it was set in the new world 1265 00:42:03,700 --> 00:42:07,260 that they had left from and into. 1266 00:42:07,260 --> 00:42:07,500 Yeah. 1267 00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:12,460 And it was like he was famous and a movie star. 1268 00:42:12,460 --> 00:42:12,860 Yeah. 1269 00:42:12,860 --> 00:42:15,740 And that's, that's all that I know about it. 1270 00:42:15,740 --> 00:42:16,660 I haven't actually watched it. 1271 00:42:16,660 --> 00:42:17,860 I've only heard bad things. 1272 00:42:17,860 --> 00:42:18,380 Yeah. 1273 00:42:18,380 --> 00:42:23,940 The, the loss, the loss that I got there was not having any of my expectations 1274 00:42:23,940 --> 00:42:26,020 met or even how did that make you feel? 1275 00:42:26,020 --> 00:42:26,700 Yeah. 1276 00:42:26,700 --> 00:42:28,580 Don't ignore it. 1277 00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:30,020 They need to go back to the board. 1278 00:42:30,020 --> 00:42:33,740 I will take a Snyder cut of that please. 1279 00:42:33,740 --> 00:42:36,700 Everything that was on the cutting room floor, just put it back on there. 1280 00:42:36,700 --> 00:42:37,140 Just put it back in. 1281 00:42:37,140 --> 00:42:39,220 Give me a lot of slow motion. 1282 00:42:39,220 --> 00:42:41,100 That'll make my broken heart feel a lot. 1283 00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:44,300 They just needed to do an animatrix version of it. 1284 00:42:44,300 --> 00:42:44,780 Oh yeah. 1285 00:42:44,780 --> 00:42:45,300 As the name. 1286 00:42:45,300 --> 00:42:45,980 You know what? 1287 00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:46,940 The animatrix was great. 1288 00:42:46,940 --> 00:42:47,460 That was great. 1289 00:42:47,460 --> 00:42:47,740 I'll do that. 1290 00:42:47,740 --> 00:42:50,980 It was just little clippets of things here and there that just made the whole thing 1291 00:42:50,980 --> 00:42:51,220 you know. 1292 00:42:51,220 --> 00:42:53,140 There was a lot in that that stuck with me. 1293 00:42:53,140 --> 00:42:56,060 But you know what really stuck with me out of the animatrix was the, 1294 00:42:56,060 --> 00:42:59,020 the one where they're just in the city, you know, and then in that town 1295 00:42:59,020 --> 00:43:01,580 and then there's that house that had all the glitches in it and whatnot 1296 00:43:01,580 --> 00:43:03,220 because it was like a broken point. 1297 00:43:03,220 --> 00:43:04,740 The gravity was all wrong. 1298 00:43:04,740 --> 00:43:05,260 Yeah. 1299 00:43:05,260 --> 00:43:06,020 Got it. 1300 00:43:06,020 --> 00:43:09,100 Well, I mean, even the Star Wars series ended up doing something like that. 1301 00:43:09,100 --> 00:43:09,500 Yeah. 1302 00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:11,700 With the, I can't even remember what it's called now, 1303 00:43:11,700 --> 00:43:15,340 where they had like the anime versions of different Star Wars episodes. 1304 00:43:15,340 --> 00:43:16,300 Yeah, Visions. 1305 00:43:16,300 --> 00:43:17,340 That was fantastic. 1306 00:43:17,340 --> 00:43:17,780 Yeah. 1307 00:43:17,780 --> 00:43:19,980 If more series ended up doing that, that would be great. 1308 00:43:19,980 --> 00:43:21,820 The second one looks like it's going to be, 1309 00:43:21,820 --> 00:43:23,020 looks like it's going to be really good. 1310 00:43:23,020 --> 00:43:24,020 Oh, they're having a second one. 1311 00:43:24,020 --> 00:43:25,100 Yeah, the Visions. 1312 00:43:25,100 --> 00:43:25,660 Oh yeah. 1313 00:43:25,660 --> 00:43:26,220 Something like that. 1314 00:43:26,220 --> 00:43:26,460 Yeah. 1315 00:43:26,460 --> 00:43:29,740 They came out, I think, a little bit before they did What If to for Marvel. 1316 00:43:29,740 --> 00:43:30,540 Yeah. 1317 00:43:30,540 --> 00:43:31,780 They did What If 2. 1318 00:43:31,780 --> 00:43:32,100 Yeah. 1319 00:43:32,100 --> 00:43:33,620 I gotta go back and watch that then. 1320 00:43:33,620 --> 00:43:35,020 And the way they released it was really weird. 1321 00:43:35,020 --> 00:43:36,220 They didn't release it all at once. 1322 00:43:36,220 --> 00:43:37,740 They didn't release it every week. 1323 00:43:37,740 --> 00:43:40,100 They released it every day for a week. 1324 00:43:40,100 --> 00:43:40,660 Weird. 1325 00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:41,020 Yeah. 1326 00:43:41,020 --> 00:43:41,340 Okay. 1327 00:43:41,340 --> 00:43:41,540 Yeah. 1328 00:43:41,540 --> 00:43:44,060 So you just, you know, had to sit there every single day. 1329 00:43:44,060 --> 00:43:45,140 Let's come back. 1330 00:43:45,140 --> 00:43:47,060 Or you just wait a week and do the whole thing. 1331 00:43:47,060 --> 00:43:52,300 So let's talk about real quick, because I think once this conversation ends and 1332 00:43:52,300 --> 00:43:53,420 when I'll put that, that'll be. 1333 00:43:53,420 --> 00:43:55,340 This is a lot that you're going to have to sift through, man. 1334 00:43:55,340 --> 00:43:55,580 Yeah. 1335 00:43:55,580 --> 00:43:56,260 Yeah, it's okay. 1336 00:43:56,260 --> 00:43:59,420 You know, it's a burden of love. 1337 00:43:59,420 --> 00:44:05,980 So out of everything that you've ever lost or everything that has changed. 1338 00:44:05,980 --> 00:44:07,100 It was a lost podcast. 1339 00:44:07,100 --> 00:44:07,740 Yeah, it was. 1340 00:44:07,740 --> 00:44:07,940 Oh, right. 1341 00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:09,220 Yeah, it was a lost podcast. 1342 00:44:09,220 --> 00:44:10,220 I know we got a little. 1343 00:44:10,220 --> 00:44:10,900 Side tracks. 1344 00:44:10,900 --> 00:44:12,380 Star Trek, Star Wars. 1345 00:44:12,380 --> 00:44:13,100 I was talking about Star Trek. 1346 00:44:13,100 --> 00:44:14,020 Video games. 1347 00:44:14,020 --> 00:44:14,660 Video games. 1348 00:44:14,660 --> 00:44:17,740 You covered a lot of topics. 1349 00:44:17,740 --> 00:44:20,620 I'm fumbling over my own words. 1350 00:44:20,620 --> 00:44:21,060 How do you do it? 1351 00:44:21,060 --> 00:44:21,820 You're doing a really good job. 1352 00:44:21,820 --> 00:44:22,420 Does English. 1353 00:44:22,420 --> 00:44:23,940 You're doing a really good job for your first podcast. 1354 00:44:23,940 --> 00:44:25,340 Oh, thank you very much. 1355 00:44:25,340 --> 00:44:26,580 I was very nervous. 1356 00:44:26,580 --> 00:44:26,860 Yeah. 1357 00:44:26,860 --> 00:44:27,180 Yeah. 1358 00:44:27,180 --> 00:44:31,260 I'm sweating profusely if you can't tell at the moment. 1359 00:44:31,260 --> 00:44:36,060 But what I was going to ask is out of all the things that have changed or lost in your life, 1360 00:44:36,060 --> 00:44:42,100 any of it giving you a plan, a definitive path on how you're going to move forward. 1361 00:44:42,100 --> 00:44:44,100 Now you got your family behind you. 1362 00:44:44,100 --> 00:44:47,540 You've got you've got a nice van. 1363 00:44:47,540 --> 00:44:49,700 You know, my van. 1364 00:44:49,700 --> 00:44:50,860 It's on your van. 1365 00:44:50,860 --> 00:44:52,100 It doesn't have a hubcap, man. 1366 00:44:52,100 --> 00:44:52,700 Oh, nice. 1367 00:44:52,700 --> 00:44:55,100 It is holding on for dear life. 1368 00:44:55,100 --> 00:44:56,140 Just like me. 1369 00:44:56,140 --> 00:44:59,300 Well, so what is what is your future look like? 1370 00:44:59,300 --> 00:45:01,540 You know, bleak bleak. 1371 00:45:01,540 --> 00:45:02,500 That's good. 1372 00:45:02,500 --> 00:45:03,980 Cut. 1373 00:45:03,980 --> 00:45:06,420 End of podcast. 1374 00:45:06,420 --> 00:45:09,740 The rest of the seven minutes is static. 1375 00:45:09,740 --> 00:45:12,100 Perfect. 1376 00:45:12,100 --> 00:45:13,300 Do I actually have a plan? 1377 00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:13,900 No. 1378 00:45:13,900 --> 00:45:14,580 OK. 1379 00:45:14,580 --> 00:45:16,580 Has any of this really shaped my life? 1380 00:45:16,580 --> 00:45:21,220 I have always gone through the idea of just having a positive attitude towards everything 1381 00:45:21,220 --> 00:45:25,500 because that usually ends up with a positive outlook by the end of it. 1382 00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:30,140 And it's I don't know if it's worked out for me so far, but I'm going to keep doing 1383 00:45:30,140 --> 00:45:32,940 it because I don't know how to do anything else. 1384 00:45:32,940 --> 00:45:39,740 So well, I mean, just from the casual conversations that that we've had over this small amount 1385 00:45:39,740 --> 00:45:45,300 of time and meeting in person, right, it sounds like that you also have a supportive spouse. 1386 00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:45,940 Right. 1387 00:45:45,940 --> 00:45:51,180 Which I mean, honestly, with everything else in this entire world, I could not. 1388 00:45:51,180 --> 00:45:55,260 I could not do anything without her, including TikTok, apparently, because she's the one 1389 00:45:55,260 --> 00:45:58,060 that forced me to get onto it. 1390 00:45:58,060 --> 00:46:00,340 Some director Simmons Sam lower. 1391 00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:00,940 Yeah. 1392 00:46:00,940 --> 00:46:03,420 She was the one that forced me to get on to TikTok in the first place because she was 1393 00:46:03,420 --> 00:46:04,660 like, oh, you're going to love it here. 1394 00:46:04,660 --> 00:46:07,700 And I'm like, sure, I've got no choice in this. 1395 00:46:07,700 --> 00:46:08,220 Yeah. 1396 00:46:08,220 --> 00:46:08,460 Yeah. 1397 00:46:08,460 --> 00:46:11,300 The way you told me the story, it's only she was like giving you your first taste of 1398 00:46:11,300 --> 00:46:13,020 smack and she's like, you're coming back. 1399 00:46:13,020 --> 00:46:13,860 Oh, yeah. 1400 00:46:13,860 --> 00:46:15,060 You're coming back for this. 1401 00:46:15,060 --> 00:46:15,420 Yeah. 1402 00:46:15,420 --> 00:46:15,660 Yeah. 1403 00:46:15,660 --> 00:46:20,460 She she forced me onto this platform and so far it has turned out great. 1404 00:46:20,460 --> 00:46:22,100 And I blame her completely. 1405 00:46:22,100 --> 00:46:22,900 All right. 1406 00:46:22,900 --> 00:46:27,420 Well, but how about you? 1407 00:46:27,420 --> 00:46:29,300 I don't know how long this podcast is supposed to be. 1408 00:46:29,300 --> 00:46:29,940 That's OK. 1409 00:46:29,940 --> 00:46:30,660 It's OK. 1410 00:46:30,660 --> 00:46:33,260 It runs anywhere from 45 minutes to like a little over an hour. 1411 00:46:33,260 --> 00:46:35,300 So we're at the 50 minute point. 1412 00:46:35,300 --> 00:46:36,020 So really? 1413 00:46:36,020 --> 00:46:36,380 Yeah. 1414 00:46:36,380 --> 00:46:37,740 That's that's 50 minutes. 1415 00:46:37,740 --> 00:46:38,500 It goes by quick. 1416 00:46:38,500 --> 00:46:39,620 It felt like 20. 1417 00:46:39,620 --> 00:46:40,300 I'm telling you. 1418 00:46:40,300 --> 00:46:43,020 I was like, OK, I'm ready to talk for like the rest of the time. 1419 00:46:43,020 --> 00:46:43,660 A good conversation. 1420 00:46:43,660 --> 00:46:45,180 I have more conversation topics. 1421 00:46:45,180 --> 00:46:45,940 Go ahead. 1422 00:46:45,940 --> 00:46:49,620 I wrote down Delta, Crunchwrap Supreme, 9-11. 1423 00:46:49,620 --> 00:46:51,100 9-11. 1424 00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:51,980 9-11. 1425 00:46:51,980 --> 00:46:52,580 9-11. 1426 00:46:52,580 --> 00:46:56,700 I was I whispered into the mic as soon as we did intro earlier, 1427 00:46:56,700 --> 00:46:58,260 but now we're coming full circle. 1428 00:46:58,260 --> 00:46:59,220 So 9-11. 1429 00:46:59,220 --> 00:46:59,700 9-11. 1430 00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:01,300 I was in bootcamp in 9-11, dude. 1431 00:47:01,300 --> 00:47:02,460 Oh, is that what you're going with? 1432 00:47:02,460 --> 00:47:02,660 Yeah. 1433 00:47:02,660 --> 00:47:04,380 I mean, that's that's where I was. 1434 00:47:04,380 --> 00:47:05,060 OK, cool. 1435 00:47:05,060 --> 00:47:05,460 Yeah. 1436 00:47:05,460 --> 00:47:07,740 For the FBI, who's definitely listening in on this, 1437 00:47:07,740 --> 00:47:08,820 he was at bootcamp. 1438 00:47:08,820 --> 00:47:09,460 OK. 1439 00:47:09,460 --> 00:47:11,460 He wasn't doing anything suspicious. 1440 00:47:11,460 --> 00:47:13,260 You can paperwork exists. 1441 00:47:13,260 --> 00:47:17,300 The loss that the entire country went through so quickly 1442 00:47:17,300 --> 00:47:20,700 and then what all of us have had to deal with since then 1443 00:47:20,700 --> 00:47:22,500 has been absolutely bananas. 1444 00:47:22,500 --> 00:47:23,380 It has. 1445 00:47:23,380 --> 00:47:25,180 There's one of the worst things about it 1446 00:47:25,180 --> 00:47:28,380 is I have no problem remembering an event, 1447 00:47:28,380 --> 00:47:30,260 remembering the people who died and everything. 1448 00:47:30,260 --> 00:47:35,820 What gets me is the amount of shitposts 1449 00:47:35,820 --> 00:47:38,700 that get made about 9-11 and cued ready to go. 1450 00:47:38,700 --> 00:47:41,820 Because as soon as midnight hits over 9-11, Facebook, 1451 00:47:41,820 --> 00:47:45,740 Instagram, they're all inundated with bad country songs, 1452 00:47:45,740 --> 00:47:48,100 waving American flags. 1453 00:47:48,100 --> 00:47:49,900 And then you have the other side of the things 1454 00:47:49,900 --> 00:47:51,860 where people are like 9-11 was fake. 1455 00:47:51,860 --> 00:47:57,060 I mean, it's become a circus that coping. 1456 00:47:57,060 --> 00:48:01,980 That's coping turned from comedy almost being farcical. 1457 00:48:01,980 --> 00:48:03,860 Yeah. 1458 00:48:03,860 --> 00:48:07,220 Along those lines, Reddit also had a time limit 1459 00:48:07,220 --> 00:48:12,980 on when you could actually say something funny about a tragedy. 1460 00:48:12,980 --> 00:48:15,100 And their time limit was 20 years. 1461 00:48:15,100 --> 00:48:19,820 So on 2021, 20 years after that, everybody immediately 1462 00:48:19,820 --> 00:48:25,180 on midnight posted so many funny dank memes 1463 00:48:25,180 --> 00:48:26,340 were just exploding. 1464 00:48:26,340 --> 00:48:29,260 And it's such a weird way for the entire country 1465 00:48:29,260 --> 00:48:32,620 to come together almost that even though there's 1466 00:48:32,620 --> 00:48:35,580 like massive tragedies happening out in the entire world, 1467 00:48:35,580 --> 00:48:38,060 that people want to figure out some way 1468 00:48:38,060 --> 00:48:40,780 to turn it into a positive and just make fun of it. 1469 00:48:40,780 --> 00:48:44,180 Well, that I can understand because tragedy plus time 1470 00:48:44,180 --> 00:48:44,940 equals comedy. 1471 00:48:44,940 --> 00:48:45,540 Well, yeah. 1472 00:48:45,540 --> 00:48:48,740 Some people who are new to the internet 1473 00:48:48,740 --> 00:48:52,220 or have only grown up in meme culture 1474 00:48:52,220 --> 00:48:55,420 believes that everything needs to be made of meme immediately. 1475 00:48:55,420 --> 00:48:57,980 And I think maybe that's where I spent most of my time 1476 00:48:57,980 --> 00:49:00,860 amongst those people as I growing up. 1477 00:49:00,860 --> 00:49:02,180 You've seen my page. 1478 00:49:02,180 --> 00:49:03,460 That's all I do. 1479 00:49:03,460 --> 00:49:05,260 Oh, something horrible happening. 1480 00:49:05,260 --> 00:49:08,100 I got to make this as a comedy somehow. 1481 00:49:08,100 --> 00:49:11,140 And I'm sure that it's going to get me canceled at some point. 1482 00:49:11,140 --> 00:49:12,620 I'm really hoping it does, honestly. 1483 00:49:12,620 --> 00:49:15,700 There's a dude that I listen to. 1484 00:49:15,700 --> 00:49:16,500 Well, watch. 1485 00:49:16,500 --> 00:49:18,900 Actually, it's not like he has a podcast or anything. 1486 00:49:18,900 --> 00:49:19,940 He said, I don't think he does. 1487 00:49:19,940 --> 00:49:22,020 But his name's third person with three i's in the art. 1488 00:49:22,020 --> 00:49:24,580 So thiiiRD. 1489 00:49:24,580 --> 00:49:27,940 And he is a wordsmith, man. 1490 00:49:27,940 --> 00:49:28,780 He is a poet. 1491 00:49:28,780 --> 00:49:29,940 One, he also raps too. 1492 00:49:29,940 --> 00:49:30,980 So it's freestyle. 1493 00:49:30,980 --> 00:49:32,340 That definitely is amazing. 1494 00:49:32,340 --> 00:49:37,700 But his spoken TikToks are so tongue in cheek 1495 00:49:37,700 --> 00:49:42,020 that it's addressed things about like poverty, homelessness, 1496 00:49:42,020 --> 00:49:45,380 mindfulness, and stuff like that. 1497 00:49:45,380 --> 00:49:49,420 I think the way that he delivers the bad news mixed in 1498 00:49:49,420 --> 00:49:51,620 with that tongue in cheek type, like serious, just 1499 00:49:51,620 --> 00:49:55,260 like staring into the camera, just like saying metaphors 1500 00:49:55,260 --> 00:49:57,300 and allegories that if you're reading between the lines, 1501 00:49:57,300 --> 00:49:59,380 you realize what he's talking about. 1502 00:49:59,380 --> 00:50:00,660 I could get behind that too. 1503 00:50:00,660 --> 00:50:04,980 I think I need some spoken word slam poetry about 9-11. 1504 00:50:04,980 --> 00:50:06,740 I'm ready for it. 1505 00:50:06,740 --> 00:50:07,180 We're here. 1506 00:50:07,180 --> 00:50:07,780 We're ready. 1507 00:50:07,780 --> 00:50:08,340 We're ready. 1508 00:50:08,340 --> 00:50:10,340 If you're listening to this and you haven't made it yet, 1509 00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:12,620 we're rich to watch it. 1510 00:50:12,620 --> 00:50:14,580 I will watch an entire special about tongue in cheek 1511 00:50:14,580 --> 00:50:17,820 comedy about 9-11, only coming from you, third person. 1512 00:50:17,820 --> 00:50:20,020 All right, I think that might be it. 1513 00:50:20,020 --> 00:50:21,500 I wrote down Harambe. 1514 00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:22,860 Oh. 1515 00:50:22,860 --> 00:50:23,340 Are you a? 1516 00:50:23,340 --> 00:50:24,820 We'll come back to that in the next one. 1517 00:50:24,820 --> 00:50:25,660 I'll save that for next. 1518 00:50:25,660 --> 00:50:26,460 OK, that's good. 1519 00:50:26,460 --> 00:50:28,300 We'll find out if he or she takes out 1520 00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:30,660 or a boobs out for Harambe type situation. 1521 00:50:30,660 --> 00:50:32,140 Right, of course. 1522 00:50:32,140 --> 00:50:32,900 Titsurass. 1523 00:50:32,900 --> 00:50:35,060 Titsurass. 1524 00:50:35,060 --> 00:50:36,140 Personality. 1525 00:50:36,140 --> 00:50:37,940 It was a trick question, man. 1526 00:50:37,940 --> 00:50:40,140 Damn it. 1527 00:50:40,140 --> 00:50:42,060 I hosted on my own damn show. 1528 00:50:42,060 --> 00:50:44,980 And that's the full answer. 1529 00:50:44,980 --> 00:50:46,900 This has been a fucking delight, dude. 1530 00:50:46,900 --> 00:50:48,340 Oh my god, thighs were on the menu, 1531 00:50:48,340 --> 00:50:49,420 and I completely forgot about that. 1532 00:50:49,420 --> 00:50:50,220 Looks like you've done did. 1533 00:50:50,220 --> 00:50:50,780 What was I thinking? 1534 00:50:50,780 --> 00:50:51,540 Too late. 1535 00:50:51,540 --> 00:50:51,900 Too late. 1536 00:50:51,900 --> 00:50:53,180 You're a personality guy now. 1537 00:50:53,180 --> 00:50:53,780 Right. 1538 00:50:53,780 --> 00:50:54,460 For now and for a while. 1539 00:50:54,460 --> 00:50:55,940 You know, we should have just cut this like a while ago, 1540 00:50:55,940 --> 00:50:56,500 honestly. 1541 00:50:56,500 --> 00:50:58,980 When I whispered into the microphone bleak, 1542 00:50:58,980 --> 00:50:59,940 that should have been it. 1543 00:50:59,940 --> 00:51:00,420 Cut. 1544 00:51:00,420 --> 00:51:00,900 Heavy cut. 1545 00:51:00,900 --> 00:51:03,380 This could have been static the whole time. 1546 00:51:03,380 --> 00:51:04,220 OK. 1547 00:51:04,220 --> 00:51:06,660 Well, Sam, where can I find you? 1548 00:51:06,660 --> 00:51:07,700 In my home, probably. 1549 00:51:07,700 --> 00:51:08,220 Crying. 1550 00:51:08,220 --> 00:51:08,780 Nice. 1551 00:51:08,780 --> 00:51:09,660 Where can you find me? 1552 00:51:09,660 --> 00:51:11,980 On TikTok, at the director Simmons, 1553 00:51:11,980 --> 00:51:16,220 or you can find me at at Sam propaganda. 1554 00:51:16,220 --> 00:51:18,420 That's S-A-M underscore propaganda. 1555 00:51:18,420 --> 00:51:20,620 And I like that channel, honestly, a lot more. 1556 00:51:20,620 --> 00:51:21,900 There's very few followers. 1557 00:51:21,900 --> 00:51:23,180 You definitely go there. 1558 00:51:23,180 --> 00:51:25,540 On YouTube, I am. 1559 00:51:25,540 --> 00:51:26,660 I'm going to have to look it back up. 1560 00:51:26,660 --> 00:51:27,660 Obviously, I completely forgot. 1561 00:51:27,660 --> 00:51:28,140 That's OK. 1562 00:51:28,140 --> 00:51:30,420 Because I just like put that together, you know. 1563 00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:32,500 It would make it sound like you knew exactly what was going on 1564 00:51:32,500 --> 00:51:33,380 and had everything prepped. 1565 00:51:33,380 --> 00:51:35,220 I had a head actual. 1566 00:51:35,220 --> 00:51:39,140 On YouTube, you can find me at at Sam propaganda also. 1567 00:51:39,140 --> 00:51:39,620 Nice. 1568 00:51:39,620 --> 00:51:41,940 I only got two videos there, but I'm probably 1569 00:51:41,940 --> 00:51:44,020 going to make some more long-form content on there 1570 00:51:44,020 --> 00:51:44,660 in the future. 1571 00:51:44,660 --> 00:51:45,700 So look out for that. 1572 00:51:45,700 --> 00:51:46,860 Look out. 1573 00:51:46,860 --> 00:51:48,580 And I've been your host, Michael Blanc. 1574 00:51:48,580 --> 00:51:51,100 And well, if you miss next month's episode, 1575 00:51:51,100 --> 00:51:52,580 it's still your loss. 1576 00:51:52,580 --> 00:51:53,540 I'll talk to you guys later. 1577 00:51:53,540 --> 00:51:54,100 Bye-bye. 1578 00:51:54,100 --> 00:51:55,580 Bye. 1579 00:51:55,580 --> 00:52:11,720 And