1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,700 Before we start this podcast, I want to say that every project I have pretty much has 2 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:07,940 a village behind it, and this one is no exception. 3 00:00:07,940 --> 00:00:12,940 I want to thank the patrons who stepped in on my Kickstarter to really make sure that 4 00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:14,780 this got off the ground. 5 00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:23,660 Denise Grady, Caden White-Wattam, Amanda Peake, Todd A. Davis, Jay Grant, and Corey Watson. 6 00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:28,020 Without you guys, I wouldn't be sitting here talking with the awesome guest that I'm 7 00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:29,860 about to talk to. 8 00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:31,580 Thank you so much. 9 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:33,580 No one wants to have their parents pass. 10 00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:39,980 Is there any part of you that goes, I miss her, but I'm glad that she's gone because 11 00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:42,060 I'm where I'm at right now? 12 00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:43,060 Yes. 13 00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:52,580 Welcome to It's Your Loss podcast, where raw stories of resilience and healing are told, 14 00:00:52,580 --> 00:01:02,380 all while uncovering and destigmatizing the diverse symptoms of loss. 15 00:01:02,380 --> 00:01:03,380 Welcome back to the podcast. 16 00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:07,820 If you missed any of the promos or anything before this episode, well, It's Your Loss. 17 00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:11,300 I'm Michael LeBlanc, the host of It's Your Loss podcast. 18 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:14,060 With me today is Edith Rosenblatt. 19 00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:19,260 She is the host of the Naked Onion Mystery Tour podcast. 20 00:01:19,260 --> 00:01:20,260 She's got a lot to say. 21 00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:25,180 Well, she wanted to say she had a lot to say about the patriarchy and women, but I'm also 22 00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:29,100 here to probe her brain about anything that's going on in her life about loss, which she 23 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:31,100 said there's plenty to go there. 24 00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:33,100 Edith, how are you? 25 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,380 Hello, hello, hello. 26 00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:36,880 I am well. 27 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,060 How are you, sir? 28 00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:44,500 I am doing well for episode, I'm calling this episode zero because this will be the one 29 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:49,420 where we find out what kinks we have in the tablecloth before we just spread everything 30 00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:50,420 out. 31 00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:53,900 So you couldn't have a better guess for that. 32 00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:55,540 You know, I'm starting to feel that. 33 00:01:55,540 --> 00:01:56,540 All the kinks. 34 00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:58,420 I'm ready for the kinks. 35 00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:00,780 Yeah, aren't we all? 36 00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:04,620 Well, Edith, this is your chance. 37 00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:06,740 Tell some people about you. 38 00:02:06,740 --> 00:02:08,220 What brings you here? 39 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:16,100 Well, I have to say that in 2018, my mother died. 40 00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:22,220 I just wanted to give you the premise to the beginning of my journey and like what kind 41 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:28,340 of stimulated that when she was alive, it was you have to go to nursing school. 42 00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:33,620 Actually, you have to we're thinking about medical school should be a nurse practitioner 43 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,860 this, this and this. 44 00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:40,540 It was very motherly instructed life. 45 00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,820 My life was instructed by her. 46 00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:45,780 I did everything she told me to do. 47 00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:51,660 But in the back of my mind, I was, I was an absolutely different person. 48 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:54,180 Yes, I was an amazing nurse. 49 00:02:54,180 --> 00:02:57,740 But in the back of my mind, I'm an artist first and foremost. 50 00:02:57,740 --> 00:03:04,580 I'm very esoteric in my way of thinking, painting, photography, all of these things I put on 51 00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:05,740 the wayside. 52 00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:08,060 I didn't, I didn't do any of it. 53 00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:13,540 And even when I was in my thirties, I was thinking about doing a rag. 54 00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:18,180 Back then we didn't have the internet quite like it is. 55 00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:24,260 I wanted to do almost like a comic book called Deliberated Onion. 56 00:03:24,260 --> 00:03:33,620 So in 2018, my mother died and she was the one that dictated literally every step, all 57 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:35,660 the moving parts in my life. 58 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:42,300 So when she died, it was almost like, okay, what do I do next? 59 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:46,820 And you know, I didn't know, I didn't know. 60 00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:48,860 My family left the state. 61 00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:54,300 My dad pretty much, he didn't want to have anything to do with me because of his grief. 62 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,740 So I ended up buying my first place. 63 00:03:57,740 --> 00:04:02,460 I had lived on my parents' property for as long as I can remember and I was her caregiver. 64 00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:04,820 So I moved off the property. 65 00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:08,060 Here I am laying in bed night after night. 66 00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:09,940 Like what am I going to do? 67 00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:11,060 What am I going to do? 68 00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:19,340 So I started listening to my own inner voice and my inner voice was saying, because I had 69 00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:26,420 met Kevin Smith also when my mom was alive and he told me to start my own podcast a long 70 00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:27,420 time ago. 71 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:33,100 He did a show at, what was it? 72 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,100 There's improv. 73 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:35,100 Okay. 74 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,100 Evo or improv. 75 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:39,100 Was it one of the ones that were recorded? 76 00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:41,020 I don't know if it was recorded. 77 00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:42,020 I don't think so. 78 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:45,540 I love Kevin Smith's stage show and I'm not going to lie. 79 00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,580 A little bit envious that you met the guy. 80 00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:48,580 That's awesome. 81 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,540 Man, he's tremendous. 82 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:58,820 If you can get the opportunity, he is so loving and so kind and he's so grateful. 83 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:04,380 And that's why, that's why one night I was in bed and I'm laying there and I was sleeping. 84 00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:13,220 That was before a shift and I wake up and I was like, naked onion mystery tours podcast. 85 00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:14,220 Just came to you. 86 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:15,220 Yep. 87 00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:16,220 Beamed into your head. 88 00:05:16,220 --> 00:05:20,660 Came into my head and I haven't stopped since. 89 00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:25,300 I met Kitty Rebellion and Mel the podcaster. 90 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,380 They podcast with me now. 91 00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:28,380 That's awesome. 92 00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:32,420 I just had Mary Catherine McDonald. 93 00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:33,420 She is. 94 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,460 I saw Mary Catherine PhD. 95 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,540 She just wrote a book called Unbroken. 96 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:40,180 The trauma responses. 97 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:44,060 I saw that TikTok video that you do ended with her. 98 00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:45,060 She was, she was awesome. 99 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:48,500 I was hooked the moment she started talking. 100 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,500 Brilliant. 101 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,500 This woman is brilliant. 102 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:53,140 I've had Adam A. Vitable. 103 00:05:53,140 --> 00:05:54,300 He's a comedian. 104 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,340 He also has a podcast. 105 00:05:57,340 --> 00:06:00,980 It's called dating kind of sucks and he comes over to our podcast. 106 00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,020 I'll have to hook you guys up. 107 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:07,340 I mean, he is also a tremendous human being. 108 00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:10,460 I'm in love with everybody that comes on. 109 00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:13,140 Just the stories they have to tell. 110 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,700 We also have Astro poet. 111 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:17,940 Astro poets come on. 112 00:06:17,940 --> 00:06:19,580 She's written a book of poetry. 113 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:22,220 She's a physics professor. 114 00:06:22,220 --> 00:06:29,660 So I'm telling you this journey naked onion mystery tours podcast. 115 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:32,940 They're there to be the friend, parent to women they didn't have when they're growing 116 00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:34,940 up basically. 117 00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:38,260 That's, that's, that's severely important. 118 00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:41,620 I was, I have a tendency of throwing the word stupidly in front of it. 119 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,500 I don't think it fit at that point. 120 00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,300 That's stupidly important. 121 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:46,860 But it is. 122 00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:47,860 It is. 123 00:06:47,860 --> 00:06:48,860 It is. 124 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:53,820 And it's, it's a simple concept that, you know, people don't really realize that we're 125 00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:59,540 really looking for a lot of things to be fixed and or augmented from when we were young. 126 00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:07,260 And so meeting somebody who can, can see the, the sunshine in people and really address 127 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:11,620 that and kind of latch onto that and, and magnify that the way that I see that you've 128 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,620 been doing. 129 00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,100 Uh, Edith, that's amazing. 130 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,260 Namaste, my friend. 131 00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:18,900 Hey, is it Namaste to you? 132 00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,580 Is that the great way to say that? 133 00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:21,580 See the light. 134 00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:22,580 Yes. 135 00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:23,580 Okay. 136 00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:24,580 Light in you. 137 00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:26,220 I see the light in you. 138 00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,180 I just learned something today. 139 00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:35,540 It's when I believe a part of our TikTok community and I'm a part of your family now. 140 00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:36,780 You're a part of my family. 141 00:07:36,780 --> 00:07:41,060 We're just all interconnected and we're a part of each other's family. 142 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:50,940 And when you can see the light in another human being instead of being judgy or critical 143 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:56,500 or any of those things, like, I'm, look, is that stitch, do you have stitch? 144 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,300 Stitch is Spider-Man. 145 00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,860 Oh, this, this is Spider-Man. 146 00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:01,380 This is definitely a Spider-Man shirt. 147 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,380 Oh yeah. 148 00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:03,380 Yeah. 149 00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:04,380 I've got stitch. 150 00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:05,380 I don't know. 151 00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:06,380 That's lovely. 152 00:08:06,380 --> 00:08:07,380 I saw, I love that. 153 00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:08,380 Yeah. 154 00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,380 Stitch is my, he's an alien. 155 00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:11,380 Oh yeah. 156 00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:12,380 Yeah. 157 00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,140 He's my alien. 158 00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:17,740 My wife is a huge Disney fan. 159 00:08:17,740 --> 00:08:22,300 And so there's a lot of Disney memorabilia, little pieces, odds and ends here. 160 00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:26,980 Heck, one of her Christmas presents one year was when Disney came out, Disney plus, I'm 161 00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:29,020 like, I know you're going to want to watch it. 162 00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:31,020 She's like, yes, I do. 163 00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:32,220 That's awesome. 164 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:36,420 I don't know if you specifically mentioned about the loss of your mom. 165 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:41,980 I think you told me that over a text or, or a phone call or something like that. 166 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:46,700 But I was looking at other things on here and I'm not going to lie. 167 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:55,220 I saw like five or six other different points of loss that probably has shaped you probably 168 00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:56,620 either before then. 169 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,620 I don't know. 170 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:03,740 I'm pretty sure your transformation journey, no, it doesn't just start at 2018. 171 00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:09,300 You said that you had a shift from Barbie mentality to believing in extraterrestrial 172 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:14,340 life, which was a great sentence and which was top of my list. 173 00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:21,220 I was like, I want to know about that, which I saw as, you know, almost like a loss of, 174 00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:23,620 of, of a childhood mentality. 175 00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:28,580 It's, it's a change, but a change is also losing something and gaining something else 176 00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:30,700 doesn't necessarily trigger the grief response. 177 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:35,620 But I just want to know what was your, what was the point of transformation when you went, 178 00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:38,220 I believe, an extra-terrestrial life? 179 00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:46,100 Well, it's Barbie mentality to me, especially in my childhood. 180 00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:49,020 I believed everything my mom told me. 181 00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:50,020 Okay. 182 00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:56,420 My mom came from a very repressed era, 1943, Texas. 183 00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:58,980 Very, they discriminated. 184 00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:01,540 They, you believed in government. 185 00:10:01,540 --> 00:10:03,900 You wholeheartedly, you believed in government. 186 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,540 No questions asked. 187 00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:07,040 You just do as they say. 188 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:15,100 You do as your doctor tells you, you do, you know, yes, you're very obedient and it was 189 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,180 always about being obedient. 190 00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:21,740 And I have to tell you, I'm, I'm very, I'm neurodivergent. 191 00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:22,740 Okay. 192 00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:23,740 I have ADHD. 193 00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:27,700 There are a lot of special things about me. 194 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:28,700 Yeah. 195 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:32,780 So trying to be obedient, thinking about it. 196 00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:39,540 I didn't start really thinking about how I was acting and that's exactly what it is. 197 00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:41,060 It's an act. 198 00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,900 I had all these things, like I am pan. 199 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,700 I am gender neutral. 200 00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:47,700 I am non-binary. 201 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:54,500 I am, these are all these, the things, the words that I use to describe myself now. 202 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,700 Then I, I'm a woman. 203 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,380 I would have never worn a hat like this. 204 00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:01,380 I would have. 205 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:02,380 Love that hat. 206 00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:04,780 I would stitch sweatshirt. 207 00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:05,780 What do you mean? 208 00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:13,460 But I was repressing all of my, my feelings, you know, being an artist is first and foremost 209 00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:15,420 who I am, you know? 210 00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:20,420 So this past year, I, it all came to a head. 211 00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:22,740 I sold everything I own. 212 00:11:22,740 --> 00:11:24,660 I sold my house. 213 00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:29,020 I got rid of everything in my house, all my furniture, all my clothes. 214 00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:36,220 I packed up my car and moved, I moved out to New Mexico and I spent the entire summer 215 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:40,020 trying to figure out who I am, you know? 216 00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:41,020 That's, there's no question. 217 00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:42,020 That's kind of brave. 218 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,340 I'll be honest with you. 219 00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:46,100 Like I, I'm a Buddhist myself. 220 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,660 I'm not the best Buddhist in the world. 221 00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:51,260 I kind of like some of the things that I have. 222 00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:52,260 It's hard. 223 00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:55,380 There, I've gotten to the point where I'm a lot easier at easy, come easy go when it 224 00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,700 comes to losing things or gaining things. 225 00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:03,460 I'm trying to not see them so much as a stagnant thing in my life. 226 00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:07,740 But like uprooting and like just me moving across state was huge for me. 227 00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:09,140 Like I did it because of love. 228 00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:12,340 I don't know if I could have done it just because of like personal ideology. 229 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,340 That's amazing. 230 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:16,140 I, I'm in love with me. 231 00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,140 I am in love with me. 232 00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:20,300 I can pick up and leave at any time. 233 00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:26,940 I have a partner right now, but I have the kind of partner that says, because I'm going 234 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,420 back to New Mexico, I have to. 235 00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:32,580 There's a lot of hiking I haven't done. 236 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:35,140 There's I want to start mountain climbing. 237 00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:38,020 There's, there's things that I want to do. 238 00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:42,020 And this partner that I have right now is like, go, go babe, go. 239 00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:43,020 Nice. 240 00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:46,340 As long as we have a phone, we'll be okay. 241 00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:47,340 That's important. 242 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:48,340 That's huge. 243 00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:49,740 Having a partner who's willing to do that. 244 00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:54,300 Um, there's, there's too many partners out there is going, you know, hey, if, if there's 245 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:59,820 not room for me on your journey, then, you know, is it even, is it even us? 246 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,660 You know, and that's not, that's not healthy. 247 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:03,300 And that's, I'm so glad you have that. 248 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:04,300 Yeah. 249 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:07,700 I mean, well, and I, it's rest, it's reciprocal, right? 250 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:14,940 So I told him, whatever you need for you do that. 251 00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:19,900 And I don't, I don't do any punishing behaviors towards him. 252 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,420 I don't get angry. 253 00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:29,700 You mentioned on here, you had a shift away from you put shebes, which I hadn't seen it 254 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,500 written down like that in a while. 255 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:33,700 And I saw that just kind of made me smile. 256 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:38,700 It kind of reminded me a little bit about my past when I was like traveling from Christianity 257 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,860 to where I am now. 258 00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:43,700 Where, where do you find yourself now? 259 00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:49,460 And when you did move away from Christianity, was there any like existential problems? 260 00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:54,980 Like did you, or did you get like worried or like really, oh man, I'm turning my back. 261 00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:56,500 What if I'm wrong? 262 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,020 Anything like that. 263 00:13:58,020 --> 00:14:08,580 So the shift was more, so the patriarchy is where Christianity in the United States is 264 00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:09,580 today. 265 00:14:09,580 --> 00:14:16,500 It's a very codependent relationship between the parishioners at the church, the pastor, 266 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,980 and, and everyone. 267 00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:25,300 And I noticed this before I left to New Mexico, I had a patient who was a pastor of a church 268 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,820 and he invited me. 269 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:28,860 It had been a while since I had been to the church. 270 00:14:28,860 --> 00:14:29,940 He invited me to church. 271 00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:38,020 So I went and I remember the, the weeping and the, you just, the weeping and the reaching 272 00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:40,820 out and the singing and all of that. 273 00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:43,700 So I was doing that and it was very moving. 274 00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:49,300 And in the beginning, I'm only giving like $20 in the pot, $20 in the pot. 275 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:53,140 So you're, you're more in charismatic style. 276 00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:54,140 Yeah. 277 00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:56,260 Piscopal, whatever. 278 00:14:56,260 --> 00:14:57,260 Right. 279 00:14:57,260 --> 00:15:04,820 But I was definitely in a place where I just want to be free of guilt and shame, guilt 280 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:05,820 and shame. 281 00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,700 No, no more guilt and shame. 282 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:13,780 So I would, I would show up to this church and I would literally let go, give all the 283 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,980 guilt and shame away. 284 00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:19,860 And like I said, in the beginning, I was only giving like 20 bucks a go. 285 00:15:19,860 --> 00:15:27,660 Well, they have a large Hispanic community and me loving the technical aspect of things. 286 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:35,180 They needed headsets so that the translator could be heard to, to the parishioners and 287 00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:36,940 they needed just amount of money. 288 00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:42,660 So me being me and I wanted that, that for them. 289 00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:47,100 I just started giving a couple of hundred here, a couple hundred here. 290 00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:53,660 But then I started noticing the pastor, my patient was starting to call me. 291 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,220 Hey, do you need anything? 292 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:58,140 Do you need any help with anything? 293 00:15:58,140 --> 00:15:59,540 Do you need any groceries? 294 00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,460 Do you need any this? 295 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,580 And you sure, you know, sure. 296 00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:08,860 I went and I tried their, they have a kitchen and they have food and they have to give them 297 00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:09,860 food for me. 298 00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:11,140 And I thought that was really sweet. 299 00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:18,420 But what I was seeing, pardon me, I was seeing more of a codependency they're trying to build 300 00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:19,420 with me. 301 00:16:19,420 --> 00:16:23,980 You think they saw a big fish and they were trying to keep it to us. 302 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:24,980 Okay. 303 00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:25,980 Yeah. 304 00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:26,980 Yeah. 305 00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:27,980 And that's a perspective, right? 306 00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:32,740 Like maybe, maybe in their minds, they justify their actions in a certain way. 307 00:16:32,740 --> 00:16:40,180 I don't know, but my perception in that moment, it was not well received because I don't want 308 00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:47,460 to be somewhere where somebody is trying to hook me and keep me codependent. 309 00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,980 I don't want to be codependent. 310 00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:50,380 I want to feed myself. 311 00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:51,460 I'm going to say it. 312 00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:52,940 I want to wipe my own ass. 313 00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:53,940 There you go. 314 00:16:53,940 --> 00:17:00,260 I want to make sure that all my own bills are paid and, and, and that's that. 315 00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:02,380 I don't want to discuss it with anybody. 316 00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:05,100 I don't want to ask permission from anybody. 317 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:06,100 Sure. 318 00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,020 So I started seeing these behaviors. 319 00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:09,460 I quit going to church. 320 00:17:09,460 --> 00:17:11,900 I quit picking up my phone. 321 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:13,900 That wasn't, they kept trying to call. 322 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:17,820 They had a guy at church trying to date me even. 323 00:17:17,820 --> 00:17:22,420 I don't know if he was saying he was friends with the pastor and his wife. 324 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:25,780 But I was just not interested. 325 00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:27,420 What year was this? 326 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:30,460 So this would have been last June. 327 00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:31,460 Oh, okay. 328 00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:33,340 So this is pretty recent. 329 00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:34,340 Wow. 330 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:42,700 Well, I left Christianity behind for a while just because the fact the idea of that particular 331 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:47,380 religion was giving me anxiety and I'm a firm believer that the thing that you're looking 332 00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:50,260 to give you peace shouldn't give you anxiety. 333 00:17:50,260 --> 00:17:54,620 So that was my own internal perspective of it. 334 00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:57,380 But it took me, it took me a while. 335 00:17:57,380 --> 00:18:02,980 Like I was stepping down and I was like, okay, I'm Christian, but I'm not going to church. 336 00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:03,980 Okay. 337 00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:07,820 I still believe in God, but I don't know if I necessarily believe in anything. 338 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:08,820 Okay. 339 00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:10,780 Some of the stories make sense, but not really. 340 00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:12,460 I might be considered a Buddhist. 341 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:13,580 How about a Christian Buddhist? 342 00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:17,700 Oh, there are other Christian Buddhists online I found out as I was Googling. 343 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:23,700 And then, which basically for me seems like it's a marriage of karma and the golden rule. 344 00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,180 And they kind of like just realized that there was like a similarity between the two. 345 00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,980 And then I just, it took me about a year, I think. 346 00:18:29,980 --> 00:18:33,620 And eventually I just let go of the Christian side of things and I became what I consider 347 00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:35,380 to be Buddhist. 348 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:41,020 And the fact that you seem pretty firm on your platform and this is only happening in 349 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:46,460 June, do you have like any lingering, like where do you consider yourself now? 350 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,660 I'm an alien ontologist. 351 00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:52,860 You want to go into depth in that or do you want people to, to go dig around for them 352 00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:53,860 theirself? 353 00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:54,860 What does that mean to you? 354 00:18:54,860 --> 00:18:56,860 What does alien ontology mean? 355 00:18:56,860 --> 00:18:57,860 Yeah. 356 00:18:57,860 --> 00:19:03,500 It means that I love the unknown. 357 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:04,860 That's what it means to me. 358 00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:07,060 I absolutely adore it. 359 00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:11,420 And if it's unknown to me, it doesn't mean that it's wrong, right? 360 00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:18,460 I mean, I'm having fun talking with people now that I'm in this space and I'm not codependent. 361 00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:21,940 I'm not sitting across from the table and I'm not looking at them like, well, you're 362 00:19:21,940 --> 00:19:24,380 just a jackass. 363 00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,620 Everything coming out of your mouth is bullshit. 364 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,260 I don't feel that way. 365 00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:30,140 I literally do not feel that way. 366 00:19:30,140 --> 00:19:36,900 I have such a respect for people and just their journeys and I'm in a good spot. 367 00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:43,140 When I sit back and I get to hear all the great stories and talk to them first kind 368 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,140 of thing. 369 00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:46,340 Where do aliens fit in with that? 370 00:19:46,340 --> 00:19:48,100 That's where I'm trying to figure it out. 371 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,100 Okay. 372 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:54,260 So when I went to New Mexico, I stopped in Roswell. 373 00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,380 I felt like Roswell would have been part of the story. 374 00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:57,380 I was right. 375 00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:58,380 All right. 376 00:19:58,380 --> 00:19:59,380 Keep going. 377 00:19:59,380 --> 00:20:00,380 Keep going. 378 00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:04,260 I stopped in Roswell and I did speak with a lot of people there and there's a guy there. 379 00:20:04,260 --> 00:20:06,660 I can't remember his name off the top of my head. 380 00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:12,260 I'll have to email it to you, but he has a small podcast that I think his name is also 381 00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:13,260 Michael. 382 00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:14,900 A popular name. 383 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:15,900 Yeah. 384 00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:20,180 He actually interviewed his grandfather and his grandfather's friends. 385 00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:21,180 Okay. 386 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,180 All right. 387 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:25,140 So there is proof that there are aliens. 388 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:35,380 I also went to a museum there that has an archive of all the copies of letters sent to 389 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:38,500 the government about aliens. 390 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:45,300 They also, they have, I wish I could give you specific names, but there are so many 391 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,140 people. 392 00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:53,860 Even in Maine, there's been aliens there that have landed there that have physically landed 393 00:20:53,860 --> 00:20:54,860 there. 394 00:20:54,860 --> 00:20:59,620 But if you listen to a lot of the stories, it's like, you know, the thing where they 395 00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:06,100 say that if dragons didn't exist, then how did so many cultures who are so far away have 396 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:10,900 like very similar depiction of dragons, you know, and it's kind of like the same thing 397 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:13,620 when it comes to Bigfoot sightings aliens. 398 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:18,580 And I throw a big foot in there because I firmly believe that Bigfoot was probably something 399 00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:23,100 that did exist and went extinct before we had a chance to actually do anything about 400 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,380 it. And because of all that corroboration, I mean, who am I? 401 00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:28,020 I've never experienced anything. 402 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:31,740 But then again, I've also never experienced holding a million dollars in my hand, but 403 00:21:31,740 --> 00:21:37,660 I guarantee you somebody out there has. 404 00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:39,860 Few have ever held a million dollars in your hand. 405 00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:40,860 Let me know. 406 00:21:40,860 --> 00:21:44,860 But in the meantime, I want to let you know that this podcast is brought to you by Dink, 407 00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:49,020 D-I-N-Q, D-N-D in the coffin hold of the USS Enterprise. 408 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:50,700 It's not just a tale of adventures. 409 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:55,580 It's a journey through the losses, triumphs and the magic of tabletop role playing games 410 00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:58,420 that helped me heal and kept me alive. 411 00:21:58,420 --> 00:22:01,580 Get your copy on Amazon and paperback or on Kindle. 412 00:22:01,580 --> 00:22:03,860 Your support keeps my quest alive. 413 00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:09,380 Now let's get back to the story unfolding with Edith. 414 00:22:09,380 --> 00:22:11,380 Right. 415 00:22:11,380 --> 00:22:20,620 Or think about, think about, there are people that have some that we would miss moment at 416 00:22:20,620 --> 00:22:27,900 this time, be able to fathom how much they literally dispose of their China that they've 417 00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:30,300 spent thousands of dots on. 418 00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:33,300 Some of these people are throwing this China away. 419 00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:34,300 Right. 420 00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:35,300 Monthly. 421 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:38,260 You know, and it's got, it's, it's got gold on it. 422 00:22:38,260 --> 00:22:43,620 I mean, you'll, I've got a couple of friends on TikTok that clean houses for some of these 423 00:22:43,620 --> 00:22:46,980 people and you wouldn't believe the things they throw away. 424 00:22:46,980 --> 00:22:48,580 I've seen some of those TikToks. 425 00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:51,020 It is, it's a variable. 426 00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:56,060 Like the trash look like somebody emptied out a nice thrift shop. 427 00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:59,300 Like the thrift shop you wanted to go to, but you never got a chance to. 428 00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:01,700 Like that's what the trash cans are looking like. 429 00:23:01,700 --> 00:23:02,700 Exactly. 430 00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:04,380 Look, I want, I'm really quick. 431 00:23:04,380 --> 00:23:09,580 I wanted to tell you that Mel, the podcaster, her husband works for NASA. 432 00:23:09,580 --> 00:23:10,580 Yeah. 433 00:23:10,580 --> 00:23:17,780 And when I said, yes, and I went to the pod gals experience in Houston and they took 434 00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:18,780 me to NASA. 435 00:23:18,780 --> 00:23:19,780 It's awesome. 436 00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:24,020 Which was, man, you have no idea what that meant. 437 00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:28,940 Closest, closest experience I had as I went to space camp in Huntsville, Alabama for two 438 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:29,940 nights. 439 00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:30,940 That was pretty cool. 440 00:23:30,940 --> 00:23:34,060 But not to the big place itself. 441 00:23:34,060 --> 00:23:40,180 I don't get jealous so much, but I'll tell you, I really, really would like to, I would, 442 00:23:40,180 --> 00:23:41,500 space camp would be great. 443 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:46,060 I mean, if I could get, if I could go to space, that would be even better. 444 00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:47,060 I'm sure. 445 00:23:47,060 --> 00:23:51,660 I get sick on the way out, but I'll tell you what, I'd be fine on the way in. 446 00:23:51,660 --> 00:23:56,620 The closest thing I think that I would want to do when it comes to like space exploration 447 00:23:56,620 --> 00:24:04,340 would be to do that really deep simulation pool that gives them like the buoyancy effect. 448 00:24:04,340 --> 00:24:06,580 So it makes them feel like they're weightless and that thing. 449 00:24:06,580 --> 00:24:07,780 I think that would be really cool. 450 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:10,580 I mean, you're still in the suit and everything like that. 451 00:24:10,580 --> 00:24:12,700 I just, I think that would be awesome. 452 00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:15,140 The things, the things we want to do, you know? 453 00:24:15,140 --> 00:24:16,140 Right. 454 00:24:16,140 --> 00:24:20,420 I would like to be, I would like to grow plants in space. 455 00:24:20,420 --> 00:24:28,180 I grow them here on earth, which is the fine, whatever, but I'd like to be in space. 456 00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:32,380 Hydroponics, hydroponics for long-term space travel from what we understand, you know, 457 00:24:32,380 --> 00:24:33,380 that's going to be pretty important. 458 00:24:33,380 --> 00:24:37,780 So, you know, if they're not having rope, you know, Matt Damon was growing potatoes 459 00:24:37,780 --> 00:24:40,100 on Mars, according to that movie. 460 00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:42,700 That's the only thing I've seen of them. 461 00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:43,700 Is it good? 462 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:44,700 Because I haven't seen it yet. 463 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:46,700 It's so good. 464 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:47,700 You have to see that. 465 00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:48,700 I need to see that. 466 00:24:48,700 --> 00:24:49,700 All right. 467 00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:50,860 So let's see. 468 00:24:50,860 --> 00:24:52,180 It's amazing what you're doing. 469 00:24:52,180 --> 00:24:56,340 You're almost kind of like going down the list of the things that I had because the last 470 00:24:56,340 --> 00:25:03,940 thing we had was talking about, you know, relationships with the people that you've had while you've 471 00:25:03,940 --> 00:25:04,940 been traveling and whatnot. 472 00:25:04,940 --> 00:25:08,300 And it's just kind of gone down from there. 473 00:25:08,300 --> 00:25:11,260 You know, it's almost like I'm talking to somebody who's run a podcast before. 474 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:14,140 That's, it's amazing. 475 00:25:14,140 --> 00:25:24,380 So, so let's talk about the big loss of 2018 where your mom passed away and also the loss 476 00:25:24,380 --> 00:25:25,380 of your family. 477 00:25:25,380 --> 00:25:28,740 I mean, let's be honest because it sounds like it sounds like she was very much a hub, 478 00:25:28,740 --> 00:25:31,420 a matriarchal hub, right? 479 00:25:31,420 --> 00:25:36,100 For everybody, for everybody in our family. 480 00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:40,820 That loss, like I said, mind loss generated a lot of change for me. 481 00:25:40,820 --> 00:25:44,260 How do you feel like the biggest change past that point was? 482 00:25:44,260 --> 00:25:48,020 I mean, it sounds like a lot has happened, but what would you consider to be your biggest 483 00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:49,020 change? 484 00:25:49,020 --> 00:25:54,900 Well, after she died, I became very codependent. 485 00:25:54,900 --> 00:25:59,820 Like I mean, very aware my codependency, right? 486 00:25:59,820 --> 00:26:01,820 And codependency at work. 487 00:26:01,820 --> 00:26:09,060 Like I'd be somewhere constantly getting criticism by my boss and I would stay because it was 488 00:26:09,060 --> 00:26:11,020 something I was used to. 489 00:26:11,020 --> 00:26:13,540 My mom, my mom did that. 490 00:26:13,540 --> 00:26:15,540 It felt comfortable to me. 491 00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:19,660 And then finally, I'm like, dude, this is not normal. 492 00:26:19,660 --> 00:26:25,460 She should not be coming for me like this every single day, you know, as a nurse, you 493 00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:28,780 either trust your nurses that work for you or you don't. 494 00:26:28,780 --> 00:26:29,780 Sure. 495 00:26:29,780 --> 00:26:30,780 Especially after COVID. 496 00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:38,580 I could tell you, I before COVID even happened, I caught COVID at work. 497 00:26:38,580 --> 00:26:41,220 And my boss, I stayed home. 498 00:26:41,220 --> 00:26:44,180 I was like, I am not whatever this is. 499 00:26:44,180 --> 00:26:46,820 I am not bringing this into the office. 500 00:26:46,820 --> 00:26:48,380 I went to my doctor. 501 00:26:48,380 --> 00:26:50,460 They didn't have a tech for it. 502 00:26:50,460 --> 00:26:52,460 It was October. 503 00:26:52,460 --> 00:26:53,460 Was that 2018? 504 00:26:53,460 --> 00:26:54,460 I think. 505 00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:57,260 Uh, 2020 is when it hit. 506 00:26:57,260 --> 00:27:00,340 2020 was when, oh, okay. 507 00:27:00,340 --> 00:27:03,620 So it would have been October of 2020. 508 00:27:03,620 --> 00:27:04,620 Okay. 509 00:27:04,620 --> 00:27:11,700 And I went home that day and every single day she had with a nurse that I went, contact 510 00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:16,140 me at home, asking me when I was coming back into work every single day. 511 00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:23,100 And it was so bad that even me not knowing what it was, I didn't leave my house. 512 00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:24,500 I wouldn't leave my house. 513 00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:29,300 I didn't come back into work until nine days later. 514 00:27:29,300 --> 00:27:30,300 Makes sense. 515 00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:34,580 And she was so angry at me and she thought, yeah, she thought I was faking. 516 00:27:34,580 --> 00:27:37,180 And then she got it. 517 00:27:37,180 --> 00:27:43,860 I've, I've heard similar stories, uh, similar stories like that, especially when it comes 518 00:27:43,860 --> 00:27:47,220 to the medical field. 519 00:27:47,220 --> 00:27:54,540 So that's when the real, yeah, to work at a restaurant, he was a manager at a restaurant 520 00:27:54,540 --> 00:28:01,180 where elderly people, Bob Evans, where elderly people come in and his boss called and I picked 521 00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:08,020 up the phone and she was like, we need Sean to come in. 522 00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:10,060 And I said, absolutely not. 523 00:28:10,060 --> 00:28:11,060 He's not coming in. 524 00:28:11,060 --> 00:28:12,980 You're going to have to deal with it. 525 00:28:12,980 --> 00:28:14,060 That's what I said. 526 00:28:14,060 --> 00:28:18,740 That's the point I had gotten to people. 527 00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:24,820 Then being aware of my codependency, I started, it was almost like lopping people out that 528 00:28:24,820 --> 00:28:32,100 I'd never even noticed that they were dragging me into this vortex of BS. 529 00:28:32,100 --> 00:28:38,780 I did, I cleaned out my entire closet of human beings and, you know, the universe filled 530 00:28:38,780 --> 00:28:41,860 my closet. 531 00:28:41,860 --> 00:28:43,420 That's the way I look at it. 532 00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:44,420 That's good. 533 00:28:44,420 --> 00:28:46,420 That's, that's important. 534 00:28:46,420 --> 00:28:53,740 Um, I guess it's important, I guess, to find something that's going to, to fill a void 535 00:28:53,740 --> 00:28:58,340 after a loss that is going to be beneficial for you. 536 00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:00,700 Not a lot of people see it like that. 537 00:29:00,700 --> 00:29:05,500 They kind of think of just grabbing whatever's comfort. 538 00:29:05,500 --> 00:29:08,900 And you know, I mean, here's the thing for each, for each person their own. 539 00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:13,980 I mean, some people, they want to, to surround themselves with as many people as possible 540 00:29:13,980 --> 00:29:18,660 and get those comfort items and kind of just like, soothe the hurt until they don't think 541 00:29:18,660 --> 00:29:22,020 it's going to be as bad later or some people tend to wallow. 542 00:29:22,020 --> 00:29:27,100 I mean, it's, it's all things, but I'll be honest with you, finding good people to be 543 00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:30,020 around to fill that void, that can't be a bad one. 544 00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:32,020 I don't think so. 545 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:36,300 No, that's, that's after my mom died, that's pretty much it up happening. 546 00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:41,860 I quit filling my closet with people that were like her that were take, take, take, 547 00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:44,380 take, take, take, take. 548 00:29:44,380 --> 00:29:51,860 My mom needed me to live the life, I guess, that she didn't live when she was younger. 549 00:29:51,860 --> 00:29:59,180 So going to nursing school and, and medicine and all of these things were quite the accomplishment 550 00:29:59,180 --> 00:30:01,220 in her book. 551 00:30:01,220 --> 00:30:08,140 And now presently I, you know, came out as queer to my dad and my brother. 552 00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:11,260 And my brother was like, Oh, okay. 553 00:30:11,260 --> 00:30:14,740 I already knew, he already knew, he already knew. 554 00:30:14,740 --> 00:30:20,900 And then my dad was like, Oh, Edie, everybody makes mistakes. 555 00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:24,460 And I said, Oh no, this is not a mistake. 556 00:30:24,460 --> 00:30:26,460 This is who I am. 557 00:30:26,460 --> 00:30:30,580 And he goes, this is who you, who you are. 558 00:30:30,580 --> 00:30:32,580 And I said, yeah, dad. 559 00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:34,780 And he goes, okay. 560 00:30:34,780 --> 00:30:35,780 Wow. 561 00:30:35,780 --> 00:30:36,780 Okay. 562 00:30:36,780 --> 00:30:39,340 And he talks to me every single day. 563 00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:42,940 And my brother talks to me like three or four times a week. 564 00:30:42,940 --> 00:30:46,220 But I think it was better for them when I came out. 565 00:30:46,220 --> 00:30:47,220 That's good. 566 00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:52,620 I was not going to lie, I'm a little envious, but that's, I think that's because we got 567 00:30:52,620 --> 00:30:53,620 different dads. 568 00:30:53,620 --> 00:30:58,340 I mean, there, there was no way I was going to be able to tell my dad I was bi. 569 00:30:58,340 --> 00:31:07,340 Like he almost lost his, his shit when, when he found out that I had a crush on somebody 570 00:31:07,340 --> 00:31:09,780 that wasn't white. 571 00:31:09,780 --> 00:31:13,780 And I was like, well, this is, this didn't know at the time, but there was a little voice 572 00:31:13,780 --> 00:31:19,100 that told me, it's like, this is the moment you're not going to tell him much anymore. 573 00:31:19,100 --> 00:31:22,100 But no, that's, I'm so glad you have that. 574 00:31:22,100 --> 00:31:29,020 And I'll be honest with you, when it comes to like a person who has, who has lost a parent 575 00:31:29,020 --> 00:31:35,100 and lost connections on purpose, like it's not like they ripped from you of the things 576 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:39,500 that you knew and believed to just start new ones. 577 00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:45,380 It sounds like it's been a wild ride, but it sounds like it's been relatively smooth. 578 00:31:45,380 --> 00:31:50,460 Like, but smooth in the way is like you're being tied to a rocket, but at least the rocket's 579 00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:53,220 going in like a good upward secretion. 580 00:31:53,220 --> 00:31:56,820 Well, I, I have to be honest with you. 581 00:31:56,820 --> 00:32:02,020 I, I had to meditate through all my old beers. 582 00:32:02,020 --> 00:32:09,060 And when I was in New Mexico, Powell's bad calf really put me this place of no fear. 583 00:32:09,060 --> 00:32:12,940 It was as close to being on another planet. 584 00:32:12,940 --> 00:32:17,140 Honestly, if you ever go there, I would love to be there. 585 00:32:17,140 --> 00:32:19,100 I would love to be your guide. 586 00:32:19,100 --> 00:32:21,340 I know everything about it. 587 00:32:21,340 --> 00:32:24,180 I was there for three or four days. 588 00:32:24,180 --> 00:32:27,780 I walked the entire cave all by myself. 589 00:32:27,780 --> 00:32:34,900 And when I say the entrance is just mind blowing, mind blowing. 590 00:32:34,900 --> 00:32:36,820 It's hundreds of feet. 591 00:32:36,820 --> 00:32:39,620 The entrance is hundreds of feet. 592 00:32:39,620 --> 00:32:45,460 The entire cavern is as tall as the Empire State Building. 593 00:32:45,460 --> 00:32:46,460 That's what I've heard. 594 00:32:46,460 --> 00:32:48,460 And that's, that mind boggles me. 595 00:32:48,460 --> 00:32:51,860 It's hard, it's hard for me to fit that in my brain. 596 00:32:51,860 --> 00:32:55,580 It's when I, my whole body was a tangle. 597 00:32:55,580 --> 00:32:59,540 I was sweating from pure joy. 598 00:32:59,540 --> 00:33:05,140 I was like, because when you walk inside and you can smell the bat down, which was like 599 00:33:05,140 --> 00:33:07,740 home to me, it really was. 600 00:33:07,740 --> 00:33:11,060 It was like, oh, that's a sentence I didn't think I was going to hear. 601 00:33:11,060 --> 00:33:14,140 And I'd be honest with you, that might turn into a title. 602 00:33:14,140 --> 00:33:15,140 We'll see. 603 00:33:15,140 --> 00:33:22,940 But I, when I walked into that entrance and you look and you're losing the light from 604 00:33:22,940 --> 00:33:27,140 outside, the deeper you walk in, the darker it is. 605 00:33:27,140 --> 00:33:33,940 The only light that you have is the illumination that the part gives you. 606 00:33:33,940 --> 00:33:39,060 And it's small amounts of light because you can't, because light is so destructive to 607 00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:40,060 the cavern. 608 00:33:40,060 --> 00:33:41,060 Right. 609 00:33:41,060 --> 00:33:45,460 You know, even human breath, the oil from your skin and your hair. 610 00:33:45,460 --> 00:33:50,900 And I never touched a thing, your voice raising it over a certain octave, which there are 611 00:33:50,900 --> 00:33:53,100 people, there were people there. 612 00:33:53,100 --> 00:33:56,740 And I will have to say it did get annoying. 613 00:33:56,740 --> 00:34:03,780 You know, when you hear these voices raised because I had such a respect for it going in 614 00:34:03,780 --> 00:34:04,780 there. 615 00:34:04,780 --> 00:34:10,540 And so I went down the first time down the elevator because I was too much of a chicken 616 00:34:10,540 --> 00:34:15,820 shit to watch, to walk through the natural entrance. 617 00:34:15,820 --> 00:34:20,540 So, and that was 750 feet down. 618 00:34:20,540 --> 00:34:22,020 It's crazy. 619 00:34:22,020 --> 00:34:26,580 I imagine that you would probably have less problem with pressure differential if you 620 00:34:26,580 --> 00:34:28,580 walked rather than taking the elevator. 621 00:34:28,580 --> 00:34:31,780 I bet your ears were freaking out. 622 00:34:31,780 --> 00:34:35,060 They did a really, really good job. 623 00:34:35,060 --> 00:34:42,380 They did that's good job of that elevator and they're still working on the elevator. 624 00:34:42,380 --> 00:34:49,100 And back in 1923, when they first started, when they first opened the cavern, you had 625 00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:51,260 to go down a wooden ladder. 626 00:34:51,260 --> 00:34:52,260 Wow. 627 00:34:52,260 --> 00:34:53,260 Okay. 628 00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:55,460 No, I'm not doing 750 foot. 629 00:34:55,460 --> 00:35:00,380 Well, I'm sure I'm sure there were there are landings like you probably had ladder landing. 630 00:35:00,380 --> 00:35:01,380 Yep. 631 00:35:01,380 --> 00:35:05,020 Like, look, he calling almost. 632 00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:06,020 That's still wild to me. 633 00:35:06,020 --> 00:35:08,340 Like leg and arm day for days. 634 00:35:08,340 --> 00:35:11,940 Like wouldn't do anything for two weeks after I would just lay there on the floor. 635 00:35:11,940 --> 00:35:14,580 Just hope somebody comes and finds me later. 636 00:35:14,580 --> 00:35:19,700 We went, we went to the cave system and I can't remember where it was. 637 00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:23,020 It was in Kentucky. 638 00:35:23,020 --> 00:35:28,060 And the name of it escapes me right now, but it's the first cave I've ever been into. 639 00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:29,860 And I mean, the same thing. 640 00:35:29,860 --> 00:35:30,860 Don't touch anything. 641 00:35:30,860 --> 00:35:32,100 It's just from your skin. 642 00:35:32,100 --> 00:35:35,460 You could tell where people had touched things because it was like a different color, like 643 00:35:35,460 --> 00:35:38,220 a different color black or something like that. 644 00:35:38,220 --> 00:35:43,380 Yeah, I told myself I'd have a Google machine up too, but I totally damn it. 645 00:35:43,380 --> 00:35:44,980 Hey, that's it. 646 00:35:44,980 --> 00:35:45,980 That's it. 647 00:35:45,980 --> 00:35:46,980 Okay. 648 00:35:46,980 --> 00:35:48,820 Which is my book of caves. 649 00:35:48,820 --> 00:35:50,540 It was, it was great. 650 00:35:50,540 --> 00:35:51,580 We went during the summer. 651 00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:55,780 So it's like natural air conditioning on the way there and also in there. 652 00:35:55,780 --> 00:35:56,860 It was just, it was lovely. 653 00:35:56,860 --> 00:36:02,940 I had some wonderful photography using the lights that they had in there as accent points. 654 00:36:02,940 --> 00:36:04,380 That way I didn't bring my own flash. 655 00:36:04,380 --> 00:36:07,060 It was just, it was fantastic. 656 00:36:07,060 --> 00:36:08,060 Good cave is awesome. 657 00:36:08,060 --> 00:36:11,180 And now I just want to see one that's 750 feet deep. 658 00:36:11,180 --> 00:36:12,900 That's my next thing I got to do. 659 00:36:12,900 --> 00:36:13,900 It's for you. 660 00:36:13,900 --> 00:36:15,660 It is absolutely for you. 661 00:36:15,660 --> 00:36:19,860 And then they have the bottomless lakes in New Mexico. 662 00:36:19,860 --> 00:36:20,860 Oh yeah. 663 00:36:20,860 --> 00:36:26,840 They have a few of those heading further down south where they, you know, they were testing 664 00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:27,840 them, right? 665 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,260 Somebody got lost in it and they're like, Oh no. 666 00:36:30,260 --> 00:36:33,620 So they threw a rope down in there and the rope just went on forever. 667 00:36:33,620 --> 00:36:35,540 And they were thinking, Oh, it's just forever deep. 668 00:36:35,540 --> 00:36:40,300 And then like finally, like somebody from MIT came through with, with a couple of sensors 669 00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:41,300 and whatnot. 670 00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:43,500 I was like, no, this thing just takes a really sharp turn. 671 00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:44,820 It just keeps going guys. 672 00:36:44,820 --> 00:36:48,580 Like it's, oh, yep. 673 00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:49,580 There's that dead guy. 674 00:36:49,580 --> 00:36:50,580 Yeah. 675 00:36:50,580 --> 00:36:51,580 Well, 676 00:36:51,580 --> 00:36:52,580 But the world is flat. 677 00:36:52,580 --> 00:36:53,580 Don't you know? 678 00:36:53,580 --> 00:36:54,580 Yeah. 679 00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:55,580 Yeah. 680 00:36:55,580 --> 00:36:56,580 Totally. 681 00:36:56,580 --> 00:37:00,220 We have no idea what's beneath all the surfaces. 682 00:37:00,220 --> 00:37:01,220 We have no clue. 683 00:37:01,220 --> 00:37:08,020 That's, that's a different feeling in itself is when you start to realize that you, the, 684 00:37:08,020 --> 00:37:13,260 the world around you is, is much deeper and stranger than you will ever probably get a 685 00:37:13,260 --> 00:37:20,340 chance to see the unknowns that we keep thinking of tend to be pale in comparison to the knowns 686 00:37:20,340 --> 00:37:21,780 that we actually find. 687 00:37:21,780 --> 00:37:25,300 And so it just keeps compounding the world. 688 00:37:25,300 --> 00:37:27,900 It's just a little bit wild. 689 00:37:27,900 --> 00:37:29,900 It was wild. 690 00:37:29,900 --> 00:37:31,740 It was too wild. 691 00:37:31,740 --> 00:37:37,220 So are you, are you still doing nursing things or is podcasting your job now? 692 00:37:37,220 --> 00:37:41,700 Or what is so good? 693 00:37:41,700 --> 00:37:47,620 So I left this up to the universe and I'm in a really good spot. 694 00:37:47,620 --> 00:37:53,740 Eventually say at the end of 2024, I'm going to be completely done with nursing, completely 695 00:37:53,740 --> 00:37:54,740 done. 696 00:37:54,740 --> 00:37:59,220 And at this moment, I am not, I, I love it. 697 00:37:59,220 --> 00:38:04,860 And what I do for the people that I take care of, I love that too. 698 00:38:04,860 --> 00:38:11,820 And you know, we have such a great elderly population and they have so many beautiful 699 00:38:11,820 --> 00:38:12,820 stories to tell. 700 00:38:12,820 --> 00:38:17,700 I don't know how you feel about that, but yeah, I'm still doing that. 701 00:38:17,700 --> 00:38:23,820 And I believe the end of 2024, that's when I'm going to retire and be a podcast. 702 00:38:23,820 --> 00:38:27,020 So how are you, how are you feeling about that? 703 00:38:27,020 --> 00:38:32,620 Like, is there any, any, any regrets that the time is coming towards that? 704 00:38:32,620 --> 00:38:38,060 Or like, like, how, how is that making you feel that, you know, that the, that you're 705 00:38:38,060 --> 00:38:41,180 making yourself turn this page on that chapter? 706 00:38:41,180 --> 00:38:42,180 I'm loving it. 707 00:38:42,180 --> 00:38:43,180 Okay. 708 00:38:43,180 --> 00:38:44,380 So ready for it. 709 00:38:44,380 --> 00:38:48,420 I have stopped all extemporaneous spending. 710 00:38:48,420 --> 00:38:49,420 Yeah. 711 00:38:49,420 --> 00:38:50,420 Every penny. 712 00:38:50,420 --> 00:38:51,420 I need to do that. 713 00:38:51,420 --> 00:38:52,420 Yeah. 714 00:38:52,420 --> 00:38:55,020 I'm telling you, no more Starbucks. 715 00:38:55,020 --> 00:39:00,220 I'm like, I, look, I love you, but I'm no longer a fan because every dollar that I make 716 00:39:00,220 --> 00:39:04,100 is going towards the podcast. 717 00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:05,100 Okay. 718 00:39:05,100 --> 00:39:07,540 So I don't have time for subscriptions. 719 00:39:07,540 --> 00:39:11,340 I don't have time for Team U. I don't have time for TikTok shop. 720 00:39:11,340 --> 00:39:16,580 I'm not going to have time for these things because I know, and I told you, I just bought 721 00:39:16,580 --> 00:39:18,100 a $400 mic. 722 00:39:18,100 --> 00:39:19,100 Yeah. 723 00:39:19,100 --> 00:39:24,500 So these are the kind of commitments I am making to myself and I believe I'm completely worth 724 00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:25,500 it. 725 00:39:25,500 --> 00:39:34,980 And I have met enough amazing people that, you know, I am also writing a book, you know, 726 00:39:34,980 --> 00:39:40,660 these are things that I told myself for years, you're a piece of shit, but no one's going 727 00:39:40,660 --> 00:39:41,780 to read it. 728 00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:43,100 No one cares. 729 00:39:43,100 --> 00:39:44,180 No one cares. 730 00:39:44,180 --> 00:39:45,180 No one this. 731 00:39:45,180 --> 00:39:46,180 No one. 732 00:39:46,180 --> 00:39:49,340 I'm telling ugly stories I used to tell myself. 733 00:39:49,340 --> 00:39:50,620 I quit doing that. 734 00:39:50,620 --> 00:39:51,620 I quit. 735 00:39:51,620 --> 00:39:53,340 Were they stories based off of your fears? 736 00:39:53,340 --> 00:40:02,060 Fears that are implanted into my mind by my mother, by my grandmother, by every woman 737 00:40:02,060 --> 00:40:07,260 that prefaced me back to the Barbie scenario. 738 00:40:07,260 --> 00:40:10,420 The whole women just don't do those things. 739 00:40:10,420 --> 00:40:11,420 Okay. 740 00:40:11,420 --> 00:40:13,060 They don't believe in aliens. 741 00:40:13,060 --> 00:40:18,340 They don't write a book about themselves and what they've gone through. 742 00:40:18,340 --> 00:40:23,780 They don't, you know, sure you voted, but you voted for who your mother told you to 743 00:40:23,780 --> 00:40:25,580 vote for. 744 00:40:25,580 --> 00:40:32,780 I don't want to live my life like that anymore where someone else is dictating to me my successes. 745 00:40:32,780 --> 00:40:37,100 That seems to resonate with everything that you said so far. 746 00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:40,180 That's definitely a, yeah, feel the conviction. 747 00:40:40,180 --> 00:40:43,020 I feel the conviction in that. 748 00:40:43,020 --> 00:40:50,660 This leads me to ask what people may consider kind of a harsh question, but both of my parents 749 00:40:50,660 --> 00:40:54,660 have passed and I know the answer to this one for myself. 750 00:40:54,660 --> 00:41:01,860 Is there any part of you that no one wants, no one wants to see, no one wants to have 751 00:41:01,860 --> 00:41:03,260 their parents pass. 752 00:41:03,260 --> 00:41:09,660 Is there any part of you that goes, I miss her, but I'm glad that she's gone because 753 00:41:09,660 --> 00:41:11,900 I'm where I'm at right now. 754 00:41:11,900 --> 00:41:14,260 Yes, I do miss her. 755 00:41:14,260 --> 00:41:15,260 I do. 756 00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:17,860 Isn't that the weirdest scam feeling? 757 00:41:17,860 --> 00:41:22,340 Like you, you spend like your entire, you know, childhood up to whenever your parents 758 00:41:22,340 --> 00:41:23,340 actually passionate. 759 00:41:23,340 --> 00:41:24,660 You're like, I'm glad I have my parents. 760 00:41:24,660 --> 00:41:26,380 Everybody says you should be glad you have your parents. 761 00:41:26,380 --> 00:41:28,700 You're going to totally miss your parents when they're gone. 762 00:41:28,700 --> 00:41:29,700 You're right. 763 00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:30,700 You're totally right. 764 00:41:30,700 --> 00:41:34,260 But would I be the person I am now if it wasn't for that? 765 00:41:34,260 --> 00:41:36,100 No, no, I wouldn't. 766 00:41:36,100 --> 00:41:37,100 I'll be honest with you. 767 00:41:37,100 --> 00:41:40,340 I wouldn't be here and not just speaking, not just doing a podcast about loss. 768 00:41:40,340 --> 00:41:43,980 I probably wouldn't be as creative as I am right now. 769 00:41:43,980 --> 00:41:49,860 And there's a, there's a freedom in it that almost makes you feel guilty. 770 00:41:49,860 --> 00:41:51,260 Would you agree? 771 00:41:51,260 --> 00:41:52,260 Yeah. 772 00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:53,260 Oh my God. 773 00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:54,260 Yeah. 774 00:41:54,260 --> 00:41:55,540 Because I don't know about you. 775 00:41:55,540 --> 00:41:59,020 So my mom is your dad. 776 00:41:59,020 --> 00:42:00,020 Okay. 777 00:42:00,020 --> 00:42:08,500 You know, I mean, my mom was a complete racist and, and she was a misogynistic female. 778 00:42:08,500 --> 00:42:12,620 She hated other women. 779 00:42:12,620 --> 00:42:18,780 Every time I see one of those in like film or in real life, or if I read about them, 780 00:42:18,780 --> 00:42:19,780 I'm not going to lie. 781 00:42:19,780 --> 00:42:22,820 That always kind of gives me like a little bit of, a little bit of shutter because that 782 00:42:22,820 --> 00:42:25,580 it's, it's like a oraboris man. 783 00:42:25,580 --> 00:42:26,940 It's like they're eating their own tail. 784 00:42:26,940 --> 00:42:28,100 Like where does it end? 785 00:42:28,100 --> 00:42:29,620 It ends when there's nothing left. 786 00:42:29,620 --> 00:42:31,100 Oh, that's rough. 787 00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:32,100 Yeah. 788 00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:33,100 She did not age well. 789 00:42:33,100 --> 00:42:34,780 My mom did not age well. 790 00:42:34,780 --> 00:42:39,500 She was a smoker and she took a lot of pills. 791 00:42:39,500 --> 00:42:40,500 Wow. 792 00:42:40,500 --> 00:42:41,500 You know? 793 00:42:41,500 --> 00:42:42,500 Yeah. 794 00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:49,300 And I mean, I, here I am a vegetarian and I mean, drink juice. 795 00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:50,620 I have a juicer. 796 00:42:50,620 --> 00:42:57,020 My partner bought me a juicer and I do my own juices and I drink water all day and it's 797 00:42:57,020 --> 00:43:00,380 all about having, being kind to my liver. 798 00:43:00,380 --> 00:43:02,420 You know, it's not about looks. 799 00:43:02,420 --> 00:43:05,620 It's not, am I sexy to this person? 800 00:43:05,620 --> 00:43:06,620 Do I have abs? 801 00:43:06,620 --> 00:43:09,780 I don't give a fuck about it. 802 00:43:09,780 --> 00:43:10,780 No. 803 00:43:10,780 --> 00:43:11,780 Yeah. 804 00:43:11,780 --> 00:43:12,780 It's not about, it's not about, you know, looking good. 805 00:43:12,780 --> 00:43:16,940 It's about how many more years do I have to keep putting out stuff? 806 00:43:16,940 --> 00:43:21,540 How can I make myself live longer to keep experiencing life the way that I want it? 807 00:43:21,540 --> 00:43:23,220 I, good for you. 808 00:43:23,220 --> 00:43:29,740 I need to have more of that because I got myself the diabetes type two just after years 809 00:43:29,740 --> 00:43:34,580 of not taking care of my body right and everything and I've learned, you know, what's eat whatnot, 810 00:43:34,580 --> 00:43:36,420 but I still hard to tell the kick cards. 811 00:43:36,420 --> 00:43:42,540 I'm just saying it's, I'm working on it, but it's hard because the last thing I want 812 00:43:42,540 --> 00:43:49,540 to do is to put my, to put the people I love through premature loss before I know that 813 00:43:49,540 --> 00:43:53,460 I've left this place better than when I found it. 814 00:43:53,460 --> 00:43:54,660 And that's, that's life for me. 815 00:43:54,660 --> 00:43:59,220 That, that, when everybody, anybody asks me what the meaning of life is, that's what 816 00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:00,220 I tell them. 817 00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:02,860 I want everybody should leave this place a little bit better than we found it for the 818 00:44:02,860 --> 00:44:04,060 people who are coming after us. 819 00:44:04,060 --> 00:44:08,020 Cause it's not about us and it's not, and when it gets to them, it's not about them. 820 00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:09,020 It's the chain. 821 00:44:09,020 --> 00:44:12,820 It's going to keep going until eventually the earth has her fill of us and she doesn't 822 00:44:12,820 --> 00:44:13,820 want to support us anymore. 823 00:44:13,820 --> 00:44:17,220 And she just, you know, worldwide extinction event. 824 00:44:17,220 --> 00:44:18,220 Right. 825 00:44:18,220 --> 00:44:21,980 We all, we all just get thrown down to the sleast acts. 826 00:44:21,980 --> 00:44:24,660 Tell, tell me, you know what a sleast act is, don't you? 827 00:44:24,660 --> 00:44:25,660 Come on. 828 00:44:25,660 --> 00:44:26,660 Do you know what a sleast act is? 829 00:44:26,660 --> 00:44:27,660 I don't. 830 00:44:27,660 --> 00:44:30,420 It is the lizard people from the land of the lost. 831 00:44:30,420 --> 00:44:31,420 Oh yeah. 832 00:44:31,420 --> 00:44:32,420 Yeah. 833 00:44:32,420 --> 00:44:37,460 Did I, did I just unlock a memory that you'd never thought you forgot? 834 00:44:37,460 --> 00:44:40,140 Oh my God. 835 00:44:40,140 --> 00:44:41,340 I can even see them. 836 00:44:41,340 --> 00:44:42,940 I can even picture them. 837 00:44:42,940 --> 00:44:43,940 Yep. 838 00:44:43,940 --> 00:44:49,140 In my, why does that live in my head as a word that I could just pull out on a vocabulary 839 00:44:49,140 --> 00:44:50,140 night? 840 00:44:50,140 --> 00:44:52,140 I don't know, but sleast acts live in my brain. 841 00:44:52,140 --> 00:44:53,140 You know what? 842 00:44:53,140 --> 00:44:55,140 That couldn't be more perfect. 843 00:44:55,140 --> 00:44:56,620 Well, man. 844 00:44:56,620 --> 00:44:57,620 Okay. 845 00:44:57,620 --> 00:45:03,780 Um, we eat if you can enjoy to talk to, and I don't know how long this episode is actually 846 00:45:03,780 --> 00:45:09,300 going to be because I forgot to say any timers except for what zoom told me I had no time 847 00:45:09,300 --> 00:45:10,300 for. 848 00:45:10,300 --> 00:45:15,700 Also, while we were recording, yeah, this is just good first episode stuff to know. 849 00:45:15,700 --> 00:45:22,220 I ran out of room on my laptop and I had to buy more space on my cloud thing while we 850 00:45:22,220 --> 00:45:23,780 were talking. 851 00:45:23,780 --> 00:45:28,340 So what, hopefully we have all the audio here. 852 00:45:28,340 --> 00:45:30,060 If not, I'll patch something together again. 853 00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:31,060 This is episode zero. 854 00:45:31,060 --> 00:45:34,860 People may not even hear this, but you know what, you know what though? 855 00:45:34,860 --> 00:45:40,260 I have to tell you the universe edits what she wants out. 856 00:45:40,260 --> 00:45:44,100 Hey, this is, this is how I look at everything. 857 00:45:44,100 --> 00:45:45,420 I don't look at law. 858 00:45:45,420 --> 00:45:47,500 There's no loss for me anymore. 859 00:45:47,500 --> 00:45:49,580 If that means anything to you. 860 00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:50,580 Oh, keep talking. 861 00:45:50,580 --> 00:45:51,940 That's perfect for this podcast. 862 00:45:51,940 --> 00:45:52,940 Keep talking about that. 863 00:45:52,940 --> 00:46:00,020 Yeah, this is how, so if you want to change your loss, you change your perspective and 864 00:46:00,020 --> 00:46:02,180 your beliefs and your ideologies. 865 00:46:02,180 --> 00:46:08,820 And I, what I've done is I used to get so upset, you know, like the shit show that 866 00:46:08,820 --> 00:46:14,460 would happen at Word where I'd have my boss behind me beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. 867 00:46:14,460 --> 00:46:15,460 Right? 868 00:46:15,460 --> 00:46:16,460 Right. 869 00:46:16,460 --> 00:46:23,900 It's bitching at me and I now I just turn around and say, look, unless you have something 870 00:46:23,900 --> 00:46:30,620 of value that you are adding to my life, you are taking away from my life. 871 00:46:30,620 --> 00:46:34,860 I can't be in an environment like this. 872 00:46:34,860 --> 00:46:38,560 If you want me to be here, you have the control. 873 00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,140 You can walk away right now. 874 00:46:41,140 --> 00:46:47,740 However, if, you know, of course, if she's tuning me out and being the complete narcissist 875 00:46:47,740 --> 00:46:49,740 that I know she is. 876 00:46:49,740 --> 00:46:55,260 Sounds like you have someone specific in mind when you're saying this, but I feel you. 877 00:46:55,260 --> 00:47:01,860 So I have an idea for how to kind of end off my podcast for right now, which is to ask 878 00:47:01,860 --> 00:47:06,100 the person, given the choice to go back. 879 00:47:06,100 --> 00:47:07,100 You don't have to take the choice. 880 00:47:07,100 --> 00:47:13,100 But if you do, would you go back and prevent yourself from losing? 881 00:47:13,100 --> 00:47:14,100 I have a daughter. 882 00:47:14,100 --> 00:47:22,140 I was pregnant at 19 years old and I didn't know my mom sent me away because that's what 883 00:47:22,140 --> 00:47:23,140 you did. 884 00:47:23,140 --> 00:47:24,140 You were pregnant. 885 00:47:24,140 --> 00:47:25,140 No one's supposed to know. 886 00:47:25,140 --> 00:47:27,180 Oh my God, my daughter's pregnant. 887 00:47:27,180 --> 00:47:28,180 Right. 888 00:47:28,180 --> 00:47:34,260 So she sent me away to lifesavers ministries where I had my daughter and she had to get 889 00:47:34,260 --> 00:47:40,740 a lawyer to place my daughter with the family that I chose before I even went up there. 890 00:47:40,740 --> 00:47:41,740 Oh, wow. 891 00:47:41,740 --> 00:47:42,740 Yeah. 892 00:47:42,740 --> 00:47:46,460 So if I could do it all over again, I would keep my kid. 893 00:47:46,460 --> 00:47:50,260 That is my child, my daughter. 894 00:47:50,260 --> 00:47:53,060 I would have found a way for us both to eat. 895 00:47:53,060 --> 00:47:57,140 I would have left my mom and I look at it like that. 896 00:47:57,140 --> 00:47:59,020 I love her. 897 00:47:59,020 --> 00:48:00,700 She is tremendous, by the way. 898 00:48:00,700 --> 00:48:03,640 She is the vice president at a college. 899 00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:06,700 She is a journalist. 900 00:48:06,700 --> 00:48:07,700 That's awesome. 901 00:48:07,700 --> 00:48:10,140 I'm glad that you got you know her. 902 00:48:10,140 --> 00:48:12,820 I mean, that's amazing. 903 00:48:12,820 --> 00:48:14,140 It's a gift. 904 00:48:14,140 --> 00:48:23,420 You know, your podcast is aptly named, you know, naked onion because right, the layers, 905 00:48:23,420 --> 00:48:25,060 the layers you have, lady. 906 00:48:25,060 --> 00:48:26,060 I know. 907 00:48:26,060 --> 00:48:27,060 Excuse me. 908 00:48:27,060 --> 00:48:28,060 All right. 909 00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:29,060 We'll eat if. 910 00:48:29,060 --> 00:48:30,060 Yeah. 911 00:48:30,060 --> 00:48:31,060 Thank you so much. 912 00:48:31,060 --> 00:48:35,260 I mean, two minutes if you want to plug anything else other than your podcast, if you want 913 00:48:35,260 --> 00:48:38,860 to tell people, tell you talk, you got two minutes to plug yourself. 914 00:48:38,860 --> 00:48:39,860 All right. 915 00:48:39,860 --> 00:48:41,900 My name is Edith Ivy Rosenblatt. 916 00:48:41,900 --> 00:48:47,660 I am the host, producer and writer, writer of the naked onion mystery tours podcast. 917 00:48:47,660 --> 00:48:48,660 I have a Tik Tok. 918 00:48:48,660 --> 00:48:50,940 I also have a YouTube channel. 919 00:48:50,940 --> 00:48:56,820 Please check me out on YouTube and Mel the podcaster is my co-host. 920 00:48:56,820 --> 00:49:03,140 So thank you, Michael LeBlanc for having me on your podcast. 921 00:49:03,140 --> 00:49:07,660 I'm truly grateful and I am touched by you, my beautiful friend. 922 00:49:07,660 --> 00:49:08,980 Well, thank you. 923 00:49:08,980 --> 00:49:16,180 This has just been a surprisingly bright and shiny moment talking about the things that 924 00:49:16,180 --> 00:49:18,140 have changed us in this life. 925 00:49:18,140 --> 00:49:19,940 Thank you so much for that. 926 00:49:19,940 --> 00:49:23,020 So that's it for this episode. 927 00:49:23,020 --> 00:49:28,300 Tune in next time where I don't tell you about what happened during this episode because 928 00:49:28,300 --> 00:49:30,620 again, this is your loss. 929 00:49:30,620 --> 00:49:32,460 I'll talk to you next time. 930 00:49:32,460 --> 00:49:53,980 Bye bye.