WEBVTT 00:00:02.549 --> 00:00:05.330 Hey there, welcome to the God's Goodness podcast. 00:00:05.750 --> 00:00:08.269 We are your host, Josh and Shelly Hankins, and 00:00:08.269 --> 00:00:10.630 we're here to share real stories of God's power, 00:00:11.330 --> 00:00:13.910 stories of hope, healing, and miracles that will 00:00:13.910 --> 00:00:16.350 strengthen your faith. No matter what you're 00:00:16.350 --> 00:00:18.570 walking through, we want to remind you that God 00:00:18.570 --> 00:00:21.429 is good and he's still moving today. Let's dive 00:00:21.429 --> 00:00:28.449 in. Today's guest is a powerful woman of God 00:00:28.449 --> 00:00:32.070 whose heart for kingdom unity and community transformation 00:00:32.070 --> 00:00:35.929 is truly contagious. Jenna Martin is the visionary 00:00:35.929 --> 00:00:39.149 behind Green Pastures Ministry, an incredible 00:00:39.149 --> 00:00:41.570 movement that's rallying the body of Christ to 00:00:41.570 --> 00:00:44.689 bring revival, reformation, and restoration to 00:00:44.689 --> 00:00:47.920 cities across America. Through her leadership, 00:00:48.079 --> 00:00:50.960 she's helping churches, ministries, businesses, 00:00:51.399 --> 00:00:54.119 and believers come together to advance Heaven's 00:00:54.119 --> 00:00:56.619 agenda and meet real -world needs with Kingdom 00:00:56.619 --> 00:00:59.920 Solutions. Her heart is not just for programs, 00:01:00.060 --> 00:01:03.100 but for people, building relationships that reflect 00:01:03.100 --> 00:01:06.239 the heart of Jesus and creating space for God's 00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:09.140 presence to move powerfully in everyday life. 00:01:09.739 --> 00:01:12.200 We were introduced to Jenna by our dear friend 00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:15.650 and past guest, Ben Hinton, who told us, you've 00:01:15.650 --> 00:01:18.069 got to have her on. What God is doing through 00:01:18.069 --> 00:01:21.349 her is remarkable. And now we're so honored to 00:01:21.349 --> 00:01:24.609 share her story with you. Get ready to be encouraged, 00:01:25.290 --> 00:01:27.890 stretched and stirred because what Jenna carries 00:01:27.890 --> 00:01:31.629 is something the church needs in this hour. Welcome 00:01:31.629 --> 00:01:34.170 to the God's Goodness podcast, Jenna Martin. 00:01:34.540 --> 00:01:37.599 Thank you for having me. This is amazing. I am 00:01:37.599 --> 00:01:39.719 so glad you got to be with us in person today. 00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:42.519 We'll just disclose that. So she's a super special 00:01:42.519 --> 00:01:45.340 guest. So before we begin, will you please start 00:01:45.340 --> 00:01:48.200 us off with the opening prayer? Yes, absolutely. 00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:53.030 Thank you. Gracious God, we just thank you so 00:01:53.030 --> 00:01:56.569 much for this time, for this space that you have 00:01:56.569 --> 00:02:00.989 created for this podcast to touch and reach lives. 00:02:01.129 --> 00:02:03.810 We just pray for every person on the other end 00:02:03.810 --> 00:02:07.390 of this recording. We just pray for you to guide 00:02:07.390 --> 00:02:10.030 our words, for you to guide what needs to be 00:02:10.030 --> 00:02:13.009 spoken, what needs to be heard, for you to just 00:02:13.009 --> 00:02:16.250 reach through and touch the hearts of many that 00:02:16.250 --> 00:02:19.509 are needing your touch, Jesus. We thank you for 00:02:19.509 --> 00:02:21.689 all the ways. that you are moving and speaking 00:02:21.689 --> 00:02:24.469 in this very moment in your precious name, Jesus, 00:02:24.710 --> 00:02:30.009 amen. Amen. Thank you for that. Absolutely. Now, 00:02:30.590 --> 00:02:33.889 you have a lot to unpack. Where would you like 00:02:33.889 --> 00:02:38.210 to start for this episode? Yeah, I think starting 00:02:38.210 --> 00:02:45.389 with, you know, green pastures and what it is 00:02:45.389 --> 00:02:49.530 and how it came to be could be a great start. 00:02:49.689 --> 00:02:54.009 but I'm curious what you think people need to 00:02:54.009 --> 00:02:59.349 hear. Well, so let's hear what Green Pastures 00:02:59.349 --> 00:03:02.009 is. Yeah. Because I don't know what it is. And 00:03:02.009 --> 00:03:04.530 I know there's a story that led you to that. 00:03:05.009 --> 00:03:07.270 There's got to be a reason why you need to encourage 00:03:07.270 --> 00:03:09.389 people, why you feel it, right? Because that's 00:03:09.389 --> 00:03:11.229 not on every Christian's heart. It's not in every 00:03:11.229 --> 00:03:14.310 Christian's heart to minister to every single 00:03:14.310 --> 00:03:16.710 person and make disciples of all nations by going 00:03:16.710 --> 00:03:19.099 on missions to every country, no demand. Right? 00:03:19.180 --> 00:03:21.159 And some Christians are one -on -one that they 00:03:21.159 --> 00:03:22.900 just let the Lord put someone in front of them 00:03:22.900 --> 00:03:25.000 and then they... So I know you have a story. 00:03:25.319 --> 00:03:28.639 Yeah. And so I'd like to hear what Green Pastures 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:33.659 is specifically and how did you come to it? Yeah. 00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:36.939 Yeah, that's a great place to start. So Green 00:03:36.939 --> 00:03:39.759 Pastures is a ministry that I started in the 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:43.340 last two years. We focus on one -on -one spiritual 00:03:43.340 --> 00:03:47.840 companioning and... spiritual retreats and then 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:51.680 I do a lot of partnerships so to break that down 00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:54.259 spiritual direction is something that's been 00:03:54.259 --> 00:03:58.500 around in the early church where it's a form 00:03:58.500 --> 00:04:01.099 of discipleship but it's really like an errand 00:04:01.099 --> 00:04:04.340 in a hurr where you're walking alongside of those 00:04:04.340 --> 00:04:07.000 in leadership and helping them carry that burden 00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:10.270 and walking alongside and discerning the Holy 00:04:10.270 --> 00:04:13.069 and what what the Holy Spirit is doing within 00:04:13.069 --> 00:04:16.529 someone's life and being able to point that out 00:04:16.529 --> 00:04:20.810 and call them closer to God. So Green Pastures 00:04:20.810 --> 00:04:25.089 is a place for people to experience that. My 00:04:25.089 --> 00:04:32.300 heart is everybody but being the the history 00:04:32.300 --> 00:04:34.459 that I have working in ministry. I've been a 00:04:34.459 --> 00:04:37.920 missionary, been in ministry full -time, part 00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:42.399 -time for the last decade in many facets that 00:04:42.399 --> 00:04:45.040 I've experienced for now and what that's like. 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:48.060 And I know that a lot of people, I think the 00:04:48.060 --> 00:04:52.300 statistics from the Barna Group is like 70 plus 00:04:52.300 --> 00:04:56.519 percent of pastors. consider yearly walking away 00:04:56.519 --> 00:04:59.360 from full -time positions because it's such a 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:01.899 heavy burden and it's so much and then I think 00:05:01.899 --> 00:05:04.699 it's even higher with missionaries. It's like 00:05:04.699 --> 00:05:08.040 80 % leave because they don't have the support 00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:11.220 on an emotional spiritual level that they need. 00:05:12.220 --> 00:05:15.180 Honestly, yeah, you mentioned spiritual companioning 00:05:15.180 --> 00:05:17.540 and I thought, you know, isn't that basically 00:05:17.540 --> 00:05:20.740 just discipleship? And it's something that I 00:05:20.740 --> 00:05:23.319 lacked. When I first became a Christian, I had 00:05:23.319 --> 00:05:27.259 zero. You had to go to certain things in church 00:05:27.259 --> 00:05:29.279 like, hey, sign up for this. You can go to this. 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:31.839 You can go to this. But nobody walked up and 00:05:31.839 --> 00:05:34.439 said, challenged me. Nobody walked up and told 00:05:34.439 --> 00:05:36.439 me, hey, you should read this. I got a lot out 00:05:36.439 --> 00:05:39.019 of this. No one asked me what my story was. I 00:05:39.019 --> 00:05:41.399 literally had zero discipleship. And the only 00:05:41.399 --> 00:05:44.420 reason that I sit here today at a table speaking 00:05:44.420 --> 00:05:46.560 about God's goodness is because God discipled 00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:49.439 me where nobody else would. Otherwise, I might 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:51.560 have just walked away. And I think, and I've 00:05:51.560 --> 00:05:53.279 heard this before, and I've said this before, 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:57.019 that if you call someone to God, you put Jesus 00:05:57.019 --> 00:05:58.860 in their life and then walk away from them, it 00:05:58.860 --> 00:06:01.360 is no different than taking a baby that's just 00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:03.339 newborn and leaving it on the floor of your house, 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:05.240 and leaving and saying, come and see you when 00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:08.040 you're an adult. Right? It is so irresponsible 00:06:08.040 --> 00:06:10.000 to do that. Nobody in their right mind would 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:12.379 do that. The whole purpose of having kids is 00:06:12.379 --> 00:06:14.259 to raise them to be better people than you were. 00:06:14.379 --> 00:06:16.240 So the whole person discipling someone is to 00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:18.949 be a better disciple than you were. Absolutely. 00:06:19.410 --> 00:06:22.389 So I have a big heart for that because I see 00:06:22.389 --> 00:06:26.610 where it's abandoned by many of the culture of 00:06:26.610 --> 00:06:30.850 the church. Yes. I completely agree. And that 00:06:30.850 --> 00:06:34.449 is my heart. I think your question, isn't it 00:06:34.449 --> 00:06:39.350 just discipleship? Yes. And I think of discipleship 00:06:39.350 --> 00:06:42.790 as really some of that formational just coming 00:06:42.790 --> 00:06:46.379 to Christ moments where often when I'm doing 00:06:46.379 --> 00:06:49.379 spiritual companioning, it would be with somebody 00:06:49.379 --> 00:06:53.420 mature in the Lord often in leadership positions 00:06:53.420 --> 00:06:58.160 where it's more of a bit of a lateral, but still 00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:01.480 pouring in where discipleship is a bit more formational 00:07:01.480 --> 00:07:04.920 and learning some of those routines. I think 00:07:04.920 --> 00:07:07.120 that's how my spiritual director and I have often 00:07:07.120 --> 00:07:09.759 talked about it. She's like, there's subtle differences 00:07:09.759 --> 00:07:12.860 between the two, but they're in the same family 00:07:12.860 --> 00:07:17.220 and it's the same heart, you know? But yes, it's 00:07:17.220 --> 00:07:20.199 definitely a form of discipleship. I've heard, 00:07:20.639 --> 00:07:22.720 you know, my wife like to say, you're like the 00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:24.300 five people you're showing yourself with the 00:07:24.300 --> 00:07:27.839 most. And an older pastor that I'm still friends 00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:30.180 with, he had said that it's more like a brick 00:07:30.180 --> 00:07:32.360 system, how you want to do it. Where you have 00:07:32.360 --> 00:07:34.339 three people on your level, you and two others. 00:07:34.420 --> 00:07:37.519 So that lateral. You have two people below you, 00:07:37.839 --> 00:07:39.339 right? Those are your disciples. You have two 00:07:39.339 --> 00:07:42.459 people you look up to that mentor you. And I 00:07:42.459 --> 00:07:44.399 thought, that's an incredible example. Cause 00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:46.379 you know, if you're like five people, then who's 00:07:46.379 --> 00:07:49.180 the worst one? Like if I want to be like these 00:07:49.180 --> 00:07:52.220 awesome people, then I'm the weak link. And so 00:07:52.220 --> 00:07:55.720 I really like the lateral. spiritual companioning 00:07:55.720 --> 00:07:59.300 that you mentioned. Yeah. Yeah. So did they sign 00:07:59.300 --> 00:08:02.620 up and like for a program for so many sessions 00:08:02.620 --> 00:08:04.740 or is it sessions? Like how does it work then? 00:08:05.079 --> 00:08:08.560 Such a great question. So it typically is sessions 00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:12.139 and the first one I offer as a consultation just 00:08:12.139 --> 00:08:14.660 for free just to be like what is this? The discovery 00:08:14.660 --> 00:08:17.000 call. Yeah the discovery call. Like are we like 00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:21.040 a fit? Like because I do really follow the Holy 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:23.500 Spirit in it. And so every session with every 00:08:23.500 --> 00:08:25.240 person is going to look different based on who 00:08:25.240 --> 00:08:29.500 they are and what their needs are. And so knowing 00:08:29.500 --> 00:08:31.759 if we're a good fit, I think is always really 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:33.519 important. But then after that, they can make 00:08:33.519 --> 00:08:36.960 the decision. Like I haven't created packages, 00:08:37.220 --> 00:08:39.840 but packages is really something that I think 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:43.899 in the next, you know, two year plan to offer. 00:08:44.299 --> 00:08:46.940 But right now it's just, Hey, let's just take 00:08:46.940 --> 00:08:51.860 this and see. what I need, you know, as opposed 00:08:51.860 --> 00:08:54.980 to counseling, spiritual direction isn't something 00:08:54.980 --> 00:08:57.019 that you would do weekly. It's more of like, 00:08:57.220 --> 00:08:59.259 let's do this every three to four weeks because 00:08:59.259 --> 00:09:02.240 when we do meet, it's like a 60 to 90 minute 00:09:02.240 --> 00:09:04.700 session and we go really deep and doing that 00:09:04.700 --> 00:09:07.899 all the time can be like really refreshing and 00:09:07.899 --> 00:09:09.960 filling, but it can be a little tiring to do 00:09:09.960 --> 00:09:14.240 that all the time. So typically it's more of 00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:18.080 like a once a month or bi -weekly depending on 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:22.000 the need. Yeah. So how did you get called into 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:24.740 this? Like, I mean, I've never heard of it before. 00:09:24.980 --> 00:09:27.240 Yeah. Right. So is this an idea that God impressed 00:09:27.240 --> 00:09:28.980 upon you or is this something you leaned into 00:09:28.980 --> 00:09:31.539 and found someone else because of something you 00:09:31.539 --> 00:09:36.879 found it? Yeah. Both and yes. I think that that's 00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:39.559 maybe we're sharing some of my history would 00:09:39.559 --> 00:09:41.840 really come in handy to be like, how did we get 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:48.440 here? Yeah. So. Over a decade ago, I was going 00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:53.379 through counseling and really struggling with 00:09:53.379 --> 00:09:56.940 just breakthrough. You know, I was in counseling, 00:09:56.940 --> 00:10:00.720 but I have quite a bit of trauma in my past, 00:10:00.740 --> 00:10:03.340 you know. There's some sexual abuse there. There's 00:10:03.340 --> 00:10:05.639 some childhood trauma there. There are some things 00:10:05.639 --> 00:10:09.519 that are deep and heavy. And I had a young adult 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:13.549 pastor I was serving. in a church, in the children's 00:10:13.549 --> 00:10:15.629 ministry, and just a part of the church in a 00:10:15.629 --> 00:10:17.269 lot of different ways. And the young adult pastor 00:10:17.269 --> 00:10:19.210 is like, hey, I really want to offer this thing 00:10:19.210 --> 00:10:21.889 called personal spiritual formation, where we 00:10:21.889 --> 00:10:24.610 walk through this like really awesome. He was 00:10:24.610 --> 00:10:26.889 like such a hype man, you know, like he was a 00:10:26.889 --> 00:10:28.750 youth pastor at one point. So, you know, there 00:10:28.750 --> 00:10:30.830 was like, this is going to be great. And you're 00:10:30.830 --> 00:10:35.470 like, OK, cool. And so we did it. We walked through 00:10:35.470 --> 00:10:38.110 this personal spiritual formation and essentially. 00:10:38.899 --> 00:10:44.299 The biggest thing that he talked about was really 00:10:44.299 --> 00:10:46.299 like, why do we believe what we don't believe? 00:10:46.679 --> 00:10:48.659 Like, let's stop and think about the behaviors 00:10:48.659 --> 00:10:50.879 and why do we operate and why do we connect with 00:10:50.879 --> 00:10:54.820 God the way that we do? So it really extrapolated 00:10:54.820 --> 00:10:58.519 your identity and shame and sin and forgiveness 00:10:58.519 --> 00:11:01.379 and all these really big concepts that sometimes 00:11:01.379 --> 00:11:03.620 are talked about within congregations sometimes 00:11:03.620 --> 00:11:06.539 are kind of like, these are hard, but we just 00:11:06.679 --> 00:11:12.159 dove in and in that they encouraged us to just 00:11:12.159 --> 00:11:14.639 notice everything that was coming up and journal 00:11:14.639 --> 00:11:18.840 it and I'm telling you I was just wrecked like 00:11:18.840 --> 00:11:22.940 in in the coolest way I just felt like God just 00:11:22.940 --> 00:11:26.399 really met me and answered. a lot of the things 00:11:26.399 --> 00:11:28.720 that I was seeking, you know, was just showing 00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:32.360 me his love and his goodness. And then so the 00:11:32.360 --> 00:11:35.360 next time that this pastor offered us to go through 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:38.419 this, he asked me to lead it for the women. Like 00:11:38.419 --> 00:11:40.200 when we break out into groups, he's like, I'm 00:11:40.200 --> 00:11:42.600 going to do this again. And like a couple months 00:11:42.600 --> 00:11:44.860 in this, like I think we did it in like the fall. 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:46.379 He's like, I'm going to do a spring session. 00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:48.960 Do you want to lead it? And I was like, really? 00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:50.720 And he was like, yeah, yeah, I think you'd be 00:11:50.720 --> 00:11:53.740 good for it. And I was like, I mean, sure, you 00:11:53.740 --> 00:11:55.720 know, because I was going to him and I was like, 00:11:55.779 --> 00:11:58.740 this is it in me, you know, and I was transparent 00:11:58.740 --> 00:12:03.000 and so led through it again, again, met me where 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:06.919 I was, wrecked me, you know, and so walked through 00:12:06.919 --> 00:12:10.379 it like twice in a year's time frame. And then 00:12:10.379 --> 00:12:13.419 I was within that year, I was being called to 00:12:13.419 --> 00:12:15.740 missions and I knew it, but I didn't know what 00:12:15.740 --> 00:12:19.080 that looked like. I ended up being called to 00:12:19.080 --> 00:12:22.480 the World Race, which could be a whole nother 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:25.620 story, but it's essentially a mission strip where 00:12:25.620 --> 00:12:29.019 you go to 11 countries in 11 months and you serve, 00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:32.480 you're living very simply out of your backpack. 00:12:33.059 --> 00:12:38.600 I mean, it's like really your own kind of kingdom 00:12:38.600 --> 00:12:43.220 journey, like living like Jesus did. Yes, yes. 00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:45.659 Well, you got, that's what you're taking. That's 00:12:45.659 --> 00:12:48.919 it. It's definitely a calling. Yeah, it really 00:12:48.919 --> 00:12:51.720 was. Like, I took those bucket showers proudly 00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:55.899 and I was like, how did I get called in? It sounds 00:12:55.899 --> 00:12:58.779 difficult when you consider that you're in 11 00:12:58.779 --> 00:13:01.379 countries in 11 months. Oh. That you're only 00:13:01.379 --> 00:13:04.360 ever in a country on average a month. Yeah. And 00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:07.679 so just as you establish, you're gone and establish 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:10.080 and gone and establish. In a new culture, you 00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:12.720 have to learn, right? Because you can't preach 00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:16.379 Jesus to a culture that you don't know. 100%. 00:13:16.649 --> 00:13:19.029 that was the challenge for me because I was building 00:13:19.029 --> 00:13:22.909 these connections so intensely because I think 00:13:22.909 --> 00:13:25.429 that's who I'm created to be is relational so 00:13:25.429 --> 00:13:27.169 I was building those relationships and then I 00:13:27.169 --> 00:13:29.529 was like oh my gosh I might never see this person 00:13:29.529 --> 00:13:33.669 again, you know? But I say a lot of that to say 00:13:33.669 --> 00:13:38.149 what was cool about the world race was the guy 00:13:38.149 --> 00:13:42.279 from The seminary that my pastor went to was 00:13:42.279 --> 00:13:44.679 the Alliance Theological Seminary up in Nyack 00:13:44.679 --> 00:13:47.919 that helped develop this program. Had a partnership 00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:50.600 with the World Race and was actually leading 00:13:50.600 --> 00:13:55.000 my training camp. So I go and one of the first 00:13:55.000 --> 00:13:59.220 things that I come to understand is that I'm 00:13:59.220 --> 00:14:01.200 going to go through this program that I just 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:04.419 went through twice in a year. for a third time. 00:14:05.460 --> 00:14:08.139 So was the third time the charm? I mean yeah 00:14:08.139 --> 00:14:12.200 it was just really cool because when we were 00:14:12.200 --> 00:14:13.700 going through it the first time we were seeing 00:14:13.700 --> 00:14:16.000 these videos of the guy leading you know some 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:18.980 of these concepts and going in depth and sermons 00:14:18.980 --> 00:14:22.000 and stuff with it in a sense teachings more so 00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:25.779 but to see him in the flesh, to know that this 00:14:25.779 --> 00:14:28.940 was the mentor of this pastor that I was under 00:14:28.940 --> 00:14:32.279 at the time was like, this is so God. Like, what 00:14:32.279 --> 00:14:35.500 are the odds that he's leading my training camp? 00:14:35.559 --> 00:14:40.500 So I say all of that to say that God made it 00:14:40.500 --> 00:14:43.059 really clear that this personal spiritual formation 00:14:43.059 --> 00:14:46.740 was something that I really needed to just run 00:14:46.740 --> 00:14:50.820 with. and take to heart and lean into. And I 00:14:50.820 --> 00:14:54.039 feel like I really took it serious. And so it 00:14:54.039 --> 00:14:58.720 was really something that did have an impact 00:14:58.720 --> 00:15:02.860 and that I felt like I just dove in. And so the 00:15:02.860 --> 00:15:06.860 World Race and the missions organization I was 00:15:06.860 --> 00:15:10.620 with at the time, they really fostered a lot 00:15:10.620 --> 00:15:14.259 of those concepts and living them out. And so 00:15:14.259 --> 00:15:17.269 it was like... It was like the Lord prepared 00:15:17.269 --> 00:15:21.090 the way. He was preparing my heart before I even 00:15:21.090 --> 00:15:26.970 went on this wild missions journey to work me 00:15:26.970 --> 00:15:29.950 through some of these things that I needed to 00:15:29.950 --> 00:15:33.110 do that missions work and to really serve out 00:15:33.110 --> 00:15:38.419 of a place of acknowledging. my weaknesses and 00:15:38.419 --> 00:15:40.620 things that I need to heal in, you know? And 00:15:40.620 --> 00:15:43.340 being like, okay, this is some of my stuff. Because 00:15:43.340 --> 00:15:46.080 we all have it, you know? We all have that stuff, 00:15:46.500 --> 00:15:49.899 whatever it might be. And so I was in a very 00:15:49.899 --> 00:15:52.740 humbled, at least I thought, you know, at the 00:15:52.740 --> 00:15:55.100 time, there was definitely more humbling to come. 00:15:55.720 --> 00:15:59.820 But I was in more of a humbled place to be able 00:15:59.820 --> 00:16:03.580 to receive, I believe, what God was doing to 00:16:03.580 --> 00:16:06.840 get me ready for the world race. Yeah, he humbled 00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:09.980 you just enough to do it. Right. Because he doesn't 00:16:09.980 --> 00:16:12.360 over humble us. He knows that we are layered 00:16:12.360 --> 00:16:14.980 like onions or cake or whatever it is you want 00:16:14.980 --> 00:16:17.519 to be associated with. And that if he were to 00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:19.960 just strip us to the core, it would break us. 00:16:20.120 --> 00:16:22.960 Yeah. And he is way too gentle to do that. So 00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:25.159 he takes off a little layer after a little layer 00:16:25.159 --> 00:16:27.019 after a little layer after a little layer. And 00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:29.200 then when we die, even if we never make it to 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:32.169 the core of the issues. That onion is done because 00:16:32.169 --> 00:16:34.149 we have a new one where we don't have any of 00:16:34.149 --> 00:16:37.210 the horrible things that happen to that new flesh 00:16:37.210 --> 00:16:39.710 that our spirit now gets to inhabit. So it's 00:16:39.710 --> 00:16:41.830 a whole lot better. But while we're here, this 00:16:41.830 --> 00:16:43.950 whole process is so that we can learn his goodness 00:16:43.950 --> 00:16:47.409 better, that we can repent from his kindness, 00:16:47.830 --> 00:16:52.210 not from guilt and shame. Right? It's a different 00:16:52.210 --> 00:16:54.950 ball game. And so this whole life that we have 00:16:54.950 --> 00:16:57.429 with this body that is broken, that is abused, 00:16:57.570 --> 00:17:00.789 that is sinful, That whole relationship with 00:17:00.789 --> 00:17:03.350 this body is going to be over with. And God is 00:17:03.350 --> 00:17:06.430 gentle while we're here to sanctify us. And the 00:17:06.430 --> 00:17:09.349 reason we suffer so much is because we resist 00:17:09.349 --> 00:17:12.529 this change. And we resist it the most, I believe, 00:17:12.710 --> 00:17:14.690 because our body knows that when we die, we can't 00:17:14.690 --> 00:17:17.410 take it with us. It's like kicking and screaming. 00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:24.079 I'm such a visual person. I see some of those 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:26.180 concepts you're speaking of like visually. It's 00:17:26.180 --> 00:17:29.220 like, well, yeah, how many times do I kick and 00:17:29.220 --> 00:17:33.700 scream and want my own way in a matter? Almost 00:17:33.700 --> 00:17:36.099 all the time. Yeah. You know, we've said in past 00:17:36.099 --> 00:17:39.000 episodes that when we talk to God, we don't wait 00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:40.440 for his answer because we've already made up 00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.920 our mind what he's going to say. Totally. And 00:17:42.920 --> 00:17:44.200 he's like, well, this is what God wants me to 00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:47.339 do. Like, are you sure? I was like, you got really 00:17:47.339 --> 00:17:50.539 through that quickly. Yeah. And I know people 00:17:50.539 --> 00:17:51.660 that have prayed about something and they're 00:17:51.660 --> 00:17:53.839 still praying about it two years later Yeah, 00:17:53.980 --> 00:17:56.400 so clearly they're in and again, they might be 00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:58.519 doing the opposite. Oh, God doesn't want me to 00:17:58.519 --> 00:18:01.220 go because I'm pushing you off the door I need 00:18:01.220 --> 00:18:04.720 you to go. Yeah But I can promise you you cannot 00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:07.140 outweigh God and you can't go faster than he's 00:18:07.140 --> 00:18:09.640 willing to go It just won't happen. You're gonna 00:18:09.640 --> 00:18:14.240 go always go the right time for him Amen. Yeah 00:18:15.690 --> 00:18:18.250 And the footsteps right, you know the in the 00:18:18.250 --> 00:18:20.269 sand when there's two steps if it says we walk 00:18:20.269 --> 00:18:22.369 inside We know someone's where I carried you 00:18:22.369 --> 00:18:24.230 but that long group is where you're kicking and 00:18:24.230 --> 00:18:27.490 screaming That's not part of it, but it should 00:18:27.490 --> 00:18:32.450 have been So what other challenges did you have 00:18:32.450 --> 00:18:34.970 that helped you go for your mission for your 00:18:34.970 --> 00:18:36.730 not division trips But your mission your goal 00:18:36.730 --> 00:18:40.009 that you're on now The green pastures what other 00:18:40.009 --> 00:18:43.470 what revelation did you receive? through these 00:18:43.470 --> 00:18:45.599 mission trips through this Getting closer, God, 00:18:45.660 --> 00:18:48.240 through this humbling, what's steered the ship 00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:50.880 toward it more? Yeah, great question. Great way 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:53.559 to bring it back. I know I can get so excited 00:18:53.559 --> 00:18:55.519 and be like, oh, there's this and there's this 00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:58.720 thing. They all work together, guys, you know, 00:18:58.980 --> 00:19:02.960 because in my mind they do. But yeah, so on a 00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:06.599 more recent level, and I share that because that 00:19:06.599 --> 00:19:08.799 was really the Lord laying the foundation. And 00:19:08.799 --> 00:19:12.099 then when I went long term, that was another 00:19:12.099 --> 00:19:15.660 time of me. doing the spiritual formation and 00:19:15.660 --> 00:19:19.160 started living that, walking that out more. And 00:19:19.160 --> 00:19:22.500 so it became clear that was my sweet spot. So 00:19:22.500 --> 00:19:25.839 when I came back from the field, which I was 00:19:25.839 --> 00:19:29.680 in a pretty rough place when I came back, not 00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:31.680 from the World Race, but when I went long term 00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:36.019 after the World Race, and it really started me 00:19:36.019 --> 00:19:38.660 on a healing journey where I was just seeking 00:19:38.660 --> 00:19:43.380 really deep, intentional healing. body, mind, 00:19:43.599 --> 00:19:46.940 and spirit completely, faced a lot of burnout, 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:51.380 exhaustion, health problems on the field. And 00:19:51.380 --> 00:19:55.160 I felt like I was in a really good place when 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:58.480 I, you know, started to get back into ministry 00:19:58.480 --> 00:20:02.380 back in like 2021. And then I left that ministry 00:20:02.380 --> 00:20:09.559 position in 2023. And I think kind of the crux 00:20:09.559 --> 00:20:13.500 of when it became abundantly clear that everything 00:20:13.500 --> 00:20:16.700 that I did the last decade snowballed me to start 00:20:16.700 --> 00:20:21.799 this ministry was when in 2023 I had a cancer 00:20:21.799 --> 00:20:27.059 diagnosis and it was a skin cancer it was in 00:20:27.059 --> 00:20:30.980 situ which is my brother works in the medical 00:20:30.980 --> 00:20:33.319 field and he said if you have to get a cancer 00:20:33.319 --> 00:20:36.400 diagnosis this is the kind you want and I was 00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:42.680 like okay thank you and so but nonetheless it 00:20:42.680 --> 00:20:46.920 was a season of what does this mean because there's 00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:50.359 a time period of waiting before they can actually 00:20:50.359 --> 00:20:54.559 go in there and discover what how far the cancer 00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:56.960 spread or what what this is really like you know 00:20:56.960 --> 00:20:59.380 you know what kind it is but there's a lot you 00:20:59.380 --> 00:21:03.960 don't know and That like month or month and a 00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:07.640 half of not knowing just was like a very heavy 00:21:07.640 --> 00:21:11.539 time. And then even waiting after the post -op 00:21:11.539 --> 00:21:14.660 was just like, God, I know I'm made to do more 00:21:14.660 --> 00:21:17.519 than what I'm doing in this very moment, you 00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:21.140 know, because at the moment I was just left my 00:21:21.140 --> 00:21:24.079 job. I was in a state of exhaustion again. I'm 00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:27.779 like, how did I how did I get here again? What 00:21:27.779 --> 00:21:31.420 am I missing? Why do I need this lesson again? 00:21:31.660 --> 00:21:35.660 Yeah, why do I need this lesson? And he reminded 00:21:35.660 --> 00:21:38.259 me of this season I was in when I first came 00:21:38.259 --> 00:21:40.059 back from the field where I had this pastor look 00:21:40.059 --> 00:21:43.900 at me and say, God cares more about you than 00:21:43.900 --> 00:21:49.640 what you can do for him. And I was like, yeah. 00:21:49.799 --> 00:21:53.980 And so it was this season when I was not really 00:21:53.980 --> 00:22:00.009 working because I Was in that healing phase where 00:22:00.009 --> 00:22:04.049 I was like God Cares about your recovery. He 00:22:04.049 --> 00:22:08.230 cares about you being your whole self and not 00:22:08.230 --> 00:22:12.750 just you Serving all the time. He cares more 00:22:12.750 --> 00:22:15.869 about you right now. He cares more about your 00:22:15.869 --> 00:22:20.529 leg this cancer leaving and all of this more 00:22:20.529 --> 00:22:25.829 than you know, you know and so many beautiful 00:22:25.829 --> 00:22:28.230 little godwinks of ways he just showed up in 00:22:28.230 --> 00:22:32.230 that season, like didn't have to pay for my electric 00:22:32.230 --> 00:22:34.670 or my gas for like two or three months. Every 00:22:34.670 --> 00:22:39.309 time I went to pay it, it was comped. Wow. That's 00:22:39.309 --> 00:22:41.710 a good problem. Just these really cool things 00:22:41.710 --> 00:22:44.089 where it was a stressful season, but he made 00:22:44.089 --> 00:22:48.150 it like, hey, I see you and I got you. So in 00:22:48.150 --> 00:22:51.730 the questioning and to answer your question that 00:22:51.730 --> 00:22:55.250 long way to it. all of the questioning of like, 00:22:55.369 --> 00:22:57.490 what am I doing? He's like, you know what I've 00:22:57.490 --> 00:23:01.369 called you to do. Like, I want you to, I want 00:23:01.369 --> 00:23:03.769 you to really launch this ministry that I've 00:23:03.769 --> 00:23:06.789 laid on your heart because the thing that kept 00:23:06.789 --> 00:23:10.650 kind of coming up was after working on the field 00:23:10.650 --> 00:23:13.789 long -term and doing this women's ministry and 00:23:13.789 --> 00:23:15.930 walking out spiritual formation retreats and 00:23:15.930 --> 00:23:20.980 doing the one -on -ones on a regular. When I 00:23:20.980 --> 00:23:25.380 came back from the field and I was healing and 00:23:25.380 --> 00:23:27.960 doing different odd jobs and part -time ministry 00:23:27.960 --> 00:23:32.759 here and there, I kept trying to infuse a lot 00:23:32.759 --> 00:23:35.059 of the spiritual formation, spiritual direction 00:23:35.059 --> 00:23:39.019 stuff into the role I was in. I was kind of rubbing 00:23:39.019 --> 00:23:42.079 up against like, okay, but this isn't really 00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:44.359 like your job fully. Like you got to do other 00:23:44.359 --> 00:23:47.880 stuff, but I was... I was so passionate about 00:23:47.880 --> 00:23:50.759 it that it was like I could only really do so 00:23:50.759 --> 00:23:55.680 much of of me you know does that does that make 00:23:55.680 --> 00:23:58.160 sense yeah you were limited by like their structures 00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:01.660 that they had in place already yeah because it 00:24:01.660 --> 00:24:03.539 was like yeah this is really cool that you do 00:24:03.539 --> 00:24:05.880 this Shanna and it was respected and appreciated 00:24:05.880 --> 00:24:08.859 but it wasn't technically my job. Like the place 00:24:08.859 --> 00:24:11.440 for it. Yeah. It needed its own space it sounded 00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:13.720 like. Exactly and I just kept crying out. I'm 00:24:13.720 --> 00:24:16.599 like I feel limited. I feel like I need a platform. 00:24:16.640 --> 00:24:19.599 He's like yeah so let's start one like let's 00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:23.519 do this and I'm like wait for real? Like why 00:24:23.519 --> 00:24:28.059 not? Yeah why not? So I remember distinctly I 00:24:28.059 --> 00:24:30.440 was going on a little retreat with a very dear 00:24:30.440 --> 00:24:33.819 friend. She has her own ministry and it's just 00:24:33.819 --> 00:24:36.779 like a woman of so much faith and conviction 00:24:36.779 --> 00:24:39.500 and, you know, I've shared ideas with her and 00:24:39.500 --> 00:24:41.079 she's like the cheerleader kind. She's like, 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:43.259 yes, you need to do this. Absolutely, you know. 00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:46.440 And so she started asking the right questions 00:24:46.440 --> 00:24:48.799 that were already things I thought of, but I 00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:51.000 just didn't share it with anybody. I was just 00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:53.940 like, what would I name it? And what would I 00:24:53.940 --> 00:24:56.420 be doing? What would this look like? And so she 00:24:56.420 --> 00:24:58.740 starts asking and I had all the answers to the 00:24:58.740 --> 00:25:02.000 question. She's like, you have this formed. Like 00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:06.049 you need to do this. And so that was when it 00:25:06.049 --> 00:25:08.210 became abundantly clear the name of the ministry 00:25:08.210 --> 00:25:10.829 and what the mission was, was when we went up 00:25:10.829 --> 00:25:14.450 to the Adirondacks. We were both having a challenging 00:25:14.450 --> 00:25:17.029 year and our birthdays are both in August. So 00:25:17.029 --> 00:25:19.230 we went up the end of August and celebrated our 00:25:19.230 --> 00:25:22.990 birthdays. And it was right like maybe a week 00:25:22.990 --> 00:25:25.369 and a half after I had my surgery to have the 00:25:25.369 --> 00:25:28.829 cancer removed, maybe two weeks. So I was kind 00:25:28.829 --> 00:25:30.650 of limited, but I was just like, no, I'm doing 00:25:30.650 --> 00:25:33.289 this anyway, you know? And it was just like, 00:25:33.730 --> 00:25:36.630 God met me. He just met me in the mountains like 00:25:36.630 --> 00:25:39.769 he always does, you know, and so it's like, yes 00:25:39.769 --> 00:25:45.529 This is real So, mm -hmm. Yeah, it reminds me 00:25:45.529 --> 00:25:48.529 of You know all these these things that happen 00:25:48.529 --> 00:25:51.529 to you and the astoundingness that we have that 00:25:51.529 --> 00:25:54.890 God could love us so much And it reminds me of 00:25:54.890 --> 00:25:57.250 what a pastor I'd heard recently say I don't 00:25:57.250 --> 00:25:58.490 know how old this pastor is. I only have heard 00:25:58.490 --> 00:26:00.970 a recording I don't remember his name. So I forgive 00:26:00.970 --> 00:26:04.000 me, but he said that he's convinced That when 00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:06.000 he goes to heaven that Jesus is going to ask 00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:09.640 us one question and that question is do you believe 00:26:09.640 --> 00:26:14.160 I love you? Because I think as people on earth, 00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:18.960 we have a really hard time especially with Equating 00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:21.740 love on a god level to what we experience as 00:26:21.740 --> 00:26:23.559 people right? So, you know You can only love 00:26:23.559 --> 00:26:25.420 your father in heaven as much as you loved your 00:26:25.420 --> 00:26:28.200 father on earth And my father on earth was very 00:26:28.200 --> 00:26:29.900 conditional. He might not have been but that's 00:26:29.900 --> 00:26:33.460 how I perceived it and so I feel like I need 00:26:33.460 --> 00:26:36.660 to do things, right, works based without ever 00:26:36.660 --> 00:26:38.380 having a Catholic background. I feel works based 00:26:38.380 --> 00:26:41.180 that I need to please God, right? As if I could 00:26:41.180 --> 00:26:43.099 let him down since I'm not doing anything to 00:26:43.099 --> 00:26:47.400 hold him up. And it blows my mind when I heard 00:26:47.400 --> 00:26:51.859 that question. Do you believe I love you? Like, 00:26:51.900 --> 00:26:54.339 yeah, I do. You know, I just sometimes don't 00:26:54.339 --> 00:26:56.819 think I qualify. Yeah. But I believe that you 00:26:56.819 --> 00:27:00.920 do it. I just think you're wrong. And how silly 00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:03.660 is that from our standpoint? To tell the God 00:27:03.660 --> 00:27:06.599 of the universe that sacrificed his son for us, 00:27:07.099 --> 00:27:10.240 that we're not worthy. Don't you think you know 00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:12.220 that? Don't you think he would say, you know 00:27:12.220 --> 00:27:13.839 what? I'm just going to pull my son off the table 00:27:13.839 --> 00:27:15.519 here. I'm not going to give him to you. You guys 00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:19.779 aren't worthy. You're right. But he didn't. And 00:27:19.779 --> 00:27:21.579 Jesus said, hey, I don't really want to go through 00:27:21.579 --> 00:27:23.700 this. And we don't get to hear what God said. 00:27:23.859 --> 00:27:25.500 But Jesus asked three times and he still went 00:27:25.500 --> 00:27:28.500 through it. So God clearly said no. I'm not letting 00:27:28.500 --> 00:27:30.839 this cup pass from you, right? And so we have 00:27:30.839 --> 00:27:32.900 to also be able to hear no from our father as 00:27:32.900 --> 00:27:34.920 well and know that it's for our best interest 00:27:34.920 --> 00:27:37.279 for the best interest of one of others children 00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:48.660 So when you are you're at green pastures now 00:27:48.660 --> 00:27:52.900 How much more healing are you having? While you're 00:27:52.900 --> 00:27:54.640 ministering to other people like are the revelations 00:27:54.640 --> 00:27:57.470 that you get while you're like I feel like I 00:27:57.470 --> 00:27:59.670 feel like it's a symbiotic thing. This isn't 00:27:59.670 --> 00:28:02.289 just you pouring into somebody. I feel like you 00:28:02.289 --> 00:28:04.170 would be getting something as well, I guess is 00:28:04.170 --> 00:28:07.630 my question. Are you getting healed further as 00:28:07.630 --> 00:28:11.690 you do this? That's such a great question. Yeah, 00:28:11.869 --> 00:28:15.789 I believe it's a yes. I think that when I first 00:28:15.789 --> 00:28:18.470 started doing this work, I saw it a lot more 00:28:18.470 --> 00:28:22.349 because I felt like I was just so hungry for 00:28:22.349 --> 00:28:25.660 more. so I saw the healing happening more. I 00:28:25.660 --> 00:28:30.119 think now I definitely feel like there are moments 00:28:30.119 --> 00:28:35.299 and glimpses when I'm pouring in and I'm listening 00:28:35.299 --> 00:28:38.119 where the Lord is ministering to me and is touching 00:28:38.119 --> 00:28:41.819 on parts of my story and is reminding me. So 00:28:41.819 --> 00:28:46.799 yeah, it feels like it definitely still happens. 00:28:46.819 --> 00:28:51.049 I feel like it will probably always happen. I 00:28:51.049 --> 00:28:53.670 think that when I started though, I felt like 00:28:53.670 --> 00:28:56.490 I was in a little bit more of a broken place. 00:28:56.509 --> 00:28:59.430 So it felt more significant where now it feels 00:28:59.430 --> 00:29:04.269 more like a hug. You know, like in the earlier 00:29:04.269 --> 00:29:07.049 stages, it felt like a puzzle piece and like 00:29:07.049 --> 00:29:10.970 this, aha, where now it's like, hey, I got you, 00:29:11.069 --> 00:29:14.869 look at this. And it's still a healing touch 00:29:14.869 --> 00:29:19.950 nonetheless, but a different form. than maybe 00:29:19.950 --> 00:29:24.809 when I was earlier in the healing phases, like 00:29:24.809 --> 00:29:28.829 eight or nine years ago, you know? And so another 00:29:28.829 --> 00:29:32.630 follow -up question to your symbiosis, the people 00:29:32.630 --> 00:29:36.589 that you minister with, the people that you partner 00:29:36.589 --> 00:29:41.309 with alongside in your spiritual coordination, 00:29:42.109 --> 00:29:44.890 how many breakthroughs have you seen for people? 00:29:45.109 --> 00:29:50.799 Oh my gosh, so many. so many breakthroughs and 00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:55.960 sometimes sometimes you don't know what they 00:29:55.960 --> 00:30:00.539 are completely you know because I think I think 00:30:00.539 --> 00:30:05.019 kind of the beauty and the the tension is if 00:30:05.019 --> 00:30:10.200 doing this kind of work is the obedience and 00:30:10.200 --> 00:30:14.240 knowing that like I'm just really being a vessel 00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:16.339 and I don't need to know what what all fruit 00:30:16.509 --> 00:30:20.849 come from it, but just knowing that I'm speaking 00:30:20.849 --> 00:30:25.170 what's on my heart to speak. And there was a 00:30:25.170 --> 00:30:28.029 few moments where with one of my clients, she 00:30:28.029 --> 00:30:30.769 was like, this moment that we had such and such 00:30:30.769 --> 00:30:35.829 was so big. And I sat and I was like, I don't 00:30:35.829 --> 00:30:38.690 even remember. You know, it was like weeks ago. 00:30:39.410 --> 00:30:42.349 I was like, I don't remember. I didn't realize 00:30:42.349 --> 00:30:45.730 it was that big, you know? But so I think that 00:30:45.660 --> 00:30:48.259 I've had similar reactions with my spiritual 00:30:48.259 --> 00:30:50.220 director where I was like, this was really big. 00:30:50.339 --> 00:30:52.119 She's like, well, I still feel like, you know, 00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:54.279 this seems like it needs work. I'm like, no, 00:30:54.779 --> 00:30:58.359 I feel so much in this. And and so I think it's 00:30:58.359 --> 00:31:00.720 funny because it's it's sometimes hard to measure. 00:31:00.759 --> 00:31:04.200 And I don't know that I need to really measure 00:31:04.200 --> 00:31:08.480 it. Like I think that it comes full circle sometimes. 00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:12.700 And you're like, well, like. I can see the shifts 00:31:12.700 --> 00:31:15.700 based on our conversation, but when and how it 00:31:15.700 --> 00:31:18.079 happens sometimes is the beauty of the mystery. 00:31:18.839 --> 00:31:20.940 You know, because it's like sometimes we're planting, 00:31:21.259 --> 00:31:22.980 sometimes we're watering, and sometimes we're 00:31:22.980 --> 00:31:26.960 full on just like reaping the harvest. And it's 00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:28.960 not always in the moment that we know what we're 00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:33.579 doing. Really, it speaks to a discussion I've 00:31:33.579 --> 00:31:37.059 had with people that likens this to when we're 00:31:37.059 --> 00:31:39.450 with God, right? We're in the moments and He's 00:31:39.450 --> 00:31:41.789 telling us, He's measuring us by what we've done, 00:31:41.930 --> 00:31:43.329 right? We were already judged worthy by the blood 00:31:43.329 --> 00:31:45.630 of Christ, but now we're being measured by our 00:31:45.630 --> 00:31:47.529 works. How many people are going to hold their 00:31:47.529 --> 00:31:49.049 hand up and think, oh, I did all these great 00:31:49.049 --> 00:31:51.089 works? Or are we going to be really humbled like, 00:31:51.470 --> 00:31:53.390 man, I'm going to get really slaughtered here. 00:31:53.589 --> 00:31:56.250 Like I'm in because of Jesus. That's it. Like 00:31:56.250 --> 00:31:58.829 I've done nothing worth value. And it's going 00:31:58.829 --> 00:32:00.329 to have these moments where He's going to say 00:32:00.329 --> 00:32:02.700 things to you. that you've done and helped people, 00:32:02.880 --> 00:32:04.539 that I've done and helped people that we weren't 00:32:04.539 --> 00:32:07.539 even really aware of. Right. The magnitude of 00:32:07.539 --> 00:32:09.940 it, where he's just going to lift us up. Why 00:32:09.940 --> 00:32:12.240 would he need to beat us up? We're already doing 00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:14.559 it right there in his presence. I promise we're 00:32:14.559 --> 00:32:16.440 going to be like, oh man, I'm such a horrible. 00:32:16.519 --> 00:32:18.700 And he's like, you did this, you did this for 00:32:18.700 --> 00:32:20.619 my kids, and you did this for my kids, and you 00:32:20.619 --> 00:32:22.039 did this, and this right here. Oh, that made 00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:23.799 me so happy because this one did this to all 00:32:23.799 --> 00:32:26.299 these other kids. Right. And I don't think he's 00:32:26.299 --> 00:32:27.960 going to focus on the negative. I don't think 00:32:27.960 --> 00:32:30.509 it's. in his nature once we're in his presence 00:32:30.509 --> 00:32:32.809 that we've already been judged righteous by Jesus 00:32:32.809 --> 00:32:36.029 that that will not be an uncomfortable conversation 00:32:36.029 --> 00:32:37.869 but this is what that reminds me of right he's 00:32:37.869 --> 00:32:40.109 like i don't even remember what we talked about 00:32:40.109 --> 00:32:43.069 right i don't have no recollection of doing anything 00:32:43.069 --> 00:32:47.349 good for you and god's like oh man did you ever 00:32:47.349 --> 00:32:50.650 i think that's amazing and it's such a glimpse 00:32:50.650 --> 00:32:52.569 of what that'll look like for us as believers 00:32:52.569 --> 00:32:55.490 when we're confronted with our Heavenly Father, 00:32:55.569 --> 00:32:57.410 you know, He's sitting on His throne of mercy 00:32:57.410 --> 00:33:00.529 and we're like, oh man, I know Jesus got me covered, 00:33:00.589 --> 00:33:03.990 but I shouldn't be here. Amen. And I think that 00:33:03.990 --> 00:33:06.069 is a wonderful, wonderful thing that you do for 00:33:06.069 --> 00:33:11.430 people. Praise the Lord. Thank you. I think it's, 00:33:11.509 --> 00:33:13.930 I think it's one of those things that it just 00:33:13.930 --> 00:33:16.349 felt like I couldn't do anything else, you know? 00:33:17.369 --> 00:33:19.430 Like there's just certain times, there's just 00:33:19.430 --> 00:33:22.180 certain seasons where you're like... it kept 00:33:22.180 --> 00:33:24.599 coming up. Like I was walking people through 00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:27.440 different inner healings, just friends. It would 00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:29.720 come up and I'm like, I can't not share this 00:33:29.720 --> 00:33:32.880 with them knowing how much healing the Lord has 00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:36.279 given me through this kind of work. I can't not 00:33:36.279 --> 00:33:39.920 share it. Like I can't not do this. So it felt 00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:43.720 like it just kind of kind of fell in my lap naturally. 00:33:43.720 --> 00:33:46.160 And I'm just like, yeah, I can't do anything 00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:49.299 else now. How old were you when you first came 00:33:49.299 --> 00:33:52.660 into the Lord? Yeah, that's a good question. 00:33:53.019 --> 00:33:57.880 I always have a hard time knowing that like complete 00:33:57.880 --> 00:34:02.380 answer, but I say my 20s is when I really came 00:34:02.380 --> 00:34:06.400 to relationship with him. Okay. So I was 21, 00:34:06.980 --> 00:34:12.760 however, like we went to, you know, EBS and stuff 00:34:12.760 --> 00:34:14.820 like that. And I remember accepting Jesus and 00:34:14.820 --> 00:34:19.889 being baptized at like maybe eight. And taking 00:34:19.889 --> 00:34:24.510 that seriously, but similarly, I felt like, you 00:34:24.510 --> 00:34:28.030 know, my family life wasn't consistently going 00:34:28.030 --> 00:34:30.469 to church. It was kind of hit or miss here and 00:34:30.469 --> 00:34:34.789 there. And I didn't really feel disciples. Like, 00:34:34.889 --> 00:34:38.309 like someone was saying, this is how we follow. 00:34:38.710 --> 00:34:40.809 You know, my mom, you know, taught me how to 00:34:40.809 --> 00:34:44.849 pray and you know, my dad was as well. So I saw 00:34:44.849 --> 00:34:47.820 glooms in pieces here and there, but the world 00:34:47.820 --> 00:34:52.179 was still very mixed up and I believe that that's 00:34:52.179 --> 00:34:54.659 when you were saved yeah when you when your heart 00:34:54.659 --> 00:34:57.880 was formed just because you didn't have it all 00:34:57.880 --> 00:35:01.099 together until you were 21 I don't believe that 00:35:01.099 --> 00:35:03.639 he held it against you that once you say I here's 00:35:03.639 --> 00:35:06.739 my heart lord he had it absolutely and you he 00:35:06.739 --> 00:35:09.699 wasn't going to let go of it yeah and uh so I 00:35:09.699 --> 00:35:12.460 asked these questions to ask did you think that 00:35:12.460 --> 00:35:15.400 when you were in your VBS that this is where 00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:17.599 you would be with the Lord right I know you didn't 00:35:17.599 --> 00:35:20.659 think that when you were 13 14 right did you 00:35:20.659 --> 00:35:22.440 ever think this is I'm gonna do something I'm 00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:24.579 gonna be on mission trips I'm gonna start a ministry 00:35:24.579 --> 00:35:26.599 I'm gonna partner with people and we're gonna 00:35:26.599 --> 00:35:29.780 we're gonna spiritually walk through and work 00:35:29.780 --> 00:35:32.920 through things together was that even a glimmer 00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:41.019 in your you know not really however my grandmother 00:35:41.019 --> 00:35:44.340 was a missionary on the Sioux Indian Reservation 00:35:44.340 --> 00:35:47.360 in South Dakota when I was young. And I just 00:35:47.360 --> 00:35:49.599 thought it was the most beautiful thing in all 00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:52.139 the things she talked about. So I really admired 00:35:52.139 --> 00:35:56.880 her tenacity and all that she did for the Lord. 00:35:57.039 --> 00:36:00.940 Like I just, I saw so much love in her, like 00:36:00.940 --> 00:36:04.679 in glimpses of when I got to spend time with 00:36:04.679 --> 00:36:07.460 her, that it made such an impression that I was 00:36:07.460 --> 00:36:10.739 like, wow. And you know, going to Alliance churches 00:36:10.739 --> 00:36:13.800 often growing up. We talked a lot about missionaries. 00:36:13.860 --> 00:36:16.260 So I always thought they were really cool, you 00:36:16.260 --> 00:36:18.079 know, but it was never something that was like, 00:36:18.159 --> 00:36:19.780 I want to be this when I grow up. I was just 00:36:19.780 --> 00:36:23.360 like, I had admiration. So it was something that 00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:26.760 I held very close to my heart, like, wow, that's 00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:30.659 really cool. But I didn't know fully what missionaries 00:36:30.659 --> 00:36:34.139 did or that that that was what the Lord had. 00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:37.300 But looking back, I can see that any time I heard 00:36:37.300 --> 00:36:40.260 about missions, something in me got excited. 00:36:40.619 --> 00:36:44.460 at a young age. Like I remember being like, wow, 00:36:44.659 --> 00:36:47.900 that's so cool. You know, or like just, wow, 00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:52.659 I admire that. So I could see glimmers, but who 00:36:52.659 --> 00:36:55.920 knew that I would go to over, you know, a dozen 00:36:55.920 --> 00:37:01.320 countries at one point, you know. So you fully 00:37:01.320 --> 00:37:04.460 began to understand who Jesus was, your relationship 00:37:04.460 --> 00:37:08.159 with Jesus when you were 21. Yeah. How much brokenness 00:37:08.159 --> 00:37:11.360 did you experience before? you had an understanding 00:37:11.360 --> 00:37:15.480 who Jesus was and how much did that alter what 00:37:15.480 --> 00:37:17.059 you thought your relationship should be with 00:37:17.059 --> 00:37:22.940 Jesus? Some good questions. So much brokenness. 00:37:23.019 --> 00:37:26.059 I don't even think I could articulate the brokenness 00:37:26.059 --> 00:37:29.019 until I was in my mid to late 20s, if I'm being 00:37:29.019 --> 00:37:31.840 honest. You know, as I mentioned earlier, there 00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:38.099 was a lot of there was a lot of abuse in my childhood 00:37:38.099 --> 00:37:44.380 that I fully repressed until my late 20s somehow. 00:37:44.639 --> 00:37:49.860 And then there was, you know, there was a lot 00:37:49.860 --> 00:37:53.179 of hard times that I had with like an eating 00:37:53.179 --> 00:37:56.719 disorder in high school and started to struggle 00:37:56.719 --> 00:38:00.280 with mental health in high school and then early 00:38:00.280 --> 00:38:03.920 in my 20s. And my early 20s was when it really 00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:08.119 became clear I was. such a heavy party girl in 00:38:08.119 --> 00:38:11.960 college. Like that was what I live for, you know? 00:38:12.699 --> 00:38:18.340 And there was a moment where after I really became 00:38:18.340 --> 00:38:22.280 aware of, I didn't recognize myself anymore. 00:38:22.920 --> 00:38:24.659 Like after going through some of the traumas 00:38:24.659 --> 00:38:27.719 specifically in my early twenties, right before 00:38:27.719 --> 00:38:30.900 I came back, I would say to the Lord, cause I 00:38:30.900 --> 00:38:35.280 felt like I kind of... Was that in a bit of a 00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:39.980 prodigal rebellious stage, you know? Same. You're 00:38:39.980 --> 00:38:42.500 a human being. Yeah, I'm such a human being. 00:38:42.639 --> 00:38:44.860 Surrounded by other human beings. Yeah. And the 00:38:44.860 --> 00:38:46.599 more you surround yourself with non -believing 00:38:46.599 --> 00:38:48.280 human beings, the more you're going to act through 00:38:48.280 --> 00:38:53.639 the flesh. 100%. So that I think is why the early 00:38:53.639 --> 00:38:56.579 20s mark is vivid because I think that's when 00:38:56.579 --> 00:39:01.460 I really owned the relationship. And I believe 00:39:01.460 --> 00:39:04.570 that for me, I'm not sure if I'm answering all 00:39:04.570 --> 00:39:06.269 your question. I might be missing parts of it 00:39:06.269 --> 00:39:08.809 because it was so good and deep and I'm like, 00:39:08.809 --> 00:39:13.429 how do I answer all of that? But yeah, it was 00:39:13.429 --> 00:39:19.969 very much recognizing that I wanted to grow deeper 00:39:19.969 --> 00:39:25.389 with him in that early phase. Okay, the other 00:39:25.389 --> 00:39:28.449 part was how did that change your idea of what 00:39:28.449 --> 00:39:30.090 a relationship with Jesus was supposed to look 00:39:30.090 --> 00:39:32.090 like? Like did you think that you were on point? 00:39:32.559 --> 00:39:34.739 Or did you know that when you were like, hey 00:39:34.739 --> 00:39:36.719 man, I'm on fire for you, that this is it. That's 00:39:36.719 --> 00:39:38.340 the top of it. Like, did you think that was the 00:39:38.340 --> 00:39:41.079 top? Or did you know that you had a lot of growth 00:39:41.079 --> 00:39:44.519 to go? Oh, I knew I had a lot of growth to go. 00:39:45.079 --> 00:39:48.460 I was very aware of that. But I felt like it 00:39:48.460 --> 00:39:53.019 was... God just put so many people around me 00:39:53.019 --> 00:39:57.780 that I was so on fire. I was really zealous, 00:39:57.800 --> 00:40:02.199 you know? I was just like... I was zealous that 00:40:02.199 --> 00:40:06.380 I don't even think I compared it. Like I think 00:40:06.380 --> 00:40:10.559 I was just like, I know I have a lot to learn. 00:40:10.940 --> 00:40:14.300 I don't even care. I just, I just was so hungry 00:40:14.300 --> 00:40:19.260 that I took any opportunity like going through 00:40:19.260 --> 00:40:21.840 the personal spiritual formation. And I think 00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:25.440 really a big, this is funny, a big part of that 00:40:25.440 --> 00:40:32.920 was my My dad was a pastor and he leaned much 00:40:32.920 --> 00:40:35.219 more on the legalistic side of how he taught. 00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:38.360 And, you know, most of his teachings were on 00:40:38.360 --> 00:40:41.099 revelation in the end times and was kind of like 00:40:41.099 --> 00:40:45.579 the Turner burn kind of guy. And so I knew in 00:40:45.579 --> 00:40:49.079 my spirit that a lot of my dad's teachings were 00:40:49.079 --> 00:40:52.460 not spirit led or even like the full picture, 00:40:52.519 --> 00:40:56.599 but I didn't know. why or how to articulate that. 00:40:56.780 --> 00:41:02.119 So I would intentionally study and read my Bible 00:41:02.119 --> 00:41:07.059 to kind of refute some of his arguments. And 00:41:07.059 --> 00:41:10.780 I think that that, looking back, was like, wow, 00:41:11.000 --> 00:41:16.219 that's really bold, Jenna. But I did it because 00:41:16.219 --> 00:41:19.840 the Spirit led me. I think it was really God. 00:41:20.260 --> 00:41:24.360 I could really connect when you said. Receiving 00:41:24.360 --> 00:41:27.880 the Father's love. Me and Jesus are tight, but 00:41:27.880 --> 00:41:30.500 receiving the Father's love was what took me 00:41:30.500 --> 00:41:32.880 the longest time because of my relationship with 00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:36.340 my Father. So, yeah. And your quasi -rebellion 00:41:36.340 --> 00:41:39.599 with his teachings. Right, yeah, absolutely. 00:41:39.860 --> 00:41:43.659 Because of my dad often being the representation 00:41:43.659 --> 00:41:46.639 or the mouthpiece of how it was taught to me. 00:41:46.960 --> 00:41:52.510 So it's kind of like one and the same. So in 00:41:52.510 --> 00:41:55.250 that season, I think that the Holy Spirit was 00:41:55.250 --> 00:41:59.550 really leading me to see his word for truth. 00:41:59.750 --> 00:42:02.329 And thankfully I had other mentors like my grandmother 00:42:02.329 --> 00:42:06.250 and this sweet lady that I met at a counseling 00:42:06.250 --> 00:42:09.530 center at college, you know, when I was in shambles 00:42:09.530 --> 00:42:15.369 that could show me truth. It was like this bubble 00:42:15.369 --> 00:42:18.869 of the Lord just being like, yeah, no, like. 00:42:19.050 --> 00:42:22.809 We got you. We're going to pour into you to make 00:42:22.809 --> 00:42:26.369 sure that you have what you need to keep moving 00:42:26.369 --> 00:42:29.429 forward. How interesting that you phrase it that 00:42:29.429 --> 00:42:33.170 way and you do what you do now. It's almost like 00:42:33.170 --> 00:42:36.050 your whole life was preparing and God was paving 00:42:36.050 --> 00:42:38.070 the way for you to be in this ministry at this 00:42:38.070 --> 00:42:40.230 moment and used all of your life experiences 00:42:40.230 --> 00:42:44.190 as a way to prepare you for this role. He just 00:42:44.190 --> 00:42:46.210 knew it when you were eight and you had no idea. 00:42:47.299 --> 00:42:50.340 I think that's, that's an incredible, like they 00:42:50.340 --> 00:42:52.780 really just plug together in so nicely. It literally, 00:42:52.940 --> 00:42:56.039 it's like, it feels to me like a Lego book and 00:42:56.039 --> 00:42:57.599 you have the one piece and a foundation. It doesn't 00:42:57.599 --> 00:42:59.639 look like much. You got a few more, it doesn't 00:42:59.639 --> 00:43:01.260 look like much, but by the time you close your 00:43:01.260 --> 00:43:03.760 end, you're like, whoa, I'm starting to see it. 00:43:04.139 --> 00:43:05.860 I'm starting to see it until it's done. And it's 00:43:05.860 --> 00:43:07.980 like, hey, this is perfect, right? And you're, 00:43:07.980 --> 00:43:09.380 and you're at the point where you can see it. 00:43:09.380 --> 00:43:11.579 Like I can see what they're like, it's almost 00:43:11.579 --> 00:43:13.820 like zentacle to the picture on the outside of 00:43:13.820 --> 00:43:17.030 the cover. This is, it's getting there. How incredible. 00:43:17.050 --> 00:43:20.469 I really appreciate having you on this podcast 00:43:20.469 --> 00:43:23.750 today and sharing and being open about some of 00:43:23.750 --> 00:43:25.650 the things that could be scary to be open about. 00:43:25.969 --> 00:43:29.010 I really appreciate you being honest and I love 00:43:29.010 --> 00:43:31.090 hearing how spirit -filled you are and how much 00:43:31.090 --> 00:43:34.429 you want to instill that in other people as you 00:43:34.429 --> 00:43:36.909 walk alongside them. I think that's wonderful. 00:43:36.949 --> 00:43:39.309 Thank you so much for being with us. Thank you 00:43:39.309 --> 00:43:42.090 guys. This has been a joy. It really has been 00:43:42.090 --> 00:43:47.099 and what you're doing is huge. It's really big. 00:43:47.739 --> 00:43:49.980 So if people want to get a hold of you, how do 00:43:49.980 --> 00:43:53.059 they go about doing that? Yeah, so I have a website. 00:43:53.219 --> 00:43:57.420 It's called gpcommunity .org. They can get on 00:43:57.420 --> 00:44:01.159 there. I'm on Facebook, on Green Pastures Ministry, 00:44:01.960 --> 00:44:06.480 and either way, they can reach out and say they, 00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:08.619 hey, want to chat, do a free consultation, whatever 00:44:08.619 --> 00:44:12.139 that looks like. Awesome. Yeah. Great. Great. 00:44:12.460 --> 00:44:16.050 We'll put that in the show notes. And we do appreciate 00:44:16.050 --> 00:44:18.570 you and your time. This is great. I pray it was 00:44:18.570 --> 00:44:21.769 a blessing to somebody. And if this has popped 00:44:21.769 --> 00:44:24.469 somebody else in your head that you thought of, 00:44:24.690 --> 00:44:27.670 we ask that you pass it along because it could 00:44:27.670 --> 00:44:29.750 be the message that they've been meaning to hear. 00:44:30.989 --> 00:44:44.090 And with that, we'll talk to you next week. It's 00:44:44.090 --> 00:44:46.650 a really great way to stay in touch. Many of 00:44:46.650 --> 00:44:48.650 you have asked how you can support the show. 00:44:49.230 --> 00:44:51.289 You can make donations through any of the links 00:44:51.289 --> 00:44:53.889 in the about section, or of course by praying 00:44:53.889 --> 00:44:57.150 for us, as well as sharing, rating, and reviewing 00:44:57.150 --> 00:45:00.750 on social media and iTunes. Your heartfelt feedback 00:45:00.750 --> 00:45:03.789 always reminds us why we do this. Until next 00:45:03.789 --> 00:45:06.670 time, remember God is always working, miracles 00:45:06.670 --> 00:45:08.829 are real, and your breakthrough could be just 00:45:08.829 --> 00:45:11.820 around the corner. Keep believing. Keep expecting 00:45:11.820 --> 00:45:14.199 and don't forget to share this with someone who 00:45:14.199 --> 00:45:16.539 needs help today. We'll talk to you next week.