1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,120 Listener discretion is advised on this episode. 2 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:16,240 This episode contains sensitive content that may not be suitable for children or workplace 3 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:17,440 listening. 4 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,760 This testimony includes mature themes, real life struggles, and discussions that may 5 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,360 be intense or emotional. 6 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:28,640 Please use discretion when listening and consider using headphones if in a public or shared 7 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,040 space. 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:34,480 Welcome to the God's goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's 9 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,440 goodness and modern day miracles. 10 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,440 We're your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. 11 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,520 Today we have back with us Teresa Hamilton. 12 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:47,360 You heard from her last week she has a little bit more that the Holy Spirit wanted her to 13 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:52,440 share with the world and we're going to give her that opportunity but first we'll have 14 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:56,000 her open us up with an opening prayer. 15 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,000 Thank you. 16 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:05,680 So we just come to you today and we ask that you again speak through my words and through 17 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:12,240 our words and through our conversation and let your Holy Spirit have your way in us today. 18 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,720 In Jesus' name, amen. 19 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:14,720 Amen. 20 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:15,720 Thank you. 21 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,320 So where would you like to start in this episode? 22 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:24,000 Yeah, so stand at the gates of hell and redirect traffic. 23 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,440 Let's talk about that. 24 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:32,680 That was really bold and incredibly naive. 25 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,240 So for those of you who didn't get to listen to last week's episode, we encourage you 26 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:44,400 to go back and listen to that but she is on the devil's most wanted list and she's 27 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:50,240 fighting for the good side and yeah, I'll elaborate more on that later. 28 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:56,360 Yeah, you say that and I've said that to somebody before like I said I'm kind of doing, I'm 29 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:02,000 not like a recognizant specialist because I've been behind them and enemy lines. 30 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,000 I know how they operate. 31 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:10,320 I know how they work and now I'm back on the, I was like a double agent for you know and 32 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:17,400 so it's been interesting but I think the reason why I said that I needed two episodes is that 33 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:24,000 if we left it at, I want to stand at the gates of hell and redirect traffic. 34 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,880 Great story. 35 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,160 Kind of sounds like a fairy tale though. 36 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,160 You know, happy ending. 37 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,880 Woohoo, we're done. 38 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,720 You know, no more struggle, no more strife. 39 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:39,760 Once I said yes to Christ, there was a big sea that came on my chest that was like a 40 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,760 superhero. 41 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:41,760 Super Christian. 42 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:42,760 Super Christian. 43 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:43,760 Nothing ever went wrong. 44 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,640 You could no longer sin and you were perfect. 45 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,640 Exactly. 46 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:49,640 Made perfect in that moment. 47 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:57,520 And I feel like too often we focused on too much on the BC era and not enough on the AC 48 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:04,520 era, after Christ era of our lives and really how the struggle and stuff works for his glory 49 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,480 in that second season of your life as well. 50 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:16,080 So what I didn't realize is that to stand at the gates of hell and redirect traffic, 51 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:21,280 you have to first be through the refiner's fire until you surrender and allow him to 52 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,360 refine you. 53 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:28,160 You can't be effective in redirecting traffic at the gates of hell. 54 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,160 You just can't. 55 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,000 Yeah, if you test something then you can be assured that it's going to work. 56 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,800 It's going to do what it was intended to do. 57 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:36,800 Right. 58 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:41,520 Also, a little caveat, the refiner's fire is a consistent work. 59 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,600 It's not something like one and done thing. 60 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,640 It's constant. 61 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:50,520 It's a constant process that I'm still going through today. 62 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,880 Yeah, God's always looking on us. 63 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:58,760 That old song is always working on me. 64 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,760 I don't know the words. 65 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:07,000 It was a kid's VBS song, I can't remember the rest of it, it just came to my brain. 66 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,440 My brain thinks in songs. 67 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,440 Awesome. 68 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:18,840 So, kind of a process and before we get into the deep spiritual things, people might be 69 00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:22,720 listening from the last episode and they might be concerned about the cat. 70 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:23,880 Did you pray over the cat? 71 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,760 No, I did not. 72 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:35,840 And unfortunately, kind of ironically, about a month or so after I left that lifestyle, 73 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,520 the cat passed away of a seizure. 74 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,520 Wow. 75 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,200 God took care of it. 76 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,680 And I was obviously sad about it. 77 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,200 I was in the cat for sure. 78 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,280 But God was like no ties. 79 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,560 Yeah, it was that. 80 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:56,280 And I was reminded by a friend about David and Bathsheba and when they repented and came 81 00:04:56,280 --> 00:05:02,200 to Christ, there was still, I guess, came to God, not Christ, but came to God. 82 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,920 There was, they had to lose their first son. 83 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,320 There were still consequences. 84 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,520 There were still a consequence to the sin and there was a sacrifice that he made. 85 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:18,840 And so I felt like that was kind of, I don't want to compare my cat to a human child. 86 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:22,560 You know, those things don't equate to each other as much as you love your cat. 87 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,920 Like it's your own child or your dog. 88 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:25,920 Sure, sure. 89 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:26,920 You still care about it. 90 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,680 There are definitely distinct differences between the two. 91 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,200 Oh, what is their differences? 92 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:41,160 So obviously after all this stuff happened, I really needed to take some time and really 93 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:42,560 get closer to God. 94 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:50,640 I kind of dated God for at least a year and I really did a lot of work to reclaim my identity 95 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:56,200 and wrestle with, you know, dealing with my sexuality and stuff. 96 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:01,080 And one of my favorite verses when it comes to dealing with homosexuality is one that's 97 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:09,200 commonly used to point the finger, but they misinterpret and misuse that scripture. 98 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,040 And so I'd like to share that with everybody. 99 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:18,200 It's 1 Corinthians 6, 9 through 11 says, Or do you not know that the unrighteous will 100 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,280 not inherit the kingdom of God? 101 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,280 Do not be deceived. 102 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:29,160 Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who practice homosexuality 103 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:36,920 nor thieves nor greedy nor drunkards or revelers or swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 104 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,440 People like to stop there. 105 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:44,400 But if we keep going, it says, And such were some of you, but you were washed, you were 106 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:49,040 sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ by the spirit of 107 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,160 our God. 108 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:59,160 And without getting into a very long theology, terminology lesson, if you look into the Greek 109 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:04,120 and Hebrew of those words, we're all included in that list. 110 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:09,240 Like there's not a single one of us who could look at that list of those sins that they 111 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,040 explain there and say we never did that. 112 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,040 Because, 113 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,440 Right, for a while there were still sinners. 114 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:23,120 Revolers, I forget if it's revelers or slendlers, but there is one of those words that means 115 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,320 breaking someone's confidence. 116 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,040 So breaking trust. 117 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:33,600 And if we can honestly say that we've never broken somebody else's trust before or lied, 118 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,280 somebody, you're lying now. 119 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,280 Right. 120 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,480 So like, or any kind of sexuality. 121 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:44,720 I have a message that I share about this is called leveling the playing field because 122 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:51,640 like, let's let's level, you know, God doesn't look at sin in levels, like, or on a spectrum 123 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:52,640 or on a spectrum. 124 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:53,640 He sees it flat. 125 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,240 It's a black or white, black or white. 126 00:07:56,240 --> 00:08:01,680 As soon as the sin is a sin, you know, you steal a paperclip or you kill somebody. 127 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,680 It's just, you're a fee for murder, it means the same to me. 128 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,680 Right. 129 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:09,600 You were homosexual or you gossip, like same boat. 130 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:15,960 And one of the common mistakes that I see a lot in people who are trying to minister 131 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:23,800 to someone who is either in or coming out of homosexuality is that when they get saved, 132 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:30,080 the immediate goal is to straighten us when really sanctification and spiritual growth 133 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:35,040 should be the goal because if as they get closer to Christ, God is going to refine the 134 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:40,400 things in them that need refining and he's going to remove the things that need removing. 135 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:44,360 And sometimes they have a laundry list of issues. 136 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:48,000 Most of the times we all have a laundry list of issues to deal with. 137 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,640 And sometimes the one that looks like it's the most prominent like homo homosexuality 138 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,640 is like number 143 on their list. 139 00:08:55,640 --> 00:09:01,520 Like things that don't, that yes, God's going to deal with it at his time. 140 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:07,000 So like, so he prioritizes things a little differently than we exactly. 141 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,440 And so his goal is to connect your heart with his heart. 142 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,440 Right. 143 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:11,440 And you say yes to him. 144 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,200 He's like, great, this is how we need to do it. 145 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,320 And it's not up to me. 146 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:21,800 It's not up to Joe or Tom or Nancy to decide for what God is going to prioritize in your 147 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:22,800 life. 148 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:23,800 Right. 149 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:24,800 It's not up to us. 150 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:25,820 So it's not up to greatly. 151 00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:27,500 Like, I don't know what he's going to do. 152 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:34,220 It's not, it's we were talking before and I had mentioned that people like to condemn 153 00:09:34,220 --> 00:09:36,320 homosexuality is the worst, right? 154 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,820 God says it's abhorrent. 155 00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:42,340 But again, if a sin is a sin, that means all sins are abhorrent to God. 156 00:09:42,340 --> 00:09:47,800 I think it's intellectually dishonest for a Christian to pretend that one is worse than 157 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,800 another. 158 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:53,300 When we know better and it just ostracizes a person from thinking that he can come or 159 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,160 or she can come to the God. 160 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,500 And I think that is a great disservice. 161 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,500 Yeah. 162 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:03,500 And I feel like if we're gonna like put sin on like a spectrum, 163 00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:10,940 I would argue that gossip is worse in a sense 164 00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:13,500 because I've seen gossip tear apart churches. 165 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:17,460 I've seen gossip tear apart and destroy someone's ministry. 166 00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:21,940 Like I've seen it disintegrate churches and people 167 00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:26,220 and I've not seen that necessarily with other sins. 168 00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:28,380 But again, God doesn't see it that way. 169 00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:30,300 He's a sin as a sin. 170 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,380 And well, and he also mentions that sexual morality 171 00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:34,740 is the only sin that sins against the body. 172 00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:35,580 Right. 173 00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:37,460 All the other sins sins against other people. 174 00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:41,260 But also sexual immorality, heterosexual or homosexual. 175 00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:42,260 Right, yeah, yeah. 176 00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:45,180 If I'm looking at lust full images as a heterosexual man, 177 00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:46,140 that's sexual morality. 178 00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:48,580 If I'm watching pornography, sexual morality. 179 00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:49,420 Yeah. 180 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:50,380 If you're stepping out of your marriage, 181 00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:52,460 premarital sex, any of that. 182 00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:53,300 Yeah, yeah. 183 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,060 So they're the exact same to God. 184 00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:57,900 One sexual immorality is exactly the same to another. 185 00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:01,380 And so here we are being horrible Christians 186 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:02,700 living our sexual immorality 187 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,300 and saying somebody else's is worse. 188 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,140 Right. 189 00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:05,980 Oh, I hate that. 190 00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:06,820 Yeah. 191 00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:09,500 And my thing also, like I've said, 192 00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,860 the playing field is level at the cross. 193 00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:15,340 Like we're all equal there. 194 00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:18,380 Like neither of us are lesser or greater. 195 00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:19,620 God is fair. 196 00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:20,620 Yes. 197 00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:22,700 He's merciful and just. 198 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:28,500 So for me, my journey out of homosexuality 199 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:33,620 led me to heterosexual, a heterosexual marriage. 200 00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:38,660 But I have friends and some people 201 00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:44,660 that I follow on social media who are living 202 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:48,020 with the fact that they still have that attraction. 203 00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:50,540 And they don't have attraction to the opposite sex. 204 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:53,340 So they've been called to live a life of celibacy. 205 00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:55,180 And it's very hard. 206 00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:57,700 And it's not easy. 207 00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:01,860 And that's what I think too, like the church sometimes 208 00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:06,780 over glorifies marriage and doesn't correctly 209 00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:10,620 honor the idea of singleness. 210 00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:14,820 Because there are some people who are called to singleness. 211 00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,700 And Paul talks about it. 212 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:19,620 And sometimes, and actually he says, 213 00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:22,660 singleness is really kind of better in a sense. 214 00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:25,020 But if you can't, then you should get married. 215 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:26,700 Like if you can't live a life singleness, 216 00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:27,580 then you should get married. 217 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,340 Like that's what he basically says. 218 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:29,940 Well, I can't help it. 219 00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:30,820 Go ahead and get married. 220 00:12:30,820 --> 00:12:31,540 Right. 221 00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:36,860 And it's also why I kind of, the word respect 222 00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:39,100 might be the wrong word to use. 223 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:44,100 But I understand the hesitancy and respect 224 00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:47,740 that hesitancy from someone who's coming out of the LGBTQ 225 00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:50,420 community and coming into Christ. 226 00:12:50,420 --> 00:12:54,700 Because I understand what it costs. 227 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,140 You know, you're talking about surrounding 228 00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:59,700 your identity, your sexuality, your sense of community. 229 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:03,020 Because say what you want, that community is really strong. 230 00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:06,380 Like there's a very close knit friendships 231 00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:09,060 that you develop with people in that community and stuff. 232 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:12,540 And like they stick together and everything. 233 00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:16,220 And so to lose that, you know, and I would argue 234 00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:20,460 that the church really needs to do a better job of establishing 235 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:24,380 community, especially for the people that are coming out 236 00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:26,060 of homosexuality. 237 00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:29,940 Because like they're losing their sense of community. 238 00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:32,420 They're losing their sense of identity. 239 00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:33,860 I mean, they're gaining it. 240 00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,660 They're gaining the right identity. 241 00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:38,780 You know, they're gaining this better sense of things. 242 00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:44,340 But it is still a loss for them and it costs them something. 243 00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:50,820 And I really, truly respect their hesitancy. 244 00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:55,980 But I do say that if you are on the fence, if you are hesitant, 245 00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:57,380 just come over here. 246 00:13:57,380 --> 00:13:59,380 Like just come over to the cross, man. 247 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,620 It's work, but it's so much better. 248 00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:06,020 And it's, and God will work in ways 249 00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:10,500 that you just don't even fathom. 250 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,780 And it's a better life. 251 00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:14,340 If it's good, it isn't easy. 252 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:16,620 Yeah, exactly. 253 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:20,220 So one of the things that I mentioned before 254 00:14:20,220 --> 00:14:22,660 was that I was always very musical. 255 00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:26,260 And I was involved in ministry and music and stuff. 256 00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,260 And I was a teenager and everything. 257 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:32,500 But because of all the stuff I just did and everything, 258 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:37,580 I wasn't really sure how quickly God was going to restore things 259 00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:38,620 like to me. 260 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:41,660 So one of the first things he restored to me 261 00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:45,140 was actually that music, the love of music, 262 00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:50,060 and then also giving me an opportunity to minister in that way. 263 00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:53,420 And I went to this big revival service and stuff. 264 00:14:53,420 --> 00:14:57,820 And one of the speakers said something about God's 265 00:14:57,820 --> 00:15:01,700 restoring dormant seeds. 266 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,660 And I'm like, OK. 267 00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:06,420 And then the next day, I get a call from my friend. 268 00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:10,540 And my friend's like, hey, so I know this guy and this family 269 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:15,500 that are doing this, having this band, and they need singers. 270 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:16,500 Would you be interested? 271 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,620 And I'm just like, well, heck yeah. 272 00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:23,740 Like, OK, dormant seeds, let's go. 273 00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:27,620 And so I went and we further time ministered together. 274 00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:32,660 And that's where I met Anthony, or Sonny, as he calls himself. 275 00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:35,140 And everybody calls him Sonny Anthony. 276 00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:35,900 He didn't tell us. 277 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,700 So we met Anthony Sonny. 278 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:38,980 Anthony Brown. 279 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,060 Yeah. 280 00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:41,220 Check out his episode. 281 00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:48,620 My son, my son calls him Uncle Honey. 282 00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,100 Or Uncle Sonny now. 283 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:52,420 Now he says it right, but it was cute when he was saying 284 00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:52,980 Uncle Honey. 285 00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:54,260 It was really cute. 286 00:15:54,260 --> 00:15:55,820 I don't know if Anthony appreciated it. 287 00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,660 I know, I want to call him. 288 00:15:57,660 --> 00:15:58,620 Podcasts, Glenn. 289 00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,060 Yeah. 290 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,060 You're welcome. 291 00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,580 So I was in that ministry. 292 00:16:02,580 --> 00:16:09,660 And then finding a man was not on my radar at all. 293 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:13,060 Even though I did feel like God was going to eventually, 294 00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:17,780 but it was somewhere off way in the future. 295 00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:24,740 When I was 25, 30, not 22, I'd just come at. 296 00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:29,900 It was like a year and a half or so out of this stuff. 297 00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:33,060 And I'm like, it's just too soon. 298 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,140 So I was not interested. 299 00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:40,780 But my Nana, Nana's puppy and Nana's, 300 00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:45,900 there was this pastor that came in as a new pastor right 301 00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:49,140 across the street from our family hardware store. 302 00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:53,700 So he had come right out of the hardware store. 303 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,980 Like she'd met him at the hardware store, 304 00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,260 because obviously the hardware store, 305 00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:02,860 I like to call a family owned, small town hardware store, 306 00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:10,580 is very much the men's version of the bar, the salon. 307 00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:13,460 It's where they go to congregate and to talk. 308 00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:16,540 And I said they did on Home Improvement back in the day. 309 00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:19,300 It's very much what happens in my husband's. 310 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,980 And when you get really old, you go to McDonald's 311 00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:22,820 and have breakfast for like three hours. 312 00:17:22,820 --> 00:17:24,060 Yeah, yep. 313 00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:25,060 I worked at McDonald's. 314 00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:30,300 I remember the regular, the old, we call it the old head group 315 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,900 over there, just over there every day. 316 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,780 How you can eat that all three days beyond me. 317 00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:36,780 But that's OK. 318 00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:39,180 Anyways, so she met him at the hardware store. 319 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:42,340 And she's like, hey, he's single. 320 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:43,980 Let me explain. 321 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,660 Let me hook you up with my granddaughter. 322 00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:51,620 Now, my Nana, me and my Nana, and the and very proud of me 323 00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:52,660 and all this stuff. 324 00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:56,620 Let off the story about me, telling him about me 325 00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:59,340 with my epilepsy and everything. 326 00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:01,700 And now he had had experience with special needs. 327 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:05,540 And so he was looking at my grandma like you're nuts, 328 00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:12,220 because she's expecting me to be in a helmet and drooling. 329 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:17,260 Or somebody with clear deficits, clear struggles, 330 00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:19,780 like mentally after that. 331 00:18:19,780 --> 00:18:24,420 And so he's like, I don't know about that. 332 00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:25,060 But we'll see. 333 00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:28,740 Like whatever, just kind of trying to placate her. 334 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,300 And me, I looked at it. 335 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:31,900 She gave me, sent me this picture. 336 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:34,420 And she had a flip phone at the time, 337 00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:36,940 which she should have had a smartphone by this point. 338 00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:38,700 But it was the flip phone at the time. 339 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:44,420 So she took a really grainy, bad picture of him 340 00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:46,740 and was like, he's kind of cute. 341 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:50,100 And then I was like, how old is he? 342 00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,100 And she goes, he's 37. 343 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:55,740 And I'm like, yeah, I'm 22. 344 00:18:55,740 --> 00:19:01,020 Like this is, I don't know. 345 00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:03,300 But then she kept being persistent. 346 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:06,340 And so I messaged him on Facebook. 347 00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:07,980 Actually, I'm not sure which one of us. 348 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,860 I think I was the one to message first, 349 00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:12,780 because he didn't want to because he felt. 350 00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,300 Because you thought you were special. 351 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,540 Uh-huh, exactly. 352 00:19:16,540 --> 00:19:18,820 And so I messaged him and stuff. 353 00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:22,580 And basically, we agreed to go on our first date simply 354 00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:27,340 to shut my Nana up, because she just kept prodding. 355 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,660 And we're like, if we just go on one date, 356 00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:31,940 then maybe she'll just be quiet. 357 00:19:31,940 --> 00:19:33,300 We can move on with her life. 358 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,540 Like a parent or a persistent woman. 359 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:36,740 Tell the judge, caved. 360 00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:41,460 So I was so hesitant about this that I had planned our first 361 00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:46,140 date somewhere that was within running distance to my house. 362 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:51,700 So if it went south, I could just bolt. 363 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,100 You know, just flee. 364 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,100 On foot. 365 00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:55,220 On foot. 366 00:19:55,220 --> 00:19:55,940 She planned this. 367 00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:57,500 She planned to escape on foot. 368 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,500 Yes, I had my escape route planned. 369 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:00,900 And I planned to go around the block, 370 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,700 so I didn't know where I lived. 371 00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:03,540 That's pretty bad. 372 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,740 I had to continue asking to take you back home. 373 00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:06,220 All right. 374 00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:07,100 Like it was like. 375 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:08,660 She wanted through the woods in West Virginia. 376 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:11,100 Boom expectations. 377 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:11,620 Well, it was weird. 378 00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:12,500 And so it was the city. 379 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,340 So it was OK. 380 00:20:13,340 --> 00:20:17,100 But I had the plan in my head. 381 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,340 And I even thought about it because I looked, 382 00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:20,900 like, watch to hit. 383 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,300 Because it had glass door windows, 384 00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,620 so you could see into the building. 385 00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:25,420 And he was already there. 386 00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:28,700 I'm just like, I don't know. 387 00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:32,780 I don't know about this, but we'll do it. 388 00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:35,060 And so we get in there, and then we get to talking. 389 00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:37,740 And people talk about love at first sight. 390 00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:39,820 I like to say love at first talk, 391 00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:44,180 because it was like once we really started talking, 392 00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:48,220 we realized God's doing something here. 393 00:20:48,220 --> 00:20:51,580 And it was so, we closed the restaurant down. 394 00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:53,020 And him being a pastor, we didn't 395 00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:57,060 want to do anything that could compromise witness 396 00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:57,500 or anything. 397 00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:59,220 But we wanted to talk still. 398 00:20:59,220 --> 00:21:03,940 So we ended up wandering around Walmart until midnight. 399 00:21:03,940 --> 00:21:05,860 Wandering around Walmart and talking, 400 00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:07,780 and just sharing our whole life. 401 00:21:07,780 --> 00:21:12,420 Like, just everything out there, right in the first date, 402 00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:14,660 like, all of it. 403 00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:19,700 And so we started dating in November. 404 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:23,540 And on February 9th, so ironically, 405 00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:27,580 as we're recording this, it's the day before 12 years ago. 406 00:21:27,580 --> 00:21:29,980 It's like yesterday, tomorrow. 407 00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:31,660 12 years ago, tomorrow. 408 00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:33,060 He asked me to marry him. 409 00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:35,820 So it was very quick courtship. 410 00:21:35,820 --> 00:21:37,220 We know you know. 411 00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:41,900 It was like the third date that I was just like, this is it. 412 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:44,980 It just like, this is right. 413 00:21:44,980 --> 00:21:47,780 So you went from experimenting with homosexuality 414 00:21:47,780 --> 00:21:53,020 to being flat out bisexual, to living with a woman, 415 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:57,340 to foregoing all that, exercising of demonic holds 416 00:21:57,340 --> 00:21:59,860 in your life, and letting God let loose, 417 00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:03,820 and literally finding attraction in a man you weren't even 418 00:22:03,820 --> 00:22:05,300 looking for a man. 419 00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:06,620 And boom, there you are. 420 00:22:06,620 --> 00:22:08,620 And not just any man, but a man who's 421 00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:11,220 in the Word of God for a living. 422 00:22:11,220 --> 00:22:12,460 Right. 423 00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:12,860 Yeah. 424 00:22:12,860 --> 00:22:18,620 And so obviously, that was a lot of our discussions 425 00:22:18,620 --> 00:22:20,460 like during our courtship. 426 00:22:20,460 --> 00:22:23,500 Like people talk about like all this romantic lovey-dovey stuff 427 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:24,300 you do on courtship. 428 00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:25,940 Ours was not. 429 00:22:25,940 --> 00:22:27,420 I mean, granted, we were in love. 430 00:22:27,420 --> 00:22:29,300 So we're lovey-dovey. 431 00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:33,780 But it was very much like, OK, how is this going to work? 432 00:22:33,780 --> 00:22:37,100 What it was like, and I really was 433 00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:39,340 praying about it before he proposed. 434 00:22:39,340 --> 00:22:43,140 We were talking about like, I expressed 435 00:22:43,140 --> 00:22:45,540 that God had been calling me in ministry my whole life. 436 00:22:45,540 --> 00:22:46,620 So it fits. 437 00:22:46,620 --> 00:22:49,620 But it's just like, God really threw a curveball there 438 00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:50,900 being pastor's wife. 439 00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:54,580 I was like, that's not what I saw on the radar. 440 00:22:54,580 --> 00:22:56,100 I thought missions, trips. 441 00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:58,340 I thought evangelism. 442 00:22:58,340 --> 00:23:00,980 I thought doing my own thing, throwing 443 00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:06,660 a curveball of pastor's wife was not exactly what I expected 444 00:23:06,660 --> 00:23:07,580 it to be at all. 445 00:23:07,580 --> 00:23:08,060 Hold on. 446 00:23:08,060 --> 00:23:09,740 I don't remember signing up for that part. 447 00:23:09,740 --> 00:23:10,580 Right. 448 00:23:10,580 --> 00:23:11,340 There it was. 449 00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:12,340 Where's the fine print right there? 450 00:23:12,340 --> 00:23:17,900 It's interesting because we were engaged to February. 451 00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:20,740 And we got married June 15th of that year. 452 00:23:20,740 --> 00:23:24,580 So we knew each other less than a year 453 00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:25,900 before we even got married. 454 00:23:25,900 --> 00:23:31,180 So that was maybe in hindsight a little naive. 455 00:23:31,180 --> 00:23:32,260 But we made a point. 456 00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:34,180 We can't call God's plans naive. 457 00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:36,740 But we can only go right. 458 00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:38,940 And it was just like, OK. 459 00:23:38,940 --> 00:23:39,940 We understand that. 460 00:23:39,940 --> 00:23:41,380 You're just the one not accustomed to this. 461 00:23:41,380 --> 00:23:42,540 I will say this. 462 00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:44,980 If you are somebody who's newly engaged, 463 00:23:44,980 --> 00:23:47,340 I recommend waiting at least a year 464 00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:52,380 because planning a wedding in four months, not recommended. 465 00:23:52,380 --> 00:23:54,820 It was very, very stressful. 466 00:23:54,820 --> 00:23:56,140 I recommend you a lope. 467 00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:57,540 Oh, we should get to that. 468 00:23:57,540 --> 00:23:58,540 A lope, save your money. 469 00:23:58,540 --> 00:23:59,020 Just do that. 470 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:00,940 Just go to Justice of the Peace, get married. 471 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:02,220 Then go to your honeymoon. 472 00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:02,700 Yep. 473 00:24:02,700 --> 00:24:04,420 Come back and tell everybody you're married. 474 00:24:04,420 --> 00:24:04,900 Yep. 475 00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:08,420 And save the money for buying a house or something practical. 476 00:24:08,420 --> 00:24:10,060 Also, the engagement ring. 477 00:24:10,060 --> 00:24:13,820 Don't, don't, don't just don't spend that much money on it. 478 00:24:13,820 --> 00:24:16,540 Like make it affordable or make it nice and stuff. 479 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,180 But like I told him absolutely not, 480 00:24:19,180 --> 00:24:21,660 especially on a pastor's salary, like I was like, 481 00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:22,500 that sucker better. 482 00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:24,780 First of all, I'm prone to losing things. 483 00:24:24,780 --> 00:24:27,820 So please do not spend over $100 on this. 484 00:24:27,820 --> 00:24:30,380 Because like, and that and also knowing 485 00:24:30,380 --> 00:24:33,980 that he made like $1,000 a month, I'm like, you better not. 486 00:24:33,980 --> 00:24:36,820 Like, you better not spend a ton of. 487 00:24:36,820 --> 00:24:37,860 You gotta sell a kidney to pay for this. 488 00:24:37,860 --> 00:24:38,260 Right. 489 00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:42,540 Like my engagement ring was like a $50 set from like Amazon. 490 00:24:42,540 --> 00:24:44,100 Like, and I loved it and everything. 491 00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:44,940 It's just as simple. 492 00:24:44,940 --> 00:24:45,380 Yeah, no. 493 00:24:45,380 --> 00:24:47,380 I was like, and I was like, but if you want to spend a couple 494 00:24:47,380 --> 00:24:51,980 hundred dollars on me, buy me a new like washing machine or something. 495 00:24:51,980 --> 00:24:52,580 Like I'm just saying. 496 00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:53,660 Something practical that I can't do. 497 00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:54,980 Something practical. 498 00:24:54,980 --> 00:24:58,860 Like, yeah, give me a new vacuum cleaner, like a great vacuum cleaner or something. 499 00:24:58,860 --> 00:25:01,460 Like don't spend money on that kind of thing. 500 00:25:01,460 --> 00:25:04,540 You know, that I'm going to very likely lose. 501 00:25:04,540 --> 00:25:06,900 Which you're not wearing yet? 502 00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:08,980 That's because she lost it. 503 00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:11,700 No, I do know where it's at. 504 00:25:11,700 --> 00:25:13,940 Where several of my sets over the years are. 505 00:25:13,940 --> 00:25:21,020 But I have very sensitive skin and like I've tried every single thing under 506 00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:24,580 the sun and it just irritates me. 507 00:25:24,580 --> 00:25:27,980 Everything like I'm considering it since we're 12 years in. 508 00:25:27,980 --> 00:25:30,380 I feel like it's a safe zone. 509 00:25:30,380 --> 00:25:31,180 Maybe. 510 00:25:31,180 --> 00:25:31,740 Maybe. 511 00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:32,820 Yeah, you're both in the word. 512 00:25:32,820 --> 00:25:33,500 He's a pastor. 513 00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:35,580 I think it's actually this. 514 00:25:35,580 --> 00:25:39,140 This is getting to this part of the story. 515 00:25:39,140 --> 00:25:42,020 We're actually not in ministry currently. 516 00:25:42,020 --> 00:25:50,420 So a year in a year into our marriage, we miscarried our first child at five 517 00:25:50,420 --> 00:25:51,020 weeks. 518 00:25:51,020 --> 00:25:51,980 Sorry to hear that. 519 00:25:51,980 --> 00:25:54,220 And my name is Tim Jordan Skye. 520 00:25:54,220 --> 00:26:00,700 You know, and it's funny because like on our honeymoon, we like just knew like God's 521 00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:02,140 going to give us a kid. 522 00:26:02,140 --> 00:26:07,660 So one of the things we bought was this little Cocoa Beach bonnet like the 523 00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:13,460 little sun hat, you know, like so our kid can wear it someday. 524 00:26:13,460 --> 00:26:18,660 Like say, hey, we believe that you were coming like way back then. 525 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:19,700 And so. 526 00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:20,660 We planted the fields. 527 00:26:20,660 --> 00:26:21,940 We were just waiting for the rain. 528 00:26:21,940 --> 00:26:23,020 Right. 529 00:26:23,020 --> 00:26:26,820 So we had our first marriage miscarriage at five weeks. 530 00:26:26,820 --> 00:26:32,260 And I would say that while that was devastating, it was it was almost like one 531 00:26:32,260 --> 00:26:37,620 of those we had just figured out that it was even a thing. 532 00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:38,780 And then it was gone. 533 00:26:38,780 --> 00:26:40,500 Like so it wasn't. 534 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:46,740 We didn't really have enough time to wrap our minds around what we were losing. 535 00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:52,060 So I don't want to like say it was easier, but it was, especially now looking 536 00:26:52,060 --> 00:26:54,140 in hindsight of what we've all experienced. 537 00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:57,820 It was definitely like the easiest of our losses. 538 00:26:57,820 --> 00:27:01,780 The guest before you had a similar experience. 539 00:27:01,780 --> 00:27:02,740 Yeah. 540 00:27:02,740 --> 00:27:04,180 With the short and the long. 541 00:27:04,180 --> 00:27:05,380 Yeah. 542 00:27:05,380 --> 00:27:12,620 So then we get to 2016, which I am my husband politely called a year of hell 543 00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:16,660 because it was just one thing after another after another. 544 00:27:16,660 --> 00:27:20,220 It started out good because I was pregnant again. 545 00:27:20,220 --> 00:27:31,780 But on April 1st of 2016, I was 13 weeks along, measuring at seven weeks or so. 546 00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:38,820 And like at seven weeks, we went to the doctors and they were telling us that the 547 00:27:38,820 --> 00:27:49,140 pregnancy is unviable, unviable with life, you know, and try to push a DNC on me to eliminate 548 00:27:49,140 --> 00:27:50,140 it. 549 00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:52,060 And I was just like, no. 550 00:27:52,060 --> 00:27:56,580 And the reason I said no instantly wasn't because I was like, well, maybe God can do 551 00:27:56,580 --> 00:27:57,580 it. 552 00:27:57,580 --> 00:27:59,260 But I'm great at that moment. 553 00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:05,020 A friend of mine had had an experience where the pregnancy was unviable and then she carried 554 00:28:05,020 --> 00:28:06,620 a term. 555 00:28:06,620 --> 00:28:08,780 So I was like, no, I know that he. 556 00:28:08,780 --> 00:28:09,780 He can do it. 557 00:28:09,780 --> 00:28:13,540 And so just in case. 558 00:28:13,540 --> 00:28:24,780 But what I didn't realize is that for seven weeks after that, I would be a walking tomb. 559 00:28:24,780 --> 00:28:33,540 And something they don't talk about is how after a certain point in miscarriage, it can 560 00:28:33,540 --> 00:28:39,700 be like labor and that can start at anywhere from seven weeks on up. 561 00:28:39,700 --> 00:28:42,820 As your body is trying to naturally dispose of it. 562 00:28:42,820 --> 00:28:43,820 Yeah. 563 00:28:43,820 --> 00:28:53,500 And so what I actually ended up having is I ended up going into labor and I delivered 564 00:28:53,500 --> 00:29:03,380 our baby on the toilet and I sat there crying as my husband fished her out. 565 00:29:03,380 --> 00:29:08,260 Because we just felt like, like I was like, I can't just flush hit. 566 00:29:08,260 --> 00:29:09,260 Yeah. 567 00:29:09,260 --> 00:29:10,260 Correct. 568 00:29:10,260 --> 00:29:11,260 I would feel the same. 569 00:29:11,260 --> 00:29:12,260 You know, I can't. 570 00:29:12,260 --> 00:29:13,260 I can't just. 571 00:29:13,260 --> 00:29:14,260 No. 572 00:29:14,260 --> 00:29:23,980 And so he did that for me and we were grateful that unfortunately we had a really close 573 00:29:23,980 --> 00:29:30,020 relationship with the local funeral home because of being in the ministry. 574 00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:35,180 And so at no cost to us, they were able to cremate her for us. 575 00:29:35,180 --> 00:29:37,580 And her name is Leah Song. 576 00:29:37,580 --> 00:29:41,580 So that was April that we dealt with all of that. 577 00:29:41,580 --> 00:29:51,820 And then in June, my husband is at work and messages me, I'm getting going to go to the 578 00:29:51,820 --> 00:29:56,580 ER because I think I'm having a heart attack. 579 00:29:56,580 --> 00:30:02,180 And so he does have a heart attack, not a like arrest type heart attack. 580 00:30:02,180 --> 00:30:12,940 He has non STEM EMI's, which are kind of worse because I mean, he's had now looking back, 581 00:30:12,940 --> 00:30:16,500 I think we're at seven or six MIs. 582 00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:21,620 And ironically and kind of weirdly, they always happen in June, like right around our 583 00:30:21,620 --> 00:30:22,620 anniversary. 584 00:30:22,620 --> 00:30:28,260 And I'm just like, that would be a really crappy thing for you to do to me is to die 585 00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:34,340 like right before or after right during like our anniversary or anytime really, anytime 586 00:30:34,340 --> 00:30:39,820 really, but like really to pick that time of all times, like really like knock it off. 587 00:30:39,820 --> 00:30:40,820 Okay. 588 00:30:40,820 --> 00:30:42,940 So in June, he has a heart attack almost dies on me. 589 00:30:42,940 --> 00:30:46,300 And then I'm like looking back and hindsight, I'm like, well, kind of, I kind of thank 590 00:30:46,300 --> 00:30:50,700 God for the miscarriage because it was like, if I didn't miscarry then I definitely probably 591 00:30:50,700 --> 00:30:59,420 would have in June because the stress of just, you know, dealing with a husband. 592 00:30:59,420 --> 00:31:03,100 And I joked as like, you know, people say you're worked, we're too old for this kind 593 00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:04,100 of thing. 594 00:31:04,100 --> 00:31:12,260 Well, I was like, I'm too young for this, like I'm about 25, 20, I'm 26, 25, 26 here. 595 00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:13,260 Wow. 596 00:31:13,260 --> 00:31:19,900 Like, and dealing with something that should arguably be something older people deal with 597 00:31:19,900 --> 00:31:22,020 like, I mean, you didn't marry an older guy. 598 00:31:22,020 --> 00:31:28,500 Yeah, but I knew like, I wasn't naive in that sense that I knew like him being so much older 599 00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:33,460 than me that we were going to have like he was going to get sicker faster than I do. 600 00:31:33,460 --> 00:31:38,180 Like, and like our things weren't going to necessarily sync up. 601 00:31:38,180 --> 00:31:39,180 Like they do. 602 00:31:39,180 --> 00:31:41,020 Yeah, there was quite the age. 603 00:31:41,020 --> 00:31:42,020 Yeah. 604 00:31:42,020 --> 00:31:46,780 And it definitely comes out when he starts talking about pop culture stuff. 605 00:31:46,780 --> 00:31:50,300 I'm just like, uh, who, so how old is he? 606 00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:53,020 He's, he'll be 50 in September. 607 00:31:53,020 --> 00:31:54,020 Oh, my age. 608 00:31:54,020 --> 00:31:55,020 50. 609 00:31:55,020 --> 00:31:58,260 And then I'll be 35 in September. 610 00:31:58,260 --> 00:32:03,380 So, so here I am, 25, 26, it's June. 611 00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:07,060 So it was 25 dealing with a husband who could be dying and stuff. 612 00:32:07,060 --> 00:32:08,820 And I'm just incredibly alone. 613 00:32:08,820 --> 00:32:12,540 And I got a little bitter because like we were part of this dumb nomination and not 614 00:32:12,540 --> 00:32:19,020 a single person like from the denomination or anybody like from ministry reached out to 615 00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:22,780 us at all, like to support me or anything. 616 00:32:22,780 --> 00:32:27,140 The only people that did was some of my family members and like I was incredibly alone. 617 00:32:27,140 --> 00:32:32,420 A couple of the church members of our church definitely stepped up and kind of definitely 618 00:32:32,420 --> 00:32:33,900 took care of us and stuff. 619 00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:40,660 But like it was just like, it was a really a big season of bitterness for me, especially 620 00:32:40,660 --> 00:32:42,500 with the loss of the baby and everything. 621 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:49,740 Like I was just extremely grief stricken and extremely bitter and angry, but also trying 622 00:32:49,740 --> 00:32:57,180 to still lead in ministry and recognizing like that I'm leading on empty, you know, 623 00:32:57,180 --> 00:32:58,180 completely. 624 00:32:58,180 --> 00:33:02,380 And so I was like, well, you know, maybe we should go to this Bible study from another 625 00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:08,660 church to just kind of get fed ourselves from a way that's away from our congregation 626 00:33:08,660 --> 00:33:09,660 and stuff. 627 00:33:09,660 --> 00:33:12,940 And like, we do that and he's like, yeah, well, yeah, you can't pour from an empty cup. 628 00:33:12,940 --> 00:33:13,940 Right. 629 00:33:13,940 --> 00:33:17,580 And so and I, and I still went in there completely going through the motions like completely, 630 00:33:17,580 --> 00:33:20,980 it's kind of like that to life again, the double life. 631 00:33:20,980 --> 00:33:21,980 Yeah. 632 00:33:21,980 --> 00:33:26,700 Kind of like, okay, I'm doing this out of obedience, but I don't feel it. 633 00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:28,740 Like there's no in your heart. 634 00:33:28,740 --> 00:33:29,940 There's no feeling here. 635 00:33:29,940 --> 00:33:31,980 I don't want just going through the motions. 636 00:33:31,980 --> 00:33:32,980 Yeah. 637 00:33:32,980 --> 00:33:33,980 I don't want the feelings. 638 00:33:33,980 --> 00:33:39,500 I just, I'm just going to go and be faithful and go through the motions and see what happens 639 00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:48,500 and lo and behold, the topic of discussion that night was the story of Hannah. 640 00:33:48,500 --> 00:33:54,340 And I got so angry when I picked up that like they had like a page that gives you like the 641 00:33:54,340 --> 00:33:55,780 outline of the discussion. 642 00:33:55,780 --> 00:33:59,700 Can you remind listeners if they don't already know about the story of Hannah? 643 00:33:59,700 --> 00:34:04,900 So Hannah was somebody who was much older and had been there and for a very long time 644 00:34:04,900 --> 00:34:07,740 and got, she prayed and God gave her Samuel. 645 00:34:07,740 --> 00:34:09,860 She's the mother of Samuel. 646 00:34:09,860 --> 00:34:10,860 Right? 647 00:34:10,860 --> 00:34:13,660 Pretty sure it's Samuel. 648 00:34:13,660 --> 00:34:17,380 Fact check me on that one because I'm not sure, but she was struggling with a season 649 00:34:17,380 --> 00:34:23,940 of, a long season of barrenness and then she prayed and God gave her a child. 650 00:34:23,940 --> 00:34:28,580 And so I was a little bitter there because I'm very angry. 651 00:34:28,580 --> 00:34:29,580 Yeah. 652 00:34:29,580 --> 00:34:34,100 I'm like, I finally go to Bible study and this is what we're going to talk about. 653 00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:35,100 Like really? 654 00:34:35,100 --> 00:34:38,300 You didn't see it as a sign like maybe that could be for you. 655 00:34:38,300 --> 00:34:39,300 Right. 656 00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:41,220 No, there was no, this is for me thing. 657 00:34:41,220 --> 00:34:44,740 It was like, it felt like a slap in the face. 658 00:34:44,740 --> 00:34:51,020 I was angry and so like I'm sitting there, my blood's boiling and I don't, I'm, my blood 659 00:34:51,020 --> 00:34:55,220 is boiling to the point that I can't even hear what the pastors like. 660 00:34:55,220 --> 00:34:58,580 I'm just, you're not completely in anger. 661 00:34:58,580 --> 00:35:05,300 And then the Lord speaks to me and he says, my promises to you have not changed. 662 00:35:05,300 --> 00:35:09,780 Your circumstances now do not change my promise of children. 663 00:35:09,780 --> 00:35:14,140 I will provide fruit from your womb to Claire's Lord. 664 00:35:14,140 --> 00:35:16,700 Now I heard that I received it. 665 00:35:16,700 --> 00:35:24,940 I didn't feel it and I didn't really, I was like, okay, how could you though? 666 00:35:24,940 --> 00:35:28,980 And so I pray, I wrote it down faithfully, right? 667 00:35:28,980 --> 00:35:38,940 And then in 2017, we found out we were pregnant with my son and I looked back and I saw that 668 00:35:38,940 --> 00:35:48,940 when we conceived, my son was about a year to the day that I received that promise. 669 00:35:48,940 --> 00:35:56,140 And so my son's name is Josiah Bryce and that means a God who heals swiftly. 670 00:35:56,140 --> 00:36:03,580 And then in 2018, once we had my son, my husband's health declined more and he had a couple other 671 00:36:03,580 --> 00:36:11,420 heart attacks and stuff and we realized that just ministry full time was not going to work 672 00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:12,420 anymore. 673 00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:19,020 And he actually had a mental breakdown shortly after that too that we just were like, we need 674 00:36:19,020 --> 00:36:23,100 to clean break from this ministry. 675 00:36:23,100 --> 00:36:27,140 And so we left that church until the end of 2018. 676 00:36:27,140 --> 00:36:29,380 And my husband continued to have multiple heart attacks. 677 00:36:29,380 --> 00:36:37,100 And then in June of 2021, we basically learned that the left side of his heart was essentially 678 00:36:37,100 --> 00:36:38,100 dead. 679 00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:43,140 And in the earthquake, there was no very little to no blood flow going to it. 680 00:36:43,140 --> 00:36:49,220 His LAD, which is they call the widowmaker was 100% blocked. 681 00:36:49,220 --> 00:36:56,420 And it also had like an aneurysm around that blockage, you know, and so things were very 682 00:36:56,420 --> 00:36:57,420 not good. 683 00:36:57,420 --> 00:37:00,380 It's just a miracle that he's living at this point. 684 00:37:00,380 --> 00:37:06,460 So in 2021, we went to a specialist up in Youngstown. 685 00:37:06,460 --> 00:37:13,860 We went to the specialist cardiologist because they had done a heart cath and they realized 686 00:37:13,860 --> 00:37:18,580 that they couldn't do anything, but they might the specialist might be able to do something. 687 00:37:18,580 --> 00:37:25,180 And so I went to this at that time, I was practicing some head covering just because 688 00:37:25,180 --> 00:37:30,260 I felt like that was something that God really was leading me to do for a time during prayer 689 00:37:30,260 --> 00:37:32,780 or all the time it started at prayer. 690 00:37:32,780 --> 00:37:36,540 And then it kind of developed into all the time just because I felt like we weren't just 691 00:37:36,540 --> 00:37:41,860 in this season of spiritual warfare and struggle that I just really felt like that was something 692 00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:44,900 I needed to do at the time. 693 00:37:44,900 --> 00:37:52,700 And so we get to this meeting and stuff or this this doctor's appointment with a heart 694 00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:54,940 cath orization. 695 00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:59,980 And I'm praying in the in the waiting room with my head covering. 696 00:37:59,980 --> 00:38:05,260 I mean, I'm sure some people in that waiting room probably thought I was nuts or extremely 697 00:38:05,260 --> 00:38:11,820 charismatic at least because I had like the Jewish prayer show like over me praying in 698 00:38:11,820 --> 00:38:13,500 the prayer room. 699 00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:18,340 And during that time, God just I thought people were judging me and I didn't really care because 700 00:38:18,340 --> 00:38:19,820 I'm just like, I'm praying. 701 00:38:19,820 --> 00:38:20,820 I don't care. 702 00:38:20,820 --> 00:38:21,820 I'm at war. 703 00:38:21,820 --> 00:38:22,820 I'm going at war. 704 00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:23,820 This means war. 705 00:38:23,820 --> 00:38:28,420 You know, just, you know, I think recently then I had just watched like war room. 706 00:38:28,420 --> 00:38:35,340 So I was just really fired up about, you know, so I expected like the people around me to 707 00:38:35,340 --> 00:38:38,260 just kind of give me space and stuff. 708 00:38:38,260 --> 00:38:44,300 But then all of a sudden it's like that waiting room turned into an upper room and we just 709 00:38:44,300 --> 00:38:46,940 like they came up and we're like pray. 710 00:38:46,940 --> 00:38:52,180 I saw them praying and stuff and like we just kind of turned that it was just an upper room 711 00:38:52,180 --> 00:38:53,180 in that moment. 712 00:38:53,180 --> 00:38:54,180 Literally. 713 00:38:54,180 --> 00:38:55,180 Oh no. 714 00:38:55,180 --> 00:38:56,180 Right. 715 00:38:56,180 --> 00:39:02,740 So when I'm praying and God reveals to me this vision of like, it's like I saw the vessels 716 00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:05,820 of his heart opening up. 717 00:39:05,820 --> 00:39:11,820 Like I just saw it and I'm just like, okay, this is like, I had this complete piece about 718 00:39:11,820 --> 00:39:13,460 the situation. 719 00:39:13,460 --> 00:39:19,260 And so when the doctor comes out and tells me like they were able to restore some function, 720 00:39:19,260 --> 00:39:24,580 you know, and he's like, you know, so we were able to do it. 721 00:39:24,580 --> 00:39:26,580 And I was like, no, God did it. 722 00:39:26,580 --> 00:39:31,100 And the guy just kind of looked like, you know, because he's an arrogant doctor, you 723 00:39:31,100 --> 00:39:32,660 know, like, give credit to God or not. 724 00:39:32,660 --> 00:39:34,020 He's still going to do it. 725 00:39:34,020 --> 00:39:40,940 And what was interesting is like during that upper room moment, we had not a single person 726 00:39:40,940 --> 00:39:44,060 that was waiting with me received bad news from their loved one. 727 00:39:44,060 --> 00:39:47,180 Like all of the surgeries that day. 728 00:39:47,180 --> 00:39:48,180 Everyone got covered. 729 00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:49,180 Blessing covered everybody. 730 00:39:49,180 --> 00:39:51,180 It was so incredible. 731 00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:56,780 They were focused on the one who can solve the problems, but you know, focus on growth. 732 00:39:56,780 --> 00:39:58,980 My husband's is still disabled. 733 00:39:58,980 --> 00:40:06,460 Like he's, you know, he just got, we just after six years of fighting got his disability. 734 00:40:06,460 --> 00:40:12,660 But something that is recently been a change in both of our hearts working on it is the 735 00:40:12,660 --> 00:40:15,780 fact that I told him told him just a few weeks ago. 736 00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:22,580 Like I said, you know, I was reminded about the story about King Hezekiah who prayed and 737 00:40:22,580 --> 00:40:26,140 God extended, he was, he was on his deathbed essentially. 738 00:40:26,140 --> 00:40:29,660 And he prayed and God extended his life for 15 years. 739 00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:33,380 And I reminded my husband of that story is like, you know, God extends our life for a 740 00:40:33,380 --> 00:40:34,380 reason. 741 00:40:34,380 --> 00:40:38,700 Like when he extends our life, he's doing it for a reason. 742 00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:41,500 He's not going to extend somebody's life who doesn't have a purpose. 743 00:40:41,500 --> 00:40:45,300 I was like, so you might be disabled. 744 00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:51,220 Like I've, I've my notes, I said, disability does not negate healing. 745 00:40:51,220 --> 00:40:52,900 Like God definitely healed him. 746 00:40:52,900 --> 00:40:56,820 God is definitely extending his life and doing work in his life. 747 00:40:56,820 --> 00:41:02,180 And I was like, and that's what I've seen with his life is that he's not done with 748 00:41:02,180 --> 00:41:03,180 him. 749 00:41:03,180 --> 00:41:04,180 He can make that heart new anytime. 750 00:41:04,180 --> 00:41:05,180 Yeah. 751 00:41:05,180 --> 00:41:06,180 But he might not too. 752 00:41:06,180 --> 00:41:10,580 Like he might, it might just be where it's at, you know, what's, but it's really cool. 753 00:41:10,580 --> 00:41:11,580 What's really cool. 754 00:41:11,580 --> 00:41:15,260 And I love when, when science and faith meet. 755 00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:20,860 It's just really cool to me, but that able to open up not his LAD, but some of the other 756 00:41:20,860 --> 00:41:23,780 function of that left side of his heart. 757 00:41:23,780 --> 00:41:25,860 And his heart did this weird thing. 758 00:41:25,860 --> 00:41:32,220 It created these collateral vessels and it's like using these collateral like vessels to 759 00:41:32,220 --> 00:41:33,900 keep his heart functioning. 760 00:41:33,900 --> 00:41:40,780 Like it's not, he's not functioning like his like ejection fractions, like 35% or 30%. 761 00:41:40,780 --> 00:41:45,060 Like he's still not fully like definitely not running any marathon. 762 00:41:45,060 --> 00:41:46,060 Running any there. 763 00:41:46,060 --> 00:41:51,020 In fact, most of the time he has to be very careful about any kind of physical exertion 764 00:41:51,020 --> 00:41:53,540 that he does because it just takes everything out of him. 765 00:41:53,540 --> 00:42:00,180 Like even just taking a shower, going to church takes a lot out of him or just taking my son 766 00:42:00,180 --> 00:42:01,180 to the bus stop. 767 00:42:01,180 --> 00:42:08,340 Sometimes, you know, just, it's really hard for on him, but like that collateral is working. 768 00:42:08,340 --> 00:42:14,660 And I'm like, and even the doctors are just like, I don't understand how like you're standing 769 00:42:14,660 --> 00:42:15,660 here still. 770 00:42:15,660 --> 00:42:17,780 Like they'll get it one day. 771 00:42:17,780 --> 00:42:18,780 Yeah. 772 00:42:18,780 --> 00:42:20,420 In this life or the next, I'll get it. 773 00:42:20,420 --> 00:42:25,180 So and the, and another thing, I guess a ongoing theme of my life, I didn't realize it really 774 00:42:25,180 --> 00:42:30,020 until like writing this out has been healing. 775 00:42:30,020 --> 00:42:37,340 Like that God has been my healer and proven that just not just through my life, but the 776 00:42:37,340 --> 00:42:45,420 lives of people around me so many times like undeniably, like he heals, he restores, he 777 00:42:45,420 --> 00:42:48,500 redeems like, and only the way he can. 778 00:42:48,500 --> 00:42:49,500 Right. 779 00:42:49,500 --> 00:43:00,340 And one of the things for me that recently, when I was 31, he gave me a diagnosis and that's 780 00:43:00,340 --> 00:43:05,580 why I've said that diagnosis can be a way of healing. 781 00:43:05,580 --> 00:43:11,020 Because if you understand yourself or you understand why something is the way it is, 782 00:43:11,020 --> 00:43:15,820 that in itself is a healing because it's, it's an understanding. 783 00:43:15,820 --> 00:43:19,700 You know, one of the things I've always struggled with is organization. 784 00:43:19,700 --> 00:43:23,100 I can't for the life of me be organized. 785 00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:28,700 I can't for the life of me, like remember to do basic tasks. 786 00:43:28,700 --> 00:43:34,940 Like it just seemed like everything that people said was like automatic to them was not automatic 787 00:43:34,940 --> 00:43:35,940 for me. 788 00:43:35,940 --> 00:43:36,940 Like it's work. 789 00:43:36,940 --> 00:43:37,940 It was always work. 790 00:43:37,940 --> 00:43:39,620 It was always a struggle and everything. 791 00:43:39,620 --> 00:43:42,820 And I felt like I was broken. 792 00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:50,620 Like there was something wrong with me and I couldn't focus and I couldn't do anything. 793 00:43:50,620 --> 00:43:52,380 And thank you. 794 00:43:52,380 --> 00:43:57,860 There's this little app that I downloaded just to get along with some of my younger 795 00:43:57,860 --> 00:44:00,980 coworkers at the time. 796 00:44:00,980 --> 00:44:06,740 And I downloaded this app, TikTok and that algorithm, man, that, that hit me real quick. 797 00:44:06,740 --> 00:44:11,580 And I was like, hmm, then my son was having some struggles and in preschool and stuff. 798 00:44:11,580 --> 00:44:15,820 And so they recommended that I maybe get him evaluated for ADHD. 799 00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:18,980 And as I'm filling out that paperwork, I'm just like, that's me. 800 00:44:18,980 --> 00:44:19,980 That's me. 801 00:44:19,980 --> 00:44:20,980 That's me. 802 00:44:20,980 --> 00:44:21,980 Huh? 803 00:44:21,980 --> 00:44:22,980 Yep. 804 00:44:22,980 --> 00:44:23,980 That's me. 805 00:44:23,980 --> 00:44:24,980 I think I have ADHD. 806 00:44:24,980 --> 00:44:29,300 If he has it then that means I have it. 807 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:35,300 And so before even getting him formally diagnosed, I went to a counselor, a psychologist that 808 00:44:35,300 --> 00:44:36,300 was a Christian. 809 00:44:36,300 --> 00:44:40,780 I made sure that I was from a Christian counselor and stuff. 810 00:44:40,780 --> 00:44:49,980 And when I finally got my diagnosis, that was eye opening for me. 811 00:44:49,980 --> 00:44:53,020 And when I left that office, God spoke to me. 812 00:44:53,020 --> 00:44:56,660 He's like, now you see. 813 00:44:56,660 --> 00:44:58,780 Now you see you're not broken. 814 00:44:58,780 --> 00:45:05,820 Now you see yourself for who I've seen you all along. 815 00:45:05,820 --> 00:45:10,460 And I was just set free of all that guilt, that shame that. 816 00:45:10,460 --> 00:45:11,460 Yeah. 817 00:45:11,460 --> 00:45:13,580 And you finally saw that he doesn't blame you. 818 00:45:13,580 --> 00:45:14,580 Right. 819 00:45:14,580 --> 00:45:15,580 It was not your fault. 820 00:45:15,580 --> 00:45:16,580 It was not your fault. 821 00:45:16,580 --> 00:45:17,580 Yes. 822 00:45:17,580 --> 00:45:21,340 Like all this up and down, even like with my faith journey, you can see that I was, it 823 00:45:21,340 --> 00:45:24,660 was very much up, down, up, down, up, down, hot, cold, hot, cold. 824 00:45:24,660 --> 00:45:28,060 Like all of it just made sense now. 825 00:45:28,060 --> 00:45:35,180 And I was excited about it because finally all of this makes sense. 826 00:45:35,180 --> 00:45:40,980 But then I'm trying, one of the biggest things that problems for me was Bible study. 827 00:45:40,980 --> 00:45:48,140 Trying to get, do devotions is really, really hard for me. 828 00:45:48,140 --> 00:45:52,980 And I went online and I was like, is there like devotionals for ADHD people? 829 00:45:52,980 --> 00:45:55,820 Like is there anything out there? 830 00:45:55,820 --> 00:46:01,820 And all I saw was stuff that was like anti ADHD, like how you can pray it away and stuff 831 00:46:01,820 --> 00:46:02,820 and all this stuff. 832 00:46:02,820 --> 00:46:09,820 And like, I'm just like, wait a minute, I'm not praying something away that God has given 833 00:46:09,820 --> 00:46:10,820 me. 834 00:46:10,820 --> 00:46:15,580 Like this is something I feel like he has made my brain work differently for a beautiful 835 00:46:15,580 --> 00:46:16,580 reason. 836 00:46:16,580 --> 00:46:22,220 And so I was like, well, if there's not a devotional for it, I'll write it. 837 00:46:22,220 --> 00:46:26,900 And so that's what I did and I did write where to leave my Bible. 838 00:46:26,900 --> 00:46:30,500 It's a 30 day Bible guide for the easily distracted. 839 00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:32,380 I got it for Josh. 840 00:46:32,380 --> 00:46:35,540 And how far did you get through that? 841 00:46:35,540 --> 00:46:37,540 I mean, I started it. 842 00:46:37,540 --> 00:46:38,540 It's on the challenge. 843 00:46:38,540 --> 00:46:40,140 It's literally on my dresser. 844 00:46:40,140 --> 00:46:41,140 How very ADHD of you. 845 00:46:41,140 --> 00:46:44,780 I think in the first page, I say something about. 846 00:46:44,780 --> 00:46:47,340 It's not even a very thick book and yet it's so intimidating. 847 00:46:47,340 --> 00:46:51,340 And like one of the things I say is like, like I'm getting cold sweats. 848 00:46:51,340 --> 00:46:57,780 I even said in there in my info intro, it's funny that I say something like, oh, this 849 00:46:57,780 --> 00:47:04,340 might end up on your shelf with the rest of your Bible studies instead of you doing finishing 850 00:47:04,340 --> 00:47:05,340 it, but it's okay. 851 00:47:05,340 --> 00:47:09,940 I'm going to trust that the Holy Spirit will meet you to finish it whenever you know, 852 00:47:09,940 --> 00:47:11,940 boom, you're ready. 853 00:47:11,940 --> 00:47:12,940 It's there for you. 854 00:47:12,940 --> 00:47:15,740 So it'll take you like 17 years to get through that little book. 855 00:47:15,740 --> 00:47:17,940 We will put a link to that in the show notes. 856 00:47:17,940 --> 00:47:20,060 Thank you so much for sharing this. 857 00:47:20,060 --> 00:47:24,620 And like that was one of the things that Josh was kind of hoping for it was like he wanted 858 00:47:24,620 --> 00:47:27,980 to do more Bible study, but it's like, it's a lot of work. 859 00:47:27,980 --> 00:47:36,740 I think my biggest thing with what I get through that is like being consistent, but also giving 860 00:47:36,740 --> 00:47:43,700 yourself room for having variety and having it not look the same every day, like, or even 861 00:47:43,700 --> 00:47:46,060 every month, things you want to fast. 862 00:47:46,060 --> 00:47:52,340 Like, yeah, I can't like when I do Bible studies and stuff, I, if it says it's going 863 00:47:52,340 --> 00:47:56,740 to take more than seven days on like my Bible app, I'm just like, yeah, I'm not going to 864 00:47:56,740 --> 00:47:57,740 be able to stick with that. 865 00:47:57,740 --> 00:47:58,740 But we'll try. 866 00:47:58,740 --> 00:47:59,740 We'll see. 867 00:47:59,740 --> 00:48:04,980 You know, I think the only time I've been able to do Bible studies that are longer is 868 00:48:04,980 --> 00:48:08,020 when I'm doing it with like a group of people who are keeping me accountable. 869 00:48:08,020 --> 00:48:12,740 And even then, I'll admit that even the one that I'm currently in, I have not read. 870 00:48:12,740 --> 00:48:13,740 Skip the homework. 871 00:48:13,740 --> 00:48:14,740 I've skipped most of the homework. 872 00:48:14,740 --> 00:48:16,220 But you go for fellowship. 873 00:48:16,220 --> 00:48:17,220 So that's important too. 874 00:48:17,220 --> 00:48:18,220 And I get it. 875 00:48:18,220 --> 00:48:19,220 God will get you what you need. 876 00:48:19,220 --> 00:48:22,620 And then it's like, I'll get to the reading when I get to it. 877 00:48:22,620 --> 00:48:23,620 Yeah. 878 00:48:23,620 --> 00:48:24,620 Or I won't. 879 00:48:24,620 --> 00:48:25,620 It's okay. 880 00:48:25,620 --> 00:48:26,620 Like, God will be there. 881 00:48:26,620 --> 00:48:27,620 God will be there. 882 00:48:27,620 --> 00:48:28,620 He knows you. 883 00:48:28,620 --> 00:48:29,620 Right. 884 00:48:29,620 --> 00:48:30,620 He does. 885 00:48:30,620 --> 00:48:35,460 It's like that one meme, I know you, and I know you know that I know you and what, was 886 00:48:35,460 --> 00:48:37,460 it Zoolander or something, whatever it is. 887 00:48:37,460 --> 00:48:38,460 I don't even know what those were. 888 00:48:38,460 --> 00:48:40,460 It was just a meme. 889 00:48:40,460 --> 00:48:41,460 Anyway, wow. 890 00:48:41,460 --> 00:48:43,340 We covered a lot. 891 00:48:43,340 --> 00:48:45,780 No wonder we needed two episodes. 892 00:48:45,780 --> 00:48:49,140 So thank you so much for sharing all of that. 893 00:48:49,140 --> 00:48:53,620 I hope it blessed somebody because, you know, as long as it blessed somebody, it was worth 894 00:48:53,620 --> 00:48:54,620 it. 895 00:48:54,620 --> 00:48:55,620 I know it did. 896 00:48:55,620 --> 00:48:56,620 You know. 897 00:48:56,620 --> 00:48:57,900 Thanks for tuning in to today's episode. 898 00:48:57,900 --> 00:49:00,140 Listen, let's stay connected. 899 00:49:00,140 --> 00:49:04,420 Come follow us on all the socials at God's Goodness podcast where you can find the latest 900 00:49:04,420 --> 00:49:08,260 and say, Hey, it's a really great way to stay in touch. 901 00:49:08,260 --> 00:49:11,140 Many of you have asked how you can support the show. 902 00:49:11,140 --> 00:49:15,980 You can make donations through any of the links in the about section and of course, by praying 903 00:49:15,980 --> 00:49:22,860 for us, as well as sharing, rating and reviewing on social media and iTunes as well. 904 00:49:22,860 --> 00:49:26,300 Your heartfelt feedback always reminds us why we do this. 905 00:49:26,300 --> 00:49:30,060 Until next time, remember, God is always working. 906 00:49:30,060 --> 00:49:33,660 Miracles are real and your breakthrough could be just around the corner. 907 00:49:33,660 --> 00:49:37,540 Keep believing, keep expecting, and don't forget to share this with someone who needs 908 00:49:37,540 --> 00:49:38,540 hope today. 909 00:49:38,540 --> 00:49:41,540 We'll talk to you next week.