1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,480 Welcome to the God's goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's 2 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:17,200 goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hinkins. Today we have 3 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:22,320 with us a special guest but let me first start by thanking you for joining us today. We want to 4 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:27,120 thank our long-time listeners and even the first-time listeners. We know your time is valuable 5 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:32,720 and I think God has something to say to everybody in every episode. So let's see what he has to say 6 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:38,720 to you today and if this encourages you we ask that you pass it along to a friend or family member 7 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:45,520 to encourage them as well. And today we have with us a special guest. Her name is Brooke Varghese 8 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:51,520 and what makes Brooke so special to us is her husband actually helped us start the podcast. 9 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:57,280 He was the one who advised us on what microphones to get. Let us borrow microphones to get started 10 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:02,480 until we could have our own and then Paul Briggs with Briggs Electric and Bridgeville Pennsylvania, 11 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:09,440 he even donated us the money to get most of the microphones. So like it's just a whole local 12 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:17,360 community bringing this to life and God had me ask Brooke at our Christmas party for work 13 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:23,600 to be on the podcast. So she said yes and she's here to share some of God's goodness and modern 14 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:29,520 day miracles perhaps and we'll have her start us off with an opening prayer and then we'll get into it. 15 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:36,880 Yes thank you. Heavenly Father God thank you so much for this opportunity today to speak to whoever 16 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:42,000 might be listening. I pray that the words that we speak might bring your life and your truth 17 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:47,040 to whoever may be listening and God that you might just guide this conversation. Holy Spirit that 18 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:53,200 your presence might be in this room as we speak and that whoever needs to hear whatever we have to 19 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:58,800 say may hear it and it might fall on fertile fertile ground. In Jesus's name amen. Amen. 20 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:08,160 So where would you like to start? Wow where would I like to start? As you asked me to speak on this 21 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:13,760 podcast I felt very humbled and I was you know listening to a couple episodes and there was 22 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:18,000 a little whisper of doubt in my mind that was saying oh you don't really have that much to share 23 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:25,840 but I saw this quote by Corrie Ten Boom who was a she helped hide Jews during Nazi Germany and 24 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:30,400 because of those efforts was sent to Ravensbruck but what's most remarkable about her story is that 25 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:35,040 afterwards she preached on forgiveness and God's love even after everything she experienced. Anyway 26 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:39,760 she has a good quote that God doesn't need your instructions he just wants you to report for duty 27 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:48,640 so I thought okay here I am reporting for duty. Awesome. And that kind of has been my mantra I 28 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:54,800 guess just trying to be obedient to God's word over the past few years ever since he I guess I 29 00:02:54,800 --> 00:03:00,560 would say recaptured my heart. I love that. I love that. I love that whole quote. I love that whole 30 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:10,320 story behind it. Love it. Thank you yeah because I grew up in a Christian home and I always knew 31 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:20,160 that I believed in God. I went to church, did the youth group, everything like that but I at a point 32 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:27,120 in my life fell away from God. It's not necessarily I didn't ever I stopped believing in him but I 33 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:33,280 stopped believing in his love and it took me a while to find my way back and I guess that's part 34 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:38,560 of my story so now I feel like I'm gonna probably tell you my life story and that's okay. We're here 35 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:43,840 for it we have tissues. Yeah no but I'll go to the beginning but I know that one of the things 36 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:50,000 to talk about today was I in the past couple months released a couple children's stories, 37 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:58,000 bitty Bible stories that I had felt God was pushing me to write. I've always loved writing and I 38 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:03,360 knew that I wanted to write something but since becoming a mom and having a kid and reading a 39 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:10,400 lot of Bible stories I realized that there was kind of a lack of stories about the Bible stories 40 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:15,360 told in a child-friendly way like for especially for toddlers because their attention spans are 41 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:20,800 short and they need big colorful pictures and a lot of the resources out there are great but they 42 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:27,360 are Bible book like a book of Bible stories where each page is a different story and so each 43 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:32,880 story gets just like a little paragraph which doesn't really get into the richness of the Bible 44 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:40,400 story so I felt yeah called to say yes and to to write that yeah so that's awesome because we are 45 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:46,640 made in Christ image and he's pretty creative being the creator of everything and so he's 46 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:51,760 being creative through you so that's awesome I hope so yeah okay in a million years did you ever 47 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:56,000 see yourself doing this when you were 13 years old you were like hmm one day I'm gonna write some 48 00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:00,720 children's books for God because he's gonna call me to do it that it would have even considered it 49 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:07,520 I don't think so I always struggled imagining the future to be honest with you and that might be 50 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:14,960 part of when I was younger I was diagnosed with cancer so I had childhood leukemia twice 51 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:20,880 and the I know it always it's that sounds like a really heavy thing it's just part of my story 52 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:26,640 and I grew up saying that and always knowing that yeah for whatever reason I've never really 53 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:31,680 imagined my future and I wonder if it's maybe because of that like just absolutely every day 54 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,920 by day or whatever absolutely that's everything to do with that of course it does you know it does 55 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:43,040 I'm like as I'm older I'm realizing more and more how even though I grew up like saying that I 56 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:48,240 didn't realize the effect that that might have had on me until you know once you become a parent 57 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:53,520 you start to like really look in depth into why do I do this this way but do I want my child to 58 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:58,640 be behaving that way okay well if not then I guess I need to address my own behavior yeah I will be 59 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:05,280 many years exactly I think God really uses the journey of parenthood to illustrate his own 60 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:11,680 love for us and his own forgiveness on the nose he absolutely does he's learned so many lessons oh 61 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:16,080 my goodness God I learned things the hard way all the time and the easiest things that I've learned 62 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:22,080 have been what he's shown me through our kids oh so much easier than me learning it the hard way 63 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,960 it is literally inspirational when you have kids and the things that he calls to your mind about 64 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:33,120 taking care of them and how he takes care of us it is it is so it's like comparing day in day so 65 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:38,880 so light it's amazing I absolutely love it I love hearing about it I love what you're doing with the 66 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:47,440 books to help enrich the experience for the child so it's not just a cursory knowledge right it's 67 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:51,280 something that literally tells them the actual story without just saying this is what happened 68 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:58,960 known or done right there's so much more to it yeah exactly that was kind of what like yeah again 69 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:06,560 I have a daughter who's two now and I now have a son praise God and actually him being here is also 70 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:11,920 part of this testimony I know I'm kind of I guess jumping around in my chronological timeline a bit 71 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:20,080 but yeah with the stories I really wanted to tell more in depth like so for example when God says go 72 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:26,000 the battle of Jericho it's really hard to find resources on the battle of Jericho for toddlers 73 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:31,840 and I know this because I also work part-time doing the children's ministry at our church so 74 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:38,800 I have been tasked with you know writing the curriculum and finding resources for a nursery we 75 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:43,600 kind of just play songs and play with the babies and create a welcoming environment and the preschoolers 76 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:48,000 and the elementary kids and we found a lot some really good stuff for elementary age but preschools 77 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,840 always been kind of lacking and I love that age because they were just so sweet and so innocent 78 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:56,160 and the stuff that comes out of their mouths is just so pure but their hearts are so pure for God 79 00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:00,880 like you know if you they're open for it they're open for it they want to you know they want to 80 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:07,920 learn more about him and so I wanted to yeah create some resources that parents or churches or whoever 81 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:13,520 really could get and then if you want to have a month-long lesson on the battle of Jericho you 82 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:18,720 have a story that it rhymes and has colorful pictures and you can read it as well so that's 83 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:26,480 how I guess that was one of the big desires to do that and I was very fortunate to find someone 84 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:32,080 at the church who helped me in the preschool room who is actually a very talented illustrator and 85 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:38,480 when I approached her about the idea she was like um I don't know like okay like I'll draw some pictures 86 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:43,280 and you can tell me if you like it and it was it was helpful having someone that I knew and 87 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:47,440 was comfortable with because maybe she would send me something and that would spark an idea like oh I 88 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:53,200 that didn't really look like how I thought I wanted it to look so maybe let's try this or try this and 89 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:59,520 we could just kind of collaborate and that collaboration yeah made it fun and made it I think a better 90 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:04,160 book in the end because it we were able to like go back and forth without being worried about 91 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:10,480 I don't know like oh this professional doesn't think that my ideas were good so I guess I won't 92 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,880 share them or you know it's funny that you say it because you know I asked you before the podcast 93 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:21,280 started if you had hired a professional because they're really well done thank you and so your 94 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:26,720 friend should you know hold her her head up high for it and your collaboration to get the effect 95 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:32,640 that you're looking for which it looks tremendous it's you know I would have never guessed obviously 96 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:39,200 you you were there when I asked yeah exactly I think it's awesome then you know especially for 97 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:44,800 young childhood that colorful pictures are really important when you're telling a story and trying 98 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:49,600 to keep their attention I don't know if you're aware of this but that's the same for me I feel 99 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:55,360 like if we called that as a toddler like six times already you would enjoy this too and a prime so 100 00:09:55,360 --> 00:10:02,160 I love a good one too we do story does it have the rhythm as well yes yes well I try that was 101 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:09,680 something I reached out to my sister who is she majored in linguistics and she speaks at least 102 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:17,600 three languages if you count Latin maybe four she's very very bright I love you Amy and she would 103 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:22,240 look at the stories with me and count out the syllables to make sure that they matched because 104 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:28,400 like the syllable and the cadence of it is what helps make this make a flow go so she kind of 105 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:35,120 helped me realize that yeah and now with those stories when you ask me like did you ever think 106 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:44,000 you would do this when I had my my daughter and we started reading together and you know with the 107 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:49,040 more that she became verbal she would ask for the same stories over and over and over again 108 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:53,200 and I very quickly realized which stories I could read over and over and over again which 109 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:59,600 ones I was like please not that one that was just not fun to read or whatever I had in the back of 110 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:05,520 my head like oh I could I could do this you know I think so I think I could write a story and I 111 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:11,760 work at the church and I have a degree in early childhood education and experience teaching but 112 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:19,760 it wasn't I often in my life need God to tell me something many times before I obey 113 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:27,440 and also sometimes I need a push you're looking at Josh yeah it's like a right 114 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:34,240 it's her it's he has to tell her many times and it's like she says like a nagging after a while 115 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,920 it's like an itch can't scratch until you're like all right all right it's easier to just go with it 116 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:42,800 it's just like okay let me get the confirmation and then we'll move on yeah because on the 117 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:47,280 it's like a little kid like there's a little fear but on the other side of obedience there is joy 118 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:53,680 yeah you just have to get over that hurdle and so it was when we were trying to grow our family 119 00:11:53,680 --> 00:12:00,400 and I don't know if you know this Shelly I think TJ may have shared at work or whatever we weren't 120 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:09,600 having the easiest time and I ended up having two miscarriages oh wow I knew about one yes the the 121 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:16,320 second one was bad because it was further along and we ended up in the emergency room 122 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:23,360 but praise god I didn't need surgery they were able to manually I don't know what the word is 123 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:32,000 without surgery remove what remained of the baby so that was a really dark well that was a difficult 124 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:41,520 time however I realized that I had a choice I could either grieve with God or grieve without him and 125 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:49,840 there was a point in my life where we lost somebody that I loved and I grieved without him 126 00:12:49,840 --> 00:13:00,880 and that led to many years of just being lost and it wasn't until God found me again and I met a true 127 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:07,600 loving God that I realized you know that I needed to heal from those wounds but so anyway with this 128 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:12,640 second miscarriage especially because the first one I kind of like it was early enough that I didn't 129 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:19,440 I don't know I could I just kept going I guess and then with the second one it was like oh okay 130 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:24,080 especially like being in the emergency room it was easier not to think of it until it was 131 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,360 big enough to think about it yeah like the first time I think it was five weeks you know just 132 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:34,000 taking the test second time 10 weeks so we were starting to tell people and tentatively like 133 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,160 getting we had scheduled our ultrasound and you know a couple things where it feels more 134 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:45,280 that's probably the one I know about yeah I think so because I think I needed TJ home for a little 135 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:52,640 bit to just like help when and we have a great boss that lets us do yes yes yes so props to Jeff 136 00:13:52,640 --> 00:14:02,560 props to Jeff great boss so when that happened I chose to grieve with God rather than without him 137 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:09,600 and I just felt you know it's like that hunger but the bible talks about like he is the bread of life 138 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:16,640 like I was just hungry like God what is happening what is the future am I done is this our family is 139 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:22,720 this am I broken like you know all those questions that many women experience and it turns out it's 140 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:27,520 a very common thing and I want to talk about it because I know that it happens to a lot of women 141 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:32,880 I mean I'm sure it's paramount like you know like this it's way more common than people talk about 142 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:39,280 but it's it's still just because it's common doesn't mean it's not difficult and so turning 143 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,440 to God especially if nobody talks about it nobody knows there's a resource with each other right 144 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:48,720 right right so if God has us go through things that we can comfort one another but we don't tell 145 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:53,040 somebody what we're going through how am I going to comfort you yeah so you're absolutely you know 146 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:58,160 you've hit the nail on the head absolutely and it's like that that verse actually like I think 147 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,480 about a lot where it's like the god of all comfort who comforts you and it just gives you that comfort 148 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:08,800 so that you can go and comfort other people I mean that's how I want this to be because 149 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:13,840 it's like obviously it's still a painful thing but I'm on the other side of it now praise God we 150 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:21,280 have a son and that after the second miscarriage was like six months later so I do praise that 151 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:27,920 the Lord did bless us with another child but it was a big baby he is he was almost 12 pounds so he 152 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:35,680 was a very big boy that's two nathans by the way and then something I know he was the biggest 153 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:42,240 baby in the hospital but praise God he's healthy and just adorable jolly little little thing but it 154 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:48,880 was during that time of seeking when I didn't know that he was waiting on the other side you 155 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,440 know I didn't know that God would bless us with more children but it was like okay God whether 156 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:58,800 you bless us or not like here I am like yet I will still praise you you know actually the book of 157 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:06,240 Hosea really spoke to me or not Hosea Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk 158 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:13,840 Habakkuk is how I would how I say yeah there's for whatever reason that prophets the book of 159 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,840 Habakkuk really spoke to me during that time but during that time you know God is telling 160 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:23,600 the Israelites like things are going to get worse like you guys it's not blessings on the way it's 161 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:29,360 bad times and then send the Assyrians to come and take over and Habakkuk is saying you know though 162 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:36,400 the land dries up and the there's famine in the land yet I will still praise the Lord so that 163 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:41,040 really got me through like it doesn't matter whether you are barren or not or whatever I think 164 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:46,000 it's so incredible that that is what got you through it and then while you were leaning into him 165 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:50,400 the holy god right God all right you were leaning into him through this whole experience 166 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:55,840 it's when you get through it you have this boy that is clearly in abundance of a child 167 00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:02,000 it's such a like he didn't just he blessed you with more of a child that could like a giant 168 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:07,680 healthy child right as only God could do like he didn't just he like he like he's like like that 169 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,440 image with the little kid with this stuffed animal and he's got the giant one behind his back like 170 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,600 he just wanted you to give you his hurt right give me my give me your hurt and then he had this boom 171 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:21,680 this giant baby for you yeah like I think that's so incredible like I think like to me it is to me 172 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:27,040 like I was blown in my mind the abundance part of it like he just like he he he did allow you to go 173 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:32,320 through something but then he blessed you with more and not instead of two kids at once like just 174 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:40,320 yeah like that's an amazing baby he is he really is and his name is Boaz so sweet sweet so we like 175 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:45,920 that because it meant strength and Hebrew and God is our strength but it was during that time where 176 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:51,840 I was searching before we knew we were pregnant with Bo that God just kept saying just right just 177 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:58,320 right and writing has always been my outlet like I've always been a journaler I've always liked the 178 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:04,720 idea of writing stories but maybe not always had the discipline to finish them or see them through 179 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:10,320 but that combined with you know I'm still have to be a mom so I have to show up and read stories 180 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:16,960 to my daughter and wanting to read Bible stories because I need God you know in this time and I 181 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:22,400 don't want her to see mommy crying or whatever and not really finding stuff there and then also 182 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:27,360 still showing up at church and trying to show up for the kids there and also trying to find resources 183 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:31,360 for them and God just kept pushing like just right just right so I just started writing little like 184 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:37,440 little rhymes for the Bible stories like especially Adam and Eve and Daniel on the line stand those are 185 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,880 the three that have Adam and Eve and Daniel on the line stand in the battle of Jericho but I'm 186 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:45,200 working on Shadrach Meshach and a Bendigo so I think I got some good rhymes for that one 187 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:52,560 oh yeah hopefully but and then having the courage to not just leave it in a journal which is what 188 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:57,040 I've always done with my writings but to actually like reach out to somebody who was a friend who 189 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,080 and you could draw and just kind of like float the idea to her and hear her kind of like 190 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:09,440 hesitant enthusiasm and then we just were working on these books for over a year you know we both 191 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:14,320 ended up getting pregnant praise God like she was pregnant at the same time I was pregnant so we 192 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:21,840 both are like growing babies and writing books at the same time and then right after I had my son 193 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:27,760 and right before she had her son we released the books on Amazon and just has been really cool to 194 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:34,960 see within our little community who has so far you know read them the enthusiasm from the parents 195 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:39,280 and the kids too you know a couple parents have told me that their kids love the stories which 196 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:45,360 just you know that is also an example to me of God blessing you know just saying yes putting 197 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:52,160 putting out there what he has put in your heart and like you Shelly and Josh with this podcast you 198 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:58,640 know if God puts in your heart and you do it mostly hurt like when God puts it in your heart and you 199 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:05,520 just show up for duty you know you're just I'm here I don't know what what this will do but I'm 200 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:12,240 trusting you you know through all of this so it's been really amazing to see so far the connections 201 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:20,000 are amazing it's indescribable and that's seen a lot you mentioned a lot of things that you were 202 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,960 going through while raising your daughter still and trying to keep it together and go to church and 203 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:35,440 trying to keep it together how exhausting was that it was exhausting but I was choosing deliberately 204 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:43,440 to see God through it and I had an example in my life of a time when I didn't and I knew I didn't 205 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:51,440 want to do it that way again so my options are either you can turn to the what the world offers 206 00:20:51,440 --> 00:21:00,000 for solace which is distraction or anibriation or numbing you know really pretty much it's 207 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:05,120 distraction or numbness right that's what the world can offer in terms of healing or 208 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:09,120 it's like lidocaine it's just a surface it's topical it doesn't really get to the issue but 209 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:14,640 you just kind of numbs the surface exactly yes exactly and it just prolongs the pain because 210 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:23,840 you never deal with the issue or I could grieve with God and I could cry with him and tell him I 211 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:30,720 was angry and tell him I didn't understand and the more I told him I don't understand it God would 212 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:36,880 use a podcast that a friend sent me a youtube video that another friend sent me and then a sermon 213 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:42,320 that one of the pastors preached and again and again I heard I trust you with this I trust you 214 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:49,520 with this so okay I don't know exactly what that means but if you trust me I trust you and I will 215 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:58,720 here we are now over a year later with I have a beautiful family a beautiful baby boy I have books 216 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:05,760 that I only wrote because I was leaning into him and I think I have hopefully a stronger faith 217 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:12,080 that to weather whatever storms are still on the horizon you know when you first started writing 218 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:18,640 when you first not ever but for the books when when you first heated God's call to start writing 219 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:24,240 did you find any peace in that moment is that when you started finding the peace yeah yeah because 220 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:32,080 I believe the stories but to to take you know the first chapter of Genesis and try to distill it down 221 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:38,480 into a 10 page children's story that rhymes you know I really had to sit with the text and learn 222 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:44,240 more about him okay what is God actually what's actually happening here you know what is God actually 223 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,600 can tell us through this story if I'm telling this to a child what do I want them key takeaways key 224 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:54,160 takeaways and everything so it actually helps yeah it would definitely was a healing process and I've 225 00:22:54,160 --> 00:23:01,760 always found writing to be a healing process for me because it helps me find the words when I might 226 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:08,960 otherwise struggle or to express emotions in a in a different way I love that God knows that's a 227 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:13,360 healing process for you I love that he knows that I love that he's using that and I love that he's 228 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:18,640 getting glory from that I love all of that I love your obedience to it well thank you it couldn't 229 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:26,560 have been easy especially with what you had on your heart yes it's true but like I said I have 230 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:33,760 an example of when I was disobedient and I did not want to go back to that because so to go back 231 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:40,320 to my life story I grew up you know I shared that like from the ages of like two to seven battling 232 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:46,640 cancer and everything and I think that kind of always made me feel a little bit of like an outsider 233 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:53,280 like one of my earliest childhood memories is being bald and at a McDonald's playpen and a 234 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:57,440 little boy coming up to me like are you a boy or a girl because I didn't have any hair and being 235 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:03,600 just like distraught fortunately I have two big brothers who you know defended me and taught the 236 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:08,080 other boy a lesson I don't think physically but they definitely laid into him and comforted their 237 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:13,920 little sister but you know just always kind of feeling like a little bit of an outsider and then 238 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:21,120 fast forward to when I was 15 we adopted my brother who he you know coming into our family he was 239 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:27,520 the same age as me and we were in the same grade and everything and we became really close and 240 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:34,160 kind of grew up together in high school and everything unfortunately he committed suicide 241 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:40,480 right before my 21st birthday and I'm sorry to hear that yeah I'm sure there's lots of people who 242 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:47,120 have had to experience with losing a loved one and to lose one in that way adds extra layers of 243 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:54,480 anger I guess and so even though I had grown up in a Christian home and like I remember my brother 244 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:59,760 and I would be like at youth group and stuff together like we I thought I was I was a Christian I 245 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:06,160 believed in God but my faith wasn't deep you know it's like the parable of the sowers my faith 246 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:14,320 grew up but the soil was rocky and so as soon as there was some as soon as that happened I lost it 247 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:19,200 or was it a lot to do with it because as you were growing up you were believing God on your 248 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,520 parents faith and you never really established faith for your own and then as you went to go 249 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:28,000 seek out for it you just like couldn't get your legs under you yes yeah I think that's I never 250 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:33,040 I never really question I never asked the questions that I needed to ask it was just like oh this is 251 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:38,880 what I believe because everybody around me believes this but I didn't actually like wrestle with faith 252 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:45,920 you know wrestle with God until this time and you know I was doing a Bible study recently and 253 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:52,000 they were talking about the story when the John the Baptist is in prison and Jesus is doing his 254 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:57,600 ministry and John the Baptist sends his disciples to Jesus and says are you the one to or is there 255 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:04,080 another one to come after you like John knew that Jesus was the one but he's sitting in prison and 256 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:10,640 Jesus's response is you know tell him that the blind see the lame are healed the dead are raised to 257 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:18,080 life and blessed is he who is not offended by me and the commentary on that was Jesus is doing all 258 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:24,320 these wonderful miracles for other people but John is still in prison and he's going to die there 259 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:30,720 he's going to be beheaded because of a teenager who knows how to shake her hips you know that's 260 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:36,640 offensive you know like why heal them and not heal me and I definitely wrestled with that I was 261 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:44,480 offended why might let my family go through this pain why let him why let my brother die when others 262 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:50,560 have true like had you know when I would get angry if someone like if I heard a story about someone who 263 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:56,160 who unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide because it's like well why did they get a second chance 264 00:26:56,160 --> 00:27:05,520 and not him you know like I really could not see God's goodness through that for a long time and that 265 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:11,120 sure that I mean yeah there's there's there's spiritually awake walking Christians that 266 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,400 are aware of their background that would have a hard time wrapping their mind around that 267 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:20,560 right and and you weren't you weren't you were in that juxtaposition between transferring for my 268 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:26,560 parents faith and establishing my own faith and this happens what were you gonna do I mean I walked 269 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:33,760 away I walked away and I I didn't ever get to the point where I was like there is no God but I 270 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:41,680 lived a life where it's like God might be there but he's not he's not good he's not for me I mean 271 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:48,320 how could a good God let this bad thing happen how could a good God you know all of the it's a 272 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:54,240 it's a common argument that the enemy plants you know like oh if God is good why would he let all 273 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:59,520 the Muslims in the world you know like why would he let so many other good people suffer why do good 274 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:04,320 people suffer if God is good you know it's an age old theological question that we all need to 275 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:10,880 it's one of their favorite questions and favorite theirs I mean atheists and and things and I believe 276 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:16,080 that and I honestly believe this that most atheists I don't know percentage I can't I'm not gonna lie 277 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:22,080 are believers and they're mad at God because of something because of something they don't understand 278 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,640 because of something can't wrap their mind around and they know that he is not good they don't know 279 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,960 the truth but in their minds they know he is not good they know he's not for them they're offended 280 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:36,160 by him right they're absolutely they don't want anything to do with him but I got news for them 281 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:42,080 that when they gave their life to Christ he took it seriously and you got called back right you 282 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:47,840 walked away sure but you got called back he's kind of come back for you well yeah you know you can't 283 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:53,120 make a promise that he doesn't break covenant you do right right and he leaves in 99 to chase after 284 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:58,480 you which you know and I feel like when I look back I see I saw how he was chasing after me and I 285 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:08,720 when like I threw myself into okay well I don't believe that God is good I don't believe that 286 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:13,440 Christianity has the answer I don't know what I believe but you know maybe there's a God maybe 287 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:18,080 there's not like let me just let me just live my life the best that I want to live it so I'm 288 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:25,040 gonna go travel the world so that's pretty much what I did for quite a few years until it was 289 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:31,440 actually when I was living in the Middle East you know where religion was dominant but it was the 290 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:40,080 religion of Allah and Islam that I started to question well okay so I don't believe in the 291 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:49,520 prophet Muhammad but what do I believe because Islam has Jesus too but they don't think he was 292 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:56,240 he was the son of God they think he was just a prophet and that he could do all these miracles 293 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:01,360 like they acknowledge the miracles but he never died and rose again like everything like they 294 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:05,920 believe Jesus did that's nuts because the rest of the book is true why not that part they believe 295 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:11,520 that Jesus took like the path of Enoch or you know that he just got whisked away and then he gets 296 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:17,680 come back and and he and he humbles himself before the seventh imam you know and and I was like well 297 00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:24,880 hold on you know but you know one day they're gonna find out right well so what I was actually in a 298 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:31,680 relationship with a Muslim man at the time and thinking that we were like we were gonna get married 299 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,920 and you know like that was gonna be my life and I was surrounded by a lot of friends who were 300 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:42,320 married to or dating Muslim men like in the Middle East at the time so it didn't seem like anything 301 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:50,480 unusual I guess to me but it was you know and I give a lot of credit to my ex he really pushed me 302 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:57,200 to know what I believed because he wanted to convince me of the truth of Islam and I the more 303 00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:03,440 he told me about it the more I recoiled from that because I was like that is not the truth 304 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:08,080 well that's not the truth but I didn't know what the truth was at the time like I thought I didn't 305 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:12,720 I thought there was God and maybe it was a God of the Bible but I didn't know God of the Bible I 306 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:17,600 didn't have a relationship with the God of the Bible so when he's telling me oh this is what the 307 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:24,560 Bible says I would say I don't think that's right but I guess I have to go and read the Bible to 308 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:29,760 know if what you're saying is right or not like it's like someone telling me oh I heard this person 309 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:34,320 say this well okay well I can just go to that person and ask them whether they said it or not 310 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:40,320 like I don't have to take your word for it I've got the book you know so it was through the conversations 311 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:46,960 with him that I started to read the Bible again and the more I read it the more like Jesus is just 312 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:56,560 like there's no other religion who has a God that came to this earth and suffered and was humiliated 313 00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:04,560 and lived a human like a lowly human experience to die for us and it says he died for you and he 314 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:10,880 loves you that is not in Islam that is not in Buddhism that is not in Hinduism like in the 315 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:17,200 other world religions so the more I read the Bible the more I just felt like yeah this is it like 316 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:23,600 this this is what I believe like this is what I grew up on I still don't know why bad things happen 317 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:28,240 but bad things are happening to these guys and they still like in the book of Acts and they 318 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:35,600 still believed you know so like ridiculously so like the book of Acts is about ridiculous belief 319 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:42,240 oh I'm getting stoned no problem Jesus I love you right I don't know if that I'm in my response 320 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:48,160 you know fetal position maybe yeah but like that that idea and that's one of the arguments in Islam 321 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:54,400 is like oh it was corrupted by his followers I was like these followers were dying for him and you 322 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:59,680 don't die for a lie you die for something you believe right you believe with your whole heart 323 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:06,080 and they claim to have witnessed firsthand so yeah I mean you know in the Quran it talks about how 324 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:12,480 you're to look at the gospel and the Torah as reference and they also talks about how Allah 325 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:17,040 never makes mistakes he's omniscient he knows everything is all powerful right so if he knows 326 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:21,120 everything his word can't be corrupted but he said go look at these books and now you're saying those 327 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:26,000 books are corrupted yeah it's there's a lot of there's a problem with that like right away for me 328 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:33,760 and I was like hold up so you looked into Islam too at some point no I looked at it as uh I mean 329 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:39,120 I wasn't looking for it as a religion I was looking at it as I was interested in what they actually 330 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:46,160 believed right and so if if I'm gonna it's right after 9 11 if I wanted to I joined the military 331 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:50,800 shortly after that I wanted to know like Sun Zuh to yet to know your enemy have to love your enemy 332 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:56,080 so I have to learn who these people are and I can't learn who they are with with a bias and so 333 00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:00,240 there was a lot of questions I wasn't even a Christian at the time when I discovered that hey 334 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:07,280 you this doesn't make sense this doesn't add up it's just not yeah and I think what really turned 335 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:14,400 me away the strongest I mean obviously there's a lot about the inferiority of women that isn't great 336 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:20,480 in the Quran but it was that you have to earn heaven you have to earn it it's all about at the end 337 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:25,600 of your life your good deeds will be weighed against your bad deeds and whichever way the scale 338 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:32,000 falls and and the fuel breakers too like if you ever touch pork yeah like ever you're done that's it 339 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:37,520 the ride is over for you it doesn't matter how many if you did 100% good deeds and 0% bad deeds 340 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:43,520 but someone slapped you with a piece of bacon you are done or if you are a woman and it's your time 341 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:47,680 and you try to pray that you're not allowed to fast if it's your time you're not allowed to come to 342 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:52,320 God because you're unclean and I think about that story of the woman who bled for 12 years that you 343 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:58,480 touched Jesus's coat and then even in Judaism like that would have been forbidden but like God 344 00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:04,000 doesn't hold that against you because it's not like you chose to be made that way that's just 345 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:09,600 I'm so glad you said that because he has laid that on my heart before that the things that that we 346 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:15,280 suffer from it's not our fault right the things that we choose to walk in to sin with is our fault 347 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:21,200 but the things that the the way we behave our actions as a result of how we were raised as a 348 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:26,000 result of the things that happen to us he doesn't blame us right he doesn't blame us off white calls 349 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:30,240 us as sinners to him because he knows that we're not perfect right you know I say Lord please forgive 350 00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:36,560 me for I'm evil and stupid and he says I know I love you exactly and he uses what you know what 351 00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:43,760 we are weaknesses we can be made strong in him so like the fact that we struggle with speaking or 352 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:49,120 whatever then when we do speak well all glory to God you know or you struggle with anger but if you 353 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:53,920 do manage to restrain yourself and people see oh there's a difference in them it's because of God 354 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:59,840 you know like that's how our weakness can be made like can be made into strengths by him and I just 355 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:06,800 I mean I couldn't see why I wouldn't follow the God of the Bible like there's just no other 356 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:12,320 options that I want and I didn't want to keep living this maybe there's someone out there maybe 357 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:19,920 not I don't know and once he captured my heart I just said okay God yes I get a question mark like 358 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:25,680 let's see where this goes and he led me to end that relationship which you know praise God because 359 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:33,520 I wouldn't have met TJ you know my husband and it was because of God just transforming me that he 360 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:39,520 was preparing me to be the wife that I needed to be like I would not have been able to meet 361 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:44,480 meet my husband if you know I still stayed in the sins that I was living in and the you know the 362 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:51,520 lifestyle and just all the things that now I look back on like what was I doing at the time I was 363 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:59,840 like this is what you do you know as a 20-something year old single woman whatever so yeah I just 364 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:07,760 really felt that I when God called me back I have tried to live my life where I just say 365 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:15,360 yes and obedience to what he asks me and so when it came to time to grieve again I knew that this 366 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:20,000 time I was gonna grieve with him rather than run after whatever else the world had to offer 367 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:26,320 I love that I love I honestly I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life to grieve with him 368 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:33,040 so I love that because I love to learn from other peoples too I you know my dad got yelled at 369 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:37,840 enough I put the lid down I've never had to yell that and so I like to learn from other people 370 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:42,960 and I love that you're bringing this to light I hope other people like me learn from other people 371 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:47,840 doing it wrong to say hey maybe I don't want to try it that way first maybe I want to try it with 372 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:52,960 God first yeah and and you know I don't know what that looks like because I've never had to go through 373 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:58,800 it so keep out keeping open mind yeah before that well I mean it looks like don't just try to get 374 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:04,160 drunk enough that you don't remember don't just don't keep trying to watch enough binge enough 375 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:09,680 shows that you forget the time it means going to your Bible and just sitting with your feelings 376 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:16,880 sitting with God and telling God I'm sad I'm angry I don't know what but like Job cry cry it out to 377 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:24,400 God and he's he's there but the worst thing to do is to just ignore him or ignore the feelings you 378 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:28,960 know because they don't go away they just fester and come out yeah they will get stuck and then 379 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:35,680 you'll need some spongebob to release them okay yeah no I mean I guess it's just yeah when I look back 380 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:42,960 at at my life and everything and just again the genesis of these these humble little children's 381 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:50,480 stories that I wrote it's just me trying to do like it says in Micah you know to love justice 382 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:57,600 do mercy and walk humbly with God maybe it's do justice love mercy but either way walk humbly with 383 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:06,640 God for sure show up and he will show up too love it I love it I love what the end product is I 384 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:12,160 don't love the beginning where you know that led to the end products I'm so glad that you've worked 385 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:18,160 through it I'm so glad that God has been there for you through it all I'm so glad that you chose 386 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:24,480 to lean into him I actually want I'm very curious about the books to actually read them so we'll 387 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:29,520 definitely look into that or I will anyway I just love to have you on the show thank you so much 388 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:35,600 thank you guys yeah you did great thank you you're all worried praise God we got through it yay 389 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:40,800 well at this episode has been a blessing to you we ask that you pass it along 390 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:47,600 and if you could do us a solid if you could rate the podcast in Spotify or iTunes and let people 391 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:52,000 know that you're loving it it would be helpful and let the algorithm know that people are loving it 392 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:57,440 and then it'll push it up more people and then more people can be encouraged and also we have a 393 00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:02,880 fundraising campaign that helps us with the audio expenses and other things that we have coming down 394 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:08,800 the pipe we're actually going we're working on a kingdom conference my first conference and God's 395 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:14,800 leading me to all of these people that previously put on a conference before so I don't know what 396 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:21,760 it's going to be like but God's going to be showing up so stay tuned for that pray over that for us 397 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:39,520 and with that we'll talk to you next time