1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,760 Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's 2 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:16,960 Goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. Today we have 3 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:25,040 with us a special guest. His name is Anthony Brown and AKA Outcast 2020 and he's here with us. 4 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:31,200 Before we get into it, I want to thank the long-time listeners for listening and sharing it. 5 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:36,560 If you haven't done so yet, please rate this in Spotify or Apple podcasts so it can go out to 6 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:43,520 more people and then more people can be encouraged. If you are new, welcome. We hope that you get 7 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:48,800 something out of it. I believe God has something to say to everybody in every episode. We pray that 8 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:56,320 you get that download and share something with a friend. We're going to have Anthony start us off 9 00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:02,640 with an opening prayer. Awesome. Thank you so much. Father God, thank you so much for giving us the 10 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:08,640 opportunity to be here. I pray God that your presence comes down in this room, Lord. I pray that 11 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:15,680 whoever is listening, whoever might not know you, Lord, will hear the words and learn to know you, 12 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:21,120 God. I pray, Father God, that you just be with us. You guide us, Lord. You be with my words. 13 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:26,000 I'll be with my voice, Lord, and just let you speak through me in the name of Jesus. We ask you, 14 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:36,080 things, amen. Amen. Thank you for that. Now, we know Anthony because of Ben Akers. He is in tri-state 15 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:43,520 worship and so Anthony has a lot going on. So where would you like to start? Yeah, I mean, I guess, 16 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:49,440 well, the reason that I'm here, I guess, because I think we're trying to come back one time with 17 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:55,120 as like tri-state worship with all of us, which would be cool. Yeah. Stay tuned. So I'm going to, 18 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,840 yeah, right. So I'm going to try to keep the drumming aspect kind of out of like two different 19 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:04,800 stories on how I got started with like the, because I, because for those of you that don't know, I 20 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:10,080 rap, you know, that's why I'm here under Outcast 2020. So I go by that name because it's Outcast 21 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:15,680 2020 is like, I'm an outcast of this world because I see Christ in 2020 vision and that's kind of 22 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:20,240 where that comes from. It actually comes from a ministry that I used to play drums in years ago 23 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,560 called the Outcast Ministries. And that's kind of why I decided to go with Outcast because, you know, 24 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:29,840 I'm not of this world. And you know, because I, you know, my whole life I was raised in a very 25 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:34,720 Christian home, you know, I was raised by both my parents, you know, I had both my parents in my home, 26 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:40,720 you know, and both loving parents. So like I've always, I've always known God, you know what I mean? 27 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:47,600 Like I've known, I guess, of him, but my story kind of starts in, I want to say 1997. So I know 28 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:52,480 you guys probably remember that year because you guys got a few years on me. I was still in 29 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:57,680 maybe in 97. Yeah. Good times, fuzzy memories. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. So I am, 30 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:04,320 so we lived in Westmoreland, Tennessee at the time. And now to hear my dad talk about it, he would 31 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:09,600 say that like we were someone like the most blessed people. Because what's funny is we didn't really 32 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:14,480 know a whole lot of people because my mom's side of the family lived in Arizona and my dad's side 33 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,240 of the family lived in West Virginia. I'm not going to get into that because that's a long story on 34 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:24,160 why I'm alive. So we're like in the middle. So we didn't really know anybody and but we were very 35 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:29,600 faithful. You know, we loved the Lord. We went anytime there was a church service, we were there. 36 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:35,440 But at the time, I'm going to say it was in 97. My mom ended up pregnant again. I was actually 37 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:40,160 held was I think it was four years old, four or five years old, when she was pregnant. So yes, I 38 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:47,280 basically, we lived there for a while. My sister was born and she was born with a slew of problems, 39 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:54,000 like a lot of physical problems. She was handicapped. She was basically, if she was alive, 40 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,320 today, she would be bound to a wheelchair. You know, and so it'd be one of those one of those 41 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:03,760 situations, you know, she was in pretty bad shape, but she lived her even a long probably year and 42 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,920 a half. It wasn't too long until she eventually passed away. Unfortunately, she had a slew of 43 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:13,280 problems. Was there a diagnosis for what the prominent factor was for those problems? She had 44 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:18,080 a seizure disorder. She was just like a birth defect. I don't really know the whole the whole 45 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:23,600 situation. But yeah, she just she just had some just birth defects. Sorry for your loss, by the 46 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:28,560 way. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But I remember, now this part I do kind of remember. 47 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:34,000 So I'd woken up and I remember I woke up my parents were just broke frantic, you know, 48 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,160 they're just going through, you know, on the phone and you know, my sister was in her crib, 49 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,920 my dad grabbed her and I remember my dad, you know, even though we were Christians, you know, he, 50 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:47,360 when he dealt with his anger, he would swear a lot, you know, and that that sailor tongue. 51 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:53,760 And I'm not yeah, I'm not innocent in that factor anyways. I don't think very many Christians are 52 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,920 innocent in that. I think that's one of our darkest secrets is that we don't want to tell each other 53 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:03,200 that we're still human. Right. It's a hard habit to break. Right. Right. Definitely. But yes, that 54 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:07,680 was going on. I do remember a little bit of that and you know, because the ambulance took a long 55 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:12,080 time to get there. And what had happened was my mom woke up to give her her that was another thing, 56 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,920 too, that I didn't mention earlier was that she had a she had a feeding tube in her stomach. So 57 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:21,120 that was how she got her nutrients. And my mom had woken up to feed her, you know, and she just, 58 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:26,000 she wasn't breathing, you know, didn't know why it just happened, you know, and so they called 59 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,360 the ambulance the ambulance said forever to get there. So my dad was freaking out, my mom was 60 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,800 freaking out and I was just there because I was five years old. I didn't really know the situation 61 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:38,800 or really what was going on. And at that time, you know, I was so young, I didn't understand the 62 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:44,800 concept of life, death, you know, I didn't really understand. But I guess what had happened was 63 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,280 she had passed away in her sleep. And we don't even know how long she was there. You know what I 64 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:54,880 mean? It was just she woke up and she was gone. And a few days later, we were at her funeral. 65 00:05:54,880 --> 00:06:00,640 And I do remember this, I looked up to my dad and because the funeral was over, they did the eulogy 66 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,840 and stuff. And then they were started filling the hole because she had a casket, you know, and 67 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:08,160 they were filling the hole and putting the dirt on it. And I was like, I was like, dad, you know, 68 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,840 why are they throwing dirt on my sister? And I was like mad about it, you know what I mean? And 69 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,840 my dad that, you know, use that opportunity to explain, you know, she's in heaven, she's Jesus, 70 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:20,320 you know, and stuff. And again, I was just like, cool, you know, like, I didn't understand it, 71 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:24,400 you know, fast forward, we lived, I think we still lived there for a few months after that. But, 72 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,360 you know, that's hard after losing a child, you know, you're like, you just want to get out of 73 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:33,120 there. So we ended up moving to Arizona to be with my mom side of the family. And during this time, 74 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:37,680 again, we were very involved in our church, because we went to the church that my grandmother 75 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:42,000 went to, it was actually a new beginning search the Nazarene. This is when I was telling you guys, 76 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:46,000 before the podcast started, I was telling you guys how I'd been to many different denominations. 77 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:51,040 And I kind of got a bit of a grasp on the certain types of churches and what they believe in stuff. 78 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:57,040 Nazarenes normally, they don't believe in, you know, like the crazy worship that Pentecostals do, 79 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,760 you know, they're really back, but the church that we went to was actually very lively. Now, 80 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:06,640 they still did the turn to your 297 and your hemorrhage, you know what I mean? And then you 81 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,000 do the hemorrhage, but they were still like hallelujah. And they were like, yeah, and they were like, 82 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,760 you know, I wouldn't say they were dancing, but they were excited. They were excited about Jesus, 83 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:18,480 you know what I mean? And which it's funny because moving out here, we tried to go to a few 84 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,880 Nazarene churches out here was jarring because they're the opposite of that. Like they're very, 85 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,800 they're like, you know, Methodists like we're laid back and, you know, it's fine, you know, 86 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:30,960 worship however you want, you know what I mean? But it was for us, it was jarring. So that's why I 87 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:35,600 prefer going to where I go because it's just more, you know, lively and excited, I guess. 88 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:40,960 The Holy Spirit is free to express itself. Right. Right. You know, with a blank check. 89 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:46,240 Right. Go ham Holy Spirit. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. But this church that we went to 90 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:52,080 in Arizona was like that, you know, and the pastor had a vision where he, you know, he did a, 91 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:57,040 there was a like a food program that he did. So every like, I think it was last Friday of the 92 00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:02,160 month, he would do a, I think called a project manna, you know, scripturally based. And he would 93 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:06,720 basically turn the sanctuary into like a food market almost essentially, and people would come 94 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:11,200 in and it would pay very little for the food, if not anything, sometimes he'd give stuff away and 95 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,720 and it was God was doing some powerful stuff in that church. And it was again, it was a Nazarene 96 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:21,440 church and it coming out here is like, wow, I can't believe how different it is just like 97 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:26,160 across the country. You know what I mean? But we were very involved. You know, my dad had a CDL, 98 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:31,200 the plate, it got so big that they had like free to trucks out back because I mean, you know, 99 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,760 basically the church had two services. They had one for English and one for Spanish. And they had 100 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,920 a whole, they had like, I can remember they had like three buildings, one building for the adults, 101 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:44,880 one for the, the, of all the, I should say the adults in English and one building for the adults 102 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,480 in Spanish and then another building for just the children. You know, so I'm mostly obviously was 103 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,320 in the children's area, but it was really, it was really nice, you know, and they even had a skate 104 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:57,280 park out back. It was pretty crazy. But yeah, so he did a lot of these things for the community, 105 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:01,840 did Christmas programs. And we were like, my family was like the head of it. Like my dad was 106 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:06,560 the sound guy, you know, he ran the sound. And then I remember on these days, because I would go and 107 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:12,080 I would volunteer before school because this was a Friday and I would go, I would wake up early, 108 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:18,480 like, I don't know, like, 330, 4am, how early I'd wake up because we lived kind of far from the 109 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,960 church. We lived probably, it was probably 45 minute drive, but everything was so flat. You know 110 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:27,440 what I mean? So it didn't really, we can probably see it from our house because of how tired he was. 111 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:31,680 So clear that, because he didn't turn it just over. Right, right. Yeah, so that's kind of like 112 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:36,720 what we did. We were very involved and, you know, and we were very faithful to like our tides and 113 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,480 stuff like that. And then I'm saying all this because it's going to be important for later, 114 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:45,040 you know what I mean? So basically, I, my mom ended up pregnant a second time, you know, with 115 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:51,200 with my brother, his name was Daniel. I remember him more because of just how I was a little bit 116 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:57,120 older, you know, at this, at this time. So what had happened was he was born again with a very 117 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:02,080 similar situation to my sister, Jessica, you know, he was, but I, my parents told me that he might 118 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:07,200 have been not quite as bad as Jessica, but from my perspective looking in, he looked a little bit 119 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:12,080 worse because I remember, you know, every month he had to have oxygen tanks delivered to our house. 120 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,680 You know what I mean? And like, I don't remember that from Jessica, you know, because he, again, 121 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:19,360 he had a seizure disorder, but he also had a sleep apnea. I don't know if you know what that is or 122 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,960 not, or yes, but yeah. So he would just, every once in a while, he would just quit breathing in 123 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:27,520 his sleep, you know, and he was hooked up to a machine that would go off very loudly. And, 124 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,760 you know, if that were to happen, normally my parents can just grab and wake him up and 125 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:36,080 go snap out of it. He'll be fine. Now, another thing that this whole, everything's going to 126 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:40,400 tie into itself is I was also, while I was at school, again, I was doing everything for my 127 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,320 church and even at that young age, you know how when you're in high school, you have to get a 128 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,640 certain amount of like community service hours to graduate. I don't know if you guys ever had that 129 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,640 or you know what I'm saying. I did not, but I needed it in the Boy Scouts to get certain 130 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:57,840 merit badges and such so you can be an Eagle Scout. Like you couldn't do it without community 131 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:03,040 service. Like what you could not. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Well, my school, you know, I required for 132 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:07,520 a few hours of community service. Well, I didn't have to do that because by the time I was seven 133 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,880 years old, I'd already done those community service hours because of what I do with my church, 134 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:15,280 you know what I mean? So that's how, you know, how it was, I was probably the youngest volunteer 135 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:20,720 there and I had a heart to serve, you know what I mean? Like I was just there and so did my parents, 136 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:25,280 you know, we always had to serve, we had to be somewhere, you know, but while this was going on, 137 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:31,600 I was also mistreated very significantly in school because in Arizona, there's not a whole 138 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,720 lot of white people there, you know, and a lot of people don't like me talking about this. Yeah, 139 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,800 no, I grew up in Las Vegas. Okay. You know, and you know, when you look at the demographics of 140 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:46,400 America, it's all the population, but not considering where you live or population density of cities 141 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:52,000 and certain areas that significantly changed the percentage numbers from that whole. So yeah, 142 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:57,520 I grew up and I had a lot of Hispanic kids in my school. I mean, a lot. I'd say that it was 143 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:03,760 probably half white kids instead of like the 60% and then, and that's just Vegas. I mean, I was 144 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:10,480 farther from the border than Arizona. Yeah, I remember like there was a couple of white kids 145 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,640 in my school. Like I don't even remember. There was like two or three that I could think about 146 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:20,160 on my head. Like it was a very small number. I was a minority and because of that, I got picked 147 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:24,400 out a lot because of my, because they didn't like white people, you know what I mean? And a lot 148 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:28,400 of people don't like me talking about it, but the fact is that, you know, like you can be racist 149 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,240 towards a white person too, and that happened to me a lot, you know what I mean? Yeah, 150 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:36,880 my experience had a time or two. Yeah. And so now while all this was going on, we were faithful 151 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:41,120 to our church, there were people because our pastor also did these Christmas programs where he 152 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:45,760 would give, he would go to like real low income places like it's not like an Indian reservation 153 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:51,520 or something and would just give toys and give away stuff to the families because, because people, 154 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:55,600 people joke about this in like, you know, shows like Family Guy or South Park, whatever people 155 00:12:55,600 --> 00:13:00,320 make jokes about how a lot of people live in like one rural, small house that actually happened. 156 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:04,880 That's like a reality because I've seen it firsthand and like there was times when people 157 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:10,080 that I went to school with, you know, they would bully me in school, but in their home life was 158 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:14,720 like they would have like nine brothers and sisters and they would live in one, a one bedroom house 159 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:20,400 in like real small. And so and I was there, I was the front runner of it, like I would give people 160 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,400 stuff, you know, because I, you know, I was, I was an only child, basically I was an only child 161 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:29,760 growing up and I would get everything that I've ever really wanted or need, I should say needed 162 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:34,480 because we, they were, times were tough, you know what I mean, but my parents always provided 163 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,840 everything that I needed, but my Christmases and birthdays were always really good, you know what 164 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:43,520 I mean. So I would help people that couldn't afford stuff. I would be the front runner, I would give 165 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,680 stuff, you know what I mean, I would help. And so with all this going on, you know, I had my 166 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:52,720 brother and out of the hospital and then I remember on, it was a, we were at our Christmas Eve 167 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:57,920 service at our church. I remember his machine started going off, you know, like, and normally my 168 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:02,480 parents would grab him and whatever he would be fine, but this time it didn't shut off, you know 169 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:06,080 what I mean. So my parents were starting to get frantic. So they, you know, they grabbed him and 170 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:10,880 they, they took him, you know, they, they left either to the hospital. And at this moment, my 171 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:15,440 grandma came up to me and she said, Hey, so your parents are going to take your brother to the 172 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:20,720 hospital, you know, you're going to have to come home with me after church. So at this moment, I, 173 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,800 you know, turn around, I run, you know, out of the sanctuary and I run out of the foyer and I 174 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:29,200 remember opening, I remember opening up the doors and then I'm looking to see in my dad 175 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:34,240 in the truck, pull out of the parking lot of the church and they're going left to, he was like 176 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:39,120 peeling out, going left to the hospital. Now I remember seeing that. And yeah, so after church, 177 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,880 I was at my grandma's house, my dad can't pick me up, you know, and this was like, he had to go 178 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,320 back to the hospital, but he wanted to see my face when I opened up because usually when I 179 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:50,160 write at Christmas, they did like one big gift and then like a bunch of small stuff. So he wanted 180 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:54,720 me to see my face when I opened up my big gift. And so he let me open up on Christmas Eve. He let 181 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:59,440 me open it up. It was a PlayStation. I remember that. It was the very first PlayStation. I was 182 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,200 so excited, but that thing's still amazing to the, yeah, right, right, right, right. 183 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:09,280 Yeah, the original. Yeah, right, right. But yeah, so I got to play with it for a little bit, then he 184 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:14,240 had to go, you know, go back to the hospital. So I had to spend Christmas with my cousins who lived 185 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:17,760 down the street. So he, you know, gave them all, you know, put all my gifts over there. And then I 186 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:23,040 basically had Christmas with them for the rest of my Christmas. And meanwhile, while I was opening 187 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:29,760 gifts and stuff, my parents basically had a decision to make because at the time, the machines that 188 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:35,440 my brother was hooked up to was, was keeping him alive, but he was basically brain dead. And so 189 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:40,080 it's just like, he wasn't really living, you know what I mean? He was just there, you know? And so 190 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:44,000 my parents obviously was hard because it was their son, but they had to do what they had to do. And 191 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:52,160 and, and, you know, and so, you know, essentially he had, he had passed away. And I remember his funeral. 192 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:57,520 This is how I started getting misty out here because I remember at his funeral, my mom was 193 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:03,600 I was standing next to my mom. And then I just look up at her and I remember she just started 194 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:08,240 sweeping. And there was a song going on. I don't remember what the song was, but there was someone 195 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,080 was singing. It was like a worship song. And I remember she just started weeping. And I don't 196 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,680 know where my dad was. He might have been in the background or the sound or something, but, but 197 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:20,240 my mom started weeping. And then in the midst of all that, she still raised her hands. She still 198 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:26,480 lifted her hands up and was still worshiping. And at this moment in time, I was thinking I was 199 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:30,000 eight years old, my eight year old immature mind was thinking, you know, how could you still be 200 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:35,200 worshiping this God that's doing this to our family? You know, that's what I was thinking. And 201 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,800 because, you know, obviously my mom's got a few more years on me, so she can kind of understand 202 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:43,760 a little bit better than I could. But that was where my mind was. I was like, God even exist 203 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:48,240 at this point, you know, and for years from the time I was eight years old from when he passed 204 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:55,120 away into the time I was about 16. I can't say that I was like an atheist. Like I just didn't 205 00:16:55,120 --> 00:17:00,080 not believe, you know, but it was just like in the back of my head, I'm like, if God, if God 206 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:06,320 either exists and he's just gone for me, or he just doesn't exist. You know, that was where I 207 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:12,880 was at. But still in the back of my head, because I've seen stuff that like anyone my age shouldn't 208 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,960 like wouldn't be able to say that they've seen. Like I'm talking like miracles. You know, like 209 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:23,840 when we lived in Tennessee, we were very, I wouldn't say poor, but we were very low on income, you 210 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:28,000 know, and again, we didn't know anyone. This is why my dad said we're so blessed is because 211 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,600 I remember one Thanksgiving, we were about to go in and have like macaroni and cheese and hot dogs 212 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:36,480 for Thanksgiving dinner to be at nothing. Sounds delicious, by the way. Right, right. But we had 213 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,880 nothing. And but when we went in there, we came home from church and we went in there. It was an 214 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:45,440 entire spread laid out, talking like turkey and like mashed potatoes, like everything you would 215 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:50,080 have at Thanksgiving dinner. To this day, we have no idea where any of it came from. It was just 216 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:55,760 there. And I think I have an idea. Yeah, yeah. The craziest thing, the craziest thing about that 217 00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:01,840 story is that it just snowed also, like it was just very light snow. And there was no other 218 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,560 footprints except for ours left in the morning, you know what I mean? So we have no idea, you know, 219 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:11,760 so it's got to be the glory. That was it. So I remember stuff like that. So in my head, I'm like, 220 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,200 God, a real, but then I'm like, how could you even say that because of all this? I was very 221 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:20,160 conflicting, you know what I mean? It's conflicting because you don't have the experience at eight. 222 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:25,600 Right. It's conflicting when you're 38. But you have wisdom and experience to help 223 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:30,640 take your spirit to the right place. Right. Your flesh will always rebel against your spirit, 224 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,560 always, always, always, always because your flesh is a bitter, bitter, bitter thing, 225 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,880 because it knows that when you die, you're not taking it with you. Right. Right. It's staying 226 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:44,400 behind. And so it is lodged in sin and it wants to sin and it wants to keep you from living your 227 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:49,360 best life because it's mad, just like the enemy is mad because he'll never make it back to heaven. 228 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:54,800 Your flesh is not going there. Your spirit says bye. Right. And what would you do if you were clung 229 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:59,920 to something like a parasite and it was leading you behind? Right. Right. I would do as I could 230 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:06,160 not to have that happen. Right. That's actually a good analogy. So yeah, so I was in that mode for 231 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,840 a while and so up until I was 12, we still lived there. So up until I was eight and then when I 232 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:16,160 was 12, we basically sold our house and sold it for more than what it was worth. It was mostly 233 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,240 property because we had a lot of property. Like our house, you know, the house that we sat on, 234 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:25,280 it was just a two bedroom house. It wasn't huge, but the property is what sold, you know what I 235 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:29,200 mean? So we ended up selling our property and we had, I think it was three and a third acres, 236 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,120 even had like, I didn't really get much into this, but we would have like, you know, animals. We had 237 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:39,360 goats, a couple horses, chickens, you know, like a turkey at one point. We even had a donkey that 238 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,480 had a clubfoot, you know what I mean? Like, so like we literally had animals. I know we were 239 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:49,520 Thanksgiving turkey came from that. Well, this was years after. Oh. But yeah, this is when we 240 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,000 lived in Tennessee. That was when we lived in Tennessee. That was, I think my sister was still alive 241 00:19:54,000 --> 00:20:00,000 at that point when that happened. But yeah, so we ended up moving from Arizona to West Virginia 242 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:04,800 and to be with my dad's side of the family. So basically we joke about it because we say, oh, 243 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:09,120 we're going to go on a vacation. We're supposed to go back to Arizona, but we never did. So that was 244 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:15,120 in 2005 and we've been out here ever since. And we're like, oh, we went on a 20 year long vacation. 245 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:19,760 You know, but yeah, when we get out here, we liked it so much that we just found a house and we just 246 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:25,920 stayed. But it was nice because we went on a like a two week, two week long just because we had a, 247 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,640 we didn't have any place to quote unquote live. My dad just bought a truck and it had a physical 248 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:35,440 camper on it. So we literally just because it was during the whole summer we went and we just like 249 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,840 traveled from we took our time because if you drive straight through from there to here, it's 250 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,920 like three and a half days, you know, but we took us like two weeks to get out here because we just 251 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:48,960 wanted to vacation, just get it away for a little while. It was, it was nice. We lived in the camper 252 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:53,520 for a little bit and we, we, we stopped at a bunch of different campsites, met some really cool people. 253 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:57,760 It was actually, it was a lot of fun. I wish you would have said that because my wife has been wanting 254 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:02,640 a camper to travel America for so long. You have lifetime goals to be traveling the United States, 255 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:09,520 doing a podcast full time. She's looking at me. You just can't see this. I wish you would have, 256 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:14,560 I don't know why you came today. Just ruined the rest of my marriage. I'm sorry. 257 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,800 I'm just kidding. That does sound pretty cool. But no, we, 258 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:26,480 but yeah, so we traveled out here and, and yeah, we, I mean, like I said, we got involved and again, 259 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,560 we went to a church, we found a Nazarene church because we were accustomed to Nazarenes because 260 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:35,920 that's where we went before, you know, when we left our church and, but it was a jari, it was 261 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:40,480 jari, it was different. But then there was a youth group, the church that I went to started up a youth 262 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:45,760 group called NAS and it was, it was the youth group. I would say that had changed my life because 263 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:50,080 not long after this is when I finally figured out what I actually wanted in this far as the spirit 264 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:55,600 and stuff. Okay. So I was about 16 years old and at this point I'd been one of this youth group for 265 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:59,280 probably about a year and there was a good amount of teens that would show up, you know, there'd be, 266 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:04,400 I don't know, 20 to 30 teens, but it wasn't just people that went to the church. It was people like 267 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:09,040 all over because I would again, for some reason, even though I had a hard time believing in God, 268 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:16,240 I would still get myself involved in just in any way. And so what we did or what I did was I would 269 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,440 play phone tag with people like, Hey, come on and not say, you know, this is believing it 270 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:24,080 before texting. I didn't have an iPhone at this point. So I had to call everyone physically. 271 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:29,040 That, that or I'd have to type, you know, like three letters to, to, to type out the message, 272 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:33,920 you know, but that and it was like 80 cents a text. So every time I'd get a text, I remember my 273 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,280 mom would get so mad at me because I got a text out of flip phone at the time. And I got a text 274 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:42,560 from somebody and it was some girls saying, Hey, it's all was, she's like, you just paid 40 cents 275 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:47,040 for, for three letters or a per letter or however she said it. Back in the day, we used to get like 276 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:51,760 the first three texts was like 10 of them, you get for free. Oh man. Like go text me, call me, 277 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:57,440 I've got nine left. Right. Right. You learn to abbreviate a lot. Right. Maybe that's where I 278 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:04,240 came from. All the extra like LL, LB, LB is exactly where they came from. I'm not going to type 279 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:08,720 all that out three buttons at a time. Right. Right. But yeah, so I would, I would basically do that. 280 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,760 I would get people to go and then I remember one service. One, so I don't remember what the actual 281 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:18,800 message was about, but it like hit me hard, you know, and I'm like, you know, I had a tug on 282 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:23,120 my heart. So because usually at the end of each service, they have an ultra call and, and, you 283 00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:28,080 know, they had a band and so it was real cool, you know, just what teens need. And something stuck 284 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:33,200 up my heart. So you need to be up there, you know. So I went and I, you know, and I went to the altar 285 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:39,280 and I, I asked, I basically, I prayed, I remember this prayer, I prayed, I said, God, if you are real, 286 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:46,320 break my heart for what breaks yours. Man, that was the stupidest thing I've ever prayed, 287 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:51,840 because it worked. It worked. God, God, it, it, like he opened up my eyes and he made me see, 288 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:57,200 he revealed himself to me in that prayer. The reason I say it's so dumb is because I went from 289 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:02,000 being bullied because of my, because of my skin color, being bullied because I was now with 290 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:06,560 the Jesus boy, you know, because I was still bullied, like even out here, but it wasn't like, 291 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,960 it wasn't as crazy. Like out there, I'd beat up if I got looked at, looked at someone wrong, 292 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:14,880 but out here it was just more like, Jesus boy, Jesus freak, or you know, they'd be calling me 293 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:19,440 named because of it. Yeah, yeah. But it was, it was, it was still rough because I didn't know 294 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:24,240 when you were a kid. It's not, it doesn't feel like one as an adult. Now you can call me Jesus 295 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,960 freak and go pray to your sky daddy. I'm like, I love that. You know, I will pray to the sky daddy. 296 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:34,880 I think he's pleased with that. Right. Amazing. That's like, you guys keep coming up with a great 297 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:40,640 a name. Right. Right. Like, I don't need to defend him. You can defend himself. Right. Right. But 298 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:45,760 what was crazy about it is this is what I mentioned earlier. How, you know, I knew, I found out what 299 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:51,520 I wanted spiritually and it wasn't, it wasn't there because NOS, it changed my life. What's 300 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:57,360 this stand for? It was no ordinary sound. I thought it was nitrous oxide. Right. Whatever. 301 00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:02,480 Right. Yeah. That's what it stood for, but it was the NOS band. So they had a band there and the 302 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,320 way that it would work is you'd show up, it was like five o'clock, you'd show up five p.m. whatever. 303 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,680 You can just hang out for like an hour and a half before service starts and they had pizza. They 304 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:15,680 usually got food, you know, again, whatever your growing boy needs, you know, pizza and chips, 305 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:20,160 you know, like it's, you know, then they'd get soda and stuff. And then you end up stairs, 306 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:24,960 they had like the teen room, they had, you know, a pool table, foosball, they even had like a rock 307 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:29,760 band guitar hero stuff. Oh, yeah. It was like the works, you know, it was really cool. There was a 308 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,440 lot of teens that would go because it was a lot of fun stuff. And then, of course, then they'd 309 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,240 get serious with the service and stuff. And but it wasn't, again, it wasn't very Pentecostal, you 310 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:44,000 know what I mean? So after I prayed that prayer, he opened up my eyes and I was looking around. And 311 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:48,320 I remember someone telling me a long time ago that they decided not to go to NOS because they were 312 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:53,360 like, I can just go to the teen club and do the same stuff. He was right. Because when I went there, 313 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,880 there was things happening that in church, you shouldn't be doing, you know what I mean? And I 314 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,800 didn't notice before, you know, that's what I'm that that's the significant. That's why I say this 315 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:06,400 is so dumb. Why did I pray that, you know, because, because things were happening that like, you know, 316 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:10,320 I'd see like girlfriend boyfriend, like making out over there. And there wasn't a lot of in, 317 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,840 like adult supervision when they should have been like as much supervision as there should have 318 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,200 been, you know what I mean? And it was just sort of just run around crazy, you know what I mean? 319 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,520 And then it's like, this is what Jesus wants, you know what I mean? Like that was where my mind 320 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:28,320 was. So I eventually quit going. And then this will kind of tie into my testimony about like playing 321 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:32,560 drums and stuff. So I started playing drums and stuff. But it was at a different a different 322 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:37,200 youth group. This is the youth group that was more serious about it. But it was literally like the 323 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,880 same amount of kids. But it was more of a, this is actually when I started going to New Life Church, 324 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:45,440 I was telling you about before. But at the time, the youth was called a live student ministries. 325 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:50,800 And they basically had a building that because the church grew and it grew, you know, bigger 326 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,640 than what the building was. So they had to move. So I had the building that they used for just 327 00:26:54,640 --> 00:27:00,080 the youth. And there was a good 30, sometimes we had 40 kids that would show up. It was pretty big. 328 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,360 And I started playing drums there. And that was kind of how that happened. Again, I'm going to try 329 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:08,480 to keep the drumming for another day, because the whole long story, you know, and then, you know, 330 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:14,320 I started to again, started seeing what I wanted. I still went to the Nazarene church on like the 331 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:19,280 Sundays, but because I went with my parents. But on youth group days, I would go, you know, 332 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:23,360 I'd go to youth and feel like I'd get my fill, you know what I mean? And then I would go be bored 333 00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:27,600 on Sunday morning. That's kind of the way that it was, you know what I mean? But then, but yeah, 334 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:32,720 so a few years ago, go by and you know, I'm doing this. And then I just, I don't, I guess, 335 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,840 I don't really know what happened because you know how sometimes you, you're real strong in the 336 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,920 Lord of the Needs, just kind of fall back for a little bit. So while I was still playing drums 337 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:45,760 as this youth group, I ended up getting my girlfriend and her and I do things that we 338 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:51,280 should not be doing because of, you know, basically, I had lost my virginity, you know. 339 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,280 And now, while all this time was going on, I actually just recently made a song about it. 340 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:59,120 I don't know if you heard it yet or not, but it was my most recent song I texted you. I said, 341 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,560 hey, you want to check out my new song? It's on the, yeah, the cover. It's got, it's what the 342 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:07,600 covenant's about because I have been struggling all, all this while I've been struggling with 343 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:12,960 pornography for like the longest time. Oh, that's every man's battle. Right. So before you can go 344 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:17,200 like the people that admit it versus the people that don't, more do it than admit it. And, and 345 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:21,040 right, you know, you keep it in the dark and then you're going to keep kindling that fire for you. 346 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:26,160 But as soon as you start telling people, right, he has less places to hide. Right, right, right. 347 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:31,840 So what happened was, is again, like I thought, I guess, again, the song would explain which 348 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:37,040 people listening won't, won't hear it yet. But I mentioned how, because the way the song is set up 349 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,240 is like, there's a, my normal voice, I don't know if you showed him or not, but there's like my 350 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:45,120 normal voice in the first verse talking about my struggles with pornography. And then the second 351 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,680 verse is a demonic voice trying to get me back to that. And that's the setup. It's kind of like 352 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,560 Indwelling Sin by Lecrae. I don't know if you've ever heard that song or not. You probably have 353 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:57,600 to listen to rap. Okay, well, anyway, listen to K-Lo below it. We do occasionally, depending on who 354 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:02,400 it is and what it is. Right. Like I don't like the message of mainstream rap. So therefore, 355 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,520 I don't listen to mainstream rap, but I don't listen to like a lot of heavy metal either. 356 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:10,320 So I got you. I got you. But yeah, so that's kind of what that song was talking about. And what 357 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:15,200 had happened was I had, I had thought that maybe my struggle would end if I just had sex, you know, 358 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:20,720 and, and then it got worse. It got a lot worse. And that's what I was explaining in the song a 359 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:24,480 little bit, because like the demonic voice was like, oh, you try to hide in it, then you got the 360 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:28,880 real thing and you got worse, didn't it? You know, it's kind of the, some of the lyrics. And yeah, 361 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:34,400 it's totally like that. That's what I was dealing with. And, and then of course, like I said, 362 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:39,840 because I don't know if you guys believe in the soul tie when you have that 100% look at 100% 363 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,840 without 100% happened with me because I thought that I was head over here was in love with this 364 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:48,720 girl. I was so stupid because it's the first person you imparted your spirit with. Absolutely. 365 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:55,760 And, and so it gets it gets even worse because because at the time before all that happened, 366 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,920 you know, I was a virgin up until I was 19. But before all that stuff happened, you know, 367 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:05,520 I had given her my promise ring. So stupid. You know what I mean? But yeah, you know, like I said, 368 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,760 I was kind of doing the promiscuous stuff for a little while. And you know, I even her and I 369 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:14,160 broke up and then I got with a girl that went to my youth group and did stuff. Like it was, it was 370 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:22,000 so dumb. And then eventually I had met and married someone within a year, one year. And that again 371 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:26,560 was for me, it was quite dumb. Like some people, you know, you get with someone, you just know, 372 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:31,040 you know, whatever, like that happens, you know what I mean? But it didn't happen that way with 373 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:36,160 me because her number so unequally yoked. And the end result is, you know, we ended up having a son, 374 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:42,800 you know, so and she ends up cheating on me, you know, so I try to do the right thing and 375 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:47,520 have I invite her back for like six months and she's still doing it. So I'm like, all right, 376 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:52,880 well, I filed for divorce and that was it. And you know, again, that's a longer story too. But 377 00:30:52,880 --> 00:31:00,160 then we so what's crazy about all that is while this was going on, I was I was in the label with 378 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:05,120 Ben at the time. And you know, it was LVM records him and I were in the same label for a little 379 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:13,360 while. So we decided I had, while this was going on, I, you know, got divorced and stuff. And then 380 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:18,160 I remember when my album, my first album dropped, things happens, I'm not in the label anymore, 381 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:23,680 but my first album dropped. And then my divorce had been final the same day that it dropped, 382 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:29,600 basically. But I was in a rut, like I was like, I just want to die at this point. I didn't care 383 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:34,000 about anything, you know, the first thing I spend the rest of your life with, and now you've ended 384 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,560 all the contracts and commitment with that person. And we have, we have a two year son at the time 385 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:42,080 as well. And no matter how horrible you think they are now, there was one point where you actually 386 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:46,400 liked them. There was a reason like you couldn't imagine your life without them. Right. Right. 387 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:52,640 And now you're like, I can't believe I fell for this. Right. Right. No. So I got with a couple 388 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:58,240 friends and I said, Hey, so this is actually New Year's going from 2018 into 2019. And I got 389 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:02,720 with some friends and I said, look, I because at this point, I've never been drunk in my life, 390 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,000 you know what I mean? Like, but at this point, I, my friends, I said, look, I don't want to wake 391 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,520 up blackout, but I want to definitely feel it. You know what I mean? That's what happened. You 392 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:13,680 know, I got, I got kind of messed up as far as, you know, we did a lot of drinking and did a lot 393 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:18,640 of dumb stuff. And this is again, this is like six, six years ago, six, almost seven years ago. 394 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,480 And again, I had a relationship with God, but I was still, I kind of fell back for a little while, 395 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:26,720 you know, and then that's what happened. I got drunk my first time and it was crazy. But 396 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:32,640 again, part of the song that I write, I mentioned how, you know, you try to drink your sorrows away, 397 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:36,960 but when you wake up, you feel the same. And that's exactly what happens to me. Because like the next 398 00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:42,000 morning, I just started crying. I'm like, I need to do something better than this. You know what 399 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:47,760 I mean? Like I couldn't, I can't, I can't do this anymore. You know what I mean? And so at that 400 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:53,600 point, I did, I got, I got my heart right. I got myself right. And literally a month later, I met 401 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:58,880 who's now my current wife, which I actually made her wait two years before we got, we dated about 402 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,240 two years before we ended up getting married. She was almost mad at me about it. She was like, 403 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,600 why'd you like to marry your first wife in only a year? And I'm like, well, I'm going to make sure 404 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:10,320 this time. I learned how to vet him this time. Yeah, I didn't get, I didn't get into worse the 405 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:14,160 second time, you know, but yeah, since then, I mean, things have been great. I mean, her and I, 406 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:18,000 we, we actually, we've been married, I think we've been on four years, been together, 407 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:25,280 going on six years, been together, and we've been going on, I think three years, we may, but we have, 408 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:29,920 we have a two year old son together and we have one more on the way actually. Congratulations. 409 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:34,320 No, thank you, thank you. And it's been great. I mean, and she keeps being shep too. Like her and I 410 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:40,480 are equally yoked. Like my ex, we were not like, she wasn't even, she pretended to be a Christian, 411 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:45,600 but she wasn't. But my current wife, what's, what's funny about that is we actually kind of knew each 412 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:52,160 other because there's a six year age gap. So like I'm 31, she's 25. Yeah, she's 25. I'm 31. And when 413 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:57,120 her, I first met, I was 19, she was 14. So, you know what I mean? So that was, so like we kind of 414 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:02,080 knew each other, you know, and of course, back then she was like, oh, he's cute. You know, but that 415 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:06,080 was years ago. And then we kind of had our own lives for a little while. She, she actually ended 416 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:12,240 up making mistakes. She ended up pregnant at 16 had her first son before, before I was with her, 417 00:34:12,240 --> 00:34:16,560 she had Parker. I don't know if he's ever going to hear this podcast, but like, he doesn't actually 418 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:21,280 know that I'm not his biological father because I was in his life since he was two, you know, and, 419 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:26,480 but it's been great. Like I said, it's been, you know, it's been, it's been a journey. I don't 420 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:31,600 believe God has, God's definitely not dealt with me yet because I've got an album working on and 421 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:36,240 it's basically around that's called forward and it's going to be about moving on from your past 422 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:40,880 and letting, letting God have his way with you, letting God change you. Like how you said, 423 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,880 God's not done with you yet. Of course, you're 31. He's got a lot of use left in you, buddy. 424 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,760 Of course, of course, of course. He's got, he's got a lot of purpose in your life. 425 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,920 Right. He says, ha, you keep leaning into this and I got a lot more for you. 426 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:59,760 Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. A lot of us don't realize that the whole H-O-L-E that we're trying to fill 427 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:06,720 with worldly things is needing it. Like what we really need for that whole is Jesus to make us whole 428 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:12,640 W-H-O-L-E. Right. And you know what's crazy about, you mentioned that and I remember the first time, 429 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,960 because like I said before, when, when me and my ex had her outs and we, you know, we kind of split 430 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:21,520 the first time and we were split for like six months before we, I invited her back and I'm like, 431 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:28,000 let's work on this, you know, I never actually cried over my brother and my sister until I remember, 432 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:32,000 I was at church and I was talking to my dad a little bit about it. And this is when, you know, 433 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:37,280 I told him what was the situation with me and my ex and that I was like, I don't think we're going to 434 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:41,280 make it, you know. And then for some reason, things were starting to come back to me like with my 435 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:47,200 brother and my sister. And I was thinking to myself, you know, like, I practically hated God 436 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:51,760 because they weren't here anymore. You know, because I felt like my brother was the only one 437 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:56,880 that I could really talk to it in the situation that was at like school and stuff. But like, 438 00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:01,200 well, they really want to live like that. Like what if their passing was like their answer to their 439 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:05,440 prayer? You know what I mean? And that was the moment when I just, I started to just, I started 440 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:10,320 or the answer to your parents prayer, like I prayed that they're made whole done, right? But it's not 441 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,560 the way you thought it would look, right? But they're whole, right? I guarantee you they're running, 442 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:19,040 right? No, definitely. Definitely. And that's, that's freed up in a fit of joy, like I guarantee you. 443 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,920 I mean, I think that's the biggest part of my testimony. You know, I don't know if you guys 444 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:27,040 ever listen to Tim Hawkins or not. But, but he has this bit where he's like, you know, sometimes 445 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:32,240 you hear a testimony, it's like, oh, yeah, I was, you know, I was shot at 20 times and I, you know, 446 00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:35,680 addicted to drugs and all this. And then you're thinking, then you're looking at your testimony, 447 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:40,800 you're like, man, oh, Joe was a duc-du-du crack because the testimony ain't as big, you know what 448 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:44,800 I mean? But my testimony involves a lot of brown loss. Because other things that I didn't really 449 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:49,040 mention is when I was when I was 19, I had a friend that passed away in a car accident. You know, 450 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:54,720 I was 18, he was 19, you know, and I had, you know, I had an uncle that had passed away with 451 00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:59,600 cancer and, you know, I had my grandfather also on my dad's side passed away because he had a 452 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:05,360 heart attack. He was working. He was 62 years old and he was cutting wood for his house. Like, 453 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:09,520 he should have been doing that in her place, but he ended up having a heart attack and passing away. 454 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:15,040 And, you know, and I think that was my biggest hang up through life is just loss at a very young 455 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:20,640 age. I had to come to grips with how to understand death, how to learn about that, about loss. 456 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,880 You know, I mean, God is going to use every one of our testimonies against the enemy in the end, 457 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:30,080 right? They're just going to punish him. And so no matter how big or small you think your testimony 458 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:35,360 is, it's going to reach someone because that's what it's meant to do, right? Your testimony, 459 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,960 your story is going to reach somebody that the person who got shot 20 times because they're a 460 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:43,280 crackhead or they crashed like another one, it's crashed into a police station twice, you know, 461 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:50,560 got arrested eight times in a year and now he's an evangelist in South America, you know? And so 462 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:56,080 there's no limit to what God can do to you or do with you. And your testimony, no matter how small 463 00:37:56,080 --> 00:38:01,760 you think it is, is very powerful for the kingdom of heaven, very powerful. And I would 464 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:07,680 warn against any of the listeners from feeling bad or some kind of way about your testimony, 465 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:11,760 not measuring up to somebody else's, right? You're not the one who's doing the measuring. 466 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:17,360 Right, right. It is God. And even if your testimony is small, if you share it with 100 people, 467 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:20,960 but the person with the big testimony shares it with one, who do you think has reached more people? 468 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:28,800 You have with your small testimony, right? Comparison is a thief of joy. Your testimony is 469 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:34,400 powerful. It is important. And most importantly, it is yours. It is your relationship to find in God. 470 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:38,800 Right, right. So it's real quick, just to capitalize on that. That actually just reminded me. I do 471 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:43,280 remember this at my sister's funeral and at my brother's funeral. This is another thing where 472 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:48,160 it's just like just another, you know, just a way to cap, put a cap on it. There was people that 473 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:53,440 went to their funeral that didn't, that didn't even really know them, but had given their heart to 474 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:58,880 Christ because of their situation and because of my parents still worshiping even in the midst of 475 00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:03,760 all this. And that was another thing too, that I just didn't get so young. You know what I mean? 476 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:09,120 Like there was a reason for that. Like as sad as it is that there was a reason for that. And I think 477 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:15,520 that it's all to just get people to feel their way towards Him. You know, and that I think, 478 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:19,040 I think that was the biggest. If we're to give them our heart, how are we going to do it without 479 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:26,000 feeling? Right. Right. You can say it all you want, but I tell you to feel it. I mean, it even goes 480 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,840 along with Jonathan, my friend that had passed away in a car accident. He was a very good spiritual 481 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:34,720 leader to me. He was someone who's in a Nazarene church, but he showed me how to worship. And 482 00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:38,880 when he passed away, I wasn't mad at God. I was sad, you know what I mean? But like, 483 00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:44,320 but my grandma was like, well, I mean, if, if everyone died when they were like really old, 484 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:48,640 you'd just be up in heaven showing with the old folks. That's what my grandma told me, you know, 485 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:53,440 because she was living with us at the time. And she was like, I mean, sometimes God needs someone 486 00:39:53,440 --> 00:40:00,160 young to brighten up heaven basically, you know, that makes sense. You know, and when that, when 487 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:04,880 that happens, and then my uncle that passed away, my uncle Jeff, he, he wasn't afraid of death. He 488 00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:10,080 was right with God. You know, he, he was, he was more afraid for his family because he had family 489 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:14,960 members that are not saved. And, and he didn't know what's going to happen to them. You know, 490 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,960 that was the only thing he was worried about. But yeah, he lived a very, very good life with 491 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:23,280 the pleasing to God. You know what I mean? And the same thing with my grandpa. I mean, 492 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:27,760 he made mistakes, but I don't think he was afraid of death either. It was just, it just happened. 493 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:31,760 That's how it should be. Right. Ready. Yeah, I make mistakes every single day. 494 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:39,040 All the time. I mean, probably twice on Tuesday. And, and it does not change that Christ died for 495 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:43,440 me. It does not change that Christ is for me. It does not change that Christ has been risen from 496 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:48,240 the dead. Right. And it does not change that Christ has paid my penalty. It does not change that 497 00:40:48,240 --> 00:40:52,960 God loves me. None of the things that I do wrong changes any of the way that God sees me. Right. 498 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:57,440 That's only my perception that's slowing me down. So when I get hung up on the things that I'm doing 499 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:03,440 wrong, I'm not focusing on the things that God wants from me. And that's what's limiting me. So 500 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,480 you got to get out of that thing. All right, I messed up, but Jesus paid the price. God, 501 00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:11,680 help me turn this around. How can I make this for you? And that's a good beginning step. 502 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:18,640 Okay. Yeah. In last week's episode, we talked about how Jesus meets us in the trenches, 503 00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:24,000 and he gets us through those and then we're able to help others through the same circumstances. 504 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:28,320 Right. Right. So you'll be able to know how to talk to those people and know what they're going 505 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:33,120 through. Yes. Right. More so than us. You suffer so you can help other people in it and comfort them. 506 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:37,360 Right. Right. Right. And we don't mind because we know, we know where your brother and sister are. 507 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:42,080 We know, we know where your uncle is. We know where your grandpas are. We know. And so we don't 508 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:46,640 have to, we can be sad because we miss them. That's fine. Right. But we have joy because we know 509 00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:51,760 where they are. We know that when we go, we know who's going to welcome us. It's going to be God, 510 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:58,400 Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and them. Right. Right. Like welcome home. Oh man, what a friendly face. 511 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:04,000 Right. Right. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I actually, you know, mentioned something 512 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:09,520 like that in my, in my music song, the last verse I talked about, you know, how like I, 513 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:16,000 I don't want to forget my past because I want to share with people, you know, and hopefully it helps 514 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:21,520 helps them, helps other people grow in their spiritual mark because it was, it was rough for 515 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:26,800 for a long time, you know, but, but I mean, God, God showed his way out. And I don't, I don't believe 516 00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:31,600 that I'm, I've completely escaped all tragedy because I mean, things happen all the time. I mean, 517 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:36,560 I mean, heck the weekend before Thanksgiving, I wrecked my, my traverse, you know what I mean? 518 00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:41,920 So it's just, I mean, it is what it is. And right now I'm just trying to, trying to just let God 519 00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:46,800 lead me and that's where that's where I stand with them. You know, I'm 100%. I'm a believer, 520 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:52,640 for sure. Like there's not a question in my mind, you know, and, and I mean, you know, people, 521 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:57,840 it's so funny to me to talk to people that are like, that are atheists that like, you know, 522 00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:03,200 God, like, cause one guy told me the other day, like God, God let my mom get eat up by cancer. 523 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:07,600 And I was like, well, if you don't believe in God, why would you blame him for it? You know, 524 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,520 I mean, that, that was my thought. Exactly. So quick to blame him for all the hardships, 525 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:15,600 but you don't thank him for any of the good things you did. Did you thank him for your life? 526 00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:19,360 Then don't blame him for taking it. Right. If you didn't thank him for it, don't blame him 527 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,560 from taking it. Right. Right. Especially if you don't even believe in him, because how can you 528 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:26,720 blame him if you don't even think he's real? They believe it. They believe it. If they bring him 529 00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:32,720 up in anger in any way, they believe in him. They're just mad at him. Right. He didn't fulfill 530 00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:37,120 something for them. They don't understand. I think that's, I think that's where I was. I don't, 531 00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:42,000 I, I couldn't, I can't say that I didn't quite, you know, what's funny about this is, is like, I, 532 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:46,080 I've never told, my parents are probably listening to this podcast and I've never actually told them 533 00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:51,200 that. So they're like, I didn't know that about you all these years, you know, surprise. Right. 534 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:56,960 But, um, don't be mad. Right. Right. Right. But yeah, I mean, that, that, that's, yeah, that's, 535 00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:00,720 that's the way that I look at it now. It's like, you can't, you know, you can't not 536 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:05,600 say you don't believe him and then just like, oh, he did this to me. You know what I mean? It's like, 537 00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:09,840 then if you don't believe him, nobody does this to you. It's like, it's like the movie, God's Not 538 00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:14,000 Dead. You guys ever see that movie? God's Not Dead years ago. They're because you never saw. 539 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:17,360 What's that? It goes with the court case? Well, that, that's the second one. I think. 540 00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:21,520 Second or third one. But they have like three. But the first one is about a college student 541 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:27,200 going up against the, going against the pressure that claims to be atheist, but he blamed God for 542 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:31,200 some things and he basically put God on trial. So maybe that's what you're thinking of. Yeah. 543 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,040 Yeah, it could be. But yeah, but he basically made him say that he hated God and he said, 544 00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:39,200 well, how can you hate him if he doesn't exist? You know what I mean? Like, it's true, you know, 545 00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:43,920 but yeah, that was that news boy song, God's Not Dead was based on, yeah, but. 546 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:50,800 But yeah, it's tremendous. The misunderstanding we have, even as believers, right? So you get mad 547 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:55,440 at God and leave him or you get mad at God and stay with him. Okay. And so what does this turn 548 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:59,680 into? It turns into the prodigal son. You got the one that left and did his life and you have to 549 00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:03,120 want to stay at home and like, oh, we stayed home with dad. But at the end, you find out that he 550 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:08,560 was bitter. He was a very bitter son because of how he treated the one that had walked away. 551 00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:13,520 And so we learned that yes, you can be better in the house of God and not 552 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:18,640 understand who he is or what his character is because we're so close, right? That sometimes 553 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:24,400 we have to fail in order to see how good he is. Right? Right. Right. If I'm if I'm good and I'm 554 00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:28,560 in his house and I obey him every time, it looks very wrong and I seem reporting all these centers. 555 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:32,720 But when I am one of those centers and he rewards me, I feel very good because 556 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:38,880 now I understand his heart for me. Right. Yeah, it's good. Good stuff. Good stuff. 557 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:44,320 Well, thank you for sharing that. I will circle back next month. Right. Yeah, I'm real excited 558 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:48,880 about that. It won't be quite as long. But yeah, I'll just talk about the drumming side of things 559 00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:54,240 since you kind of know my story. I don't like as far as the writing music and why I why I write, 560 00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:59,120 you know, when I was listening to your one song, well, a couple of the songs, I had to rewind 561 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:05,040 and like, wait, what did he just say he lost his sister? Oh, did he just say he lost his brother too? 562 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:10,000 Oh, did his wife cheat on him? I'm like, oh my goodness. And it's like, it's like a quick 563 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:14,560 testimony. If you needed it wrapped up in three, four minutes, he got those songs. It's like a 564 00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:18,880 rap song that's a reverse of a country song. It doesn't have everything. It loses everything. 565 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:23,600 It loses everything. And then he gets everything. Right. It's crazy how God is doing this because 566 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:28,960 because I'm literally technically forwarded to my second studio album, not including the EP. 567 00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:32,560 Well, yeah, not including the EP, but I'm already working on my third album. And 568 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:36,960 and I have a song called the whole story and it's going to go into detail about my brother and my 569 00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:41,040 sister, you know, and it's going to be very emotional. And I've already wrote it. I have a demo 570 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:45,120 beat. I just need to get an actual beat written, made and stuff. But how hard is that to sing 571 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:51,120 when you are emotionally attached to the material that you're singing that knows it triggers 572 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:55,600 or honestly, I think it does better because you can hear it in my voice because because there's 573 00:46:55,600 --> 00:47:00,080 one thing if because normally just so I don't mess up, I usually have the lyrics on my phone in 574 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:04,960 front of me as I record them. But if I don't need the lyrics, it actually sounds a lot better 575 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:10,560 because you can hear the emotion in my voice and I think it's more impactful. And that's kind 576 00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,800 of what Be Still was like for me because Be Still is my anti suicide song. That one is on 577 00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:19,760 Apemusic Spotify. But that was my anti suicide song because I dealt with thoughts of that in the 578 00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:25,440 past, you know, you know, I've had depression, anxiety, and I'm still getting anxiety sometimes. 579 00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:32,080 But not so much depression. It's just so I try to I try to put as much emotion as I can behind 580 00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:37,040 it because I feel like it's impactful. And it's apparently an outlet to guys giving you to use. 581 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:41,040 Definitely. Yeah, I mean, 100%. That's that's definitely what it's what it's been like for 582 00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:45,760 years. Music got me through. I mean, the hardest times I remember I would listen to a lot of 583 00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:51,840 Toby Mack back when he would rap more so because he doesn't really rap much anymore sometimes, 584 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:56,640 but not too much. But like his album Momentum and Welcome to Diverse City. Momentum. Yeah. 585 00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:03,040 See, and I like DC Talk. Yeah, I was gonna say actually on our little 20 year vacation, 586 00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:07,920 on our two weeks that we spent on the road when we were driving a couple hours to the next campsite 587 00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:14,480 or whatever, I had a DC Talk Greatest Hits CD. Yeah. And it was called Intermission Greatest 588 00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:18,320 Hits. I don't know if you've heard of that or not, but it had all the older songs, a lot of 589 00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:22,880 their good songs. And I listened to them so much because they did, they got me through, you know, 590 00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:29,280 and in some stuff that Toby Mack wrote, got me through a lot, you know, and that's in one of 591 00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:32,640 these days, I was I was thinking myself like one of these days, I want to do that, you know, 592 00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:37,920 and hopefully I can help someone else get through something, you know, and that was that was, yeah, 593 00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:42,880 that's it got me through big time. So wouldn't it be cool if you sang a song that actually he 594 00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:48,800 heard and it got him through something? That would be crazy. How profound that is. I don't know if 595 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:54,640 you guys have heard or not, but in 2019, he lost his son, which is crazy is because that even impacted 596 00:48:54,640 --> 00:49:00,000 me because I listened to, because it was True Dog, the guy, the kid that did all the True Dog, 597 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:05,200 because he had True Dog on every one of his albums. And so he was like three years old when 598 00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:10,560 on Momentum, you know, and and that was crazy to me knowing that he had just passed away and 599 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:15,600 and it's just that that would be insane if that actually happened. But I don't know, 600 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:22,320 I don't foresee that, but it is what it is. One can hope. So well, if this episode has been a 601 00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:26,720 blessing to you, we ask that you pass it along and share it with a friend. And also we have some 602 00:49:26,720 --> 00:49:31,920 fundraising campaigns. So there's a bunch of links that for different options and different ways you 603 00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:37,360 can give in our hour about section, it would be greatly appreciated to help us keep this going. 604 00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:43,760 And we just appreciate you listening and we pray that it's been a blessing. And don't forget, 605 00:49:43,760 --> 00:50:08,160 share it with a friend. And with that, we'll talk to you next time.