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Welcome to the God's goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's

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goodness and modern day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. Today we have

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with us a special guest. You'll know her as Marcy Lynn and she was introduced to me by Delisa

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Buckles. Delisa was our first episode of season 2 and there was a time where I was going through a

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booking slump and so I was asking for referrals and God has a very specific order of who comes on

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when and well when I was getting the referrals it just worked out that Marcy's time is now and it's

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just so cool how God works this the order of all these episodes out because it just seems to flow

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and I couldn't have done it better myself so it's all gone and we're gonna have Marcy open us up with

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an opening prayer and then we'll get into it. Thank you. Lord I just thank you. I thank you that we

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are redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony and I ask the Holy Spirit to

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just speak through me so you could be edified and others can be touched and hopefully my testimony

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will help them in understanding your goodness in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Thank you for that.

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So where would you like to start Marcy? I guess I could start when I was younger. The

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Lord I will say was with me all the time. I didn't always recognize that. But many of us do. Right.

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We don't realize. Right. Right. When I was younger I had a lot of people that I trusted or were

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trusted to care for me, take advantage of me. They abused me, sexually molested me and these were

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people who were I mean they were paid to take care of me and make sure I was safe and I was put in

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these situations time and time again where I wasn't safe. Was it foster care then? No. No it was just

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family, friends, babysitters. Sorry to hear that. Relatives. Yeah. Wow. And so I had an interesting

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childhood to say the least. I have a good family. I do have a very good family. I have a caring father

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and a caring mother but all these things were happening and they didn't know. I didn't tell

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anyone. I continued. I was angry. I was angry and I never knew why. You know I was always getting

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in trouble. I mean I ran away when I was three. You know not because I was unhappy but just because

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I wanted to venture somewhere. Wow. So how far did you get? Does it vary far? For three it was far.

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Well. But I mean the goodness of God even then to be a three-year-old to have a little lady say

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hey honey where are you going? Yeah. And offer to have me sit on our porch and give me a drink

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and then the police came to take me home. So I have always been a unique kid but the underlying

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was that all these things that were happening to me. I couldn't have been easy. Not at all. Because

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you don't when you're going through it you think it's normal and everybody goes through that probably.

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I think some of it I was just too young to comprehend. Like I knew it wasn't right

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but I also didn't know what was happening because I was so young. You know I didn't

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understand the impact of it I guess. So all that time I started as I got older I started feeling

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like a fractured right. But people would always take something from me. So it was like a piece of me

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you know it was being torn away. And when you look at it from a spiritual perspective now as an

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adult you know with soul ties and things that are created there is that tearing away. I didn't know

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at the time but spiritual not just emotionally was I experiencing these things but in the spirit

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realm these things were happening where fractures were happening consistently. So I focused my

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attention on achievement because I thought you know that would be the way that I can show that

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I'm worth something right is to achieve to get good grades to be involved in different things to

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almost prove my worth right. And I grew up in the Catholic Church so there wasn't really that

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understanding of a personal relationship with Jesus. I mean I knew who he was. I believe that he

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died for me but I didn't truly understand the full the fullness of that. All that you were missing.

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Yes right. And so I continued to look to achievement for attention for approval

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for a validation I guess when it came to who I was in my identity. And then when I was 15

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I was date raped. This was a person who I trusted. I thought they had my best interest at heart

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and they didn't obviously. It was a difficult time for me because I lost my virginity I would say

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even though I was molested when I was younger like this was the time that I really remembered

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and I knew it made me angry because that was something that another thing that was taken from

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me that I wasn't willingly giving away and I knew that that was something that was special

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right. I knew in my heart that that was that was for me to give and for it to be a special

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situation. And so after that I had just a time where I didn't trust anyone. I mean I

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don't know obviously. Yeah you know so I really didn't trust anyone. I continued to stay focused

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on achievement. There was no one I could go to because the way that it all happened I ended

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up getting in trouble because I didn't come home on time. And so I went from having this

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terrible experience to coming home and having another terrible experience of punishment

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for not meeting my curfew. But I couldn't tell anybody what happened.

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A lot of guilt and shame from it. I just didn't trust anyone to be honest to say what had happened

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to me because I also felt like I mean back in that time frame you know I'm not going to give my age

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but back in that time frame women were accused. It was almost like they were on trial like who

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well what were you wearing? What were you doing? Where were you? Well why were you at that location?

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You shouldn't have even been there. And so it was also a culture where a lot of times women got

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blamed for their own situations that they had when it came to rape or any type of sexual violation.

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So as I moved forward I did get into a relationship. I had a boyfriend in high school and things were

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okay but I still my self-esteem wasn't well. I continued to look for the different ways

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to satisfy that and I got to a point where I guess it was nothing really satisfied me.

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There was not there was this unrest that I was living in this I wasn't confident because of

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all these things that have happened to me but I was putting on this front that I was. And

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when I went to college I met people it really impacted my relationships. I broke up with my

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boyfriend from high school, met someone else who was not nice not nice. There were things that I

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put up with that I never should have. I think because of my own brokenness there were things in

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my own insecurities. I put up with treatment that no one deserved really. So that was an impactful

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time for me and right around that same time I went to you know so I was drinking I was out you know

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sleeping around I mean not in a in a excessive way but I was not reserved in that matter. I'll just

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say it that way. And I went to a party in college and I was actually drugged and raped again.

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And I woke up and there were multiple people in the room and I don't know what happened

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in because I was drugged and I was completely blacked out and I didn't even know what happened to

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me until I woke up I could I had an understanding but still to this day I don't have the full

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knowledge of what occurred. So again that was just like another layer to the story. It was almost

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like another hit to me to who I am like why is this happening to me? Yeah well it gets back to

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that fractured nature like these pieces were being ripped away from me and it really impacted my

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identity for sure. It's almost like a focused spiritual attack. Absolutely. I mean completely

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focused. Absolutely. Unwavering on that one front. Oh yeah. Like the enemy has really infiltrated that.

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Yeah he wanted me dead for sure. For sure. But I live. Yay. Thank you Dennis. So after that I

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really went through this time of okay what can I do in my own way to prevent these things from

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happening. So I started eating and I continued to eat and I thought well you know if I'm not

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attractive to people or to men then maybe they won't take advantage of me. So I went through

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a season in my life where I was very intentional about not looking attractive. I didn't dress

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what like I always had like oversized men's t-shirts on. I was sloppy looking. I didn't wear

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makeup. That was my way of trying to protect myself you know in the in the natural. So meanwhile

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all of these things are going on. I'm trying to figure it out myself. I'm either striving for

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success or I'm trying to figure out how can I make myself look the least attractive to protect

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myself. And in the meantime I didn't seek the Lord at all because I didn't know to. You know

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because I was still you know I still had that Catholic upbringing. I just didn't know. And so

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I did meet a friend who took me to church and it was just I would say it was a

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Pentecostal non-denominational Christian church. And I sat that church and I thought

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wow I learned more today than I learned my entire life as a Catholic because they were in the word.

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They were in the word so I heard it and I was like I want more of this Jesus. So that was like in my

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early 20s and so I started to pursue information again at my own understanding of what that would

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be. You know I did try to attend church more. I ended up getting saved and baptized. And the friend

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who took me to church we ended up getting married. That worked out? No well there's more to the story.

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Goodness gracious Marcy. Yeah so the attack continues. Yes yes so I mean on the surface this person

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you know you Christian person we went through our counseling our premarital counseling at the church.

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I was hopeful and excited but this person had their own brokenness. Let's just say it that way.

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So you know sometimes hurt you hear hurt people hurt people but hurt people are also attracted

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to hurt people. You know there was this you know we came together in our dysfunction.

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I'll just say it that way. So true. We were both in a place of dysfunction and then we just kind of

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came together. Even though neither one of us were willing to admit our dysfunction I would say we

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were probably both achievement oriented so that we had this in the background. All of this hurt

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and abuse and frustration and things that we had gone through that we never really dealt with

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and that relationship became very abusive. It didn't end well. I didn't end well so

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I feel like that is when I started to realize God needs to bring these things up you know and even

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in the course of that marriage and relationship he started bringing things up you know to me.

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Marriage has a way of helping you work through your issues. Yeah I need you to deal with this.

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I need you to you know these these this constant study I've got to do this on my own. I've got

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to be successful. I've got to do this. I've got to for my worth and my value and you know it

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professionally it worked well for me. You know I was promoted then promoted then promoted then

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promoted and doing well professionally but I was so stressed because I was trying to do it on my own

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and that's when the Lord was like we're gonna bust this all open and that's what he did. So I

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experienced a nervous breakdown. I got to a point where I just couldn't take it anymore you know

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because it was constant decades of just let me figure this out let me do it on my own let me

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achieve achieve that you know people will think that I'm worthy enough. And not being able to trust

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anyone else to help you. Right exactly. It's not like you it's not like you could have asked somebody

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because you would never have trusted him in the first place like it literally really was all in

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your shoulders. It was it was and the relationship that I was in was really dysfunctional so I

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didn't even have that person to go to you know and and it was hard because you know at that time I

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said Lord you know I made this commitment in front of you and everyone and I was experiencing some

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things that were really they were really bad. I'll just leave it at that I don't I don't want to get

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too in depth into it but I could just say that it wasn't Claude Lee we'll just we'll just say that

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and the Lord was really prompting me to get out of that relationship and I was really hesitant

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and I was at that point I was filled with the Holy Spirit I had been baptized I had been saved

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and I was fasting and praying and fasting and praying again here we go again achievement

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you know do your own works all these things that that I thought would work and the Lord

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never wavered as far as what he wanted me to do and so the longer I stuck around it

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it got worse it got worse the relationship got worse the things that I had experienced got worse

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and then I eventually left with my daughter and we ended up in a domestic violent shelter

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well it was an apartment so it was in a shelter we went straight into a two bedroom apartment

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I mean the Lord really worked that out too in a way my daughter was having some challenges

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emotional challenges her youth pastor contacted me and said something's not right here so when

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they found out what was going on they said okay we know exactly where you need to be and this is

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the referral that we have for you and so within a couple weeks I was out of that situation but it

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was a lot of turmoil in the middle you know there was a lot of court dates a lot of vindictive

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things that were coming against me you know as far as like wanting my daughter taking me to court

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all the time to try to just end things thanks for up to me anxiety and stress every time you get one

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of those in the mail every time you get one any any correspondence with the court whether it's

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just a notice or if it's a subpoena or if it's you know that's nerve-wracking yeah well interesting

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yeah interestingly enough because we were in a secure location he didn't even know where we were

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located so it was my family that was getting those notices and then I would get a call we got

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another notice in the mail we got another notice in the mail and even the Lord he provided with

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the right attorney by that time I was all my finances were depleted I'm surprised to let it go as far

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as they did considering where your location was and how that location was provided that they would

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even entertain the thought of saying hey maybe he has a claim and should have his kid like to me that

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that boggles my mind I was just sitting here thinking like this it blows my mind that they

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were treated like no you're not gonna chance this well through it all I had favor and there were

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times where you know it did make me nervous because this person was a smooth talker mm-hmm we're

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familiar with those takes smooth talker yeah could could win over a crowd type of person but you know

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the Holy Spirit said walk in like you already won and so there were times where I did that

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and the person wouldn't even show and so I automatically won so it wasn't even the emotional

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fight or the trauma or frustration that I had to go through in a battle it was already won

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to fill up God had already been there and took care of it awesome which is amazing in all of that

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but that was really the time where the Lord was like okay we're gonna dig deep and we're gonna get

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through all of this when I left I had a very good job and I thought oh okay this is gonna be good

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I'm gonna leave we'll be in this little place secure place I'll get an apartment we'll just keep

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you know living our life as we were I want to say it was two weeks after I left my job was eliminated

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at work and so and then I couldn't find anything and in mind you I had I had a career that was

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successful progressively promoted you know so when you look at it on paper you're over I would

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have been a good candidate for any job every job was shut down and I did not work for a year almost

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I did like that's horrible home health care or something and it was a challenge because I was

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used to you know being able to provide and being an overachiever at your job and and

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excelling and promoting and excelling and promoting and so to not find something and I mean we we

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have a little history with with something rather than it's similar to that and so I know that

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something good comes from this because we've experienced it and so I love I love how the healing

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that he's been bringing you right I asked how how could they let this man take you to court

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because God needed him to do that so that he could show you that he's bigger than all that

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and then you continue to help lean into it through all this and then he gives you a year

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of somewhat not making quotation marks desperation and I know that is I know that your

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story is going to happen provide I just oh I can feel it coming yeah well that whole year

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year it was really about changing my identity you know we had talked about all these decades of

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being fractured having things taken from me that people had no right to and everything that I

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experienced but that year the Lord really dealt with me in my identity and who I was in Christ

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because before that I was my job like my identity was my job the success that I had you know meanwhile

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covering up all these things all these hurts and and all of that that I've gone through he had to

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strip it away in order to show me that I am a child of a king it was a difficult time you know

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there were times where I laid on the couch and I was like oh what am I gonna do here you know and

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sometimes it was just you need to rest because you have been through so much so it was a time of

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refreshing it was difficult but it was a time of refreshing but the Lord provided supernaturally

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he provided supernaturally financially I mean at this time I was driving still driving a BMW

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flagship 750 and I had no job the Lord had it work out where that car was able to be paid for

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I was able I mean at one point I had two vehicles I had two vehicles and did home

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healthcare for ten dollars an hour like ten hours a week and the Lord and I'm not saying that material

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things are important but it was just one way that God showed up to say I've got you you know it's

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just a tangible example of that yeah everything that matters to you matters to him yeah everything

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yeah true that is very very true and during that time you know I had some counseling I had some

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continuing to get in into the word getting connected at church I started serving and you

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know when you serve at church I feel like if you want to heal just serve at your church

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and then just serve at your church because as you take that step the Lord just pours into you

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healing and renewal and rest even though you're you know seek first the kingdom of the

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and all those things will be added unto you and 63 yeah and that right there it happened

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it happened so through all of the craziness the Lord was so good so good so good so that was

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probably about 10 years ago a little under 10 years ago this past 10 years the Lord has continued

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to do that work and I have at that time I was still struggling with weight like my weight I

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was using that as a way to cope like oh I like that cake I think I'll have one I'm feeling sad oh I'll

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take another piece of cake you know that type of thing where I was even though I knew the Lord

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I was serving at church I was still there was that place in me that God still wanted to like

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you are fully healed you still in the process yes yes so it's been a process and

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the latest work that I've been doing has been on my identity you know I truly had to receive

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that I was a daughter of a king an am a daughter of a king you had a straight and your crown yeah

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yeah yeah well I had to realize I had a crown yeah you know I I imagine you know spiritually

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looking at you know a dirty young girl with a banner held high that says worthless and having

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to erase that image of yourself into what God's been telling you that you are since your birth but

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you couldn't hear it over the sound of everybody else just clamoring to be the the worst person in

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your life right I can't imagine how hard that would have been to change that banner over to

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something that says redeemed or worthy or loved that that is and I'm sure that's still ongoing

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right because when you're holding that that banner up I know from my personal experiences

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and sometimes you look at it you're like I don't know if I believe that because we still hold on

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to so much our past you know we have to like not look back at that that's very difficult you're

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admirable the way that you have leaned into the Lord to help overcome something of which you never

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should have had to overcome true it's the word the word will get you through I feel like it even

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though it is a process I feel like I have received so much healing but that doesn't mean that the

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enemy doesn't come to try to take from you anyway and when you combat that with bringing every thought

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captive declaring who you are in the Lord you do see victory and it gets better and better every day

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so that's where I am right now did you have like an anchor verse when you were getting to know God

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something that you he kept bringing you back to so in Psalm 139 obviously it says I'll praise you

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because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made you know that's usually the scripture that people go to

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but for me my life scripture has always been Matthew 516 so that you're like shine among men

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that they may see your good works and glorify the Father in heaven and my prayer is always that the

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Lord the people will see me how the Lord sees me and so I feel like I'm not saying I get preferential

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treatment that way but I do feel like it is impactful because the Lord honors that for me

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and so now my main focus is what does he want me to do you know I'm going to see that in my life

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where my daughter is a grown woman and I'm looking to see okay Lord what's next so

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so awesome yeah I'm excited about that awesome praise God yeah maybe consider sitting with God

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and just meditating on one of my good at and what do I like to do because that is what happened to me

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and I prayed about it and then the next day he gave me the idea for a podcast

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so like maybe he'll give you something that you can lean into more in the next season

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he has oh he has given that to me so I'll be writing a book oh look at that yes a little teaser so

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about refinement oh awesome awesome so that is great another author on our list you know we're

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going to have another playlist then authors and with the YouTube I created a bunch of

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playlists so that'll be a new season yeah how are you eating that's awesome how God turns it all

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to good eventually it might take longer than others you know but always you know we're each our own

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story and if you're still living and breathing he's not done with you yet amen did you have anything

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else you wanted to share no I think that's good okay very good well thank you so much for sharing

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that with us Marcy I appreciate it I had to have taken a lot you know because that's not an easy

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story to share you know to admit like you had been through all of that but to see God show up

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in that relationship after you built that relationship with him and you leaned in

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and he just healed you by filling in all those empty spaces you know that that's wonderful well

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listener if you have been blessed by this episode we ask that you pass it along and we ask that you

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hit the follow button rate the show and also we have a fundraising campaign there's a few different

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ways you can give in the about section there's four different links so just choose the best option

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that you would love to give with and we would greatly appreciate prayers too and with that we'll

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talk to you next time you