Welcome to the God's goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's
goodness and modern day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. Today we have
with us a special guest. You'll know her as Marcy Lynn and she was introduced to me by Delisa
Buckles. Delisa was our first episode of season 2 and there was a time where I was going through a
booking slump and so I was asking for referrals and God has a very specific order of who comes on
when and well when I was getting the referrals it just worked out that Marcy's time is now and it's
just so cool how God works this the order of all these episodes out because it just seems to flow
and I couldn't have done it better myself so it's all gone and we're gonna have Marcy open us up with
an opening prayer and then we'll get into it. Thank you. Lord I just thank you. I thank you that we
are redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony and I ask the Holy Spirit to
just speak through me so you could be edified and others can be touched and hopefully my testimony
will help them in understanding your goodness in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Thank you for that.
So where would you like to start Marcy? I guess I could start when I was younger. The
Lord I will say was with me all the time. I didn't always recognize that. But many of us do. Right.
We don't realize. Right. Right. When I was younger I had a lot of people that I trusted or were
trusted to care for me, take advantage of me. They abused me, sexually molested me and these were
people who were I mean they were paid to take care of me and make sure I was safe and I was put in
these situations time and time again where I wasn't safe. Was it foster care then? No. No it was just
family, friends, babysitters. Sorry to hear that. Relatives. Yeah. Wow. And so I had an interesting
childhood to say the least. I have a good family. I do have a very good family. I have a caring father
and a caring mother but all these things were happening and they didn't know. I didn't tell
anyone. I continued. I was angry. I was angry and I never knew why. You know I was always getting
in trouble. I mean I ran away when I was three. You know not because I was unhappy but just because
I wanted to venture somewhere. Wow. So how far did you get? Does it vary far? For three it was far.
Well. But I mean the goodness of God even then to be a three-year-old to have a little lady say
hey honey where are you going? Yeah. And offer to have me sit on our porch and give me a drink
and then the police came to take me home. So I have always been a unique kid but the underlying
was that all these things that were happening to me. I couldn't have been easy. Not at all. Because
you don't when you're going through it you think it's normal and everybody goes through that probably.
I think some of it I was just too young to comprehend. Like I knew it wasn't right
but I also didn't know what was happening because I was so young. You know I didn't
understand the impact of it I guess. So all that time I started as I got older I started feeling
like a fractured right. But people would always take something from me. So it was like a piece of me
you know it was being torn away. And when you look at it from a spiritual perspective now as an
adult you know with soul ties and things that are created there is that tearing away. I didn't know
at the time but spiritual not just emotionally was I experiencing these things but in the spirit
realm these things were happening where fractures were happening consistently. So I focused my
attention on achievement because I thought you know that would be the way that I can show that
I'm worth something right is to achieve to get good grades to be involved in different things to
almost prove my worth right. And I grew up in the Catholic Church so there wasn't really that
understanding of a personal relationship with Jesus. I mean I knew who he was. I believe that he
died for me but I didn't truly understand the full the fullness of that. All that you were missing.
Yes right. And so I continued to look to achievement for attention for approval
for a validation I guess when it came to who I was in my identity. And then when I was 15
I was date raped. This was a person who I trusted. I thought they had my best interest at heart
and they didn't obviously. It was a difficult time for me because I lost my virginity I would say
even though I was molested when I was younger like this was the time that I really remembered
and I knew it made me angry because that was something that another thing that was taken from
me that I wasn't willingly giving away and I knew that that was something that was special
right. I knew in my heart that that was that was for me to give and for it to be a special
situation. And so after that I had just a time where I didn't trust anyone. I mean I
don't know obviously. Yeah you know so I really didn't trust anyone. I continued to stay focused
on achievement. There was no one I could go to because the way that it all happened I ended
up getting in trouble because I didn't come home on time. And so I went from having this
terrible experience to coming home and having another terrible experience of punishment
for not meeting my curfew. But I couldn't tell anybody what happened.
A lot of guilt and shame from it. I just didn't trust anyone to be honest to say what had happened
to me because I also felt like I mean back in that time frame you know I'm not going to give my age
but back in that time frame women were accused. It was almost like they were on trial like who
well what were you wearing? What were you doing? Where were you? Well why were you at that location?
You shouldn't have even been there. And so it was also a culture where a lot of times women got
blamed for their own situations that they had when it came to rape or any type of sexual violation.
So as I moved forward I did get into a relationship. I had a boyfriend in high school and things were
okay but I still my self-esteem wasn't well. I continued to look for the different ways
to satisfy that and I got to a point where I guess it was nothing really satisfied me.
There was not there was this unrest that I was living in this I wasn't confident because of
all these things that have happened to me but I was putting on this front that I was. And
when I went to college I met people it really impacted my relationships. I broke up with my
boyfriend from high school, met someone else who was not nice not nice. There were things that I
put up with that I never should have. I think because of my own brokenness there were things in
my own insecurities. I put up with treatment that no one deserved really. So that was an impactful
time for me and right around that same time I went to you know so I was drinking I was out you know
sleeping around I mean not in a in a excessive way but I was not reserved in that matter. I'll just
say it that way. And I went to a party in college and I was actually drugged and raped again.
And I woke up and there were multiple people in the room and I don't know what happened
in because I was drugged and I was completely blacked out and I didn't even know what happened to
me until I woke up I could I had an understanding but still to this day I don't have the full
knowledge of what occurred. So again that was just like another layer to the story. It was almost
like another hit to me to who I am like why is this happening to me? Yeah well it gets back to
that fractured nature like these pieces were being ripped away from me and it really impacted my
identity for sure. It's almost like a focused spiritual attack. Absolutely. I mean completely
focused. Absolutely. Unwavering on that one front. Oh yeah. Like the enemy has really infiltrated that.
Yeah he wanted me dead for sure. For sure. But I live. Yay. Thank you Dennis. So after that I
really went through this time of okay what can I do in my own way to prevent these things from
happening. So I started eating and I continued to eat and I thought well you know if I'm not
attractive to people or to men then maybe they won't take advantage of me. So I went through
a season in my life where I was very intentional about not looking attractive. I didn't dress
what like I always had like oversized men's t-shirts on. I was sloppy looking. I didn't wear
makeup. That was my way of trying to protect myself you know in the in the natural. So meanwhile
all of these things are going on. I'm trying to figure it out myself. I'm either striving for
success or I'm trying to figure out how can I make myself look the least attractive to protect
myself. And in the meantime I didn't seek the Lord at all because I didn't know to. You know
because I was still you know I still had that Catholic upbringing. I just didn't know. And so
I did meet a friend who took me to church and it was just I would say it was a
Pentecostal non-denominational Christian church. And I sat that church and I thought
wow I learned more today than I learned my entire life as a Catholic because they were in the word.
They were in the word so I heard it and I was like I want more of this Jesus. So that was like in my
early 20s and so I started to pursue information again at my own understanding of what that would
be. You know I did try to attend church more. I ended up getting saved and baptized. And the friend
who took me to church we ended up getting married. That worked out? No well there's more to the story.
Goodness gracious Marcy. Yeah so the attack continues. Yes yes so I mean on the surface this person
you know you Christian person we went through our counseling our premarital counseling at the church.
I was hopeful and excited but this person had their own brokenness. Let's just say it that way.
So you know sometimes hurt you hear hurt people hurt people but hurt people are also attracted
to hurt people. You know there was this you know we came together in our dysfunction.
I'll just say it that way. So true. We were both in a place of dysfunction and then we just kind of
came together. Even though neither one of us were willing to admit our dysfunction I would say we
were probably both achievement oriented so that we had this in the background. All of this hurt
and abuse and frustration and things that we had gone through that we never really dealt with
and that relationship became very abusive. It didn't end well. I didn't end well so
I feel like that is when I started to realize God needs to bring these things up you know and even
in the course of that marriage and relationship he started bringing things up you know to me.
Marriage has a way of helping you work through your issues. Yeah I need you to deal with this.
I need you to you know these these this constant study I've got to do this on my own. I've got
to be successful. I've got to do this. I've got to for my worth and my value and you know it
professionally it worked well for me. You know I was promoted then promoted then promoted then
promoted and doing well professionally but I was so stressed because I was trying to do it on my own
and that's when the Lord was like we're gonna bust this all open and that's what he did. So I
experienced a nervous breakdown. I got to a point where I just couldn't take it anymore you know
because it was constant decades of just let me figure this out let me do it on my own let me
achieve achieve that you know people will think that I'm worthy enough. And not being able to trust
anyone else to help you. Right exactly. It's not like you it's not like you could have asked somebody
because you would never have trusted him in the first place like it literally really was all in
your shoulders. It was it was and the relationship that I was in was really dysfunctional so I
didn't even have that person to go to you know and and it was hard because you know at that time I
said Lord you know I made this commitment in front of you and everyone and I was experiencing some
things that were really they were really bad. I'll just leave it at that I don't I don't want to get
too in depth into it but I could just say that it wasn't Claude Lee we'll just we'll just say that
and the Lord was really prompting me to get out of that relationship and I was really hesitant
and I was at that point I was filled with the Holy Spirit I had been baptized I had been saved
and I was fasting and praying and fasting and praying again here we go again achievement
you know do your own works all these things that that I thought would work and the Lord
never wavered as far as what he wanted me to do and so the longer I stuck around it
it got worse it got worse the relationship got worse the things that I had experienced got worse
and then I eventually left with my daughter and we ended up in a domestic violent shelter
well it was an apartment so it was in a shelter we went straight into a two bedroom apartment
I mean the Lord really worked that out too in a way my daughter was having some challenges
emotional challenges her youth pastor contacted me and said something's not right here so when
they found out what was going on they said okay we know exactly where you need to be and this is
the referral that we have for you and so within a couple weeks I was out of that situation but it
was a lot of turmoil in the middle you know there was a lot of court dates a lot of vindictive
things that were coming against me you know as far as like wanting my daughter taking me to court
all the time to try to just end things thanks for up to me anxiety and stress every time you get one
of those in the mail every time you get one any any correspondence with the court whether it's
just a notice or if it's a subpoena or if it's you know that's nerve-wracking yeah well interesting
yeah interestingly enough because we were in a secure location he didn't even know where we were
located so it was my family that was getting those notices and then I would get a call we got
another notice in the mail we got another notice in the mail and even the Lord he provided with
the right attorney by that time I was all my finances were depleted I'm surprised to let it go as far
as they did considering where your location was and how that location was provided that they would
even entertain the thought of saying hey maybe he has a claim and should have his kid like to me that
that boggles my mind I was just sitting here thinking like this it blows my mind that they
were treated like no you're not gonna chance this well through it all I had favor and there were
times where you know it did make me nervous because this person was a smooth talker mm-hmm we're
familiar with those takes smooth talker yeah could could win over a crowd type of person but you know
the Holy Spirit said walk in like you already won and so there were times where I did that
and the person wouldn't even show and so I automatically won so it wasn't even the emotional
fight or the trauma or frustration that I had to go through in a battle it was already won
to fill up God had already been there and took care of it awesome which is amazing in all of that
but that was really the time where the Lord was like okay we're gonna dig deep and we're gonna get
through all of this when I left I had a very good job and I thought oh okay this is gonna be good
I'm gonna leave we'll be in this little place secure place I'll get an apartment we'll just keep
you know living our life as we were I want to say it was two weeks after I left my job was eliminated
at work and so and then I couldn't find anything and in mind you I had I had a career that was
successful progressively promoted you know so when you look at it on paper you're over I would
have been a good candidate for any job every job was shut down and I did not work for a year almost
I did like that's horrible home health care or something and it was a challenge because I was
used to you know being able to provide and being an overachiever at your job and and
excelling and promoting and excelling and promoting and so to not find something and I mean we we
have a little history with with something rather than it's similar to that and so I know that
something good comes from this because we've experienced it and so I love I love how the healing
that he's been bringing you right I asked how how could they let this man take you to court
because God needed him to do that so that he could show you that he's bigger than all that
and then you continue to help lean into it through all this and then he gives you a year
of somewhat not making quotation marks desperation and I know that is I know that your
story is going to happen provide I just oh I can feel it coming yeah well that whole year
year it was really about changing my identity you know we had talked about all these decades of
being fractured having things taken from me that people had no right to and everything that I
experienced but that year the Lord really dealt with me in my identity and who I was in Christ
because before that I was my job like my identity was my job the success that I had you know meanwhile
covering up all these things all these hurts and and all of that that I've gone through he had to
strip it away in order to show me that I am a child of a king it was a difficult time you know
there were times where I laid on the couch and I was like oh what am I gonna do here you know and
sometimes it was just you need to rest because you have been through so much so it was a time of
refreshing it was difficult but it was a time of refreshing but the Lord provided supernaturally
he provided supernaturally financially I mean at this time I was driving still driving a BMW
flagship 750 and I had no job the Lord had it work out where that car was able to be paid for
I was able I mean at one point I had two vehicles I had two vehicles and did home
healthcare for ten dollars an hour like ten hours a week and the Lord and I'm not saying that material
things are important but it was just one way that God showed up to say I've got you you know it's
just a tangible example of that yeah everything that matters to you matters to him yeah everything
yeah true that is very very true and during that time you know I had some counseling I had some
continuing to get in into the word getting connected at church I started serving and you
know when you serve at church I feel like if you want to heal just serve at your church
and then just serve at your church because as you take that step the Lord just pours into you
healing and renewal and rest even though you're you know seek first the kingdom of the
and all those things will be added unto you and 63 yeah and that right there it happened
it happened so through all of the craziness the Lord was so good so good so good so that was
probably about 10 years ago a little under 10 years ago this past 10 years the Lord has continued
to do that work and I have at that time I was still struggling with weight like my weight I
was using that as a way to cope like oh I like that cake I think I'll have one I'm feeling sad oh I'll
take another piece of cake you know that type of thing where I was even though I knew the Lord
I was serving at church I was still there was that place in me that God still wanted to like
you are fully healed you still in the process yes yes so it's been a process and
the latest work that I've been doing has been on my identity you know I truly had to receive
that I was a daughter of a king an am a daughter of a king you had a straight and your crown yeah
yeah yeah well I had to realize I had a crown yeah you know I I imagine you know spiritually
looking at you know a dirty young girl with a banner held high that says worthless and having
to erase that image of yourself into what God's been telling you that you are since your birth but
you couldn't hear it over the sound of everybody else just clamoring to be the the worst person in
your life right I can't imagine how hard that would have been to change that banner over to
something that says redeemed or worthy or loved that that is and I'm sure that's still ongoing
right because when you're holding that that banner up I know from my personal experiences
and sometimes you look at it you're like I don't know if I believe that because we still hold on
to so much our past you know we have to like not look back at that that's very difficult you're
admirable the way that you have leaned into the Lord to help overcome something of which you never
should have had to overcome true it's the word the word will get you through I feel like it even
though it is a process I feel like I have received so much healing but that doesn't mean that the
enemy doesn't come to try to take from you anyway and when you combat that with bringing every thought
captive declaring who you are in the Lord you do see victory and it gets better and better every day
so that's where I am right now did you have like an anchor verse when you were getting to know God
something that you he kept bringing you back to so in Psalm 139 obviously it says I'll praise you
because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made you know that's usually the scripture that people go to
but for me my life scripture has always been Matthew 516 so that you're like shine among men
that they may see your good works and glorify the Father in heaven and my prayer is always that the
Lord the people will see me how the Lord sees me and so I feel like I'm not saying I get preferential
treatment that way but I do feel like it is impactful because the Lord honors that for me
and so now my main focus is what does he want me to do you know I'm going to see that in my life
where my daughter is a grown woman and I'm looking to see okay Lord what's next so
so awesome yeah I'm excited about that awesome praise God yeah maybe consider sitting with God
and just meditating on one of my good at and what do I like to do because that is what happened to me
and I prayed about it and then the next day he gave me the idea for a podcast
so like maybe he'll give you something that you can lean into more in the next season
he has oh he has given that to me so I'll be writing a book oh look at that yes a little teaser so
about refinement oh awesome awesome so that is great another author on our list you know we're
going to have another playlist then authors and with the YouTube I created a bunch of
playlists so that'll be a new season yeah how are you eating that's awesome how God turns it all
to good eventually it might take longer than others you know but always you know we're each our own
story and if you're still living and breathing he's not done with you yet amen did you have anything
else you wanted to share no I think that's good okay very good well thank you so much for sharing
that with us Marcy I appreciate it I had to have taken a lot you know because that's not an easy
story to share you know to admit like you had been through all of that but to see God show up
in that relationship after you built that relationship with him and you leaned in
and he just healed you by filling in all those empty spaces you know that that's wonderful well
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