Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's
goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. Today we have
with us a special guest, Carly Farquhar, and we know her from church, and the Holy Spirit led me
to ask her to come on the podcast. It was those feelings like I wanted to get to know her better,
and I shared that with Pastor Brea at church, and she's like, me too. So we're going to get to know
Carly today, so not just me, but the whole world can choose to sign in and hear her story and how
God worked in her life and showed up, and we hope that you can be blessed by this episode. And we'll
have Carly start us off with the opening prayer. Dear God, I pray that you guide me and you help
me get the message across that you want me to share, and in Jesus' name I pray amen. Amen. Thank you.
Thank you. So where would you like to start, Carly? All right. So I would start off with saying that
myself and Tyler, Tyler's my husband, knew we're going to church together, and our daughter comes
to church with us as well. We've been going to South Hills Assembly for like about a year and a
half. But as I've been praying on what to share, I've kind of wanted to start off with saying that
I feel like the kind of person that I am is very much a planner, and I've always liked to kind of
know the future, if possible, and have a good idea of like where things are going to end up. So
a few years ago, I thought that I had life essentially like figured out and I had a career
that I loved and I did like, I don't want to say full time, but like part time to full time. And I
worked a lot and myself and Tyler, like we just kind of together, we thought that, you know, things
were always going to be that way. Like his job would always be his job and my job would always be
my job. But then we decided that we would like to try and have a baby. And we did just that. So I
found out in August of 2022 that I was pregnant. And we were very, very excited. So we were really
excited about that. My career was going the way that I thought it was going to be going,
same with his Naomi was and still is going to a really nice Christian school. And we just kind of
thought that we had our lives together. And that's how they were always going to be. But then in
January of 2023 on January 26, our son, Angel was still born at 24 weeks old. So that completely
flipped our world upside down. And I went from feeling like I was living on top of the world,
like had everything I could ever want to ultimately just feeling like everything was crushed,
essentially. And same with Tyler, I think we really were there for each other in a very deep way.
But I don't think that we just knew how to handle everything that just happened. So whenever we
lost our son, I thought it was pretty crazy that when I had no other idea of what to do,
I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I felt like when he was born, it was the weirdest thing.
Like I just felt like Jesus ultimately was there. And I couldn't help but think about
in the Bible where it says Jesus is close to the broken hearted. So I kind of clung to that
and held on to it as closely as possible because when we came home, it was like a whirlwind of
emotions. You know, we just didn't really know I think what to do. He had to go back to work
like a few days after and then I took two weeks off of work. And for those two weeks, I literally
sat on my couch and I read my Bible because I just didn't know what else to do. And I was like,
if there is anything that I can get out of this loss, I need to get back to God. And I thought it
was kind of crazy because as wild as this sounds, when we buried our son, I just remember thinking
like, I have to go to heaven. Like I have to be there because my baby is there. And Tyler,
he had shared a testimony on, I think it was the Thanksgiving service last year.
But he was never a Christian and he never really believed in God. So whenever I brought up to him
that I wanted to try and go to church, he was okay with that. And we just kind of found ourselves
going to South Hills Assembly because that's where Naomi had some of her Christmas concerts
and stuff from the school that she goes to. And when we started going there, I could see
God essentially like moving in our lives through the loss that we just experienced with just Ty
being more of like a man of God and wanting to learn more. And we were starting to have those
kind of discussions together where we didn't have that before. So I think that was like a really
incredible thing to feel amidst of like our loss and everything because we both really leaned into
God and leaned into each other. And it was a really hard time because I kind of felt like
I was really lost and I didn't know what to do in terms of I had this career that I loved and
I thought I was always going to do it. But I felt like God ultimately led me away from that career
which was like a really difficult thing because I did it for around six and a half years and
people that I thought would always be in my life were not in my life anymore all of a sudden. So
I feel like I kind of wrestled with God a little bit in terms of like, I knew I needed to lean
into Him but also I was shocked because I was like, okay, our baby just died and now you're
telling me to leave a job that I had and I thought I was always going to do. So it was like
it's a whirlwind of just being I think in shock and not sure what to do. So I decided to
leave my job in faith ultimately which was like so hard because if you would ask Ty,
it was like a daily conversation of what do I do and he's like, you need to do what God is
telling you to do which he never really said to me before and it was that. So I had this life where
I thought I had everything planned and it was going to essentially be the way it was always
going at that point and then it just was not. So even as of like recently, I'm still someone that is
trying to figure out the future very much and I think only within the past like couple of months
have I really just started to let go more and just say I can't figure that out and I'm never
going to have an idea of what that actually is or what that actually looks like and I need to be
comfortable with that and I find the most peace essentially when I am in the word and when I start
to feel stressed or I start to feel worried, I start to just lean on God like I did when we lost
our son and that's kind of like what I think of when I feel confused because I'm like if he could
have helped me figure my way out of that and saved me from going into like a depression like I'm so
surprised I did not do that. Not to say I didn't have really hard days or anything but I do feel
like he saved me from that and saved high from that. So yeah, I just feel like he's been trying to
get me to fully understand like you're never going to have a solid idea of the future and like only
I have an idea of what your future is going to look like so you need to lean on to me above
everything else and that's just what I've come to terms with after a year and a half of going
through all of that and I feel like I just when I was praying I was trying to figure out
how to get that out because again I feel like I'm not good at pulling things out of my head like
that but I feel like I just really wanted to share that because I want people to know that like you
can plan and you can plan and you can plan and you can have everything figured out but it doesn't
matter because life is forever changing and that's something else that you just have to kind of accept
and know like I really feel passionate when I say things like one of the only constants in life is
that life will always change and that God's never going to change so lean into him and you know get
through everything else by doing that I guess yeah I can't imagine losing a child so to go through
that and then not go into a depression is amazing and then you only had two weeks to process that
he had two days that's nuts you know other countries they have a really long grieve time but America
we just do things differently just say the least and that was just what a blessing that you got
closer to God through that without that depression. You know through your story you mentioned that you
were wrestling with God especially about transitioning from the workforce you were in where you were
stable and right after the tremendous loss that you had and I couldn't help but think of Jacob
and wrestling with God and how that that moment right the decision you made ultimately defined
the rest of your relationship with God and you didn't limp your leg right you didn't crush your
leg but he did give you a limp right he gave you a rather significant limp and unlike so many other
people would probably process it you leaned into God you have a husband who wasn't really fully
committed lean into God and I think that is such a tremendous testimony to have such tragedy a personal
tragedy and instead of having it be a source of division there's a but the enemy would probably
want to use to divide you that God instead used it to solidify a shell that protects and bonds you
even further and I think that's incredible yeah I feel like again I just always go back to like
I feel like I think about life is like before losing our son and then after losing our son
and again I just thought that I had everything figured out and that our life was a good foundation
and you know we had really great jobs and we are living how we wanted to live 24 seven and I think
with God telling me to leave my job after even losing our son that was the biggest moment in
terms of like for me stepping out in faith because I don't think I've really ever stepped out in
faith like that before I just it was it's like an argument because constantly I just remember
driving to work and just I was listening to sermons and reading my bible a lot and everything I was
getting was like you already know the answer you already know the answer so to do that it was just
like soul crushing for a little while in a way but ultimately it's led me to be a better mom
and to be a better wife and to it's given me the ability to find myself again and instead of thinking
about things of like what I want to do all the time thinking more along the lines of like well
what did God create me to do and where am I going to go now I kind of feel like I was given like a
second chance in a really crazy way. Right it sounds like it sounds like you were created again
in a new body in a new vessel to do the work that he has set forth for you and your old life is
not a good thing to stop there. Yes, yes and for a while I tried to figure out how to make
everything feel like it was before losing our son and it will never be like that because I am not
the same person and Tyler is not the same person and you know I talk a lot about it being our loss
but it was also our daughter's loss too because she was very excited so not only when I came home
and Ty came home from the hospital it was a very interesting dynamic because it was like the first
time that Naomi's got to experience loss and I had to I think navigate that in a way that God was
helping me navigate that if that makes sense. Absolutely in a way that you couldn't comprehend
a way to tell her you were cognizant of a way to break the news to her but God was and he used you
to yeah I think that's let's make perfect sense. Okay perfect sense. Yeah to people like us it makes
perfect sense. Yes, I'm part of this kingdom seekers group and there's the saying where they
row and say so God 828 this thing in your life and where the devil meant it for evil God is like no
no it's gonna bring them closer to me and solidify their identity and who's they are
and no matter what happens you got God. Yeah so that was that's really good because even the other
date when I was like praying again on what to share and like who am I exactly like I was just
getting like you know what to share and you know who you are so with you saying that just kind of like
like happened all over again you know so Holy Spirit work it yes so of it 100%.
When throughout the trouble did you notice that you were going to be okay right so in that when
this trouble happened and I don't know when you chose to lean into God was it that same day was it
at any point when I'm asking you did you blame God did you know God this is absolutely ludicrous
or did you from the very beginning embrace God as a source of comfort and joy in a place where you
had no comfort or joy. I think it was a mixture of both to be completely honest because again like
when we were in the hospital and right after our son was born it was that whole day it was like gray
and it was like a blizzard and then this just like I don't know if Tyler would remember it but I
noticed it and it was like this beam of light kind of came through the glass and then I just felt
Jesus essentially was there like that I think was the first point where I was like it's going to be
okay I don't understand that at all right now and then when I came home like it was very much though
I would be like I mean who wouldn't say things like this but like why God did this happen like
why did I don't think I ever said like why didn't you allow this to happen but it was very much like
why did this happen to me I feel like it was like I've been such a great person and things like that
and also it was just a really hard loss too because when I was younger my brother had passed away
and he passed away January 22nd 2003 so our son passed away January 25th is essentially when he
did not have his heartbeat but January 25th 2023 so I thought it was just kind of like
how could this happen like how was it that my mom lost her son this week 20 years ago
and now I lost my son this week 20 years ago that was like something I really had I think
play into my emotions a lot of being like why is this happening I feel like my family is I don't
want to say curse because I know that's not true but like why is this happening to us like I didn't
understand it but the only thing I felt in my like entire body was sit on the couch like I felt
like God was saying sit on the couch and read and I did I just sat on the couch and I started
reading my Bible and in those moments of reading my Bible I felt like I knew things were going to
be okay but then when I wasn't and I was in the world and I was going through my life I felt like
I was there was no way it was going to be okay so that's why I feel like I leaned into him so much
but again I wrestled a lot with all of it but I came out on the other side with the the stuff
that matters so absolutely I think you did absolutely I'm very grateful for you and Tyler and
and meeting you and and going to membership class with you and yes having into a lot of other classes
and getting to know you guys are just tremendously wonderful people thank you and we really appreciate
you being around and I'm glad that we had this chance to sit down and speak with you learn a
little bit more about you and just see how your journey with God is developing or for in your case
we're kindling and in Tyler's tells a case developing yeah and how Naomi is just really
just on board with it right I love that I love that kids are like if this is what we're doing this
let's go yeah I really can relate to a lot of that and it's a tremendous testimony of your
faithfulness in God despite what the world would blame him for yeah I'm just really excited and
it doesn't sound like it I'm really excited that we had a chance to get to know you a little bit
better and we got to know and I am sorry for your loss thank you that is a tremendous emotional
impact to lose a child to have in I know we're not supposed to write put our expectations on
kids because as soon as they do something else we're like all let down because we wanted them to
do but there were still dreams and hopes and things that I know that you dreamed and hoped because
we're parents we know we know what we do and that is heartbreaking to have those return void
in your sight and so I'm glad that you are where you are in this process and open about it and
transparent about something that is so devastating and I really hope that it can encourage other
parents that have experienced similar things that there is hope in Jesus that there is peace in the
name of Jesus that he can't take away what caused the hurt but he can help mitigate the hurt
but you remember it's it's not all about us it's about God and what he can do through it
yeah in the circumstances oh and I misspoke I said he can't take away the hurt he can yeah
he can take away what caused the hurt I misspoke he can do anything he wants generally we haven't
seen the evidence of that so I'm gonna clarify thank you for that you were worried this was gonna
like oh I don't know if I can fit this in oh yeah I know it's like not as long I feel like I talk
fast too when I um I'm nervous so like it just like it was like speed then people don't have to hit
like 1.25 they don't have to speed it up yeah I would I'd end up talking fast yeah that was great
but I'm glad we had to know you about this so were there any like special verses that you clung
on to during that time because I know that grounds people a lot just um I would say that you know
Jesus is close to the broken heart it was like a big one because I felt like I had a broken heart
for a long time and I still feel like a piece of it is broken you know I would say definitely that
one and then just one of my favorite books in the bible is you know a couple of them would be
Proverbs and Ecclesiastes which is like just you know all about reminding you essentially of like
how you should live your life and everything that we get to enjoy now is essentially not gonna be
here so the real goal is to be like a good Christian and to help other people get to meet Jesus so
like when I mentioned earlier about instead of doing what I want to do all the time it's very
much my prayer life is like what do you want me to do and one last thing I'll say is it was interesting
because while I was living my old life I would pray every single day Lord lead me where you need me
I would pray that every single day never thought he would lead me through all of the stuff that I
went through but I do feel very much that he's led me to where he needs me to be like in this moment
and I'm excited to kind of figure out what else he has in store and to not worry about the future
because he knows what the future is and yeah just kind of like that but now this qualifies you and
you can help other people through this circumstance as well it's good you will continue to use this
for as good and I hope um I explain myself well so I think it made sense okay I think you're very
articulate and well spoken oh good I think it's a great message too all right yeah thank you so with
that we'll end this episode and then we'll let I want to let you know that there's various ways
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