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Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's

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goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. Today we have

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with us a special guest, Carly Farquhar, and we know her from church, and the Holy Spirit led me

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to ask her to come on the podcast. It was those feelings like I wanted to get to know her better,

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and I shared that with Pastor Brea at church, and she's like, me too. So we're going to get to know

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Carly today, so not just me, but the whole world can choose to sign in and hear her story and how

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God worked in her life and showed up, and we hope that you can be blessed by this episode. And we'll

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have Carly start us off with the opening prayer. Dear God, I pray that you guide me and you help

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me get the message across that you want me to share, and in Jesus' name I pray amen. Amen. Thank you.

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Thank you. So where would you like to start, Carly? All right. So I would start off with saying that

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myself and Tyler, Tyler's my husband, knew we're going to church together, and our daughter comes

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to church with us as well. We've been going to South Hills Assembly for like about a year and a

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half. But as I've been praying on what to share, I've kind of wanted to start off with saying that

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I feel like the kind of person that I am is very much a planner, and I've always liked to kind of

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know the future, if possible, and have a good idea of like where things are going to end up. So

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a few years ago, I thought that I had life essentially like figured out and I had a career

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that I loved and I did like, I don't want to say full time, but like part time to full time. And I

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worked a lot and myself and Tyler, like we just kind of together, we thought that, you know, things

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were always going to be that way. Like his job would always be his job and my job would always be

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my job. But then we decided that we would like to try and have a baby. And we did just that. So I

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found out in August of 2022 that I was pregnant. And we were very, very excited. So we were really

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excited about that. My career was going the way that I thought it was going to be going,

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same with his Naomi was and still is going to a really nice Christian school. And we just kind of

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thought that we had our lives together. And that's how they were always going to be. But then in

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January of 2023 on January 26, our son, Angel was still born at 24 weeks old. So that completely

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flipped our world upside down. And I went from feeling like I was living on top of the world,

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like had everything I could ever want to ultimately just feeling like everything was crushed,

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essentially. And same with Tyler, I think we really were there for each other in a very deep way.

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But I don't think that we just knew how to handle everything that just happened. So whenever we

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lost our son, I thought it was pretty crazy that when I had no other idea of what to do,

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I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I felt like when he was born, it was the weirdest thing.

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Like I just felt like Jesus ultimately was there. And I couldn't help but think about

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in the Bible where it says Jesus is close to the broken hearted. So I kind of clung to that

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and held on to it as closely as possible because when we came home, it was like a whirlwind of

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emotions. You know, we just didn't really know I think what to do. He had to go back to work

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like a few days after and then I took two weeks off of work. And for those two weeks, I literally

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sat on my couch and I read my Bible because I just didn't know what else to do. And I was like,

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if there is anything that I can get out of this loss, I need to get back to God. And I thought it

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was kind of crazy because as wild as this sounds, when we buried our son, I just remember thinking

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like, I have to go to heaven. Like I have to be there because my baby is there. And Tyler,

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he had shared a testimony on, I think it was the Thanksgiving service last year.

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But he was never a Christian and he never really believed in God. So whenever I brought up to him

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that I wanted to try and go to church, he was okay with that. And we just kind of found ourselves

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going to South Hills Assembly because that's where Naomi had some of her Christmas concerts

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and stuff from the school that she goes to. And when we started going there, I could see

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God essentially like moving in our lives through the loss that we just experienced with just Ty

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being more of like a man of God and wanting to learn more. And we were starting to have those

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kind of discussions together where we didn't have that before. So I think that was like a really

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incredible thing to feel amidst of like our loss and everything because we both really leaned into

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God and leaned into each other. And it was a really hard time because I kind of felt like

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I was really lost and I didn't know what to do in terms of I had this career that I loved and

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I thought I was always going to do it. But I felt like God ultimately led me away from that career

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which was like a really difficult thing because I did it for around six and a half years and

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people that I thought would always be in my life were not in my life anymore all of a sudden. So

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I feel like I kind of wrestled with God a little bit in terms of like, I knew I needed to lean

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into Him but also I was shocked because I was like, okay, our baby just died and now you're

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telling me to leave a job that I had and I thought I was always going to do. So it was like

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it's a whirlwind of just being I think in shock and not sure what to do. So I decided to

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leave my job in faith ultimately which was like so hard because if you would ask Ty,

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it was like a daily conversation of what do I do and he's like, you need to do what God is

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telling you to do which he never really said to me before and it was that. So I had this life where

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I thought I had everything planned and it was going to essentially be the way it was always

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going at that point and then it just was not. So even as of like recently, I'm still someone that is

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trying to figure out the future very much and I think only within the past like couple of months

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have I really just started to let go more and just say I can't figure that out and I'm never

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going to have an idea of what that actually is or what that actually looks like and I need to be

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comfortable with that and I find the most peace essentially when I am in the word and when I start

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to feel stressed or I start to feel worried, I start to just lean on God like I did when we lost

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our son and that's kind of like what I think of when I feel confused because I'm like if he could

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have helped me figure my way out of that and saved me from going into like a depression like I'm so

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surprised I did not do that. Not to say I didn't have really hard days or anything but I do feel

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like he saved me from that and saved high from that. So yeah, I just feel like he's been trying to

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get me to fully understand like you're never going to have a solid idea of the future and like only

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I have an idea of what your future is going to look like so you need to lean on to me above

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everything else and that's just what I've come to terms with after a year and a half of going

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through all of that and I feel like I just when I was praying I was trying to figure out

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how to get that out because again I feel like I'm not good at pulling things out of my head like

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that but I feel like I just really wanted to share that because I want people to know that like you

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can plan and you can plan and you can plan and you can have everything figured out but it doesn't

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matter because life is forever changing and that's something else that you just have to kind of accept

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and know like I really feel passionate when I say things like one of the only constants in life is

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that life will always change and that God's never going to change so lean into him and you know get

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through everything else by doing that I guess yeah I can't imagine losing a child so to go through

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that and then not go into a depression is amazing and then you only had two weeks to process that

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he had two days that's nuts you know other countries they have a really long grieve time but America

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we just do things differently just say the least and that was just what a blessing that you got

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closer to God through that without that depression. You know through your story you mentioned that you

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were wrestling with God especially about transitioning from the workforce you were in where you were

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stable and right after the tremendous loss that you had and I couldn't help but think of Jacob

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and wrestling with God and how that that moment right the decision you made ultimately defined

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the rest of your relationship with God and you didn't limp your leg right you didn't crush your

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leg but he did give you a limp right he gave you a rather significant limp and unlike so many other

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people would probably process it you leaned into God you have a husband who wasn't really fully

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committed lean into God and I think that is such a tremendous testimony to have such tragedy a personal

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tragedy and instead of having it be a source of division there's a but the enemy would probably

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want to use to divide you that God instead used it to solidify a shell that protects and bonds you

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even further and I think that's incredible yeah I feel like again I just always go back to like

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I feel like I think about life is like before losing our son and then after losing our son

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and again I just thought that I had everything figured out and that our life was a good foundation

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and you know we had really great jobs and we are living how we wanted to live 24 seven and I think

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with God telling me to leave my job after even losing our son that was the biggest moment in

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terms of like for me stepping out in faith because I don't think I've really ever stepped out in

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faith like that before I just it was it's like an argument because constantly I just remember

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driving to work and just I was listening to sermons and reading my bible a lot and everything I was

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getting was like you already know the answer you already know the answer so to do that it was just

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like soul crushing for a little while in a way but ultimately it's led me to be a better mom

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and to be a better wife and to it's given me the ability to find myself again and instead of thinking

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about things of like what I want to do all the time thinking more along the lines of like well

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what did God create me to do and where am I going to go now I kind of feel like I was given like a

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second chance in a really crazy way. Right it sounds like it sounds like you were created again

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in a new body in a new vessel to do the work that he has set forth for you and your old life is

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not a good thing to stop there. Yes, yes and for a while I tried to figure out how to make

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everything feel like it was before losing our son and it will never be like that because I am not

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the same person and Tyler is not the same person and you know I talk a lot about it being our loss

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but it was also our daughter's loss too because she was very excited so not only when I came home

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and Ty came home from the hospital it was a very interesting dynamic because it was like the first

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time that Naomi's got to experience loss and I had to I think navigate that in a way that God was

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helping me navigate that if that makes sense. Absolutely in a way that you couldn't comprehend

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a way to tell her you were cognizant of a way to break the news to her but God was and he used you

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to yeah I think that's let's make perfect sense. Okay perfect sense. Yeah to people like us it makes

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perfect sense. Yes, I'm part of this kingdom seekers group and there's the saying where they

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row and say so God 828 this thing in your life and where the devil meant it for evil God is like no

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no it's gonna bring them closer to me and solidify their identity and who's they are

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and no matter what happens you got God. Yeah so that was that's really good because even the other

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date when I was like praying again on what to share and like who am I exactly like I was just

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getting like you know what to share and you know who you are so with you saying that just kind of like

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like happened all over again you know so Holy Spirit work it yes so of it 100%.

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When throughout the trouble did you notice that you were going to be okay right so in that when

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this trouble happened and I don't know when you chose to lean into God was it that same day was it

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at any point when I'm asking you did you blame God did you know God this is absolutely ludicrous

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or did you from the very beginning embrace God as a source of comfort and joy in a place where you

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had no comfort or joy. I think it was a mixture of both to be completely honest because again like

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when we were in the hospital and right after our son was born it was that whole day it was like gray

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and it was like a blizzard and then this just like I don't know if Tyler would remember it but I

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noticed it and it was like this beam of light kind of came through the glass and then I just felt

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Jesus essentially was there like that I think was the first point where I was like it's going to be

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okay I don't understand that at all right now and then when I came home like it was very much though

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I would be like I mean who wouldn't say things like this but like why God did this happen like

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why did I don't think I ever said like why didn't you allow this to happen but it was very much like

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why did this happen to me I feel like it was like I've been such a great person and things like that

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and also it was just a really hard loss too because when I was younger my brother had passed away

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and he passed away January 22nd 2003 so our son passed away January 25th is essentially when he

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did not have his heartbeat but January 25th 2023 so I thought it was just kind of like

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how could this happen like how was it that my mom lost her son this week 20 years ago

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and now I lost my son this week 20 years ago that was like something I really had I think

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play into my emotions a lot of being like why is this happening I feel like my family is I don't

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want to say curse because I know that's not true but like why is this happening to us like I didn't

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understand it but the only thing I felt in my like entire body was sit on the couch like I felt

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like God was saying sit on the couch and read and I did I just sat on the couch and I started

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reading my Bible and in those moments of reading my Bible I felt like I knew things were going to

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be okay but then when I wasn't and I was in the world and I was going through my life I felt like

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I was there was no way it was going to be okay so that's why I feel like I leaned into him so much

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but again I wrestled a lot with all of it but I came out on the other side with the the stuff

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that matters so absolutely I think you did absolutely I'm very grateful for you and Tyler and

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and meeting you and and going to membership class with you and yes having into a lot of other classes

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and getting to know you guys are just tremendously wonderful people thank you and we really appreciate

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you being around and I'm glad that we had this chance to sit down and speak with you learn a

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little bit more about you and just see how your journey with God is developing or for in your case

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we're kindling and in Tyler's tells a case developing yeah and how Naomi is just really

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just on board with it right I love that I love that kids are like if this is what we're doing this

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let's go yeah I really can relate to a lot of that and it's a tremendous testimony of your

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faithfulness in God despite what the world would blame him for yeah I'm just really excited and

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it doesn't sound like it I'm really excited that we had a chance to get to know you a little bit

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better and we got to know and I am sorry for your loss thank you that is a tremendous emotional

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impact to lose a child to have in I know we're not supposed to write put our expectations on

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kids because as soon as they do something else we're like all let down because we wanted them to

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do but there were still dreams and hopes and things that I know that you dreamed and hoped because

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we're parents we know we know what we do and that is heartbreaking to have those return void

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in your sight and so I'm glad that you are where you are in this process and open about it and

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transparent about something that is so devastating and I really hope that it can encourage other

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parents that have experienced similar things that there is hope in Jesus that there is peace in the

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name of Jesus that he can't take away what caused the hurt but he can help mitigate the hurt

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but you remember it's it's not all about us it's about God and what he can do through it

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yeah in the circumstances oh and I misspoke I said he can't take away the hurt he can yeah

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he can take away what caused the hurt I misspoke he can do anything he wants generally we haven't

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seen the evidence of that so I'm gonna clarify thank you for that you were worried this was gonna

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like oh I don't know if I can fit this in oh yeah I know it's like not as long I feel like I talk

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fast too when I um I'm nervous so like it just like it was like speed then people don't have to hit

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like 1.25 they don't have to speed it up yeah I would I'd end up talking fast yeah that was great

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but I'm glad we had to know you about this so were there any like special verses that you clung

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on to during that time because I know that grounds people a lot just um I would say that you know

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Jesus is close to the broken heart it was like a big one because I felt like I had a broken heart

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for a long time and I still feel like a piece of it is broken you know I would say definitely that

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one and then just one of my favorite books in the bible is you know a couple of them would be

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Proverbs and Ecclesiastes which is like just you know all about reminding you essentially of like

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how you should live your life and everything that we get to enjoy now is essentially not gonna be

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here so the real goal is to be like a good Christian and to help other people get to meet Jesus so

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like when I mentioned earlier about instead of doing what I want to do all the time it's very

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much my prayer life is like what do you want me to do and one last thing I'll say is it was interesting

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because while I was living my old life I would pray every single day Lord lead me where you need me

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I would pray that every single day never thought he would lead me through all of the stuff that I

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went through but I do feel very much that he's led me to where he needs me to be like in this moment

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and I'm excited to kind of figure out what else he has in store and to not worry about the future

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because he knows what the future is and yeah just kind of like that but now this qualifies you and

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you can help other people through this circumstance as well it's good you will continue to use this

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for as good and I hope um I explain myself well so I think it made sense okay I think you're very

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articulate and well spoken oh good I think it's a great message too all right yeah thank you so with

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that we'll end this episode and then we'll let I want to let you know that there's various ways

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that you can help with the podcast number one financially we have a fundraising campaign that

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the funds go to helping with the audio expenses and a studio one day and then because that will

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happen oh yes and then also if you could rate the podcast in Spotify and iTunes and then also if you

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can share it with a friend also follow along with us on social media and hit the like button it helps

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and with that thank you for listening and we'll talk to you next time