1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,000 Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage as well as highlight 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,320 God's goodness and modern day miracles. 3 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,200 We are your hosts, Josh and Shelly Hankins. 4 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,400 Today we have with us Ray Sartori. 5 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,880 So, did I say that right? 6 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:21,880 Yes, you did. 7 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:22,880 Hello. 8 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:23,880 Awesome. 9 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,800 And he was introduced to me by Jim Said. 10 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:31,080 Some of you may know Jim Said with his razor wire and rainbows episode. 11 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,080 It's ranking number one. 12 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,120 So, if you haven't heard it, listen to that. 13 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,640 Share it with a friend. 14 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:41,080 And Ray is going to share a little bit of his story with us, but first he's going to 15 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,200 open us up with an opening prayer. 16 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,200 Amen. 17 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,000 Heavenly Father, we welcome you today in our midst. 18 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:53,200 We glorify you and worship you and we ask that your will be done and you have your way 19 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,840 with us, Lord. 20 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:59,280 We surrender to you and we ask you in Jesus' name. 21 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,280 Amen. 22 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,280 Amen. 23 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,280 Thank you for coming on. 24 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,240 Where would you like to start? 25 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:09,360 Well, first of all, I'd like to thank you both for the opportunity to share my story 26 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,360 and give God the glory for all he's done in my life. 27 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,040 I'm a recovering addict. 28 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:21,120 Rounding the corner within 90 days will celebrate eight years of sobriety. 29 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,120 Congratulations. 30 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:23,840 Praise God. 31 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:30,320 After 30 years of hardcore addiction, lost in running and separated from God. 32 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:34,680 We'll start with me being a young man, growing up in an Italian family. 33 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:43,320 My parents, both my father, Emilio Sartori, his grandparents or his parents, pardon me, 34 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,960 were from Arturo, Sicily. 35 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:51,440 My mother, Rosella Puccio, her parents were from Arturo, Sicily. 36 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:57,520 My mom and dad met through my dad and her brother, my uncle Lefty, being in the Korean 37 00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:58,920 War together. 38 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:04,720 And when they returned home, both Purpleheart veterans, my mom and dad met each other through 39 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,880 my uncle's introduction. 40 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,360 And they got together and had me and my brother. 41 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:17,560 They raised my mother's two daughters, my step-sisters, and we became a great family. 42 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:23,280 But when I was an eight-year-old child, my father was hospitalized due to Korean War 43 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,120 combat issues. 44 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:34,640 So for two years, I spent my life in a waiting room in a hospital as a small child. 45 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:40,440 A year after that, my mother went into surgery and got paralyzed from the waist down. 46 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,000 Couple months after that, my father died. 47 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,000 How old were you then? 48 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,000 Nine. 49 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,000 Wow. 50 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,080 On my 10th birthday, my mother died. 51 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,680 That sounds like a lot of trauma. 52 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:50,680 Wow. 53 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:51,680 Unbelievable. 54 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,200 Forget me if I get emotional. 55 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,520 No, no, that's understandable. 56 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,640 And you're with them friends and Grace will be upon you. 57 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,800 And the Lord is here, so we're covered. 58 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:10,440 So after going through that process for two years plus of, like I said, living in a hospital 59 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:18,360 waiting room and stressing about my parents' health and then losing them, we had a Catholic 60 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,520 upbringing, which is fine. 61 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:27,800 But the priest who buried my mother and father began to molest me as a small child, as a 10-year-old 62 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:28,800 child. 63 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,880 Tragic and unthinkable, right? 64 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,400 And after a while, it ended. 65 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:42,520 That was raised by my mother's sister, my aunt and uncle, and we moved from Jeanette, 66 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:51,280 Pennsylvania, a rural little country town at the time in 1975 over to Wilkinsburg in 67 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,400 the heart of the city. 68 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:59,360 And that's where things began to unravel for me. 69 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:08,960 A lot of contention, a lot of anxiety, being in a family without parents and being raised 70 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:16,440 by people who really didn't give a lot of heartfelt warmth and love. 71 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:17,880 I just began to wonder. 72 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:26,520 I had an older brother who, four years older than me, at like 17, he left the whole home 73 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,080 scene. 74 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:32,600 And I was 13 and 14 and 15. 75 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:37,240 And when I was 16, I was kicked out of the house that they raised me in. 76 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:43,720 Now, mind you, when I was a 10-year-old boy and lost both of my parents and my mother 77 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:50,920 had a hospitalization lawsuit and my dad died, a Korean war veteran, Purple Heart, I 78 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:56,120 got an inheritance of $600,000 in 1975. 79 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,240 When I was kicked out on the street, they didn't give me a penny of that and took it 80 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,240 all. 81 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:09,640 So I was one day on the run, and I ran into one of my uncles and he said, why do you look 82 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:14,480 like you look and what's going on and what did you do with all that money? 83 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,840 And I asked him, what money are you talking about? 84 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,360 And he told me about it. 85 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:28,640 And it was just another one of those moments where it was like more abandonment, more betrayal, 86 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,440 you know, more pain. 87 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:36,160 And so what did I do instead of going to the Lord? 88 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,240 I ran harder and further. 89 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:49,480 And as a young man growing up, 17, 18 years old, I began to date girls. 90 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:54,680 After what I went through with the Catholic priest, I began to justify my heterosexuality 91 00:05:54,680 --> 00:06:01,680 and make sure that, you know, I was doing the girl thing and doing it on a regular basis. 92 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:07,480 And the whole time realizing, not realizing that, but now I realize that the enemy was 93 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:13,240 all over me, setting me up, right? 94 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:21,240 Just what I thought was a picture of God to abuse me in the priest thing. 95 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:28,760 And I look back and I think, man, he was just setting me up moment after moment, issue after 96 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:35,480 issue, episode after episode to take me out to pull me down, to steal, to kill, to destroy 97 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,520 me, right? 98 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:43,200 So I ended up getting married, having two beautiful kids in my early 20s. 99 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,800 And then we lived a decent life. 100 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:50,400 I was a carpenter, a contractor, which we still are today. 101 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:59,720 And it turns out a couple of years after marriage, maybe six, eight years after marriage, I found 102 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:03,320 out my wife had cheated on me. 103 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,320 So what did I do? 104 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,320 I ran away. 105 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,320 You ran, yep. 106 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,520 I ran away again. 107 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:13,840 You know, after having children, we actually began to go to church. 108 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:21,040 And I believe when I was about 25 years old, I was saved. 109 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,720 I asked God to come into my life. 110 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:29,680 I believed the message of the gospel that Jesus had come to earth, went to the cross 111 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:36,520 in my stead for my sins on the third day rose again, and I believed it. 112 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:45,920 I trusted in it and I placed my faith in Christ and I believe my eternal destination is secure 113 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:46,920 in him. 114 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:54,360 But that doesn't mean my behavior on earth was in mind with that, which to my demise 115 00:07:54,360 --> 00:08:00,560 caused me a lot of pain, hurt, abandonment continually after even acknowledging that 116 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,720 Jesus Christ was King eternal. 117 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:11,080 So what I did was after I found out that the mother of my children had betrayed me, I took 118 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,400 off. 119 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:19,520 And my kids at the time were eight, my daughter and my son, 10, whom I loved dearly. 120 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:25,040 And I had a wonderful relationship with now this day. 121 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,040 Thank God. 122 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,560 I just bailed. 123 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:35,120 And then I began to pursue other women, drugs, alcohol, a horrible lifestyle. 124 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,560 And guess what? 125 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:43,520 It took me three decades to wake up from that nightmare. 126 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:50,840 And I want to talk about this because here's something that it just keeps coming back to 127 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:56,680 me as a young man dealing with the hurt and the pain in the past. 128 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,800 I had a couple of choices to make. 129 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:06,320 One was of course to ask for help, which I did not. 130 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:11,400 The second thing was to pray and then ask him for help. 131 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:12,400 Right? 132 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,000 I could ask a human for help. 133 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,040 I could ask a God for help. 134 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,280 I could ask the church for help. 135 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,960 And I refused all three. 136 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:26,880 And it cost me decades, decades of pain and suffering. 137 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:34,000 Not only did it cost me heart and pain and suffering and loss, it cost my ex-wife that, 138 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,440 my two beautiful children that. 139 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,920 And it's like a snowball effect. 140 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,640 You know, the world doesn't revolve around me. 141 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:47,360 You know, I'm tied intricately with others. 142 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,360 And when I suffer, they suffer. 143 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,880 It's a ripple effect. 144 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:51,880 It is. 145 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:57,840 Truly a devastating ripple effect when you look back on all the pain and suffering. 146 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:03,000 But as King David said in the Old Testament, if I make my bed in hell, Lord, you're even 147 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,840 there. 148 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,160 And so I began to drink. 149 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,320 I began to drug. 150 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,280 I began to smoke weed and do coke. 151 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:20,920 And I went to one wrong party and I was introduced to crack cocaine, which was one of the biggest 152 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:27,280 demons that God had to really get out of my life. 153 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:32,520 And he used the Allegheny County Jail to help me get clean, which I'm fine with. 154 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:33,520 You guys can have a club. 155 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:34,520 Amen. 156 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,200 I have no doubt about it. 157 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,120 And thank God for that. 158 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:45,720 I may still be on the run, but years and years go by and about 17 years ago, I'm still getting 159 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:46,720 high. 160 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:54,000 I'm in this abandoned crack house getting high and real deep into it. 161 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:59,400 And I hear a baby crying and I'm thinking, I'm losing it. 162 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,080 You know, thinking it's in my head. 163 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:06,000 And so I turned to this, this girl who was in this house with me and said, you know, 164 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,000 I'm starting to hear stuff. 165 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,400 I was so concerned. 166 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,400 And she said, what's up? 167 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,760 And I told her, I hear a baby in my head crying. 168 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:18,800 And she said, no, there's a baby upstairs in a crib that's been left here for almost 169 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,800 a week. 170 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,080 I said, what? 171 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:27,360 And so I went upstairs and there's this little six month old baby in a crib in the corner 172 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:33,320 of this room, just really crying, dirty, filthy, emaciated. 173 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:39,440 And I went over and I picked this kid up and he grabbed me around the neck and he wouldn't 174 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,840 let go. 175 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:48,360 And immediately right then in there, I was no longer high. 176 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:55,480 I was God just revealed to me what was going on and woke me up. 177 00:11:55,480 --> 00:12:03,120 So what I did was I called my ex-wife and told her what the situation was. 178 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,120 There's an issue. 179 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:09,120 She was right down the road with my little 12 year old daughter at the time. 180 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:16,240 And they came over with diapers and bathed the child, took him home, got him safe. 181 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,840 And you know, 17 years later, he's still in my family. 182 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,280 Yeah. 183 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,320 My ex-wife adopted him. 184 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:30,320 Now, we found his birth mother and she was incarcerated. 185 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:37,040 She went out and made a deal and got incarcerated that week that I had found him, but she didn't 186 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,200 tell anybody about him. 187 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:45,760 And the people she left him with were complete addicts that were unconcerned. 188 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:51,560 And if God did not intervene, God, not me, if God did not intervene in that child's life, 189 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:52,920 he wouldn't have made it. 190 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,320 He made sure you heard him. 191 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,360 God is faithful. 192 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,640 God is true. 193 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:08,040 And even in our worst, even at our lowest, he shows up and uses us. 194 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,040 You know what I mean? 195 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,560 We have to be obedient though, right? 196 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,560 Be that willing to stressful. 197 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:16,280 You could have stayed downstairs and listened to that baby crying, kept getting high. 198 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,400 You could have saw that baby and said, just like all the other addicts, not my problem 199 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,440 and walked away, but you didn't, right? 200 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,600 You chose to lean into the compassion that he fueled you with. 201 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:31,640 You chose to lean into the redemption that he had for you, right? 202 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,200 You chose to lean into that restoration by saving that child. 203 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,880 You saved yourself through him. 204 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:37,880 Praise God. 205 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,560 That's the Holy Spirit within us, my brother. 206 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:46,480 I mean, because we are without God, we are nothing. 207 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,480 We're in trouble. 208 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,480 We're on our own. 209 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:49,480 We're abandoned. 210 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,480 We're alone. 211 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:56,720 But with God, even in our struggle, all things are possible. 212 00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:02,040 So after that episode, you know, things went in and out, up and down, back and forth. 213 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,040 We had... 214 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,560 No, you get back together with your wife. 215 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:05,560 No, we didn't. 216 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:06,560 Okay. 217 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:07,560 No, but we're still friends. 218 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:08,560 But he adopted it. 219 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,560 Oh yeah. 220 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,560 Okay. 221 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:15,080 And, you know, we hung out and we fellowshiped and we did family, but Ray would keep going 222 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:21,720 back to the destruction, to the running, because I wasn't ready. 223 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,080 You know what I mean? 224 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,840 So we could go on and on and move. 225 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:32,160 I could talk about tragedy and triumph on and on, but I want to talk about my children. 226 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:38,960 So my children, Christopher and Jessica, who are both clean and sober today by the grace 227 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,320 of God. 228 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:44,200 My son just celebrated seven years a couple of months ago. 229 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,840 My daughter Jessica, five years. 230 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,560 My son's wife, five, six years sober. 231 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:50,920 That's great. 232 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,000 And as I said, I'm coming up on eight. 233 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,560 So when God saved me, it got me clean. 234 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,440 He was working on those guys as well. 235 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:04,600 I don't take any responsibility for their sobriety, but we all sort of got clean within 236 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,280 a window of time. 237 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,360 And I'm surrounded by grandchildren. 238 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:16,000 I have eight grandchildren, which claim to me anytime I'm with them. 239 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,080 If it was the old way, it wouldn't be like that. 240 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,760 They might be scared of you. 241 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,760 Absolutely. 242 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:21,760 You're not knowing me at all. 243 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:22,760 Right. 244 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,280 Because you wouldn't be there because I wouldn't be there. 245 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,280 It wouldn't show up. 246 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:31,560 I, over the last eight years, I haven't missed a birthday, a holiday, an event, a family 247 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,560 occasion. 248 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,360 I wouldn't miss it for the world. 249 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,120 Well, you missed 30 years of life. 250 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,080 So I can't imagine you turning anything else down at the moment. 251 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,080 I am. 252 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:45,440 So when I was 51 years old, this is interesting. 253 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,440 Still getting high. 254 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:52,400 I did a drug deal through my Washington, got pulled over by Task Force, got busted with 255 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,400 some drugs. 256 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,400 I was on probation. 257 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,400 They let me go. 258 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,920 They said, we'll call your PO. 259 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,920 You report and let them know what happened. 260 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:07,080 And we'll set a court date and we'll deal with it then. 261 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:12,360 And dodged that bullet, went, got high some more. 262 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,760 And eventually that time showed up. 263 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,560 That court date showed up. 264 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,280 And I called my PO before that happened. 265 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:24,000 And she said, well, what we're going to do is we'll have you show up to court and then 266 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:28,200 we'll have you arrested and we're going to help you get clean. 267 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,200 I said, okay, I can deal with that. 268 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,480 Meanwhile, I went and got high again until. 269 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:38,920 And so that day showed up and I went to court and I got in front of the judge. 270 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:41,160 The PO didn't even show up. 271 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:47,040 And the judge said, okay, violation, this, that and the other thing. 272 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,760 And he said, case dismissed. 273 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,120 And I said, well, may I speak your honor? 274 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,240 And I am very respectful in court. 275 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,080 And I said, what do you mean case dismissed? 276 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,720 I thought I was here to, you know, do some time and get some help. 277 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,320 And he goes, no, we don't do that. 278 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:10,960 I said, but the, the, the, uh, parole officer said he's going to put a warrant for my arrest. 279 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:17,800 So I should be arrested and incarcerated because I'm going to go get high if you let me go. 280 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,960 And he said, well, that's not my problem. 281 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,600 And I said, okay, here's what I'm going to do. 282 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,920 I'm going to go sit down in that bench right over here. 283 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:30,400 I'm not leaving your court until you have a sheriff come and take me. 284 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:38,400 Because I was ready because I had a little sit down with God that week and I said, I 285 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:45,040 need your help and whatever has to happen, help me. 286 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:49,920 And sure enough, half an hour went by and two sheriffs, so I'm getting a, they can say, 287 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,200 whisper, come on with me. 288 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,200 You're right. 289 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,160 There's a warrant. 290 00:17:54,160 --> 00:18:00,120 So I put my hands behind my back to get cuffed and they said, we're not going to do that, 291 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,120 buddy. 292 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,120 Nobody asked to be arrested. 293 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,680 You know? 294 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:10,560 And so, um, the process began June 8th, 2016. 295 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,280 That was that day. 296 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:19,360 And I sat it down for a couple months until I got a call back in the court and I was met 297 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,240 by judge Anthony Mariani. 298 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,800 He said, yeah, you did a good thing, buddy. 299 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,280 You know, you got a couple months clean. 300 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:31,040 What we're going to do is sentence you 11 and a half to 23 months. 301 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,240 And I was like, oh man, I didn't ask for that. 302 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,120 You know, but I said, I didn't really say it. 303 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,120 Say that. 304 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:41,320 I just hung on my head and I said, okay, Lord, I'm ready. 305 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,440 And let's do this. 306 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:50,040 So God set me down and I went back to the Alacanti County jail and I just thanked him and prayed 307 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,320 that whatever your will is, I'm ready. 308 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,320 I'm willing. 309 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,320 Let's go. 310 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:59,800 But three months later, they came and got me from the Alacanti County jail and put me 311 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:04,760 into the renewal center, which was a halfway house where you go and you're incarcerated 312 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,880 from like 630pm till 630am. 313 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:14,000 You get to go to work throughout the day and then you come back there and you go back 314 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,040 to jail based not to the jail, but to the halfway house. 315 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,720 Kind of like a house arrest. 316 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:19,720 It was beautiful. 317 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,040 Good, better food, right? 318 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:26,400 Free clothes, get to go to church on Sunday. 319 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:32,280 And the whole time, my girlfriend, who's now my wife, Diana, was skeptical. 320 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,320 What are you going to do when you get out? 321 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:36,840 How are we going to do this? 322 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,280 If you get high again, it's over. 323 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:46,480 And this is a woman who I knew at the time for about six, seven years in and out of a 324 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,080 relationship with her. 325 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:52,320 And she somehow got saved. 326 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,320 We know how, right? 327 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,320 The Holy Spirit. 328 00:19:54,320 --> 00:20:00,960 And, you know, because I would witness to her, even though I was out of my mind at it, the 329 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:11,400 Holy Spirit was still in me drawing her and using the good to let her know that God is 330 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,640 real. 331 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:19,280 And so 11 and a half months and one day goes by and they called me down. 332 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,280 But let me go back. 333 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:26,800 During that time of incarceration at the renewal, I met these gentlemen from walking arms. 334 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:32,880 They would come in on Tuesday nights, Wednesday nights, Thursday nights with a different representative. 335 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,680 And we'd do Bible study. 336 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:40,960 And I never missed one Bible study because I knew that while I was laying it down, that 337 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,680 was the time to get fed. 338 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:43,960 Is that how he met Jim? 339 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:48,960 Well, I didn't meet Jim there, but he was there like a couple months before me. 340 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,200 We didn't cross paths. 341 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,120 This is interesting. 342 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:59,120 But we met after I got out because the day I was discharged, 11 and a half months and 343 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,520 one day I called my girl. 344 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,120 I said, babe, I'm out. 345 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,120 Come get me. 346 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,120 She said, all right. 347 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:09,040 I hung up the phone with her and I picked up the phone and I called Leo Wisniewski from 348 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,360 locking arms. 349 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,440 We became dear friends in Bible study at the renewal center. 350 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,240 And I said, Leo, I'm out. 351 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,000 I don't want to get high no more. 352 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:24,760 I need to be around men who love Jesus and are doing the right thing. 353 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:29,000 And he said, well, tomorrow is the walk for the homeless at Heinz Field. 354 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,840 It was June, something or other. 355 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,960 And I met Tom Jokin and Dave Jacobs and John Colb. 356 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,520 John Colb and Craig Wolfley, right? 357 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,720 And Leo down there. 358 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:48,360 And I've been with that group of men for the last eight years, which is one of the main 359 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,960 reasons I haven't returned to the madness. 360 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:58,760 Because every Thursday night, either here at my house or in another man's house, we 361 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:05,600 meet for Bible study and we break bread, we eat food, we get filled with God's Word. 362 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,880 We just try to become better people, serve Christ. 363 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:17,800 So after I get out of the renewal center and I get a job, I get back into construction, 364 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,280 I get a car like within six months. 365 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,120 And by the way, I don't have a license. 366 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,120 I don't have anything. 367 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,120 You know what I mean? 368 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:26,920 I'm starting from scratch again. 369 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,160 Everything's gone. 370 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:37,040 My son I hear is in a drug program six months clean, six months right behind me. 371 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,880 I'm like, yeah, that's awesome. 372 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,400 So we begin to talk on the phone and communicate. 373 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,440 And he's like, dad, are you going to do it this time? 374 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,280 I was like, I'm going to try, buddy. 375 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:48,720 You know, one day at a time. 376 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,720 That's all I could do. 377 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,720 I tell him about the men's group I'm in, whom he's been a part of. 378 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,480 He comes to retreats with his son. 379 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,460 And it's just a beautiful thing. 380 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:03,720 So I began to pick him up at he's now in a halfway house like his father was. 381 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,480 I pick him up on Sundays. 382 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:06,480 We got to eat. 383 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,000 We go bowling. 384 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:14,040 We visit his girlfriend who was his girlfriend who's now his wife. 385 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,040 Right. 386 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,000 And we visit her. 387 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,360 She still struggling to get clean. 388 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:22,600 We were at her house one day in Penn Hills. 389 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,800 We visit after bowling and eating. 390 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:33,000 And then she's pregnant with his daughter, Kalea, who's now four years old. 391 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,360 No, going on six years old. 392 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:39,080 It's amazing how time flies. 393 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,080 And we leave. 394 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,320 We leave in Penn Hills to go back to Washington, PA. 395 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:49,440 And we get a phone call from one of Chris's girl's best friend. 396 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,760 And she says, get back to the house. 397 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:56,800 Kray Leger just shot up and fell out, I heard her hit the floor. 398 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,960 Pregnant with the baby, no doubt. 399 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,240 So Chris calls 911. 400 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:06,840 We head back to the house, kick the door and she's dead on the floor in the bathroom. 401 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:07,840 Purple. 402 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,640 We're doing chest compressions. 403 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,520 911 blows through the door. 404 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:17,000 Narcans are six times and she's alive. 405 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:23,560 So the cops say, we're going to take you to the hospital and make sure the baby's okay, 406 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:24,560 that you're okay. 407 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,240 I'm not going to no hospital, she says. 408 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:30,160 And Chris said, I'm the father of the child in her womb. 409 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,120 Arrest her if she doesn't go. 410 00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,760 And sure enough, they cuff her up. 411 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,640 She said, all right, I'll go to the hospital. 412 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:45,440 And Chris calls the PO, her PO the next day and demands drug court for his girl and the 413 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:46,440 baby. 414 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:51,600 And Kray Leger is over five years sober today. 415 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,560 Praise God. 416 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:59,840 If we were, where we were supposed to be that day, they'd both be gone. 417 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,840 Just how God is, you know. 418 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,760 You got to forgive me because that's just so moving to me. 419 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,440 There's nothing to forgive, man. 420 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:09,440 Praise God. 421 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:16,320 You know, I think it's a tremendous thing that you were always seemingly in the right 422 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,960 place at the right time. 423 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:18,960 Right? 424 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:19,960 Absolutely. 425 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,080 We know that God doesn't work in coincidences. 426 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,920 That's only from a believer's perspective. 427 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,080 We don't believe in coincidence. 428 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,600 There's no such thing. 429 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:34,680 And your first encounter with where God approached you to restore you with that child, like I 430 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:39,920 could feel like when you told the story, I could feel the child cling, right? 431 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,600 In desperation and trying to survive and trying to find love. 432 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,000 I could feel that child cling through your story. 433 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:50,720 Like I could totally, like you almost teared me up and that's really hard to do. 434 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,440 It really is. 435 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,840 And then you said that you were 25, right? 436 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:59,440 When you said you first think you gave your life to Jesus, that's about the age. 437 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:07,520 And it really speaks to the fortitude and the manifold wisdom of God that we pray to 438 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:12,120 Him and we accept Him in our lives are total chaos. 439 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:13,840 Like they're just nuts. 440 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:14,840 Absolutely. 441 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,380 He doesn't forget the promise. 442 00:26:16,380 --> 00:26:18,160 He doesn't forget the salvation. 443 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,720 He doesn't forget what you prayed. 444 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,080 He doesn't forget that. 445 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:25,320 And he refused to let you go after you asked him into your heart. 446 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:30,040 Despite the dumb things that we do as people, he refuses to let us go because I remember 447 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,200 similar things that similar things. 448 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:38,960 And I've done some dumb things and yet I'm still walking with the Lord and still he chooses 449 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,720 me to do things for his kingdom. 450 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,920 And it's because I asked him into my heart, even when I wasn't ready, even though I didn't 451 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,040 understand and he's like, I got you, you will always be there. 452 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,520 The footsteps of a righteous man are ordered by God, right? 453 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:59,360 And how are we made righteous through Christ and Calvary? 454 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,360 Yeah, nothing we can do. 455 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:04,480 Not through our own, but through him. 456 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:10,840 I'm showing these guys a picture of Brandon, the child that I found as a baby abandoned. 457 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,920 And he's 17 years old in this picture that I'm sharing. 458 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,560 And he just went to college. 459 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,440 He just entered college this year for the first time. 460 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:23,440 He looks beaming. 461 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,360 God is faithful and happy. 462 00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:27,520 God is faithful. 463 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,960 He looks like a perfectly well-developed young man. 464 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:40,320 And the Lord in his sovereignty allows our story to glorify himself. 465 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:44,040 And that's who gets all the glory is Jesus Christ. 466 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,640 Because once again, left to our own devices, it's over. 467 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,640 It's a wrap. 468 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:49,640 Absolutely. 469 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,680 We're fodder for the enemy. 470 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,360 And that's the whole thing about the matter. 471 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:59,280 It's no one in this family of mine is perfect, right? 472 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:03,360 But now we know who to turn to for help. 473 00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:06,160 And the more you do it, the more it becomes a reflex, right? 474 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,160 It is a reflex. 475 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,520 The less you feel you have to do it on your own, the more that you've already experienced 476 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:11,760 what he's done. 477 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:17,280 Listen, stuff happens till today, but we don't run to a crack pipe. 478 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,560 We don't run to an alcoholic beverage. 479 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,280 We don't run to a marijuana leaf. 480 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,520 We run to the author and the finisher of our faith. 481 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:31,800 We run to the King, the Creator for our rescue and our health. 482 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:35,960 I would even hazard to say that we don't even run to him, that we step boldly before him 483 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,120 as his children, right? 484 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,680 We don't need to run any longer. 485 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:44,600 Because he is the author and perfect of our lives, as you said. 486 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:45,880 He is the King. 487 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,120 He knows what's going on. 488 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:48,160 He knows what's up. 489 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,200 He's never, ever, ever, ever caught off guard. 490 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,200 Praise God. 491 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,640 And so as we enter an intimate relationship with him and we share our life with him, even 492 00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:00,760 though he already knows, it's us acknowledging that what we want and trust him with the small 493 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,040 things in our life, the pain in our life. 494 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,720 And he loves that. 495 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:08,240 And everything that we do that furthers his kingdom brings him glory. 496 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:09,760 And he loves that. 497 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:10,760 Praise God. 498 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:18,080 So I have another great story of redemption and rescue and salvation to share with everybody 499 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:24,920 so I'm just got clean at 51, nearly eight years ago. 500 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:31,560 And a couple of years into being sober, my wife was like, you got to go to the doctors, 501 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:32,560 bro. 502 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:33,560 You're an older gentleman. 503 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,400 You need to go to the doctors, get a physical check, because I didn't care about any of 504 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,520 that while I was out getting high doing my thing. 505 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,920 And I said, okay, that's cool. 506 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,160 It's a good idea, primary care physician. 507 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:44,760 Let's go get checked up. 508 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:45,760 You're over 50. 509 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:46,760 You need a colonoscopy. 510 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,800 And I said, I'm like, no, please, no. 511 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,000 That pre-drink makes you have to drink before and get ready. 512 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,480 It was just the nightmare. 513 00:29:54,480 --> 00:30:00,440 But they did the colonoscopy and they found stage three B colon cancer tumor size of a 514 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,840 tennis ball in my lower abdomen. 515 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:12,800 And so I'm like, I get the news after waking up out of that colonoscopy, whatever aspect, 516 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:13,960 you know, because they put you out. 517 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:15,480 Yeah, the whole seizure. 518 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:16,680 And they're like, yeah. 519 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,640 And so they're glowing as you wake up. 520 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,120 They tell me. 521 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,120 And I didn't freak. 522 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:22,920 I didn't flip out. 523 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:27,880 I realized that I lived a lifestyle worthy of that diagnosis. 524 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:28,880 I really did. 525 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:33,200 I understood that, man, you didn't take real good care of yourself, brother. 526 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,160 What do you expect? 527 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:41,520 So when I was shed a tear or any real flipping out, I went to Bible study that week and I 528 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:42,520 said, check this out. 529 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,440 We got a little prayer request, gentlemen. 530 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:51,000 And I told them and I said, I don't want to pray that God delivers me, that God heals 531 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,280 me, that God this or that or the other thing. 532 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:58,960 What I do want to pray is for the will of God to be done in this matter, whether it's 533 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:10,280 to allow me to be healed, allow me to suffer with dignity or to take me home, whatever his 534 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,520 will is, I'm good with. 535 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,680 And that's just what we prayed. 536 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:21,040 And so I went through 28 sessions of chemo and radiation, never missed a day of work. 537 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:27,320 At lunchtime, I'd go to the hospital and get radiated and then go back to work. 538 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:28,320 I didn't lose weight. 539 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:29,320 I didn't lose hair. 540 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:30,320 I'm already bald. 541 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:31,320 But that's all good. 542 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,320 Unrelated. 543 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,320 Unrelated. 544 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:37,440 And I didn't suffer fatigue or anything, really. 545 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,960 And then the tumor had shrunk and just disappeared. 546 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:41,960 It was gone. 547 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:46,720 They couldn't find it, which was a praise reported itself, which was wonderful. 548 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,600 So the doctor says, well, we're still going to recommend this and surgery and chemo. 549 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:56,120 I said, listen, you can do surgery and biopsy to see if there's any microscopic cancer, 550 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,600 but we're not doing any more chemo. 551 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:05,280 So they did the surgery and they found zero cancer. 552 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:11,520 And that's been three years past and recent checkups, still no cancer, nothing. 553 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,520 Awesome. 554 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,080 But God is good. 555 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:20,600 So how good does it feel knowing that you think that you fully deserved that cancer? 556 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,560 And God said, no, you didn't. 557 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:23,560 Right? 558 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:29,120 How could you feel that he loves you so much that he said, that is not what you deserve. 559 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:33,200 Despite what you've done, despite what you feel is owed to you because of the life you 560 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,560 lived in such a way that God says, that it's not for you, right? 561 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,680 That he cherishes you so much that he took that away. 562 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:44,560 Despite the fact that you think you deserved it, that he says that Jesus has already paid 563 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:45,560 the price. 564 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,200 You don't deserve any punishment, right? 565 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,560 You don't have this penance that you need. 566 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:51,560 It's taken away. 567 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,860 It was, it was a buried with Jesus and he didn't come back to life with him. 568 00:32:55,860 --> 00:32:59,040 It feels absolutely astounding. 569 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:08,080 It is just amazing that I get to enjoy life with all my children sober, my beautiful wife, 570 00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,640 who's never had a drug or alcohol problem, by the way, which- 571 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:12,640 Except you. 572 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:13,640 Exactly. 573 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,680 Which is enough for three people. 574 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:17,680 Do I feel unworthy? 575 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,280 Of course I'm unworthy. 576 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:24,480 We are all unworthy to enjoy the glory of God, but you know what? 577 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:30,840 He is so good and sovereign and powerful and merciful. 578 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:31,840 It is mind-blowing. 579 00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:32,840 Isn't that mind-blowing how- 580 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,680 It's mind-blowing that we think that we're unworthy, right? 581 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:41,800 That we think we have no value, but would you have sacrificed your son for someone unworthy? 582 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:42,800 That's a great point. 583 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:43,800 Right? 584 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:44,800 You wouldn't have done that. 585 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,480 So he saw us as worthy even in our sin. 586 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:47,480 And you know what? 587 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:52,360 He saw us as worthy regardless of the dumb things that we continually turn to. 588 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:57,240 And his son, who died in our place, gives us full access to his dad. 589 00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,280 Isn't that beautiful? 590 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:03,160 Unfettered access, as long as we come in spirit and in truth, right? 591 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:04,160 Unbelievable. 592 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:09,280 It is- well, it's very believable now that the Holy Spirit resides in me and makes me 593 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:15,360 aware of the truth and the access and the beauty. 594 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:16,680 And it's so powerful. 595 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:22,400 Once again, I have eight grandchildren who are my love, who are surrounded by- and they're 596 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,160 all local, and we get to hang out constantly. 597 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:30,880 And when I look at them, I just see redemption. 598 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:37,320 You know, I just see- I just see just love. 599 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,440 That's because God never wanted you to suffer. 600 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:40,440 Amen. 601 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:41,440 Right? 602 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,760 You- He understood the things that led you down the road you were on. 603 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:47,560 He understood that you had an aunt and uncle that clearly just wanted money and not you 604 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,200 and didn't invest any time in you. 605 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:55,080 That when your parents died and then you were with your aunt and uncle, that's when you 606 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,560 decided that your life was unraveling. 607 00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:01,840 Not before that, when you spent years in the waiting room with your parents, right? 608 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:04,200 But at that moment, you felt it was unraveling. 609 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:10,080 And as a child, there's trauma that sticks with us forever until it's cleared. 610 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:14,720 And so, God never intended you to have these trials, right? 611 00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:16,480 He never intended you to suffer. 612 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:20,240 And so, when you're saying that, hey, I deserve this, you weren't meant to go down that road. 613 00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:23,320 You're not deserving of his wrath and his punishment. 614 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,120 You're deserving of every bit of love that he has poured upon you. 615 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,920 And I'm so grateful that you understand that. 616 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:33,600 I'm so grateful that you have your eight grandkids that you can pour your love into because 617 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:34,880 you deserve it. 618 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,040 You deserve to be happy. 619 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:37,880 You deserve to have the love of God in your life. 620 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:43,040 You deserve to feel rewarded despite the fact that you suffered so much. 621 00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:45,320 You deserve to be rewarded. 622 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:46,320 Well, God is faithful. 623 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:53,320 And, you know, he knew that in saving me, that I would tell everybody about him. 624 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:54,320 And that's my thing. 625 00:35:54,320 --> 00:36:00,400 So, I would ask, I'd be in church and I would ask God, what is my purpose? 626 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,400 How do I serve you and love you better? 627 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,760 And I would see somebody in church. 628 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,520 I would watch at people, on a people watcher. 629 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:15,320 And I'd see people hear his word and weep and turn from their darkness, right? 630 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,240 And get redeemed and saved. 631 00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:23,240 And that would move me so deeply. 632 00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:29,760 And God said, speak my word, share my love, talk about my son. 633 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:30,760 And that's my thing. 634 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,880 I'm an evangelist. 635 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,440 You know, I don't go pursue people and track them down and beat them over the head with 636 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,440 the Bible. 637 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,720 But I would work if you did that. 638 00:36:39,720 --> 00:36:40,720 I agree. 639 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:45,440 I engage people in conversation, right? 640 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,120 And the door opens. 641 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,840 The door opens mightily. 642 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,080 I'm a contractor. 643 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,960 I'm in people's homes every day. 644 00:36:53,960 --> 00:37:02,080 And you'd be surprised how God just opens the door to witness for him. 645 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,280 And I share my story. 646 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:05,280 That's great. 647 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:06,960 And people are blown away. 648 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,160 How can you even deal with that? 649 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:15,000 I said, well, the Lord, you know, the poem footprints, that's my life. 650 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,000 Yes. 651 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:21,640 When the storms came and hurt and the pain was there, there was only one set of footprints 652 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,720 and it was Jesus carrying me. 653 00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:25,720 That's my life. 654 00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:30,160 Makes us ever wonder how we thought we could do it on our own, right? 655 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:34,560 You want to do this with me, that Jesus, you want to impart yourself in me by giving me 656 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,360 the Holy Spirit so I can live with you at all times. 657 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,680 Why do I keep feeling that I need to do this on my own? 658 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,440 Why do we keep running to that? 659 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:43,920 I have to do this by myself. 660 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,520 And God says, I have given you me. 661 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,800 You don't have to do this on your own, right? 662 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,760 We lack the fortitude to do the things that God asks us to do. 663 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:56,280 We lack the love, the wisdom, the things that we need for our fellow human beings that if 664 00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:01,320 we just allow the impartation of Jesus Christ to overtake our life, we can do all things 665 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:02,760 through Him who strengthens us. 666 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:03,760 Praise God. 667 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,160 Philippians 419, you know, I read his word. 668 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:15,920 I pray I ask his spirit for guidance and wisdom and understanding and then application, right? 669 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,480 There's a great saying. 670 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:21,560 It is only through understanding and application that this thing works. 671 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,080 That's an NA thing, right? 672 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,080 An AA thing. 673 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:25,480 And it's true. 674 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:33,680 You know, it's one thing to have knowledge about a solution or a revelation, right? 675 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:37,760 But unless you employ it and apply it, it's nearly useless, right? 676 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:42,200 I used to say knowledge is power, but it's nothing until you do something with it. 677 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,040 Wisdom is power, right? 678 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:48,720 When you apply it to your life and you use it and you share it with others and lives 679 00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:49,720 change. 680 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:51,000 Yeah, it's the sharing part. 681 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,120 You can have all those in the world if you don't share it. 682 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:54,520 Like G.I. Joe, they had it right. 683 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:55,880 You know, nothing is half to battle. 684 00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,280 But what's the other half? 685 00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:58,280 Action. 686 00:38:58,280 --> 00:38:59,880 You have to do something with that wisdom. 687 00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:00,880 That's right. 688 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:04,520 And so we can't just say, hey, look, God has given me the word of knowledge and then sit 689 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:05,520 on it. 690 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,880 And you can't just say that God has called me to do something and not do it. 691 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:09,880 Right. 692 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:15,560 God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 693 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:24,320 And today with the sound mind unfettered by chemicals and alcohol, I can assess situations, 694 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:32,000 pray about it and use the wisdom of God to act and move and have my being in Jesus' 695 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,000 name. 696 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,000 Right. 697 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,000 He is the solution. 698 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:43,840 I mean, we look at our country, it's so divided in crazy state and attack on every side. 699 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,360 Divided in the division, right? 700 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,120 Even the people dividing are divided with each other. 701 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:49,120 Absolutely. 702 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,240 Jesus, 20, 24. 703 00:39:51,240 --> 00:39:53,240 And every year after. 704 00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:55,720 Jesus take the wheel. 705 00:39:55,720 --> 00:39:57,200 That's the key. 706 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,200 Any thoughts? 707 00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:59,200 I love it. 708 00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:03,960 I usually, you know, come up with the name of the episode later on in the week, but I 709 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,920 think I have it and I think we would call it the ripple effect. 710 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:08,920 Amen. 711 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:18,280 You have a tremendous story and it speaks volumes about how different scenarios in your 712 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,840 life affected you in steps. 713 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:21,840 Right. 714 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:26,240 You were loved as a child and you could see where the decline happened and you could see 715 00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:30,160 where you reached out to God and you can see where it still declined because the enemy 716 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,160 said no. 717 00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:32,160 Right. 718 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:33,320 The enemy doesn't attack nonbelievers. 719 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:37,080 That's why you were attacked so heavily because you had God to start with and he's 720 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:40,360 like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because he's afraid of who you are now. 721 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,080 We were under fire very early. 722 00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:43,080 Yeah. 723 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,080 Well, he knew who you were going to be. 724 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,280 He could see your, so the devil has seen everybody and he's seen everybody's character. 725 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,840 He knows what people are going to be like. 726 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:52,840 He may not see the future, but he knows what your character was like and he had to beat 727 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:56,640 you down because he couldn't have you working for the kingdom. 728 00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:03,280 Well, God placed his signature on my heart before I was even born and that's evident 729 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,960 because of the on-slot, right? 730 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:08,840 But I have to say this. 731 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,600 I got to mention my wife, Diana. 732 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:16,400 We had met like 15 years ago at Supercuts. 733 00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:21,360 I had brought an employee because I don't need a haircut, but I had brought one of my 734 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,240 employees in to get a haircut and I went into the waiting room because I knew there were 735 00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:28,360 hot chicks in there. 736 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:34,120 And I saw my wife and I didn't know it was going to be my wife, but I laughed. 737 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,840 I didn't say a word to her. 738 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:39,280 And the next day I went in and gave her a business card and said, hey, call me if you 739 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,040 ever want to hang out or anything done. 740 00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:43,200 Love to meet you. 741 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,200 Get to know you. 742 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:45,200 Never call. 743 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:51,920 It turns out that the manager, her manager said, that guy looks like trouble. 744 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:52,920 She was right. 745 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:53,920 Right. 746 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:57,000 Took my car and ripped it up and threw it away. 747 00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:02,400 And me and Diana ran into each other a year later at a place called the Grove, the Lending 748 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,400 Grove where we dance. 749 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,400 You know, we go out and dance. 750 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:13,240 But it turns out that the manager who threw away my card is my cousin's daughter. 751 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:14,240 Who didn't know me? 752 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:15,080 Wow. 753 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,600 We know each other, but we found this all out at the end. 754 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:22,120 Not the end, in the middle somewhere. 755 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,520 And it was a good laugh, right? 756 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,720 So my wife is from Vietnam. 757 00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:33,600 She came over when she was like nine years old with her family, 40-something years ago, 758 00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,280 48 years ago. 759 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,360 And speaks fluent South Vietnamese. 760 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,400 I say my wife speaks three languages. 761 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,840 English, South Vietnamese, and bad English. 762 00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:48,080 Well, she loved that. 763 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:51,000 So we're in locking arms, right? 764 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,000 The men's group. 765 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:53,600 It's all exclusively men. 766 00:42:53,600 --> 00:43:00,240 And so one day, like six years ago, two years in, a year and a half into locking arms, the 767 00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:03,320 guys say, let's bring our wives, let's all get together. 768 00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:07,600 You talk about footsteps ordered by God. 769 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:12,440 One of the guys in locking arms by the name of Jim Buchanan, awesome brother in Christ. 770 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,080 He says, I know your wife. 771 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,840 I said, okay, how do you know Diana? 772 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:17,840 How do you know? 773 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:23,480 She said when she was nine years old, my family sponsored her family from Vietnam. 774 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,600 Wow. 775 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:30,520 That's incredible. 776 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,720 There's no mistakes with the Lord. 777 00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:33,720 None, zero. 778 00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:34,720 Huh? 779 00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:35,720 Not at all. 780 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:36,720 She's simply amazing. 781 00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:39,080 I don't think he knows how to make a mistake, to be honest. 782 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:46,280 Amen, that's the only thing he can't do, but the tapestry that we look at of life, God's 783 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,520 weaving it every day. 784 00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:56,600 He's weaving it and we don't even know who we know and who we'll meet and where we'll 785 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:57,600 be then. 786 00:43:57,600 --> 00:43:58,600 Yeah. 787 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:04,320 I'm making a spreadsheet of all the people, relationships that have come from this podcast 788 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:09,920 and I'll have somebody on and then they already know somebody we already had on the podcast 789 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:14,320 and then the luncher just needed somebody I wanted to know and it's just, it's like 790 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:15,320 a big web. 791 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,880 It's like Jim said in his son's, how? 792 00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:20,120 Oh yeah. 793 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:21,120 Yeah. 794 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:22,840 That's just simply amazing. 795 00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:23,840 Yeah. 796 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:24,840 It's mind blowing. 797 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,000 It's all miracles. 798 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,840 These are, what is that scripture? 799 00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:34,800 The ear is not seen or no, the eye is not seen and the ear is not heard and the mind 800 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:39,760 can't conceive what God has in store for those who love him and are called according to 801 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,400 his purpose. 802 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:46,200 These little miracles we're getting glimpses of reminds me of another scripture that says 803 00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:48,480 we see through a glass dimly. 804 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:49,480 Yes. 805 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:50,480 Right? 806 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:51,840 We can't, it's opaque. 807 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,560 We really can't see what's what. 808 00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:55,560 We get glimpses. 809 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,200 I'm a pastor friend of mine. 810 00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,360 John Kent, he's been on the shows before. 811 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,600 It's one of his favorite Bible passages. 812 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:07,800 You know, we see through a lens dimly, you know, it's, it's really hard for us to comprehend 813 00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:10,720 a lot of things that God has for us. 814 00:45:10,720 --> 00:45:15,600 And that's why faith is so important because I can't really fully understand how much God 815 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:16,600 loves me. 816 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:21,040 It's, I'm not fathom, like I'm not cognizant of a word that can describe it. 817 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,560 I just have to accept it. 818 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,760 So this podcast will call the ripple effect. 819 00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,200 Let me just say this to our audience. 820 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,120 Don't wait. 821 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:35,720 Don't wait three decades. 822 00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:41,040 Today is the day of salvation. 823 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,600 Jesus stands at the door and he knocks. 824 00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:52,960 And if you surrender your life to him today, you don't even realize how many people will 825 00:45:52,960 --> 00:46:01,400 be affected and how many will come and know him as he knows them. 826 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:07,760 Your life is not your own and we're not promised tomorrow. 827 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:13,880 So I just suggest that God is drawing you and you hear his voice and you hear that knock 828 00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:19,160 that you open the door and you let him in and he will dine with you and talk with you 829 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:24,280 and lead you and love you and heal you and restore you. 830 00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:30,760 He'll even give you the desires of your heart if they're in line with his will. 831 00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:32,560 And that's the key, right? 832 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:36,400 We all as men and women have many desires, right? 833 00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:40,440 Many thoughts, hopes and dreams and they're wonderful, right? 834 00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,320 But I don't want them if they're not God's will. 835 00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:44,520 That's perfect. 836 00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:45,520 Beautifully said. 837 00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:46,520 Man. 838 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:51,640 That's, I think, a lot of problems that we have as Christians is we confuse his will 839 00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:56,640 for our own sometimes that we feel that what we want is so powerful that God surely wants 840 00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:02,840 it to without taking a step back and realizing that if he wants it, he'd already have it, 841 00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:03,840 right? 842 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,720 That's something that we have to struggle with as believers. 843 00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:12,720 And when we lean into trusting his process, his plan, then it'll all work for us anyway. 844 00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:15,880 There's not going to be a moment where we're like, well, I didn't get what I wanted, but 845 00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:16,880 God got what he wanted. 846 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:18,880 So I'm just, I guess that's okay. 847 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:22,640 No, I mean, when God gets what he wants, we have infinite joy. 848 00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:23,640 Praise God. 849 00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:26,520 And it may not be what we thought was going to happen, but I promise you will have joy 850 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:27,720 by doing God's will. 851 00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:28,720 Amen. 852 00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:32,280 It's, you cannot go through it and be like, well, I completely wasted my time, but good 853 00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:33,280 for you, God. 854 00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:34,760 And you got what you wanted. 855 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:40,160 And speaking of time, timing is a huge factor in this matter, right? 856 00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:45,320 There are things that we hope and dream and wish for that we're not ready for until God 857 00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:53,000 changes our hearts through how his word, if we're not in God's word, we can't hear his 858 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:54,320 voice. 859 00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,440 God isn't audibly speaking to most of us. 860 00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,360 Maybe some of you, I don't know, but I get it. 861 00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:05,320 I get a message from God through his word, through his spirit. 862 00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,240 He wants that relationship. 863 00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:08,240 That's right. 864 00:48:08,240 --> 00:48:09,240 Exactly. 865 00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:12,920 So being in fellowship with God through his word is the key. 866 00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:18,440 And then be in, and listen, I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have a group 867 00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:23,120 of men who hold me accountable, right? 868 00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:27,040 Who I am telling the truth to on a weekly basis. 869 00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:31,320 I'm in a men's group every Thursday night, 6 p.m. 870 00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,120 We break bread and then we open God's word. 871 00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:39,240 We reveal our victories throughout the week, our disappointments, our failures, our needs, 872 00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:40,800 our desires. 873 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,640 And sometimes I hear some hard truths there. 874 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:45,640 Say, right? 875 00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:46,760 What are you thinking? 876 00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:49,600 That may not be best for you. 877 00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:55,760 I suggest you step back and ask God for more direction or better direction or clarity in 878 00:48:55,760 --> 00:49:00,040 this matter because sounds a little sketchy to me, right? 879 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:07,080 I allow men who love Jesus in my life today to speak truth to me. 880 00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:08,080 You know? 881 00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:14,120 I'm not in some echo chamber that people tell me what I want to hear. 882 00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:17,520 I allow myself to be told what I need to hear. 883 00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,760 But you have to be honest too with them. 884 00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:20,760 Absolutely. 885 00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:24,840 Well, iron sharpens iron and every man and every woman needs an accountability. 886 00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,560 That's what I call an accountability. 887 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:30,000 Because if you don't have that, then you're left unchecked. 888 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:34,200 You're left with your thoughts, God's word and the enemy's word, right? 889 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:39,040 And so you have choices to make every single day that you have to fight for. 890 00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:43,440 But if you have an accountability, which is another human being that loves Jesus, that 891 00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:47,480 is in your life that God placed in your life, hopefully that can help confirm the word of 892 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:51,920 God in your life or can help deter what the enemy is saying through encouraging, through 893 00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:56,880 a word of knowledge, through whatever means that God is using to employ, I think is central 894 00:49:56,880 --> 00:50:01,160 for a Christian man or woman to have somebody in their life that helps them line it up because 895 00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:05,440 when we're by ourselves, he's going to pick us off, the enemy is going to pick us off 896 00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,560 like a sick animal in a herd. 897 00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:11,680 Like I've learned through marriage with my wife that the enemy wants to separate marriage 898 00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:16,560 so badly because when two or one are together, you know, right? 899 00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:21,680 So when we become one flesh as a husband and a wife, we're like 40 people. 900 00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:22,680 We're like a lot. 901 00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:23,960 We're like a, we're like a platoon. 902 00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:28,960 But when we're separated, we're one individual soldier and the enemy can attack that. 903 00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:33,160 So he attacks it so viciously and it's not, it's not just marriages, but it's you. 904 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:34,160 Right? 905 00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:36,640 If you decided, I don't want to be in this group, I don't want accountability and I 906 00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,320 don't want friends to help me. 907 00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:42,600 You have just separate yourself from the herd and the enemy prowls around like a lion seeking 908 00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:46,400 who he can consume is going to find you as a juicy steak. 909 00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:47,840 All alone sheep. 910 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:48,840 Right? 911 00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:54,800 If one can chase a thousand of flight to 10,000 and so on, right? 912 00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:56,100 That's scripture. 913 00:50:56,100 --> 00:51:00,320 And I love scripture because it's the solution. 914 00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:05,200 Every answer that we're looking for is in God's word. 915 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,800 They may not be what we want to hear at the time. 916 00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:08,800 That's okay. 917 00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:09,800 Right? 918 00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:16,480 We got to be able to grow up and hear the word no and not take it personally. 919 00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:18,720 That's a hard pill to swallow for some of us. 920 00:51:18,720 --> 00:51:19,720 It is. 921 00:51:19,720 --> 00:51:26,040 And once again, the word no is very healthy because if somebody tells you don't, you 922 00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:30,720 don't go down that road, that bridge is out and you go down that road and go off that 923 00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:36,080 bridge over that cliff into the water, whatever, that's your fault. 924 00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:37,720 You didn't heed that warning. 925 00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:38,720 Right? 926 00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:44,720 There are red flags everywhere that I look back in my life before I surrendered and just 927 00:51:44,720 --> 00:51:47,160 blew right by them. 928 00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:48,160 Easy to do. 929 00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:54,880 With great consequence behind it, by the way, wasted years, ten canes gone. 930 00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:56,520 But we have a God of restoration. 931 00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,760 Well, God restored seven, tenfold. 932 00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:00,920 Look what he did for Job. 933 00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:01,920 Oh, yeah. 934 00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:07,560 And by the way, Job didn't get an answer why he was tested or why all that went down. 935 00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:10,000 God didn't give him an answer. 936 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,160 He did not. 937 00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:15,640 God doesn't have to, but know this. 938 00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:19,560 God and John 3.16 sent his only begotten son. 939 00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:26,000 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 940 00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:27,000 And that's the key. 941 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:31,480 Well, don't forget 17 for he did not come in the world to condemn it, but to save it 942 00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:32,480 through him. 943 00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:33,480 Praise God. 944 00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:34,480 Right. 945 00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:35,480 So don't feel condemned. 946 00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:38,400 I really want to thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. 947 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,480 I really, I feel impacted by your story. 948 00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:45,280 I could feel what you felt in some of the scenarios. 949 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,000 You were very authentic. 950 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:52,280 You were very real and your experiences are something that I think a lot of people can 951 00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:57,120 relate to, maybe not to the same severity or maybe to a worse severity. 952 00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:01,320 But I think it will help give hope that our God is a God of hope and restoration and that 953 00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:04,080 maybe they'll have a place to turn to. 954 00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:10,040 And don't be afraid of the truth because the truth so set you free, right? 955 00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:15,280 And when we listen, it is embarrassing to talk about the priests and the things that 956 00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:19,680 I've suffered and go went through, but that shame is gone. 957 00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:28,160 That lie has been exposed and that there is light now that destroys that darkness. 958 00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:34,640 That shame has been converted into a testimony that will help someone and may God have all 959 00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,640 the glory. 960 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:37,640 Praise God. 961 00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:39,880 Well, thank you so much for being with us. 962 00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:41,200 Thank you listener for listening. 963 00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,360 We hope you enjoyed it and got a word. 964 00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:48,600 And if you'd like to come alongside us in this little assignment of ours, we have a fundraising 965 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:49,600 campaign. 966 00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:53,000 If you go look up give sand go dot com and look up God's goodness podcast. 967 00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,960 You can find us there or you can contact me and send money. 968 00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,400 It helps with the audio editing. 969 00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:00,240 So we do appreciate it. 970 00:54:00,240 --> 00:54:17,080 And with that, we'll talk to you next time.