Welcome to the God's goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage as well as highlight
God's goodness and modern day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. Today
we have with us a special guest. I say that all the time, but she's super special to
me. Her name is Belinda Kent and he actually her husband was our second guest and it was
Pastor John Kent and his episode was Who Am I? Chosen. So I suggest you take a listen
to that because it's a good episode. And we're going to have Belinda open us up with an opening
prayer and then we're going to have her just be led by the Holy Spirit. So thanks for coming
and doing this with us. Well, thank you for having me. Lord Jesus, thank you so much for
your amazing love and that you so long to have an intimate relationship with each of
us. And today I just long to tell your story of how you've just been so good to me. I
pray in Jesus name, amen. Amen. So where would you like to start? My parents were both born
and raised in Germany during World War II. They both were little kids and they both my
father's family was grew up in Poland. His father was captured prisoner of war by the
Russians. His mother had to flee with six kids. She was a Christian and she has amazing
stories to tell about traveling across Germany with six kids when the Russians were coming.
Anyway, they ended up in Berlin where my grandfather was released. They got together, but my grandfather
of course was a very broken man ended up the whole family emigrated to the Southwest Colorado
where a farmer sponsored them. And then my mom's family, her oldest sister buried in American
GI and they ended up in Texas on an army base. And so that whole family emigrated and then
they ended up together. Both families ended up in a German church in Denver, Colorado.
And so that's where my parents met. So I was born there in Colorado with both sets of parents,
grew up all my aunts and uncles and grandparents, all German culture trying to fit. I was a
first generation immigrants kid. Had to find my own way in school. English school I was
the oldest. I didn't speak English very well until I went to school. And so I was always
feeling left out. My mom and the German church, you know, we didn't even go to an American
church. The German church, it was always, oh, these Americans, they're flatter you. These
Americans, these Americans. And I just always felt like I didn't know how to fit in. And
so I kind of just grew up in church that way. We ended up at age 12. I went to church school
and at age 12 we ended up in the English church, regular American church in Boulder, Colorado.
But it was a very legalistic time. And I think across Christianity, there wasn't really much
talk about Jesus as it was the age of the hippies, the 60s, the 70s, you know, and in
Boulder, Colorado was a hotbed of the hippie movement. And so the church was very concerned
about morality and right doing. And at age 12, my heart just, I wanted Jesus. I talked
about baptism, but all I knew was the rules and how to do, you know, just my parents were
very strict, very legalistic. Going through the motions. Going through the motions. And
so I was baptized. And then when I became a teenager, high school age, even though our
church had a boarding school, they were concerned again, it was the 70s, the hippies, you know,
the free love. And so they were very concerned about that. So they sent me to very conservative
boarding school in Utah. And our whole family moved there. And there again, it was all about
the works doing. And I just at 13, I decided I wanted to follow Jesus. And this was when
we were still in Boulder. And I started memorizing scriptures. And I read a little book called
Steps to Christ. And I could not get it beyond how to live with Jesus. I just couldn't get
it. And so I just thought to myself, well, I can be perfect. I can do all this stuff.
So my goal was to learn how to be perfect and do everything. And at this boarding school
in Utah, again, we wore dresses all the time. You couldn't date, you know, boys and girls
live separate, you know, and all this stuff. And it was just, I just tried to embrace everything,
you know, I knelt every time we prayed and da da da da da, you know, just on down the
line. And my parents at the same time raised us with shame. That's how they were raised
because of the war I think just broke, just messed up their families. And anyway, they
never said, I love you. I just longed. I'm a touchy feely person. I need words of affirmation.
Never got that. I just longed for love. I longed to know I would belong. And I always
felt like I was on the outside looking in. And then so in my head, I started developing
these romantic ideas. Well, when I meet the right man, he'll fill all these holes. I had
this deep hole. I didn't realize it was a God hole for this relationship because all
I was doing was works. And even though I was baptized and I didn't know that Jesus really
loved me. And so long story short, John and I met in New York and I thought he could fill
all this deep longings. And of course, he was a very broken man. It come from a broken
background. Didn't know how to love either. And so we just spent so many years of our
marriage. I just desperately trying to cling to him, getting more love and he pushing away
because he just didn't know what to do with it. We finally ended up in the jungles of
Papua New Guinea with three little boys ages five, three and one and 270 miles from town.
And it's over by Australia for those who don't know. It's an island north of Australia.
Anyway, deep in the jungles of New Guinea. And three years in, again, John just because
of his empty hole, he kept doing ministry. That was his way to fill his holes. And so
many times I was left with the kids by myself. Anyway, so three years in, one of our supporters
in the States from California sent us to, they were always sending us packages and things.
And so they sent us, I got two books. One was called Search for, no, they sent me a
book on prayer, let prayer change your life. And I can't even remember the name of the
author, but it was about just how to let God speak to you every morning. And then at the
same time we'd been out to Wewak to the nearest town. I got out once a year with the kids.
And there was a little Christian bookstore there and I found the book called Search for
Significance that talks about the lies, the four main significant lies that the devil puts
on us and how we can break those. And we were back in the jungle and I've just been working
my way through this book and just the one lie that's, you know, that was my lie that's
Satan had just put on me that you're not worth it. You're not significant. You never matter
because I never felt like I was, even with John, because of his inability to love me.
I just felt like I wasn't loved. I was a second class, you know. And so that book, I remember
that morning where I talked what Jesus did about us and how to break that lie and Jesus,
how much he loves you. And I just, it just started coming into me and I just, I just
felt like I was this new creation. And that day I went out in our little log canoe. We
lived on one side of the river, our mission, our house in the health center and our church
was on one side of the river and the villages were on the other. And I wanted to visit some
of the women upriver and we had these little log canoes and I got out there. Well, when
I got to the river bank, the river had flooded overnight. We'd had a heap of rain. We got
20 feet of rain a year there. And so that night it had rained maybe five inches or six
inches. And so the river bank was way high and the river was just rushing with, down
with logs, floating logs and debris. And one of the guys, one of the local hip-hop and
New Guinea guys at the bottom of the river where I had my canoe said, be careful. There's
all these logs coming down. But I just felt like at that point, like I could just do anything
because God was in me. I just felt like this new person. And as I paddled up the river,
dodging trees and stuff to the village, I just felt like, I don't know how to explain it.
I just felt like a new creation, like, you know, truly Jesus loved me. But again, those
old lies had such a hold and, you know, that was the first start of it. But then those
lies just, you know, keep coming back. And so we finished our term in Papua New Guinea
and ended up back in the States and just trying to adjust back to life in America. The kids
all were going through culture shock. It was the hardest time of our life coming back and
trying to readjust and having to work. Both of us had to work. We put our kids through
private church school and, and John just, he, he was the training director of our mission
agency, but he just poured his heart more and more into it. And every summer he was
just gone and our marriage just was on the rocks. We ended up in counseling. And as John
shared on episode two, finally our counselor just said, I realize it can only take you
from miserable to unhappy. That's about all I can do. But she had had contact with this
man that did some, because of his own brokenness and his own journey to healing, he just knew
how to position a person to receive the deep healing of the wounds that have driven us.
And so John went there. Our counselor took John there one day. It was November, I think
in 2003 to Ohio. And that day I was at home and I just felt again, I was left out because
the counselor said she wanted to take John. He, Terry Wardle in Ohio was mentoring our
counselor and she took John. And that day I was home alone. The kids were at school.
I laid on the floor of our bathroom just and paying agony saying, God, why am I always
left out? I'm always the one left out. In New Guinea, it was always John's extrovert,
charismatic person. And he, you know, people love John. It's his personality. It was always
John, John, John. And I just felt like this little person that was just left. And I laid
on the floor of our bathroom just considering what I could do if I had any pills or anything
that I could do just to end my life. I was so miserable. And the only thing that kept
me from doing anything serious that day was the thought of our four kids. They were teenagers,
but still, I said, I can't do this to our kids. And I just prayed that day. I said, God,
if this man that John is going to see is a godly man, he'll know that it's not just about
John. He'll somehow know that there's somebody else involved. And so John came home that
night. It was a four hour drive for him. He came home like that night and just shared
excitedly what God had done for him. And he said, Terry wants to meet with both you and
I in a month the whole weekend. He has all weekend set apart for you and I. And so a
couple of weeks later, before we went down there, it was in November. It was a Saturday
morning. I decided to go out to Lake Michigan. It was a warm November day. It was gray. It
was overcast. And I went to the beach where it climbed on one of the high sand dunes that
overlooked the lake. And I brought a blanket with me and a CD player back then. We still
have CD players. My sister had just sent me a new CD of praise and worship music. And
I just sat there on the blanket with my Bible and my CD player. And I just started somehow
God led me to a verse in the Ezekiel. I can't even remember what chapter it is now, but
that said, I will find my sheep that were Ezekiel 34 that were scattered on that day.
I will find them. And I just clung to that promise. And then I had been playing through
the CD worship songs and I got to one song, The Power of Your Love. And I never heard
it before. Hold me close. Let your love surround me. And as I wait, your spirit, I'll soar
like the eagles. I can't even remember the words, but it's just an amazing song. And
I played that song again and again and again. Just went back to repeat, repeat, repeat the
power of your love and I'll soar with you by the power of your love. And everything had
been dead and quiet. It was gray. You know, everything was, it was fall. You know, all
the leaves had fallen. And all of a sudden, about the 18th time through that song, the
lake in front of me down, it was because I was up high on the sand in front of the lake.
All of a sudden there was these ducks that were bobbing up and putting their head down.
And all of a sudden there were some birds up in the air and seagulls. And it was just
like, there were some bugs around me. It's just like all of a sudden everything around
me came to life and it was like, God promise me, I am going to find you, Bulinda, to the
place where you've been scattered. And so two weeks later, John and I together went
down with our counselor because again, she was being trained by Terry Wardle and we went
down and we've had a whole weekend down there in Ohio. And the first night that Terry met
with John and I together, he had us do a prayer together, then just start sharing our life
story. And during that time, a memory came to me that had, I had never remembered, but
it just came to me and I had been in my subconscious, I guess, but the memory of when I was four
or five years old, we were in Boulder, Colorado. I'd been sent to my bedroom for something
I'd done wrong. I had a sister just a year younger than me. And I went to my bedroom
and my mom, again, she disciplined us in shame, you know, it was just always shame. You're
bad, you're bad. Anyway, so I went to my bedroom and I remember sneaking out of my bedroom,
coming down the hall and she was sitting in the living room on the couch cuddling my
four year old sister. I must have been about five, just cuddling her and loving her and
looked up and saw me and said, you're bad, go away. We don't want you. And I just realized
that that story is what had played my, had been the basis of my whole life, what had
driven my whole life realizing you're bad, go away. We don't want you. And then I just
felt even with Jesus that, yeah, he was supposed to love me, but he would look at me and say,
you're bad, go away. I don't want you. And that night, just that story, I just realized
that that's what had been driving my brokenness, my woundiness, my deep clinging to John, trying
to get love. You know, I was trying to force love out of him. And of course, that always
drove him away and just that deep neediness. And so Terry sent me over, we went back to
our apartment that night and he said, said to write a lament just to grieve what I'd
lost and what I wanted from God. And as I wrote it that night, there were three things
that just, deep desires in my heart that just came out. I just wanted to be beautiful because
all my life, my dad had told me I'd never marry. No man would ever look at me because
of the way I walk. And my friends in school had laughed at me and told me, several of
them even told me I was so ugly. I was cute, you know, just all this stuff. And I never
even thought of myself. And because of John's brokenness, he was never able to really value
me and tell me that I was beautiful. Anyway, so I wanted to be loved by God and by John
as described in the song of Solomon. And I wanted to be beautiful. I was tired of being
ugly. So those were the three things that came out and I lamented that. Anyway, so that
night went to bed. I woke up three, four in the morning, couldn't go to sleep. I got up
and went to our little living room in the apartment we were staying at. I opened my
Bible to Isaiah 62 that God says, you'll never be desolate. I will write you a new
name. You'll never be desolate again. I'll hold you up for all the world to see you're
beautiful and my delight. And I just clung to that promise. I'd never read those verses
before but it was just like God was telling me that I was never going to be desolate and
forsaken anymore. So that afternoon we went separately to meet with Terry. So John went
over and met with him and John came back and was just a mess because he talked to Terry
about some stuff and he was just grieving some of the losses that he'd had and I said,
what's wrong? And he said, just go over there. I don't want to talk about it now. So I went
over to see, to meet with Terry and our counselor and Terry looked at me and said, we have some
work to do because John had, we had talked about my neediness and clinging to John and
stuff and I said, yeah, I'm open. I just want to do whatever it takes. I'm tired of living
this way. I'm tired. I want it just whatever. Just give me the hard stuff. You know, I'll
deal with it. I want God to heal me. And so he always started with prayer and he always
had silence and this time he just sat there longer in silence. And finally I looked at
him and he said, Belinda, God's telling me you're first. And I said, first, first for
God, I've never been first for anything, never in my life. And he said, first to receive
the Holy Spirit because he had had a little talk with us about the Holy Spirit. And even
though I knew and believed in the Trinity, the Holy Spirit, just our denomination kind
of had pushed because of their fear of overdoing it with the Holy Spirit, you know, they just
kind of pushed away and it was all again in the head. And I never had realized what the
Holy Spirit could live in us and do for us. Anyway, so Terry said, yeah, I feel like God's
telling me you're first to receive the Holy Spirit. And so he and our counselor Ann just
surrounded me. They laid their hands on me and I shared the story with him of how I got
up and read these verses in Isaiah 62 of how God said, he'd hold me up as a crown for
all to see and give me a new name. Anyway, so they prayed over me and just as we were
praying, I just saw Jesus take me and lift me to heaven and treat me like his lover.
He set me at the head of the table beside him and introduced me. It was like I was the
one, the one that he loved, his chosen. And I never felt such love before. And then I
just saw him taking me down the streets and walking by some animals and telling me it
was okay to play because I'd been such a rigid person. My dad had raised us the first, the
oldest of four kids. I always had to work every time we played and got silly. He would
yell at us. And Jesus just, I saw a giraffe and he told me I could slide down the neck
of a giraffe and have fun and go at it. And then during this time, I was just telling
Terry and our counselor and what I was seeing. And then Terry said, ask him what your new
name is. And so I asked Jesus what's my name and he said, Jesus said beautiful. And I just
started crying and I said, it's not right. I've never been beautiful my whole life. I've
never been beautiful. And Terry and Anne both affirmed that's right. And at that point,
I just felt such love for Jesus that I'd never felt before. I just saw myself throwing my
arms around Jesus saying, Jesus, I love you. And instantly, I just felt from my feet to
my head. I just felt the power of the Holy Spirit filling me. I just felt this sensation
just filling my whole body. And it just, I never experienced this before. And it was
just such an amazing experience. I just felt this love for Jesus that I'd never had before.
And I felt his love for me. And so Terry then said, go over and tell John about this. And
during that, in the meantime, John had gone through his whole grieving time and lamenting
and found himself going from saying, I've lost my heart and grieving, finding himself on
the floor, saying, God telling him, I've got a new heart for you giggling on the floor.
And so I came in and found John. And at that point, God had impressed on John that he needed
to do, asked me to remarry him. Anyway, so I got into the apartment. John was on the
floor on his back. And he looked up at me and just said, Hi, beautiful. And I said,
How did you know? How did you know? He said, How did I know what? Because he never ever
called me beautiful. I said, Jesus, just call me that. And it was just this confirmation
of what that Jesus, the new name he'd given me that that was, it wasn't something I'd
just drummed up or imagined that it was true. And at that point, John began a process. We
went back home and a week later, he had in secret had all these plans laid out. We were
supposed to go on a date that night, but we ended up at our counselor's house. She had
a pretty big house. And they dressed me up to go on this quote date with John. I came
out and here were 60 people and another John had arranged another ceremony with the pastor
and knelt down and asked me to marry him again and had a whole wedding. He had picked out
a dress and shoes and everything for me that night. Anyway, so it was just an incredible
experience. But that love that Jesus gave me that just started changing that story of
my mom saying, Go away, you're bad. We don't want you. Just overwrote that story, overwrote
that lie that the enemy had been giving me all my life and just realizing that I am a
first class citizen. I don't have to be on the outside looking in on it anymore. And
it just has changed my whole life just to experience, to go from my head knowledge,
just that empty hole I had, just to have it filled with the deep love of Jesus and to
not be this needy, clingy person anymore because God's filling this deep hole. I don't need
people to fill it anymore. It was just an amazing experience that has just helped me
and grounded me in the ministry here to the broken people that we have in Carnegie and
to the people in poverty and recovering from addiction just to know how to love them and
how to not let their brokenness affect me and just to ground me in Jesus. I love how
God always meets us. Like, He gives us an experience that's specific for us, that's
the most meaningful for us. And He met you where you were and He just changed your life
like that with that healing, that moment. I'm convinced that the kents are against me
because John has made me cry in the past and I almost cried three times through your testimony.
And that's not, you guys know me, it's not my thing. I don't like it. And you guys are
just so holy awesome people. I have not ungone the level of pain that you have as a child,
but we have similar backgrounds in that we were treated in a way that we felt unlovable.
And I know what that looks like. Again, I wasn't punished and I wasn't called certain
names. I was called other names, but I didn't have to go through the same things you have.
But I do understand what it feels like to be unlovable and I do understand what it is
to want a relationship with Jesus and feel unworthy of His love. And as a person living,
how long did you go with this? You knew Jesus and you went, you know, how many decades before
you had closure on this matter? I can't fathom the feeling and your drowning in that for
as long as you have that I've only been a Christian since I was 30. So even though I
was suffering from it, I wasn't suffering you from it from God's perspective because
I didn't have a relationship with Jesus. So I didn't suffer near as long as you had.
And I can't imagine a 13 year old girl struggling with wanting to know Jesus and feeling like
you can't because he wants nothing to do with you. I can't imagine that you would pour your
whole life into him and expect that he's not going to reciprocate because that's how you
were raised. That breaks my heart.
Well, at that time, there was no one to mentor me. Like I said, it was a very fundamentalist
religion across Christianity, I think, you know, and in our denomination, a few speakers
started to come across in the 70s and 80s that talked about righteousness by faith and
Jesus and my dad, which is I got a book and I was so excited about it. My dad said, that's
wrong. That's cheap grace. That's cheap grace, you know, and every time I would get excited
about it, he would shut it down, you know, with guilt and there was just no one I could
go to. And then, you know, we were just in this works culture, this oriented culture of
performing for God for years and decades, but conditional love. Yeah. But New Guinea
did start to break both of us out of that. That's where our journey began to open up
towards God.
Isn't that interesting that you go on a missions trip to bring people to Jesus and all you
really did was begin your journey to Jesus in that moment. That mission was for you.
It wasn't for them.
Yeah.
And I'm sure some of them benefited from it, but it was for you.
And what was amazing, what's amazing to me is God did the healing for both of us at the
same time in New Guinea during that time that I was reading that book, search for significance
and going through that growth. John was sitting every day in our little church for six months
saying at noon, he'd sit there for a couple hours every day saying, when Jesus said, you
must be born again. What did he mean? What did he mean? And he was going through his
own experience of reconversion at that time. And then we both were able to go to Terry
Wardle at the same time. So I just praise God that one of us wasn't ahead of the other
that together he just took us on this healing path.
Yeah. I really love the both of you. And, you know, John is a very extroverted person,
but I'm a very introverted person. So I understand you even though I like him. I love that we
are very similar in a lot of the I'm very outgoing, but I need to be away from people
to recharge and your background is similar to mine. Your faith is similar to mine. You
know, I feel like you absolutely are my sister in Christ's at this table. You don't have
any brothers. You just had sisters. Just sisters. You have a brother now. And so a kinship with
you that, you know, John sure he's a friend, but you're not trying to insult you. Sorry.
But you're more family. And, you know, John's that guy that will help you in a pickle. John's
that guy that will bend over backwards and take the shirt off his back for you. And so
he's memorable. Come fix your car. Right. He's he's memorable to people, people. And
I feel a lot of people use him because of that, because they don't know what else to
do. They don't know how to turn to Jesus because they've got John, but you're not that person
and you're someone I can relate to more than a lot of people I've been able to relate to
before. And I really appreciate your authenticity. I really appreciate that when you're having
a bad day because we've gone to church together and that you are open and you were honest
and you weren't you aren't reserved about it. Right. You're not mean, but you can tell.
And I just really love where you were to where you've come to. Right. I don't love where
you were, but just the journey, the process. Obviously no child should feel what you felt
or go through what you've gone through. But I'm very glad that God has used this for his
kingdom because I know that you minister that same love that you learned to the people at
the church that you guys are shepherds to and that the people there benefit greatly because
of you. Again, they benefit greatly because, you know, John is a great pastor. He's a great
order. He is good with stories. But you were that person that without you, John couldn't
be John. He couldn't do what he does if he didn't have a spalinda. And you are that instrumental
person. I think you're more than just his helper. You were easily his other half. You
were easily the other half of John. You cannot think of John without thinking of Belinda.
It is impossible. You cannot have one with the other peanut butter and jelly, biscuits
and gravy. Right. Pick whichever one you like the best. I don't know. Is there German ones
like that too? Eggs and toast or something? I don't know.
Sourcrout and whatever.
Perfect. Sourcrout and whatever. Right. And John's a lot of the whatever.
I can't think of the German word for the sausage. It's anyway.
You know, I think that you are still in a place where you undersell yourself and your
value to God's kingdom. And I'm glad that you understand who you are. But I think you
would do great to understand what you mean, not just to God, but to those around you.
It's great that you accepted God loves you and it's great that you accepted that John
loves you. I love you. I know Shelly loves you. I know that the people that when we have
a gap a feast that they when they pour into you and they tell you they love you, that
that's not them trying to figure out what to say to you. That's them trying to figure
out the right words because they love you. And I think that the trauma you went through,
you refuse to allow anyone else to go through. And I think it shows in the people that you
talk to and that you teach and that you minister to. And I really love you more for that. I
think you're just a great inspiration. You know, you do a lot of the kids ministry and
you do a lot of things, but I see what you do. And I know God sees a lot more than I've
seen and I am proud of you.
Thank you. That means a lot.
The way you describe that therapy reminds me of this Christian therapy I've learned
about is called Splankna. S-P-L-A-N-K-N-A. And like they are subconscious mind records
all memories, but some of them we don't remember because it's our subconscious. And like every
memory is a different frequency. And sometimes a story will get stuck, a memory will get
stuck and if you don't process that and release it, then it can cause a whole plethora of
actions and behaviors. And when that gets released, it can be really free.
Yeah. And that memory had been stuck in me and I hadn't even realized that that was the
memory that was driving me all those years.
Right. Because you subconsciously would have blocked it out because it was such a painful
memory.
And then I know John shared that when sitting there on that couch that evening hearing me
share that that's what opened his heart to me because all those years he kind of shut
himself off because of my clinginess. And when he realized, oh, that's what's driving
me, that's what's been, you know, it just kind of opened his heart to me at the same
time. And the three things that I'd asked for from God that I wanted to be loved by
God and John is described in the song of Solomon and be beautiful, all three of those just
were given to me that weekend.
And then him confirming it when you come in the door, it's like, really, yeah, that's
right.
That's an amazing testimony. I think a lot of people that are, not a lot of people that
are, there are a lot of people that are broken in a way that hinders their relationship with
others and more importantly with Jesus. And your story is an illustration that trauma
as a child can absolutely pay a huge part in a relationship as an adult. And I hope
it gives people hope that that's not the end of the road that we had a guest earlier. He
talked about he's a construction guy and you know, you can use a hammer to destroy it,
you can also use a hammer to chisel and refine and make this masterpiece. And so God says
that there is no evil that he can't make good from, right? And so he's faithful to finish
the work he started.
And so he created you, but he wasn't going to leave you a stone slab of marble that's
been hit by the wind and the rain without making you the statue of, I don't know what
good statue name, the wonderful statue that he carved you into this masterpiece that you
couldn't do yourself, nor could you see the product of it until he was complete and apparently
neither could John until God was done with it. And the moment he was done with it, you
knew and he knew they could see the final product. And I think that's wonderful.
So that changed everything after that, huh?
Yes, just and then that wedding and just, yeah, it just, I mean, there's still, it's
like an onion. And you know, there's more layers and just recently I've found myself
going back through those layers, you know, deeper layers having to bring back some of
my, just bringing back some of my childhood back to Jesus. But yeah, it was the start
of just a new relationship for us. And our kids before them, they just were afraid that
we were going to get divorced and we were close to it. And that just turned us around
and just made us stronger and just saved our marriage.
So your whole family has suffered because of the trauma that your parents suffered?
Well, yeah, from the brokenness of war years and all that, you know, and of course my grandfather
that was a prisoner of war never, you know, back then you didn't have PTSD or diagnosis
or any help for that, you know, you just bucked it up and sucked it up and just went on living
and he was a very broken man. And you know, my dad passed away three years ago and just
never had a chance to just really experience the grace of Jesus, even though he did everything
just right and criticize and judged everyone. I just, I know I will see him again and I
know that God will teach him all about his grace.
Oh yeah, immediately. As soon as you see him again, he'll have it down.
Yeah.
Yeah, I look forward to that feast where we get to meet the people that hurt us and seeing
them in a light that is not unfavorable and looking at them as like, oh, well, you know,
you're here, you're redeemed and we get to enjoy a meal together for the first one ever
or we're not going to be traumatized. Like how amazing will that be? The first meal
ever that was person that you're supposed to love was supposed to love you, right? And
you get to finally be untraumatized sitting together next to each other, laughing, joking.
You know, hey, pass those past this. And how amazing will that be to get to finally enjoy
that person for who God made them to be?
Yeah. And my mom, interestingly enough, she's by herself in Alabama, still in this very
rigid conservative group. It's a health center group. You know, they still do all the dress,
wearing the dresses and all this stuff, you know, really focused on health. But she has
all our lives. She never could say, I love you. You know, my dad would complain that
he would say, your mother never says I love you. And she would could never say that to
us. But recently, every phone call now, she says, I love you. So that's been a step. But
that just has just just been healing. Every time we'll say, I love you to each other.
And it's just, I thought I had to get to be 60 years old before my mom could say I love
you.
I'm proud that she, my mom passed away. And I don't think I remember her ever telling
me she loved me. And, you know, my stepmom does. So that's, I mean, I had a replacement
that was that was good. But I can't imagine, I would have never thought that I would ever
hear it. You know, you're saying, I probably make it a 60 before, I would probably think
I'd never hear it, especially if I grew up the way you did. And I would expect it. And
I wouldn't, I probably would have cut them off. I probably wouldn't have talked to them.
I probably would have gone a different direction. You have done everything right in all the
wrong.
I spent a journey I've had to learn how to forgive my dad. And even when he passed away.
And every day, often I still have to forgive him and just choose to forgive him, you know.
Oh, yeah. I mean, I would have been mad. I would have been mad that I wouldn't have got
the things off my chest that, that, you know, like you had the ad acid leave before I was
finished. Like I've got so much to heal and you don't get to do that. And I can see that
being a stumbling block for me. And if we're similar, I can see that being a stumbling
block for you. And then for the forgiveness part, I've learned through hardship. I'm pretty
good about forgiving people. Sometimes we don't recognize we need to. And that's what
gets us as we don't recognize there's a problem. We just as owl, whatever that happened, we
don't give it a second thought that this person needs to be formally forgiven by us. That
is a hard step sometimes. And sometimes it's harder when we have to imagine, I've said
this to other people at your church, I've gotten a rise out of some of them. I was like,
you know, you think you're doing well, but imagine this person that you hate the most
is going to be in heaven with you if they find Jesus. And they're absolutely not. Like
that's the wrong attitude. You kind of change that attitude over. And so sometimes, you
know, my mom could have been saved before she died. I have no way of knowing. And I might
see her up there. And
Well, that'd be the day.
Oh my goodness. That would be.
Wow.
I would have thought.
Anyway, I just praised Jesus. I was thinking before you came over and as I was thinking
about my story, the old hymn, I don't know if you guys ever heard it, I love to tell
the story of Jesus and his love. It's just to him we used to sing all the time. And
it's just that's what I love to tell is the story of Jesus.
The issue I have with the hymns is that I became a Christian in my 30s and nobody did
those. And so I don't know a lot of them at all. And I'll hear some people singing hymns.
This old couple, he's take care of. I visit the wife still, the husband's past, but she
will talk about the hymns and sing some hymns. I'm like, I don't know what you're saying.
It's, it's, you could put some Toby Mac on. I'll know what that is. And I'm not a big
Toby Mac fan. My wife is, but I'm not. I prefer things like Mission House. I introduced to
John.
Ren Collective.
Ren Collective. Love Ren Collective. And so I've got certain, certain niches that I like
to listen to. But once you put an old hymn on, I don't know what this is. But some of
them I really like be that my vision. I was written in like the 1600s. I, wham, that one
really sings to me. I'll tell you, I love, I love singing that to God. I love it. And
so some of the little hymns have it. Some of them, I will put me to sleep.
Well, thank you so much for letting me share my story today.
I had no idea because your husband is such an extrovert. Everybody knows his story all
the time. All his stories. I've never, ever, ever once in the years that I've known you
heard your story. I've heard parts of it, but never like this. And I can honestly say
that I love you more now than I did before you walked in that door knowing it.
So will you come back on with John and do a couples episode?
Yeah, we would love to. We would love to tell some New Guinea stories of what God did for
us in New Guinea.
Oh my, because I know he did some miracles.
Yeah.
Yeah. That'll be a whole episode. That would be wonderful. Well, thank you for coming on
Belinda and thank you listener for listening. And if you'd like to come alongside our ministry
and be a blessing to us and others and help with the audio editing expenses, we have a
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