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Welcome to the God's goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage as well as highlight

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God's goodness and modern day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins. Today

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we have with us a special guest. I say that all the time, but she's super special to

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me. Her name is Belinda Kent and he actually her husband was our second guest and it was

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Pastor John Kent and his episode was Who Am I? Chosen. So I suggest you take a listen

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to that because it's a good episode. And we're going to have Belinda open us up with an opening

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prayer and then we're going to have her just be led by the Holy Spirit. So thanks for coming

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and doing this with us. Well, thank you for having me. Lord Jesus, thank you so much for

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your amazing love and that you so long to have an intimate relationship with each of

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us. And today I just long to tell your story of how you've just been so good to me. I

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pray in Jesus name, amen. Amen. So where would you like to start? My parents were both born

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and raised in Germany during World War II. They both were little kids and they both my

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father's family was grew up in Poland. His father was captured prisoner of war by the

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Russians. His mother had to flee with six kids. She was a Christian and she has amazing

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stories to tell about traveling across Germany with six kids when the Russians were coming.

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Anyway, they ended up in Berlin where my grandfather was released. They got together, but my grandfather

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of course was a very broken man ended up the whole family emigrated to the Southwest Colorado

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where a farmer sponsored them. And then my mom's family, her oldest sister buried in American

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GI and they ended up in Texas on an army base. And so that whole family emigrated and then

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they ended up together. Both families ended up in a German church in Denver, Colorado.

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And so that's where my parents met. So I was born there in Colorado with both sets of parents,

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grew up all my aunts and uncles and grandparents, all German culture trying to fit. I was a

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first generation immigrants kid. Had to find my own way in school. English school I was

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the oldest. I didn't speak English very well until I went to school. And so I was always

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feeling left out. My mom and the German church, you know, we didn't even go to an American

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church. The German church, it was always, oh, these Americans, they're flatter you. These

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Americans, these Americans. And I just always felt like I didn't know how to fit in. And

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so I kind of just grew up in church that way. We ended up at age 12. I went to church school

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and at age 12 we ended up in the English church, regular American church in Boulder, Colorado.

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But it was a very legalistic time. And I think across Christianity, there wasn't really much

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talk about Jesus as it was the age of the hippies, the 60s, the 70s, you know, and in

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Boulder, Colorado was a hotbed of the hippie movement. And so the church was very concerned

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about morality and right doing. And at age 12, my heart just, I wanted Jesus. I talked

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about baptism, but all I knew was the rules and how to do, you know, just my parents were

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very strict, very legalistic. Going through the motions. Going through the motions. And

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so I was baptized. And then when I became a teenager, high school age, even though our

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church had a boarding school, they were concerned again, it was the 70s, the hippies, you know,

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the free love. And so they were very concerned about that. So they sent me to very conservative

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boarding school in Utah. And our whole family moved there. And there again, it was all about

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the works doing. And I just at 13, I decided I wanted to follow Jesus. And this was when

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we were still in Boulder. And I started memorizing scriptures. And I read a little book called

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Steps to Christ. And I could not get it beyond how to live with Jesus. I just couldn't get

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it. And so I just thought to myself, well, I can be perfect. I can do all this stuff.

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So my goal was to learn how to be perfect and do everything. And at this boarding school

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in Utah, again, we wore dresses all the time. You couldn't date, you know, boys and girls

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live separate, you know, and all this stuff. And it was just, I just tried to embrace everything,

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you know, I knelt every time we prayed and da da da da da, you know, just on down the

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line. And my parents at the same time raised us with shame. That's how they were raised

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because of the war I think just broke, just messed up their families. And anyway, they

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never said, I love you. I just longed. I'm a touchy feely person. I need words of affirmation.

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Never got that. I just longed for love. I longed to know I would belong. And I always

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felt like I was on the outside looking in. And then so in my head, I started developing

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these romantic ideas. Well, when I meet the right man, he'll fill all these holes. I had

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this deep hole. I didn't realize it was a God hole for this relationship because all

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I was doing was works. And even though I was baptized and I didn't know that Jesus really

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loved me. And so long story short, John and I met in New York and I thought he could fill

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all this deep longings. And of course, he was a very broken man. It come from a broken

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background. Didn't know how to love either. And so we just spent so many years of our

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marriage. I just desperately trying to cling to him, getting more love and he pushing away

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because he just didn't know what to do with it. We finally ended up in the jungles of

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Papua New Guinea with three little boys ages five, three and one and 270 miles from town.

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And it's over by Australia for those who don't know. It's an island north of Australia.

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Anyway, deep in the jungles of New Guinea. And three years in, again, John just because

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of his empty hole, he kept doing ministry. That was his way to fill his holes. And so

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many times I was left with the kids by myself. Anyway, so three years in, one of our supporters

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in the States from California sent us to, they were always sending us packages and things.

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And so they sent us, I got two books. One was called Search for, no, they sent me a

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book on prayer, let prayer change your life. And I can't even remember the name of the

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author, but it was about just how to let God speak to you every morning. And then at the

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same time we'd been out to Wewak to the nearest town. I got out once a year with the kids.

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And there was a little Christian bookstore there and I found the book called Search for

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Significance that talks about the lies, the four main significant lies that the devil puts

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on us and how we can break those. And we were back in the jungle and I've just been working

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my way through this book and just the one lie that's, you know, that was my lie that's

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Satan had just put on me that you're not worth it. You're not significant. You never matter

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because I never felt like I was, even with John, because of his inability to love me.

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I just felt like I wasn't loved. I was a second class, you know. And so that book, I remember

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that morning where I talked what Jesus did about us and how to break that lie and Jesus,

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how much he loves you. And I just, it just started coming into me and I just, I just

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felt like I was this new creation. And that day I went out in our little log canoe. We

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lived on one side of the river, our mission, our house in the health center and our church

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was on one side of the river and the villages were on the other. And I wanted to visit some

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of the women upriver and we had these little log canoes and I got out there. Well, when

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I got to the river bank, the river had flooded overnight. We'd had a heap of rain. We got

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20 feet of rain a year there. And so that night it had rained maybe five inches or six

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inches. And so the river bank was way high and the river was just rushing with, down

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with logs, floating logs and debris. And one of the guys, one of the local hip-hop and

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New Guinea guys at the bottom of the river where I had my canoe said, be careful. There's

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all these logs coming down. But I just felt like at that point, like I could just do anything

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because God was in me. I just felt like this new person. And as I paddled up the river,

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dodging trees and stuff to the village, I just felt like, I don't know how to explain it.

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I just felt like a new creation, like, you know, truly Jesus loved me. But again, those

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old lies had such a hold and, you know, that was the first start of it. But then those

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lies just, you know, keep coming back. And so we finished our term in Papua New Guinea

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and ended up back in the States and just trying to adjust back to life in America. The kids

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all were going through culture shock. It was the hardest time of our life coming back and

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trying to readjust and having to work. Both of us had to work. We put our kids through

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private church school and, and John just, he, he was the training director of our mission

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agency, but he just poured his heart more and more into it. And every summer he was

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just gone and our marriage just was on the rocks. We ended up in counseling. And as John

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shared on episode two, finally our counselor just said, I realize it can only take you

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from miserable to unhappy. That's about all I can do. But she had had contact with this

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man that did some, because of his own brokenness and his own journey to healing, he just knew

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how to position a person to receive the deep healing of the wounds that have driven us.

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And so John went there. Our counselor took John there one day. It was November, I think

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in 2003 to Ohio. And that day I was at home and I just felt again, I was left out because

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the counselor said she wanted to take John. He, Terry Wardle in Ohio was mentoring our

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counselor and she took John. And that day I was home alone. The kids were at school.

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I laid on the floor of our bathroom just and paying agony saying, God, why am I always

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left out? I'm always the one left out. In New Guinea, it was always John's extrovert,

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charismatic person. And he, you know, people love John. It's his personality. It was always

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John, John, John. And I just felt like this little person that was just left. And I laid

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on the floor of our bathroom just considering what I could do if I had any pills or anything

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that I could do just to end my life. I was so miserable. And the only thing that kept

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me from doing anything serious that day was the thought of our four kids. They were teenagers,

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but still, I said, I can't do this to our kids. And I just prayed that day. I said, God,

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if this man that John is going to see is a godly man, he'll know that it's not just about

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John. He'll somehow know that there's somebody else involved. And so John came home that

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night. It was a four hour drive for him. He came home like that night and just shared

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excitedly what God had done for him. And he said, Terry wants to meet with both you and

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I in a month the whole weekend. He has all weekend set apart for you and I. And so a

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couple of weeks later, before we went down there, it was in November. It was a Saturday

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morning. I decided to go out to Lake Michigan. It was a warm November day. It was gray. It

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was overcast. And I went to the beach where it climbed on one of the high sand dunes that

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overlooked the lake. And I brought a blanket with me and a CD player back then. We still

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have CD players. My sister had just sent me a new CD of praise and worship music. And

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I just sat there on the blanket with my Bible and my CD player. And I just started somehow

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God led me to a verse in the Ezekiel. I can't even remember what chapter it is now, but

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that said, I will find my sheep that were Ezekiel 34 that were scattered on that day.

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I will find them. And I just clung to that promise. And then I had been playing through

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the CD worship songs and I got to one song, The Power of Your Love. And I never heard

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it before. Hold me close. Let your love surround me. And as I wait, your spirit, I'll soar

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like the eagles. I can't even remember the words, but it's just an amazing song. And

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I played that song again and again and again. Just went back to repeat, repeat, repeat the

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power of your love and I'll soar with you by the power of your love. And everything had

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been dead and quiet. It was gray. You know, everything was, it was fall. You know, all

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the leaves had fallen. And all of a sudden, about the 18th time through that song, the

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lake in front of me down, it was because I was up high on the sand in front of the lake.

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All of a sudden there was these ducks that were bobbing up and putting their head down.

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And all of a sudden there were some birds up in the air and seagulls. And it was just

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like, there were some bugs around me. It's just like all of a sudden everything around

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me came to life and it was like, God promise me, I am going to find you, Bulinda, to the

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place where you've been scattered. And so two weeks later, John and I together went

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down with our counselor because again, she was being trained by Terry Wardle and we went

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down and we've had a whole weekend down there in Ohio. And the first night that Terry met

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with John and I together, he had us do a prayer together, then just start sharing our life

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story. And during that time, a memory came to me that had, I had never remembered, but

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it just came to me and I had been in my subconscious, I guess, but the memory of when I was four

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or five years old, we were in Boulder, Colorado. I'd been sent to my bedroom for something

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I'd done wrong. I had a sister just a year younger than me. And I went to my bedroom

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and my mom, again, she disciplined us in shame, you know, it was just always shame. You're

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bad, you're bad. Anyway, so I went to my bedroom and I remember sneaking out of my bedroom,

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coming down the hall and she was sitting in the living room on the couch cuddling my

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four year old sister. I must have been about five, just cuddling her and loving her and

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looked up and saw me and said, you're bad, go away. We don't want you. And I just realized

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that that story is what had played my, had been the basis of my whole life, what had

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driven my whole life realizing you're bad, go away. We don't want you. And then I just

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felt even with Jesus that, yeah, he was supposed to love me, but he would look at me and say,

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you're bad, go away. I don't want you. And that night, just that story, I just realized

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that that's what had been driving my brokenness, my woundiness, my deep clinging to John, trying

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to get love. You know, I was trying to force love out of him. And of course, that always

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drove him away and just that deep neediness. And so Terry sent me over, we went back to

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our apartment that night and he said, said to write a lament just to grieve what I'd

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lost and what I wanted from God. And as I wrote it that night, there were three things

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that just, deep desires in my heart that just came out. I just wanted to be beautiful because

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all my life, my dad had told me I'd never marry. No man would ever look at me because

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of the way I walk. And my friends in school had laughed at me and told me, several of

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them even told me I was so ugly. I was cute, you know, just all this stuff. And I never

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even thought of myself. And because of John's brokenness, he was never able to really value

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me and tell me that I was beautiful. Anyway, so I wanted to be loved by God and by John

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as described in the song of Solomon. And I wanted to be beautiful. I was tired of being

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ugly. So those were the three things that came out and I lamented that. Anyway, so that

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night went to bed. I woke up three, four in the morning, couldn't go to sleep. I got up

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and went to our little living room in the apartment we were staying at. I opened my

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Bible to Isaiah 62 that God says, you'll never be desolate. I will write you a new

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name. You'll never be desolate again. I'll hold you up for all the world to see you're

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beautiful and my delight. And I just clung to that promise. I'd never read those verses

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before but it was just like God was telling me that I was never going to be desolate and

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forsaken anymore. So that afternoon we went separately to meet with Terry. So John went

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over and met with him and John came back and was just a mess because he talked to Terry

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about some stuff and he was just grieving some of the losses that he'd had and I said,

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what's wrong? And he said, just go over there. I don't want to talk about it now. So I went

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over to see, to meet with Terry and our counselor and Terry looked at me and said, we have some

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work to do because John had, we had talked about my neediness and clinging to John and

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stuff and I said, yeah, I'm open. I just want to do whatever it takes. I'm tired of living

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this way. I'm tired. I want it just whatever. Just give me the hard stuff. You know, I'll

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deal with it. I want God to heal me. And so he always started with prayer and he always

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had silence and this time he just sat there longer in silence. And finally I looked at

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him and he said, Belinda, God's telling me you're first. And I said, first, first for

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God, I've never been first for anything, never in my life. And he said, first to receive

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the Holy Spirit because he had had a little talk with us about the Holy Spirit. And even

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though I knew and believed in the Trinity, the Holy Spirit, just our denomination kind

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of had pushed because of their fear of overdoing it with the Holy Spirit, you know, they just

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kind of pushed away and it was all again in the head. And I never had realized what the

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Holy Spirit could live in us and do for us. Anyway, so Terry said, yeah, I feel like God's

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telling me you're first to receive the Holy Spirit. And so he and our counselor Ann just

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surrounded me. They laid their hands on me and I shared the story with him of how I got

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up and read these verses in Isaiah 62 of how God said, he'd hold me up as a crown for

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all to see and give me a new name. Anyway, so they prayed over me and just as we were

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praying, I just saw Jesus take me and lift me to heaven and treat me like his lover.

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He set me at the head of the table beside him and introduced me. It was like I was the

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one, the one that he loved, his chosen. And I never felt such love before. And then I

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just saw him taking me down the streets and walking by some animals and telling me it

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was okay to play because I'd been such a rigid person. My dad had raised us the first, the

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oldest of four kids. I always had to work every time we played and got silly. He would

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yell at us. And Jesus just, I saw a giraffe and he told me I could slide down the neck

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of a giraffe and have fun and go at it. And then during this time, I was just telling

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Terry and our counselor and what I was seeing. And then Terry said, ask him what your new

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name is. And so I asked Jesus what's my name and he said, Jesus said beautiful. And I just

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started crying and I said, it's not right. I've never been beautiful my whole life. I've

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never been beautiful. And Terry and Anne both affirmed that's right. And at that point,

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I just felt such love for Jesus that I'd never felt before. I just saw myself throwing my

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arms around Jesus saying, Jesus, I love you. And instantly, I just felt from my feet to

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my head. I just felt the power of the Holy Spirit filling me. I just felt this sensation

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just filling my whole body. And it just, I never experienced this before. And it was

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just such an amazing experience. I just felt this love for Jesus that I'd never had before.

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And I felt his love for me. And so Terry then said, go over and tell John about this. And

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during that, in the meantime, John had gone through his whole grieving time and lamenting

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and found himself going from saying, I've lost my heart and grieving, finding himself on

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the floor, saying, God telling him, I've got a new heart for you giggling on the floor.

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And so I came in and found John. And at that point, God had impressed on John that he needed

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to do, asked me to remarry him. Anyway, so I got into the apartment. John was on the

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floor on his back. And he looked up at me and just said, Hi, beautiful. And I said,

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How did you know? How did you know? He said, How did I know what? Because he never ever

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called me beautiful. I said, Jesus, just call me that. And it was just this confirmation

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of what that Jesus, the new name he'd given me that that was, it wasn't something I'd

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just drummed up or imagined that it was true. And at that point, John began a process. We

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went back home and a week later, he had in secret had all these plans laid out. We were

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supposed to go on a date that night, but we ended up at our counselor's house. She had

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a pretty big house. And they dressed me up to go on this quote date with John. I came

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out and here were 60 people and another John had arranged another ceremony with the pastor

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and knelt down and asked me to marry him again and had a whole wedding. He had picked out

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a dress and shoes and everything for me that night. Anyway, so it was just an incredible

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experience. But that love that Jesus gave me that just started changing that story of

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my mom saying, Go away, you're bad. We don't want you. Just overwrote that story, overwrote

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that lie that the enemy had been giving me all my life and just realizing that I am a

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first class citizen. I don't have to be on the outside looking in on it anymore. And

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it just has changed my whole life just to experience, to go from my head knowledge,

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just that empty hole I had, just to have it filled with the deep love of Jesus and to

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not be this needy, clingy person anymore because God's filling this deep hole. I don't need

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people to fill it anymore. It was just an amazing experience that has just helped me

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and grounded me in the ministry here to the broken people that we have in Carnegie and

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to the people in poverty and recovering from addiction just to know how to love them and

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how to not let their brokenness affect me and just to ground me in Jesus. I love how

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God always meets us. Like, He gives us an experience that's specific for us, that's

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the most meaningful for us. And He met you where you were and He just changed your life

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like that with that healing, that moment. I'm convinced that the kents are against me

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because John has made me cry in the past and I almost cried three times through your testimony.

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And that's not, you guys know me, it's not my thing. I don't like it. And you guys are

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just so holy awesome people. I have not ungone the level of pain that you have as a child,

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but we have similar backgrounds in that we were treated in a way that we felt unlovable.

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And I know what that looks like. Again, I wasn't punished and I wasn't called certain

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names. I was called other names, but I didn't have to go through the same things you have.

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But I do understand what it feels like to be unlovable and I do understand what it is

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to want a relationship with Jesus and feel unworthy of His love. And as a person living,

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how long did you go with this? You knew Jesus and you went, you know, how many decades before

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you had closure on this matter? I can't fathom the feeling and your drowning in that for

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as long as you have that I've only been a Christian since I was 30. So even though I

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was suffering from it, I wasn't suffering you from it from God's perspective because

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I didn't have a relationship with Jesus. So I didn't suffer near as long as you had.

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And I can't imagine a 13 year old girl struggling with wanting to know Jesus and feeling like

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you can't because he wants nothing to do with you. I can't imagine that you would pour your

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whole life into him and expect that he's not going to reciprocate because that's how you

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were raised. That breaks my heart.

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Well, at that time, there was no one to mentor me. Like I said, it was a very fundamentalist

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religion across Christianity, I think, you know, and in our denomination, a few speakers

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started to come across in the 70s and 80s that talked about righteousness by faith and

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Jesus and my dad, which is I got a book and I was so excited about it. My dad said, that's

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wrong. That's cheap grace. That's cheap grace, you know, and every time I would get excited

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about it, he would shut it down, you know, with guilt and there was just no one I could

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go to. And then, you know, we were just in this works culture, this oriented culture of

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performing for God for years and decades, but conditional love. Yeah. But New Guinea

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did start to break both of us out of that. That's where our journey began to open up

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towards God.

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Isn't that interesting that you go on a missions trip to bring people to Jesus and all you

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really did was begin your journey to Jesus in that moment. That mission was for you.

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It wasn't for them.

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Yeah.

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And I'm sure some of them benefited from it, but it was for you.

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And what was amazing, what's amazing to me is God did the healing for both of us at the

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same time in New Guinea during that time that I was reading that book, search for significance

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and going through that growth. John was sitting every day in our little church for six months

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saying at noon, he'd sit there for a couple hours every day saying, when Jesus said, you

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must be born again. What did he mean? What did he mean? And he was going through his

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own experience of reconversion at that time. And then we both were able to go to Terry

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Wardle at the same time. So I just praise God that one of us wasn't ahead of the other

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that together he just took us on this healing path.

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Yeah. I really love the both of you. And, you know, John is a very extroverted person,

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but I'm a very introverted person. So I understand you even though I like him. I love that we

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are very similar in a lot of the I'm very outgoing, but I need to be away from people

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to recharge and your background is similar to mine. Your faith is similar to mine. You

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know, I feel like you absolutely are my sister in Christ's at this table. You don't have

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any brothers. You just had sisters. Just sisters. You have a brother now. And so a kinship with

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you that, you know, John sure he's a friend, but you're not trying to insult you. Sorry.

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But you're more family. And, you know, John's that guy that will help you in a pickle. John's

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that guy that will bend over backwards and take the shirt off his back for you. And so

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he's memorable. Come fix your car. Right. He's he's memorable to people, people. And

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I feel a lot of people use him because of that, because they don't know what else to

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do. They don't know how to turn to Jesus because they've got John, but you're not that person

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and you're someone I can relate to more than a lot of people I've been able to relate to

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before. And I really appreciate your authenticity. I really appreciate that when you're having

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a bad day because we've gone to church together and that you are open and you were honest

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and you weren't you aren't reserved about it. Right. You're not mean, but you can tell.

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And I just really love where you were to where you've come to. Right. I don't love where

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you were, but just the journey, the process. Obviously no child should feel what you felt

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or go through what you've gone through. But I'm very glad that God has used this for his

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kingdom because I know that you minister that same love that you learned to the people at

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the church that you guys are shepherds to and that the people there benefit greatly because

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of you. Again, they benefit greatly because, you know, John is a great pastor. He's a great

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order. He is good with stories. But you were that person that without you, John couldn't

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be John. He couldn't do what he does if he didn't have a spalinda. And you are that instrumental

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person. I think you're more than just his helper. You were easily his other half. You

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were easily the other half of John. You cannot think of John without thinking of Belinda.

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It is impossible. You cannot have one with the other peanut butter and jelly, biscuits

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and gravy. Right. Pick whichever one you like the best. I don't know. Is there German ones

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like that too? Eggs and toast or something? I don't know.

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Sourcrout and whatever.

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Perfect. Sourcrout and whatever. Right. And John's a lot of the whatever.

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I can't think of the German word for the sausage. It's anyway.

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You know, I think that you are still in a place where you undersell yourself and your

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value to God's kingdom. And I'm glad that you understand who you are. But I think you

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would do great to understand what you mean, not just to God, but to those around you.

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It's great that you accepted God loves you and it's great that you accepted that John

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loves you. I love you. I know Shelly loves you. I know that the people that when we have

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a gap a feast that they when they pour into you and they tell you they love you, that

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that's not them trying to figure out what to say to you. That's them trying to figure

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out the right words because they love you. And I think that the trauma you went through,

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you refuse to allow anyone else to go through. And I think it shows in the people that you

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talk to and that you teach and that you minister to. And I really love you more for that. I

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think you're just a great inspiration. You know, you do a lot of the kids ministry and

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you do a lot of things, but I see what you do. And I know God sees a lot more than I've

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seen and I am proud of you.

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Thank you. That means a lot.

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The way you describe that therapy reminds me of this Christian therapy I've learned

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about is called Splankna. S-P-L-A-N-K-N-A. And like they are subconscious mind records

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all memories, but some of them we don't remember because it's our subconscious. And like every

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memory is a different frequency. And sometimes a story will get stuck, a memory will get

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stuck and if you don't process that and release it, then it can cause a whole plethora of

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actions and behaviors. And when that gets released, it can be really free.

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Yeah. And that memory had been stuck in me and I hadn't even realized that that was the

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memory that was driving me all those years.

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Right. Because you subconsciously would have blocked it out because it was such a painful

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memory.

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And then I know John shared that when sitting there on that couch that evening hearing me

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share that that's what opened his heart to me because all those years he kind of shut

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himself off because of my clinginess. And when he realized, oh, that's what's driving

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me, that's what's been, you know, it just kind of opened his heart to me at the same

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time. And the three things that I'd asked for from God that I wanted to be loved by

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God and John is described in the song of Solomon and be beautiful, all three of those just

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were given to me that weekend.

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And then him confirming it when you come in the door, it's like, really, yeah, that's

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right.

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That's an amazing testimony. I think a lot of people that are, not a lot of people that

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are, there are a lot of people that are broken in a way that hinders their relationship with

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others and more importantly with Jesus. And your story is an illustration that trauma

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as a child can absolutely pay a huge part in a relationship as an adult. And I hope

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it gives people hope that that's not the end of the road that we had a guest earlier. He

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talked about he's a construction guy and you know, you can use a hammer to destroy it,

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you can also use a hammer to chisel and refine and make this masterpiece. And so God says

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that there is no evil that he can't make good from, right? And so he's faithful to finish

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the work he started.

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And so he created you, but he wasn't going to leave you a stone slab of marble that's

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been hit by the wind and the rain without making you the statue of, I don't know what

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good statue name, the wonderful statue that he carved you into this masterpiece that you

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couldn't do yourself, nor could you see the product of it until he was complete and apparently

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neither could John until God was done with it. And the moment he was done with it, you

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knew and he knew they could see the final product. And I think that's wonderful.

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So that changed everything after that, huh?

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Yes, just and then that wedding and just, yeah, it just, I mean, there's still, it's

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like an onion. And you know, there's more layers and just recently I've found myself

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going back through those layers, you know, deeper layers having to bring back some of

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my, just bringing back some of my childhood back to Jesus. But yeah, it was the start

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of just a new relationship for us. And our kids before them, they just were afraid that

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we were going to get divorced and we were close to it. And that just turned us around

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and just made us stronger and just saved our marriage.

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So your whole family has suffered because of the trauma that your parents suffered?

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Well, yeah, from the brokenness of war years and all that, you know, and of course my grandfather

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that was a prisoner of war never, you know, back then you didn't have PTSD or diagnosis

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or any help for that, you know, you just bucked it up and sucked it up and just went on living

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and he was a very broken man. And you know, my dad passed away three years ago and just

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never had a chance to just really experience the grace of Jesus, even though he did everything

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just right and criticize and judged everyone. I just, I know I will see him again and I

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know that God will teach him all about his grace.

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Oh yeah, immediately. As soon as you see him again, he'll have it down.

385
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Yeah.

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Yeah, I look forward to that feast where we get to meet the people that hurt us and seeing

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them in a light that is not unfavorable and looking at them as like, oh, well, you know,

388
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:48,480
you're here, you're redeemed and we get to enjoy a meal together for the first one ever

389
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:53,080
or we're not going to be traumatized. Like how amazing will that be? The first meal

390
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:57,160
ever that was person that you're supposed to love was supposed to love you, right? And

391
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,960
you get to finally be untraumatized sitting together next to each other, laughing, joking.

392
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:06,880
You know, hey, pass those past this. And how amazing will that be to get to finally enjoy

393
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,200
that person for who God made them to be?

394
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:14,280
Yeah. And my mom, interestingly enough, she's by herself in Alabama, still in this very

395
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:18,880
rigid conservative group. It's a health center group. You know, they still do all the dress,

396
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:24,720
wearing the dresses and all this stuff, you know, really focused on health. But she has

397
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:28,760
all our lives. She never could say, I love you. You know, my dad would complain that

398
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,760
he would say, your mother never says I love you. And she would could never say that to

399
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:39,120
us. But recently, every phone call now, she says, I love you. So that's been a step. But

400
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:44,480
that just has just just been healing. Every time we'll say, I love you to each other.

401
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:48,440
And it's just, I thought I had to get to be 60 years old before my mom could say I love

402
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:49,640
you.

403
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:54,480
I'm proud that she, my mom passed away. And I don't think I remember her ever telling

404
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:59,360
me she loved me. And, you know, my stepmom does. So that's, I mean, I had a replacement

405
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:04,720
that was that was good. But I can't imagine, I would have never thought that I would ever

406
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:08,200
hear it. You know, you're saying, I probably make it a 60 before, I would probably think

407
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:13,000
I'd never hear it, especially if I grew up the way you did. And I would expect it. And

408
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:16,240
I wouldn't, I probably would have cut them off. I probably wouldn't have talked to them.

409
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:21,960
I probably would have gone a different direction. You have done everything right in all the

410
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:22,960
wrong.

411
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:28,240
I spent a journey I've had to learn how to forgive my dad. And even when he passed away.

412
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:32,920
And every day, often I still have to forgive him and just choose to forgive him, you know.

413
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:37,160
Oh, yeah. I mean, I would have been mad. I would have been mad that I wouldn't have got

414
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:41,360
the things off my chest that, that, you know, like you had the ad acid leave before I was

415
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:46,640
finished. Like I've got so much to heal and you don't get to do that. And I can see that

416
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,920
being a stumbling block for me. And if we're similar, I can see that being a stumbling

417
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:54,880
block for you. And then for the forgiveness part, I've learned through hardship. I'm pretty

418
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:59,880
good about forgiving people. Sometimes we don't recognize we need to. And that's what

419
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:04,560
gets us as we don't recognize there's a problem. We just as owl, whatever that happened, we

420
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:09,280
don't give it a second thought that this person needs to be formally forgiven by us. That

421
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:15,680
is a hard step sometimes. And sometimes it's harder when we have to imagine, I've said

422
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:20,480
this to other people at your church, I've gotten a rise out of some of them. I was like,

423
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,920
you know, you think you're doing well, but imagine this person that you hate the most

424
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:28,480
is going to be in heaven with you if they find Jesus. And they're absolutely not. Like

425
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:33,680
that's the wrong attitude. You kind of change that attitude over. And so sometimes, you

426
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:38,800
know, my mom could have been saved before she died. I have no way of knowing. And I might

427
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,120
see her up there. And

428
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,640
Well, that'd be the day.

429
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,440
Oh my goodness. That would be.

430
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:46,440
Wow.

431
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,440
I would have thought.

432
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:52,720
Anyway, I just praised Jesus. I was thinking before you came over and as I was thinking

433
00:36:52,720 --> 00:36:56,480
about my story, the old hymn, I don't know if you guys ever heard it, I love to tell

434
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:00,880
the story of Jesus and his love. It's just to him we used to sing all the time. And

435
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,080
it's just that's what I love to tell is the story of Jesus.

436
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:09,840
The issue I have with the hymns is that I became a Christian in my 30s and nobody did

437
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:15,360
those. And so I don't know a lot of them at all. And I'll hear some people singing hymns.

438
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:21,280
This old couple, he's take care of. I visit the wife still, the husband's past, but she

439
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:26,760
will talk about the hymns and sing some hymns. I'm like, I don't know what you're saying.

440
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:32,440
It's, it's, you could put some Toby Mac on. I'll know what that is. And I'm not a big

441
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:37,320
Toby Mac fan. My wife is, but I'm not. I prefer things like Mission House. I introduced to

442
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:38,320
John.

443
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:39,320
Ren Collective.

444
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,680
Ren Collective. Love Ren Collective. And so I've got certain, certain niches that I like

445
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:47,600
to listen to. But once you put an old hymn on, I don't know what this is. But some of

446
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:54,120
them I really like be that my vision. I was written in like the 1600s. I, wham, that one

447
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:59,320
really sings to me. I'll tell you, I love, I love singing that to God. I love it. And

448
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,280
so some of the little hymns have it. Some of them, I will put me to sleep.

449
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,760
Well, thank you so much for letting me share my story today.

450
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:12,560
I had no idea because your husband is such an extrovert. Everybody knows his story all

451
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:17,000
the time. All his stories. I've never, ever, ever once in the years that I've known you

452
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:22,880
heard your story. I've heard parts of it, but never like this. And I can honestly say

453
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:27,360
that I love you more now than I did before you walked in that door knowing it.

454
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,840
So will you come back on with John and do a couples episode?

455
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:35,200
Yeah, we would love to. We would love to tell some New Guinea stories of what God did for

456
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:36,200
us in New Guinea.

457
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,360
Oh my, because I know he did some miracles.

458
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:39,360
Yeah.

459
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:44,880
Yeah. That'll be a whole episode. That would be wonderful. Well, thank you for coming on

460
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:49,640
Belinda and thank you listener for listening. And if you'd like to come alongside our ministry

461
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:55,200
and be a blessing to us and others and help with the audio editing expenses, we have a

462
00:38:55,200 --> 00:39:00,120
fundraising campaign. If you go to givestango.com and they'll go to God's goodness podcast,

463
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:04,280
you can make your donation there and we would greatly appreciate the help. And then we'll

464
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talk to you next time.