Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage as well as highlight
God's goodness and modern-day miracles.
We are your hosts, Josh and Shelly Hankins.
Today we have with us a special guest.
We actually met through a leadership conference in last November, and Ian was the one who
introduced us.
Ian, it was our episode.
It's actually ranking third place now.
It's called Choose Whom You Will Serve.
So we brought Connor Wilson with us to the show today, and he's going to guide us in
an opening prayer.
Thank you.
Father God, we give thanks for getting to be here.
Get to share your message, share your good word.
We are honored, and we just ask that the Holy Spirit guide our thoughts and our words and
our message today to be able to impact one.
And if we can impact one, then we could impact many.
We give thanks for all the glory, all the amazing things that you have done in our lives, and
we are excited to share the gospel and share the good news today.
In Jesus' name, we pray.
Amen.
So where would you like to start, Connor?
Well, Genesis, right?
Chapter, no.
In the beginning.
Yeah, in the beginning.
God created man.
So one of the main things on my heart that I wanted to share is the...
I mean, there's so much, but growing up, I'll just start with my beginning, kind of a little
bit of my background, and then we'll evolve this conversation wherever the Spirit takes
us to.
Yeah, let us get to know you.
Yeah.
So growing up, humble times, I think as Ian said, and just a lot of chaos.
There is a lot of addiction in my family, amongst parents, cousins, uncles.
It was just inundated in my whole family and in my whole experience.
So growing up under chaos, I learned how to be vigilant, how to survive.
And an important lesson that I feel that I learned about trauma is when you don't have
somebody safe to connect with and to share it with, that's when we start to embody that
trauma.
So that's why sometimes I feel like some people come back from war and they experience extremely
severe PTSD where others come home and they are able to resume a normal life.
I do feel that it is in part because of people's ability to connect and cope and share and
kind of talk their way through and to resolve that trauma.
You know, you don't know this yet, but the podcast we recorded just before this episode,
which releases next week, he talked about PTSD, John Colve, and what he said was they were
like soldiers, they had a mission and then when they come home, there's no focus.
You know, like they need that purpose.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, and then I hear a lot of soldiers will come home and they'll say, they're physically
they're home, but mentally they're still on the battleground.
They're still at war.
And it's probably very challenging to come back and resume the normal day to day where
what they just experienced was something far more just amplifying.
Yeah, yeah, everyone here has no idea.
Right.
They're looking around at people that are going around their daily lives as if nothing
has happened.
And for them, everything has happened and they have to try to pretend like nothing has happened
so they can fit in with society.
Right.
That's tough.
I can only imagine.
I never went overseas praise, but we give thanks and gratitude for everybody who has
served our country.
Absolutely.
And so I say all this to say that I feel like in my home life, I never had someone a safe
space to for an outlet, somebody to connect with.
And I feel like that's vitally important for a child to at least have somebody safe to
talk about these things.
I didn't learn this until way later on when I went to my first therapy session when I was
in my twenties.
And this was the first time that I completely got everything off my chest.
I told him everything.
And he told me something very important.
He told me when we carry a lot of these things can think about it as luggage.
And so we're carrying on this baggage and it starts to compile and compile.
But then when we're able to talk to somebody safe, it's like that person metaphorically
is carrying that luggage with you.
So you're carrying a little bit less, more less weight as you begin to be able to open
up as you're able to connect and express yourself authentically and transparently.
So it's not that I saw this counselor a million times after that, but I saw him just a couple
of times in that message always stuck with me.
So going into young early adult years, I felt that I was on the path of least resistance.
I was going with the current of life the way that society wants a lot of boys to go, whether
it be partying, addiction, you name it.
I was on it pornography, struggled with that.
And ultimately I just felt like I was missing the manual for life.
I always remember telling people like I'm looking for something.
I don't know what I'm searching, but I just like, I don't know what.
And so a lot of people are searching, but they don't realize they're searching, you
know, they have that whole H-O-L-E, but they need to find Jesus to make them whole with
the W H-O-L-E.
Yeah, I love that.
It's a yearning, right?
It's a yearning.
Looking for something more.
Yeah.
Like what is out there that I'm missing?
Well, we're created spiritual beings for relationship.
And a lot of people, and you'll hear celebrities and whatnot, you know, tote that we're spiritual
beings, but so is the enemy, right?
And we'll crave a spiritual relationship.
Now God wants that for us, but if we're not careful, we'll get that spiritual relationship
from something, anything else, just because our bodies long to be reunited spiritually
with a father figure.
Well said.
I feel like for me in my addiction, it was a false God.
It was the only escape that I could find that it was almost like I was looking for a spiritual
experience through these false drugs, something artificial like alcohol.
It was nothing too crazy, but it was enough to dance with the devil a little bit.
So this was going on until like I went to college to basically to chase a girl.
I chose my major because I liked CSI, so I thought forensic science would be good for
me.
That just goes to show how aimless I was.
And so quickly I realized that I was very out of place and dropped out, started to,
I would progressively dig deeper and deeper into this hole until I got into a car accident.
And I truly believe that an angel saved my life in this car accident.
It just wrapped its arms around my shoulders and I walked out of this unscathed.
And I remember being in the ambulance and I remember feeling like a part of me died.
Like it was the biggest relief of my life because I knew that I have to change.
This is the way that this, what the direction is taking me is death institutions or jails.
So when you had this revelation in the back of a boo boo bus, did you have a relationship
with Jesus at that moment?
Did you even know who he was?
Not at all.
Grew up Catholic, but I think through osmosis.
My parents didn't practice.
I never saw them reading a Bible.
We never would talk about the word after church.
It was just something that we did to check a box.
And so I think I just caught that and was never taught that.
So my relationship with Jesus came a little bit later.
It seems like he was pursuing you though.
Always.
And as soon as you take a step towards him, he's running towards you, huh?
And so after that car accident, I just, I remember listening to the song, Fast Car, by
Tracy Chapman.
But for the first time, it felt like the song was directly speaking to me.
It was saying that I could be someone I felt like life could have very easily have just
been taken from me in that moment.
Like all the signs that it could have very easily have been the end for me.
So it was just as I started to understand that I'm here for a purpose.
And although I haven't figured it out yet, like I want to be here and I want to start
taking steps towards bettering myself, my relationship with drugs and alcohol.
And so as that continued to evolve, what ultimately got me into recovery this time around and
this time which stuck was a Bible verse that jumped off the Bible to me and resonated in
my core.
And could I share that?
Absolutely.
So it's Romans 12 and Romans 12 goes, And so dear brothers and sisters, I plead with
you to give your bodies to God because of all that he has done for you.
Let them be a living and holy sacrifice, the kind he will find acceptable.
That is truly the way to worship him.
And that just jumped off the page of me because what it was, it was an invitation.
It was an invitation to something that I'm able to do, something that's not out of my
reach.
It's not something that he's not asking me to do anything extraordinary.
It's to present my body as a living sacrifice.
And after all the trauma and the struggle with addiction, I realized the Holy Spirit
was working in me this whole time of saying, just let go.
Just let go.
Let go and let God.
Give it to me.
And if you give it to him, he'll take it.
It's like that.
The line from the movie Matrix and he tells Neo to stop trying to hit him and just hit
him.
Stop trying so hard and just do it.
Right.
Don't try to please me.
Just be right.
Just give yourself to me.
Stop trying so hard to run in circles.
Just let it go.
That's what it reminds me of.
I mean, I think it's something so hard for many of us because we're very action oriented
people and a lot of us do come from trauma or broken homes or brokenness that we feel
that we need to do something to win approval.
And we forget that while we were still sinners that he sent his son for us, right, that he
didn't wait for us to be all fixed up, brand new, buffed out and shiny rolling off the
lot.
Right.
He didn't wait for that.
He saw us in that farm field rusting out, you know, and he's like that, that right there.
That's my child.
And, you know, he's got this mission of fixing you all up and it's up to us to trust him
in the process.
That's where I am right now.
I'm just going to seven different colors and rag for a gas cap, but the engine works and
it's solid, you know, roadworthy.
Just not real pretty.
It's a lipstick and rouge.
Yeah.
No, I love that.
And we're talking the matrix now.
So this podcast is officially rolling.
So one of the definitions of addiction that really like struck out to me and resonates
with me is a addiction is progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure.
And so when you look at Maslow's hierarchy and ease, you got it.
Anybody who you've ever seen who is deep in addiction, we start to realize that everything
from their physiological needs, their, their food, water, shelter, clothing, sleep, it
starts to become a second thought.
The priority and it's like a hijacking of the mind from the enemy.
And we start to prioritize getting our drug before anything else.
And so it's just interesting when you think of like somebody who was homeless and they
start to lose themselves in order to just get the drug that they're looking for.
So yeah.
Anyway, that was a little tangent.
It happens to me all the time.
Yeah.
It's nice.
I feel relaxed.
I feel like I'm grateful that we can, I'm just kind of talking off that cup.
Like it's grateful that it's nice that you can edit it and you can kind of work through
it.
It's my, one of my first podcast experiences.
So I'm glad to have you here.
Yeah, I'm honored.
Glad to finally meet you.
Yeah, me too.
So what does it you do now?
Yeah.
So right now I am working as a recovery coach and a health coach to help people to achieve
long-term recovery and sobriety.
And ultimately I feel it's a disservice in the recovery community to not prioritize physical
health and mental health as well.
So I try to put all those pieces together to help someone achieve wholeness and to be
able to let go and let God work in a direction that's in alignment with God's will.
So the number of addicts that I have run across, I'm an EMT and I've seen my fair share.
How difficult is it to try and help or as you say, be a coach for somebody that doesn't
want to be honest because of the guilt and shame that they're laying themselves because
whatever reason, I'm not sure why all addicts have a propensity to lie about what they're
doing, but they all do.
And when you generally show them that you care, they still don't want to open up.
And how difficult does it make it for you to coach them into recovery, to coach them
in a better habits, to coach them into a life of fulfillment with Jesus Christ and not in
said activity that they're addicted to?
Yeah.
It's extremely challenging, but honesty is step one.
Like until someone has admitted that they're powerless and they're ready to be transparent
with you and honest with you, there's not much work that can be done to be honest.
That's on the man upstairs.
With that said, though, it's a gift that I have overcome some of these things personally.
I feel that pain and vulnerability is an adhesive.
It brings people together.
So at times it may look like leading, being the first one say, I'll step up first and
be vulnerable with you.
And I think it's an invitation and it gives them the ability to be vulnerable right back.
It reminds me of Romans 828 where he works all things together for the good.
So he takes all your garbage and your mess and he turns it into your, you know, it turns
that test into a testimony and then you're able to guide people through that.
And that's what he wants from us.
He wants us to be able to have relationships with each other and then help each other through
the things because we weren't meant to be alone in all this.
Oh yeah, sure.
The Bible does speak about the power of our testimony and how powerful it would be if
we didn't have one.
And so of course we have to go through trials.
Of course we have to go situations.
You know, I first came to Jesus, I didn't do it because I was under duress.
I did it because I felt like the right thing to do.
And it took me a long time to finally get to a place where I had an experience with
him that really changed, that really ramped things up for me.
And it was an adversity.
It wasn't because, oh, it's a nice day for a barbecue.
I'm going to go talk to Jesus.
There's no adversity.
It's everything's good, Lord.
Everything's good in my pocket.
And he doesn't operate that way.
It's hard to have an experience with him because if we're all on top and we're in a good position,
it's hard to say, I need you.
I need to lean on you.
I can't imagine life without you.
When you're looking at your six bedroom house, three bathrooms, three car garage and your
kids are going to college all paid for.
You know, it's hard to think about him when you're doing so well.
But when you hit that, the pavement, you know, and you chip your teeth and you're struggling
to stand up because your shoulder's hurting and you're just down and beaten down.
You're still getting beat and you start calling to him.
Then you realize the need that you absolutely have for him, which I really love.
That's why we have that old law, the 613 laws, you know, don't shave.
Like, well, I broke that a few times.
Oh, pray after you eat not before broke that one.
Don't touch anybody after you've bled.
Well, I've bled plenty of times.
And so I broke that one.
I haven't taken care of crops.
I haven't taken care of fields.
I haven't.
I've broken almost every one of those laws and without even knowing it.
And it's just as a thing that Jesus says that I've not come to abolish the law, but fulfill
it, right?
And that's fulfilled in the fact that we know that we can't do the law.
We know we cannot uphold the law.
And that's it's really just a reminder that we need a savior.
And that's the whole purpose of the law is to remind us that we need Jesus.
And it's hard for us when we're on the top and we have everything to remember.
And so he has a good way of humbling us, you know, knocking us off our stools, which I
very much appreciate, although not in the moments that it's happening.
Yeah, there's always that but Jesus, like, right?
Like I've broken all these rules.
I've done all this, but Jesus.
And I've cultivated like a certain perspective in my life.
I call it the bright side perspective where I ask a lot of people this question is why
is one of the worst things in your life actually the best thing in your life?
And it might like granted, there's different berries and degrees to trauma.
But for a lot of people, I think once they're able to get to a point where they're grateful
for some of their trauma, they'd be grateful for all of their trauma.
That unlocks a whole new level of acceptance.
It's a superpower.
We're operating from a place of acceptance.
I think that's really when that's good soil for the Holy Spirit to really start to work
in, I feel.
And it also illustrates the attitude of gratitude that you hear so much about, you know, do
everything with thanks to God, thanks this and thanks that that, you know, without without
gratitude, optimism means nothing.
And so when you come at everything with a heart of gratitude, then you could be the
most joyous, optimistic person with nothing, you know, Paul learned to be content through
all things.
Right.
When I'm poor and I'm rich, when I'm hungry, when I'm fed, I'm good, you know, I'm good.
Why?
Because he had gratitude.
Give thanks to the Lord all the time in every situation.
Oh, you're both saying praise God.
I didn't.
Right.
Oh, this happened.
Praise God.
It didn't happen to me.
Praise God.
I won't be hungry tomorrow.
Right.
He's always praising God, even in the worst things.
All you just got stoned to death.
Almost.
Praise God.
I'm still alive.
Right.
And so it's a perspective that he had that I think most of us Christians really need
to adopt.
And it's not a mighty man of Jesus thing.
It's a thing all Christians can embrace.
It's men, women, children, the elderly.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter what you're demographic.
It doesn't matter your physical fitness.
All people that believe in Jesus can show gratitude.
Yeah.
There can't be a testimony without the test.
There won't be the message without the mess that came prior to, like you said, Shelly.
And I feel like it's not easy when you're in the storm to say, thank you, God.
I know that there's a lesson to be learned here, but I think that's what we're inviting
certain people to think about if they are going through a storm right now.
If they are going through something that they need help with, then just what God, what are
you trying to teach me here?
Or God, I trust that there is a golden lesson to be learned on the other side of this and
I trust that.
And so I'm going to get through another day or I'm going to get through another minute
or I'm going to get through another second, but I trust on the other side of this, there
will be a testimony there.
When we were going through the 27 months and one week, no discernible income, it's like
we better learn the lesson from this because I don't want to go through this again.
I think one of the lessons that we learned from that was receiving gifts and help from
other people.
It's like we're in this together, you know, and God would put people in our lives that
helped us through that.
See, I learned complete contentment.
I'm content in pretty much everything.
I don't care if I've got a good paying job or a poor paying job.
I don't care if it, I do care if it's no, it's because I don't like this, but only because
I don't like shoveling it.
And because when I work, I have to do more because people don't drive well in the snow
and people shouldn't shovel at certain physical conditions and they do anyway.
And so it causes a little bit more work for me.
But for the most part, I am content in everything.
I'm content with where I am in my family.
I'm content.
So my wife wanted to do this podcast.
It wasn't really on my heart.
I was content.
And so because we're married and because I am the other half of her, you know, God called
me to do this.
Like, well, that means he called me to do that if we're one person, right?
And I hate doing things begrudgingly, right?
So it takes me a while to get motivated the correct way.
You know, I do children's ministry at this church and I didn't want to do it.
The children's minister said, Hey, would you be thinking about this?
God really put your name on my heart and life.
Of course you did.
But she didn't know he did it at all the other.
Every church I've been to, I've done it every single one.
I'm thinking, I'm just going to sit here and get the message and soak it up.
And God's like, mm-mm, I got work for you.
I feel so unprepared and overwhelmed with the scope with the, and I'm always, we're
on the same age of kids, right?
And right now I'm doing three to third to fifth grade and they're just their own people
and they have little clicks and I don't know how to do it.
And I don't feel like I'm good at it or anything, but they always come back.
They're always smiling.
They're always happy.
They're always excited to see me.
And I'm like, I'm doing something right.
Well, you're being obedient.
Yeah.
I begrudgingly because I prayed about it and I didn't like the answer.
So I prayed about it some more and he didn't change.
So I was like, well, this is it.
This reminds me of that one saying he doesn't call the qualified.
He qualifies the cult.
I'm still waiting for him to qualify me.
Yeah.
It's apparently a process.
If anyone ever asks you the way I learned, it's always the hard way.
I only learned the hard way.
Yeah.
You and me both.
And I mean, even to speak on that, like I felt unqualified to be here or I felt, I was
nervous.
I was anxious.
And the Holy Spirit just kept just telling me, just go.
Just go.
Trust the process.
Right.
And there's so many different examples of that in our lives.
You got to take that first step.
You don't want to do it.
Give it something to bless.
Jesus is pulling you along.
Now, I heard a story that you were going to start a podcast at one point.
True.
What happened?
Well, I tried to wear all the hats.
I tried to do it all by myself.
I didn't ask for help.
I wanted to do it all.
I wanted to record.
I wanted to edit.
I wanted to do the, I got cameras.
I got lights.
I set up a studio.
I shot a multi-camera, three cameras.
I had it all set up.
And then the editing process just consumed me.
It took me out of the flow of setting up interviews and studying for interviews.
And that's like where I get like just excited.
I could do it for days in a row where I'm just in my zone of genius.
And I tried to just do everything by myself.
Didn't ask for help.
The whole teamwork makes the dream work.
Yeah.
We don't find any.
I find zero doing anything with the podcast except speaking.
And I don't want to know the metrics.
I go over the analytics each night and it's before bed.
And then I'm like, oh, and then I'll tell them the updates like, oh, we're in Africa
now.
And he's like, whatever.
Yeah.
I don't, I don't want to say I don't care, but I don't.
And it sounds so insensitive, but it's just not where my heart is.
And so we have some, we outsource the editing to a guy in the Ukraine, in fact.
And so props to Dima.
And so I would recommend anybody that has the heart to do the part that I'm doing, but
zero efficiency care or anything for the surrounding bits to just get a team.
And you know, you're a very outspoken person.
So I think that you have friends.
And I'm sure one of your friends might want to help you, you know, just a little bit,
right?
And so they might learn a little bit more about God.
They might, they might transform their life in a way that didn't expect just by them being
in the room and helping, right?
And you can outsource your editing because that's super easy.
You just send them a file of sound and they send it back and it's super easy.
And I bet you could find one, love, do one for video so that the sound matches the video.
So it's not like people speaking in a foreign film and it's dubbed.
I was wondering about that part, but you know, the editor, you're not supposed to worry about
how it's all about the who.
Rearrange those letters from how and you spell you get who.
Yeah.
It's like, who do you know that can help with this part?
I don't know if you're aware, but I'm trying to encourage you to pick that up.
And I am so grateful.
And Ian and I have spoken about this for years.
And if you asked me for the last five years, if you could do any job in the world, what
world would you do?
It's always been podcaster.
For me, I've learned way more in the five years of listening to podcasts than I have
in school or anywhere else ever.
I think it's such a gift to be able to listen to people like you guys, to people, doctors,
anybody for free is like, what?
That's unheard of.
If you want to, you know, 15 years ago, you never would have believed it.
Yeah.
I've been listening to the Seek first CEO podcast with Heather Shriver Burns and she's
going to be a guest pretty soon.
So stay tuned for that.
But like all this information that she's giving in these weekly podcasts or, you know, however
often she puts it out, it's free.
And it's like she's sharing all this knowledge that she's gained over the years, that she's
invested in her, you know, education and with her clients that she coaches, she's a coach.
And for free, I'm like, oh, what nugget can I get from her this week?
You know?
So I can totally appreciate that.
It's unbelievable.
And I think one of the reasons why I backed out from the podcast the first time around,
was I had omegs and one basket, I wanted it to be everything immediately instead of doing
it for the love of doing it.
The love of the game, the love of connection, the love of serving in any way.
I think if you approach it the same way you approach addiction coaching or recovery coaching,
knowing full well, it's like lifting weights.
You can't start with the biggest.
Don't expect to walk in the gym in a month looking ripped, right?
Sometimes it takes two years to get to a level that you like to see, that you want to see.
But it doesn't start unless you take that first step.
And you got to start small.
You can't start big because it's too much, right?
But if you start small, you develop the muscles, you develop the mental awareness, the muscle
memory to be able to do something without thinking about it.
And then it becomes a lot easier.
And so again, I want to encourage you to just to take those little steps because she's
the same way.
You're expecting these big results.
And like you took a neighbor, how long to have this son?
Like God laid this on your heart.
Well, guess what he laid on Abraham's heart, right?
And so like I don't expect this thing, but eventually what's going to happen is he's
going to take it and your metric is going to go whoop.
And then it's going to go whoop.
And it's just going to, it's going to take off like an airplane off an aircraft carrier.
She's going to jet up there, but it's a slow start at first and like a plane, an aircraft
carrier.
And it seems scary to take off because it's up and down in these 30 foot swells and, and
it's like pitching left and right.
Like, you'd be crazy to leave this.
This is secure.
This is, you know, it's a scary out there, but this is secure.
Like if I let go, what's it going to look like?
And so here we are at this position where you're at that, that you're in the cockpit, right?
You're, you know how to do it.
You know how to fly it.
You know how to do all this.
But your problem is you think you have to be the air traffic controller.
You have to be the guy on the ground.
You have to be the guy that launches you.
You've got to be the guy that fueled the plane, that checks the plane, right?
But you don't have, you just have to fly the plane, man.
That's all you got to do.
You can find a team to do all the other stuff for you.
Just fly the plane.
Uh, it won't go anywhere without you.
And Ian and I are planning on, if the, for those of you who haven't listened to the podcast
with Ian Reith, this man walks the walk and talks a talk.
He is on the outside of the podcast studio.
He is authentic and as loving and as professional as he is inside the podcast studio.
So I just urge you guys, if you haven't listened to the episode with Ian, go check that one
out right after this.
Yeah.
Ian's a quality person.
I've slowly started going to meetings with him and my wife instead of just him and her
going to like the, what is it?
The coffee bean or you would have said place?
A Bella bean.
That's it.
They're all the same to me.
He's like, what is this about?
What are you guys talking about?
Because I'll always get some nugget of information when I talk to him or Jen O'Donnell off golden
nuggets and I write it down.
And when I take action on those little nuggets that each of them give me, magical things
happen for sure.
Yeah.
So I'm a hundred percent in her corner, but it takes me a while to get interested in
what she's interested in.
So I'm slowly starting to get there.
It takes a little bit, you know, but again, it doesn't just happen.
I'm not taking these giant strides.
I'm just easing myself in and slowly coming up and he's like, this podcast isn't going
away.
No, she's definitely committed to it.
And I don't mind speaking and I don't mind sharing my experiences and my insights, my
encouragement.
You know, I'm not built to be a pastor.
I'm not built to be somebody that's supposed to speak to the masses.
And so this setting here, even though I'm speaking to the masses, I'm really just speaking
to you two.
Right.
It's so much easier for me to give into the gifts that he has given me like encouragement.
It's easy for me to focus on the things when I hear someone hurting in their voice and
then they tell me and I have an easier time of figuring out the best way to encourage them.
And I don't know why exactly.
I have a suspicion, you know, the Holy Father, but I don't know do like why, why have that
inclination.
I clearly have gift for healing.
I've seen healing multiple times.
I appreciate that one.
And obviously it's always for the glory of God.
It's nothing that I do.
It's clearly him working through me.
I'm stunned every time.
Like stunned.
It's not like I expect it.
And it's an amazing thing to give into your gifts.
And I think Ian actually spoke to us about something he's working on and trying to figure
out the purpose for people and you figure out your gifts.
And that's another thing you could probably reach out to him about the purpose process.
Yeah.
And he can definitely help you out with that too, because I know that he's working with
that and in a process with that and that could really help people out with the purpose
profit process.
Yeah.
And I've gone through it.
It's legit.
I mean, it's you're going through all the skeletons in your closet.
You're going through your whole past and he says your purpose is often, your purpose
often least clues in your life.
Some of the impactful moments that we've overcome, experienced and he will go through all these
impactful experiences and end up crafting a mission statement or a purpose statement.
And mine was to create a brighter and more connected future.
There's something about the thought of when you go out into the world and a lot of people
are just pessimistic about the state of the world.
There's some shit going on.
But at the end of the day, I tried to stay informed, but I seek out content that is of
her like people doing heroic things, random acts of kindness.
I'm filled with this kind of content where the world that I see in the world that other
people see are different.
A lot of people will go to what's wrong with the world.
There's a lot of things, but we're still here.
We're still coexisting.
There's still people coming to Christ.
There's still people that I think Christianity is spreading like wildfire right now.
That's just the world that I choose to live in.
And I believe that at my core.
Yeah, so I feel that the world is definitely in a bad state and I don't by any means think
it's the end all of times.
But I do believe it's on the way.
I do believe that it's the beginnings of the labor pains and like labor, your contractions
are going to get closer and closer and closer.
But I don't have any idea how many years that's going to take.
When people are like, oh, this is it.
I'm like, I don't think you understand like the calamity of which John wrote about.
I don't think you really understand the magnitude of how bad it's going to get.
This is I can still go get a donut after this.
I can still go get coffee at a foot.
I can still go and put gas in my car.
You guys don't understand.
I still have food for my family.
You guys do not understand how bad it's going to get.
So I don't focus on that.
I try not to focus on it.
I do see it's bad.
I just try to be not a reason to add to the bad.
And that is that's I don't I don't try to like build up people like this guy's so great.
Look at him doing this.
I don't even look at that.
I just have to be the best person that God made me to be.
And I try not to add to somebody's strife in this world.
And if I hold the door open for somebody or if I give them a couple of dollars for a drink
while we're standing in line, they throw out their wallet.
You know, I don't.
What is that?
That's nothing, right?
But it's another way of them thinking that they're not alone.
And I think that's ultimately how we're to treat people, not just with love, but, you
know, we're built for relationship.
And if someone feels alone, then I'm failing.
Right.
And if I'm walking into somebody and again, I told you, I'm really good at reading facial
cues and someone might have like something going on.
I'll always ask, always ask, is there something wrong?
Are you okay?
And most of the time they don't know up and I'll just press them because I like, no, there's
something like you're not hiding that from me.
And she knows I'm good at that.
I'm curious with you, Josh, is this something that's been cultivated or is this something
because you've mentioned the importance of relationships a couple of times.
I'm curious if you, if this is new that came with your faith or if this is something that
you feel like has been with you for.
No, this is definitely something that came with my faith.
This is not one before this.
I don't even have any friends really because of object permanence that ADHD years have is
if I don't look at something, I forget it.
So I don't call people.
I don't ever reach out.
So you have to be the bigger person and call me every time.
Right.
It doesn't mean I don't want to hang out.
It doesn't mean I don't think about you.
It just means I'll think about you at inappropriate times like two o'clock in the morning when
I'm hauling somebody out of their house and putting them on my back for being able to
say, I wonder what Collins did today.
Right.
Let's stop the time to call.
Right.
And I always think about people when it's not the time to call and so I never call people
and I've had things, well, your fingers aren't broken.
I'm like, no, they're not.
But my mind is like, and you know this, you should know.
I don't mean any offense.
I love you and I want the best for you.
But the relationship cultivating really hasn't developed for me until the last couple of
years.
It wasn't even as I became a Christian just lately.
It's been on my heart and I don't know.
I think this church helps a lot though.
Maybe.
But I don't think about what the root cause is and it could very well be that the men
activities at this church.
You could be one of our guests that today is going to be Randy and he's the leader of
men's activities at this church and he really opened up his arms to me and accepted me into
a lot of places.
I'm not even a member of this church, right?
My wife is, but I'm not.
I mentioned that they actually had me speak at one of the men's breakfasts and I mentioned
that at the end of it about how they were, you know, Christ to me and accepting of me
and opening up.
I don't even belong here, right?
And they're like admonishing me immediately like, no, we don't care.
We don't care about any of that.
None of that matters to us, right?
And I was just using it for a statement and they wouldn't even let me do that.
And so maybe this place is responsible for that.
I don't know.
I've never really given it deep thought.
I always considered maybe that because of the way I am that its relationships are hard
for me.
And so by focusing on them, maybe I'll be better at it.
But I've always been really good at hating people.
And before I was a Christian, I could read somebody and know that they're upset and I
would just make it worse, right?
Because I'm inherently a mean, nasty person.
I am an angry person.
I take joy in hurting people, right?
And you can see I'm laughing.
I'm dead serious.
I am a horrible human being.
And if it wasn't for the prevenient grace of God, if it wasn't for the love of Jesus
that flows in and through me, I would beat up.
If I lived in a flesh, if I just said, you know what?
I'm done.
I'm going to live in a flesh now.
I would be that same mean person immediately.
It is only by the grace of God.
It is only by the love of Jesus that I can smile at people, that I can be grateful to
people, that I care if someone is hurting.
Like, what is this about?
Like, I'm not pushing my thumb on them.
Like, what is this about?
You know, I grew up with abuse of alcoholic mom and my dad was hardly ever around because
he worked.
Not because he didn't want to be there.
He wasn't like dad's father by choice.
He just worked a lot of hours.
And there was no structure.
And I had discipline because, you know, I got my stepmom and she would whip my cookies
and he'd come home from work and he'd whip my cookies.
I'm thinking, I'm paying like three times for one mistake.
And because I have ADHD, I'd forget.
And so I would do it again.
And I would get it again the next day.
And they're like, won't you ever learn?
I'm thinking maybe not.
I don't think I can.
And it was a struggle for me.
And so I've got really good at reading faces and patterns on people.
I could tell when people are upset with me.
And then I came to a point in my life where I just stopped caring if people are mad at
me or didn't accept me.
And that's a great place for to be because then nothing bothers you, right?
And you know, you were talking about finding superpowers and trauma and be grateful.
I'm grateful that I have a sense of humor that's born out of this.
I'm grateful that I don't care what people think of me.
Right?
I don't care.
You know, you like me.
You don't like me.
I don't care.
My day is going to go on with or without you.
I'm going to have the joy.
I can't control the happiness of other people, but I can control how weird their day is going
to be.
And I love to make jokes.
I love to poke fun.
And I like that, you know, innocent, you know, if I see it hurt your feelings, I'll immediately
apologize.
Right?
And that's something that Jesus gave me because before I'd be like, got you.
And I'm just very grateful for the love of God in my life.
I'm very grateful that He has transformed me through trauma that I had growing up.
And I'm so grateful that I do what I do now.
I'm so grateful that even though some days I hate, I hate being an empty sometimes.
Yeah.
When it's snowing.
No, not just that.
You know, it's you get calls that you don't want to be on, right?
You know, anything involving kids.
I don't want that.
And or people that you go there and it's a DOA, right?
And they go, that's easy.
You don't have to do anything except the whole family's there crying and you're like, oh,
man, everyone's so hurt right now.
And it's so sensitive.
It's like walking into a bruise.
And it's it's the best way I can explain it.
It's, you know, it's a very tender place to be like the air is thick with sadness.
You can feel it.
It's palpable.
Right?
And it's just a different experience.
I never feel for the patients as much as I feel for the family, for most of the things.
And once in a while, I get impressed to talk to these people on the back of the ambulance
and we'll talk about Jesus and I'll pray for them and and, you know, I believe that God
has really directed me into this path.
And I wonder how long he's directed me that I was just not obedient because I forget,
you know, I was like, oh, man, Jesus, is this something you wanted me to do like two years
ago or like seven years ago?
Like, I'm doing it now.
But you got it.
Yeah.
No, like I said, I learned things the hard way.
It's just the hard way.
Yeah, Josh, I share that.
I share that for sure.
And I will say you two make an incredible team.
I can't imagine you either one of you doing this without each other.
It's like such a power couple relationship here.
And so I'm grateful that Shelly is on the one side, the analytics and the mastermind.
And I'm grateful that Josh is here to speak the speak the truth and to put his heart out
there and just leave it out there.
And I feel like the guests can pick up on your authenticity, your transparency, you'll
go any which way because I feel like people who have overcome such like triumph, right?
Like what I'm hearing in your story, there's a good quote that that I wanted to share about
that is anyway, the quote is it goes along the lines of for those who sorrow and roots
run as deep, it allows them to unlock a deeper level of joy or appreciation.
It's like the deeper the roots go, the higher the praise can go.
And that resonates, man.
And that's another reason for me why I'm so grateful for the upbringing that we that
I had that we had.
It's like, sure, I wouldn't want to go back and do it again, but I'm also so grateful
because I'm able to experience such joy, such contentment, right?
For, oh, I got food to food to eat, water to drink like every day now is grace.
Every day is just gravy.
I'm just grateful to be alive.
I'm grateful to be transformed in a brand new relationship with Jesus and it's so every
day is it's just a blessing.
Not easy.
Not every day is easy.
Oh my goodness.
No, but it's a freaking blessing.
If it was easy, we wouldn't need Jesus.
Right.
True.
If it was easy, anybody could do it and it would be really hard to say, hey, go make
disciples of all nations, but Lord, everyone's content and happy and joyful and nobody cares.
Right.
They're like, they don't believe in you because their life is going great.
And that's not how it works.
This world is hard.
You know, kids do get sick.
It's not God's fault that happens.
It's our fault.
We're the ones that progressed the way we did.
We're the ones that let ourselves go so far.
We use carcinogens in almost everything we do and in the air and in the water.
And then we're like, well, God did this.
Like we blame him for everything, but we never give him credit for all the great things.
Like what a beautiful place.
God made this.
Leave that out of God did this to like, what are you thinking?
Oh man, I'd love to stick up for him, which is funny because he doesn't need me at all.
Yeah.
But he's using you.
Absolutely.
No, that's this part of how I worship.
I'm not a good singer.
My wife knows this and I could barely keep rhythm.
I might have no rhythm.
I can't even play basketball.
I have zero rhythm.
And so I can't even sing and clap at the same time without having a problem.
And I still, you know, I get my joyful noise.
You know, I get like a goose honking of joy.
And I know a lot of people, a lot of people think of worshiping Jesus with song and that's
not, you know, that's not it.
That's like a, that's a fraction of what it is.
You know, being obedient is worshiping him.
Living your life as a living sacrifice to God is worship.
Standing up for God when someone is wrong, not because you're mad at the person, but
because you want to correct them and let them know who God really is.
That's worshiping God.
Right.
And so I worship in my ways and, and he created me through my trauma, through my life to be
a very confrontational person.
If I'm not being confrontational to somebody who needs it, that's because I'm, something
is staying my hand.
Right.
Jesus is telling me don't.
But for the most part, I'm like, oh, no, no, no.
Right.
And I have no intent of trying to hurt people's feelings when I engage in conversation.
It's really just to say you're not correct.
Right.
That's not, you're, you're interpreting it wrong.
Somebody who claimed that Jesus was his Lord said something or did something to you to
make you feel that this is who God is.
That this is the character of Jesus and, and they were wrong.
Right.
We're people.
We're fallible.
And part of the, the, the great commission is the part we don't realize is that it's
not just that we're told to tell people and make disciples, but we represent the very
image of God Almighty.
And that is a huge and awesome way.
Right.
We're diplomats.
We're ambassadors for God.
So what we do reflects on him poorly or well.
And so when we treat people like, so you can't come to heaven or you can't do that because
you're a sinner because you've got a sexual sin that nobody likes.
Find someone who doesn't.
Right.
And that's not what God calls us to do.
If God wouldn't talk to me until I clean my stuff up, I'd be that Josh I talked about
before because he would never come to me.
I would never clean my stuff up willingly.
And if I, if I did want to do it, I couldn't.
Right.
I cannot do it without him.
I still struggle in many areas, especially if I get mad.
Like I've worked 24 hours shift.
So I come off 24 hours shift and I'm real testy then I'm introverted.
I need time alone.
And my son's like, dad, dad, he's, he's cyber school dad, dad, dad.
I'm like, what?
Right.
He doesn't have anyone to talk to besides us.
Right.
And so I'm losing my mind and I'll go out in traffic and someone will pull out in front
of me and I'll say things that are very unchristian like, and you know, if I'm by myself, I'm able
to correct myself and I'll pray that the people in front of me aren't going to have an experience
for us through the day that makes them angry, that makes them sad, that makes them upset
because of something I did.
Right.
I pray that their day is better.
And I don't, I don't just pray for forgiveness.
I go, Lord, forgive me and everything's all fine.
I'm like, man, I pray that it did not hurt them.
Right.
And I think that's the heart we need to come to is when we have these relationships with
other people across the planet, because we're built for a relationship, that we need to
take in consideration that that person who did that while insensitive to your needs may
have something going on that you don't know about.
Maybe their dog just died.
Maybe their sister just went to the hospital for Eclampsia.
Right.
Who knows.
Yeah.
Right.
And so they may not be thinking about you.
Oh, they may just got fired or they may just be going out to get milk and they're like,
oh, I forgot to get in this left lane.
We have no idea.
We have no way of knowing without knowing that person.
And yet we're so quick to fire off, not even judgment, but execution.
Right.
We don't even judge them.
We just execute whatever verdict we want on them.
You're guilty, guilty, guilty.
Like, I didn't even weigh it and I'm just letting it off.
I'm like, all right, Lord, well, that's just me being dumb.
There's always more to the story than we could see that we can even comprehend.
We always try to put things into a label when that's a great reminder is to say, I don't
know.
It's like, I know nothing.
This person could be rushing to the hospital to save their loved ones.
And that's something that I try to remind myself time and time again.
There's always somebody who's doing something wrong in our world.
It's usually me.
Yeah.
It's usually Josh.
There's always somebody effing stuff up.
Like that's where the invitation for acceptance comes.
You're not going to go outside, look at the sky and be like, I think the sun's
supposed to be over there.
Right.
Nobody's going to say that.
But humans are of God and of nature.
And so, but all the time people go out and say, I think that person should be doing this.
It's nonsensical.
I know what's best for other people and they should just listen.
Yeah.
Especially if I didn't even say it, they should just know what's on my heart and mind to
not do those things.
And I get frustrated when they don't, you know.
Right.
Does that sound insane to anybody else?
We all do it.
It's a process to work into a place of acceptance.
And Shelly, what was the quote again about qualifying?
God doesn't call the qualified.
He qualifies the called.
That's so good.
That gives me chills.
And it reminds me of just all of our journeys of stepping out, being obedient.
I don't want to do this, but God's calling me to do it.
Step in.
Obedience comes with full and total submission.
And I used to pray and I know Shelly, what was this?
Because I think the first time I prayed it was at the last church where it was a simple
way as a Sabbath church.
And I prayed out loud everywhere.
It's like, I pray that God would kill me.
And they were like, stun.
It's like, not like physically, but kill the part of me that wants to be disobeyed.
Kill the part of me that wants to do what it wants to do to kill the part of me that
is not in alignment with his will.
Right.
Because that's what we should all pray.
Like, God, please kill me.
Take away this.
And I know that you're gentle and I know you're going to prune it and make it so that it reaps
a good harvest and such.
And eventually you'll have that.
But like, I'm cool with it.
Like hurt me.
Like make it hurt.
Take this away from me.
And if I cry about it, then great.
Then give me the moment to cry about it like a baby and then let me come back and worship
you because I'm going to come back.
I remember hard times where I would praise him.
When I first became a Christian, I went through a struggle, like a big struggle.
And I remember saying, like, you know what, I remember Joe praised you and I didn't know
much about the Bible then.
I didn't even understand why Jesus had to die for us when I first came.
I just understood that he did.
Right.
And I said, I just, I know we're supposed to do this.
So praise you God.
And I don't know why I'm praising you.
And boy, did everything changed for me.
Even something as simple as I didn't understand and it changed for me.
Throughout this whole conversation, I've been thinking about Job a lot.
Like, it does remind me of praising him for the good, praising him during the bad.
And if we're able to do that, then there's always just a lesson to be learned, grace
to be received, grace for the 24.
And so I think throughout this message, we've got to this point of trusting God.
And I think I've learned and taken a lot from this conversation.
I've hope I've been able to give something and serve during this conversation because
I know that it's impacted me.
And so I thank you.
Thank you for coming.
And I look forward to hearing your podcast.
It's going to be great.
Will you guys come on?
Absolutely.
No.
More than once.
Yeah, please.
One of the cool things I learned about the 12 steps.
So for anybody out there who's suffering with addiction or suffering with any form of
addiction.
There's so many amazing groups out there.
There's people meeting all the time all around the world.
Somebody told me that the 10 steps or the 10 commandments are what not to do to live
a Christian life.
And the 12 steps are what to do to live a Christian life.
So the 12 steps are applicable for anybody.
It's a beautiful, progressive thing to go through with another Christian, another believer.
And they have personally transformed my life.
I don't know if you've ever looked into them or done them, but it's just a plug for anybody
out there suffering with addiction.
There's so much free help out there.
There's so many willing people that have walked the path that you're walking now and
that there's a better way.
And you don't have to do it by yourself.
That's key.
That's key is that you're not alone.
There's tons of willing souls out there who will take your hand just like Jesus would
and they'll walk you through.
They'll walk you through for free.
Yep, their support groups and Facebook, even if you can't get out to an actual group in
person, they're out there.
100%.
So thank you so much for coming on.
Thank you, listener, for listening.
And with that, we'd like to say that if you'd like to come alongside us in this journey,
we have a fundraising campaign that helps us with this audio editing cost.
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