1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,200 Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage as well as highlight 2 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:17,820 God's goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelly Hankins. Today 3 00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:23,680 we have with us an amazing person. We know him from church and you may have seen him 4 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:30,640 if you watch our church lives and he's one of the worship leaders. His name is J.V.N. 5 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:37,680 Ortega Rodriguez. The Holy Spirit led me to invite him on our little podcast and we just 6 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:42,040 can't wait to hear what he has to share with this testimony and we're going to have him 7 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:46,760 open with a little prayer. Alright, well Father Gal, we're just coming for you right now. 8 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:51,320 First and foremost, we just thank you so much for this opportunity to come together onto 9 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:57,160 this Holy Spirit led and just so blessed podcast and I would just pray that you will lead this 10 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:03,760 conversation and that I can remember all the stories of your goodness and your grace and 11 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:09,400 yeah, we'll just have a good time and that this can be encouraging to anyone that hears it and 12 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:15,160 that after hearing this, after hearing my story, after hearing what you've done in my life, 13 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:20,840 that someone else will be comforted knowing that they can do it in theirs as well. Amen. 14 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:25,920 Where would you like to start? I think this is really fitting. I'm really appreciative of this 15 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:36,440 opportunity because a lot of people only see me and only know me from this stage. A lot of 16 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:41,920 people in church, not everybody, but a lot of people in church know my name because I'm up 17 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:49,320 there and then I'm like, I don't even know their name because it's like I, it's not like that and 18 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:55,720 it can be difficult, you know, when someone comes up to me and says, oh my gosh, I love your singing 19 00:01:55,720 --> 00:02:00,360 and it's amazing, like really bless me and I was like, thank you so much. What's your name? I don't 20 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:06,040 know. Stuff being a celebrity. Okay, I'm not a celebrity. There's a lot of people to get to know. 21 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:10,520 I'm still learning new people two years in and we often have to say, what's your name again? 22 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:16,000 Right. And you shouldn't feel bad about that. And I'm also like so bad with names too. Like, 23 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,880 it's really bad. So like, I'll meet someone and I'll know them and I can still say hi and hold a 24 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:24,400 really good conversation, but I still won't know their name. So I just hope that they don't ask 25 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:28,960 mine so that I don't have to ask for theirs because then that would just be awkward. But anyways, 26 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:34,400 you know, I don't want to assume what people are thinking. So I won't. I think it can be 27 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:40,640 obviously seeing me on that stage. You don't really see the hurt that I've had to endure. 28 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:48,640 Nobody really sees the fear that I've felt. It's not always that I like, I'm just really 29 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:54,160 good at hiding it because I haven't always had to do that. But it's really like just, you know, 30 00:02:54,160 --> 00:03:00,000 when I get on that stage and when I prepare myself to like lead others into the presence of God 31 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:07,520 along with myself, like, like God just moves and God does something where like, I don't have to 32 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:14,720 focus on the pain anymore, but instead I can just focus on praising Him. It's so freeing. But still, 33 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:20,240 even even off that stage, like there are times when that pain will come back and that fear will 34 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:27,040 come back and, you know, everything, yeah, just comes back. So I wanted to just take this time 35 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:33,920 being on this podcast where I actually do have the time to talk about this stuff. Where do I start? 36 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:42,160 I have no idea. I will start at, it's just my testimony. So when I was eight years old, I 37 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:48,800 first, that was the first time I really like prayed that sinner's prayer to accept Christ into my life. 38 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:55,760 And from that moment on, I never really like questioned my salvation. I never really, at that 39 00:03:55,760 --> 00:04:02,240 time in my life from like elementary school age, up until like, about middle school, like in between 40 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:07,440 that time, I never really like worried like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna go to hell if I don't like do this 41 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:13,840 or do that or something like, I never questioned God's love for me or like His care over my life. 42 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:18,800 There were just not, I'd never really had a lot of doubts about that. But at the same time, like, 43 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:23,440 I obviously didn't fully grasp what it meant to have a relationship with God. But even then, 44 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:28,720 you know, I just kept it moving, I guess. But I kind of all changed probably like, 45 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:36,800 as soon as the pandemic hit, as soon as that pandemic hit, man, it, mental health just came 46 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:45,520 crashing down for me really, really badly. How so? Well, I started getting a lot more anxious 47 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:52,720 about things and just everything about life. I was going through just a really, really tough time. 48 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:59,680 But it led me to a very, very dark place. I think this was probably the first time, 49 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:05,200 like around this time, like, I'd say like, pandemic, something about like, I don't even know how old 50 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:10,080 that, like 13, 14, maybe. And this was probably like one of the first times in my life, like, I ever 51 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:18,800 actually like had suicidal thoughts. And I had these, like, just massive waves of deep, deep 52 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:25,680 depression. Like, it was almost like just drowning in these like sad, destructive feelings about 53 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:31,680 myself and a lot of self hatred, self loathing. It was really, really bad. And it was at that time, 54 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:38,720 I really started to question, am I even saved? Like, if right now, right here right now was my 55 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:44,560 last moment, am I going to hear, well done, good and faithful servant or depart from me for I never 56 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:51,120 knew it. You know what I'm saying? Like, what am I going to hear? And yeah, I was very quick to 57 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:56,640 listen to the lies of the enemy and very slow to listen to God. Like, almost like, like the 58 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:03,680 prodigal son, you know what I mean? Just ran away from my father, but I didn't plan on returning, 59 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:10,480 you know what I mean? Because I felt like I wasn't worthy enough to return to him. But 60 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:20,800 it's insane in that it was this odd tension, unhealthy tension of like, I don't feel like God 61 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:28,240 wants me. So I don't want to spend time with him. But also, if I stop believing in God and completely 62 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:35,040 turn away from my faith, I know that heaven will not be for me. You know what I mean? If I die. So, 63 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:43,440 really at the root of it was I was scared to die because I just was scared that I was just hellbound. 64 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:48,800 You know what I mean? And how did that play in with the suicidal ideations? Yeah, it's funny, 65 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:57,280 right? It's like, I was so stressed and felt so much pressure and just all these voices in my head 66 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:03,120 and a lot of things just weighing on me that like, I just wanted it all to end. But I knew 67 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:08,800 that suicide, there was no turning back from that. And I mean, that is something that you can't 68 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:16,720 turn back from. So it's like, why would I want to end my life, take my own life, if I knew where 69 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:23,600 that was leading me? And I was scared of going there, of ending up there for eternity. That is 70 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:29,840 how messed up my brain and mental health was was that I wanted to end it all. But I was also 71 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:37,760 didn't want to end it all. And it was just like, just a roller coaster of emotions. And I know for 72 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:42,560 effect that there was probably not a single person who saw that when they saw me singing up on that 73 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:50,320 stage. And I mean, yeah, I guess I did do a pretty good job of just keeping it to myself. But that 74 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:56,400 was a problem too, is that I just kept stuff to myself. And I didn't really want to believe that 75 00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:02,800 like anyone really understood what I was going through. And oh my gosh, perfect segue. Like the 76 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:09,200 reason I really didn't prioritize my relationship with God at that time was because I felt alone 77 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:24,880 in my struggles. I was like, there is no way that an all powerful, all knowing, perfect God can 78 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:32,880 do all possible and suffering of a teenager. Now, obviously that goes to show you that I didn't 79 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,040 really read my Bible as much as I probably should have. Because if I did, I would have probably 80 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:43,840 saw Isaiah 53 or Jesus is prayer right before he gets arrested. You know what I'm saying? I would 81 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:49,440 have actually known that he fully understands. But we're not there yet. All right. And this time 82 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,240 I didn't do none of that. I was just fully banked on this lie that 83 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:58,800 Jesus didn't understand me didn't understand my struggle. So 84 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,640 Why be in relationship with him? 85 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:07,800 But for some reason I would I would still pray I would still kind of read my Bible here and there 86 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:12,000 But I know that it was never rooted out of like wanting that relationship 87 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,120 It was rooted out of if I don't do this. I'm gonna go to hell 88 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:21,080 You know, I mean so it felt like a chore, you know, I mean it felt like just if I don't do this 89 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:27,280 I'm screwed and like mark a pain of threat do this or else. Yes exactly like do this or else and 90 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:33,840 That was like the mindset I had with reading my Bible with praying to God like it just yeah 91 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:38,320 It was really bad and I think the the thing that changed that 92 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:40,080 Was 93 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:45,280 Meeting other people that understood what I was going through. Where did you meet these people? 94 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:54,160 I met them at a worship camp hold up shout out YWAM Boston. Okay, shout out Boston worship intensive 95 00:09:55,160 --> 00:10:01,120 2021 baby, you know how we do it. Okay. No, I don't that's great. I'm getting a clue though. I'm getting a clue 96 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:09,920 Well, anyways, it was probably a no shade to Joshua generation. Okay, but BWI was the best summer camp 97 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:14,260 I ever went to in my like entire life. Yeah, just to do a little little summary 98 00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:20,200 I was like one of the youngest people there everyone else was like either like 18 or like 20 99 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,480 30 something and I was like only like 100 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,680 15 or 16 at the time 101 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:29,160 But basically you go there you learn about worship you learn how to lead worship 102 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,920 Which really prepared me well for like how I would lead worship after here 103 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:40,160 And then during the whole time you are paired with a songwriting group and you have to write a worship song and you will lead it by 104 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,800 The end of the camp and so it was really really awesome and throughout our 105 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:49,920 Like our time there we would have these moments where we'd meet just in this like quiet space with all these instruments 106 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:54,360 So I guess it wouldn't be the most quiet space, but it was it was very mellow 107 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,040 and there was just this one night and like 108 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:06,200 It was so random, but that's something else. I was going through as well was like I would just like getting these random like just stages 109 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,400 It was just like 110 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:13,240 Feeling so hopeless and like depressed like I'll just be like hey, let's go. Let's go. Let's go and then for a minute 111 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,600 I'll just be sitting here like dead silent in a dark room 112 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,480 listening to like 113 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:25,120 depressing music and just be like I don't deserve to live and it's just it's so it's so bad 114 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,600 It was so bad 115 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:31,520 But sounds like a roller coaster ride. Yes, that is exactly how I would describe it 116 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:36,640 No, not the fun kind at all not one bit and so luckily I had friends 117 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,840 I had really good friends who were able to be like hey 118 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:48,080 what's going on man and I had some other friends who just happened to be eavesdropping when I finally decided to open up myself and just 119 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,160 Or just open myself up and just be like well 120 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,320 I'm basically feeling all this and this and this and this and that and 121 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,440 and 122 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,440 Yeah, it's pretty much it and 123 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,960 We were just like let's just go into this room and let's just worship 124 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,520 You know I mean and so that's what we did like I just sat there 125 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:10,480 Still crying with tears in my eyes and everybody's worshiping around me and then as we keep on singing more and more people are 126 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,680 Coming into the room and like like just next thing you know like it 127 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:19,280 Like I'm just I'm sitting like against the wall just watching all these people 128 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:25,840 Crying and and worshiping and on their knees and on the floor and and jumping around and I'm just like oh 129 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:31,760 Like something really clicked and I felt like just the Holy Spirit 130 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:37,840 I like I just felt Jesus like right there in front of me saying like JV and like this is what you've been looking for 131 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:44,800 You know, I mean you have been feeling alone. You've been looking for home 132 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:50,400 You've been looking for people that understand what you're going through and so like 133 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,960 It's just so beautiful how God can work sometimes because like God could have just like 134 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,640 shown me the scriptures of 135 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,720 Him like 136 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,720 understanding my suffering 137 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:07,160 But instead he decided to show me that he understood 138 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:12,680 Through other people. Isn't God great. Yeah, right? So he chooses 139 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:16,640 Not the expectation, but what you need 140 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,520 Right, he doesn't just lean into what you think you need 141 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:26,760 He leans into what you actually need and it really speaks to our hearts when he speaks to us because everyone that suffers everyone 142 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,920 That has an encounter or an experience with Jesus. It's different, right? 143 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,920 But it's real and it's authentic and it's just so amazing 144 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,480 I love that you 145 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:41,200 Confess your sin to one another and you put light on it where the darkness could not stand anymore 146 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:45,040 And that's when you felt the presence of Jesus telling you that this is where you needed to be 147 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,280 was after you had the boldness 148 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:52,080 To admit the frailty that you were undergoing and that in that moment 149 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:58,320 You began to see the light that you began to have the darkness be chased away by the light of God as 150 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:02,080 It was kindling a fire within you. That's always been there, right? 151 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:08,240 And as I just love that like that is so profound to me that I just I like I want other people to hear that right now 152 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:13,600 I want other people to know that confessing your sin to one another isn't absolving you of any guilt or wrongdoing 153 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,760 Jesus already paid that price, right? 154 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:21,520 But it does put a light on it and it causes the enemy to shrink and fear from that light because he is not a big fan of 155 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,760 The holy light cast by God not a big fan at all, you know, I don't blame him 156 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:30,880 I'd be scared too if I was still living in in my unrighteousness without Jesus, right? 157 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,920 And that's not something I'd want to be in front of and so I'm very grateful 158 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:38,720 That you experienced that and that you shared that exact part with it because that really spoke to me 159 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:42,080 And I know it will speak to other people because I know that you're not the only one 160 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:48,240 That had that mental health issue in that respect like I know of a lot of people that have had suicidal ideations 161 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:54,400 I mean a lot. I know you're not alone. I know the enemy loves to seek to make us feel isolated and alone 162 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,320 And attack us in those moments 163 00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:00,720 And he just loves it and he doesn't love it because he wants to hurt you the enemy doesn't care about you 164 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,120 He does it because he knows it hurts God 165 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,480 And that's the only way he can hurt God is the only way like a little kid 166 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:11,040 That takes away a toy from someone else because it's the only way to really hurt 167 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,480 God is to take away one of his chosen beautiful children 168 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:19,440 And I can relate to that having children myself like I would be distraught if someone 169 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:23,520 Just sought to kill them or sought to destroy them or sought to steal them 170 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,440 Right and that's what the enemy does is he comes to kill steal and destroy. Yeah 171 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,200 Go on. No. Yeah. No. Thank you. No, that was I that was good 172 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:35,680 Yeah, I hope people are listening man because that was that was real good stuff. That was real 173 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:41,120 And so in this moment in this room with everybody worshiping he's like basically like 174 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:47,760 What I was hearing him say was like like Jay like look around you like this is what you've been looking for this 175 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:52,640 This is what happens when you decide to turn to me 176 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,480 Instead of away from me and I'm saying you get set free 177 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:03,600 You get set free from that from the suicidal thoughts you get set free from the depression you get set free from the anxiety 178 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,440 and even if you 179 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,840 Still go on life like still those thoughts pop up here and there 180 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,400 Ultimately like when you turn to me you get set free from the power that it has over you 181 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:20,000 You can either decide to dwell on those thoughts and drown in it or you can take my hand 182 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:26,000 Right you can take my hand what that's what he was saying to me and honestly that's what that's what God is saying to anybody 183 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:30,720 Who is just like struggling with their mental health and really drowning in 184 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,080 Whatever it is whether it be depression or shame or guilt 185 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,800 He's saying like it is your choice 186 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,280 you can 187 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,280 believe the lies of the enemy 188 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:46,320 You can choose to to reach out your hand and trust that that I will take it 189 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:51,200 Because he will because that's what he did for me and yeah to anybody listening 190 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,480 That's what he can do for you that is the point of taking your thoughts captive 191 00:16:54,560 --> 00:17:01,360 You have to discern whether they're from God or the enemy and if they're not from the enemy you speak truth into that 192 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,240 Yeah, and say that it's not for me. That is a lie 193 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,440 And if it is from God you receive that truth 194 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,200 Yeah, right either speak the truth to God or receive the truth from God. Yeah 195 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:16,160 Yeah, actually really segues into another thing I wanted to talk about it is not always easy 196 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:17,760 to 197 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,760 Receive that truth 198 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:25,040 after that night after that whole camp actually just realizing that I wasn't alone and realizing that 199 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,840 If I was really going to be free from this 200 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:32,640 That I needed to turn to Jesus and understand that like he's going to get me through it 201 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,200 I decided that night to 202 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,520 Rededicate my life to Jesus and so 203 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,520 Yeah, I always remember that that's just that's really my testimony 204 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,120 You know, I don't have that that testimony of like man 205 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:50,160 I was I was doing this and this and I was I was knee-deep in this and then and God turned me around like 206 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,320 Like that's not really my story like my story is is I grew up in the church 207 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,920 You know, I grew up 208 00:17:55,920 --> 00:18:01,200 In the mission field, you know surrounded by missionaries and I grew up understanding 209 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,680 like, you know knowing 210 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:08,800 Who God was and I was in the beginning stages of like really getting to know God personally 211 00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:16,800 But this was like really the moment where I decided like no like the relationship like that real genuine relationship is starting like tonight and so 212 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,280 but still that didn't really stop the 213 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:28,560 Detrimental thoughts from popping in that didn't really stop my struggle in sin 214 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:33,360 But it just I knew that God was still working, you know, I mean that God was still shaping me 215 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,360 You know, like I knew like 216 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:39,680 I mean, I guess that's what I've been struggling with is like I thought that like 217 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,480 You know, everything would be fixed overnight or like soon, but 218 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:49,600 I've had to learn over the years continually. I'm still learning right now. Is that like 219 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:55,920 That's not really how God works. Is that like he while he is capable of it 220 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,320 More often than not he's not gonna solve these 221 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:05,760 Issues that you have overnight, you know, he's he's gonna walk with you through them 222 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:11,520 I think uh, what's that like? I mean, I even think of like Moses, you know, I mean and the red sea 223 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,160 God didn't 224 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,160 Completely evaporate the sea 225 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,840 He split the sea 226 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,760 You know, I mean and so sometimes like the problems don't just go away 227 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:27,040 The problems are something that we need to get through and God makes a way 228 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,960 Mm-hmm exactly and so we just have to trust that but 229 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,120 It's not easy to trust 230 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:36,800 But like a muscle, you know, the more you trust the easier it gets. Yeah 231 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,520 So that's encouragement for you because I know that you're a young man 232 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,640 Even though you're strong in the Lord now you've had doubt raising up through the ranks of that 233 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:51,840 And tell it you had to real experience with Jesus at this camp. Yeah, you know, give him a shout out shout out b.w.i 234 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:57,360 I'm watching words of intensive, you know, I'm saying Holy Spirit moving turn up. It's like and no, no, that's good 235 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,120 and 236 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,120 as a result you are 237 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,200 Defining your characteristics through Christ at this moment 238 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,000 You're defining the kind of me and everybody still struggles with sin 239 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:13,520 And the fact that you struggle is proof that the Holy Spirit is with you because the Holy Spirit and the flesh 240 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:18,160 They war with each other constantly and if you didn't have that struggle that would be a concerning 241 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:22,640 Right, if you didn't struggle with sin then there'd be like well, then the Holy Spirit's not with me 242 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,320 And did I really accept Jesus? 243 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:29,360 Right and the fact that you have conviction the fact that you have turmoil the fact that you have chaos now 244 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,760 When you do something you ought not 245 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:38,080 That is proved that Jesus is working in your life because he wants to correct that activity because he wants to hone you into the 246 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,680 Man of God and you need to go to a certain path that he has laid before you 247 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,480 So that you can have this story right now 248 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:50,480 To share with people so that tomorrow you have another story to share with people and another one because he needs you in that 249 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,280 Moment to have that story that he's prepared you for 250 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:58,400 By allowing you to go through some of the valleys that you've gone through by not just plucking you out 251 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:04,480 Now if it serves no purpose to have you going it you probably will pluck you out and give you that instant healing 252 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,400 Give you the instant relief give you this 253 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:10,080 But some of us we just suffer through and then we get healed and some of us we suffer 254 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:14,880 Then we never get healed because he knows we're strong enough to continue and to praise him despite it 255 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,840 And he uses every one of us to his good 256 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:23,520 Right. He uses every one of us to bring him glory, which is what we should want to right? 257 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,320 He's like I want to bring god glory. How can I bring god glory today? It's like well 258 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,280 I'm a miserable person. So god, how can you use me? 259 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,520 To bring you glory and like i'm i'm sad and then he'll tell us and like well 260 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,240 No lord that that doesn't sound like me 261 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:42,480 Right and that's up to us to even receive how he wants it right because sometimes we still get pretty petty on that 262 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,080 we're like well 263 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,080 Well, I'll do that but not not with that person 264 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,280 We're all do I'll do that 265 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:51,600 Can I do that tomorrow because i'm not really feeling it today? Yeah, right and god's like well 266 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,800 I mean you can wait but waiting on obedience is 267 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,840 Kind of like disobedience to me and i'm like well 268 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,520 And and you know you've heard of the five love languages right you've heard that book 269 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:07,120 We're like you have touch quality time acts of and well god's love languages 270 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:11,760 All of those and none of those because his love language primarily is is obedience 271 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,520 That you show god love through his love language by obeying him 272 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:20,320 And it's not because he's cruel or unjust or wants us to be miserable people 273 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,120 He wants us to have fun. He wants us to live the life that he has given us 274 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:26,800 This is a gift but because he knows that by not listening we get hurt 275 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,080 Right, he knows that hey, we got the ten commandments. This is the moral law 276 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:35,680 This is the basic things you need to do to be a normal human being that is good to each other 277 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,760 All right, this is what you need to do not because I don't want you to have fun 278 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,600 Not because I don't want you to do this but because if you break these laws 279 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,960 You're also hurting you it breaks my heart that you hurt each other 280 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:51,040 And I think we need to keep that in perspective that god loves us so much 281 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,120 That he doesn't want us to hurt each other and that's why he doesn't give this like this instant like well 282 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,880 Like why would you come christian like well here he is 283 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:02,160 I want to be the guy with a little sweater vest and a tie and my head cocked to the side with the bible in my arms 284 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:06,160 Going door to door duk duk duk hey, can I talk you about jesus right never happened 285 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,680 Like the next day I was still me. I was like, well what is like it didn't take 286 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,360 Yeah 287 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:16,160 Exactly right and then I did something dumb that day. I sinned. I don't know what it was it can have been pornography 288 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,000 You could have been something right I did something 289 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:25,120 Uncharacteristic of a child of god and I felt convicted I was like, oh, what's this never felt that before now I got turmoil 290 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:31,360 Right we can now like my everything's not the way it was and that way I expected it to be and god's like I got you 291 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:37,280 Don't worry and here I am like 17 years down the line and I'm a lot better honed 292 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:42,000 But I'm still a miserable person without him. Yeah, I think like 293 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:49,120 What I struggled with the most like really receiving the the truth that I really struggled to receive 294 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:50,720 Was his grace? 295 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:58,000 Hmm, but it's funny because like man, I can give grace to people at least I feel as though I can 296 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:03,120 I feel as though it's easy for me to to give grace to other people. It's easy for me to like 297 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,880 Understand why someone did what they did like 298 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:12,800 Like someone else and like be like, yeah, it's all good. No worries. Yada yada yada like I'll get over it 299 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,280 But the person that I can't 300 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,520 Give grace to ever is myself 301 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:24,720 Hmm and I think that's that's really what can sprout like the these like detrimental thoughts 302 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:28,640 and like of just self-hatred and self-loathing is like 303 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:32,320 Just being like dang like messed up again 304 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:40,000 And like oh my gosh, I'm a horrible Christian. I'm a horrible person and and all these things and yada yada yada 305 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,480 and it's like but once I 306 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:49,920 really understood more about Jesus and like got to know him more and like spent time in his word like 307 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,160 Well, it's like I got to understand his grace more 308 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,200 But it was still hard to like receive 309 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:03,840 Like accept the truth of his grace still like I understood. Okay. There's nothing that I can do 310 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:09,680 In my own strength to receive his love to receive his grace to receive his forgiveness 311 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:16,880 Well, it is beneficial me asking for his forgiveness is not going to get me his forgiveness like he's already 312 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:24,000 Forgiving me of everything that I've already done and it's like, you know asking for God's forgiveness like it's not what's going to get 313 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:29,280 He has a forgiveness, but it can be beneficial because it can really show that like you are 314 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:36,080 Remorseful for what you've done, but and you're aware that what you've done is something that requires forgiveness 315 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:42,480 Yeah, exactly, you know the ever-present need of Jesus. Mm-hmm. And so again, I understand that like 316 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,560 You know, like my salvation is only secured through my belief 317 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:52,400 And I understand that even the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain, you know 318 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:57,600 So it's not even the amount of faith that I have it's do I believe 319 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:02,400 That Jesus came here as a man lived the perfect life 320 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:06,480 and died for my sins on that cross rose up three days later and 321 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,840 in doing so defeated the power of sin and death and 322 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,120 Has given me the free gift of eternal life, you know what I mean? 323 00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:17,120 And that and I'm saved through his grace and his grace alone 324 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:24,560 And so like I learned that I understood it. I received it. It's it began to really transform me 325 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,400 but man like that battle of just 326 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:33,600 Just accepting that truth and or accepting the lie like still was going on 327 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,640 In me and I'm going to be totally honest 328 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,840 It is still a battle that's going on right now 329 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:43,040 It is something that I still struggle with 330 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,360 to this day 331 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:50,320 I would say I want to be like Jesus. You know, I mean so badly 332 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:56,640 And it's like not so that I can be like, hey, look at me. I'm like Jesus yada yada yada, but I know that 333 00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:02,080 That me being like Jesus draws others to him. You know what I mean? And I 334 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:07,760 I can't have my friends and my family like go to hell. You know what I'm saying? 335 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:14,080 I don't want that to be their eternity. I don't want that. I can't get with that. You know what I'm saying? 336 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,760 And it's like it's just it's a really big struggle 337 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:24,000 That's a lot of pressure you're putting on yourself to to want to be like Jesus so much that you want people to see him in you 338 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,640 That it's almost like you're trying to 339 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,560 Be Jesus for them and and I'm not saying you're trying to mock him 340 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,520 But it's like you feel like you need to take on that role 341 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,520 And that's a role that God is very good at doing himself, right? 342 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:42,240 But there's nothing wrong with wanting to to esteem Jesus to love Jesus to want to be like Jesus 343 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,120 There's nothing wrong with that to want to be the light of the world to somebody 344 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,160 Because like the moon reflects the sun, right? 345 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,880 And that we want to reflect Jesus so that we can light up the dark for somebody because they see Jesus in us 346 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,720 There's nothing wrong with that, right? 347 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,120 But sometimes you can consume us with this burden 348 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:03,280 That makes us feel like it's on us that if I don't act perfect and this person's not going to go to Jesus and that's 349 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,840 That's a heavy burden to put on yourself 350 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:12,800 Have you ever heard of alistair beg? He's a pastor like he's like on 101.5 sometimes in the morning 351 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,560 He's Scottish 352 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:15,760 But he was he told the story 353 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:22,080 I'm gonna paraphrase it because I don't know it verbatim and he was talking about the three men on the cross Jesus and the two thieves and 354 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:28,160 The one the thief died the one that accepted Christ's who moments before was mocking him, right? 355 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,720 And he was before the the the pearly gates and you know, we don't know assistant really how it is 356 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:37,680 But it's just a story and the angel that's in charge. They're like, hey, you know, what are you doing here? 357 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,520 He's like, I don't know 358 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,960 And so well, do you do you have the doctrine of faith and I got I don't know what that is 359 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:48,160 Have you baptized? I don't know what that is. Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God? 360 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:52,000 I don't I don't know what you're talking about, right? Because you didn't get to have that these questions 361 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,360 And so like he's like bringing this head angel over and it's like what's going on 362 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,880 It's like, well, this guy wants in he's here and he's got no qualifications 363 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:03,920 And so well, why are you here? He says well the guy in the middle cross the man on the middle cross said I could come 364 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:09,200 And that's the only qualification we need is the man on the middle cross said I can come 365 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,880 And I think that's something we need to remember that it's nothing that we can do 366 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:19,120 But everything that he has done that he said I can come and there's nobody can take that away from us 367 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,080 There's nobody that can stand between us and him at all 368 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:26,640 He says so in his word that he was in my hand will never be plucked from it, right? 369 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:28,960 Sure God himself could flick us out of it 370 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,600 But he won't he will never do that 371 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,720 Because he's a loving God and so many Christians have 372 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:40,960 Misinterpreted through their own belief system through their own worldview. They've misrepresented rather 373 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:47,200 They've misrepresented God in such a way that there are so many people out there that are mad at God or don't want anything to do with him because of Christians 374 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:51,520 Right, and I like trying to remind people look man. That's us. We did that. That's not him 375 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:57,200 Yeah, he's he didn't do any of that we these people didn't understand and they loved you and they don't want you to hell 376 00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:03,280 So they told you something and they didn't really express the love of God that just by choosing him 377 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:07,680 Because he's already chose you right just by choosing him you are now qualified 378 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,200 You are now redeemed. You are now wearing a cloak of righteousness 379 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:16,320 You are now adopted as a son or a daughter of Christ, right of the king of God Almighty 380 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:21,280 Yeah, and his manifold wisdom is going to be made manifest in us and all we have to do is ask for it 381 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:28,400 I think this is a great thing. So when you struggle, I would concentrate that the man on the middle cross said I could come 382 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,040 Right. I'm not worthy 383 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:35,040 I don't have to be because someone who is worthy paid it for me 384 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:40,480 And so the man on the middle cross that I can be here. What else do I have to do nothing? What can I do nothing? 385 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,640 How can I impress God with the gifts he's given me? 386 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:47,840 Right, that's silly. That's like I give my son a gift and he's like look what I can do like I know I gave it to you 387 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:53,360 Right, that's the gift I gave you and so a lot of us we get enamored by the gifts of God 388 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:58,080 And we forget to hold him up and we forget to give him glory and remind people that it by his grace 389 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:04,400 I am saved by his choosing I am saved by his will I am saved by his love 390 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,200 I am saved there is no path I can take 391 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,920 Except believing in Christ 392 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:14,640 I know a lot of people especially in the holidays suffer with mental health 393 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:20,640 And it's a very real struggle for people. I respond EMT. I respond emergencies for mental health 394 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:22,400 and 395 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:26,160 I know that a lot of them I have been in the back of the truck with 396 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:32,240 I have a fundamental belief of Jesus and yet here they are in the back of an ambulance with a mental health breakdown 397 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,320 right because 398 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,760 We're not alone 399 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,760 And the enemy would like us to think that and I'm so very grateful that you shared your story 400 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:43,520 I'm so very grateful that you have had the experiences that you've had 401 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,600 And I'm so very grateful that you know who we are now and so we're not just some 402 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:52,720 random people like hey, it's j. It's jay bian. He's on stage. Let's worship with him, right? 403 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:56,320 We're not just like some nameless face that afterwards like hey, let's go get a cookie and you're like 404 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,280 And like I I hope that people will listen to this 405 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:05,680 and 406 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:10,000 Yeah, honestly just to anyone who listened if if if you come to south hills like 407 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,840 I would just hope you know now like when i'm on that stage 408 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,640 It is not about me 409 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:18,640 And it is never 410 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,880 Not even for a moment about me 411 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:27,840 Hmm and it's just as much for you as it is for everyone else. Yeah, right that worship isn't just you projecting 412 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:32,400 But it's you need it as well. Yeah, and like that stage it doesn't make me 413 00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:38,560 Any different from the person off the stage at least that's that's what I believe because 414 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:45,200 Worship is more than just a song and that's what hey, hold on. Hold on one more shout out for the one time. Hold on 415 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:50,000 Boston worship intensive. See this is what I learned here that worship is 416 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:54,560 Is a lifestyle. Yes, and that's what it is. And so it's whatever you do 417 00:32:55,280 --> 00:33:00,160 In your life, whether it's it's sweeping up the floors like I had to do this morning at my job 418 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,680 Or whether it's like just I don't know like 419 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,240 Going and getting lunch with someone or 420 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:12,720 I guess like doing homework, I guess or like just memorizing lines for like a musical or like that 421 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:18,320 I mean, uh, I don't know like whatever it is like like just do it onto the lord and and that is worship 422 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:23,760 That is is really dedicating it to him. And so that's why I feel like when I'm on that stage like like 423 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:28,320 There's nothing special about me. You know, I'm saying because anybody can worship for real 424 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:33,680 And it's just like I've just I guess I've I've just been been called to 425 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,400 Just be like a little guide. It's like, hey guys right through this door 426 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:45,760 This is the presence of God right over here. Okay, right over here. We all gonna go in here. All right. Yep, right there right there 427 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:51,680 Yep, yep you too. Oh, no not that door. Oh this one right and so like that like that's that's really all it is 428 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,760 And I'm being honestly like of course. I'm honored to have that 429 00:33:56,480 --> 00:34:01,520 Responsibility. I don't like just not take it seriously. I just hope people don't think like 430 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:10,240 Oh my god, it's Jamie and it's like wow. What is amazing man of God and like honey like not really 431 00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:11,840 Okay 432 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:18,240 Like I am very much working on it. Okay, like I am 17 years old 433 00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:23,200 I haven't even graduated high school. I don't know nothing, bro 434 00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:27,360 All that I know is that I'm not alone in my struggles 435 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,920 Is that every single day I need God 436 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,280 And that I just cannot do this life 437 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:37,440 without him 438 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:38,560 and 439 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,640 Every single day I'm just trying to be more like him. Can I share something with you? Yes 440 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,640 Earlier you said that you felt that you had to 441 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:54,320 emulate Christ in such a way to shine Christ's love light and grace mercy on those around you 442 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,680 So they would come to know Christ and that it was a heavy burden 443 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:03,680 Have you thought of the analogy you just told us that like a tour guide like right this way, you know, right this way 444 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,280 No, no not over there, honey over here. This is this Jesus over here that 445 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,280 Your role is to 446 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:13,760 Help arrange the meeting but you can't make them go through the door 447 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:19,040 Right and they're like could you could you use that as a way to yes 448 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,600 could you could you 449 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:29,200 Could you use that as a way to help unburden yourself from the weight of that responsibility that it is not up to you to push them through the door 450 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,840 It's not up to you to put the carrot in front of their nose 451 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:40,080 It's not up to you to sell God right that for you to just act the way Jesus has manifested in you 452 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:44,320 And point the way to Christ so that he can do his job 453 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:50,320 Which is a glorious burden of converting people like he cast us to make disciples of all nations not 454 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:53,040 Not convert all nations, right? 455 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:59,200 So we need to to learn and grow with each other and and like so if i'm discipling you and I come across a question 456 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,640 You come to like I don't know it either so we'll go open the Bible together and learn it together 457 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,920 And if we can't we'll go to someone up a little bit smarter like hey pastor p 458 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,440 We're kind of knuckleheads here. We need some help 459 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:14,560 So I would encourage you to treat yourself as that tour guide that you represent yourself to be 460 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:19,680 On the worship team right to say i'm going to point you to Christ, but it's up to you to worship 461 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,080 It's up to you to give them your life. It's up to you to walk through the door 462 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,360 It's up to you to start that conversation and it's not up to you to 463 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:31,040 To do that for them. You just point to the like I would be like you're you're a very animated young man 464 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:36,800 You are a very positive young man despite the mental health issues that you face chronically 465 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:39,520 That maybe you're a neon sign for Christ 466 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:44,320 Right, you're like, so I go right over here like this is it and i'm going to paint the prettiest neon sign 467 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,880 You're ever going to see because I really want this for you 468 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:52,800 I really want to make him look attractive to you, but I still can't make you have that conversation with him 469 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:57,840 Only you can do that, right? And so I would encourage you to continue the path that you're taking 470 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:02,000 But try to unburden yourself by telling yourself i'm just a tour guide 471 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,960 Yeah, right. I can't save you like with Nathan 472 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:11,280 We you know we tell him that we can't get you into heaven only you and your relationship with Jesus 473 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,280 Is going to get you there 474 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:14,720 You know, we can't do it for you 475 00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:18,320 You can't go on into heaven with dad's faith or mom's faith 476 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:20,240 You have to have it yourself 477 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,880 So you can guide them in the way they should go 478 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,320 But like a horse at the water you can't make him drink it 479 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,360 But you can defeat him pretzels salty pretzels 480 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:33,200 I understand through my son that it's a deep desire 481 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,400 That that you absolutely want them to follow this path 482 00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:41,680 You absolutely want them to take a relationship with Jesus and it would absolutely break your heart if they don't 483 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,080 But that's not on you 484 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,080 Right, God calls you 485 00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:51,280 To be that person that intercessor to be that that person that points the way that tour guides them 486 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:53,200 That leads him in worship 487 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,960 He doesn't call you to take him by the hand and drag them before the throne 488 00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:05,200 Right and and unburden yourself from that because you're only going to get hemmed up and hurting yourself and your walk will be slower 489 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,720 If you think that you have to save everyone 490 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,000 Yeah, knowing full well that you can't save anyone 491 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:18,400 Right, it's like the spider-man movies like oh, I can't save them all. Well, just save one. You can't even save one 492 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:21,920 No, right, but you can tell everyone the truth about Jesus 493 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:25,840 You can set the record straight about the character of God that people are wrong 494 00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:30,240 That you don't know who my God is if this is what you believe about him and let me share you 495 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:36,320 With you who this God is that I that I follow this God who I've given my life to because he is not 496 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:42,640 A slave lord. He is not an overbearing tyrant, but he is a loving God that has my best interest at heart 497 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:47,280 And he will use me even if it hurts so that I can bring you to his throne 498 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:52,720 Thank you, Josh. You're welcome. Thank you. Shelly. Thank you for being with us. Of course. Yeah 499 00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,400 Well, I guess in this moment, I just want to speak to 500 00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:01,360 People that are listening. I just want to say I hope you know that 501 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,000 You are never alone 502 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:09,280 There are people all across the world and even right next to you even in that 503 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,360 You know, whatever church people you're sitting in the person right next to you 504 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:18,800 Probably understands to some extent what you're going to if not even maybe even exactly 505 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,920 And even if there's no one around you who understands 506 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:26,800 I hope you know that Jesus more than anyone understands 507 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:31,760 He understands the suffering. He understands the pain. He understands the humiliation 508 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:36,640 The stress the pressure. I mean this man was literally sent to earth 509 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,280 to take on 510 00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:43,440 The punishment for every single person's sin 511 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:50,880 Every single person who existed at that time who exists now and who forever will exist even after us 512 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:58,160 And we're talking past present future sin. He took it all so like who more than him understands 513 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,200 suffering and pain and agony and 514 00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,240 torture and and that 515 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:10,160 Desire to just end it all, you know, I mean to just not take on this cup of suffering 516 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:15,440 And not only that like he created you, you know, so how much more 517 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:23,760 Would your creator know who you are? So I just pray that you'll be encouraged in that and just understand to 518 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:29,040 Do that God is not afraid of your questions or your doubts 519 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:36,240 He wants your doubts. He wants your questions because those are open doors to a strengthening of faith 520 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:44,000 When you decide to choose God in the midst of your doubt and your questioning when you decide to choose God and 521 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,320 Choose to ask him 522 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:51,440 About it. That's when he will reveal it to you, you know, and honestly 523 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:55,840 Tough thing is there are going to be things in life that we will never understand 524 00:40:55,840 --> 00:41:00,320 There's going to be things about God and just the world around us that we're never going to know 525 00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,840 So really the choice is up to you. Are you going to trust that even if you never know 526 00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:10,400 That God is still good and and God is still who he says he is and that 527 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:17,680 What he did is enough for you to be with him for eternity and it's enough for for you to be fulfilled here on this earth 528 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,000 Or 529 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,000 Will you choose your sin? 530 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,800 And um, that just won't be great. Trust me 531 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,040 every person 532 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:33,200 Hearing this God bless you. Jesus loves you. So that means I love you. Amen. Thank you, JVN 533 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,680 Thank you so much for being with us 534 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:42,320 And if this podcast episode has blessed you we ask that you just pass it along to somebody that it can be an encouragement to 535 00:41:42,720 --> 00:41:47,520 You know, if somebody came to your mind, you know, it's just the holy spirit leading you to that 536 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,520 That passing it on 537 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,600 so 538 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:55,440 So I'd like to also wrap this up with we have a 539 00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,480 Fundraising account and give send go dot com 540 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:05,120 So if you'd like to donate to our little ministry and help us pay for the expenses of the audio editing 541 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:10,000 That would be a blessing and you just look up God's goodness podcast and you'll find us 542 00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:18,000 And thank you for listening and we'll talk to you next time. Yeah, peace out