Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage as well as highlight
God's goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelly Hankins. Today
we have with us an amazing person. We know him from church and you may have seen him
if you watch our church lives and he's one of the worship leaders. His name is J.V.N.
Ortega Rodriguez. The Holy Spirit led me to invite him on our little podcast and we just
can't wait to hear what he has to share with this testimony and we're going to have him
open with a little prayer. Alright, well Father Gal, we're just coming for you right now.
First and foremost, we just thank you so much for this opportunity to come together onto
this Holy Spirit led and just so blessed podcast and I would just pray that you will lead this
conversation and that I can remember all the stories of your goodness and your grace and
yeah, we'll just have a good time and that this can be encouraging to anyone that hears it and
that after hearing this, after hearing my story, after hearing what you've done in my life,
that someone else will be comforted knowing that they can do it in theirs as well. Amen.
Where would you like to start? I think this is really fitting. I'm really appreciative of this
opportunity because a lot of people only see me and only know me from this stage. A lot of
people in church, not everybody, but a lot of people in church know my name because I'm up
there and then I'm like, I don't even know their name because it's like I, it's not like that and
it can be difficult, you know, when someone comes up to me and says, oh my gosh, I love your singing
and it's amazing, like really bless me and I was like, thank you so much. What's your name? I don't
know. Stuff being a celebrity. Okay, I'm not a celebrity. There's a lot of people to get to know.
I'm still learning new people two years in and we often have to say, what's your name again?
Right. And you shouldn't feel bad about that. And I'm also like so bad with names too. Like,
it's really bad. So like, I'll meet someone and I'll know them and I can still say hi and hold a
really good conversation, but I still won't know their name. So I just hope that they don't ask
mine so that I don't have to ask for theirs because then that would just be awkward. But anyways,
you know, I don't want to assume what people are thinking. So I won't. I think it can be
obviously seeing me on that stage. You don't really see the hurt that I've had to endure.
Nobody really sees the fear that I've felt. It's not always that I like, I'm just really
good at hiding it because I haven't always had to do that. But it's really like just, you know,
when I get on that stage and when I prepare myself to like lead others into the presence of God
along with myself, like, like God just moves and God does something where like, I don't have to
focus on the pain anymore, but instead I can just focus on praising Him. It's so freeing. But still,
even even off that stage, like there are times when that pain will come back and that fear will
come back and, you know, everything, yeah, just comes back. So I wanted to just take this time
being on this podcast where I actually do have the time to talk about this stuff. Where do I start?
I have no idea. I will start at, it's just my testimony. So when I was eight years old, I
first, that was the first time I really like prayed that sinner's prayer to accept Christ into my life.
And from that moment on, I never really like questioned my salvation. I never really, at that
time in my life from like elementary school age, up until like, about middle school, like in between
that time, I never really like worried like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna go to hell if I don't like do this
or do that or something like, I never questioned God's love for me or like His care over my life.
There were just not, I'd never really had a lot of doubts about that. But at the same time, like,
I obviously didn't fully grasp what it meant to have a relationship with God. But even then,
you know, I just kept it moving, I guess. But I kind of all changed probably like,
as soon as the pandemic hit, as soon as that pandemic hit, man, it, mental health just came
crashing down for me really, really badly. How so? Well, I started getting a lot more anxious
about things and just everything about life. I was going through just a really, really tough time.
But it led me to a very, very dark place. I think this was probably the first time,
like around this time, like, I'd say like, pandemic, something about like, I don't even know how old
that, like 13, 14, maybe. And this was probably like one of the first times in my life, like, I ever
actually like had suicidal thoughts. And I had these, like, just massive waves of deep, deep
depression. Like, it was almost like just drowning in these like sad, destructive feelings about
myself and a lot of self hatred, self loathing. It was really, really bad. And it was at that time,
I really started to question, am I even saved? Like, if right now, right here right now was my
last moment, am I going to hear, well done, good and faithful servant or depart from me for I never
knew it. You know what I'm saying? Like, what am I going to hear? And yeah, I was very quick to
listen to the lies of the enemy and very slow to listen to God. Like, almost like, like the
prodigal son, you know what I mean? Just ran away from my father, but I didn't plan on returning,
you know what I mean? Because I felt like I wasn't worthy enough to return to him. But
it's insane in that it was this odd tension, unhealthy tension of like, I don't feel like God
wants me. So I don't want to spend time with him. But also, if I stop believing in God and completely
turn away from my faith, I know that heaven will not be for me. You know what I mean? If I die. So,
really at the root of it was I was scared to die because I just was scared that I was just hellbound.
You know what I mean? And how did that play in with the suicidal ideations? Yeah, it's funny,
right? It's like, I was so stressed and felt so much pressure and just all these voices in my head
and a lot of things just weighing on me that like, I just wanted it all to end. But I knew
that suicide, there was no turning back from that. And I mean, that is something that you can't
turn back from. So it's like, why would I want to end my life, take my own life, if I knew where
that was leading me? And I was scared of going there, of ending up there for eternity. That is
how messed up my brain and mental health was was that I wanted to end it all. But I was also
didn't want to end it all. And it was just like, just a roller coaster of emotions. And I know for
effect that there was probably not a single person who saw that when they saw me singing up on that
stage. And I mean, yeah, I guess I did do a pretty good job of just keeping it to myself. But that
was a problem too, is that I just kept stuff to myself. And I didn't really want to believe that
like anyone really understood what I was going through. And oh my gosh, perfect segue. Like the
reason I really didn't prioritize my relationship with God at that time was because I felt alone
in my struggles. I was like, there is no way that an all powerful, all knowing, perfect God can
do all possible and suffering of a teenager. Now, obviously that goes to show you that I didn't
really read my Bible as much as I probably should have. Because if I did, I would have probably
saw Isaiah 53 or Jesus is prayer right before he gets arrested. You know what I'm saying? I would
have actually known that he fully understands. But we're not there yet. All right. And this time
I didn't do none of that. I was just fully banked on this lie that
Jesus didn't understand me didn't understand my struggle. So
Why be in relationship with him?
But for some reason I would I would still pray I would still kind of read my Bible here and there
But I know that it was never rooted out of like wanting that relationship
It was rooted out of if I don't do this. I'm gonna go to hell
You know, I mean so it felt like a chore, you know, I mean it felt like just if I don't do this
I'm screwed and like mark a pain of threat do this or else. Yes exactly like do this or else and
That was like the mindset I had with reading my Bible with praying to God like it just yeah
It was really bad and I think the the thing that changed that
Was
Meeting other people that understood what I was going through. Where did you meet these people?
I met them at a worship camp hold up shout out YWAM Boston. Okay, shout out Boston worship intensive
2021 baby, you know how we do it. Okay. No, I don't that's great. I'm getting a clue though. I'm getting a clue
Well, anyways, it was probably a no shade to Joshua generation. Okay, but BWI was the best summer camp
I ever went to in my like entire life. Yeah, just to do a little little summary
I was like one of the youngest people there everyone else was like either like 18 or like 20
30 something and I was like only like
15 or 16 at the time
But basically you go there you learn about worship you learn how to lead worship
Which really prepared me well for like how I would lead worship after here
And then during the whole time you are paired with a songwriting group and you have to write a worship song and you will lead it by
The end of the camp and so it was really really awesome and throughout our
Like our time there we would have these moments where we'd meet just in this like quiet space with all these instruments
So I guess it wouldn't be the most quiet space, but it was it was very mellow
and there was just this one night and like
It was so random, but that's something else. I was going through as well was like I would just like getting these random like just stages
It was just like
Feeling so hopeless and like depressed like I'll just be like hey, let's go. Let's go. Let's go and then for a minute
I'll just be sitting here like dead silent in a dark room
listening to like
depressing music and just be like I don't deserve to live and it's just it's so it's so bad
It was so bad
But sounds like a roller coaster ride. Yes, that is exactly how I would describe it
No, not the fun kind at all not one bit and so luckily I had friends
I had really good friends who were able to be like hey
what's going on man and I had some other friends who just happened to be eavesdropping when I finally decided to open up myself and just
Or just open myself up and just be like well
I'm basically feeling all this and this and this and this and that and
and
Yeah, it's pretty much it and
We were just like let's just go into this room and let's just worship
You know I mean and so that's what we did like I just sat there
Still crying with tears in my eyes and everybody's worshiping around me and then as we keep on singing more and more people are
Coming into the room and like like just next thing you know like it
Like I'm just I'm sitting like against the wall just watching all these people
Crying and and worshiping and on their knees and on the floor and and jumping around and I'm just like oh
Like something really clicked and I felt like just the Holy Spirit
I like I just felt Jesus like right there in front of me saying like JV and like this is what you've been looking for
You know, I mean you have been feeling alone. You've been looking for home
You've been looking for people that understand what you're going through and so like
It's just so beautiful how God can work sometimes because like God could have just like
shown me the scriptures of
Him like
understanding my suffering
But instead he decided to show me that he understood
Through other people. Isn't God great. Yeah, right? So he chooses
Not the expectation, but what you need
Right, he doesn't just lean into what you think you need
He leans into what you actually need and it really speaks to our hearts when he speaks to us because everyone that suffers everyone
That has an encounter or an experience with Jesus. It's different, right?
But it's real and it's authentic and it's just so amazing
I love that you
Confess your sin to one another and you put light on it where the darkness could not stand anymore
And that's when you felt the presence of Jesus telling you that this is where you needed to be
was after you had the boldness
To admit the frailty that you were undergoing and that in that moment
You began to see the light that you began to have the darkness be chased away by the light of God as
It was kindling a fire within you. That's always been there, right?
And as I just love that like that is so profound to me that I just I like I want other people to hear that right now
I want other people to know that confessing your sin to one another isn't absolving you of any guilt or wrongdoing
Jesus already paid that price, right?
But it does put a light on it and it causes the enemy to shrink and fear from that light because he is not a big fan of
The holy light cast by God not a big fan at all, you know, I don't blame him
I'd be scared too if I was still living in in my unrighteousness without Jesus, right?
And that's not something I'd want to be in front of and so I'm very grateful
That you experienced that and that you shared that exact part with it because that really spoke to me
And I know it will speak to other people because I know that you're not the only one
That had that mental health issue in that respect like I know of a lot of people that have had suicidal ideations
I mean a lot. I know you're not alone. I know the enemy loves to seek to make us feel isolated and alone
And attack us in those moments
And he just loves it and he doesn't love it because he wants to hurt you the enemy doesn't care about you
He does it because he knows it hurts God
And that's the only way he can hurt God is the only way like a little kid
That takes away a toy from someone else because it's the only way to really hurt
God is to take away one of his chosen beautiful children
And I can relate to that having children myself like I would be distraught if someone
Just sought to kill them or sought to destroy them or sought to steal them
Right and that's what the enemy does is he comes to kill steal and destroy. Yeah
Go on. No. Yeah. No. Thank you. No, that was I that was good
Yeah, I hope people are listening man because that was that was real good stuff. That was real
And so in this moment in this room with everybody worshiping he's like basically like
What I was hearing him say was like like Jay like look around you like this is what you've been looking for this
This is what happens when you decide to turn to me
Instead of away from me and I'm saying you get set free
You get set free from that from the suicidal thoughts you get set free from the depression you get set free from the anxiety
and even if you
Still go on life like still those thoughts pop up here and there
Ultimately like when you turn to me you get set free from the power that it has over you
You can either decide to dwell on those thoughts and drown in it or you can take my hand
Right you can take my hand what that's what he was saying to me and honestly that's what that's what God is saying to anybody
Who is just like struggling with their mental health and really drowning in
Whatever it is whether it be depression or shame or guilt
He's saying like it is your choice
you can
believe the lies of the enemy
You can choose to to reach out your hand and trust that that I will take it
Because he will because that's what he did for me and yeah to anybody listening
That's what he can do for you that is the point of taking your thoughts captive
You have to discern whether they're from God or the enemy and if they're not from the enemy you speak truth into that
Yeah, and say that it's not for me. That is a lie
And if it is from God you receive that truth
Yeah, right either speak the truth to God or receive the truth from God. Yeah
Yeah, actually really segues into another thing I wanted to talk about it is not always easy
to
Receive that truth
after that night after that whole camp actually just realizing that I wasn't alone and realizing that
If I was really going to be free from this
That I needed to turn to Jesus and understand that like he's going to get me through it
I decided that night to
Rededicate my life to Jesus and so
Yeah, I always remember that that's just that's really my testimony
You know, I don't have that that testimony of like man
I was I was doing this and this and I was I was knee-deep in this and then and God turned me around like
Like that's not really my story like my story is is I grew up in the church
You know, I grew up
In the mission field, you know surrounded by missionaries and I grew up understanding
like, you know knowing
Who God was and I was in the beginning stages of like really getting to know God personally
But this was like really the moment where I decided like no like the relationship like that real genuine relationship is starting like tonight and so
but still that didn't really stop the
Detrimental thoughts from popping in that didn't really stop my struggle in sin
But it just I knew that God was still working, you know, I mean that God was still shaping me
You know, like I knew like
I mean, I guess that's what I've been struggling with is like I thought that like
You know, everything would be fixed overnight or like soon, but
I've had to learn over the years continually. I'm still learning right now. Is that like
That's not really how God works. Is that like he while he is capable of it
More often than not he's not gonna solve these
Issues that you have overnight, you know, he's he's gonna walk with you through them
I think uh, what's that like? I mean, I even think of like Moses, you know, I mean and the red sea
God didn't
Completely evaporate the sea
He split the sea
You know, I mean and so sometimes like the problems don't just go away
The problems are something that we need to get through and God makes a way
Mm-hmm exactly and so we just have to trust that but
It's not easy to trust
But like a muscle, you know, the more you trust the easier it gets. Yeah
So that's encouragement for you because I know that you're a young man
Even though you're strong in the Lord now you've had doubt raising up through the ranks of that
And tell it you had to real experience with Jesus at this camp. Yeah, you know, give him a shout out shout out b.w.i
I'm watching words of intensive, you know, I'm saying Holy Spirit moving turn up. It's like and no, no, that's good
and
as a result you are
Defining your characteristics through Christ at this moment
You're defining the kind of me and everybody still struggles with sin
And the fact that you struggle is proof that the Holy Spirit is with you because the Holy Spirit and the flesh
They war with each other constantly and if you didn't have that struggle that would be a concerning
Right, if you didn't struggle with sin then there'd be like well, then the Holy Spirit's not with me
And did I really accept Jesus?
Right and the fact that you have conviction the fact that you have turmoil the fact that you have chaos now
When you do something you ought not
That is proved that Jesus is working in your life because he wants to correct that activity because he wants to hone you into the
Man of God and you need to go to a certain path that he has laid before you
So that you can have this story right now
To share with people so that tomorrow you have another story to share with people and another one because he needs you in that
Moment to have that story that he's prepared you for
By allowing you to go through some of the valleys that you've gone through by not just plucking you out
Now if it serves no purpose to have you going it you probably will pluck you out and give you that instant healing
Give you the instant relief give you this
But some of us we just suffer through and then we get healed and some of us we suffer
Then we never get healed because he knows we're strong enough to continue and to praise him despite it
And he uses every one of us to his good
Right. He uses every one of us to bring him glory, which is what we should want to right?
He's like I want to bring god glory. How can I bring god glory today? It's like well
I'm a miserable person. So god, how can you use me?
To bring you glory and like i'm i'm sad and then he'll tell us and like well
No lord that that doesn't sound like me
Right and that's up to us to even receive how he wants it right because sometimes we still get pretty petty on that
we're like well
Well, I'll do that but not not with that person
We're all do I'll do that
Can I do that tomorrow because i'm not really feeling it today? Yeah, right and god's like well
I mean you can wait but waiting on obedience is
Kind of like disobedience to me and i'm like well
And and you know you've heard of the five love languages right you've heard that book
We're like you have touch quality time acts of and well god's love languages
All of those and none of those because his love language primarily is is obedience
That you show god love through his love language by obeying him
And it's not because he's cruel or unjust or wants us to be miserable people
He wants us to have fun. He wants us to live the life that he has given us
This is a gift but because he knows that by not listening we get hurt
Right, he knows that hey, we got the ten commandments. This is the moral law
This is the basic things you need to do to be a normal human being that is good to each other
All right, this is what you need to do not because I don't want you to have fun
Not because I don't want you to do this but because if you break these laws
You're also hurting you it breaks my heart that you hurt each other
And I think we need to keep that in perspective that god loves us so much
That he doesn't want us to hurt each other and that's why he doesn't give this like this instant like well
Like why would you come christian like well here he is
I want to be the guy with a little sweater vest and a tie and my head cocked to the side with the bible in my arms
Going door to door duk duk duk hey, can I talk you about jesus right never happened
Like the next day I was still me. I was like, well what is like it didn't take
Yeah
Exactly right and then I did something dumb that day. I sinned. I don't know what it was it can have been pornography
You could have been something right I did something
Uncharacteristic of a child of god and I felt convicted I was like, oh, what's this never felt that before now I got turmoil
Right we can now like my everything's not the way it was and that way I expected it to be and god's like I got you
Don't worry and here I am like 17 years down the line and I'm a lot better honed
But I'm still a miserable person without him. Yeah, I think like
What I struggled with the most like really receiving the the truth that I really struggled to receive
Was his grace?
Hmm, but it's funny because like man, I can give grace to people at least I feel as though I can
I feel as though it's easy for me to to give grace to other people. It's easy for me to like
Understand why someone did what they did like
Like someone else and like be like, yeah, it's all good. No worries. Yada yada yada like I'll get over it
But the person that I can't
Give grace to ever is myself
Hmm and I think that's that's really what can sprout like the these like detrimental thoughts
and like of just self-hatred and self-loathing is like
Just being like dang like messed up again
And like oh my gosh, I'm a horrible Christian. I'm a horrible person and and all these things and yada yada yada
and it's like but once I
really understood more about Jesus and like got to know him more and like spent time in his word like
Well, it's like I got to understand his grace more
But it was still hard to like receive
Like accept the truth of his grace still like I understood. Okay. There's nothing that I can do
In my own strength to receive his love to receive his grace to receive his forgiveness
Well, it is beneficial me asking for his forgiveness is not going to get me his forgiveness like he's already
Forgiving me of everything that I've already done and it's like, you know asking for God's forgiveness like it's not what's going to get
He has a forgiveness, but it can be beneficial because it can really show that like you are
Remorseful for what you've done, but and you're aware that what you've done is something that requires forgiveness
Yeah, exactly, you know the ever-present need of Jesus. Mm-hmm. And so again, I understand that like
You know, like my salvation is only secured through my belief
And I understand that even the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain, you know
So it's not even the amount of faith that I have it's do I believe
That Jesus came here as a man lived the perfect life
and died for my sins on that cross rose up three days later and
in doing so defeated the power of sin and death and
Has given me the free gift of eternal life, you know what I mean?
And that and I'm saved through his grace and his grace alone
And so like I learned that I understood it. I received it. It's it began to really transform me
but man like that battle of just
Just accepting that truth and or accepting the lie like still was going on
In me and I'm going to be totally honest
It is still a battle that's going on right now
It is something that I still struggle with
to this day
I would say I want to be like Jesus. You know, I mean so badly
And it's like not so that I can be like, hey, look at me. I'm like Jesus yada yada yada, but I know that
That me being like Jesus draws others to him. You know what I mean? And I
I can't have my friends and my family like go to hell. You know what I'm saying?
I don't want that to be their eternity. I don't want that. I can't get with that. You know what I'm saying?
And it's like it's just it's a really big struggle
That's a lot of pressure you're putting on yourself to to want to be like Jesus so much that you want people to see him in you
That it's almost like you're trying to
Be Jesus for them and and I'm not saying you're trying to mock him
But it's like you feel like you need to take on that role
And that's a role that God is very good at doing himself, right?
But there's nothing wrong with wanting to to esteem Jesus to love Jesus to want to be like Jesus
There's nothing wrong with that to want to be the light of the world to somebody
Because like the moon reflects the sun, right?
And that we want to reflect Jesus so that we can light up the dark for somebody because they see Jesus in us
There's nothing wrong with that, right?
But sometimes you can consume us with this burden
That makes us feel like it's on us that if I don't act perfect and this person's not going to go to Jesus and that's
That's a heavy burden to put on yourself
Have you ever heard of alistair beg? He's a pastor like he's like on 101.5 sometimes in the morning
He's Scottish
But he was he told the story
I'm gonna paraphrase it because I don't know it verbatim and he was talking about the three men on the cross Jesus and the two thieves and
The one the thief died the one that accepted Christ's who moments before was mocking him, right?
And he was before the the the pearly gates and you know, we don't know assistant really how it is
But it's just a story and the angel that's in charge. They're like, hey, you know, what are you doing here?
He's like, I don't know
And so well, do you do you have the doctrine of faith and I got I don't know what that is
Have you baptized? I don't know what that is. Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?
I don't I don't know what you're talking about, right? Because you didn't get to have that these questions
And so like he's like bringing this head angel over and it's like what's going on
It's like, well, this guy wants in he's here and he's got no qualifications
And so well, why are you here? He says well the guy in the middle cross the man on the middle cross said I could come
And that's the only qualification we need is the man on the middle cross said I can come
And I think that's something we need to remember that it's nothing that we can do
But everything that he has done that he said I can come and there's nobody can take that away from us
There's nobody that can stand between us and him at all
He says so in his word that he was in my hand will never be plucked from it, right?
Sure God himself could flick us out of it
But he won't he will never do that
Because he's a loving God and so many Christians have
Misinterpreted through their own belief system through their own worldview. They've misrepresented rather
They've misrepresented God in such a way that there are so many people out there that are mad at God or don't want anything to do with him because of Christians
Right, and I like trying to remind people look man. That's us. We did that. That's not him
Yeah, he's he didn't do any of that we these people didn't understand and they loved you and they don't want you to hell
So they told you something and they didn't really express the love of God that just by choosing him
Because he's already chose you right just by choosing him you are now qualified
You are now redeemed. You are now wearing a cloak of righteousness
You are now adopted as a son or a daughter of Christ, right of the king of God Almighty
Yeah, and his manifold wisdom is going to be made manifest in us and all we have to do is ask for it
I think this is a great thing. So when you struggle, I would concentrate that the man on the middle cross said I could come
Right. I'm not worthy
I don't have to be because someone who is worthy paid it for me
And so the man on the middle cross that I can be here. What else do I have to do nothing? What can I do nothing?
How can I impress God with the gifts he's given me?
Right, that's silly. That's like I give my son a gift and he's like look what I can do like I know I gave it to you
Right, that's the gift I gave you and so a lot of us we get enamored by the gifts of God
And we forget to hold him up and we forget to give him glory and remind people that it by his grace
I am saved by his choosing I am saved by his will I am saved by his love
I am saved there is no path I can take
Except believing in Christ
I know a lot of people especially in the holidays suffer with mental health
And it's a very real struggle for people. I respond EMT. I respond emergencies for mental health
and
I know that a lot of them I have been in the back of the truck with
I have a fundamental belief of Jesus and yet here they are in the back of an ambulance with a mental health breakdown
right because
We're not alone
And the enemy would like us to think that and I'm so very grateful that you shared your story
I'm so very grateful that you have had the experiences that you've had
And I'm so very grateful that you know who we are now and so we're not just some
random people like hey, it's j. It's jay bian. He's on stage. Let's worship with him, right?
We're not just like some nameless face that afterwards like hey, let's go get a cookie and you're like
And like I I hope that people will listen to this
and
Yeah, honestly just to anyone who listened if if if you come to south hills like
I would just hope you know now like when i'm on that stage
It is not about me
And it is never
Not even for a moment about me
Hmm and it's just as much for you as it is for everyone else. Yeah, right that worship isn't just you projecting
But it's you need it as well. Yeah, and like that stage it doesn't make me
Any different from the person off the stage at least that's that's what I believe because
Worship is more than just a song and that's what hey, hold on. Hold on one more shout out for the one time. Hold on
Boston worship intensive. See this is what I learned here that worship is
Is a lifestyle. Yes, and that's what it is. And so it's whatever you do
In your life, whether it's it's sweeping up the floors like I had to do this morning at my job
Or whether it's like just I don't know like
Going and getting lunch with someone or
I guess like doing homework, I guess or like just memorizing lines for like a musical or like that
I mean, uh, I don't know like whatever it is like like just do it onto the lord and and that is worship
That is is really dedicating it to him. And so that's why I feel like when I'm on that stage like like
There's nothing special about me. You know, I'm saying because anybody can worship for real
And it's just like I've just I guess I've I've just been been called to
Just be like a little guide. It's like, hey guys right through this door
This is the presence of God right over here. Okay, right over here. We all gonna go in here. All right. Yep, right there right there
Yep, yep you too. Oh, no not that door. Oh this one right and so like that like that's that's really all it is
And I'm being honestly like of course. I'm honored to have that
Responsibility. I don't like just not take it seriously. I just hope people don't think like
Oh my god, it's Jamie and it's like wow. What is amazing man of God and like honey like not really
Okay
Like I am very much working on it. Okay, like I am 17 years old
I haven't even graduated high school. I don't know nothing, bro
All that I know is that I'm not alone in my struggles
Is that every single day I need God
And that I just cannot do this life
without him
and
Every single day I'm just trying to be more like him. Can I share something with you? Yes
Earlier you said that you felt that you had to
emulate Christ in such a way to shine Christ's love light and grace mercy on those around you
So they would come to know Christ and that it was a heavy burden
Have you thought of the analogy you just told us that like a tour guide like right this way, you know, right this way
No, no not over there, honey over here. This is this Jesus over here that
Your role is to
Help arrange the meeting but you can't make them go through the door
Right and they're like could you could you use that as a way to yes
could you could you
Could you use that as a way to help unburden yourself from the weight of that responsibility that it is not up to you to push them through the door
It's not up to you to put the carrot in front of their nose
It's not up to you to sell God right that for you to just act the way Jesus has manifested in you
And point the way to Christ so that he can do his job
Which is a glorious burden of converting people like he cast us to make disciples of all nations not
Not convert all nations, right?
So we need to to learn and grow with each other and and like so if i'm discipling you and I come across a question
You come to like I don't know it either so we'll go open the Bible together and learn it together
And if we can't we'll go to someone up a little bit smarter like hey pastor p
We're kind of knuckleheads here. We need some help
So I would encourage you to treat yourself as that tour guide that you represent yourself to be
On the worship team right to say i'm going to point you to Christ, but it's up to you to worship
It's up to you to give them your life. It's up to you to walk through the door
It's up to you to start that conversation and it's not up to you to
To do that for them. You just point to the like I would be like you're you're a very animated young man
You are a very positive young man despite the mental health issues that you face chronically
That maybe you're a neon sign for Christ
Right, you're like, so I go right over here like this is it and i'm going to paint the prettiest neon sign
You're ever going to see because I really want this for you
I really want to make him look attractive to you, but I still can't make you have that conversation with him
Only you can do that, right? And so I would encourage you to continue the path that you're taking
But try to unburden yourself by telling yourself i'm just a tour guide
Yeah, right. I can't save you like with Nathan
We you know we tell him that we can't get you into heaven only you and your relationship with Jesus
Is going to get you there
You know, we can't do it for you
You can't go on into heaven with dad's faith or mom's faith
You have to have it yourself
So you can guide them in the way they should go
But like a horse at the water you can't make him drink it
But you can defeat him pretzels salty pretzels
I understand through my son that it's a deep desire
That that you absolutely want them to follow this path
You absolutely want them to take a relationship with Jesus and it would absolutely break your heart if they don't
But that's not on you
Right, God calls you
To be that person that intercessor to be that that person that points the way that tour guides them
That leads him in worship
He doesn't call you to take him by the hand and drag them before the throne
Right and and unburden yourself from that because you're only going to get hemmed up and hurting yourself and your walk will be slower
If you think that you have to save everyone
Yeah, knowing full well that you can't save anyone
Right, it's like the spider-man movies like oh, I can't save them all. Well, just save one. You can't even save one
No, right, but you can tell everyone the truth about Jesus
You can set the record straight about the character of God that people are wrong
That you don't know who my God is if this is what you believe about him and let me share you
With you who this God is that I that I follow this God who I've given my life to because he is not
A slave lord. He is not an overbearing tyrant, but he is a loving God that has my best interest at heart
And he will use me even if it hurts so that I can bring you to his throne
Thank you, Josh. You're welcome. Thank you. Shelly. Thank you for being with us. Of course. Yeah
Well, I guess in this moment, I just want to speak to
People that are listening. I just want to say I hope you know that
You are never alone
There are people all across the world and even right next to you even in that
You know, whatever church people you're sitting in the person right next to you
Probably understands to some extent what you're going to if not even maybe even exactly
And even if there's no one around you who understands
I hope you know that Jesus more than anyone understands
He understands the suffering. He understands the pain. He understands the humiliation
The stress the pressure. I mean this man was literally sent to earth
to take on
The punishment for every single person's sin
Every single person who existed at that time who exists now and who forever will exist even after us
And we're talking past present future sin. He took it all so like who more than him understands
suffering and pain and agony and
torture and and that
Desire to just end it all, you know, I mean to just not take on this cup of suffering
And not only that like he created you, you know, so how much more
Would your creator know who you are? So I just pray that you'll be encouraged in that and just understand to
Do that God is not afraid of your questions or your doubts
He wants your doubts. He wants your questions because those are open doors to a strengthening of faith
When you decide to choose God in the midst of your doubt and your questioning when you decide to choose God and
Choose to ask him
About it. That's when he will reveal it to you, you know, and honestly
Tough thing is there are going to be things in life that we will never understand
There's going to be things about God and just the world around us that we're never going to know
So really the choice is up to you. Are you going to trust that even if you never know
That God is still good and and God is still who he says he is and that
What he did is enough for you to be with him for eternity and it's enough for for you to be fulfilled here on this earth
Or
Will you choose your sin?
And um, that just won't be great. Trust me
every person
Hearing this God bless you. Jesus loves you. So that means I love you. Amen. Thank you, JVN
Thank you so much for being with us
And if this podcast episode has blessed you we ask that you just pass it along to somebody that it can be an encouragement to
You know, if somebody came to your mind, you know, it's just the holy spirit leading you to that
That passing it on
so
So I'd like to also wrap this up with we have a
Fundraising account and give send go dot com
So if you'd like to donate to our little ministry and help us pay for the expenses of the audio editing
That would be a blessing and you just look up God's goodness podcast and you'll find us
And thank you for listening and we'll talk to you next time. Yeah, peace out