1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,560
Welcome to the God's Goodness podcast, where our mission is to encourage as well as highlight

2
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,960
God's Goodness and modern-day miracles.

3
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,360
We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hankins.

4
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,720
I'm going to start off thanking you, Father.

5
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:24,480
Father, we thank you so much for the opportunity to come to you, for the opportunity that you

6
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:29,960
have given us each and every day that we can speak to you, that we can learn from you,

7
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:34,920
that we can share our experiences with others and tell others about the goodness of you.

8
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,880
Jesus, we want to thank you so much for what you have done for us.

9
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:43,160
We ask that you continually bless us and all those who listen to us daily.

10
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,640
Help us to find new understanding in you.

11
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:52,560
Help us to identify the areas of weakness to reveal to us our hearts and help us to

12
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,520
lean not onto our own understanding, but to trust in you for everything.

13
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,520
In your mighty name, Jesus.

14
00:00:58,520 --> 00:00:59,520
Amen.

15
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,520
All right.

16
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:07,880
In this episode, we are going to dive deeper into Josh's history, which is pretty interesting,

17
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:08,880
some might say.

18
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,120
It has some twists and turns.

19
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,760
And let's start with where you started.

20
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:13,760
All right.

21
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:21,600
Well, it started 47 years ago in Las Vegas, Nevada, where my father was a Vietnam vet

22
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,540
and a Buddhist that he picked up in Vietnam.

23
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:30,320
And my mother was an alcoholic and heroin addict.

24
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:37,240
And as I was raised, I was raised by just a chaotic kind of family.

25
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,880
They would go back and forth in punishments.

26
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,320
By all rights, all the odds were stacked against you.

27
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,320
Yeah.

28
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:48,440
So my sister, I have an older sister and she was born obviously before me.

29
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,680
And after her, my dad decided to have a vasectomy.

30
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:55,360
And I don't know the exact odds, but I know my dad always told me it was 100 million to

31
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,640
one that they would heal.

32
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,320
So surprise, here I am.

33
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,840
And I can't imagine what the conversation at the dinner table would have been like when

34
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,200
that was announced.

35
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,520
But that was a miracle right then and itself.

36
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:13,640
My dad had told me that my mom was drinking heavily when she was pregnant with me and

37
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:14,640
did drugs as well.

38
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,200
And I was born addicted to nothing.

39
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,880
I had no issues.

40
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,960
It's just an absolute stunning, miraculous miracle.

41
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:23,960
Second miracle.

42
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,160
That's amazing.

43
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,880
And then my mom was not stable.

44
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,880
My father, he had a main streak for sure.

45
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:32,880
He was a loving father.

46
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,800
He was a firm father.

47
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:39,400
And he had some other issues that were stacked against him because of how he was raised and

48
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,200
how his father was raised.

49
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,880
As a result, he was racist.

50
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:48,440
He was easily set off and angered mostly because that's who he is.

51
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,000
But some of it PTSD from Vietnam, he'd seen some things.

52
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,960
He'd experienced some things that really set him apart from his contemporaries and the

53
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:57,960
workforce.

54
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:03,200
So, I'm going to go ahead and skip all the way ahead to my first encounter with the

55
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:07,280
church now that you know that my background and my parents where I come from.

56
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,840
I had moved to Pennsylvania when I was 15.

57
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,440
And when I turned 18, I joined the Navy.

58
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:18,560
And I was in the Navy for almost three years and I met a man named Adam.

59
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:23,280
And Adam introduced me to Jesus in a way that I'd never experienced Jesus before.

60
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:27,080
My father had always taught me to mock Christians.

61
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:31,240
He would tell them to respect Christians when they pray and take your hat off.

62
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:36,560
But ultimately it was to mock them and cherry pick Bible verses to use against them that

63
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:41,440
he would call them Christian Nazis or he would call it the church hypocrisy and hate.

64
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,120
And that's how I knew it was.

65
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,000
I didn't know any other way.

66
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,120
And Adam kind of changed my perspective on it.

67
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:53,880
So I accepted the Lord when I was 20, almost 21.

68
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,320
And I say I accepted him, but I didn't live like I accepted him.

69
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,240
I continued to be a bit misogynistic.

70
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,760
I still drank a little bit.

71
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,400
I smoked cigarettes a little bit.

72
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,680
I would even go to a Baptist church once in a blue moon and it just was weird because

73
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:13,480
there's this guy, there's his brother Bob and he had this like this thin rope tie like

74
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,320
Colonel Sanders and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

75
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:20,880
He didn't have the facial hair like him, but I remember brother Bob and it was just, it

76
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,080
was everything was like, it was like designed to make me mock it.

77
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:29,080
And maybe seven years down the road from there and I still wasn't a practicing Christian

78
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,080
in any stretch.

79
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:31,080
I didn't understand Jesus.

80
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,720
I didn't know Jesus.

81
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,800
I would tell people, I think some people told him I was a Christian and some people I told

82
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,280
him I was a Buddhist and some people told them I was nothing.

83
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,080
So I clearly didn't know what I was.

84
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:44,000
But I remember going to a church and there was a one-armed preacher there and he was

85
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,560
just speaking in tongues the entire time.

86
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,880
And there was another guy behind him that was basically doing the preaching or interpreting

87
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:52,880
the tongues.

88
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,040
And when he was done, he leaned on the pew.

89
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,400
He looked right at me.

90
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,400
So that was some powerful preaching.

91
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,520
And I kept helping him think I was like, was it?

92
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,720
I don't know what that was.

93
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,360
Like I thought he was going to reach in a basket, pull some snakes.

94
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,360
I was freaked out.

95
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,520
Like this is not what I knew.

96
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,520
Like I didn't like that.

97
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,320
And then it almost turned me off again completely.

98
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:18,080
So we fast forward a few more years and I married my first wife outside of college and

99
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,440
she was Catholic.

100
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,400
And I went to a Catholic church and the only way I was allowed to marry her is if we promised

101
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:25,400
to raise our kids Catholic.

102
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,760
Kind of like, sure, but I'm not going to honor that.

103
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,480
Why would I?

104
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:34,280
And I remember thinking just how backwards some of the thinking in the Catholic church

105
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,440
was coming from an outsider's view.

106
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:40,320
So I came with a perspective that I was already going to mock them.

107
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,360
So it was a lot easier and then I could pick apart things that they did and I didn't like

108
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,960
a lot of it.

109
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:52,000
And when I met my second wife, it was after my first wife, obviously, and she introduced

110
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,080
me to a non-denominational Christian church.

111
00:05:55,080 --> 00:06:00,800
And man, I don't know what happened there, but I knew that I, for the first time in this

112
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,680
long journey so far, I wanted to know more about Jesus.

113
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,560
And the closest I can come to understanding why is because my father had felt to me as

114
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,200
if he was more of a conditional love.

115
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,880
He never really expressed his love.

116
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:13,880
He never really expressed gratitude.

117
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:18,760
He never really expressed any kind of pride unless I did something that met or exceeded

118
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,440
his expectations.

119
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:26,800
And so now is in a place where I felt like someone could love me and I didn't have to

120
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:27,800
do anything.

121
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:28,880
I didn't have to earn it.

122
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,240
And I still struggle with that.

123
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,240
Right?

124
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:35,880
I still struggle with not feeling like I have to earn God's love because of the brokenness

125
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,280
that I experienced growing up.

126
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:43,800
And so I did this church for almost a decade and I got compliments from people telling me

127
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:48,640
that they could see the change, you know, seven years into it that they saw when I first

128
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:49,640
came there.

129
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,800
You know, I was like, that's pretty cool, right?

130
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,600
And people I respected in that church, elders.

131
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:57,400
And I was like, man, I, he noticed like, I didn't even think he knew my name.

132
00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,520
It was mind-blowing that someone actually cared enough to notice my journey and notice my

133
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,840
walk.

134
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,680
And by, at one point, I was an usher.

135
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,000
I was in children's ministry.

136
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,680
I helped out where I could.

137
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:14,560
I was feeling really low and I couldn't explain why I felt the, my relationship with Jesus

138
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:20,800
was 100% me trying to force Jesus to love me.

139
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,640
And I was missing out on something and then my spirit knew I was missing out on something.

140
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:31,600
And I remember the church was doing a corporate fast and they were fasting for 40 days in

141
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,800
a January.

142
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,480
And I remember not starting a fast with them because I was dissatisfied.

143
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:41,560
And I started like three days after them and they're fasting things like Facebook and chocolate

144
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,080
and I thought, that's not what a fast is.

145
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:48,440
I mean, I mean, I had a relationship with Jesus that I want, but I know what the Bible

146
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,880
says and I understood the purpose of a fast.

147
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:56,080
I understood it to be trying to kill the flesh so that your spirit can climb out on top because

148
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,560
they're always warring with each other.

149
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,480
So giving up Facebook, what's that?

150
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:03,480
How is that making your, your flesh is just going to find a different outlet?

151
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:08,600
And so I remember being upstairs in our room, we lived in Carnegie at the time and I was

152
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:13,320
faced down on the ground and I was crying and I was just talking to God and I was giving

153
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,880
him my whole heart.

154
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:19,440
And I told him that I was going to do this fast and I wasn't going to eat anything and

155
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,560
I wasn't going to eat anything ever.

156
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,280
Like it wasn't a 40 day thing.

157
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,280
It wasn't a 10 day thing.

158
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:25,280
It wasn't a one day thing.

159
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,000
I was like, ever, I'm not eating again.

160
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,520
I don't care if it kills me.

161
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,680
Then I wanted this relationship with him.

162
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:34,040
You didn't tell me any of that at the time, still trying to feed you.

163
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,040
Oh, okay.

164
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,040
Yeah, well.

165
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,040
Offer you food randomly.

166
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,040
Yeah.

167
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,920
And you still do it when I fast.

168
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:42,920
You can't help yourself.

169
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:43,920
You're a giving person.

170
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:44,920
It's a mom thing.

171
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,760
I like to feed people.

172
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:52,360
And so I remember telling him that I wanted a relationship with him so bad that I was

173
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,520
worth dying for.

174
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,200
And I remember getting up the next day.

175
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,480
I remember this is January.

176
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,600
I remember the news was saying his gonna be a hot day today is gonna be 40.

177
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,160
They go, okay.

178
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:07,720
And I remember seeing the word 40 and the number 40 show up in, I don't know how many

179
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:12,120
different places that day, but I felt convinced that the fast was going to be a 40 day fast

180
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,480
at that point.

181
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,600
And let me tell you how short.

182
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:19,040
When Jesus told Peter, ye of little faith, and he wasn't talking about small amount,

183
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,480
but he was talking about short duration of faith.

184
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,640
Man, how little we think in duration, right?

185
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,480
Because the night before I was ready to hang up the whole everything, right?

186
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,480
Kill the body.

187
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,480
I wanted to be done.

188
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,480
And the next day I'm like 40.

189
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,480
That's a long time.

190
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,480
I did not do that.

191
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:35,480
No, I know.

192
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,040
No, no, I'm aware.

193
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:45,960
And so I was impressed to do 40 days and I'm gonna skip to 10 days after that.

194
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:46,960
And I was done.

195
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:47,960
I was hungry.

196
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:48,960
I was tired.

197
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:49,960
I was angry.

198
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:50,960
I was bitter.

199
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:56,000
I was saying uncrushed like things and blame my wife for every little problem that came

200
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000
up.

201
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,000
I still smoked.

202
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,000
I didn't drink.

203
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000
I got that.

204
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,040
That was beat out of me a long time ago in the Navy.

205
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,540
That's another story.

206
00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:04,540
That's another story.

207
00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:06,960
And it wasn't physically beat out of me.

208
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,880
I was gonna clarify that.

209
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,200
And I went into the kitchen to go get something to eat.

210
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:17,160
I was fed up and I was gonna eat and I was gonna grab a cigarette like I always did.

211
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,120
And I went into the kitchen and no sooner did I take, I was in the kitchen.

212
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,640
And I couldn't have gone maybe three feet into the kitchen before I felt joy.

213
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,360
I felt satisfied.

214
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,000
I felt warm.

215
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,720
I felt whole.

216
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,480
And I couldn't explain why I felt such things.

217
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,280
And then as I was sitting there pondering this feeling that I got walking into the kitchen,

218
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,600
you know, thinking maybe I was having a stroke or something because nothing is right.

219
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:46,000
Everything was, I mean, a complete reversal of everything that was.

220
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:53,560
And in my mind's eye, I could see myself lying prone on the floor, but from the perspective

221
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:57,560
of something standing over me from behind.

222
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:02,280
And I could hear myself tell Jesus that I wanted relationships and so bad that I was

223
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,680
worth dying for.

224
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:09,400
And then I could hear in the back of my head a voice that said, I want it more.

225
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,080
And man, that changed everything.

226
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,920
I was dumbfounded.

227
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:17,960
And that's really where the beginning of my Christian faith, I feel, started for me.

228
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:18,960
Right?

229
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,600
I feel that it had locked something when I was in the Navy, right?

230
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,600
That I invited him in.

231
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,080
He did not take that lightly, even though I did.

232
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:32,320
And when I was in the other church and I started volunteering, I give my life to McGenna's

233
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:39,080
baptized there, that even though I could not understand, he was still feeding me.

234
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,080
I never got discipled by another person.

235
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:47,400
I realized that that is not something you should do because so many people fall away

236
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:48,400
that aren't discipled.

237
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:52,560
Like, you wouldn't have a baby and then leave the baby on the floor and say, hey, I'll be

238
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:53,560
back in 21 years.

239
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:54,560
Good luck.

240
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,360
You'd be a good productive member of society.

241
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,360
It's so good.

242
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,360
Bye.

243
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,360
Right?

244
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,280
It's irresponsible to leave somebody without discipleship.

245
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:08,800
And I had it for over a decade without discipleship and finally God stepped in and discipled me

246
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:09,800
himself.

247
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,200
But just a little bit, but it was enough to encourage me to, you know, you never forget

248
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,360
when God speaks to you.

249
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,880
I promise you.

250
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:20,840
And you truly have a deeper relationship with Jesus when you have that experiential memory

251
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,400
with Jesus.

252
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:28,360
And so I completed the 40-day fast, but on this 40-day fast, I had a lot of encounters

253
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:33,480
with God, one of which was he impressed upon me the importance of the Sabbath.

254
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,720
And so I said, I need to find a good Sabbath church, a good Saturday church.

255
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,640
I didn't know anything about anything as far as that goes.

256
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,520
And I told my wife we should look into it.

257
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:46,160
And so she just Googled immediately and there was one within a walking distance from our

258
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:50,720
house that was a storefront little seven-day Adventist church.

259
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,600
So we went to this church and man, it was a hot mess of churches.

260
00:12:54,600 --> 00:13:00,600
It was a storefront church and they catered to a group of people that was unlike any church

261
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:05,320
that you would go to on a Sunday, you know, in this place, in this place where the addicts

262
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:11,760
or the alcoholics were the poor and disenfranchised were the broken people, like the lowest of

263
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:12,760
the low.

264
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:17,600
And I thought, man, it really put things in perspective when you consider all the people

265
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,520
to go to your mainstream church.

266
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,800
And then you go here like this and you just finally realize for the first time that, you

267
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,640
know, Jesus is for everybody, right?

268
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:31,160
But you never consider everybody when you're only surrounded by those that are like you.

269
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:36,520
And it really helped, I feel that Jesus impressed upon me this Sabbath, not just because he

270
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:40,760
wants us to remember and keep it holy, but because he wanted me to see that side of the

271
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:41,760
coin.

272
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,440
He wanted me to be in that spot.

273
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:47,040
And so now I'm under the firm belief that you can only love Jesus as much as you love

274
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,760
the least of these.

275
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,720
And I try to live that way.

276
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:56,120
And so also on this fast, I would get up in the morning, like at three o'clock in the

277
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,280
morning and I didn't know why.

278
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,600
And I thought maybe it's because I was hungry and my body was like rebelling against my

279
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,360
spirit because I was starving it out and didn't like it.

280
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:08,880
And so it was putting up the last good hurrah, you know, and I would get up at three and

281
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,840
it happened a couple of times and by the time the third time happened, I was like, Hey,

282
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:12,840
I know what's going on here.

283
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,280
So I woke up and I'm like, here I am, Lord, right?

284
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,280
I didn't hear anything back, right?

285
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,920
It is a good up and go, right?

286
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:18,920
It's nothing.

287
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,240
But I just assumed it was him.

288
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,400
And so I'd walk around the streets of Carnegie at three o'clock in the morning.

289
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,920
Thank goodness the police didn't come around thinking I was like, it's just an addict trying

290
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,400
to find his way home.

291
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:33,240
And so I'm walking these streets and I'm talking to him and, you know, I obviously did most

292
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,240
of the talking.

293
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,920
I didn't hear a whole lot coming back from him.

294
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:40,160
You know, I can't say that I heard this booming voice of God as he walked beside me.

295
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,360
That had been cool.

296
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,480
But I remember one day in particular I was walking and it was a light rain and it was

297
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,480
cool outside.

298
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,400
It was a warm winter.

299
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,800
And so I was walking history.

300
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:50,800
There's no snow.

301
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,160
It was light rain.

302
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:56,440
And as I was walking, I asked him why he gets me up in the morning.

303
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,440
I was like, why do you pick?

304
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,960
Like, I feel like I'm doing all talk.

305
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,720
Why are you getting me up in the morning at three o'clock?

306
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,040
Right?

307
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:08,360
And I could just feel, I could feel him saying because I love you.

308
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:12,640
And thanks to the relationship that I have with my father, I felt I didn't deserve his

309
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,880
love because I didn't do anything.

310
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:20,240
So I put my head down kind of in shame because I don't, is this like, oh, I can't take that.

311
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,840
And no sooner I looked down and I, at my feet on the asphalt, glistening with the little

312
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,280
blue of the water, it was a spray-painted white heart at my feet.

313
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,760
And man, I was like, this is incredible.

314
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,480
Like we're an incredible God we have.

315
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,480
And at that point is when he's like, right here.

316
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,680
And he knew what I was going to do.

317
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,520
He knew what my action was going to be.

318
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,200
And he still chose to force me to see him loving me.

319
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,400
And he knew what I was going to do.

320
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,680
That just blows my mind.

321
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,840
They say coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous.

322
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:48,840
Oh, absolutely.

323
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,060
I don't play with coincidence.

324
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:57,200
And so I've been practicing and been in the faith stronger than that.

325
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,160
My patience had been well.

326
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,720
I was never afraid to share with people at work.

327
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:06,400
In fact, I love, and I'll take this the wrong way, but I love conflict.

328
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:11,160
And so when people say dumb things like, oh, hey, Christmas, because Jesus is like, oh,

329
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,360
oh, it's on.

330
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,800
Let's have this talk.

331
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,600
And I'm not angry with them, right?

332
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,560
Because I understand that they don't know.

333
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:23,440
And I'm firmly believe that the majority of atheists are only atheists because they had

334
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,200
a poor understanding who God was.

335
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,120
Maybe they weren't discipled correctly.

336
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,320
And then God didn't do what they thought he would do, right?

337
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,280
They had him painted in this box and God didn't operate to the parameters in this box and

338
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,520
they got mad at him.

339
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:40,480
And I firmly believe that we are spiritual beings, right?

340
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,840
God created us in his image, that's his spirit, that we're like little drops of water trying

341
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,520
to get back to the ocean, that we have the same quality of that spirit.

342
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,440
We just lack the quantity of that spirit.

343
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,000
He's a great big God.

344
00:16:53,000 --> 00:17:01,640
And so as we are going through our day-to-day activities, it's important to remember that

345
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,760
we are all of the same body.

346
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,040
It's just some people don't know it.

347
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:11,200
The difference between a Christian and an on-Christian, the biggest difference is that I know God

348
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,080
loves me, but they don't.

349
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:20,880
And if they would extend their hand and tell God, hey, I really want you in my life, nothing

350
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:21,880
can drive him out.

351
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:29,000
I see a lot of people, when their life changed, when they said, God, if you're real, I want

352
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,000
to see you.

353
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,320
Make yourself known to me.

354
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,720
And he never disappoints.

355
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,720
Yeah.

356
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,080
It's funny when I accepted him in the Navy that same year.

357
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,520
I woke up one morning and I didn't like who I saw, right?

358
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,440
I was like, I don't like this guy.

359
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,000
I don't know what I didn't like about me, right?

360
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,200
But I didn't like what I saw.

361
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,920
I didn't drink anymore.

362
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,240
And I stopped chasing women, right?

363
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,240
I didn't.

364
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,240
I didn't.

365
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,240
I just stopped.

366
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,240
It was like cold turkey.

367
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,400
I didn't try a relationship.

368
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,720
I didn't try going to the clubs.

369
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:00,720
None of it.

370
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,480
I had lost all interest in that activity.

371
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:09,280
And it wasn't until much later when I had asked God, after I'd been a Christian from

372
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:15,400
the last church for about a decade, I'd said, you know, why didn't you just show me yourself

373
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,400
sooner?

374
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,880
Like, wouldn't my life be a whole lot easier if you'd have just showed up, like at the

375
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:24,680
beginning, and then I could have avoided all this hot mess that caused me to have this

376
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,880
problem, this problem, this problem, this problem.

377
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,440
And of course, he didn't answer me.

378
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:34,680
And every time I had a hardship that I thought would have been solved if I'd have been a

379
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:40,560
Christian sooner, I would ask him that, and eventually he shut me up because I was called

380
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:46,360
to my memory every single instance in my life where he was that I rejected him.

381
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:52,280
And I mean from birth, because as I mentioned before, my mom was on heroin and she was an

382
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,280
alcoholic.

383
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,080
I was born addicted to nothing.

384
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,720
Also, I have an older sister.

385
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,240
After she was born, my dad had a vasectomy, one in a hundred million chance or so for

386
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,440
it to heal, and surprise, that would have been an awkward conversation at the dinner

387
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:07,600
table.

388
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,080
And so from birth, God is with me.

389
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,520
From birth.

390
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:17,120
And you know, all these people that say, hey, I found God at this point, or I found God

391
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:21,520
at this point, like I promise you God found you when he met you and your mother as well.

392
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,720
I promise you because I was here for a reason.

393
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,260
And I'm not even fully sure what that reason is.

394
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:32,360
I could be living part of that reason now, I could have had a multi-reason.

395
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:36,400
But as a result, I am who I am because of the past that I have.

396
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:40,560
And when I got to that point in my life where I was looking in a mirror in the Navy, I could

397
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,360
hear God tell me that it's not what he made me for.

398
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,640
And man, that really cut me deep, right?

399
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,800
I had done a lot of harm.

400
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:53,440
And I thought about other people that I had hurt with my words and thinking I am the worst

401
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,040
of the worst.

402
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,960
You know, I don't know the actions that I've done, but I've broken every commandment, like

403
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,120
every single one.

404
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:05,400
And it was really hard for me to take at that point that Jesus was still willing to pay

405
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,600
the price for me.

406
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,560
And it was a very humbling experience.

407
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:14,840
And I do recommend everybody ask God that too so he can show them where they failed.

408
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:20,240
And I know that you get those difficult people that say, oh, I don't like to pray for patience

409
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,000
because then God's gonna put you in positions.

410
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,320
Like pray for patience.

411
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,680
You want to grow there.

412
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:29,440
He's going to put you in positions where it tests it, but you want that pray for peace.

413
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,840
He's going to put you in positions that bring you chaos because he wants you to lean on

414
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,960
to him and to get that peace.

415
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,200
He wants you to lean on to him and gain that patience.

416
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,160
It's not because he wants you to suffer.

417
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,400
It's because he wants you to suffer no longer.

418
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,400
Amen.

419
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,600
That's the great way to end this.

420
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,600
Okay.

421
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:53,280
Now, we also want to end by saying that we have a give send go campaign.

422
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:59,720
If you'd like to help us with any prayers or financial contributions, just look up on

423
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,560
give send go, look up God's goodness podcast and you'll find us there.

424
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,640
So thank you so much for being with us.

425
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:10,840
In our next episode, we're going to have a little bit about me and my history and where

426
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:15,560
I've come from and what all that led us to where we're at today.

427
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:23,720
So thanks for coming.