1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,300
Hi, and welcome to the In the Cortex podcast.

2
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,300
We are your hosts.

3
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:11,640
I'm Paloma Garcia.

4
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,680
And I am Dani Pericone.

5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,600
And we're the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people

6
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,520
the tools that they need to change their lives through brain reorganization.

7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,920
No medication, just movement.

8
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:28,120
When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start

9
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,160
to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex.

10
00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:36,520
Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life.

11
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,120
And now on to today's episode.

12
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:46,960
Hello, and welcome to another episode of our podcast.

13
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:53,420
We are talking this week all about resistance to doing the work and also what we envision

14
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:54,600
when we're going about it.

15
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,460
So there's two parts to this, and we're going to break it down so we can really help you

16
00:00:58,460 --> 00:01:05,240
along this week of just understanding, hey, sometimes this stuff can just get hard and

17
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,320
life can get in the way.

18
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:11,080
And there's times where we're fully on that ITC train and we're fully committed.

19
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:14,200
And then there's times where we completely fall off.

20
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,800
And we can't just get ourselves to open our journal or even do a creeping lap.

21
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,580
And we just want to let you know it's totally cool.

22
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:21,580
We get you.

23
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:22,760
And this is what this episode's all about.

24
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:23,760
So tune in.

25
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,920
Always do your brain work while you're listening in.

26
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,200
And we're going to dive into it.

27
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,240
So let's talk about resistance.

28
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:36,640
What does it even mean to be resistant to something?

29
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,800
It just means that you're not really ready, right, ultimately.

30
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:45,880
And it means that there's part of you that just no matter what you try, and we've all

31
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,720
been there where you're like, I tried to do my schedule the day before.

32
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:54,360
I tried to wake up early and do this and that and blah, blah, blah, and you're just not

33
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,360
going to do it.

34
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,800
There's part of your brain that's like, absolutely not.

35
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,800
It's so frustrating.

36
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:02,760
I mean, I know a lot of the people listening have been there, right, where you're just

37
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,480
like, I just want to eat healthy.

38
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,280
I just want to do my brain work in the morning.

39
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,800
I just want to do this thing.

40
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,280
But there's just a part of your own self.

41
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,400
It's just like, no, that's not going to happen.

42
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,920
And it can be really confusing because you're like, where is that even coming from?

43
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,240
Like I want to do this change.

44
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,240
I want to feel better.

45
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,480
I want to continue on this train, but there's just something that's stopping me, right?

46
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:28,280
And so ultimately, the way that you and I interpret it always is that you're just not

47
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,280
ready.

48
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,720
There's part of your nervous system that's not there yet, right?

49
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:36,160
And I think that, you know, especially when you're doing the brain work and all of our

50
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:44,480
program, really, a lot of it is just changing such a huge part of who you've been for so

51
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,680
long, right?

52
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:50,640
You're changing your regulation, you're changing kind of your standard to where you want to

53
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:51,640
be.

54
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,600
You're changing your baseline of what life is like.

55
00:02:54,600 --> 00:03:00,960
And so a lot of us get stuck in this moment of like, why can't I move forward, right?

56
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:04,760
It's kind of like the plateau, but this is different because the plateau is like, I'm

57
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,760
doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, don't feel any changes.

58
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,160
This is like, I genuinely don't want to do it.

59
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:15,320
And it's just your nervous system really responding naturally to like, there's been so many changes.

60
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,680
I don't want to change that much that fast, right?

61
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,400
And so because it can be too much.

62
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,400
100%.

63
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,400
Yeah, we were just talking about this before we got on was like, if you go to a buffet

64
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,760
and you try to eat all the food in one go, like you literally can't.

65
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,120
You don't have a body that can hold it all at once.

66
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,400
And that's the same thing for life.

67
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,320
You just can't do all the changing all at once.

68
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:41,120
It has to be this gradual process of slowly making changes and tweaking, listening to

69
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,560
your body and saying, am I ready for this right now?

70
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,520
And so many times you and I sit down to go do a project that we have and we're both just

71
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,200
like, we're not there right now.

72
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,680
And otherwise, and then we'd be like beating our heads against the wall and like trying

73
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,160
to force ourselves through it.

74
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,160
But now we've learned so much that we're we're not there.

75
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:02,000
And we it would it would be better if we just took a step back, worked on ourselves, maybe

76
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,840
go inward, depends on where we are with a lot of things, and then approach it when we're

77
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,040
in like a more vibrant and excited space.

78
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:17,080
So the resistance is your key to understanding like, hey, I need to just not beat myself

79
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,280
up for not doing enough, but really ask myself why?

80
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,040
Like why do I feel resistant?

81
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,960
Because it's going to unlock for you a block.

82
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,840
It's going to help you see what part you're resistant to.

83
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:33,360
And like my favorite part of knowing when you're in a resistance space is when someone presents

84
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,200
an idea to you and you're like immediately know.

85
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,200
Like, yeah.

86
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,200
Like, nope, not even.

87
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,200
Nope, don't even want to address it.

88
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:46,000
And so you just have such a strong like, like, I'm not ready yet to talk about this.

89
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,920
And it can be frustrating when you're in relationships and like one partner has a lot of awareness

90
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,280
and the other one doesn't.

91
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,920
And you give ideas and they're like, nope, nope, nope, it's not that it's definitely

92
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,060
not that.

93
00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:59,160
And so that's where you have to work on if you're in a relationship, holding space for

94
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:03,420
that person to like figure it out when they're ready and knowing that.

95
00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:05,840
So there's that big piece of whoever you're with.

96
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,520
It could be your kids, it could be a partner.

97
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:13,800
And it's just knowing, OK, I need to work on holding space and allowing them to figure

98
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,840
this out when they're ready, because how many times have we talked about something to somebody

99
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:23,160
over and over and then maybe a year later, they're like, oh, I get it now.

100
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,240
And you're like, I've been saying this for a year.

101
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,240
And OK, cool.

102
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,240
So true.

103
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,960
It happens to take that personally, too.

104
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,760
You know, you're like, how did you get to you 7000 times?

105
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,080
Like, why are you just doing it now?

106
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,800
And it's happened to you and me so many times with ITC when people are like, oh, somebody

107
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:41,800
told me I did your program.

108
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,160
And so now I'm going to check it out.

109
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,720
You're like, oh, I've been telling you for years.

110
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,720
Yeah.

111
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:47,720
Great.

112
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:48,720
Jump on in.

113
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:49,720
They weren't ready.

114
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:50,720
They just weren't ready.

115
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,840
And so I think you and I have gotten to a point where we don't take that personally anymore.

116
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,120
But it's hard to do that.

117
00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:04,760
Because it's like the brain is only going to listen to what it's able to.

118
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:05,760
Right.

119
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:10,960
Like, there's just stuff that you're genuinely your brain isn't even ready to process it,

120
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,640
to even open itself up to that idea.

121
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,640
Right.

122
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,160
And so that's happened to you and me a lot.

123
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,960
But I think a lot of people listening can think of many examples that they've had where

124
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,760
they've been in that position where they're trying to tell somebody about something, whether

125
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,600
it's about self-development or not, right?

126
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,960
Whether it's a new restaurant, whatever, a new movie or something.

127
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:32,960
Program.

128
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:33,960
Yeah, exactly.

129
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:38,160
Like, it's so funny how we just are just not ready sometimes.

130
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:43,160
And then also, I think looking at the part of ourselves that's not ready is a big deal

131
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,160
too.

132
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:45,160
It's a big component as well.

133
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,200
Because that's kind of what I was saying at the beginning is that there is a piece of

134
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,320
you that subconsciously is avoiding this for a reason.

135
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,360
And so you might not always know the reason.

136
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,480
Sometimes you're just like, okay, part of me just really doesn't want to do this right

137
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,480
now.

138
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,480
And so what you do is you take a break.

139
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,160
That's the whole point of our program is that it's lifetime access.

140
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,520
So if you don't do it for a couple of weeks, that's fine.

141
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,560
You won't feel the changes for those weeks, but that's okay because you're letting your

142
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,360
nervous system kind of fall into a new level of regulation.

143
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,360
Right?

144
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,260
Because you never know, it might be overwhelmed.

145
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:18,260
It might be tired.

146
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:20,160
You might be feeling overly sensitive.

147
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,920
You might be going through a big transition in your life and your nervous system is like,

148
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,520
I can't also do this at the same time.

149
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:27,520
Right?

150
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,520
And so that's where you have to work with yourself and hold space for that part of yourself

151
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:32,920
that's not ready.

152
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,320
Because one day they are going to be ready and it's going to be like, boom, right?

153
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,960
It's happened to you and me so many times.

154
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,440
To our members where they're like, why didn't I even think of this before?

155
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,600
We're like, that's because that was your brain.

156
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:45,600
Right?

157
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,840
We just got an email yesterday from somebody who was like, Hey, I signed up a million years

158
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,240
ago and now I'm ready to start.

159
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,240
Just want to let you guys know.

160
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,240
We're like, great.

161
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:57,560
You know, it's really, really important to not beat ourselves up with that kind of stuff

162
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:03,340
and just understand that these are changes that are here for life.

163
00:08:03,340 --> 00:08:04,940
It's not just a program.

164
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:09,000
It's not just a thing like, Oh, I did this thing for six months and now I'm done.

165
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,000
Right?

166
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,000
It truly is a lifestyle.

167
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,000
And so understanding what the ins and outs are always going to be of that.

168
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000
Right?

169
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,680
And we just like, you know, with anything we go through ups and downs, we go through

170
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,680
ins and outs.

171
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:20,680
Right?

172
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:24,720
And that's, that's really important to always, always be very mindful of that with ourselves.

173
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:25,720
Totally.

174
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:29,200
And it's like the simple law of physics is the harder you push on something, the harder

175
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,200
it pushes back.

176
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:35,560
And so resistance, if you don't honor it and see it right away, you can keep pushing, pushing,

177
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:36,560
pushing.

178
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,760
And then what happens a lot of times you go into burnout or then you go into fall outs

179
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:44,080
of relationships or you like so many things come out of that because the energy has to

180
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,080
go somewhere.

181
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:49,360
So if you don't learn to see that, like maybe I'm pushing and this happened to me, like

182
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:53,160
on my own personal journey with my kids and doing brain work, it was so important for

183
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:57,320
me to not push on them, but to get me.

184
00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:02,320
And then it's been in like every relationship I encounter, like ones that I've had for 30

185
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,600
years where I'm like, I just wish you would do your brain work because I just know all

186
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:09,580
of the things that you're struggling with daily would dissipate and your life would

187
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:10,720
get easier.

188
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:15,360
And then having to be able to go into that space of like, okay, the harder I keep pushing

189
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,560
on it, the more that person is going to keep pushing back and saying, no, I don't want

190
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:19,560
to do it.

191
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:24,520
And then once you remove all the resistance and truly becoming unattached, that's like

192
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:29,320
the key that's like when you read the book, Letting Go is when you just can unattach,

193
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,240
detach yourself from the outcome, right?

194
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,200
Where you're like, you're on your own journey.

195
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,880
And I've experienced this so many times now where instead of pushing somebody harder into

196
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,920
something, I work on detaching and just going, okay, this is their journey.

197
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,360
My journey is mine.

198
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,360
Theirs is theirs.

199
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,080
And even if I'm a parent and I'm like, I'm in charge of your journey, I'm ultimately

200
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,520
not I'm here to guide.

201
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:55,760
And so when you can shift into that space of I am here to support you when you're ready

202
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,600
for me, but I'm going to go work on myself.

203
00:09:58,600 --> 00:09:59,600
That's all I can do right now.

204
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,880
I can go focus on me.

205
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,800
And then if I hit my point of resistance and I take a step back, I look at it right.

206
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:10,680
And eventually you'll get to a point where the resistance completely lifts on one area.

207
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,040
And then you'll have resistance in a different area.

208
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:17,120
One area that's important to mention because it's never going to fully, fully lift because

209
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,120
once again, you're humans.

210
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,720
It's just always going to be something right.

211
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:29,240
And I think, you know, going back to the reason that our program is designed the way it is,

212
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:34,520
I meant to mention this earlier, we worked at places where and we used to work this way.

213
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:42,360
When it was just doing me in San Diego, where it was like we would force these kids to do

214
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,360
the movements.

215
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,480
I know we've talked about this on the podcast before.

216
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:46,720
And I know we bring this up a lot.

217
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:51,280
It's just like every time I think about it, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe we do

218
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,280
that.

219
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:56,080
I know you would tell the parents like you have they have to do it.

220
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,760
It's a non negotiable every single day.

221
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,840
If they don't do it, they don't get this or that.

222
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:08,600
Like it really started to become even like just a negative way more resistance for these

223
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,600
kids.

224
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,600
Exactly.

225
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:11,600
And it became very negative.

226
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:15,120
So of course they still were going to see the differences in certain sense in a certain

227
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:16,120
sense.

228
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:21,680
But you know that the kid who's being forced to do this negatively and you know that the

229
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:26,280
changes that they're going to see are not exactly going to they're not going to stick

230
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,840
and they're not going to be like real.

231
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:29,840
Right.

232
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:34,560
So you're forcing and they have a negative connection with this thing that they're doing,

233
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:35,920
even though it's for their own good.

234
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:40,000
And so that's where I think what you said earlier is so important is that parents, I

235
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:44,600
think, are the ones that struggle with this the most because who is your biggest responsibility

236
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,600
in the world?

237
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:46,600
Your child.

238
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,600
Right.

239
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,560
And so you want to be like, but do this.

240
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:50,680
It's going to be so good for you.

241
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:51,680
I know it.

242
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:52,680
I did it myself.

243
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,680
It's so good for me.

244
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:59,400
And you know, it's just if they're not ready for it, they're just not ready for it.

245
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:04,560
And I know it's so frustrating and so hard to be like, but I but I bought this program,

246
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:08,640
but I just started, but I wanted to do this for the next, you know, for the summer.

247
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,040
This was my plan.

248
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,880
And if it doesn't work out, you have to find what will work.

249
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:14,880
Right.

250
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,000
So that's where we can get more into the strategies a little bit later.

251
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:22,260
But I think also, like you said, removing the pressure of like this child represents

252
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,260
something about me.

253
00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:24,260
Right.

254
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,260
They are their own person.

255
00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:29,560
And I understand that that's really hard for a lot of parents to to get to.

256
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:33,800
But the moment you do get to that point of being like, oh, of course, I love them and

257
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,840
I protect them and they're my family and they're everything.

258
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,640
But they don't represent anything about me.

259
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,920
Like detaching that right from yourself.

260
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,720
Children will model your behavior.

261
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:44,720
Right.

262
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,440
So as and when and we say this all the time, if you're in a good space, you're regulated,

263
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,480
you're aligned as a parent, your children are more likely be regulated and aligned.

264
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,840
If you're dysregulated and out of alignment, then they'll be more dysregulated and out

265
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:56,840
of alignment.

266
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,080
But it doesn't work the other way around.

267
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,080
Right.

268
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:04,520
So like if a parent's behavior is one thing, they're not attaching it to is that what you're

269
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,520
saying?

270
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,880
Like if like a representation of the child.

271
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,320
But I do think that it exists.

272
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,320
Right.

273
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:15,160
So like there's so much of parenting and I've experienced this because my children will

274
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,240
say things that I'm like, where did that come from?

275
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,040
And then I will finally look in a mirror and I'm like, it came from me.

276
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,040
Holy cow.

277
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,040
I didn't even know I was doing that.

278
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,200
I didn't have.

279
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:27,440
So you gain a lot of self-awareness because your kids will reflect back to you what you're

280
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,600
doing.

281
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:34,320
And so I do think there is a massive element of parenting that needs to have the parent

282
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:38,240
looking at their behaviors because our kids are modeling them.

283
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,940
And so there's so many times I meet kids and it's a two part thing that kid could have

284
00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:47,160
a really disorganized brain and then they could be highlighting all the negative behaviors

285
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,160
that their parents doing.

286
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,160
Right.

287
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,760
And then they could be taking something that their parents says and bringing it to a different

288
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:57,520
event and like then they express that and you're like, where did you learn that?

289
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,880
And so oftentimes it does come down to the parent and it's such a subconscious thing.

290
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:02,880
Right.

291
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,800
So that's where we have to model what we want our kids to do.

292
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:11,280
Because how many times do I tell my kids to go clean up their room and how many times

293
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:12,980
do they always listen to me?

294
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:14,720
It's a smaller percentage.

295
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:19,880
So when I model a clean room, when I model how to clean up after myself, that's what

296
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:20,880
they're seeing.

297
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,440
They're not doing as you're telling them to do.

298
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,080
You're doing as you're doing.

299
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,080
Right.

300
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:30,840
And so there is that piece of it, but not always is it the case.

301
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:31,840
Right.

302
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:36,360
There are kids that do have a lot of dysregulation and what's happening is it's triggering in

303
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,400
the parents like, I don't know what to do with this.

304
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,000
I don't know how to help you.

305
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:44,120
And that often escalates the child into more of that.

306
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:51,640
But back to the resistance piece, like when we would and I still cringe when I think about

307
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:56,640
what we would do in the past of how we were trained to like get kids to do certain movements

308
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,760
and how they would scream and cry it out.

309
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:03,880
And I'm like, I'm so grateful that I have learned a different approach of being more

310
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,720
at peace and ease.

311
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:12,040
So many times I can feel this in my own system where I'm like today, I need to focus on me.

312
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:18,480
So if I start asking my kids and I enroll them in my brain work, I already know my bandwidth

313
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,480
can't handle it.

314
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,840
And I'm like, if I start, it's going to turn into like a pushback and then it's going to

315
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,680
turn into more resistance of them wanting to do it.

316
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:30,440
When I really work on me being excited and I talk about my why, I talk about why I love

317
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,440
doing my brain work.

318
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,320
I don't actually love the act of creeping.

319
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,160
Well, I do now, but I didn't in the beginning.

320
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:40,240
But when I actually like think about creeping gives me the ability to pause.

321
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,360
Creeping gives me the ability to not have those reactions.

322
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:48,200
Creeping gives me the ability to stay present and mindful and like really enjoy life for

323
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,200
what it is.

324
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:53,480
If I hold that in my mind while I'm doing my creeping, I have less resistance because

325
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:57,960
I'm thinking about why I'm doing this, why, why it's helping me.

326
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:02,840
And then I talk incessantly with it, with my kids about why they're doing it.

327
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:08,980
And we never point people out in like a shameful way of like, Hey, that person that just kind

328
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,600
of lost their cool at the grocery store.

329
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:16,800
We talk about like why that's happening, not like that person, such a horrible person.

330
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,720
We talk about why it's happening.

331
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:24,000
So then they start to see other humans of like, oh, they're having a massive human emotion,

332
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,560
like take them over.

333
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,920
And the reason we do our brain work is so those emotions don't overtake us.

334
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,320
So I love to talk about the why with my kids.

335
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:33,560
We talk about it all the time.

336
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:38,600
And then when my kids like when Axel had his massive baseball growth year, he was like,

337
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,360
it's because I did my brain work, mom, right?

338
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,360
It's because I did my brain work.

339
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,400
And then like Siggy's learning how to swim.

340
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:47,000
And we're like, the more brain work you do, the more you can overcome it because really

341
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,820
it's all in your mind.

342
00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:50,560
It's amazing what your mind can do.

343
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:55,000
So if you can start talking to yourself in a really positive way of why you're doing

344
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,880
this and why it's connecting to make your life easier, it just gets easier.

345
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,640
It reduces a lot of the resistance.

346
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:01,640
So we encourage you.

347
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:06,760
And that's why we always, yeah, that's why we always encourage our members to do a gratitude

348
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,560
journal and just like be grateful for all the change that they're feeling.

349
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,240
They're feeling and also talk about their changes with people or write them in their

350
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,280
journal, right?

351
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:21,160
Like any small thing, even if you're just like, oh, I normally would have been so annoyed

352
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,160
that my husband said this and I'm not today.

353
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,160
Write it down.

354
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,680
Remember it because it's all about the small things.

355
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:33,160
Some people think that it's going to be like this huge, you know, we have two types of

356
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,160
people.

357
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:38,080
One of them is a person who's like afraid of any kind of change.

358
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,440
You're like, oh, no, I don't want my life to change.

359
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,440
I don't want to do this.

360
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:41,440
This is scary.

361
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,600
I'm not ready for it.

362
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,320
And then we have the other kind who is like, give it to me.

363
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,020
I'm ready for everything to change.

364
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:49,360
I'm ready for it.

365
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,360
Right.

366
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:54,280
And so what happens is, of course, typically because that's, you know, the lessons that

367
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,240
we have to learn in life for the person who's not ready for change, they're going to see

368
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:04,440
the most insane, huge life changing, you know, behaviors with their brain work.

369
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:05,440
Right.

370
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,440
Like they're going to everything's going to change for them.

371
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,960
And for the people who are like, give it to me.

372
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,760
I'm so ready for the change.

373
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,880
The changes are going to be so subtle.

374
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:12,880
Right.

375
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,520
Not always, but a lot of the time.

376
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,360
And so that's where the lesson is, is what are you focusing on?

377
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,800
What where what are you envisioning for yourself?

378
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:21,800
Right.

379
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,240
Like if you envision this change of this, everything's going to be different.

380
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:29,720
It's easy to feed into like magical thinking and being like, well, when I do my brain work,

381
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,160
everything will be better and everything will be perfect.

382
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:36,000
And so when everything isn't perfect after four weeks, you're like, what's going on?

383
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:40,120
But then once you look back, you're like, wait, I didn't snap on my kids.

384
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,000
I was able to have a conversation with this person.

385
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,720
I didn't have road rage yesterday.

386
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,520
I'm sleeping so much better.

387
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,920
Like all the little things you're like, wait, that is the change.

388
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:49,920
Right.

389
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:54,920
And then also where it's important to look at, like, what do you envision for your life?

390
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:55,920
Right.

391
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,280
And that's why we want to talk about that with the resistance, because it goes hand

392
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,280
in hand.

393
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:03,880
Part of what resisting has to do with what you're envisioning for, not just this program,

394
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,960
but for you as a person and looking really at the nitty gritty.

395
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:08,960
Right.

396
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:13,120
Because a lot of the times that's where we're going to truly see the differences.

397
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,280
It's just in the way it's in the way you wake up.

398
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,640
It's in your mood in the morning and throughout the day.

399
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,720
It's in the funny thing that somebody said and you laughed instead of being annoyed about

400
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:24,720
it.

401
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:25,720
Right.

402
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,240
Like it's just small, small, small things often.

403
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:31,520
It's not always going to be this huge turnaround, like with Axel's baseball thing or like a

404
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:35,160
huge, you know, with you when you stopped, stopped having anxiety attacks.

405
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,160
Right.

406
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,120
Like it's not always going to be that huge thing.

407
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,120
Right.

408
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,120
So it doesn't always have to be these massive things.

409
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,760
But one of our members just said something that was so like eye opening because she was

410
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:48,880
talking to her therapist and she was like, yeah, Danny keeps saying there's going to

411
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:54,240
be this shift and this big change, but it's really the absence of something.

412
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,600
So like, and that was me.

413
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,600
Right.

414
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,980
It was like I all of a sudden stopped having anxiety.

415
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:00,980
It just went away.

416
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:02,960
And I was like, how is this possible?

417
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:03,960
Right.

418
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,800
And then the reactions just went away and they turned into responses and they turned

419
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,000
into taking a pause.

420
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,600
So it's like you lose a lot of things that are creating a lot of friction in your life.

421
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,680
And it's so cool because like you just said, our brains are primed and wired to find what's

422
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:19,680
wrong.

423
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,680
Right.

424
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,760
And oftentimes when you look at your resistance, what are you resisting?

425
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,760
Right.

426
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,440
It's it is it getting out of comfort zone.

427
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,440
Right.

428
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,880
And you know, and you're still like, but and then there's that self sabotage that'll kick

429
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,640
in and it's like, even if I do that, I might still fail.

430
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,640
Right.

431
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:37,880
Because you're connected to the negative.

432
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,360
It's a self preservation mode.

433
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:45,620
And so when you start to really look at what am I actually resisting and why it'll help

434
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:50,400
you start to figure out, OK, there could be this block here.

435
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,280
And then when you do your brain work and you do your crawling, it'll help you be able to

436
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,300
have the ability to follow through on things.

437
00:20:56,300 --> 00:21:00,720
So there's so much happening with your subconscious, with your conscious mind, with your actual

438
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,120
physical brain work.

439
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,600
There's so much interwoven into it.

440
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:09,040
So we always tell you really take the time like Paloma said, write down all the positive

441
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,600
things, talk about your why.

442
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,040
Why are you doing this?

443
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,440
And really ask other people like, have you seen a difference in me?

444
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,480
Like, do you see anything shifting in me?

445
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:22,760
Because when you get that outside feedback coming to you, you're like, oh, yeah, I am

446
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,080
showing up a lot calmer.

447
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,760
I am acting this way differently.

448
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:32,240
And that's why we have a second person assessment in our programs, because we love it when because

449
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:37,000
we don't see a lot of the things in ourselves that other people see.

450
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,800
And so that's where it's really cool to start to get that feedback from other people.

451
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,440
And so in terms of coming up with some strategies for when you do feel the resistance and you're

452
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,080
like, OK, I want to get around this.

453
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,680
How do I do it?

454
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,200
There's definitely a few things that you can do.

455
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:56,720
First thing, like Danny was saying, is just always remind yourself why you're doing this,

456
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:57,720
right?

457
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,640
Just why, why, why, why, why?

458
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,640
And write it down somewhere.

459
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,740
Put it somewhere you can see it in the morning on your mirror.

460
00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:10,880
When you're brushing your teeth, you can be like, OK, this is why I'm doing this program.

461
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:18,280
And when we get more into the specifics or more concrete things, there's something called

462
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,920
temptation bundling, which I love.

463
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:26,360
And we actually like to call it fundal bundling because temptation is a little out there.

464
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,360
Thank you, Michael Scott.

465
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:35,520
We want to make it so you have something that you really love to do that's really motivating

466
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,520
to you.

467
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,780
You're bundling it together with this, with the brain work.

468
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:42,900
So you find a show that you really, really, really, really love and you're only watching

469
00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:45,160
it right after you do your brain work or during.

470
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,240
I mean, we don't always want to have a screen in front of us.

471
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:51,280
But if that's the only way you're going to do it, then it's better than nothing.

472
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,160
Or you have this amazing podcast that you love.

473
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,400
You only do it.

474
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,600
You only listen to it when you're doing your brain work.

475
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:02,360
Same, it can be like a board game or for kids, it can be like the funnest thing ever.

476
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,560
They love doing pillow fights.

477
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,360
And so they only get to do them when they're doing their brain work.

478
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,240
Or a specific blanket ride that kids love.

479
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:14,160
Whatever the favorite thing is, like talking to a specific friend that lives far away,

480
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,880
you only do it when you're doing your brain work.

481
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:21,160
That kind of stuff is going to make it easier for you to start to actually love the brain

482
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,200
or start to love the brain work.

483
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:29,120
Like Jenny said, it's not always easy to love creeping, but you'll start to love it because

484
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:30,240
you're associating it.

485
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,760
Your brain is associating it with something that really already loves.

486
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,000
100%.

487
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,440
And this is like, so the same thing too, is so many times people always will immediately

488
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:45,720
have all these excuses for us as to why they don't want to dive into this work.

489
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:51,040
And we've made it like, we've taken that resistance obstacle and lowered it so, so low.

490
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,400
Our program is so affordable.

491
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:58,000
And then once they realize the money excuse doesn't work on our program anymore, then

492
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,600
they go for, I don't have time.

493
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,760
And we're like, well, what do you spend your time on?

494
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,440
And I'm like, cause I see, maybe I follow you on social media.

495
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,640
You spend a lot of time doing a lot of things.

496
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,400
Like, so is it just not a priority for you yet?

497
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:11,400
Right?

498
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,400
So it's about, right?

499
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,960
Cause time is all an illusion.

500
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,280
We all have time if we want to make the time for it.

501
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:22,640
That is literally undeniable in every aspect of life because we all take the time to sit

502
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,760
down and relax every once in a while, unless you literally work five jobs and you, you

503
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:27,800
really don't have time.

504
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,360
And I mean, I'm working two jobs.

505
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:31,360
I have two small kids.

506
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:35,160
You know, I just keep taking on more things, but I can still make time for my brain work

507
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,200
because it's such an important priority for me.

508
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,040
So this isn't to make you feel bad, but it's just to kind of call you out.

509
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,440
If you're like, I just don't have time.

510
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,680
It's like, okay, get us on the phone and let's use a free 15 minute call right now and tell

511
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:49,000
us what your schedule looks like and tell us how you don't have time.

512
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,640
And then we'll be able to find a 20 minute window in there.

513
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,600
And it doesn't have to be 20 consecutive minutes.

514
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,280
It could be five, five, five, five, right?

515
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:57,920
It could be broken up throughout your day.

516
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,600
So it's completely something that is all an illusion.

517
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:06,840
So you can make it work with, you know, a great time blocking technique.

518
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:11,280
And this is what I've been having to work on more with just work stuff from 11 to 12.

519
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,200
I'm focused on emails from this to this.

520
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:14,520
I'm focused on that.

521
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:20,960
So it does require like, this is such a catch 22 with an disorganized brain is you do need

522
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,180
to have some ability to plan in order to get it in.

523
00:25:24,180 --> 00:25:29,240
And so if you're finding yourself struggling to get it in and find the time for it, drop

524
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,900
it into the WhatsApp group.

525
00:25:30,900 --> 00:25:32,640
Let us know what your challenge is.

526
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,080
Book a free 15 minute call.

527
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,160
We offer this to our members just to get a jumpstart.

528
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:41,720
Sometimes we also offer one on one coaching and so many members have gone so much further

529
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:46,160
in their program because they're booking the one on one calls and then they're getting

530
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,440
specified help that's just in their lives.

531
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:53,680
And then they have more accountability with myself or Paloma and the people who book the

532
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,600
calls take themselves to like the next level.

533
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:02,320
So yes, we highly recommend investing in it because you're saving yourself so much time,

534
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,440
money and energy by getting ahead of it in that sense.

535
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,040
So those are two really important things.

536
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:12,000
There's also a lot of resistance that comes up with kids.

537
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:17,920
And yes, when I'm working and when Paloma works with kids, but when we both work with

538
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,480
kids that are not our own, it's so much easier.

539
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:28,480
It's obviously not emotional at all, but when I work with my own kids, I would recognize

540
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,320
that there would be emotions like just do it.

541
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:32,320
Come on.

542
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,960
What's the big deal?

543
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:34,960
And I'm not going to lie.

544
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,040
I had a lot of those moments too, because I'm a human.

545
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:42,280
But the more I worked on regulating me and the more I just said, you know what, I have

546
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:47,440
to take care of me first, but the oxygen mask on me, my resistance with my kids dropped

547
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:48,440
drastically.

548
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,360
Now, me and the kids get up in the morning, we come in, we do our brain work.

549
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,360
Boom, boom, boom.

550
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:54,360
There's no fighting.

551
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:55,360
There's no whining.

552
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:58,320
I do allow my kids to have some ownership in it.

553
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,840
And maybe my daughter goes, you know what, Mom, today I just want to do five creeps,

554
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,240
five crawls and five exploding or 10 exploding rocks.

555
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:05,800
I'm like, OK, cool.

556
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:06,800
I'll take that.

557
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,560
And I'm not going to I'm not going to push her on certain things because her being a

558
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,120
brachioradial cortex.

559
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:16,080
If we're having a lot of like I walk into the room, I don't know why I just walked in

560
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,080
here.

561
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,240
I'm fighting with my brother over a lot of things.

562
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:23,320
And I'm like, we need to amp it up because exactly I can see that the behavior is not

563
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,520
matching and we need to give you more support.

564
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,200
And that's where you you can ask kids why, like especially when they're at an age where

565
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,640
they can communicate that, like why don't you want to do it?

566
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,560
Like genuinely tell me what's the reason.

567
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:35,560
Right.

568
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:41,800
And a lot of the time they'll a lot of the time they'll just say because it's dumb.

569
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:46,480
I don't like it because it's not for you know, I don't need it anymore or whatever.

570
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,120
Like, OK, sure.

571
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,040
And that's where you you really get really clear on the examples.

572
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,040
Right.

573
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,400
And so the next time you hear the whining, the next time you hear the fighting, the next

574
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,280
time they're resisting cleaning up their murder, you're like, you're sure about that with the

575
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:00,280
brain work?

576
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:01,800
And obviously you're not doing it in like a mean way.

577
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:02,800
Like ha ha ha.

578
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:03,800
I caught you.

579
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,920
But just showing them the examples.

580
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:10,340
And that's why we always say to parents, you have to be super consistent about letting

581
00:28:10,340 --> 00:28:14,240
them know when you're seeing the positive changes, just like you want somebody else

582
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:15,800
to tell you as an adult.

583
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,720
You have to tell them, oh, my gosh, you just cleaned up your room and I didn't have to

584
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:19,720
ask you.

585
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:20,720
That is amazing.

586
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,200
That is your cortex.

587
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,200
That's your brain.

588
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,200
We're coming in.

589
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,720
So they start to connect the dots and they're not always going to care about that because

590
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:28,720
they're kids.

591
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,280
It's like, hi, I'm seven.

592
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,280
I don't care about that.

593
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,760
You think I think about my my my long term success.

594
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,560
I'm just thinking right now about playing Minecraft.

595
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:41,080
Like lady, you know, so that's also where you have to sometimes be like, OK, this is

596
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:42,520
not choose your battles.

597
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:43,520
Right.

598
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,280
This is not the moment and you know your kids so well, you know, when they're going to be

599
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,280
receptive to that and when they're not.

600
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:53,080
So if they do need to take a little break a week, two weeks, they're going to feel the

601
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:59,040
dysregulation to be ready to come back on onto the onto the brain work train.

602
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,520
And that's also, you know, you and I were talking about this yesterday is that it's

603
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:03,520
funny with siblings.

604
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,360
It's like sometimes one is on and one is off.

605
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,300
And it's like they take turns.

606
00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:09,520
It's so funny.

607
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,600
Like I would love to like look into this a little bit more because I'm sure a lot of

608
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:19,000
people have studied it, but it's such a common like human thing that we do.

609
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,840
It's like, oh, she's putting on a pressure on mom, so I'm not going to do it.

610
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,720
And then you're like, wait, now actually, I'm ready to put on some pressure.

611
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:29,140
It's like it's safe now for me to go ahead and release a little bit.

612
00:29:29,140 --> 00:29:31,920
It's almost like they know it's like we're a unit, right?

613
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:36,520
There's like that symbiotic thing happening in the home where like, you know, if one person's

614
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:42,160
taking a lot of the resources, then we have to split within the tribe of like not everyone

615
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,600
can fall apart because then our tribe would fall apart.

616
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:45,600
Right.

617
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,000
So if there's like that role, like if there's like that space where it's like, oh, it's

618
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,080
my turn to kind of let go a little bit.

619
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:54,680
And actually, now that we say this and we're kind of talking about it, I see it with siblings.

620
00:29:54,680 --> 00:30:00,980
I see it with even partners like partners out me and like Sam, you and I, too.

621
00:30:00,980 --> 00:30:01,980
Sometimes you'll be losing it.

622
00:30:01,980 --> 00:30:02,980
I'm like, yeah, totally.

623
00:30:02,980 --> 00:30:06,380
Like, that's just the thing about being a human. Right.

624
00:30:06,380 --> 00:30:10,160
And it's like and as we partnerships are so great because then you have that with each

625
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,160
other.

626
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,860
It's like we all can support.

627
00:30:12,860 --> 00:30:14,740
It's like we're all trying to work as a team.

628
00:30:14,740 --> 00:30:15,740
And we say that all the time.

629
00:30:15,740 --> 00:30:19,840
Me and my kids talk about being a team all the time because we are a team.

630
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,260
One person will be lower energy and then we have to step up.

631
00:30:23,260 --> 00:30:27,920
And I just noticed, like, as I've been shifting more and more, I can see now in my fiancee

632
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,720
where I was like, oh, he was like my executive functioner.

633
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:31,720
He was doing this and this.

634
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,700
Now that I'm in a really good place, I'm like, oh, actually, I think it's my turn to be the

635
00:30:34,700 --> 00:30:36,440
person doing all these things.

636
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,080
And he's kind of going through some stuff.

637
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,920
So it's like that happens in every relationship.

638
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,320
And so noticing it is really, really important.

639
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:50,760
And I was going to add something about the kid piece is making sure I forgot what my

640
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,560
train of thought was on that because we were talking about I'm drawing Lizzie.

641
00:30:54,560 --> 00:31:00,980
Well, I wanted to say that I think it's just it's also so much easier when you're more

642
00:31:00,980 --> 00:31:02,960
regulated to see the other person's dysregulation.

643
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,920
And so that's when you're like, OK, I am actually going to pull back.

644
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:10,520
I also think when I was little back to when I was little and when my brother would be

645
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:16,320
like having a meltdown or having a hard time or whatever, I'd be like, well, I'm the good

646
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:17,320
child.

647
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,760
You know, because they also kind of get into that where you're like, look at me, mother,

648
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:21,760
did you need some help?

649
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:22,760
Yeah, it's all the way.

650
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:23,760
I'll do it, mother.

651
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:24,760
Don't worry.

652
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:25,760
And so you step into this.

653
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:26,760
Look at me.

654
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:27,760
I was like, OK, I'll write.

655
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:32,600
And so it's also kind of that piece.

656
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:33,600
I see that.

657
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,360
So he does that all the time right now where she's like, oh, Axel, you just have to take

658
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:38,360
a deep breath.

659
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:39,360
And I was like, where was your deep breath?

660
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,360
Where are you?

661
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:44,520
You know, but I just the lazy worked, y'all.

662
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:45,700
I just drew it.

663
00:31:45,700 --> 00:31:48,600
And I remember I was going to say because we're talking about young kids right now.

664
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:49,600
But you know what?

665
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,320
I just really wanted to talk about because it wouldn't be an episode on our podcast if

666
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,320
we didn't talk about society's expectations.

667
00:31:54,320 --> 00:32:00,560
And so this applies to also teenagers, because I am also with two teenagers and I'm watching

668
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:04,560
kind of like a PSA that I think we need to talk about.

669
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:09,560
And I'm seeing it right now because I'm seeing a couple of high schoolers that are just graduating

670
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,360
and they're about to turn 18 or they might have already turned 18.

671
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,560
And the world's like, so what are you doing with your life?

672
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,580
And this is a PSA.

673
00:32:17,580 --> 00:32:19,740
Your brain's not even fully developed to 26.

674
00:32:19,740 --> 00:32:25,800
How challenging is it to figure out your whole entire life story by the time you're 18 and

675
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,720
like knowing what you're going to go study in college, what you're going to go do?

676
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,440
We were talking about that the other day too, where it was like, I had no clue what I wanted

677
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:33,920
to do because I didn't even know this exists.

678
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,760
We didn't even know this existed when we were on our journey to college.

679
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,240
And I was like, I don't know.

680
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:39,440
I like this.

681
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,160
So maybe I'll go explore that.

682
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,920
What if we could create a world where kids could go take more time rather than just going

683
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,960
straight into college and then having to get a career and having to figure their life out?

684
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,040
What if we created more space for kids to like, number one, obviously do their brain

685
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,040
work so they're like really tuned in with themselves and then did a lot of subconscious

686
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,040
work obviously.

687
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:03,020
But then started really going into like, what do I want to do with my life?

688
00:33:03,020 --> 00:33:07,400
If you're finding yourself hitting a lot of resistant areas, we dive into that in level

689
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:08,400
two.

690
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:09,760
We're going to take you into the subconscious.

691
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,960
We're going to help you unblock those things.

692
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,760
But for right now, we just need you to double down on your brain work.

693
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:15,760
Keep going with it.

694
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:16,760
Trust us.

695
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:17,760
It will get better.

696
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:18,960
It will get easier.

697
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:19,960
Use the WhatsApp group.

698
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:24,080
Facebook group, not as poppin', but you can always drop us in there.

699
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:25,880
Yeah, it's still there.

700
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:31,880
Hit us up on our emails, book coaching calls, because it will help you get through this.

701
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:36,400
And we promise you in just a few more weeks, once you're on to level two, you're going

702
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,560
to see even more things.

703
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:42,400
And now all of our members right now in the WhatsApp group are like, I love the Reconnects.

704
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,880
Oh my gosh, Reconnects are changing everything.

705
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,600
And they're hopping off in there talking about how much they are shifting things.

706
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:52,840
And people who didn't think that muscle checking was that big of a deal has changed their lives

707
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,360
and all this cool stuff.

708
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:58,880
So we will continue to hold space for you and just promise it gets easier.

709
00:33:58,880 --> 00:33:59,920
It does get easier.

710
00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:06,840
So with that said, please follow us on whatever, wherever you get your podcasts.

711
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,240
Make sure to subscribe and rate the podcast.

712
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:12,000
It really helps us reach new listeners.

713
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:17,440
Also, share an episode with a friend, share whichever your favorite one is, get them on

714
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,080
the Brainwork train.

715
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:24,880
Also you can follow us on TikTok at in underscore, the underscore cortex or Instagram in the

716
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:30,400
cortex underscore US and for Spanish speakers in the cortex underscore ESP.

717
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,760
I'm actually going to post a video today, believe it or not.

718
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,600
So it's going to start popping more.

719
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,500
And remember, you can always email us at hello and in the cortex.com.

720
00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:40,640
It's just Danny and me.

721
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,680
We respond to every email to every email personally.

722
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:49,120
And we are coming up with a fun summer challenge very soon.

723
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:53,080
We will have details about that within the next couple of weeks, maybe week.

724
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:57,320
And so if you have questions about reconnect, we're going to start posting a little bit

725
00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:00,040
more about this on our Instagram stories.

726
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:06,600
And if anything about that piece of the program, whether you're a member or not, is still kind

727
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,000
of foreign to you, let us know.

728
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,280
Send us all of your questions.

729
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:11,760
You can DM them to us.

730
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,800
You can email them to us, whatever it is.

731
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,560
You can book a 15 minute call and ask us there.

732
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:21,600
But we really want to open up this part of our program to more people.

733
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:26,800
And anyway, it's going to be super exciting and we will give you more details later on.

734
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:31,200
And remember, if you're ready to sign up, you can use promo code brainiac to get 10 bucks

735
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,840
off your first payment of a program.

736
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:35,840
And thank you so much.

737
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:36,840
We will see you next week.

738
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:37,840
Thank you.

739
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:41,200
Thank you.