1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,300 Hi, and welcome to the In the Cortex podcast. 2 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,300 We are your hosts. 3 00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:11,640 I'm Paloma Garcia. 4 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,680 And I am Dani Pericone. 5 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,600 And we're the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,520 the tools that they need to change their lives through brain reorganization. 7 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,920 No medication, just movement. 8 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:28,120 When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,160 to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex. 10 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:36,560 Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life. 11 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,320 And now on to today's episode. 12 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,440 All right. 13 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,280 Welcome back to another episode. 14 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:47,680 We are so excited today to talk about honoring our kids. 15 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:52,560 And this is really near and dear to our hearts because, first of all, we love kids and we 16 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:58,880 want more kids to just love being in that space of being allowed to be kids. 17 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:04,480 And we have our amazing nurtured parenting through brain reorganization program going 18 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,160 on with Dr. Greg Hershombaum. 19 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,760 So it's really like a topic we've been talking heavily about. 20 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:13,320 And we've got our WhatsApp groups going off and parents asking questions. 21 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:16,400 And our next module, parents don't know this yet, 100%. 22 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:17,920 I guess they do. 23 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,460 We're bringing kids on board. 24 00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:26,320 And so Paloma and I really want to make sure that families see honoring from our perspective. 25 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,640 And we want to share that in today's podcast. 26 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:33,520 We're going to bring in lots of information, studies and all sorts of different fun things. 27 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:38,360 And essentially our take, as always, on how to honor kids so that way you're living your 28 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,360 best lives. 29 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,840 And, you know, we just. 30 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:41,840 Yeah. 31 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,000 So let's get the conversation started, Paloma. 32 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,600 Well, I feel like the conversation started because we were thinking about like we were 33 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,840 putting some stuff into the program and like, how are we going to help parents understand 34 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,480 how to motivate their kids? 35 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:58,720 And that if you're a parent or if you're a teacher, if you've worked with kids, you know 36 00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,720 that question. 37 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,160 You've asked yourself that probably many, many times. 38 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:09,120 And motivating kids like motivating adults is very complex, right? 39 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,680 Because there's so much going on. 40 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:17,680 And so we found a few studies in like this really interesting article about how traditional 41 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,640 motivation systems don't really work. 42 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,480 And that's why we're always seeking more. 43 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,280 That's why we're always looking for something else. 44 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,280 Right. 45 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:32,000 And so, for example, I think something that we could just get straight into a baby girl 46 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,460 like parents and teachers. 47 00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:41,460 We always want to find a way to get some, give the kids something else in exchange for 48 00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:43,160 doing the thing that we want them to do. 49 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,160 Right. 50 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,160 Yeah. 51 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,160 Yeah. 52 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:51,680 And I think a lot of influencers that talk about motivating yourself to work out and lose 53 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,920 weight and improve your habits and stuff, they always say that kind of stuff. 54 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:56,920 Right. 55 00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,040 Like, what are you motivating yourself with? 56 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:03,120 And so the ultimate point of this is that the motivation has to be intrinsic. 57 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,760 It has to come from within. 58 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,760 Then it has to be natural. 59 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:07,760 Right. 60 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:14,400 And so when we're putting so many shiny objects around the kid or the person that we're trying 61 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:19,320 to put, we're going to talk about kids mostly right now, but we're giving so much more value 62 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,160 to the thing that they're getting, not the thing that they're doing. 63 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,160 Right? 64 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,760 So it's like, clean your room. 65 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,880 And if after you clean your room, five days in a row, you get to watch a movie or you 66 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,600 get a video game or whatever it is. 67 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,700 And so the kid's not cleaning their room to clean their room, to build a new habit because 68 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:39,720 something that's good for their brain and for their mind and for their cleanliness and 69 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,400 for whatever they're doing because they just want the toy. 70 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,560 And so you just completely strip. 71 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:49,440 It's like you strip meaning from the things that you're actually wanting them to do. 72 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,760 And we start to put the value only on the other things. 73 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:52,760 Right. 74 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:53,760 On the things that they're getting from it. 75 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:54,760 A hundred percent. 76 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,200 And I am guilty of this. 77 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:00,720 Just like any everybody has ever walked the earth is guilty of this because we're human 78 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:05,480 and we hit our point of like, I'm tired and I know I need to get this done and I need 79 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:09,240 your compliance and I need you to just do it. 80 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,620 And I will attach that shiny, fun thing unto a lot of things. 81 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:18,880 But the difference is of what we're working to accomplish, at least in my home, is really 82 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,960 helping my kids understand the why. 83 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:28,320 And I think when you can help them understand why do we want a clean room, why do we want 84 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:33,320 to brush our teeth every day, why do we have to do certain things like practice reading, 85 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,840 then they start to start understanding the process. 86 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:36,840 Yes. 87 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:40,200 And sometimes motivators come in then and can be helpful, right? 88 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:45,760 Because we also need, right, dopamine, that motivating hormone to keep us going and keep 89 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,600 wanting more to get a little like refreshment. 90 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,600 Right. 91 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:55,560 And so for the space that I come from is really talking to my kids almost incessantly about 92 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,200 like the process of everything of like, why do we do this? 93 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,520 And when I have clarity in it, then they have clarity in it. 94 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:03,520 Yep. 95 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,320 And it's not just because I said so. 96 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:09,520 And I think if we fall, and this is not to shame any parents, our goal here is to help 97 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,360 you have more tools, more resources to just see things differently. 98 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,360 Yeah, and to find that balance. 99 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,480 And to find the balance and to grow your relationship with your kid. 100 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,460 Because if you can remember back, why did you become a parent in the first place? 101 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:24,800 Why did you become a teacher in the first place? 102 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,140 What did you really want to do? 103 00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:27,980 You wanted to enrich your lives. 104 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:32,180 You wanted to grow connection and you wanted to just find more meaning. 105 00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:35,960 But if we get ourselves so caught up in the mundane and having to do these little tasks 106 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,280 and then they turn into meltdowns and it's just like, yes, I hate this. 107 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,680 Why did I make this choice? 108 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:41,680 Right. 109 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:42,680 Yeah. 110 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,720 So our goal here is to help you reframe this process and to help you learn how to motivate 111 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,960 your kids from a very intrinsic space. 112 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,840 So they want to do what we're asking them to do. 113 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:52,840 Yeah. 114 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:53,840 Honoring that effort. 115 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:54,840 Right. 116 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:55,840 We're honoring. 117 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,080 And that's really what the whole point of this podcast is. 118 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,080 Right. 119 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:04,560 Is honoring, not getting them to do things, not checking it off your list or their list 120 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,720 or getting out the door faster. 121 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:10,880 Of course, those things are important and those things come when you start to honor 122 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,760 their efforts and honor the wonderful things that they do because kids are amazing. 123 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:19,800 And so it's about catching them being good and showing them what that means. 124 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,800 Right. 125 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,900 I mean, I'm saying catching them being good, whatever good means for you, right? 126 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:27,120 Whatever good is like you're trying to accomplish. 127 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:33,000 And showing them what that looks like and what it looks like in you and what they could 128 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,000 look like in them. 129 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,000 Right. 130 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,320 So I think, for example, one thing is like understanding. 131 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,240 I mean, you know your kids better than anybody, you know? 132 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:45,120 And you know your students, if you're connected to your students, you know them really well. 133 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,680 You know what they like, what they don't, what the personalities are. 134 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:53,520 And understanding, for example, what needs are they trying to get met when they are avoiding 135 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:58,120 something, when they're putting it off, when they're not getting it or like when they're, 136 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:02,760 you know, we put these labels on kids like, oh, he doesn't pay attention. 137 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:03,760 He's lazy. 138 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,600 He's this and that. 139 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,480 When really, I mean, kids are just so transparent. 140 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,480 That's the cool thing about kids. 141 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:10,480 That's why we love them. 142 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:11,480 They're so genuine, right? 143 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,120 They're always going to show you what's going on. 144 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,240 And it's just about digging a little bit. 145 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,240 Right. 146 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,120 So like, for example, on Friday I had this thing here in Mexico. 147 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:27,080 It was Dia del Niño, Kids Day, like National Kids Day. 148 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,520 And so on Friday I had like a little like bizarre thingy and I did like some movement 149 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:31,520 breaks with the kids. 150 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,480 It was super fun and silly. 151 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,800 Then there was one kid who was just nodded to him. 152 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,160 He's like, oh, this is so boring. 153 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,160 This is for babies. 154 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,600 Like for all the activities, right? 155 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,200 They were reading a book, they were coloring some stuff. 156 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,960 I will say maybe it wasn't the most exciting thing he's ever done in his life, but you 157 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:47,960 know. 158 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,040 And I noticed and he was just like talking to his mom, like, this is for babies. 159 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,000 They don't like this, blah, blah. 160 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,880 And she was struggling so much because she had another kid with him with her. 161 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,760 And so I was like, OK, what is this kid? 162 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,240 I could tell he was really like smart and like because he was saying some things that 163 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,400 he was like talking about this book that he was reading. 164 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,800 And I was like, OK, you're young to be reading that, but OK. 165 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,880 And so I was like, OK, he wants to feel seen. 166 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:11,880 He wants to feel valued. 167 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,920 He wants to feel like he has a place in this group of like 25 kids that he's never seen 168 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:16,920 before. 169 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:17,920 Right. 170 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,560 And the other ones are just like finding their own place. 171 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:20,920 He can't find his place yet. 172 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,080 So I said, hey, I really need some help. 173 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,800 Are you are you available? 174 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,520 And he was like, yeah, 100 percent. 175 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:28,520 Right. 176 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:32,420 And so I got I have these like little foam thingies for for the sessions that I'm doing 177 00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,420 for when they're crawling. 178 00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:34,420 Right. 179 00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:37,560 They're like the typical little like preschool, like squares that it's like different colors 180 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,920 and they have like those thingies. 181 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,080 And I was like, I really need you to count these. 182 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,960 Tell me what color it is and what shapes are in there. 183 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,160 And like kind of like help me categorize them. 184 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,160 You seven. 185 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,120 He it was the best thing in his life. 186 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,240 Like he was really so on it. 187 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,560 He was like, OK, sure, I'm going to set up over here. 188 00:08:55,560 --> 00:09:00,280 And he set up a little station and he had a purpose and he was seen. 189 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:04,200 I was I realized I was the person who was guiding some of the movements and doing these 190 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,120 things and I wasn't really seeing him. 191 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,600 I was seeing a group of kids. 192 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:08,600 Right. 193 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,000 And I was like, OK, that was me. 194 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,620 Like I had to look at him and say, OK, he needs a different kind of attention. 195 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:14,620 And that's true. 196 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,880 Like some kids are fine with getting the group attention. 197 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:21,020 Some people in general, like depends on your personality, depends on your brain. 198 00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:25,760 He needed to feel like he had a purpose that day and that he like that I could tell her 199 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:32,280 that the people who were running the program could tell that he like had value and meaning 200 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,480 to his life. 201 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,480 And so it was so cute. 202 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:38,600 He like got it and he was like wrote it down on this paper all over the place. 203 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,200 It was like, I mean, he was seven. 204 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,200 Right. 205 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,920 Like he was literally he couldn't stop talking about it. 206 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,000 He was telling his mom, yeah, I did this my project. 207 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,920 And then his dad came to pick up and he was like, yeah, my project and this and that. 208 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,440 And like it was the cutest thing ever. 209 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,440 Right. 210 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,440 And so why is it cute? 211 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,240 Because you're giving the kid space to be himself. 212 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,480 And so now he's not disrupting. 213 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,040 Now he's not melting on his mom. 214 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,900 Now he's not saying it's so boring and blah, blah, blah. 215 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:01,900 He's like, cool. 216 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,320 And then he went back and he participated in all the rest of the activities for the 217 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,080 other two hours. 218 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,520 I love that. 219 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,080 You hit something so critical. 220 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:13,160 And I think this is where when we're looking at motivation and we're looking at how do 221 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:18,160 I get to get myself to do certain things that I know I need? 222 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,400 But why am I not doing it? 223 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,400 Right. 224 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,240 There's so many different angles and nuances to this whole thing, but ultimately boils 225 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,040 down to what need is getting met. 226 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,040 Right. 227 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,360 So when we look at the parent, what need are you getting met by asking your children to 228 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,360 do certain things? 229 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:31,880 And what is your why? 230 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:32,880 OK. 231 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,160 Being really clear on that. 232 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,000 And then asking like, what is your kids need? 233 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,000 Right. 234 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,880 And so helping them understand their needs. 235 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,360 And so this is where you have those conversations. 236 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:48,600 And this is what we were just talking about before the podcast was how so many of us avoid 237 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,340 looking at the emotional need to be met. 238 00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:53,240 And we're so afraid to talk about it. 239 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,240 Yes. 240 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,240 We avoid it. 241 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,920 And then we're all just sitting here with like our shoulders shrugged up like, I don't 242 00:10:58,920 --> 00:10:59,920 know. 243 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:00,920 I don't know what to do. 244 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:05,120 And a kid with a disorganized brain, just like a parent, if they don't have certainty 245 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,440 from their leader, their parent, their caregiver, they're out of there. 246 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,840 And you are not capable of leading me to where I need to go. 247 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,840 And they feel that. 248 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:14,840 Right. 249 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,200 And that's a survival mechanism. 250 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,200 It is. 251 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,240 You can't trust the person, your leader. 252 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:20,240 Right. 253 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,240 You're going to leave the pack. 254 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,240 You're out. 255 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,240 You're going to leave the pack. 256 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,240 I can't figure this out on my own. 257 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,240 Right. 258 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,320 And that's very dangerous and a very survival situation to leave the pack. 259 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:31,080 But if it's so strong, right, that's where we see people like kids. 260 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,080 I did this too. 261 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:35,360 I threatened to run away from home and I wasn't happy with certain things. 262 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,520 And then you get to the end of the drive and you're like, that was a real bad choice. 263 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:42,280 I don't really like to handle this world. 264 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,840 I'm literally four years old. 265 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:44,840 Yeah. 266 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:48,840 You need to go back into like, okay, maybe I'll rationalize and reason with this person. 267 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:49,840 Yeah. 268 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:53,680 But ultimately it's because you felt like they weren't meeting your need. 269 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,680 Right. 270 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:59,240 And, and I, my kids just said this to me their day was last week and I was kind of, I was 271 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,240 at my point. 272 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,760 I was like, okay, I'm having my human moment. 273 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,760 I tell this to my kids all the time. 274 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:03,760 I'm being a human. 275 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:04,760 I'm tired. 276 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,560 I'm, I've got a lot going on in my mind right now. 277 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,080 I just really need some support from you guys just to do what you need to do. 278 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,240 I asked you to do this, this and this. 279 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:17,200 And then my daughter who's five turns around, she goes, but you're the adult. 280 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,560 We're not supposed to take care of you. 281 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,040 I said, very good point. 282 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,160 I'm not asking you to take care of me. 283 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:26,600 I'm asking you to take care of yourself, which would in turn help me. 284 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,720 And so she's like, huh, okay. 285 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:34,080 And you know, so she just has these really deep thoughts of like, wait, what's the hierarchy 286 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,080 here? 287 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,600 And then suddenly she's like, wait, you're supposed to help me with my needs. 288 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,600 And I'm like, right. 289 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:45,600 But my job as a parent is to help you become independent, not dependent on me and have 290 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,440 this codependency stuff that we're all still working through. 291 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:53,080 We talked about in a couple of episodes back, but like becoming independent. 292 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:58,200 So when you go out into this world, you can manage and handle whatever comes your way. 293 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,440 And you know, you're still going to need support. 294 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:05,000 You're not done, but you at least have the idea of like, okay, I can feel my emotions. 295 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:10,720 When my mom asked me to do this, I initially want to feel angry about it because, and then 296 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:15,640 we talk about it or I feel frustrated because it's hard for me and I don't know how to do 297 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:16,640 it. 298 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,080 And they're like, okay, now we need to help them. 299 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:22,840 So the goal here is looking at the needs and looking at your emotional needs attached to 300 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:23,840 that. 301 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:27,120 And it's like, let's open up that conversation. 302 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:33,480 So for me at home, it's where I look at when me and my kids are doing stuff. 303 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:38,040 And it's funny because doing this work has really taken me to a place of, I used to come 304 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,640 from this space because I think this is what society does is just because I said so I'm 305 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,880 an adult do it because I said so. 306 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:48,120 And so your kids, when you're a kid, you just do things and you're sitting there going like, 307 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,880 why the heck am I doing this right now? 308 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:50,880 Yeah, totally. 309 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,920 And you don't understand the why. 310 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:57,160 And then you just start to transfer that into now when you're an adult, you tell that to 311 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,160 your kids. 312 00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,280 And so that's the cycle, right? 313 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:04,880 So we're trying to break that so we can have more compliance and harmony at home and start 314 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:05,880 looking at this. 315 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:09,240 This was the first time I started realizing like, I'm asking my kids to do things that 316 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,240 I can't do. 317 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,080 Like, I can't stay calm all the time. 318 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,080 What is that? 319 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,480 Well, we always say that, right? 320 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,400 We have these expectations for kids that they have to be these tiny little robots that listen 321 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,360 to everything and do everything that we want them to do. 322 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,120 And they're quiet and they're cute and they're whatever. 323 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,000 It's like, no, why do we have this? 324 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,160 Why do we expect that from a literal three year old? 325 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,300 You know, right. 326 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:33,360 And it's like they're human and we can't even do that all the time. 327 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:37,000 So that's our first thing is really looking at what are you asking your kids to do? 328 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,320 Can you do it? 329 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:43,760 And so many times our parents will come to us and they're like, oh, my kids, they're 330 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:44,760 fighting the brain work. 331 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,460 And we just ask a simple question. 332 00:14:46,460 --> 00:14:47,460 How do you feel about the brain? 333 00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:50,880 And then they go, well, I internally fight it. 334 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,240 Like I know I need to do it, but I don't know why I can't do it. 335 00:14:54,240 --> 00:15:02,720 And it's so crazy how much our systems resist things that are so needed and good for them. 336 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:03,960 Everyone can relate to that. 337 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:09,120 You know, you're supposed to go eat healthy, do exercise, but you just don't want to do 338 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,120 it. 339 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,120 You're like, no. 340 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,480 And there's like internal battle of like, I will not do it. 341 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,240 So our kids do the same freaking thing, right? 342 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,240 They're like, exactly. 343 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,440 No, I don't want to do it. 344 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,440 Right. 345 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,480 Even though they know it's good for them, they don't want to do it. 346 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:27,080 So then we always tell parents, as soon as you come to peace with knowing that you are 347 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,600 doing this to help your life get easier, your children will get on board. 348 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,720 And I am 100% a testament to that. 349 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:33,720 The minute we both accepted it. 350 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:34,720 1000%. 351 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:35,720 Yeah. 352 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:36,720 Oh, 100%. 353 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,940 It just happened with one of the moms in my mom group. 354 00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:44,240 She was like, oh, she was so worried that her kid had a kickstand crawl. 355 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:48,760 And she was so worried about it and then she started doing the brain work, right, for like 356 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:49,760 a week. 357 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,800 And by the time I got to her house and saw the kid, he was already crawling regularly 358 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:57,080 and now he hasn't used his foot again the whole time. 359 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,080 It's just because she focused on herself, right? 360 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,320 Like that anxiety wasn't being pulsed into the kid the whole time. 361 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:08,660 Because that's the whole thing with the nervous system co-regulation, right? 362 00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:11,660 You're picking up the safety signs from the other person. 363 00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:16,200 But if you're the young one, you need to pick up the signs from your leader, right? 364 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,200 And if you don't know what's going on with your leader, then you have to pick them up 365 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,200 on your own. 366 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,200 And you're like, wait, I don't. 367 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,480 I'm I'm I'm little right. 368 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,520 Like, Sigi, you're supposed to be taking care of me, right? 369 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,520 I'm the guy. 370 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,520 I love it. 371 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,520 You just said that. 372 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,520 So the co-regulation is so huge. 373 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:34,200 And we just have so many parents right now that are saying, I've just been doing my brain 374 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,640 work, but my kid hasn't. 375 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:36,640 And they're chilling out. 376 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:37,940 And it's exactly that. 377 00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:38,940 It's the mirroring neurons. 378 00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:39,940 It's the co-regulation. 379 00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:42,580 It's all of that energy that's being exchanged. 380 00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:47,280 And when you the parent who's supposed to be in charge, calms your energy down, your 381 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,360 kid feels it. 382 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,680 And that goes for your thoughts. 383 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:50,680 That goes for everything. 384 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:55,280 So anytime parents come to us with my kid has blah, blah, blah, the question immediately 385 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,280 just goes straight to the parent. 386 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,760 Well, what are you feeling about that? 387 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:58,760 Absolutely. 388 00:16:58,760 --> 00:16:59,760 Oh, my gosh. 389 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,000 I don't know why I haven't done any self reflection on this. 390 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,800 It's like because we were never taught to do self discovery. 391 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,560 And yes, our biggest thing. 392 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,080 And that's one of the things also that we want to talk about today, right? 393 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:15,880 Is like when people are fighting things, when kids are fighting things, why are you fighting 394 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:16,880 it? 395 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:17,880 Like, let's sit down and talk. 396 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:18,880 Let's sit down and talk. 397 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:19,880 And then when you're fighting things, you're not going to be able to pick up your room. 398 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:20,880 Right. 399 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,960 Maybe I don't I don't I can't do it right. 400 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:23,960 Right. 401 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:24,960 I don't know where everything goes. 402 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,960 I don't want to be alone when I'm doing it. 403 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,740 I don't like being alone in my room. 404 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,400 It's not fun for me. 405 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,120 I it's too much. 406 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,120 Right. 407 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,120 I get overwhelmed. 408 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,120 Right. 409 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,120 Yeah, exactly. 410 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,120 I feel like I or I'm bored. 411 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,120 It's boring. 412 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,120 That's such a typical kid response. 413 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,120 Right. 414 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,120 It's so boring. 415 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:45,020 And like giving them and the article says this to giving them a reward isn't going 416 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,880 to make picking up your room fun. 417 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,640 Like it just isn't. 418 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:49,640 Right. 419 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,840 So what can we help to make it more enjoyable? 420 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,920 What can we do to help make it more enjoyable? 421 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,320 If you want to do it with somebody. 422 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,320 Okay, cool. 423 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,320 Let me know next time. 424 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,320 I'll have an activity and we can do it together. 425 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,680 Well, body doubling. 426 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,680 Right. 427 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,400 Or, hey, remember that really cool book on audible? 428 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,080 Let's play it while you clean up your room. 429 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,720 You know, and like I do that every single time I have to clean up my room. 430 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,120 I put on a really good podcast and I forget and I end up cleaning even more than I thought 431 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,120 I was going to do. 432 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,120 Right. 433 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,480 I'm like taking out old things like you get into it. 434 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,480 Right. 435 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,280 And you get to engage in two things. 436 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:23,600 And it's also kind of helping them understand like, yes, some things in the world are just 437 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:27,320 not going to be like not everything in your life is going to be fun and entertaining. 438 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:31,440 And but you can find ways to make every little tiny moment enjoyable. 439 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,440 Right. 440 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,160 In whatever works for you and giving them that choice of being like, what do you think 441 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,360 would make it more fun for you? 442 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,360 Right. 443 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,520 Maybe if you pick up for a little bit and then you play with something and then you 444 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,520 pick up a little bit more and then you play with something. 445 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,520 Right. 446 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,000 Like let's find what works for them. 447 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,480 Because once again, these are skills that they're going to use for the rest of their 448 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:48,480 lives. 449 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,480 Right. 450 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,680 That brings them onto the independence of like, hey, I learned to do this back when 451 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:54,680 I was a kid. 452 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:55,680 It becomes my habit now. 453 00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:00,160 And I just know to put on a podcast and fold my laundry and put it away. 454 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,160 I do that too. 455 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:05,200 And we were just talking about this too the other day of when you in the here's this is 456 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,960 always the catch 22 with brain organization is you need to have a developed crawl to be 457 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,800 able to clean a room effortlessly. 458 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,800 Right. 459 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,800 Yeah. 460 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:19,920 And to have that crawl means that you do have to insert some extra dopamine to help them 461 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:25,260 see the benefit of the crawling to then bleed over to how much easier room, you know, keeping 462 00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:26,260 your room up is. 463 00:19:26,260 --> 00:19:27,440 So there's a lot of that. 464 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:33,280 And when I this was totally me before I was doubling down on my crawling, which is developing 465 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,280 the midbrain. 466 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,160 I remember that's the part of the brain that develops between six to 12 months of life 467 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,900 when a baby is crawling. 468 00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:42,600 And it's really essentially the filter of the brain, the piece to help you transition 469 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,080 from one thing to the next. 470 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:48,200 It's the part that sees the big picture, breaks it all down and keeps it organized. 471 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,400 And honestly, if you go look at your car or your room right now, just go look at the state 472 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,400 of it. 473 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,120 You'll be able to tell what state your midbrain is in. 474 00:19:56,120 --> 00:20:00,240 It is a direct correlation to how your brain is functioning. 475 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:05,640 So when I started crawling more, I used to do this thing where I would sit in my head. 476 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,640 I'm sure you listeners might have this come to them. 477 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,120 I would just start adding how much time it was going to take me. 478 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:14,480 And then I would talk myself out of it because I was like, I was just going to take so long 479 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,080 to get it done. 480 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,080 And that's procrastination. 481 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,080 Right. 482 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:22,240 And then you get to the wire where you're literally you have to and now your stress hormones 483 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,480 are raging through your system and you have to get it done. 484 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,440 And you're like, oh, I got it done finally. 485 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,300 But it's because you needed that deadline. 486 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:33,400 As soon as you start crawling, your brain can just like start getting things done easier 487 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,160 and just track it. 488 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,720 And I would notice myself like, oh, I should go start laundry instead of like sitting in 489 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,240 my head for a while ruminating on the thought I would just go do it. 490 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,440 And I'd come back like, oh, only a minute went by. 491 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,440 I was easy. 492 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:53,260 So that's why we're trying to help you understand the motivation to get the brain work done 493 00:20:53,260 --> 00:20:58,360 does require some extra dopamine boost in the beginning to help them feel that they 494 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:03,360 can get over that hump of like, oh, my gosh, organizing my room is so overwhelming. 495 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:04,360 Absolutely. 496 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:09,920 And then once we are doing it and where our brain becomes more organized, now we can just 497 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,960 have conversations about it. 498 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,520 And now my kids, we just talk about all the time. 499 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,760 They don't need carrots being dangled for them to get their creeping done. 500 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,040 We just go, OK, we're doing it. 501 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,040 Let's go. 502 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,820 Yeah, we'll go upstairs and we'll take care of our brains. 503 00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:24,420 And then we talk about it a lot. 504 00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:28,760 This is another big piece we want to talk about with you is once you start to see the 505 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:34,560 positive rewards of these great new changes in their behavior and their living, you have 506 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,360 to highlight it because the brain to have like that cha-ching. 507 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,600 Yes. 508 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:44,000 I see that new neural connection and I want to keep it alive because you know, wire together, 509 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,000 wire together. 510 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,200 So you've got to keep that alive. 511 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:55,080 So anytime I see my kids, Axel the other day, he's been we haven't in all honesty, I have 512 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:59,240 been more on me doing my brain work because I like just love how I feel when I do it. 513 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,720 And I'm like, if I'm chill, then my kids are chill. 514 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:06,320 But then I started seeing some midbrain behaviors from my son come out where he was just not 515 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,120 remembering what was next. 516 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,120 It was insane. 517 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:12,600 And he was getting really sensory overloaded by his hair bothering him. 518 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,400 He's like, Mom, can you cut my hair? 519 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,800 It's like tickling my ears and I hate the way it feels. 520 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,280 And then when he got down on the floor, sure enough, he crawls with his hands and knuckles. 521 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,280 Right. 522 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:23,280 There's your sensory. 523 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,680 So he started doing some more. 524 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,920 We did some brain work last week. 525 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,240 We brought some in this week. 526 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,120 And then all of a sudden I gave him like a three step direction and he did all three 527 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,120 steps without one reminder. 528 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,040 I was like, oh, it happened. 529 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,040 Okay. 530 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,040 There's that midbrain. 531 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,120 So then I go, Axel, did you love that? 532 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,120 And he's like, what? 533 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,880 I'm like, you just did those three things without stopping and needing a reminder. 534 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,760 And he's like, oh, yeah, cool. 535 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,220 I was like, why do you think that happened? 536 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:51,400 He's like my brain work. 537 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,040 It's like he doesn't always want to admit it, but he knows it's good for him. 538 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,040 Of course. 539 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,040 Like I did my brain work. 540 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,240 So that's the connection loop. 541 00:22:58,240 --> 00:22:59,240 Right. 542 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:00,880 And like that's where that intrinsic reward will come in. 543 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,760 It's like, I do this, then this is my reward. 544 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:07,560 And it becomes just a natural way of going about life. 545 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,080 Not needing your mom to nag you. 546 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,080 Yeah, exactly. 547 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:12,080 Yeah. 548 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,520 It just becomes natural and easy and part of who you are. 549 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:24,340 And I think another thing that we do often is we naturally call more attention to things 550 00:23:24,340 --> 00:23:25,340 that are negative. 551 00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:26,340 Right. 552 00:23:26,340 --> 00:23:27,340 We've talked about this before on the podcast. 553 00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:32,600 It's really the way that our brain is wired is to give more energy to negative things. 554 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:38,480 And it's kind of counterintuitive sometimes to focus on the positive. 555 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,440 I mean, I know it sounds like, oh, yeah, we'll just look at the positive things that they're 556 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:43,440 doing. 557 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:44,440 Right. 558 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,440 Like, why not? 559 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:50,760 We're just trained to avoid it, like to look for the negative, but also avoid the negative, 560 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:51,760 if that makes sense. 561 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:57,400 So it's kind of like at the same time, we don't we want to avoid meltdowns like the 562 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:58,400 plague. 563 00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,400 Right. 564 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,400 We don't want them to feel anything negative. 565 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,360 We want to protect them and have them be happy all the time. 566 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:04,360 Right. 567 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,360 That's once again, that expectation. 568 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,360 That's what kids are. 569 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,920 They're happy little sweetie little cutie patooties. 570 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:09,920 Right. 571 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,640 Like they're not allowed to be humans. 572 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,600 That's something that Mr. Rogers said often. 573 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,120 There's like just because they're little people doesn't mean that their emotions are all so 574 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:18,120 little. 575 00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:19,120 Right. 576 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:20,120 Oh, and it's so true. 577 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:21,720 Like it might be something. 578 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,000 I mean, I love Mr. Rogers. 579 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,040 If you haven't seen that documentary, you have to watch it. 580 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,360 It's on HBO. 581 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:27,360 You haven't seen it. 582 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:28,360 Oh my God. 583 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:29,360 No. 584 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,360 Okay. 585 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:31,360 It's going to blow your mind. 586 00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:32,360 You're going to cry nonstop. 587 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:33,360 But it's so good. 588 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,360 So cute. 589 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:35,360 I'm so here for it. 590 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:36,360 It's so sweet. 591 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,320 But he always talked about that because that was his whole approach is like validating the 592 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,960 emotions that they have, whether they're negative or they're positive and understanding like, 593 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:50,200 you know, if if dropping your ice cream on the floor is the worst thing ever to you, 594 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,800 like and you get in, you know, you feel terrible. 595 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:53,800 You're so sad. 596 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,840 You were looking forward to it so much. 597 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:56,840 What does an adult do? 598 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,320 Oh, it's just ice cream. 599 00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,320 Come on, let's go. 600 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,320 We got to go to the practice. 601 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:01,320 We got to go home. 602 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,320 Come on. 603 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,320 It's fine. 604 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,320 It's just ice cream. 605 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,320 Get over it. 606 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:06,320 But for that kid, they're like, excuse me. 607 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,960 I was looking forward to this all day. 608 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,560 This is a big deal for me. 609 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,680 It might be ice cream ever. 610 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:15,080 Like, come on, you know, like this is a big deal for me. 611 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,720 And so we minimize things because we don't want them to feel the discomfort for ourselves. 612 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:20,720 Right. 613 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:26,480 So we minimize it in them for us because we also don't want to be put in that uncomfortable 614 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:27,480 place. 615 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:32,400 And so that's where it's like, it's just so common and people do it all the time. 616 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:37,240 And we don't even notice where a kid is having a situation. 617 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:38,240 You're like, oh, it's fine. 618 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:42,440 Just forget it's no big deal because you see it from a different perspective. 619 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:47,880 And immediately what you're telling that child is, okay, what I feel is not valid. 620 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,560 And so I need to hide my feelings. 621 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:50,920 And I need you. 622 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,520 And also there's probably something wrong with me because why did I get upset about 623 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,640 something and my parents said it doesn't matter. 624 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:56,840 Like what's wrong with me? 625 00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:01,000 So we're instilling all of these beliefs and we don't even know it. 626 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,000 Right. 627 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,160 And so that's also the piece where we have to have empathy for ourselves because we are 628 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:09,400 like grew up in a certain way where we're like, you know, the adult is like, I don't 629 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,040 want to feel that emotion. 630 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,160 Like it's not cute and it's not fun. 631 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,440 And so I don't want them to feel it. 632 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,920 So it's kind of this thing where you have to like also pat yourself on the back, be 633 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,000 like, okay, you've gone through what you've gone through. 634 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,000 Right. 635 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,920 But let's give this child the opportunity to feel their feelings and to truly get in 636 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:30,400 contact with that stuff because that's how you build, you know, emotional intelligence 637 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:31,400 as well. 638 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:32,400 Right. 639 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,960 And so that's the thing about empathy is like being able to feel your feelings and express 640 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,920 whatever is going on in your life naturally without feeling like you're going to be judged 641 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,560 or like it's not valuable or like it's wrong. 642 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:46,480 And again, this is as I'm saying that I'm saying I'm not judging the parents that do 643 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,480 it. 644 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,360 We're not judging the parents or teachers that do this because it's been instilled in 645 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,720 us for so long. 646 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:54,800 Right. 647 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:55,800 Get over it. 648 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,400 It's not a big deal. 649 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:58,400 Negative feelings. 650 00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,400 No, no, no. 651 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:00,400 Just push them aside. 652 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,400 And we do it with adults too. 653 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,920 I got really upset by this thing that somebody said, oh, it's, you know, she probably didn't 654 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:05,920 mean it that way. 655 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:06,920 Right. 656 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:07,920 No, let's dig into it. 657 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:08,920 Why did you feel upset? 658 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:09,920 Where is it coming from? 659 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,560 Because it's usually coming from a wound inside of you. 660 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:13,560 Right. 661 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,160 And so that's why you're trying to avoid that feeling in your child when especially when 662 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:22,360 it comes to like talking about sensitive subjects or whatever it is, that's where all of your 663 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:23,760 programming comes out. 664 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:28,320 And I know we always say it's all about looking at ourselves first, but it just truly is. 665 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,560 It just is. 666 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:33,200 And honestly, what you nailed is the whole shame cycle. 667 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,200 Right. 668 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:40,080 It's like everything really that we have such a hard time talking about boils down to shame. 669 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,080 And it's like, I'm not lovable. 670 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,360 I'm unworthy. 671 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,320 I'm disconnected from something. 672 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,640 And it's these little moments of like an ice cream falling on the floor. 673 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,200 And for us, it brought up so much emotion. 674 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,000 And then it was like, you're not valid. 675 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,680 And then you're like, now I'm shameful. 676 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:57,480 I'm unworthy of having emotions. 677 00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:58,480 Right. 678 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,840 And we carry that through our whole lives. 679 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:06,560 And it's butting up with our kids and us and the parents who are getting really honest 680 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:12,240 and raw and having these hard conversations about their own upbringing can now start to 681 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,280 change the whole discussion with their own kids. 682 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,440 And I sit there openly with my kids and tell them everything. 683 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:20,640 And I've had people come up to me. 684 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,160 They're like, I want my kid to come home and tell me everything. 685 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,040 It's like, well, do you tell your kid everything? 686 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:26,040 Like, and I'm not saying everything. 687 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,040 No, of course not. 688 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,680 The way you feel. 689 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,680 Right. 690 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:34,160 And so I let my kids know that it's normal to have arguments with people. 691 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,000 It's not normal to hit people. 692 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,000 There's a difference. 693 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,480 And so I think even when you say an argument, my mind immediately goes into like a fist 694 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,480 fight. 695 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,440 Like that's how I was programmed to think an argument looks right. 696 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:44,440 Yeah. 697 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,360 But an argument can just be like, I see something different than you. 698 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,840 And we're having a discussion about our differences. 699 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,120 And that's OK. 700 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,720 But it's not OK to start hating each other and being mean and aggressive and doing all 701 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,320 these other things to each other. 702 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:03,240 And this is where doing this really heavy work to dive deep into what you experienced 703 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:08,080 as a kid alongside as you're raising your kids, it's a lot. 704 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:12,920 But as you start practicing it more and you start identifying and you start saying, hey, 705 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,760 my need is this. 706 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,800 It's bringing up a lot of like because maybe the ice cream on the floor for you as an adult 707 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,560 was like, I don't have time for this. 708 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,720 I don't have patience to deal with this. 709 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,760 I don't want to go spend more money about this. 710 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,760 Like you have all your logical reasons as to why. 711 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:29,640 And you can kind of rattle them all out. 712 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:33,880 But then once you're able to finally get out of your own self and look at your kid and 713 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,600 be like, oh, that means a lot to you. 714 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:37,600 Yeah. 715 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,880 And also kids don't have that much access to the prefrontal cortex, which is the one 716 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,560 that says, oh, it's just an ice cream. 717 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:44,560 I'll go get another one. 718 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,560 Right. 719 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:46,560 Or I'll have another one. 720 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,120 I already ate part of it, so I'm fine. 721 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,120 Right. 722 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:54,680 And so why once again, we lower what we're expecting in terms of their emotional handling 723 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:55,680 of things. 724 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:56,680 They must be. 725 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,480 It might be the first time it's ever happened to them. 726 00:29:58,480 --> 00:29:59,480 Right. 727 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:05,600 And so even though you can see it as the logical thing, most likely, it's still important to 728 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,480 validate what it feels like for them. 729 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,480 100%. 730 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:09,480 Yeah. 731 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,320 So then once you're in that space and like normally the ice cream hits the floor, we're 732 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:16,640 using this example because it's probably happened in some capacity to you. 733 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,960 But the ice cream hits the floor and then like the emotion of the kid comes up. 734 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:20,960 Right. 735 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:21,960 And it's just it's quick. 736 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:22,960 It's a fight, fight, freeze. 737 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,480 Like Paloma said, they're not operating from that prefrontal cortex. 738 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,680 It's a very survival reaction. 739 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,840 It's not like a tiger's walking up to them or they're being like threatened for their 740 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,760 lives, but for their own existence, it does feel like that way. 741 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,060 So they're in what we call the ponds. 742 00:30:37,060 --> 00:30:39,240 They're in their survival brain. 743 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:43,880 And what we recommend doing when you get into that is like getting a really quick redirect 744 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:44,880 on board. 745 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,760 So you can help have a conversation next. 746 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,600 So then you can give choices and talk about how we're going to move through this. 747 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:50,600 Yes. 748 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,040 And this just happened the other day. 749 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:58,680 One of my favorite ways you have to do some really outlandish, very, very novel idea on 750 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,780 how to get your kids attention. 751 00:31:00,780 --> 00:31:04,440 And so there was a kiddo who was hurt and I walked up there. 752 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,440 It wasn't my kids involved in it. 753 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:10,700 So for me, there was no emotion connected to it, which is another big thing for parents. 754 00:31:10,700 --> 00:31:13,840 And I just see me and I was like, oh, my gosh, is everybody OK here? 755 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:14,840 OK. 756 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:15,840 So I have to just make sure. 757 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:17,840 Did your belly button fall off? 758 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,040 And the little girl and all the kids were like, what? 759 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:22,960 He's jumping on a trampoline. 760 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,360 Why would her belly button fall off? 761 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:29,200 And it's just like this really like that's the only way you can process that is in your 762 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,280 cortex. 763 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,000 And so it kicks them into their cortex immediately. 764 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,380 So it gets them out of survival mode into their cortex to think about it. 765 00:31:35,380 --> 00:31:39,560 And once they're there, you can see it like the whole their physiological shift. 766 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,040 Everything happens. 767 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:46,080 The crying stops and like their shoulders drop and you can just see like, OK, the cortisol 768 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,040 starting to drop out of their system. 769 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:52,480 And now you come out with like another quick redirect of like, OK, how are we going to 770 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:53,480 move through this right now? 771 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:54,480 Exactly. 772 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,360 You want to do this or do you want to do this? 773 00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:01,280 And if you can, you can't always grab their attention that way, because sometimes when 774 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:06,360 I do this with my kids and it's me and I'm the safe zone, of course, I try to do something 775 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,800 novel, they might escalate it. 776 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:17,480 And so oftentimes quiet is a really good one, just not engaging and you staying super calm. 777 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,880 And you know, I just hold space for my kids. 778 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,680 It's another really good way to get them back into their cortex. 779 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,380 But the goal is get them in their cortex. 780 00:32:24,380 --> 00:32:26,040 It takes time and patience. 781 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,960 And so that's a really big piece in something novel, if that works. 782 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,960 And then you give choices on how do we handle the next thing. 783 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:38,520 And I love to give my kids a choice when it comes to what do you want? 784 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,800 Do you want this or do you want this? 785 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:45,400 Giving a choice and two choices that you, the parent you're comfortable with, and you 786 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:49,840 give them that autonomy to make that choice of, OK, I'm moving myself towards independence. 787 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,600 I get to choose what thing I do next. 788 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:57,800 And I think also just really quickly, let's remove the fear of the emotion, remove the 789 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:05,280 fear of the tantrum or the reaction, because also it's very natural to feel that that thing 790 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:06,280 happens. 791 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,560 And that goes into that survival mode, and so you're flooded with all this cortisol 792 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:10,960 and adrenaline and chemicals. 793 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,120 You need to get it out somehow. 794 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:16,040 And sometimes screaming and crying is a great way to get it out. 795 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,700 And a lot of us have seen that when you use the quiet approach, they'll cry for a little 796 00:33:19,700 --> 00:33:21,360 bit and then they're over it and they're fine. 797 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:22,360 They need to get it out. 798 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:23,680 And we've all felt this too. 799 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:28,760 When you have a very stressful situation, that you're like, oh, my God, I need to get 800 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:29,760 like, I need to get this out. 801 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:34,000 And it feels so good to cry or to do something, to like punch a pillow, punch something, you 802 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,120 know, like get it really out of your system. 803 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,160 It feels amazing because that's what it's meant for. 804 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:39,560 It's meant to be used. 805 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,560 Right. 806 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:46,840 And again, if you're a parent who you're fearing your child to melt down, that's your stuff, 807 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:47,840 right? 808 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,520 That's where you get to go, why do I have shame? 809 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,560 Does it make me feel like I'm a bad parent? 810 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,640 Do I feel like I, I honestly don't know what to do. 811 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,480 A lot of parents don't know what to do. 812 00:33:56,480 --> 00:34:00,360 Paloma and I have been so blessed to have so much training on other people's kids before 813 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,240 I had my own. 814 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:03,320 And I really got to learn. 815 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,240 And I even had to apologize to a couple of parents I ran into last week. 816 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:07,680 I was like, I no longer do that approach. 817 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:08,680 I'm so sorry. 818 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:09,680 Oh, my God, I love that. 819 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:16,480 I remember when we do like the, you have to keep doing your patterns no matter how much 820 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:18,080 you cry. 821 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:22,560 And we totally wouldn't, that's how we were trained and we would never do that. 822 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:23,560 Ever. 823 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,480 Oh, it's so, it's hard to think about. 824 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:26,480 It was not. 825 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:27,480 Yeah, it was hard to. 826 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:31,720 So I apologize to all of those parents that have come before. 827 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:36,520 And it's really like, parenting is hard for sure, but really the biggest part is looking 828 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:43,200 at you and going, what is it bringing up for me to say yes or to say no, and to get clarity 829 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,560 on what need you're getting met. 830 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:50,120 And then from there, you can use all these amazing tools to like just navigate your relationship 831 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,120 with your kids so differently. 832 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:56,720 And number one thing, I can't believe you haven't said it yet, explicitly at least, 833 00:34:56,720 --> 00:35:00,320 is society's expectations on parenting. 834 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,400 And it's like, how did I not say that? 835 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:06,560 I know it's because I don't think it's like in your wheelhouse with this topic. 836 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:07,560 Cause I'm not a parent. 837 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:08,560 Yeah. 838 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:09,560 I don't have any expectations. 839 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,920 Cause you're like, I don't, I don't have kids right now. 840 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:12,920 Yeah. 841 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:19,560 But for me, like, and this is, I loved when my kids gave me such a moment to go reflect 842 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,040 on certain things. 843 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,800 And I've talked about it a million times, like Axel playing baseball and how he was 844 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:25,800 so fearful. 845 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,280 And I'm like, what do you mean you're so fearful? 846 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:32,200 But then I would honestly start catching myself being fearful in little moments of like the 847 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,240 ball coming at me when I was playing catch with him. 848 00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:36,840 And I was like, oh, okay, there's some passion. 849 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,600 Like I'm picking this up for me. 850 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:45,680 So this is parenting is like, you get to use your kids to spotlight and highlight all the 851 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,280 things that you get to go work on. 852 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:54,320 And it's a fun, when you get into that space and you really like can step out of the emotional 853 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:58,800 triggers and the activations constantly and you're like, oh my gosh, my kids are teaching 854 00:35:58,800 --> 00:35:59,800 me this right now. 855 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,400 Oh, that's cool. 856 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:06,760 And then you start to just, your relationship with your kids grows and shifts and changes. 857 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,920 I feel like I'm in such a sweet spot with my five and eight year old right now where 858 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:14,360 I'm like, dude, we can go places with just like one little backpack, like not even a 859 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:15,360 full backpack. 860 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,400 Like we can just like go charge the world now. 861 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,000 And I'm like, oh my gosh, we're doing great. 862 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:24,560 And we've done so much hard work for the past eight years to get here. 863 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:29,360 So if you're like, I want that, I want to experience this with parenting, join us in 864 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,160 the parenting revolution course. 865 00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:34,160 I mean, you would be joining a little bit late, but you know what? 866 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,440 You get the program for life. 867 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,800 You get access to me, Paloma and Greer. 868 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:40,940 And we're having some amazing conversations. 869 00:36:40,940 --> 00:36:45,720 Our next one is Monday when this hits, but they're all recorded and you can go back and 870 00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:46,720 watch them. 871 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:55,320 Or you can join our ITC regular program, which is equally amazing and so much stuff. 872 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:56,960 So there's a lot there. 873 00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:58,480 Do you want to take us out? 874 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,080 I will take us out. 875 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,080 Okay. 876 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,840 Please like our podcast and subscribe and rate it. 877 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,920 Cause when you rate it, like the algorithm will push it more to more people. 878 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:12,480 And that's what we want is to spread the word that the brain can change and there's hope 879 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,720 and life can get easier for all of us. 880 00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:19,780 Please follow us on Instagram at in the cortex underscore us. 881 00:37:19,780 --> 00:37:24,720 If you are a Spanish speaker, you can do in the cortex underscore ESP and on tick tock, 882 00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:27,880 we are at in underscore, the underscore cortex. 883 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,120 And our website is in the cortex.com. 884 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:33,280 You can also always send us an email at hello at in the cortex.com. 885 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,760 We answer all of our emails personally, the two of us. 886 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,600 You can also set up a 15 minute call. 887 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,360 If you have something specific that you would like to work through or kind of like talk 888 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:45,440 about and see what our perspective would be and how the program can help you. 889 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:50,200 And if you use promo code brainiac, you can get 10 bucks off the first payment of your 890 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:55,120 program and we are excited to see you in our next cortex chat. 891 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,560 Remember to keep sending us your recommendations and your ideas through DMS. 892 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,440 And thank you. 893 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:01,440 Thank you. 894 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:21,200 On that note everyone good night.