1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,280 Hi, and welcome to the In The Cortex podcast. 2 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,280 We are your hosts. 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:11,600 I'm Paloma Garcia. 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,640 And I am Dani Perrecone. 5 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:17,240 And we're the founders of In The Cortex, an online community with programs that show 6 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:21,480 people the tools that they need to change their lives, their brain reorganization, no 7 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,880 medication, just movement. 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:28,080 When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start 9 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:32,200 to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex. 10 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:36,520 Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life. 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,920 And now on to today's episode. 12 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:39,920 Hi everybody. 13 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,120 Welcome to the In The Cortex podcast. 14 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:47,440 Today's episode is going to be a little bit of a reflection, a little bit of an opinion 15 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,960 piece, so to speak. 16 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:55,240 Because Danny and I have been looking into this today, the amount of kids that are using 17 00:00:55,240 --> 00:01:01,600 screens and teenagers that are using screens and what it's doing to their brain. 18 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:06,880 So just to kind of set the scene, we're not going to go through any of the stats. 19 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,320 I mean, we might mention a couple, but we're not really going to go into all the science 20 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:14,480 and all that stuff because we've listened to this amazing, amazing speaker. 21 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,760 His name is Jonathan Haidt. 22 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,320 He just wrote a book about this. 23 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:20,000 And so he's the guy that has all the, all the sciences. 24 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,040 So we'll leave that to him. 25 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:26,760 But it just brought up a lot of stuff for us, especially because of what we do and because 26 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:31,440 of the effect we see in kids, in screens. 27 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,760 And like, you know, when we started doing this, Danny, like not that many kids had screens 28 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:36,920 that available to them. 29 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,920 Like it wasn't as common for every kid to have their own iPad and for every teenager 30 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:47,160 to get, for young teenagers, I guess preteens to get phones at 10 years old. 31 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:52,920 You know, I mean, it was what 13, 14 years ago when we, when we started doing this and 32 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,760 we met and I, it just was a different reality. 33 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,160 And so everything is just changing so quickly. 34 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:03,280 And this is just something that obviously we think about a lot. 35 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,720 And the fact that society is advancing so much quicker than our brains and bodies are. 36 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:13,920 And so I don't have kids, as all of you know, but Danny has two little cutie-petooties. 37 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:17,080 And so we just, like, of course, this is a huge topic of interest. 38 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:22,800 So I'm kind of interviewing you a little bit, Danny, and just kind of like, get a little 39 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,600 bit of your perspective on all this stuff, you know, because I know it brought up a lot 40 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,960 for you when you were listening to the, to the episode, right? 41 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:30,960 It certainly did. 42 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:36,160 And I think where I'm at is, because Pullman, I talk about this a lot, it's 2024. 43 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,200 Like we can't deny that technology is a part of our everyday life. 44 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:45,040 And but there is an important need to strike a balance with what can we invite into our 45 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:49,200 homes and do we allow it to have power over our everyday life? 46 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:54,840 And I can be honest, like I will get into that social media trap and I will find myself 47 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,720 like, oh my gosh, I just doomschool for an hour or two hours. 48 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,240 Like, why did I do that? 49 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:04,400 And I think it's such like a thing that these devices, and that's what's in the podcast, 50 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,120 are designed to trap us, right? 51 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,000 And we have developed mature brains. 52 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,360 Now let's look at the brain of anyone who's under the age of like 29. 53 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,000 Now they're saying if, you know, if you're under 29, your brain's not fully developed. 54 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,880 And obviously you can't wait until you're 29 before you make big life decisions these 55 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,380 days. 56 00:03:22,380 --> 00:03:28,000 But you, we need to understand that if I'm 39, and I have a hard time putting a device 57 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,720 down, and I'm supposed to like have all the tools, right? 58 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,600 What is it looking like for our kids? 59 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:40,320 And so we're just trying to help, you know, find that middle balance, happy medium of 60 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:45,120 how do we embrace the world today without being, you know, out on a mountain by yourselves 61 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,520 and you have no technology at all. 62 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:50,400 Like obviously a lot of us would like to do that, but we also like to stay connected. 63 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,440 And so how do you find the balance of it? 64 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:57,040 And I can just share from my experience of what I do at home with my kids and we do have 65 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,360 screens at our house. 66 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,920 We, you know, but I don't, we don't vilify them all the time. 67 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,220 My kids know that it's like eating sugar. 68 00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:05,960 You need to balance it. 69 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,640 And so that's what this discussion is going to be. 70 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:12,920 It's just kind of how do we figure out a cortex way to handle all the science? 71 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,920 Yes, exactly. 72 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:21,480 So I'm, I mean, your kids are five and eight and I'm curious, how do you talk about it 73 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:22,480 with them? 74 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,160 Like, of course you, you have a phone, right? 75 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:28,080 You have a computer, you have an iPad, there's a TV in the house, like all those things, 76 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,080 right? 77 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:33,880 So how do you, because I feel like a lot of parents feel like, or I guess I would feel 78 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,720 like, well, it's kind of mean to be like, you don't get to use it, but I use it all 79 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,400 the long, you know what I mean? 80 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,880 And then of course, like we explained to them, like my brain is more developed because I'm 81 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,680 older, but how have you talked about that with your kids? 82 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,080 Cause we know kids love screens. 83 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,080 I mean, most kids like really, really love them. 84 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,000 Um, that's a great question. 85 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:58,920 And I think that the conversation has changed as I learned more and as I navigate it, you 86 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,920 know, as my kids get older too. 87 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:06,120 I swear my daughter came out of the womb, like just knowing how to operate a device. 88 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,640 Like it really actually was terrifying. 89 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,560 I'm like, this generation seems like they can just like swipe intuitively, like what's 90 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:12,560 going on. 91 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:16,640 Um, and I also am in the camp of it just not being about the screen. 92 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,960 It's also the effect on the whole body, right? 93 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,080 So I've always was like, swatting devices out of their hands. 94 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,480 I'm like, I don't want you to get like any extra EMFs or anything else going on with 95 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,480 it. 96 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:32,600 Um, but with my son, he's so good at giving me like back little, you know, if I'm like, 97 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,600 Oh, you know what? 98 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,600 I don't think you should watch it. 99 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,600 He's like, well, you're on your phone all the time. 100 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,000 And I'm like, ooh, Touche, good point. 101 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,000 I am. 102 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,000 I said, but here's the deal. 103 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,000 Here's the difference. 104 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:44,280 I'm an adult and I run my business through all of these things. 105 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:50,080 So the conversation I have with my son really, because he's very aware and he loves screens 106 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,760 way more than my daughter does. 107 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,560 Axl can turn into like that zombie kid. 108 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,720 Like you turn on the screen and he just like zones out and just stares and then nothing 109 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,320 on the world exists. 110 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,080 And he loves Minecraft. 111 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,360 He loves video games and he could watch TV episode after episode. 112 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:10,280 And the crazy part is like how much the streaming, like you said, how much has changed. 113 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:15,360 We didn't grow up with that constant stream of just like never having to stop for a commercial 114 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,640 never having to stop for anything. 115 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:22,520 And this guy talks about it in the podcast where he's like millennials had a different, 116 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:26,120 I think we're the last generation that had a different relationship with technology, 117 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,120 right? 118 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,360 And it's so interesting. 119 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:34,720 So with Axl, I just talk about how, you know, for my job, I need to be on tech. 120 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:35,720 I need to be on my phone. 121 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,000 I need to be on the computer. 122 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,000 And I tell them all the time. 123 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,120 I was like, some parents go away to an office. 124 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,200 My office is with me all the time on my device. 125 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,680 And it's, I'm answering emails. 126 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,640 I'm answering Instagram messages. 127 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,640 We're on calls. 128 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:48,640 Like it's just constant. 129 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,760 And so when you are a business owner, it's different. 130 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,400 There's less boundaries and I am working on my boundaries. 131 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,720 But I told him, I was like, would you rather me be around and like having my phone or would 132 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,480 you rather me be in an office and then you don't see me as much. 133 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,120 And, you know, and so we have conversations like that just to give them a taste of like 134 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,400 what other people do and how it looks. 135 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,680 And I say, but you are right. 136 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,200 I am on my phone too much and I should get off of it more. 137 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,400 Thank you for that feedback. 138 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:19,360 And I think the number one thing is really being honest with yourself as a parent. 139 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,600 I see more times than not. 140 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,360 And this is not to make people feel bad, but I just don't think we have awareness. 141 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:29,440 How many times I go out to restaurants or places and people are just on their phones 142 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,720 mindlessly like ignoring their kids. 143 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:36,000 And then when I'm at home and my dad will just be on his phone mindlessly, like we just 144 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:40,160 all have such a tendency just to have this device of just like sitting and giving us 145 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,720 information and we can't stop. 146 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,320 It's the dopamine is just more, more, more, more. 147 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,320 It's the dopamine. 148 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:51,200 And if you have a disorganized brain, you already have that dopamine imbalance, right? 149 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,960 Especially if you're somebody that has more like ADHD tendencies, then you already have 150 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:56,960 that. 151 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,240 So you're going to be more prone to becoming addicted to that. 152 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,960 And it truly is an addiction. 153 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:01,960 It is. 154 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:02,960 It is. 155 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,320 It's totally an escape for sure. 156 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:10,240 And so I think for our conversation at home too, as we really talk about the boundaries 157 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,240 with it as well. 158 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,680 And since I understand how the brain works, we always talk about, okay, before I turn 159 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,240 on the TV, because once you turn that TV on, you've lost your audience. 160 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,440 They're done, right? 161 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,560 So we talk about all the parameters before we do it. 162 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:24,560 Okay. 163 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,760 Before you go watch a show, what's going to happen when the show's over? 164 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,080 How are you going to handle turning it off? 165 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,680 And I'm going to, I give them examples or you're going to have them melt down and say, 166 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:33,680 no, I need more. 167 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,480 Are you going to say, okay, mom? 168 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,480 And so we talk about it. 169 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,000 We role play it. 170 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:42,080 And we've done this enough that when I can go up to my son and I'm like, hey bud, it's 171 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,080 time to turn it off. 172 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,120 He just says, okay, and turns it off. 173 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,120 So I'll be like, mom, there's two minutes left. 174 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,120 And I'm like, okay, that's fine. 175 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:51,720 You know, so like we have that communication and it's non-emotional. 176 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:57,200 And I think he's done a really good job of understanding how I perceive screens. 177 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,640 I also am not someone who sits and watches TV. 178 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,160 I am on my phone. 179 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,480 So I don't know if that plays a big role in it because I know a lot of families at home 180 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,040 at nighttime will just turn on the TV and that's their thing. 181 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:14,040 But I just, I, and I've never been a person who believed in TVs in a bedroom because I 182 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,160 don't think that's great for sleep. 183 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,960 So we've never had that. 184 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:18,960 Right. 185 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,280 My parents certainly do. 186 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,200 Their hit, Axel and Ziggy's dad has TVs. 187 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,240 They play, when they're with their dad, I already know that they're getting a massive 188 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,760 amount of screen time in there. 189 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:34,760 They're clocking a lot of hours and I'll know when my son has done more than not. 190 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:39,320 He'll come home more in like a haze and he'll just want to talk about every video game he 191 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,320 played. 192 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,320 Right. 193 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,880 I'm so very insightful how much you've been on a screen. 194 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:44,880 So I don't know. 195 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:48,560 I think for me, I just, I don't have a charge with it anymore. 196 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,680 I feel like I'm at peace with it. 197 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,840 And I think that's what talking to you too is, you know, it's 2024. 198 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,400 You can't hide your kids from technology. 199 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,400 They need to not sleep. 200 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,400 Yeah. 201 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:02,240 And I think that's a lot of like the messaging that's out there that's like really scary 202 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,120 for parents and for kids, right? 203 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,880 Where they're like, don't ever get your kid on a screen. 204 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:13,040 And like, that's why, again, I love this episode of the podcast that we're going to obviously 205 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:19,840 put in the show notes because he's like, I'm not, you have to find a balance because like 206 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:20,960 you and I are saying, right? 207 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:25,160 And so I think a lot of people that talk about this stuff online have a tendency to really 208 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,800 be very kind of like fear mongering with parents. 209 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:33,440 And that's not fair because we don't live in a reality where it's easy to escape them. 210 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,040 So if it's not with you, it's going to be at school. 211 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,520 It's going to be with a friend. 212 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,960 It's going to be with the dad, right? 213 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,640 Like they're always going to have access to that. 214 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:45,040 So it's also about, I think, being honest with like, this is what it does to your brain 215 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,160 and like helping them tune into their bodies. 216 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:51,640 And I think that's kind of like a lot of what we talk about in our program is like the parent 217 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:57,440 is teaching the child how to do all of these functions that now we as adults do. 218 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,600 And a lot of us had to figure out how to do it on our own. 219 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:04,200 And a lot of us didn't figure it out until very little at my aka me in terms of like 220 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:08,480 checking in with your body, taking care of your body, knowing your rhythms, knowing, 221 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:12,400 you know, all these things that, that some people, you know, are better at. 222 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,640 Some people, you know, have a little bit more trouble with. 223 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:18,560 But as a parent, that's another thing that you get to teach your kids, right? 224 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:23,800 It's like, that haze that he comes back in being like, Hey, do you notice? 225 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,800 How do you feel right now? 226 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:25,800 Okay. 227 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,920 Now let's think about how you feel tomorrow after you've been outside. 228 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,720 You really haven't looked at screens, blah, blah. 229 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,640 And like helping them understand that because kids, there's two different sides, right? 230 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:41,120 One is the kids and the side of the kid, I should say that is like candy, dopamine screens, 231 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,360 all the things that are fast impulse, impulse, impulse, impulse, which is normal because 232 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:50,600 once again, it's absolutely developmentally appropriate to not have that much impulse 233 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,160 control at certain ages, right? 234 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:58,040 Like again, the brain doesn't finish developing until we're 26 or 29, depending on which neuro 235 00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,880 scientists you ask. 236 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,880 And so it's totally natural. 237 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,680 But then there's other side of kids where they really are absorbing all these different 238 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:09,480 things about what you're teaching them and what is good for them and what they like and 239 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,160 what they don't love and what works with their own body. 240 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,480 And so if you help them, they might not mention in the short term, and that's where I think 241 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,720 a lot of people might get frustrated being like, I told them it's not good for their 242 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,280 brain, but they're still doing it. 243 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,040 And it's like, well, so are we. 244 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:29,080 Right, right, right, right, right, or scrally Mcscrollers and over or drinking alcohol or 245 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,600 eating that food and we know it's not good, but we keep doing it. 246 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,760 And I think that's about helping them understand that balance too. 247 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:35,760 Yeah. 248 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,400 And being like, you're not always going to be perfect because that doesn't exist. 249 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:45,440 It's just about finding you, I do the screens and the candies and the whatever and why step 250 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,440 back, right? 251 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:51,360 And if they can learn what that feels like that balance at a young age, oh my gosh, 252 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:56,600 I'm just setting them an amazing success and, you know, as they grow older. 253 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,600 And it depends on the child. 254 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,440 Because as you were talking, I'm like, me and Axel can have those really deep conversations 255 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:05,560 and he's like, yeah, mom, I know it just scrambles my brain and we have really, I mean, he is 256 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:10,280 three years older than Ziggy and he has really insightful comments and he's just able to see 257 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,760 things so differently and he's just a really tender guy. 258 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:19,880 And so I think his personality, he can see it and he really empathizes with others and 259 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,240 he can, he has a lot of compassion. 260 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,680 So I feel like for him, he can get that. 261 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,960 And I mean, this has been his whole life, like we've done it. 262 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:31,000 And as I saw that meme that came through as we're talking about social media, I learn 263 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,200 a lot from social media. 264 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,200 I love it. 265 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,200 Me too. 266 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:39,520 From that space of, you know, you learn, your first born like teaches you how to become 267 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:40,520 a parent basically. 268 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:44,920 And then your second born gets to like reap the benefits of you being a better parent 269 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,760 and you grow with your first like you really do grow together. 270 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,040 And I feel excellent, I have done that together. 271 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,080 He's seen me in my extremes of dysregulation. 272 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,560 He's seen me go from one side of the pendulum to the other. 273 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,320 And he's just like learning and we talk about it. 274 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:04,360 And I think that's, that's something I never had as a kid was just having open dialogue 275 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,360 constantly. 276 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,160 Like, I remember asking questions and then just being shut down and be like, just cause, 277 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:10,800 just cause I said so, right? 278 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,000 And for me, being a curious child, I was like, gosh, I want my kids to ask questions and 279 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,360 know why. 280 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,520 And so when you were talking, I was also thinking about the subconscious. 281 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:25,760 Why do kids, when they get to a certain age in middle school, really, when they start 282 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,840 to see all the other kids get it, right? 283 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,760 And they're like, Oh, I want one now too. 284 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,320 Cause otherwise I'll be left out. 285 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:36,840 And so then it's hitting those subconscious beliefs of like, I'm not enough or, you know, 286 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:43,000 you start to really create a worldview from just that really microscopic space of I don't 287 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,360 have this one thing and it's giving me so much value and worth because kids like, Oh, 288 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,440 I have a phone now. 289 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,560 And I just have different. 290 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:56,000 First of all, this is where your parenting, you get to trust your values and you get to 291 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,360 figure out what matters to you. 292 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,560 And I have found a community that we're all pretty like minded. 293 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:08,160 And so it's actually a really amazing conversation I'd like to have with these moms that I'm 294 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,840 in dads that we're doing pods with. 295 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:14,400 And like, Hey, how are we going to tackle when cell phones and these technology things 296 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,400 come on? 297 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,880 Cause if one kid gets it, it is going to change the dynamic of the rest of them. 298 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,680 So it's a really important conversation to have. 299 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,320 Like how do we all view this? 300 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,080 Because there's things that some families do that I'm like, Oh, that's not in a line 301 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,080 with my values. 302 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,760 I don't like the way that felt. 303 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,960 And then there's things I do that's not in a line with their values. 304 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:35,200 So you can see as we're in a community, we're always crashing up against our own subconscious 305 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,200 beliefs. 306 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:41,920 And, you know, and you just like sharing like the next car I want and you're like, no way. 307 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,800 And I'm like, but I love it. 308 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,200 It means so much to me. 309 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,200 That's what I want. 310 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,720 And so I think this is where it really boils down to then really helping your kids from 311 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:57,600 the inside out understand what are important values and worth that they need to have within 312 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:58,600 them. 313 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:03,000 So they don't crave the things that everybody else has just because everybody else has it 314 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,360 and teaching new ways of staying connected and doing things. 315 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:12,080 Cause I mean, even in that podcast, he said it's not necessarily like bad that they're 316 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,360 on screens per se. 317 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,520 He was really nailing on social media, the social media aspect. 318 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,520 Yeah. 319 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,560 Talking about when kids go home and play video games, they don't just sit around the same 320 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:21,560 console anymore. 321 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,080 They all have to go to their own computer. 322 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,920 So they're isolating. 323 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,880 So it's not like we can villainize like just video games. 324 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,920 It's how they're being played. 325 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:35,880 And this is where we really need to look at, well, what do we want for your own child? 326 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,320 And yeah, there's so many different ways to look at it. 327 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,960 And I think that's the important part here. 328 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:43,640 And that's what we're trying to bring in through our view is that you really have to get in 329 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:48,260 touch with what you value, what need does it make meeting? 330 00:16:48,260 --> 00:16:52,600 And then how are you going to navigate that and having a conversation with your kid? 331 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:57,320 Well, and I think what I really liked about his, his perceptions, he's very optimistic. 332 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,240 He's like, I'm not a cynic at all. 333 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,080 He's like, I'm actually anti-synicism. 334 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,080 Right. 335 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,080 And I was like, that's cool. 336 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:08,000 I identify with that too, because what's the cynicism going to do for you first of 337 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000 all? 338 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,000 Just bear. 339 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000 Yeah. 340 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,000 Just bear. 341 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,760 And it's just like being able to see that there is so much hope and like the fact that 342 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,680 he's interviewing teenagers who are saying they wish TikTok was never invented, right? 343 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,080 And you're like, whoa, I never thought they would have said that. 344 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,880 But that's wise because they know what it's doing to them. 345 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,680 And so that's the other side of the coin, right? 346 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:34,080 And we've talked about this before on the podcast is like, yes, it's creating these 347 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:38,080 unrealistic standards and this lack of socialization. 348 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,480 But the other part is that we really do have so much more awareness of mental health, so 349 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,680 much more communication about it, so much more openness about it. 350 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:50,680 And so these kids know, like when they get to a certain age, they actually know exactly 351 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:51,880 what it's doing to their brain. 352 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:56,400 There's like scientists that are on TikTok and are showing them what the dopamine is doing 353 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,400 and what the... 354 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,040 And that's the other side of it, right? 355 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,800 And like humans inherently want to feel good. 356 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,200 They want to be the best version of this. 357 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,160 We want to be the best version of ourselves, right? 358 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:06,240 That's who we are. 359 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,680 And so I think that's kind of like that other side where he talks about like, yeah, there 360 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,520 is a way to do it. 361 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:16,680 That's not going to continue to isolate us and continue to kind of like just turn us 362 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:21,560 into Wally where at the end they're like just like in these like floating pods and they 363 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,560 don't look at each other. 364 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,720 They just have a screen in their face. 365 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,720 Like, that's terrifying, right? 366 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,960 And I do think that, you know, again, we've talked about this so many times, but there 367 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,440 is like a kind of like a thought revolution that's coming. 368 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,640 And more and more and more people are like, mm-mm, I'm not okay with this kind of living, 369 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:37,640 right? 370 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:43,080 And so I think that's a cool part of like also being able to empower kids from this age and 371 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,800 like help them understand because at a certain age, it is actually very developmentally 372 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,520 appropriate to start to compare yourself to your peers and to want what the other kids 373 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,440 have and to want to belong, right? 374 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,600 And that's we, who's the other guy that had a really good podcast about that, Danny? 375 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,600 Remember, we talked about attachment. 376 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,600 Is it Gordon Newfield? 377 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,600 Yes. 378 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,600 Yeah, Dr. Gordon Newfield. 379 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,880 Gordon Newfield talks about like all the different stages of the human, right? 380 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,840 And so there is a stage where all you want is to belong. 381 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,240 You do not want to be different, right? 382 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,560 And then later on you want to be different because you're like, okay, it is kind of cool 383 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,640 to have more attention, right? 384 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:20,160 And very few, you know, it's definitely the minority that are okay being different and 385 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,680 standing out at a young age, right? 386 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,720 And like, I remember, I went through that. 387 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:29,960 Like I remember everything that I wanted, like I wanted to be whatever was like the cool 388 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,880 like girl on Disney Channel, you know what I mean? 389 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,400 We've all, we've all been there. 390 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:38,640 And so it's also finding like what kind of like really helping them align with their 391 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:43,360 values at that age, at that preteen and teenager age where it's like, it's okay to want those 392 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,360 things. 393 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:47,320 It's also okay to, but it's also important to understand that you, first of all, can't 394 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,320 always have everything that you want. 395 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:53,200 And second of all, that you, like, why do you want that, right? 396 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,560 Like, why did I want to be blonde with braces? 397 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,560 Like, I don't know. 398 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,560 I don't know. 399 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,560 Lizzie McGuire, I don't know. 400 00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,560 Like something like that. 401 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:00,560 I didn't check. 402 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:01,560 Genuinely. 403 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:02,560 I wanted to be blonde with braces. 404 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,560 Yeah. 405 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:07,680 But that's what's so true is like in Dr. Gordon Newfield says you need to be attached, securely 406 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:12,160 attached to your parents before you went because that is what you're attaching. 407 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:16,720 And what happens is we have so many insecure relationships with child and parent that then 408 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,280 they attach to their friends. 409 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,280 Yes. 410 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,760 I mean, it's like the blind leading the blind. 411 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:25,000 And that's the problem is that they're, they're attaching to the wrong thing because we want 412 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000 to belong. 413 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,200 And then it's the, because then that spirals into the bullying and all the other stuff that 414 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,880 comes with phones. 415 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:36,880 And I think my perspective is just be securely attached to your parent. 416 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,920 Check the way it makes you feel like, how does it feel when another kid has something 417 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,420 that you want? 418 00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:46,160 Because if you can help a child bull that down to then I feel like I'm not enough or 419 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:51,240 I feel like I'm not good enough, you help them through a reconnect, feel that feeling. 420 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:55,920 And then they go, actually, I don't know if I actually need that to make myself feel better. 421 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:56,920 But you're right. 422 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:00,280 Like we do, it's okay to want and crave things, right? 423 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:01,280 Absolutely. 424 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,560 But when it overtakes and it becomes obsessive and it's the only thing you can think about 425 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,400 and that's how then you see yourself in society. 426 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,400 That's where the problem lies. 427 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,440 Well, because also that, that's going to spark fear, right? 428 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,720 So when you, when you're that one kid that doesn't have that one thing and you go into 429 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,360 the school and you're like, oh, I'm so scared. 430 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,360 They're going to bully me. 431 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,160 Everybody's going to make fun of me. 432 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,320 And so that's where that secure attachment comes in. 433 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,320 That's exactly what it is. 434 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,600 Like, listen, I don't have it. 435 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,000 Do I wish I did sometimes? 436 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,000 Sure. 437 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,680 But I'm going to use yours today at school and then I'm going to go home and I'm not 438 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:32,680 going to have it. 439 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,680 You know what I mean? 440 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:34,680 Or whatever. 441 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:35,680 Because we're never going to control everything about kids. 442 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:36,680 Right. 443 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,560 Like when you're not with them, they might use their friend's phone, right? 444 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,600 That's the reality of it. 445 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,520 But that's where you kind of are. 446 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:47,040 If you're able to give them that safe, safe, safe attachment, that safe space at home, 447 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,840 they're also able to talk about that. 448 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,320 Like, hey, today I was at school and they were making fun of this other kid for not having 449 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,040 whatever and I don't have it either. 450 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,600 So now I'm scared that they're going to make fun of me. 451 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:00,320 So then you talk them through it and you go through all of those feelings and you make 452 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:05,000 them know that no matter what anybody else says, they are safe with you and they are 453 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,800 valuable and they are loved and all of these things that we want them to feel, right? 454 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:13,640 So that way they walk in knowing that that device isn't going to give me that thing that 455 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,880 I deeply was actually craving. 456 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,880 And that's the goal. 457 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,880 Right. 458 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:18,880 And I already have it within me. 459 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,600 So I don't need to seek out the external. 460 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,880 And that's what we do. 461 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:22,880 Even adults, right? 462 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:28,280 Because the guy on the podcast, he was like, I'd love to actually study what the phones 463 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,480 are doing to the adult brain, right? 464 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:35,600 Because think about all the people you know who put their value and worth on the things 465 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,920 that they have and how they look and all that, right? 466 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,520 And today's world is out of control. 467 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,400 And but when, and then when you're that person who goes out and buys all those things and 468 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:49,440 you get all those external validation, you then realize that that actually didn't make 469 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:50,440 you feel better. 470 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,640 And you're like, well, I actually am not any further along because you brought your mind 471 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,200 with you the whole time. 472 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:59,400 So when you actually start to reframe your mind and you actually start to look at what 473 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:04,280 am I actually needing by getting this thing, then you start to realize you can give that 474 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,280 to yourself first. 475 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,320 And then you can go just now you can be unattached to that thing. 476 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:13,760 And I think that's exactly what I've been able to help Axel with is we talk about his 477 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,880 value and his worth and all the internal stuff so much that now he realizes he can turn 478 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,200 on and off a device and it doesn't control him the same way. 479 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,000 And that doesn't mean we're not going to have issues down the road, you know, of like him 480 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:29,840 wanting to fight, but my kids never sneak off and try to watch a show without me. 481 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,160 My daughter will take my phone. 482 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,560 I will admit that she will take a few pictures, but then I just stopped. 483 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:39,360 I don't react to it, you know, and like, and she'll sometimes text Paloma, like when she 484 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:43,720 learned about the emojis that can talk and you know, you're like, Oh, he's got your phone. 485 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,880 And it, but it's just, it's just like, Oh, can I have it back? 486 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:51,760 You know, and I have, I don't have to like, it's not this insane fight that goes on at 487 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:52,760 home. 488 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,480 And I feel like, and this is where we want to help parents because oftentimes parents 489 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,360 will get to that space of like, I am burnt out. 490 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:00,760 I can't do one more thing. 491 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,800 And then I'm turning to the screen to help me. 492 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,520 And this is why we go, you've got to regulate your nervous system. 493 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:08,960 So that way, yeah. 494 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:14,000 So that way when your kid starts to get, you know, in that space, you don't feel like you 495 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,520 just turned to the phone to like give that crotch. 496 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,520 And I was there. 497 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:18,520 I did that. 498 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,520 I totally know the feeling. 499 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,600 And it's like you, you just need a break and it's okay. 500 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,400 It's like how we see meds, right? 501 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:27,680 Like you need out a quicksand and you really need to break, do it, take it, right? 502 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,040 That's your journey. 503 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,760 But then figure out what you're going to start doing next to get off of that because otherwise 504 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,640 it just breaks that cycle and then you never actually get through it. 505 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,880 So that's what we're trying to help parents understand is, you know, if you turn to that 506 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,400 dependence on it, then your kids will depend on it. 507 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:47,920 If you learn the tools on how to get out of it and how to help yourself regulate, then 508 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,160 use it and turn it off. 509 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:53,680 So it's not an abusive and addictive and toxic relationship with these devices. 510 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:54,680 Yeah, exactly. 511 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,520 And that's where, that's also where the regulation comes in, right? 512 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:01,960 Because you can be the kid that has all the positive subconscious beliefs and all the insecure 513 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:06,000 attachments, but if you're brain is in survival mode, you're going to get into that school 514 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,080 and see that bully and go, right? 515 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:15,480 Total survival mode, fight or flight, feel completely attacked and go into that fear space 516 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,880 and, you know, fight, flight, whatever it is for each kid, right? 517 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:25,320 And that's where, or when the dad or the mom says, no, you can't have your iPad tonight, 518 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:26,320 same reaction, right? 519 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:27,680 Life or death. 520 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,120 And so that's where it always goes hand in hand. 521 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:34,760 And I think that's why it works for your kids right now, because they do so much brain work 522 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,440 and their brains really are very regulated. 523 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:43,480 They're not perfect because again, nobody's brain is, but these kids are super regulated 524 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,640 compared to other kids that are their age, right? 525 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,400 And so there are certain things that are developmentally in age appropriate, but there are certain 526 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:53,240 things that are like still getting in the way for some other kids. 527 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,240 And you can see the difference very clearly with kids that do the brain work versus the 528 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:02,280 kids that don't or kids that have that solid neurological foundation or they don't, right? 529 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,840 And that's just such a big thing. 530 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,160 And that happens with adults too. 531 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:09,640 You can tell the way somebody reacts to a life or death situation or to a not so life 532 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,000 or death situation, right? 533 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:16,200 When something happens, when you forgot the keys inside the car or when you are, you know, 534 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:21,360 missed the plane or whatever it is, like you can always tell how people are reacting in 535 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:22,560 that kind of situation. 536 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,880 And so it's really the same thing. 537 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:26,880 It really is. 538 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:31,560 And so if you're listening to this as a parent and you're like, I'm trying to battle this 539 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,280 whole thing with my kid with phones, just take a moment and pause right now and just 540 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,240 examine your relationship with screens. 541 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,200 Like are you able to turn it off, put it down? 542 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,520 Do you have an emotional charge? 543 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,560 How does it feel when you get on social media and you see a friend post something that you 544 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:45,560 didn't get invited to? 545 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,960 Like what's coming up for you? 546 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:52,120 That's the first step, getting yourself into a really calm, regulated space. 547 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:56,760 And then we start to help our kids just by helping you will help your kids. 548 00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:02,360 And it's one of our favorite things to watch and every parent, they're like, wow, I calm 549 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:06,400 down and then my kids calm down and then I stopped doing this and then my kids stopped 550 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,400 doing this. 551 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,320 And it doesn't mean everything's going to be cured and solved and you're just never 552 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,640 going to have anything, but you're going to start to really start seeing how much more 553 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,480 your kids will help enhance your growth journey. 554 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:24,520 And that's been my case because I, I now sit with curiosity when my child has a meltdown. 555 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,800 My favorite new line, I just have to show this because it's actually really funny this 556 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,760 morning because my daughter is five. 557 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:36,400 She told me that I just lost 88 points in my goodness of being a mom. 558 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:40,160 She goes, well, I just took down 88 points off of you, how good of a mom you are. 559 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,560 And I was like, and I just laughed because I was like, what five year old puts that thought 560 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,560 together? 561 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,600 And it's so funny because I'm just like, are you being graded? 562 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,360 Like where do you get your grades from? 563 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:53,560 First of all, because I mean, she's in preschool now. 564 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,280 So she's definitely learning a couple new things. 565 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:01,520 But I'm pretty, she's not walking home with like any marks on her papers and grades and 566 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:02,520 whatnot. 567 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:05,360 But I just think it's so funny because she really can see like when I don't give her 568 00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:08,040 something that she really desperately wants. 569 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,440 And my boundary has stayed so good. 570 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,440 I used to waver. 571 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,800 I used to be like, oh, I can't, I can't do it yet. 572 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,000 I'm like, I really want to follow through on this boundary, but it's really not, I'm 573 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,000 not there yet. 574 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,480 And I think a lot of parents know exactly what I'm talking about. 575 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:24,920 Like you threatened to take away that screen and then you're like, but I actually need 576 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,720 it for me because it's my break. 577 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,560 So they feel that they call your bluff out, right? 578 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:31,280 They know that you're going to cave. 579 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:36,840 I was so there for so long until I did more deeper work on my shadow and my ego and like, 580 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,600 what is it that's coming up for me? 581 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:39,840 What what need am I getting met? 582 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,560 And I was like, oh, I need a break. 583 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,080 That's why I say you can still have your screen. 584 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:48,400 And then I realized, well, wait, if I'm so burnt out and exhausted, what part of my life 585 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:49,400 do I need to change? 586 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:50,400 Yes. 587 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,600 I started just making little tiny tweaks. 588 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,480 But the first thing always is doing my brain work. 589 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,400 That will never ever come off my plate. 590 00:28:56,400 --> 00:29:00,720 It is my go to that keeps me in a really good space. 591 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:05,040 And now I'm like, oh, I'm going to add this to my day now that I can because my container 592 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,320 has opened and I can hold more. 593 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,100 I can now take on more things to keep it going. 594 00:29:12,100 --> 00:29:17,280 So that's our feedback is just like really it's not like, let's just take all the devices 595 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:18,280 out the window. 596 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,840 And look at what needs are getting met by having these things. 597 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:22,840 Yeah. 598 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,520 Because these devices are going to be secondary to that always. 599 00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:29,600 The devices or the food or the dyes and the sugars and the this and the that always going 600 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,280 to be secondary, right? 601 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,280 Yeah. 602 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:33,280 Or for adults, you know, substances. 603 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:34,280 Yeah. 604 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:35,840 Like that kind of stuff. 605 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:40,200 Like it's always going to be secondary to what the true need is. 606 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,240 And once again, if sometimes you're like, I don't even care. 607 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,920 I'm just going to do it. 608 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:45,920 That's fine. 609 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,760 And that's not your go to every single day for the rest of your life. 610 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,280 Because then it's just going to become, you know, that's where it becomes a really toxic 611 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:54,280 pattern. 612 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,280 Exactly. 613 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:59,680 And Jonathan was saying in his book or on the podcast, he's like, if we just took away 614 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:04,520 all the cell phones and locked him up during the day, we would see so many changes. 615 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:05,520 I agree. 616 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,760 I think we'd see some changes, but would we get to the root? 617 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:09,760 Absolutely not. 618 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,040 Like there's still so much more to do. 619 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:15,880 And because innately we're human and there's so much of our humanness that needs to be 620 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:21,480 changed, love and attention and so many things have been passed down from generation to generation. 621 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:27,200 And I'm so excited because of social media, we've become aware of all this cycle, you 622 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,400 know, ancestral trauma and all the things that we've been passing down that now we're 623 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,200 like, oh, this is a thing. 624 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:34,600 And now we can start becoming aware of it. 625 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,560 So it's really just being able to find the balance, but really ultimately getting to 626 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,920 the root of what drives you to do what you're doing. 627 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,080 Here you go. 628 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,840 And because I don't think, yeah, we're seeing it uptake. 629 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,000 I think kids are just finding it. 630 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,120 I mean, it's crazy to me. 631 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:53,680 I think it's so funny because when I'm having technology problems, number one, you're way 632 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:54,680 faster than me. 633 00:30:54,680 --> 00:31:01,520 I mean, you're a few years younger, but then like I'll go hang out with some young teenagers 634 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,320 and like, Danny, why don't you just push this button and makes it so much faster. 635 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,040 I was like, oh, thank you for that troubleshooting. 636 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,680 So they're so insightful. 637 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,760 They could fix everything in seconds. 638 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:16,840 I'm like, so we do need to stay up with it because it is part of our future and just 639 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:17,840 the balance. 640 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:18,840 Yeah, it's part of our reality. 641 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:19,840 And it's your for a reason. 642 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,880 It's just like learning to understand it and balance it. 643 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:23,880 All the time. 644 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,000 So, okay, that was great. 645 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,480 Thank you. 646 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,040 So let's do the thing. 647 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:31,040 Okay. 648 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,040 Thank you for listening today. 649 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:37,760 Please subscribe to the pod and rate it and share it with all of your friends and family 650 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:42,480 and anybody that you think would be interested in this, follow us on social media. 651 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:48,640 Our Instagram is in the cortex underscore us, tick tock in underscore the underscore cortex, 652 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:53,120 Facebook in the cortex, U of S. If you're a Spanish speaker, our Instagram is in the 653 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,120 cortex underscore ESP. 654 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:59,160 I'm still, you know, working on them getting there little by little, posting a little bit 655 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:00,160 more. 656 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:01,160 I might make a post today. 657 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:02,160 You never know. 658 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:07,240 And please, you know, if you ever have any questions or anything, you can always DM us 659 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,000 or send us an email. 660 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:13,080 You can set up a free 15 minute call if you want to talk about something specific. 661 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:17,440 We have that at the link in our bio and on all of our social media platforms. 662 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,600 And our website is in the cortex.com. 663 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:25,200 And remember, if you use promo code, braniac, you can get 10 bucks off the very first payment 664 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,360 of our program. 665 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,840 And we're excited. 666 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,120 We're happy to have so many people listening. 667 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,000 We keep looking at our stats and they keep going up and up and up. 668 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,080 So we love this. 669 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:36,200 And thank you so much for being here. 670 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,240 I really love having everybody here. 671 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:40,240 Thank you. 672 00:32:40,240 --> 00:33:07,080 Have a great day.