Hi and welcome to the In the Cortex podcast.
We are your hosts.
I'm Paloma Garcia.
And I am Dani Perrecone.
And we're the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people
the tools that they need to change their lives through brain reorganization.
No medication, just movement.
When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start
to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex.
Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life.
And now on to today's episode.
Hi everybody and welcome to a very, very special episode of our podcast.
Today we're here with Dr. Greer Kirshenbaum.
She is one of the most amazing people we've met in the last few years.
And I'll let her tell you a lot more about her herself.
You're going to intro yourself in a little bit, but we're here with you today because
we want to talk about all the overlap that we have in our philosophies on nurturing,
on parenting, on children and on really putting the focus on yourself as a parent, right?
Or as somebody who's going to become a parent at some point.
And that's where we've created this program.
And so we really want to use this podcast to give people some more insight and some
more connection to who we are, why we're doing this and what the program is actually going
to do for parents today.
So welcome.
Thank you.
So happy to be here.
Loving to be here.
We want to do like a quick intro or not so quick.
Just kind of tell us about yourself and how you got into what you're doing.
Yeah, for sure.
So my background is in science.
I was a research scientist for about 15 years.
I did a PhD in medical science and neuroscience and also post doctor fellowship in integrative
neuroscience.
And my focus the whole time was the origins of mental health, the origins and the reality
of mental health and how do genetics play a role?
How does experience play a role?
And really, really focused on the brain circuitry, the brain areas, the neurochemistry, everything
that contributes to our mental health over those years.
And by the end of my time in research, I promised myself I'm going to keep going as long as
I love it.
Because I fiercely loved it for so many years.
I would jump out of bed feeling like the luckiest person in the world, skip to work, get to
be curious and creative.
There was a lot of down, down, downs too because research is so freaking hard as well.
But I did love it.
And I promised myself, yes, this is the place for me as long as I feel this way.
But by the end of my postdoc, I was really itching to bring information out into the
world.
And I kind of had that in my mind the whole time.
I was like, I think I'm going to love this for a while.
And then I really want to use the information.
There's so much incredible information locked up.
And so I was ready.
The amount of information that had come out on how experience in early life shapes the
emotional brain, shapes life, how it was so inspiring.
It was so much to communicate.
And I saw my friends having kids and I saw that they did not know any of this.
And in fact, all the modern parenting practices were, you know, working against fostering
emotional health for many, many children.
So I was like, this is it.
This is the time.
This is the place.
I left academia and trained as a birth and postpartum doula and also took a lot of other
courses, a lot of other education that would help me apply the knowledge to people.
And then, I mean, the book was, my book was like a huge goal the whole time.
I actually left the lab being like, I'm going straight to writing this book.
And I actually did start writing it then, but realized I needed a lot more experience
really.
So yeah, I spent many years doing that, became a mom myself in the same time.
And now my book is done, which now encompasses like my whole life as a human, seeing myself,
all my work and working with parents as well.
So it's kind of like the neuroscience of early life and parenthood life, the art of raising
babies, this kind of like the Venn diagram overlapping there.
Yeah, that's where I'm working now.
So I love that.
So when we found you, well, I think I don't remember how it all transpired, but I know
that people were asking you about primitive reflexes, remember?
And you and I had a call.
Okay.
Cool.
So, and I remember, I mean, I've been deeply embedded in this world of like going against
mainstream stuff for so long, because I'm like, well, obviously things aren't working
great.
We're not doing great as a society.
What's going on?
And I know for me, I had a super disorganized brain.
And one of the main things parents always come and say to us, they're like, I wish I
knew this sooner.
Do you get that all the time?
And what do you tell those parents?
Absolutely.
I mean, I think we find things when we're ready.
Yes.
And we're ready to take them in.
Right.
And so I kind of help people discover that too.
Right.
And to have so much compassion for the version of themselves that came before that didn't
have access.
And I think, you know, there's so many of us who are just so inspired to be shouting
this stuff out, like trying to get as many people, you know, educated as possible, because
we know that people are so grateful and needing this.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I think that also, you know, kind of one of the that's one of the good parts of social
media, right, is that I do think that this whole new there's like a new generation of
parents and people who are truly wanting to get to the root of what's going on with their
brain, with their challenges, with their behaviors, with whatever it is, or for their kids or
their parents or whoever it might be.
And I think that's why kind of more people are ready to listen to this stuff now than
they were before, because we were we're just so much more connected nowadays.
And I love the part of your book where you I think it's just like the very beginning
where you talk about all the different myths, all the different nurture and parenting myths.
And that just makes so much sense to me, like every single one of them.
And he said, you're like, of course, why do people think that?
And we're not going to get into the why because we're going to be here for 24 hours straight
talking about it.
But I'm curious, what is one of the biggest ones that shocked you when you started to
learn about this stuff?
Yeah, the self soothing is the biggest one, because I think it includes daytime parenting
and nighttime parenting.
It's like this around it affects everything around the clock.
You know, the myth that we can teach babies to self soothe or that we have to teach them.
Right.
Soothe, you know, and then we look at the parent, us as parents, and we're like, can
we so can we even sue their self regulate?
Because I see most of us actually reaching for substances, shopping, scrolling, and scrolling,
you know, other other types of dissociation.
100% right.
We're not even very good at it.
And then we think, yeah, that babies are going to I love that.
Well, right.
So real.
Yeah, it's true.
Like, I think that's one of the biggest things when you become a parent, you realize that
you're asking your kids to do things that you're not even capable of doing yourself.
And you're like, did that just happen?
Did I literally just come in the room kind of yelling and telling them to calm down?
I'm like, that's cute.
I'm not calm.
How I'm expecting them to be calm.
And I think that's where I love, like, one of the main things that I took away when I
was reading your book is the repair part, because we are human.
And we are going to mess up.
And that's the biggest thing for a pulmonite in the cortex as we talk about the human element
of us and how we don't have it all figured out.
But we do have our here's some really great tools that do help you calm down quickly.
And they change the dynamic in the home.
It's where we get this all the time in our messages, like there's more laughing, there's
more smiles, there's more of just like being here now.
And I can tell you without the brain tools, if I would have read this book, and I was
like, I just messed every single window up of when it was really critically important
to have a calm home.
Instead, I can now go, okay, yeah, maybe I wasn't the best parent.
And I want to be better.
But that's the goal here.
We're always trying to be better parents.
And we never want to shame any parent for not maybe you did sleep train.
And maybe you're like, I can see the effects of my child's now eight years old.
And we don't have a secure attachment.
Exactly.
Can you talk about how forgiving the brain is and share?
Maybe you did.
I think for me, my heart's really attached to the parents that have missed the zero to
three window.
And now they're learning about this information.
They're like, oh my gosh, is my child going to be messed up for life?
What did I do?
And I think that's where we can really work on having a discussion on how do we help parents
really see that there's hope?
Completely.
Yeah, completely.
Yeah, it's so important to understand both concepts that brain development between zero
to three is foundational for life.
Is this incredible opportunity we can take to influence our baby's brain towards regulation
and towards balanced regulation, all those wonderful things that promote health.
And the brain can continue to be plastic and continue to form new connections throughout
life.
So zero to three is really important.
Adolescence is another really important time.
And parenthood is another time too.
I love that.
Which is wonderful.
So we can always come return to nurture.
We can always repair, both in the cognitive brain, where we use words and we use reasoning
to repair, and in the emotional system, to form that emotional connection and relationship
at any age as well.
And one study that is really helpful to show the impact of how it can change is in Romanian
orphans who were adopted, when they're adopted closer to age zero, their outcomes are better.
But even for individuals who are adopted after three or closer to three, they do have reactive
nervous systems, high stress, low impulse control, lots of difficulty with emotionality
and health issues.
But the studies show that when those babies who would have way worse adverse experiences
than sleep training or, they were 100% emotionally neglected as babies.
They were fed and kept clean, but there was no resources for anything else.
When they're nurtured throughout their whole childhood, then their brain goes into plasticity
as an adolescence, that is a new place for them to shift.
And then they actually can even out their emotional systems.
That's amazing.
You know, are kind of restored, right?
But that also includes, and for our parents out there who are having those challenges
in childhood, if infancy wasn't as highly nurturing as we would have maybe wanted it
to be, knowing that you have to persevere with that nurture through childhood times,
regardless of the behavior and regardless of the challenges, knowing it's a long game.
Right?
Totally.
I think that's also a perspective.
I mean, two things there.
One is that kind of what you're saying about how the two different brains can change, right?
And that's where we come in and we talk about the nervous system and the primitive brain,
how to help the primitive brain truly be efficient and truly be developed and understand what
its role is in day to day life, right?
And understand that it can kind of let go and let the cognitive brain take over.
Like we are safe, right?
But that goes back into that attachment.
And what are we feeling?
What threats are we perceiving in our day to day life?
But also, I think the cool part is the empathy that parents start to gain when they understand
that the behaviors that their children are having are not because they're bad kids or
because they don't love them or whatever it might be, because that's how we perceive it
emotionally, right?
Like as a parent, if your kid is acting out a certain way or saying certain things to
you, could the kid say lots of things that are very hurtful a lot of the time?
Understanding this is their brain that needs a little bit more support.
It's not something personal.
And like you said, I think that helps the parents truly play that long game and be like,
you know what, this might be hard sometimes and it might be dysregulating for me too,
right?
But this is where I get to be the person that decides what am I going to focus on, right?
Am I going to focus on correction and trying to kind of like force my kid into this mold
that I want them to be?
Or am I going to focus on myself, give myself what I need?
And that's how my kid is going to start to have what they need as well, right?
And truly going from the root, which is why, you know, we've come together to do this program
is we want it to be clear that parents need this as well.
And only focusing on your kid is another form of dissociation.
It just is, right?
It's like, nope, I'm just going to put all the information on them, all the pressure
on them.
I have, I just talked to a parent last week that was like, you know, this is very interesting.
It's all great, but I'm only here to focus on her.
Okay.
Only my daughter.
And I'm like, okay, but maybe you can do it with her.
No, I have no time.
I have literally no time.
Like, well, that's where our parents are, right?
That's where people are nowadays.
We were just saying this before we started recording.
We're so overwhelmed.
We're so full of just like information and just all these things we have to do and learn
about and just all this stuff that's going on that it's a lot more simple to go into
the flight mode and go into that fear mode of like, I'm just not going to even try.
Right.
And so that's where I think this, everything we're talking about here comes in.
Oh, absolutely.
I see it as like, when you're talking about just your child having behaviors and I think,
and I love when I was reading just like the intro part of your book where I was like,
oh my gosh, she's saying all the science that we talk about, all the neurons and all the
connections and how critically important it is.
I'm like, gosh, we have the person that's like talking to the science that we've been
talking about for so long.
And I love that part.
And then as I'm reading it too, I'm like, I could not really grasp the whole idea of
like what happened to me as a kid until I became a parent.
And when you just said that about our parent brain changing, it was like, and Belinda and
I were going to do the podcast last week about talking about reparenting yourself while you're
parenting your children because, and you know this too, having a child yourself career is
like your kids say things to you and they shine that big spotlight on you.
And you're like, oh my gosh, you're right.
I do need to go look at that.
And then I even go, I was nurtured as a kid, but why do I still have a challenging time
with this, this and this?
And so it's, and this is where we're like, okay, don't go blame your parents for not
doing enough or like whatever it is, because we love to say that this is your story and
this is your chance to go ahead and go deeper into finding the most authentic version of
you.
And so this is where I've learned so much about me from being a parent because I've
now reparented myself and given my little Danny self, what I needed as a kid that I
didn't get because my parents weren't able to do it.
And I think that's like the coolest part about where our generation with social media is
going is we're all learning to like break the cycle.
No more trauma passing down the best we can at least, because you know, nobody makes it
out unscathed.
Yeah, absolutely.
So much of the goals that we want to meet in our parenting are going to emerge in the
relationship between us and our child, right?
Like you were saying, like, you can't say, you know, my child's hitting or, you know,
doing something, let's fix just that.
It's always what is going on behind the behavior, right?
For our kids and so much of the time when we can regulate ourselves.
And you know, that's why this program is so important.
When we can regulate ourselves, we almost have to do nothing with our child, like other
than maybe some guidance, right?
Some, you know, behavioral guidance.
But so much of them, of their awareness is attuned to us, attuned to our nervous system
state, and we are mirroring each other constantly, right?
So yeah, it's funny when you have parents who are like, I want to change, you know,
with me, it's sleep, right?
I talk to parents a lot about sleep, babies who need to be held a lot and it's like, well,
can we change this about the baby?
And it's always so much bigger.
Totally.
Right.
It does always exist within the relationship.
We always have to go back.
I love it.
So let's, can we do like a little mini workshop right now?
Cause I actually have, cause you're a sleep expert and I'm like thinking about with just
me and my two kids and I've created, and I'm like, this is a perfect example of what you
just said.
So with my two kids, I've co-slept since day one.
We've always done that.
It just made sense for us.
And but now my, my son is about to turn eight and my daughter is about to turn five and
they still come into my bed.
And it got to the point where like, I think I stopped nursing my daughter at three and
everyone was giving me so much pushback.
Like I can't believe you're still nursing her.
And I'm like, well, she, it's obvious, like it's natural.
Like she wants to.
And I'm like, well, the who says, but like, you know, you should breastfeed till they're
seven or something like crazy number that like Americans would be like, that's insane.
Um, but so when it was, I had to such it like a attached relationship.
It was different for my daughter than it was for my son.
And then now that they're getting older, they still come into my bed at the middle of night
and everyone's like, you need to break that habit, like stop it now.
And my fiance, especially he's like, you're just not getting sleep because they're waking
you up all the time.
And the part of me that's like, but I don't really want to like outgrow this time period.
So I know I'm keeping it alive.
And I'm like, and I know we tell this to parents all the time when you're ready to tackle whatever
the behavior is, you'll feel it, but you do have to have the awareness of like, how are
you keeping it alive and keeping it going?
And but there is a part of me, there's nights where I'm not going to lie.
I'm like, you know what?
I'd be really nice to sleep through the night without being woken up.
So a parent like me who's like aware of it, and then there's times where I'm like, what
part of my child is feeling, especially my son, because I feel like he has more of like
the attachment, maybe more rooted in insecure attachment stuff.
We had a lot of stuff that happened with breastfeeding and it just didn't go well.
And you know, I didn't end up breastfeeding him ended up pumping.
And then I became obsessed with pumping because I was like, oh, he can't have formula.
So toxic because I read everything about it and then you just go down these rabbit holes.
Like that's where the social media stuff for me is like, okay, that's not how much mom,
right?
And so I don't know, I'm just like thinking out loud, like what would you like when you
work with families and you talk about sleep, like how do you break down all the things
happening?
Absolutely.
I think it's a family solution.
It's always a family solution and looking at what everybody in the family is needing.
Yes.
And you know, I would say so many kids still need that closeness at night.
I have, I've met with so many adults who've said I slept on a freezing cold hardwood floor
with no blankets or pillows because my desire to be close to my parent was so strong and
they would sometimes outside a closed door because the boundary for the parents were
like, you don't come in here.
Or if the boundary was even stronger, they'd be awake, terrified in their room alone wanting
to be close so badly, right?
Or some people will say that would have slept right beside them on the floor and like maybe
their dad would just like, you know, cave in sometimes be like, okay, you can come in
the bed, right?
Yeah.
So kids do have that need, right?
For approximately night, it makes sense.
It's a vulnerable, such a vulnerable time.
And usually starting eight, nine, 10, usually eight, they'll just be okay.
And then you say, I'm good, like I want to go on my own, you know, in my own space.
And some are younger.
Some two year olds are like, this is my room now.
Yeah.
And there's so much variability, but I always will tell parents it's a great choice to make
it accessible for them to be close if they need it.
And there's a lot of ways of doing that.
Sometimes parents have a mattress on the floor that the kids can just go and get in.
Sometimes, you know, getting into bed.
Sometimes the parent will go join the kids in their space.
Sometimes siblings will share a room and that does it, right?
So co-sleeping in terms of like same room sleeping as another person is a pretty strong
drive through childhood, right?
So just normalizing all of that for the kids is really important.
And you to like have to know that they're needing that, right?
Plus we're giving them every night they fall asleep in their own room is an opportunity
for them to be there the whole night.
And we always just give opportunities, right?
I love that.
When they take it, they take it.
So yeah, like normalizing it, I think is the number one thing is I feel like my whole upbringing
of my kids, I was just fighting against people, like trying to prove like, no, this feels
right to me.
And I'm a very strong voice when it comes to that.
I was like, no, I'm not doing that.
No, I'm not doing this.
Yes, I'm doing this.
And I was just prepared to take flack for it.
And like, you're not parenting the right way.
And I was like, but it just doesn't make sense to me.
It doesn't feel right.
So I think that this was what this program is.
Like, maybe you were bullied into doing something that didn't feel right.
And now you feel a lot of guilt and shame because you're like, and the mom guilt thing
is so real.
It's unbelievable.
You feel every second of every day of like messing up everything.
And but I love that you're just talking about there's needs that need to get met, give the
opportunity and then even to some kids, like you mentioned, don't need to go sleep or need
proximity.
And those would be like more like the dandelion kids that you mentioned in the book, right?
Natural resiliency in them.
Or then you have the orchids.
And I'm like, my son's totally an orchid and my daughter's definitely more of a dandelion.
And I love that you give that.
Yeah.
And they might end up, you know, on their own at different times, right?
Depending on, depending on it.
But yeah, I mean, you also mentioned like, am I as a mother having them take care of
me by this, right?
I kind of got that as well.
That's possible too.
But I think once we're, we're always tuning into what our kids are needing and being,
you know, really honest about that, I think then that we're in a good place.
And the other thing you said, the mom guilt stuff is I actually have never felt mom guilt.
Wow.
Because I've always returned to what do I need?
What does my child need?
Right.
And what is my, and what's my intuition?
I know that meeting his needs never, I have so many of those, so many ladybugs living
in my house.
They're so cute.
They're always around.
Yeah.
I don't, I don't have any guilt about any of it because-
That's huge.
Yeah.
Talk more about that.
I mean, I feel like my guilt comes from, cause I got a divorce and I feel like that's where,
I'm like, I totally disrupted things, but now it's better.
Like we're through it, like the hard part of it.
And I couldn't even say it without crying in the past because I was like, Oh my gosh,
I messed my kids up, right?
But like, honestly, like, how do you not, like, I feel like every mom I know has guilt.
They're like, I'm not working enough.
I'm not making enough money or I'm, you know, or I'm working too much and then I don't see
my kids or know my kids.
It's like you compare and I think that's where it's rooted in the comparison.
I think so.
I do feel when I work after, work after hours when he gets home, I do feel guilty about
that.
I'm like, Oh, I would spend, want to spend more time and all this kind of stuff.
But always just return to self-compassion every single time.
And I think for you, I need that.
Your divorce too, like you have compassion for that, you know, for you in that moment,
right?
You had to make that choice and that was the best choice for you.
And like, we need to love you for that, you know, and support the kids through it too.
Right.
Love it.
So yeah, that's so true.
Like, so a part of our program, like as we like talk through and workshop through things
and like, that's what our program is designed to do is bring up journaling problems and
like, why does Danny have so much guilt for being a mom?
Right.
And she's like, ah, you need more compassion, then I go and check and now we'll do a muscle
check and see what my subconscious says about, do I have compassion?
Paloma is on me all the time about this.
She's like, girl, always go out, you do so much.
Why don't you see this?
And I was like, well, because I was raised in a home that's like, you don't just sit
down and do nothing.
You're always doing something.
And I watched my parents today and I'm like, do you all take breaks?
Like you're in your sixties, like you're in your, your days of retirement where you can
just chill all day and they can't.
Their parents, they couldn't.
So it's like the crazy thing of passing it down.
But now here I am having this awareness moment going, oh, okay.
I can put some compassion in my own self right now.
Like I can do that for myself.
And that's what the program is designed to do.
And I do take care of myself daily, gotten so much brain work in, but now I need like
what we call a reconnect where we help my subconscious just be like, girl, you're doing
so much.
Just love yourself a little bit more here.
I bet, I bet that choice was the kindest thing for your acts, the kindest thing for you and
the kindest thing for your kids.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
And I think this also says so much career because about where your brain is, because
you sent us a video already of your creep.
And so we kind of know what your nervous system is already prepped to do.
And your nervous system is pretty developed.
I don't remember exactly the percentage of maybe like 75, right?
And so that's so, it just makes so much sense that you're like, yeah, I'm able to just be
compassionate and not go into that fight or flight mode.
Like that's just how it is, right?
Whereas somebody who's not, right?
A parent who's listening to this, who maybe goes into that moment of like kind of like
Danny, like feeling really guilty or feeling like they have to beat themselves up or feeling
just anxious and overwhelmed all the time.
They're going to have a lot harder time with just being like, I don't feel guilty, right?
And like looking at it kind of like you just said, with compassion and through a logical
lens from that logical brain, from that cognitive brain, you can't, right?
Because your primitive brain is taking over and that's who's at the wheel, right?
Is the primitive brain.
And so that's where this whole thing kind of comes together, right?
Is a prepping the brain to be more compassionate, prepping the brain to be more connected and
more logical and more loving and nurturing, right?
If you're in survival mode, that's not going to be your MO.
You're surviving.
You're not nurturing.
You're in a different operate mode, right?
Like it's just a different thing.
And I think that that's like a really cool piece of what's going to happen with this
program.
And I know you're doing the program to us.
So I think it's going to be interesting to see kind of also your evolution.
I mean, obviously we've done it a million times, but that's going to be like a really
cool piece because I do think we were just listening to this really popular podcast last
week about, and they interviewed somebody about parenting.
And all of the strategies were just going through the cortex, right?
What you guys, what we all talked about right before getting on the call, take a deep breath,
zoom out, look at it from a logical perspective, make a game plan for how you're going to respond
rather than react.
But that doesn't take into account the most natural thing in the world, which is going
into survival mode, right?
And for so many people, that's it.
So you're in the survival mode and you're telling your brain to take a deep breath.
That brain doesn't process deep breaths.
That brain doesn't process logic.
That brain processes shallow breathing here.
Survive, survive, anxiety, anxiety, anger, anger, whatever it might be.
Right?
And so that's where I think this is kind of like the way to, I hope that where I hope
that it really hits home for parents that are in that moment is you got to start before
and then you'll be able to use all those other tools, right?
All those amazing tools, all the knowledge is out there.
We've talked about all this amazing information.
If your nervous system isn't prepped to receive it, it's just not going to go through.
The message isn't going to be clear.
That makes me think of where parents are at.
And I think we've already kind of mentioned it.
People want, people are aware.
Yes.
They know that parenting is important.
After meeting me, they know that the infant years are important, and the childhood years
are important, adolescent years are important.
It's all important.
And that in itself can create a lot of anxiety because it's like, how is it important?
What does that mean?
What do I do?
So much pressure.
Yeah.
And like, who do I listen to?
Right.
And they want to break.
A lot of people want to both break intergenerational cycles of, you know, parenting, you know,
some of the harsher parenting and start new cycles of being connected, providing the scaffolding
and providing all the things that babies and children need.
Right.
But they can't, again, not possible in a survival brain.
That involves so much planning, so much cortical processing.
Exactly.
And that's why our company is called In the Cortex, because we want to give the brain
the tools that it needs to live in the cortex.
Right.
Yes.
Completely.
And I think people are like, oh, I got to do so much to get ready for parenting or,
you know, all this kind of stuff.
But yeah, this kind of program is perfect for somebody in that spot.
Right?
Absolutely.
Who's worried about it.
Yeah.
So because you just had an amazing press on Hillary Swank had an article writing, like,
if I could read you my baby list, like, what would I actually have on it?
And it would be Greer's book, obviously.
And like, she had two items.
She's like, honestly, like all that stuff that we spend so much time and energy on is
absolutely worthless in the big picture.
Like, yeah, you need a stroller.
Yeah, you need, you know, a car seat, of course.
But like all the billion dollar industry that's marketing to you as a parent that you need
this, this, this, this, this, and this.
It's like, no, you don't actually, all you need is to like have your baby close and respond
to your baby.
That's nurtured parenting.
Will you share that really quick?
Nurtured parenting is being in an attuned emotional and physical relationship with your
baby where you're conscious and aware of all the cues that they're putting out from their
survival brain, right, from their lower brain.
When do they want to communicate?
We want to show up and communicate with them and go back and forth in communication and
play and movement.
When they're stressed, they need us to be regulated or regulating in the process of
regulation to be an external brain for them to bring their stress curve down, right?
Because they can't see that themselves, right?
That's that self soothing myth.
Other babies can do it themselves.
They need us.
They need our mature brain.
I say we have to lend them our cortex and our hippocampus to regulate.
And then the last part is nurturing their sleep, right?
So we're nurturing them in all their states and with sleep, that's, you know, either being
close that proximity if they're needing it and responding to their stress at night too.
Yeah.
And so you, yeah.
And you can't do that if you are a parent who's in your own survival space.
Like you can't respond to anyone else's cues because you're like, what about me and mine?
Like I just focused on me trying to stay alive here.
And I know that sounds like really drastic, but I know for me as a parent, because I mean,
Greer had development in her brain before she even had a baby.
So she could handle things differently.
That was just natural.
That's just how it worked out for her.
And I'm sure your parents were very attuned to you and you probably picked up a lot of
that there.
And then someone like me who maybe didn't have like super chill parents and they know
we talk about this.
So it's okay that I share this.
We have a great relationship with them and they didn't handle stress well because they
never were taught that either.
I actually did a podcast with my dad talking about that and what their parents were focused
on during their time.
But so for me, if I didn't do my brain work as before I had kids, I couldn't even imagine
what I would have been because I was already like having your first child is very, it's
jarring.
Like it's a whole world of like, whoa, like everyone talks about how hard it is, but you
don't really know it until you're in it.
And you don't know.
And then all of a sudden you're like, wait, I have to take care of the human.
I don't know what, what, like what do I do?
And thank goodness I had some brain work under my belt, but the subconscious stuff was so
intense for me.
Yeah.
So many doubts in my abilities, being able to be a good mom.
Like I just like doubted myself and I was just so critical and guilty all the time.
So that tripped up a lot of my survival brain too, because I'm like, oh, I'm doing everything
wrong.
Like what choice do I make?
And, and so I think that this is what this program is here to help with is to create
that community, create that village of, Hey, we all feel like there's probably some stuff
in the mainstream that's maybe not clicking and driving with you and your parenting.
And you're like, I just found Greer's book.
Oh my gosh, this is speaking my language.
Now what do I do?
What tools do I have?
And I can assure you as soon as I get off this call, I'm going to be doing a reconnect
on me about self-compassion and just like myself more.
And that's something I can do right now in minutes.
It'll shift and I can start showing up differently for my kids pretty quickly.
So for our mission, we're really wanting just to bring more awareness to the human element
of all of this and then giving practical tools that here's what you can do daily.
You don't have to do it online every single day.
You watch some videos, you get to get on a live call.
Maybe we should talk about more of the program.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
We're going to have four live calls.
It starts on April 1st is the first call.
And then after each module, we're going to have another call, April 1st is the kickoff.
And each module is designed with a different theme to help guide whatever season of parenting
you're in.
So the cool part about this program is that whether you have kids yet or you don't, you're
still able to participate because like we just talked about on this, right?
The sooner you can get yourself regulated, the more prepared you're going to be to help
out your kiddos and really be the guide that you want to be for them.
And so it's hosted online, but like Dani said, you don't have to spend hours and hours watching
videos and kind of like consuming all that information on the computer.
We're going to have exercises, journal prompts and different guides for each, each season
of parenting, so to speak, that are going to help you keep working through this stuff,
right?
So we're doing the brain work and the neurological reorganization, the brain reorganization
at the same time as we're doing all the emotional stuff and really digging into what's coming
up for each person, because it's not always going to be the same for each parent, right?
There's a lot of common themes, but you know, you're going to process parenting in a different
way that I would than Greer has, right?
And so that's also where we kind of love the combination of people that we have here because
we can all speak to different things.
And so yeah, it's going to be three months long.
So we're going to get on those calls and then everybody has lifetime access afterwards.
So you, we always say this, we're showing you the tools.
You have them.
We're just showing you how to use them, right?
So that's why we want people to just be able to come back, reference this, maybe when they
have another child or maybe when they have, you know, less going on or if somebody's pregnant
right now and they can't do the creepy, well, then they can come back and finish it later,
right?
So that's really what we want to do.
And we're going to have a community on Facebook and on WhatsApp and just really keep the momentum
going throughout the whole program.
And I think the most important piece is that the three of us are going to be participating
and guiding and really communicating, answering questions.
Like we're going to be dedicated to this group during the whole three months and forever,
obviously, because we created it.
But that's, you know, the cool pieces that we do have those, that live component that's
going to be really, really exciting.
Yeah.
And we're learning alongside, like, I mean, you know, just little nugget I got today and
I'm like, I love that we're all in this space together, constantly learning.
There's nobody who has it all figured out ever.
And we're raw and real and we will cry with you and have breakthroughs alongside you.
So this is why we're so excited about this, because it's something that I wish I had spent
more time on before I had kids.
Because I mean, I'm in it now, which is great.
But like we said earlier, you find the information when it's meant to do and when you're ready
to absorb and learn it.
So I think that, yeah, that really, I really felt it when you said I wish I knew this because
I knew I, I can have a reactive nervous system when I have like a lot of stressors added
up and my window of tolerance is tiny, right?
That nurture reservoir I call in my book can be very, you know, get, once that's depleted,
I, you know, super reactive.
I knew that before becoming a mom.
I think that if I had known I could rewire myself, right, going into it, I would have
jumped at that chance.
The cool part too is like, I want to end this with when you start to really dive into this
work, you look at your relationship with your child so differently and you look at them
as your guide and your teacher, because my children teach me so much every school day.
It's amazing because they might not always listen to you, but they're watching you and
they're watching and then they try to emulate you and you're like, where did that come
from?
And then you catch yourself doing it.
You're like, oh my gosh, this is amazing.
So this is where we're trying to redefine the dynamic of it's not just obey me and listen
to me.
I'm your parent.
It was great.
Like a team and having this like amazing synergy between the parent and kids and leveling the
playing field that we're all just trying to get better.
Cause that's such a great thing to teach our kids that growth mindset of you're never done
working on yourself.
There's more always.
Right.
So this is that to tee it up too.
Completely.
And I think so many of us are lacking in regulation and probably some of the development because
we had no models.
Right.
Exactly.
This is, you know, there's, there's some things in my book that I have that we can, we can
use to regulate and show our kids to model, but the program goes even further, you know,
to really have us practice and have our kids around when we're practicing.
And then that's breaking the cycle.
That's exactly, there you go.
You know, we, this is how we do it.
And that's the only way they learn.
Yes.
Only way is by seeing it.
Agreed.
By being told.
Oh my gosh.
My son will walk around and be like, mom, you're so in your pawns right now.
I'm like, you're right.
I need to go do my creeping.
It's needed.
Like I stop everything I'm doing.
And I'm like, I gotta go take care of me immediately.
So I think having that humility of like, yeah, you're right.
I'm so happy.
My kids can tell me when I need some regulation and they can see it and they do it with me
and we're like, okay, we're all better now.
Okay.
Amazing way to like shift out of certain states.
I'm so excited for our start.
Like I feel like this just like revved up everything and I'm like, gosh, okay.
So if you're interested in signing up, Pullma, can you help us with like where they find
everything?
Yes, they can find it on our website.
We have a, it's in our programs page.
It's also on the homepage.
You can also find out the link in our bio.
Our Instagram is in the cortex underscore us.
Our tick tock is in underscore the underscore cortex.
And those both of those links in bio have the information for the program.
And if you sign up soon, you're going to be able to, first of all, get started with looking
at the intro.
Everything's going to be dripped out on the 18, the first part.
So you can start looking at all the information beforehand.
So we recommend securing your spot as soon as possible.
And then we have the first call on April 1st.
So we, you know, just, just try to get in there as soon as possible so that you have
more information and you're really prepared by the time we have that first call.
Cause it's definitely going to be a lot of stuff that we're going to be talking about
and it's going to be so amazing.
And that's it.
Grier do you want to share your social media channels as well?
Yeah, absolutely.
On Instagram, I'm nurture underscore neuroscience underscore parenting.
And you can find links to my website and all that good stuff there through that.
Perfect.
Okay, great.
Well, we will talk to you very soon and we're just super excited about this and thank you
so much for being here, Grier.
Yeah, thank you.