Hi, and welcome to the In the Cortex podcast.
We are your hosts.
I'm Paloma Garcia.
And I am Dani Perrecone.
And we're the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people
the tools that they need to change their lives through brain reorganization.
No medication, just movement.
When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start
to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex.
Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life.
And now on to today's episode.
Happy New Year.
It's 2024 and we are starting off our podcast season two, which is super exciting.
And we're starting to go with some themes that are happening throughout our In the Cortex
business.
We're going to bring it into our podcast, just a little hint of it to help our members
and also to bring in more of you to keep listening and getting more of the information here we
shared in the cortex.
So today we're talking about a really cool topic about living in alignment.
And we talk about this because it's literally the foundation of what we do for In the Cortex.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
And we did a reconnect before we got on our podcast.
And the funny part was, is I didn't have that in my subconscious.
But Paloma did.
I did.
So I was like, I'm living in alignment.
I'm in alignment.
I am aligned.
I was like on it for all of it.
So you had it.
What can I say?
Sometimes you just got it.
Yeah.
So this is exciting.
I'm happy that we're back.
We were just saying that we haven't recorded a podcast in like more than two, like almost
no like a month and something.
It's good to be back.
Good to be back.
So yeah, let's talk about alignment.
I feel like there's so much that we're going to talk about here.
So it's really just going to be kind of a flowy conversation.
But I wanted to think about when we were at the post that we made yesterday on social
media that was about that, right?
Because that's our theme for January's alignment.
And the reason we chose this theme for January is because that's what everybody's looking
for, right?
When you're starting your resolutions, you want to start your year on the right foot,
whatever that means, right?
And so you really want to get yourself set in like, who am I?
What do I want to do with my year, with my life?
Like it always feels like this blank slate.
And it can be really exciting.
It can be very overwhelming, but it can also be really exciting, right?
If you look at it and kind of like more of a positive mindset with a positive mindset,
you really do have a blank slate.
You could do whatever you want.
I mean, you started out the year journaling and meditating and doing all these amazing
things, right?
Like that's so cool.
And it's just cool also to look at past years too and be like, how did I start that year?
Right?
Like last year at this time, I had the worst back pain I've ever had in my life.
You remember I was in excruciating pain.
I couldn't move.
I was like crying from the pain every day.
And now I'm like chilling like Magellan, recording a podcast with my business partner.
So you know, life, it changes, it flows.
And this is definitely a more aligned year for me, that's for sure.
Oh girl.
Yeah, me too.
I feel like, and that's what I was telling you today before we got on and started recording
was the alignment came in naturally for me and I didn't have to effort enforce it.
And that's because of all the building I've been doing over the years.
And so now it's like, okay, now's my time.
And this is, if you're a person who's like, I'm kind of over all this resolution talk,
it's kind of frustrating hearing all these people talk about this stuff.
I'm not there yet.
There is a part of like setting a resolution and starting some new habits in winter.
It kind of goes against nature in a sense.
Like usually spring is usually a really good time for rebirth and the awakening and all
that stuff.
So this is kind of like, don't put any pressure on yourself.
We're just dropping seeds.
We're just giving you info of like, how can you dig deeper?
How can you find more meaning and purpose in life and really finding your authentic
self?
So that post yesterday was talking about finding harmony within ourselves and the world around
us.
And I think that's what it means to live in alignment and really be embracing that not
everything is beautiful sunshine and rainbows, but you can find the harmony and the beauty
within every moment.
And not everything is for you.
Sometimes you're going to, you know, kind of what you're saying with the resolutions,
like some people will be like, oh, I want to start running and I want to start reading
17 books a month.
And I want to do like, there's certain things that you think are going to be aligned with
you.
And then you're like, why am I trying so hard to do this thing that I shouldn't be doing?
Or like people will start to eat a certain way.
Like, I don't know, keto, whatever you want, you know, whatever it is, if that's not something
that's aligned with your body and your brain, it's going to be really, really hard to keep
it.
So it's also about discernment, right?
Really truly understanding.
Well, we'll talk about the boundaries as well, but understand just being able to discern
what does align with you, what is in harmony with who you are and what isn't.
And in your world, right?
Like you have certain things that you do in your life that you're practically on a farm,
you know, and that I can't do because I'm in the middle of a massive city and the opposite
is true as well.
Right.
Like, oh my gosh, a hundred percent.
Yeah.
We had a coyote running through our front yard.
You know, like, where are we?
Yeah.
Exactly.
And that's I love because Paloma and I couldn't be more opposite in everything that we do.
And but we work so well together because we are opposites and we are able to find that
harmony within our relationship.
And it's a beautiful balance between us of like, she sees things that I don't.
I see things that she doesn't.
It's great.
So I love that living authentically in a space that just brings you to feeling good.
That's what our main message is always that in the cortex is the whole point of what we
ask people do about organizing their brain, reorganizing their brain is to just feel better,
to be able to approach life with less anxiety, no anxiety, with the feeling of I am who I
am or I'm on my way to becoming more of who I want to be and embracing the process of
it, taking off the layers that aren't you.
Yes.
And then the whole time you're just like, I'm feeling good.
And I get up from my brain sessions and I'm like brain sessions, I mean, creeping, crawling,
doing the reflex integration.
I just feel so good.
I feel like I now can be the parent I always wanted to be.
And I don't have to effort.
I think that's the biggest piece is I don't have to effort and try.
And there's so many amazing people on social media today that are giving so many great
tips.
And if you're living in your ponds, which is your survival brain, you can literally
listen to those tips in the cortex.
Be like, that's great.
I'm going to totally apply that.
The minute you are hit.
And I'm speaking to parents right now.
The minute you were fatigued and tired and your kids having a meltdown, you don't have
access to that information.
It's all out the window.
And then you're now screaming at them.
So our program, because I live this, this is literally my piece of living in alignment
is doing the work on me, doing my brain work every single day so I can live an aligned
life and I can find the harmony of living with my children.
And remembering I'm the adult, I'm the modeler.
I'm the person who's showing them how to be regulated.
And I can't ask that of them if I can't do it to myself.
And I think that is I think that's the theme of 2024.
When I look at all my mom friends posting on social media and even that post you reposted
on our stories of like how they just handled a calm moment with their child without getting
dysregulated.
I think there's so many more amazing parents that are trying to realize like, oh my gosh,
all of my dysregulation was from my childhood and that's all my wounding and my kids are
bringing it out in me.
Oh, I agree.
I think it's also like a generational thing where our parents, like we're millennials
and our parents and everybody before them were just pushing down all their feelings
and all the things and trying to adapt themselves to, you know what I'm going to say, society's
expectations.
It's true, right?
I was watching something.
I was watching Downton Abbey.
Okay.
And they show these like scenes of like the kids in the schools and they're all like super
well behaved and they get in line and they do this.
And I was like, there's no way all those kids were able to do that naturally.
Like I was thinking back to like actually 1914.
There's no way.
Like they were just trying to having to try so, so hard and everybody was like hiding
all of their stuff because they didn't want it to come out into the open.
And now it's the opposite where we're all like, this is me, right?
What's that song?
This is real.
This is me.
This is where I'm supposed to be now.
Demi Lovato, baby girl, Camp Rock.
But like, I never heard that.
You're like what?
She's the younger millennial.
I'm a young millennial, an elder millennial.
But yeah, I think it's also like, because this is a generation that's also becoming
parents right now.
And so it's just changing the way that everybody approaches everything.
Like you look at it in parenting, but I look at it with my friends.
Like you know this, we have a WhatsApp group with all my friends.
We're all trying to like manifest new things and become the best version of ourselves.
And we're talking about this stuff.
And that's the cool piece because it's now okay with society to like find who you are
authentically and find your values and truly pursue that.
And now the only thing that's getting in the way is your survival brain, right?
But before it was everything.
Like it was pressure from your parents, from society, from having to do this, having to
do that, whatever.
And now the cool piece is that one layer is gone, or it's going and it's pretty much gone
in my life and yours.
And for a lot of people, they're still peeling it off, right?
So the next piece is just getting to the brain work.
And the important part about getting to the brain work is when you get your brain out
of survival mode is when you're truly able to understand your values, right?
Because before you might think, like I'm trying to think of an example of when you and I were
still like pre-brain work.
You're probably come up with one faster than I will.
But like things that you thought were priorities to you and things that you thought you were
aligned with.
And now you're like, why did I think that way?
Right?
Like you evolve, like everything has a time and place and there's a season for every time
in your life.
And you have to just embrace every moment of like, this could be a rock bottom moment
for a lot of people where they're like, I can't see my way out.
When you talk about alignment, that is so not something that my vocabulary, I don't
even know what that means.
And I don't even know what the first step is.
And our first step is always just get on the floor and creep because that is the that is
literally creeping your way to a better life is everything just gets easier.
And when people and this is an important thing to say, because as we always say, when you're
in your cortex, you're in alignment, you are able to respond to the situation for what
it is.
You're not distorting it.
You're not turning things into like, people said this and then you're interpreting it
as like, oh, that means that there's something wrong with me and being a victim and all this
stuff.
When you start to creep and develop your brain, you are in alignment because now someone can
say something to you and you can just say, nope, that's not mine.
That's yours.
And I don't have to take offense to it anymore.
Yes.
And when people question that we just had a member say this on our last office hours,
but now we call them cortex chats, by the way, it's a new 2024 term.
She said, when you guys kept saying like, things are going to change, you're going to
change.
I didn't know what that meant because I've never changed.
I've only known myself for so long.
And then I sort of do my brain work and I finally realized by change, you meant get
rid of the stuff that's not serving me.
And it just goes away naturally, because all the things that aren't serving you like anxiety.
It's a way that your brain's compensating.
It's trying to make things happen to help you think you're getting an alignment.
Right.
And then you realize like, but wait, me fearing every moment or overthinking every moment
isn't actually helping me.
It's actually hurting me because then it's stopping me dead in my tracks.
And then we go, yeah, that's not the real version of who you really authentically want
to be.
And you're not living in harmony.
And that's also that can create I mean, if you're living in your survival brain, you're
living in fear all the time.
And so fear can create so many distortions also in the way that you look at the world,
right.
And look at yourself and like what you value and what you prioritize and what you care
about.
And so that's where I think a lot of it starts to shift.
It's also like, why do I care about certain things?
Right.
Like why?
When why?
Where does it kind of come into my life?
Right.
And how am I able to kind of make those things go together?
And also, I think a really important thing is like being able to understand that it's
never going to be linear and you're never always going to be on the same track.
And I think that's what's like the toxic culture is right now about resolutions and all the
toxic positivity and stuff.
If you're somebody like you were saying, who's entering this year with fear being like, life
is so hard.
How am I supposed to do this?
Then you're already like, oh, something wrong with me, right.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
That's a sabotage.
And that's another part of a program we really address is that there's the subconscious is
insanely powerful.
It's 95 percent in charge of just your day to day living.
Like you're doing things you're not even aware of.
And we've all experienced those moments where we say something and you stop yourself.
You're like, where did that just come from?
Yeah, that's not me.
Yes.
And I and I'm really like we were just talking about this too right before we got on was
my money thing.
My money and my lack mindset of like money has been my like my nemesis.
I have to crack it.
You know, like it's something that I've spent so much time of just like peeling back the
layers.
But at the same time, I'm not beating myself up anymore.
I just go, oh, my gosh, it's so interesting.
Like, yes.
Oh, here's another layer to go dive deeper on.
Like why we were just talking about how I love a good deal.
Like I love bargains.
I love to find a good deal.
Bargains are good.
And then Paloma's like, let's give out coupon codes like she's Oprah.
Like you get a coupon code.
You get a coupon code.
Everyone gets it.
I was like, we got to value ourselves.
Right.
And so I'm like, you know, there's a part that we just made that connection of like,
why can I go get discounts?
But then I don't want other people to get discounts on our program.
And I'm like, OK, there's a cool there's some there to dive into.
And that's the whole thing is it's not linear.
I can't just do what we call a reconnect.
I can't just do one reconnective.
I am abundant and I live an abundant life and then I'm done.
I grew up with programming from my mom and dad that money is hard to come by and you
have to budget.
And I think a lot of us did, by the way, because they had parents that were in the Great Depression
that, you know, it's all that generational stuff we passed down.
And so I'm just becoming more aware of like, I need to release and allow them money to
flow, but I have to be able to give in order to receive.
It's this whole balance.
Right.
Exactly.
I know it's not linear and that's where and that's where holding space comes.
Right.
Like being able to open up that space for yourself or for somebody else.
Right.
When you know that they're also on this path and being able to just be like, OK, this is
not the moment for this one specific change or this one specific area of my life.
I've taught we were just talking about that on office hours, too, where I had like a list
of reconnects that I had to do about my body image for three years.
And I was like, it's not ready.
And then I did them and now I'm starting to work through them.
And I'm like, this wasn't that scary.
But part of me just was not ready for it before.
And I know I would not have been able to work on that in 2020 when I was just had just moved
to Barcelona.
Like it just would not have happened.
You know, there was just too much going on in my life and it was just too near.
And it was I knew it was going to be too painful in that moment.
Right.
To look at that stuff and look at what we just did, though, like this was a big catalyst
for us.
We overhauled our program.
We made it so much more amazing.
And we then were like, we got to commit to doing it.
Right.
Exactly.
We committed to doing our own program.
That's funny.
Because I mean, we've done brain work for years and then we took a break.
We didn't commit to the daily 20 minutes for like the full 12 modules.
And as soon as I committed to it, I was like, oh, my gosh, I love the person I am becoming.
I need this because I am a regulated parent.
And now that I can actually just like see my daughter and go, I'm going to give you
a hug, even though you're telling me all these yucky things that for years old, I'm still
going to just be like, I can show you regulation.
And I couldn't do it before.
I couldn't because it was triggering my brain to go, oh, my gosh, this is forever.
Anyways, the point is, is we did our brain work.
We started organizing our brains.
We started coming out of survival mode.
And then your brain was like, OK, wait, now I can ready to do this now because exactly
scary.
Yeah.
I don't think we've ever actually said that out loud of like that.
There were so many of those moments for both of us by doing the daily brain work that got
us to now look at our subconscious, start holding boundaries.
Everyone talks about boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
And we're like, and I had the realization maybe a month ago, I was like, but I didn't
grow up with healthy boundaries.
So I don't even know how to do that.
Right.
And so now I'm learning how to have boundaries.
And the biggest part for me, what I realized of why boundaries were so hard was because
I just wanted like certain people to like me and I just wanted more like a people.
Yeah.
Access to me all the time.
And I'm like, oh, the more that I'm like there and being the martyr and like doing all these
things and then I'm like building all this resentment underneath, like appreciating me
once I had that projector.
That's a big one being appreciated and recognized.
Hundred percent.
And then I was like, wait, I'm actually good if you don't like me.
And then as soon as I voice that and held boundaries, then the people who are benefiting
from me not having boundaries just slowly started fading away.
Yeah, that's a thing.
Isn't that they say that all the time.
It's very clear.
I've seen I mean, I don't think I have a boundary challenges in that sense.
My boundaries are more with like myself, like behavior, because I got everything I wanted.
I was very spoiled.
And so not having absolutely everything I want to be perfectly comfortable in every
single way for me is like not easy.
And so that's more my boundary of like, hey, like sometimes you have to limits for your
own well-being.
But I think like I've seen it with so many friends where the second they start to set
boundaries, people are just like, like angry at them.
Yeah.
They're like, I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm like, don't don't stop what you're doing.
Keep going.
You're setting a boundary.
Get rid of this toxic person who is benefiting from them.
And nobody's inherently toxic, that toxic person that's benefiting from your lack of
boundaries also has challenges with that and grew up with the opposite, probably.
So they need somebody who doesn't have any boundaries so they can like latch on to that.
You know, I mean, it's always very, you know, it's not nobody's inherently bad.
It's just like that.
But these are definitely personalities that find each other.
That would be a cool, a cool podcast to do.
Yeah.
Different personality types.
What do they say?
They end up finding each other.
Well, and that's too true about like just like dating and being in relationships.
Like, you know, intimate relationships, I guess, or even friendships to any relationship,
quite honestly, is there's like something and more so you see it like because I can
experience this in my own intimate, like, you know, romantic relationships of like,
OK, that person really emulated these characteristics of this person when I was growing up.
And then when I'm in this relationship, I think I can like fix it or do something different
to heal the wounds from my childhood.
And you know, it's so funny because the more that you learn boundaries and how to then
find out about that, having the awareness when you have the awareness around that and
then you can start to say, OK, wait, how is this serving me?
Is this serving me?
Is this alignment?
Yes.
Is this harmony?
Is this authentically who I want to be?
And then you start to say like, no.
And the coolest thing, because of my brain work, I'll say it a million times, because
of my brain work, I now can just get triggered.
And you're going to always always be triggered for the rest of your life because you're a
human and you have emotions.
But the difference in how you handle the trigger is everything.
Right.
So I just go, oh, I didn't like how that felt.
And I can feel myself like I was just telling you, I literally just walked away from a situation
I didn't expect anyone.
And that was something I heard someone say recently on Instagram, when you set a boundary,
it's about you taking charge of a situation, not expecting someone else to change and do
it.
Right.
And so and that's where like true peace comes in.
And that's where you find that true alignment, authenticity, because I can go take care of
me.
I can go change me and control what I'm feeling and doing.
I can't have any bearing on this person.
But if they want a relationship with me, I'm going to share my feelings and tell them where
I'm coming from and then leave it like unattached.
You do what you want with that.
Right.
Like if you want to help support me and nurture and guide me, then this is going to keep going.
If that is like I just hit a wound in you and now we're both sitting here wounded and
we don't know how to move forward and we can't get through it, then that's also a moment
where you just go, OK, well, do we want to work through this?
Is that what I was going to say?
Yes, exactly.
Do you is it worth it?
And also, like, is it the right time?
You've got to go back to the right time, because sometimes we were talking about how people
will say, I don't have time for this.
I don't have time for that.
And it's like, actually, we do have time for pretty much everything.
Like if you look at time and like, first of all, time is an illusion, but we're not.
But if you look at the hours that you have in the day and how you've spent them every
single day, you can look back and be like, I could have done this one thing that I've
been avoiding.
Right.
But you've got something not being important to you right now.
So if you get to that point where you have that trigger and you have that situation with
somebody and you're not going to work on it, then it's just not important to you right
now.
That's fine.
Leave it for when it is or go your separate ways.
Right.
Or whatever it might be, whatever boundary you need to set with that person.
I love that.
And there's another line we recently just heard.
There's two of them.
So it's like bend so you don't break.
And I love that you can prioritize and make it so like I'm going to make this a priority
in my life and I'm going to put the time in here and have the uncomfortable conversation
to save us down the road.
Right.
Because if you don't have those uncomfortable conversations and prioritize that and bend
a little bit like, oh, this is uncomfortable.
Sorry, I got to lean in right now.
If you don't do that, then you end up breaking.
You hold it all in and then break down or maybe break through.
I don't know.
It depends on how things turn out for you.
But there's so much of life that if you can't bend and you can't be flexible and see that
in the moment, then getting into alignment is really hard.
Right.
Because no ability comes with an organized brain.
100 percent.
You have cognitive flexibility when you're in survival mode.
No, everything has to be black and white.
Everything you're controlling things, you think everything has to be a certain way.
And this is also going to like smaller things like, oh, my New Year's resolution is to work
out more.
And you get to January 3rd and you're like, oh, no, I didn't go to the gym yesterday.
I don't think I'm going to have time today.
Bend be like, OK, I'm not going these two days, but I will go tomorrow.
There you go.
You know, like Ben, keep going yourself to exactly because that's also that all or nothing
thinking is so common.
That's why the fitness industry makes millions of dollars in the beginning of the year.
And then it dips in like February because everybody's like the break.
Right.
They're like, nope, I couldn't do it.
I couldn't be 100 percent perfect.
I'd going to the gym every single day for three hours.
So I'm just going to quit sabotage.
Yeah, it's the self sabotage itself.
It's also the self-sabotage coming from our primitive brain.
It's coming from our want to survive, our need to survive.
OK, so right now in our book club, we're reading this book called The Awakened Brain by Dr.
Lisa Miller, and I'm hashtag obsessed.
And I mean, I've only I've read it before, but I'm reading it again.
And it's amazing.
Obviously, any time you read anything and you're like, wow, look at all these new things
to clean.
And there was a guy I even highlighted his name.
I will drop it into the show notes and make sure that we bring that to you.
But he was like the first psychologist who was like the doctor of like positive thinking.
And where does that come from?
And being able to have that, like you just said, that ability to see the positive in
situations is something that is a learned response.
And you normally learn it from growing up in childhood.
Like did you grow up with people who are constantly seeing the negative?
And we already know we've said this many, many times is when your brain's in survival,
it is supposed to find what's wrong.
That is a survival mechanism.
So if you walk into a restaurant and it's really busy, see, I knew it was going to be
so busy, like it's always so busy versus a positive brain who goes, oh, hey, I'm going
to be patient.
And I know that the right table will show up when it's meant to be.
And it's busy because it's delicious.
I'm so excited to eat.
Whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
So the positive brain can see it in a completely, completely different light.
And so there's so much of our programming that we actually have to override and work
towards.
Absolutely.
And this is why we have our programs set up the way it is, is you cannot come out of you
can't go into that positive mindset because then you get into toxic positivity where you
pretend like everything's really good and you're like, I'm great.
How are you?
And you're like, I know that not everything is fine, you know?
And this isn't to shame anybody.
This is just to highlight that, like, we can't override it.
Like it has to be something that we do from the root and that and get to the where the
yeah.
And that's where holding space comes in.
If you know somebody who is in that mode and they can't get out of it, they're in that
toxic positivity.
They're refusing to acknowledge that stuff is not OK.
Like you just said, instead of judging them, just be like, dude, I'm going to hold space
for when they're ready.
I'm going to be able to I'm going to I'm going to help them work through this or I'm going
to be there to support them, whatever your relationship is with that person.
Right.
Instead of being like, oh, this, you know, annoyed by this person who won't open their
eyes and look at, you know, things in a way that's going to help them grow being like,
OK, well, they're just not ready for it right now.
But I'm going to hold that space for them and not judge them.
Exactly.
And their brains.
Yeah.
And holding space is really just this place of being able to kind of like send people
love and this way.
I'm not going to lie.
It took me a while to get to this because I think when I learned about brain reorganization
over 14 years ago, I was like, everyone just needs to creep and crawl and there'll be no
problems left in the world.
Like we would be fine.
We would have no egos.
Like running the show would be great.
And then I was like, OK, the harder I screamed it at people, the more that they like ran
away from it.
They're like, let's try a new approach, Jenny.
OK, cool.
I'll just like do a podcast and people can just like turn it off, right?
If you're not into it, please leave us positive reviews if you do enjoy it.
But so once you once you realize like I'm somewhere that I'm super authentically good
and I'm happy, you can be the light of that.
And you want people to come and join you versus telling them to and begging them to just see
you authentically, you send them love, whether it be pray, meditate energetically, like think
that loving thought for them and then just just surrender to there is going to be a light
at the end of this tunnel.
And it's your journey of getting to discover that light.
And I'm going to be here to hold that regulated space for you.
And sometimes, for example, for my four year old holding space literally is me picking
up and holding her and hugging.
And she then like needs to like kind of give me like a little sniff and is like, OK, I
got you.
That's like her way of like regulating and like me regulating immediately.
I will tell you, it's a little harder to hold space for adults because you're like you're
an adult.
Like, why are you just it's harder?
Yes, but you still need to do it.
But you still have to do it.
I want to think of an example of how you're able to kind of hold that space with adults,
because of course, that's more my life.
I'm thinking of recently I had a thing with like a friend where we had a group chat and
we were all like trying to figure out what to do one day.
And one of them had like a very strong opinion what we wanted to do, what she wanted to do.
And none of us wanted to.
And so I was the one that spoke up and was like, hey, listen, I'm not into this.
I'm pretty sure everybody else is also not into this.
But let's do something different.
And she like, you know, separately got mad at me because I was the one that spoke up.
Right.
And I was like, I'm sorry.
I'm here for you.
I want to see you that day.
It's going to be so much fun.
But this is just not a thing that I'm going to do.
I'm not participating in it because I held my boundary very strongly.
And I mean, she was annoyed for like 20 minutes and then because I knew it was going to work
out.
It always works out.
And so 20 minutes later, we had a different plan.
We were all happy.
And then we were like, hey, you know, that was I'm not mad anymore.
Like, sorry.
And I was like, it's fine.
It's not a big deal.
But it's also kind of like because I was not emotional about it.
We were able to kind of keep that.
Yeah.
And I think being able to stay calm in those places.
So OK, that's perfect.
Exactly that.
So there's conflict.
Conflict is inevitable.
Every relationship is going to have conflict.
Right.
That's that's how we figure out who each other are.
That's how we get deeper into relationships.
And every relationship is the risk.
Like we never know how things are going to go.
Right.
And so every time you engage in something, you're like, oh, well, there's fear behind
it.
Right.
And so there's always that emotion of like, I don't know how things are going to land.
And so if you can enter anything with a calm demeanor and a knowing of it's going to be
OK, like, you know, it's going to be OK.
It always is.
Right.
Do you need to go through the whole cycle of all the drama every time?
Hopefully not.
It's very exhausting.
But sometimes relationships need like that little shake up of like, whoa, you just really
hit a core wound to me and that wound then hit your core wound.
And now we're both sitting here wounded.
But it's not it's the same experience, but we're in a different perception of it.
Right.
Exactly.
And so like I can voice to you why I'm feeling this.
And I have accountability for like, OK, now here's I'm going to go handle so I don't keep
showing up and feeling like my security is being rattled.
And I can tell that your validation is the reason that my security is being rattled.
And then it's like, OK, now how do we work through this?
And this is a skill that is not easy.
It's not learned in school.
It's not taught in school.
I should say.
Yeah.
It's not something that my parents ever did.
It was more so one parent got upset, the other parent shut down.
Yeah.
Right.
And then it eventually just like emotions finally calmed down.
But we never talked about it and got to the root of it.
Yes.
And we just and then it would keep circling.
Right.
And so I think that's my new boundary on relationships is like, I'm so down to get triggered with
you.
But can you work all the way through it and like resolve it so we don't keep having the
same trigger over and over again?
Most marriages and relationships always end because, oh, he was this and she was this
the same thing.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
So that's why we think that this work is just so important to help you get into alignment
and to really focus on how do you find the most authentic version of yourself?
And that's doing the brain work.
Doing the brain work, baby girl.
There's so many other things you can you can do.
And if you want to do them, do them.
But start with the brain always.
And we will always shout that from the rooftops.
But yeah, that was our episode for today.
Thank you for listening.
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