1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,280 Hi and welcome to the In The Cortex podcast. 2 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,280 We are your hosts. 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:11,600 I'm Poloma Garcia. 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,640 And I am Dani Perrecone. 5 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:17,240 And we're the founders of In The Cortex, an online community with programs that show 6 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:21,480 people the tools that they need to change their lives, their brain reorganization, no 7 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,880 medication, just movement. 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:28,080 When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start 9 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:32,200 to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex. 10 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:36,520 Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life. 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,680 And now on to today's episode. 12 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:45,880 Okay, last episode of the 2023 year. 13 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,000 This is episode 17. 14 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,440 I mean we set out to do a podcast for a long time. 15 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,280 And then I finally just like hit and then we're just loving it. 16 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:56,280 So we love the talk. 17 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,760 And I love that these are the very last ones are in person. 18 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,280 I mean, what a good way to set the tone. 19 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,760 So let's wrap up our series. 20 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:05,760 Yes. 21 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:10,200 We started with the holiday series of setting the intention and the science behind it. 22 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,240 We talked about the RAS system and how important that is. 23 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,400 And then we talked about setting intentions with kids and what that looks like. 24 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:21,800 And this one is all about now talking about when you are with your friend's family during 25 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:22,800 the holidays. 26 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,300 This is all holidays. 27 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:29,560 But how do you interact with certain people and then understanding their brain profile, 28 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,280 understanding your brain profile and then understanding how to work together so there's 29 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:40,240 not as much emotion and drama and hurt and building compassion versus judgment. 30 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,040 100%. 31 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:46,640 Compassion versus judgment is our number one thing because judgment is just so easy to 32 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,640 jump to where that's what we're made to do kind of as humans. 33 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:55,520 So when you start to understand things from a different perspective, that starts to build 34 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:56,520 that compassion. 35 00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:00,080 And that's something our members talk about all the time is I started doing this work 36 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:05,200 and now I'm able to look at my mom in a different way, my dad, my neighbor, whoever it might 37 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,200 be, right? 38 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,080 How many times have we heard that? 39 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:12,480 And we actually just had one of our members who told us, Hey, oh my gosh, the in the court 40 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,880 to what, what did they say? 41 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,720 Holidays are so much easier when you're in your cortex, which is so huge. 42 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:25,320 And I think that's just an important thing to keep in mind is everybody's coming from 43 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,880 where they're coming from, like coming from where they're coming from. 44 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,880 And that's okay. 45 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,400 Yeah, like everybody has their own trauma. 46 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,520 Everybody has their subconscious beliefs, whatever's going on in their brain, their primitive 47 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:34,520 brain, right? 48 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,360 They have their own emotions tied to different situations. 49 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,840 And so it's important to always understand, try to understand their perspective as much 50 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:42,840 as possible. 51 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,560 And I know this is the thing that a lot of people talk to talk about. 52 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,640 It's not, we're not saying this for the first time. 53 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,200 We're not the first people to think about having compassion for others. 54 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:54,680 But I do think that a lot of the things that we automatically put a name on or put a label 55 00:02:54,680 --> 00:03:02,360 on a certain behaviors or certain personality traits are actually reframed so much when 56 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,280 we start to understand it with compassion and start to understand it, I should say with 57 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,680 the brain, you know? 58 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:13,000 And so I think we should go through a few of the typical profiles and like different 59 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:18,840 brains and different interactions, different kinds of like emotional, you know, communications 60 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:22,880 and that kind of stuff that usually happen in different families, right? 61 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:26,880 And to start, it's always about getting needs met, right? 62 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:33,360 And so me needing to get a need met to help my brain get through a certain experience might 63 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,040 not be good for your brain. 64 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:39,040 And then that's where conflict comes in, because your brain needs something different. 65 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,080 And then that's where we tend to see that these profiles clash and like that's where 66 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,320 I was just talking to my son about it. 67 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,040 I was like, your brain loves a lot of touch. 68 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,760 And then my brain gets overstimulated when you're touching me too much. 69 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,600 And then I'm like, ah, stop, right? 70 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,440 So that's where that clashing comes in. 71 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:58,480 And another member was talking about how her husband loves white noise. 72 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,480 Oh, right. 73 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:04,160 And that's such a big one because I know I've lived with someone, my dad, who needs white 74 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,160 noise. 75 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:09,760 And so my son, Amber, also experienced this with the, um, the vent hood over the stove. 76 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:10,760 Right. 77 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:11,760 Right. 78 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:12,760 Right. 79 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:13,760 And her husband loves to have it on. 80 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:14,760 Yeah. 81 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:19,040 But he also loves to always have something on, whether it be a podcast, a show, a movie, 82 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,360 music, anything to create that white noise. 83 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:28,200 So there's always that kind of way of him being able to block out all the extra stimuli coming 84 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,200 in. 85 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,240 And it's a really good compensation when your midbrain's not developed. 86 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,760 And that's something that we were able to talk about with her. 87 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,920 And that was actually a really cool office hours call because we were able to kind of 88 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,800 show her, she was saying, this is really frustrating for me. 89 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:46,720 And it's really disrespectful that he's doing this and he's has all this noise and he's 90 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,160 always has music on, always has a podcast and we'll have a conversation and he has an 91 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,920 air pod in listening to something else. 92 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:54,920 Right. 93 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,120 And we were like, well, but is he still interacting with you? 94 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,800 She's like, yeah, he's still in the conversation, but I'm just like, why are you disrespecting 95 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,920 me by having the air pod in? 96 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,720 And we were like, well, think about the vent, right? 97 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,160 Think about him always having to like hum something or have some sort of noise. 98 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,000 That's what his brain is needs. 99 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:17,040 And so he by putting that air pod in is listening to and interacting with you better than he 100 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,520 would if he didn't have it. 101 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:22,840 Because if he didn't have it, his brain would be completely overwhelmed, not just by the 102 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:27,080 conversation, but by everything else around him, because everything else without that 103 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:32,120 white noise would be coming in at the same volume at the same level. 104 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:36,880 And so of course that's going to become overwhelming for somebody who has a disorganized midbrain 105 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:41,640 who doesn't have that filter, which is related to the rest as well, that filter of what's 106 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,040 important right now. 107 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,040 What should I focus on? 108 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,040 What should I ignore? 109 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,040 Right. 110 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,040 Because their brain saying pay attention to what? 111 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,040 Exactly. 112 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,120 The lights, the tapping, the clicking, the this, this, this. 113 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,440 There's so many different things coming in that we unconsciously are able to process 114 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,440 and block out. 115 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,960 But if you don't have that system in place, everything's overwhelming. 116 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:05,120 And you're processing it though, like she was as this person doesn't respect me, this 117 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:13,560 person doesn't care about me, this person is ignoring me or whatever. 118 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:17,080 We have someone in our background, so hopefully your, as we're talking about this, can block 119 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,240 out that noise. 120 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,440 And the microphone doesn't pick it up. 121 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:28,880 And I think, again, that comes into like what is your brain, what is your subconscious, 122 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,880 I should say, telling you? 123 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,920 This person doesn't listen to me. 124 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,400 I don't matter to them, whatever that might be. 125 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,120 And so that's also another way that you look at yourself and you're like, okay. 126 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,120 It's huge. 127 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,120 This, you know. 128 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:45,520 And it brought up so much of her childhood and how she was taught to show love and how 129 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,280 love was given to her. 130 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:51,000 And by her husband needing to get his need met, she interpret that as like the love 131 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,000 he's giving her. 132 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:56,440 And so we helped her just like distill it down to like, wait, this is two separate items 133 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,440 here. 134 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,120 We have the brain item here of what the brain's needing and then the subconscious. 135 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,280 And it's really important too, and we talked about that in the last episode of the learned 136 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,920 behaviors and subconscious behaviors that are happening. 137 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:14,200 And then also, and then also the brain related behaviors, the actual automatic things that 138 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,200 need to come online. 139 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,120 So this is why we put it all into our program to cover it all because you can't just do 140 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,120 one without the other. 141 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,120 Yeah. 142 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,120 So that's a big profile. 143 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,120 And that's a profile that. 144 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:27,160 And that's a profile that's going to need certain things at a holiday table. 145 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,160 Exactly. 146 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,080 That's a person who is going to need, want maybe the music on way louder than everybody 147 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,080 else, right? 148 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,080 Yes. 149 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,960 Or they're going to be humming while they're cooking. 150 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,120 And that's something that you and I have, right? 151 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,720 And now you're like joining in on my songs. 152 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,280 You're like setting me up for song. 153 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,280 We're like singing together. 154 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,280 I mean, we're not good to sing, but it's fun. 155 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,280 We're great. 156 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,280 We're belting it out. 157 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,560 But that's also something as we organized our brains. 158 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,760 I used to get so annoyed with doing it. 159 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:51,760 You get so annoyed. 160 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,760 I didn't know, by the way. 161 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:53,760 But you were like, you need to. 162 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,760 I didn't realize it was that annoying. 163 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,760 But I was self-awareness is huge. 164 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:03,240 And like now, and it's the same way around. 165 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:09,200 Like I'm able to do things when with noise in the background and in a different way. 166 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,200 Like I'm able to enjoy it. 167 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,880 I should say I used to be able to like have had to focus on something. 168 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:17,960 I had to have absolute silence completely or be in like an environment where like it was 169 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,360 like environmental noise. 170 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:20,760 So like, no, a coffee. 171 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,800 I'd love to go to coffee shops and that kind of stuff. 172 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:27,720 And now I can be in my house and put on a song and focus on the song, but still be working. 173 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,600 Like I used to not be able to listen to music while I was working, which is silly. 174 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:36,200 And it was, it was, I used to be like, why, you know, it used to annoy me. 175 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,520 And like when people would do it, I would like co-work with my friends or whatever. 176 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,080 I'd be like, I'm sorry, I just can't focus. 177 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,640 It's like I need you to turn it off. 178 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,920 And now I'm like, oh, it's actually really enjoyable and I'd like to do it sometimes. 179 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:46,920 That's a major change. 180 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,680 I noticed in me, I would always be talking. 181 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,680 Right. 182 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,880 I'm constantly talking in my four year olds in the room right now and she's actually doing 183 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:59,560 it as we're speaking and just making the constant, just having a conversation, speaking 184 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:03,000 out loud and you're talking yourself through the steps. 185 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:07,080 Sometimes that is obviously you're out loud processing and externally processing, but 186 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,960 then also you're creating like your own white noise to block out the stimuli because you're 187 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:11,960 overwhelmed. 188 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,320 And that's when I used to do it the most. 189 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:18,760 And then now I find myself actually able to listen more and then hold a thought. 190 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:23,000 So then I'm like, oh, I'm listening to talk, I can hold my thought and then come back to 191 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,000 it. 192 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,720 I could never have, I had to interrupt. 193 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,920 And that's another one. 194 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:29,920 But that's it. 195 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:30,920 It's another one. 196 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:31,920 It's the person that interrupts. 197 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:36,760 My brother, that was one of his biggest things that he would get so mad when he was interrupted. 198 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:37,760 Because then he loses thought. 199 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:38,880 Because he would lose his thought. 200 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,040 And then he also, sometimes it wasn't an interruption. 201 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:45,720 We were just having a conversation, but he didn't fully understand like what the, you 202 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,400 know, someone who was doing that. 203 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,120 And he would be like, stop interrupting me, stop interrupting. 204 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,840 And my friend, and we were talking, he was interrupting. 205 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,640 We'd be like, has he interrupting you? 206 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:57,640 Or was he answering, you know, also talking about what you were talking about, you know? 207 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,880 And he would get so frustrated. 208 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:04,200 And once he was able to organize his brain, he was like, now I understand. 209 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:08,040 He would say that he used to sit and like be in a conversation with, let's say four or 210 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,680 five friends, they're on a certain subject and they're talking about this. 211 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,120 So he's like, okay, I'm going to say this. 212 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,120 How am I going to say I'm going to say this? 213 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:16,120 Yes, it's a whole. 214 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,120 Okay. 215 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,120 No, okay. 216 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,120 No, should I say it now? 217 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,120 Is this, that's weird. 218 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,120 No, should I say that? 219 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,800 By the time he's actually ready to say it, he's gone. 220 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,520 They're on to like the 17 subjects later, right? 221 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,160 And so that's so hard. 222 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:33,240 And so if you see one of your family members or somebody you're spending a holiday time 223 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:39,760 with struggling with that, just hold the space for them, you know, because we're also very 224 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,480 used to instant gratification in this life. 225 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,920 So our, you know, our rhythms are so quick. 226 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:48,120 So you're used to asking a question, immediate answer. 227 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:54,840 Some people just need time, five seconds, six, count six seconds. 228 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,840 That's such a good one. 229 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:56,840 Yeah. 230 00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:01,520 Because honestly, the person who says, huh, and what, yes, that's, if they're saying, 231 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,160 huh, and what, just pause, don't repeat yourself. 232 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:09,080 They heard you just give them the time to process and then come up with it. 233 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:13,080 I noticed the best way to learn and know what that feels like, if that doesn't feel like 234 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,920 that's a challenge for you, go be in a, go learn a new language. 235 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:18,920 Oh, right. 236 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:23,280 And go sit in a group of people who are speaking the language you're learning and you're like, 237 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:27,720 I really want to say something and it's taking so much for you to learn how to even, I, I 238 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,800 experience that so often and that's the moment because I usually am the, and then onto the 239 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:32,800 next thought already. 240 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:33,800 Yeah. 241 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,080 My friend was actually just talking about how in, I think she's like, France that she's 242 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,840 like, I'm going to come and practice my French, blah, blah, blah, blah in a second. 243 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,200 He's like, oh hi, can I have a croissant? 244 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,200 They're talking to her in English. 245 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,160 She's like, they don't, they have no, they don't wait for you to do it. 246 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,720 And she was like, oh, I didn't get to practice, you know, but that's you, most people were 247 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:55,040 used to like getting that really quick response and being like, what, blah, blah, blah, like 248 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,000 asking again, again, again, sometimes like, dude, wait. 249 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,560 And I noticed that a lot of people do that with kids a lot. 250 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:01,560 Don't you think? 251 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:02,560 Oh my gosh. 252 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:03,560 What's your favorite color? 253 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:04,560 What is it? 254 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:05,560 Is it yellow? 255 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,560 Is it green? 256 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,560 Is it red? 257 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,560 Is it blue? 258 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,560 I will admit, I do that to my children often times, but I also, and that's, oh my gosh, 259 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,440 I just had an aha. 260 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:17,400 My son doesn't like to me and it drives me nuts, but it's because I do it to him. 261 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,400 Mirror. 262 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,400 What are you going to eat today? 263 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,400 Mirror. 264 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,400 What do you want for breakfast? 265 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,400 To move in for breakfast. 266 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,400 Oh my gosh. 267 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,400 What a moment. 268 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,680 I love these moments because I have been trying to figure out why does my son triggered 269 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:31,680 me so much because I'm like, what part of him am I mirroring? 270 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,000 And that was one of them. 271 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,280 There's obviously more layers to this. 272 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:40,920 And I mean, I did wish I had his same ability to like climb trees and like do all the other 273 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:41,920 things that he could do. 274 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:42,920 He's so good at that. 275 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,520 But you know what, that is a huge one. 276 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,800 So, okay, so we have the processing one. 277 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:56,160 We have the big one I see, and you'll see this a lot during holiday times, the savior. 278 00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:02,720 The savior, the person who wants to save everyone else, but not look at themselves. 279 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:06,280 And that one's hard because I was that. 280 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,840 I still juggle it. 281 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:08,840 You have that instinct. 282 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,440 I still have that instinct to step in and just do it and take care of it because I got 283 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,440 this. 284 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,920 And I'm working on that boundary within myself. 285 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,400 But now I see other people do it and I'm like, oh dear. 286 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,400 I just did that to you today with the camera. 287 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,400 I was like, let me just do it. 288 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,400 Oh, I didn't even notice. 289 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,400 But I was actually so happy. 290 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,400 Oh good. 291 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:26,400 Okay. 292 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,400 Because I'm like, wait. 293 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,400 No, I don't mind when you want to step in on the top of it. 294 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,400 Okay, good, good, good. 295 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,040 And actually you did teach me though. 296 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,560 I was like, oh, I didn't even know that you could lay those things on top of a camera. 297 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,760 And when we're working, we're sharing a screen. 298 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:39,760 I know. 299 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:40,760 It's not the same. 300 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:41,760 And I know you get really like, click there. 301 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:42,760 Click there. 302 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,760 You're so slow. 303 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,760 I'm like, I'm a baby boomer like on technology. 304 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,400 But then once I get it, I'm like, I can do it. 305 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,400 You're an elder millennial. 306 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,640 I am an elder millennial. 307 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:57,240 So the savior though is the person who just wants to step in and do it because it's easier 308 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:58,240 and faster. 309 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,920 And parents do this all the time for kids and we're doing them such a disservice. 310 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:07,920 I actually just watched a tech talk, a Montessori teacher said, when I have a new teacher come 311 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:12,680 in and the class was assigned for three to six year olds, she says, I tell the assistant 312 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:13,680 just to sit down. 313 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,240 And she goes, let the kids figure it out. 314 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,240 I love that. 315 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:21,240 And we saw that today at the classroom that we were just in. 316 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,120 But the kids kept coming to the teacher to solve the issue constantly. 317 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,120 And I get that. 318 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,500 And you do need that, but what about creating the environment for kids to learn how to problem 319 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,200 solve on their own? 320 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:36,520 And so if you do step away from that space, then we don't have to create the saviors. 321 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,840 And that's what's that quote from? 322 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,520 Teach them the fish one. 323 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:45,880 No, it's when kids are exploring dangerous things carefully. 324 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:52,600 You know, I love that because it's like, let them get to that edge without being completely 325 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,600 unsafe. 326 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,600 Of course. 327 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,960 And if they're, of course, they're going to jump off of something, they're going to 328 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,320 break their head, go run. 329 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,800 Save that, you know, but let them kind of like teeter on the edge. 330 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,400 And sometimes they will fall and they might get a bump or whatever. 331 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,320 Or sometimes they will, you know, have make the same mistake time after time after time. 332 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:12,200 And that's sometimes you do get to that frustration, but we've come in and help. 333 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,960 But let them understand how to figure things out. 334 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,320 And that goes for anybody though, like other, you know, ages. 335 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:22,720 And of course, that's though, when we get into the dynamic in the holidays of the family 336 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:29,480 dynamic, older sibling, younger sibling, the mom, the kids, whatever it might be, it's 337 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,240 so easy to fall back into those patterns. 338 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:36,480 I know I do that the second I said to you at Tik Tok about the second I get home and 339 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,760 you just like revert back into like baby behavior and like your parents are doing everything 340 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,760 for you. 341 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:42,760 That's me with my mother. 342 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:47,280 There's a Tik Tok viral going around where the song because I go back to my parents' 343 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,280 house. 344 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,440 I do one load, I do one load of laundry for one sock or whatever. 345 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:55,600 And like my dad's the ballet, like whatever, because he's my dad day, you know, like there's 346 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,960 a whole SNL skin on it. 347 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,440 It's actually funny, but it's actually not, you know, funny, but it's like, oh, it's 348 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,440 actually true. 349 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:07,120 Like, let's not, but that's what parents, my, our parents' generation, they came from 350 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:12,240 parents who were like so like hands off that they feel like they had to compensate and 351 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:17,080 create a new system of now I want to enable you because my parents didn't give me any 352 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:23,520 attention and then they like hover and then they create this loop of its dependence versus 353 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,400 a route to independence. 354 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:31,200 And I will be guilty of there's so many times I have to stop myself and go, okay, I could 355 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,840 get this done faster if I do it for you. 356 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,240 But then when am I teaching you, I'm using you two things to depend on me and then also 357 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,720 you're not worth learning that skill. 358 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:41,720 Absolutely. 359 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:46,920 And so once kids get into that space of wanting to explore their independence and wanting to 360 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:51,920 assert themselves differently, you have to hold space for that because otherwise you're 361 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,560 just going to enable them. 362 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,560 And it's the perfect situation to do it in these like family gatherings because they 363 00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:00,640 start to understand who are they, what's their role in the family and that kind of stuff. 364 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:04,720 Then you also have, I think, often, like we were talking about like the uncomfortable 365 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:11,400 like aunt or uncle who always has like that one comment and you know, that's also another 366 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,240 profile is people that don't necessarily know how to read the room. 367 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,240 They don't know boundaries. 368 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,240 They don't know that. 369 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,320 Oh my God, there's such a funny story about that one. 370 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:24,000 My dad, I love him and I know I call him out so much and he's doing his brain work but 371 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,600 he said the funniest and he wouldn't care if I said this. 372 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,800 But we were sitting at the table and there was somebody who showed up and they brought 373 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:30,800 a pie. 374 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:35,880 They brought a caramel pie and my dad is what he considered himself a pie connoisseur. 375 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,840 So he's just like, this one's the best. 376 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:43,320 You know, like he'll write them out loud to everybody because he's very matter of fact, 377 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,320 right? 378 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,400 And he's just like, why are you getting hurt about that? 379 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,400 It's just a pie. 380 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,280 You know, my dad's just like, why are you emotionally attached to the pie? 381 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,840 You spent five hours baking. 382 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,800 I don't get it, right? 383 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:59,480 And so he, we were sitting at the table and my dad's like, oh, that pie, that caramel 384 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:00,480 pie, that one's no good. 385 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,680 And I was like, dad, the guy who made it's right here. 386 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,440 And then I'm like, oh, whoops, it's a little rich. 387 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,440 I said, guess what? 388 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,440 His name is rich. 389 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:12,920 It was like a moment where I was like laughing because I'm like, and my dad was like, whoops, 390 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,480 I guess it's my time to go. 391 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,920 I have no filter. 392 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,760 And he will always be in those situations of shoving his foot in his mouth. 393 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,760 Totally. 394 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:26,360 Because he doesn't have that, that stop pause, think before I speak. 395 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,360 Exactly. 396 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,360 But that's something that you grew up with. 397 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,360 Exactly. 398 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,680 And it's your, it's the brain. 399 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:35,120 It's the mid brain, not understanding how to read the room. 400 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,560 Now, reading the room. 401 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,360 Oh, I say that to Sam all the time. 402 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:39,360 Yeah. 403 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,360 Know your audience. 404 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:41,600 Know your audience, read the room. 405 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:45,920 And it's something that comes also with being in touch with your intuition. 406 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,520 And because you, you can get some signals from people. 407 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:53,440 You can, we all have the innate ability to read body language because we're animals. 408 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,440 We're meant to interact with them. 409 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:56,440 Yeah. 410 00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:00,720 Just like a dog knows how to read the room in a room full of dogs. 411 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:05,280 You know, like, or doesn't, you know, not going to have a great time, you know? 412 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,640 And so I think, you know, it's, it's definitely a brain function. 413 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:14,520 And so when we're in that survival mode, we're often very disconnected from our intuition 414 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,680 and disconnected from the signals that our body is sending us, right? 415 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:22,520 Our neuroception, our entire reception, our vestibular, proprioceptive, all the different 416 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,520 things that are going on. 417 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,840 Like we always say, there's so much going on in the brain at any given moment. 418 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:27,840 Right. 419 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:32,800 And so when you see that person that's not able to read the room, what can you do to 420 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,600 make sure it's not going to hit you in that emotional space? 421 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:41,760 So you know what, this aunt, this uncle, they usually have a few things that are a little 422 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,280 bit off the wall that they say they might have some opinions that are a little bit, 423 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,720 you know, out there and that's to each their own. 424 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:53,200 And that's also, that's a lot of the being able to agree to disagree is a cortex function. 425 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:58,960 Like, let's just say it because it's so hard for people sometimes to not get into it. 426 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:02,480 And that's where once we feed it, we enrage it. 427 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,640 What is it when you engage you in range? 428 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:08,800 And that's what happens with the ponds and with some, sometimes when you know that's 429 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:15,240 about to come, your only hope is to just step back and don't respond. 430 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,000 Yeah, exactly. 431 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:23,000 And this is where being able to see that the people who can't read the room and have a 432 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:28,680 filter and know their audience being on the receiving side of that person, you have to 433 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:33,320 take what they say is with a grain of salt and not take it personal and let it illuminate 434 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,040 within you going, I can't believe they dismy pie. 435 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,960 There must be something wrong with me because I can't bake, right? 436 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:40,960 Or whatever. 437 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:45,200 And so this is where you have to be able to like, let it go, but you can't let those 438 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,040 comments go when they hit a wound within you. 439 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,120 And that's why our program, we walk you through, how do you release? 440 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,760 How do you surrender that I don't need to control everything? 441 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,840 Because that's another thing that we see in today's world is you're offending me. 442 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,840 You need to also live an uncomfortable life because I'm so uncomfortable with myself. 443 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,720 And so now we're creating this place where we're so scared to say things. 444 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,560 Because we're like, oh my gosh, now I'm going to upset you, you, you and you. 445 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,000 Who am I going to upset with every word that I speak? 446 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,280 And I think we live in a society where it's like, hey, you can upset me and I don't always 447 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:16,480 agree with you. 448 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,680 And maybe I can make a different life choice on not to hang out with you. 449 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,400 But I also know like, that's your stuff. 450 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,400 Totally. 451 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,400 It's not mine. 452 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,840 If you're going to say something at me, it's more of a reflection of you. 453 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:26,840 Yeah, 100%. 454 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,760 And that's why when my dad said that about the pie, I had to make a comment because everyone 455 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,520 was sitting there like knowing that he made that pie. 456 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,600 And I was like, dad, he made it. 457 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:36,600 He made it. 458 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:37,600 Come on. 459 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,200 And my dad just like, okay, like he doesn't care. 460 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:43,000 Like my dad's not emotional, but it doesn't hold on to what he's just like, whatever gone. 461 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:49,080 So this is where being able to take those comments and then release them is so important. 462 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:53,800 And it's so, this is where I think it's hard because so many people just say, just release 463 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,160 it, just meditate, just pray on it. 464 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,520 And oftentimes that's a subconscious belief. 465 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:05,800 So this is where our program helps you feel that comment, trigger a wound in you. 466 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,080 No, it's not about that situation. 467 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,640 It's coming from the first seven years of your life. 468 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:16,520 And then you can shift the subconscious belief you have about yourself. 469 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,920 So those comments no longer have an impact. 470 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:20,920 Absolutely. 471 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:21,920 And right. 472 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,560 Like you said, it's not about not feeling the emotion. 473 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,560 It's okay to be like, oh, it's okay. 474 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:26,560 You're like, why? 475 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:27,560 It's been seven hours on that line. 476 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,560 Like it's okay. 477 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,560 I thought it was great. 478 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,400 I mean, that's a normal natural re-human reaction. 479 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:34,960 It's just about what do you do with it? 480 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,360 Do you still want to make, I'm never going to talk to that guy again. 481 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,160 I can't believe him said that. 482 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,160 Or whatever. 483 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,160 Let's just move on. 484 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,040 And then another one that you reminded me of is the person who's overly controlling 485 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:47,040 of everything. 486 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,040 There's always one of them. 487 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,040 And they're like laughter way through. 488 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,040 I thought we were going to use the red napkins. 489 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:58,040 And you're like, we need to use the red ones. 490 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,040 And you're like, okay, cool. 491 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,040 We'll use the red ones. 492 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,200 And that's the response because a lot of the time people will get into it. 493 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,800 No, but like, I like the green. 494 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,280 We use the green ones last time, whatever it is, right? 495 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,040 And it's like, choose your battles. 496 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:15,280 Pick your moments because this is when the little tiny things are going to get come out. 497 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,280 They pile up. 498 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,320 They're going to pile up and might be the drop. 499 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,280 Don't let that be the drop. 500 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,280 Let what's it called? 501 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,280 Spills over. 502 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,480 That breaks the camel's back. 503 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,240 The straw that breaks the camel. 504 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,480 Don't let me that's not be the straw that breaks the camel's back or the cup that overflows 505 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,600 the drop of the whatever. 506 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:33,600 Don't let that be the thing. 507 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:34,600 You know what I mean? 508 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:35,600 You know what I mean? 509 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:39,520 And because those are the little things that you already have kind of identified about 510 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:40,520 each person. 511 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:44,360 If it's somebody that already triggers you, you know, you're just going to be like, oh, 512 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:45,360 well, it's not the green ones. 513 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,360 Yeah. 514 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,360 The red ones. 515 00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:48,360 Yeah. 516 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,640 And then you're going to go for like, you know, 20 minutes and then our eventually you're 517 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,160 going to make stuff, right? 518 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,040 Because it's these little tiny jobs. 519 00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,760 And obviously this, this is where you have the power to decide is someone else going 520 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,160 to have the control over how I run my life. 521 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,160 Yes. 522 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,800 Am I going to turn my power over? 523 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:11,000 And so this is where if you don't know how to control it, then obviously you're going 524 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,480 to fall for it every time and then you're not ready to learn that lesson yet. 525 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,440 So this is why we love framework because you literally stop engaging. 526 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:19,440 Yes. 527 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:20,440 It just goes away. 528 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,640 You have no more need to get that adrenaline and the cortisol running through your system. 529 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,200 Getting into it with some, yeah. 530 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,760 Because you're, you're not in that survival state where you crave those hormones. 531 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,280 They just don't have a space anymore. 532 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:36,280 And you're able to see, oh my gosh, that person really needs to feel that control over that 533 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:37,280 red napkin. 534 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,280 I'm going to let him have it. 535 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:39,280 Take it. 536 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,280 I'll let you have it. 537 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,280 We finished each other's things. 538 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:42,280 Yeah. 539 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,280 I was all night. 540 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,280 Yes. 541 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:50,600 You know, because they're clearly much more triggered by whatever is, or they're much 542 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,280 more attached to whatever's going on with the napkin, the day at the end of the day. 543 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,280 It's an app. 544 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:56,280 And of course this is just an example. 545 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,080 If it's something bigger, like you know when to engage, when not to engage. 546 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,080 Yeah. 547 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,080 You don't want to like tell you not to respond to like really mean comments or anything like 548 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,080 that. 549 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,400 But when it's a small thing and you know that this person has a tendency to want to control 550 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,720 small situations, the holidays are not the time to address it. 551 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,520 And so you have to understand this is somebody whose palms is probably underdeveloped. 552 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,480 They probably have a retained morrow. 553 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,320 So everything in their life is coming in as a threat. 554 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,600 And so that's why they want to control as much as they possibly can. 555 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,440 Or they think they can control, right? 556 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:26,920 So that just came up. 557 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,920 So alcohol is a big thing over the season, right? 558 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,640 Everyone, some people engage and some people don't. 559 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:38,520 And I just heard this the other day that someone was talking about, they were at a dinner and 560 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,800 it's someone who's recovering or trying to recover from alcohol. 561 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,720 They actually were very upset that everybody else was drinking alcohol. 562 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:51,240 And so they wanted to, they got upset and just left and didn't say goodbye or anything. 563 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,560 And the person telling me the story, Amy, is like, what a, you know what? 564 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:58,240 And I'm like, Ponce, because I'm out of control. 565 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,680 I need to control you because I can't control myself. 566 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,920 And now everyone else should be doing what I need them to do because all I think about 567 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,440 is me and my needs, right? 568 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,040 And that's a survival response one-on-one. 569 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:09,840 I mean, that's exactly it. 570 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,640 And that's where you can have more compassion and say like, it must have been really hard 571 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,640 for them to do that. 572 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,160 And I'm so sad that they had to leave, but they did what they had to do, right? 573 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,160 And you don't take it personal. 574 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,560 And you don't take it, and you don't have to judge. 575 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:25,240 And then that's the next one is people that are constantly judging and flinging those little 576 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,240 comments. 577 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,520 And you always know there's that family member that's going to come up and make, did you 578 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,200 see, do you know why your cousin's not here? 579 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:37,440 You know, and they have the thing and you're like, oh, and they're naming names and everybody, 580 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:43,800 like my aunt, my aunt likes to say that families play the character assassination the family 581 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:44,800 gave. 582 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:45,800 You know, it's so true. 583 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,120 Because it's like, you get together and you're just like talking about everybody else. 584 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,520 And then you're getting to go with other ones and talking about those other ones. 585 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,640 I mean, it's just like such a thing that people do. 586 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,840 And it's just seen as like, oh yeah, this person just loves to do that, right? 587 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,400 And so decide, are you going to engage in that? 588 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:04,160 Are you going to be, you know, talking about other people behind their back, whatever? 589 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,960 Or are you going to say, hey, I don't really want to talk about that without making it awkward, 590 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,080 of course, right? 591 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,680 But just kind of be like, maybe help them get a different perspective, right? 592 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,640 Like, oh, this person is such a blank because he left the dinner because of that. 593 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,640 So hey, why don't you, don't you think maybe they were really, really hurting and they 594 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:23,240 had a really hard time and they already are in a situation that's really, really difficult 595 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:24,520 in addiction? 596 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:28,360 Like maybe they were having a really hard time and that's what they had to do. 597 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,800 It doesn't mean that they are a blank, you know? 598 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:31,800 Yeah. 599 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,720 And then some people would go, yeah, I do think we all need to stop to support. 600 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,320 And then that's a family decision too. 601 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:41,400 So there's no perfect and no one way to go about any of it. 602 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:46,200 But then it also just made me think of the perfectionist as we're talking about this 603 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:51,480 because oftentimes the perfectionist wants everything nice and cute and Pinterest-y and 604 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:52,480 Instagram. 605 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:53,480 This is the, yeah. 606 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,400 Which is often goes with the overly controlling person, right? 607 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,920 It's a very much a similar pattern here. 608 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:06,760 I want to make the house be absolutely perfect for the image that our family is everything 609 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:07,760 fine. 610 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:08,760 And I think that's it. 611 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,320 The image that everything's fine. 612 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:12,320 Yeah. 613 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:17,440 When we know that every family is messy, every family has stuff. 614 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:18,680 Every person has stuff. 615 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:23,440 There's no such thing as like a healed, perfect person that's got nothing to work on and deal 616 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,440 with. 617 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:30,320 So this is where you can look at that person who is trying to hold that image together 618 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:35,920 and just bring the authenticity back because they're like, thank you for just being real 619 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,920 and a human and just being like, hey, I'm a human too with lots of flaws. 620 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,920 And then they go, oh, it's okay. 621 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:43,920 Exactly. 622 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,680 And show them that it's okay to be themselves with you. 623 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:52,200 And that's also often when people have a new boyfriend or girlfriend coming to the dinner 624 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,000 and they're like, boys. 625 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,720 Don't be, you know, the way you always are, you know, and so they're like trying to hold 626 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:58,720 it together so bad. 627 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,240 And it's honestly funny when it all falls apart, right? 628 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,480 But for some people that they don't think it's funny. 629 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:09,520 So also having that compassion for like, listen, they feel like this perfect perfect image 630 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,880 is going to fix their life or it's going to make it so maybe their life will be perfect, 631 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,880 although it doesn't exist at some point. 632 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,200 And so just, you know, decide how you're going to interact with it. 633 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:22,080 But also I think that's a really good response is to just be like, hey, I'm going to just 634 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,080 be fully myself. 635 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:24,080 Right. 636 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,080 Help them take their armor down. 637 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:28,080 Yes. 638 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,120 And, and, you know, it's just like, let them know that it's okay to be human. 639 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:35,400 And I could not do that before because I was in such a survival state myself. 640 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,880 I was so concerned about people thought about me. 641 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,120 I literally would walk around being like, what did they think? 642 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:41,120 How did they think? 643 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,120 How was that? 644 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:43,120 Oh, shoot. 645 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:44,120 I can't believe I said that. 646 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,120 Yes. 647 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:46,120 And I get stuck on it. 648 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:47,120 And now I'm like, yep, whoopsie. 649 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,120 You said the wrong thing. 650 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,120 I'm a human. 651 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:50,120 Whoops. 652 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,040 I think that's the cool part about when you come out of survival mode is you can just 653 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,840 own all of you. 654 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:56,840 Yeah. 655 00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,600 And then you can teach others to do that too. 656 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:04,320 Trying to think of, oh, I also know there's also the, the profile of the person who just 657 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:05,840 doesn't want to engage and be there. 658 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:06,840 Oh yeah. 659 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:07,840 Well, yeah. 660 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:08,840 That's kind of the teenager. 661 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:13,280 And I was like, oh, it must be hard to interact socially for you. 662 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:17,080 And okay, you're not trying to be rude, but you just don't like to interact. 663 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,080 Okay. 664 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:19,080 That's fine. 665 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:20,080 And I'm not going to take it personally. 666 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:21,080 It's not something that's good. 667 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:22,080 I'm not going to go and talk about it with everybody else. 668 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,080 I would just see that they're just sitting there watching TV, whatever. 669 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:26,080 Yeah. 670 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,360 You know, at the end of the day, the whole point of the holidays or of any, you know, 671 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:33,200 social interaction or, or family reunion is to have a good time. 672 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,240 Just enjoy each other as much as you possibly can. 673 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:36,240 So, how do you make that happen? 674 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:37,640 Because a lot of the time with people, you don't see that often. 675 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:39,520 So how do you make the most of it? 676 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:40,520 Exactly. 677 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:45,560 And how do you hold space for the people whose brains may not fully be ready for what your 678 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,560 brain is ready if you're already doing the program? 679 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,400 Or they might not be aware of this stuff, right? 680 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,400 Even if you're not doing the program, you can still hold space for others. 681 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:57,040 And I might add for yourself, if you identify with any of these profiles, that's where 682 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,320 you have to start is by holding space for yourself. 683 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:00,520 If you have any of these tendencies. 684 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,200 Well, I just thought of something because I don't want it to sound like we're judging 685 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,200 people. 686 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:09,440 I want it to sound like we're helping people see because I can go back to Thanksgiving 687 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,400 and I, you know, there's the person who's the running late person that just came through. 688 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,640 The disorganized person. 689 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:21,040 I get your frustrated with them because they can't do the things that you can do easily. 690 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:25,040 And so that's what our message is, is understanding holding space. 691 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:28,480 They don't have the capacity to do what we're asking them to do. 692 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:33,440 And this is where we are such big believer that at any age you can go back and reorganize 693 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:34,440 your brain. 694 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:38,000 It's never too late and you can go and we have people who are in their seventies during 695 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,000 our program. 696 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:42,320 They're like, I wish I did this 30 years ago, but I wasn't ready, right? 697 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:43,320 And that's okay. 698 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:47,560 You just have way more understanding of the pain you had to live in for that time to learn 699 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:48,560 those lessons. 700 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:53,560 And those are usually our most fervent advocates that, you know, are always just talking about 701 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,960 it because they've lived it so much more than others because they've been on this planet 702 00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:58,960 for so much longer. 703 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:02,920 But yeah, I think at the end of the day, it's all about really trying to meet everybody 704 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:03,920 where they are. 705 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:04,920 Right. 706 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,800 And having and holding space and understanding that we're all doing the best that we can. 707 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,760 And we're here to share that there's more. 708 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:11,760 If you want it. 709 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:12,760 If you want more. 710 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,360 If you want to say, Hey, I want my life to get easier. 711 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,200 I don't want to be the person who's showing up as this, this, this, this, this, this, 712 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:18,200 this, this, this tomorrow. 713 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:19,200 There's hope. 714 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,200 You can change it. 715 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,680 And there's no shame in it all. 716 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,440 It's like, Hey, let's all just like work together here. 717 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:31,240 And maybe this is a great time to give gifts to your family of brain organization. 718 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,240 Yes. 719 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,800 And you know what? 720 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,240 Hey, I didn't, we didn't even talk about that. 721 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:40,400 It was just like, what's literally like, Oh my gosh, what a good time. 722 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,040 What a fun way to break the ice. 723 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,040 Yeah. 724 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,040 Family to creep and crawl and tag us. 725 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:46,040 And this is your video. 726 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:53,720 And we will be on social media responding with what's going on with the brain. 727 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,400 So that way you can understand what profile you have. 728 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:57,400 Let's do it. 729 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,120 There's always holiday games going on, but there's never, never this kind of games. 730 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,120 Oh, okay. 731 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,120 That's so fun. 732 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:04,120 I love this. 733 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:05,120 We should do that campaign. 734 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,120 Let's do it. 735 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,120 Yeah. 736 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,120 We're going to do it on social media too. 737 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,120 Okay. 738 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:10,120 Great. 739 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,120 And also end of the year, we're going to have a buy one get one. 740 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,880 We're going to do it with an accountability buddy. 741 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:17,120 We have a group and accountability group with a bunch of different members, but it's always 742 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,280 better to do it with somebody you already know, somebody who's also committed to doing 743 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,520 the brain work and to really, truly committing and changing their lives. 744 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:30,480 So we have buy one get one free for December or the month of December. 745 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:34,600 Anybody that signs up is going to get one whole membership for free. 746 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:35,600 That's a big deal. 747 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:36,600 Like for the friend. 748 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,600 We should add like a, like a little sound effect here. 749 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,600 Like, you know, because it's a big deal. 750 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,280 The crowd goes wild. 751 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,240 Like it's a big deal. 752 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,960 So anyway, join us, change your brain, change your life. 753 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:47,960 Now's the time. 754 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:51,440 We say this all the time, but please reach out to us. 755 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:56,040 We are here for any questions you have, literally any question that you have about this, obviously, 756 00:33:56,040 --> 00:34:02,960 maybe not about like science or mathematics or, you know, I mean, yeah, if you're interested, 757 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,280 pretty, okay. 758 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:10,560 Anyway, so let's do the thing. 759 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:15,840 Instagram in the cortex underscore us tick tock in underscore the underscore cortex, 760 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:23,560 Instagram in Spanish in the cortex underscore ESP Facebook in the cortex us website in the 761 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,360 cortex.com email. 762 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:29,920 Hello it in the cortex.com and just get the promo code. 763 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:36,400 The promo code is brainiac for $10 off your first payment of our program. 764 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,280 And remember prices are going up in 2024. 765 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,320 So now is the time. 766 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,800 Jump on let's do this brainwreck revolution. 767 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:45,800 It really is. 768 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,680 And you don't you we're not going to allow the combining of promo. 769 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,600 So if you want the $10 off for you have accountability partners in our program. 770 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,760 Yes, yes, if it's just you that's totally fine. 771 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,560 But if you want to do this like as a gift for a friend, you're like, I know that you 772 00:34:58,560 --> 00:34:59,560 know that they're there. 773 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,640 My bestie like we're going to change our lives. 774 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:06,640 Like our relationship gets better, you know, and we creep and crawl and do it all together. 775 00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:07,960 It's literally true. 776 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,080 So just want to throw that out there. 777 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,240 Thank you for staying with us for 2023. 778 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,360 We'll see you in 2024. 779 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,800 And thank you for putting up with all the background noise. 780 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,200 And we love you. 781 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:25,040 Please like and share and rate this podcast and subscribe. 782 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,040 Thank you. 783 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,040 That's what I was looking for. 784 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,040 Subscribe. 785 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,040 Thank you. 786 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,040 All right. 787 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:45,600 Yeah, completely spent.