Hi and welcome to the In The Cortex podcast.
We are your hosts.
I'm Poloma Garcia.
And I am Dani Perrecone.
And we're the founders of In The Cortex, an online community with programs that show
people the tools that they need to change their lives, their brain reorganization, no
medication, just movement.
When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start
to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex.
Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life.
And now on to today's episode.
Okay, last episode of the 2023 year.
This is episode 17.
I mean we set out to do a podcast for a long time.
And then I finally just like hit and then we're just loving it.
So we love the talk.
And I love that these are the very last ones are in person.
I mean, what a good way to set the tone.
So let's wrap up our series.
Yes.
We started with the holiday series of setting the intention and the science behind it.
We talked about the RAS system and how important that is.
And then we talked about setting intentions with kids and what that looks like.
And this one is all about now talking about when you are with your friend's family during
the holidays.
This is all holidays.
But how do you interact with certain people and then understanding their brain profile,
understanding your brain profile and then understanding how to work together so there's
not as much emotion and drama and hurt and building compassion versus judgment.
100%.
Compassion versus judgment is our number one thing because judgment is just so easy to
jump to where that's what we're made to do kind of as humans.
So when you start to understand things from a different perspective, that starts to build
that compassion.
And that's something our members talk about all the time is I started doing this work
and now I'm able to look at my mom in a different way, my dad, my neighbor, whoever it might
be, right?
How many times have we heard that?
And we actually just had one of our members who told us, Hey, oh my gosh, the in the court
to what, what did they say?
Holidays are so much easier when you're in your cortex, which is so huge.
And I think that's just an important thing to keep in mind is everybody's coming from
where they're coming from, like coming from where they're coming from.
And that's okay.
Yeah, like everybody has their own trauma.
Everybody has their subconscious beliefs, whatever's going on in their brain, their primitive
brain, right?
They have their own emotions tied to different situations.
And so it's important to always understand, try to understand their perspective as much
as possible.
And I know this is the thing that a lot of people talk to talk about.
It's not, we're not saying this for the first time.
We're not the first people to think about having compassion for others.
But I do think that a lot of the things that we automatically put a name on or put a label
on a certain behaviors or certain personality traits are actually reframed so much when
we start to understand it with compassion and start to understand it, I should say with
the brain, you know?
And so I think we should go through a few of the typical profiles and like different
brains and different interactions, different kinds of like emotional, you know, communications
and that kind of stuff that usually happen in different families, right?
And to start, it's always about getting needs met, right?
And so me needing to get a need met to help my brain get through a certain experience might
not be good for your brain.
And then that's where conflict comes in, because your brain needs something different.
And then that's where we tend to see that these profiles clash and like that's where
I was just talking to my son about it.
I was like, your brain loves a lot of touch.
And then my brain gets overstimulated when you're touching me too much.
And then I'm like, ah, stop, right?
So that's where that clashing comes in.
And another member was talking about how her husband loves white noise.
Oh, right.
And that's such a big one because I know I've lived with someone, my dad, who needs white
noise.
And so my son, Amber, also experienced this with the, um, the vent hood over the stove.
Right.
And her husband loves to have it on.
Yeah.
But he also loves to always have something on, whether it be a podcast, a show, a movie,
music, anything to create that white noise.
So there's always that kind of way of him being able to block out all the extra stimuli coming
in.
And it's a really good compensation when your midbrain's not developed.
And that's something that we were able to talk about with her.
And that was actually a really cool office hours call because we were able to kind of
show her, she was saying, this is really frustrating for me.
And it's really disrespectful that he's doing this and he's has all this noise and he's
always has music on, always has a podcast and we'll have a conversation and he has an
air pod in listening to something else.
Right.
And we were like, well, but is he still interacting with you?
She's like, yeah, he's still in the conversation, but I'm just like, why are you disrespecting
me by having the air pod in?
And we were like, well, think about the vent, right?
Think about him always having to like hum something or have some sort of noise.
That's what his brain is needs.
And so he by putting that air pod in is listening to and interacting with you better than he
would if he didn't have it.
Because if he didn't have it, his brain would be completely overwhelmed, not just by the
conversation, but by everything else around him, because everything else without that
white noise would be coming in at the same volume at the same level.
And so of course that's going to become overwhelming for somebody who has a disorganized midbrain
who doesn't have that filter, which is related to the rest as well, that filter of what's
important right now.
What should I focus on?
What should I ignore?
Right.
Because their brain saying pay attention to what?
Exactly.
The lights, the tapping, the clicking, the this, this, this.
There's so many different things coming in that we unconsciously are able to process
and block out.
But if you don't have that system in place, everything's overwhelming.
And you're processing it though, like she was as this person doesn't respect me, this
person doesn't care about me, this person is ignoring me or whatever.
We have someone in our background, so hopefully your, as we're talking about this, can block
out that noise.
And the microphone doesn't pick it up.
And I think, again, that comes into like what is your brain, what is your subconscious,
I should say, telling you?
This person doesn't listen to me.
I don't matter to them, whatever that might be.
And so that's also another way that you look at yourself and you're like, okay.
It's huge.
This, you know.
And it brought up so much of her childhood and how she was taught to show love and how
love was given to her.
And by her husband needing to get his need met, she interpret that as like the love
he's giving her.
And so we helped her just like distill it down to like, wait, this is two separate items
here.
We have the brain item here of what the brain's needing and then the subconscious.
And it's really important too, and we talked about that in the last episode of the learned
behaviors and subconscious behaviors that are happening.
And then also, and then also the brain related behaviors, the actual automatic things that
need to come online.
So this is why we put it all into our program to cover it all because you can't just do
one without the other.
Yeah.
So that's a big profile.
And that's a profile that.
And that's a profile that's going to need certain things at a holiday table.
Exactly.
That's a person who is going to need, want maybe the music on way louder than everybody
else, right?
Yes.
Or they're going to be humming while they're cooking.
And that's something that you and I have, right?
And now you're like joining in on my songs.
You're like setting me up for song.
We're like singing together.
I mean, we're not good to sing, but it's fun.
We're great.
We're belting it out.
But that's also something as we organized our brains.
I used to get so annoyed with doing it.
You get so annoyed.
I didn't know, by the way.
But you were like, you need to.
I didn't realize it was that annoying.
But I was self-awareness is huge.
And like now, and it's the same way around.
Like I'm able to do things when with noise in the background and in a different way.
Like I'm able to enjoy it.
I should say I used to be able to like have had to focus on something.
I had to have absolute silence completely or be in like an environment where like it was
like environmental noise.
So like, no, a coffee.
I'd love to go to coffee shops and that kind of stuff.
And now I can be in my house and put on a song and focus on the song, but still be working.
Like I used to not be able to listen to music while I was working, which is silly.
And it was, it was, I used to be like, why, you know, it used to annoy me.
And like when people would do it, I would like co-work with my friends or whatever.
I'd be like, I'm sorry, I just can't focus.
It's like I need you to turn it off.
And now I'm like, oh, it's actually really enjoyable and I'd like to do it sometimes.
That's a major change.
I noticed in me, I would always be talking.
Right.
I'm constantly talking in my four year olds in the room right now and she's actually doing
it as we're speaking and just making the constant, just having a conversation, speaking
out loud and you're talking yourself through the steps.
Sometimes that is obviously you're out loud processing and externally processing, but
then also you're creating like your own white noise to block out the stimuli because you're
overwhelmed.
And that's when I used to do it the most.
And then now I find myself actually able to listen more and then hold a thought.
So then I'm like, oh, I'm listening to talk, I can hold my thought and then come back to
it.
I could never have, I had to interrupt.
And that's another one.
But that's it.
It's another one.
It's the person that interrupts.
My brother, that was one of his biggest things that he would get so mad when he was interrupted.
Because then he loses thought.
Because he would lose his thought.
And then he also, sometimes it wasn't an interruption.
We were just having a conversation, but he didn't fully understand like what the, you
know, someone who was doing that.
And he would be like, stop interrupting me, stop interrupting.
And my friend, and we were talking, he was interrupting.
We'd be like, has he interrupting you?
Or was he answering, you know, also talking about what you were talking about, you know?
And he would get so frustrated.
And once he was able to organize his brain, he was like, now I understand.
He would say that he used to sit and like be in a conversation with, let's say four or
five friends, they're on a certain subject and they're talking about this.
So he's like, okay, I'm going to say this.
How am I going to say I'm going to say this?
Yes, it's a whole.
Okay.
No, okay.
No, should I say it now?
Is this, that's weird.
No, should I say that?
By the time he's actually ready to say it, he's gone.
They're on to like the 17 subjects later, right?
And so that's so hard.
And so if you see one of your family members or somebody you're spending a holiday time
with struggling with that, just hold the space for them, you know, because we're also very
used to instant gratification in this life.
So our, you know, our rhythms are so quick.
So you're used to asking a question, immediate answer.
Some people just need time, five seconds, six, count six seconds.
That's such a good one.
Yeah.
Because honestly, the person who says, huh, and what, yes, that's, if they're saying,
huh, and what, just pause, don't repeat yourself.
They heard you just give them the time to process and then come up with it.
I noticed the best way to learn and know what that feels like, if that doesn't feel like
that's a challenge for you, go be in a, go learn a new language.
Oh, right.
And go sit in a group of people who are speaking the language you're learning and you're like,
I really want to say something and it's taking so much for you to learn how to even, I, I
experience that so often and that's the moment because I usually am the, and then onto the
next thought already.
Yeah.
My friend was actually just talking about how in, I think she's like, France that she's
like, I'm going to come and practice my French, blah, blah, blah, blah in a second.
He's like, oh hi, can I have a croissant?
They're talking to her in English.
She's like, they don't, they have no, they don't wait for you to do it.
And she was like, oh, I didn't get to practice, you know, but that's you, most people were
used to like getting that really quick response and being like, what, blah, blah, blah, like
asking again, again, again, sometimes like, dude, wait.
And I noticed that a lot of people do that with kids a lot.
Don't you think?
Oh my gosh.
What's your favorite color?
What is it?
Is it yellow?
Is it green?
Is it red?
Is it blue?
I will admit, I do that to my children often times, but I also, and that's, oh my gosh,
I just had an aha.
My son doesn't like to me and it drives me nuts, but it's because I do it to him.
Mirror.
What are you going to eat today?
Mirror.
What do you want for breakfast?
To move in for breakfast.
Oh my gosh.
What a moment.
I love these moments because I have been trying to figure out why does my son triggered
me so much because I'm like, what part of him am I mirroring?
And that was one of them.
There's obviously more layers to this.
And I mean, I did wish I had his same ability to like climb trees and like do all the other
things that he could do.
He's so good at that.
But you know what, that is a huge one.
So, okay, so we have the processing one.
We have the big one I see, and you'll see this a lot during holiday times, the savior.
The savior, the person who wants to save everyone else, but not look at themselves.
And that one's hard because I was that.
I still juggle it.
You have that instinct.
I still have that instinct to step in and just do it and take care of it because I got
this.
And I'm working on that boundary within myself.
But now I see other people do it and I'm like, oh dear.
I just did that to you today with the camera.
I was like, let me just do it.
Oh, I didn't even notice.
But I was actually so happy.
Oh good.
Okay.
Because I'm like, wait.
No, I don't mind when you want to step in on the top of it.
Okay, good, good, good.
And actually you did teach me though.
I was like, oh, I didn't even know that you could lay those things on top of a camera.
And when we're working, we're sharing a screen.
I know.
It's not the same.
And I know you get really like, click there.
Click there.
You're so slow.
I'm like, I'm a baby boomer like on technology.
But then once I get it, I'm like, I can do it.
You're an elder millennial.
I am an elder millennial.
So the savior though is the person who just wants to step in and do it because it's easier
and faster.
And parents do this all the time for kids and we're doing them such a disservice.
I actually just watched a tech talk, a Montessori teacher said, when I have a new teacher come
in and the class was assigned for three to six year olds, she says, I tell the assistant
just to sit down.
And she goes, let the kids figure it out.
I love that.
And we saw that today at the classroom that we were just in.
But the kids kept coming to the teacher to solve the issue constantly.
And I get that.
And you do need that, but what about creating the environment for kids to learn how to problem
solve on their own?
And so if you do step away from that space, then we don't have to create the saviors.
And that's what's that quote from?
Teach them the fish one.
No, it's when kids are exploring dangerous things carefully.
You know, I love that because it's like, let them get to that edge without being completely
unsafe.
Of course.
And if they're, of course, they're going to jump off of something, they're going to
break their head, go run.
Save that, you know, but let them kind of like teeter on the edge.
And sometimes they will fall and they might get a bump or whatever.
Or sometimes they will, you know, have make the same mistake time after time after time.
And that's sometimes you do get to that frustration, but we've come in and help.
But let them understand how to figure things out.
And that goes for anybody though, like other, you know, ages.
And of course, that's though, when we get into the dynamic in the holidays of the family
dynamic, older sibling, younger sibling, the mom, the kids, whatever it might be, it's
so easy to fall back into those patterns.
I know I do that the second I said to you at Tik Tok about the second I get home and
you just like revert back into like baby behavior and like your parents are doing everything
for you.
That's me with my mother.
There's a Tik Tok viral going around where the song because I go back to my parents'
house.
I do one load, I do one load of laundry for one sock or whatever.
And like my dad's the ballet, like whatever, because he's my dad day, you know, like there's
a whole SNL skin on it.
It's actually funny, but it's actually not, you know, funny, but it's like, oh, it's
actually true.
Like, let's not, but that's what parents, my, our parents' generation, they came from
parents who were like so like hands off that they feel like they had to compensate and
create a new system of now I want to enable you because my parents didn't give me any
attention and then they like hover and then they create this loop of its dependence versus
a route to independence.
And I will be guilty of there's so many times I have to stop myself and go, okay, I could
get this done faster if I do it for you.
But then when am I teaching you, I'm using you two things to depend on me and then also
you're not worth learning that skill.
Absolutely.
And so once kids get into that space of wanting to explore their independence and wanting to
assert themselves differently, you have to hold space for that because otherwise you're
just going to enable them.
And it's the perfect situation to do it in these like family gatherings because they
start to understand who are they, what's their role in the family and that kind of stuff.
Then you also have, I think, often, like we were talking about like the uncomfortable
like aunt or uncle who always has like that one comment and you know, that's also another
profile is people that don't necessarily know how to read the room.
They don't know boundaries.
They don't know that.
Oh my God, there's such a funny story about that one.
My dad, I love him and I know I call him out so much and he's doing his brain work but
he said the funniest and he wouldn't care if I said this.
But we were sitting at the table and there was somebody who showed up and they brought
a pie.
They brought a caramel pie and my dad is what he considered himself a pie connoisseur.
So he's just like, this one's the best.
You know, like he'll write them out loud to everybody because he's very matter of fact,
right?
And he's just like, why are you getting hurt about that?
It's just a pie.
You know, my dad's just like, why are you emotionally attached to the pie?
You spent five hours baking.
I don't get it, right?
And so he, we were sitting at the table and my dad's like, oh, that pie, that caramel
pie, that one's no good.
And I was like, dad, the guy who made it's right here.
And then I'm like, oh, whoops, it's a little rich.
I said, guess what?
His name is rich.
It was like a moment where I was like laughing because I'm like, and my dad was like, whoops,
I guess it's my time to go.
I have no filter.
And he will always be in those situations of shoving his foot in his mouth.
Totally.
Because he doesn't have that, that stop pause, think before I speak.
Exactly.
But that's something that you grew up with.
Exactly.
And it's your, it's the brain.
It's the mid brain, not understanding how to read the room.
Now, reading the room.
Oh, I say that to Sam all the time.
Yeah.
Know your audience.
Know your audience, read the room.
And it's something that comes also with being in touch with your intuition.
And because you, you can get some signals from people.
You can, we all have the innate ability to read body language because we're animals.
We're meant to interact with them.
Yeah.
Just like a dog knows how to read the room in a room full of dogs.
You know, like, or doesn't, you know, not going to have a great time, you know?
And so I think, you know, it's, it's definitely a brain function.
And so when we're in that survival mode, we're often very disconnected from our intuition
and disconnected from the signals that our body is sending us, right?
Our neuroception, our entire reception, our vestibular, proprioceptive, all the different
things that are going on.
Like we always say, there's so much going on in the brain at any given moment.
Right.
And so when you see that person that's not able to read the room, what can you do to
make sure it's not going to hit you in that emotional space?
So you know what, this aunt, this uncle, they usually have a few things that are a little
bit off the wall that they say they might have some opinions that are a little bit,
you know, out there and that's to each their own.
And that's also, that's a lot of the being able to agree to disagree is a cortex function.
Like, let's just say it because it's so hard for people sometimes to not get into it.
And that's where once we feed it, we enrage it.
What is it when you engage you in range?
And that's what happens with the ponds and with some, sometimes when you know that's
about to come, your only hope is to just step back and don't respond.
Yeah, exactly.
And this is where being able to see that the people who can't read the room and have a
filter and know their audience being on the receiving side of that person, you have to
take what they say is with a grain of salt and not take it personal and let it illuminate
within you going, I can't believe they dismy pie.
There must be something wrong with me because I can't bake, right?
Or whatever.
And so this is where you have to be able to like, let it go, but you can't let those
comments go when they hit a wound within you.
And that's why our program, we walk you through, how do you release?
How do you surrender that I don't need to control everything?
Because that's another thing that we see in today's world is you're offending me.
You need to also live an uncomfortable life because I'm so uncomfortable with myself.
And so now we're creating this place where we're so scared to say things.
Because we're like, oh my gosh, now I'm going to upset you, you, you and you.
Who am I going to upset with every word that I speak?
And I think we live in a society where it's like, hey, you can upset me and I don't always
agree with you.
And maybe I can make a different life choice on not to hang out with you.
But I also know like, that's your stuff.
Totally.
It's not mine.
If you're going to say something at me, it's more of a reflection of you.
Yeah, 100%.
And that's why when my dad said that about the pie, I had to make a comment because everyone
was sitting there like knowing that he made that pie.
And I was like, dad, he made it.
He made it.
Come on.
And my dad just like, okay, like he doesn't care.
Like my dad's not emotional, but it doesn't hold on to what he's just like, whatever gone.
So this is where being able to take those comments and then release them is so important.
And it's so, this is where I think it's hard because so many people just say, just release
it, just meditate, just pray on it.
And oftentimes that's a subconscious belief.
So this is where our program helps you feel that comment, trigger a wound in you.
No, it's not about that situation.
It's coming from the first seven years of your life.
And then you can shift the subconscious belief you have about yourself.
So those comments no longer have an impact.
Absolutely.
And right.
Like you said, it's not about not feeling the emotion.
It's okay to be like, oh, it's okay.
You're like, why?
It's been seven hours on that line.
Like it's okay.
I thought it was great.
I mean, that's a normal natural re-human reaction.
It's just about what do you do with it?
Do you still want to make, I'm never going to talk to that guy again.
I can't believe him said that.
Or whatever.
Let's just move on.
And then another one that you reminded me of is the person who's overly controlling
of everything.
There's always one of them.
And they're like laughter way through.
I thought we were going to use the red napkins.
And you're like, we need to use the red ones.
And you're like, okay, cool.
We'll use the red ones.
And that's the response because a lot of the time people will get into it.
No, but like, I like the green.
We use the green ones last time, whatever it is, right?
And it's like, choose your battles.
Pick your moments because this is when the little tiny things are going to get come out.
They pile up.
They're going to pile up and might be the drop.
Don't let that be the drop.
Let what's it called?
Spills over.
That breaks the camel's back.
The straw that breaks the camel.
Don't let me that's not be the straw that breaks the camel's back or the cup that overflows
the drop of the whatever.
Don't let that be the thing.
You know what I mean?
And because those are the little things that you already have kind of identified about
each person.
If it's somebody that already triggers you, you know, you're just going to be like, oh,
well, it's not the green ones.
Yeah.
The red ones.
Yeah.
And then you're going to go for like, you know, 20 minutes and then our eventually you're
going to make stuff, right?
Because it's these little tiny jobs.
And obviously this, this is where you have the power to decide is someone else going
to have the control over how I run my life.
Yes.
Am I going to turn my power over?
And so this is where if you don't know how to control it, then obviously you're going
to fall for it every time and then you're not ready to learn that lesson yet.
So this is why we love framework because you literally stop engaging.
Yes.
It just goes away.
You have no more need to get that adrenaline and the cortisol running through your system.
Getting into it with some, yeah.
Because you're, you're not in that survival state where you crave those hormones.
They just don't have a space anymore.
And you're able to see, oh my gosh, that person really needs to feel that control over that
red napkin.
I'm going to let him have it.
Take it.
I'll let you have it.
We finished each other's things.
Yeah.
I was all night.
Yes.
You know, because they're clearly much more triggered by whatever is, or they're much
more attached to whatever's going on with the napkin, the day at the end of the day.
It's an app.
And of course this is just an example.
If it's something bigger, like you know when to engage, when not to engage.
Yeah.
You don't want to like tell you not to respond to like really mean comments or anything like
that.
But when it's a small thing and you know that this person has a tendency to want to control
small situations, the holidays are not the time to address it.
And so you have to understand this is somebody whose palms is probably underdeveloped.
They probably have a retained morrow.
So everything in their life is coming in as a threat.
And so that's why they want to control as much as they possibly can.
Or they think they can control, right?
So that just came up.
So alcohol is a big thing over the season, right?
Everyone, some people engage and some people don't.
And I just heard this the other day that someone was talking about, they were at a dinner and
it's someone who's recovering or trying to recover from alcohol.
They actually were very upset that everybody else was drinking alcohol.
And so they wanted to, they got upset and just left and didn't say goodbye or anything.
And the person telling me the story, Amy, is like, what a, you know what?
And I'm like, Ponce, because I'm out of control.
I need to control you because I can't control myself.
And now everyone else should be doing what I need them to do because all I think about
is me and my needs, right?
And that's a survival response one-on-one.
I mean, that's exactly it.
And that's where you can have more compassion and say like, it must have been really hard
for them to do that.
And I'm so sad that they had to leave, but they did what they had to do, right?
And you don't take it personal.
And you don't take it, and you don't have to judge.
And then that's the next one is people that are constantly judging and flinging those little
comments.
And you always know there's that family member that's going to come up and make, did you
see, do you know why your cousin's not here?
You know, and they have the thing and you're like, oh, and they're naming names and everybody,
like my aunt, my aunt likes to say that families play the character assassination the family
gave.
You know, it's so true.
Because it's like, you get together and you're just like talking about everybody else.
And then you're getting to go with other ones and talking about those other ones.
I mean, it's just like such a thing that people do.
And it's just seen as like, oh yeah, this person just loves to do that, right?
And so decide, are you going to engage in that?
Are you going to be, you know, talking about other people behind their back, whatever?
Or are you going to say, hey, I don't really want to talk about that without making it awkward,
of course, right?
But just kind of be like, maybe help them get a different perspective, right?
Like, oh, this person is such a blank because he left the dinner because of that.
So hey, why don't you, don't you think maybe they were really, really hurting and they
had a really hard time and they already are in a situation that's really, really difficult
in addiction?
Like maybe they were having a really hard time and that's what they had to do.
It doesn't mean that they are a blank, you know?
Yeah.
And then some people would go, yeah, I do think we all need to stop to support.
And then that's a family decision too.
So there's no perfect and no one way to go about any of it.
But then it also just made me think of the perfectionist as we're talking about this
because oftentimes the perfectionist wants everything nice and cute and Pinterest-y and
Instagram.
This is the, yeah.
Which is often goes with the overly controlling person, right?
It's a very much a similar pattern here.
I want to make the house be absolutely perfect for the image that our family is everything
fine.
And I think that's it.
The image that everything's fine.
Yeah.
When we know that every family is messy, every family has stuff.
Every person has stuff.
There's no such thing as like a healed, perfect person that's got nothing to work on and deal
with.
So this is where you can look at that person who is trying to hold that image together
and just bring the authenticity back because they're like, thank you for just being real
and a human and just being like, hey, I'm a human too with lots of flaws.
And then they go, oh, it's okay.
Exactly.
And show them that it's okay to be themselves with you.
And that's also often when people have a new boyfriend or girlfriend coming to the dinner
and they're like, boys.
Don't be, you know, the way you always are, you know, and so they're like trying to hold
it together so bad.
And it's honestly funny when it all falls apart, right?
But for some people that they don't think it's funny.
So also having that compassion for like, listen, they feel like this perfect perfect image
is going to fix their life or it's going to make it so maybe their life will be perfect,
although it doesn't exist at some point.
And so just, you know, decide how you're going to interact with it.
But also I think that's a really good response is to just be like, hey, I'm going to just
be fully myself.
Right.
Help them take their armor down.
Yes.
And, and, you know, it's just like, let them know that it's okay to be human.
And I could not do that before because I was in such a survival state myself.
I was so concerned about people thought about me.
I literally would walk around being like, what did they think?
How did they think?
How was that?
Oh, shoot.
I can't believe I said that.
Yes.
And I get stuck on it.
And now I'm like, yep, whoopsie.
You said the wrong thing.
I'm a human.
Whoops.
I think that's the cool part about when you come out of survival mode is you can just
own all of you.
Yeah.
And then you can teach others to do that too.
Trying to think of, oh, I also know there's also the, the profile of the person who just
doesn't want to engage and be there.
Oh yeah.
Well, yeah.
That's kind of the teenager.
And I was like, oh, it must be hard to interact socially for you.
And okay, you're not trying to be rude, but you just don't like to interact.
Okay.
That's fine.
And I'm not going to take it personally.
It's not something that's good.
I'm not going to go and talk about it with everybody else.
I would just see that they're just sitting there watching TV, whatever.
Yeah.
You know, at the end of the day, the whole point of the holidays or of any, you know,
social interaction or, or family reunion is to have a good time.
Just enjoy each other as much as you possibly can.
So, how do you make that happen?
Because a lot of the time with people, you don't see that often.
So how do you make the most of it?
Exactly.
And how do you hold space for the people whose brains may not fully be ready for what your
brain is ready if you're already doing the program?
Or they might not be aware of this stuff, right?
Even if you're not doing the program, you can still hold space for others.
And I might add for yourself, if you identify with any of these profiles, that's where
you have to start is by holding space for yourself.
If you have any of these tendencies.
Well, I just thought of something because I don't want it to sound like we're judging
people.
I want it to sound like we're helping people see because I can go back to Thanksgiving
and I, you know, there's the person who's the running late person that just came through.
The disorganized person.
I get your frustrated with them because they can't do the things that you can do easily.
And so that's what our message is, is understanding holding space.
They don't have the capacity to do what we're asking them to do.
And this is where we are such big believer that at any age you can go back and reorganize
your brain.
It's never too late and you can go and we have people who are in their seventies during
our program.
They're like, I wish I did this 30 years ago, but I wasn't ready, right?
And that's okay.
You just have way more understanding of the pain you had to live in for that time to learn
those lessons.
And those are usually our most fervent advocates that, you know, are always just talking about
it because they've lived it so much more than others because they've been on this planet
for so much longer.
But yeah, I think at the end of the day, it's all about really trying to meet everybody
where they are.
Right.
And having and holding space and understanding that we're all doing the best that we can.
And we're here to share that there's more.
If you want it.
If you want more.
If you want to say, Hey, I want my life to get easier.
I don't want to be the person who's showing up as this, this, this, this, this, this,
this, this, this tomorrow.
There's hope.
You can change it.
And there's no shame in it all.
It's like, Hey, let's all just like work together here.
And maybe this is a great time to give gifts to your family of brain organization.
Yes.
And you know what?
Hey, I didn't, we didn't even talk about that.
It was just like, what's literally like, Oh my gosh, what a good time.
What a fun way to break the ice.
Yeah.
Family to creep and crawl and tag us.
And this is your video.
And we will be on social media responding with what's going on with the brain.
So that way you can understand what profile you have.
Let's do it.
There's always holiday games going on, but there's never, never this kind of games.
Oh, okay.
That's so fun.
I love this.
We should do that campaign.
Let's do it.
Yeah.
We're going to do it on social media too.
Okay.
Great.
And also end of the year, we're going to have a buy one get one.
We're going to do it with an accountability buddy.
We have a group and accountability group with a bunch of different members, but it's always
better to do it with somebody you already know, somebody who's also committed to doing
the brain work and to really, truly committing and changing their lives.
So we have buy one get one free for December or the month of December.
Anybody that signs up is going to get one whole membership for free.
That's a big deal.
Like for the friend.
We should add like a, like a little sound effect here.
Like, you know, because it's a big deal.
The crowd goes wild.
Like it's a big deal.
So anyway, join us, change your brain, change your life.
Now's the time.
We say this all the time, but please reach out to us.
We are here for any questions you have, literally any question that you have about this, obviously,
maybe not about like science or mathematics or, you know, I mean, yeah, if you're interested,
pretty, okay.
Anyway, so let's do the thing.
Instagram in the cortex underscore us tick tock in underscore the underscore cortex,
Instagram in Spanish in the cortex underscore ESP Facebook in the cortex us website in the
cortex.com email.
Hello it in the cortex.com and just get the promo code.
The promo code is brainiac for $10 off your first payment of our program.
And remember prices are going up in 2024.
So now is the time.
Jump on let's do this brainwreck revolution.
It really is.
And you don't you we're not going to allow the combining of promo.
So if you want the $10 off for you have accountability partners in our program.
Yes, yes, if it's just you that's totally fine.
But if you want to do this like as a gift for a friend, you're like, I know that you
know that they're there.
My bestie like we're going to change our lives.
Like our relationship gets better, you know, and we creep and crawl and do it all together.
It's literally true.
So just want to throw that out there.
Thank you for staying with us for 2023.
We'll see you in 2024.
And thank you for putting up with all the background noise.
And we love you.
Please like and share and rate this podcast and subscribe.
Thank you.
That's what I was looking for.
Subscribe.
Thank you.
All right.
Yeah, completely spent.