Hi, and welcome to the In the Cortex podcast.
We are your hosts.
I'm Paloma Garcia.
And I am Dani Perrecone.
And we're the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people
the tools that they need to change their lives through brain reorganization.
No medication, just movement.
When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start
to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex.
Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life.
And now, on to today's episode.
All right.
Hello and welcome to a special edition podcast because, look, we're in the same room.
And this is super exciting because it's the end of the year.
We're wrapping it up with a three-part series of our podcast.
It's all about the holidays, getting prepared for the holidays.
What do we have to do from a brain perspective to be in that space, to take on all the things
that come from holidays?
It's going to be a really amazing time for a lot of people and then also really triggering
and emotional time for a lot of people, too.
So we're going to try to wrap that up into a cute little package here with three different
parts to this and help share from our perspective how to prepare in your best possible way for
the holidays.
And quick little shout out, Monday, December 4th, is Paloma's birthday.
It's level up.
Am I right?
So make sure you give her a birthday shout out.
And we're going to start off, well, our whole series, this first one at least, is talking
about setting your intention.
Yes.
And we're going to talk about the science behind it.
But before we do, we like to do a fun little activity.
So if you're listening, and hopefully if you're driving a car, pull over or come back to this.
Or do it later.
Yeah, you do it later.
But don't do this while you're driving because that's obviously dangerous.
Okay.
So to try our fun activity.
We've done this with many of our members in the past.
And it's a fun thing just to kind of see where you're at.
So go ahead and look around whatever space you're in now.
So if it's a room or your home or you're in your office, just look around the space and
look for everything that you see in this space that is the color blue.
So notice all the things that are blue.
Anything there, note it.
Put it into your mental space.
Take a couple more seconds.
Look at all the blue things that are happening around you.
Okay.
So now close your eyes and now tell us everything or tell somebody in the room that you saw
that was the color green.
And most people have that reaction.
Yeah.
Because most people are like, I was looking for blue and we can't see your face right
now and how you're responding to this.
But most people, and this is where we also get to see your brain profile, meaning are
you the overachiever who's like, oh, I still saw green because you've memorized your space
and you're like taking it all in.
But the point of the activity here is we're talking about a special system within your
brain.
Yes.
The reticular activating system, the RAS.
The RAS is a really cool part of the brain because it basically connects the subconscious
with the conscious brain.
So it's kind of like a bundle of nerves that goes from the hind brain all the way to the
forebrain.
And so it's connecting your subconscious with your conscious.
And if you didn't know this already, 95% of what we do in our day to day lives is subconscious.
Let that sink in.
That's a huge percentage.
And by communicating an intention to your brain, to yourself, you're kind of helping
the RAS understand what to focus on and whatnot.
Because what the RAS does is it tells your brain what to focus on.
And it's always picking up those signals depending on what you're doing, what you're thinking,
what you're telling it, whether it's consciously or not.
And so right now, for example, in the activity, you told your brain to focus on all the blue
things.
And so when you tell it to tell you what was green, your brain's like, whoa, what?
Because it was so hyper focused on what you told it to focus on.
Exactly.
And that is very true in the way that we operate in general.
And so what we love about it is it also works in a bigger way in terms of setting your intention,
like you were saying earlier.
So in the morning, when you wake up, if you tell yourself, I intend to ABCD, or you can
be specific things you want to do, right?
I intend to do this, accomplish that, call this person, get done with this errand.
Great.
Or you can just say, I intend to have a day that's focused on the positive.
I intend to have an energetic, aligned day.
Whatever you want to do, that is already setting your brain up to focus on the moments that
are bringing you to that feeling or to accomplish what you're trying to do.
100%.
Yeah.
I love this because with my kids, I do this on the daily, if not like every transition
we hit.
Yes.
It's we're going into the grocery store.
Okay, let's set our intention.
How are we going to handle when we want something, but then I say no.
And so I'm already priming their brains to say, okay, I can hear no and be cool with
it and still roll, right?
Because we all know that no is such a triggering word for so many people.
And then it can turn on those lower survival centers to make them fall into fight, flight,
freeze.
Exactly.
And that's when we see meltdowns at Target and all the other stores.
So it's really an important practice.
It's something just like we say all parts of ITC is a practice.
You have to keep practicing flexing that muscle because neurons that fire together, wire together.
So the more you practice it, the more it becomes an everyday thing where you're like, okay,
before.
And this is great for me because my kids are little, they are still in their car seats.
And so when we get to a parking lot or I even can time it like we're okay, we're five minutes
away, we start the conversation.
How are things going to go?
And then this also applies to when I'm with just like my fiance or even you and I when
we walked into the school today, we're like, let's just mentally take a moment to like
set your intention for how this is going to go.
And I can tell you every time I set my intention, it is smooth.
Absolutely.
Or closer to smooth.
Closer to because you never know, right?
You can't predict what's going to happen.
But a lot of the time your reactions when things aren't according to your plan are going
to be a lot more positive and a lot more cortex when you set your intention for it.
And when I don't, I feel like I'm on my heels.
And I feel like every time I walk out of a situation like, oh, I forgot to set my intention
for how I want it to go.
And there can be a simple thing.
I oftentimes do something as simple as if I don't know what the situation is going to
call for.
I just do something as simple like my highest self is going to connect with the highest
self of everybody else in the room.
And that just means like our best selves are going to meet.
Our most authentic versions are going to meet.
We're going to have a great conversation, a great time.
We're going to go somewhere that's great, meaning in the conversation or whatever our
experience is.
But oftentimes if I'm not in that space and I'm kind of like, it's almost like I didn't
get my my RAS system primed into like even having a focus.
Right.
So it doesn't really know what to focus on.
So it's going off of what it perceives.
Exactly.
And then emotions get triggered.
And that's what I was thinking right now as you were saying that like you were saying
neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity can work in really positive ways when you're connecting your neurons,
you're creating new positive beliefs.
Right.
But it can also work in negative ways where you're creating not so positive beliefs.
Right.
Or creating not so positive patterns or habits.
And so a lot of the time what I think happens with you know the holidays like you said can
be very charged for a lot of people.
I think you know there's a lot of people coming together and you're there and it's family
and there's always emotional components and there's history and there's all this stuff.
And I think that a lot of the time because you've had let's say 33 to 32, 33 Christmases.
Right.
And if 30 of them were a certain way in a certain dynamic and there was tension and
this person fought with that person and that person didn't get along with whoever then
that's neuroplasticity telling your brain Christmas is hard.
Right.
Christmas is gonna be really hard.
And so your RAS is prepped for that whether you know or not.
It's looking for it too.
Exactly.
Because you don't even know and you're like okay I really want to have a great Christmas,
I want to have a great Christmas or I want to have a great whatever you're celebrating.
It's Christmas in my case and you don't even know but your brain is already prepped to
see all the negative stuff.
Right.
And so that's where your intention comes in so, so, so intentionally.
Right.
Your intention comes in intentionally.
You can take the control back and decide I'm gonna have an amazing Christmas.
And the other component that you just said as well is like prepping for like the negative
stuff if there's a certain conversation.
There's always you know that what's like the meme like the awkward uncle that I was talking
about like politics or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah the drunk uncle.
Yeah.
There's always something a certain character in your family and you can think about what
how am I gonna respond if something happens.
Right.
I think Andrew Huberman just talked about that in one of his podcasts recently about
cutie.
About how actually it has a lot of benefit for your brain to think about the negative
stuff.
Right.
Because we think oh no talk about stay positive only think about the positive stuff.
Positive stuff is great.
Right.
We love it.
Yeah.
But just giving your brain that flex that cognitive flexibility to go from okay this
is how I want things to go but if it's not going my way these are a few things that I
could possibly do if things are kind of going in that other direction.
Right.
100 percent.
And it's great for kids but it's also great for adults.
Oh my gosh.
It's an amazing tool for prepping for anything.
Well when I the adult have that sense of I have a plan my kids feel she's got a plan.
We're good.
It's like if you got on an airplane and the pilot's like ooh I'm not sure what I'm doing
here.
You're like should we get off.
Right.
That's what kids are doing.
They don't know what their meltdown is.
They're like where's the boundary.
Right.
And if you just stay cool calm and collected and you're like I got this.
Everyone else is like cool she's got it or he's got it.
And this is something too that you touched on it a minute ago where you're talking about
if you plan and prepare for that negative or if you're thinking the negative is going
to happen that also hits that subconscious of that self-fulfilling prophecy of I always
sabotage this.
And so we oftentimes like we are already like going into it and going oh this is just going
to be horrible.
Right.
Yeah.
And then it's like oh see I knew that was going to happen.
And then so our whole thing here is number one get out of survival mode because when
you're out of survival mode you now have control in your emotion.
And then that means you're not going to get enrolled in any negative emotional whatever
that's happening.
You're not going to hand over the reins to your primitive reactive brain.
Exactly.
You're not going to be able to say oh here comes aunt blah blah blah.
She's going to try to enroll me in this conversation.
I already know in my head this is what I'm going to say.
This is my prep.
I don't have time for this or I got to go do this.
And it's coming from a space of I'm not shaming you.
I just don't want to engage.
Right.
And so if you have some sort of like little pocket statements you're going to have and
ready and primed.
Yes.
And you kind of prepare for which conversations you're like okay I know this is going to happen.
Here's I want to handle it.
That's how you use setting your attention.
Absolutely.
And that's how you prepare yourself for what's coming.
And you can already instead of it turning into this giant big thing and then you're
talking to everybody about how horrible aunt blah blah blah is.
You just know inside of you okay wait I've healed this.
I know where she's coming from because now I understand the brain.
Exactly.
I've now gone through your basics of brain prioritization course.
And I get the pawns the midbrain the reflexes and what their jobs are meant to do.
And so if we're in that space now of going oh wait I don't have to go there with her.
Then I have options.
And so that's really the key.
Get out of survival mode now you have options because when you're in survival all you see
is a negative.
Yep.
All you see is what's wrong.
And all you see is your fight or flight response.
Exactly.
It's not a fight or flight reaction.
Right.
And then you fight for it.
You're going to go straight into that.
Exactly.
And it's really cool to see the difference like you were saying between setting your
attention and not.
And I thought about this this weekend because I was talking to my friends about like I think
we were talking about airports.
I don't know why we were talking about airports.
And I was like oh I love the airport.
Because you travel all the time.
Because I travel a lot and I love getting there.
I'm like but since I was little I've always liked the airport.
And most people hate the airport.
And that's what they were saying.
They're like you're what's wrong with you.
Like why do you like the airport.
I'm like I get there four hours early baby girl.
I'm there.
I got my Starbucks on.
I get my reading on.
I get my workie the work on.
You know like I'm like Googling the types of restaurants that are in the airport and
this terminal so I know the best one is the Wi-Fi.
Like whatever it is because I see it as like a great I don't know it's like an extra time.
And I hate rushing for the plane because that used to be before brain work.
I don't know how many planes I lost.
I've missed lots of flights.
Yeah I've missed so many flights.
Because of like just being disorganized.
And I was always rushing.
Like ah how's that person being like I have a flight in 10 minutes let me through security.
That kind of stuff.
And so now I just I just like dove deep into like the calmness of it.
But my friend that I was always saying they're like oh yeah last time I was at the airport
this happened.
And oh and this happened.
This happened.
Does everybody see the difference here because I'm walking in like this is my me time baby.
Like I love this place.
And most of my and your experiences are much more positive.
And when there's something negative it doesn't rattle me.
It doesn't ruin my trip.
Because it's delayed if it's you know the crying baby we were talking about a few podcasts
ago.
But they were all in the opposite.
They're like I hate it.
I have to get through it.
And I just hate the airport.
And I was like well hey.
Well I don't hate it.
We can reframe it.
I just prefer to travel differently.
Yeah.
I prefer to travel with a whole house behind me.
Whatever.
I just don't like to pack life.
That's really like I like to travel with a trailer.
And I don't and I'm like more like a homebody more these days.
And I love camping.
So and I have small kids.
So like traveling in an airport is just more than just by myself.
I could totally understand that.
But that's also life.
Right.
Exactly.
We are going through life and you get to decide how you bring in information to you.
And that's how you can use the RAS system to work for you.
Absolutely.
And if you learn about this feature that is going to be developed and primed better to
do a better job filtering when you get your brain into the cortex out of survival mode.
Then you're going to be able to really use that to help you.
And then and I honestly experience this every day.
And you've all experienced this when you're oh I want to shop for a new car or I'm looking
and I really want this item.
And then when you go out into the world then you see it a million times over and over.
Oh yeah totally.
And I'm like oh my gosh I just saw a million white suburbans and that's what I want to
call in.
Right which I wanted.
It is what I wanted.
And so this is where that's the RAS system.
That's how it's activated and that's what's working for you.
And it's not just about you know focusing on one thing.
It's also about your sleep cycles.
So it can be disruptive with light.
It is coming in through your visual system.
So this is where there's so much of it that's happening on such an unconscious and subconscious
level.
And that's what we talk about all the time.
You can't override it.
You can't.
And so this is when people we say you're working harder because you are.
So if you're noticing that it's hard for you to see the positive that's a sign you're
in survival.
Because your brain is like I'm sorry I can't focus on the good.
I have to see what's coming at me and keep me alive.
So then you're like gosh I'm just so tired every day.
How do people like how do people do it?
How are they positive?
How do they get through the day?
And you know we all have our own challenges.
We all have our own stressors.
We all have different perceptions on the world.
But some people are coming into the room disheveled and sweating and like a mess.
And some people are just cruising in cool and calm like you at the airport.
So why?
What is the reason?
And the coolest part we just got back from a school.
We're doing a school program which is so much fun.
And we can walk into the room and we can look at the group of kids and we can see which
kiddos didn't crawl.
Absolutely.
Immediately.
And that doesn't mean we're going through the world like psychoanalyzing everybody.
We can just tell by how your body is literally positioned.
Which kids can sit crisscross?
Which kids can cross their midline?
It's all in these little tiny movements that make that impact on being able to see the
world from a different perspective.
And making life just easier.
And a lot of the time what I think happens also is like when your intention and your
motivation and even your conscious thoughts are towards something.
Right?
You want to operate in a certain way.
You want to do a certain thing or respond a certain way in a certain situation.
And your primitive brain is not ready for it.
That creates that cognitive dissonance where you're like part of you wants to do this thing
but then your brain is getting in your way.
And 90% of our members say that's what I feel.
Right?
I just feel like my brain is getting in my own way.
And I know I want to do these things.
And I'm trying to do all of the other modalities out there.
And it's just not working because I'm getting in my own way.
How do I stop getting in my own way?
And that's it.
Use the power of intention.
Use the power of brain reorganization to truly be able to do the things that you want to
do.
And it's not like everything's perfect.
It's not like I've done everything I want to do in my life.
It's not like you have either.
We're not checked off the box.
No.
Because that's just not the way it is.
No.
But it's just so much easier.
Oh my goodness.
Yes.
Like honestly I'm glad you just circled that all back to coming back to the intention and
then also the cognitive dissonance.
And it's really crazy because people who have such a locked in perspective and close-minded
is what a lot of people call that, you can't have a conversation about something new because
their brain is just not able to.
So it doesn't mean that they're trying to be rude.
And that's what we always want to help people understand is the compassion.
And we're going to talk about that in the next episode.
Yes we are.
And I always look at that as like, okay, they're not ready.
Yeah.
And everyone has their own timeframe.
We struggle with this often because we literally say if everyone could just creep and crawl,
the world would be a different place.
That's true.
But guess what?
We're not there yet and that's okay.
Yes.
But that's why we do this podcast.
That's why we post on social media.
That's why we keep screaming it from the rooftop.
The brain can change but it's when you're ready.
You can't force somebody to do it.
Okay.
But actually I want to touch back on what we just said about the way that you say it.
So language is really important.
I'm glad you said that because the language that you use for yourself and for your brain
is really important.
So for example, if you say, I'm going to try to eat healthy today.
Try means that there's the opportunity to not do it, right?
I don't want to say fail but to not accomplish it.
Well to give yourself an out.
It's an excuse.
To give yourself an excuse.
Exactly.
You can say, I'm trying to think of another example but instead of that you can say, I
intend to eat healthy and you're setting that intention, right?
Because that's truly kind of like a deeper, don't you even feel it?
Like I intend to do something rather than I'm going to try to do it.
But try and see, can't you get like a visual?
When I say I try, I feel like I'm sitting on a couch like I'm trying.
Like I'm literally trying.
Or I see my daughter like trying to clean up and she's like, I can't do it.
But I'm trying.
Or when you say like I intend, I just imagine like this march in like commanding to dinner.
Yeah, I literally feel it like lower in my body.
I'm like, hmm.
It's a vibe.
I intend to do it.
So I...
It is.
And it's just the way that you talk to yourself about it too, right?
So instead of saying, I'm going to try to not eat this.
I don't know why I'm on food.
I think I'm kind of hungry right now.
But I'm going to try to not engage with ants, whatever.
You can say, I intend to have positive conversations with an ant, whatever.
So think about that.
That's also a lot about what we talk about in level two of our program in the reconnect
section is wording things in a more positive way that makes it clear that your brain is
interpreting it in the way that you want to because when the moment you put in a negative,
your brain is going to kind of shift.
It's not of course black and white.
Like there's a lot of nuance there, but that's often what happens.
So it's important to keep your messaging to yourself aligned, right?
With what you want.
Yeah.
Anyway, let's do this.
Instagram in the cortex underscore US.
Instagram in the cortex underscore ESP if you want Spanish.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Wait, what do you want to announce that we're in Spanish?
I don't know.
Why don't you say it?
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That's true.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you.
Happy holidays.
De atmospheric music.