Hi and welcome to the In The Cortex podcast.
We are your hosts.
I'm Paloma Garcia.
And I am Danny Parakoni.
And we're the founders of In The Cortex, an online community with programs that show
people the tools that they need to change their lives, their brain reorganization, no
medication, just movement.
When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start
to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex.
Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life.
And now, on to today's episode.
Let's start off with a quick cortex moment from one of our members.
Hello, this is Sunny, a member of the In The Cortex course.
And I have a story to relate about sports.
And last week, I played golf for the first time in about 15 years, and I truly had not
even picked up a club in that time frame.
And the game last week, I have to say, was my best game I've ever played.
And I know 100% it's because of the brain training that I've been doing with the In
The Cortex course.
And I've only been doing this brain training, it was about four weeks.
But I could feel that my brain, I can clearly remember being at that first T, waiting for
my turn to T up.
And I felt that my brain was extremely organized.
It was as if it were humming, laser focused.
I knew what I was going to do.
And when I got up and took the swing, it was that rhythm that felt just so natural.
But there was, again, that little bit of a hum to it where the swing was absolutely perfect.
So I know that it was the brain training.
And I also have another aspect of playing with someone new for the first time.
I would normally get a little bit of the jitters and be anxious, you know, performance anxiety.
But that did not happen.
I just, I felt confident, I felt sure and whatever it was going to be, it was fine.
So emotionally, I was there ready and relaxed to play.
So I am extremely pleased with my golf game, with my brain and with the in the cortex course.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of our podcast.
We are so excited to talk about this awesome theme that we have for today.
Oh, yeah.
And before we do, we want to give a quick disclaimer that we're going to be talking
about things that, you know, might kind of hit a trigger point and might make you feel
like we're talking directly to you.
And this is not to make you feel that this is to bring education into your mindset of
us to looking at what is going on in your life from a different perspective.
And we always are rooted in talking about it from how the brain is wired.
So with that said, we are talking about personality traits and the brain.
And is there a common connection there?
And this came from a question from one of our listeners.
So if you ever have questions about anything that we're talking about, please send them
to us at hello to in the cortex.
And we love to be able to break it down from the brain perspective every time.
Yes.
This is such a good question.
And it all goes back to a dysregulated nervous system can make you look and act like someone
that you're not.
And so that's a really huge piece that we're trying to communicate here.
And like Danny, you and I talk about this all the time, how your brain being in survival
mode, being in that fight or flight dysregulation can make you act in ways that are absolutely
different from who you are as a person.
But somehow that always gets interpreted or that sometimes gets interpreted as who you
are.
Right.
So let's say, for example, we have a very common example of people having a tough time
dealing with something in public and people record them and put them on Tik Tok with them
on Instagram when they are pretty much at one of their worst points probably.
And that person is going to get labeled with that, you know, oh, that person is a total
whatever you insert word here.
And that's not always who they are.
They just might have been reacting in not the best way.
And so that's really the whole point of this podcast, I think, is to create more empathy
for others and understand that it's not always as black and white as, oh, that person is
just a blank, you know, it's usually a lot deeper than that.
Something thinks that your personality is a fixed representation of who you will be for
the rest of your life.
And for us here in the cortex, that would have made us be like for me, I'll speak for
my own self, a hot mass express.
If you read the bio on the website, I was a hot mass.
Like I just could not handle life like a regulated person could.
And so I was always seen as just being like so crazy.
And I definitely do still have, you know, I've got my quirks and I've got my fun personality
that I like to call it.
But I also just own it now and I'm like, okay, but I'm regulated within my silliness.
I am not the hot mass who's just totally lost all the time and showing up late and disheveled
and flying off the handle and just constantly in this state of just like, this crazy energy
coming into a room.
Our buddy Dr. Joe Dispenza says is your personality is your personal reality.
So if your personal reality is rooted in dysregulation, if you feel that everything coming at you
is a threat, that is going to represent how you respond to the world.
And then people will then begin to label you because you will start to have this automatic
neural connection as to up, there's a threat.
This is my go to response.
And it's rooted in fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
Those are our four survival reflexes on how we handle threats coming at us.
And it's great if we're in survival mode, but we're not really in survival mode in our
world today.
Well, I can't say that as a blanket statement.
There are a lot of moments where people are into survival and we're just trying to share
that there's a time for survival, but the majority of your day should not be in that.
Excluding all the stuff that's happening right now.
That's why it's so hard.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I think that what Joe Dispenza, our biggest fan says, and we know he's not our biggest
fan right now, but hey, we're manifesting it.
We're creating our personal reality in that sense.
Joe, call us.
And what I think that part that makes it so powerful, what he says is it's giving you
ownership of that stuff.
Right.
And so that's what we say all the time is we're giving ownership over what's going
on.
We all have our quirks and our little things here and there, but that's also being able
to embrace the parts of you that are maybe not aligned 100% with who you want to be
is also a brain function.
Okay.
So now we're going to break down.
We took six different personality traits that are very common in today's world.
There's obviously a whole lot more, but we didn't want to make it too long.
And so we're going to break down different personality traits and how we see that connected
to the brain and how a brain, when it's insurviable or dysregulated is showing up.
So the first one, the perfectionist, the person who really seeks to find perfection
in themselves and in the world around them and goes to great lengths to make that their
perceived reality.
And we've all seen this happen before.
This is the person who they actually really own that perfectionist and they actually like
really are verbal about it.
They say, well, I'm just a perfectionist.
Or I have OCD.
And what they're saying is that they even if they don't have that diagnosis, which is
a big deal.
Yeah.
Because now everyone kind of knows OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder.
I need things to be in a certain way in order for me to feel good about myself.
And I could relate to a little bit of this.
I didn't seek the perfection, but I needed my outside environment to be a specific way
before I could go do a task because our outside when that's in control and order, it helps
call my system to them, be able to focus a little bit better on whatever the task at
hand is.
So the perfectionist is really that controlling person that and this is what's cool.
We can actually see how you creep, how you do a movement called Exploding Rocks.
That's working on the moral reflex.
And we could tell if that perfection quality or personality is in you by the way that you're
moving.
And that is where we go, okay.
So the way you just moved across the floor, it lets us know that your brain seeks control
in almost in a sense of bringing out the fight in you.
And it's definitely not going to show up in that fawn response.
The fawn response, remember, is the one who's just the people, please say, I go with the
flow, I do whatever.
I abandoned myself to please the others around me.
The perfectionist is going to stand their ground and they're going to like kind of laugh
their way through like, no, it's cool.
Like I just need the table to be set like this.
Like it's fine.
Like I got this.
Like, no, it's fine.
I got all the things.
And there are the person who's on Pinterest and this is not to shame anyone.
This is just to bring to light that these are the sorts of personality traits that we think
we own, but really it's the brain and it's needing that perfection in our world because
that's how we perceive like that we are coming through even though it's not authentically
who we are.
Well, yeah.
And the perfectionism can also be, first of all, I want to make sure that it's not
it's clear that we're not saying that OCD is not real.
We're just saying that a lot of people identify it with it, even though they haven't, they
don't have that diagnosis.
They just have this survival response in them that's looking for this perfection or for
controlling things.
But it might not be a compulsion for everybody.
And I think that for example, for me, even though my life was chaos, certain things had
to be so perfect.
And I still have some of that now, right?
I love when things are like perfectly written out.
I love when my environment is set up in a specific way.
I love to have every single tool that I need for every new project, right?
Like the right one.
I'm like a gear person.
If I'm going to do a new activity, I want to get all the gear that goes, you know, that
you're supposed to have for that one thing.
And so that's kind of like what you're saying where you're a lot of the time it doesn't necessarily
look like, Oh, what we might think like, Oh, their house is perfect.
The table is this way.
Their clothes are this way.
Their, their hair is this way.
It might not, you might not be able to see it from the outside, right?
And it might not be a part of every single part of their life, but they are still finding
ways to create that perfection, quote unquote, in different parts of their lives, right?
And so for me, a lot of that was like trying to set up things with my life, my job, my
relationships, everything had to be in a certain way.
So if I, for example, if there was a change in plans and what we were going to do for
a weekend, I would just be like, Nope, I'm not going to go anymore.
Like I don't want to do it anymore because this is the way that I had envisioned it,
right?
And a lot of that is the envisioning is a big part of it are going to overlap, right?
It's not like one personality type.
We're not talking about like, you know, the enneagrams or something like that.
This is, lots of people have different parts of these qualities, right?
And so it's that controlling also helps you understand that you don't have to worry about
the future, right?
And so that's a big one, right?
So you think, Oh, like all these things could possibly happen, literally everything's unpredictable
in the entire world because that's life.
Hello.
And so by your, by you thinking that you have this mental structure for things that you're
going to do, for how things look, for who's going to say, you know, who's going to say
what, who's going to get along well, you know, I think about this a lot in like social situations
for me, logically, you know, you can't actually control those things, right?
But just giving yourself that kind of break of like from worry is I think the biggest
piece of the perfectionism.
Yeah.
Anxiety.
It's rooted in anxiety because as you were talking about, I like my environment to be
a specific way.
I like this to have this.
It's the anxiety when you don't have it.
And we can all have preferences.
This is really important.
We can all have preferences.
I prefer for my house to be clean and organized and that's okay.
But do I still have that feeling of getting anxious about it and now I can't do other things
anymore?
So before brain work, I couldn't function.
I couldn't move on.
I was so frustrated.
And now with brain work, I'm like, okay, I have two children.
So clearly my house is never going to reach organizations.
You know, no matter how many times we talk about it, they're just not there yet developmentally.
So we I oftentimes can just go, okay, well, in order for us to make this work, I can now
release the need to help me feel like everything needs to be in a perfect spot and can container
basically and I don't have anxiety that overrides me.
So that's a lot for a lot of people.
I will say also like eight more ADHD types, like people that are identifying more with
the challenges related to ADHD, perfectionism can come and go and waves.
And so that's something that's big for me is like, and I've shown this before on our
our Tik Tok and Instagram, like I can tell when I need to crawl and when I'm overdoing
it or like feeling very dysregulated by looking at the state of like my room and my place,
right?
If I see that there's like clothes everywhere, everything's all over the place.
I'm like, oh, time to go crawl.
But then sometimes it goes to the opposite.
So when I become super, super like everything is perfect.
Everything is exactly in the right place and nothing can move.
If I take a cup, I have to put it back exactly in the exact place where it was.
I'm going to wash it dry and put it back.
That's when I'm like, okay, I also am dysregulated, right?
So I can go to both extremes.
And I'm thinking of when I moved in here to LA, I'm only staying at this place for three
months, but I did a deep clean of everything.
I moved everything around.
I structured it exactly in the perfect way.
I set up all the drawers in this way and I was like that for a few days and I was like,
dude, you got to get your brainwork in because I was just like hyper fixated on how everything
was not in the right place or like some things were dirty because like, you know, sometimes
things are dirty.
It's not the end of the world.
I was like cleaning every single day and doing this stuff.
And I was like, well, that maybe is a little bit of a reflection of how I'm feeling from
moving again and all this stuff, right?
And so that's also where I'm able to be like, that's okay.
It's not a big deal, but I'm noticing it in myself whereas before I just would have gone
like that for months.
Right.
And that's so exhausting.
And two things you did that the first thing was relating back to transitions.
So transitioning.
So you transition from one place to another in the move.
And you also talked about transitioning in something else and that is a mid brain function
of being able to pick something up and go again at it whenever the time calls that you
can.
And it's being able to do it with grace and ease.
And so this is where we see a lot of people who become and we see this on, I see always
on social media where moms are like constantly feeling that they have to do so many things
at home and they start a project and then they go to that project and then that project
requires another project.
And then all you've done is like bopped around the house into 30 different rooms and you're
just like, I've got an actually nothing completed.
Yeah.
I just have a really, really, really long to do list.
Yeah.
That's crawling.
But another thing you mentioned too, because we've been talking about this because we've
been very heavy in our brain work.
We've been doing it every single day now for going on nine weeks, right?
Yeah.
And you talked about needing to have everything perfect, but you've released that in me writing
the emails and because I've also stuck to liking writing, which was new for me because
I did not like writing ever.
I would sit there and just like writer's block words do not come out.
And now I'm like, oh, I actually enjoy this.
Like I actually, I'm like, okay, writing things and writing emails and doing all these things.
I'm like, fine.
And so now we've seen that in our partnership of I can pick up some stuff and you've released
it.
So it's beautiful.
This is why every partnership needs brain work.
Absolutely.
You talked a lot about too, as we were talking about the perfectionist and we started to
talk about the over thinker.
And that was the person who is overthinking, over analyzing who's going to sit where at
the table because of this and all these things.
So that's another big personality trait that's like, hold on, let me overthink this and let
me sit there because your executive function is not able just to see it clearly.
And then be okay with it once you finally make a decision.
I would seriously, and that's a reflex too, by the way, a primitive reflex that does not
let you make decisions when you sit at the store and stare for hours and like, how can
I do this?
I'm going to share with my fiance.
He's a really good executive decision maker.
Like he can just see it, make it, do it.
And I'll stand there and I'm like, oh my gosh, what do you do?
And he's like, do that.
I'm like, oh, thank you.
So now that my brain works coming on, then I'm like, hold on, I don't need your executive
function skills anymore.
I've got these now.
They're working on their own, but I was the classic over thinker.
I would overthink and then after the experience or situation, I would still go lay embedded
and ruminate on why that was not the best idea.
Oh yeah.
And that's, that's the people that get really upset when somebody won't respond to their
text message.
And so they start like going into this like spiral of, oh, maybe this thing that I said
to, they didn't like it.
And maybe it's because this person talks to them and they told them about this and then
they thought that I was mean because blah, blah.
And maybe this is because, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And they'll get to you, you know, three hours later and they're like, oh, hey, I just, I
was at the gym.
I didn't have my phone.
And you're like, ah, then they're like, okay, just kidding.
And then that person feels bad after being like, why am I so, why do I do this?
Why do I do it?
Why do I catastrophize everything?
And this is what the news is so good at doing, right?
Because when you watch the news, you live in fear.
You're like, oh, gosh.
The media just told me that the world is coming to an end and now I need to prep for that.
And that is truly a survival, a true survival situation.
And what do we know about being in survival mode is that you are a captive listening audience
because you are literally sitting on the edge of your seat.
What am I going to do next?
So the overthinker, the perfectionist, those two people are glued to it.
And that is the pawn.
So when you get on your belly and you try to move across the floor, you will be that
person.
You're like, oh my gosh, that sounds like meme.
We already know what your creep is going to look like.
Send it in though.
Tag us in your videos.
Yes, because I'm going to give you personalized, like, yes, that is truly what it is.
And the best part is as you move on the floor, your brain figures out a more efficient way
to move.
And all of a sudden, the overthinking and the perfectionism just slowly starts to dim.
And it just turns off a bit because it's like, oh, wait, I don't actually need to be in
survival mode at this point.
And this is why I love talking about this because those people are like, wait, that wasn't
actually who I was.
That wasn't actually my personality.
Yeah, I'm able to operate without doing that.
And it doesn't mean it's going to go away forever.
Once you start to regulate, yeah.
Exactly.
Because once you regulate and your cortisol level starts to drop, then you know, and you
change your system to not crave that anymore.
Exactly.
Then you don't need to go get those hits of cortisol and adrenaline running through your
system.
And you understand what it creates in your body, right?
Because before you're constantly on that hypervigilance level.
And so more hypervigilance, you're like, okay, got it.
But if you're able to regulate and you're going down to your baseline, your baseline
is much lower and much calmer when you do watch the news and you feel that spike, you're
like, oh, I don't like this.
I don't want to watch it anymore.
Right.
So that's also a huge thing brain wise.
But it's also like a lot of this stuff also can come from the subconscious beliefs, right?
So for example, for the perfectionism, I know for me and for a lot of other people who have
a similar background to me, I was always told that I was the smartest person that's ever
lived that everything was always going to be easy for me, that I would never have to
try hard for anything.
And so what that created in my mind was, okay, so I'm the genius of the world.
And so everything has to be easy for me.
And that was true for a while, right?
Because I was a kindergarten, like, you know, whatever.
That's not a hard demand.
I'm like, that was easy for the first month of life.
And I'm just kidding.
But after a while, like when I would see challenges, my brain is like, absolutely not.
Like if I'm not going to be perfect at that, I'm not going to do it.
And so that's another thing that created this mechanism for me, right?
And that's why something that still comes up because it's part of the way that I operated
for so, so, so long.
And so same with the overthinking, right?
If you're somebody who has that pattern in you from when you were younger, maybe walking
into a house that you didn't know what people were going to react to, react to positively
and react to negatively, you didn't know what was going to happen.
So your brain starts to say, okay, before I go into any new scenario, before I wake
up in the morning, before I go to school, before I even talk to somebody, I'm going
to run through every single possible scenario just in case.
Positive negative, usually negative, because that's what our brain is made to focus on.
And that's something that creates it.
So you have a belief in yourself that maybe it's not, I have to be perfect.
It's in this case, it is I, everything is unpredictable.
I never know what's going to happen and I should be scared about, you know, I'm afraid
of the world, I'm afraid of people's reactions.
And so that's also going to play into it.
So that's just to say, when you do your brain work, it's not like every single challenge
in your life disappears, it just becomes so much more manageable.
And so now I'm able to see, oh, I'm feeling a little bit, my perfectionist tendencies
come up, what's going on in my life emotionally.
I'm able to sit down, maybe journal a little bit, be like, okay, this is what it is.
I'm going to address it with a reconnect, getting straight into the subconscious, or
I'm going to creep it out on the floor or I'm going to do whatever it is.
And that toolbox is there now.
Whereas before it would just be something that I'm like, why am I like this?
What is going on?
You know, what's wrong with me?
Exactly.
What's wrong with me?
So many people do that.
And after you just said that, I feel like I resonated so deeply with that because I
had to do the overthinking because I was living in a space where so many people were dysregulated
and it was so unpredictable.
And that is such a compensation is such a coping mechanism to get through life.
And that I want to go into the hothead next because that's what I experienced a lot of
like growing up with my dad, who is a very big hothead.
And we have now evidence of him just it's going away.
It's great.
Like we were recording the other day and we watched something happen.
I was in my room watching through the window, my dad doing something and I was like, oh,
he's going to explode.
And I was like, yeah, oh my gosh, this is huge because he used to think that my whole family,
they all think like, oh, it's the Italian gene that just came through.
Everyone's just a hothead screaming at everybody.
It's like, well, probably a lot of people who need to creep and then a lot of reflexes
that need to get integrated.
But then to that subconscious and that's an epigenetic thing that comes through where
we're just passing down these beliefs from our ancestors on to the next generation.
And that's why we love our work is because we are breaking generational cycles that are
no longer working in today's world.
Exactly.
So to identify the hothead, it's the person and I was very much this person.
I was me too.
Like the literal dandamole in college.
Like I thought I would get onto the field hockey field and literally end people's lives
because I was like, that's what I'm being paid to do.
And I was like, or we're playing a game, y'all.
Like, so it was pretty insane.
But what was crazy about being the hothead is I had so much adrenaline constantly pushing
through my body and cortisol levels were so insane.
And anytime someone said something to me, it was just, oh yeah, you want to go, huh?
Is that a fight?
And it was always interpreted like that.
And that's the person who has the road rage.
That's the person who's constantly thinking that they are being attacked and they have
to fight the world in every regard.
And so when you go into that space, it's so hard because your immune system is being bombarded
with cortisol, which is the stress hormone.
And that literally will kill off your immune system and makes it so hard for you to fight
off anything that's coming your way.
I was sick so much.
Now that I look back at how sick I used to be about everything that went around, I was
like, I was sick.
And now I don't get sick nearly as often.
That's a good point, Danny.
I haven't gotten sick in so long.
Isn't that crazy?
And I used to be sick all the time.
I used to have like colds.
Like think about the first couple of years we were working, I always had like a cold or
like more often.
Whoa, okay.
Isn't that wild?
I know.
So thinking about and always the people who are in a really big fear space will get sick
more often, will have the experience of whatever is going on.
And that's what we say, turn off the news.
Because if you turn off the news, you don't know what's going on in the world.
And that's, I know that sounds a little ignorant, but it's really, I used to battle this all
the time in my own head.
Like, how do I get through today's issues and challenges if I'm ignorant to what's happening?
And obviously I'm still connected through social media, but the difference now is my
nervous system doesn't even correspond to what's happening on that negative level.
And I can keep myself in a regulated space to keep on showing how do we keep the balance
world going?
Because we do have to move forward through it, right?
I mean, if we look at human history, war has been a conflict between humans since the
day we came onto this planet.
Like it's embedded within us.
And if we all participate in it, it's just going to amplify all the challenges.
But if us, and we can move ourselves through a balanced state, hear both sides of the argument,
come from it on a rational agreement, like that's what we always say, we could probably
help the whole world if we all could just creep and be like, hey, we're all human at
the end of the day.
What can we do to help each other?
I know that sounds like such an idealistic view, but.
No, but it's good to have ideals.
And I think that it's also like we were saying at the beginning of the episode, this is a
really important thing to keep in mind when we start to judge people for the way that
they act and the way that they react, I should say, because a lot of the time it's really
just their brain, like those hotheaded people especially.
And those are the people.
And if you're somebody who has lived this or who knows somebody like this, they usually
feel really bad about it afterward.
And they're just like, you know, and that regret is also where the overthinker goes, what's
wrong with me?
Why was I overthinking that?
Why was I catastrophizing everything?
The hothead will go, what's wrong with me?
Why am I such a blank?
You know, why am I so mean?
Why am I so angry and aggressive toward people?
Nobody's going to love me ever.
And so that's a lot of same mechanism that keeps them in that, right?
Because a part of them is like, well, I don't really know who I am without my anger.
I don't know who I am without my reactions.
And that's something that was very clear to me as well.
I think when I started doing all the brain work and stuff and I started uncovering more
of like my true personality, a lot of me was like thinking that I still had to keep up
this kind of like Regina George mean girl routine.
And then I was like, no, I'm Katie Herron.
I'm not Regina George.
Like, I was like, I genuinely don't have to be that person.
And like, it's okay to let go of that.
It was just a narrative that was very ingrained in me.
Like I have to be that like queen bee, that like main person who is judging everybody
and saying little, you know, catty things about people.
And it's just not the truth, right?
And I didn't have to do it, but it was hard for me to let go of that for a long time.
And also some part of like the little, you know, attitude is also just my personality.
Like I'm just somebody who is able to, who just looks at things in a certain way and
will always say her opinion, but it doesn't always have to be like a mean thing that you're
saying to somebody, putting them down and being rude to people that there's no reason
to do it.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Cause when you're in survival mode, you only think about yourself and you only think about
how am I going to get through this.
And when you come out of it, you can still have your quirky fun personality, but now
you can empathize, now you can have compassion when you have an opinion.
You can go, okay, I have mine and you're entitled to yours.
And we can still get along even though we have different ways of seeing a situation.
And that's a brain work we'll do for you.
It will literally help you find your true authentic self and how you really see the world and
it will make it so you can just accept and truly surrender.
It's like that when you look at Maslow's hierarchy of all humans and basic needs, the
top is that transcendence where you can literally just gracefully move through life.
We're all moving towards it.
We all have different ways of trying to go about it.
And for us, our biggest modality is the brain work.
That'll take you to that point where you can let the little things go and you don't have
to be the hothead.
I love not being a hothead.
I love being a pacifist and I love being able to find both sides of the story.
I love being in the middle, navigating, mediating all these conversations and saying, I hear
you and I hear you and here's another way to see it too.
And I love that.
Before when I was the hothead, it was exhausting.
I did not like being waking up and going, okay, welcome to the battlefield today.
What am I going to tackle now?
You know, that's not, it's not a fun situation for you or for anybody around you.
Right.
And so I think the opposite of that is the avoider.
So that's the person who's like, fawn.
So fight flight-free fawn.
And like you said earlier, the fawn is abandoning yourself in order to keep the peace or to keep
a situation peaceful, right?
In general.
And that's a huge one and I think that a lot of people do this when they're people pleasers,
when they're like overly agreeable, when there's kind of go with whatever the flow is, go with
whatever's going on in order to not rock the boat, right?
That's a big one.
And sometimes it gets to the point where they need to rock the boat for something that's
going on in their life.
There's something, you know, these are the people that are going to end up being taken
advantage of.
And these are the people that don't know where their boundaries are.
And so at some point they need to put this boundary up.
They need to speak up for themselves, but they're physiologically not able to do so.
I honestly, I know someone very well that identifies with this.
And for me, I'm like, just have the conversation.
And they're just like, I can't.
I don't even know why, but my body is just not able to move through it.
And then what happens is then you start to get really sick because you're holding onto
this trapped energy that can't find its way out.
And this is where we bring in the reconnects.
That's the second part of our program that we dive into the subconscious.
Why can't you?
Why can't you hold a boundary?
Exactly.
And I actually just had a conversation with this person and we're like, well, our parents
never showed us what healthy boundaries look like.
It was always like dancing around and then all of a sudden, what too far and then explosion
like that just crossed out.
That's it.
Exactly.
And you're like, and that's such a big thing.
Like so many people do that and they don't even notice and then they have these massive
explosions and that's also adrenaline.
And so they're used to operating that way and just like hold everything and hold it
in, hold it in, hold it in and then massive explosion and then hold it in, hold it in,
hold it in.
Right.
So how many people do you know?
I feel like people that are listening also, I know so many people that operate this way.
So many families or relationships that operate this way.
And it's okay.
Like, and this is where a lot of it is, we've talked about trauma before, we've talked about
a lot of stuff is you are not what happened to you.
You are not the thoughts that are in your head.
You are not the emotions you're feeling.
Those are just things that are coming through you and we are big proponents of feel it,
let it come in you, feel the anger, feel the sadness, let it come in you and let it come
out of you and doing it in a healthy, responsible way is the key part.
And this is where brainwreck will help you get to that of being able to recognize, oh
my gosh, I can't believe I've held that in for so long.
I'm ready to hold my boundary.
And I know somebody who they held it in for 20 years and then they just got to that breaking
point and then it's extreme.
It's vengeance.
It's doing behaviors that are like, whoa, that's very out of line with society and how
we see what you're doing.
And I've seen this happen.
I'm watching someone go through this and it's just, it's really sad because you're like,
I know that if you did your brain work, you would be able to say, hey, I didn't like how
that felt.
Yes.
And here's what I would like for you to say to me in the future.
But when you don't have those connections in your brain, I've experienced this 100 times
when I'm like really sad.
I'm like, I really want to hug, but I'm going to show up as a fight.
Right now, I'm saying these things instead and be like, can you read my mind that I
just need you to hold me like my four-year-old daughter does, right?
It's such a child thing I did.
And now when you're aware of it, you're like, oh, that's pretty fun.
Yeah.
And I think like, for example, a lot of people will do like, we have a friend who, I have
a friend who did the program.
And one of her biggest changes was I'm able to actually say no and like, but it's boundry
that I remember when she said it, she was like, I don't know if this is like a good thing
or if it's part of the program, but for me, it's a really good thing.
And I was like, yes, this is great.
It's amazing.
And you wouldn't think that it's like a positive thing to say no to people.
You know what I mean?
But in the same, but it actually is because it's something that you've struggled with.
That's great.
If it's the opposite where you're like, you always have boundaries and now you're saying,
no, no, no, to more things and you're becoming more of like a hermit, which is something that
I do often where I just like will shut down from the world.
That's where I would become a problem.
Right.
But if it's the opposite and this is something you've been wanting to be able to do, it's
amazing.
And it's very common with these, um, fawn people.
And I think that sometimes goes hand in hand with the scatterbrain, which is another one
of our, of our personality types because scatterbrains, I think a lot of the time because they're
all over the place, they feel like they're not really tied down to things.
They'll also avoid things very often.
No, it's kind of like that, the, that person who's kind of like flaky doesn't always want
to commit to things.
They're kind of all over the place.
They're going to miss appointments, put everything, you know, to the last moment and procrastinate
on everything possible.
And that's also very similar.
Well, I was going to say, actually, um, this kind of maybe open up a little debate here,
but I was going to say that the, the voider is more like the victim because when they
avoid the conversation and they're not willing to have the conversation, then the world is
happening to them.
And they just don't know why things keep happening to them because they were never able to stand
up for themselves and hold that line of this is okay for me.
And I'm saying this because I know that person with the fawn personality traits very well.
And I, there were always a moment I was like, okay, this has to be like the rock bottom.
This has to be the it for you.
This has to be the point where you're like, okay, now I'm done being a dormant, I am going
to stand up for myself.
And then something else would happen.
It's like, I don't know why it keeps happening to me.
And that victim mindset is always the person who's seeing the glass half empty, seeing
what's wrong in the world.
They always have the doom and gloom personality because they haven't stood up to the world.
They haven't said, Hey, this is who I am.
I'm authentically myself.
And I am going to say this is what I demand from the world around me.
And you don't do it like saying, everyone now needs to respond how I need them to respond.
You're just doing it from the inside out.
Right.
And we see that right now.
We're just saying this is how I need you to address me so I feel good about myself.
And again, that's that victim mindset where things are happening to me and you need to
make your world uncomfortable to make me more comfortable.
Yeah, absolutely.
And that's from a brain perspective, very much a survival response, right?
It's a hundred percent.
I can only think about myself.
And that's even when people get into labeling others as narcissists, for example, that person
might not necessarily be an actual narcissist.
I mean, there's a very small percentage of people that are truly diagnosed narcissists.
They're acting in this way because their brain just does not allow them to see anything out
of themselves.
That is not to excuse people that are acting this way.
It's to explain why for some people, this is just the way that they operate.
So everything seems like it's coming at you and it's directed at you and you are the victim
of these things because that's just the way your brain is set up.
So your primitive brain can only see things as a threat and an attack to you.
When I was doing this work more and more, because I identified with at least every single
one of these personality traits in my life.
And I was like, oh, I was this, this and this.
And now that I've come out of it, I'm not saying that I'm a perfect human, but now I
can identify and I can explain, oh, no, I know why my response was that.
And here's what I'm going to do about it to shift it for the future.
And the part for me is now I can, it's hard sometimes to be in a group where you're like,
okay, I can see the information happening.
And again, we all have our own perception of what reality is, right?
Who really knows what's actually happening?
It's just kind of trippy, like, do you see what I see kind of thing?
And like, I really go, do you see that trait?
Is it the same way that it looks to you?
I don't know that I go into those weird spaces sometimes.
But in reality is like, before I couldn't do that, like I couldn't think of the world
that way.
And now I can do this zoomed out version and go, okay, I see how everything's operating
going down.
I'm not going to take to heart when someone comes at me and attacks me because now I just
go, oh, they're just projecting.
I can see what's happening with them.
And I'm going to hold space and send them love and compassion.
And you know, if they get on board and all of a sudden want to take ownership for their
behavior, awesome.
But if they don't, that's not my problem either.
But I got to keep moving through it.
Yeah.
And also it's okay to also feel annoyed by them in the moment and be like, ugh.
You know what I mean?
Like I also feel like I don't want it to sound like we're saying we only have to hold grace
and compassion for me all the time.
Like feel your feelings.
Like it's okay to be annoyed when you see people acting that way.
I vent every time.
Right?
Yeah.
Venting.
Righted down, you know, journaling, venting.
You got to deal with it at one point.
But then at this, but then when you get through that emotion of it, and then you can zoom
out and then you could see it as like, okay, now I see why you're responding this way.
Now you're able to hold more love and compassion.
It's not easy, but that's going to get you closer to that top part of the pyramid of
being able to transcend past all these things that are on the surface and really going,
and Michael Singer did say this in his book on Tethered.
He goes, we're all just like on this planet floating around for a short period of time.
Like what are we going to spend our time doing?
Is it to be a catty person and to talk about people behind their back?
Or is it because you're here on this planet to like really make change and help humanity
and grow in some capacity and experience your life?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Versus experiencing other people's lives.
And so this is where our main message here is that you are not the personality that you've
given yourself unless you are cool with it and you want to keep it, that's up to you.
But if you're like, I've been the hothead, the overthinker, the perfectionist, the avoider,
the scatterbrain, the victim, and none of it has ever given me that full feeling of authenticity
and this is my purpose, we're here to tell you that there is something you can do about
it.
And all you have to do are some fun movements on the floor every day.
And then all of a sudden your brain's like, wow, life can be easier.
And then we guide you through that in our program.
It's 12 modules.
You do them at your own pace.
You have lifetime access.
Our goal is for this to be a lifestyle where you wake up in the morning, you do your brainwork,
you regulate your nervous system, you move on through your day.
And it truly can be that simple.
And I'm watching it with me, my kids, my parents, my fiance, his kids, everybody I know that
in Paloma, right, because we talk about all the time, we are just moving through things
just so much more gracefully and with ease.
It doesn't mean we don't have challenges, but we have the tools now.
We can now see a situation go, oh, I can work through this.
I can handle this.
Now I don't need my coping mechanisms like I used to.
But that is what we're trying to share is that you can shift your personal reality.
You can, all the people who talk about manifesting, all the people who talk about regulating their
nervous systems, we are a bottom up approach.
We teach you these movements, your brain figures out how to do them more efficiently.
And then all of a sudden life just gets easier.
Yeah.
You have that ability to zoom out like Danny was saying earlier.
You have that moment where you can say, okay, let me look at it from the cortex.
That's what we're called in the cortex.
Am I right or am I right?
Okay, great.
Thank you so much for being with us in this episode.
The social media rant that I'm going to go on, be ready for it.
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