What podcast reviewer 37 describes as an indiscriminate
hellish ride that I would not wish on my worst
enemy. The industry's elite have said time and
again, man, fuck those guys. Get ready, if your
ears had butts, they'd about to be fucked. Welcome
to the Butt Fuck Nowhere Show. What's going on,
everybody? Welcome back to another brand new
episode of the it doesn't matter if we say fuck
in the first minute because I already said it
three times in the intro. So who cares? It's
the butt fuck nowhere show. My name's Josh here
today with good buddy Adam. Yes. Hello. And if
this is your first time joining us, you would
realize that this show is basically about butt
fuck nothing. We talk about whatever the fuck.
There's no like official topic. It's just kind
of a. random sludge of whatever we feel like
talking about that we don't have a specific podcast
dedicated to yeah exactly so this episode i wanted
to talk because i've done one pretty much every
year that chloe has started school so like i
might as well just continue the tradition so
uh third grade she just started third grade yesterday
it was her first day of school everything went
all well you know remember back when i was talking
about like when she went to kindergarten and
I was like, dude, like, what if she's like the
weird one? Like, what if nobody likes her? I
mean, I, my fears were fucking un, un fucking
substantiated. Cause she's basically like gets
friends with everybody. She's like very well,
well -mannered with the other students, I guess.
I don't know. But, um, all the teachers, you
know, the teachers like her and stuff. So everything's
like going really well for her and it's awesome.
It's great. She's learning well, you know, third
grade new thing. I wanted to talk about this
because, for me, third grade is when my degeneracy
began. Like, third grade is where it all went
fucking sideways on me, okay? Wait, provoked
by what, though? I don't know. The essence of
third grade, maybe? Okay, I could have been brought
on by the Attitude Era of professional wrestling
is what it could have been brought on by because...
For example, I mean, I joined a street gang in
third grade. That was the first time I joined
a gang. I joined a street gang. We committed
a lot of crime. I mean, we did bad shit when
I was in third grade. That was when I saw, like...
porn for the first time that was when we found
the woods porn like which apparently isn't a
thing for anyone nowadays because i i was i was
telling somebody about this a younger person
about this and they were like what the fuck is
that and i'm like yeah like you never heard of
woods porn like you just in any kind of wooded
area wherever you were at didn't matter there
would just have be just be a box of just either
porn tapes or like porn mag it was mainly porno
mags so it'd be like hustler or playboy and then
you'd get like the real crazy shit like i don't
know um big bitches on black dicks or some shit
like i don't know weird shit out there but um
yeah third grade is when i started fighting like
when we started fighting kids and stuff like
i don't know maybe it was just a perfect storm
for you It might have been, but it that for me,
that was when I truly turned into a shit bag
was in third grade. And the transformation was
not like slow. It was an immediate overnight
transformation, dude. Illegally watching wrestling
matches. Yeah, they were taped. Yeah, exactly,
dude. That's when we started tape trading, which
I mean, yeah, technically that was illegal because
you weren't supposed to record that shit. Yeah.
But yeah, so I really think that. it it has shaped
my adult life and has given me i will say it's
given me good experience and now this is where
i'm going to take a turn and i'll talk more specifically
about the crazy shit that we did but i am now
concerned that like chloe's gonna have a hard
time as an adult learning things that like the
real world shit because i don't know that she's
gonna get this level of degeneracy and i'm a
little concerned like That she's going to be
too innocent, I guess. I don't know what the
word is, but like, yeah, I just I don't know,
man. I don't I don't I don't know if this is
good for the kids. Like, I think that this homogenized
fucking childhood that they have is just I think
it's bad. Like no bullying. Yeah, no bullying.
No, you know, no violence. There's no. cussing
there's no tolerance for like anything it's all
everything's got to be super fucking politically
correct like you know you can't make jokes about
people like you can't say it's it's i don't know
man like what do you what do you mean though
like in that uh situation you learn what not
to do by doing the wrong thing. Like you would,
you would just dive into like doing stupid shit.
Yeah. So like when you're in third grade, that's
a great time to go through a degenerate phase
because there really are no consequences for
a third grader. I mean, yeah. Outside of killing
somebody or whatever. Yeah. I mean, there's really
basically no consequences. Um, whatever. Okay.
You get suspended from school or you get detention
or what? That's horseshit. Yeah. That's all.
That's all nonsense. Um, I'm talking about real
consequences. Like, in third grade, like, that
was when I went up to the teacher and told her
to suck it. And I got fucking, well, we had the
cards still back then. So, like, you got a red
card or whatever. If she doesn't get to make
that mistake to learn that's wrong until she's,
like, an adult and goes into, like, let's say
a job and her boss pisses her off and she tells
him to suck it, well, then you get fired. Now
you don't have a job. Like, that's an actual
consequence. So, like. I think that's not just
something that's going to that I'm worried about
for obviously for my own daughter, but like for
everybody, for all the children, like they're
all going to be just not making these fuck up
mistakes. And they're going to they're going
to just be, I don't know, doing this shit in
the workplace. And, you know, I don't know. I
just think it's bad for the development. Or what
if they become NPCs because they have. They're
getting programmed. What if they already are
an NPC? What if that's just already too late
now? Because gold programs you to a work schedule
for six hours to learn his shit. And it teaches
you not to stand out. Yeah, it teaches you your
eight hours on the clock. You get two 15 minute
breaks being recessed. You get a 30 minute lunch
and you got to sit at your desk. You have to
shut up, listen to the teacher talking. You have
to follow instructions and do your assignments.
Not question authority. Yep, exactly. And that's
that's a scary fucking process. I think that
also was when they really started hammering that
stuff in hard. And I actively like rebelled against
that. So that could be why the perfect storm
of, you know, my degeneracy really happened.
I mean, yeah, I joined a gang. That was that
was when we first moved to fucking Corona. And
yeah, I joined a fucking gang with the with the
black kids. I was in the. I don't know if we
were Crips or Bloods. I'm not sure. I don't remember,
really. I remember that we were all wrestling
fans, so we made these little ID cards that we
had to have. Somebody made them out of cardboard
and just paper. And they wrote your name on it,
and we had a number. And the number was your
rank within the group or whatever. Organized
crime. Yeah, basically. And you had to show the
card in order to get into the meetings and shit
that we would have. And, like, if you wanted
to sit at the lunch table during lunch, like,
you had to have one of those cards. And that
was the first time I actually got in trouble
for something was when I told this kid to fuck
off because he didn't have a card. I'll never
forget this, dude. And if you're still out there,
all right? The kid's name was Mitch. I don't
remember what his last name was, but we called
him Mitch the Bitch, all right? And he was just,
like, this fucking, like, really weirdo kid.
And if you're still out there, Mitch, hit us
up, because I meant everything I said and still
do. So if you held a grudge, show up. We can
throw it out as adults, all right? But, yeah,
I told this kid to fuck off, and the little bastard
went and told on me. And so then we ended up...
We ended up... we ended up uh i ended up getting
in trouble and i don't know what i don't remember
what happened but i ended up getting in trouble
for something and the other guys were like nah
fuck this And so when I was serving my, whatever
punishment I had, this, this was the, this was
a Christian school, right? No, no, this was at
regular public school. I didn't go to Christian
school until fucking like seventh grade or whatever.
Um, so the regular public school was where this
was at. And so they caught this kid in the bathroom
and they beat his ass in the bathroom. I don't
know if they gave him a swirly. They did some
shit to him. They beat his ass. All right. And
then Mitch, the bitch was never heard from again.
But, um, Yeah, that was, he got his ass beat
on my account, so that was cool. It was also
a good reinforcement of, like, hey, man, if you're
in the gang, all right, you get fucking, there's
perks, all right, there's benefits. And so...
You know, we take the shared responsibility of
beating somebody's ass because we as individuals
are weak. I mean, third graders are weak. All
right. Third graders are weak bitches. OK, like
I remember that's when I started doing pushups
like and we were doing we were literally doing
the prison workout because I think one of their
older brothers had been in prison and taught
him how to do the prison workout. So like. we
literally were just doing fucking like push -ups
sit -ups and fucking uh burpees just all just
all at recess we would have a every five minute
we do a five minute series of those things every
fucking recess and lunch and like we were a prison
gang like it's crazy and so then that's when
we would start going to like we started robbing
from the student store like because they'd have
this little store and then the lady that was
in there was like this old fat lady and she was
always asleep and so we would just go in and
just like because because they didn't have air
conditioning all right because we were in these
portables because we were at a temporary school
this wasn't even like a a real school and what's
funny is the school that chloe goes to now that's
the school that i went to um for third grade
and fourth grade and It's very funny because
it was two separate schools and they had built
a temporary school in the back. And that's the
one that I went to. And now it just became part
of that school or whatever. And they have permanent
buildings and shit. But we had these fucking
portables and none of them had fucking air conditioning
because this was back in the 90s when they didn't
believe in that, I guess. And so this lady would
just be asleep all the time because it was like
100 degrees in there. And, you know, she was
an old fat lady. And so obviously you just fucking
conk out. And so we go in there and steal candy
bars. There was one time we stole the. till like
we stole the whole fucking amount of money that
was in there and yeah whatever it was like maybe
25 30 bucks or whatever that was in there in
like change or whatever but we stole the whole
fucking thing out from this fucking lady and
no one ever brought it up like i don't know if
it was something where she was just like not
saying anything because she was like oh fuck
like i fell asleep i don't want to get in trouble
so like i'm just not gonna say shit and then
i'll just put 35 bucks back in there myself and
just fucking call it a day Um, but it never got
brought up that someone was stealing. And if
you're stealing, you need to stop. Cause like
whenever some dumb shit like that would happen
where like, like tagging, I wasn't a tagger,
but like some of the other guys were taggers
that were in the gang. So like they would tag
shit all over. So there'd be a morning, whoever
is putting gang graffiti on the buildings needs
to stop. If we're doing it in the bathroom, like
there'd be this whole fucking thing that would
go out. And so, um, we started doing that. Then
we upgraded to like liquor stores. And so, we
would go and like steal candy or whatever. And
then we never stole any cash from a liquor store.
What small aspirations. Yeah. Well, as a third
grader, you don't, you don't get it. All right.
Your brain is still underdeveloped. So like,
but just like stupid things. If there were things
to steal, it's like, Oh, candy bars. Fuck. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, whoop. The fucking do let's, let's
do, let's steal. That's still candy. Like, and
honestly, we would go back and we would go eat
it all. Cause it was fucking delicious. Yeah.
And you know, What do you think the porn stuff?
I mean, since you mentioned it. Because I was
thinking about that because it is something that
has appeared on television in different television
shows like there's. I think there's like a Simpsons
episode, a Halloween episode or whatever, where
somebody just drops off porn in the middle. It's
like. how how like why would somebody do that
as opposed to just taking it to like a dump or
whatever yeah right like personally i think my
theory on the matter is that some some dad some
fucking guy got caught his wife found all this
porn that he had in his garage yeah and she's
like you're jerking off the poor And there was
this whole big thing. So he's like, you know
what? I'm going to go dump this in the woods
and then I can still come and view the porn and
jerk off to it. Like, that's what I think the
thought process was. Or there is perhaps a benevolent
reason. And he is the modern day Prometheus.
And he's like, I must disseminate this information
to younger generations. He's like Santa Claus
for porn. He just goes around. The forbidden
knowledge. Fuck, dude. Porn -metheus. Holy shit.
that would be awesome he just goes around and
he's like just sprinkling porn in the woods everywhere
if if there's ever like a nighty show oh that
needs to be like one that has to be an episode
it's like the main characters discover pornography
through like this uh i don't know enigmatic figure
that just like dropped it off and maybe they
meet him once but it's only like in the in the
shadows or something so they don't actually know
what he looks like but he's like i would like
for you to know the forbidden knowledge of some
shit oh my god boys be curious about female bodies
and shit yeah true story um And then so, yeah,
so that was that was my, you know, third grade.
We would just fight all the time. And like, you
know, we I got the scar on my fucking middle
finger from a fight that I did in third grade
where this kid fucking scratched me with his
nail and I fucking just cold cocked him his fucking
face, man. Oh, I knocked him the fuck out, man.
That was the first time I ever saw a kid go unconscious.
Like, I was like, holy shit, did I kill him?
Like, I literally thought I killed him. And then,
good God, and that was that, that was exactly
at the time when the hell in a, good God, they
killed him. Oh, they killed him. And, you know,
we would do, that was, we would also, like, we
would use wrestling moves on people in our fights.
Like, I suplexed a kid, like, no joke, like,
straight suplexed him. And, you know, if you
do that shit right, you can fuck somebody up.
I mean, like, you can slam the back of their
head against the ground. Um, you know, fucking,
I think somebody put someone in a sharpshooter
one time, like, and if you do it right, it hurts.
Yeah. Um, and you can't escape. So, uh, good
times in third grade, the modern generation does
not have, I don't think the capability to be
as degenerate as, as at least we were in our,
in our young, younger time days. Yeah. I think
there's too much. Uh, or just random shit. I
mean, because it's like the first thing my nephews
and nieces do when they get home is TikTok. They
go on their YouTube or fucking Roblox. Fuck,
man. Chloe's into that heavy right now, the Roblox.
And I've started playing with her. I don't know.
She just started playing a couple of these different
games. There was one that's like a fashion game,
and then she started playing. I got her into
the gun games, so like the shooter ones that
they have. I don't really like it because, The
figurines are like your main character or whatever.
It looks like a fucking Lego, but they look like
poverty Legos. They are poverty Legos. That's
exactly what the fuck they are. So I don't know,
you know, what the appeal is. I mean, sure, it's
all right. But like, it's the multitude of games
that's on there because it's not just like it's
not like you're loading up a game and playing
Assassin's Creed or Helldivers. You're playing
like you can play like a multitude. Fuck. They
have an Assassin's Creed version inside fucking
Roblox that you can play. You haven't you haven't
thrown money at it. Oh, no. Well, I haven't.
But I've thrown money at it for Chloe, you know,
because she wants Robux. And, you know, Frank
was a good guy and fucking he was going to buy
her and his his other niece on a he was going
to buy them fucking Robux. And so he was calling
her to be like, hey. I'm going to get you Robux
or whatever. And so he was going to spend 50
bucks on Robux. So each was get 25. And she didn't
answer the phone. So he was like, well, I guess
Chloe gets 50. So Chloe got 50 bucks of Robux
and spent it in 35 fucking seconds. Wow. Gone.
What did she buy? Like just awesome. Yeah. Costumes
for her, for her NPC character. She bought the
VIP in the fashion game. Like, see, this is where
a millennial parent, it makes sense that, uh,
like, Because, you know, there was chat rooms,
there was like Club Penguin and other shit where
people would talk to each other, you know, probably
talking to 40 year olds that probably looking
to sexually assault sexually assault children.
So like Robux or Robux Roblox, I think to some
degree is. is a potential breeding ground for
pedophiles, so I'm sure you already... Oh, dude,
her shit's locked down. Like, she can't do anything.
Like, she can't talk to anybody. She can only...
She can't even approve her friends. Like, we
have to do it. So she's... She also got my mom
into playing the fucking Roblox, so she plays
Roblox with my mom, like, all the time. But you...
It's the fact that you already experienced that.
Locked down. So they'll never get to fuck. Yeah,
I experienced dirty old men in chat rooms fucking
try to hit on me. Yeah. And yeah, sometimes did
I pretend to be a fucking nine -year -old girl
when I was nine and try to get them to, you know,
fucking send me money? Yeah, of course I did.
But that's because they didn't want to fuck little
boys. So you have to improvise, right? You got
to try to make some money. So. Yeah, that was
that was it, man. Third grade was where it really
turned for me. And that's where she went downhill.
And so do you think she's going to go sideways
at some point or it's just it's not in the nature
for Gen Alpha? You know, they say they say that
for girls, they're more mature than boys or something
like that. They're mature sooner. I, to a certain
degree, I think that's probably true. But for
them, they also hit the puberty, go through the
hormones and shit. And that's a problem. Yeah,
that's going to be something. So I don't know
if it's going to turn into... I don't think that
Gen Alpha has the capability to be as degenerate.
And also, I know all the tricks. I invented most
of the tricks. So, like, you can't fucking really
trick me into doing degenerate shit. Because,
like, I very easily... tricked my parents into
degenerate shit. And hell, I'll give you an example.
I actually told Ruben this yesterday because
we were talking about it because he was asking
me something about Kid Rock. And I said, oh,
dude, like. You want to know what's funny? The
first fucking explicit album I conned my mom
into buying for me when I was like eight or nine
was Kid Rock, that first album that had Ba With
Da Ba on there. And I told her, she's like, what's
this? I said, oh, it's Kid Rock. And she thought
that it meant like, oh, it's rock for kids. That's
cool. Didn't look at the fucking cover because
the cover would have immediately told her because
it's literally his face. He's got like a bowler
hat and he's smoking a fucking cigar. She would
have immediately known that this was not for
kids. And also. It had the explicit content label
on there. And so I think this was like I was
in third grade when this fucking happened. And
so we were I remember explicitly we were at Target.
We fucking did this. And I said, hey, I want
to get the CD. OK, cool. I put it face down on
the thing. The lady rang it up and was like,
whatever. Didn't even fucking say because this
was before they started checking your ID. Yeah.
Which for those of you that don't know, back
in the day, if you wanted to buy a CD that had
explicit content label on it, you had to fucking
produce an ID and show that you were over 18
or they wouldn't sell it to you, which was. Insane,
it's crazy now that you can just go on iTunes
and download whatever the fuck you want without
having any kind of age restriction checks and
they'll let you do whatever. But anyways, so
I got it, went home, opened that shit up, put
it in my little CD player and I was like, this
is the greatest fucking shit ever. He's talking
about fucking whores and he's talking about smoking
crack and fucking doing all this shit. It was
fucking awesome. I'm gonna do all these things.
Yeah, it was fucking great. And I had that shit
for like a week and a half. And then my mom,
I don't know what happened. If she was, she was
going in to clean my room or do something. And
she looked at her maybe, but she somehow figured
out that this shit was not from kids. And she
ganked that shit for me so quick. And I got my
ass whooped for this fucking thing. Dude, my
dad, my dad thought it was hilarious, but also
didn't go easy on the belt whooping because he's
like, it's a free. Yeah. He's like, he's like,
well, man, cause he laughed when I told him about
that. When she, she's like, look at what your
son did. He tricked me into buying this thing
or whatever. And it's called kid rock. And then
showed him the thing. I'm like, I just started
laughing. And then I was like, oh man, I gave
him a good chuckle. I thought I would have been
off the hook. Like I thought, okay, he's not
going to whoop my ass. He's going to be like,
you know what? Just chalk this up to experience.
You know, you need to look at. I thought he was
going to whoop my mom and say, like, hey, you
need to start looking at this shit. How could
you have looked at this and said, oh, yeah, this
is definitely for kids or whatever. But, no,
instead he's like, all right, took off the belt
and just started whooping my ass hard, laughing
the whole time. You would think it would be a
wash. It's like, oh, the parent fucked up because
they were more vigilant. Right. It cancels out.
But, no, no, my dad whooped my ass even harder
than that probably. So, yeah, and then my mom
was yelling at me the whole time while he was
whooping my ass. Like, this is what you get.
Like, you shouldn't be tricking me. blah, blah.
Well, you shouldn't be so stupid, bitch. And
then whack, I got one right across the face.
Yeah. But anyways, yeah, fucking. So then that
led into later on. Oh, when I met the kid that
had the fucking, his parents didn't give a fucking
bottom, whatever he wanted. He had all the fucking
explicit CDs and then he had a computer that
had a CD burner on it and fucking he would sell
you the CDs for fucking $10. And so that's when
I re -bought that CD. I fucking bought the Eminem
Slim Shady one. I bought all that shit and it
was great. And then I had it and nobody said
shit again. But anyways, yeah, degeneracy. It's
fucking, it's hilarious and probably not going
to be as bad as back in our day. Do you have
anything else to say about Khloe? No, I think
that's it. so you got anything else to add no
i thought there was gonna be more with the no
everything's great and fine and like everything's
good and like you know she's good so i you know
i don't know i mean i think she'll be fine but
i think at 13 years old is when you're gonna
run into the trouble no it's probably gonna be
like 11 dude because like katie went through
fucking puberty really early And so I'm anticipating
that that's going to probably happen. I think
you're going to get sassed at a lot. I already
get sassed at now. She's probably going to. But
she doesn't mean it because she thinks it's funny.
Yeah. But the when she means it, that's when
it's going to fucking hurt. Yeah. Oh, God. Well,
in a couple. She's eight. She's turned eight.
So I got five more years. So in five years time,
you'll be hearing from me as to what happened.
So. anyways all right well fuck if you don't
got anything else i guess that's the end of this
so uh yeah go check us out on all our bullshit
and uh we'll see you guys on the next one whenever
that is This has been the butt fuck nowhere show.
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