WEBVTT

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What podcast reviewer 37 describes as an indiscriminate

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hellish ride that I would not wish on my worst

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enemy. The industry's elite have said time and

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again, man, fuck those guys. Get ready, if your

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ears had butts, they'd about to be fucked. Welcome

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to the Butt Fuck Nowhere Show. What's going on,

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everybody? My name's Josh. Welcome back to a

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brand new episode of the BFN Show. Oh, it's been

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a minute yet, even though it says it in the intro.

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But maybe the AI clanker algorithm can't understand

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it because it's in the intro. And there's music

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playing. Maybe that, like, blocks it out. Is

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this the first episode that we've done? No, we've

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done another one. We did one last week. Talking

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about, you know, or not last week, but earlier

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a couple days ago. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, so

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this is just now in the... We don't need to do

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the, hey, we're back, and thanks, you know, blah,

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blah, blah. Okay, cool. We can just get into

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it. We can just get into it. So, anyways, I'm

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Josh. We're here today with good buddy Adam.

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Yeah, greetings. And so, Adam, the reason I've

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called you here today for this impromptu episode.

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Yes. And people will see that the title I've

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titled this. Are you an NPC? And I know I'm not

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an NPC. And now I've said in the past, I have

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said that. if you don't shit yourself at least

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twice a year you're a fucking npc yes i told

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i told people this and they don't know what i'm

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talking about i'm like it's true though if you

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don't shit your pants at least once at least

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once a year i mean minimum yeah if you don't

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do it at least i mean because there are people

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like me who prairie dog it like plenty of fucking

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times and nearly shit myself and so i just wanted

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to to confirm again Yesterday, I shit myself.

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I mean, I shit myself. And I know I'm not an

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NPC. Okay, can you explain why this idea that

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you have about shitting yourself? means that

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you're not an npc so think about this right npcs

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everything's like pre -programmed it's like an

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algorithm it's it's everything's going in with

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how they their behavior is even down to shitting

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right an npc is incapable of shitting themselves

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it's just the programming won't allow it that's

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my that's my theory because i'll always make

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it to the bathroom and follow protocol and follow

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the protocol because wiping Your ass takes a

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lot less fucking memory bandwidth than cleaning

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up a shitting yourself. So I fully believe that

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the simulation does not fucking have enough bandwidth

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to allow NPCs to shit themselves. So if you shit

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your pants, you are not an NPC that you're a

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real fucking person. You're a player character.

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All right. In this simulation of life. It's my

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theory. Yeah. Now, yesterday, let me tell you

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about how I shit myself because this is a great

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this is a great time. So we went to SeaWorld.

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All right. Fucking I in the morning when we left,

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it was like eight thirty in the morning. And

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I'm like, man, I kind of have to take a shit.

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Tried to take a shit. Nothing happening. I'm

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like, all right, whatever. I could feel it brewing

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all day. OK, I'm walking around. It's fucking

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hot. We're in the sun. The sun's beating down

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upon us. And I'm sweating. I'm drinking water.

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I'm thinking, all right, whatever. I am fucking

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up and I'm drinking like I'm drinking an icy.

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I'm having some popcorn. So I'm not eating foods

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that are conducive to being able to hold your

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shit in. All right. So as we leave and everything's

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good. All right, cool. We get in the car. We

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drive back and we're driving home. And I'm like,

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man, I really feel like I got to shit. Chloe

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wants to get fucking chicken stars from fucking

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Carl's. I'm like, oh, you know what? Even though

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I feel like I have to shit. I'm still kind of

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hungry. So like, let me get some Carl's Jr. So

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what'd you get? Oh, I got a Western bacon cheeseburger.

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There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. And then

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I got this new, they have the sourdough star

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or something like that. So I got that to try.

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Uh, basically, uh, I got that. And then of course

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I got Chris cut fries. Okay. Instead of the fucking

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regular fries. Can't help it. You got to have

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it with the house dressing, the house dressing.

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Oh, and that, and that Western barbecue sauce.

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Yep. Fucking straight deliciousness. So anyways,

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So I'm in the middle of eating that. Okay. After

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we got back home and I'm just like, oh yeah.

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And I'm like, oh man, I just, I feel like I got

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a fart. And dude, I fucking let out the fart.

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And the second. I felt, you know how there's

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like a bubble? Yeah, and you don't know if you

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shit yourself? Oh no, I knew. I knew, I immediately

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knew that there was shit coming out of my asshole.

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But you ever have swamp ass? Oh yeah, I've had

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that, yeah. And you're like, you're on the verge

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of shitting yourself, but you don't know if it's

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the swamp ass. Yeah, or if you shit yourself.

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This one was not one of those. This one was,

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oh, I definitely just shit my fucking pants.

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I'm standing, and dude, it was so lucky that

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I was wearing fucking boxer briefs, because it

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held everything in. But anyways, so as I do that,

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and then you know when you're trying to stop

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it, but it's like, oh no, dude, the train has

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left the station. This bubble, it's like a bubble

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of diarrhea that was in front of a solid... three

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and a half foot long turd and i don't know how

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the diarrhea got there like i'm very confused

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as to like what happened because i've been farting

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all day i've been busting ass all day and man

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it was great it was the nastiest because there

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was literally a three foot log sitting inside

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of my colon like waiting to come out where do

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you think you went wrong though like as far as

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the meal or the meals that you had in that day

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well i definitely think i should have just not

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ate anything I think eating, you really did fuck

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it up. Like that's what caused this whole thing

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to happen because I think with all the sugary

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and like popcorn and all the shit that you get,

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that's like food that's sitting out too, right?

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It's not like you're not getting nothing fresh.

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So like with that stuff, the diarrhea of that

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stuff worked its way around because it's liquid.

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It works its way around the colon and into the,

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right up against the sphincter apparently. Yeah.

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And that was, that fart was a bridge too far

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and I just, I just, I straight, that whole bubble

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of diarrhea just came right out of my asshole

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and then what's crazy is like you can feel it

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like once you let it go and then you're trying

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to close your butthole and stop it it's still

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coming like it's not like you're my sphincter

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was shut and it's still squirting out of my fucking

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asshole at a fucking magnificent rate okay it's

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just fucking going going and I'm like all right

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well okay so now I'm like I'm standing there

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and I'm like fuck I have to, like, move to, like,

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get upstairs to, like, wash my... I gotta go

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take a shower. Like, there's no... So you're

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like a cowboy? Yeah, basically. And so Katie

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sees me walking up the stairs. And she's like,

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where are you going? And why are you walking

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like that? And, dude, I couldn't even think.

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Like, I couldn't even talk. All I was like...

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I was just like, ugh. And then she's like, what

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is wrong with you? I was like, ugh. And I'm walking

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up the stairs. And so then I had my phone so

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that I text her. I'm like, I shit myself. and

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she goes she sends me a laughing emoji because

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I do this a lot where I do tell her like oh I

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just shit myself and I go run upstairs like I

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just fake around now I'm the boy who cried shit

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himself and she didn't believe me she's like

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she's like oh haha like laughing like it's funny

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I'm like it's not funny and then she's I was

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like I just shit myself and she's like oh whatever

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and then I'm like dude I'm being fucking serious

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and then she was like oh no and she still laughed

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at me anyways but So then I get upstairs and

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I'm like, all right. So I'm trying to I peel

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off the shorts and I'm like, OK, there's no damage

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to the shorts. It didn't leak through. That's

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weird. So which which is very weird. The boxer

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briefs contain the whole thing. They're not waterproof,

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but I was wearing gray shorts, too. So, man,

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it would have ruined those fucking shorts. So.

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I take the shorts off, no damage. I'm like, cool.

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Now, now I get in the shower and I'm like, all

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right, let me try. I peel. And dude, it is a

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fucking mudslide in there, dude. It is just fucking,

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it is like this, you know, the farm dirt, like

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how it's like that. It's like that light brown

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color, but then it also looks like it's got little

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white dots and chunks in it. That's what this

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looked like. It looked like wet farm dirt, dude.

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It just came right out of my ass. And it was

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just all over the place. So then I'm like, great.

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Also, at this time, I still have to shit. I'm

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not done shitting. This was just like the preamble

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to the shit that just leaked out or whatever.

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So then I'm like, okay. I got shit all over my

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ass, my nuts. It's like, it's all up in my dick

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hole. Like, dude, it's everywhere. Yeah. And

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so I'm like, God, I'm like a baby. Jesus Christ.

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So then I'm like, okay, now I got to clean this

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fucking up. That's like the toss up between wearing

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boxer briefs and just wearing boxers. It's like,

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if a situation like that happens, you obviously

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get shit running down your leg. Yeah. And I've

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had that happen like once or twice. Right. But

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I think I would rather take that because you

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can just wash it off and go in the shower. versus,

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like, the boxer shorts that just makes the situation

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worse because he... Well, now you're trailing

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it. It just distributes everywhere. Because I

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would have just dripped that immediately where

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I was standing. It would have all came down.

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And then I would have dragged a trail up the

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stairs and into the fucking bathroom. Yeah. If

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I would have been wearing regular boxers, I would

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have just had to have gone outside with the hose.

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Like, that would have been... Yeah, that actually

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would have been a lot better. But this, I was

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able to contain it to get into the shower. So

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then I'm in the shower. I'm like, okay, now I'm

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just thinking... So my next decision I have to

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make is... Do I try and hose this off first,

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or do I just go sit on the toilet to take the

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shit? Because I'm like, if I go sit on the thing

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on the toilet, I'm going to have to clean the

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toilet. See, it's going to be a pain in the ass.

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So then the decision was made for me because

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my stomach was like, oh, you need to get this

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shit out of you right fucking now. So I go sit

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on the toilet, and I think I'm about to have

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more fucking diarrhea. I think I'm about to just

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piss out of my ass. Dude. This was the longest

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fucking shit that I think I've ever fucking shit

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out of my life. And I was like, how the fuck

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did this turn? It was seriously like 18 inches

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long. Like, I'm not even fucking with you. It

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was all the way in. Well, it didn't. It was all

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the way into the hole and it came up and it was

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sticking out of like the water. All right. It

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was fucking it was fat as shit, too. I was like,

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Jesus Christ. So then, of course, like I did

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that. I just cleaned out the toilet and then

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I forgot to flush. So then I left it in there.

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So then I'm in the shower. I'm clean. I'm. hosing

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everything down take the underwear hose that

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shit down clean it up so that it's like you know

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i can just throw it in the washer and i'm not

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gonna get shit chunks in my washer so like okay

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i cleaned off all the shit okay get get cleaned

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up go downstairs all right whatever so then i

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forget to shit or i forget to flush it and i

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forget about it and so then we come back upstairs

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to go to bed in the keel a couple hours later

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and katie goes to go to the bathroom she opens

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up the toilet and just i just hear jesus christ

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and i was like what and she's like did that come

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out of you and i said yeah and she's like That's

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the largest shit I think I've ever seen. And

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I was like, yeah, I think it might be, you know,

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I mean, that's kind of average for a Tuesday

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for me. So like, you know, I mean, it's like

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a normal shit. Yeah. But it was long as fuck.

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It was crazy. And so anyways, so now I know and

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have confirmed again, I've re -upped my confirmation

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that I know I'm not an NPC, that I'm actually

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like a player character in this fucking story

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we call life. And hopefully I will just continue

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to connect with people who are not NPCs also

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shitting themselves. Now, I don't know. I don't

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know if that's going to turn out to be good because

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I may just be connecting and surrounding myself

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with retards that just shit their pants all the

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time, including myself. So, you know, this may

00:11:51.549 --> 00:11:53.730
turn out to be a bad strat, but who knows? I

00:11:53.730 --> 00:11:54.950
don't know. We'll see. We'll see what happens.

00:11:55.330 --> 00:11:56.830
But yeah, that was the end of the story. That

00:11:56.830 --> 00:11:57.970
was all I wanted to talk about was just shitting

00:11:57.970 --> 00:12:02.090
myself yesterday and how it was. Honestly, it's

00:12:02.090 --> 00:12:03.610
kind of liberating, you know, a little bit. I

00:12:03.610 --> 00:12:04.909
really was like, man, I should just let this

00:12:04.909 --> 00:12:06.470
log go in my pants as I was standing there. But

00:12:06.470 --> 00:12:07.809
then I was like, nah, I don't know how long this

00:12:07.809 --> 00:12:09.610
is going to be or big it's going to be. That

00:12:09.610 --> 00:12:10.929
might be a problem. And yeah, if I would have

00:12:10.929 --> 00:12:12.409
shit that straight on the floor, oh yeah, that

00:12:12.409 --> 00:12:13.169
would have been a problem. That would have been

00:12:13.169 --> 00:12:17.039
an 18 -inch log sitting on the floor. But yeah,

00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:18.860
so anyways, that was it. You got anything you

00:12:18.860 --> 00:12:21.360
want to talk about? No, I think that's plenty,

00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:25.059
dude. That's plenty, plenty. Anyways, all right,

00:12:25.059 --> 00:12:26.779
well, that'll be it. This is just a quick one.

00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:29.379
Thank you guys for listening. And if you're not

00:12:29.379 --> 00:12:32.179
an NPC, like and subscribe to the fucking stuff.

00:12:32.340 --> 00:12:34.679
Yeah, drop a comment that says you shit yourself

00:12:34.679 --> 00:12:36.559
in the past at least once. Yeah, to confirm you're

00:12:36.559 --> 00:13:06.320
not a dirty clanker, all right? This has been

00:13:06.320 --> 00:13:12.080
the butt fuck nowhere show. Thanks for listening.

00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:16.480
Don't forget subscribe and like on Instagram

00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:21.580
and tick tock at game rage magazine. Also on

00:13:21.580 --> 00:13:26.940
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00:13:26.940 --> 00:13:32.139
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00:13:32.139 --> 00:13:36.740
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