WEBVTT

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Hi guys, welcome to episode four of the Almost

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Living Podcast. I am your host, Kaylyn, and today

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is very exciting. This is the New York City episode

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because today, the day that this episode drops,

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is my year anniversary of having lived in New

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York, which is fucking insane, and I feel like

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it deserves its whole episode. I wanted to just

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talk at length about my move, how I planned to

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do it, how it is, self -reflection, like over

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the course of this past year, because I feel

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like I've mentioned this before, but I have aged

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like five years mentally since living here and

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I just wanted to talk about it. So let's jump

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into it. I have literally two pages of notes.

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I have shit I have to fucking cover. So a bit

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of backstory about me. I have military parents.

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So growing up, I used to move around a lot. I

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moved like every year or two up until like the

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fifth grade. So I feel like that kind of just

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that tidbit about me really has instilled something

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in me where I'm just like, I'm very nomadic,

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you know, like I never want to be in one place.

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For a long time like I want to travel. I want

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to see the world I don't see myself just like

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living somewhere and just like being there So

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there is that and I also I always had an interest

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in living in New York From a pretty early age.

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I had like visited and come, you know a few times

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like throughout my life with family um and it

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was always cool fun and then i feel like i was

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just kind of like wow like i just want to experience

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this at some point and when i was younger i had

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a very you know when i had no concept of money

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i was like i want to live in manhattan and live

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in a you know have floor to ceiling windows and

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blah blah blah and it's like well that's not

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gonna happen probably um but you know got older

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there's sirens i'm sorry got older do i pause

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Let's pause. Period. Sorry. Got older, still

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was like, yeah, this is something that I want

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to do. Went to college. I did two years of college.

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I took a gap year and then I went back and then

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just kind of like soft launched a dropout. um

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and just like stopped going to class um so never

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graduated um and i remember this was june of

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last year i remember my lease was about to be

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up at the place that i was staying at and i was

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just kind of like what what are we doing here

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you know what are the vibes because When I was

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going to school, it was like, okay, I'm here

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for school. But now that I'm not in school anymore,

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I just kind of started to feel like there was

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no reason for me to be in Virginia. And I was

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about to sign a lease with my friends and then

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I was like, like, I don't really think I want

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to be here for another year. So to where, cause

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at that point I was like starting to think about

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wanting to move here, but I was like, I could

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sign this lease and work and save, but I would

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be here for a fucking another year. And then

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it's also like, how much money could I save?

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You know, if I'm paying for rent and like just

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all of those things. So I was like. It looks

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like we're going to have to do the thing that

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I really don't want to do and that is move back

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in with my parents, which so privileged and so

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lucky that they let me do that. So I moved home

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and I stayed with my mom for like maybe a month

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until she kicked me the fuck out of her house

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over a very small disagreement. Then I moved

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in with my dad who lived maybe 40 minutes from

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her. I started working, I got, I started, I worked

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at Amazon delivering packages. And then I also

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worked at a restaurant as a host. Amazon was

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fucking grim, delivering packages for eight to

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10 hours a day. Not for me. It was the most physically

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demanding job I've ever had. It was terrible.

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So I was doing both of them for a little while.

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Towards the end, I booted the Amazon and just

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did the restaurant. So yeah, it was around June

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when I moved in with my parents and I knew in

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my mind, um, I was just thinking about it and

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I was like, okay, I want to be here or I want

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to be out of here before Halloween because I'm

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not spending my Halloween here. Um, so that was

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the goal. Um, and I would just, I was just working,

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um, from June to October when I ended up moving,

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I was just working, working multiple jobs because

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like I said, I worked with, I was at my mom's

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house. She kicked me out. Then I moved in with

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my dad. So like I had jobs that I worked when

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I was at my mom's house. She kicked me out. I

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had to get new jobs, whatever. And I was just

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really grinding. Like the goal was not really

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to be enjoying life. The goal was just to be

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working as much as I physically could. And you

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know, putting you know paying for gas to get

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to and from work paying for food and then everything

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else was going straight into the savings shut

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the fuck up everything else was going straight

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into the savings um and i will say when i was

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staying with my parents um and at home it was

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one of the saddest darkest times of my life it

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was just terrible i was fucking just so anxious,

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so sad, so empty, so alone. I moved like, you

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know, I was no longer surrounded by my best friends.

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Like I didn't have all of my peers, you know,

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within like a five mile radius. I felt like I

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was behind. I felt kind of lost. I was just like,

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you know, all of my, my local, my peers, my people

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have, have graduated college. I have not, I dropped

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out like, What the fuck am I doing? I'm living

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with my parents. Like it was a dark, terrible,

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terrible time. And all that I did during that

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time was work and was research and like read

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articles, look at Reddit and just see what people

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were saying about how they were able to move

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to New York, how much money they needed, et cetera,

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et cetera. Like it was almost like a form of

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escapism where I was just like trying to pretend

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like this wasn't my life. And I was just like

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You know just everything watching vlogs of people

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living in New York like any bit of New York City

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content I was eating it up because I was just

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like I am so fucking miserable here anyone who's

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ever like You know moved out of their parents

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house and had to move back in you guys know how

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it is. It's terrible. Um It's just terrible.

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There's there's no really other way around it.

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Um So yeah was working, was doing research, reading

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every article I could about what I needed to

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do to move to New York, what other people's experiences

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were, yada, yada, yada. And now we're creeping

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into September of last year. I had, you know,

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money was starting to stack up and I was like,

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okay, October's right around the corner. Let's

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start looking for housing and you know job let's

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let's do that whole thing because i was looking

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kind of the whole time but i quickly realized

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like looking way early really isn't super helpful

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like things are very fast paced here and with

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like housing and stuff it's like looking two

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months three months in advance not really helpful

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like people are going to post rooms and things

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for like the coming weeks and you know the month

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of sort of thing So yeah, started looking for

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housing. I was personally looking on like Facebook

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groups, which I would recommend if anyone is

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like, I'm not, this isn't like, I don't know.

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I guess this is like advice that I'm giving,

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but more so just kind of like letting you know,

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I don't know. Facebook groups are great. There

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was one, the one that I have had success in,

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I've found two rooms through there is it's called

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like Young Females NYC. There's also like gypsy

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housing and all sorts of things, you know, there

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are many resources out there I was looking on

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Facebook groups. I was also looking on Craigslist

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for just like open rooms. That's another thing

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definitely sublease When you are moving here,

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that's kind of I feel like the only really option

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like trying to find an apartment is Hell and

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that's one thing that I feel like most people

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know but like when you when I was starting to

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really look into it, as far as just like, how

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the fuck am I going to move to New York? Like,

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apartments and housing is obviously one of the

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biggest hurdles. And like, that's a bitch here.

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Broker's fees and, you know, you got to make

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40 times the rent and you got to it's it's just

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a lot. And I was like, yeah, let's sublease.

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Let's just find it. The easiest thing for me,

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the easiest thing, I think, in general. find

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an open room. You don't have to sign a lease.

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You don't have to do it. And obviously, there's

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risk in that. And that was also, I remember I

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was talking to my stepdad, my stepdad and mom

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who knew about this move. They were like, what?

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You're just going to live with strangers? What

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if they're serial killers? I was like, then what

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if they are? That's kind of the only option.

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I didn't know anyone before I moved here. Yeah,

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so hence why I was in the young females Group

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not that women can't be crazy or can't be evil

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But I was like it's less likely that I'll get

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like murdered or anything like that. Um So yeah,

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anyways was looking on Facebook groups. I found

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a room where I was like, okay The rent was looking

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nice, you know was looking like something I could

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afford it It looked fine. The girls seemed cool.

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It was very much like, you know, what I was looking

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for is terms in terms of like, oh, we're we'd

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friendly and we're chill and whatever. I was

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like, OK, amazing. So I wanted to go up, come

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up and see it. And so I had a day off from, you

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know, work at this restaurant that I was working

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at. I took a bus up here and I saw the room and

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checked it out. Did the room not have any access

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to sunlight? Yes, it did. There was a window,

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but it was all the way at the top of the room,

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and it led into the bedroom of my roommate. So

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it was just residual sunlight, like no actual

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true sunlight. So yeah, knew that already, but

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like... It was it was just it was getting to

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the point I was just like I just need to find

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something like I just need to get out of Virginia

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because I am losing my fucking mind So saw it

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I was like, okay cool, they were like, yeah we

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the the girls that were living in this spot They

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were like, yeah, we have some other people that

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are interested in looking, but like we'll get

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back to you as soon as possible. I was like,

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okay, cool. I go back down to Virginia. I'm continuing

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to work and I get a message a few days later

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and they're like, hey, we want to let you know

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that you got the room, bitch. I'm jumping for

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joy. I'm fucking jumping for joy. Okay. So housing

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is secured, right? The next thing is jobs obviously

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so I had been looking at jobs I had been looking

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on indeed and whatever the fuck and applying

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and all of that the problem with trying to find

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a job before you move here is that People are

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gonna reach out to you and they're gonna want

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to interview you and if you don't live here That

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is obviously something that's very hard to do

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So I quickly realized that as well when I was

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doing the job search where I was getting people

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reaching out but they were like oh you know can

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we do you know this day at 11 30 and i'm like

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um i actually am in virginia so that is going

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to be really difficult i i very quickly realized

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um it just wasn't gonna work for me like i could

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not afford to go up and go down and go up and

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go down for interviews um so towards the end

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once i my housing and everything was secured

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i was like I feel like I'm just gonna have to

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move up there without a job and just figure it

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out from there. Yeah. Yeah. And so yeah, we're

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getting to, now we're at like the end of September

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and I had a goal for what I wanted to, the amount

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of money I wanted to save for my move. Because

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like I said, I've been doing so much research.

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I've been seeing everything and All of the a

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lot of the resources and a lot of people will

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tell you You need $10 ,000 if you want to move

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to New York City some people even you need $20

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,000 but like for me I feel like the number that

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I was seeing a lot was like 10k I Was like I

00:14:30.389 --> 00:14:34.090
was like June, July, September, I don't have

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time. I am, I don't, I'm not gonna be able to

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save $10 ,000. So my goal, I did the math, because

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basically where, you know, people say that you

00:14:52.389 --> 00:14:55.590
want to have two to three months worth of living

00:14:55.590 --> 00:15:02.330
expenses to... Take with you to move here. Um,

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so that covers rent that covers food that covers

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whatever I Knew for myself. I I did like there's

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there's so much and like none of this even really

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matters, but like Your rent shouldn't be more

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than a third of like your monthly income Right.

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So if you're making four thousand dollars or

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let's make this easy if you're making three thousand

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dollars a month Your rent shouldn't be more than

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a thousand dollars So I was doing a bunch of

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math, doing calculations, having spreadsheets,

00:15:32.460 --> 00:15:35.000
like whatever, just like seeing how much I could

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afford in rent and whatever, whatever. I use

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that amount and just guesstimations of like how

00:15:40.179 --> 00:15:41.679
much I'll spend on food, how much I'll spend

00:15:41.679 --> 00:15:43.620
on recreation, whatever, party, eat, whatever.

00:15:44.539 --> 00:15:51.519
And I was like, okay, I calculated how much I

00:15:51.519 --> 00:15:54.919
think I would be spending a month here. And I

00:15:54.919 --> 00:15:56.860
was like, let's time that by two, three, whatever.

00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:59.120
I don't even fucking remember. I just remember

00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:02.980
my goal was five or six thousand dollars. By

00:16:02.980 --> 00:16:05.639
the end of the month, by the end of September,

00:16:05.659 --> 00:16:12.299
I did not make that goal. Didn't make it. And

00:16:12.299 --> 00:16:15.399
I was kind of like, OK, I could stay for a little

00:16:15.399 --> 00:16:17.840
bit longer, make a little bit more money. But

00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:22.659
at that point, genuinely, I've experienced stress

00:16:22.659 --> 00:16:26.230
before in my life, obviously. The amount of stress

00:16:26.230 --> 00:16:30.590
and sadness and grief. I Literally was balding

00:16:30.590 --> 00:16:37.429
and I'm still recovering. I was ball ding On

00:16:37.429 --> 00:16:39.850
two points of my head from how fucking stressed

00:16:39.850 --> 00:16:43.389
out I was I was like Anything would be better

00:16:43.389 --> 00:16:48.210
than what I am experiencing right now. So I Knew

00:16:48.210 --> 00:16:50.669
I didn't meet my the goal that I wanted but I

00:16:50.669 --> 00:16:53.309
was like fuck it my housing secured at this point

00:16:53.309 --> 00:16:55.809
I just need to go I just need to fucking go.

00:16:57.049 --> 00:17:02.549
And I will say, it's so funny, like, because

00:17:02.549 --> 00:17:04.289
I, you know, obviously was talking to people

00:17:04.289 --> 00:17:07.490
in my life about this move and about whatever.

00:17:08.390 --> 00:17:11.630
People will try to inject fear and doubt into

00:17:11.630 --> 00:17:15.130
you because they themselves are scared and they

00:17:15.130 --> 00:17:20.549
themselves don't have the gall or the balls to

00:17:20.549 --> 00:17:26.900
make a big life. shift. And it was everyone in

00:17:26.900 --> 00:17:29.500
my life. Everyone thought I was fucking insane.

00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:33.279
My coworkers at this restaurant, you know, once

00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:35.460
I got my room secured and whatever, I ended up

00:17:35.460 --> 00:17:37.099
telling my manager like, Hey, I'm moving to New

00:17:37.099 --> 00:17:40.839
York. Hey. And so I was like talking to my coworkers

00:17:40.839 --> 00:17:43.400
and everything and they're all just like, Oh

00:17:43.400 --> 00:17:46.200
my god, you're moving to New York? Like, you

00:17:46.200 --> 00:17:48.769
know, it's expensive, right? Like, you don't

00:17:48.769 --> 00:17:51.690
know anyone and you don't have a job and like

00:17:51.690 --> 00:17:55.250
like people did not understand the concept of

00:17:55.250 --> 00:17:59.230
like me wanting to move to New York and like

00:17:59.230 --> 00:18:02.089
it's so funny too like people will be like oh

00:18:02.089 --> 00:18:04.750
my god i could never i could not i would never

00:18:04.750 --> 00:18:06.769
want to live there and it's like great good good

00:18:06.769 --> 00:18:09.349
thing i didn't ask you good thing i'm not forcing

00:18:09.349 --> 00:18:13.369
you to do anything um just like so many people

00:18:13.369 --> 00:18:17.460
i remember i had this this person This like mutual

00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:23.740
in that I like went to We they fucking in they

00:18:23.740 --> 00:18:28.319
were a Virginia head In in my college town, but

00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:30.480
they were like I remember I was like talking

00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:32.980
to them about like, yeah I'm like thinking about

00:18:32.980 --> 00:18:35.720
moving to New York like maybe next year whatever

00:18:35.720 --> 00:18:41.380
Or was this this was maybe like I don't even

00:18:41.380 --> 00:18:43.140
know I don't even know I was just like talking

00:18:43.140 --> 00:18:44.900
about how I wanted to move to New York and they

00:18:44.900 --> 00:18:48.000
were like Oh, you want to move to New York? Like,

00:18:48.339 --> 00:18:51.880
you know, the economy is crazy. Like, how many

00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:54.700
times have you been? Like, how often do you go?

00:18:54.859 --> 00:19:00.079
I was like, who are you? Mind you, they're not

00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:03.079
even from here. Like, why are you trying to gatekeep

00:19:03.079 --> 00:19:07.259
New York City? I'm so, so sorry. It's also just

00:19:07.259 --> 00:19:10.380
so funny like the you know, it's expensive right?

00:19:10.380 --> 00:19:12.940
It's like yeah, that's kind of like the most

00:19:12.940 --> 00:19:15.660
known thing about New York actually Yes, I do

00:19:15.660 --> 00:19:18.099
know it's expensive. Thank you so much for letting

00:19:18.099 --> 00:19:22.700
me know but yeah that is just like I Can't even

00:19:22.700 --> 00:19:26.880
put into words How I was feeling before this

00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:28.960
move because it's like obviously this is a huge

00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:30.799
thing that I'm about to do like I've moved out

00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:32.839
of my parents house and I went to college but

00:19:32.839 --> 00:19:36.700
like That was, you know, two hours down the road.

00:19:36.839 --> 00:19:40.279
I had my family there. I was going into this

00:19:40.279 --> 00:19:42.400
experience with all these other people, going

00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:44.839
into the same exact experience. This was my first

00:19:44.839 --> 00:19:51.740
time moving as an adult by myself and trying

00:19:51.740 --> 00:19:55.299
to work that out in my head and plan it while

00:19:55.299 --> 00:19:58.480
also dealing with everyone in my life being like,

00:19:59.079 --> 00:20:01.410
you want to move to New York? do you have a job

00:20:01.410 --> 00:20:03.970
like it's like guys do you not think that i'm

00:20:03.970 --> 00:20:06.210
not like also thinking about these things and

00:20:06.210 --> 00:20:08.430
also like worried about these things like it

00:20:08.430 --> 00:20:13.390
was so fucking scary and i i mean obviously believed

00:20:13.390 --> 00:20:15.730
in myself and i'm just someone who like when

00:20:15.730 --> 00:20:18.829
i want to do something i don't give a fuck there's

00:20:18.829 --> 00:20:21.490
nothing anyone can say to me like i if there's

00:20:21.490 --> 00:20:24.650
something i want to do and i'm committed i will

00:20:24.650 --> 00:20:29.329
do it and that's how i felt but i also was just

00:20:29.329 --> 00:20:33.420
like I don't know what's gonna happen. And everyone

00:20:33.420 --> 00:20:39.720
around me thinks that I'm insane. So, yeah. Let's

00:20:39.720 --> 00:20:44.500
see, where are we? Sorry. I also remember one

00:20:44.500 --> 00:20:48.980
of my managers at this restaurant named Greg,

00:20:49.099 --> 00:20:55.400
who I fucking hated. Such an asshole. He, I remember

00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:58.470
was asking me, Yeah, everyone at that point knew

00:20:58.470 --> 00:21:00.809
that I was moving and he came over and he was

00:21:00.809 --> 00:21:03.589
like, I just I just have to ask you about this

00:21:03.589 --> 00:21:05.950
New York move because I'm like super intrigued.

00:21:05.950 --> 00:21:10.450
And I was like, OK. And he was like, yeah, like,

00:21:10.509 --> 00:21:16.049
have you ever have you been to New York? Oh,

00:21:16.109 --> 00:21:19.549
honey, I was like, yeah, yeah, I've been a few

00:21:19.549 --> 00:21:23.069
times. And like, yeah, just asking me so many

00:21:23.069 --> 00:21:25.230
questions being like, have you saved money? It's

00:21:25.230 --> 00:21:28.440
like, oh, fucking god do you guys think i'm stupid

00:21:28.440 --> 00:21:32.660
like no i don't have i don't have a single dollar

00:21:32.660 --> 00:21:35.119
saved and i've never been there so yes i'm gonna

00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:40.079
move there like what are we talking about but

00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:42.880
he was kind of like i guess giving me advice

00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:45.140
which like mind you this man was this man is

00:21:45.140 --> 00:21:47.759
my age we're the same age um but he just thought

00:21:47.759 --> 00:21:49.440
that he was like literally the smartest person

00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:51.900
on the planet he was like He was like, you know,

00:21:51.900 --> 00:21:53.660
just be careful, you know, like you could be

00:21:53.660 --> 00:21:56.640
in a rough spot. And he was talking about himself

00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.940
and he was like, I moved here from Guam at 17

00:21:59.940 --> 00:22:03.299
and I didn't know anyone. And when I first got

00:22:03.299 --> 00:22:07.140
here, I had to fuck this really ugly girl just

00:22:07.140 --> 00:22:11.039
because I wanted to spend a night on her couch.

00:22:11.420 --> 00:22:14.460
Like, I don't want you to have to do that, Kalen.

00:22:16.140 --> 00:22:17.740
Yeah, you don't have to worry about that, Greg.

00:22:17.799 --> 00:22:22.319
I'm not going to do that. I'm a different person

00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:28.599
than you. I don't know why you did that Yeah

00:22:28.599 --> 00:22:38.319
Yeah Don't don't admit that um But okay, let's

00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:41.160
get to let's get to the actual move So like I

00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:43.200
mentioned before people are gonna say you need

00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:46.240
thirty thousand million dollars to live to to

00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:49.549
move to New York City You do not After I secured

00:22:49.549 --> 00:22:52.349
my housing for the month, I had a little over

00:22:52.349 --> 00:22:58.849
$3 ,000 and I made it work. So not telling anyone

00:22:58.849 --> 00:23:04.210
to do anything. I'm just saying people like resources

00:23:04.210 --> 00:23:06.970
out there that you will see will give this huge

00:23:06.970 --> 00:23:09.109
drastic and it's like, no, a lot of people move

00:23:09.109 --> 00:23:10.829
here and they don't have the funds like that.

00:23:11.509 --> 00:23:13.910
Like sometimes you just got to have a go getter

00:23:13.910 --> 00:23:20.009
attitude like to keep it real with you. So I

00:23:20.009 --> 00:23:23.930
secured my housing, I quit my job, I packed all

00:23:23.930 --> 00:23:26.730
my shit up and I was thinking about taking a

00:23:26.730 --> 00:23:30.670
U -Haul and bringing, you know, all of my shit.

00:23:31.569 --> 00:23:33.190
And then I just kind of started thinking about

00:23:33.190 --> 00:23:35.670
it and I was like, yeah, I don't know anyone

00:23:35.670 --> 00:23:38.869
up there and who am I gonna ask to help move?

00:23:39.210 --> 00:23:41.569
Like my roommates that are random people that

00:23:41.569 --> 00:23:44.789
I don't know. So I decided that I was just gonna

00:23:44.789 --> 00:23:48.529
take like my clothes and like, you know, whatever

00:23:48.529 --> 00:23:51.250
belongings I had that weren't furniture. I packed

00:23:51.250 --> 00:23:56.250
like four, five suitcases and my dad drove me

00:23:56.250 --> 00:23:58.589
to the bus stop and I took the bus up here and

00:23:58.589 --> 00:24:05.990
I arrived. October 7th is when I came and...

00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:09.380
Yeah, I remember just literally them just feeling

00:24:09.380 --> 00:24:11.700
so fucking electric like literally feeling like

00:24:11.700 --> 00:24:16.259
I am on top of the fucking worlds like I remember

00:24:16.259 --> 00:24:18.319
just coming up on the bus and like looking out

00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:21.079
and seeing everyone and in the street and just

00:24:21.079 --> 00:24:25.019
like There's there's just there's just no feeling

00:24:25.019 --> 00:24:27.359
like it unfortunately and it's really it's sad

00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:30.359
because now that I've been here and I'm just

00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:33.460
like working and you know in the throes of it

00:24:33.460 --> 00:24:37.109
like It never feels that magical anymore, but

00:24:37.109 --> 00:24:40.150
it genuinely was like a palpable feeling even

00:24:40.150 --> 00:24:42.450
when I came up to see my room before I had moved

00:24:42.450 --> 00:24:44.769
like I Remember leaving and literally feeling

00:24:44.769 --> 00:24:46.730
like so emotional like I was like, oh my god.

00:24:46.750 --> 00:24:49.289
Everyone's living their lives like there's so

00:24:49.289 --> 00:24:55.769
much happening It was crazy um So yeah, I would

00:24:55.769 --> 00:25:01.690
I don't know I I Low -key recommend just like

00:25:01.690 --> 00:25:04.460
coming up with like the shit that you absolutely

00:25:04.460 --> 00:25:06.460
need and just like starting fresh because like

00:25:06.460 --> 00:25:08.380
it's just a lot and like i was thinking about

00:25:08.380 --> 00:25:12.599
just logistically like driving you like no no

00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:16.779
no no i'm very lucky though um my dad was very

00:25:16.779 --> 00:25:22.960
kind and he bought me um a bed and a dresser

00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:26.059
and he got it like delivered to my place which

00:25:26.059 --> 00:25:29.779
god said um because i had nothing i had no furniture

00:25:29.779 --> 00:25:38.420
um so that was very very helpful. Yeah. And now,

00:25:38.539 --> 00:25:40.519
and now we're here. And now I moved in and now

00:25:40.519 --> 00:25:42.299
we can start talking about all the other shit,

00:25:42.359 --> 00:25:48.589
all the meat. So moved up here. I was like, holy

00:25:48.589 --> 00:25:52.089
fuck I really did that shit Like I'm really that

00:25:52.089 --> 00:25:55.789
bitch like fuck all of you hating ass Virginia

00:25:55.789 --> 00:25:59.789
ass bitches who wanted to fucking doubt me like

00:25:59.789 --> 00:26:05.069
I'm not a fucking god Then I was like, okay now

00:26:05.069 --> 00:26:10.970
I have to get a job. Let's do that So job search

00:26:10.970 --> 00:26:16.019
I Highly recommend Craigslist The job that I

00:26:16.019 --> 00:26:18.880
work at currently founded on correctness. A lot

00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:25.299
of jobs, especially restaurants, will post if

00:26:25.299 --> 00:26:30.279
they're looking for people. And what I did was

00:26:30.279 --> 00:26:32.359
before I moved, I printed a bunch of resumes

00:26:32.359 --> 00:26:35.460
out, brought them with me. And my first few days

00:26:35.460 --> 00:26:39.319
here, I just put on all black, nice outfit, made

00:26:39.319 --> 00:26:41.480
myself look presentable, and walked around with

00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:45.880
my resumes. Not aimlessly, I would I would look

00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:47.980
on Craigslist. I would see, you know, restaurants

00:26:47.980 --> 00:26:49.559
and places that were looking for people. And

00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:51.519
then I would just, you know, every day it was

00:26:51.519 --> 00:26:53.039
like, okay, let's try to hit these 10 places.

00:26:53.380 --> 00:26:56.940
Like, you know, and I did that for maybe like

00:26:56.940 --> 00:27:04.519
two, three days. And yeah, I think that that's

00:27:04.519 --> 00:27:08.539
what you should do if you want to do that or

00:27:08.539 --> 00:27:10.799
moved anywhere new. I feel like a lot of people,

00:27:10.980 --> 00:27:14.059
like if you have a degree, If you have a college

00:27:14.059 --> 00:27:19.059
degree, if you want a big person job, getting

00:27:19.059 --> 00:27:21.099
a job before you move would probably be very

00:27:21.099 --> 00:27:22.980
beneficial and probably be worth it to put the

00:27:22.980 --> 00:27:26.299
time in and do that. But I knew I'm trying to

00:27:26.299 --> 00:27:29.319
find food service. I was like, I feel like I

00:27:29.319 --> 00:27:35.240
can get these jobs on site once I move in. So

00:27:35.240 --> 00:27:37.460
yeah, a lot of people will say, like, I read

00:27:37.460 --> 00:27:39.579
so many articles of people, or not articles,

00:27:39.660 --> 00:27:41.839
just like Reddit or whatever, of people being

00:27:41.839 --> 00:27:44.140
like, don't move to New York without a job. Like,

00:27:44.140 --> 00:27:46.420
that's so fucking stupid. Like, the job market

00:27:46.420 --> 00:27:49.420
is trash. And it's like, it is, but also like,

00:27:49.960 --> 00:27:52.640
I moved here without a job, and within two, three

00:27:52.640 --> 00:27:57.079
weeks, I had two jobs. So, either I'm fucking

00:27:57.079 --> 00:27:59.599
goaded or like, I don't know, I think you really

00:27:59.599 --> 00:28:02.839
just... go out with a bunch of resumes and just

00:28:02.839 --> 00:28:04.619
go to different places and you will probably

00:28:04.619 --> 00:28:07.039
find a job. It's not going to be the best job

00:28:07.039 --> 00:28:11.259
ever, but it'll be a job. So yeah, like I said,

00:28:11.259 --> 00:28:14.000
I had two jobs when I first moved. I was working

00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:15.880
at a restaurant and then I was also working at

00:28:15.880 --> 00:28:18.799
a dispensary. I stopped working at the dispensary

00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:22.240
because there was a 40 year old man who said,

00:28:25.700 --> 00:28:30.259
who made a very sexually deviant um comment towards

00:28:30.259 --> 00:28:33.759
me and it made me feel severely uncomfortable

00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:36.920
to go to work and then i also was just like it

00:28:36.920 --> 00:28:40.200
was just a lot like waking up going to this dispensary

00:28:40.200 --> 00:28:42.880
job and then like going to my restaurant like

00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:47.700
it was just literally out just all day at work

00:28:47.700 --> 00:28:51.519
so i was like there's no fun in that like and

00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:54.579
also the money wasn't even that good at the dispensary

00:28:54.579 --> 00:28:56.279
to where i was like this yeah i was just like

00:28:56.279 --> 00:29:01.190
this is not worth it um So yeah started working

00:29:01.190 --> 00:29:05.009
at that restaurant. So like October 7th I moved

00:29:05.009 --> 00:29:08.450
and by You know by the end of the October I was

00:29:08.450 --> 00:29:15.890
working and you know Doing my thing. Um and Yeah,

00:29:15.930 --> 00:29:19.170
I feel like when I first moved here I was really

00:29:19.170 --> 00:29:22.710
just like I would I would just do I would get

00:29:22.710 --> 00:29:26.430
a lot of food like that that was like The activity

00:29:26.430 --> 00:29:28.650
that I was usually doing was just like trying

00:29:28.650 --> 00:29:31.529
because that was so Exciting and fun just like

00:29:31.529 --> 00:29:34.609
being a vegan like there's vegan food in Richmond

00:29:34.609 --> 00:29:37.309
there, you know vegan options and you know, whatever

00:29:37.309 --> 00:29:41.390
but like There's I mean food in general like

00:29:41.390 --> 00:29:43.490
there's nothing like being in New York where

00:29:43.490 --> 00:29:46.210
you literally just have access to any kind of

00:29:46.210 --> 00:29:50.109
cuisine You know at any time of the day like

00:29:50.109 --> 00:29:52.390
so I was just doing that a lot of the times like

00:29:52.390 --> 00:29:55.390
just like going to new food spots, ordering food,

00:29:55.549 --> 00:29:58.069
like, you know, eating by myself, just like vibing.

00:29:58.970 --> 00:30:04.289
I went out on a few dates, dates, that's in quotation

00:30:04.289 --> 00:30:09.069
marks. I was going out a little bit, like going

00:30:09.069 --> 00:30:15.069
to like music events and the club and, you know,

00:30:15.390 --> 00:30:20.490
going out alone because I literally had no, no

00:30:20.490 --> 00:30:25.509
option. And also everyone says like, and it's

00:30:25.509 --> 00:30:27.829
something I still even want to tap into is just

00:30:27.829 --> 00:30:29.589
like going out alone because people are like,

00:30:29.589 --> 00:30:32.009
that's how you meet people and there's no one

00:30:32.009 --> 00:30:33.990
holding you back and blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:30:34.609 --> 00:30:37.049
And I really, really, really want to like it,

00:30:37.049 --> 00:30:39.150
but it's hard. I mean, it really just heavily

00:30:39.150 --> 00:30:40.490
depends on what kind of night you're having.

00:30:40.630 --> 00:30:42.150
But yeah, that's kind of what I was doing when

00:30:42.150 --> 00:30:45.750
I first came. I was working this, you know, restaurant

00:30:45.750 --> 00:30:50.130
job like. And I wasn't I before moving, I was

00:30:50.130 --> 00:30:52.230
like, OK, I should serve. I should be a server

00:30:52.230 --> 00:30:54.319
because, you know, Terrible, but that's where

00:30:54.319 --> 00:30:56.240
the money is this first restaurant job. I had

00:30:56.240 --> 00:30:58.259
it wasn't a true server Like I was like working

00:30:58.259 --> 00:31:02.819
at the counter And we had like cocktail servers,

00:31:02.819 --> 00:31:05.119
but not like full service servers. I don't know.

00:31:05.119 --> 00:31:08.720
It was a weird like Texas like barbecue restaurant

00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:15.480
vibe Sorry, I'm like trying to reposition my

00:31:15.480 --> 00:31:24.019
microphone. Um Yeah, so Yeah, that was kind of

00:31:24.019 --> 00:31:28.839
my life. I was vibing Halloween was I I made

00:31:28.839 --> 00:31:31.000
it made it in time for Halloween. I really didn't

00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:34.380
even do anything super fun I dressed up as a

00:31:34.380 --> 00:31:36.440
cheetah. I like did spots on my face I looked

00:31:36.440 --> 00:31:38.960
really cute and beautiful and I remember I got

00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:41.400
two tattoos because there was like flash happening

00:31:41.400 --> 00:31:43.480
so I got two tattoos and then I worked that day

00:31:43.480 --> 00:31:48.359
so I just like did that but It was chill and

00:31:48.359 --> 00:31:58.460
then winter came And life really started to get

00:31:58.460 --> 00:32:04.200
grim. Things started to get fucking dark. Because

00:32:04.200 --> 00:32:06.740
like I mentioned, this room that I was staying

00:32:06.740 --> 00:32:10.440
in did not have a window. Or it did, but didn't

00:32:10.440 --> 00:32:15.180
lead to the outside. So basically, no matter

00:32:15.180 --> 00:32:17.539
what time of day it was, my room was always pitch

00:32:17.539 --> 00:32:21.059
black unless there was a light on. Obviously.

00:32:23.319 --> 00:32:26.339
I'm someone who you know has struggled with mental

00:32:26.339 --> 00:32:31.799
health. I struggle with seasonal things but I've

00:32:31.799 --> 00:32:34.279
never stayed in a room that did not have access

00:32:34.279 --> 00:32:39.640
to light and Experiencing experiencing that while

00:32:39.640 --> 00:32:44.400
also just being in a new city not knowing anyone

00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:50.299
Legit like and Okay, so my I have one friend

00:32:50.299 --> 00:32:52.740
one friend two two friends. They live together

00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:56.799
John and Isaac, who I went to college with, they

00:32:56.799 --> 00:32:59.980
also moved here last year. But they live right

00:32:59.980 --> 00:33:02.940
outside the city. They live in Jersey. So like,

00:33:03.460 --> 00:33:05.119
when I say I don't, when I say I didn't know

00:33:05.119 --> 00:33:10.500
anyone, like, I knew them. But like, legitimately

00:33:10.500 --> 00:33:13.799
guys, besides them living in Jersey, living together

00:33:13.799 --> 00:33:17.799
doing their thing, I did not know a single soul

00:33:17.799 --> 00:33:23.480
before moving. And so I didn't I had no friends.

00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:26.640
I was going to work and I was coming home and

00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:29.279
I was just doing whatever the fuck I was doing.

00:33:31.579 --> 00:33:36.680
And I think, you know, people say like, the first

00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:39.059
year living in a new place is really hard and

00:33:39.059 --> 00:33:43.420
blah, blah, blah, blah. And I really felt it.

00:33:44.079 --> 00:33:48.019
It was like, it was like a very dark time. Not

00:33:48.019 --> 00:33:50.500
even gonna lie. And not even just like, okay.

00:33:50.970 --> 00:33:56.390
I'm repositioning myself. My leg is asleep. I

00:33:56.390 --> 00:33:59.430
mean, we can talk about the weather quickly.

00:34:00.109 --> 00:34:03.450
It gets cold in Virginia. It gets cold in other

00:34:03.450 --> 00:34:05.930
places I've lived. I've experienced cold. I've

00:34:05.930 --> 00:34:08.610
experienced the winter, but I've never lived

00:34:08.610 --> 00:34:13.670
anywhere up north. I was born in North Carolina.

00:34:13.949 --> 00:34:16.110
I've lived in South Carolina, Tennessee, Louisiana,

00:34:16.289 --> 00:34:22.590
Virginia, South Korea. I have never lived anywhere,

00:34:23.429 --> 00:34:26.570
I don't, me and I, I'm not good at geography.

00:34:26.730 --> 00:34:28.550
I don't know where South Korea is like on the

00:34:28.550 --> 00:34:33.889
map. But just speaking in America, I've never

00:34:33.889 --> 00:34:37.030
lived anywhere North. This has been my first

00:34:37.030 --> 00:34:40.809
experience living in a Northern state. And the

00:34:40.809 --> 00:34:45.650
cold here is just something different. It's just

00:34:45.650 --> 00:34:50.800
fully. different experience it gets fucking cold

00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:55.880
so it was really hard because I wasn't getting

00:34:55.880 --> 00:35:01.460
any sunlight and so obviously the the obvious

00:35:01.460 --> 00:35:04.599
like thought answer whatever next step is like

00:35:04.599 --> 00:35:07.199
okay get outside get sunlight whatever first

00:35:07.199 --> 00:35:09.960
of all bitch there is no Sun okay because it's

00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:14.730
getting dark at 4 p .m. Like I would literally

00:35:14.730 --> 00:35:16.949
be going to work at my restaurant job work, you

00:35:16.949 --> 00:35:19.989
know dinner shift leaving at four and why is

00:35:19.989 --> 00:35:25.070
the Sun setting? Hold on hold the fuck on There's

00:35:25.070 --> 00:35:28.550
no Sun and it's so cold that I don't even want

00:35:28.550 --> 00:35:31.449
to be outside like it's painful to be outside

00:35:31.449 --> 00:35:35.550
So y 'all it was just really really dark and

00:35:35.550 --> 00:35:39.070
I remember You know, it was my first like I I

00:35:39.070 --> 00:35:42.309
spent Thanksgiving here. I spent Christmas here

00:35:43.070 --> 00:35:47.349
Fully alone. I don't I think for Christmas I

00:35:47.349 --> 00:35:49.309
don't even I don't even remember I think for

00:35:49.309 --> 00:35:53.090
Christmas I genuinely was just experiencing Such

00:35:53.090 --> 00:35:55.429
a vicious depression. I don't even know if I

00:35:55.429 --> 00:36:00.170
left my my apartment let alone my bed for Christmas

00:36:00.170 --> 00:36:02.849
and Thanksgiving Or actually no, I think for

00:36:02.849 --> 00:36:05.130
Thanksgiving. I maybe worked. No. Yeah, I worked

00:36:05.130 --> 00:36:08.409
for Thanksgiving Christmas. I don't think I left

00:36:08.409 --> 00:36:12.989
my apartment or my bed It was just a really sad,

00:36:13.050 --> 00:36:16.429
scary time. I was using podcasts heavily during

00:36:16.429 --> 00:36:18.550
this time because I was like, bitch, I need a

00:36:18.550 --> 00:36:22.610
friend. OK, I need a friend. I need to feel like

00:36:22.610 --> 00:36:26.389
someone is talking to me. Like. It was really,

00:36:26.849 --> 00:36:29.250
really hard and I was having a lot of thoughts

00:36:29.250 --> 00:36:34.050
of just like. Sadness, regret, shame, where I

00:36:34.050 --> 00:36:36.190
was like, oh, my God, I've I mean, I've been

00:36:36.190 --> 00:36:38.309
looking forward to this. I wanted to move to

00:36:38.309 --> 00:36:41.280
New York for so long. um and especially these

00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:44.619
past few months it's been like it's been the

00:36:44.619 --> 00:36:47.400
only thing i could think about every day is just

00:36:47.400 --> 00:36:50.079
oh my god like i'm so ready to fucking move i'm

00:36:50.079 --> 00:36:52.539
so ready to not be at my parents house like when

00:36:52.539 --> 00:36:54.119
i moved to new york i'm gonna be happy whatever

00:36:54.119 --> 00:36:58.480
so getting here and like having a little bit

00:36:58.480 --> 00:37:01.340
of fun and then experiencing just the worst time

00:37:01.340 --> 00:37:04.679
of my life and feeling so alone and so depressed

00:37:04.679 --> 00:37:08.719
and so sad i was like Why the fuck am I doing

00:37:08.719 --> 00:37:11.320
this? Like, why did I do this? Like, this is

00:37:11.320 --> 00:37:20.179
actually terrible. So yeah. It was pretty rough.

00:37:21.139 --> 00:37:23.739
I quickly realized, yeah, I'm gonna have to get

00:37:23.739 --> 00:37:27.940
the fuck out of this apartment, or I'm just going

00:37:27.940 --> 00:37:31.340
to go insane and make an irreversible decision.

00:37:32.099 --> 00:37:34.360
So I was like, okay, I need to be out of here

00:37:34.360 --> 00:37:36.179
by like spring, because I'm gonna want to see

00:37:36.179 --> 00:37:39.789
the sun. So I'm pretty sure it was January that

00:37:39.789 --> 00:37:43.550
I moved out of that room I let my roommates know

00:37:43.550 --> 00:37:46.929
I was just like yeah, it's The the no window

00:37:46.929 --> 00:37:50.510
thing is like kind of not doing it for me They

00:37:50.510 --> 00:37:53.710
understood which like I mean, yeah, they they

00:37:53.710 --> 00:37:55.789
obviously I'm an adult I chose that room, but

00:37:55.789 --> 00:37:57.670
they should not have been renting it out Like

00:37:57.670 --> 00:38:00.670
it's just not a bedroom. But I mean that's kind

00:38:00.670 --> 00:38:03.889
of I don't know. That's New York. It just you

00:38:03.889 --> 00:38:06.900
I feel like It was the rite of passage for me

00:38:06.900 --> 00:38:11.800
to have these experiences, but I knew I had to

00:38:11.800 --> 00:38:13.980
move. The restaurant that I was working at at

00:38:13.980 --> 00:38:17.559
the time, I had a coworker who I was friendly

00:38:17.559 --> 00:38:20.420
with and she was, I would always be complaining

00:38:20.420 --> 00:38:22.820
to her about it of just like, yeah, I'm going

00:38:22.820 --> 00:38:27.119
insane. And she one day was just like, hey, me

00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:30.639
and my boyfriend have an open room in our apartment.

00:38:32.230 --> 00:38:34.630
Yeah, if you know if you're thinking I'm moving

00:38:34.630 --> 00:38:39.710
whatever I was like oh word She sent me the video

00:38:39.710 --> 00:38:45.670
beautiful room like large room two closets two

00:38:45.670 --> 00:38:51.610
windows okay, and I was like yeah, I'm sold and

00:38:51.610 --> 00:38:54.050
the rent was slightly cheaper than what I was

00:38:54.050 --> 00:39:03.949
paying I was like Yeah, yeah so moved into that

00:39:03.949 --> 00:39:09.989
apartment. And I will just say, living with a

00:39:09.989 --> 00:39:12.250
couple, don't know what possessed me to do that,

00:39:12.510 --> 00:39:15.630
will never do it again. Really appreciate this

00:39:15.630 --> 00:39:18.030
girl and her boyfriend for letting me move into

00:39:18.030 --> 00:39:21.530
their place, but yeah, it was just, I mean, terrible

00:39:21.530 --> 00:39:24.329
as you can imagine, like living with a couple

00:39:24.329 --> 00:39:26.929
is just like, you always feel like you're intruding,

00:39:27.250 --> 00:39:30.400
no matter what. And they would just be like laid

00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:33.599
up on the couch like cuddling like all the time

00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:37.599
and I was just like Hey, like in the kitchen

00:39:37.599 --> 00:39:40.460
like whipping up my dinner like hey guys, don't

00:39:40.460 --> 00:39:44.719
mind me It was just awkward and then also they

00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:48.679
unfortunately both smelled really fucking bad

00:39:48.679 --> 00:39:51.139
to the point where the whole apartment smelled

00:39:51.139 --> 00:39:54.780
and y 'all like it was actually like genuinely

00:39:54.780 --> 00:40:00.039
like leaving like when I would go from my room

00:40:00.039 --> 00:40:02.239
to the bathroom sometimes I would literally fully

00:40:02.239 --> 00:40:05.820
just Hold my breath because it was so disgusting

00:40:05.820 --> 00:40:12.579
Like stench like body odor funk all of it. It

00:40:12.579 --> 00:40:18.000
was it was bad But they were really kind because

00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:21.519
With with helping me move my apartments because

00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:23.699
at that point I had furniture and I had like

00:40:23.699 --> 00:40:27.920
acquired shit this girl's boyfriend they both

00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:30.619
helped me move and you know take my shit and

00:40:30.619 --> 00:40:34.019
they also um her boyfriend drove the u -haul

00:40:34.019 --> 00:40:37.900
which was so kind because one thing about me

00:40:37.900 --> 00:40:43.340
i've never i never have driven in new york um

00:40:43.340 --> 00:40:47.000
i've been i started driving at 16 i was a i thought

00:40:47.000 --> 00:40:49.920
i was a pretty good driver i will never drive

00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:53.239
here it scares me so much there's so much going

00:40:53.239 --> 00:40:56.380
on and especially a u -haul i was like That's

00:40:56.380 --> 00:40:58.659
also the stressful thing with moving here. Bitch,

00:40:58.699 --> 00:41:01.760
I'm not driving a U -Haul. I've driven U -Hauls

00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:04.179
in Virginia. I'm not driving a U -Haul here.

00:41:04.500 --> 00:41:06.780
So he drove and did all that, and that was really

00:41:06.780 --> 00:41:11.139
amazing. So shout out to them, but yeah. Yeah.

00:41:12.059 --> 00:41:15.780
So yeah, by January -ish, I had moved into a

00:41:15.780 --> 00:41:20.210
new apartment. I was waking up. To windows and

00:41:20.210 --> 00:41:23.349
to sunlight and I truly felt on top of the world

00:41:23.349 --> 00:41:25.929
I also I didn't mention my first room was in

00:41:25.929 --> 00:41:30.510
Greenpoint in Brooklyn And then the second room

00:41:30.510 --> 00:41:36.670
with a couple was in Inwood Manhattan so Yeah,

00:41:37.329 --> 00:41:41.670
girl jumping around like jumping the fuck around

00:41:41.670 --> 00:41:47.670
Let's see looking at my notes looking at my notes

00:41:48.410 --> 00:41:51.349
And so yeah, now we are getting to February.

00:41:51.969 --> 00:41:57.630
And in February, I was laid off from my restaurant

00:41:57.630 --> 00:42:05.349
job. Ay, ay, ay, ay. Me and a bunch of other

00:42:05.349 --> 00:42:10.469
coworkers were fired. And we were told that they

00:42:10.469 --> 00:42:15.789
couldn't give us the hours and da -da -da. And

00:42:15.789 --> 00:42:17.150
they didn't have the hours for us, whatever.

00:42:18.900 --> 00:42:21.340
Two days after we were all fired. They hired

00:42:21.340 --> 00:42:23.320
a bunch of new people. So I don't know what that

00:42:23.320 --> 00:42:28.380
was about um, what I do know though is I was

00:42:28.380 --> 00:42:31.780
scared shitless because This is in February.

00:42:31.780 --> 00:42:34.219
So it was already slow season for restaurants

00:42:34.219 --> 00:42:38.579
like business was not Looking how it was looking

00:42:38.579 --> 00:42:42.559
when I first moved there like it was just not

00:42:42.559 --> 00:42:46.300
y 'all. I remember I had one week where my paycheck

00:42:46.300 --> 00:42:49.329
for that week was like thousand dollars and I

00:42:49.329 --> 00:42:54.469
was like oh pitch I'm in the 1 % like we're living

00:42:54.469 --> 00:42:58.989
in luxury like I money's not a problem I am in

00:42:58.989 --> 00:43:03.929
abundance like but by February like at that point

00:43:03.929 --> 00:43:07.510
checks were looking slim and I was already getting

00:43:07.510 --> 00:43:10.269
lower and lower and lower on money and then I

00:43:10.269 --> 00:43:15.969
got fired and I was like oh It's getting real.

00:43:16.110 --> 00:43:18.489
It's getting real because now I have to job search

00:43:18.489 --> 00:43:23.449
again except this time I don't have $3 ,000 I

00:43:23.449 --> 00:43:29.309
have like a couple hundred So it was really scary

00:43:29.309 --> 00:43:34.570
and I Did not want to ask my parents for help

00:43:34.570 --> 00:43:37.869
I just really was like I want to just figure

00:43:37.869 --> 00:43:41.380
this out on my own like I want to you know i

00:43:41.380 --> 00:43:43.400
did this by myself i got here by myself i can

00:43:43.400 --> 00:43:46.179
get myself out of this i was trying to get on

00:43:46.179 --> 00:43:52.260
unemployment that was impossible and that took

00:43:52.260 --> 00:43:58.000
a good 10 years off of my life y 'all the they

00:43:58.000 --> 00:43:59.800
know what they're doing they know what they're

00:43:59.800 --> 00:44:02.500
doing because when i try to get on unemployment

00:44:02.500 --> 00:44:07.159
you call this number right so that you can speak

00:44:07.159 --> 00:44:12.690
to someone i called this number and it would

00:44:12.690 --> 00:44:16.230
it would be this this automated like message

00:44:16.230 --> 00:44:18.630
like this automated like voice and it would be

00:44:18.630 --> 00:44:21.329
like oh this line is currently busy call back

00:44:21.329 --> 00:44:24.230
later and it would just hang up it didn't put

00:44:24.230 --> 00:44:26.909
you in a queue it didn't you know put you in

00:44:26.909 --> 00:44:29.809
a line like shit like that usually does it would

00:44:29.809 --> 00:44:34.210
just hang up so you would just have to call back

00:44:34.210 --> 00:44:39.760
and keep checking in which obviously It's like

00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:44.460
yeah, I am unemployed so I have time But I would

00:44:44.460 --> 00:44:47.000
also like to just look for a job. I can't just

00:44:47.000 --> 00:44:50.039
sit here and call this fucking number all day

00:44:50.039 --> 00:44:55.000
So I keep calling and keep calling and it would

00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:57.440
always just be like we're busy Volumes are too

00:44:57.440 --> 00:44:59.480
high. There's too many calls right now and it

00:44:59.480 --> 00:45:01.860
would hang you up. So I was just kind of like,

00:45:01.860 --> 00:45:06.530
okay So I remember I went to an unemployment

00:45:06.530 --> 00:45:09.750
or labor office, and there are a few scattered

00:45:09.750 --> 00:45:13.510
throughout the city. I went to one, checked in,

00:45:14.349 --> 00:45:17.010
gave them my information, told them what I needed.

00:45:17.690 --> 00:45:20.190
And instead of talking to a person, you have

00:45:20.190 --> 00:45:23.769
to just call another number. But this time, I

00:45:23.769 --> 00:45:26.309
called the number that they had on their phone

00:45:26.309 --> 00:45:28.530
and was able to get into contact with someone

00:45:28.530 --> 00:45:32.639
and set up my unemployment or whatever. But then

00:45:32.639 --> 00:45:34.300
also here's the thing is like there's a website

00:45:34.300 --> 00:45:36.699
for it But whenever I would go to the website

00:45:36.699 --> 00:45:38.599
the website would always be down and there was

00:45:38.599 --> 00:45:42.460
always an error and it was never working So just

00:45:42.460 --> 00:45:45.159
like literally going in circles and finally was

00:45:45.159 --> 00:45:47.420
able to get in contact and they were like, okay

00:45:47.420 --> 00:45:51.599
you Because I was like, you know, I'm not a resident

00:45:51.599 --> 00:45:53.559
but I have been living here. I've been working

00:45:53.559 --> 00:45:55.980
here I've been you know, whatever for months

00:45:55.980 --> 00:45:59.239
like I should be entitled to some money and they

00:45:59.239 --> 00:46:01.019
were like, yes, you are entitled to some money.

00:46:01.219 --> 00:46:03.360
We'll give you that money sent over. Try to get

00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:06.260
direct deposit. Can't do that for some reason.

00:46:06.780 --> 00:46:10.239
The direct deposit form wasn't working. Y 'all,

00:46:10.400 --> 00:46:13.940
I just, I'm kind of droning on and on, but like

00:46:13.940 --> 00:46:17.969
genuinely was like, I am going to. Hurt someone

00:46:17.969 --> 00:46:21.469
because why why is it so hard to get money that

00:46:21.469 --> 00:46:23.929
I am owed from the government? Isn't that what

00:46:23.929 --> 00:46:26.389
this is like taxes and all that shit. Isn't that

00:46:26.389 --> 00:46:30.469
what that's about? Like I mean Newsflash they

00:46:30.469 --> 00:46:32.329
do it on purpose so that you just give up and

00:46:32.329 --> 00:46:34.369
don't get money that you're owed. But anyways

00:46:34.369 --> 00:46:38.150
Trying to get unemployment. Whatever went on

00:46:38.150 --> 00:46:41.969
Craigslist again We're back when I'm Craigslist

00:46:41.969 --> 00:46:44.190
was, you know looking to see who was hiring did

00:46:44.190 --> 00:46:48.280
the whole shit again found another job. By March,

00:46:48.500 --> 00:46:52.000
I was working again, and I was like, yay, I'm

00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:56.659
so happy, so happy to be working. Was also happy

00:46:56.659 --> 00:47:00.519
because it was kind of teetering into spring,

00:47:00.519 --> 00:47:02.699
and I was like, I really need the sun, I really

00:47:02.699 --> 00:47:05.300
need summer, I really need it to be warm right

00:47:05.300 --> 00:47:10.179
now. I also was getting to the point where I

00:47:10.179 --> 00:47:12.400
was like, okay, I don't want to be living with

00:47:12.400 --> 00:47:16.010
stinky couple anymore. So started looking for

00:47:16.010 --> 00:47:19.289
housing again, and yeah, I will say I had three

00:47:19.289 --> 00:47:30.170
moves in like eight months It was a lot And now

00:47:30.170 --> 00:47:34.570
we're here this is this is the third spot I'm

00:47:34.570 --> 00:47:37.989
still in Brooklyn Or we yeah, I was I was in

00:47:37.989 --> 00:47:40.170
Brooklyn when I first moved then I was in Manhattan

00:47:40.170 --> 00:47:46.340
now. I'm in Brooklyn I really hope I do not move

00:47:46.340 --> 00:47:52.300
for a long time. I don't wanna do it. Jesus,

00:47:52.639 --> 00:48:02.659
sorry. And yeah, now we're here. And you know,

00:48:03.559 --> 00:48:06.579
I, yeah, started working at my new job, kind

00:48:06.579 --> 00:48:10.960
of started meeting people. I was going to like,

00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:14.789
I would do, meetups there are meetup groups and

00:48:14.789 --> 00:48:17.289
you know, that's that's something I really realized

00:48:17.289 --> 00:48:20.750
living here is just like Because before moving

00:48:20.750 --> 00:48:22.969
I was like I want to meet people and whatever

00:48:22.969 --> 00:48:26.949
like New York City whatever and it's really Really

00:48:26.949 --> 00:48:30.110
actually so fucking hard to meet people even

00:48:30.110 --> 00:48:33.690
in New York even in a place as populated as as

00:48:33.690 --> 00:48:39.349
New York. It's really hard for so many so many

00:48:39.349 --> 00:48:44.710
reasons and it's really easy to be discouraged

00:48:44.710 --> 00:48:49.909
and get kind of off track. And I mean, yeah,

00:48:49.909 --> 00:48:51.989
now we've talked about the mood. We talked about

00:48:51.989 --> 00:48:53.929
all the logistics stuff. Now we're getting into

00:48:53.929 --> 00:48:59.789
my reflections like over this past year. And

00:48:59.789 --> 00:49:15.019
I don't know. It's been just a journey and I

00:49:15.019 --> 00:49:18.539
don't even know where to begin. I don't know

00:49:18.539 --> 00:49:22.219
where to begin. A question that I get asked,

00:49:22.300 --> 00:49:25.699
you know, by people, whether it be friends, family,

00:49:25.960 --> 00:49:29.800
whatever, is the obvious, is do you like New

00:49:29.800 --> 00:49:35.559
York? How's New York? How is it? And it's a question

00:49:35.559 --> 00:49:39.920
that I have a lot of trouble with sometimes because...

00:49:40.940 --> 00:49:44.119
It has not been all sunshine and rainbows and

00:49:44.119 --> 00:49:49.800
it's actually been mostly stress and mostly Torment

00:49:49.800 --> 00:49:52.480
and it's been a lot of sadness. It's been a lot

00:49:52.480 --> 00:50:01.320
of It's been a lot of kind of just like Me sitting

00:50:01.320 --> 00:50:05.380
in my room and being like am I having fun? Like

00:50:05.380 --> 00:50:12.219
do I like it here? And so it's a really hard

00:50:12.219 --> 00:50:15.159
space to be in because like I said since I was

00:50:15.159 --> 00:50:19.300
a child I've wanted to live here and I also am

00:50:19.300 --> 00:50:24.579
someone who I'm very like oh when I do this thing

00:50:24.579 --> 00:50:26.519
I'm gonna be happy and when I do this you know

00:50:26.519 --> 00:50:28.840
it's gonna be great and that's how New York was

00:50:28.840 --> 00:50:30.940
for me before I moved here where like when I

00:50:30.940 --> 00:50:32.920
was staying with my parents and when I was like

00:50:32.920 --> 00:50:34.840
literally going through hell every single day

00:50:34.840 --> 00:50:37.340
like fighting for my life I was like when I'm

00:50:37.340 --> 00:50:38.860
in New York like I'm gonna be happy it's gonna

00:50:38.860 --> 00:50:42.519
be fine like it's gonna be so worth it like you

00:50:42.519 --> 00:50:45.239
know just having such high hopes and just being

00:50:45.239 --> 00:50:49.719
so excited and then getting here and you know

00:50:49.719 --> 00:50:53.619
life -lifing and having to just do things and

00:50:53.619 --> 00:51:02.159
work and you know that's a bit like it's like

00:51:02.159 --> 00:51:06.179
sorry me when there are so many thoughts that

00:51:06.179 --> 00:51:07.900
i have to get out and i'm like i don't know which

00:51:07.900 --> 00:51:12.469
one to start with but When you are living in

00:51:12.469 --> 00:51:15.050
a place and you're working and you're in survival

00:51:15.050 --> 00:51:18.550
mode It's really hard to just kind of sit and

00:51:18.550 --> 00:51:22.769
enjoy it and that's kind of how it feels a lot

00:51:22.769 --> 00:51:27.989
of the time where it's like I get I'm just like

00:51:27.989 --> 00:51:31.269
am I having fun like I don't know. I'm just like

00:51:31.269 --> 00:51:34.550
struggling so hard and living paycheck to paycheck

00:51:34.550 --> 00:51:39.829
and like Stressed all the time and also like

00:51:39.869 --> 00:51:42.829
my nervous system is like all out of whack like

00:51:42.829 --> 00:51:45.670
I'm just like dealing with more stimulation than

00:51:45.670 --> 00:51:48.929
I than I ever have in my entire life and I'm

00:51:48.929 --> 00:51:51.110
just constantly like on edge and like keeping

00:51:51.110 --> 00:51:55.010
my head on a swivel and so it's a hard question

00:51:55.010 --> 00:51:57.570
because some days I'm like some days are really

00:51:57.570 --> 00:51:59.650
great days and you know I had a really good day

00:51:59.650 --> 00:52:02.590
the other day where like I woke up I had breakfast

00:52:02.590 --> 00:52:06.730
I went to the park I read um I facetimed my like

00:52:06.730 --> 00:52:08.949
best friend from back home and then I hung out

00:52:08.949 --> 00:52:12.849
with a friend that I've made since being here

00:52:12.849 --> 00:52:15.730
and we like thrifted and we walked around and

00:52:15.730 --> 00:52:18.190
then we went to this like vintage shop and this

00:52:18.190 --> 00:52:19.949
woman who owned the vintage shop was like, do

00:52:19.949 --> 00:52:22.469
you model? And I was like, no. And she was like,

00:52:22.510 --> 00:52:24.010
well, I'm looking for models. Like I'm looking

00:52:24.010 --> 00:52:25.510
for beautiful people to photograph. And I was

00:52:25.510 --> 00:52:28.570
like, oh my God, amazing. And then we like exchange

00:52:28.570 --> 00:52:36.010
info. And then I met up with another friend and

00:52:36.010 --> 00:52:38.579
we... watched a movie and then we went out like

00:52:38.579 --> 00:52:41.159
and it was a great like fully packed day and

00:52:41.159 --> 00:52:43.400
like sometimes I have days like that and I'm

00:52:43.400 --> 00:52:46.000
like New York is fucking amazing and I'm having

00:52:46.000 --> 00:52:49.360
so much fun and it's so lovely and I love it

00:52:49.360 --> 00:52:52.960
and then I have some days where I don't feel

00:52:52.960 --> 00:52:55.219
like that where I'm like in the train station

00:52:55.219 --> 00:52:58.179
and there are people in my way and I'm like fucking

00:52:58.179 --> 00:53:00.219
move out of my way and I'm getting agitated and

00:53:00.219 --> 00:53:02.800
I'm feeling like oh my god all these people like

00:53:02.800 --> 00:53:04.099
they don't know what the fuck they're doing and

00:53:04.099 --> 00:53:07.269
I'm just like getting agitated by like you know

00:53:07.269 --> 00:53:11.869
people around me and Things just lose their magic

00:53:11.869 --> 00:53:14.010
like that's kind of just the unfortunate thing

00:53:14.010 --> 00:53:17.730
like when I first got here I was so I remember

00:53:17.730 --> 00:53:20.349
so vividly like walking through the streets and

00:53:20.349 --> 00:53:23.090
like Hearing English and hearing German and hearing

00:53:23.090 --> 00:53:26.090
Spanish and being like, oh my god Wow, it's so

00:53:26.090 --> 00:53:28.170
beautiful. Like there's so many cultures and

00:53:28.170 --> 00:53:32.699
like now I walk around and I don't Even notice

00:53:32.699 --> 00:53:34.320
it and I don't really think about I don't even

00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:36.440
care. I'm just like move out of my fucking way

00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:42.039
like It's just like there's such an it's just

00:53:42.039 --> 00:53:44.300
so interesting living here I'm also someone who's

00:53:44.300 --> 00:53:49.400
like I struggle with FOMO and have Just throughout

00:53:49.400 --> 00:53:52.500
my life and like this is the worst place to experience

00:53:52.500 --> 00:53:55.639
FOMO New York City is also the worst place to

00:53:55.639 --> 00:54:00.920
just feel lonely and for a lot of my time here

00:54:01.239 --> 00:54:05.079
have felt lonely and I feel like guys to be so

00:54:05.079 --> 00:54:09.539
real I have only just now started one even feeling

00:54:09.539 --> 00:54:14.039
settled but like I only feel like I'm just now

00:54:14.039 --> 00:54:19.280
starting to like get out there and like make

00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:22.380
friends like I only feel like I've really very

00:54:22.380 --> 00:54:25.780
recently started making and like I feel like

00:54:25.780 --> 00:54:30.530
I have friends now and am really just starting

00:54:30.530 --> 00:54:34.730
to like Go out there and like get a taste of

00:54:34.730 --> 00:54:37.409
the city like when I first moved here like I

00:54:37.409 --> 00:54:39.929
did a few things but then I like just had to

00:54:39.929 --> 00:54:43.110
start working and I winter was here then like

00:54:43.110 --> 00:54:45.289
I've moved three fucking times, you know, so

00:54:45.289 --> 00:54:49.809
it was just like It's just been a lot and that's

00:54:49.809 --> 00:54:52.309
another thing with just reflecting on this past

00:54:52.309 --> 00:54:56.559
year where like I get Throughout this year so

00:54:56.559 --> 00:55:00.139
many times. I have gotten down on myself and

00:55:00.139 --> 00:55:04.639
been like oh My god Caitlin like you wanted to

00:55:04.639 --> 00:55:08.239
move here so bad To model and to do fashion and

00:55:08.239 --> 00:55:10.420
to do whatever and to be a creative and like

00:55:10.420 --> 00:55:14.179
you haven't done anything like I have said that

00:55:14.179 --> 00:55:16.440
to myself so many times where I'm like you've

00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:17.860
been here for seven months now you've been here

00:55:17.860 --> 00:55:19.019
for eight months now you've been here for nine

00:55:19.019 --> 00:55:21.960
months out and you haven't done anything and

00:55:22.139 --> 00:55:25.780
really have to like step outside of myself and

00:55:25.780 --> 00:55:29.119
Look objectively at the situation and give myself

00:55:29.119 --> 00:55:31.500
fucking credit because that's something I'm really

00:55:31.500 --> 00:55:34.179
bad at doing but it's like First of all bitch

00:55:34.179 --> 00:55:40.639
you I moved here with $3 ,000 by myself and I

00:55:40.639 --> 00:55:43.159
didn't know anyone and I didn't have a job and

00:55:43.159 --> 00:55:46.429
I moved here Within my first eight months. I

00:55:46.429 --> 00:55:49.610
moved into three different apartments like even

00:55:49.610 --> 00:55:53.010
just that even if I just did that for my first

00:55:53.010 --> 00:55:55.889
year And that's all I did was just move three

00:55:55.889 --> 00:55:59.210
times. That is already so much That's already

00:55:59.210 --> 00:56:02.349
so much more than most people do or have had

00:56:02.349 --> 00:56:07.150
to do That's a lot and I don't I don't even acknowledge

00:56:07.150 --> 00:56:09.829
that as like something like hard where it's like

00:56:09.829 --> 00:56:14.599
I didn't you don't have a set place like Had

00:56:14.599 --> 00:56:16.400
a set place for a little bit and then I had to

00:56:16.400 --> 00:56:18.099
uproot and move all my shit and go to another

00:56:18.099 --> 00:56:20.000
place and then I had to uproot and do it all

00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:27.179
again and like That's a lot That is a lot. I've

00:56:27.179 --> 00:56:29.619
moved three times. I've had multiple jobs. I

00:56:29.619 --> 00:56:34.300
was unemployed I You know like have just gone

00:56:34.300 --> 00:56:36.960
through the ringer also mind you all of this

00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:42.260
is going on and last November I cut my mom off

00:56:42.260 --> 00:56:47.599
Went no contact for many reasons. So like, I'm

00:56:47.599 --> 00:56:50.980
going through all of this by myself, no support.

00:56:51.360 --> 00:56:54.440
And I'm also cutting my mother off and dealing

00:56:54.440 --> 00:56:57.380
with like that, like dealing with at the time

00:56:57.380 --> 00:57:01.260
being 22 and just not having a mom, not having

00:57:01.260 --> 00:57:03.619
like a figure like that that I can count on.

00:57:04.099 --> 00:57:10.480
But like, yeah, I will so often... Feel like

00:57:10.480 --> 00:57:12.380
oh my god. I haven't done anything like I moved

00:57:12.380 --> 00:57:14.019
here and I wanted to model I haven't done it

00:57:14.019 --> 00:57:16.159
and it's like girl. You've actually done a lot

00:57:16.159 --> 00:57:19.059
You've actually done a fucking lot and you need

00:57:19.059 --> 00:57:23.659
to like chill like chill give yourself a break

00:57:23.659 --> 00:57:28.119
Like it's hard and like I just said I've I only

00:57:28.119 --> 00:57:33.039
now like I'm so excited to I'm also just I mean,

00:57:33.039 --> 00:57:35.800
I'm so excited to have clear cut goals for my

00:57:35.800 --> 00:57:38.099
next year because i didn't i didn't do that before

00:57:38.099 --> 00:57:40.059
i moved here not that i needed to i didn't like

00:57:40.059 --> 00:57:42.039
i just moved here for fucking shits and giggles

00:57:42.039 --> 00:57:46.039
but like that's also something where like i will

00:57:46.039 --> 00:57:47.920
get hard on myself because i'm like you haven't

00:57:47.920 --> 00:57:50.480
done anything like you haven't met you know as

00:57:50.480 --> 00:57:52.940
many people as you would have maybe thought you

00:57:52.940 --> 00:57:56.320
want and it's like bitch i don't even know i

00:57:56.320 --> 00:58:00.199
i didn't i don't have any measurable goal so

00:58:00.199 --> 00:58:02.619
it's really hard and it's very it's actually

00:58:02.619 --> 00:58:05.679
not hard it's easy for me to not give myself

00:58:05.679 --> 00:58:09.920
the credit and to shit on myself for not doing

00:58:09.920 --> 00:58:11.900
so -and -so when it's like, girl, you didn't

00:58:11.900 --> 00:58:14.739
even have a measurable, it's like, sometimes

00:58:14.739 --> 00:58:17.679
I'm like, wow, I like, I've barely met as many

00:58:17.679 --> 00:58:19.440
people as, you know, I would have thought. And

00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:20.679
it's like, how many people did you think you

00:58:20.679 --> 00:58:26.380
were gonna meet? Like, you don't know. You know,

00:58:26.380 --> 00:58:29.179
you don't know. Like, I've actually, when I think

00:58:29.179 --> 00:58:31.099
about it, I've met a shit ton of people so much

00:58:31.099 --> 00:58:37.920
that I've forgotten. you know, like I've had

00:58:37.920 --> 00:58:40.440
interactions with people, I've gone on dates,

00:58:40.480 --> 00:58:43.659
I've done whatever. But it's also like you're

00:58:43.659 --> 00:58:46.340
not going to meet 30 new people every day. Like

00:58:46.340 --> 00:58:48.099
there are some days where you're not going to

00:58:48.099 --> 00:58:49.880
leave your apartment. There are some days where

00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:52.139
you're going to have a whole day and go out and

00:58:52.139 --> 00:58:55.460
do this and that. And you might not talk to anyone.

00:58:55.460 --> 00:58:58.460
You might not say a word to anyone and just be

00:58:58.460 --> 00:59:01.079
with yourself and just be out and about. And

00:59:01.079 --> 00:59:07.059
that's OK. and like also you're not gonna move

00:59:07.059 --> 00:59:09.699
to New York and immediately just become like

00:59:09.699 --> 00:59:14.079
the next big thing like it takes time it takes

00:59:14.079 --> 00:59:17.920
time to fucking cook and that's fine and like

00:59:17.920 --> 00:59:21.659
I'm more so saying this out loud so that I can

00:59:21.659 --> 00:59:24.780
hear it and that I can believe it because yeah

00:59:24.780 --> 00:59:27.599
I'm just constantly like shitting on myself and

00:59:27.599 --> 00:59:30.159
comparing myself to other people which is a very

00:59:30.159 --> 00:59:32.619
bad trait that I have but I'm I'll compare myself

00:59:32.619 --> 00:59:34.360
and be like, well, this person, you know, they

00:59:34.360 --> 00:59:36.539
moved to New York and like they have all these

00:59:36.539 --> 00:59:38.719
friends and they have. And it's like, well, other

00:59:38.719 --> 00:59:40.920
people are different than me. Also, other people

00:59:40.920 --> 00:59:44.039
maybe had support and had, you know, other people

00:59:44.039 --> 00:59:48.179
maybe knew people and had people had people that

00:59:48.179 --> 00:59:50.519
they were coming to see and coming to network

00:59:50.519 --> 00:59:54.320
with and meet. I did not have any of that. So

00:59:54.320 --> 00:59:57.599
I'm like comparing myself to other people who

00:59:57.599 --> 01:00:01.300
had. more than I had and who had support and

01:00:01.300 --> 01:00:06.619
who had, you know, whatever. So it's just like,

01:00:06.860 --> 01:00:09.699
chill, chill, girl, chill. There are so many

01:00:09.699 --> 01:00:12.139
opportunities out there. So many people that

01:00:12.139 --> 01:00:16.179
I have yet to meet. And like, it's all going

01:00:16.179 --> 01:00:18.980
to happen. But like, New York is just a really

01:00:18.980 --> 01:00:26.130
hard place to to feel. insecure and to feel sad

01:00:26.130 --> 01:00:28.230
or to feel lonely. Like that's definitely one

01:00:28.230 --> 01:00:41.909
thing I can note. Can you shut up? But I, I feel

01:00:41.909 --> 01:00:44.829
like I have the sheer amount of loneliness that

01:00:44.829 --> 01:00:47.349
I have felt living here like has been something

01:00:47.349 --> 01:00:52.369
that I've never experienced in my life. It's

01:00:52.369 --> 01:00:54.409
this is a very hard place to feel lonely because

01:00:54.409 --> 01:00:58.170
you're surrounded by so many people who are Not

01:00:58.170 --> 01:01:00.550
or maybe are lonely. But maybe it just doesn't

01:01:00.550 --> 01:01:02.250
seem like it, you know You're on the train you're

01:01:02.250 --> 01:01:03.889
going home from work and like there are girls

01:01:03.889 --> 01:01:05.349
and friend groups and they're going out to the

01:01:05.349 --> 01:01:06.989
club and there's people on dates and whatever

01:01:06.989 --> 01:01:14.210
and it's really hard it is and It's taken a full

01:01:14.210 --> 01:01:17.369
year for me to just even right now, you know

01:01:17.369 --> 01:01:19.690
say like I can say like yeah, I have friends

01:01:19.849 --> 01:01:23.849
Or I have co -workers that also double as friends,

01:01:23.849 --> 01:01:30.269
you know, and like Yeah, it's it just has been

01:01:30.269 --> 01:01:36.710
a journey and it's taken time and I'm really

01:01:36.710 --> 01:01:41.550
excited to look back on this point in a year

01:01:41.550 --> 01:01:51.000
and like I Just feel like Period I feel like

01:01:51.000 --> 01:01:54.460
I'm gonna accomplish so much in the next year.

01:01:55.380 --> 01:01:57.460
Oh My god, and I also feel like just everyone

01:01:57.460 --> 01:01:59.539
on the street wants to fucking be loud. That's

01:01:59.539 --> 01:02:02.579
also what I feel like But I feel like I'm gonna

01:02:02.579 --> 01:02:04.840
accomplish so much in this next year and I'm

01:02:04.840 --> 01:02:07.820
gonna meet so many more people and I'm just like

01:02:07.820 --> 01:02:11.239
I'm finally settled. I'm finally in a place that

01:02:11.239 --> 01:02:15.219
I enjoy I'm finally like feeling like I'm getting

01:02:15.219 --> 01:02:19.380
a handle on my life and on my you know what I'm

01:02:19.380 --> 01:02:25.039
doing and I'm really excited and I really I hope

01:02:25.039 --> 01:02:26.900
but like I know that this next year is gonna

01:02:26.900 --> 01:02:29.960
be 10 million times better than this first year

01:02:29.960 --> 01:02:36.699
has been and I'm just really excited for it and

01:02:36.699 --> 01:02:42.480
yeah hashtag NYC hashtag Statue of Liberty hashtag

01:02:47.430 --> 01:02:50.449
Hashtag, why is my brain literally going to mush?

01:02:50.829 --> 01:02:54.510
I have talked for an hour and three minutes.

01:02:56.469 --> 01:03:06.929
Period. Well, thank you guys for tuning in. I

01:03:06.929 --> 01:03:09.690
hope that this was helpful. I hope this was enjoyable

01:03:09.690 --> 01:03:16.139
in any way. Shout out to me. Happy anniversary

01:03:16.139 --> 01:03:21.059
to me. So excited to check in in a year when

01:03:21.059 --> 01:03:25.980
I'm just, you know, I don't know. What am I going

01:03:25.980 --> 01:03:32.619
to be doing in a year? We'll see. We'll see if

01:03:32.619 --> 01:03:36.099
we even have another year. Thank you guys for

01:03:36.099 --> 01:03:37.820
listening. Have a good rest of your day. See

01:03:37.820 --> 01:03:39.380
you next week. Bye.