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Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills

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to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.

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As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients.

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When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find

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that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research

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program.

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Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit.

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However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.

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For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians

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the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.

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Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene.

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Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast.

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I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is a pleasure to be talking with you today.

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Thank you so much for tuning in.

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Today I'm talking about baby blues.

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Actually, more specifically, I'm talking about what to do when a baby comes into the picture

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and throws off everything.

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And it's a really important topic because I remember when I started my first faculty

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job and within probably about eight months, nine months of starting my faculty job, my

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youngest baby was born.

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And I will say that it was hard.

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It was so hard because it was rough before the baby came.

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And then when the baby came, it just was harder.

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And it really did cause me to stop and re-evaluate what I wanted and how I wanted this experience

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to go.

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And it caused me to really think hard about what was important to me at work and how I

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wanted my life to look like.

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Because at the point at which baby came, I will say that this beautiful baby did not

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want to drink from a bottle and would not eat, would not eat at all, would not drink

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from a bottle until I came home from work.

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And then baby wanted to stay up all night eating.

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And while we had done sleep training for our other baby, this baby was not willing to do

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any sleep training.

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In fact, this baby always, always wanted to get out of the bed.

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Like she would fall asleep and the moment you put her in the crib, she would just wake up.

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So it was challenging, but it was also good and really important.

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And I want to share with you some of the ways that I thought about being a new mom at the

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time and how that may or may not help you.

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I think it will because it's really helpful just to see how other people did it, not because

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you're going to do the same thing, but because it may cause you to think differently about

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how you want to show up in your motherhood or fatherhood experience.

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Okay.

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So the first thing I want to say is, wow, a new baby is on the scene.

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Congratulations.

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Yes.

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Whenever a baby is here, the words are always congratulations.

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I mean, there's just nothing else to say.

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Congratulations.

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It is such a beautiful thing.

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Relationships are the source of life and this is a new relationship that's going to transform

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your life forever and it's going to be so, so, so, so good.

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And yeah, this may be baby number four or maybe baby number five, it doesn't matter.

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Every new baby comes and changes your life in a significant and dramatic way.

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Now I will tell you honestly that I can mostly speak from the perspective of the woman who's

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had the baby, but I do believe that it's a significant change in the life of the father

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as well.

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And so I just want to acknowledge mothers, fathers, if you have a new baby, congratulations.

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This is a significant thing and you should celebrate even if right now it's causing you

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a little bit more stress than it has in the past.

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So definitely celebrate.

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All right.

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So start with celebration.

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And the first thing I really do want to share is that you've just got to breathe.

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You got to breathe and recognize that, wait a minute, you've been here before.

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And when I say you've been here before, I don't mean you've had a baby before and maybe

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you have.

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Maybe this is baby number one, I don't know.

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But what I'm saying is that you've been in a place before where you've had to re-figure

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your whole life, where things changed and you're like, okay, well, the way I used to

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do it doesn't work.

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Let's think about how I'm going to do it this time.

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And that's exactly where you are right now.

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For example, when you transitioned from undergrad to med school, I mean, you may have worked

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hard in undergrad.

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When you got into med school, it was a totally different beast.

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And however you used to study for undergrad, you needed to re-figure it from med school.

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And then you learned all this stuff in med school.

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You thought you were ready for residency.

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You transitioned into residency and it became clear that you were going to have to up your

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game in a different way to be a resident.

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And so what I'm saying is that you've had significant transitions in your life where

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you've literally had to reconfigure the way you do things because something changed.

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And sometimes the change is expected.

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So okay, well, you expect a transition from medical school to residency and you expect

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it to be different because you have a sense of how different it is.

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Sometimes the baby thing is a little harder because you may not always have precedent.

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For example, I thought, wow, I stay up because I take call.

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And that was when we would take 24 plus six hour calls and I thought, oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

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if I can do that, if I can stay up all night taking call, I can do a baby.

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What I forgot or what I did not recognize was that at least call had an endpoint and

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then you could go home and sleep and no one would paint you.

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But here I was, wow, sleepless night after sleepless night after sleepless night after

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sleepless night.

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And I realized that I was not prepared.

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So the point I'm making is that it's a transition point.

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Like you've had transition points in your life and the things you used to do before

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may not work now, but you've been here before.

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You've been in the place where you have to re-figure everything and you've done okay.

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So if you look back upon your life, your track record is that you've always succeeded and

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you will succeed in re-figuring, reconfiguring your life at this point as well.

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So congrats again in advance.

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All right.

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So number one is celebrate baby, right?

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Number two, breathe.

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Number three is for you to be very aware of the fleeting nature of time.

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Now one of the things, at least for me, that has helped me recognize how time flies is

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the growth of my children.

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It's like, wait a minute, you're tall, you're taller, you're taller than me now.

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Like when did that happen?

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And what, you know, so the changes that are happening in the children's lives remind me

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of the passage of time where by myself, I'm not really thinking much is changing because

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I feel like I look the same even though I know I don't, but their growth, especially

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their accelerated growth helps them recognize that, wow, the years are ticking by.

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And so it is important to recognize that this moment will pass.

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Baby will be three months older and then baby will be four years older and then maybe you'll

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be 16 years older and then 21 years older and no longer in your life, at least not in

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the way they were at the very beginning.

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And so when you recognize how transient this time is, how much of the time is already taking

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away, then you have to ask yourself, well, how do I want to spend this time in relation

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with this child or in relation to this child?

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How do I want to be as mom or dad?

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How do I want to show up?

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And how do I want my life to be lived in my parenthood?

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And I think as with everything that I talk about, it really starts with intentionality.

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Like are you going to be intentional about this time?

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Or are you going to look back 21 years later and say, I don't even know where the time

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went and oh, I wish I'd done it differently.

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And so fast forward to 21 years from now and then say, I'm so glad.

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I'm so glad.

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I'm so glad.

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It was the best parenting experience ever.

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And I'm so glad at the way I did it.

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So fast forward to then, then come back and say, well, how did you do it so that at the

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end you are celebrating, not crying, not regretting things or not regretting decisions that you

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made.

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And so one of the biggest strategies, one of the biggest keys to success in managing

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your parenting journey, as well as your faculty career is intentionality.

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It's like, okay, what are you going to do so that you get the outcome you want at the

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end?

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And this is not the time to throw up your hands and say, I have no choice.

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This is just the way it is.

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It always has to be this way.

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I would just say that, okay, if that's what you're choosing, as long as you recognize

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that it's a choice you're making.

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And in reality, there is always choice.

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In reality, everybody doesn't do it the way you're doing it.

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And the question is, what do you want?

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And are you taking the steps that get you to where you want?

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Are you taking steps that get you further away from where you want to be?

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Recognize that you are making a choice and time is fleeting and recognize how you want

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to spend that time.

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All right, number four is to re-evaluate your priorities.

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Okay, so here's the thing that happens.

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That happened to me is that I'd always been able to hustle more and make it work, hustle

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more and make it work.

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Okay, expand the boundaries of work and make it work.

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I could just, okay, I'll take a Saturday morning and finish off the notes.

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I'll take a Saturday evening.

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There was always the ability to expand a little bit, steal a little bit of time and make it

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work.

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But when the baby came, baby broke the bank.

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That was no, I'll take a little bit extra time on Saturday morning because Saturday

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morning was taking up.

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That was no, oh, I'll take a little bit of time on Friday afternoon because Friday afternoon

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was already busy.

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And so it's important to just stop and re-evaluate your priorities.

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Like, why are you here?

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What is important in your journey as a faculty member?

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What are the things you're doing that you're supposed to actually be doing?

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Right?

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Because what happens is we take on so much, so many things from all over the place and

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we're like, I'm going to do all of these.

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And we don't really ask which ones we should be doing or which ones we shouldn't be doing.

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But what a great opportunity when a baby or babies come along or your parenting journey

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forces you to say, wait a minute, I can't do everything.

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And that is beautiful.

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Just to get to the place where you're like, I can't do this.

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It's great because it's like, okay, well don't.

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What will it take to be able to do the things that you need to do and not worry about everything

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else?

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And I know we're going to talk about a strategy for that shortly, but it is important to reassess

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your priorities and ask yourself, like, you know, when you had all this excess time, when

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you were not a parent and you picked up all this additional work that wasn't really your

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responsibility, and now that you're a parent and you don't have all the time, what do you

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do with that?

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Recognize that there are some things that are priorities at your institution.

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People may yell a lot about a lot of things, but there are very few things that really,

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really matter.

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And if you're a scientist, if you're a physician scientist or you're a clinician researcher

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building a research program, there are some things that really don't matter at all.

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If you're a faculty member trying to get promoted, there are some things that count much less

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than others.

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Recognizing what the priorities are allows you to create time windows or strategies to

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move those priorities forward, even if other balls fall, because there are some balls that

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can fall and break and some balls that shouldn't break.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Or they can fall.

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Some balls can fall and break and some others you're like, yeah, but for that, that didn't

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break, right?

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That didn't fall and that didn't break.

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And so recognize what your priorities are.

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And if you don't know, figure them out.

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Because sometimes when we first start our faculty careers, no one tells us that everything

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is not weighted equally, right?

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And so here we are trying to be good and we're doing everything because people have asked

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us to do everything.

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And then when we finally get to the place where it's like, wait a minute, I don't have

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time to do all these things, then you have to ask the question, well, what am I supposed

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to be doing?

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What are the things I'm doing that I shouldn't be doing?

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And that leads me to number five.

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Review the 80-20 rule.

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Remember we talked about in a prior episode, the 80-20 rule, and this comes from the Pareto

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principle and that is that 20% or less of the things that you do actually give you 80%

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of your outcome.

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And so if there are very few things that really move the needle, then you want to make sure

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that you're optimizing for the 20%.

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And what we tend to do, at least what I used to do, was to just try to do 100% of everything.

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But then when you realize that 20% of things matter the most, then you're going to focus

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more on the 20%.

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And so review your 80-20.

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Look at all your activities.

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Yes, write them all down so that you can see them and evaluate them.

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And then ask yourself, well, which of these things that I do give me the highest value

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for my time invested?

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You're going to want to know what things do that for you.

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You want to know the things that you invest a lot of time, but they don't really move

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you forward.

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You don't want to know because you have a hard decision to make.

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And actually, honestly, when you finally figure out the things that are dragging you down,

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taking up a lot of your time, but not moving you forward, the decision may not be so hard,

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but you need to know.

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Because again, it all starts with intentionality.

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When you know the things that you do that take up a lot of your time that actually don't

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move you forward, then you can make a decision that's informed.

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As opposed to right now, you're just kind of trying to do everything and some of it

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doesn't matter, is not valuable, but you don't even know that.

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So you're going to want to review the 80-20.

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Number six is to hold on to the things that fit, the priorities.

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One of the books I really love is Essentialism by Greg McKeon, and it's a great book.

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I recommend it.

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And it talks about the fact that there are only very few things that really, really matter.

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And so once you figure out having assessed the 80-20, once you figure out the things

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that are absolutely essential, that's what you should do.

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But you should lay everything else aside, and you should find a way to fit into your

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schedule the things that are highest priority.

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Yes, the things that fit, schedule those.

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And then everything else, that leads us to number seven.

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Everything else you're going to find a way to either negotiate out of or delegate it.

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Because what you're saying, when you look at all the work you're doing and you decide

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that this is a priority and these things are not the priority, you're not saying it's not

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that they're not important.

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You're not saying these are not important.

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You're saying, well, they are important, but do they need to be important to me?

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Think about the Eisenhower matrix.

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The Eisenhower matrix, if you are familiar, helps us prioritize what's urgent and important,

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not urgent, unimportant.

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And it really arranges things into four quadrants.

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So in one quadrant, it's not urgent, it's not important.

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Why are you doing it?

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In another quadrant, well, it's urgent, but it's not important.

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You shouldn't be doing that, but somebody should do it.

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But who can do it for you?

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But if it's important and urgent, well, you should do it.

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But if it's important and not urgent, you want to make sure you schedule the time to

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do it.

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And you want to spend a lot of your time in the things that are not urgent, but important.

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Because it means that you are looking far ahead in advance to work towards the things

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that you need to do and not allowing them to become urgent before you actually do them.

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Right?

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And then what you're also not doing is focusing and spending a lot of time where most of us

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spend our time is in the matrix of things that are urgent, but not important.

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Like someone's yelling, they're like, I want this now.

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It's not important.

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But because the person is yelling, or they're really bothering you, you give them all the

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time and attention in the world.

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And so what I'm saying is that the things that you have found that don't fit into your

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schedule, it doesn't mean they're not important.

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It just means they're not important for you to be the one primarily doing them.

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And so who can do them for you?

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And you may be like, oh no, there's nobody helping me.

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And I just want to pause and say, that's not true.

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Because sometimes you look at yourself and you think, oh, I'm like lowly on the totem

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pole.

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There's no one to do anything for me.

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And I would challenge that.

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I would challenge that assumption.

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And I would say, is that true?

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Is there really no one to do anything for you?

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No one you can delegate anything to?

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You may not have an administrative assistant, but is there no one to delegate anything to?

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And if you say there isn't, well, it's like, okay, so who can you pay?

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Who can you employ to do work for you?

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For example, maybe you're doing all your cooking.

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Who can you delegate cooking to?

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Maybe you're doing all your shopping.

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Who can you delegate shopping to?

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Maybe at work you're doing all your gels.

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Who can you delegate gels to?

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Like who can you delegate to?

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And so it's going to take some thinking.

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It's going to take some creativity and it may even cost you some dollars, but it's so

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important for you to free up your time for the things that matter to you, including building

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a relationship with this new child that has come into your life and other significant

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others that you have in your life as well that you want to continue to have a great

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relationship with.

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So I talked about seven things.

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The first is congratulations.

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Just celebrate because this baby has come, changed your life forever.

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The second is to breathe.

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You've been here before.

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You know how to rework everything.

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You've done it successfully.

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You will do it successfully again.

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You're going to make it happen.

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Number three, recognize that time's precious and you're going to want to make sure that

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you spend this time in a way that you're going to be proud of years from now and that you're

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not going to regret.

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Number four, re-evaluate your priorities.

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What are the things you're not supposed to be doing that you're doing and what are the

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things you are supposed to be doing?

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What is the priority as a faculty member?

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Number five, review the 80-20 rules.

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What are the 20% of activities that give you the biggest bang for your buck, 80% of your

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outputs and make sure you focus on the 20%.

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Hold on to the things that fit.

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It's number six and number seven, negotiate out of and or delegate everything else.

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I didn't want to point one more thing out about the number seven, negotiating out of

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or delegate everything else.

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There are some challenges that are not yours.

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For example, there's no APP and there should be one supporting your clinic and you're like,

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well, there's no APP so I'm going to triple, quadruple book myself because someone's got

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to see the patient.

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And I would say that there are administrative things and systemic things that should be

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in place to support you and if they are not there, it is not your job to take on the whole

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system and to try to fix it.

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Because number one, you're obscuring the fact that there's a problem.

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So number two, you're taking on work that's not your responsibility and you're probably

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doing a poor job of it.

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Yes, when you triple quadruple book yourself, you are stressed, you are harried.

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The patients who do come to you don't get very much out of you and frankly they complain.

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And then they say, well, she's so harried all the time.

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She's just always overworked.

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And then they give you bad scores.

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You're like, but I'm just trying to help.

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I'm just trying to help.

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And it's like, no, you're not helping very well.

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You're kind of stressing yourself out and giving everybody else a bad experience.

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All because you're stepping into a role that's not yours.

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It's not your job to fix the fact that there are not enough faculty.

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You can't fix that and it's not your job to fix it.

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What you can do is have conversations with your leadership about what's needed and to

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let them know what your boundaries are as far as how much you can support that or not

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support it.

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But I just want to encourage you not to take on the world's troubles as your own.

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As a physician, you tend to want to do that.

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It's not beneficial for you.

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It's not beneficial for this new relationship you're building with this new child that's

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coming to your life.

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You don't look good when it comes to the patients you're trying to help.

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They're not impressed with your not really having much time to be there for them.

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What you want to do is you want to be able to do a great job.

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You want to do it well.

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And so I invite you to think about in what ways are you shortchanging yourself by trying

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to be everything to everybody when that's not really your responsibility.

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All right.

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What is the one thing I invite you to do this week?

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Well, I invite you to reassess your schedule.

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Maybe you're not a parent and this doesn't apply to you or maybe you're a parent of children

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who are out of the house and it's like, huh, not my problem anymore.

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There's still always opportunity to assess what you're doing and to say, well, yeah,

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if I didn't have to be here 24 7, what else would I want to do with my time?

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And ask yourself, what are my priorities?

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And am I doing the things that actually want to be doing?

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Am I doing the things that actually matter?

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Am I doing mostly the things that give me the most output for the work that I do?

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All right.

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I invite you to think about that this week.

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And as always, if you're looking for a coach, I'm here for you.

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Send me an instant message or a direct message on Instagram or on LinkedIn.

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I'd be happy to work with you to figure out how I can best support you.

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In the meantime, enjoy the rest of your day.

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And I look forward to talking with you again next time on the Clinician Researcher Podcast.

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Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher Podcast, where academic

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clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they

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have a mentor.

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If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself.

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Someone else needs to hear it.

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So take a minute right now and share it.

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As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation

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of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do health

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care.