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Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills

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to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.

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As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients.

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When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find

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that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research

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program.

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Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit.

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However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.

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For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians

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the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.

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Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene.

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Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast.

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I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is such a pleasure to be talking with you again

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today.

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Thank you so much for tuning in.

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Today, I'm talking about recognizing your intrinsic value and your worth.

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I'm talking about recognizing your intrinsic value and your worth.

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And the reason that this episode comes to you today is because of an episode or an experience

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I had recently traveling on an airplane.

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So this week, I'm traveling to my annual meeting, and I end up on the plane next to a medical

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student.

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So apparently, so my meeting this year is in Vegas, and Vegas, apparently, I didn't

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know this, is a conference capital of the world.

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So many people go there to have conferences.

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Well, you know, one of the reasons I didn't know this was true is because I've had many

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conferences since I started in medicine, and none of them have ever been in Vegas.

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So for whatever reason, Vegas may be the conference capital of the world, but apparently not for

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the conferences I go to.

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Anyway, so it happened this year that our conference happens to be in Vegas.

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And so what I say all that to say that it's not really a surprise that I'm sitting next

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to someone who's also going to a conference in Vegas, because most of us who were on the

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plane to Vegas that day were actually going for conferences, which is kind of interesting.

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I shouldn't say most of us.

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I'm sure some people are going for not conferences, but anyway, going for reasons other than a

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conference.

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But anyway, so I'm sitting down next to a medical student who's on her way to her very

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first medical conference, and she doesn't have her paper she's presenting this year,

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but she's going to network.

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She's going to meet people who are going to improve her chances of getting into a residency

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that's super highly competitive.

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I'm not going to share the residency because she's going to be listening to this and she'll

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know that I'm talking about her.

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So I just want to keep it under wraps as much as possible.

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But anyway, so this is really important to her to get into this really competitive residency.

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One of the ways she's learned to do it is to go to a conference and network.

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Great.

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Nothing wrong with that.

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But she's like, okay, I want to make sure you know what am I going to say so that they're

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going to like me?

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How am I going to make myself memorable?

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And I'm listening to all of this and I'm thinking, Oh, no.

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Oh, no, baby.

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No, baby.

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No.

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Because I'm thinking if you are not sure of your self worth, then people are not going

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to be sure either.

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And if for whatever reason you doubt yourself.

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I mean, there's some people who put on a good act, they go out there and they pretend to

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be everything that they're not.

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And they are able to fool most people.

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But most of us are not like that.

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Like what we believe is how we project.

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You know, when you say I can't and you project that I can't and people are like, Oh, well,

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I guess you can't because that's what you're projecting.

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So anyway, so I remember listening to her and thinking, Oh, my goodness.

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I wow.

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It sounds like you are struggling with your intrinsic self worth and your value.

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And I want to pause and say that, you know what?

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I was a medical student 20 years ago.

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Now I think I started medical school in 2003.

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And so I recognize that, you know, the feeling of you are so much, you are so much before

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you went into this thing where you wanted to go to med school.

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But as soon as you declared that you wanted to be a med student, then all of a sudden

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you were kind of like in this huge group of pre meds.

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And there was this sense that you were being weeded out, you know, as you went from one

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group to the other.

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And then if you went if you were actually at the process where you were, if you actually

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got to the process where you're actually applying to med school, then it's like, please let

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me in.

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I'll just go wherever you accept me, please let me in.

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And then you finish med school, and then it's time to match for residency.

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And it's a match.

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It's like, well, this is a lottery.

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We might take you and we might not.

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You might end up in Vegas or you might end up in Houston.

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We don't know.

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Right.

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So the whole process is honestly not necessarily created to build up our self esteem.

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Or at least not for all of us.

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Some people kind of have their self esteem untouched throughout the process.

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But for many of us, it's a demoralizing process because you feel like you're begging every

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step of the way, please accept me.

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I'll pay my own way.

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Yes, I'll pay for my own air view.

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Oh, no, I'll feed myself.

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I'll do everything.

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Just take me.

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Right.

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That's that's how we grow up in medicine for many of us anyway.

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I can't speak to everybody's experience.

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But as a result of that, sometimes there's a coloring of our intrinsic self worth, where

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we doubt what that intrinsic self worth is.

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And that is a challenge.

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And so what I want to share with you are five ways that you can think about building up

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your self worth.

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OK, five ways you can think about building up your self worth.

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And why is it important?

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It is important because you can't give what you don't have.

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And if you do not think of yourself as valuable, you cannot create value for other people.

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It's just the bottom line.

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Yeah, in medical school and academic medicine, we fake it a lot.

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And for many of us, we're faking it until we're making it.

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And to be honest, faking it can get you can get you a good bit of the way, but it doesn't

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take you far.

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It doesn't let you soar in the mountains.

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It doesn't let you soar like an eagle.

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It doesn't really help you thrive.

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You make it, but you don't thrive faking it.

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And so what's most important is that you recognize the value that you bring, your intrinsic worth

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and value so that you can give it as a gift to other people.

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Because until you recognize the gift that you have, the gift that you are, the gift

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that you carry, you cannot give it to somebody else.

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And so recognizing your intrinsic value and self worth is so important.

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Five things.

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The first is to get away from people who tear down your intrinsic value and your self worth.

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Yes, this may be the hardest and yet the most important step on your journey to clarifying

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your intrinsic value and self worth.

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This may be the single most important thing is to leave the people who tear you down.

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This is really hard because here's the thing in medicine, we're surrounded by so much subjective

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feedback that may not actually enhance us as much as it tears us down.

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And the reason it tears us down is because people who are broken and wounded tend to

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try to break and wound other people as well.

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They're not even doing it intentionally.

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It's just all they have is brokenness.

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So that's all they can give.

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If all they have is brokenness, then they're just shards of glass waiting to hurt the next

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person.

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And so people who are wounded and broken actually tend to wound and break other people too.

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And so the moment you recognize that you're in a situation where you feel like you're

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being torn down, where you feel like you're being made to feel less than, it is time to

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leave that environment.

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If you're like, wait a minute, I'm on the rotation for another six weeks.

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What are you talking about?

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Yeah, that's a really great point.

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The question is, how do you fortify yourself against this negativity or how do you address

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it head on?

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How do you say, hey, I get that you yell, but when you yell, I feel X, Y, Z.

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What I'm saying is it's true that you may not necessarily feel like you have agency

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and the people who surround you, especially if you're early on in your training, but you

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should get help.

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Don't accept it as your default.

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Don't say it's just six more weeks.

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I can take this bruising.

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I can take the battering for it.

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Don't do it.

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Just don't do it.

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Don't take it for six weeks.

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What can you do about it?

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And sometimes it takes you being bold and courageous and saying, hey, is it okay if

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I switch teams?

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I know people don't usually switch teams until after six weeks, but to some extent I'm feeling

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a little bit overwhelmed in this particular team and it's not them.

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It probably just is my personality.

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And I wonder if there's another team that I could be matched with.

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But what I'm saying, I'm not telling you what to say or what to do.

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What I'm saying is that if you are in a negative situation, a situation that tears you down,

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please take steps to get out of it.

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Don't say I'm just a med student.

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I have to do this for six weeks.

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I want you to take the steps to fix it.

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And I go, no, they're going to fire me from this med school.

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They probably won't take steps because the more you're being torn down, the more you're

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being torn down.

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And the more you're being torn down, the harder it is to recover.

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And I know that there are a lot of places in medicine where people tear people down.

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It should not be the norm.

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And I don't want you to accept it.

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Just because abuse is rampant in the world doesn't mean it has to be your reality.

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And if you're in an abusive situation and you're looking around and you're saying, well,

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everybody else is getting abused, I'm saying, I don't know what's happening with everybody

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else, but don't accept it for yourself.

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So if the first step, and it's the most important, the hardest step is to get out of environments

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where you're being torn down.

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And this is probably a step where you're not going to take, you may not want to take it

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alone, especially if you feel like you're powerless in the system.

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I want to pause and say you were never powerless, but sometimes we feel that way.

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And if you feel that way, it is appropriate to get help.

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This is where a coach could be helpful.

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For some of you, maybe it's a therapist that's helpful for you to process your thoughts and

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think, how do I want to do?

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How do I want to do this?

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How do I want to handle this?

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One of the reasons I recommend a coach, clearly I'm biased because I am one, but one of the

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reasons I recommend a coach is because it's not so much about dwelling in the past of what

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happened or what could have been done differently.

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It's really about what do I want to do right now?

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How do I want to move forward?

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And to really help you think through what strategies you can use to advance beyond the

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situation that you're in right now.

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So anyway, I spent a lot of time on that, but it's so important to say the first step

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is to get away from where they're tearing you down because no matter what you do, if

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poison is being poured into you, it's going to continue to hurt you.

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So you want to get away from this negative environment.

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Okay.

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The second thing you want to do is along those lines, you want to start to create new environments

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intentionally that are nurturing environments that build you up.

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How do you do that?

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Okay.

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There are people you talk to and when you leave their presence, you feel better than

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when you started.

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You feel uplifted, you feel encouraged.

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Those are the people you want to hang around.

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You want to begin to cultivate a network of people who encourage you to be who you are,

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who encourage you in a good way.

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Now this is not to say like only be around the people who make you feel good.

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To some extent it's yes and it's no.

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It's that you know what, in medicine there are going to be so many things that are going

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to make you feel bad.

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So many things are going to tear you down or we're going to try to tear you down.

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Yes, why not build up a cadre and fortify yourself with people who are going to lift

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you up because there's so much negativity in the system.

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Why not be ready to combat that negativity with a team that supports you with encouragement

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and positivity?

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Why not?

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Why not?

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Because you're going to have to work with people that you have no power over like the

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assignments.

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Like you just get stuck with this resident, there you are.

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You're stuck with this attending, there you are.

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So why not, if you can cultivate environments where you are nurtured and supported, why

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wouldn't you do that?

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Why would you leave your experience to the default?

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Why would you?

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And so what I'm encouraging you to do is to begin to pay attention to how people make

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you feel and begin to grow your networks of people who treat you with respect and honor.

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I just want to pause there.

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People who treat you with respect and honor.

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You know, medicine is a very hierarchical space and people really feel like, hey, I'm

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your attending.

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I've earned this 20 years worth of respect.

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And you know what?

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People are people and everybody wants to be respected and some people for their seniority.

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But no matter how senior you are, everybody around you deserves respect.

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The youngest person on the team, the med student who just came off of basic sciences yesterday

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deserves respect.

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There is nobody on the team, regardless of their race, gender, color, creed, that does

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not deserve respect.

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And so everybody on any team is deserving of respect and you are too.

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And so that's so important for you to pay attention.

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Where are these spaces in which I am treated respectfully, even if I don't have the expertise

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of the other people on the team?

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Where is it that I'm treated respectfully, even if I look like another or an other compared

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to the other people on my team?

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Where am I treated with respect?

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Pay attention to those spaces and grow those spaces, grow those networks, intentionally

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cultivate them, meet with them regularly.

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You know that this is a group that respects you.

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You make sure you're meeting with them on a weekly basis.

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If you can make it happen, meet with them on a daily basis.

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For some of you, these networks where you're respected and held in high honor and in high

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esteem are outside of medicine, it doesn't matter.

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Wherever it is that you are treated with respect, those are the spaces that I want you to grow

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and expand.

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Okay, that is number two.

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Number three is that you treat others with respect as well.

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Oh my goodness, I shouldn't have to say this, but I'm going to pause and say it because

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many times we hate the way that we're being treated by people ahead of us.

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Now we turn around and treat other people behind us the same way.

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Like we treat other people poorly and maybe we treat the people ahead of us so much better.

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We give them respect because they're like, oh, they're the senior attending.

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And then we turn around and we treat med students poorly and that is not okay.

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You can be like, well, they treated me that way and look at me, I turned out okay.

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Please stop lying to yourself.

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Clearly you're sick and you're hurting.

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Don't deal out.

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You need to shout sickness and hurting to other people as well.

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Treat others around you with respect.

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So, so critical, so important.

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You want to be treated with respect and honor and you really need to sow what you want to

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reap.

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And so if you want to reap respect and honor in your environments, that's what you gift

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to other people.

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You go out of your way to gift it to people who don't usually expect to receive it.

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For example, the janitorial staff that's cleaning in the room that you're just walking into

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to see a patient, treat them with courtesy.

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Say good afternoon.

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Hey, how are you doing?

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It doesn't take three seconds to do that, but it acknowledges them and it shows that

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you're respectful of them.

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The reason it's important to do this is because you are saying to yourself that you are a

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person who gives out respect and dignity to people and that prepares you.

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It to some extent privileges you or gives you the right to also receive respect and

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honor in return.

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But if you are going to be someone who's going to walk and work in environments where people

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are treated respectfully, you're going to start to sow those seeds by treating other

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people respectfully yourself.

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All right, that's number three.

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Number four is to pay attention to when seeds of disrespect are being sowed towards others.

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Okay, so number three, we talked about you treating others with respect.

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But number four is now you, is you paying attention to your environment, not tolerating

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disrespect when it shows up, right?

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What does that look like?

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You're on rounds and the attending says something really dirty or disrespectful, you see as

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disrespectful to the medical students.

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Don't just join the group and start laughing or maybe the group is laughing and you're

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like, oh, that's not funny, but say something.

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Now, it doesn't have to be you turning around to the attending and saying, you big bad attending,

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how dare you?

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You know, usually in medicine, we don't get to do that, not so easily.

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But what we could do absolutely is to say, hey, what if we did things this way?

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What if we did things differently?

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So there's an opportunity for us to be able to share with other people a better way to

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do it, right?

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Elevate the quality of your environment.

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Don't accept environments that tear people down.

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Elevate the quality of your environment.

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Okay, so that's number four.

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Number five is to intentionally go towards environments that are generally healthy.

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So you know how it is where we're trying to get into med schools or we're trying to get

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into residency programs where we're like, I don't care how they treat people here.

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I just want to get into this amazing med school.

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I just want to get into this amazing residency program.

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And you're not paying attention to the fact that people are being treated miserably.

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I want you to pay attention to that.

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And I want you to choose environments where people are respected.

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That kind of harkens back to some of the earlier things that we talked about.

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But it's super important for you to intentionally work towards healthy environments so that you

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can build a culture of health yourself.

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And the more you find yourself in healthy environments, the more you create healthy

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environments, the more you encourage healthy environments for other people, the better

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you do as well, the more you thrive.

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So that was a short one.

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But I just want to encourage you not to tolerate environments that are negative, not to create

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them, not to tolerate them, and to build for yourself environments that encourage and nurture

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and support you.

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Because that is the way we change culture.

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That is the way we change the environment of academic medicine.

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All right.

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That's all I have for today.

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I want to thank you so much for listening.

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You got to share this episode with somebody else who needs to hear it.

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And please let me know how this episode resonates with you.

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Send me a message, a DM on LinkedIn.

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I would love to hear from you.

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Thank you for listening.

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I look forward to seeing you again on the next episode of the Clinician Researcher Podcast.

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Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher Podcast, where academic

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clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they

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have a mentor.

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If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself.

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Someone else needs to hear it.

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So take a minute right now and share it.

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As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation

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of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.