I love the music.
Hello and welcome to inclusive stories. My name is Brooklyn and I'm here with the amazing
Tala is one to care and if you follow on social media you know follow the stories of
Kevin and I family and I'm so so so so so excited to have our on the podcast. It's kind of
like yeah inside wisdom and story. I tell that welcome. Hello thank you for having me and I am so happy
to be here. Absolutely fantastic. Fantastic. Right so we're just gonna get right down to it.
Like I usually say what we do here at inclusive stories pretty much get into the core of our story.
It's telling us stories whatever they are and making sure that we are creating the community
where other other parents like Casal rocking the same path can feel supportive,
hered, seen and validated. So can you just tell us a little bit about yourself tell us your
background. Okay so my name is Tala. I am wife and mom of three. Kevin is my eldest is just
done 18 and he has two longer siblings. Kayla is 15 and Caden was the last baby is 89.
I am Nigerian. By background I live now in the UK. For work I am a public health nurse.
So I do that as my 95 and I also quite recently at the start of this year,
started to share you know our journey with autism because I kind of just have a bigger goal
back home of having some type of support for families, back home just to you know raise awareness
and promote acceptance of autism. Also here in the UK have you know a sense of community for
parents like myself raise enough to stick children. So that's me kind of in the nutshell.
That is fantastic. I love that you know we're just getting stuck right into it. You mentioned
back in Nigeria you know having to create support for children and families on this spectrum.
Can you tell us that we your own personality experience can you tell us it'd be about your
experience as a parent of a child on this spectrum or where we challenge is that you face
because we do have an Nigerian community in the UK. All the world's challenges also put you know
that you found in the community. So in terms of my journey with my child with autism
it I was extremely clueless like I had no idea you know I needed my husband like we you know
when you know you've been told something I like okay is what you're talking about like we
were completely clueless clueless clueless clueless and for the most part I it was difficult because
we had to start from scratch basically and I couldn't say that or I had this relative or I had
you know someone that could point me in the right direction or you know model how I'm supposed to
parent this child that I've been blessed with or even give me any advice or tips whatsoever. So
it was a case where you know we just had to roll with the punches and it wasn't easy because
for the fact that I had a child here in my hands that you know I had responsibility for
and I was clueless as to I just knew that his journey would be different but more way that
happened I had no idea and then like Kevin was born in 2005 like there was no TikTok or Instagram or
even like sessions things on Google is not the same as it is now so we didn't really have
resources we just had the professionals that told you stuff and that's what you took and I just
remember you know it's time we go to an appointment you just you you I just go back home even more
terrified because you just started here things about okay you know it might not speak it might not
be independent it was just all that type of stuff and I was just desperate to you know you feel
you feel like it's only happening to you because I couldn't see anybody else in my community with the
same that for reality that I was living and or even someone that I could aspire to that okay this
is what you know my son would maybe grow up to look like or be like or act like or gee get
what I mean and yeah that was the most difficult bit was just not knowing and here it's all this
things that were just extremely stressful when you know your young parents just trying to you know
get a long way parenting and as suppose the day that son was diagnosed myself from a husband
when we went that office and it just broke down like and I felt like that day I didn't get an opportunity
to react because he was doing the reactive for both of us and I was just stunned and you know
he had his moment that day and I felt like mine started to happen as a time went along when you know
sometimes they say something to you and it just kind of like okay you don't know anything and then
you know when you start to live this experience it becomes your reality and you for me anyway it was
two options because as I said we didn't have insights into what the future was going to look like so
it was either we just say okay this is the time whether we've been blessed with our just going to
run for all the punches and do what we have to do or you can actually sink into what you've been
told and let that take over you in terms of what you know our community was like I wouldn't
I suppose now back then there was not much awareness about autism so it's easy for people to
call your child to stop on or you know say that you're not discipline him them enough or you know
suggest two thousand things that you're doing wrong or you should be doing and for the most
part like I had my mom bless her so and she in Africa in general I think that the in terms of
disability we only believe you're disabled if we can see it like if I don't know you
I'm doing something like if you didn't look in a certain way you're not considered so and in my
mom's eyes this kid that she had she was still going to train the same way he was still going to
do his potty training and it was still going to sit down in front of his ABC board and let his ABCs and
all of this thing and for the most part you know that was beneficial for Kevin because his sister was
born he is almost three years older than his sister so it was right after she was born because he
was diagnosed that force of my daughter was born already when he got his diagnosis and I feel like
that was a blessing for ourselves because she was so quick with everything and you know she was in
a space so much like it would be didn't want to play because before she came along he just enjoyed
lonely because there was nobody else to play with anyway and he just enjoyed being by himself
but they came a little sister that was always in this space always taking his toys that he wants to
line up or who is you know and for some part I feel like she dragged the communication out of it
because the out of him because he had to learn to tell her to get out of no or don't touch my stuff
and all this type of things and a lot of the things that happened for Kevin when he was younger
happened alongside his sibling because she's she's nearer to because so you know they went to the
they ended up with the same nursery where we tried to try to school for him they went to the same
school and they were in the starting things like that so I felt like that did you know helping
for the most part for community wise it was difficult because you you go to we were Christians and
then you go to church and you tell this to me well pastor is preaching and everybody is looking
and telling you say in shush you know I was blessed in terms of my my church at the time was you
know when because Kevin was born in Ireland we moved to the UK almost ten years ago
all right but the church was a small family church and I attended the church since I was pregnant
you know even way before Kevin was born and they didn't know Kevin any other way and I found that
that was a blessing because it's not the Kevin that you know they've raised since you you know it was a
brand new baby and they made accommodations for him which is amazing all our kinds of things you can't
yeah the the children's teacher at that time was just bless his art it was just amazing like
because Kevin wanted to stay with me he didn't want to go to church but this man will come for him
and and Tyson which he knows the type of sweet Kevin likes you know he would entice him you know
giving the picture books of the Bible stories like they did really try to accommodate as much as
possible but you still have time where maybe you go to another church and a child and I still have
experiences now not for my own child because I'm a dog now but that you know a child might
you know be still man or making some vocal sounds and people suddenly turn off all
telemetry issues and those are the type of things that I would say in my immediate family and so blessed
that Kevin is the first grandchild now in my family when my son of the family so he is so spoiled
by the time I was watching him I was like oh my goodness he is so so spoiled like my dad is
coming today and after this book I actually have to go on and pick him up and he's just been talking
about you know seeing like he's the first grandchild and he's just I couldn't fault the support I get
from my family but I suppose we have to talk about the reality of what we can't you know what
we do often experience this. I'm so impressed of that even way back then like you still have
people there as so and I know like this is a very talk to subject I mean we should not be
overly appreciative of being a kind of data right but the reality of it is we have more cases
that none where we are not you know I thought about opportunities I still experience it today and
you be amazed like I went to my took my sons to hospital to the GP and usually I don't take them
both at the same time because it's quite a lot I did have a choice I had to and members of the
GP surgery my sons vocalist team the same vocalist and the same movement and the West
team and I was told from like the reception area to you turn into quiet down I was and you
would think that we would in 2023 be synthesized especially when you need medical field they do not
answer you that every child is been allowed just for the sick of being allowed and things like that I
had to say and it always like he hurts me every time I have to say that and I'm trying and this is
for me and learning and also I'm still trying to learn to be better advocate for my son
not to explain why he's a team in and just to say he's a team in but I have to say always on the
spectrum I'm trying to not to I'm trying not to you know I have to explain that to anybody because
nobody nobody should demand that of me I should not be able to actually not be the first to stay
always on the spectrum so understanding no it's a me that's it so I'm just honestly like in your
experience how do you think stigma the stigma in the my not actually my not to come easy
how do you think it affects our children and their growth and your confidence because
for me the focus should be them right I have the personality experience of them today where I've
got people you know in my media community not really family but community yeah they're not like
not not not being mean but just a little bit ignorant and and same things like oh you're overreacting
you're still snabbard it this is what's alien you're snabbard over it or you're no no no every child
every child in stop or kind of like what you said like how do you think this affects like how we connect
with our children and their connections to our own community I think it's in two parts because
sometimes it's those type of norms and beliefs that we have in our community can you know
it can stare out you parent unless no one because it can have you denying for so long because
my mother said as well that oh you will grow out of you boys are so slow to talk boys don't
fuck quickly you know so sometimes and sometimes I look back and I kick myself a little bit and
then I snuck back and say come on I used to have been long time and you didn't know any better at
that time because I thought that maybe if I had known what I knew now kept it wouldn't have been
three before like even at three it was because the nursery had concerns like it was it's my
first kid so I don't know what age children are supposed to be talking at or doing this or that
at but because the nursery had concerns and they said oh maybe you should take him for an
assessment that's why you know I then did but you if you because the feedback I was getting
from my family and as I said Kevin is a first-grandchild so we all sat this one boy that we all just
had a lot that boy's a slow boy doesn't have anybody else that's why by the time we have
two children three children everything will be okay when any move from back to our one is five
everything oh no any start school everything there was always some next thing for you to look
forward to and that could I suppose influence your parenting then you then feel like oh but it's okay
and then there's the other part that it could make you completely insecure and I used to have so much
worries of being out and about with him in case he didn't act right and when Kevin was smart it was a
runner oh my good mom it was all right so simple like I wasn't ready to be going anywhere if my husband
wasn't coming because then when there was two of them and you know but that's maybe it's
to sell being the body and he has to like hold on to the body beside me like if they decide to take off
and then you start to think I'm not supposed to stay with the body or a little body I run after
this child then you can't make it just the same thing it's enough to keep me at home
until you're like okay no no no no no no it's not what the upper so it's not I can't be
bothered but so that's why I said it's in super that it can make you relax that not do anything
or it can make you I put away I'm for me it just I just didn't know my son any other way
and I just wanted to make accommodations that I couldn't even though I might understand it was
very little I just tried to make the best accommodations that I could and try to understand
is what and even till now like I don't think you could ever fully understand how an autistic
person's brain works but if you just have the mindset of the fact that it's different to yours
and the best you can do is accommodated like Kevin is 18 now and I tell you is routine
it doesn't play I was telling you before we started this podcast that I had to be I had to borrow
his headphones because I thought I needed that but I said don't can't even whisper on your headphones
and ask me for how long I said it should have been bothering me now and I told you if I was
still using those headphones down I didn't want to be coming back for a snap of the camera
I don't even have a camera to see like the clockwork there and everybody knows me I'm still
for five there routine if I've deviated from it by one thing oh my goodness
and I asked the thing though and this is one of the things I'm most passionate about right
it's so great for us to have like special school special education schools and all that
my son goes through mainstream school I want him to go through mainstream school
obviously if he's you know if he's not able to like hope there I'm hoping to you know other things
but my things instead of creating specialised spaces for children on the spectrum we as a
community as a society need to be more inclusive in every way so creating accommodations
like you just mentioned making sure that parents like ourselves for example you know when
you talked about even though you had no like in that knowledge of on the spectrum but your
focus was your child how am I going to make sure my child is okay you know and I know I've
spoken to a lot of parents that have faced like you know Steve Maad discrimination that even
a lot of the time when I'd cost about my child or my son I get messages to my partner through
extended family who why you see stuff like that and that is something that is a reality
for a lot of parents and they're often afraid or ashamed even talk about that you
that's in that you then it's you know it's a boo and what I do see to them is that like as
long as your focus and your goal is making sure that your child as the best possible outcome
in any second you're fine because they always ask me how do I do this in the face of Steve Ma
what would you like to have to that like what would you like to say to a parents like in the face of
this in the face of like opposition on you know either because of their child or even talking
about their child how to do you navigate this so it's great that you mentioned that because since
I started to post online on my goodness it's a it's a struggle to keep up with messages and
I didn't I didn't ever see it coming here and for the most part what I find
not what I find difficult to process is maybe I make a post for example about maybe
journey or early signs of autism for example I would get ton of messages oh my son is doing this
my son is oh my child is doing this and but they would come into your DMs but not feel
comfortable enough to leave that comment on their the post I might have answered you know
and parents would then say to me that oh you know they have the fear of you know the family
their relatives knowing or disorder and I'm like that is a good place to start the place that is
not giving a care what someone else has to say because if you just free yourself of that bedding
it will let you see front or whether see front yes if you just free like I selected share about
but because at this point I'm like my smile is living in life
it's again I want to answer Uncle that feel like you're not acting right or like left or left
so I am happy about Israeli is progress where it's years now and we still have a
a lot of struggles and a lot of things that were working on. But I've come from and this is
why and maybe that's why I thought at a place to share. I know where we came from. Not
know if he was going to speak to us, not knowing what anything would look like and he's
in college now is traveling independently to and from college. He can sort himself out, he can
make his own food, he's so passionate about his fitness and I'm like if this is what I can
give to other parents that or that I desperately needed because I did not see it coming. I did not see
it coming and I'm just if there's nothing else I get from it. It's that relief when people say
oh you give me hope for my child. Oh yes. Oh I make sure. It makes my head work because I know
our desperate I was to hear something like that. Do you want to hear that? It's okay because you
don't have a clue. No I'm not mean. Oh yes. I say to parents.
I said the first time I saw you instagram. My son is slim and tall too. It was like I was looking at him
in like 17 years. I know that was when I would have cried out. One of the things that I said
is when I was talking to a lot of parents, right? One of the biggest fears for us as friends of
children's spectrum is not knowing what the future or not knowing what like how much of
life can our children live. How can they be independent? Will they be independent? Will they
go to school? Will they have a job? Will they be able to do the things that we when we were pregnant
were imagining life would be for them? I've gone two boys on the spectrum, right? I remember when I
first remember first I had like the first diagnosis and my second son. I had that those moments
where in my head as much as I was, you know, I loved my baby. I'm accepting a voice. I had this
nagging thing in my mind like oh maybe maybe his brother is not going to be, you know, maybe his brother
would do the football that I would always start about him would do. I know that. But it is I have
come to realize now that same people like yourself that have believed this experience is exactly
what we need. Is exactly the kind of inspiration that we need because for a parent like myself
I don't have you all together. I'm just a figure in it out and I can have my moments like I just
said where I'm like thinking oh my second son might not have it, you know that he's just real, that's
just real for you. That is very real. Sharing your story that's why I will never stop talking.
Like I will never like it's not it's not the easiest thing and I'm sure it's not the easiest thing for you.
Just getting in front of the world and saying this is me, this is my kids. You know at
back you remember that people would judge. They might not say to your face. But I don't care
because I know that if you can do that for me, if parents like yourself have seen
can do that for me then I can do that for the parents. Which for me is the most important thing,
you know, gosh, every episode I'm like emotional, it's so much to me but god leave.
Okay but it is really emotional stuff and it is a lot as a parent like I a lot of people would
message me and say oh how do you stay so positive and I'm like it's a choice. It's a choice. It's
either like I stick onto any spec of joy in my life. It's a conscious effort that you have to make
because there are a lot of things that make you not see that joy. Yeah. There are a lot of things.
Like like come in life, like this is funny. It's funny. It's really funny. But you just it's a
conscious effort that you have to make. I look at it this way. I have to keep my sanity because I have
three children that they're like some teachers. They're not on a path. Absolutely.
Absolutely. The way is that going to make me feel slightly good about myself. I'm taking
the evidence as seen as a threat. It was a great, I'm not doing it. And that's why I say to
people I don't have anything together. I just know that the little things that are slightly
evil looking together in my life, I'm going to hang on to it. Oh yes. I'm talking about together.
I love to talk about self-care because I'm struggling self-care. I struggle.
I know what it is. I know what it is. I try to find it. You kind of share some of your tips.
I don't know when you travel a lot because I have friends. It's the way to stay safe.
Living longer. Can you share like how that has helped you in your parenting? You focus
in that time in yourself. How important that is. I would like to stay specific that it is a place
that you have to get to. Mom guilt is real. It doesn't mean that you take in time out to
look after yourself to prioritize yourself. There's no 20 voices in your head saying,
I'll guide you out there. You live your kid out. I say it's something that I know that I need
for myself. It's not something that I want. It's something that I need. You have to look at it this
way. It's your at home and your on edge. You can just put the cup there and you're snapping.
Or you know your heart will literally just walk. If you're not screaming this much, you are just walking.
Why are you walking out? Where is your cute glasses? I'm getting so fresh.
Okay. There's barriers to you getting to that place. Because I have also blessed
that, you know. As I said before, I had my mother. She slept just ayr I with five years ago.
They're all the same. If I needed to go somewhere for two days, my mom got my kid covered,
and I know that. It's a blessing in my life that I'm grateful for. And then
And now again, like my kids are the edgewear,
cause sometimes there's this thing about moms
that you just feel like,
did that, that just not go to drink with job.
Ha ha ha.
Help me.
Yeah.
What you doing, great job.
I don't know.
She's not up to your standard.
They'll keep the lives.
Hatch.
They're looking at the kids.
Oh, I used to, like my husband is horrible at doing laundry.
Oh my goodness.
It's a day.
Ha ha ha.
But now I'm like, look, it makes sense.
If they like that grace, it's bad.
It's what you be, you know, we will live.
So you have to, like, like the kids are grown now
and they can kind of, you know,
for the most part, do stuff for themselves.
But I just know that.
If I go, they have their dad and I know that.
Even if he doesn't use my approach to things,
he would, he would always have their best interest
that's at and that's good.
For now, two days or three days or one week
that you're gone, it might be the exact way you want it.
But it's okay.
Because I'm back home to a live and well kids.
It's okay.
It's like a pile of laundry or, you know,
the laundry back that is rolling over on the floor
and there's clothes dripping out of it.
I hope it came from where I left off.
I just need that time.
It's essential for you.
I knew mention something about,
like, not everybody has a privilege of having family leave
to support.
This is why it's important to create your own village.
It can be family, it can be friends.
And I, we both are difficult to find your tribe.
But when you do that, it's like,
you can help support each other.
I am in the process of growing my tribe,
growing my own village.
I'm still not at the place where I can leave my child
or my children anywhere other than with their father.
But when I get to that space,
which is the goal, you know,
you will be able to have this much needed brick.
Unless they break this word brick,
it seems to be taboo for a lot of parents.
I chose to say it to my own chest.
Great.
Because it is an unbound deal.
How dare you say,
Brought day you want to take a break.
Yes, I need the brick, I need the rest plate.
I need to recharge.
Like before pandemic, I used to go one night's vacation.
I don't go anywhere.
Just vacation, London, one or two nights by myself,
because I wanted to sleep.
Actually, I need to sleep.
That's interesting.
I remember when I was taking a break in my house,
and my children would not wake me up or do something.
So even if it's that,
even if it's just finding pockets of moments
in your day where you have things to yourself.
You don't have to feel guilty about it.
It is absolutely okay,
because if you mentioned,
if you start slapping at the kids,
and it's not doing it any good,
and I get easy to trigger.
I get easy to trigger, I don't say that.
So I don't know what to be trigger.
Let me just do what I need to do for myself,
so that I can be the best possible mom
and parents from my children.
I think that is extremely important.
I want to go back a little bit.
I want to, after diagnosis, navigating education.
Because I find this so, oh gosh,
I feel like I'm a part anti-forcaid.
Like every time I see him and like,
you know, here we speak,
like this exploiting collides,
like, oh my goodness,
our fantastic is this.
Can you just kind of walk us through
how you navigated the almighty ACP?
Choose this?
Well, maybe we'll start from this.
It's really the almighty ACP.
Because that's the last thing.
It's so fascinating, right?
Because that, all my goodness,
it's literally like, go,
go, just like the belt,
or not given it to anybody.
And I walk there and say,
it's planned not to find any address.
You go.
I think just to say as well that,
I had a call with another mom yesterday.
She's Nigerian as well.
And I said to her that,
one of the things that you have to realize
is that things are not going to land on your lap
and you have to be ready to do.
And no matter how much you look to other people,
it's okay.
It's okay.
Because like,
it's water needed.
Yes.
And you,
you shouldn't be ready for that battle
because you are your child's best advocate.
Like they have no one else put yourself.
Yes.
And even though,
like, you know,
there's professionals that know all these things,
it's good.
They're expecting autism,
not in your child.
So if somebody comes and tells me,
hey,
it's a good thing.
It's a good thing.
Yeah,
if professionals, they're expecting autism,
you are the experts in your child's life.
You have to live with them.
You better them.
You know them.
They know the textbook.
You know your kids.
Yes.
And as we know,
autism is a spectrum.
No two people are the same.
So if someone comes,
besides with the age of GCP,
I say to parents,
you have to be ready for battle
because they're not going to knock you up.
I said,
oh, yes,
you're up to the end.
Hey,
hey,
that's what you want.
Here you go.
And it's an essential document.
Like it's open to age 25.
And it just guarantees it's a legal document
that you will have to support
that your child needs.
And if they're trying to buy
a short short short,
got you that you have legal powers.
And they're real.
And it's a default for them too.
That is my legal experience.
Oh my gosh.
Absolutely.
So I know that it's difficult these days,
but you have to have the mindset of advocacy.
Like you have to be ready to put it there.
You can apply and then they would,
you know, deny you,
you will appeal,
you finish up feeling this.
And you will take them to try to,
you know,
you do whatever is that you need to do.
I don't stop.
Yes.
School is named that you're not happy with.
No,
thank you.
Visit as many schools,
even do schools that are not listed.
You give your own research.
And I feel like for this part,
like sometimes,
if you're new to the journey,
maybe I can say all this because we've been on this journey for a while.
If I brand new in it as well,
maybe you won't know.
And that's what this platform is about.
And that's why we have to educate each other
because for the small spots,
some cameras just,
they're not neglected.
They just don't know.
Yes.
Yeah.
You're absolutely right.
Like I'm five years in the journey.
And my first the SP for my son,
they both have the SP now.
And every time I say that people are like,
who did you do?
Wow.
I did my research.
I did like,
I made sure I knew the law.
I made sure I did my research.
And I made sure I have the kitette for my child,
regardless of what anybody said.
But you're right.
It's like there are parents that,
either for any reason,
they are just not capable of doing it themselves.
Or they do not know how.
Or they are just simply afraid.
And this is a real issue with a lot of parents.
And the system,
unfortunately,
takes advantage of that.
And just tries to sit in out.
At the very time,
I have a child with a single,
wherever they're like,
I'm the vocalizing.
Like, how do you know so much?
How do you know?
I'm not like the expert in the field.
I'm the expert in my child.
My focus is him.
And anything that would ensure that he has best stats,
best believe it's unfitin' for it.
First believe it, I'm challenging you.
Because you know what, again, I found.
I'm much as, you know, I love our educators.
I am really grateful that we have a place
where we can put our children away.
They can learn and they can have like,
focus specialised learning, that is fantastic.
But at the same time, I have found.
And this goes with like, you know, educators
and make a couple of professionals too.
They only know what they know.
A lot of the things,
even in the spectrum,
that there's so much new knowledge.
There's so much new that they are discovering that.
Like, I cannot trust what you tell me.
I would take what you tell me.
But I'm always looking at my son and what my son needs
and see if that fits what he needs.
If it doesn't, I would challenge it.
And you are able to, you should not be afraid to voice in your face.
You don't have to be, you don't have to be a musical.
What the word I'm looking for, right?
It's been, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not fighting with anybody.
But you're making your voice heard.
Because remember, your child doesn't have a voice yet.
You have a voice.
So I have very polite, I have very nice
but you would know that I have,
I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, but if you don't, like, who else will?
And I feel like, I don't know if you have,
I check out your website.
I know you focus on like, you know, in Nigeria
and things like that.
But like, you have anything that will kind of help,
or do you know or can recommend anything
that will help parents that you don't team me
or just afraid, just need someone to hold their hand
to this process to help them so that they don't get
choned in the system as an epsilon of them, you know,
who's there?
Resources for autism is very good.
Because they do have like parent sessions
where you meet other parents of children on a spectrum
and I suppose sometimes with busy lives
because I used to attend a few of the sessions,
but then life happens.
But in a group of people,
because sometimes you just need to see somebody else
that understands, that just gets said
that you don't like, exploit, like,
they've worked that shoe or they're in the process as well.
And I feel like resources for autism is great
because they have those sessions where
you can meet other parents,
you can meet the ones that are so struggling,
like yourself, you meet the ones that are across that bridge,
you know, and community and networking is so important.
Because this journey is isolated.
It truly is.
It truly is like sometimes things happen
and then you just feel like it's happening to only you.
You feel like it's happening to only you,
but given the person,
my no-avis solution to this thing that you experience in,
my child is the person,
but I'm just saying that I'm a child doesn't do it.
Oh my child, this time,
it doesn't feel like such a weight.
Yeah.
This is the way the mind walks, just that doesn't help.
Just that you have the best knowledge
from other people that I believe this is.
It's been since my next question.
Like we've had a lot of cases where children,
especially black children have been misdiagnosed
or not even diagnosed at all,
have been just because of their race.
You know, falling through the crack,
it's a lot of been diagnosed for what they have,
or what, what's, you know,
we know that they have like, what are the,
how are you in short, that your child
received like the right resources,
you know, upwards of where he is right now,
from like ESCP, we talked about that,
then to like all of the other supports,
you know, a Christian therapist,
all of that stuff, I'll be in short
that that has been put in place for him.
You have to identify that it's a need,
and then look for the services that support that need.
And along the line, Kevin has met his heart unery,
he uneryches, you know, because he had issues with,
you know, the way change, they don't take to change,
and I said at the start of this video
that we used to live in Ireland.
When we moved to the UK,
your child can't regret and these are things that do.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Like we, you know, even though we struggled with school
because Kevin went to four schools in primary alone.
Oh, wow.
And two that was more settled.
It was, and I like to talk about this and things
for giving me your opportunity
to do because it's one of the regrets that I feel like I do have.
Because sometimes I have this mindset
that this is what we want.
Yeah.
But is it what your child needs to do?
I just had it that this cut looks good down the road.
I've had my eye on it.
And that's what my son says.
I don't want to do anything.
Oh my goodness.
It broke down.
I saw it on the left.
It's not much actually right now.
I feel really into the car.
Oh my goodness.
It broke down so badly that my son was spending more time
out and even though I fought for this,
fought for one to one, fought for everything like
he had the one to work.
He had the class.
They even made the space for him where,
you know, if he was feeling overwhelmed,
he could, you know, have his own corner.
If he was ready, he would be integrated back into the,
into the group, but it just wasn't for care.
I wanted it for him.
But it wasn't meant to be for him.
That, we, we personally would this people to be
as a professional, that is so,
yeah, every team of your kid.
Me, right.
And it wasn't okay,
but it's because he cracked the code.
That okay, if I just do a bit of them
for them to take me outside and I can't
you do get fresh air.
And it's not good.
He's made more time outside the class.
It's not good.
It's a class because he cracked the code
of all I have to do is just, you know,
from a few papers and you know,
my one to one would take me outside.
And it's important to understand that, you know,
what you want might not be what your child needs.
Yeah.
Because of whatever decisions you make us a parent.
And it constantly changes, doesn't it?
Like, it doesn't mean just because they are okay now,
that that will not change in the next year.
Right.
Why was saying?
We, like, when we moved to the UK,
we had like 43 in down to the T,
he was, you know, dry day and night.
And then this was my son again.
I was like, no, it's not me having it.
It's me.
It's not me having it.
It was a new environment,
new house, new class, new teach and new SCA,
new people.
That's a lot.
Find a new house.
It's a lot.
It was.
But for another time, I told gosh.
And it just, it hit me like a ton of,
I wasn't ready.
As I said, you started to bedwets again
and we had to get back to put the training that we got.
And I thought, yeah, they're going.
Yeah, I did.
And at some point then,
it started to have you, you're in a truck
in the section that you not go to,
you're in a racist clinic.
So whatever it is that your child,
you've identified, there's a service that you have gone,
look for that service.
That's where I was trying to get to.
When it became,
because people asked me a lot of workers
Kevin has a diagnosis of autism and a ditch
that I remember I had said this video already.
That it was such a long run.
When it was a child.
Yeah, right.
What was the diagnosis for HGAC?
When?
When you were six.
Six, okay.
Because like my child,
like I'm pretty sure it's going to have
that diagnosis where they're saying to wait
until it's six, six years old.
What was it?
So it was six when it was diagnosed.
And as I said before,
like going out is,
I just meet on him because in case he decides to,
you know, for example,
the police, I don't have a,
because it's not the only child.
But when we moved yet,
it's this,
it's a both behavior went on to net,
next level like we have to have talked on the windows
because obviously it's a two-year-old house.
So you know,
so all these things and that needs autism to do that.
So all these things,
whatever you identify,
you have to chase all the service that supports that need.
If your child is not talking,
those are down,
so it might be open that tomorrow to happen tomorrow.
But see your,
your parents get professional,
see your health visit or see your GP,
wherever you need to see share your concerns.
Because you have them anyway.
And it's lingering on your mind.
You're going to sleep on that,
you're thinking about it.
That's your smile for you.
You're something about it.
Yeah.
Because I just thought that need.
Yeah.
Thank you. So I could not have said it better.
Like, I have to pick up something you said about like,
you know,
shots in the windows and all that.
That is our reality, isn't it?
Like,
you have to wear it on the windows.
It was like there was a lot on the window.
That even if you try to open it,
it can't open more than like two inches.
There's no way we can do this.
It's not everything.
I take out the keys and hide my phone.
Like,
blessing is five.
It's the smartest little button.
It will go on look for the key.
If I put the key where you can get it on.
And it won't open it.
Wow.
You have to be extremely cautious.
And that is great that it's like you've said that.
Can we talk about schools?
It needs to be.
Because, you know,
we know that schools are struggling at the moment.
We know that things have not as this should be.
What were all the you believe schools
are the implications of some plays and supporting
neurodivergent children?
And what are the improvements you would like to see?
So I believe that with schools and parents,
yeah,
there needs to be more collaborative work in.
And sometimes the system doesn't make it easy,
but we have to make it happen.
So let me just give a bit of an example.
Like,
maybe if your child uses transport,
that already puts a barrier on if you're able to see
and tell the teacher,
oh, it is like well,
last night or, you know,
something is something is up.
So you have to ensure,
because that information is crucial
to whether your child is going to be a good day
with school or if I'm in the bad day
that it teaches at least have an idea.
So even if it's,
you know,
suddenly it's not in or even calling the school to let them know.
So sometimes I feel like teachers struggle
because they stop barrier in that communication,
because they might be a reason
for your child's presentation that they did at the teacher.
I know absolutely nothing about.
And then they just put it down as a BA video.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, gosh, that is a true God for me.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
Because sometimes I just feel like collaborative work
is very important.
Yeah.
You have to be conscious as well about me.
Because it's vice versa.
Your children, your child might come home with something
or maybe a scar or not feeling well
or something that has just not been communicated.
Yes.
I mean, and so I would say the one thing
that really needs to happen
is that collaborative work.
Yeah.
And a lot of things need to happen like resources.
Maybe, you know, that needs to be better.
Because sometimes you just find that
an environment needs to just be firsted
for the education of a child.
Yes.
And that's the ultimate class.
Sorry.
Oh, I know.
I don't know.
And I just might have to teach us
because I have three children.
And I really look down
when we are to be the teachers.
Hey, Jesus, Lord, I suffered.
I can't have a teacher.
I really look down when I just
have to be the teacher for only two children.
I don't know how to do it.
No, I don't.
I don't know.
One teacher might have just,
it's not easy to ridiculous to me
that even with the limited resources they have,
they have, they have two plans to caught it.
Like, like, where is that thinking coming from?
They want to be using our children as guinea pigs
for the experiments.
Because I know the logic behind reducing funding
in an already struggling education system.
I know.
Is this story for another thing?
I'm hoping that we can have a little bit of a task.
You and I, because I've enjoyed this so, so, so much.
You know, finally, like what message would you like?
It's a kind of share.
We knew it.
I've learned from that in the families.
You know, like, we know this can be very isolating journey.
Like, how do you feel like they can get, like,
away from that feeling of isolation
and feeling of not being supported within the community?
The best thing and it's what I live by is that your life
doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.
I don't remember that.
Really.
And it's, it's your reality.
Yeah.
And it doesn't need to be eaten away for anybody's satisfaction.
Like, there is this freeness that comes from living your authentic life.
There's, I can't, I can't explain it any better.
Like, I can't, like, there's just, you know,
sometimes we just have to keep up appearances.
You're having to keep up because it's just,
it's just too much.
That is this freeness.
Like, if somebody is coming to your house and they,
like, you can't know me.
I don't know my son.
That means you don't know me because I don't
I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know anybody's.
I don't know my son.
You don't know me.
If you don't know me, you don't know my son.
And if you're not accepting of my son or my family as we are,
then what am I doing with you?
That's what I'm saying.
And I like a lot for us, especially as, you know,
Black and brown people is just because we don't fit into what
people feel like family lives should look like or children,
should behave like or children should do for this.
And that can be sort of a bed in.
And that's my only message because that's what I live by.
I don't know about it myself with what you think that my life
should look like or my kids should look like because my kids
look exactly what you should look like and what you was creating.
That's a look like.
So my would I be doing so, so much so that he comes.
It's like, I don't have energy left.
Very big problems.
Like, I don't know.
I'm just being, I'm just being.
I'm just being.
I like the effect for it to be beautiful.
Just leave your life the way it is.
And the conscious about finding the joy because things life is
important.
So you just have to pick to the joy you have in your life.
Do be honest with yourself about what you need.
You have to critically think about it that for me to actually
not lose it.
Yeah.
Not miss that.
And just like this conversation, if you have a partner or family
member speak to your relatives as well, like,
my husband knows that once a lot of people, yeah, please
a bag, I have to go.
I'm sorry.
I just can't learn the method.
You're not going to go.
I'm looking at you.
I'm like that is where I want to be.
I'm going to be like, oh, I have to go.
And I come back and, you know, even my children, you know, they see it.
And they even miss you.
And you know, I can't emphasize it.
And I can't, I can't, I can't recommend it.
And it doesn't even have to, you just have to find what that thing is for you.
It doesn't have to be like you want to be just, you know,
I don't know, sitting in your garden,
and the cup of tea when someone is taking your child for a walk,
or you're going and having the meal or going to the cinema.
Some people are mostly in their friends.
They're not, you know, because you just feel like,
I don't even know what's happening.
Yeah, yeah.
It's more damaging that you can ever imagine it is.
Thank you so much.
That is brilliant.
Like, I cannot, like, for anything you just said.
Can you please, I'm sure for sure people know already.
I appreciate where people can find you social media,
and your website, and any kind of project that you're working on at the moment.
Okay, so I was that with the project because it really is so
that my heart and it's called the Tala Foundation,
Tavkase for short, and it's just more so to build a community
in Nigeria and from Nigeria, because autism,
awareness, if we think it's bad in the UK.
Okay, please don't get me started on Nigeria.
And things are happening like pain, also,
so things, you know, that terminate down to which crowd,
oh, please, also things are happening back on that.
You just need the awareness and again, the resources are just not there.
So Tavkase, please follow and support us.
We're just looking to create awareness in the schools.
Like, you won't believe specialness, school in Nigeria is for everybody.
That less of your diagnosis, it's literally like a place to put children
that they think that doesn't fit.
Yeah, I think I like the site heritage,
hospitals in Nigeria, where even if you have depression or whatever,
everybody is there, like in the same space.
Yeah, educating children that have autism alongside visually impaired children.
I don't even have intellectual disability.
You just physically disabled children.
That's what we're looking to do back home.
It's just bringing awareness to the grassroots people.
The people that are not even on Instagram, the people that are not on Instagram,
the people that are trying to get true to.
So please do support us in any way that you can.
And then I share, you know, my antics with my son and I
really like, I'm a bunch of, on Instagram,
raising Kevin on TikTok, at raising Kevin as well and on Facebook, I'm trying to be good with
Facebook, both Facebook, and raising Kevin.
Thank you.
Thank you. I'm going to put that on the screen.
So people can see I'm following and share.
And I can say, for the fact that your timeline is extremely
foreign and interesting to watch. So there's definitely
a little on Instagram. Thank you.
Well, I'm always happy to be a part of anything that
shares awareness, brings community.
Or even just shares our story because our voice and our stories
makes a be heard.
Thank you.