1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:18,000
I love the music.

2
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:24,480
Hello and welcome to inclusive stories. My name is Brooklyn and I'm here with the amazing

3
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:31,200
Tala is one to care and if you follow on social media you know follow the stories of

4
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:36,880
Kevin and I family and I'm so so so so so excited to have our on the podcast. It's kind of

5
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:44,320
like yeah inside wisdom and story. I tell that welcome. Hello thank you for having me and I am so happy

6
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:50,320
to be here. Absolutely fantastic. Fantastic. Right so we're just gonna get right down to it.

7
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:57,600
Like I usually say what we do here at inclusive stories pretty much get into the core of our story.

8
00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:03,920
It's telling us stories whatever they are and making sure that we are creating the community

9
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:08,720
where other other parents like Casal rocking the same path can feel supportive,

10
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:14,960
hered, seen and validated. So can you just tell us a little bit about yourself tell us your

11
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:25,360
background. Okay so my name is Tala. I am wife and mom of three. Kevin is my eldest is just

12
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:33,280
done 18 and he has two longer siblings. Kayla is 15 and Caden was the last baby is 89.

13
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:44,400
I am Nigerian. By background I live now in the UK. For work I am a public health nurse.

14
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:50,240
So I do that as my 95 and I also quite recently at the start of this year,

15
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:57,600
started to share you know our journey with autism because I kind of just have a bigger goal

16
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:05,040
back home of having some type of support for families, back home just to you know raise awareness

17
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:12,240
and promote acceptance of autism. Also here in the UK have you know a sense of community for

18
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:17,600
parents like myself raise enough to stick children. So that's me kind of in the nutshell.

19
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:23,520
That is fantastic. I love that you know we're just getting stuck right into it. You mentioned

20
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:30,400
back in Nigeria you know having to create support for children and families on this spectrum.

21
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,880
Can you tell us that we your own personality experience can you tell us it'd be about your

22
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:39,680
experience as a parent of a child on this spectrum or where we challenge is that you face

23
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:46,080
because we do have an Nigerian community in the UK. All the world's challenges also put you know

24
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:57,280
that you found in the community. So in terms of my journey with my child with autism

25
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:07,200
it I was extremely clueless like I had no idea you know I needed my husband like we you know

26
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:12,800
when you know you've been told something I like okay is what you're talking about like we

27
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:21,040
were completely clueless clueless clueless clueless and for the most part I it was difficult because

28
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:27,680
we had to start from scratch basically and I couldn't say that or I had this relative or I had

29
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:33,440
you know someone that could point me in the right direction or you know model how I'm supposed to

30
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:38,320
parent this child that I've been blessed with or even give me any advice or tips whatsoever. So

31
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:45,040
it was a case where you know we just had to roll with the punches and it wasn't easy because

32
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:53,840
for the fact that I had a child here in my hands that you know I had responsibility for

33
00:03:54,400 --> 00:04:00,480
and I was clueless as to I just knew that his journey would be different but more way that

34
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:09,280
happened I had no idea and then like Kevin was born in 2005 like there was no TikTok or Instagram or

35
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:17,600
even like sessions things on Google is not the same as it is now so we didn't really have

36
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:22,720
resources we just had the professionals that told you stuff and that's what you took and I just

37
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:28,240
remember you know it's time we go to an appointment you just you you I just go back home even more

38
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:34,240
terrified because you just started here things about okay you know it might not speak it might not

39
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:40,880
be independent it was just all that type of stuff and I was just desperate to you know you feel

40
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:46,000
you feel like it's only happening to you because I couldn't see anybody else in my community with the

41
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:52,320
same that for reality that I was living and or even someone that I could aspire to that okay this

42
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:58,080
is what you know my son would maybe grow up to look like or be like or act like or gee get

43
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:04,640
what I mean and yeah that was the most difficult bit was just not knowing and here it's all this

44
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:11,120
things that were just extremely stressful when you know your young parents just trying to you know

45
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:19,360
get a long way parenting and as suppose the day that son was diagnosed myself from a husband

46
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:26,640
when we went that office and it just broke down like and I felt like that day I didn't get an opportunity

47
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:33,440
to react because he was doing the reactive for both of us and I was just stunned and you know

48
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:41,200
he had his moment that day and I felt like mine started to happen as a time went along when you know

49
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:45,600
sometimes they say something to you and it just kind of like okay you don't know anything and then

50
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:53,440
you know when you start to live this experience it becomes your reality and you for me anyway it was

51
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:58,320
two options because as I said we didn't have insights into what the future was going to look like so

52
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:02,160
it was either we just say okay this is the time whether we've been blessed with our just going to

53
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:06,720
run for all the punches and do what we have to do or you can actually sink into what you've been

54
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:16,000
told and let that take over you in terms of what you know our community was like I wouldn't

55
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:23,440
I suppose now back then there was not much awareness about autism so it's easy for people to

56
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,720
call your child to stop on or you know say that you're not discipline him them enough or you know

57
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:35,200
suggest two thousand things that you're doing wrong or you should be doing and for the most

58
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:45,440
part like I had my mom bless her so and she in Africa in general I think that the in terms of

59
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:52,640
disability we only believe you're disabled if we can see it like if I don't know you

60
00:06:52,640 --> 00:07:00,640
I'm doing something like if you didn't look in a certain way you're not considered so and in my

61
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:05,760
mom's eyes this kid that she had she was still going to train the same way he was still going to

62
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:10,720
do his potty training and it was still going to sit down in front of his ABC board and let his ABCs and

63
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:16,960
all of this thing and for the most part you know that was beneficial for Kevin because his sister was

64
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:22,560
born he is almost three years older than his sister so it was right after she was born because he

65
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:28,800
was diagnosed that force of my daughter was born already when he got his diagnosis and I feel like

66
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:35,840
that was a blessing for ourselves because she was so quick with everything and you know she was in

67
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:42,800
a space so much like it would be didn't want to play because before she came along he just enjoyed

68
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,400
lonely because there was nobody else to play with anyway and he just enjoyed being by himself

69
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,880
but they came a little sister that was always in this space always taking his toys that he wants to

70
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:56,800
line up or who is you know and for some part I feel like she dragged the communication out of it

71
00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:02,720
because the out of him because he had to learn to tell her to get out of no or don't touch my stuff

72
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:08,240
and all this type of things and a lot of the things that happened for Kevin when he was younger

73
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:14,400
happened alongside his sibling because she's she's nearer to because so you know they went to the

74
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:18,800
they ended up with the same nursery where we tried to try to school for him they went to the same

75
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:23,600
school and they were in the starting things like that so I felt like that did you know helping

76
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:29,680
for the most part for community wise it was difficult because you you go to we were Christians and

77
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:34,720
then you go to church and you tell this to me well pastor is preaching and everybody is looking

78
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:41,600
and telling you say in shush you know I was blessed in terms of my my church at the time was you

79
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:46,000
know when because Kevin was born in Ireland we moved to the UK almost ten years ago

80
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:51,120
all right but the church was a small family church and I attended the church since I was pregnant

81
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:56,560
you know even way before Kevin was born and they didn't know Kevin any other way and I found that

82
00:08:56,560 --> 00:09:02,160
that was a blessing because it's not the Kevin that you know they've raised since you you know it was a

83
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:07,360
brand new baby and they made accommodations for him which is amazing all our kinds of things you can't

84
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:13,840
yeah the the children's teacher at that time was just bless his art it was just amazing like

85
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:18,480
because Kevin wanted to stay with me he didn't want to go to church but this man will come for him

86
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:23,200
and and Tyson which he knows the type of sweet Kevin likes you know he would entice him you know

87
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,920
giving the picture books of the Bible stories like they did really try to accommodate as much as

88
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:32,560
possible but you still have time where maybe you go to another church and a child and I still have

89
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:37,920
experiences now not for my own child because I'm a dog now but that you know a child might

90
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:43,520
you know be still man or making some vocal sounds and people suddenly turn off all

91
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:48,080
telemetry issues and those are the type of things that I would say in my immediate family and so blessed

92
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:53,920
that Kevin is the first grandchild now in my family when my son of the family so he is so spoiled

93
00:09:53,920 --> 00:10:01,280
by the time I was watching him I was like oh my goodness he is so so spoiled like my dad is

94
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,640
coming today and after this book I actually have to go on and pick him up and he's just been talking

95
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:10,560
about you know seeing like he's the first grandchild and he's just I couldn't fault the support I get

96
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:16,480
from my family but I suppose we have to talk about the reality of what we can't you know what

97
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:22,960
we do often experience this. I'm so impressed of that even way back then like you still have

98
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:27,760
people there as so and I know like this is a very talk to subject I mean we should not be

99
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:34,240
overly appreciative of being a kind of data right but the reality of it is we have more cases

100
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:39,680
that none where we are not you know I thought about opportunities I still experience it today and

101
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:50,880
you be amazed like I went to my took my sons to hospital to the GP and usually I don't take them

102
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:57,440
both at the same time because it's quite a lot I did have a choice I had to and members of the

103
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:04,320
GP surgery my sons vocalist team the same vocalist and the same movement and the West

104
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:14,400
team and I was told from like the reception area to you turn into quiet down I was and you

105
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:23,280
would think that we would in 2023 be synthesized especially when you need medical field they do not

106
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:29,280
answer you that every child is been allowed just for the sick of being allowed and things like that I

107
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:35,040
had to say and it always like he hurts me every time I have to say that and I'm trying and this is

108
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:40,720
for me and learning and also I'm still trying to learn to be better advocate for my son

109
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:47,680
not to explain why he's a team in and just to say he's a team in but I have to say always on the

110
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:53,680
spectrum I'm trying to not to I'm trying not to you know I have to explain that to anybody because

111
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:58,960
nobody nobody should demand that of me I should not be able to actually not be the first to stay

112
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:05,760
always on the spectrum so understanding no it's a me that's it so I'm just honestly like in your

113
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:11,520
experience how do you think stigma the stigma in the my not actually my not to come easy

114
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:17,200
how do you think it affects our children and their growth and your confidence because

115
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:24,080
for me the focus should be them right I have the personality experience of them today where I've

116
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:29,840
got people you know in my media community not really family but community yeah they're not like

117
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:38,720
not not not being mean but just a little bit ignorant and and same things like oh you're overreacting

118
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:45,280
you're still snabbard it this is what's alien you're snabbard over it or you're no no no every child

119
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:52,240
every child in stop or kind of like what you said like how do you think this affects like how we connect

120
00:12:52,240 --> 00:13:00,240
with our children and their connections to our own community I think it's in two parts because

121
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:07,840
sometimes it's those type of norms and beliefs that we have in our community can you know

122
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:17,280
it can stare out you parent unless no one because it can have you denying for so long because

123
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:22,320
my mother said as well that oh you will grow out of you boys are so slow to talk boys don't

124
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:29,120
fuck quickly you know so sometimes and sometimes I look back and I kick myself a little bit and

125
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:33,120
then I snuck back and say come on I used to have been long time and you didn't know any better at

126
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:38,880
that time because I thought that maybe if I had known what I knew now kept it wouldn't have been

127
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:45,040
three before like even at three it was because the nursery had concerns like it was it's my

128
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:50,240
first kid so I don't know what age children are supposed to be talking at or doing this or that

129
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:55,280
at but because the nursery had concerns and they said oh maybe you should take him for an

130
00:13:55,280 --> 00:14:00,320
assessment that's why you know I then did but you if you because the feedback I was getting

131
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,640
from my family and as I said Kevin is a first-grandchild so we all sat this one boy that we all just

132
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:09,040
had a lot that boy's a slow boy doesn't have anybody else that's why by the time we have

133
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,360
two children three children everything will be okay when any move from back to our one is five

134
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,440
everything oh no any start school everything there was always some next thing for you to look

135
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:24,000
forward to and that could I suppose influence your parenting then you then feel like oh but it's okay

136
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:31,200
and then there's the other part that it could make you completely insecure and I used to have so much

137
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:40,160
worries of being out and about with him in case he didn't act right and when Kevin was smart it was a

138
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:49,200
runner oh my good mom it was all right so simple like I wasn't ready to be going anywhere if my husband

139
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:54,080
wasn't coming because then when there was two of them and you know but that's maybe it's

140
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:58,400
to sell being the body and he has to like hold on to the body beside me like if they decide to take off

141
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,280
and then you start to think I'm not supposed to stay with the body or a little body I run after

142
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:06,240
this child then you can't make it just the same thing it's enough to keep me at home

143
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:12,320
until you're like okay no no no no no no it's not what the upper so it's not I can't be

144
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:17,200
bothered but so that's why I said it's in super that it can make you relax that not do anything

145
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:25,840
or it can make you I put away I'm for me it just I just didn't know my son any other way

146
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,920
and I just wanted to make accommodations that I couldn't even though I might understand it was

147
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:34,720
very little I just tried to make the best accommodations that I could and try to understand

148
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:40,800
is what and even till now like I don't think you could ever fully understand how an autistic

149
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:48,000
person's brain works but if you just have the mindset of the fact that it's different to yours

150
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:55,360
and the best you can do is accommodated like Kevin is 18 now and I tell you is routine

151
00:15:55,360 --> 00:16:05,280
it doesn't play I was telling you before we started this podcast that I had to be I had to borrow

152
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:09,120
his headphones because I thought I needed that but I said don't can't even whisper on your headphones

153
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:13,040
and ask me for how long I said it should have been bothering me now and I told you if I was

154
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:17,520
still using those headphones down I didn't want to be coming back for a snap of the camera

155
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:24,720
I don't even have a camera to see like the clockwork there and everybody knows me I'm still

156
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:31,120
for five there routine if I've deviated from it by one thing oh my goodness

157
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:37,040
and I asked the thing though and this is one of the things I'm most passionate about right

158
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:41,520
it's so great for us to have like special school special education schools and all that

159
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:45,200
my son goes through mainstream school I want him to go through mainstream school

160
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:51,760
obviously if he's you know if he's not able to like hope there I'm hoping to you know other things

161
00:16:51,760 --> 00:17:02,800
but my things instead of creating specialised spaces for children on the spectrum we as a

162
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:10,400
community as a society need to be more inclusive in every way so creating accommodations

163
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:15,920
like you just mentioned making sure that parents like ourselves for example you know when

164
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:21,120
you talked about even though you had no like in that knowledge of on the spectrum but your

165
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:27,760
focus was your child how am I going to make sure my child is okay you know and I know I've

166
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:32,720
spoken to a lot of parents that have faced like you know Steve Maad discrimination that even

167
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:39,760
a lot of the time when I'd cost about my child or my son I get messages to my partner through

168
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:46,880
extended family who why you see stuff like that and that is something that is a reality

169
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,840
for a lot of parents and they're often afraid or ashamed even talk about that you

170
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:57,840
that's in that you then it's you know it's a boo and what I do see to them is that like as

171
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:03,920
long as your focus and your goal is making sure that your child as the best possible outcome

172
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:08,880
in any second you're fine because they always ask me how do I do this in the face of Steve Ma

173
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:14,160
what would you like to have to that like what would you like to say to a parents like in the face of

174
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:20,240
this in the face of like opposition on you know either because of their child or even talking

175
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:27,120
about their child how to do you navigate this so it's great that you mentioned that because since

176
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:34,400
I started to post online on my goodness it's a it's a struggle to keep up with messages and

177
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:41,520
I didn't I didn't ever see it coming here and for the most part what I find

178
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:51,280
not what I find difficult to process is maybe I make a post for example about maybe

179
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:57,120
journey or early signs of autism for example I would get ton of messages oh my son is doing this

180
00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:03,360
my son is oh my child is doing this and but they would come into your DMs but not feel

181
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:09,280
comfortable enough to leave that comment on their the post I might have answered you know

182
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:17,360
and parents would then say to me that oh you know they have the fear of you know the family

183
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:24,080
their relatives knowing or disorder and I'm like that is a good place to start the place that is

184
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:30,320
not giving a care what someone else has to say because if you just free yourself of that bedding

185
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:39,520
it will let you see front or whether see front yes if you just free like I selected share about

186
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:46,400
but because at this point I'm like my smile is living in life

187
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:53,200
it's again I want to answer Uncle that feel like you're not acting right or like left or left

188
00:19:53,200 --> 00:20:00,180
so I am happy about Israeli is progress where it's years now and we still have a

189
00:20:00,180 --> 00:20:04,980
a lot of struggles and a lot of things that were working on. But I've come from and this is

190
00:20:04,980 --> 00:20:09,540
why and maybe that's why I thought at a place to share. I know where we came from. Not

191
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:13,860
know if he was going to speak to us, not knowing what anything would look like and he's

192
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:21,460
in college now is traveling independently to and from college. He can sort himself out, he can

193
00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:28,100
make his own food, he's so passionate about his fitness and I'm like if this is what I can

194
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:34,820
give to other parents that or that I desperately needed because I did not see it coming. I did not see

195
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:40,260
it coming and I'm just if there's nothing else I get from it. It's that relief when people say

196
00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:47,140
oh you give me hope for my child. Oh yes. Oh I make sure. It makes my head work because I know

197
00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:52,740
our desperate I was to hear something like that. Do you want to hear that? It's okay because you

198
00:20:52,740 --> 00:21:01,540
don't have a clue. No I'm not mean. Oh yes. I say to parents.

199
00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:14,900
I said the first time I saw you instagram. My son is slim and tall too. It was like I was looking at him

200
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:26,340
in like 17 years. I know that was when I would have cried out. One of the things that I said

201
00:21:26,340 --> 00:21:33,060
is when I was talking to a lot of parents, right? One of the biggest fears for us as friends of

202
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:42,100
children's spectrum is not knowing what the future or not knowing what like how much of

203
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:46,340
life can our children live. How can they be independent? Will they be independent? Will they

204
00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:51,780
go to school? Will they have a job? Will they be able to do the things that we when we were pregnant

205
00:21:51,780 --> 00:21:58,260
were imagining life would be for them? I've gone two boys on the spectrum, right? I remember when I

206
00:21:58,260 --> 00:22:04,100
first remember first I had like the first diagnosis and my second son. I had that those moments

207
00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:12,100
where in my head as much as I was, you know, I loved my baby. I'm accepting a voice. I had this

208
00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:18,180
nagging thing in my mind like oh maybe maybe his brother is not going to be, you know, maybe his brother

209
00:22:18,180 --> 00:22:25,380
would do the football that I would always start about him would do. I know that. But it is I have

210
00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:33,220
come to realize now that same people like yourself that have believed this experience is exactly

211
00:22:33,220 --> 00:22:39,780
what we need. Is exactly the kind of inspiration that we need because for a parent like myself

212
00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:45,540
I don't have you all together. I'm just a figure in it out and I can have my moments like I just

213
00:22:45,540 --> 00:22:50,340
said where I'm like thinking oh my second son might not have it, you know that he's just real, that's

214
00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:58,500
just real for you. That is very real. Sharing your story that's why I will never stop talking.

215
00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:03,540
Like I will never like it's not it's not the easiest thing and I'm sure it's not the easiest thing for you.

216
00:23:03,540 --> 00:23:08,340
Just getting in front of the world and saying this is me, this is my kids. You know at

217
00:23:08,340 --> 00:23:13,780
back you remember that people would judge. They might not say to your face. But I don't care

218
00:23:13,780 --> 00:23:19,460
because I know that if you can do that for me, if parents like yourself have seen

219
00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:25,220
can do that for me then I can do that for the parents. Which for me is the most important thing,

220
00:23:25,220 --> 00:23:33,380
you know, gosh, every episode I'm like emotional, it's so much to me but god leave.

221
00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:44,740
Okay but it is really emotional stuff and it is a lot as a parent like I a lot of people would

222
00:23:44,740 --> 00:23:53,940
message me and say oh how do you stay so positive and I'm like it's a choice. It's a choice. It's

223
00:23:53,940 --> 00:24:04,500
either like I stick onto any spec of joy in my life. It's a conscious effort that you have to make

224
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:13,940
because there are a lot of things that make you not see that joy. Yeah. There are a lot of things.

225
00:24:13,940 --> 00:24:22,340
Like like come in life, like this is funny. It's funny. It's really funny. But you just it's a

226
00:24:22,340 --> 00:24:29,300
conscious effort that you have to make. I look at it this way. I have to keep my sanity because I have

227
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:35,380
three children that they're like some teachers. They're not on a path. Absolutely.

228
00:24:35,380 --> 00:24:40,980
Absolutely. The way is that going to make me feel slightly good about myself. I'm taking

229
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:47,940
the evidence as seen as a threat. It was a great, I'm not doing it. And that's why I say to

230
00:24:47,940 --> 00:24:52,980
people I don't have anything together. I just know that the little things that are slightly

231
00:24:52,980 --> 00:24:58,580
evil looking together in my life, I'm going to hang on to it. Oh yes. I'm talking about together.

232
00:24:59,780 --> 00:25:06,100
I love to talk about self-care because I'm struggling self-care. I struggle.

233
00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:13,540
I know what it is. I know what it is. I try to find it. You kind of share some of your tips.

234
00:25:13,540 --> 00:25:19,060
I don't know when you travel a lot because I have friends. It's the way to stay safe.

235
00:25:21,860 --> 00:25:30,580
Living longer. Can you share like how that has helped you in your parenting? You focus

236
00:25:30,580 --> 00:25:36,660
in that time in yourself. How important that is. I would like to stay specific that it is a place

237
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:45,060
that you have to get to. Mom guilt is real. It doesn't mean that you take in time out to

238
00:25:45,060 --> 00:25:49,940
look after yourself to prioritize yourself. There's no 20 voices in your head saying,

239
00:25:49,940 --> 00:25:58,500
I'll guide you out there. You live your kid out. I say it's something that I know that I need

240
00:25:58,500 --> 00:26:04,820
for myself. It's not something that I want. It's something that I need. You have to look at it this

241
00:26:04,820 --> 00:26:09,460
way. It's your at home and your on edge. You can just put the cup there and you're snapping.

242
00:26:09,460 --> 00:26:16,020
Or you know your heart will literally just walk. If you're not screaming this much, you are just walking.

243
00:26:17,860 --> 00:26:24,900
Why are you walking out? Where is your cute glasses? I'm getting so fresh.

244
00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:34,340
Okay. There's barriers to you getting to that place. Because I have also blessed

245
00:26:34,340 --> 00:26:38,580
that, you know. As I said before, I had my mother. She slept just ayr I with five years ago.

246
00:26:38,580 --> 00:26:44,180
They're all the same. If I needed to go somewhere for two days, my mom got my kid covered,

247
00:26:44,180 --> 00:26:51,940
and I know that. It's a blessing in my life that I'm grateful for. And then

248
00:26:51,940 --> 00:26:54,800
And now again, like my kids are the edgewear,

249
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,400
cause sometimes there's this thing about moms

250
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:58,360
that you just feel like,

251
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,080
did that, that just not go to drink with job.

252
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:00,900
Ha ha ha.

253
00:27:03,340 --> 00:27:04,680
Help me.

254
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:05,520
Yeah.

255
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,020
What you doing, great job.

256
00:27:12,020 --> 00:27:13,020
I don't know.

257
00:27:13,020 --> 00:27:14,520
She's not up to your standard.

258
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,300
They'll keep the lives.

259
00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:17,120
Hatch.

260
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:20,640
They're looking at the kids.

261
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,640
Oh, I used to, like my husband is horrible at doing laundry.

262
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:25,880
Oh my goodness.

263
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,080
It's a day.

264
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,400
Ha ha ha.

265
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,400
But now I'm like, look, it makes sense.

266
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,120
If they like that grace, it's bad.

267
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:35,400
It's what you be, you know, we will live.

268
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,440
So you have to, like, like the kids are grown now

269
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:39,680
and they can kind of, you know,

270
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,040
for the most part, do stuff for themselves.

271
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,600
But I just know that.

272
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,440
If I go, they have their dad and I know that.

273
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,480
Even if he doesn't use my approach to things,

274
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,960
he would, he would always have their best interest

275
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,160
that's at and that's good.

276
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,520
For now, two days or three days or one week

277
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,920
that you're gone, it might be the exact way you want it.

278
00:27:58,920 --> 00:27:59,920
But it's okay.

279
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,920
Because I'm back home to a live and well kids.

280
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:03,760
It's okay.

281
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,960
It's like a pile of laundry or, you know,

282
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,000
the laundry back that is rolling over on the floor

283
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,080
and there's clothes dripping out of it.

284
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:11,560
I hope it came from where I left off.

285
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,080
I just need that time.

286
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,160
It's essential for you.

287
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:17,600
I knew mention something about,

288
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,200
like, not everybody has a privilege of having family leave

289
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,200
to support.

290
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,400
This is why it's important to create your own village.

291
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,240
It can be family, it can be friends.

292
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,520
And I, we both are difficult to find your tribe.

293
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,880
But when you do that, it's like,

294
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,400
you can help support each other.

295
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,360
I am in the process of growing my tribe,

296
00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:38,920
growing my own village.

297
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,120
I'm still not at the place where I can leave my child

298
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,840
or my children anywhere other than with their father.

299
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,040
But when I get to that space,

300
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:48,920
which is the goal, you know,

301
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:53,200
you will be able to have this much needed brick.

302
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,880
Unless they break this word brick,

303
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,160
it seems to be taboo for a lot of parents.

304
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,920
I chose to say it to my own chest.

305
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,000
Great.

306
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,880
Because it is an unbound deal.

307
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:06,800
How dare you say,

308
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,360
Brought day you want to take a break.

309
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,000
Yes, I need the brick, I need the rest plate.

310
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,360
I need to recharge.

311
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:19,120
Like before pandemic, I used to go one night's vacation.

312
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:20,320
I don't go anywhere.

313
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:24,600
Just vacation, London, one or two nights by myself,

314
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:25,960
because I wanted to sleep.

315
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,640
Actually, I need to sleep.

316
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:29,480
That's interesting.

317
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,400
I remember when I was taking a break in my house,

318
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,760
and my children would not wake me up or do something.

319
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,320
So even if it's that,

320
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:40,720
even if it's just finding pockets of moments

321
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:44,160
in your day where you have things to yourself.

322
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,200
You don't have to feel guilty about it.

323
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,280
It is absolutely okay,

324
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,320
because if you mentioned,

325
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,920
if you start slapping at the kids,

326
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:54,760
and it's not doing it any good,

327
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:56,520
and I get easy to trigger.

328
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,480
I get easy to trigger, I don't say that.

329
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,640
So I don't know what to be trigger.

330
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:02,800
Let me just do what I need to do for myself,

331
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,960
so that I can be the best possible mom

332
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,520
and parents from my children.

333
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,000
I think that is extremely important.

334
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:14,120
I want to go back a little bit.

335
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:19,120
I want to, after diagnosis, navigating education.

336
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,480
Because I find this so, oh gosh,

337
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,800
I feel like I'm a part anti-forcaid.

338
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,600
Like every time I see him and like,

339
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,000
you know, here we speak,

340
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,520
like this exploiting collides,

341
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,160
like, oh my goodness,

342
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,680
our fantastic is this.

343
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,720
Can you just kind of walk us through

344
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,520
how you navigated the almighty ACP?

345
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:41,520
Choose this?

346
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,880
Well, maybe we'll start from this.

347
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,200
It's really the almighty ACP.

348
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:48,640
Because that's the last thing.

349
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,840
It's so fascinating, right?

350
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,840
Because that, all my goodness,

351
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,520
it's literally like, go,

352
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,880
go, just like the belt,

353
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,320
or not given it to anybody.

354
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,440
And I walk there and say,

355
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,880
it's planned not to find any address.

356
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:06,720
You go.

357
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:11,720
I think just to say as well that,

358
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,600
I had a call with another mom yesterday.

359
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,440
She's Nigerian as well.

360
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:21,520
And I said to her that,

361
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,000
one of the things that you have to realize

362
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,640
is that things are not going to land on your lap

363
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,440
and you have to be ready to do.

364
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,520
And no matter how much you look to other people,

365
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:33,360
it's okay.

366
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:35,560
It's okay.

367
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:36,920
Because like,

368
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:39,720
it's water needed.

369
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:41,000
Yes.

370
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:41,640
And you,

371
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,320
you shouldn't be ready for that battle

372
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,520
because you are your child's best advocate.

373
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:50,080
Like they have no one else put yourself.

374
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:50,920
Yes.

375
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:52,720
And even though,

376
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:53,080
like, you know,

377
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,160
there's professionals that know all these things,

378
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:56,000
it's good.

379
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:57,040
They're expecting autism,

380
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,480
not in your child.

381
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,160
So if somebody comes and tells me,

382
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:00,680
hey,

383
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:01,680
it's a good thing.

384
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:02,680
It's a good thing.

385
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:03,280
Yeah,

386
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,480
if professionals, they're expecting autism,

387
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,600
you are the experts in your child's life.

388
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,000
You have to live with them.

389
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:09,840
You better them.

390
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,280
You know them.

391
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,440
They know the textbook.

392
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:13,840
You know your kids.

393
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:14,680
Yes.

394
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:15,440
And as we know,

395
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,600
autism is a spectrum.

396
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,080
No two people are the same.

397
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,200
So if someone comes,

398
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,200
besides with the age of GCP,

399
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:24,240
I say to parents,

400
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,040
you have to be ready for battle

401
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,120
because they're not going to knock you up.

402
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:27,320
I said,

403
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:27,720
oh, yes,

404
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:28,520
you're up to the end.

405
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:28,640
Hey,

406
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:29,120
hey,

407
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:29,960
hey,

408
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:30,800
that's what you want.

409
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,120
Here you go.

410
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,120
And it's an essential document.

411
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,480
Like it's open to age 25.

412
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,720
And it just guarantees it's a legal document

413
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,080
that you will have to support

414
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:41,360
that your child needs.

415
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:42,680
And if they're trying to buy

416
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:43,520
a short short short,

417
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,240
got you that you have legal powers.

418
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,080
And they're real.

419
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,520
And it's a default for them too.

420
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,480
That is my legal experience.

421
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:52,320
Oh my gosh.

422
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:53,480
Absolutely.

423
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,720
So I know that it's difficult these days,

424
00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,040
but you have to have the mindset of advocacy.

425
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,320
Like you have to be ready to put it there.

426
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,000
You can apply and then they would,

427
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:04,960
you know, deny you,

428
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:06,000
you will appeal,

429
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,200
you finish up feeling this.

430
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,480
And you will take them to try to,

431
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:08,680
you know,

432
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,600
you do whatever is that you need to do.

433
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:11,800
I don't stop.

434
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:12,640
Yes.

435
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:13,240
Yes.

436
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:14,080
Yes.

437
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:14,920
Yes.

438
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,320
School is named that you're not happy with.

439
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:17,640
No,

440
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:18,960
thank you.

441
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,240
Visit as many schools,

442
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,120
even do schools that are not listed.

443
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:23,640
You give your own research.

444
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,280
And I feel like for this part,

445
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:26,840
like sometimes,

446
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,560
if you're new to the journey,

447
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,800
maybe I can say all this because we've been on this journey for a while.

448
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:32,960
If I brand new in it as well,

449
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:33,800
maybe you won't know.

450
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,480
And that's what this platform is about.

451
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,080
And that's why we have to educate each other

452
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,520
because for the small spots,

453
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:39,680
some cameras just,

454
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:40,880
they're not neglected.

455
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,320
They just don't know.

456
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,120
Yes.

457
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:43,800
Yeah.

458
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:44,600
You're absolutely right.

459
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:47,200
Like I'm five years in the journey.

460
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,160
And my first the SP for my son,

461
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:51,520
they both have the SP now.

462
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:52,960
And every time I say that people are like,

463
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:53,800
who did you do?

464
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:54,640
Wow.

465
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:57,080
I did my research.

466
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,040
I did like,

467
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,200
I made sure I knew the law.

468
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,960
I made sure I did my research.

469
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,040
And I made sure I have the kitette for my child,

470
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,080
regardless of what anybody said.

471
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:08,280
But you're right.

472
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,000
It's like there are parents that,

473
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,680
either for any reason,

474
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:15,120
they are just not capable of doing it themselves.

475
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,040
Or they do not know how.

476
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,520
Or they are just simply afraid.

477
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,720
And this is a real issue with a lot of parents.

478
00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:22,120
And the system,

479
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,360
unfortunately,

480
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:24,520
takes advantage of that.

481
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,600
And just tries to sit in out.

482
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,000
At the very time,

483
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,600
I have a child with a single,

484
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,480
wherever they're like,

485
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:32,480
I'm the vocalizing.

486
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,280
Like, how do you know so much?

487
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:35,280
How do you know?

488
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,760
I'm not like the expert in the field.

489
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,920
I'm the expert in my child.

490
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:41,560
My focus is him.

491
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,320
And anything that would ensure that he has best stats,

492
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,840
best believe it's unfitin' for it.

493
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,800
First believe it, I'm challenging you.

494
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,560
Because you know what, again, I found.

495
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,600
I'm much as, you know, I love our educators.

496
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,920
I am really grateful that we have a place

497
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:58,360
where we can put our children away.

498
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,640
They can learn and they can have like,

499
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,280
focus specialised learning, that is fantastic.

500
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,480
But at the same time, I have found.

501
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,600
And this goes with like, you know, educators

502
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:11,640
and make a couple of professionals too.

503
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:13,880
They only know what they know.

504
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:16,360
A lot of the things,

505
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:17,880
even in the spectrum,

506
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,920
that there's so much new knowledge.

507
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,280
There's so much new that they are discovering that.

508
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,000
Like, I cannot trust what you tell me.

509
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,040
I would take what you tell me.

510
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,680
But I'm always looking at my son and what my son needs

511
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,640
and see if that fits what he needs.

512
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,520
If it doesn't, I would challenge it.

513
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,840
And you are able to, you should not be afraid to voice in your face.

514
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:41,760
You don't have to be, you don't have to be a musical.

515
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,240
What the word I'm looking for, right?

516
00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:44,240
It's been, yeah.

517
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:46,440
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not fighting with anybody.

518
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:47,800
But you're making your voice heard.

519
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,040
Because remember, your child doesn't have a voice yet.

520
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:52,480
You have a voice.

521
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,680
So I have very polite, I have very nice

522
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,240
but you would know that I have,

523
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:59,120
I know what I'm talking about.

524
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,960
Yeah, but if you don't, like, who else will?

525
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,560
And I feel like, I don't know if you have,

526
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:06,960
I check out your website.

527
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:11,040
I know you focus on like, you know, in Nigeria

528
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:11,880
and things like that.

529
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,560
But like, you have anything that will kind of help,

530
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,400
or do you know or can recommend anything

531
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,680
that will help parents that you don't team me

532
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,360
or just afraid, just need someone to hold their hand

533
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,960
to this process to help them so that they don't get

534
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:30,400
choned in the system as an epsilon of them, you know,

535
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,880
who's there?

536
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,280
Resources for autism is very good.

537
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:36,880
Because they do have like parent sessions

538
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,320
where you meet other parents of children on a spectrum

539
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:44,080
and I suppose sometimes with busy lives

540
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,280
because I used to attend a few of the sessions,

541
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:47,960
but then life happens.

542
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:49,240
But in a group of people,

543
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:52,120
because sometimes you just need to see somebody else

544
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,640
that understands, that just gets said

545
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,840
that you don't like, exploit, like,

546
00:36:56,840 --> 00:37:00,840
they've worked that shoe or they're in the process as well.

547
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,200
And I feel like resources for autism is great

548
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,760
because they have those sessions where

549
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,200
you can meet other parents,

550
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,040
you can meet the ones that are so struggling,

551
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:11,200
like yourself, you meet the ones that are across that bridge,

552
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:15,360
you know, and community and networking is so important.

553
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:18,120
Because this journey is isolated.

554
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:20,640
It truly is.

555
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,480
It truly is like sometimes things happen

556
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,680
and then you just feel like it's happening to only you.

557
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,960
You feel like it's happening to only you,

558
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:30,160
but given the person,

559
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:34,040
my no-avis solution to this thing that you experience in,

560
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:35,200
my child is the person,

561
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,120
but I'm just saying that I'm a child doesn't do it.

562
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:38,960
Oh my child, this time,

563
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:42,440
it doesn't feel like such a weight.

564
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:43,280
Yeah.

565
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,360
This is the way the mind walks, just that doesn't help.

566
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,600
Just that you have the best knowledge

567
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,560
from other people that I believe this is.

568
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,240
It's been since my next question.

569
00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:55,280
Like we've had a lot of cases where children,

570
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,880
especially black children have been misdiagnosed

571
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,800
or not even diagnosed at all,

572
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:05,160
have been just because of their race.

573
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,480
You know, falling through the crack,

574
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,600
it's a lot of been diagnosed for what they have,

575
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:11,560
or what, what's, you know,

576
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,040
we know that they have like, what are the,

577
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:19,400
how are you in short, that your child

578
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,920
received like the right resources,

579
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,560
you know, upwards of where he is right now,

580
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,000
from like ESCP, we talked about that,

581
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,720
then to like all of the other supports,

582
00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:29,840
you know, a Christian therapist,

583
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,520
all of that stuff, I'll be in short

584
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,320
that that has been put in place for him.

585
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,120
You have to identify that it's a need,

586
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,360
and then look for the services that support that need.

587
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:45,440
And along the line, Kevin has met his heart unery,

588
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:49,800
he uneryches, you know, because he had issues with,

589
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,600
you know, the way change, they don't take to change,

590
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,320
and I said at the start of this video

591
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:56,560
that we used to live in Ireland.

592
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,280
When we moved to the UK,

593
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,440
your child can't regret and these are things that do.

594
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:01,440
Oh, I'm sorry.

595
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,720
Like we, you know, even though we struggled with school

596
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:07,200
because Kevin went to four schools in primary alone.

597
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,040
Oh, wow.

598
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,400
And two that was more settled.

599
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,080
It was, and I like to talk about this and things

600
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:13,160
for giving me your opportunity

601
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:17,000
to do because it's one of the regrets that I feel like I do have.

602
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,360
Because sometimes I have this mindset

603
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,120
that this is what we want.

604
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:21,960
Yeah.

605
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,760
But is it what your child needs to do?

606
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,040
I just had it that this cut looks good down the road.

607
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,560
I've had my eye on it.

608
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:29,760
And that's what my son says.

609
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,360
I don't want to do anything.

610
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,800
Oh my goodness.

611
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:34,800
It broke down.

612
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:35,640
I saw it on the left.

613
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,320
It's not much actually right now.

614
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,720
I feel really into the car.

615
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:40,600
Oh my goodness.

616
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:44,680
It broke down so badly that my son was spending more time

617
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,280
out and even though I fought for this,

618
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,360
fought for one to one, fought for everything like

619
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:49,840
he had the one to work.

620
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:50,720
He had the class.

621
00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:52,680
They even made the space for him where,

622
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,080
you know, if he was feeling overwhelmed,

623
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:55,560
he could, you know, have his own corner.

624
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,520
If he was ready, he would be integrated back into the,

625
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,640
into the group, but it just wasn't for care.

626
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:02,760
I wanted it for him.

627
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,800
But it wasn't meant to be for him.

628
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,440
That, we, we personally would this people to be

629
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,040
as a professional, that is so,

630
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,760
yeah, every team of your kid.

631
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:12,600
Me, right.

632
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,400
And it wasn't okay,

633
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,360
but it's because he cracked the code.

634
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:17,760
That okay, if I just do a bit of them

635
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,880
for them to take me outside and I can't

636
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:21,000
you do get fresh air.

637
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,040
And it's not good.

638
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,200
He's made more time outside the class.

639
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:25,760
It's not good.

640
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:27,880
It's a class because he cracked the code

641
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:29,680
of all I have to do is just, you know,

642
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,560
from a few papers and you know,

643
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,120
my one to one would take me outside.

644
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:36,800
And it's important to understand that, you know,

645
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,800
what you want might not be what your child needs.

646
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:40,640
Yeah.

647
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,960
Because of whatever decisions you make us a parent.

648
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:45,720
And it constantly changes, doesn't it?

649
00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:49,200
Like, it doesn't mean just because they are okay now,

650
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,520
that that will not change in the next year.

651
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:52,360
Right.

652
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:53,360
Why was saying?

653
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,880
We, like, when we moved to the UK,

654
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,320
we had like 43 in down to the T,

655
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,200
he was, you know, dry day and night.

656
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,280
And then this was my son again.

657
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,280
I was like, no, it's not me having it.

658
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,280
It's me.

659
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:09,280
It's not me having it.

660
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,440
It was a new environment,

661
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,720
new house, new class, new teach and new SCA,

662
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:15,880
new people.

663
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,280
That's a lot.

664
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:18,280
Find a new house.

665
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:19,600
It's a lot.

666
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:20,600
It was.

667
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,600
But for another time, I told gosh.

668
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,600
And it just, it hit me like a ton of,

669
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,000
I wasn't ready.

670
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,080
I wasn't ready.

671
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:30,960
As I said, you started to bedwets again

672
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:34,040
and we had to get back to put the training that we got.

673
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,560
And I thought, yeah, they're going.

674
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:37,560
Yeah, I did.

675
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:38,400
And at some point then,

676
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,040
it started to have you, you're in a truck

677
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:41,800
in the section that you not go to,

678
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:43,120
you're in a racist clinic.

679
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:44,680
So whatever it is that your child,

680
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:48,240
you've identified, there's a service that you have gone,

681
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:49,080
look for that service.

682
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:50,920
That's where I was trying to get to.

683
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:52,120
When it became,

684
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:53,640
because people asked me a lot of workers

685
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:55,760
Kevin has a diagnosis of autism and a ditch

686
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,240
that I remember I had said this video already.

687
00:41:57,240 --> 00:41:58,920
That it was such a long run.

688
00:41:58,920 --> 00:41:59,840
When it was a child.

689
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:00,840
Yeah, right.

690
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:02,640
What was the diagnosis for HGAC?

691
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:03,160
When?

692
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,480
When you were six.

693
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:05,240
Six, okay.

694
00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:06,400
Because like my child,

695
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,440
like I'm pretty sure it's going to have

696
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:10,240
that diagnosis where they're saying to wait

697
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,440
until it's six, six years old.

698
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,080
What was it?

699
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:15,480
So it was six when it was diagnosed.

700
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:16,320
And as I said before,

701
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:17,280
like going out is,

702
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,880
I just meet on him because in case he decides to,

703
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,040
you know, for example,

704
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:22,840
the police, I don't have a,

705
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,120
because it's not the only child.

706
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:26,240
But when we moved yet,

707
00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:27,520
it's this,

708
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,280
it's a both behavior went on to net,

709
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,120
next level like we have to have talked on the windows

710
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,160
because obviously it's a two-year-old house.

711
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:35,920
So you know,

712
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,960
so all these things and that needs autism to do that.

713
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:39,920
So all these things,

714
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:41,720
whatever you identify,

715
00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:45,120
you have to chase all the service that supports that need.

716
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:46,240
If your child is not talking,

717
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:46,840
those are down,

718
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,280
so it might be open that tomorrow to happen tomorrow.

719
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:50,240
But see your,

720
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:51,200
your parents get professional,

721
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:52,960
see your health visit or see your GP,

722
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,280
wherever you need to see share your concerns.

723
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:56,440
Because you have them anyway.

724
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:57,880
And it's lingering on your mind.

725
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,040
You're going to sleep on that,

726
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:00,160
you're thinking about it.

727
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:01,320
That's your smile for you.

728
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,440
You're something about it.

729
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:02,960
Yeah.

730
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:06,240
Because I just thought that need.

731
00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:06,960
Yeah.

732
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,160
Thank you. So I could not have said it better.

733
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:12,240
Like, I have to pick up something you said about like,

734
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:12,800
you know,

735
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:14,160
shots in the windows and all that.

736
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:15,760
That is our reality, isn't it?

737
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:16,280
Like,

738
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:18,200
you have to wear it on the windows.

739
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,880
It was like there was a lot on the window.

740
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,040
That even if you try to open it,

741
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:23,880
it can't open more than like two inches.

742
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,120
There's no way we can do this.

743
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:25,840
It's not everything.

744
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:29,720
I take out the keys and hide my phone.

745
00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:30,080
Like,

746
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:31,400
blessing is five.

747
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,720
It's the smartest little button.

748
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,200
It will go on look for the key.

749
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:38,240
If I put the key where you can get it on.

750
00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:40,840
And it won't open it.

751
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:41,680
Wow.

752
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,680
You have to be extremely cautious.

753
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:47,800
And that is great that it's like you've said that.

754
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,240
Can we talk about schools?

755
00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:49,920
It needs to be.

756
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,080
Because, you know,

757
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:53,640
we know that schools are struggling at the moment.

758
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,360
We know that things have not as this should be.

759
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,320
What were all the you believe schools

760
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,560
are the implications of some plays and supporting

761
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,720
neurodivergent children?

762
00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:08,120
And what are the improvements you would like to see?

763
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:12,280
So I believe that with schools and parents,

764
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:12,840
yeah,

765
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,720
there needs to be more collaborative work in.

766
00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:19,880
And sometimes the system doesn't make it easy,

767
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,600
but we have to make it happen.

768
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,320
So let me just give a bit of an example.

769
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:25,640
Like,

770
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:28,480
maybe if your child uses transport,

771
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,320
that already puts a barrier on if you're able to see

772
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:32,040
and tell the teacher,

773
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:32,760
oh, it is like well,

774
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:33,840
last night or, you know,

775
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,240
something is something is up.

776
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,720
So you have to ensure,

777
00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:39,520
because that information is crucial

778
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,120
to whether your child is going to be a good day

779
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,000
with school or if I'm in the bad day

780
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,200
that it teaches at least have an idea.

781
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:46,640
So even if it's,

782
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:46,840
you know,

783
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:50,200
suddenly it's not in or even calling the school to let them know.

784
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,800
So sometimes I feel like teachers struggle

785
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:54,880
because they stop barrier in that communication,

786
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:56,000
because they might be a reason

787
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,760
for your child's presentation that they did at the teacher.

788
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,720
I know absolutely nothing about.

789
00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:02,560
And then they just put it down as a BA video.

790
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:03,400
Mm-hmm.

791
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,000
Oh, gosh, that is a true God for me.

792
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,160
Mm-hmm.

793
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,160
Mm-hmm.

794
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:09,160
Yeah, yeah.

795
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,240
Because sometimes I just feel like collaborative work

796
00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:12,800
is very important.

797
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:13,640
Yeah.

798
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,000
You have to be conscious as well about me.

799
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,240
Because it's vice versa.

800
00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:20,040
Your children, your child might come home with something

801
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,560
or maybe a scar or not feeling well

802
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:26,320
or something that has just not been communicated.

803
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:27,160
Yes.

804
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,480
I mean, and so I would say the one thing

805
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:30,360
that really needs to happen

806
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:31,360
is that collaborative work.

807
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:32,200
Yeah.

808
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,200
And a lot of things need to happen like resources.

809
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,880
Maybe, you know, that needs to be better.

810
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,720
Because sometimes you just find that

811
00:45:38,720 --> 00:45:41,440
an environment needs to just be firsted

812
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,560
for the education of a child.

813
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:44,560
Yes.

814
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:47,000
And that's the ultimate class.

815
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:47,840
Sorry.

816
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:49,200
Oh, I know.

817
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:50,440
I don't know.

818
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:51,680
And I just might have to teach us

819
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,320
because I have three children.

820
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,400
And I really look down

821
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:55,800
when we are to be the teachers.

822
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:58,840
Hey, Jesus, Lord, I suffered.

823
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,240
I can't have a teacher.

824
00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:01,600
I really look down when I just

825
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,520
have to be the teacher for only two children.

826
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:06,080
I don't know how to do it.

827
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,080
No, I don't.

828
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,080
I don't know.

829
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:09,080
I don't know.

830
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:11,480
One teacher might have just,

831
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:16,200
it's not easy to ridiculous to me

832
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:19,080
that even with the limited resources they have,

833
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,800
they have, they have two plans to caught it.

834
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:25,920
Like, like, where is that thinking coming from?

835
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,520
They want to be using our children as guinea pigs

836
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:29,600
for the experiments.

837
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:33,720
Because I know the logic behind reducing funding

838
00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:36,960
in an already struggling education system.

839
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:37,800
I know.

840
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:38,680
Is this story for another thing?

841
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:40,840
I'm hoping that we can have a little bit of a task.

842
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:45,280
You and I, because I've enjoyed this so, so, so much.

843
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:49,240
You know, finally, like what message would you like?

844
00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:50,320
It's a kind of share.

845
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:50,840
We knew it.

846
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:52,840
I've learned from that in the families.

847
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:57,840
You know, like, we know this can be very isolating journey.

848
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,200
Like, how do you feel like they can get, like,

849
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,800
away from that feeling of isolation

850
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:08,320
and feeling of not being supported within the community?

851
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:12,560
The best thing and it's what I live by is that your life

852
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:14,760
doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.

853
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:16,440
I don't remember that.

854
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:17,440
Really.

855
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,680
And it's, it's your reality.

856
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:21,240
Yeah.

857
00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:25,440
And it doesn't need to be eaten away for anybody's satisfaction.

858
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:31,680
Like, there is this freeness that comes from living your authentic life.

859
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:36,400
There's, I can't, I can't explain it any better.

860
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:38,960
Like, I can't, like, there's just, you know,

861
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,760
sometimes we just have to keep up appearances.

862
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,760
You're having to keep up because it's just,

863
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:44,600
it's just too much.

864
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:45,720
That is this freeness.

865
00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:47,880
Like, if somebody is coming to your house and they,

866
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:49,160
like, you can't know me.

867
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:50,160
I don't know my son.

868
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:51,560
That means you don't know me because I don't

869
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:52,640
I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know anybody's.

870
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:53,720
I don't know my son.

871
00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:54,360
You don't know me.

872
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:55,840
If you don't know me, you don't know my son.

873
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:59,160
And if you're not accepting of my son or my family as we are,

874
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,600
then what am I doing with you?

875
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:01,520
That's what I'm saying.

876
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:04,600
And I like a lot for us, especially as, you know,

877
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:07,480
Black and brown people is just because we don't fit into what

878
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:10,400
people feel like family lives should look like or children,

879
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:12,920
should behave like or children should do for this.

880
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,640
And that can be sort of a bed in.

881
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,880
And that's my only message because that's what I live by.

882
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,840
I don't know about it myself with what you think that my life

883
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,000
should look like or my kids should look like because my kids

884
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,560
look exactly what you should look like and what you was creating.

885
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:26,360
That's a look like.

886
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:29,400
So my would I be doing so, so much so that he comes.

887
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,080
It's like, I don't have energy left.

888
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:32,120
Very big problems.

889
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:32,840
Like, I don't know.

890
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:34,440
I'm just being, I'm just being.

891
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,560
I'm just being.

892
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:39,480
I like the effect for it to be beautiful.

893
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:41,560
Just leave your life the way it is.

894
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:45,160
And the conscious about finding the joy because things life is

895
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:45,640
important.

896
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:50,360
So you just have to pick to the joy you have in your life.

897
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:54,680
Do be honest with yourself about what you need.

898
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,720
You have to critically think about it that for me to actually

899
00:48:57,720 --> 00:48:58,520
not lose it.

900
00:48:58,520 --> 00:48:59,000
Yeah.

901
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:00,200
Not miss that.

902
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:04,760
And just like this conversation, if you have a partner or family

903
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:06,680
member speak to your relatives as well, like,

904
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:08,920
my husband knows that once a lot of people, yeah, please

905
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,960
a bag, I have to go.

906
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:12,680
I'm sorry.

907
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:13,960
I just can't learn the method.

908
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:15,960
You're not going to go.

909
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:17,080
I'm looking at you.

910
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,840
I'm like that is where I want to be.

911
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:21,880
I'm going to be like, oh, I have to go.

912
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:26,360
And I come back and, you know, even my children, you know, they see it.

913
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:27,800
And they even miss you.

914
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:32,520
And you know, I can't emphasize it.

915
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:34,360
And I can't, I can't, I can't recommend it.

916
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:37,560
And it doesn't even have to, you just have to find what that thing is for you.

917
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:40,840
It doesn't have to be like you want to be just, you know,

918
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:42,120
I don't know, sitting in your garden,

919
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,520
and the cup of tea when someone is taking your child for a walk,

920
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,000
or you're going and having the meal or going to the cinema.

921
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,280
Some people are mostly in their friends.

922
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,120
They're not, you know, because you just feel like,

923
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,840
I don't even know what's happening.

924
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:53,640
Yeah, yeah.

925
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,680
It's more damaging that you can ever imagine it is.

926
00:49:57,800 --> 00:49:59,320
Thank you so much.

927
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:00,600
That is brilliant.

928
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,800
Like, I cannot, like, for anything you just said.

929
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,840
Can you please, I'm sure for sure people know already.

930
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:10,600
I appreciate where people can find you social media,

931
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:16,040
and your website, and any kind of project that you're working on at the moment.

932
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,040
Okay, so I was that with the project because it really is so

933
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:24,040
that my heart and it's called the Tala Foundation,

934
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:29,080
Tavkase for short, and it's just more so to build a community

935
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:32,120
in Nigeria and from Nigeria, because autism,

936
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,520
awareness, if we think it's bad in the UK.

937
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:38,200
Okay, please don't get me started on Nigeria.

938
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:42,200
And things are happening like pain, also,

939
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,920
so things, you know, that terminate down to which crowd,

940
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,800
oh, please, also things are happening back on that.

941
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:51,480
You just need the awareness and again, the resources are just not there.

942
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:54,760
So Tavkase, please follow and support us.

943
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,640
We're just looking to create awareness in the schools.

944
00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:02,040
Like, you won't believe specialness, school in Nigeria is for everybody.

945
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:05,480
That less of your diagnosis, it's literally like a place to put children

946
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:07,480
that they think that doesn't fit.

947
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,920
Yeah, I think I like the site heritage,

948
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:14,280
hospitals in Nigeria, where even if you have depression or whatever,

949
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:17,320
everybody is there, like in the same space.

950
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:21,960
Yeah, educating children that have autism alongside visually impaired children.

951
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:25,720
I don't even have intellectual disability.

952
00:51:25,720 --> 00:51:27,960
You just physically disabled children.

953
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:31,720
That's what we're looking to do back home.

954
00:51:31,720 --> 00:51:37,560
It's just bringing awareness to the grassroots people.

955
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:41,000
The people that are not even on Instagram, the people that are not on Instagram,

956
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,800
the people that are trying to get true to.

957
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:46,600
So please do support us in any way that you can.

958
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:50,120
And then I share, you know, my antics with my son and I

959
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:53,560
really like, I'm a bunch of, on Instagram,

960
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:57,960
raising Kevin on TikTok, at raising Kevin as well and on Facebook, I'm trying to be good with

961
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:00,120
Facebook, both Facebook, and raising Kevin.

962
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:01,400
Thank you.

963
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,880
Thank you. I'm going to put that on the screen.

964
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:06,200
So people can see I'm following and share.

965
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:10,680
And I can say, for the fact that your timeline is extremely

966
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,240
foreign and interesting to watch. So there's definitely

967
00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:15,800
a little on Instagram. Thank you.

968
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:18,840
Well, I'm always happy to be a part of anything that

969
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:21,400
shares awareness, brings community.

970
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:23,880
Or even just shares our story because our voice and our stories

971
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:53,720
makes a be heard.

972
00:52:53,880 --> 00:53:03,320
Thank you.