I'm changing my podcast format for the titles.
Before my format was just month, year, monthly
update, and then every once in a while, I might
have a dash with a description. For example,
last month's was August, 2025, monthly update
dash pause 2 .0. And that was because that was
the second big pause I was taking on my YouTube
channel. to focus on more important skills at
the time. And so right now I'm changing it to
like the nine dash 25 as in like September 25
and dash and I'm gonna have a proper title and
here's why. Because I think it's more organized
because then you can actually look back and see
what happened that month. Because this whole
podcast is meant to be a documentation of my
journey I know that no one is listening right
now actually I'll pull up the analytics and I
have 28 downloads in the past 30 days which means
that 28 times my podcast was listened to in the
past 20 or 30 days that's like abysmally low
for a podcast. So I obviously know that no one
listens right now. This is more of a long -term
thing for people to go back to and look at my
journey. So this is a documentation. So I want
it to be organized. And to be honest, it has
not been organized. Like I'm scrolling through
my list right now of my titles and it's like
July 2025 monthly update, June 2025 monthly update,
May 2025 monthly. Like how are you supposed to
know what was what happened in that episode?
So that's a big reason why I'm changing the title
format. And another reason is that because I'm
getting a lot of emails every once in a while
from podcast SEO companies and in the beginning
I was getting them but they were just like standard
emails just basic emails that they just copy
and paste to everyone but now they're starting
to actually write tailored emails to my show
to my actual email that they actually did research
and they actually listened to a a couple of my
episodes to write this email. So my podcast is
actually starting to become a more sort of a
dream customer for podcast SEO tools like companies
that help with gaining search engine optimization
for your podcast to help you get more views.
And that is kind of like a sign that I think
they're really doing that or I think the main
thing is that it's because this Podcast is like
two years in the running so they know that I'm
in it for the long run But that's just kind of
a sign that says oh, maybe I should start Paying
a little attention to the podcast and not like
just dumping whatever I want so that's What I
do and also I have been right like actually spending
time Writing down notes for how I want the podcast
to be structured like the episode for example
in today's episode the order of operations is
the first thing is new title format and Then
the next thing I'm going to talk about is my
door -to -door injury. So let's get into that
so last month I talked about how I wanted to
get into door -to -door sales And I did that
because I knew that there were some skills that
I needed to learn. Social skills, influence skills,
getting people to think for themselves, skills,
all that stuff. But there's an issue. I was injured.
I got injured the first day that I went out there.
And so I had to wait like three or four weeks
without doing anything. And during those weeks,
I was just meditating and reading. pretty much
the entire day every day and also doing my physical
therapy exercises too but basically it was just
doing that then I actually accepted the job finally
and I actually went out there and I gotta say
it was amazing like I remember the first day
I went out to the city to meet up with everyone
like the whole team for the job and then we all
went our own separate ways. And I took the train
back to a neighborhood that I live right next
to in Chicago called Austin. And I was just going
out, knocking on people's doors and talking to
people. And it was really awesome. It was amazing.
And I kept doing that, but I could only do like
three hours of walking in the first day because
I was not my foot was still not healed. I I my
plan was just to do take it easy for the first
week and then the second week take it a little
bit harder and then keep ramping up the time
But what ended up happening was I ignored my
foot and I ended up getting injured again. I
re -injured myself after the first week and I've
done a lot of reflection and we'll get into this
like a lot of the nuances here But during, while
I was walking around the first week and doing
door to door and talking to people, I thought
that I was having a great time. I thought that
this was amazing. But in hindsight, even as I'm
explaining it to you right now, I can tell that
I'm not really, it was kind of like a artificial
joy. if that makes sense. And I'll get into that
in a moment. But after I re -injured myself after
only one week on the job, I really was in a dark
period because that was like what I was waiting
for. I waited like three or four weeks just to
start this job. And then within one week, I re
-injured myself. this wasn't just me passively
waiting for three or four weeks like I was doing
serious physical therapy like I treated this
as my full -time job I was treating I was treating
this with the same intensity as I treat pretty
much any other thing that I would in a career
of and I'm referring to healing my foot like
I woke up first thing I did was do some physical
therapy exercises do some stretches do some mobility
work then immediately after I shower I Meditate
and I wasn't just meditating I was like Researching
how to actually heal my foot during meditation.
I didn't care if it didn't work. I didn't care
whatever I just wanted to make sure that I was
trying every possible avenue and I was just basically
meditating and trying to heal my foot while I
was meditating and then I was Doing more physical
therapy throughout the day actively researching
how to get better and I Reinjured it and so I
had to stop the job totally and The next weekend
like I spent the whole next week like trying
to Reheal again, and I re -injured it for a third
time even worse and so basically This whole time.
I'm like Reflecting like what is going on. I'm
getting injured so bad. I'm kind of getting I'm
getting Not deja vu, but I'm just getting reminded
of what happened when I switched my YouTube content
style to challenge based videos what happened
when I did that was I immediately started experiencing
lots of issues and I immediately started getting
injuries and lots of just bad things in my life.
And this is exactly what happened for this door
to door job. And so I'm reflecting and I realized
that I had never achieved a single thing in my
life that I have striven for. and I'm not talking
about like subjective things like I've tried
to get jacked and subjectively sure you can say
that my body has a better physique than the average
person or like a more muscular physique than
the average person I'm not talking about that
that's like a That's like an adjustable goal
if that makes sense as in like there's no Destination
to getting jacked. It's like a endless road But
there is a destination to for example making
the soccer team In high school. I actually I
I grew up playing soccer and I Never made the
high school soccer team freshman year I got cut
and I realized that I should start taking a little
bit more seriously and start training and take
and practicing and so during sophomore year I
after having practiced a little bit more I tried
out again and I got cut again and during sophomore
year I actually got injured before tryouts like
I got injured while I was training but it didn't
really affect trouts because it was just a shoulder
injury and that shoulder injury is actually still
with me today And so after sophomore year of
getting cut, it kind of lit a fire in my soul.
And I really wanted to make the team junior here.
And so I started training, not just soccer, not
just practicing soccer skills, not just practicing
cardio, but I started lifting weights. I started
eating healthy. I started sleeping, like fixing
my sleep. I literally aligned everything, my
health, nutrition, my fitness, my cardio, my
strength, stamina, skills, my intellectual capacity
too. I started like watching soccer videos. I
aligned my entire life to this, trying to make
the soccer team. And during the pre -season camp,
during that summer going into junior year, This
was the camp that they were basically gonna know
who was gonna make the team or not before Child's
because they were gonna watch all the kids play.
And on the first day, I injured myself. I couldn't
bend my knee. I remember biking home, biking
with one leg with my other leg completely straight
because I couldn't bend it and it hurt and I
was like almost in tears because I knew it was
over. Had spent that entire summer Hitting like
two or three maybe even four workouts like soccer
skills every day sometimes multiple times a day
Cardio every day strength training like lifting
weights every day And I overdid it I overdid
it and I got injured and So I didn't even try
out for the soccer team junior year because I
got injured and I didn't I just felt like I should
focus on other things. Now that's not like a
doom and gloom that's not supposed to make you
feel sorry for me because I am actually very
grateful that I didn't make the soccer team because
junior year I actually started focusing on other
things like Reading books and that completely
changed the trajectory of my of my life. And
so it was actually beneficial to me but That's
besides the point. The point is that Literally
every single thing that I've striven to achieve
I have failed in my entire life and I never noticed
that I never even realized that that was true
until this recent injury of I strove towards
trying to become a door to door salesman and
trying to make a lot of money and learn those
skills. And immediately I failed immediately
got injured the first day. And then I healed
the injury and then got injured the first week
after a couple of weeks of healing. And also
another example is for the past two years I've
been Making YouTube videos or and or podcast
videos or episodes have not gotten success on
that yet either But I wouldn't consider that
a failure yet But basically the point is that
I have not achieved a single thing in my entire
life Yeah, I would never not even for a second.
I would never consider myself a failure Like
it's just curious to see how I haven't achieved
a single thing that I've striven towards yet
Feel like I'm in a very good position in life
like a very desirable position So I'm I'm not
like it's not a pity party or anything but that's
just something I've noticed and now That doesn't
take away my injury like all the reflection I
started to realize that I still have my injury
and Even right now. I'm still injured and we'll
get to that So I started feeling very trapped
like a Lot I've I kind of felt this in the past
like Occasionally would become very strong Where
I'd feel trapped like I'm trapped at my house
or at my parents house And I I have nowhere like
I'm trapped And I'm just kind of waiting for
something external to happen as in like I'm waiting
for a video to blow up I can't really control
if that blows up at the moment but I just hope
it blows up so that I can start making money
so I can move out. And I've kind of always felt
this kind of trapped sense because I mean, objectively
speaking, all my friends have already moved out.
Like they've gone to college and they're not
living at home anymore. Yeah, they still live
at home as in like they come home for. vacation
or for holidays and for summer break So they're
still living at home in that sense and they're
not making money to live on their own yet, but
Like this is the age actually like a year ago
was the age when most people in my Community
at least maybe not the general population. I
don't know but most people move out by the time
they're like 18 or 19 whether it's to college
or on their own, and I'm still at home. And so
I think it's natural to feel feelings of being
trapped. And I'll say that these feelings have
been exasperbated. I don't even know how to pronounce
that word, but exasperbated recently because
this foot injury is like the most obvious metaphor
for Me being trapped. It's like the moment that
I see the light at the end of the road the moment
that I actually decide to get a Job like get
a job that it's not like a question that they'll
pay me or not It's like they're literally gonna
pay me money and they have paid me money already
Like this is the one time for the past two years
that I've been pursuing Like whatever I'm pursuing
that I actually have possibility to move out
and I get injured in the foot the one like the
most symbolic body part possible for being stuck
in one place like you need your feet to move
practically to like traverse and to walk around
and so a foot injury is like the most symbolic
injury for you being trapped and you being stuck
And so it's it's so curious. There's lots of
like philosophical interpretations that you could
take and a lot of interpretations that I haven't
even considered over this. But that's just a
curious thing how I recently just feel have a
very strong sense of feeling trapped and actually
we'll get into that a little bit later towards
the end of the this episode this month. how this
actually led to a lot of realizations because
last night I actually had like a breakdown where
my breakdowns are not very like if you were to
see and experience it while I was doing it you
wouldn't consider it a mental breakdown but it's
a mental breakdown for me because I've basically
progressed my mental control the proper word
is equanimity, I think it's called. I just heard
about that word a couple days ago, but I think
that's the correct word. I've developed my skill
at mental composure over the past couple years
to where my mental breakdowns are not really
like mental breakdowns. They're just like moments
of talking and then I just am calm right afterwards.
So it's like but I had one of those last night
and It made me do a lot of pondering a lot of
thinking and I came to a very curious theory
that could have extremely important impacts or
implications in Not only my life, but everyone's
life And it's just a theory right now and we'll
get to it at the end of the episode It's called
the or I just called it the dream theory but
it That's just what I called it just now. It
doesn't really matter what it's called. But basically,
let's stay on topic for now. Going back to feeling
trapped. And so while I was feeling really trapped
after re -injuring myself a second time in the
foot, I was like, OK, I am not waiting four weeks.
This is terrible. This is actually so sad. This
is just the worst. I'm just very sad that I'm
injured. It's not necessarily that it's the worst.
It's just that I'm just really sad that I'm injured
and so I want to Heal it instantly Like is that
really too much to ask for I just want my foot
to be instantly healed is that too much to ask
for considering the fact that a Huge portion
of this society and a huge portion of my childhood
upbringing has been founded upon stories of people
being healed instantly and I'm referring to like
the stories in the Bible and So I'm like, okay
Well, is that really too much to ask for for
me to be healed instantly? And so I start like
genuinely searching for ways for that to happen
And I like I'm on chat TVT and I said like how
can I do this? Like who should I search for in
my local community to make this happen? And it
said there's something called Reiki like you
need to find a Reiki master rei ki and That's
like energy healing or whatever and so I'm like
alright, whatever and I search for a qualified
Reiki master in my area and I find one and I
go Have a session a reiki session and it's literally
just a meditation Look, I just lay there on the
bed. I Spent like a hundred a hundred dollars.
I gave like a $20 tip. So I I have like I spent
$120 to get this reiki session. So I'm serious
like I'm I spent like basically half of my bank
account on this session Because I want to heal
my foot instantly But I realized that that's
the wrong mindset so I kind of just like walked
into it with it The mindset of I just want to
see what's going on. I just want to see what
what happens I? Hope that I heal, but I it probably
won't so I just want to see what happens and
I go in there, and it's literally just a meditation
like I go under a blanket and the room the lights
are dim and then the person she just like starts,
she enters like a altered state of consciousness.
So it's kind of, it's like a meditation like
trance state that she enters into and just like
starts doing her thing. And I, my eyes were closed.
I opened my eyes very often just to see what
was going on. And it was a very out of the ordinary
experience, but it felt calming. Like that was
the deepest meditation I'd ever been in, so there
was definitely something to it. However, I did
not get healed. I walked into that area limping,
and I walked out limping. But what was so curious
was that I went in there with the intention to
get healed, and I'd never experienced This before
so I didn't know what to expect and Then when
it was over she went into the bathroom to wash
her hands and then returned into the room and
I was just sitting there. I thought we were just
gonna do like a quick little debrief and So I
thought she was gonna ask me like what how'd
you feel like what like whatever and I thought
I was just me quick debrief, and I was gonna
leave, but she just started talking And at first
I didn't really know what she was talking about,
but she just started talking in such a way that
only I would know. I didn't tell her anything
about my life or anything other than the injury.
she was just speaking in such a way that only
I could know and I was observing her because
she was taught we were in there for like two
more hours the session itself was one hour and
then I was sitting in there talking with her
just listening for like two more hours afterwards
and I was observing her behave or her like actions
and her kind of behavior and her body language
and I I could decipher that there were moments
wherein she would talk and it would be like she
was talking straight from intuition. And I could
tell that that was the case because of the way
that she was speaking and the way that her eyes
moved. But then other times, she was just talking
normal, like just normal, like rational normal.
And I could tell because there was some like,
Advice like she was talking and she was starting
to give me advice and tell me about my life and
telling me mistakes that I made and She said
that I was making a mistake with this job that
I'm doing and that I was like I shouldn't be
in door -to -door sales And I didn't tell her
I was in door -to -door sales that doesn't really
matter in my opinion But she said I shouldn't
be in door -to -door sales. It's not in alignment
with with you and She could see Or at least she
said that she could see this huge goal in my
like energy this huge goal And so I was very
curious. It made me really question or not question.
I was just sitting there like open -minded just
like Listening and taking it all in not really
making any moves or anything like that But she
just said a lot of things about my life that
only I would know or so I thought But at the
same time there was a lot of mistakes that she
made or at least things that I didn't think were
true for my life So there was things for example.
She said I shouldn't be doing the door -to -door
job, which now I agree with Because at the moment
I was like, oh that's kind of curious like I
wonder why you say that And so I was just listening.
And then when I got home, I actually started
reflecting over the next couple of days. And
I realized that, yeah, I shouldn't be doing the
door -to -door job. It's not in alignment. It's
because I only got in the job to learn the skills.
But it's not really as aligned as I thought it
was. Because I could do something else. Still
in sales where I would learn the skills, but
it would be in the same Kind of industry or same
like realm as what I'm trying to do I'm trying
to do like in positively influencing people's
thoughts and behavior Door -to -door sales right
now. I'm in community solar So I'm not really
positively influencing people's thoughts and
behavior in the way that my goal is Trying to
do if that makes sense And I have done a lot
of pondering and a lot of reflection on that
topic of That and I decided I told my team leader
that I was not gonna move forward with door -to
-door sales in this company or in this industry
actually but I'm still in it for now and This
will all clear up. I have a I have a game plan
in my head. I just don't want to say it out loud
because I don't reveal plans until I take action
on them, if that makes sense. So just know that
I'm not going to continue forward with door -to
-door sales. And that was not because she told
me to. In fact, I felt strange about her telling
me all these things. I was grateful that she
told me all these things, but pretty much the
entire time that I was talking about, I was asking
questions of how I can experience these things
for myself. Because supposedly she looked into
my energy and saw that my door -to -door job
was not in alignment with my energy. Supposedly.
And so the whole time I was like asking questions
on how I can have that ability for myself. Because
I don't want to rely on some external source
because that's flimsy. That's weak. Not even
weak. That's just not the way I believe you should
go about life. I think everything should be...
should come from within. And that doesn't mean
that it should come from your brain. That just
means it should come from within. And within
there's inner, there's like built in inner guidance
within. And so I believe that everyone has the
capacity to make decisions, the correct decisions
for their own life and know without doubt that
that is the correct way. We'll get into that
with meditation in a moment, but there was lots
of things that she talked about and I realized
that maybe there was something to how she was
acting and speaking because there were moments
where she was speaking straight from intuition
and I could tell just from her body language
and it wasn't faked because there was but she
wasn't totally perfect because there were times
where she gave advice but it was not from intuition.
And I could tell from her body language. But
she still backed it with the same confidence.
So there was some mischief, not mischievousness,
but there was some delusion going on. But there
was also some purity going on. It's a very peculiar
instance or experience that I had that. felt
very well prepared to analyze that situation
and realize that oh there are there are very
real moments where she is speaking straight from
intuition and I can tell but there was also real
moments where she was kind of acting like she
was speaking from intuition but she actually
wasn't. and I could tell the difference, which
was pretty cool. But there was also moments where
it looked like she was speaking from intuition,
where I wasn't really connecting with the message.
And not because it was hard to listen to, as
in like, it was revealing things I didn't want
to look at, but simply because I actually hadn't
thought that that was relevant to me. But maybe
it could be because it was a misinterpretation
because I was asking her about her process Like
what does she see? Because when I could tell
that she was speaking from intuition and like
she said she was looking into my energy I asked
her what she saw While she was doing that like
while her eyes went like that because that's
how I could tell that she was speaking from intuition
versus like just general Because her eyes went
to it like in a certain posture and I asked her
what she saw or what she experienced while that
happened and basically by her answer she kind
of said she took a long time to think and like
figure out how to answer that question because
I don't think many people ask her that question
but she basically based off her answer I feel
like there's a lot of interpretation going on
so she had to interpret the intuition that she
received. So there's still a possibility of her
interpretation being wrong, like the Reiki master
is not absolute truth. There's still mistakes,
whether they're not speaking straight from intuition,
which happens, or they are speaking from intuition
but they're misinterpreting it. So that's a lot
of very curious things. that I spent a long time
pondering. Like I spent an entire week probably
just thinking about that experience that I had
and like contemplating all the different possibilities
and contemplating all the different like nuances
in what was going on in that experience. But
I basically came to the conclusion that I want
to have those types of or similar types of abilities
in my own. Skill set like for myself I don't
want to have to go to a reiki master to get advice
on my life because I think that's a very Not
maybe shallow way to live, but I feel like it's
a very Not weak there's a better word a very
I Don't know I don't know the word just not a
very There's a perfect word for it, but I Hope
you understand it's just not I feel like it's
not the best way to move forward I think the
most effective way to move forward in life is
to cultivate your own inner compass and Rely
on your own inner judgments, and that's not saying
that you shouldn't listen to other people. I
think that's very There it was very important
for me to listen to that message Because I walked
in there expecting to get healed instantly and
I came out with a brand new perspective on life
Not not that's a very vague statement. I walked
out with a new New things to think about for
my direction moving forward and new avenues to
consider And that brings me to the next point
I want to develop Three things or I want to have
three things in my life the first thing is I
want to have clarity of purpose there is a Metaphor
that I read Describing what it's like to be enlightened
and it's like let's say you're lost in a in a
city and You don't know where you're going or
you maybe you do know where you're going But
you don't know where you are and you don't know
how to get to where you want to go So you're
kind of just walking around and you're still
lost and so you stay lost And you kind of hope
for the best and eventually you might make it
to your destination but if what enlightenment
is like is if you all of a sudden flew up a Hundreds
of feet into the sky and got a bird's -eye view
and you knew exactly the path to take it was
like you knew Exactly how to get to your destination
just like you know the lines on the palm of your
hand. You can just look at the lines on the palm
of your hand and you can follow those lines along
the palm of your hand easily. That's what it's
like to be enlightened in terms of knowing the
path forward towards your goal or the correct
path forward intuitively of what, like your mission
on this planet, I guess. And so that's the first
thing I want clarity of purpose. I want to I
want to be able to Just know what to do. I just
want to know I don't want to be blind. I feel
like I'm I'm blind I'm a blind man walking around
this life and kind of like feeling vague Intuitions
on what I should do, but I don't have like absolute
Knowledge that this is the right way if that
makes sense And so in terms of that metaphor,
I feel like I'm walking through a city with a
blind, like a blindfold on trying to get to my
destination. It's a very dangerous way to live
life. And so I feel like the most important thing
is to have to develop the ability to know where
to go and to know and to develop the ability
to see if that makes sense. Since I'm blind,
I want to develop the ability to see. And I'm
speaking metaphorically. And literally, I guess,
too, it depends on how you interpret it. But
actually, I don't even know what I'm saying.
But basically, I want to develop that ability
to know how to go about life, I guess, or know
what direction to walk. And the other thing,
the second thing that I want to have is equanimity.
That's a word that I learned recently. This metaphor
that I'm sure many people have came up have talked
about but I just kind of came up with this metaphor
last night to describe it. It's Imagine your
mind is like a lake and Every time there's like
negative thoughts or every time there's a lot
of Chaos in it like a lot of uncontrolled commotion
lots of thoughts going on then it's like somebody
or it's like the lake has, is not calm. It's
like the lake is like raging, I guess. Like imagine
a lake with lots of movement in it. The water
is not still. And if somebody comes up to you
and gets angry at you and tries to get you angry
or maybe not even tries, but like let's say a
bad, a bad event happens in your life. Like you
stub your toe or something like that. Then if
you don't have equanimity that skill developed
Then it would be like if you stubbed your toe
and then all of a sudden you went into that lake
and you started like slamming your water or slamming
your your hands into the water and Causing lots
of commotion in the lake and now the lake was
not still and calm anymore But if you were to
maintain equanimity and you subbed your toe Then
the lake would maintain that calmness and you
just be kind of sitting in the canoe in the middle
of the lake just calm and if the water would
just be Flat and very still and calm. That's
what equanimity is the ability to maintain a
calm lake Metaphorically and what it actually
is. It's like the ability to maintain composure
in your mind And more and more as I develop that
skill, I realize, and more and more as I kind
of fall off, I guess, like over the past couple
years I've been reading a book called Reality
Transurfing, and that book helps give you reason
and how to develop equanimity. And so I realize
that over time, in moments when, like periods
of my life where I really maintain it well, it
feels very nice, it's calm and pleasant. But
then in moments where I don't maintain it and
I'm getting a lot more irritated, I realize just
how desirable that state of mind is, of equanimity.
And so that's the second thing that I want to
develop in myself, to maintain equanimity way
more than I am now. Like yeah, I've made a lot
of progress, but I just, I know I'm realizing
more and more just how desirable that state of
mind is. Like there's a story I heard of this
like, I don't even know, like Zen guy or something
like that. Some like guy who was very equanimous.
Some dude, he was like just going about his life,
calm. composed and then all of a sudden someone
starts like yelling at him and getting pissed
off at him because something messed up and the
guy was like oh I see and that just that story
is just has stuck with me ever since I heard
it because that's like the most desirable state
of mind to be in like just maintaining a calm
lake and if somebody gets pissed off at you you
just say Oh, I see. And you just are calm. It's
hard to describe, or not describe, it's hard
to understand unless you've actually experienced
that state. And you've also experienced not that
state. And you've compared the two and you've
become aware of just how desirable. It really
is. And I've realized that it really is the most
desirable state of mind. And here's the third
thing that I want to develop or experience. And
it's I want to experience greater. And what I
mean by that is I want to experience for myself
what it's all about. I want to experience for
myself what all these religions are founded upon.
I want to experience for myself what all these
stories I hear talking about. For example, like
when you're meditating and you're very advanced,
I want to be able to experience for myself an
angel or a guide or whatever you call it. I don't
care what you call it. I want to experience for
myself. I want to have a definite experience
of that. Not because I'm chasing it or I'm clinging
it, but because I just want to have that knowledge.
I want to turn a belief or a hope into a knowing,
like an absolute knowledge that I've experienced.
Because I think that's one of the most important
things. And that goes perfectly into what I was
referring to earlier about my dream theory. So
this theory I have, I realized upon reflection
that I've really been building this theory for
my entire life. But it wasn't until last night
to where I actually started to think about it.
It was all kind of like subconscious experience.
And then last night, I kind of put it all together.
And here it is. Here's kind of my dream theory.
And the reason why I started thinking about this
theory was because I realized that Like I've
talked about earlier is that I'm a I'm blind
like there's a lot of things that I'm missing
I feel like I'm missing something important in
my life, and I can't really describe what it
is the best way to describe it is this When you're
dreaming like at nighttime you're falling you're
asleep, and you're dreaming At that moment you're
experiencing that dream But you don't remember
your current life like you're waking physical
life All you know is that dream. You might have
a vague kind of remembering of what your current
physical life is, but usually you just don't
even think about it. All you know is that dream.
And now if you are in that dream, and then you
wake up physically, now you realize that that
was a dream. But there are sometimes, it's very
rare that it happens on accident, but sometimes
you have a dream where while you're dreaming,
you realize that it's a dream, and you kind of
remember the reference point to know. The reference
point is what allows you to know that it's a
dream. And the reference point is your current
physical life. So in order to know that you're
dreaming at night, you need to have a reference
point to realize that it's a dream. So if you
never remember your reference point, if you never
remember your current physical life, then you're
never gonna wake up in the dream and realize
that it's a dream. if that makes sense. But if
you do remember the reference point and you do
remember that thing that you forgot, that you
have a physical life, well then you'll wake up
in the dream and then what happens is crazy.
What happens is you basically have superpowers
in the dream. And it's like the most amazing
experience ever. It's called a lucid dream if
you want to look into it. It's when you basically
have the entire, it's like if you've ever played
Minecraft, It's like going from survival mode
to creative mode with hacker cheats enabled,
or every possibility of hacking and mods and
everything. When you're in a lucid dream, you
can do anything. You can fly, you can visit the
moon. I don't really have much experience with
it. I have had lucid dreams in the past, but
I don't have much. firsthand experience to be
able to say that lots of examples But basically
I've read books on it and I've realized that
you really can do anything you want and Anything
you can't even imagine Like the imagination is
really the limit in a lucid dream and so Let's
just that's the okay. So that's just kind of
the foundation to this dream theory You need
to remember your reference point in order to
kind of wake up and then once you wake up that's
like the craziest thing that happens and So going
back to the thing that I feel like I'm missing
in my life I feel like I'm missing a reference
point. So when you're dreaming you the reference
point is your physical life But is there a reference
point? to our physical life here's why I think
that there is just from personal experience I
think there is when you're dreaming you're kind
of like placed there and you don't remember what
happened before you don't remember where you
came from before and you also don't remember
where you are going after the dream but if you
remember your reference point then you immediately
remember where you came from before you came
from like your bed and you fell asleep like your
physical life that's where you came from and
then you'll realize that that's where you're
going afterwards going back to your physical
life that's the reference point but if you don't
remember the reference point then that's just
two big blind spots one happened before your
life and one happened after your life in the
dream And I have those two big blind spots in
my physical life. The same blind spots. I don't
know what happened before I was born. I don't
remember who I was, what I was doing. I don't
have any remembering of that period of time or
if it was not even time. I don't know. And I
also don't have a remembering. or knowing of
what's happening after I die. I'm missing those
huge reference points I don't remember. And so
that's why I think that there's an important
thing that is missing in my life and it's that
reference point from physical life. And here's
where this theory gets really interesting. It
goes so deep and I haven't even gone very deep
yet in my contemplation. But when you are dreaming,
Okay, actually let me restart. There's a goal.
I don't know what the goal is, but if you are
a lucid dreamer, you are somebody who tries to
experience a lucid dream in your dreaming. So
in your waking life, you practice certain skills
in order to achieve a lucid dream at nighttime.
So your goal at nighttime, like when you're asleep,
is to have a lucid dream. That's the goal of
dreams for a lucid dreamer. I don't know if that's
the goal for everyone, but just for example's
sake, this example gives this theory a very interesting
implication. So let's just say the goal of a
dream is to experience a lucid dream. For a lucid
dreamer your original reference point in physical
life You Do certain things in your physical life
to practice and Be able to have a loose dream
and those things are like reality checks You
it's like you do certain things to check if you
are dreaming or not in real life So one of them
is to try and stick your finger through your
hand and if it goes through your hands, then
you're usually dreaming Like, or if it goes through
your hand, then you are definitely dreaming.
But if it does not go through your hand, then
there's a possibility that you might be dreaming,
but most of the time you're in physical waking
life. Another example is if you close your mouth
and also plug your nose, like pinch your nose
with your fingers and try to breathe through
your nose, and if you can breathe, then you are
most definitely dreaming. because you wouldn't
be able to breathe in physical life if you pinched
your nose and another one is if you look at a
text piece of text and you try to change the
words on like let's say there's a sign outside
that says like McDonald's or it says like no
parking and you try to change the words with
your intention like you close your eyes and then
you imagine it is a different word It says like
free parking or Applebee's or something like
that. Then if you can change it, then you are
dreaming and you're not awake physically. So
those are reality checks and a lucid dreamer
practices in waking life in order to hope that
those, that experience will run down into his
dream. So here's where it gets interesting In
dreaming you are not actually the same person
like there are stories of people who look at
themselves in a mirror in a dream and they are
shocked because it's a different person or It
you don't recognize yourself like like you're
Dressed differently or you look different like
your features grew a different way or something
like that Basically in dreaming you are not actually
your current physical life self You are a different
person. You're kind of like a new manifestation
of yourself, if that makes sense. Yet you're
still, it's that part is still a part of you.
It's just a independent being, for example. But
we're kind of feeding intuitions into that independent
being and changing the way that independent being
behaves if it listens to those intuitions. And
so here's where it gets curious because the lucid
dreamer practices in real life to have more experience
and habits so that at nighttime it can unconsciously
feed the correct intuitions and direction to
that dreaming self, to where that dreaming self
will stumble upon something that it sees or stumble
upon a habit that it does and it realizes that
it's a dream. So that's the goal of the lucid
dreamer our physical let's just say the lucid
dreamer is the physical self and then the dreaming
self is the person or the self in the dream it
is you but it's not a One -to -one match if that
makes sense, like it's not it's kind of like
a manifestation of you and so the goal of the
lucid dreamer is to send the right messages and
signals intuitions and try and get the dreaming
self to follow a certain path in the dream to
where it realizes that it wakes up and it realizes
that it's a dream. And then the goal is achieved
and the reference points are remembered. Now
here's the thing. I actually did practice lucid
dreaming when I was younger. I went on vacation
and I wanted to play video games. It's I wanted
to play video games, but I couldn't because I
was on vacation. So I looked up ways to do that
and, or not ways, but I was, I heard of lucid
dreaming and I was like, Oh, if I practice and
learn how to lose a dream, maybe I'll be able
to play video games in my dreams. So that's,
that was why I started it. So I spent the entire
vacation practicing as a lucid dreamer. And on
the last day, I actually had a lucid dream and
the, what that lucid dream was at nighttime or
I woke up. in my current home, even though I
was on vacation. And so after a couple moments,
I realized that I was dreaming. But it's curious
because I actually have a very clear memory of
how my memory behaved in that lucid dream. Because
while I was in that dream, I kind of realized
that I remembered my physical life, but I didn't
have my full memory. I kind of had like a subtle
knowing that I this was a dream and that I was
about to return to my physical life. But I didn't
have a the same memory as I did when I was as
I do like now in physical life. That makes sense.
It was still like blind. And so here's where
it gets curious because the lucid dreamer, the
goal of a lucid dreamer is to is to be able to
wake up The goal of the loser dreamer is to be
able to direct the dreaming self to be able to
wake up in a dream and it doesn't stop there
because You even if you wake up in a dream, you're
you still don't remember all of your experiences
as memory and intentions Like I had an intention,
but I didn't remember it fully. It was vague
and You don't have the same like willpower or
discipline I guess to And so the dream, the goal
of the lucid dreamer doesn't stop there. It,
it keeps going where you actually want to continue
and be able to develop your dreaming self to
remember fully your entire memory and have like
a match, have a one -to -one replica, I guess,
to build that, that memory and build all of all
the features to be able to wake up in a dream
and realize, wow, I remember my entire physical
life. I'm about to enter my physical life. That's
where I came from before. I remember all my intentions,
all my desires, and I have my discipline, I have
my willpower. That's the goal of the lucid dreamer.
And it gets curious because I've heard stories
of people disappearing in dreams because like
sorcerers, they go to different worlds, whatever.
That's kind of like a giant leap forward, but
that's kind of like something curious that could
possibly fit into this theory. Let's stay grounded
here. Now, here's where it gets curious. This
all doesn't happen overnight. This only happens
after lots of training, lots of new manifestations.
And here's what I mean by that. You don't always
appear as the same character in a dream. Like
all your dreams are probably from different characters,
different people, different manifestations of
you. So it takes a lot of tries lots of retries
lots of attempts to Be successful in a lucid
dream So your current physical self has to create
a lot of dreams to be successful at a lucid dream
Has lots of tries lots of attempts, but the more
experience that that the lucid dreamer has The
the more effective they become in the dreaming
self. Now here's where it gets curious because
it's kind of like, we've only talked about physical
waking to dreaming, but what about the missing
reference point from physical waking? So dreaming
is to physical, or I mean, dreaming is to physical
in the same way that physical is to this missing
reference point. So what about this missing reference
point? Here's where it gets really curious. What
if there is a greater self that's greater than
who I think I am, who I think I know I am in
physical life, and has been trying and retrying
in a similar way to the lucid dreamer does. The
lucid dreamer creates brand new manifestations
to gain more and more experience so that it will
achieve its goal of of having a lucid dream and
eventually achieve its goal of being a master
lucid dreamer, which is kind of like where you
have like creative mode in a lucid dream. That's
a crazy awesome power to have. And now here's
where it gets curious because maybe this greater
self, let's call it the greater self. Because
I don't want to say ultimate self because there
might be a reference point past the greater self
But that's like gets into like lots of abstraction
that I don't have any experience with and I don't
even have experience with a lot of stuff I'm
saying right now. So let's just stay grounded
for a little bit or at least stay grounded More
than that, but let's just say greater self. So
there's the dream self the dreamer self the dreaming
self There's a lucid dreamer and then there's
the greater self These are all different reference
points. The dreaming reference point is lucid
dream. The dreaming, the reference point of the
dreamer is physical life. The reference point
of the lucid dreamer is this greater self. And
here's what I think I'm missing. I think I'm
missing this reference point like I've been talking
about. I think I'm missing the reference point
of the greater self. And here's where it gets
really curious because what if it's the same
process. What if the greater self goes through
the same training process that the lucid dreamer
does in order to achieve a lucid dream in real
life? So here's what I mean. The greater. Okay.
The lucid dreamer creates lots of manifestations,
lots of new dreams and experiences, new dreaming
selves, all different. So that it can have more
experience so they can more effectively guide
the dreaming self in the future to Achieve a
lucid dream and then eventually master lucid
dreaming but that takes lots of manifestations
what if it's the same thing with the greater
self or the greater self creates lots of physical
lives and then Guides those physical lives and
learns from the experience and the goal of that
is to guide the physical life to be able to achieve
lucid dream in physical life which is incomprehensible
to me because I don't have any first -hand experience
of it but what I imagine it is like is what like
Buddhists say is like enlightenment or like what
Jesus must have experienced where he was able
to like perform lots of miracles and like crazy
things and like basically any other miracle that
happened in history like have you ever heard
like you know about saints saints are people
have you ever heard of what is required to become
a saint like a Catholic saint you have to have
had I think two healings miraculous healing so
you have had to healed another person's injury
or illness in a very timely manner as in like
you couldn't heal them and then a couple weeks
later they are fully healed and say that you
healed them, it would have to be like a quick
healing. Like they come in with a broken bone,
broken leg, they come in limping with a cast,
and then you heal them, and then they leave later
that day with a fully healed leg. That's one
of the requirements to become a saint. You have
to do that twice. And then you also have to be
dead. So they only deem people saints. After
the die and so if you look up there's actually
two. I think there's two saints that are being
Deemed in their sainthood by the new Pope in
like this month or next month. I don't know,
but it's very curious and so what if all of these
like things and even not just like superpowers,
but also like just Experiencing bliss, or not
even just bliss, but like just having more equanimous,
having like perfect equanimity. Maybe lifetimes
are practice so that the greater self can achieve
its goal of having a lucid dream in physical
life. And there's a lot of implications to it.
There's so much to think about and so much to
talk about but that's basically my dream theory
that I I Kind of put together last night last
night. I just went in my room during my nightly
stare at a wall session and I was just Piecing
together this entire theory and it's just so
intriguing to think about I'm not a loose dreamer
currently like I used to loose dream for like
a week I haven't had a lucid dream in a long
time, but I've had. the experience of practicing
as a lucid dreamer and I've had the experience
of a successful lucid dream to where I actually
kind of see how this can all like fit together
and here's where it gets curious because the
dreaming self doesn't always remember and even
when you have a lucid dream the dreaming self
does not remember fully the reference point it
does remember that you are gonna wake up but
it doesn't remember that you have to go to school
at like 9 a .m. or you have to like have first
period like it doesn't remember every detail.
It doesn't have a perfect memory. It has a vague
memory. And so maybe the manifestation from the
greater self into physical life, maybe our current
life right now doesn't have a perfect memory
or any memory of the reference point. So this
is all currently theory. And I think that it's
very important to turn it into firsthand experience.
Because the implications of this theory are like
life changing. Because think about it like this.
If life, here's my theory that I came up with
last month or a couple months ago of life is
a game of choices and you get to choose what
choices you make but you don't get to choose
what choices are available to you. It gets curious
because For example, let's just assume that that
theory applies to dreaming, where a dream is
a game of choices, and you get to choose your
choices. If you are dreaming and you're not aware
and you don't remember your reference point,
well, then your choices are going to be very
limited and you're going to behave in a totally
different way. You're going to run away from
that monster. Versus if you remember your reference
point then your procedure to life is going to
be totally different like if you immediately
wake up and your eyes you're in a dream and you
start lucid dreaming well, then You're gonna
have like you're gonna like immediately make
the monster like stop and then you're gonna immediately
fly up into the air and start like Creating like
you're gonna have like you see how how much different
immediately like the choices that you make are
totally different, totally incomprehensible to
the non lucid dreamer. Like if you're in a dream
and you are not lucid, then the choices that
a lucid dreamer has available to them are totally
incomprehensible to the choices that a dreamer
that's not lucid has or that a dreamer even considers.
So In my opinion, I think that it's probably
one of the most important things in our life
to figure out or remember this reference point
and remember this because then it'll unlock a
lot of different choices, a lot of better choices,
a lot of bigger choices that you wouldn't even
consider or comprehend before. So that's just
something crazy to think about. I have to pee
really bad. So that was a very long episode because
I'm very excited about this. Not discovery. This
is something I've had on the back of my mind
for a very long time, but I've put it to words.
So very curious, very intriguing, but that's
it. So I'll see you next month. Peace.