WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.359 I'm changing my podcast format for the titles. 00:00:03.940 --> 00:00:09.060 Before my format was just month, year, monthly 00:00:09.060 --> 00:00:13.580 update, and then every once in a while, I might 00:00:13.580 --> 00:00:16.140 have a dash with a description. For example, 00:00:16.199 --> 00:00:19.859 last month's was August, 2025, monthly update 00:00:19.859 --> 00:00:24.739 dash pause 2 .0. And that was because that was 00:00:24.739 --> 00:00:28.679 the second big pause I was taking on my YouTube 00:00:28.679 --> 00:00:33.469 channel. to focus on more important skills at 00:00:33.469 --> 00:00:38.929 the time. And so right now I'm changing it to 00:00:38.929 --> 00:00:45.670 like the nine dash 25 as in like September 25 00:00:45.670 --> 00:00:50.289 and dash and I'm gonna have a proper title and 00:00:50.289 --> 00:00:54.210 here's why. Because I think it's more organized 00:00:54.210 --> 00:00:57.009 because then you can actually look back and see 00:00:57.009 --> 00:01:00.909 what happened that month. Because this whole 00:01:00.909 --> 00:01:04.250 podcast is meant to be a documentation of my 00:01:04.250 --> 00:01:06.290 journey I know that no one is listening right 00:01:06.290 --> 00:01:09.629 now actually I'll pull up the analytics and I 00:01:09.629 --> 00:01:15.810 have 28 downloads in the past 30 days which means 00:01:15.810 --> 00:01:21.650 that 28 times my podcast was listened to in the 00:01:21.650 --> 00:01:27.269 past 20 or 30 days that's like abysmally low 00:01:27.390 --> 00:01:30.849 for a podcast. So I obviously know that no one 00:01:30.849 --> 00:01:33.390 listens right now. This is more of a long -term 00:01:33.390 --> 00:01:37.150 thing for people to go back to and look at my 00:01:37.150 --> 00:01:39.469 journey. So this is a documentation. So I want 00:01:39.469 --> 00:01:42.730 it to be organized. And to be honest, it has 00:01:42.730 --> 00:01:45.010 not been organized. Like I'm scrolling through 00:01:45.010 --> 00:01:48.510 my list right now of my titles and it's like 00:01:48.510 --> 00:01:52.750 July 2025 monthly update, June 2025 monthly update, 00:01:53.109 --> 00:01:55.930 May 2025 monthly. Like how are you supposed to 00:01:55.930 --> 00:01:58.849 know what was what happened in that episode? 00:01:58.989 --> 00:02:02.329 So that's a big reason why I'm changing the title 00:02:02.329 --> 00:02:07.329 format. And another reason is that because I'm 00:02:07.329 --> 00:02:09.389 getting a lot of emails every once in a while 00:02:09.389 --> 00:02:15.750 from podcast SEO companies and in the beginning 00:02:15.750 --> 00:02:18.930 I was getting them but they were just like standard 00:02:18.930 --> 00:02:22.750 emails just basic emails that they just copy 00:02:22.750 --> 00:02:26.590 and paste to everyone but now they're starting 00:02:26.590 --> 00:02:31.870 to actually write tailored emails to my show 00:02:31.870 --> 00:02:37.030 to my actual email that they actually did research 00:02:37.030 --> 00:02:40.469 and they actually listened to a a couple of my 00:02:40.469 --> 00:02:44.770 episodes to write this email. So my podcast is 00:02:44.770 --> 00:02:49.629 actually starting to become a more sort of a 00:02:49.629 --> 00:02:53.849 dream customer for podcast SEO tools like companies 00:02:53.849 --> 00:02:58.449 that help with gaining search engine optimization 00:02:58.449 --> 00:03:01.650 for your podcast to help you get more views. 00:03:02.430 --> 00:03:06.949 And that is kind of like a sign that I think 00:03:06.949 --> 00:03:09.409 they're really doing that or I think the main 00:03:09.409 --> 00:03:13.110 thing is that it's because this Podcast is like 00:03:13.110 --> 00:03:17.009 two years in the running so they know that I'm 00:03:17.009 --> 00:03:19.889 in it for the long run But that's just kind of 00:03:19.889 --> 00:03:23.729 a sign that says oh, maybe I should start Paying 00:03:23.729 --> 00:03:26.409 a little attention to the podcast and not like 00:03:26.409 --> 00:03:31.050 just dumping whatever I want so that's What I 00:03:31.050 --> 00:03:35.169 do and also I have been right like actually spending 00:03:35.169 --> 00:03:39.099 time Writing down notes for how I want the podcast 00:03:39.099 --> 00:03:41.340 to be structured like the episode for example 00:03:41.340 --> 00:03:47.539 in today's episode the order of operations is 00:03:47.539 --> 00:03:50.960 the first thing is new title format and Then 00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:53.159 the next thing I'm going to talk about is my 00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:56.120 door -to -door injury. So let's get into that 00:03:56.120 --> 00:04:00.819 so last month I talked about how I wanted to 00:04:00.819 --> 00:04:03.319 get into door -to -door sales And I did that 00:04:03.319 --> 00:04:06.699 because I knew that there were some skills that 00:04:06.699 --> 00:04:10.280 I needed to learn. Social skills, influence skills, 00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:12.539 getting people to think for themselves, skills, 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:18.180 all that stuff. But there's an issue. I was injured. 00:04:18.279 --> 00:04:20.939 I got injured the first day that I went out there. 00:04:21.079 --> 00:04:24.980 And so I had to wait like three or four weeks 00:04:24.980 --> 00:04:27.720 without doing anything. And during those weeks, 00:04:27.740 --> 00:04:31.980 I was just meditating and reading. pretty much 00:04:31.980 --> 00:04:35.120 the entire day every day and also doing my physical 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:39.660 therapy exercises too but basically it was just 00:04:39.660 --> 00:04:45.259 doing that then I actually accepted the job finally 00:04:45.259 --> 00:04:48.519 and I actually went out there and I gotta say 00:04:48.519 --> 00:04:51.560 it was amazing like I remember the first day 00:04:51.560 --> 00:04:55.860 I went out to the city to meet up with everyone 00:04:55.860 --> 00:05:00.220 like the whole team for the job and then we all 00:05:00.220 --> 00:05:03.240 went our own separate ways. And I took the train 00:05:03.240 --> 00:05:06.480 back to a neighborhood that I live right next 00:05:06.480 --> 00:05:09.959 to in Chicago called Austin. And I was just going 00:05:09.959 --> 00:05:12.879 out, knocking on people's doors and talking to 00:05:12.879 --> 00:05:16.259 people. And it was really awesome. It was amazing. 00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:21.839 And I kept doing that, but I could only do like 00:05:21.839 --> 00:05:24.759 three hours of walking in the first day because 00:05:24.759 --> 00:05:30.139 I was not my foot was still not healed. I I my 00:05:30.139 --> 00:05:32.920 plan was just to do take it easy for the first 00:05:32.920 --> 00:05:35.800 week and then the second week take it a little 00:05:35.800 --> 00:05:38.819 bit harder and then keep ramping up the time 00:05:38.819 --> 00:05:42.639 But what ended up happening was I ignored my 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:45.660 foot and I ended up getting injured again. I 00:05:45.660 --> 00:05:52.120 re -injured myself after the first week and I've 00:05:52.120 --> 00:05:55.699 done a lot of reflection and we'll get into this 00:05:55.699 --> 00:06:00.290 like a lot of the nuances here But during, while 00:06:00.290 --> 00:06:03.949 I was walking around the first week and doing 00:06:03.949 --> 00:06:08.649 door to door and talking to people, I thought 00:06:08.649 --> 00:06:11.370 that I was having a great time. I thought that 00:06:11.370 --> 00:06:18.009 this was amazing. But in hindsight, even as I'm 00:06:18.009 --> 00:06:21.170 explaining it to you right now, I can tell that 00:06:21.170 --> 00:06:25.949 I'm not really, it was kind of like a artificial 00:06:25.949 --> 00:06:30.079 joy. if that makes sense. And I'll get into that 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:35.459 in a moment. But after I re -injured myself after 00:06:35.459 --> 00:06:40.759 only one week on the job, I really was in a dark 00:06:40.759 --> 00:06:45.839 period because that was like what I was waiting 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:50.959 for. I waited like three or four weeks just to 00:06:50.959 --> 00:06:54.920 start this job. And then within one week, I re 00:06:54.920 --> 00:06:58.750 -injured myself. this wasn't just me passively 00:06:58.750 --> 00:07:01.110 waiting for three or four weeks like I was doing 00:07:01.110 --> 00:07:03.990 serious physical therapy like I treated this 00:07:03.990 --> 00:07:06.730 as my full -time job I was treating I was treating 00:07:06.730 --> 00:07:10.009 this with the same intensity as I treat pretty 00:07:10.009 --> 00:07:12.730 much any other thing that I would in a career 00:07:12.730 --> 00:07:16.470 of and I'm referring to healing my foot like 00:07:16.470 --> 00:07:19.689 I woke up first thing I did was do some physical 00:07:19.689 --> 00:07:23.209 therapy exercises do some stretches do some mobility 00:07:23.209 --> 00:07:28.110 work then immediately after I shower I Meditate 00:07:28.110 --> 00:07:33.610 and I wasn't just meditating I was like Researching 00:07:33.610 --> 00:07:36.329 how to actually heal my foot during meditation. 00:07:36.329 --> 00:07:39.129 I didn't care if it didn't work. I didn't care 00:07:39.129 --> 00:07:40.930 whatever I just wanted to make sure that I was 00:07:40.930 --> 00:07:45.329 trying every possible avenue and I was just basically 00:07:45.329 --> 00:07:47.910 meditating and trying to heal my foot while I 00:07:47.910 --> 00:07:53.709 was meditating and then I was Doing more physical 00:07:53.709 --> 00:07:57.009 therapy throughout the day actively researching 00:07:57.009 --> 00:08:03.670 how to get better and I Reinjured it and so I 00:08:03.670 --> 00:08:09.449 had to stop the job totally and The next weekend 00:08:09.449 --> 00:08:12.889 like I spent the whole next week like trying 00:08:12.889 --> 00:08:17.129 to Reheal again, and I re -injured it for a third 00:08:17.129 --> 00:08:22.490 time even worse and so basically This whole time. 00:08:22.490 --> 00:08:25.910 I'm like Reflecting like what is going on. I'm 00:08:25.910 --> 00:08:29.170 getting injured so bad. I'm kind of getting I'm 00:08:29.170 --> 00:08:36.029 getting Not deja vu, but I'm just getting reminded 00:08:36.029 --> 00:08:40.649 of what happened when I switched my YouTube content 00:08:40.649 --> 00:08:43.970 style to challenge based videos what happened 00:08:43.970 --> 00:08:48.039 when I did that was I immediately started experiencing 00:08:48.039 --> 00:08:50.480 lots of issues and I immediately started getting 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:54.879 injuries and lots of just bad things in my life. 00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:59.299 And this is exactly what happened for this door 00:08:59.299 --> 00:09:07.779 to door job. And so I'm reflecting and I realized 00:09:07.779 --> 00:09:12.919 that I had never achieved a single thing in my 00:09:12.919 --> 00:09:16.840 life that I have striven for. and I'm not talking 00:09:16.840 --> 00:09:25.019 about like subjective things like I've tried 00:09:25.019 --> 00:09:29.299 to get jacked and subjectively sure you can say 00:09:29.299 --> 00:09:33.200 that my body has a better physique than the average 00:09:33.200 --> 00:09:37.460 person or like a more muscular physique than 00:09:37.460 --> 00:09:39.539 the average person I'm not talking about that 00:09:39.539 --> 00:09:44.990 that's like a That's like an adjustable goal 00:09:44.990 --> 00:09:48.629 if that makes sense as in like there's no Destination 00:09:48.629 --> 00:09:53.570 to getting jacked. It's like a endless road But 00:09:53.570 --> 00:09:57.049 there is a destination to for example making 00:09:57.049 --> 00:10:01.769 the soccer team In high school. I actually I 00:10:01.769 --> 00:10:05.789 I grew up playing soccer and I Never made the 00:10:05.789 --> 00:10:09.350 high school soccer team freshman year I got cut 00:10:09.350 --> 00:10:11.549 and I realized that I should start taking a little 00:10:11.549 --> 00:10:14.210 bit more seriously and start training and take 00:10:14.210 --> 00:10:18.570 and practicing and so during sophomore year I 00:10:18.570 --> 00:10:20.769 after having practiced a little bit more I tried 00:10:20.769 --> 00:10:25.129 out again and I got cut again and during sophomore 00:10:25.129 --> 00:10:29.330 year I actually got injured before tryouts like 00:10:29.330 --> 00:10:31.629 I got injured while I was training but it didn't 00:10:31.629 --> 00:10:33.710 really affect trouts because it was just a shoulder 00:10:33.710 --> 00:10:36.190 injury and that shoulder injury is actually still 00:10:36.190 --> 00:10:42.190 with me today And so after sophomore year of 00:10:42.190 --> 00:10:44.870 getting cut, it kind of lit a fire in my soul. 00:10:44.929 --> 00:10:48.090 And I really wanted to make the team junior here. 00:10:48.190 --> 00:10:52.070 And so I started training, not just soccer, not 00:10:52.070 --> 00:10:55.149 just practicing soccer skills, not just practicing 00:10:55.149 --> 00:10:57.789 cardio, but I started lifting weights. I started 00:10:57.789 --> 00:11:01.830 eating healthy. I started sleeping, like fixing 00:11:01.830 --> 00:11:04.789 my sleep. I literally aligned everything, my 00:11:04.789 --> 00:11:09.049 health, nutrition, my fitness, my cardio, my 00:11:09.049 --> 00:11:14.230 strength, stamina, skills, my intellectual capacity 00:11:14.230 --> 00:11:18.850 too. I started like watching soccer videos. I 00:11:18.850 --> 00:11:22.529 aligned my entire life to this, trying to make 00:11:22.529 --> 00:11:30.649 the soccer team. And during the pre -season camp, 00:11:31.149 --> 00:11:34.090 during that summer going into junior year, This 00:11:34.090 --> 00:11:37.029 was the camp that they were basically gonna know 00:11:37.029 --> 00:11:39.529 who was gonna make the team or not before Child's 00:11:39.529 --> 00:11:42.049 because they were gonna watch all the kids play. 00:11:42.909 --> 00:11:50.269 And on the first day, I injured myself. I couldn't 00:11:50.269 --> 00:11:53.429 bend my knee. I remember biking home, biking 00:11:53.429 --> 00:11:56.070 with one leg with my other leg completely straight 00:11:56.070 --> 00:11:58.250 because I couldn't bend it and it hurt and I 00:11:58.250 --> 00:12:01.149 was like almost in tears because I knew it was 00:12:01.149 --> 00:12:05.879 over. Had spent that entire summer Hitting like 00:12:05.879 --> 00:12:10.460 two or three maybe even four workouts like soccer 00:12:10.460 --> 00:12:15.019 skills every day sometimes multiple times a day 00:12:15.019 --> 00:12:19.539 Cardio every day strength training like lifting 00:12:19.539 --> 00:12:25.539 weights every day And I overdid it I overdid 00:12:25.539 --> 00:12:32.830 it and I got injured and So I didn't even try 00:12:32.830 --> 00:12:35.529 out for the soccer team junior year because I 00:12:35.529 --> 00:12:40.730 got injured and I didn't I just felt like I should 00:12:40.730 --> 00:12:46.330 focus on other things. Now that's not like a 00:12:46.330 --> 00:12:48.710 doom and gloom that's not supposed to make you 00:12:48.710 --> 00:12:50.970 feel sorry for me because I am actually very 00:12:50.970 --> 00:12:53.769 grateful that I didn't make the soccer team because 00:12:53.769 --> 00:12:56.830 junior year I actually started focusing on other 00:12:56.830 --> 00:12:59.590 things like Reading books and that completely 00:12:59.590 --> 00:13:02.529 changed the trajectory of my of my life. And 00:13:02.529 --> 00:13:06.870 so it was actually beneficial to me but That's 00:13:06.870 --> 00:13:10.529 besides the point. The point is that Literally 00:13:10.529 --> 00:13:13.529 every single thing that I've striven to achieve 00:13:13.529 --> 00:13:17.909 I have failed in my entire life and I never noticed 00:13:17.909 --> 00:13:20.509 that I never even realized that that was true 00:13:20.509 --> 00:13:25.980 until this recent injury of I strove towards 00:13:25.980 --> 00:13:28.779 trying to become a door to door salesman and 00:13:28.779 --> 00:13:31.259 trying to make a lot of money and learn those 00:13:31.259 --> 00:13:36.500 skills. And immediately I failed immediately 00:13:36.500 --> 00:13:40.039 got injured the first day. And then I healed 00:13:40.039 --> 00:13:42.700 the injury and then got injured the first week 00:13:42.700 --> 00:13:47.159 after a couple of weeks of healing. And also 00:13:47.159 --> 00:13:50.899 another example is for the past two years I've 00:13:50.899 --> 00:13:54.110 been Making YouTube videos or and or podcast 00:13:54.110 --> 00:13:57.450 videos or episodes have not gotten success on 00:13:57.450 --> 00:13:59.789 that yet either But I wouldn't consider that 00:13:59.789 --> 00:14:03.309 a failure yet But basically the point is that 00:14:03.309 --> 00:14:06.090 I have not achieved a single thing in my entire 00:14:06.090 --> 00:14:09.230 life Yeah, I would never not even for a second. 00:14:09.250 --> 00:14:11.649 I would never consider myself a failure Like 00:14:11.649 --> 00:14:14.070 it's just curious to see how I haven't achieved 00:14:14.070 --> 00:14:16.769 a single thing that I've striven towards yet 00:14:17.549 --> 00:14:21.029 Feel like I'm in a very good position in life 00:14:21.029 --> 00:14:25.309 like a very desirable position So I'm I'm not 00:14:25.309 --> 00:14:28.929 like it's not a pity party or anything but that's 00:14:28.929 --> 00:14:33.289 just something I've noticed and now That doesn't 00:14:33.289 --> 00:14:36.370 take away my injury like all the reflection I 00:14:36.370 --> 00:14:39.889 started to realize that I still have my injury 00:14:39.889 --> 00:14:42.970 and Even right now. I'm still injured and we'll 00:14:42.970 --> 00:14:47.980 get to that So I started feeling very trapped 00:14:47.980 --> 00:14:53.179 like a Lot I've I kind of felt this in the past 00:14:53.179 --> 00:14:57.639 like Occasionally would become very strong Where 00:14:57.639 --> 00:15:00.700 I'd feel trapped like I'm trapped at my house 00:15:00.700 --> 00:15:04.080 or at my parents house And I I have nowhere like 00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:06.740 I'm trapped And I'm just kind of waiting for 00:15:06.740 --> 00:15:09.299 something external to happen as in like I'm waiting 00:15:09.299 --> 00:15:11.559 for a video to blow up I can't really control 00:15:11.559 --> 00:15:14.889 if that blows up at the moment but I just hope 00:15:14.889 --> 00:15:16.769 it blows up so that I can start making money 00:15:16.769 --> 00:15:20.370 so I can move out. And I've kind of always felt 00:15:20.370 --> 00:15:24.309 this kind of trapped sense because I mean, objectively 00:15:24.309 --> 00:15:28.049 speaking, all my friends have already moved out. 00:15:28.350 --> 00:15:32.730 Like they've gone to college and they're not 00:15:32.730 --> 00:15:34.889 living at home anymore. Yeah, they still live 00:15:34.889 --> 00:15:37.940 at home as in like they come home for. vacation 00:15:37.940 --> 00:15:42.440 or for holidays and for summer break So they're 00:15:42.440 --> 00:15:44.519 still living at home in that sense and they're 00:15:44.519 --> 00:15:47.700 not making money to live on their own yet, but 00:15:47.700 --> 00:15:52.139 Like this is the age actually like a year ago 00:15:52.139 --> 00:15:58.600 was the age when most people in my Community 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:00.980 at least maybe not the general population. I 00:16:00.980 --> 00:16:04.279 don't know but most people move out by the time 00:16:04.279 --> 00:16:07.179 they're like 18 or 19 whether it's to college 00:16:07.179 --> 00:16:11.340 or on their own, and I'm still at home. And so 00:16:11.340 --> 00:16:15.279 I think it's natural to feel feelings of being 00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:18.600 trapped. And I'll say that these feelings have 00:16:18.600 --> 00:16:22.980 been exasperbated. I don't even know how to pronounce 00:16:22.980 --> 00:16:27.399 that word, but exasperbated recently because 00:16:27.399 --> 00:16:33.360 this foot injury is like the most obvious metaphor 00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:37.259 for Me being trapped. It's like the moment that 00:16:37.259 --> 00:16:39.340 I see the light at the end of the road the moment 00:16:39.340 --> 00:16:43.519 that I actually decide to get a Job like get 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:46.259 a job that it's not like a question that they'll 00:16:46.259 --> 00:16:48.159 pay me or not It's like they're literally gonna 00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:51.059 pay me money and they have paid me money already 00:16:51.059 --> 00:16:55.059 Like this is the one time for the past two years 00:16:55.059 --> 00:17:00.200 that I've been pursuing Like whatever I'm pursuing 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:04.920 that I actually have possibility to move out 00:17:04.920 --> 00:17:09.839 and I get injured in the foot the one like the 00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:17.039 most symbolic body part possible for being stuck 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:21.059 in one place like you need your feet to move 00:17:21.059 --> 00:17:25.519 practically to like traverse and to walk around 00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:29.579 and so a foot injury is like the most symbolic 00:17:29.579 --> 00:17:32.700 injury for you being trapped and you being stuck 00:17:33.450 --> 00:17:37.109 And so it's it's so curious. There's lots of 00:17:37.109 --> 00:17:41.990 like philosophical interpretations that you could 00:17:41.990 --> 00:17:45.029 take and a lot of interpretations that I haven't 00:17:45.029 --> 00:17:49.529 even considered over this. But that's just a 00:17:49.529 --> 00:17:53.190 curious thing how I recently just feel have a 00:17:53.190 --> 00:17:57.190 very strong sense of feeling trapped and actually 00:17:57.190 --> 00:17:59.930 we'll get into that a little bit later towards 00:17:59.930 --> 00:18:03.769 the end of the this episode this month. how this 00:18:03.769 --> 00:18:07.109 actually led to a lot of realizations because 00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:11.130 last night I actually had like a breakdown where 00:18:11.130 --> 00:18:15.029 my breakdowns are not very like if you were to 00:18:15.029 --> 00:18:18.089 see and experience it while I was doing it you 00:18:18.089 --> 00:18:21.569 wouldn't consider it a mental breakdown but it's 00:18:21.569 --> 00:18:26.130 a mental breakdown for me because I've basically 00:18:26.130 --> 00:18:32.650 progressed my mental control the proper word 00:18:32.650 --> 00:18:37.049 is equanimity, I think it's called. I just heard 00:18:37.049 --> 00:18:39.130 about that word a couple days ago, but I think 00:18:39.130 --> 00:18:43.170 that's the correct word. I've developed my skill 00:18:43.170 --> 00:18:45.369 at mental composure over the past couple years 00:18:45.369 --> 00:18:49.150 to where my mental breakdowns are not really 00:18:49.150 --> 00:18:53.410 like mental breakdowns. They're just like moments 00:18:53.410 --> 00:18:59.390 of talking and then I just am calm right afterwards. 00:18:59.869 --> 00:19:03.259 So it's like but I had one of those last night 00:19:03.259 --> 00:19:08.579 and It made me do a lot of pondering a lot of 00:19:08.579 --> 00:19:12.839 thinking and I came to a very curious theory 00:19:12.839 --> 00:19:17.180 that could have extremely important impacts or 00:19:17.180 --> 00:19:20.640 implications in Not only my life, but everyone's 00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:24.019 life And it's just a theory right now and we'll 00:19:24.019 --> 00:19:26.359 get to it at the end of the episode It's called 00:19:26.359 --> 00:19:30.579 the or I just called it the dream theory but 00:19:30.579 --> 00:19:33.390 it That's just what I called it just now. It 00:19:33.390 --> 00:19:36.170 doesn't really matter what it's called. But basically, 00:19:37.029 --> 00:19:39.589 let's stay on topic for now. Going back to feeling 00:19:39.589 --> 00:19:42.529 trapped. And so while I was feeling really trapped 00:19:42.529 --> 00:19:45.369 after re -injuring myself a second time in the 00:19:45.369 --> 00:19:48.829 foot, I was like, OK, I am not waiting four weeks. 00:19:48.970 --> 00:19:52.410 This is terrible. This is actually so sad. This 00:19:52.410 --> 00:19:56.089 is just the worst. I'm just very sad that I'm 00:19:56.089 --> 00:19:59.900 injured. It's not necessarily that it's the worst. 00:19:59.900 --> 00:20:02.119 It's just that I'm just really sad that I'm injured 00:20:02.119 --> 00:20:07.380 and so I want to Heal it instantly Like is that 00:20:07.380 --> 00:20:10.339 really too much to ask for I just want my foot 00:20:10.339 --> 00:20:13.980 to be instantly healed is that too much to ask 00:20:13.980 --> 00:20:17.140 for considering the fact that a Huge portion 00:20:17.140 --> 00:20:20.759 of this society and a huge portion of my childhood 00:20:20.759 --> 00:20:26.700 upbringing has been founded upon stories of people 00:20:26.700 --> 00:20:29.980 being healed instantly and I'm referring to like 00:20:29.980 --> 00:20:32.339 the stories in the Bible and So I'm like, okay 00:20:32.339 --> 00:20:34.779 Well, is that really too much to ask for for 00:20:34.779 --> 00:20:38.140 me to be healed instantly? And so I start like 00:20:38.140 --> 00:20:40.960 genuinely searching for ways for that to happen 00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:44.619 And I like I'm on chat TVT and I said like how 00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:47.440 can I do this? Like who should I search for in 00:20:47.440 --> 00:20:51.400 my local community to make this happen? And it 00:20:51.400 --> 00:20:54.940 said there's something called Reiki like you 00:20:54.940 --> 00:20:59.940 need to find a Reiki master rei ki and That's 00:20:59.940 --> 00:21:03.299 like energy healing or whatever and so I'm like 00:21:03.299 --> 00:21:08.019 alright, whatever and I search for a qualified 00:21:08.019 --> 00:21:16.500 Reiki master in my area and I find one and I 00:21:16.500 --> 00:21:20.359 go Have a session a reiki session and it's literally 00:21:20.359 --> 00:21:23.839 just a meditation Look, I just lay there on the 00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:26.960 bed. I Spent like a hundred a hundred dollars. 00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:29.799 I gave like a $20 tip. So I I have like I spent 00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:33.559 $120 to get this reiki session. So I'm serious 00:21:33.559 --> 00:21:37.420 like I'm I spent like basically half of my bank 00:21:37.420 --> 00:21:41.779 account on this session Because I want to heal 00:21:41.779 --> 00:21:45.589 my foot instantly But I realized that that's 00:21:45.589 --> 00:21:47.630 the wrong mindset so I kind of just like walked 00:21:47.630 --> 00:21:51.490 into it with it The mindset of I just want to 00:21:51.490 --> 00:21:53.329 see what's going on. I just want to see what 00:21:53.329 --> 00:21:58.210 what happens I? Hope that I heal, but I it probably 00:21:58.210 --> 00:22:02.170 won't so I just want to see what happens and 00:22:02.170 --> 00:22:04.410 I go in there, and it's literally just a meditation 00:22:04.410 --> 00:22:08.750 like I go under a blanket and the room the lights 00:22:08.750 --> 00:22:14.839 are dim and then the person she just like starts, 00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:18.700 she enters like a altered state of consciousness. 00:22:18.799 --> 00:22:20.759 So it's kind of, it's like a meditation like 00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:26.200 trance state that she enters into and just like 00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:30.359 starts doing her thing. And I, my eyes were closed. 00:22:30.740 --> 00:22:34.700 I opened my eyes very often just to see what 00:22:34.700 --> 00:22:39.279 was going on. And it was a very out of the ordinary 00:22:39.279 --> 00:22:44.579 experience, but it felt calming. Like that was 00:22:44.579 --> 00:22:47.640 the deepest meditation I'd ever been in, so there 00:22:47.640 --> 00:22:51.519 was definitely something to it. However, I did 00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:56.740 not get healed. I walked into that area limping, 00:22:56.920 --> 00:23:03.900 and I walked out limping. But what was so curious 00:23:03.900 --> 00:23:08.140 was that I went in there with the intention to 00:23:08.140 --> 00:23:12.750 get healed, and I'd never experienced This before 00:23:12.750 --> 00:23:17.569 so I didn't know what to expect and Then when 00:23:17.569 --> 00:23:20.269 it was over she went into the bathroom to wash 00:23:20.269 --> 00:23:23.789 her hands and then returned into the room and 00:23:23.789 --> 00:23:25.630 I was just sitting there. I thought we were just 00:23:25.630 --> 00:23:29.470 gonna do like a quick little debrief and So I 00:23:29.470 --> 00:23:31.650 thought she was gonna ask me like what how'd 00:23:31.650 --> 00:23:35.769 you feel like what like whatever and I thought 00:23:35.769 --> 00:23:37.369 I was just me quick debrief, and I was gonna 00:23:37.369 --> 00:23:40.180 leave, but she just started talking And at first 00:23:40.180 --> 00:23:42.460 I didn't really know what she was talking about, 00:23:42.940 --> 00:23:49.559 but she just started talking in such a way that 00:23:49.559 --> 00:23:55.279 only I would know. I didn't tell her anything 00:23:55.279 --> 00:23:59.000 about my life or anything other than the injury. 00:23:59.610 --> 00:24:02.730 she was just speaking in such a way that only 00:24:02.730 --> 00:24:04.789 I could know and I was observing her because 00:24:04.789 --> 00:24:06.589 she was taught we were in there for like two 00:24:06.589 --> 00:24:09.250 more hours the session itself was one hour and 00:24:09.250 --> 00:24:11.190 then I was sitting in there talking with her 00:24:11.190 --> 00:24:14.269 just listening for like two more hours afterwards 00:24:14.269 --> 00:24:18.390 and I was observing her behave or her like actions 00:24:18.390 --> 00:24:22.450 and her kind of behavior and her body language 00:24:22.450 --> 00:24:27.359 and I I could decipher that there were moments 00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:30.660 wherein she would talk and it would be like she 00:24:30.660 --> 00:24:34.599 was talking straight from intuition. And I could 00:24:34.599 --> 00:24:36.619 tell that that was the case because of the way 00:24:36.619 --> 00:24:39.819 that she was speaking and the way that her eyes 00:24:39.819 --> 00:24:43.099 moved. But then other times, she was just talking 00:24:43.099 --> 00:24:47.359 normal, like just normal, like rational normal. 00:24:48.579 --> 00:24:51.900 And I could tell because there was some like, 00:24:52.369 --> 00:24:54.609 Advice like she was talking and she was starting 00:24:54.609 --> 00:24:57.009 to give me advice and tell me about my life and 00:24:57.009 --> 00:25:00.109 telling me mistakes that I made and She said 00:25:00.109 --> 00:25:03.109 that I was making a mistake with this job that 00:25:03.109 --> 00:25:05.650 I'm doing and that I was like I shouldn't be 00:25:05.650 --> 00:25:08.049 in door -to -door sales And I didn't tell her 00:25:08.049 --> 00:25:09.609 I was in door -to -door sales that doesn't really 00:25:09.609 --> 00:25:11.789 matter in my opinion But she said I shouldn't 00:25:11.789 --> 00:25:14.509 be in door -to -door sales. It's not in alignment 00:25:14.509 --> 00:25:21.480 with with you and She could see Or at least she 00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:25.779 said that she could see this huge goal in my 00:25:25.779 --> 00:25:31.240 like energy this huge goal And so I was very 00:25:31.240 --> 00:25:35.960 curious. It made me really question or not question. 00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:39.079 I was just sitting there like open -minded just 00:25:39.079 --> 00:25:42.279 like Listening and taking it all in not really 00:25:42.279 --> 00:25:46.400 making any moves or anything like that But she 00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:48.720 just said a lot of things about my life that 00:25:48.720 --> 00:25:54.259 only I would know or so I thought But at the 00:25:54.259 --> 00:25:56.279 same time there was a lot of mistakes that she 00:25:56.279 --> 00:25:59.779 made or at least things that I didn't think were 00:25:59.779 --> 00:26:03.039 true for my life So there was things for example. 00:26:03.079 --> 00:26:04.700 She said I shouldn't be doing the door -to -door 00:26:04.700 --> 00:26:09.039 job, which now I agree with Because at the moment 00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:12.200 I was like, oh that's kind of curious like I 00:26:12.200 --> 00:26:15.569 wonder why you say that And so I was just listening. 00:26:15.869 --> 00:26:19.009 And then when I got home, I actually started 00:26:19.009 --> 00:26:20.829 reflecting over the next couple of days. And 00:26:20.829 --> 00:26:22.910 I realized that, yeah, I shouldn't be doing the 00:26:22.910 --> 00:26:27.230 door -to -door job. It's not in alignment. It's 00:26:27.230 --> 00:26:30.430 because I only got in the job to learn the skills. 00:26:30.910 --> 00:26:37.210 But it's not really as aligned as I thought it 00:26:37.210 --> 00:26:41.200 was. Because I could do something else. Still 00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:43.299 in sales where I would learn the skills, but 00:26:43.299 --> 00:26:48.380 it would be in the same Kind of industry or same 00:26:48.380 --> 00:26:51.599 like realm as what I'm trying to do I'm trying 00:26:51.599 --> 00:26:54.640 to do like in positively influencing people's 00:26:54.640 --> 00:26:57.160 thoughts and behavior Door -to -door sales right 00:26:57.160 --> 00:27:00.359 now. I'm in community solar So I'm not really 00:27:00.359 --> 00:27:02.700 positively influencing people's thoughts and 00:27:02.700 --> 00:27:06.559 behavior in the way that my goal is Trying to 00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:10.119 do if that makes sense And I have done a lot 00:27:10.119 --> 00:27:13.119 of pondering and a lot of reflection on that 00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:18.680 topic of That and I decided I told my team leader 00:27:18.680 --> 00:27:21.019 that I was not gonna move forward with door -to 00:27:21.019 --> 00:27:25.019 -door sales in this company or in this industry 00:27:25.019 --> 00:27:31.380 actually but I'm still in it for now and This 00:27:31.380 --> 00:27:34.440 will all clear up. I have a I have a game plan 00:27:34.440 --> 00:27:36.519 in my head. I just don't want to say it out loud 00:27:36.519 --> 00:27:40.920 because I don't reveal plans until I take action 00:27:40.920 --> 00:27:43.220 on them, if that makes sense. So just know that 00:27:43.220 --> 00:27:45.480 I'm not going to continue forward with door -to 00:27:45.480 --> 00:27:50.259 -door sales. And that was not because she told 00:27:50.259 --> 00:27:55.640 me to. In fact, I felt strange about her telling 00:27:55.640 --> 00:27:57.180 me all these things. I was grateful that she 00:27:57.180 --> 00:27:59.559 told me all these things, but pretty much the 00:27:59.559 --> 00:28:01.799 entire time that I was talking about, I was asking 00:28:01.799 --> 00:28:04.259 questions of how I can experience these things 00:28:04.259 --> 00:28:07.809 for myself. Because supposedly she looked into 00:28:07.809 --> 00:28:11.029 my energy and saw that my door -to -door job 00:28:11.029 --> 00:28:14.289 was not in alignment with my energy. Supposedly. 00:28:14.710 --> 00:28:16.490 And so the whole time I was like asking questions 00:28:16.490 --> 00:28:19.250 on how I can have that ability for myself. Because 00:28:19.250 --> 00:28:21.329 I don't want to rely on some external source 00:28:21.329 --> 00:28:24.269 because that's flimsy. That's weak. Not even 00:28:24.269 --> 00:28:27.509 weak. That's just not the way I believe you should 00:28:27.509 --> 00:28:30.470 go about life. I think everything should be... 00:28:30.490 --> 00:28:33.230 should come from within. And that doesn't mean 00:28:33.230 --> 00:28:36.130 that it should come from your brain. That just 00:28:36.130 --> 00:28:38.849 means it should come from within. And within 00:28:38.849 --> 00:28:41.730 there's inner, there's like built in inner guidance 00:28:41.730 --> 00:28:45.549 within. And so I believe that everyone has the 00:28:45.549 --> 00:28:49.630 capacity to make decisions, the correct decisions 00:28:49.630 --> 00:28:53.430 for their own life and know without doubt that 00:28:53.430 --> 00:28:56.730 that is the correct way. We'll get into that 00:28:56.730 --> 00:29:01.039 with meditation in a moment, but there was lots 00:29:01.039 --> 00:29:03.859 of things that she talked about and I realized 00:29:03.859 --> 00:29:07.099 that maybe there was something to how she was 00:29:07.099 --> 00:29:09.839 acting and speaking because there were moments 00:29:09.839 --> 00:29:13.519 where she was speaking straight from intuition 00:29:13.519 --> 00:29:16.579 and I could tell just from her body language 00:29:16.579 --> 00:29:21.119 and it wasn't faked because there was but she 00:29:21.119 --> 00:29:25.240 wasn't totally perfect because there were times 00:29:25.240 --> 00:29:28.740 where she gave advice but it was not from intuition. 00:29:29.039 --> 00:29:31.259 And I could tell from her body language. But 00:29:31.259 --> 00:29:34.019 she still backed it with the same confidence. 00:29:35.220 --> 00:29:39.039 So there was some mischief, not mischievousness, 00:29:39.420 --> 00:29:44.059 but there was some delusion going on. But there 00:29:44.059 --> 00:29:51.859 was also some purity going on. It's a very peculiar 00:29:51.859 --> 00:29:57.509 instance or experience that I had that. felt 00:29:57.509 --> 00:30:01.569 very well prepared to analyze that situation 00:30:01.569 --> 00:30:06.569 and realize that oh there are there are very 00:30:06.569 --> 00:30:08.970 real moments where she is speaking straight from 00:30:08.970 --> 00:30:11.589 intuition and I can tell but there was also real 00:30:11.589 --> 00:30:13.349 moments where she was kind of acting like she 00:30:13.349 --> 00:30:15.789 was speaking from intuition but she actually 00:30:15.789 --> 00:30:19.220 wasn't. and I could tell the difference, which 00:30:19.220 --> 00:30:21.980 was pretty cool. But there was also moments where 00:30:21.980 --> 00:30:24.079 it looked like she was speaking from intuition, 00:30:24.579 --> 00:30:27.140 where I wasn't really connecting with the message. 00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:29.720 And not because it was hard to listen to, as 00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:33.039 in like, it was revealing things I didn't want 00:30:33.039 --> 00:30:36.160 to look at, but simply because I actually hadn't 00:30:36.160 --> 00:30:42.900 thought that that was relevant to me. But maybe 00:30:42.900 --> 00:30:45.359 it could be because it was a misinterpretation 00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:48.259 because I was asking her about her process Like 00:30:48.259 --> 00:30:51.000 what does she see? Because when I could tell 00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:53.019 that she was speaking from intuition and like 00:30:53.019 --> 00:30:55.380 she said she was looking into my energy I asked 00:30:55.380 --> 00:30:58.599 her what she saw While she was doing that like 00:30:58.599 --> 00:31:01.180 while her eyes went like that because that's 00:31:01.180 --> 00:31:03.740 how I could tell that she was speaking from intuition 00:31:03.740 --> 00:31:07.680 versus like just general Because her eyes went 00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:12.099 to it like in a certain posture and I asked her 00:31:12.099 --> 00:31:14.980 what she saw or what she experienced while that 00:31:14.980 --> 00:31:19.599 happened and basically by her answer she kind 00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:24.599 of said she took a long time to think and like 00:31:24.599 --> 00:31:27.640 figure out how to answer that question because 00:31:27.640 --> 00:31:30.220 I don't think many people ask her that question 00:31:30.220 --> 00:31:34.920 but she basically based off her answer I feel 00:31:34.920 --> 00:31:37.759 like there's a lot of interpretation going on 00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:41.500 so she had to interpret the intuition that she 00:31:41.500 --> 00:31:45.559 received. So there's still a possibility of her 00:31:45.559 --> 00:31:48.759 interpretation being wrong, like the Reiki master 00:31:48.759 --> 00:31:52.839 is not absolute truth. There's still mistakes, 00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:55.599 whether they're not speaking straight from intuition, 00:31:55.880 --> 00:31:59.680 which happens, or they are speaking from intuition 00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:03.480 but they're misinterpreting it. So that's a lot 00:32:03.480 --> 00:32:07.240 of very curious things. that I spent a long time 00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:10.920 pondering. Like I spent an entire week probably 00:32:10.920 --> 00:32:14.220 just thinking about that experience that I had 00:32:14.220 --> 00:32:19.160 and like contemplating all the different possibilities 00:32:19.160 --> 00:32:21.980 and contemplating all the different like nuances 00:32:21.980 --> 00:32:25.019 in what was going on in that experience. But 00:32:25.019 --> 00:32:27.859 I basically came to the conclusion that I want 00:32:27.859 --> 00:32:31.420 to have those types of or similar types of abilities 00:32:31.420 --> 00:32:37.049 in my own. Skill set like for myself I don't 00:32:37.049 --> 00:32:40.269 want to have to go to a reiki master to get advice 00:32:40.269 --> 00:32:44.170 on my life because I think that's a very Not 00:32:44.170 --> 00:32:47.069 maybe shallow way to live, but I feel like it's 00:32:47.069 --> 00:32:54.130 a very Not weak there's a better word a very 00:32:54.130 --> 00:33:01.309 I Don't know I don't know the word just not a 00:33:01.309 --> 00:33:07.180 very There's a perfect word for it, but I Hope 00:33:07.180 --> 00:33:09.579 you understand it's just not I feel like it's 00:33:09.579 --> 00:33:11.819 not the best way to move forward I think the 00:33:11.819 --> 00:33:14.480 most effective way to move forward in life is 00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:18.319 to cultivate your own inner compass and Rely 00:33:18.319 --> 00:33:21.420 on your own inner judgments, and that's not saying 00:33:21.420 --> 00:33:23.599 that you shouldn't listen to other people. I 00:33:23.599 --> 00:33:27.680 think that's very There it was very important 00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:30.220 for me to listen to that message Because I walked 00:33:30.220 --> 00:33:32.640 in there expecting to get healed instantly and 00:33:32.640 --> 00:33:37.400 I came out with a brand new perspective on life 00:33:37.400 --> 00:33:41.579 Not not that's a very vague statement. I walked 00:33:41.579 --> 00:33:46.140 out with a new New things to think about for 00:33:46.140 --> 00:33:49.460 my direction moving forward and new avenues to 00:33:49.460 --> 00:33:52.859 consider And that brings me to the next point 00:33:52.859 --> 00:33:57.869 I want to develop Three things or I want to have 00:33:57.869 --> 00:34:00.710 three things in my life the first thing is I 00:34:00.710 --> 00:34:05.589 want to have clarity of purpose there is a Metaphor 00:34:05.589 --> 00:34:10.230 that I read Describing what it's like to be enlightened 00:34:10.230 --> 00:34:15.130 and it's like let's say you're lost in a in a 00:34:15.130 --> 00:34:20.110 city and You don't know where you're going or 00:34:20.110 --> 00:34:21.849 you maybe you do know where you're going But 00:34:21.849 --> 00:34:23.590 you don't know where you are and you don't know 00:34:23.590 --> 00:34:26.880 how to get to where you want to go So you're 00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:28.900 kind of just walking around and you're still 00:34:28.900 --> 00:34:32.320 lost and so you stay lost And you kind of hope 00:34:32.320 --> 00:34:35.280 for the best and eventually you might make it 00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:39.179 to your destination but if what enlightenment 00:34:39.179 --> 00:34:44.079 is like is if you all of a sudden flew up a Hundreds 00:34:44.079 --> 00:34:46.980 of feet into the sky and got a bird's -eye view 00:34:46.980 --> 00:34:51.280 and you knew exactly the path to take it was 00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:55.539 like you knew Exactly how to get to your destination 00:34:56.110 --> 00:34:59.250 just like you know the lines on the palm of your 00:34:59.250 --> 00:35:02.329 hand. You can just look at the lines on the palm 00:35:02.329 --> 00:35:05.590 of your hand and you can follow those lines along 00:35:05.590 --> 00:35:08.510 the palm of your hand easily. That's what it's 00:35:08.510 --> 00:35:16.510 like to be enlightened in terms of knowing the 00:35:16.510 --> 00:35:18.809 path forward towards your goal or the correct 00:35:18.809 --> 00:35:23.530 path forward intuitively of what, like your mission 00:35:23.530 --> 00:35:26.690 on this planet, I guess. And so that's the first 00:35:26.690 --> 00:35:28.849 thing I want clarity of purpose. I want to I 00:35:28.849 --> 00:35:33.929 want to be able to Just know what to do. I just 00:35:33.929 --> 00:35:36.130 want to know I don't want to be blind. I feel 00:35:36.130 --> 00:35:39.769 like I'm I'm blind I'm a blind man walking around 00:35:39.769 --> 00:35:44.909 this life and kind of like feeling vague Intuitions 00:35:44.909 --> 00:35:48.730 on what I should do, but I don't have like absolute 00:35:48.730 --> 00:35:52.409 Knowledge that this is the right way if that 00:35:52.409 --> 00:35:55.980 makes sense And so in terms of that metaphor, 00:35:55.980 --> 00:36:00.019 I feel like I'm walking through a city with a 00:36:00.019 --> 00:36:03.800 blind, like a blindfold on trying to get to my 00:36:03.800 --> 00:36:07.519 destination. It's a very dangerous way to live 00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:09.880 life. And so I feel like the most important thing 00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:14.739 is to have to develop the ability to know where 00:36:14.739 --> 00:36:17.960 to go and to know and to develop the ability 00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:20.840 to see if that makes sense. Since I'm blind, 00:36:20.860 --> 00:36:23.480 I want to develop the ability to see. And I'm 00:36:23.480 --> 00:36:27.199 speaking metaphorically. And literally, I guess, 00:36:27.320 --> 00:36:30.460 too, it depends on how you interpret it. But 00:36:30.460 --> 00:36:32.059 actually, I don't even know what I'm saying. 00:36:32.519 --> 00:36:34.880 But basically, I want to develop that ability 00:36:34.880 --> 00:36:40.059 to know how to go about life, I guess, or know 00:36:40.059 --> 00:36:43.280 what direction to walk. And the other thing, 00:36:43.539 --> 00:36:48.300 the second thing that I want to have is equanimity. 00:36:49.320 --> 00:36:54.739 That's a word that I learned recently. This metaphor 00:36:54.739 --> 00:36:58.139 that I'm sure many people have came up have talked 00:36:58.139 --> 00:37:00.880 about but I just kind of came up with this metaphor 00:37:00.880 --> 00:37:05.739 last night to describe it. It's Imagine your 00:37:05.739 --> 00:37:10.519 mind is like a lake and Every time there's like 00:37:10.519 --> 00:37:12.460 negative thoughts or every time there's a lot 00:37:12.460 --> 00:37:16.820 of Chaos in it like a lot of uncontrolled commotion 00:37:16.820 --> 00:37:20.500 lots of thoughts going on then it's like somebody 00:37:20.500 --> 00:37:25.230 or it's like the lake has, is not calm. It's 00:37:25.230 --> 00:37:29.110 like the lake is like raging, I guess. Like imagine 00:37:29.110 --> 00:37:34.050 a lake with lots of movement in it. The water 00:37:34.050 --> 00:37:38.769 is not still. And if somebody comes up to you 00:37:38.769 --> 00:37:42.269 and gets angry at you and tries to get you angry 00:37:42.269 --> 00:37:45.210 or maybe not even tries, but like let's say a 00:37:45.210 --> 00:37:48.349 bad, a bad event happens in your life. Like you 00:37:48.349 --> 00:37:51.929 stub your toe or something like that. Then if 00:37:51.929 --> 00:37:55.050 you don't have equanimity that skill developed 00:37:55.050 --> 00:37:59.250 Then it would be like if you stubbed your toe 00:37:59.250 --> 00:38:01.389 and then all of a sudden you went into that lake 00:38:01.389 --> 00:38:04.429 and you started like slamming your water or slamming 00:38:04.429 --> 00:38:07.510 your your hands into the water and Causing lots 00:38:07.510 --> 00:38:09.530 of commotion in the lake and now the lake was 00:38:09.530 --> 00:38:13.250 not still and calm anymore But if you were to 00:38:13.250 --> 00:38:16.010 maintain equanimity and you subbed your toe Then 00:38:16.010 --> 00:38:19.090 the lake would maintain that calmness and you 00:38:19.090 --> 00:38:21.869 just be kind of sitting in the canoe in the middle 00:38:21.869 --> 00:38:25.309 of the lake just calm and if the water would 00:38:25.309 --> 00:38:29.989 just be Flat and very still and calm. That's 00:38:29.989 --> 00:38:33.590 what equanimity is the ability to maintain a 00:38:33.590 --> 00:38:36.670 calm lake Metaphorically and what it actually 00:38:36.670 --> 00:38:39.309 is. It's like the ability to maintain composure 00:38:39.309 --> 00:38:44.440 in your mind And more and more as I develop that 00:38:44.440 --> 00:38:48.000 skill, I realize, and more and more as I kind 00:38:48.000 --> 00:38:51.960 of fall off, I guess, like over the past couple 00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:53.360 years I've been reading a book called Reality 00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:57.539 Transurfing, and that book helps give you reason 00:38:57.539 --> 00:39:04.800 and how to develop equanimity. And so I realize 00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:08.699 that over time, in moments when, like periods 00:39:08.699 --> 00:39:13.579 of my life where I really maintain it well, it 00:39:13.579 --> 00:39:15.940 feels very nice, it's calm and pleasant. But 00:39:15.940 --> 00:39:19.739 then in moments where I don't maintain it and 00:39:19.739 --> 00:39:23.139 I'm getting a lot more irritated, I realize just 00:39:23.139 --> 00:39:26.360 how desirable that state of mind is, of equanimity. 00:39:27.179 --> 00:39:29.159 And so that's the second thing that I want to 00:39:29.159 --> 00:39:33.059 develop in myself, to maintain equanimity way 00:39:33.059 --> 00:39:35.329 more than I am now. Like yeah, I've made a lot 00:39:35.329 --> 00:39:39.630 of progress, but I just, I know I'm realizing 00:39:39.630 --> 00:39:42.110 more and more just how desirable that state of 00:39:42.110 --> 00:39:46.349 mind is. Like there's a story I heard of this 00:39:46.349 --> 00:39:50.110 like, I don't even know, like Zen guy or something 00:39:50.110 --> 00:39:57.849 like that. Some like guy who was very equanimous. 00:39:58.530 --> 00:40:02.550 Some dude, he was like just going about his life, 00:40:03.030 --> 00:40:09.179 calm. composed and then all of a sudden someone 00:40:09.179 --> 00:40:11.539 starts like yelling at him and getting pissed 00:40:11.539 --> 00:40:14.519 off at him because something messed up and the 00:40:14.519 --> 00:40:19.159 guy was like oh I see and that just that story 00:40:19.159 --> 00:40:21.559 is just has stuck with me ever since I heard 00:40:21.559 --> 00:40:25.000 it because that's like the most desirable state 00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:28.699 of mind to be in like just maintaining a calm 00:40:28.699 --> 00:40:32.320 lake and if somebody gets pissed off at you you 00:40:32.320 --> 00:40:40.199 just say Oh, I see. And you just are calm. It's 00:40:40.199 --> 00:40:43.559 hard to describe, or not describe, it's hard 00:40:43.559 --> 00:40:47.880 to understand unless you've actually experienced 00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:54.300 that state. And you've also experienced not that 00:40:54.300 --> 00:40:57.880 state. And you've compared the two and you've 00:40:57.880 --> 00:41:00.619 become aware of just how desirable. It really 00:41:00.619 --> 00:41:03.820 is. And I've realized that it really is the most 00:41:03.820 --> 00:41:07.340 desirable state of mind. And here's the third 00:41:07.340 --> 00:41:11.360 thing that I want to develop or experience. And 00:41:11.360 --> 00:41:14.719 it's I want to experience greater. And what I 00:41:14.719 --> 00:41:18.360 mean by that is I want to experience for myself 00:41:18.360 --> 00:41:22.360 what it's all about. I want to experience for 00:41:22.360 --> 00:41:25.719 myself what all these religions are founded upon. 00:41:26.119 --> 00:41:28.699 I want to experience for myself what all these 00:41:28.699 --> 00:41:33.340 stories I hear talking about. For example, like 00:41:33.340 --> 00:41:36.260 when you're meditating and you're very advanced, 00:41:36.300 --> 00:41:39.940 I want to be able to experience for myself an 00:41:39.940 --> 00:41:44.760 angel or a guide or whatever you call it. I don't 00:41:44.760 --> 00:41:47.440 care what you call it. I want to experience for 00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:51.880 myself. I want to have a definite experience 00:41:51.880 --> 00:41:55.639 of that. Not because I'm chasing it or I'm clinging 00:41:55.639 --> 00:41:58.400 it, but because I just want to have that knowledge. 00:41:58.829 --> 00:42:02.269 I want to turn a belief or a hope into a knowing, 00:42:02.650 --> 00:42:06.429 like an absolute knowledge that I've experienced. 00:42:07.889 --> 00:42:10.750 Because I think that's one of the most important 00:42:10.750 --> 00:42:16.130 things. And that goes perfectly into what I was 00:42:16.130 --> 00:42:19.849 referring to earlier about my dream theory. So 00:42:19.849 --> 00:42:25.909 this theory I have, I realized upon reflection 00:42:25.909 --> 00:42:28.889 that I've really been building this theory for 00:42:28.889 --> 00:42:33.389 my entire life. But it wasn't until last night 00:42:33.389 --> 00:42:36.010 to where I actually started to think about it. 00:42:37.030 --> 00:42:40.010 It was all kind of like subconscious experience. 00:42:40.070 --> 00:42:42.210 And then last night, I kind of put it all together. 00:42:42.650 --> 00:42:45.829 And here it is. Here's kind of my dream theory. 00:42:46.650 --> 00:42:49.489 And the reason why I started thinking about this 00:42:49.489 --> 00:42:53.809 theory was because I realized that Like I've 00:42:53.809 --> 00:42:56.590 talked about earlier is that I'm a I'm blind 00:42:56.590 --> 00:42:58.809 like there's a lot of things that I'm missing 00:42:58.809 --> 00:43:01.050 I feel like I'm missing something important in 00:43:01.050 --> 00:43:03.429 my life, and I can't really describe what it 00:43:03.429 --> 00:43:07.510 is the best way to describe it is this When you're 00:43:07.510 --> 00:43:10.050 dreaming like at nighttime you're falling you're 00:43:10.050 --> 00:43:14.949 asleep, and you're dreaming At that moment you're 00:43:14.949 --> 00:43:19.110 experiencing that dream But you don't remember 00:43:19.110 --> 00:43:21.889 your current life like you're waking physical 00:43:21.889 --> 00:43:29.050 life All you know is that dream. You might have 00:43:29.050 --> 00:43:37.210 a vague kind of remembering of what your current 00:43:37.210 --> 00:43:39.829 physical life is, but usually you just don't 00:43:39.829 --> 00:43:44.469 even think about it. All you know is that dream. 00:43:48.369 --> 00:43:54.599 And now if you are in that dream, and then you 00:43:54.599 --> 00:43:58.360 wake up physically, now you realize that that 00:43:58.360 --> 00:44:04.900 was a dream. But there are sometimes, it's very 00:44:04.900 --> 00:44:07.639 rare that it happens on accident, but sometimes 00:44:07.639 --> 00:44:11.199 you have a dream where while you're dreaming, 00:44:11.280 --> 00:44:14.199 you realize that it's a dream, and you kind of 00:44:14.199 --> 00:44:20.170 remember the reference point to know. The reference 00:44:20.170 --> 00:44:22.289 point is what allows you to know that it's a 00:44:22.289 --> 00:44:24.369 dream. And the reference point is your current 00:44:24.369 --> 00:44:27.969 physical life. So in order to know that you're 00:44:27.969 --> 00:44:30.750 dreaming at night, you need to have a reference 00:44:30.750 --> 00:44:34.210 point to realize that it's a dream. So if you 00:44:34.210 --> 00:44:36.570 never remember your reference point, if you never 00:44:36.570 --> 00:44:40.150 remember your current physical life, then you're 00:44:40.150 --> 00:44:42.289 never gonna wake up in the dream and realize 00:44:42.289 --> 00:44:45.420 that it's a dream. if that makes sense. But if 00:44:45.420 --> 00:44:47.380 you do remember the reference point and you do 00:44:47.380 --> 00:44:50.739 remember that thing that you forgot, that you 00:44:50.739 --> 00:44:53.380 have a physical life, well then you'll wake up 00:44:53.380 --> 00:44:55.780 in the dream and then what happens is crazy. 00:44:56.280 --> 00:44:58.300 What happens is you basically have superpowers 00:44:58.300 --> 00:45:01.420 in the dream. And it's like the most amazing 00:45:01.420 --> 00:45:04.000 experience ever. It's called a lucid dream if 00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:07.440 you want to look into it. It's when you basically 00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:11.559 have the entire, it's like if you've ever played 00:45:11.559 --> 00:45:15.050 Minecraft, It's like going from survival mode 00:45:15.050 --> 00:45:20.230 to creative mode with hacker cheats enabled, 00:45:20.710 --> 00:45:24.070 or every possibility of hacking and mods and 00:45:24.070 --> 00:45:26.989 everything. When you're in a lucid dream, you 00:45:26.989 --> 00:45:29.389 can do anything. You can fly, you can visit the 00:45:29.389 --> 00:45:34.590 moon. I don't really have much experience with 00:45:34.590 --> 00:45:38.489 it. I have had lucid dreams in the past, but 00:45:38.489 --> 00:45:42.179 I don't have much. firsthand experience to be 00:45:42.179 --> 00:45:45.079 able to say that lots of examples But basically 00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:47.599 I've read books on it and I've realized that 00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:51.820 you really can do anything you want and Anything 00:45:51.820 --> 00:45:55.059 you can't even imagine Like the imagination is 00:45:55.059 --> 00:45:59.920 really the limit in a lucid dream and so Let's 00:45:59.920 --> 00:46:03.360 just that's the okay. So that's just kind of 00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:08.260 the foundation to this dream theory You need 00:46:08.260 --> 00:46:11.360 to remember your reference point in order to 00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:14.039 kind of wake up and then once you wake up that's 00:46:14.039 --> 00:46:20.280 like the craziest thing that happens and So going 00:46:20.280 --> 00:46:22.739 back to the thing that I feel like I'm missing 00:46:22.739 --> 00:46:25.179 in my life I feel like I'm missing a reference 00:46:25.179 --> 00:46:28.400 point. So when you're dreaming you the reference 00:46:28.400 --> 00:46:33.099 point is your physical life But is there a reference 00:46:33.099 --> 00:46:39.559 point? to our physical life here's why I think 00:46:39.559 --> 00:46:42.519 that there is just from personal experience I 00:46:42.519 --> 00:46:46.519 think there is when you're dreaming you're kind 00:46:46.519 --> 00:46:50.199 of like placed there and you don't remember what 00:46:50.199 --> 00:46:52.340 happened before you don't remember where you 00:46:52.340 --> 00:46:55.059 came from before and you also don't remember 00:46:55.059 --> 00:46:59.800 where you are going after the dream but if you 00:46:59.800 --> 00:47:02.619 remember your reference point then you immediately 00:47:02.619 --> 00:47:06.230 remember where you came from before you came 00:47:06.230 --> 00:47:09.190 from like your bed and you fell asleep like your 00:47:09.190 --> 00:47:12.730 physical life that's where you came from and 00:47:12.730 --> 00:47:15.369 then you'll realize that that's where you're 00:47:15.369 --> 00:47:20.050 going afterwards going back to your physical 00:47:20.050 --> 00:47:25.170 life that's the reference point but if you don't 00:47:25.170 --> 00:47:26.710 remember the reference point then that's just 00:47:26.710 --> 00:47:30.309 two big blind spots one happened before your 00:47:30.309 --> 00:47:32.489 life and one happened after your life in the 00:47:32.489 --> 00:47:37.320 dream And I have those two big blind spots in 00:47:37.320 --> 00:47:41.539 my physical life. The same blind spots. I don't 00:47:41.539 --> 00:47:46.300 know what happened before I was born. I don't 00:47:46.300 --> 00:47:49.300 remember who I was, what I was doing. I don't 00:47:49.300 --> 00:47:55.059 have any remembering of that period of time or 00:47:55.059 --> 00:47:58.739 if it was not even time. I don't know. And I 00:47:58.739 --> 00:48:02.269 also don't have a remembering. or knowing of 00:48:02.269 --> 00:48:06.469 what's happening after I die. I'm missing those 00:48:06.469 --> 00:48:09.750 huge reference points I don't remember. And so 00:48:09.750 --> 00:48:11.469 that's why I think that there's an important 00:48:11.469 --> 00:48:13.550 thing that is missing in my life and it's that 00:48:13.550 --> 00:48:17.869 reference point from physical life. And here's 00:48:17.869 --> 00:48:21.690 where this theory gets really interesting. It 00:48:21.690 --> 00:48:24.010 goes so deep and I haven't even gone very deep 00:48:24.010 --> 00:48:28.929 yet in my contemplation. But when you are dreaming, 00:48:32.269 --> 00:48:38.289 Okay, actually let me restart. There's a goal. 00:48:38.849 --> 00:48:42.650 I don't know what the goal is, but if you are 00:48:42.650 --> 00:48:47.650 a lucid dreamer, you are somebody who tries to 00:48:47.650 --> 00:48:52.309 experience a lucid dream in your dreaming. So 00:48:52.309 --> 00:48:56.170 in your waking life, you practice certain skills 00:48:56.170 --> 00:48:59.949 in order to achieve a lucid dream at nighttime. 00:49:00.239 --> 00:49:04.099 So your goal at nighttime, like when you're asleep, 00:49:04.519 --> 00:49:07.400 is to have a lucid dream. That's the goal of 00:49:07.400 --> 00:49:11.000 dreams for a lucid dreamer. I don't know if that's 00:49:11.000 --> 00:49:14.900 the goal for everyone, but just for example's 00:49:14.900 --> 00:49:20.079 sake, this example gives this theory a very interesting 00:49:20.079 --> 00:49:23.760 implication. So let's just say the goal of a 00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:28.980 dream is to experience a lucid dream. For a lucid 00:49:28.980 --> 00:49:31.719 dreamer your original reference point in physical 00:49:31.719 --> 00:49:37.179 life You Do certain things in your physical life 00:49:37.179 --> 00:49:41.380 to practice and Be able to have a loose dream 00:49:41.380 --> 00:49:44.139 and those things are like reality checks You 00:49:44.139 --> 00:49:46.719 it's like you do certain things to check if you 00:49:46.719 --> 00:49:49.659 are dreaming or not in real life So one of them 00:49:49.659 --> 00:49:52.159 is to try and stick your finger through your 00:49:52.159 --> 00:49:54.579 hand and if it goes through your hands, then 00:49:54.579 --> 00:49:58.849 you're usually dreaming Like, or if it goes through 00:49:58.849 --> 00:50:00.289 your hand, then you are definitely dreaming. 00:50:01.010 --> 00:50:05.789 But if it does not go through your hand, then 00:50:05.789 --> 00:50:07.889 there's a possibility that you might be dreaming, 00:50:08.230 --> 00:50:10.750 but most of the time you're in physical waking 00:50:10.750 --> 00:50:14.610 life. Another example is if you close your mouth 00:50:14.610 --> 00:50:17.949 and also plug your nose, like pinch your nose 00:50:17.949 --> 00:50:19.809 with your fingers and try to breathe through 00:50:19.809 --> 00:50:23.590 your nose, and if you can breathe, then you are 00:50:23.590 --> 00:50:26.900 most definitely dreaming. because you wouldn't 00:50:26.900 --> 00:50:29.400 be able to breathe in physical life if you pinched 00:50:29.400 --> 00:50:34.219 your nose and another one is if you look at a 00:50:34.219 --> 00:50:38.280 text piece of text and you try to change the 00:50:38.280 --> 00:50:41.519 words on like let's say there's a sign outside 00:50:41.519 --> 00:50:45.360 that says like McDonald's or it says like no 00:50:45.360 --> 00:50:47.800 parking and you try to change the words with 00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:51.300 your intention like you close your eyes and then 00:50:51.300 --> 00:50:56.969 you imagine it is a different word It says like 00:50:56.969 --> 00:51:00.210 free parking or Applebee's or something like 00:51:00.210 --> 00:51:04.449 that. Then if you can change it, then you are 00:51:04.449 --> 00:51:09.030 dreaming and you're not awake physically. So 00:51:09.030 --> 00:51:12.289 those are reality checks and a lucid dreamer 00:51:12.289 --> 00:51:18.130 practices in waking life in order to hope that 00:51:18.130 --> 00:51:23.989 those, that experience will run down into his 00:51:23.989 --> 00:51:28.260 dream. So here's where it gets interesting In 00:51:28.260 --> 00:51:31.119 dreaming you are not actually the same person 00:51:31.119 --> 00:51:33.619 like there are stories of people who look at 00:51:33.619 --> 00:51:36.000 themselves in a mirror in a dream and they are 00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:39.320 shocked because it's a different person or It 00:51:39.320 --> 00:51:43.280 you don't recognize yourself like like you're 00:51:43.280 --> 00:51:46.019 Dressed differently or you look different like 00:51:46.019 --> 00:51:47.699 your features grew a different way or something 00:51:47.699 --> 00:51:51.480 like that Basically in dreaming you are not actually 00:51:51.480 --> 00:51:54.920 your current physical life self You are a different 00:51:54.920 --> 00:51:57.760 person. You're kind of like a new manifestation 00:51:57.760 --> 00:52:00.239 of yourself, if that makes sense. Yet you're 00:52:00.239 --> 00:52:03.420 still, it's that part is still a part of you. 00:52:03.800 --> 00:52:09.280 It's just a independent being, for example. But 00:52:09.280 --> 00:52:13.219 we're kind of feeding intuitions into that independent 00:52:13.219 --> 00:52:17.159 being and changing the way that independent being 00:52:17.159 --> 00:52:21.760 behaves if it listens to those intuitions. And 00:52:21.760 --> 00:52:24.219 so here's where it gets curious because the lucid 00:52:24.219 --> 00:52:28.059 dreamer practices in real life to have more experience 00:52:28.059 --> 00:52:33.360 and habits so that at nighttime it can unconsciously 00:52:33.360 --> 00:52:37.239 feed the correct intuitions and direction to 00:52:37.239 --> 00:52:40.260 that dreaming self, to where that dreaming self 00:52:40.260 --> 00:52:44.960 will stumble upon something that it sees or stumble 00:52:44.960 --> 00:52:50.280 upon a habit that it does and it realizes that 00:52:50.280 --> 00:52:53.159 it's a dream. So that's the goal of the lucid 00:52:53.159 --> 00:52:55.980 dreamer our physical let's just say the lucid 00:52:55.980 --> 00:52:59.400 dreamer is the physical self and then the dreaming 00:52:59.400 --> 00:53:04.920 self is the person or the self in the dream it 00:53:04.920 --> 00:53:08.579 is you but it's not a One -to -one match if that 00:53:08.579 --> 00:53:10.260 makes sense, like it's not it's kind of like 00:53:10.260 --> 00:53:15.199 a manifestation of you and so the goal of the 00:53:15.199 --> 00:53:19.179 lucid dreamer is to send the right messages and 00:53:19.179 --> 00:53:24.059 signals intuitions and try and get the dreaming 00:53:24.059 --> 00:53:28.739 self to follow a certain path in the dream to 00:53:28.739 --> 00:53:32.860 where it realizes that it wakes up and it realizes 00:53:32.860 --> 00:53:35.500 that it's a dream. And then the goal is achieved 00:53:35.500 --> 00:53:39.460 and the reference points are remembered. Now 00:53:39.460 --> 00:53:43.420 here's the thing. I actually did practice lucid 00:53:43.420 --> 00:53:46.000 dreaming when I was younger. I went on vacation 00:53:46.000 --> 00:53:50.699 and I wanted to play video games. It's I wanted 00:53:50.699 --> 00:53:52.460 to play video games, but I couldn't because I 00:53:52.460 --> 00:53:56.059 was on vacation. So I looked up ways to do that 00:53:56.059 --> 00:53:59.280 and, or not ways, but I was, I heard of lucid 00:53:59.280 --> 00:54:01.739 dreaming and I was like, Oh, if I practice and 00:54:01.739 --> 00:54:03.179 learn how to lose a dream, maybe I'll be able 00:54:03.179 --> 00:54:06.900 to play video games in my dreams. So that's, 00:54:06.900 --> 00:54:09.059 that was why I started it. So I spent the entire 00:54:09.059 --> 00:54:12.519 vacation practicing as a lucid dreamer. And on 00:54:12.519 --> 00:54:15.559 the last day, I actually had a lucid dream and 00:54:15.559 --> 00:54:18.340 the, what that lucid dream was at nighttime or 00:54:18.340 --> 00:54:22.860 I woke up. in my current home, even though I 00:54:22.860 --> 00:54:26.460 was on vacation. And so after a couple moments, 00:54:26.500 --> 00:54:29.599 I realized that I was dreaming. But it's curious 00:54:29.599 --> 00:54:33.320 because I actually have a very clear memory of 00:54:33.320 --> 00:54:36.860 how my memory behaved in that lucid dream. Because 00:54:36.860 --> 00:54:40.659 while I was in that dream, I kind of realized 00:54:40.659 --> 00:54:44.099 that I remembered my physical life, but I didn't 00:54:44.099 --> 00:54:46.920 have my full memory. I kind of had like a subtle 00:54:46.920 --> 00:54:51.619 knowing that I this was a dream and that I was 00:54:51.619 --> 00:54:54.480 about to return to my physical life. But I didn't 00:54:54.480 --> 00:54:59.659 have a the same memory as I did when I was as 00:54:59.659 --> 00:55:02.760 I do like now in physical life. That makes sense. 00:55:02.760 --> 00:55:05.239 It was still like blind. And so here's where 00:55:05.239 --> 00:55:09.260 it gets curious because the lucid dreamer, the 00:55:09.260 --> 00:55:15.800 goal of a lucid dreamer is to is to be able to 00:55:15.800 --> 00:55:18.409 wake up The goal of the loser dreamer is to be 00:55:18.409 --> 00:55:20.710 able to direct the dreaming self to be able to 00:55:20.710 --> 00:55:22.869 wake up in a dream and it doesn't stop there 00:55:22.869 --> 00:55:26.070 because You even if you wake up in a dream, you're 00:55:26.070 --> 00:55:28.730 you still don't remember all of your experiences 00:55:28.730 --> 00:55:32.070 as memory and intentions Like I had an intention, 00:55:32.409 --> 00:55:35.090 but I didn't remember it fully. It was vague 00:55:35.090 --> 00:55:38.969 and You don't have the same like willpower or 00:55:38.969 --> 00:55:42.230 discipline I guess to And so the dream, the goal 00:55:42.230 --> 00:55:44.150 of the lucid dreamer doesn't stop there. It, 00:55:44.389 --> 00:55:47.949 it keeps going where you actually want to continue 00:55:47.949 --> 00:55:52.469 and be able to develop your dreaming self to 00:55:52.469 --> 00:55:57.269 remember fully your entire memory and have like 00:55:57.269 --> 00:56:00.510 a match, have a one -to -one replica, I guess, 00:56:00.889 --> 00:56:04.210 to build that, that memory and build all of all 00:56:04.210 --> 00:56:06.989 the features to be able to wake up in a dream 00:56:06.989 --> 00:56:10.000 and realize, wow, I remember my entire physical 00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:12.139 life. I'm about to enter my physical life. That's 00:56:12.139 --> 00:56:15.500 where I came from before. I remember all my intentions, 00:56:15.659 --> 00:56:18.199 all my desires, and I have my discipline, I have 00:56:18.199 --> 00:56:21.059 my willpower. That's the goal of the lucid dreamer. 00:56:21.300 --> 00:56:23.340 And it gets curious because I've heard stories 00:56:23.340 --> 00:56:26.280 of people disappearing in dreams because like 00:56:26.280 --> 00:56:28.079 sorcerers, they go to different worlds, whatever. 00:56:28.820 --> 00:56:33.119 That's kind of like a giant leap forward, but 00:56:33.119 --> 00:56:35.460 that's kind of like something curious that could 00:56:35.460 --> 00:56:38.909 possibly fit into this theory. Let's stay grounded 00:56:38.909 --> 00:56:44.969 here. Now, here's where it gets curious. This 00:56:44.969 --> 00:56:48.590 all doesn't happen overnight. This only happens 00:56:48.590 --> 00:56:53.050 after lots of training, lots of new manifestations. 00:56:53.250 --> 00:56:56.309 And here's what I mean by that. You don't always 00:56:56.309 --> 00:56:59.690 appear as the same character in a dream. Like 00:56:59.690 --> 00:57:03.849 all your dreams are probably from different characters, 00:57:04.110 --> 00:57:06.289 different people, different manifestations of 00:57:06.289 --> 00:57:11.230 you. So it takes a lot of tries lots of retries 00:57:11.230 --> 00:57:16.349 lots of attempts to Be successful in a lucid 00:57:16.349 --> 00:57:21.510 dream So your current physical self has to create 00:57:21.510 --> 00:57:26.170 a lot of dreams to be successful at a lucid dream 00:57:26.170 --> 00:57:30.630 Has lots of tries lots of attempts, but the more 00:57:30.630 --> 00:57:34.530 experience that that the lucid dreamer has The 00:57:34.530 --> 00:57:37.610 the more effective they become in the dreaming 00:57:37.610 --> 00:57:40.789 self. Now here's where it gets curious because 00:57:40.789 --> 00:57:46.510 it's kind of like, we've only talked about physical 00:57:46.510 --> 00:57:50.230 waking to dreaming, but what about the missing 00:57:50.230 --> 00:57:54.309 reference point from physical waking? So dreaming 00:57:54.309 --> 00:57:58.750 is to physical, or I mean, dreaming is to physical 00:57:58.750 --> 00:58:01.730 in the same way that physical is to this missing 00:58:01.730 --> 00:58:04.469 reference point. So what about this missing reference 00:58:04.469 --> 00:58:07.699 point? Here's where it gets really curious. What 00:58:07.699 --> 00:58:13.340 if there is a greater self that's greater than 00:58:13.340 --> 00:58:17.860 who I think I am, who I think I know I am in 00:58:17.860 --> 00:58:23.159 physical life, and has been trying and retrying 00:58:23.159 --> 00:58:26.260 in a similar way to the lucid dreamer does. The 00:58:26.260 --> 00:58:28.639 lucid dreamer creates brand new manifestations 00:58:28.639 --> 00:58:31.320 to gain more and more experience so that it will 00:58:31.320 --> 00:58:35.300 achieve its goal of of having a lucid dream and 00:58:35.300 --> 00:58:37.320 eventually achieve its goal of being a master 00:58:37.320 --> 00:58:41.780 lucid dreamer, which is kind of like where you 00:58:41.780 --> 00:58:44.159 have like creative mode in a lucid dream. That's 00:58:44.159 --> 00:58:48.179 a crazy awesome power to have. And now here's 00:58:48.179 --> 00:58:51.019 where it gets curious because maybe this greater 00:58:51.019 --> 00:58:53.840 self, let's call it the greater self. Because 00:58:53.840 --> 00:58:55.960 I don't want to say ultimate self because there 00:58:55.960 --> 00:58:58.559 might be a reference point past the greater self 00:58:58.559 --> 00:59:01.699 But that's like gets into like lots of abstraction 00:59:01.699 --> 00:59:04.300 that I don't have any experience with and I don't 00:59:04.300 --> 00:59:05.900 even have experience with a lot of stuff I'm 00:59:05.900 --> 00:59:07.780 saying right now. So let's just stay grounded 00:59:07.780 --> 00:59:12.320 for a little bit or at least stay grounded More 00:59:12.320 --> 00:59:15.340 than that, but let's just say greater self. So 00:59:15.340 --> 00:59:18.239 there's the dream self the dreamer self the dreaming 00:59:18.239 --> 00:59:21.059 self There's a lucid dreamer and then there's 00:59:21.059 --> 00:59:23.539 the greater self These are all different reference 00:59:23.539 --> 00:59:28.539 points. The dreaming reference point is lucid 00:59:28.539 --> 00:59:31.340 dream. The dreaming, the reference point of the 00:59:31.340 --> 00:59:34.159 dreamer is physical life. The reference point 00:59:34.159 --> 00:59:37.579 of the lucid dreamer is this greater self. And 00:59:37.579 --> 00:59:40.480 here's what I think I'm missing. I think I'm 00:59:40.480 --> 00:59:42.119 missing this reference point like I've been talking 00:59:42.119 --> 00:59:44.280 about. I think I'm missing the reference point 00:59:44.280 --> 00:59:46.559 of the greater self. And here's where it gets 00:59:46.559 --> 00:59:49.940 really curious because what if it's the same 00:59:50.119 --> 00:59:53.199 process. What if the greater self goes through 00:59:53.199 --> 00:59:55.599 the same training process that the lucid dreamer 00:59:55.599 --> 01:00:00.699 does in order to achieve a lucid dream in real 01:00:00.699 --> 01:00:06.960 life? So here's what I mean. The greater. Okay. 01:00:07.260 --> 01:00:10.480 The lucid dreamer creates lots of manifestations, 01:00:10.599 --> 01:00:14.500 lots of new dreams and experiences, new dreaming 01:00:14.500 --> 01:00:17.940 selves, all different. So that it can have more 01:00:17.940 --> 01:00:19.880 experience so they can more effectively guide 01:00:19.880 --> 01:00:23.699 the dreaming self in the future to Achieve a 01:00:23.699 --> 01:00:26.679 lucid dream and then eventually master lucid 01:00:26.679 --> 01:00:29.139 dreaming but that takes lots of manifestations 01:00:29.139 --> 01:00:31.519 what if it's the same thing with the greater 01:00:31.519 --> 01:00:35.019 self or the greater self creates lots of physical 01:00:35.019 --> 01:00:40.219 lives and then Guides those physical lives and 01:00:40.219 --> 01:00:42.400 learns from the experience and the goal of that 01:00:42.400 --> 01:00:46.019 is to guide the physical life to be able to achieve 01:00:46.650 --> 01:00:50.909 lucid dream in physical life which is incomprehensible 01:00:50.909 --> 01:00:53.170 to me because I don't have any first -hand experience 01:00:53.170 --> 01:00:57.010 of it but what I imagine it is like is what like 01:00:57.010 --> 01:01:00.210 Buddhists say is like enlightenment or like what 01:01:00.210 --> 01:01:02.989 Jesus must have experienced where he was able 01:01:02.989 --> 01:01:06.110 to like perform lots of miracles and like crazy 01:01:06.110 --> 01:01:10.489 things and like basically any other miracle that 01:01:10.489 --> 01:01:12.309 happened in history like have you ever heard 01:01:12.309 --> 01:01:17.460 like you know about saints saints are people 01:01:17.460 --> 01:01:20.980 have you ever heard of what is required to become 01:01:20.980 --> 01:01:24.699 a saint like a Catholic saint you have to have 01:01:24.699 --> 01:01:29.239 had I think two healings miraculous healing so 01:01:29.239 --> 01:01:33.380 you have had to healed another person's injury 01:01:33.380 --> 01:01:38.159 or illness in a very timely manner as in like 01:01:38.159 --> 01:01:41.099 you couldn't heal them and then a couple weeks 01:01:41.099 --> 01:01:44.489 later they are fully healed and say that you 01:01:44.489 --> 01:01:46.949 healed them, it would have to be like a quick 01:01:46.949 --> 01:01:49.690 healing. Like they come in with a broken bone, 01:01:49.809 --> 01:01:52.130 broken leg, they come in limping with a cast, 01:01:52.409 --> 01:01:56.010 and then you heal them, and then they leave later 01:01:56.010 --> 01:02:00.449 that day with a fully healed leg. That's one 01:02:00.449 --> 01:02:03.369 of the requirements to become a saint. You have 01:02:03.369 --> 01:02:06.090 to do that twice. And then you also have to be 01:02:06.090 --> 01:02:10.639 dead. So they only deem people saints. After 01:02:10.639 --> 01:02:13.280 the die and so if you look up there's actually 01:02:13.280 --> 01:02:16.719 two. I think there's two saints that are being 01:02:16.719 --> 01:02:21.420 Deemed in their sainthood by the new Pope in 01:02:21.420 --> 01:02:23.400 like this month or next month. I don't know, 01:02:23.500 --> 01:02:28.960 but it's very curious and so what if all of these 01:02:28.960 --> 01:02:34.260 like things and even not just like superpowers, 01:02:34.440 --> 01:02:39.920 but also like just Experiencing bliss, or not 01:02:39.920 --> 01:02:44.659 even just bliss, but like just having more equanimous, 01:02:44.820 --> 01:02:52.199 having like perfect equanimity. Maybe lifetimes 01:02:52.199 --> 01:02:56.239 are practice so that the greater self can achieve 01:02:56.239 --> 01:03:01.739 its goal of having a lucid dream in physical 01:03:01.739 --> 01:03:06.559 life. And there's a lot of implications to it. 01:03:09.099 --> 01:03:11.800 There's so much to think about and so much to 01:03:11.800 --> 01:03:14.940 talk about but that's basically my dream theory 01:03:14.940 --> 01:03:19.440 that I I Kind of put together last night last 01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:23.440 night. I just went in my room during my nightly 01:03:23.440 --> 01:03:26.599 stare at a wall session and I was just Piecing 01:03:26.599 --> 01:03:29.699 together this entire theory and it's just so 01:03:29.699 --> 01:03:32.960 intriguing to think about I'm not a loose dreamer 01:03:32.960 --> 01:03:35.599 currently like I used to loose dream for like 01:03:35.599 --> 01:03:38.429 a week I haven't had a lucid dream in a long 01:03:38.429 --> 01:03:43.500 time, but I've had. the experience of practicing 01:03:43.500 --> 01:03:45.219 as a lucid dreamer and I've had the experience 01:03:45.219 --> 01:03:47.739 of a successful lucid dream to where I actually 01:03:47.739 --> 01:03:50.440 kind of see how this can all like fit together 01:03:50.440 --> 01:03:52.460 and here's where it gets curious because the 01:03:52.460 --> 01:03:55.099 dreaming self doesn't always remember and even 01:03:55.099 --> 01:03:56.679 when you have a lucid dream the dreaming self 01:03:56.679 --> 01:03:59.360 does not remember fully the reference point it 01:03:59.360 --> 01:04:01.599 does remember that you are gonna wake up but 01:04:01.599 --> 01:04:04.500 it doesn't remember that you have to go to school 01:04:04.500 --> 01:04:07.860 at like 9 a .m. or you have to like have first 01:04:07.860 --> 01:04:11.889 period like it doesn't remember every detail. 01:04:11.969 --> 01:04:14.210 It doesn't have a perfect memory. It has a vague 01:04:14.210 --> 01:04:18.050 memory. And so maybe the manifestation from the 01:04:18.050 --> 01:04:21.030 greater self into physical life, maybe our current 01:04:21.030 --> 01:04:23.769 life right now doesn't have a perfect memory 01:04:23.769 --> 01:04:29.769 or any memory of the reference point. So this 01:04:29.769 --> 01:04:35.110 is all currently theory. And I think that it's 01:04:35.110 --> 01:04:38.130 very important to turn it into firsthand experience. 01:04:38.599 --> 01:04:42.760 Because the implications of this theory are like 01:04:42.760 --> 01:04:45.739 life changing. Because think about it like this. 01:04:46.619 --> 01:04:48.980 If life, here's my theory that I came up with 01:04:48.980 --> 01:04:50.980 last month or a couple months ago of life is 01:04:50.980 --> 01:04:55.400 a game of choices and you get to choose what 01:04:55.400 --> 01:04:57.019 choices you make but you don't get to choose 01:04:57.019 --> 01:05:01.619 what choices are available to you. It gets curious 01:05:01.619 --> 01:05:04.210 because For example, let's just assume that that 01:05:04.210 --> 01:05:07.409 theory applies to dreaming, where a dream is 01:05:07.409 --> 01:05:10.349 a game of choices, and you get to choose your 01:05:10.349 --> 01:05:13.869 choices. If you are dreaming and you're not aware 01:05:13.869 --> 01:05:15.809 and you don't remember your reference point, 01:05:16.369 --> 01:05:18.210 well, then your choices are going to be very 01:05:18.210 --> 01:05:21.210 limited and you're going to behave in a totally 01:05:21.210 --> 01:05:22.730 different way. You're going to run away from 01:05:22.730 --> 01:05:26.550 that monster. Versus if you remember your reference 01:05:26.550 --> 01:05:30.090 point then your procedure to life is going to 01:05:30.090 --> 01:05:32.329 be totally different like if you immediately 01:05:32.329 --> 01:05:34.409 wake up and your eyes you're in a dream and you 01:05:34.409 --> 01:05:38.369 start lucid dreaming well, then You're gonna 01:05:38.369 --> 01:05:41.469 have like you're gonna like immediately make 01:05:41.469 --> 01:05:44.429 the monster like stop and then you're gonna immediately 01:05:44.429 --> 01:05:49.170 fly up into the air and start like Creating like 01:05:49.170 --> 01:05:53.019 you're gonna have like you see how how much different 01:05:53.019 --> 01:05:55.800 immediately like the choices that you make are 01:05:55.800 --> 01:05:59.019 totally different, totally incomprehensible to 01:05:59.019 --> 01:06:02.760 the non lucid dreamer. Like if you're in a dream 01:06:02.760 --> 01:06:07.219 and you are not lucid, then the choices that 01:06:07.219 --> 01:06:10.659 a lucid dreamer has available to them are totally 01:06:10.659 --> 01:06:14.599 incomprehensible to the choices that a dreamer 01:06:14.599 --> 01:06:20.340 that's not lucid has or that a dreamer even considers. 01:06:21.400 --> 01:06:23.389 So In my opinion, I think that it's probably 01:06:23.389 --> 01:06:26.489 one of the most important things in our life 01:06:26.489 --> 01:06:31.769 to figure out or remember this reference point 01:06:31.769 --> 01:06:34.730 and remember this because then it'll unlock a 01:06:34.730 --> 01:06:37.949 lot of different choices, a lot of better choices, 01:06:38.269 --> 01:06:40.610 a lot of bigger choices that you wouldn't even 01:06:40.610 --> 01:06:44.210 consider or comprehend before. So that's just 01:06:44.210 --> 01:06:46.610 something crazy to think about. I have to pee 01:06:46.610 --> 01:06:49.409 really bad. So that was a very long episode because 01:06:49.409 --> 01:06:54.610 I'm very excited about this. Not discovery. This 01:06:54.610 --> 01:06:56.730 is something I've had on the back of my mind 01:06:56.730 --> 01:07:00.349 for a very long time, but I've put it to words. 01:07:00.969 --> 01:07:04.190 So very curious, very intriguing, but that's 01:07:04.190 --> 01:07:06.030 it. So I'll see you next month. Peace.