Hello The thing that I was gonna reveal this
month that I mentioned last month was The project
that I was working on which was It turned out
to be the video I posted called I survived a
36 hour bike ride Now the original idea was something
similar But different And I needed like $200
more than I had. And so I had a plan that I mentioned,
but I didn't reveal the plan. My plan was to
be hired as a freelance editor and just work
online and make some money. And I was like searching,
searching. I spent way too much time on Discord,
on Fiverr, on all those sites trying to find
work. But I realized that, first of all, I am
not good enough to survive in a mass market.
Especially because I don't have a video, like
it's called a showreel. It's basically you edit
together a video that demonstrates all of your
abilities and you send that to people. I didn't
have a showreel so that already put me at a disadvantage.
Another disadvantage was I had never worked for
another YouTuber. One advantage I had was I could
link to my YouTube channel, but that could also
be a disadvantage because my YouTube channel
has no views and the YouTubers who want to hire
editors want to get views. So basically that
plan failed and I ended up cutting down the idea
to where I only had to spend a couple hundred
dollars instead of like $400 and I survived a
36 hour bike ride. And that video, I loved that
video. I loved making it, and it did terrible.
But whatever, all my videos do terrible. Probably
because my videos are terrible, but it's just
how things are for a little bit, I guess. And
that's one thing that has been really starting
to tear me apart. I've... It's been a gradual
ramp up in intensity in my emotional Disturbance
for the past couple months, maybe like six months
where Over the past six months. I had gradually
cared more and more about the view count because
that would basically confirm What I'm doing like
it would basically give me reassurance that I
Can make this a career now in theory. I know
I can make this a career, but in practice I Have
not made it a career yet so that Reassurance
has become even more important to me over the
past six months especially because For the past
six months. I have started. I've really gotten
a lot better like suit like I Think it's safe
to say that my videos have gotten a lot better
now I do look at the numbers and the numbers
show that They really haven't got that much better
like my retention which is how long people people
watch the video for I'm getting like 18 % retention
like that's absolutely awful And so if I can
figure out how to make that higher and have bigger
or have more retention, then I feel like my videos
would be considered a lot better. But also just
my, if you look at my thumbnails, like my thumbnails
have just gotten so much better. And maybe that's
just, maybe that's what it is. Maybe my thumbnails
have gotten better, but my videos have not necessarily
gotten better. I don't know. I definitely think
that my videos and my thumbnails have gotten
better, but the views don't suggest that. And
now they're, I don't even, I don't know. I'm
way too early in my journey to be able to say
like, oh, a good video will get this much views
or that video will get that much views. Yeah.
I don't know anything like that. I'm no, I'm
no YouTube expert. I'm just trying to figure
this thing out so I can. Well right now my main
focus is making this a career because that's
the main Like that's my main Micro focus the
macro focus is still there like making transformational
videos and that's like the That's that's overarching
goal, but in the short term I would like to You
know make this a career Now another thing I want
to talk about was I've noticed for the past Couple
I don't know. I haven't watched the any other
episode in a while. I I always watch the past
episode on this podcast Re -listen to it right
before I start recording so I listened to last
month, which was March just now and I noticed
that I have been really tense lately in my talking.
I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm kind
of trying to be a little bit more calm and loose.
But I noticed over the past couple months, I
have become super tense. For example, very often,
or not very often, but for example, for a long
time, I would always go on like super long. super
long runs of talking. And I would just explain
things and talk about this, that, this. And these
episodes would be like 45 minutes, 50 minutes
long. And then something happened. And I like
the episodes dropped down to like 15 minutes,
10 minutes long. And I have a theory that it's
because my confidence has absolutely plummeted.
And I think it's related to the learning curve.
The learning curve is where initially you have
like that big surge of confidence where like
oh I can do this but you realize very soon after
that oh yeah no I cannot do this and and that's
like the difference between not knowing what
you don't know you don't know what you don't
know and then once you hit a certain point you
actually know what you don't know but you don't
know it. Like, you know that you have to do this,
but you don't know how to do this. And that's
where you start to get all the negative feelings,
you lose your confidence. But then, gradually,
you start to learn how to do this. So then, eventually,
you reach the point where you know what you need,
like you know what you know, but you also know
how to do that. I don't know if that makes sense,
but I think that's kind of what I've been experiencing
where I realized that I actually really don't
know much on YouTube and There's another idea
that's been rummaging throughout my head where
YouTube isn't yes YouTube is like a Game and
it's lots of rules like rules meaning good idea
good packaging and good intro Like, those are
the most important things if you want to get
a successful video. But I think there's another
piece to the puzzle. Well, I mean, this is a
part of the YouTube game. But a very big part
of it is who you are. And you can become somebody,
and that will make you more effective at YouTube.
For example, let's say person A is kind of a
nobody. and then person B is a very charismatic,
very magnetic personality. And they both start
a YouTube channel with the same exact skills.
Like neither of them is better than the other.
Person B is gonna be way more successful. Like
person B is probably gonna get views very quickly.
That and person a is gonna struggle for years
and then he's gonna have to become somebody over
a very long process of years and then eventually
we'll get views and I think that like who you
are plays a big part to the YouTube game and
You can become somebody Like you can become more
potent of a character on YouTube. It just takes
like a lot of time or maybe not necessarily time,
but it just takes a lot of work, a lot of personal
development. And how this connects to me losing
my confidence, it's because for a while I was
like, okay, I know this, this, this, this. But
then I realized I lost my confidence for the
past couple of months, and I've been really tense,
not really wanting to teach, or not necessarily
teach, but not really wanting to share what I've
learned, because I don't feel like I've really
deserved it. And this is where it ties, because
if I were to become successful right now, let's
just say arbitrarily, success means like, I get
like a million subscribers in the next like three
months. That's like a super hyper like that's
extreme example. But let's say for example sake,
that's what happens. I become successful. And
then in three months, I go on a podcast on somebody
else's podcast, like some YouTube expert invites
me to their podcast and we talk. My how I Communicate
my YouTube knowledge will be significantly different
if I had a million subscribers Then if I still
had 400 subscribers like I do now Even if my
skills and YouTube knowledge were the same so
this goes back to the person a person B if I
split into two if like if the world's or if we
were able to see two different parallel worlds
where I in one world am this super charismatic
person and that's person B and in another world
I'm this I'm who I am now which I Am obviously
not charismatic enough to get million subscribers
yet, but just for example sake right now, I'm
400 subscribers person a and then in another
parallel world My same self who's way more charismatic
same amount of skills though Gets 300 or it gets
3 million subscribers the difference in my communication
between the two if if both people were invited
to a podcast like let's say theoretically some
YouTube expert invited me with 400 subscribers
to a podcast like the the conversation we would
have and my Confidence level would be so different
even if you take the charisma out of the equation
even if person B was able to like Level his charisma
just for that podcast episode down to my level
the I Would be The communication I would have
so different for example right now if I was invited
to a podcast I would kind of be like oh, yeah
packaging idea first 30 seconds I would be like
reiterating basically what I've heard online
but I would also be like yeah but I don't really
know anything like I don't know what I'm talking
about obviously because I have 400 subscribers
but if I was person B and I was invited to a
podcast with the same amount of skills I have
now my response would be like okay yeah definitely
first 30 seconds Packaging idea like I would
literally be super confident. I would be like
you have this this this and I think that has
a big role in lots of YouTube advice because
your perception of your Kind of rules or jargon
or whatever it is Your equation that you follow
Will be different the moment you hit some success
like the moment I hit a Million views or something
like that or a hundred thousand views then I'll
be like, oh yeah, like that's like I Don't know
like I'll view myself as more of an expert if
that makes sense But I don't know if that's necessarily
a good thing or a bad thing, because they could
have the same amount of skills. I don't know.
Status plays a huge role in the YouTube advice
game. Because YouTube is really a status game.
It's all about numbers. That was kind of like
just an idea I had so another Thing I want to
talk about is my ideas. I've been really For
the past like two Or no for the past month. I've
been like falling apart. I'm not even a lot I
talked about I mentioned it last month episode
where I started watching more YouTube I started
eating more often like instead of having just
three meals a day I would have like four or five
meals a day and I had valid reasons for both
of those changes. The meals was because I was
having lots of like stomach issues so I changed
to eating more often instead of eating huge meals
and that helped. And then the YouTube was I have
this thing where I like to I lean into what I'm
naturally inclined to do. For example, the most
potent example is when I wanted to learn how
to play the piano. That was such a huge random
change and I leaned into it and I'm so grateful
that I did that. And so that's what I do. I always
like to lean into that internal compass. And
so one thing I realized was I was leaning into
YouTube, wanting to watch more YouTube. And it's
not necessarily because my addiction was talking.
No, I'd basically conquered that. I'd conquered
that for a year, or even longer, I bet. But it
was actually because your the ideas you're exposed
to is like your fuel and I was having My fuel
was like running dry I was making all these self
-improvement YouTube videos, and I was watching
self -improvement youtubers, but then I completely
shifted and started making more Entertainment
based videos and Didn't really I for the past
year. I haven't really been watching entertainment
videos, so I needed to like get a bunch of ideas
and fuel and watch like see what was going on
and Like that's legitimately what you're supposed
to do because I mean not legitimately There's
no legit thing that you're supposed to do, but
that's what like most YouTube Books that I've
read, that's what all the art books I've read,
creativity books, it's basically what everyone
recommends. Like, you should consume the media
that you're trying to produce. Like, consume
people doing, like, try and get inspired, basically.
And that connects so perfectly to this idea,
this belief, this thought pattern that I've had
for... past many years, where there's this thought
pattern that grew in my mind. And it was how
consuming content is bad, and you should feel
guilty about it. And the majority of the time
that I had that belief, it served me. It actually
helped me to go on a super long, like, Whatever
dopamine fast I never called it that but that's
like the best way to describe it Basically like
not watching any content for like a year or two
years. I don't even know how long I did it for
but Just watching like hams of videos like unscripted
hams and stuff like that that Definitely served
me and that was definitely a very critical period
in my life, but then now that I I'm doing something
that that doesn't serve me. It doesn't make sense
to hold that belief anymore and Jimmy Donaldson
Mr. Beast he explained it so perfectly I was
reading his pamphlet it's a little book that
he gives to new employees in his Company his
production company and He explains this concept
of the information diet. So basically, how I
learned the information diet was whatever your
goal, like whatever, you should only consume
things that directly relate to your immediate
goal. And I interpreted that by just completely
deleting all social media, deleting all. YouTube,
like not watching YouTube, not watching any entertainment,
no Netflix, no nothing. No consumption at all.
And that basically did help with my goal, which
was just like getting everything solid, like
getting my health, physique, business, getting
all my habits solid, getting everything solid
with no distractions. But then I forgot about
the information diet, like how you're supposed
to consume based off of your goal. And then it
changed to where the information diet is just
eliminating all consumption. And so that was
my internal definition for the information diet,
just eliminating all consumption. Because that
was basically how it was, because my goal required
that. Or not necessarily required that, but my
goal said that that was good. But then my goal
changed and my journey I like I've gone through
a lot more stages through my my journey in life.
And so now I've gotten to the point where I have
to I was reading the pamphlet that Mr. Beast
wrote and it was and he explained how there's
a guy on his In his videos named Chris. He is
super funny Why because he just watches like
cartoons like spongebob and cartoons And so he
that's his information diet and that helps him
to be funny But then he described how that wouldn't
necessarily be beneficial for like a creative
who needs to create YouTube videos It would actually
probably be harmful. You need to be consuming
stuff that would help you with that and that
It was like, oh wow, that's exactly what I need
at this moment because I need to start watching
YouTube videos. I need to start watching YouTube
videos of people doing things that will inspire
me and that I can take inspiration from for my
own videos. And so that's my information diet.
and it's worked so well. Another example is in
composing. When I just read a Reddit post the
other day, it was someone said, half of composing
is just finding bits and pieces from other songs
and putting it into your own song. So basically
whenever you get stuck, you just go listen to
a bunch of music and then return and you'll,
99 % of the time, you'll have an idea on how
to continue. And that is So true because that's
what I always do I I always get stuck and then
I'm like let me just watch or let me just listen
to like a bunch of film scores listen to like
this specific type of music and I return and
I'm always up and running so that's the information
diet and why I brought this up was because I
had had this belief in my idea that all consumption
is bad and that you should feel guilt around
it. And that's partly because I basically became
a guru, a self -improvement guru on my YouTube
channel for like a year and a half where I saw
myself as a self -improvement YouTuber. That's
a tricky act. That's actually tricky because
I don't even know if I saw myself as a self -improvement
YouTuber. on paper, I definitely was a self -approving
YouTuber. And I would make videos like, YouTube
sucks, get off now, you should read. And that
was simply because that was my definition of
the information diet, because I had my own goal,
but I forgot that the definition was related
to the goal and not just the action of reducing.
I basically forgot that other people had different
goals. That's essentially it. So now I have this
belief where I feel guilty about watching YouTube
videos. But slowly but surely, I've been overcoming
that belief and changing it. And yeah, that's
basically it, honestly. That's the entire month.
What I'm working on now is I Don't even know
I Feel like for my YouTube channel. I feel like
there is definitely something That I can Okay,
here's here's been my philosophy. I don't even
know if this is a dangerous philosophy, but People
say like oh, you're one video away. You're one
funnel away And I've really started to take that
extremely seriously lately. Especially because
I've gotten to the point where I actually do
think that my videos have the potential to be
watched. Even though they have like 20 % retention,
I think that my videos could have 100 ,000 views.
Maybe not my... Current videos, but I think that
like my next video could have a hundred thousand
views and I'm saying that arbitrarily not necessarily
because I believe my next video will have a hundred
thousand views but like for the past like ten
videos Especially since I learned how to make
music I've always I've had this super strong
belief or my next video I could definitely get
a hundred thousand views and I don't know if
that's been very beneficial for me one because
it's I've gotten a lot more impatient, and I've
gotten a lot more results -driven, which I think
results are important, because if you're not
having results, then what are you doing? But
it's also making me spend a lot more time on
certain things. For example, I spend a lot more
time on coming up with the idea, but... Then
once I have a good idea, I'm like, oh shoot,
this idea is about to blow up. Like this is a
viral idea. And so I have to come, I have to
spend a lot more time on literally everything
else in the process, which could be a good thing
because I'm still like improving during that.
But I don't know if it's, I'm learning as quick
as I could be. I don't know. But basically I'm
kind of just grooving along and posing like twice
a month, super infrequently, but. I'm working
basically every day. I'm working on these videos
every day. That's basically it. Peace.