I am an idiot and before I explain why let's talk about how many subs I have last month when I last talked I
Had 175 I failed to reach my goal of 200 and I did not set another goal
But this month right now I have 228 subscribers
So that's just my sub count. I don't really care about that and
I'll get into why that is later
but
The reason why I'm an idiot is because in the last monthly update one month ago
I recorded that whole thing and
Right after I finished recording it. I was thinking man. This is not good. I should not post this
because I basically had an ego in that and I
I basically exclaimed my future aspirations and
intentions and that's not something you should do I bet I
Spoke on my plans that I have for the future and
I also
Said that I was gonna accomplish something before I even did it
And I'm not gonna say what I said you can go back and listen to that episode if you want but
I
Immediately after that I
Was thinking man. I should not post this and
So I re listened to the whole thing and it was all fine except for the end like the last
The last bit was the bad part, but I posted it anyways and then
immediately after that I
Looked into ego because for the past couple years. I have been
having a desire to
learn about ego because I knew that I had an issue with ego and
I don't really know what ego is even now. I still don't know what ego is
but I
Remember for the past couple of years. I had been thinking to myself. Oh, I can't wait until I get into ego is I'm gonna be
It's gonna be so good once I start learning about ego and I can't really explain why it's just I kind of have this
subtle knowing
It's kind of similar to how before I started learning about like
Controlling your thoughts and all of the stuff going on in your mind. I had this
Kind of knowing this intuition that I should probably learn about your thoughts because I remember
When I was getting into reading I was only reading books on
physical stuff so I would read books on how to breathe properly
Books on how to eat properly how to sleep and I was just reading all of like the physical stuff
But intuitively I understood that oh well
I was improving all of this stuff in the physical like my body
But what about like in my mind and I didn't really know what I was even thinking
I just had this kind of slight vague intuition that oh maybe I should start learning about
Mind or learning about thought or whatever that is. I didn't even know what that was
so I looked up on Google like books on mind or books on thoughts and
I didn't really I looked through all like the books recommended and I didn't really wasn't really interested in any of them, but I
Had that intuition and then later on
Eventually I did find a book called reality trans surfing which I ended up reading three times by now and
and that book was life-changing so I had that intuition to
Learn about like whatever is going on in my mind to focus on that aspect and
It was the same thing with ego and I still have no idea what ego is
But right after I recorded that episode last month. I
Decided to just pull the trigger and start looking into ego
So I looked up on Google like books on ego and I found a YouTube video of a guy talking about books and there was
Ego is the enemy. That's the book that I came across and I heard about that. I was like, okay sure so I bought it
I read that book and
It told me exactly what I needed to hear on
That front on the front of your aspirations because ego is the enemy talks all about like your
Strivings when you're in three phases of life when you're striving for something when you are successful and when you have failed
those are like the three
stages of life and
That's what it focuses on and that's exactly what I needed for that video or what I'm talking about right now
Which was how last month I?
Spoke on something that I was gonna do that I had planning on doing on in the future
Which I shouldn't have done should have kept that in my mind
but
I
Still have this kind of other aspect to ego and I don't even know if this is ego, but it's like
Annoyance of other people and that's something that I had been dealing with but a
Couple months ago
I started to like really dial in on it and I've gotten a lot better at that and I'm a lot more tolerant with people and
I'm grateful because there's a book that I have read twice now
Which is called law of success and 16 lessons and there's a chapter in that book
Which is called the golden rule and it is exactly what it is
It's if you're familiar with the golden rule most people are it's like the Christian thing
It's or it's not even a Christian thing. It's a everything thing pretty much all religions have
some variation of the golden rule and it's treat others how you would want to be treated and I
grew up Christian I was familiar with that but I didn't really I
Didn't even know like why I should do that. No one gave me an explanation. No one gave me anything like that
so I didn't really it what I didn't really embody it as a
a
as a part of my identity and
Can you really blame me because a lot of the actually I'm not even gonna get into that
but in that book the law of success
He basically spent the whole entire book
Explaining all of the concepts so then in the last chapter the golden rule chapter you could basically finally understand
What it really means to follow the golden rule and there are so many different intricacies so many different principles that I still don't even
understand fully and I probably won't understand fully for many many many years, but
the point is that I actually
Have a much better perspective on tolerance and the golden rule
And so I have been looking into ego
But earlier in this episode I mentioned how I don't really care about
My subscriber count and that's because I suck
Like I actually suck. I am so bad at what I do like I actually am terrible
one of the videos that I thought I was gonna get a
One of my videos that was the best video I ever made I
talked about it in last month's episode and it was a
Video that I made on social media and I said oh this is gonna get at least 2000 views and I said that
Humbly I said that with the thought in my mind that it was gonna get a million views
But you know what happened?
It got less than a hundred views
And you know what after that I didn't even realize it
I didn't even care because the next video I made after that was gonna get 10,000 views, but it didn't and
The point is that I suck I still suck. I have exactly what mr. Beast prescribed as
called
Or actually not prescribed I have exactly what mr. Beast
Diagnosed as called the small creator mindset is basically when you're really bad when you still suck at
Making YouTube videos that you think all of your videos should get a million views. That's exactly what I have
but a
couple weeks ago I
Took a step back and I was like, okay. Yeah, I suck
one of my videos a couple like maybe a month ago that I made it was
something it was called like your
Dad will thank you for watch or your kids will thank you for watching this video that video
I genuinely thought was gonna get like a
Million views like I actually thought that was the best video I've ever made
I was really proud of it. We're proud of thumbnail. We're proud of everything. You know how many views a guy
19 19 views after three weeks
19 views that is worse than the first video I ever made
That's terrible. So basically
The moral of the story is that I suck and I
Had to take some drastic measures to not suck
and I don't think that reps is
Is gonna cut it anymore because at a certain point you have to take a step back and realize that I am
missing a fundamental
key part to
Being a youtuber and it's storytelling
many many months ago I
Learned actually basically a year ago when I read a book called expert secrets. I
I learned that storytelling is everything literally all there is to selling and
Maybe maybe not. I don't know now that I I don't even know what I don't even know anything. I don't know anything
Seriously
Socrates I think it was he basically said that all he knows is that he doesn't know anything and
I'm starting to realize that the more I learned the more I learned that I that I suck and the more I learned that I don't know anything
but
Storytelling that is something that I
Realize
There is another aspect to so this whole time I've been focusing on my personal storytelling
But there's another part to it. There's storytelling structure and
so I realized I learned recently that
Apparently every single story every great story every great movie every great TV show every great YouTube video every great
Work of art that is told in a form of a story
Follows a structure and there is an actual
universal structure and
I first learned about this in expert secrets a
Year ago, but I didn't really start to realize how important it is until recently
and so I got a book called save the cat and
It's basically a book on screenwriting
so that's like writing the scripts for a movie and I read that whole thing and I
Really thought it helped a lot
But here's the point
There is one chapter in that book called let's beat it out and he basically explains the
Storytelling structure. It's called Blake Snyder's beat sheet and
I wrote that entire chapter twice like I literally wrote it down in my journal a word for word the entire chapter
It was like 30 pages long. It took me an entire day to do one
So it took me like four days to do it twice to write it twice
But one one day like a week ago. I sat down in the morning started writing and
Then I ate lunch worked out and then got back to writing literally wrote it down word for word because I
I mean I heard that if you write things down longhand it helps like mold your subconscious or something
It's like all great or not all great operators
But there's a great
Copywriting trick and it's basically if you want to learn how to copyright
Which is basically writing
advertisements then you take the greatest ads of all time and just write them down by hand and that basically like forms your
Subconscious or something. I don't know but I've done that with advertisements and I've done that with an entire website before
many times and
it helped a lot helped me make my own website called 1% dad calm and
So I thought I'd do it with that book too and I also do it like reality
Transurfing and law of success. I do it a lot with a lot of different things
and
So I did it and I've gotten a lot more familiar with story telling structure
But not good enough still I suck I still suck and I'm gonna suck for years
but
I'm getting better and that's the point
And so
Now that I explained why I suck I want to talk about another thing how there's this thing called resistance
It's basically and I may be explaining something very simple that most people know about and
And this is where I am start. I'm being very conscious of I
Still don't know anything about the world
So there's a thing called resistance and I have I learned about it in the past year a
few times and
It may be a very commonly known thing. I have no idea, but I'm gonna explain it anyways
So resistance is basically whenever you're striving towards something your own mind
like comes up with a bunch of
Negative thoughts to prevent you from achieving it. So it's like, oh, I can't do it. Oh, I'm too ugly. Oh, I suck
Oh, I'm too lazy. Oh, I don't want to do it like all I want comfort. That's all resistance and
I
I was pretty familiar with
Pushing past it for the past year basically a year ago today
Was
Like basically a year ago. Yeah was when I decided that I was gonna go all in entrepreneurship
Where that was like the next phase of my life that I was gonna focus on I
Didn't even know what my purpose was. I didn't know my direction. I didn't know what anything
I was still trying to find a pursuit to follow. I was looking into different business models
But I kept pushing through and over the past year. I have definitely experienced
Resistance in some form or for another pretty commonly
But it was nothing like I have experienced in the past month because people look at my life
They look at like my daily routine my lifestyle and they're like, whoa, how do you do that? Like that's crazy
But to me, I should all just like autopilot. It's like I don't really
It's kind of easy for the most part there. Yes, there are times where I'm just like suffering but
That's not very common and
Yes, there are times like during the day where I just have to like keep pushing through just like
Yeah, I do get that stuff, but I never really got like the full-blown
Suffering like oh everything is going downhill
Until recently where
The other day I saw a YouTube video called
Oh, what is it called? Oh
Trial by fire by Charlie Morgan and it's like a two hour long video and I heard my friend told me about it and
It's like one of the greatest YouTube videos I've ever seen
I watched that whole thing and it basically explained resistance and
It explained how when you're trying to strive for success
You're gonna get resistance and the only way to combat it is to do the work
And so I was like, oh, yeah, but he mentioned this thing
He said when you first go on your journey, you're gonna be on this high. It's gonna be like, oh, yeah all motivation
Oh, yeah, it's all easy and I was like, oh, yeah, that's pretty it's like what I'm doing right now
but
Then he said yeah, that's all fake. It's all gonna go crashing down and then it's all the
All the energy is gonna die out everything is gonna die and then it's just gonna be you and
suffering you and pain and you're gonna have to walk through a wall of fire and
that's how you find success and
Immediately when he said that I kind of understood a little bit because for that past week
I had started to make the transition into whatever that wall of fire is I think
Yeah, and here is me again. I have no idea what I'm talking about by the way. I am 18 years old
I have no I don't know anything about the world
So I don't even know if I am going through the wall of fire
I don't even know if I am gonna achieve success. I don't know anything all I know is that all the remains of the work to be done
but
That side note aside
Basically when he said that I was oh shoot. I'm starting to get into that and for the past month I
Had been getting a lot of doubts a lot of things like oh like this this successful person experienced this
I never got that I never got that I never got that like a
Lot of people like dropped out of college. They had to do crazy scary things and I was thinking I didn't have to do anything
I'm getting it so easy in life like I literally am living at my house rent-free
I get everything provided for and
All I'm doing is working. That's it like it
I'm not even gonna find success if I'm not going through the pain because you
Pretty much a universal theme among successful people as they go through a season of suffering like not like
Suffering in a bad way, but suffering of growth and
I was thinking oh, I'm not even getting that
so
But then my friend reminded me that but you are like you are literally waking up at three in the morning and
Working for like six seven hours a day and then doing like this crazy kettlebell work like you are doing that
So I don't know
Here's there's two kind of interpretations to this maybe I
Am going through the wall the pain and my resistance
Manifests differently and my resistance is making me
Blind to the fact that I actually am going through the suffering and so I'm kind of longing for
Real and I say this with quotes real suffering of kind of like how other people like dropped out of college
They had to live in a car. They had to like do crazy things and
When in reality I am going through the wall fire
It's just my resistance is showing up as that me thinking that I'm not and I'm panicking
I'm trying to
Do things that's one interpretation
And the other interpretation is maybe I just am not going through the wall fire. Maybe I am just
Coping maybe I'm still a watchpreneur. I have no idea. I don't know. I've never made any money online
I have made more money
selling lemonade in my front porch
then I have in the past year of putting my all into
Whatever it is that I'm doing on my YouTube channel
So that puts it into perspective. Maybe I still am a watchpreneur. Maybe I am not actually
Doing the thing that needs to be done. I
Have no idea
There are a few things that I have in mind that I should be doing
but I
Don't know
That's basically
That's like the the whole oh
Yeah, one more thing
Going back to me saying that I suck
Another thing I suck so that means that the reps I mentioned earlier
I mentioned that maybe it's not just the repetitions because you have to get a lot of reps to kind of figure out how to
Do YouTube?
But then there's this point where maybe there's just a fundamental flaw and that's storytelling
like the structure and
So that's why I stopped doing daily uploads and then I went to every other day
And then I stopped doing that and I went to every three days and now actually today
I stopped doing every three days and I'm going back to once a week weekly uploads
And that's because I am studying storytelling structure. There's a book called a hero
Or the hero with a thousand faces that I'm reading right now and studying and I'm actually doing something crazy
I'll talk about in the next month's update with it
It's just I don't want to talk about it now because I have not actually completed it yet
so not gonna say it until next month, but
Just know that
Even though I'm not actually putting as much hours into the YouTube channel like actually creating videos
because I
basically spent maybe
seven hours or five hours making a video that I'm
Gonna be posting for one week
So I'm basically working like less than ten hours of week now on the YouTube channel starting now
But
Just know that I am not not working. I'm still working. It's just not really work. It's studying
I'm in this like period of where I am just trying to learn all of the
Principles or whatever I am trying to learn storytelling. I don't know but
That's it. I have
200 subscribers. I don't really care about subs though. Oh
Here's one thing I want to talk about
One thing I realized is that I
Don't I know a couple minutes ago. I was just talking about how I didn't make any money yet, but
The thing is that I don't really care. I
Do not care that I'm didn't make any money because I'm prepared to spend three years
I'm prepared to spend five years not making a dime
Now obviously I don't want to spend five years living under my parents
Like being financially dependent because that would be unfair to them, but I'm prepared to put
Years into this without any payoff. Why?
Because you don't have to have money humans invented money
But you know what humans did not invent happiness and that's what I'm experiencing working on this
But that's a like a side note the point that I'm trying to make is that
Every time I tell someone that I what I'm working on like the YouTube or every time someone mentions my YouTube
Video for example just recently I went back to school to graduate after six months of being gone
I hadn't seen anyone for six months and then I graduated with all of my all of my friends and
Everyone was asking me. Oh, how's the YouTube channel? Oh, yeah, I saw your videos because everyone saw my videos and
the
Common thing that people ask is did you make any money and it's not just like my friends. It's also like literally every person
Family parents
Strangers
Literally everyone and this is not me dissing is this is just me pointing out a fact that I want people to be aware of
Did you make money? No, I did not make money, but people
There's there's a perspective that I want to bring to the table
The fact that
I'm learning okay, so
One thing I realized of my studies of successful people is that a lot of people went through a season
There's a guy called
What is the name? I
Don't know it might come to me, but there's a
YouTuber slash twitch streamer
he
He recorded a video when he was 18 years old before he found success and it was basically when he was streaming
for like 12 hours a day
with two viewers and
He said this is the grind mode this is every single successful person goes through something called the grind mode
It's basically a season of like a year two years three years of
Where they don't get any compensation
but then there's a
Law called the law of competition and I I learned about it from Napoleon Hill's book law of success in 16 lessons
and he learned about it from this guy called Ralph Waldo and Emerson and
Emerson has very famous essays and one of them is called compensation
And it basically means that the more work you do
The more kind of energy you're stacking up and so it like let's say you serve people for an entire year with no pay
That is gonna stack up and the energy is gonna be so powerful
It's kind of like a dam like the water is gonna build up and then eventually it's just gonna burst and then you're just gonna get an
explosion of
compensation and that's exactly what
What is his name I get this is exactly what that twitch streamer was talking about I kind of I
Can't believe I forgot his name. I actually used to watch him
when I was younger like literally a couple years ago I used to watch him but on
YouTube I would not into which but
That's what he was talking about how basically every basically most successful people have to go through a season of literally getting nothing and
Only giving for years
potentially before they can actually
Start to see some amount of success and there's one thing I realized
This past month I really didn't put as much effort into the YouTube channel as I did the month before
Yet, I got the same amount of growth. So the last month in my last month the update
I was talking about how I just missed my goal of 200 subs and now and I got 175
So I gained like 50 subscribers last month
but
This month I also gained 50 subscribers
Even though I didn't put nearly as much time into actually putting like actually
Working on the YouTube channel
But I was still putting I was actually putting more time in it was just not
Put towards the YouTube it was put into studying how to actually do YouTube like copying thumbnails down
Literally, I I took I this is another thing I did this past month
I basically took a screenshot of a bunch of mr. Beast's most popular videos and
Also a few of his videos that I could literally make with no money for example
surviving 24 hours in a desert a
few of those videos too and I
screenshot it like maybe
20 30 40 of them and printed them all out into like flashcards basically and cut them all out and
I have this like stack of
Flashcards of all of the all of mr. Beast thumbnails that title and thumbnails basically video packaging and I literally just copied it
Copy the title and then drew the thumbnail and then after I did that
I looked at all the colors and I wrote down like the the colors and
Then I also wrote down like the lines. There's this thing where you should have like lines pointing towards the focus of the image
So I basically did that probably like 30 times
and I I
Started a journal a month ago, and it's nearly
3 quarters of the way filled already because I've just been writing so much
But that's what I've been doing and I'm like starting to realize that oh if I gained 50 subscribers in one month
That is crazy because the first month that I started my YouTube channel. I
gained his Euro I actually got
Z I think I got zero views in the first month of YouTube
But it took me I think like five months to get one subscriber and then he that person
Unsubscribed like the next month or the next day or something like that
So that's that is actually an example of compensation. It took me five months to get
zero subscribers
But now because I put in an nearly an entire year of work onto this YouTube channel it I got
50 subscribers in one month, so that is an example of compensation
Except in like the
Larger concept in the larger grand scheme of things. It'll be a much larger
Sum total for example, I've seen people randomly blow up after a year of posting and they got like
10,000 subscribers in one day, so that's like a bigger example
But then if you look at mr. Beast, he spent like 15 years
Faithfully studying spending literally like 10 hours a day over to probably more than 10 hours a day for
thousands of days so like for decades
15 years and
He has like 300 million subscribers nearly
That is a greater example of compensation. He gained more subscribers
Probably I don't even know what his subscriber count is but I bet that he gained more subscribers today in one day 24 hours
Then he gained in
His first five years. I don't know if that's true, but that's an example of compensation
So the more work you put into it the bigger your dam becomes and then boom
Shhh it bursts, but the thing is it doesn't just burst and all you have to start over it keeps on building
So it's not like an actual
Classical dam. It's like a magical dam where it never actually burst, but you get the energy
I don't even know I I don't even know what I'm talking about. This is just my interpretation my 18 year old self
Interpretation I still have no idea how the world works, but I'm trying to figure it out
One day at a time
All right peace