I've been lying to myself. Over the past couple months, I've been lying to myself every single day.
It all started when I began my podcast over maybe four months ago. Over the summer, I started my
podcast and I'd never wanted to tell my parents about it until I was successful on it. And so for
over 20 days, I believe, I kept it a secret and my parents never found out. And the only reason why
my mom found out was because I bought a subscription to a podcast editing software,
which was called Podcastle. And she has access to my receipts and she saw that I bought something
from Podcastle. So she was like, oh, you got a podcast? And inevitably I was like, yes.
And I ended up telling them, but I never wanted them to listen to the videos. I said,
but you're not allowed to listen to any of the videos until one year, until I get to episode
365. Because at the time I was doing daily uploads. And the thing about that was at the time I was
lying to myself and I didn't realize it. I always like to keep quiet when I do new things. So I never
really told people my plans or at least I didn't tell people of the things that I was doing right
now, at least until it was a habit. So I did this when I started going to the gym. I didn't really
tell people that I was waking up at five in the morning to go to the gym at six before school,
until it was a habit and I was sustainable and I was actually doing it like every day.
All right. I was consistent at it. And it was the same thing with the podcast. I never told anyone.
And the only reason why my parents found out was because of that story I told you.
And then flash forward to today, actually a couple days ago, I had a instance where I had to show
my mom a YouTube video that I made because it had something to do with her and I didn't want to post
it without her seeing it. And so I ended up showing her the video. And then that was the first time
that I'd ever shown one of my parents anything that I've recorded. And I believe it was the first
time they've ever seen anything that I've recorded. And I didn't realize what I was doing beforehand.
I just wanted to show her because the video had something to do with not even her, but had something
to do with parents in general. And then I showed her the video and then afterwards I realized
what I did. I showed her the video and it didn't kill me. It was not the end of the world. I had
become so embarrassed about my YouTube channel, about my podcast. I was embarrassed about my
YouTube channel. The very thing that I was working on, I was embarrassed about my podcast.
And not just with my parents, with all my friends, any person at school, if they asked me what I was
doing or what I planned to do after I graduated or what I was like, whatever, what I was working on,
I would never answer honestly. I would always just say, I don't know, or I'm working on a business.
And then if they pride more and asked for more, I would just say, I don't know, I'm figuring
things out. But the truth is this whole time I've been working on a podcast, but I was embarrassed
to talk about it. I'm embarrassed to talk to my friends. And it wasn't until today that I realized
that I realized that I'm embarrassed to talk about my podcast. I'm embarrassed to talk about
my YouTube. Why am I embarrassed to talk about this? So what I realized is, or what I ended up doing
today was I allowed both my parents to watch or listen to any of the videos that I made.
And it was not the end of the world. Nothing happened. Like it was just normal. And now,
when people ask, I'm not going to go out of my way to tell people, but when people ask,
I'm going to tell them the truth about what I'm doing. I'm going to tell them
that I'm that I have a YouTube channel. I'm going to tell them that I have a podcast.
Because it's time to stop being ashamed of what I'm doing. Why am I ashamed of this? This is
what I'm working on. And this is what I'm excited about. Why am I ashamed to tell people?
And that's another thing I don't think that I can be successful at it. I don't think I can be
successful at being a YouTuber. If I'm not even a YouTuber, if I don't even tell people what I'm
doing, if I don't even if I'm too embarrassed to talk about my channel, how can I expect it to do
good? How can I expect to be successful? How can I expect to have the right mindset as a YouTuber
if I'm too embarrassed to talk about it? And one of the other lies that I told myself
in regards to telling my friends at school, what I'm working on is because I didn't want them to
be surprised or I didn't want a big conversation and I didn't really want to have a really long
conversation of them interrogating me. But what I realized is it's because I'm too scared of them
judging me. Why am I scared of them judging me? Because I'm ashamed of the podcast. I'm ashamed
of the YouTube. So that's holding me back. I am no longer ashamed of my YouTube channel. I am proud
of my YouTube channel. I'm happy with what I'm doing. And when people ask me, I tell them now.
I tell the truth. I tell people what I'm doing. No more lies. No more lies.