So the big question is this, how do young men like us who didn't listen to society, who are on our own,
how do we grow and improve ourselves so that we can live better tomorrow?
That is the question and this show will give you the answers.
My name is James Radzinski and welcome to the Ascend Momentum Show.
Welcome back, welcome back.
So today I want to quickly start off by saying I am becoming a lot more calm, a lot more confident around girls.
So let me explain.
As you guys know, but just in case you haven't heard previous episodes for context,
I'm in a gym class in school called Adventure Ed and in this unit that we're in, we're in the pool kayaking.
So, and it's a co-ed class, so boys and girls.
And I have to change and then walk across the field house shirtless, which, yeah.
And we're in a pool, so we're all in our swimsuits and our swimming attire, so I'm not wearing a shirt.
And there are these two girls in my class that we were, for context, we were doing a relay race with the kayaks.
We were just doing races and there was one part.
I was in a group of two with one other guy and then there was two girls next to us that were competing as well.
And so one of the race events was that we had to group up with another team.
So we had to have two kayaks and two motors, essentially, people that are kicking behind.
And so we grouped up with a group of girls and we sadly didn't win the relay, but that's okay.
But I started talking to them afterwards and I was just like, hey, what's your name?
And then we started talking and I was just really calm and I was happy because that I never would have been able to do that a year ago or even three weeks ago.
So it's looking good and I'm really looking forward to the future because it'll get easier and easier from here as it gets closer and closer into my comfort zone, talking to girls.
But when I was reading Transurfing today, I read After School a little bit and I was reading the chapter on slides and
he was talking about how your slide is basically a distortion of reality and you can have positive slides.
And in those slides, you can basically visualize yourself having more confidence being just having qualities that you strive to earn.
And he said that you can, a way to make the slide actually become reality quicker and make it work quicker and more effectively is by talking to strangers in real life.
And that connected a bunch of dots because I didn't have a slide in my head, but I wanted to get more confident and calm around girls.
And so what I did was go to the mall and talk to girls.
And so that actually helped turn that slide in my mind a lot.
It actually helped it become reality a lot quicker.
Now I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm definitely getting there and I can definitely tell that it's helping a lot.
He said that talking to strangers with your side in mind, so actually acting out your side.
So if your side is more confident, you talk to strangers more confidently.
And that works because you've never seen them before and they don't have an impression of you.
And it plus it gives you good practice.
So that's all things that it kind of connected the dots a little bit on why.
Another reason why talking to girls at the mall is very beneficial.
So I want to talk to you guys about this thing that I read about last night and started reading a little bit more today.
But for some context, I've been reading reality, Transurfing and in the chapter called intention, he talks about how you need to wake up in your life.
And once you wake up, you're able to manage your own destiny and you're basically able to get what you want in life and choose things that you want in life.
So last night I read, I was kind of just surfing the web because I was bored and I was putting off my work.
I needed something to distract myself.
So I was searching the web for reality, Transurfing and I came upon his website, Adam Zellin's website.
And I didn't even know he had a website.
So I looked at it and it was a very good website, it's a very good resource.
So I was looking at it more today during school and there was a section about Toofty the Priestess.
And Toofty the Priestess is basically, he has two books all about that.
And it's basically a being who is teaching you how to implement the Transurfing techniques.
And I read a little bit of the introduction of that book on the website.
And it's definitely a good book that I want to read in the future.
But there was one thing that he said that really stuck out to me.
I read this last night and I actually needed to hear it because I was reading intention on Reality Transurfing.
And he was saying that you need to be awake all the time, but I didn't know how to do that.
I was just playing on brute forcing it and just always trying to wake up, wake up, wake up.
But what he said on his website, what Toofty the Priestess said is, you need to...
Well, let me just explain this. We all have a habit, most people have a habit to fall asleep.
They fall asleep whenever an event happens, like you see someone, an object appears,
or literally anything that happens in the outside world.
We have a habit to fall asleep.
And that's outer, outer sleep.
And then the other part is we have a habit to fall asleep anytime we decide to do something or we think about something.
So that's inner, inner sleep.
So what Toofty said is we need to reverse this habit and make it so whenever something on the outside happens,
you wake up instead of fall asleep. You wake up anytime anything happens, you wake up.
And then whenever anything happens inside, like you decide to do something, you decide to take action,
or you think about anything, that should be a trigger to wake up.
And that gives me a lot of structure moving forward.
Create the habit to create the habit that whenever something happens on the outside or inside,
it triggers me to wake up, build that habit, and reverse my current habit of falling asleep.
So that is a very good piece of advice, a tip that I would give to you guys and to myself because I'm just starting to implement this.
And yes, you have to be extremely vigilant, you have to be extremely obsessive over this.
I'm going to get some water.
So I want to talk to you guys about the second thing that I discovered last night.
When I was searching Reality Transurfing, I came across this website that was a 180 book reading list,
the ultimate reading guide for human beings, and it was the website was called Beautiful World or something like that.
And the reason why I found that is because I was searching Reality Transurfing,
and in that website there is a Reality Transurfing quote, or not quote, but it talks about Reality Transurfing.
And so I was reading that book and he said, or not the book, I was reading his reading guide website,
and he said that in order to, or no, he said he wished that he had this list back in the day,
and you can read 40,000 books over the next 20 years, but if they're not the right books, you won't gain anything from them.
And then he also said he wished that he had this list and this list basically cuts out all the nonsense and cuts to the chase of a spiritual or awakening, consciousness awakening.
And having read all these books, you will have a brand new awakening and you will see the world differently, you will live differently.
And he basically says that this is the ultimate reading list for human beings, just human beings.
So I read further and he said that the normal reading method of picking up a book and reading from the first page to the last page is just bad.
It's a waste, it's inefficient.
And he suggested a new tactic where you pick up seven books and then pick the first one up, read until you lose focus,
which is when you have to reread a sentence you already read, and then switch to the next book and then repeat.
And then repeat that for all seven books. And then you just keep cycling back and forth.
And then he said that you can easily read a book a day for 100 days using this method.
And so when I read that, I got really excited because I know that if you can get as much information in and retain as much as possible from books,
then you will be able to change your consciousness and change your mind, change your subconscious, mold it to the shape of those books, which I read through a bunch of those books,
just the descriptions and what he'd said about them, those books are the real deal and I feel that that may be the next avenue of my life.
Because he said that these books really get you to understand life and the fabric of reality.
And it just reading through his descriptions of these books and just his comments, it really made me see that there's a new, there's way more to life than what I am open to right now.
And I've been reading Reality Transurfing and that's changed my life.
And the reason why this reading list is so appealing to me is because for context, Reality Transurfing is my favorite book.
It's changed my life.
If I had to choose one book to only read ever, it would be Reality Transurfing.
If I was stuck on an island and was given one item to survive, I would choose the book, Reality Transurfing.
I know it crazy.
I wouldn't choose a knife.
I wouldn't choose anything.
I'd choose that book and read it.
So that's how valuable Reality Transurfing has been for me.
And back to the list.
The reason why that list is so appealing to me is because when he was explaining the list before he actually gave the list, he said,
before you read anything, read this book and then begin with the list.
And that book that he recommended was Reality Transurfing the Alternative Space.
And for context, the way that I'm zelens Reality Transurfing books are structured is he originally wrote five different books.
Reality Transurfing the Alternative Space, Reality Transurfing, I don't remember what all the other ones were called,
but he just wrote five different books all about Reality Transurfing.
All about Transurfing, I should say.
And then eventually he actually combined them all into one book, one 750 page long book.
Just all one.
So that's why when you search up Transurfing, the book with the sunshine rainbow yellow cover says Reality Transurfing parts one through five.
It's because it's basically book one through five because he wrote five books and he just combined them all into one book for convenience.
And then he wrote three other books after that about Transurfing as well.
One called Toofty Life, Live, Stroll, Through a Movie, It, Foot.
It's basically Toofty spelled backwards.
I haven't really looked into it though.
And then the last one was 78 days of Reality Transurfing.
So it's basically like a practical guide.
So he's written four books, but technically like eight books or nine.
I don't know.
Four books is what's listed on his website because one of the books is five books combined.
So what I got from all of that is in that read back to the reading list, the 180 book long reading list, the ultimate reading list.
He only recommended the first book.
So I assume that it's because he it was either he wanted to recommend a quick book and off the star, or he just didn't.
He wrote it before the parts one through five was released.
Either way, me having read Reality Transurfing once and then I'm studying it a second time and I made a plan to finish it in 30 days.
I'll get to that later.
But me having studied it.
And then I'm going to finish it in 30 days and then once I get home from Funal Hacking Live, I will begin with the list of books.
That's my plan right now because what I'm trying to say is since I'll have studied it a second time and actually written a lot stuff down and spent a lot of time on it.
That will put me at a huge advantage beginning the list, starting the list and I'll have a lot of understanding already built up before I even start with the list.
So that's huge.
He said that the first book you should read this this book wasn't even on the list.
His list was 168 pages or 168 books long, but and that was the actual main list.
But before he even presented the list, he said, this is the book you should read first.
And so I've read that already.
I haven't read that exact book, but I've read that book in a in a part of an entire book of Transurfing.
And I'm on in the middle of my second read through of it.
And what I was saying is I'm going to finish it in 30 days.
That's my goal.
Even though I was saying I wasn't going to rush it.
I feel like I can finish it in 30 days and still get a lot of value from it because when I was rushing it, I was reading 50 pages a day and just just trying to burst through it.
But I did the math and I have 500 pages left.
And if I read 20 pages a day, then I'll be done before 30 days.
And 20 pages a day is definitely feasible.
I'd have to do two studies every day, though, to keep up because usually I get 10 to 15 pages done in the morning.
And then I have to read a little bit at nighttime as well.
But that is that is huge because he was talking about the first book on that list.
He said that that is the foundation.
It lays the foundation to understanding the world.
I'm not sure if I'm presenting this or explaining this well enough.
I'm not sure if I'm doing it justice enough.
But that book is probably one of the most important books that I'll have ever read.
And I don't even know anything about it.
And then I was reading through the first 20 books on the list.
And the first seven were great.
And I've never even heard of any of the books that he's recommending except for the Reality Transurfing, which was number one.
But the first seven seemed great and he was hyping them up a lot.
And he talked about there was one book that was talking about the pyramids, the Egyptian pyramids.
And once I saw that, I instantly remembered this thing, this piece of information, this piece of text that I read in Transurfing the other day in the Intention chapter.
And he talked about how the ancient Egyptians used outer intention to build the pyramids.
Now, if you don't know what outer intention is, it's basically allowing the world to help you along your path and allow the world to achieve, help you achieve your goals.
It's basically choosing to have the goals realize themselves.
So choosing for your goals to happen on their own and actually get achieved on their own.
Now, most people in the society, me included, are used to achieving things and getting things through inner intention,
which is basically directly manipulating our external world to get what we want.
But Transurfing offers a different approach and its outer intention, which is to simply choose to have and then the world will take care of it the rest.
So that connection, he said that the ancient Egyptians actually built the pyramids through outer intention,
which makes a lot of sense because, first of all, there's no way that they would have been able to build the pyramids that quickly.
Because those stones were heavy. Those stones are so heavy.
There's no way they could have had slaves do that. Like no human could carry that.
But also, they didn't, I'm pretty sure they did it. So I don't even know anything about Egyptian pyramids, so I don't even know why I'm talking about this.
I'm not. That's why I need to read the book. But it just makes a lot of sense that they did not use inner intention.
But the second reason is they were sophisticated because the pyramids were exactly aligned with the stars.
There's no way they did that on accidents. Impossible.
They were all perfectly aligned with the stars mathematically. And there's just some, I don't know exactly like the whole deal with it.
But there's something special about the pyramids that they simply just couldn't have done through normal means, especially since it was, I don't even know, maybe thousands of years ago.
I don't know how long ago it was, but it was definitely before they had modern tools.
So the only way to have done it is outer intention. So I'm really excited to read that book.
Because I read the back page summary of it on Amazon, the picture.
I read a part of it because it was blurry, so I couldn't really get the whole thing in.
And it talked about how the author is a controversial and has a very opposing to the normal worldview.
So that's something. So let me get to the downside of me discovering all this stuff, this new reading list.
It's because, let me tell you a story. The first time I was reading Reality Transurfing, I was on YouTube Shorts, which is basically TikTok.
And I was searching for new books to read because I wanted to know the next book to read.
And mind you, Reality Transurfing is 750 pages long, and I was only on page 200 at this point.
I don't know the exact number, around 200. So I was looking for the next book to read.
I was so excited for the next book. And I found two books to read next, and I ordered them on Amazon, had them shipped.
And then I was so excited for them, I just decided to read them.
So I stopped Reality Transurfing, and I read those books.
And I said, I was going to go back to Transurfing after those books.
And then I ordered another book, and then another book.
And then I never ended up finishing Transurfing until my friend Franklin asked me what the next book he should read is.
And after a little bit of contemplation, I said Transurfing, and then I realized how valuable Transurfing is.
So I went back and read it.
And so it took me a couple months, maybe three months to read Transurfing.
And that's because in the middle of it, I just didn't read it.
And I'm telling you this because it's kind of a similar situation right now, but at least now I'm conscious of it.
Because I just found 180 brand new books that I'm really excited to read.
A brand new reading list that will basically lead to a consciousness awakening.
I have no idea what that means, but it sounds amazing.
And so I'm really hype and I'm really excited for these books.
And I was about to make the purchase by seven of them last night.
But I remembered what happened last time I did this.
The exact same time and I'm on about page 200 on Transurfing.
So it's the same situation as last time.
And now I'm conscious of it.
I just have to push through and finish Transurfing.
And that's why before I wasn't going to have a page reading goal per day.
But now I am.
I'm going to have at least 20 pages a day.
Because I want to be able to finish it before I go to Funnel Hacking Live.
So then once I get home from Funnel Hacking Live, my current plan is to read all of the next books.
But that could definitely change because I predict that Funnel Hacking Live is going to be a big turning point in my life.
Let me get some water.
So there was this fly flying around in my basement a couple minutes ago when I was talking.
And it landed on my monitor and I touched it. I was able to touch it, which is weird because most flies just fly away instantly.
And they have an amazing reaction speed.
But that fly, I was like, I touched it and swatted it down.
And then it landed on my notebook and it was still up.
It was just crawling around on my notebook right next to me. And I just put my finger on it and pressed down on it.
Thinking that it was going to fly off, but it didn't.
And so I killed it on accident.
And I was in the middle of talking, so I didn't want to...
I don't know. It was just really gross and weird. So I just put it under my notebook and then while I was drinking water 10 seconds ago, I flicked it off of my desk.
But that's something weird that just happened.
Also, I want to talk about how my goal is to go to Florida right now for Funnel Hacking Live.
And I want to talk about how it is so hot and humid out lately in Chicago right now.
It's literally like 95 degrees out today. Super sunny. The UV is 8 and it's extremely humid.
And so this morning I was thinking, man, this is Florida weather. It's Florida weather. My reality is changing.
So that's cool. There's just something cool that's going on.
I just want to remind you guys real quick to wake up because for every moment you spend practicing the Transurfing Practices, you are consciously moving towards your goals.
So that means that every moment you are awake, you're consciously moving towards your goals.
And if you...my friend said that written in Toofty, the priestess, that book on Transurfing, written in that is Toofty said,
if you can stay awake for 20 minutes straight, that will change your life.
So right now I'm probably at like 2 minutes. Probably less than that to be honest.
And my life is already changing for the better. So I'm really excited for the future because it's only getting better from there.
And I just found out about this technique to basically pair or link, connect the habit of waking up to external and internal events that happen.
So anytime something happens around you, let it be a trigger to wake up.
And anytime you're about to do something, make it a habit to wake up first.
And then there was also this other quote that I remember in Transurfing where he said,
if your intention is strong, you will get there eventually. So don't worry if you fail.
If your intention is strong, you will get there eventually.
And I just, all the time I keep failing and I keep falling asleep, but then I just remind myself my intention is strong.
So I will make it eventually.
And then the other day I discovered, I don't know if I discovered anything, but I kind of realized something.
And I said, what if I used outer intention to become more awake and become more present?
What if I use outer intention to gain those abilities?
And then I was like, okay, and then I just tried to visualize or I tried to unify my heart and mind. I don't know.
And then this morning while I was reading Transurfing, I actually talked about this or it was just now a couple, like an hour ago.
You can develop a slide in your mind where you are, you have these abilities.
So if I develop a slide in my mind where I am present and I am awake all of the time, and then I just play it out in my mind,
and then go talk to strangers, talk to girls. If I play this out the next time I go to the mall and talk to girls,
then it will become, it will materialize more effectively and more quickly and effectively.
So I think that that could help a lot. So that actually might be a plan of mine.
I was going to do a slide of me being an entrepreneur and having entrepreneurial skill sets or mindset,
but I think that this slide is more beneficial.
And that's another thing I wanted to talk to you guys about.
I touched on this in the previous episode, I think, or the episode before that.
But I am just not, I am not doing anything right now for business.
The only thing I'm doing is podcasting.
And to be honest, that does not, it counts, but right now I don't perceive it as counting because I'm not checking my analytics.
And I have no plans on, right, as of now I have no plans on monetizing this channel, this show.
But that will probably change in the future once I check the analytics in September,
which I'm going to hold off until September to check them.
And by the time that this episode releases, it will almost be September, it will be August 28th.
So a couple more days until September, but for me right now, it's August 23rd.
Does this episode release on the 28th? I don't know. I forgot.
But that's what I'm trying to say is I have been slacking, I have not done anything for business in weeks,
maybe even a month.
So I'm kind of lost right now. I don't really know what to do moving forward.
I'm kind of just living, I'm kind of just waiting.
I'm just waiting. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I'm just, I'm on a standstill. I'm kind of dried up.
I really don't like to leave in the middle of episodes. I like to record them all the way through,
but I actually have to use the bathroom, so I'll be back.
Okay, I'm back. I'm sorry for that interruption. I just, I've been drinking a lot of water lately,
and I always go to the bathroom right before I record, but sometimes the timing is just not so great,
and I have to use the bathroom halfway through. So sorry about that interruption, but let that be a lesson.
Drink more water. I've drank so much water today and over the past couple weeks. It's good.
But also if you're going to increase your water consumption, make sure you drink, or make sure you eat a lot of salt also.
I always put salt in my first glass of water that I drink in the day, and I pour a lot of salt on all of my meals.
I pour a lot of salt in my bone broth when I make it. I pour a lot of salt in my eggs.
I pour a lot of salt in my, I actually don't pour it on my burgers because I always forget, but I should.
But I always pour a lot on my chicken. So be liberal with your salt. Pour a lot.
So I've been in class lately because I'm a student, and I'm really grateful for this opportunity because I'm a part-time student,
so I only have four periods of the day, and then I'm out for fifth period, which is around 11, 30 to 12 around that time.
And it's so amazing. I've saved so much time. I get to go to the gym during school. I just do it like a lot. It's just so nice.
Alright, so now I know what I'm going to say. Yesterday I talked about this, but I'm re-emphasizing it because it's so important.
People are 90% preoccupied with thoughts about themselves. So 90% of people's thoughts are about themselves.
And that doesn't mean the rest of the 10% is about you. The rest of the 10% is about their lunch, food, vacation, just random stuff.
They're not even thinking about you. And this is so valuable to know because it makes sense. Just ask yourself, do you think about other people?
So I'm picturing, I want you to picture walking through a high school hallway during the passing period, and this is what I have to do every day.
So I'm walking through the hallway and there's a lot of kids my age. And the tendency, the natural tendency is to think like, oh no, I hope this person's not judging me.
Oh no, what do they think? What? I mean, I, is my butt sweaty. Like, I have this, sometimes I have a sweaty butt and it leaves sweat stains.
And so I'm insecure about that even though it literally never happens only when I'm like in gym class. That's the only time it happens.
And even then it's just not visible. But I just get super insecure about it even though it's nothing. There's nothing there.
And so that's what the Buddhists, I'm pretty sure the Buddhists call it, the monkey brain. It's basically your brain by default. It's not actually what you're, you're not actually being conscious about it.
It's basically when you're asleep. And this brain always has a tendency to think that it's being judged or it's being looked at.
And this happens a lot. I was struggling this a lot last year and the year before. I would always get nervous in the hallway and I'd walk very awkwardly because I thought that everyone was judging me.
So I was my actions. I had a negative slide in my head. And then that slide affected my actions, which made me walk awkwardly, which actually made me look weird.
And I'm saying this because now I realize that people are preoccupied 90%. So the vast majority is about thoughts about themselves. And people only place appearance extra people only place value or meaning onto your appearance.
If they're a potential mate, so a potential boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife or whatever, that's the only time when they do it.
So that's like less than 1% of the people you encounter on a day to day basis, literally nobody.
And since my goals are I'm just working on my purpose and fulfilling, I'm just focusing on myself. I'm not worried about getting a girl.
So I'm not worried about the 99% because they're not even thinking about me, but I'm not even worried about that 1% because I'm not focused on that part of my life right now.
So let this be something to think about next time you're in the hallway asleep.
And your thoughts are running in your mind and you're just thinking and thinking. Just remind yourself that people are preoccupied 90% of the time with thoughts about themselves.
And if you don't believe me, just ask yourself because are you thinking about yourself? Like it just makes sense because in that example, you're literally thinking, oh no, I hope they don't think this about me.
You're literally thinking about yourself. So most people are like that.
And even if they're not, they're thinking about, oh, I hope my hair looks good today or all this stuff.
So just take comfort in that knowledge that nobody is thinking about you.
So don't place so much importance on yourself that you think everyone is thinking about you and everyone is looking at you because no, they're all minding their own business, they're all worried about themselves.
Now that's not a bad thing. It's just how the way things are.
So just find comfort in that and relax into that piece of information because it has definitely helped me a lot. I definitely feel a lot more comfortable.
And every time I start to feel uncomfortable and feel like nervous, I just remind myself that there's no need because I'm kind of just in a world of my own and everyone else is in a world of their own.
And plus if you break it down, even if they judge you, who cares? Nothing's going to happen.
They can't change your life and you can't change theirs. No one can prevent you from achieving your goals except for yourself.
So that's very valuable. That's something I wish I knew a couple of years ago.
Let me get some water.
I just want to make sure that you guys are staying awake, staying present.
A lot of the times I fall asleep during class.
Not a sleep of sleep, but I fall unconscious.
And then I remember and I wake up and I'm like, oh, that was bad.
And this happens a lot throughout my day. I fall asleep and then I catch myself a couple of minutes later, a couple of seconds later.
And I have this interpretation that I'm asleep most of the day.
But what actually happened is I'm reminding myself a lot more.
So a week ago I was reminding myself maybe 10 times a day.
Today I'm reminding myself 30 times a day. I don't know the actual number, but it's just a lot more.
So it seems like I'm asleep way more throughout the day because I'm catching myself a lot more.
But today I actually realized that that's the wrong interpretation.
I'm actually asleep a lot less than I was a week ago.
But I'm just catching myself while I'm asleep and waking up a lot more often.
So it creates that illusion that I'm awake or that I'm asleep a lot more.
So does that make sense? I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right. So I'm going to try again.
So a week ago, I don't know the actual time, but let's just say a month ago, I was like, oh yeah, I should work on staying conscious.
So I would catch myself maybe five times a day.
And five times a day I'd be like, I'd realize that I was asleep. I think it was time to wake up.
And then a couple days later, slowly but surely it up to seven.
And then a couple days later, 10. And then a couple days later, 13.
And it would just go up and up and up.
But I interpreted that increase, which is if you can imagine a graph, it would just go up.
Growth, I interpreted that growth as failure because or I interpreted it as the opposite of growth, like me shrinking and me getting worse, me falling asleep more.
Because I would, in the beginning, I would wake myself up five times.
So then I would realize that I was asleep five times.
So think about it like this, in the beginning, I would realize that I was asleep five times per day.
Now I'm realizing that I was asleep 30 times per day.
So if you realize you failed five times per day, and then two weeks later you realize you failed 20 times per day or 40 times per day.
Well, you're definitely going to interpret that as a failure because you want to fail less.
Even though I'm not talking about the entrepreneurial mindset of fail as much as possible.
I'm talking about just human interpretation, human tendency.
You want to succeed. I rarely succeeded.
That's what I interpreted because in the beginning I would fail five times.
And then now I'm failing 40 times per day. What's up with this? Why am I failing so many times?
But then earlier today I realized that is the wrong interpretation.
That's the negative interpretation of this.
What is actually happening is a month ago I was falling, I was only catching myself while I was asleep.
So let's say I was asleep all day by default.
I was only catching myself five times in that day to wake up.
So I was only awake five times.
So let's reverse it.
Before I was interpreting it as I was falling, I would be fall asleep five times and then be asleep 40 times today.
But let's reverse this interpretation and say a month ago with this new interpretation I would wake up five times.
So that's a lot. That's a more positive outlook.
So I would wake up five times per day.
And now I'm waking up 40 times per day.
So I have grown. I have actually grown.
So that's kind of, I'm not really sure if you guys are catching it.
But if you guys are really understanding what I'm saying because I'm not really sure if I'm explaining it that well.
But essentially I was interpreting it as negative when it was in reality was actually positive because I was growing.
I'm actually waking up a lot more.
So it seems like I'm asleep a lot more throughout the day because I'm conscious of it a lot more.
But I'm actually awake a lot more throughout the day because I have a lot more opportunities and a lot more time slots where I'm actually awake.
If that makes sense.
So I think that's a huge piece of valuable piece of information that I would tell someone who is walking the same path as I am just a little couple steps behind.
When you start waking up and start being present and start living life consciously, there's two options on interpreting your growth.
You can either think that you're doing bad when in reality you're doing good or you can think that you're doing good when in reality you're doing good.
So I would take the latter approach because why would you interpret it as negative when it's actually good?
When you could interpret it as good when it's actually good.
Like you could interpret it how it is.
Like you wouldn't, if your goal is to make a million dollars, you wouldn't interpret on day one that you made one dollar and then on day ten you made a thousand dollars.
You wouldn't interpret that as bad because it's actually good.
You would interpret it as good because it's good.
That's kind of what I'm saying.
Let me get some water.
So when I record my podcast, I don't plan.
I don't write things down that I'm going to talk about.
I don't write a script.
I don't even jot down things I want to talk about.
I kind of just let it come out.
That's why in the beginning I talk about my day so I can get the ball rolling and start talking more and more.
But sometimes just nothing comes out and that's usually when I decided to get water.
I usually take a quick water break because I want to let the ideas come out of my mind.
But then I found that it's easier to let the ideas come out when you start talking because when you're talking and you're taking action, you're in the flow a lot of the times.
So then things just come out quicker.
And that's what I'm doing right now.
I'm just talking to wait to see if something comes out.
But that's something that did just come out and I'm going to talk about it right now.
So I've been having my shirt off a lot lately, biking downtown throughout town and just during gym class because we're in the swimming unit.
And so I'm getting a lot more comfortable having my shirt off around people my age and people at my school.
But this kind of makes me think about something and it's something that I've been really breaking down the barriers a lot lately.
And it's that I always got insecure in public and I would always have this tension in my head.
This social tension that I would feel people's energy around me and I would just feel very tense around people.
But lately when I was, now that I've been studying Transurfing, a lot of that tension has alleviated because I'm just realizing that everyone's just their own world.
Everyone is living their own world and I'm in my own world layer.
It's kind of very peaceful and comforting to think about that while I'm walking throughout the hallways.
And that's what I was touching on earlier when people are 90% preoccupied with their thoughts about themselves.
It's comforting walking through the hallway, knowing that you're your own person and everyone else is their own person.
And we're all just kind of individuals going throughout our lives.
And then if you take into account the fact that you're not going to see them after high school, I'm not going to see 99.9% of the people after high school.
So it's comforting to know that nothing I do right now will really affect me in four months time when I'm graduated.
I'm literally graduating in like four months.
So I can do whatever I want and act however I want around these people.
And it will just serve to push myself forward because if I expand my comfort zone around these people and use these people as practice, essentially, to help me expand my comfort zone,
then that's going to help propel me forward into my life for the future.
And it's really all about the comfort zone.
This is just something that I've been really focusing on for the past month or so.
Expanding your comfort zone is one of the best things that I've done and I just started doing it recently.
And I didn't do it until a couple of weeks ago and I've been on self-improving for almost a year, I bet.
That's when I started reading books a year around 10 or 11 months ago is when I started reading books.
But I was going to the gym for two years and expanding your comfort zone has been one of the best things that I've ever done.
Because I'm a shy person, I'm an introvert, but I always used to get extremely nervous and uncomfortable in social situations.
And I would just make a lot of awkward movements and my voice would shiver and quiver and my palms would get super sweaty, my pits would get extremely sweaty, I'd get bad pit stains.
And a lot of that still happens, but it's way, way less bad.
It's way better.
And that's just because I'm a lot more comfortable now.
Before I was just extremely uncomfortable throughout the day and it was just tense.
And now that I've expanded my comfort zone, I just am a lot more comfortable.
And when I'm awake, when I'm awake, I'm like comfortable.
But it's just, I find that when I'm asleep, I'm a lot less comfortable in situations.
And that's when I start to sweat in my hands, my palms get sweaty, my pits start sweating.
That's when I start to get tense.
But every time I'm awake, I'm chilling.
And I was awake when I was talking to those girls that I talked about earlier in gym class right at the end of our race.
I was talking to them.
We're all in the pool.
I was talking to them and I was awake and that's when I was comfortable.
Plus it was easy because we were all preoccupied with being in the pool.
One of the girls was in the kayak so that was something to kind of lean on.
And it was like an unfamiliar situation where you didn't...
It's hard to explain but I didn't have to make uncomfortable gestures with my hands, like positions.
Because we were all in the pool so it was all foreign.
I don't really know if I explained that well but that's that.
So I'm really excited because last year in the same class, or the same class but different classmates,
I took this class again last year and in this same unit,
I was talking to my friend about how there are a bunch of girls and guys and I was just trying to build a community.
Because my first time I took the class, this is my third time.
Last semester was my second time but the first time I took it, we were all in a community and we all knew each other.
It was a lot more fun.
And so I was telling my friend I wanted to build a community and start talking to the girls and then bringing them in.
And just hanging out together during the class and having fun.
But I was... I kind of whooped out.
I whooped out. It was too uncomfortable so I never ended up doing that.
But that's kind of what I want to do this semester.
And I definitely can achieve that because my cover zone is a lot better now. It's a lot bigger.
So it's definitely achievable and I actually took the first step today kind of without having that goal in mind.
So I'm excited.
And plus it's a... Right now at least today it was a smaller class. There was like 12 people there today.
Usually it's 18 maybe. I don't know the exact number.
But today was a smaller class so I had the opportunity to...
I always had the opportunity but I had the really best opportunity to take the initiative and start talking to them.
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