Maybe a little too fresh. You think maybe we
could start the podcast? Yes, one more Riz face.
Good morning, folks. Welcome to the show. My
name is Phil Labonte here with Tim Hot Tub. Yes,
I was hoping maybe we could get a bubble sound
effect. Bubble yeah, I forgot work on that please.
Yeah That's the crew We got a crew that's working
super hard. We appreciate it We took I mean We
didn't take a month off We were gonna take a
month off and then I was like I got too many
bits in my mind that I got a release It's like
you need to have this release of tension. Yeah
It really is a problem when I have too many jokes
built up in my head And I'm not going out and
getting fucked up enough and then releasing the
jokes. I need to release them on the podcast
So it's you're kind of an outlet. You're kind
of a punching bag. I have a beautiful mind I'm
not a punching bag, but the podcast podcast is
a punch Yeah, you guys are a punching bag except
for the page or the patrons of patreon .com slash
bad economy Just got a free month. They're just
we love them. We would never punch No, they're
a beautiful audience. And then anyone on YouTube,
you're our punching bag. We hate you. If you're
listening on Spotify, I don't like you. So just
hear that if you're on Spotify. We are on Spotify
and Apple. Honestly, if you're listening on Spotify,
if you're not listening on Spotify, YouTube,
Patreon or Apple podcasts, if you're listening
on some other gay thing, use a regular thing.
Unless you're in unless you're one of our fans
from like Bavaria. We have a lot of Nazi fans,
I think. It's okay. So it's all okay. Sorry,
I got mad at the fans. Sometimes the fans that
have been with you the whole time you forget
about them. No, I'm talking about I said I love
talking about non patrons, non patrons. I don't
like them. Not one bit. They don't like well,
I know right the patrons are sorry. I know right
the people so This is always this is an Asian
Asian joker Rice so Siri rice You want to know
how I got this rice I was thinking I'm talking
about like a like Batmobile like That would be
a losses wheel that sounds like a nursery rhyme
I'll never lose. He might have lost his wheel,
but I'll never lose my black guy comb brush.
I mean, I was thinking of using like, you know,
I got this lint roller for that. You know, I
want to know where I got this black guy. He gave
it to me. He just gave it to you. Yeah. Not only
do I have a stack of inward passes, I got no.
So this is well he didn't want it. Yeah. I mean,
I'm literally. What does that say about it? Yeah.
So this is trash. Take this off my hands white
boy and folks say like that. Folks, we haven't
been recording in a while. So I've been saving
up my n word passes and join the Patreon at patreon
.com slash bad company for that. I'm gonna let
it loose. I'm pretty sure they cancel out by
the way. I don't think you can hold even multiple.
No, you can. If you're given by multiple people.
They're not valid with any other offer. Hello,
oh or with any other audience you mean Well,
what I've been given them by probably most of
the black people in Chicago Except for the ones
that oh Probably most of them. I'm gonna save
my work story for the pain for the patreon Yeah,
let's do that, but I almost got killed in the
ghetto. So I don't worry. I don't sell candy
in the ghetto anymore. Yeah yikes Candyman it
was a good run It was and I got along it. I always
do well in the ghetto, but it's a different atmosphere
out there now. It's a different animal, folks.
It's an animal. I normally I love I love the
ghetto. I love and the ghetto loves me. You ain't
got to like it because the hood don't love it.
You know, the hood loves me. But even about that,
this particular neighborhood of Oblock did not
like me. Not a big fan of a big Mac crowd. I
was. I'll tell the story later, but I should
have told them that I'm a BD and they probably
would have liked me a little street cred to start
out, right? Yeah, they Crucial I was like you
just hate me cuz I'm white. Yeah It's a classic
that ain't even a white boy. They said you people
and I said you people white people. They're not
my people That's right. I said that's racist.
Yeah you people And then I was like, I'm so offended.
And then they called me a cracker. I can't even
say that. I shouldn't even say that. They called
me the C word, the racist C word. Well, that's
because you were doing the voice and insisting.
They called me, they said, what are you, a saltine?
And I said, no. They did not believe you were
Asian. They said, what are you, Ritz Cracker?
And I was like, whoa. You can't use you can't
use the we can't use the word with the comparative
insult Saltine was funny, but you can't say Ritz
cracker Doesn't you're you're using the thing
in the thing you could say. What is you a tow
house? So putting on the Ritz yeah, they should
have said what are you putting on the Ritz great
song? That's what they should have said great
song White boy, yeah This is it. What are you
putting on the roots? I wonder where How Trump
started the zip because it's great It means like
full stop. I feel like bag is I feel like it's
like taking the woman's dress off No, it's like
the bag is zipped up That's the thing people
are saying a lot now is full stop at the end
of a sentence Have you noticed it? I never known
then that your sentences are Oh, I hear it a
lot on full stop and stuff that they say a sentence
and they say full stop at the end. That's my
statement. Full stop. I've heard of that. Yeah.
Full stop. I kind of like it. We should start
saying that it used to be the list. It used to
be blah, blah, blah. Period. Now it's all about
full stop. But it's it's not on the list of it's
it's too public now. You know, it's it's like
Stephen Miller and Peter Hegs that they're saying
it. We gotta say words that reverberate with
Gen Z and Gen Alpha. Like that guy's cooked.
That's cringe. So good is based. Bad is cringe.
If someone's cooked, they're cooked. There's
no other way to put it. Yeah, it's just if they're
cooked, they're cooked. Yeah. What have you ever
seen that skit who's on first based mm -hmm?
It's about some bass dudes Yeah, and they're
like who's based one guys like I am they're like
nice I like so that's that it's from like the
1920s or something baseball, too Yeah, I was
a little more old -timey sounded when I heard
Yeah, speaking old -time. What the heck that
was that Hitler guy doing bad guy? That stuff
except if he did he did follow his heart kind
of you had to respect that Not not the Holocaust
obviously Terrible even attacking his neighbors
awful thing, but he kind of had a good economy
and he followed his heart And I respect that
like you're just looking at the he followed his
heart Maybe mainly he followed his heart. That's
what I was because I respect anybody following
their heart, whether they're Hitler or Jesus
or or, you know, like who are some who are some
like Martin Luther King Jr. Martin Luther King
Jr. Martin Luther King had a dream. You know,
that's kind of how I talk. But they all follow
their hearts. And I respect that doesn't mean
I respect what the person did. It's kind of like
Kanye now. He's following his heart. It's like
the art from the artist, but then it's right
now both Maybe both I gotta say Hitler's art
not bad people say he's like a not a great artist
pretty pretty good It's pretty weird when you
are looking at it, and it's a Hitler's art. It's
good. I mean it's like it's just it's a He hated
like he makes it he hated like degenerate art
and like super abstract stuff and he like just
like paintings that made things look beautiful,
which I like that art. He's like, let's do this
with. But but I but he did the Holocaust. You
can't do the Holocaust. You don't attack Russia
and the rest of the world and then just team
up with Japan and Italy. What are you thinking?
Now it's conflicting, especially the Holocaust.
That's the worst thing to do. Yeah, it was just
a very bad choice for the brand Yeah, you know
that he I think he won like the Nobel Peace Prize
literally at one point or he was on Time magazine
for like being a Wow. Yeah, and then he did the
Holocaust magazine And I won't do that. He definitely
got canceled for the whole Holocaust thing Yeah,
that's like cooked That's when cancel culture
started the first guy to get canceled was Hitler
For the Holocaust was still kind of too popular.
Right. I mean, I was like, dude, what are you
doing? Well, yeah, that was before we had the
higher. That was before we had higher morals.
Like back when like Genghis Khan was just or
until the hunt even worse, just they would go
to castles, kill everyone there, take all the
treasure and then they'd move on. He wouldn't
get canceled because that was just the normal
thing. And it's a cool guy and cool guy. They
would go right around with. bows and just surround
cities and then kill everyone there take the
women take people as slaves and just move on
and That's how I feel about life. Like if you
ever have an issue Just take care of it and move
on. Yeah, maybe just solve the problem That's
why they call me that till that's why I call
me it until the Mac the Mac until of the Mac
until of the Mac Until of the Mac a lot of people
do okay most people in general. Is it like a
karaoke thing? No, I wanted to join the karaoke
circuit. I need to talk to I think Sonal Agarwal
does the does karaoke circuit and I'm a way better
singer than she is. I'm honestly a way better
singer than probably anybody in Chicago. Maybe
a sing off between Mack and Sonal. I know that
I would sing a lot of songs better than her.
If I sing Silver Stallion by the Highwaymen,
it's four different voices that I do perfectly.
Maybe we just each pick one song. No, that is
one song. What song? Silver Stallion by the Highwaymen.
What does that sound like? Just a little bit.
I wanna steal me a silver stallion. And then
the chorus is Johnny Cash. And we're gonna ride,
we're gonna ride. You know that song. Riding
like a one -eyed jack of diamonds with the devil
close behind we're gonna ride Give it up for
that that Willie Nelson house in I'm gonna chase
the sky forever With a woman and the stallion
and the wind it's tough to do it in talking level
No, but it's interesting it's interesting Yeah,
Sonal Agarwal can't do a four. She can't do a
four artist song. That's my challenge. She can
try to do like the Dixie Chicks or something,
but it'd be more like the... What four artist
song would you do? That song. Oh, she would just
do a four artist rap song that just is way higher
energy. Cuck you. She wouldn't be able to do
a rap. Mine would be way more compelling. I would
defeat Sonal Agarwal if I was doing a corn song.
Maybe corn. Put on a corn song and a corn song
only. Country ballad versus she's gonna rap Lil
Wayne, Eminem. Well if she goes with Lil Wayne...
Then I'll pick a different Lil Wayne song. And
I will clap back because I know all the Lil Wayne
songs. Well, you pick one that's a better song,
but people know it less. I know. No, or one that
people know well. What would you pick? Well,
it depends what she picks. What would you pick
if you had to go first? Well, my favorite one
is playing with fire. But that one got taken
off the card of three. Why? It might have been
a copyright with the the hook. Mm -hmm, but that
one is mama always told me I was crazy my ho
say I'm amazing But I don't listen to a lady
the bitches say I'm hot and I said no bitch I'm
blazing like what the fuck you expect. I'm a
motherfucking Cajun Wow, I might do the sky's
the limit by little Wayne A milli I can do a
milli but I'd rather do the sky's the limit is
better because that's with the Mike Jones beat
My job is just him. Crushing. But when you're
saying for artists song, then it's four people
on the song. Yeah, and saying you have to do
each person's different voice. Yeah. So could
you do that with four rappers like that? Probably.
Yeah, I could probably do from the Carter from
the Carter for Jadakiss. Andre 3000. Drake and
Lil Wayne. Exactly. That's how that's how based.
I know all that. That's how based I am is I know
who's on that song and I can do all their voices.
Yeah, do that instead of a country song with
for Johnny Cash and well, people that are are
all open with that and see how it goes. Because
what she's going to be like a million here, a
million there. Yeah, she'll lose. No way. If
she went after you did a country ballad and she
did a hip -hop banger. Okay, so Everyone knows
it was so we did one round one round beat one
round, but she has to do four people So one round
would be oh, yeah one round to be four people.
I would do that song probably and then She would
do some ratchet song and then I would do hurt
when we do one. No, that's my best song It might
be your best song, but then it's like, I hurt
myself today. Exactly like what have I'm the
best at sounding like old Johnny Cash. I could
sing Hurt way better than like Ring of Fire or
anything like that. Do a little ring of fire.
What have I become my sweetest friend? That's
one thing if I'm a rapper, I just do my real
voice. Yeah, just do your Do your based voice
do my sometimes I do want this voice. Well, yeah,
I did not see that coming. It's just part of
a rap. That's what I meant. So yeah, it's like
a look. It's like a low bass voice, but it's
a bass. It's like B -A -S -S -E -D. Oh, wow.
Yes. Yeah. But think about OK. So you said you
were worried about me sounding too white and
not know you. Hannibal Burris is good at sounding
still somewhat black, but being monotone. You
can do that. But rap. And be white. I think that
he raps now too, maybe. He does. He was at North
Bar in one of their last days. And then I was
like, what are you Hannibal Barca from the guy
who invaded Rome from Carthage? Roasted. And
he said, no, I'm actually Hannibal Burris. And
I said, oh, damn, glad to meet you. Really what
time before I was a comic I ran I Didn't that's
actually That one's a fake. No, I I met I met
I met Hannibal Burris at North Park actually,
but I ran to Eric Andre at the owl And this is
before I was comic and I told him my my only
joke at at the time Which was I was like, yo,
I was like yo Eric You're hilarious. Can I tell
you a joke? Obviously. He's like, yeah, sure.
He's like, go ahead. And I was like. So Robin
Williams walks into a bar, right? And the bartender
says, hey, why the long face? And Robin Williams
says, because I'm going to kill myself. And I
just stared at Eric Andre in the eyes. And then
he was like. Yeah, all right Wow That should
be a joke. He was like, you know, you think so?
I mean that was also before I was a comedian.
Well, I thought you were just gonna say I've
been doing improv my whole life I was trying
to stand up joke for him And he was just what
a dick. I've been doing improv for 31 years Yeah,
it's like learn to appreciate if someone's telling
you a joke it's supposed to be a gift to you
and the universe Especially when I give people
tags. I am literally tag nataro of Chicago I
give people the best tags some take them some
take them and the joke it's better the people
that don't take them Joke continues to fail every
time I have the best tags of anyone in the world.
That's the best skill I have in comedy Stop doing
that. I just realized that's like no dude. Don't
just go give people advice Well, I'm my ass dumb
man. No, I learned people that aren't worth it
like Ed towns. I Just feel like I know and want
to be told no tags from my experience. I like
being told tags Me too. If someone has a tag
on one of my bits, it'll be funny. I'll take
it. But I'm not a stuck -up Ed Towns or Brandon
Kiefer. Even Albers will take tags. I love Albers.
So he's doing a show with Courtney. That's cool.
What does it look like? Yeah, Matt Rife. I like
Matt Rife. Yeah, she's like Matt wife. Matt wife.
Nice. Matt life. Want to tell her that, dude?
Matt Rife's kind of like Hitler, I feel like.
He's not on a like he's like, okay, so Donald
Donald Trump Hitler met right Hitler Kanye West
Loves Hitler. He loves my right from Donald Trump.
That was one of his lyrics was saying how can
I How can I be Hitler when I'm up? And he said
an F and N word. That's what kind of really Dude
Something I got super offended this week Trump
or maybe last week, but Trump posted someone
didn't AI of him as the Pope. Oh, yeah, and I
was I'm a Catholic and I was so mad I was mad
as well. I was like He's not not the pulp. No,
it's like sometimes maybe keep it in the drafts
Yeah, I was so mad. Maybe you keep that one in
the drafts where you're the Pope Yeah, I was
so mad How mad were you? I was like... If I could
just... Yeah, I said if I ever see Donald Trump,
I'll punch him in the face, but I don't want
to get an orange hand. Yeah, I know. You need
to scrub your hands after. Yeah. If orange is
the new black, then Trump is doing the new black
face. Trump, I mean, Trump is the first black
president. Might be the according to a black
person. This isn't me as a white man saying this
a black person said this I forgot who I'm sure
several black people have said this because Trump
is a gangster Might be the prime minister of
the 51st state if he's on this tracks. Yeah.
Well Alberta is just gonna join us. I think Alberta
sounds like I want Alberta. They seem cool as
hell. They're nice Canadians No, Alberta is one
of the provinces of Canada. It's their conservative
one, and it's the one with all the oil. You don't
want them? They're kind of that. They're kind
of... They're cool. They're like, I love maple
syrup, and I like freedom. Cool. I don't like
carbon taxes. Basic. Based. Basic. Basic. Bo
whoa base dick. That's Sam Talents a base dick
He's a dick at the in the base of him and but
he pretends like he's a good guy Yeah Folks I'm
talking to the loyal baddies up there at patreon
.com slash bad comedy. I need you guys if Sam
Talents ever in town Go to his show It'll be
a good show. He's shows are good Afterwards,
he's a bad person though. So afterwards Walk
up or there'll probably be a thing to get something
signed or walk up to him because he's a he's
a Cinco fan He wants to please all the fans But
really himself in the process, right? He's but
he says that he doesn't really care about anyone
except for himself. So you walk up to him and
say Hey, Sam damn glad to meet you. And then
and then he'll start saying something and say
not. And then say, and then with your hand with
your hand, if you're listening in on audio, scribble
out, it's like a sign off thing and say, sincerely
bad comedy podcast. And then he'll say he'll
say you're one of you love one of those guys.
Say love. He gets triggered by me. Well, yeah,
cuz you were calling him like heavy weight right
away. Well, he's fat over what is he not fat?
Wait, do you like him? He pretended to be your
friend and then abandoned you I Don't I don't
care for him. I like Nathan lawn still Even though
that was a Jason thing Jason is fake Nathan Lund.
I like the real Nathan Lund What do you think?
What about Tim Gunn? Tim Gunn? Why doesn't he
have a gun? Who's that in relation to? America's
Next Tom Model, I think? Is that the guy with
the white hair? Tim Gunn? I don't watch that
show. Are you talking about Mike Pence? Yes,
pretty much. Mike Pence? Same guy. One calls
his mom mother. Oh, dude. Remember that? debate
when Mike Pence had a fly flying on him like
during the debate. Yeah, I just saw some Ghana
dating show like talking to a girl and a huge
just like a beetle or something flew on his head
and just made him look disgusting. You want to
know why the fly was flying on his head? The
fly smelled sulfur. How do you know that? Because
I was in a room with Mike Pence. And he smelled
like sulfur. Now listen to me. All right. This
was Three weeks ago. I was in DC You haven't
seen Barack Obama out there much. She's kind
of just so I was performing in DC. I was in the
green room Barack Obama Mike Pence and Hillary
Clinton walked in and They sat down and went
Finally we can you know let loose and then all
of a sudden their skin melted off and they were
reptilian scaled people and the whole room smelled
like sulfur. And then I said, I said, get a room.
I said, get a room, guys. That was a good line
at that time. Right, but I was in the room. And
then so I left the room and I was like, you know
what, I'll give you the room. That's what I said.
Wow. And then, but. You gave him the room. I
gave him the room. Really, that's the main story,
but. It was kind of, I'd say, kind of a weird
night. No, I'd say that doesn't happen every
day. This is the first time I'm talking about
this publicly. Yikes. I haven't really been on
the radio much recently. So back on the radio
and back on the radio waves, the frequencies.
Right. And folks, if you are currently driving
and listening, there's the Edens to the Edens
to the post office is 30 30 minute delay and
then Kennedy to the junction is not It's you
know, it's funny. They still podcast. They still
have those traffic reports where they call The
the highway should never be called these these
names We know them as 90 and 94 55 But 55 is
a Stevenson 94 is the Kennedy note 94 is Eden's
90s Kennedy But they still have traffic reports
where they say the Kennedys to the junction.
Dude, I don't know how high I am or was, but
I saw Barack Obama presidential something. What
was it? It was Barack Obama presidential tollway
or something. Oh, so I was thinking, has it been
Barack Obama tollway for a long time? I just
didn't know. So he's the one I just high and
I didn't know he's the one charging us. He must
be the one the heck It should be lizard Obama,
but we'll talk about that on the patreon. It's
like how long has it been? Obama tollway, I wouldn't
want a mall or tollway never that's mean as fuck
Yeah, if it says tollway, maybe highway, but
if it says tollway that means like Barack Obama
ching. Thank you Life is a tollway. Yeah, you
know my favorite road is The Jean -Baptiste Pointe
du Sable Lakeshore Drive. Yeah, I used to have
a bit as a mouthful. I used to have a bit where
I was like. It was a bit where I would just go
like. You guys heard they renamed Lakeshore Drive
to Jean -Baptiste Pointe du Sable Lakeshore Boulevard
Drive. It was I forgot the whole joke. It wrapped
around, but I would add like a million things
to it. Then I would say something in between
and then say the whole thing again Well This
is actually I debuted that joke and so I would
only go to North bar at the beginning At the
very beginning and then I went to my buddies
I went on there was my first tour outside of
North bar and I crushed there that was where
I debuted my gun joke first time At and my buddies
at a black open mic at a gay bar And they crush
and also I had a joke there about Being a get
being a gang member I forgot what it was about
You do think gangs are funny though gangs of
Chicago. Well, I've been around them when you're
games when you're around them when you're Kind
of consigliere to the black disciples you get
a little bit of an insight You're that folks
insight. It's unique Sexy, you just said folks
folk nation. I heard a woman asked a question
He is a part of folk nation She started a video
by saying like I have a question for the men
folk and I was just thinking of all the men folk
out there just salivating Oh, they're like GDN.
They're like GDN gang. No, that's folk nations
GDBD. People nation is folk Latin Kings. And
they have the thing about the way how many can
there be? The Latin Kings are smart because they
just encompass every Latino person. What do you
mean encompass them? They let in anyone who's
Latino, which means Mexican, Puerto Rican, whatever.
Then you like the Mexican mafia that's Mexican
you have black disciple and you have all these
black gangs that are all splintered And then
it's just and then and then you have one big
Hispanic gang That's why they're so formidable
and then you got all the white people really
what the heck is going on Yeah in Chicago they
used to have the gay lords the popes fuckers
yeah, it's actually Very Christian the the Pope's
the gay lords Popes are kind of gay The Pope
was from Chicago or the new one. Yeah, we'll
see if he's cool or not. You know He might be
a might be a globalist. We'll see so I took classes
at IO where IO Improv olympic. Oh, no He took
improv classes He's a Zelensky. That's literally
what I was gonna say. He's a Zelensky puppet
No, that's for the patreon. That's for the patreon
We can't talk about globalists in public no,
it's just let's talk about The globe. Yeah, Sam
talents. Tell me I was thinking about globes.
It's like Okay, I could just buy a globe a globe
i do want a globe yeah why don't i have a globe
in my house i have this should have one that's
like electricity right here but it's just blue
light and then you spin it and you know it's
funny how basketball how small they make africa
they make it disproportionate it's so much bigger
than that so folks on the side while i'm the
side wall i have the standard map how much bigger
is it it's bigger than how it looks in there
it's enormous yeah Really, it's way better. It's
like three times as big. Yeah Wow Does it still
fit like a little cookie like South America fit
into? It does yeah, it still fits in there. Well,
it used to be pangea. Yeah, he's gay gay pangea
It's a bit back in pangea. Everybody was gay
as fuck. Oh gee days It was just kind of gay
cavemen. Yeah gave him and they were like like
Wee, gay. You know? Back in the day, everyone
was Chinese, too. They were like, Harrow, gay!
It's like ever... China was the one continent.
China... It's funny when... You know that the
current CCP is the same government that Mao had?
Wow. And like 50 million people died in that
CCP? Wow. That's bad. I learned that recently
and I was like meows a dong Yeah Communism kills
way more people than fascism, which is kind of
weird. I Was like telling Mac like let's we should
try not be political. Oh, no. No, I'm talking
about ideologies It's all good though cuz no,
I don't like fascism or communism I'm just saying
communism kills more people. So Michael Cooper
wants millions of people to die I think I heard
like a an ad where's Michael Cooper's like a
rapper and it was like and featuring like Michael
Cooper. Oh, no Yeah, bro folks if you don't know
who Michael Cooper is he's a communist comedian
on the scene who was like who has two teeth he
lost his teeth eating gumballs and he's Anyone
who's a communist is They want like yeah, we
want all your money. Well, we want you to be
forced to give your money up You know, won't
you leave that under under the pillow? We'll
see if anything gets left for you. Yeah, let's
get that tooth It's like maybe maybe get to work
That's what I say. I say pull up your bootstraps
To anybody who's a communist Anyone is who's
an actual communist that doesn't doesn't have
work ethic. None of them. I feel like it's the
bootstraps thing. It's like people don't have
those. Yeah, but. Sometimes they don't have.
Sometimes they don't have them and then sometimes
they don't have like even. Well, that's why you
know that I started a new bootstrap line on the
bad comedy store. Did we ever get a? Because
I'm still hoping to get. We wanted to be outfits
in the wooden shoes. We only got that we only
got that donation from the billionaire how much
was it five bucks Well, I mean he gave us five
bucks he's a billionaire I mean, that's his fair
share, you know, is that the suggested I mean
he donated that's where it's like folks like
Find some people that you know where it's like
who has the money where they're just gonna do
stuff with it Right find an eccentric just find
an eccentric millionaire and say hey These guys
want wooden shoes and beekeeper outfits and we'll
do the podcast the beekeeper outfits on we'll
make a bunch of sketches We'll just do the podcast
the beekeeper outfits on and it'll be funny and
then what wooden shoes on Because definitely
do that the reason we wanted the wooden shoes
is because we have fans in the Netherlands and
also in mainly in actually in Brussels in Belgium,
and that's where that's where the EU Center is
that's actually the globalist like headquarters
Do you think that Klaus Schwab is a big listener
It could we have listeners right there We have
some I think we have some Austrian listeners.
I Like to look at the countries that listen and
or that have listened to multiple episodes. I
Like to look at the people Look at the people
that's the song, right? It should be a song Like
John Hickok plays the Beatles on a rooftop every
time I do blow with them or when we were first
filming the jackass kids Dale was like this is
like Lenin meeting McCartney me and you oh yeah
folks like that's just what Dale said and I don't
know he's like successful so yeah folks go to
uh saw the storm just go to uh bad boy comedy
page and find McCartney find the video of me
and Dylan doing this prank at Lincoln Lodge where
we tell, we do a prank where we walk up to a
comic and shake their hand all nice. And then
I say, hey, how's it going? You're terrible at
comedy. And they're like, what the heck? What
the heck? And then it turns out the whole time
they're on camera. The whole time you didn't
even know. We did it with the suck. We did it
with someone who was kind of big. You know that
he's a career gambler to CJ Sullivan. Oh, that's
funny. We just go into his face. He was a career.
Well, yeah, he was he was funny. He was like,
Damn, I just got x'd. Wow. Yeah, you're right.
And I was like, Yep, you did mutual respect with
him. But we're kind of ahead of him. He's cool.
He's way cooler than Sam talent. He's actually
should do that to Sam town. He's an ex big time
alcoholic. I used to hang out at the back of
North Bar with Jim the owner of North Bar and
he'd be like He he would talk so quiet and there
was a giant speaker right behind this the back
of the bar and he'd be like He's like What what
you'd be like TJ Miller Like what are you saying
Jim and he'd be like a fireball Eventually it
was funny because I saw the progression of Jim
at North bar folks. This was the this was the
Fun bar in Chicago where you can go. It's where
I started you could just say the most fucked
up things that you want. Oh Like you can say
that like I Hate what Hitler did but he followed
his heart and I respect that that's where you
can say that you can't say that at the Lincoln
Lodge or the Bug eye theater, whatever it's called.
And then you got the fucking Annoyance, I'm not
annoying enough to get in Folks if you're an
aspiring stand -up comedian then Start a podcast
We do there's need is there needs to be more
podcast. There's not enough podcasts We need
one that actually at least rivals us, you know
like The last gazelle was clearly stolen by votes
of a large Hispanic family that the gazelles
don't matter. We want to that's all we need the
one to punch. The gazelles don't matter. What
matters is what matters is notoriety and popularity.
And that's us. Everyone knows who we are. I would
have just kind of cemented it. But then everyone
knows who we are. It's folks. It didn't hurt.
I went on stage and said it was stolen. And That
that we're gonna do January 6th, yeah, we should
do an award show on January 6th That'll be cool
Anniversary or will storm the gazelles Yeah,
we'll get a bunch of we'll rile up a bunch of
maggot guys say the guys who beat up Jesse Smollett
Or maybe just kind of we'll get the fake. We'll
get the fake guys that beat up just the small
way. No, we'll just get like red wine, blue fits.
Sam hats, dude, Cuban cigars. You know what?
I think that Republicans need to evolve past
the whatever they're wearing with the Make America
Great Again hat. I like that. But Everyone should
dress up like the guy from her. It's declassified.
No, no. What's the Uncle Sam? Everyone should
dress like Uncle Sam. We should get nice, awesome
top hats. Yeah. And suspenders that are America.
That's that's that's the that's a fashion. Yes.
Yeah, no, you can do white and blue. No. Do you
do your because folks, I don't know if you know
this, but Dylan's hiding some. He's got some
hair down there now under his head. I'm not bald.
It's just there's. Yeah, something. He's got
devil horns, which kind of concerns me. Yeah,
it's like, why does he want to have devil especially
after I saw that whole Mike Pence, Obama, Hillary
Clinton thing kind of worries me. I would need
the cloaks. You're not creepy. You're not friends
with them, are you? I wouldn't say. I wanna be,
I don't wanna die in Obama's pond. He does have
a pond, yeah. And I would take the job if he
hired me. You know how many bodies are in that
pond? Normally, so I did the science, normally
a pond of the size of his pond would evaporate
in like probably a half a year, but he's got
so many bodies in there. The bottom, that the
water level keeps rising. I've been to me you'll
make you a body of water and I took a sample
of the water and I got back a thousand different
DNA samples of humans. Oh So I got some reptilian
DNA so I think there might be some infighting
chameleon and the different combos Well, we can't
talk about that until the patreon Yeah, it's
just kind of It's like kickball. It's like Strike
your out. I saw someone playing dodgeball and
they fake through it and then do it behind the
back just Behind the back hard toss. Yeah, that's
hard to do fire From far away though, and I'm
really good at ultimate frisbee Really? I remember
that go go full yard or whatever you said I go
yard with the yard Yeah, I mean with the with
the backhand I can make it fly but I'm also I'm
also accurate. I'm also wicked backhand if I
need to go from like behind a tree or around
someone I'm pretty good with the forehand too
but I'm amazing at landing a frisbee with the
backhand it's it's wild I just tell everyone
yeah I tell I tell everyone to go yard and then
I just fling it and then it always does the right
hook goes right around the defender and they
grab it I look so stupid every time it's over
and it's so funny. It's like when I play Madden
against people who think they're good at Madden
and I never play but I just run curls and I'm
so good at the timing timing the curl it's perfect
it's all that matters and then I let snap and
then I let John Madden pick my defense and just
set the controller down and it makes people really
mad you give interceptions yeah I do and then
I grab the controller again people get really
upset at me and people have people have gotten
upset at me a lot in my life and I say well sorry
that I'm winning come here break wasn't need
it Charlie Sheen talked about winning a lot yeah
winning before even Trump really oh yeah winning
he's like a Vatican Assassin warlock yeah Winning
he was coked out of his mind probably barred
out probably on everything He's probably doing
the biggest like comedy gone TV kind of doing
the best kinds of speedballs having aids having
enough money to doesn't matter. Yeah We didn't
eat tiger blood. He said he had tiger blood.
Yeah, what if that is code word for something?
We'll talk about the patreon. Yeah, yeah We should
warn these people if someone's talking about
Oh, yeah, your lizard brain. I really shouldn't
have told they talk about lizard brain. Maybe
I should cut that story about Obama out from
the regular episode while Obama and Hillary and
Pence. I don't think I've tried to cut that out
and paste into the Patreon. No, I feel like they're
definitely worried about what we're saying and
going to act if they get that. Well, you know
how the chances of them getting, you know, How
AI works it'll it can find stuff and Bing? Email
if it sees you've got mail. Yeah, Hillary. You've
got mail. She's she loves emails. Was she in
that movie? Is that Tom Hanks? Yeah for Hillary
I want to see you got jail You've got jail. Yeah,
they got put her in a lizard jail. Yeah Well,
yeah, no, it's like she needs a heat lamp a cage
really She needs a heat lamp. It needs to be
like a glass, a big glass. But it is prison.
Right. It needs to be like where a bearded dragon
would live. You get the heat lamp on top and
then you get the little wooden thing you can
go into. Like the little small shelter. And then...
Well house on the prairie, but then they'll need
a filter to follow sulfur smell More I'm all
about filters more filters in life. I Filter
my water because I don't want I want Good water
like good burger. Yeah less fluoride less whatever
Shit is in the gross, Chicago. We do have the
freshest water, some of the freshest water. We
should make our own water. But Evanston water
was better than Chicago water. Let's make some
bad comedy water. We should. It'll have the Barney
on it. Barney water. People call it Barney. Yeah,
and if anybody tries to make me rebrand the podcast
cover, it's never gonna happen. No, it's beautiful
Barney. It's that's a picture of my dad when
he used to be a Barney So, I mean I was thinking
of doing a dumb joke like based off yours where
I'd say I was born purple and then it's like
what was my dad thinking like My dad's at the
birth and it's like his son is purple and he's
not purple Is that your mom fucked the purpose
of Barney? No fucked the McDonald Oh grimace.
Yeah, like it'd be like then I'd say like are
you been fucking grimace? Yeah, just be a retarded
like caricature of a comedian being like well
you've been fucking grimace And just see how
many people would laugh at it Yeah, like that
joke. Tina Katana. Yeah, like I would be saying
that like that same idea Do you think Tina Katana
has any honor? She's Grimace's mom. Is she is
she woke again? Has she changed her hair from
purple to brown again? I feel it's like she's.
Did she change it back to a wild color? I think
it's a chameleon kind of changes whatever day
of the week it is. I think she's still as friend
of mine though, but I would say to her. Hey,
maybe she's a shape -shifter. That's Patreon
stuff. Oh, yeah. I'm afraid of shape -shifters,
you guys. Yeah. She's not a shape -shifter. Hey,
guys, we're not Whoa Heidel, just so you know.
That's why it's funny to me. Yeah, neither of
us are going to self -cancel ourselves. So if
that story about Obama and Hillary and Mike Pence
gets out, we're not self -canceling. I'm not
self -canceling. You might get you might get
canceled by affiliation. So I just want to make
sure that they know what do you Have you have
you been fucking grimace something you've been
you've been fucking that grimace Yeah, why you
been fucking there? You've been fucking grimace
again. She you got that purple hair. You've been
fucking there grimace No, but my other catchphrase
would be catchphrase. I kind of say when Yeah,
maybe kind of a time when you want the audience
to laugh or say or do an elaborate joke at the
end say punch line in nice dance a or no no in
deadpan say punch line punch line okay there's
an instant banger punch line and catchphrase
yeah I'm like the I'm the I'm the king designer
of comedy I know what fits into where. If I see
a joke or a thing going on, I know exactly the
missing pieces of the puzzle to put together.
I'm like what Stephen Miller is to the Trump
administration. I'm the guy who makes things