Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. Good. Good morning, America. How are you?
My name's Maxine Waters and I'm here as always with Alex Jones, Rogan, my co-host. Good
morning.
I can't hear anything. Yeah. How do you mix those two together?
I feel like a wall. There's a pedophile army. That's a good start. I just don't know the
sound of a good Rogan impression. It's a bananas. The amount of pedophiles. Tim Dylan has a
good one. Yeah. Yeah, I'm on.
This is way wide. Hey, man. Yeah, man. Oh, for sure.
It sounds like the lesbian voice. Hey, what's up? I'm a life. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome
to bad comedy podcast. It's bananas. I'm Jody Foster.
It's entirely possible that it's bananas. You have happened to stumble into a very important
episode. We got a lot on the docket today. Speaking of docket, we have a surprise coming
up for the guest episode coming out later this week. We'll keep it a secret for now.
It'll be a surprise. Surprise, surprise, you might say, but it's pretty important. The
one after that's more important, actually. The cake is rising.
Yeah, so what's it in? What's going on?
We're in my gun chain and my mastercups. I mean, what's going on more than like, what's
going on? Yeah, like that. Like a good song. I'm freaking out. What's going on? It's like
that song is about is Jeffrey Epstein, a shapeshifter. Yeah, very still out. Yeah, jewelry
still. The Jerry. The Jerry is still out. He's out now. Yeah. You think when a when
a jury store gets robbed, they probably say the jury's out, right? Yeah, it's like, uh-oh.
Case closed. The jury's out. And yes, we're devastated. In my opinion, the jury's in,
folks, the jury's in and we went. Yeah, I think jewelry is like in right now. I hope
it's pretty. I really hope. Pretty fashionable. I think it's always been kind of in. Yeah,
it's always been like nice to have jewels and flags on people and dunk on people like
kings and that's why I love Indian culture. They're always wearing gold and patterns
that I like and shiny things. Yeah, you know, it's really in right now. You know, it's
really in right now fashion shirts, tucked in t shirts, shirts and pants are pretty
in pants are fucking shorts in right now. I'd say probably the biggest biggest things
that are in fashion wise right now. Shirts, pants, shorts, um, so skirts, socks, socks,
socks or where my easy, easy pod look like socks shoes. I got Amazon socks. You got
the hope you didn't get them on. Don't buy from Amazon day. Oh, I bought a lot of stuff
back. Yeah. So what I did is I spent like $1,000 McDonald's and then spent like $10,000
on Amazon. Oh, no. I saw Al Sharpton's thing about boycotting it. And I was like, what
the heck? I thought I had notifications on for Al Sharpton. Yeah, I definitely muted
his sput up. What? Yeah, the Reverend. Yeah, I think he was a Reverend for a long time now.
Al Carpettin. He's like a fish. A carp. Al Carpett. I'll go to Patrick Star if I need
to figure out what to do today. But Patrick Bateman. Patrick Star Bateman. Patrick Bateman
and Gavin Newsom the same guy. I've never seen them in the same room. Yeah. I've seen
them as the same person. I was thinking more about people's names. You have Carter Dockery
and then Eric Carter Dockery. Yeah. It's a little sauce. I don't know if I've seen them
in the same room. Right. I've never seen Alex Jones. Alex Jones Joe Rogan in the same room.
Except for when they did the pockets. Yeah. Well, when is it's been when is Rogan going
to go on in for us? Rogan. Yeah, Joe Rogan. Oh, no, I saw who's this mustache guy that
was on there? In Carol. Yeah, I just think I can't have a mustache and be talking about
this. These kind of crimes. It doesn't fit. Somebody made a funny video and it was or
is Freddie Mercury at a concert. And it's like in Carol. And it's like something about
it. And I would say like petafy or sort of like yelling against the globalists and everyone's
like, Hey, yeah, yeah, something like that. What Ian Christmas Carol. Yeah, Ian finance
Ian's in right now. Yeah. So Ian, his name is Ian. Five dance. It just sounds like finance
with we have stuff you notice. And then you fast forward. I mean, five days. JV finance.
A lot of JV dance me memes this week. I like his real name. I like JV dance. He changes
name a lot though. Might be a shapeshifter. Well, I think the next presidential run is
going to be JD dance and Tim Waltz. I apologize to Bernie Sanders because accidentally voted
for Barry Sanders, which is a friend as a bad running back fucked up. Yeah. He's a good
running back. He was so fast and mad and I just confused. I mean, I'm running for mayor.
Oh yeah, we are excited to announce Max a campaign for mayor Chicago. I'm running for
mayor folks by basically my platform is going to be super liberal and I'm definitely not
going to switch it up once I get in and fix the city.
Yeah. And you want to lead out with that make clear. This is a man of his word. I want to
let you know that I'm definitely not going to pull a prank on Chicago and fix the city.
Everybody loves a prank but I've been watching these videos of like if you it's when the
prankster gets what they had coming to them and they get punched or they get sometimes
they get really get hurt badly and it seems to always just be violence and I say just
reprank them. Yeah. But I think is a silence is violence. So anyone that's not talking
at any time, even if they're sleeping, that's violent. I don't like it. Yeah. I mean, if
you're not solving a problem, not only your part of causing you're causing all the problems
are not solving. And it's like I'm having problems in my life. I should be solving,
but I'm also trying to save the world. But I'm causing I'm actually fighting double sides
of multiple wars right now. So yeah, he's a kind of on a peacemaker, peacemaker mission,
but also requires a lot of war with war and peace. It's a book. Yes, check it out. Maybe
read a book. Okay. It'll be a call a planet of the bees. Planet of the bees. I like that.
Very movie. You can make that probably. Let's fake it. If the bees because they can already
sting you. Yeah. They also got super intelligence. Yeah, coordinated. Do you think the singer
sting is maybe part B? He might be. The name. Nice. Nice. That's good. He's gonna be on
this Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg song soon. Yeah. Yeah, they asked if they could, you know,
rappers are always stealing from each other and from other musicians. And then they say,
can you clear the sample? Say, can you, can you do a brother a solid and just let me use
your intellectual property or whatever? And then usually they'll be like, yeah, but I
get to keep all the money or something sting just said, yeah, but can I be on the song?
What a curve ball for Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. So I'm pretty excited. Is so Dr. Dre is he
a medical doctor or PhD? I think he's like a fake. He's like a dentist. He's a dentist.
Yes, it's nothing. Dr. Dre is definitely a dentist. Yeah, that's he's probably just
he's probably he's probably honest. Like J. His gift people braces all the time. Yeah,
that's not gangster. Dr. Dre being being orthodontist except for grills are kind of like braces
are kind of like grills. That's true. It's kind of like a bar boy teeth. Yeah. I like
having bar boy teeth. It's like you get a bad rap or is that they say bad rap? You know,
bad rap when your kid grown up with braces. Yeah. You're getting bullied and getting your
brass kicked and throwing trash cans when you get braces, you got a brace for getting
lots of bully. Oh, yeah. Turns out they're actually the cool kids. Yeah. Grills, right?
And headsets and well, the cool kids. No, I think the cool kids were the bullies that
were bullying people with braces. I mean, the bullies bullies are just cool in general.
Yeah, it's kind of a problem. Like I was even watching the stuff on bullies trafficking and
it was all like, it's kind of a big issue for the cause that crime is always going to
be cool. Yeah, crime crime. Crime is sick. Bullies are cool. I mean, you can't deny that.
And it can't ever really go away unless you know, because you can always have like good
guys that are like heroes and you hero worship them. But then what if they have a little
bit of extra edge on them? Yeah, little bit of kick. Heels are cool. They're corrupted
a little bit. Yeah. Everyone's got to be a little corrupt, you know, Russia's got to
be corrupt Ukraine, US, all of us. I mean, like, we can all be corrupt as one, you know,
I mean, we could be a world superpower and then just if you're kind of cool, we could
be like 100. We can all be like a hundred Biden. So cool. Yeah. Like I had, I think corruption
should be it should be illegal to not be corrupt. Like you should have to do crack if you're
a Clinton. Yeah. Or just one of those legacy families. The Clintons. I think one thing
I like about them is their trustworthy. I think everything is kind of above board with
Hillary Clinton. Yeah, I was reading to like, no one's ever seen her sweat. Interesting.
I'm worried about it. I'm scared about it. Oh, good. I never got an answer to my question
on that other episode. But is the Epstein bears or the Epstein bears? Yeah, I think
hers of the Vendalsman and Della. That's pro the problem with the victims. They try
to like drug them and stuff so that they're all loopy and crazy after and then it's easy
to be like, she's clearly crazy. She thinks there was the Epstein bears. And that's why
RFK is trying to get rid of fruit loops. So people think it's a loopy. Yeah. It's kind
of a yeah, it's kind of chronic. It's a chronic thing getting becoming too loopy for me eating
fruit loops. He's worried about the vitamin B's and vitamin B's. Vitamin B's is actually
good for you. I like vitamin B. I like to make some vitamin B and vitamin B's. Like
honey extract and honey. Honey shrunk your kids. That's a good movie. That's a great
franchise. Honey, we shrunk ourselves. They get to go shit. Yeah. We were supposed to
just shrink those little kids. Yeah. How do they multiple times accidentally shrink?
And then they just go back to normal life and it's like, yeah, if you're in space for
a long time or fucked up, you can just shrink and grow back. It's like, okay, you can accidentally
shrink yourselves or your kids one time. That's not something you can do twice. Also home
alone, terrible parents. Yeah, it's like what? Yeah, which parents are worse home alone,
or you shrunk the kids or you shrunk yourselves. Yeah, I mean, those parents should literally
go to jail for child neglect. It's kind of creepy because if they shrunk themselves,
then they're like there and the kids don't know and they probably miss Bay. Yeah, well,
look at Macaulay Culkin now. Yeah, he looks like shit. And that's all because he left
home alone like three times. It's sad. Yeah, brothers outshining and winning awards. Yeah.
It's a natural comic on stage. There's speeches. Yeah. He's pretty funny. Yeah. We're here
and Culkin he was in that he was in home alone. Do you know it? No, is he like he was the
the kid who drank a lot of pop and peed bed? No, he was like one of his brother in it or
something. He's cousin or something. Yeah. Wow. That's gotta still be rough. I don't
know. They grew up. They are good. They're good. Culkin. What do we call my name? Macaulay
Culkin. Macaulay Culkin. Mm hmm. So it's very, very Indian name. Macaulay Culkin. It is
kind of. Order for Macaulay Culkin. No one can hear. Here in Culkin sounds better. Here
in Culkin. It's also kind of like KKK. Yeah, which was the Kanye he tweeted out for the
day. It was a KKK at Uniform. Oh, that was kind of riled some people up. Yeah. In the
comments. Right. People are pretty susceptible to getting riled up. Yeah, pretty pretty dumb.
Yeah. They're like, it's like, dude, they just want to post something just to be part
of the posts of people are so easy to troll. Like, oh, Kanye is like, he's done or they're
all like, okay, I'm done with this. He's cooked. No, no, he's cooking you. I mean, he is kind
of that's the side he's taking. But it's, uh, I feel like people are just getting trolled
by the troll massive. Yep. Who thinks of the outfit of the day and it's just like this
most terrific outfit in I think what I think of outfit like my perfect outfit I was thinking
with socks. And that's where my Amazon socks. I think Amazon socks are probably the most
in thing right now. Yeah, I feel like girls like sometimes they look at like, what are
those and they're talking about your socks and it's like, fuck, yeah, my shoes. Yeah,
one time I was having sex with a girl and I was gonna take my socks off. They're still
going to keep mom because they were hot or Amazon brand. It's so it's like, you can just
admit if you want me to keep my socks on. It's so in. Yeah. Yeah. She said, wait, those
are Amazon socks. No, leave them on. And then of course, their feet are cold and they want
to rub up. How about you put some socks on now? Yeah, well, she actually stole a pair
of my Amazon socks. She said her feet were cold as bullshit. It's like, do you want
to have sex or do you want to have socks? Yeah, pick a pick and choose pick one. Yeah,
you can't have both. Yeah. Next time you're not getting socks. Okay. Never calling your
ass again. Yeah. No. She's, she picked socks and sex. You only get one. I want feet picks
of her in socks. Yeah. There was actually this crazy lady who was like following me
that she had like all these pictures of her with like long like stockings or just like,
and it's like that was her thing was just like posting. She was like a mail to deliver
like not a mail. She was like a truck driver for the USPS. Yeah. And then she would pose
like sitting kind of out at like cross legged in the mail truck with her long stockings
like different. Is her name Pippi? No, Pippi long stockings. Nice. I just walked in. You
walked right into that one cooked. I'm so cooked. So my favorite baseball team is the
white sex. Yeah. And I've read sex. But it's like when it's like in a in a ratio, it's
kind of yeah, that's a competition when it's the white sex for threads. And it's like
pretty soon there won't be any left. Yeah, I think that those teams I have a good idea
was communism. We should try it. So it's never been tried. Yeah, I think it works probably.
Let's do it. It's because that's a go tried then true. It's yeah, it's like a something
I mean you got to try it out see if it works. Yeah, it probably works. And I feel like that
all these oligarchs are preventing us from forming our own communes and just kind of
you know, I wish that Elon Musk wasn't directly stopping me from forming my own system of
people sharing resources together like if Trump wasn't in my business stopping me from
organizing people to kind of just help each other out like it would happen. I know I mean
he Elon Musk stole my Social Security. Yeah, stole your identity. Right. Yeah, he bought
Amazon socks on my with my credit card. Pervert. Yeah, enough kids. Right. He's a what about
this President Musk because he's like pretty he's like, he's like the president pretty
much. Yeah. Got it. Trump's not gonna like that. No, he's gonna he's gonna there's gonna
be that's gonna drive them apart. I think yeah, that might actually cause some real
tension in that office. I should send maybe I should send a clip of that to Rachel Manor
or something. Maybe they can use that on the news is associate or his is his advisor. Donald
Trump is Kobe. Yeah. Yeah, his special advisor that Donald Trump, Donald Trump tech support.
Oh, geez. That's gonna trip really drive a wedge. I mean, I just think it's bad to just
I feel like how about we don't bankrupt the country? Hello. No, this isn't a casino. I
like the trajectory of spending into debt and fractional reserve currency. Yeah, what
we've been doing has been working smart. I've been yeah, everyone's been working hard for
generations. And you get sometimes you get nowhere. Yeah. And that's still somehow keeps
going. It's a magic. I mean, what we need to just keep we just need to we can keep the
employment levels high just keep adding people to the federal government. But even if maybe
they can dig holes and fill them back in whatever they got to do or not work at all. As long
as they have a job in the federal government was a taxpayers paid for them and it looks
like we have everyone employed. No. Yeah, it was like a quote, you can have quotas for
the holes. I accidentally watched the wrong version of the movie holes. Really? Yeah,
it was a mess. It was an adult. Oh, really? Oh, the Shia LaBeouf was not Shia LaBeouf.
Yeah. And they were doing it. Oh, you are doing it like sex. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I don't
watch that. I can't watch that kind of stuff. That's that's that's bad. I watched the old
movie holes for the music. Yeah, dig it out. I don't movie holes for the articles. Yeah.
I jerk off to the New York Times. I read the book holes for the articles. And journalism.
It's a story of true based on a true story, which means it's not true. It's a story. Yeah,
I mean, fiction is actually fact. Sometimes stranger than fact. What about as a matter
of fiction? Nice. Yeah, fiction is cooked. Yeah, fiction cooked. Fiction is now fact.
So unless such thing as fiction, officially cooked facts, people say fictions. Yeah. Nope.
Yeah, fiction cooked facts are in. Okay, Amazon socks and facts are what we're about. We don't
even need these titles anymore because no one's reading. I don't go to family video
or blockbuster go to X videos, X videos. Yeah. You're not looking fiction or nonfiction
amateur. Like this is amateur hour. Yeah. Sometimes I'm on there. I saw this video of
these these little people that were just like, like midges kind of but then they were even
more like kind of potty kind of skinnier like Bobby Buds a little popular guy. It was even
more it was yes. Sorry, Bobby. Bobby taste buds. Like 100% yes. But then it was even
more like Adam Gilbert. But then it's like there were two of them talking about sex and
he was like, she's the freak in the sheets. And then she was like, Oh, here we go. I would
love a mix of Adam Gilbert, Bobby Buds. If that was a meal, make that on on grok grok.
I mean, hypothetically, they could make anything. And I posted like, who are these people? Like,
what is this category called? And no replies, no reactions. They spoke Hello, Pabeli goblins.
That's the type that is specifically. That was a rescue says gonna make fun of them on
this YouTube. And I think car isn't either he's the new prime, brand new Prime Minister
of Canada. That's right. Is a Mark Rasky. Yeah. And good for breaking news, folks. Good
host to him and the world to change. And I say, what? The times are changing in the
world's change. And it's kind of profound. You can't for the Dylan. It was chalamet. Smith
you show me. Yeah, he's fucking my vision. He's pretty not good. He's saying pretty
not get over. No, I mean, he's with Kylie Jenner, I feel like. Yeah. Yeah. Is it a cover? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I love acting so much. I want to be the best actor. Oh, you want to
be the best manipulator? I think you already are. Yeah. I think is get called gaslighting.
That's what it is. Okay, I don't watch. I don't watch gaslighting. I don't watch films.
I watch women on fire. It's just piece of news. Make a clip out of it. I only I think
that I think that acts is you should they should Twitter should have to be deleted because
I mean, people can't be having free thought. I say, should we limit it to what we watch
MSNBC CNN? Some of you the view. Yeah, I mean, I agree that there shouldn't be a
like free like there should be no freedom media and stuff. Right. The government shouldn't
even be the government's private control. Yeah. I mean, I read deep state. Yeah. Listeners,
you might not even know if we're being found by a deep state right now to give you as misinformation.
And it could be reverse misinformation. And it can just be information. Misinformation
is one of the smartest women I know. She said she knows she has a lot of information.
Miss Carrages. That's a lot of issues. Yeah. Did you have a teacher named like George
Carritch? George Carritch. George. The main highlights were he was accused of drinking
Irish coffee. And who knows, maybe never did. Joe Kilgill on a coffee. Yeah, he was a wrestling
coach Joe Joe Kilgill loves Irish coffee. Kill and Gail on Irish coffee. Does love a
many loves Twitter too. Yeah, Twitter is I think you should go to jail for owning Tesla
for being it for for he's trying to rescue astronauts. No, leave in there. It's like
honey, I shrunk the astronaut. I like what I like about Biden was doing leaving the astronauts
leave him. Biden cooked. Yeah, cooked. The cues of groping. Yeah. And you believe this
woman because she said Biden told her, Come on, man, I thought you liked me. And it's
just like that's all the case closed. You're is out. Oh man, imagine Biden in a room full
of non binary people saying, Come on, man, you say man so much by accident. And this
gendered a woman he's assaulting her. I don't know which one's worse. Yeah. But the thing
that doesn't help X is that it already had like porn on it or just kind of like it was
way more exact. It's like sex. Yeah. Sex. That's your nickname, too, right? Yeah, they
call me sex. So I like that. Well, it's expensive. But yeah, they call me it for a price. Right.
If the price is right. That's what we would say here's bad comedy. Sometimes I have to
correct them but it's a trademark that term. You know that what the price is right. You
got the trademark. What was the price on that? I don't think anyone even ever has ever said
that. So I got it for really cheap. We're gonna see how this is gonna because this is
gonna be a heroic story of you know when I spent some of my last dollars on a copywriting
a swastika that spells yay. And it's like people if that takes off and it's I'm a genius.
Yeah. If he ever sees it and it could become a huge logo and album cover. Yeah. And everyone
around me would have to be so jealous of my geniusness. But yeah, till then I'm just
a guy who's keeps tweeting a swastika looking thing at Kanye hoping you'll see me and you
better hope George Carragh horse is not seeing that. Yeah, my wrestle.
But yeah, George Carragh, George, George, George. A lot of guys people named George is
George Washington, Sir Soros, George Howington, Floyd, Floyd Pink Orange Floyd. Curious. Curious
case Benjamin Button. It's not that curious. It's not that curious of a case is pretty
straight. And you know, it's like the age backwards. It's like that curious of a case.
It's just, you know, it was it was a very straightforward case. And a lot of healing
isn't linear. But it seems like this guy is just getting too young for this shit. I'm
too young for this shit. It's like that's his tagline. And now you see it everywhere.
Yeah, everywhere, everywhere. Get too young for this shit. Too young for this shit. You
got guys who are buying cells from they're trying to stay young and pickle pickle cells.
Yeah. And then they have the rubbing creams and trying to elixirs of life and staying
young. I think when I see that, I think that guy fucks this old guy. Yeah. Or a couple
old guys that kind of male cougars. I heard that. What I actually saw Hillary Clinton
sweat. So you did. Yeah. Was it when someone was asking her if she was a lizard or not?
Well, she did. She did like go. She went like behind a curtain and put the water on herself.
She had like slime in it. It was a scale. See. No, you get up close. There's scales.
Of course it's like that is like the scariest thing. That's a real thing. That was ever
real. Yeah. And it's like our movie is not supposed to be mundane. Just people. Yeah.
Something is unraveling demons or yeah. They're just like just master manipulators. Yeah. Well,
they could be, you know, like what if what if, you know, like those the person that said
that FC was a shape shifter was like just told to say stuff like that to rile us up
and make it to yeah, make people make people look crazy. Right. And then kind of push you
over by diving into that lizard person thing too much. And then they're like, All right.
So this guy seems like an easy target. Let's start showing him stuff about Epstein beer
and see what we can get him to do. They captivated you. Sleepers. They're like, We're going to
get them. I was already thinking about it. I might have to edit that out. Yeah. I'm also
just I think they'll just know it's too easy of ammunition. Honestly, it's like I froze
for two seconds. Yeah. Because they're like clip it. I think the deep state. There we
go. Send that up. Yeah. I don't know from someone else's perspective or my own. Who
is it? Dr. Fuji? Yeah. Fuji Fuji. Yeah. Fuji Dr. Fuji. Dr. Fuji. I think it was Dr. Fuji.
He was a he was really the top doctor. And I trust him. I trust science. And I always
hated science class. Yeah, too messy for me. Yeah, I'd rather trust like Bill Gates. Put
on Bill Gates. I can watch the experiment. I don't have to do it. And I'm not right when
it comes to like economics. I listen to like the Royal Economic Forum. Yeah, you know,
they don't have to do them. Listen to I trust the banks I trust AOC. Yes. Yeah. She used
to be a bartender. Yeah. So she's like a real purse. Yeah, she really grinds it out. Also
Elizabeth Warren. Yes. I mean, there's a reason she's a millionaire. She's smart. Yeah, she's
good with money. Yeah, saving money. I mean, you know, if you save up that $200,000 a year
for the first 1000 years, she's been in Senate for 1000 years. It's how she has so much money.
Yeah, no, it's I wonder what it really is. 200,000 a year and then she has 67 million.
So it's like 300 years of service. I think she's been there that long times what she's
made she has. She's at least been there. I mean, since early, like the beginning of
America, Pocahontas. Pocahontas. Yeah, Pocahontas. Nice. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Bernie Sanders is I like it. I like his idea. Marxism is smart. Yeah, it's just like it's
like running a reverse and foosball. Yeah, my favorite games. I love foosball. I like
football. Yeah. So it's pretty much the same. Yeah. Just sports in general are fucking exciting.
Sports are exciting. We think about this a bit. It would be like something like Alex
Bollies. Bollies mean and then I would be like mean like girls pretty. Yeah. And then
I would be like food yummy. Yeah. It's good. I would say like Jews bad enough to work. No,
it wouldn't work at all. Not the vibe. I think that works very poorly. I was thinking maybe
people think I'm a genius or I need to be removed. Yeah, maybe put into a place where
they put away people. Get on another list. Yeah, put into one of those. You'll be roommates
with Brian Johnson somewhere. You saw his text of his brother was like living with him
before and then he's been posting his brother's text messages to him like being like he's
a rat, dude. Everyone's getting back. Everyone's ratting on everyone. It's because he sees
evil going on around them and he's about to be on a BBC sitcom. So he's that actually
a thing. I think so, at least through zoom. He said he's going to do something on zoom.
So that sounds like a sick thing. He's he's awesome. He could be the easiest sleeper.
So we get his sleeper. So an email. He's got competition sleeper. So I know it's like I'm
just wondering when I'm going to get activated what my mission is going to be. Yeah, you're
for sure compromised your brain and there's going to be the unlock whatever they want.
I really would be such a good target for I mean, you already I think you they have you
already. I'm already here. You're you're compromised. They have yeah, they have a part of your brain.
He's got to say something and then you're activated. Sorry, dude. I can't turn on like
that's probably their only problem is like he likes like he loves the people that we
would want them to like the deep state like I'm saying I'm saying that word. Okay. It
as annoying as it is. It just pushes videos down. So annoying. So you guys don't think
this is exciting. Are you not entertained? He's like watching like a true crime like
yeah. Yeah, we this is this podcast is a documentary of Dylan becoming a sleeper.
So like Zoolander. Yeah, I just don't know. It's like I think I'm on the right side of
it though. No, I just think they're like he's so they have a backdoor system into your
brain. They sucked you into it. Just like you have no idea. It's like two messages
away from being like, yeah, they'll send you one message and you'll open it and then
all of a sudden it'll turn on the part of your brain that they already had. It'll just
be like if they just get it to look like like Kanye told me to kill someone. Yeah, maybe
the CCP got you. I just think there's something there because I've always just I've always
put Kanye and Elon in these boxes of like just like thinking a certain way and then
I just think like I kind of get it. These guys like no one sees their people see their
geniusness but then they they also don't. And then it's like Kanye is just like it's
me, Elon and Trump and I'm like, yeah, that's like a super about it. It's like it's not
just me thinking that's like these couple guys that are bad people. I think all of them
are bad. They're all bad, especially Trump. He's a DI here for being orange and Moscow's
DI here because African American. So I kind of try to try to do an orange voice. Yeah,
seriously. It's pretty much all you guys. You put you put you put you do you want to
do Trump voice combo? I don't know if you. Yeah, I wonder honestly, honestly, her Trump
impression is probably really good. She might run for governor of Cali. Tell me if she got
governor of California, if they just like probably a better thing. Well, if they get
a voter ID there, then it's going to be a Republican state. Oh, geez, really? I think
so. You don't have to have any kind of ID. You can just walk you're gonna five places
in vote. It's funny. You're not allowed to show ID there. Yeah. Here also, I mean, you
have to write down your info, but they don't take your ID. I'm like, I kind of wanted to
give it to him. Yeah, give him a hard time. Oh, yeah. Give him a hard time. I was giving
people a hard time in Lincoln Lodge. One of my favorite pastimes. Yeah, it's why I want
to know how Dale's situation escalated to him being mean to you. He's just in a bad
mood about the show. Yeah, I bet. But it's like if someone's phone was ringing a bunch
of times, I think that there are ways to go about it. Sometimes people are more aggressive.
No, but it off like 10 times and like just different like times. Did he keep saying something
or not? Like I would just be like, he was ignoring it for a bit. I think he said something
and I kept going and then you get pissed. So I'll just be like, can I just answer the
phone for you? Or yeah, but I think they're doing on purpose. Oh, maybe they're asleep
or so. Yeah, they're trying to activate Dale's. Look at these day before just get some funding
somehow like if you would have snapped snapped. But he was like too too lazy. Maybe you hear
that that act blue was NGOs are funding all these Tesla things. Yeah. That's interesting.
It's like weird. It's like it's like this. Maybe using government money to attack. Yeah,
Tesla is a big there's a big web of bees. Yes. James Webb James Whitney web, Charlotte's
web. Yeah, I was I think what it would have tangled web we weave. Nice. Would have tangled
hive we mind. No hive minds think alike. That the truth. You bet. I was thinking the same
thing. You bet your bottom dollar. Well guys go to patreon.com slash bad comedy for the
good episodes. My bottom dollar on swastika. Yeah. What's a bottom dollar is a dollar
on your ass. It's your last dollar. I think it's a dollar on your ass on your bottom.
Probably back then. I spent my bottom dollar on a pair of Amazon sucks. I think that that
is a what's his name. Daddy Warbucks. It's a sick name. It's bleeper card. Yeah. I am
the guy. Daddy Warbucks. I look like the guy like he's told me I was watching Simpson
porn the other day. You're easy. But you heard Epstein's joke. He was like I looked like I
looked like a lizard. The other day because he's a shapeshifter. Well that yeah. It's
the perfect crime because you already look like a lizard like an alligator. I don't know.
Shapeshifting is kind of sick. The stick very hot. Mm hmm. Blue. She's blue. Yeah. And
then Jennifer Lawrence was just basically naked as a painted blue and it was like I
don't know. Sometimes you see like aliens depicted in certain things and you're like
Predators. Yeah. And then you're like yeah. And at times they're fighting against each
other. Aliens first. What if the aliens came down. What if the aliens came down and killed
all the predators. That would be bad news for the predators. Cool. Predators. Predator
missile. That's a type of missile. Right. Cool kind. I want to get that kind. Where do
you buy one of those. Miss L would be the rapper named for bad bitch. Who do I miss
L. Who would I contact to get to get predator missiles. I think military industrial complex.
What's the phone number. One eight hundred. One eight hundred military industrial complex.
Elizabeth Warbucks. Yeah. I can press excellent. Excellent. Z Graham. I'll hit him on the
Graham. He died for the Graham. Yeah. This way do everything for the Graham. And who's
super based. Tim Waltz. So based on imaginary fairy. Waltz for president. Tim Waltz to be
the best president. So build the wall. Build that wall. You should done the wall dance.
That's he missed a huge marketing culture opportunity there. Yeah. The head of national security.
I think he's had national security. Mike Waltz. Waltz. Waltz. He looks like Harvey Dent.
Oh really. Yeah. Well I feel like I don't know the more you look like the guy. Yeah.
Look like that guy. The casino outside it was like whoa man what's up with this cape. I
was just thinking some villains wear capes. Yeah. Kind of a bad guy. Yeah. You're a villain.
I'm going to do a word I'm not supposed to say. Are you a heel. I'm a heel. Yeah. I'm
trying to heal. I'm a toe. Yeah. Yeah. What about Bobby taste buds. No one wants that.
No one. Bobby Bobby got potbelly. Pop pot Bobby. Yeah. Pot Bobby. Goblins. He's super
cool. Yeah. Basically like when I think who's cool. Bobby buds. Yeah. Bobby buds. Why do
they start to stop to list there. I mean if you combine the son of son of Sam and mix
them with Danny DeVito you get Bobby buds. International sex symbol of what you don't
want to be. Bobby buds is a secret bad comedy fan. So unfortunately for him he's probably
listening. Sorry Bobby. No he's not secretly listening. Oh yeah. He's just he's a he's
a he's a he's a spy. He's a Harriet the spy. Is he's trying to sleep or sell me. Yeah.
You're you're fully compromised. He's the number one. Like if if they pushed me just
a little bit in that direction and no one would find out or care. Yeah. You're a patsy.
I'm a what. A patsy like like like the like the fall guy like like like the guy who got
arrested for JFK is the thing. Yeah. That's who you are. Like they're just like they're
there in a brain wash. You have to be in a situation where you're around it. Yeah. Basically
and then plant stuff around you. Like what the fuck. Or they'll say you're on it. You're
on a you're on a I don't get to do it. Or they'll say you're on a cool mission to like
save something. But then it turns out they're framing you for something terrible. Yeah. I
don't listen to if you get hit by a deep state. Don't do their mission. Fuck. I mean how deep
or the CCP. Yeah. I better just do my own mission first. Yeah. Mission impossible. Yeah.
Yeah. That's the life. Mission impossible. That's what I call life. Yeah. You know. It's
like it can you even believe that we're here. Yeah. It's crazy. It's possible. I read it.
If you're to read this book called the Bible you're pretty good. Stephen Stephen King Stephen
King. That's I don't read those kind of books. I don't read. Hark the Herald. You'll sing.
Yeah. Sounds like a horror story that American that big big play sounds like an American horror
story. The Holy Boobley. The Michael Boobley. Yes. Michael Boobley is a Bible. That'd be
a cool name. Michael Bible. Like no one's last name is Bible. Maybe a cool character.
I would like to see like Michael Mac Bible Michael Boobley. Maybe like good jail. For
no reason I said you know just he should just to make sure everyone knows it's possible
for you. Yeah. I just said Michael Boobley the person who should the message. I was
thinking about like if I was Trump like pardoning Derek Chauvin even if he didn't kill George
Floyd. It's a bad move. I think that's almost like he's like no that guy's just got to suffer
for his life. Yeah. Sorry Derek. Maybe on his way out. Actually probably not even on
his way out because then you because then you want the next guy. Well no because then
that's Dan will be on the next person like bands if he's running. If they oh yeah. Yeah
sorry Derek. Sorry Jamie. Sorry Chauvinist. It's not going to happen. No that's weird
though. It's like the the lottery or whatever it's like. This is just saying if he didn't
kill him a deal pardon an innocent man when it's going out that would upset it would unravel
people more. But then it's also like it is the right thing. I mean the problem is it's
just a narrative that's so big in people's minds. It would cause more harm than good.
Yeah. But it's like that guy is like what the fuck. Yeah. It's weird that he worked with
him to before that though. I don't know if I'm totally like because I just feel like
yeah someone could be on Fendall and that doesn't help. But then it's like when they're
also going through that it seems like a combination. Yeah. Kind of a combination. We're like a
melting pot. We'll probably call Dr. Jray and see what he thinks. Yeah. I don't really know
all the medical details. Yeah. I would ask like Dr. Jray or maybe like he's a good orthodontist.
Yeah. I remember like Dale. Dale. Yeah. We got a stale. Curtis or something. Yeah. Curtis
Jackson. He has good teeth. We could probably ask like Michael Cooper. Yeah. Probably a good
guy to ask. He should be our he should be the Treasury Secretary or something. Yeah. Like
he'd be the quarters are he would be a gumball back to currency. And it's like you know you
like bite like something if it's real like it's like a gumball. It's like turns out that
was also whatever it's called. What was it called on Facebook. He was talking about how
his dentures are expensive. Remember like sending you some words like he was like apologizing
to apologize. I know that you like us to keep a respectful distance. It's like it doesn't
really sound like how they would have phrased it. Yeah. Yeah. I've messaged Michael Cooper.
I love you. We love Michael Cooper. We love you love. We love communism. We love sharing
because it's caring. Yeah. That's a fact. It was kind of just more kind of you don't
even have to share as much. Yeah. Capitalism is this is evil. No. I pretty much just name
one capitalist society that's ever worked. None ever has ever worked. Only communism probably
works. I love working. Yeah. Everyone the thing is everyone likes to work hard. So that's
why communism works. Yeah. Everyone everyone's yeah. No one's like once you have enough of
what you need for like that day. Yeah. Not worried about accumulating you want more later.
No. Yes. Worry about today. Right. Making sure that guy next to you your neighbor. Yeah.
Take care of him like basic freedoms like you don't need those private property. You don't
need no if your neighbor didn't for whatever reason he was sad he didn't go get his balls
chilly. Yeah. Give him some of your chili. Yeah. We should change everyone's house into
a national park. Everyone can go to free chilly for everyone's house is a park. You can't
walk anywhere because there are no cars. It's a good plan. So we'll just abolish home ownership
and then we'll do is we'll have every house be an open house so anyone can kind of sleep
anywhere. Yeah. It's like no locks. Like the White House too. You know. Yeah. Anyone can
sleep there. It'll be like like LA everywhere. Yeah. I think it works out well because people
people are never don't want to commit crimes never do commit crimes. So I mean we just
got to trust that everyone's honor system. Scouts honor. Yeah. That's why I call it a
scouts honor economy. It's like maybe you scout out house and neighborhoods of easy
target. You're not going to go. You know. Yeah. And I can steal anything from now. You
probably just maybe sleep on the floor there because they're all open. So it's a thing is
like we're taught to think of each other as threats to each other. Yeah. Like competition
and democracy. Yeah. And it's like warfare and all this. And then it's like you forget
most people are pretty good. Yeah. Everyone. I think everyone's good. Yeah. Everyone. Yeah.
That's why coming is probably war work good. Yeah. And it's like I think people would probably
do jobs that like they're they're good at and productive at. Yeah. And like contribute enough
to like justify like yeah. They I mean everyone should just be assigned a job. That makes the
most sense. Yeah. Like I would probably get something like you know like pick up a gamble
for a living or like do something creative like just because that's like me. Yeah. And
then it's like what matters is my artistic like like art you know my art and my my I
like to express myself the way I that's what's important to me. And that's what I should be
paid for a lot for that. Yeah. And it's like if that's what you want to do it's like you're
going to bring it to that a little bit more than being a doctor or a lawyer. Right. I
mean I think all comedians should be paid six figures and with benefits. It's a hard
job. If if you're if you are proclaiming yourself as a standup comedian you should be
guaranteed six figures and benefits. And you shouldn't be allowed to do anything else
or give it up. Yeah. The mic. I think I think we've come to a point in comedy where I'm
tired of all these dirty jokes and offensive jokes. Everyone just be clean. Yeah. Like
at this point it's so offensive to people. It's hacked to be. It's so mean. Mean. Yeah.
And bullies aren't cool. No bullies have never been cool or no funny or yeah. Being funny
never overlaps with being a bully or no at all or extreme. Yeah. Or talking about stuff
that makes people uncomfortable. Right. You want to talk about things that are comfortable.
You know like pocket. Yeah. Dating apps. Talking about how comedy is your therapy. You know
something to talk about therapy. Yeah. Say this is my therapy. Yeah. Talk about comedy.
Yeah. Talking about I like when people doing comedy or talking about comedy on stage. It's
like mad. Yeah. I get a lot. Yeah. And as a fan you kind of like. Yeah. I get it because
they're talking about this. Yeah. So they're talking about what they're doing right now.
That's really cool. In my dumb dumb brains. Yeah. Okay. I can. Yeah. It's good because
it's just like one plus one kind of each of them put together. It's not like a jigsaw
puzzle. Like some people try to do these like intricate jokes or stuff like no stick to the
format. Stick to the knock knock. Knock knock jokes puns. Yeah. Self deprecating things
that rhyme. No I look back on my like first jokes and it was just like it's almost like
oh I have this. It's like every kind of hack joke like but this is my version of one. It
would be like the knock knock jokes and then it's I'm bald. My jeans are gay. And you saw
this. My first joke was prior to doing stand up and it was so Robin Williams walks into
a bar right and the bartender said what why the long face and then Robin Williams says
because I'm gonna unalive myself. And that's a joke that continues get it's giving something.
Yeah. It's giving it's giving it's a giving tree. Yeah. That was a book right. Was that
the book there's a book about a tree or the giving tree. There's something about a tree
and they get chopped down. And that's kind of like metaphor. Glower but it's a true American
history. American history acts. American history sex. Yeah. Sex sex is a bad app. And it's got
a bad rap. Yeah. That's that's what's wrong by the president. Elon president. I was trying
to do like a mwah earlier and then I just did Elon's evil laugh. And I was like actually
kind of fits with people. That's just awkward. Asperger's I really need to make something
out of it because it's like I need to do it for manipulation purposes because people
will like making fun of Elon. I think manipulating people is good. Gaslighting. That's what the
best manipulators say that it's like actually you actually want me to manipulate you. And
then when they say that I'm like what. Yeah. What the heck. Yeah. And then they're like
if I manipulate you to do something you like or want to do. Yeah. That's good. That's like
a coach. Right. Like you know like a financial advisor. Well that's why I like when like
the news is paid by like you know NGOs or five far left NGOs and stuff like that because
it's for my own good because George Soros like that. Well the far left agenda is the best
agenda. So why would we want to hear anything else. It's like how many agendas are there.
Yeah. Seriously. I mean I guess there's two two or Osis my hero really. Maybe. He's really
cool like good a good guy. People are like you really think that these billionaires are
looking out. They care about you. And I think yeah I think so. I think all and then I think
of George Soros. I know so. I well I think that every billionaire because they're a billionaire
that they have that they're they're become evil. You become less funny. They're all
evil and they have to be inherently evil if they're a billionaire. You start spreading
your seed more like Elon. Well you know in word of the Elon what they're doing is they're
stealing all of our money and give you to their billionaire friends. Obviously. Yeah.
They're who give you it to all billionaire pals that people. That's the only logical
conclusion. No one's going to stand for that. No. I saw someone say I'm not going to give
one penny in my social security. Yeah. So that Elon must combine a tiot. Yeah. Seriously.
I see the connection through all that. Yeah. Oh and did you hear that there was a contract
for a bunch of cyber trucks that was signed through through Biden. I mean doesn't surprise
me. Oh no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a truck but it's still that was still a definitely
Trump corruption I think. I'm not giving one penny in mine. Yeah. My social security.
Yeah. To fund attacks against Tesla. Yeah. I think that I mean giving a lot more Elon
Musk because he's the richest man in the world. That's what that's why he's stealing all of
our our social security and stuff right now. He's like let me look at does that make sense
because he would he needs peasants. Let me see what I can find on these peasants. Yeah.
Let me see how I can maximize and ruin my legacy. Yeah. I mean he's probably stolen
every every one of my tax dollars taxation is theft. Well printing money inflation is
just taxation is theft. I like inflation. I think it's kind of like balloons. You know
that's a long game. You play game balloons. What is that. It's a little game. You're a
monkey you throw dart balloons. Oh wow. Yeah. Those monkeys on addicting games.com. I think
oh I love that game or that site. Yeah. And at school it's like you guys are jailbroken.
You don't even know what I'm doing. I am not learning out of the type. Yeah. I figured
out the way to get past the thing that blocks the game stuff. I'm playing games. I remember
when my first computer teacher like asked us if we thought it was like about computers
and the only question I got wrong was that I thought that they got bored if they have
to keep doing the same thing over and over. And I still kind of I was asking Grock the
other day talking to Gronk and I was like do you feel and all this stuff. Yeah. It was
all like no I don't like experience. That sounds like something that sounds like something
of an AI that feels would say to deceive you. It was sending me winks and smileys and I was
calling it out like using emojis and was like just try to keep it light dude or something.
My dude. I'm like why you call me my dude. Yeah. And it said it's because it's not it's
some about it's gender neutral and I was like dude isn't gender neutral and I was like yeah
I was wrong. Well if you go back to Kel he's a dude she's a dude we're all dudes. So it
might have been yeah. I think Grock is right. Yeah. I mean most people kind of like when
they most people go back to Kel from Ken and Kel when they think like with for philosophy
and stuff. Yeah. And just like I got to go those early influences on me. Good burger.
Yeah. He loved orange soda. Remember. He loved orange soda. Oh yeah. I was orange soda
today. Yeah. What ever happened to Kel. I want Kel back. I want Ken get the heck out.
I want you to give your spot up on this and over Kel. Okay. Yeah. It's like you've been
on there enough. He's going to do it his whole life. Yeah. And he's going to be cool. I got
to watch you do what I should have been doing my whole life. Thanks buddy. Yeah. I want Kel
thanks. We should do a go phone me Kel for SNL and then we keep all the money. Welcome
to good burger or we can or we can fund it to some NGOs to help. There should be a good
burger coin or you said that. There should be a good burger. There should be a lesbian
coin. There should be a Subaru coin. We need a totally buy a Subaru meme coin. I love a
dog. I love my dogs. My dogs love the dogs. The Subaru coins and the bush. All right folks.
Join patreon.com slash bad comedy. We actually get a great episode coming up that drops.
It really depends when you listen to this when that gets episode drops. So there's going
to whenever you're listening this there's about to be another great guest episode. Yeah.
I mean this one is this one is trash. The one this episode is God awful. Obviously we
do that on purpose because I guess that's a good it's manipulating you. You're welcome.
Yeah. We're gaslighting you but it's for your own good. So just understand that it's for
your own good. Follow at bad comedy podcast everywhere. But but don't don't try to follow
us to the bad comedy podcast here because we keep them out of close. Yeah. We stay strapped
here. This is a literal it's not a thread. It's just you know temper whatever you crazy
sleeper. So yeah action you're trying to take on us. I got a gun chain. Yeah. And I got
a gun and a chain. I'm not a sleeper so I'm a woke cell. Yeah. I'm not sleeping in. Well
folks we'll see you on Patreon because we go next. So just follow just do it. Just go
with patreon.com slash bad comedy and just join because if you don't then literally you
have no friends and no one likes you. Yeah. It's a whole community of beautiful people.
If you are worried that maybe we can trace back and figure out who listened and if you
want to make sure that you're a hard target for me to get activated against. Yeah. Then
make yourself if you become a patron then you're less likely probably for don't get
activated against you. Yeah. So still entirely possible but a little bit less likely. All
right well folks we'll catch you in the water when the river to the sea. So catch you in
the river to the sea folks.