Hey folks, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. My name is Mac and I am the original bad boy
comedy threats to democracy and your least favorite comics least favorite comic as always
I'm with Frankenstein. I love electricity. I'm afraid of fire. Let's get into it. Hell
yeah, let's get into it. Let's get into it. So a lot going on, you know, including I
can't find my sunglasses. Oh no. Oh, thank God. I felt like I felt like when you're
not wearing sunglasses. Oh, these are the bad ones. I feel visible when I'm wearing what
I'm wearing. I feel I get anxiety or what I'm not wearing. I'm I feel anxiety. I'm like
that people are watching this and people are going to see this on the internet. You know,
yeah, but I have to look at myself when I'm wearing them. I'm mirror and I have to look
into my soul and think about the things I'm saying. But when I put them on, I'm kind of
invisible and right have no more morals. It's kind of like when you take them off at the
end of the whole podcast session, it's like bad post not clarity. Yeah, it's horrible.
Yeah, like back to the real world. Like, yeah, it was over. Right. Pressure. This said anything
I said that will podcast, but immortalized on the internet. Yeah, I mean, the movie Big
Daddy. I mean, that's based on a true story. If you put on sunglasses, you're invisible.
You know,
I know play kangaroo song.
Play kangaroos. That's why people people don't know this, but I'm kind of a I know
a lot about the law, the letter of the law. And so I know a lot about court proceedings.
But people need what you should do if you're on the witness stand. Always wear sunglasses.
For confidence. Yeah, you always people can't see you always win. Yeah, I think it's funny
that you watch the news more than everyone else. I know combined. I know everything.
Yeah. See Spain. Yeah, I like, no, I like MSNBC. I like Joy Reid. The ball black lady.
I like her dude. Everyone's shitting on Hillary Clinton. Okay. And I'm like, she's a she's
a bad bitch. I mean, she's not very she's not very brat. But she's like, she's a super
villain. That's awesome. Oh, yeah, she could be like she could be shoddy. Yeah. I mean,
she's like, evil. It's it's she's super evil and that rules. It's like, it's not good to
be evil. It's opposite of it. But sometimes you got to respect it. I root for the villains
in most movies. Am I attracted to a female super villain? If her name is Hillary? Yeah.
Hillary equals hot. I voted for Tim Waltz though, because I want the government to be
funny again. And I understand under that if Kamala if she won, I mean, there'd be a bunch
of censorship, but we get to watch Tim Waltz dance, dance around. Easy Biden kind of hanging
out in the background falling down. It's funny. It's like even if people on their own, they
couldn't carry the show. But these people combined all the cast of characters. Yeah,
you get Hunter Biden, smoking crack, actually running the show. Oh, here's the good song
glasses. Oh, nice. Oh, he's exposed 90. Oh, these are the rose color glasses. I'm happy
folks. When you take them off the world turns dark. Yeah, these are the ones that that when
you air for a long time and take them off you under a deep depression. But Vladimir
is linsky smart. Yeah, I think tough. I think tall body language was kind of on display.
Hands folded between his legs. Yeah, the two main body languages he was doing was hands
like this legs and the other one is this. But yeah, that someone walking through the
halls that doesn't want to get shoved in a lot. Yeah, anyone that does any basic thing
about about nonverbals is if you want to be in an open dialogue. No, yeah, you can't.
You don't do that. That that shows whether it's conscious or unconscious in the mind
of the viewer. It's it shows it like you don't really care or you're kind of blocking out
or not listening to what they're saying. But then if you're doing that, then I'm going
to do that to mirror technique. Yeah, so that we build a connection and kind of feel on
the same wavelength. So that's true. Or it's a double block and neither you talk. It's
like when it's like in Rock, Paper, Scissors and you both do rock. I like that. You just
stare at each other. But Trump always does. Trump does scissors and JD does rock and then
he does. Let's use paper and they just beat his ass with it.
Yeah, I love it, dude. That's a good tag team. Those two Trump advance. I wonder if they're
always on the same page. It seems like they are. I feel like Trump is like he's happy
to let anyone else like try to try to like give him a break. Well, he so he can always
step in Trump 2.0. So I like just like with Gucci main, I like Gucci main 1.0 before prison
when he was fat and more than Gucci 2.0. You like the old trumpet Trump is flip. I love
Trump 2.0 because he has less straight up ego. I don't think he gets I think he lets
other people around him do more without getting upset about it. It's kind of like when he's
the hate when people would like he would hate when people would overshadow him. But he understands
that it's good to have a strong vice president next to you who's able to translate your Trump
language into lawyer sounding language. Absolutely. So basically, Trump says the right stuff.
And then he says it is hilarious, bombastic ways. And then JD translates it. This says
the same exact thing, but just in a more concise way. And then you can have people interpret
it in the media or conversations, however they want. But I remember watching when Trump
was sitting down for the first time with Obama, you know, in the same situation in the office
and Trump's body language wasn't wasn't there wasn't confident. I think it was kind of well,
he just got the first time he went in. He never done politics. You just look kind of
like you're the president. Almost sorry in a way. But then it's also like crazy. Well,
it's just like was a linsky he was just an actor and then the New World Order selected
him to be a puppet. So what does that tell you guys get into show business? develop
some chops. Yeah, and then you can become a puppet to. But the thing is, he had the
backing of the deep state. So they taught him the stuff to do the right stuff to say.
Trump didn't have that they were all against them. But I still have this offer I've been
pleading to the CIA, but I think they don't have the money to do it now because USA ID
and all this money that was spent for propaganda against us, our tax money paying to get us
like to Reuters and Politico. I want them to join our like the less money sponsor us
deep state we will say whatever you want. Give me a script. I'll memorize it. I'll get
a teleprompter behind Dylan. Yeah, it is just kind of like the dollar amount that we need
to just kind of just keep the spin the hamster wheel a little bit to do mockingbird media
faster. Yeah. I mean, first of all, folks, if you don't want us to become a CIA cutout
for talking, just giving every talk will basically become CNN if we get bought out by the CIA.
Or no, we come like Rachel Maddow pretty much. But if you go to patreon.com slash bad comedy,
you get two day early access to these practice shitty episodes. And then so these free episodes
are just bullshit. But the real funny episodes with famous standup comedian guests are behind
the patreon paywall at patreon.com slash bad comedy. While we're on this real quick,
I'd like to talk about our amazing sponsor Jepsen's Malort. It's good. I got a whole
glass right here. And I gotta say, never had never never had anything better.
Yeah, like how you put the sticker on there. It's nice. I imagine that came like this custom.
Oh, yeah. Like stickers. Yeah. I'm gonna be more stickers. If anyone wants to send me
any, let me know. I got some stickers. I got some brains, but I'll talk about that behind
the paywall. But the stickers behind the bad bad comedy thing back there. They can't see
it on screen. But you know, stickers or fire. Yeah, they're pretty sticky. I don't like when
people put stickers use them like graffiti. Yeah, no, it's not cool. It's all sticky.
How about we get this city cleaned up? You know, no, no more stickers. No more Mr. Nice
guy. We're getting the city cleaned up. You know, we're gonna rip all the stickers off.
Does this sound cool if I say I'm Mr. Ice guy. So that's about my chains. I'm Mr. Ice.
Oh, this I'm Mr. Ice guy. And then it's like the gong, gong, gong, gong, gong. I was going
to the web market and I got a COVID because I ate a bad and it was pretty good. Yeah,
we've been not working on any dialects or I've been working on some viruses. Oh, nice.
It's pretty hard to bake one. I only have like one beaker. But you're trying to like
work on yeah, vaccines. Yeah. So Fauci, if you want to pay us, we'll make we'll do it.
Almost responded to something who's on our wall of ops today, Bob Keen. Yeah, they can't
see him very well. But today we are featuring Bob Keen. This one is some of these are for
sale. This is a original art of one. He's a nemesis of the podcast. And it's beautiful.
Not for sale, of course. But we do have a picture of MC lights here, DJ Darksy, who
I kicked out of the comedy scene. And that one's for sale for $30,000. So we're probably
going to make the podcast like 100 bucks. We are I've been saying at the past few weeks.
Well, you were so folks Dylan was on vacation, not vacation, though. That's what I said.
He was fighting for freedom. Fighting for freedom. You want to tell us what you were
doing? No, I'm actually, I would love to tell you, but it's classified and really excited
to tell him. Okay, that's fine. We'll talk about behind the payroll at patreon.com slash
bed comedy. But Dylan's been out on a mission. And yeah, that's really all we can say. But
well, he was fighting for good. Yeah, and freedom fighting the good fight, fighting
the good fight. That's what we can say. Yeah. Speaking of that's what we can say. I don't
know. I can say what you say. No, I kill a bunch of people. You can't say that word.
No, you you paled a bunch of people. I pill I pillaged people say on the live on YouTube.
Say, say, pill pill it easy or cancel a bunch of people. I took took care of some people
to get you like that. Because it sounds like a yeah, it's a mob. There's mob type of thing.
Yeah, I took I took care of Vinnie. Don't worry. Don't worry. I took off and then Fauci's
like, Don't worry. I got made a new one. I saw this mobster thing. It was like if you're
trying to signal to the table, not to talk in front of someone, then you pour their wine,
pour the wine like this for everybody. But then the last person you don't want them to
you. It's a tip to show like everyone else don't say shit in front of this guy. I don't
trust this guy. A lot of who I like that you got to be watching this body language. It's
kind of like baseball. So like a lot of unwritten rules or yeah, it's kind of cool.
I like baseball. That's like just cheating whoever is the best at cheating and concealing
it. Yeah, wins. Think about being sheen. You try. That's why that show cheaters just call
them winners or triers. Yeah. I had a great idea that left my mind immediately like it
always does. We were talking about inside baseball and Italians wine.
Dying you can watch Money Ball is a good movie.
It's something. Yeah. Money Ball. I saw that. Bobby Buds was the coach right?
Mm hmm. I like when Kanye said Jonah Hill made him like Jews again.
Yeah. Kanye is the best at getting attention out of anybody. That's why you got to always
bring it in life because you're representing more than just yourself. You're representing
well he's yeah he's representing you know line. He's representing white supremacy.
I'm talking about you. I was talking about Kanye not us. Yeah, YouTube. Okay. Plus YouTube.
You should be going in the path of like Zuckerberg even though I don't think he is and stop censoring
things. I'm really excited about my new swastika design.
I know that I made free. He did. Yeah. It's pretty good. But don't worry.
It's it's not the symbol. Yeah. It's it's looks like it but it says yeah.
Yeah. It's not like hooray but like yeah at the end of Kanye. Yeah.
I never for a while when I listened to Kanye and Jay-Z. I don't know what Hove meant. I
didn't know what yeah meant. I was like why is it because like yeah.
Yo like cocaine. Tony yeah. Yeah. I like for yeah.
Walk around with you. You know that song. Yeah. I love that song.
I was hanging out on Friday night. It's Frank and Mary's. There's like no one there.
I remember making my own up for a little bit but I ended up just hanging out with this black
guy told him my whole life story about being a BD.
But Scottie let a girl on fire. You know you're talking about the chance to
rap perfect. Oh no. But I told him everything that he
didn't even care about. I just told him it all because he was black and you know just
listening. Yeah. It's really he actually he actually
did carry. He actually thought it was kind of wild.
It's like this guy like forest gump. Yeah. I'm really forest pump a pump a cap in your
ass. A little pump. A little pump. Whatever happened a little pump.
What was his big song. Stayed a little. Can you move that way.
Yeah. Perfect. He did. He would have maybe he's just
pumped now. Pump. I like that. You should go by a pump.
And then and then he will come out with some new sneakers with the pumps.
There'll be really little like tiny little pumps. Yeah.
Oh you got. What are those little pumps. These are my little
pumps. I got these little pumps. Oh these little things.
Is it offensive to where Air Force One's because Trump flies on Air Force One.
It's cooler now. Yeah. It's cool. I think it's actually a sedition
if you don't if you hate the president right because he's the president.
You can hate him when he's gotten the campaign trail but but if you hate the
president you're either any sedition or your treasonous
and so you have to like him. Sorry. That's the rules.
I didn't make them. I was I was looking up the
president mosque. That was the funniest thing that nobody fell for.
My mom said it to me once because my mom was uh
she's a exact mockingbird of every talking point of CNN.
She was like yeah president mosque. I was like that's literally the dumbest
talking point ever. Like no one no like no one's falling for that.
It's literally just a thing that old Trump might fall for. New Trump doesn't
fall for that. That's funny for me to be like a
a mosque head for years and then it's like oh cool like nice
insult. How mad is Jason? Because he Jason has been the opposite. Jason's
always hated Elon even prior to him coming into this and obviously Jason
didn't like Trump. The the troll of that is so
epic. Like all of Elon's haters have to hate. That's really karma against Jason
for quitting the podcast. No Elon's the president because of it.
Yeah is amazing. I actually had a I think I had a
conversation at the Super Bowl. I think I had a conversation with Jason about
AI and and then Elon and he was he got viscerally angry. He's got
Elon derangement. Oh no that sounds even worse. It's almost
like a mind virus. It's so funny how the news just switches from
like they just switched to Elon from Trump for a while
and then Trump was just in the background signing all these executive orders.
Like to remove all black people.
Yeah that's not the executive order he did but Trump was just basically able to
get shit done and then everyone was like Elon stealing our social security
numbers to buy to buy apple bottom jeans and boots of the fur on Amazon.
I think that guy wants your identity. Yeah yeah if he if Elon must took most
of your identities he would go broke probably because all the day you
people have. But like that is the dumbest argument
of all time because the people that can see this information
is our IRS agents like like like shitty IRS agents.
Anyone that works for social security or the IRS
they're who are more prone to corruption because they don't have
money like Elon does. If you have a lot of money you're a lot less likely to
like be swayed by money to do something. I hope that's just in taxes.
I mean Howard Lutnik is heavily talking about that.
He's a commerce secretary. Like let's just not do taxes like this
year. Yeah I want no I want no property taxes.
That wouldn't help you as much. Actually it could lower it could lower rents.
Oh that would be cool. Yeah because the landlords would not pay property tax
and then just across the market because you know that
landlords got to compete against other landlords. Yeah so in the end it would
make it cheaper to rent as well. Well I like paying a lot for rent.
And then letting it just basically lighting that money on fire essentially.
Yeah yeah because I don't I like having no money
because then I have no evil. That's right. Yeah and no problems
because I know I've been working on a lot of new
sayings. Like because if you know if you have no
money you have no problems. I've came up with the thing.
The more money we come across the more problems we see.
Okay. You know. Yeah. I don't know.
Be careful with that because I don't know what you want from me.
It's like you know the more money we come across the more problems we see.
Yeah you know you might be a martyr for
for cause you gotta pick your battles. You want to take on
Tupac who's setting his little boys to come take care of you.
Now he's gonna diss you on his own song the whole time. He's gonna let us go.
Yeah. But you want Trump who's gonna let
a little baby Vance come in. Yeah I like Vance.
Get your ass. Yeah. I love when he lets Vance off the
chain. It's like Pokemon or something. It's like
you want. Yeah. Imagine Pence doing that. Mike Pencil.
Some people just Pence like. Pence is such a. I think I think Pence is a
legitimate was a robot. I feel like I never heard him
talk like I have no idea what his personality is. I mean in the past you have a lot of
vice presidents that don't really do anything. Yeah. Like
like Harris like Kamala.
She actually she did a great job because her her job was to go to like
Venezuela and stuff and go to the root of immigration to make sure it stops.
But then you just get alarmed by all these Venezuelans. Yeah and it turns out
she's like oh it's actually fly your all your people in that so I think she
knew about her. I think she's a little bit she's
kind of forgot her mission a little bit. Gotta stay with God's plan. Right. So
she's like I was never the borders are and it's like
OK. So you but you were the Venezuela Colombia Salvador the more dangerous
parts are setting them in here. Why don't you like hadn't been to the border
and reminding me of when Solinsky was like have you ever been to Ukraine like
known that Vance hadn't been to Ukraine. Yeah it doesn't matter.
He was like I've been to. You try to think of what to say.
But he's seen the stories of him bringing people around. He definitely
does bring he definitely just brings people to Kiev or like
their propaganda tours. I don't just be like I don't want to go to your
country. Right. Also he's also he's only been in office for
so much time and as a vice president you don't really want to be in a war zone.
I just think also he has a brah. Also the president and the vice president are
briefed on everything that's going on except for aliens. They know exactly.
Dude I'm worried about aliens. I heard. They're definitely real.
I heard that we have like 20 million illegal aliens in the U.S.
No no no no no no no no no no no. I'm scared of aliens.
I had no idea that UFOs are landing and dropping people off.
Aliens off. They're like take me to your leader homes.
Dude I had no ideas that aliens are already invaded.
They're taking their jobs and what the yeah they're probing us.
I don't see them around but I guess there's I just saw in the news there's
20 million aliens here. I think you just don't even see them.
I was like what. Yeah. Do they have big green heads? What do they look like?
They have big eyes. Big eyes. Real big eyes. They probably look like
Dan Cass. Kind of like no muscle. I was talking about
no sexual. Yeah they're probably a their child like size.
Their dicks are probably their finger their index finger like the scary one.
The same of sexuality. The scary movie three either they pee out of their
fingers. Oh okay. Yeah. While there's no bathrooms on the
spacecraft that we've recovered. Yeah it's so funny that
Biden just left some guys in space. Do you hear about this?
Like I barely heard about it. They were supposed to be there for like a week and
they've been up there for eight months. Jesus.
And it was it was they didn't get picked up for political reasons
because Biden wouldn't authorize it. So SpaceX has the only
the space X is the only rescue ship they can that is they can do that
because they're they're a big contractor you know and
Biden wouldn't let him do it during the until until he was out of office.
Like he thinks that that's a better look. Yeah they should have talked about that
more. Oh my god. It's insane. So they've been
there for like eight months. Everyone can resonate with that.
They've been there for like seven months. Isn't that insane. It's so funny.
There's like why are we still here.
How fast does Trump say like go go get him.
You on and he's like okay boss. Yeah yeah president Elon.
No what I say is yeah that whoever can do that like kind of should be the
president. Yeah if so it's a one if anyone thinks
I'm like a Trump or or something like that. No I just like whoever the president
is okay. I didn't like the last administration
because I didn't know who the president was. I like I like old by I missed the
old by I do by old Biden was hilarious. He was he
didn't steal my bit of falling all the time. The old old by the the young by I
missed the young by the racist one. Yeah the one that
called black people super predators. Yeah and he would like
but actually actually Trump separate buses. Actually Trump's the racist one though
the whole time that's the news says. That's what I heard is that he's like a
white supremacist. Yeah there's no proof but
I think that's the case. Yeah Trump's super racist
but there's no no evidence but I'm sure pretty sure it's true.
I wonder if that's what I like to go off of is what's up what people say with no
evidence. Well at least he doesn't change his voice
to each group of people he's talking to. Right.
That was a straight up offensive what what Haricou Kamala Harris was doing.
I love seeing different people's impressions of it. Yeah it's amazing.
Plus she. That would be mine. We were doing that first.
You know and then Elon steals our look.
Elon give it back and then Max Orich stealing our look.
And then okay on top of that on top of that Elon had to chainsaw
we have a gun okay. Terminator. I know why he had the chainsaw it's because
Malay gave it to him as part of the Argentina guy who wanted to cut
regulations so he was campaigning with a chainsaw. He gave that to Elon as a gift.
But still Elon. The sink. Elon let that sink in and then the chainsaw.
We do have a patron that joined under the name it was at
Musk. E. Doge. It said. Okay. I don't know who that is.
So but um I don't know who knows. Yeah.
Muskie. Muskie maybe from maybe someone maybe someone from Muskegon.
I guess the dog. Probably. But yeah a lot of people are stealing our swag.
Yeah I can't blame him. I don't know if the sunglasses.
Once you try them you go dark mode you don't go back. Right.
It's like um once you go black once you go once you go black you never go back.
But that's where the sunglasses. Yeah once you get the dark shades.
I mean once you go back you just get depressed. Once you get blacked you don't
go back from that. Uh-huh. So. Never the same.
Actually maybe I'll save this note I have for the.
I have some notes today guys this is like a first.
One I was okay so when I was at Frank's um there was these two other guys that were
there and then they're they're like talking about
Star Trek and I said I've ever seen Star Trek and they're like you've never seen
Star Trek and I was like no I'm not a fucking nerd.
And yeah who the fuck watches Star Trek. I watch Star Wars.
Yeah I'm not going on treks. I I war. What is it good for? What is it good for?
Absolutely everything. Yeah it's whatever you want.
Yeah what is it bad for is when we send money and it goes into a bottomless pit
in Ukraine. What it's good for is getting Greenland
killing the cartels you know. Yeah I think cartels are kind of cool though.
I'd probably keep anything that's cool if I was president.
War is cool. Yeah the cartels are cool. Drugs are a little more expensive
unfortunately. Luigi is cool. I would pardon Luigi.
No no. I would pardon Luigi. He's a symbol of
people uprising. You have to pardon Luigi. It's funny because
the biggest change in wealth and equality was
really during biden era of covid you know kind of weird that that's what
happened. Yeah well that's why when Bob was saying
that like there's no Molotov cocktails going around when people
try to protest but not buying stuff on amazon for one. Oh I saw that on Friday.
Yeah. I bought I made a huge order on amazon. I got McDonald's.
What else was it Walmart. Because you're going to stand out as a customer
that they build your relationship with. I could promise you a bunch of those
people went to make the honle that day. Even the people that
like they forgot. Or just bought like stuff. Yeah that was that was L
Sharpton that was saying to do that who's a fake or
ever and he's gets paid money. You got you got paid a bunch of money from
Kamala to. But it's like that stuff doesn't work like the Luigi stuff
that could work. But Luigi people are afraid for their life.
He's a rich kid. So it's it I don't we don't even know
his motive. We also don't know anything about the first assassination
attempt. Take away from Luigi. We also don't know anything about the first
assassination attempt. And assassination attempts are
good for the in like it's good for the king to feel threatened by the
people or else they'll just be a robot. He needs he want I'm sure I wonder if he
knows. CEOs should be afraid. Well I want to see no that's not the way
to go because then CEOs will just get a bunch of security.
That gets passed down to the there's no safety.
Huh. If you piss that but also killing a CEO does nothing because sorry
cancelling CEO does nothing because they see a CEO.
No it's like a couple days later than they changed their decision of like
some they weren't going to cover like something crazy and then they flipped
it right after it was like oh because this CEO doesn't want to
get murdered. I think it was I think they did something
like that but then change it back or something. So it was something that
looks like they didn't or they did it in reaction to that
and that is kind of like change it back quietly.
I don't know I'll investigate but I just think
or else the people are hopeless. I think Pelosi was involved.
I was uh walking behind a guy. Pelosi was friends with a friend.
Well I said I think Pelosi was involved first. I know but then
you stopped watching and then. No I was going to continue.
But then you hadn't continued. No I was saying I think Pelosi was
involved because the Pelosi family was friends of the Mangione family.
So maybe maybe they put a bunch of puts on the
on UHC. Yeah maybe. But sorry go ahead. I bad.
That's okay it's stock talk. Stock talk. Stock starts with Money Mac the
Candy Man. Yeah the Candy Man. I made the world
make Macbeth makes better. Yeah the Candy Man. I want to get a really long
cut. Any more sleeper cell agents. Sleeper cell anemia
sickle cell. Yeah like I was walking behind this old guy who was
roughly Fauci's size and just instantly had all these thoughts
about. About. About hurting a man. So I was just.
What should I say. Me. He would have had security. I was saying something.
So good. No sunglasses they keep you. I was ad-libbing.
He would have had security but the it wasn't Fauci. No thank god.
Okay. For all of us involved. Yeah well I think Fauci uh he's got to pay for
his own security now. He's got plenty of money.
Um that's sad. Fauci. Take care of Fauci. Fauci's a good guy.
And I think that he made I mean I think that
COVID was natural. Yeah. And he was just a he's an icon that helps us get through
it. And he's a natural. He's a doctor. Also I mean I'm on Team Ukraine against you.
Like if Trump's gonna talk like that I'm not I'm not Team US. I'm Team Ukraine.
Yeah. Like what about like the Ukraine States of America.
I like that. Yeah Ukraine States owned by owned by America.
The Ukraine States. How about owned by America.
Yeah we need to make it like sound bad for them. It's like the um the captured.
Yeah. The captured colonies of Ukraine.
The Ukraine slaves of America. Yeah um Volodymyr. But that's like a bad one.
No but I'd love Volodymyr Zelensky. He's really like a symbol you know.
Yeah. He's he's a good guy and he doesn't he's not even like a beggar for money.
And he he doesn't like they don't sell like half the guns that we give them to the black market.
He's a common man and he was brave and then the powers went to his head.
He's not even a conman man. A conman man.
That's what he actually is a conman man. Even a comedian is just a deceptive manipulator.
I got it. I mean you got to give it to him. He's I don't know if he has past work and sales
and persuasion but he's good sales or one of the best salespeople. He was able to extort
350 million billion out of the US. And what did like he was saying that thing about influence
like you'll feel influenced or something. That was a threat. Yeah. That's why Trump was like no
you're not going to tell us what the hell we're going to do. What he was saying. He was being good.
I think that was like a new world order threat. I think he was saying like
you know the people around you are just so much of the world or whatever. It's like
they don't want you to be like just he said he's like I think what he's bailing on us or whatever.
You'll feel influenced because he knows all these people being his ear about it.
What it's what's deeper about it is he thinks that Russia is going to like own us somehow
culturally or something which makes no sense because they're not even good at that.
We're the best at propagandizing other countries flipping governments. That's what we do.
Okay. We just want to stop this war. I saw this thing was like about Adidas and like how cool
it looked back in the day. And it's like man I wish that they wouldn't have dropped Kanye because it
was like Adidas jumpsuits like how they became popular and stuff. It was like so cool. It was
like their Olympic team. They like gave the whole Olympic team all Adidas jumpsuits. I love those.
You know who else loves those Ukraine. Ukraine. People in that area. And then it's like Bob Keen.
Yeah. Well he doesn't he doesn't count as a person. He doesn't really count as a human.
Yeah. Even the people here that wear them. He's a bat rat that sleeps upside down. So
the bat or if you're a delistner you know that Bob Keen and Ariel Julie sleep upside down like
bats under the Belmont Bridge. But Bob has been I don't watch Facebook anymore but he's been
basically just ratting on people right and left for stuff. And so he's a complete rat which I don't
respect even if he's exposing someone for something do it on a podcast. Don't do it on Facebook. It's
gay. We use rat like a slur word like Megan was calling Brandon Keith for King of the Rats or
something. Well he does look kind of like a rat. Like not not not like the. And as the rat joke.
Like I mean he just looks like a rat like the animal. I'm not saying that he rats on people.
But he looks like one. I mean Megan Loctis is right about everything.
Yeah. She's kind of like the Alex Jones comedy. I saw who's back where I was like I used to think
Alex Jones was just a comedian. Like when she first heard him. I could see that. Yeah.
It turns out he thought he was like a parody of someone like him or something like there's no
one like him. Now it turns out he's like Nostradamus and he gets everything right including
probably Pandy Pook but he can't go into that until his lawsuits are over. It sounds like a good dish.
A Pandy Pook. Would you write a Pandy Pook. Would you write a dish of Pandy Pook.
She yes. Yeah. I was working on some impressions I think. Well actually my favorite impressions
have just been listening to Alex Jones's impressions of of Lord and Mary Zelensky. Like why you
know give me nuclear bomb. I need give me nook. Give me nook please. Why then like he's like
I need nook so I can get more cocaine and eat more cocaine when they're signing the nooks. That
was crazy. You said that Alex Jones was kind of making sex kind of like orgasm noises during
the. Oh he was. Yeah. Yeah. It was hilarious because that meeting right there just basically
shakes the New World Order because they want they need this war to keep going. People were real
upset about how Trump acted or like just yeah so so many people complaining like oh I'm embarrassed
because of. And I also and then I in 2022 there was a news thing about Joe Biden doing these exact
same thing over a billion dollars over one billion dollars and way less deaths. There was they had
us a deal that's to be signed in 2022. And then Boris Johnson fake Trump. He looks like fake Trump.
He looks like Timu Trump. He flew over there and he said no time to deal. He said that's
down to day. Oh and now we're just trying to you know close the war off in the best terms we can.
And you're he's not helping himself being combative. I just I feel like when you're in that room and
during that part that's not when you like talk about stuff that he brought up. He was trying to
try to desperate. Well he was trying to like suck the American get attention to the American
people and then he got wrecked. Maybe don't put your hands in your armpits. Yeah but I mean he
under he was disrespectful to Rubio Scott Besson. Well because he would tell them one thing and
then go on the media and say the opposite. For Rubio and then for Scott Besson. Scott Besson
flew all the way to Ukraine and he had to wait a full day because Vladimir was sleeping and then
they had a meeting and I guess Vladimir was just screaming at him the whole time. The other day
I was driving my car and I pulled into the Walgreens. I was just kind of drifting slowly like
towards the spot and then there's this guy walking in front of me to his car and I was at an angle
falling behind him and I was just like well I just slowly kept going and just crushed him.
You know if you play GTA 5 you know how Franklin has that power where you can slow down the car
and turns. I actually have that power. You do. Yeah so I drive my work vehicle and I just kind of
sometimes if it's a tight turn I just go and then I can just go. It's kind of like clock stoppers.
Yeah I love clock stoppers. I want to get a clock stopper watch. Are they expensive?
I don't know. I have this cheap ass with this watch does not stop time. This one's
gold plated from Malco. An old sponsorship of mine. I get a lot of sponsors folks no big deal.
Are you curious? Do you want to know anything about anything? Because I have actually our friend
Grock here. Grock. Let's ask Grock kind of what he thinks about Drake's if he's going to be able
to recover from the Kendrick whipping. Whippings at the Vesword.
See if how do I talk into it?
Yeah I wanted to make that sketch where I'm. Okay hold on.
Hey Grock will Drake ever be able to recover from the Kendrick beef?
And how?
I said hey Brock. No I'm talking why would it say I would think that I said that.
I'm literally on Grock.
Is it thinking? It's thinking. This one might take a while.
No. Okay they're diving too much into it. Let's say make more concise.
I was afraid of when it talks back. Did you watch the Rogan or the Elon?
Yeah. There's the one with the bitchy one. Yeah.
I don't know how to find that one. I think you have to have the
the premium. I think you either get it through the Grock app. You pay more for it or you can get
it on X but you have to be at a level above regular. Yeah I got it. Okay here's a tighter
version. Drake can recover from the Kendrick beef. Here's how. Music. His new album with
Party Next Door February 2025 top charts showing he still got hits. More bangers like Take Care
could shift focus from the L image. Kendrick this is not like us at the Super Bowl. Stung but
Drake's tour antics karaoke emotional vibes could reframe him as relatable not rattled
stats with 21 diamond songs and streaming dominance time and numbers fade favor him
with fading the beef's noise. He won't win the feud but can outlast it with hits and hustle.
I like the end he won't win but I mean this also ties into America vs Canada
and I like how he talked about how he did the song about how Drake's a stettatile
or a feta feta file. On the Monday after Alex Jones was
how does not like us go like how does it
no I just like like what do you say they know like us okay yeah he's like globalist they
not like us like he's like a he's like lizard he's like baby baby eating lizard people like he's
not like us he was going off it's awesome yeah there were mixed reviews on the right wing
Twitter some some liked it because it was it was kind of exposing that kind of thing some
um people that are took the dark red pill dark there's different shades of the red pill
there was the pink pill I've taken the the deepest pill you can take is the
Q QAnon pill but that pill is also has poisoned in it because you have no idea if it's true
you don't know how it's going to mix with your real pills the deepest truth is if you go to
someone like Alex Jones who was sponsored by so go to the elksjones.com slash made a comedy
but the reason I like watching infowars stuff is because they go through everything that like
like uh whatever you new station or platform is saying about something and then give their analysis
and laugh at the retarded headlines but it means it's not an echo chamber where I don't see all the
stuff yeah I see it counter arguments yeah and then they say this argument's gay what's a counter
argument like we're arguing like we're kind of like a counter yeah I'm not gonna argue I'm not
gonna argue about my counter my kitchen counter no that's one that you let the wife pick that yeah
but never let the wife uh never tell the wife to choose where to go to dinner it'll take an
hour before she makes a decision I learned a little trick for you just you just say I'm thinking pizza
how about you that's what you do no you say guess where we're going tonight okay I like that whatever
she guesses oh just go how the fuck did you yeah yeah I like that it's manipulation tech that so you
walk in and say that to her and the kids uh-huh you just pray that it's nowhere where you need to buy
tickets or reservations or that bad fish you don't want to go yeah yeah yeah mcdonald's mcdonald's
a good this bitch better pick mcdonald's yeah scooby's you ever been scooby's there should be
mcdonald's fridays from now on um oh let's see did Al Sharpton's uh boy got work I want to know about
like a bit that you did before you were a real comedian or it's like something in life that was
like stupid that you did that you're like this is so funny like it's basically a bit but then
oh in jail you didn't really know it was a bit yet in jail when I was doing push-ups and rapping
yeah and in my own cell yeah stuff like that yeah um well I what's so stupid you didn't high school
or college though I've done a lot of stuff like that I mean I just like I told people to call me Dan
marino for like a month yeah I just was Dan marino no but Pat McAllister was the best one
like yeah I'm Pat McAllister my dad's a lord do you know who my dad is yeah I don't have my
d bouncer but do you know who my dad is and they said no no one likes like yeah so I wanted to be
the guy that no one likes yeah and Pat McAllister Pat McAllister someone no one likes that's a good
bit mm-hmm Al Sharpton so Al Sharpton is not a very sharp guy in my opinion he used to be like a symbol
for the black community but now he's like I don't think black people even like him he just gets paid
money it's a say whatever people want to say yeah it's like when you used to know TV channels and they
only had a few black people that were famous like Condoleezza Rice had to hold an important role
in the in the culture that's part of my when I'm like needing intervention for thinking on black
it's like you keep saying the culture all the time well I'm black I do when I got my 23 and me
guess what it said Jewish no it said it said I'm white oh what I was shocked I was like
they're trying to white clearly clearly 23 and me is fake trying to whitewash me yeah trying to
pin me trying to try to pin me as a white male so I can't get a job well are you gonna rename you
now yeah exactly what are they gonna call me uh instead of Toby yeah what are they gonna call me
mountain Denali instead of Mount McKinley because I'm like that you know I actually had to correct
my dad my dad has trumped arrangement syndrome shout out dad if you're listening um but he said yeah
I climbed up most of Mount Denali and I said oh you mean McKinley right whoa and then he's in
Mount Denial no he he uh didn't fight back on that one yeah he said McKinley for the rest of the
conversation whenever I'm at dinner with my dad um there's always I always slide passive
jabs and about how the Democratic Party sucks I mean doesn't fight back well sometimes I mean
there's picking his battles it's normally like small things I pick like like because I'm I don't
think I'm a Democrat or a Republican I just support the president I because I listen to
yeah well no oh yeah I well I didn't know who the president was I saw an old guy falling and then
he stole my bit right he stole my bit so I don't like Biden I don't like the Biden
administration okay for that reason um Obama I I always said thanks Obama yeah I look you know
like so obviously I was thankful for Obama I I said for about every issue that happened I said thanks
Obama so you can't say I didn't like him also that guy was so good at doing drone strikes Obama
and I love that yeah he's a sharp shooter yeah sharper than how sharp didn't he's like one of the
best oh your camera froze weirdly no you're good though um hmm I was watching the wrong movie
holes the other day you watch holes I thought I was watching the Shia LaBeouf but this is
this one was much different what was it was the other kind of holes oh is it porn
porn was it porn ag it's safe to say porn ag for short you know I want to combine sex work and
slot machines somehow like you could win like some pussy yeah with some kind of job yeah get a real
job you win a job instead of dude that could really help with um unemployment if you win a job from
okay now mine's not working we're just like if you get a so we'll be right back on winning a job
I think you see no good job and we're back we're talking about if you could somehow mix gambling
and sex work maybe you could win an only fan subscription that's like a win a job yeah because
that lower unemployment they see no would like it because person's making more money no but it's
like a good job I mean there's different levels probably of jobs you can win so you do the job
slot machine no one's gonna play that game that's how communism should work is you play a job slot
machine yeah and sometimes you'll be like good at it and like it and then some people would
be dmv workers that's like that is not my job that's how you remember the white house press
secretary uh kareen jump here she was a dmv worker she was always like Peter do so you'd
ask her question she'd be like that is not my job and then now we have caroline levitt who's sexy
and she's like the best press secretary of all time you could put them in the film together
dude a lot of good ones the what i dream about is having a threesome with caroline levitt and
alina habba do you know who that is trump she's like trump's uh lawyer all i dream about is beaver
i dream about all day i dream about uh sports you know all day i dream about
semitism all day i dream all day i dream about sex i can't even spell semitism you spell sex
se cts sex people say that is a murder they're talking about semitism or i don't know
some yeah some cemeteries i have semitism semi autism some autism yeah i'm anti-semitists
i think everyone is though yeah i mean you can't like them all
yeah i mean anyone that doesn't like you on his abelist exactly so which means most of the left
wing media abelist we're talking about asperger pretty yeah i thought you should have about burgers
and tromba osbergers from his free free free comedy name a more american guy than donald trump
yankee doodle i don't know nobody
name a more african-american guy than elon because he can he can throw a football too you know trump
um he's yeah literally people these people love these people love de i but an african-american
working as a as the a working as a working as an appointee um is is is bad and he's this guy it gets
two pretty big points on the de i quota disability and he's african-american and he's almost like
the most african-american because one he's the president of the us he's the most american right
and then he's actually from africa unlike every other african-american yeah much well also he's from
um south africa where they're actually killing white people like it's like a real thing going on
there it's like a white genocide like a ritual no it's like a real thing going on which is pretty
pretty not nice like i don't want to get genocide i'll serve rwanda and invaded kongo you know
i know nobody cares about the area rwanda forever sorry kongo when i was in rwanda it was cool
it was nice i'm on yeah i'm on the side of rwanda in this um rwanda pick a side on this i do rwanda
i'm more i'm more of a cosmo guy kongo yeah no cosmo and rwanda the family parents i like those they
were fairly odd in my opinion they're a fairly odd they were odd they're odd odd parents
yeah they're kind of they're like wands and wings look or anything
and they're like do they fuck like can you take some access to them and get beans on the podcast
i think the beans it's when beans gonna be in town we have to fly them in is he in california
we could have probably got him to come here if we paid for his plane no shot in the hell i'm doing
that why that would be worth it for the beans get cooked beans got cooked did he get in LA did he get
lit on fire no i thought oh yeah actually i don't know what if he got burned alive i think his can
might have been fire resistant that's good yeah it's always better be safe than sorry i have a
fire extinguisher i got it because my old roommate uh i was a firefight was training for being a
firefighter it's only a good one it's always smart to have and i was like i don't really need this
shit and then my back deck lit on fire and i put it out yeah well i didn't light it on fire
well i cleaned it and then i burned the things for a while while i was watching it okay and i
turned the burners off went uh hung out for a bit to make sure that everything was good
took a little nap nap you know i just walked inside and then somebody was buzzing on my door
my front door and i was like probably a fucking uh someone asking me to drill church
rillarity saints i turned out there's someone trying to warn me that my back deck was on fire
yeah but i got a phone call from mic unit one that the neighbors from across the street on the other
side could see my community takes my back deck on fire so yeah i like my community thank you
community for letting me know and then i rebuilt that part of the deck and then i ended up rebuilding
the whole buildings the deck without a permit nice i'm not gonna go through all the fucking
bureaucracy to rebuild the deck i'm just gonna you know i'm gonna do i'm just gonna rebuild the deck
yeah but all i did was just i kept everything the same as it was i just replaced all the boards or i
power washed them and re-stained them but i took out every single screw probably like
80 000 screws yeah you had a lot of screws loose yeah i have a screw loose
mm-hmm some people say some people say i'm i'm uh i'm screwed in you know like i'm smart as
shit like locked in what's up oh what up bro what's up we're just finishing up um we're uh
this guy's fucking ninja his way in here yeah sick did you buzz unit one and
i got buzzed in and then i started doing like some dialogue yeah oh yeah it's probably the guy from
that series you're good um dylan do you have any plugs um no just electricity uh or else working on
yeah at comedy baddie yeah at comedy baddie and uh i'm trying to laugh like elon musk
go that's good that's good i like that um i'm uh mac again threat to democracy following me a bad boy
comedy um obviously you all know to follow oh follow abay comedy podcast on everything
check it out um if you're listening on audio check out the video on youtube if you're
watching a video go to audio and you can do both depending on the situation here and you can't
always watch stuff if you watch the movie holes make sure it's the right one yeah not the one
important hope that's the one you watched um and you know of course every friday saturday you can
catch me on the main stage zany's live factory comedy bar um so just go there um i'm probably
performing if i'm not performing make sure you complain to management wise and mac nepper on stage
yeah so folks i appreciate you listening go to patreon.com slash bad comedy that's patreon.com
slash bad comedy that's where the funny episodes are the first one's bad on purpose
they're all bad just how many are bad on purpose am i right well i mean the other ones are ironically
bad the the ones by the paywall they're they're good they're like i i just recently listened back
through every episode i spent about a year doing it they're all really fucking good
and i was thinking about we need to change the name of the podcast
but it's so ingrained now it's been like three years it should be good comedy
actually have the handles for that good comedy pot if we ever need them actually yeah nice it's
like it's like buying a domain we should we should buy ukraine shout out to the ukrain slaves america
yeah anti anti shout outs is uh vladimir shout outs of ledmer putin let's just all get along and
that's yeah that's what that's one of the things i came up with why can't we just all get along
and then also like friends don't judge a man by the color of his skin but the content of his
character yeah like my character listens to a lot of dr dray and snoop mm-hmm yeah i have a
well i've made a lot of characters yeah some like pat mcallister but don't judge some of the
characters that i've made up because it's not nice judging by what they would listen to you
should actually judge some of them by the color of the skin to be honest you know you're listening
to too much rogan when you're looking for ufo's in the sky i mean after after hearing there's
already 20 million aliens here i doubt i stopped even caring about the ufo's already here who
all right folks thanks for listening we got a fantastic guest coming up it's i'm not going to
say who it is because if i did it's just by the podcast just join patreon.com slash we had a comedy
as of the guest episodes are but it's it's it's we got a big guest we got someone that you you know
for sure now all of you this was a this was a get for sure yeah this is uh it sometimes i know we
kind of hype things up a lot let's say let's say his name rhymes with pimp hillan or we could say
he's just a pimp and yeah it's it's tim dillon so go to patreon.com slash bad comedy thanks folks we
love you