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Hey folks, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. It's a new year.

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Monday or Wednesday whenever you're listening and I'm back and here with Dylan roofed armor.

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Okay, Dylan Internet.

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I was at the casino and this cop was walking through and he was like, what's your first name? And I was like Dylan and he was like, what's your last name? And I was just thinking, don't say roofed armor.

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Luckily, I pulled it out.

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What did you say? Moller?

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I said Moller and then he just patted me a couple times and walked away. I'm like, are they looking for another Dylan in here?

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He patted your thing?

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Just patted me on the shoulder like I think he could tell I was being honest.

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I thought he was looking for because with that jacket, it looks like you could be one of those salesmen who sells like who sells chains and guns and drugs or whatever.

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I've heard like like massive criminals.

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Like what can I get you?

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Like, I don't know. It was one of the biggest drug lords ever got caught because he dressed so flashy that like they knew he was like someone to look into.

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Yeah, well, I know the the dapper Don was his name.

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He's the most famous one.

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Now he's one of the most famous mobsters.

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John, people are going to get mad at me for not knowing who this is.

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John Belushi.

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Yeah, I think it was like he was a blues brother.

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John Belushi, I think.

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Yeah, no, he was the guy with the white hair with sleep bag hair.

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Can you imagine if we dressed as the Blues Brothers for the Gazelles and lost?

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This was the most famous mobster of all time.

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And you don't know him?

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No, it's the kind of thing that you pride yourself on knowing.

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Yeah, well, I know I know most things.

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We're maybe this will help.

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John, John Travolta actually played him in a movie about him.

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Oh, wow.

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So you're on track and and the movie was bad.

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Apparently, I couldn't even get through it all the way.

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Wow.

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Although I do love John Travolta.

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What about that movie?

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Phenomenon face off.

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That's what about the movie?

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The jerk.

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The jerk is good.

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I grew up a young black boy.

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That's the best line.

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It's but they start with the best line.

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Yeah.

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And then I just started watching it.

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Well, actually, I can relate to this.

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Yeah.

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When he's dancing to, you know, it's like,

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no, what about that movie about the hockey bully?

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They'd send in the big hockey fighter guy, the one with Sean William Scott.

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Mm hmm.

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That movie.

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There's two of them.

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Sean William Scott.

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We're not going to be hot.

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I too much as a little seas before this podcast.

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So that's why I can't remember anything.

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We're on pizza planet.

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Dude, I got the ideas from Little Seas.

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I'm worried about.

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So well, I always get Little Caesar's on weekends, you know,

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and I'm worried that when our K gets an office,

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he's going to subpoena my door dash receipts.

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And I'm going to wait for a while.

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Better wipe that clean.

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There's a lot of little seas on there.

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You better consult someone there.

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Get a contact there.

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Yeah.

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So I just want to say in advance, RFK,

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I apologize for my past eating behaviors.

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I'm taking supplements and vitamins.

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This, you know, but I have eaten a lot of little seas

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and I'll make sure in the future I eat some vegetables and fruits.

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I was thinking like a bit.

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God loves like red dye 40.

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Like I wouldn't be surprised if the blood of Christ had a little bit of red dye 40 in it.

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It's like you're telling me Jesus never drank one red Gatorade.

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Maybe it's the modern like Noah's Ark where he's like

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extincting people through red dye 40.

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Now, I think it's more a satanic cleansing.

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I actually imagine it's more like the people that run the big big food.

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That's more likely.

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I mean, I feel like if you want to make something look like blood.

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Yeah.

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First off, why?

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And then second off, OK, I feel like you shouldn't let that be possible.

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We shouldn't outlaw red dye 40.

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Oh, well, what else people use real blood.

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Can we do red dye 10 or something?

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Is there one that's like a little bit less bad?

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Like you'd be 40.

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Yeah. WD 40.

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Yeah.

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These things are great products.

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So OK, red dye is red dye 10.

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Can we get all agree on that? Let's put that in the omnibus bill.

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Green.

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Greenland.

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Oh, dude.

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Talking about.

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Oh, first of all, folks, go to the Alex Jones, Alex Jones store, the Alex Jones store dot com slash bad comedy.

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And you can get the best supplements.

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You get the Irish sea moss.

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It's got the best iodine for your for your all your glands and it makes your whole body feel healthy.

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It's it's it's the sea moss your body craves.

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It gives you that fight. Yeah.

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Irishman. Yeah.

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And you can get the gut cleanse.

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That's what I got.

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It's 30 day gut cleanse.

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You take it.

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You feel like you never had a little Caesars in your life.

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And then also, you know, to Merrick, you get the turmeric with the burdock root.

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So make sure to get that. And then while we're on plugs, Patreon dot com slash bad comedy for the good episodes.

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We got a crazy bonus episode coming up on Thursday.

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So keep your episode is trash and comparison.

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Oh, yeah. This one pales in comparison.

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What once we get heated up and ready to rock, you have no idea what the what the heck happens.

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It's the ad. He hits, you know, at home.

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It's like it's like taking a full bottle of Irish sea moss.

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The key to the whole sea.

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And also, we're also brought to you in part by Jepson's Mallort.

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We don't have the products to show you yet, but coming soon.

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Also, unfortunately, this off this current studio is in L.A.

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So as you can see, it is not as much stuff on the walls because we've had to move some stuff out where we have to move different studios because we're in the fire path.

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Logistics. It's all money when you trace it back.

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Yeah, I'm pretty sure Gavin.

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So, you know, Trump calls him news news come.

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What about Gavin come?

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Yeah, what about that?

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That's just easier.

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Honestly, maybe Gavin go.

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How would you get out of town?

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I saw a video thing of him like today.

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It was like from today or yesterday.

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He was out like the fires was raging behind him.

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He has this black shirt on.

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It's like now we're not one piece of ash on him.

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He was going to golf.

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He had a slick back hair.

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Probably uses come as Joe can so cool.

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Yeah.

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And we're back.

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We're back.

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We're back and be back.

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It feels so good to be back.

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Sometimes they come back.

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You gotta leave.

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Yeah.

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What we did is we left a lot of people are going to leave California.

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That end of an era.

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Yeah.

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I mean, people have been talking about maybe a new Hollywood in Las Vegas.

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It's going to be tough for wildfires there because it's already a desert.

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It's already all basically what California is going to look like after this.

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When I see some of these fires, I think wild.

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Yeah.

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I'm like, whoa, I'm like, that's that's gnarly.

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I say that's gnarly in a bad way.

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I say that's bad.

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I say that's sick in a bad way.

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There's this thing in workaholics where Adam, he's like, oh, you're single.

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And he's like, so I love his character.

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I mean, Stan Haaland.

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That is a good character.

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I mean, that's like him and everything, too.

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You know that Chris D'Alia played a pedo on that show on that and also in another show.

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He's type guest.

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Yeah.

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I saw this thing.

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Pedo Piper.

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If you say if you say Peter Piper when you're like a third grade third grader, it's like pedo pedo Piper.

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So that's kind of weird.

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And Neverland and all this stuff.

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I don't know if that's the same thing.

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That will forever land.

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Yeah.

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Yeah. How about always?

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That'd be something.

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You get to be a kid always.

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Yeah.

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Why was Robin Williams Peter Pan and the Peter Pan and the hook?

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I don't know.

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I just remember I'll always remember the scene when they're pretending to eat a whole feast of food and there's no food there.

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That's the only thing a lot of my childhood memories are associated with food.

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What about they've seen Oliver Oliver Twist.

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They're like food, glorious food, hot sausage and mustard.

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And they're just celebrating and then can have some more.

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Right.

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Well, yeah, that's earlier in the movie.

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But they found or they sing about everything after that.

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They sing about wanting food.

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They sing about what the good foods would be.

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Maybe I'm mixing up movies.

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Maybe that's the same.

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Maybe I just don't know.

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You'd see feasts in like Harry Potter and just like there's all there's huge drumsticks and bottoms munching down.

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And I'm thinking it'd be nice to just be a huge fat kid at Hogwarts.

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Well, where's a little seize?

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Yeah, there's no little seize there.

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I want some little seize.

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Or I'd want like the McDonald's spread.

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Yeah.

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Trump knows how to eat.

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Yeah.

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They're not going to rip McDonald's out of his gold head and those golden arches.

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Yeah.

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It's the promised land.

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I think he like how he feels about Diet Coke is how a lot of like John Hickok feels about firearms.

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Like he's going to make an amendment to make Diet Coke legal for no matter what our Kato's.

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It's like we'll be sponsored by Diet Coke eventually also.

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Yeah.

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And we'll say I think they changed the name of Aspartame or whatever was in it to something else.

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Just like moving the yeah, it was a chemical that gives you cancer.

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It's an artificial sweetener, but it's like this is just change the name of it.

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Yeah, that's a lame name.

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That's why they're going to do red 10 to the right of 40.

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Let's see.

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They're called they'll call it red good.

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What's this bad boy gotten this monster was got Taurine, which is which is I think that's Taurus.

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Well, it's grape skin.

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So there's my jacket.

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Torso Taurine is based on is the urine of a Taurus, which is like a bowl.

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But sometimes you have to grab life by the horns.

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Yeah.

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So it's like bull piss.

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We have sucralose.

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That's good stuff.

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We've got Rana extract.

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I had a friend named Sean Lucas.

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It kind of sounds like that vitamin B 12.

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I like.

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Oh, yeah.

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That makes your piss straight highlighter color.

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I love it.

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And then caffeine content from all sources.

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Hundred forty milligrams per can.

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I love taking way too much vitamin B and just having a highlighter colored piss.

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I like one of my comfort foods.

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They're cursed in a jet.

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I like it.

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It's nice.

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Yeah.

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Poison myself with what gives me.

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What about Johnny Carson is true that being on Carson back in the day?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Five minutes.

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That's why people always think I'm a cancer based on my voice.

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Hold me closer.

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I have cancer.

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I just sound alone and I love company and misery loves company.

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I guess I'm misery.

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There's a good rap song called Misery Loves Company by Ritz the rapper.

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Oh, really?

255
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,000
Like putting on the rights or whatever.

256
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,000
Yeah.

257
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,000
It's a different song.

258
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,000
But yeah, I do love that song.

259
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,000
That's not the same.

260
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,000
That song is by Taco.

261
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,000
What does it go like again?

262
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:30,000
It goes, if you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits?

263
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,000
Putting on the reds.

264
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,000
Different types of wear, but they coat pants.

265
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000
That's right.

266
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,000
Perfect fits.

267
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,000
Putting on the Ritz.

268
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,000
So catchy, dude.

269
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,000
And then he gets a little bit Kermit.

270
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:49,000
He goes, dressed up like a million dollar trooper.

271
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:53,000
Crying hard to look like Gary Cooper.

272
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,000
Super duper.

273
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,000
Oh, God, that's so fucking...

274
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,000
That song.

275
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,000
The console's so hot right now.

276
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,000
That song rules, dude.

277
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,000
That Kermit's so hot right now.

278
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,000
Dude, all these people, I mean...

279
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,000
All these Kermit.

280
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:12,000
Kermit the Frog really kind of set the tone for most modern people.

281
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,000
Hollywood Boulevard.

282
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,000
Yeah.

283
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,000
Well...

284
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000
Continues off of Sesame Street.

285
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,000
Hollywood Boulevard.

286
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,000
It's not really Fire Boulevard more like.

287
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,000
Yeah, it's like what happened to Tinseltown?

288
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:31,000
Yeah, Tinseltown's gone, folks.

289
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,000
The whole Hollywood Tinseltown.

290
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:42,000
My dream of being a movie star alongside the likes of Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage are...

291
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,000
Wait.

292
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000
Hold on.

293
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,000
At mere ash now.

294
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,000
Listen to this.

295
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000
We used to be the second city.

296
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,000
It's called second city for a reason.

297
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,000
We used to be the second biggest city after New York.

298
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:58,000
And LA came in, they were like, we're fucking, we're gonna get big because we're gay.

299
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,000
We might be second city, and actually Houston's gonna be bigger than us.

300
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,000
We're still gonna be third city.

301
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,000
They really need to change that or else can you imagine...

302
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000
We need to recruit people to come here.

303
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,000
We need to recruit cool people to come here.

304
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,000
I'll tell them it's the new LA.

305
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,000
It's the new LA, everyone's migrating here from LA.

306
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
Yeah, because New York's too far.

307
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,000
So they have to take their covered wagons here.

308
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,000
It sucks.

309
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,000
They just, they had no money.

310
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:28,000
And so ended up here in a pilgrimage for fame.

311
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:35,000
It would suck if you were a pioneer, like the covered wagon people, but you couldn't afford the cover for your wagons.

312
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,000
You're not a normal wagon without a cover.

313
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,000
That would suck.

314
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,000
Like a Ryder Red.

315
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000
Oh gosh.

316
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,000
Wagon.

317
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,000
You get no pull from that.

318
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,000
You're so sunburnt.

319
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:56,000
Actually, you might get so sunburnt that the Native Americans would be like, they think they're one of you and they won't kill you on the way.

320
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,000
But then the Americans will.

321
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,000
Yeah, then you get salt burnt.

322
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,000
This is the salt burnt song.

323
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:10,000
Ever cook a microwave pretzel a little too long?

324
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000
No.

325
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,000
I like them.

326
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,000
They're nice and soft.

327
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,000
We should try that out sometime.

328
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,000
It's like a prank.

329
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:25,000
Yeah, like a pretzel pizza and just cook it up and eat the whole thing and she'll show them.

330
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:32,000
Another thing that has been, so we've had a lot of stuff kind of stolen from us recently, folks.

331
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,000
Gun stuff.

332
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:41,000
Well, first of all, we've been saying Alex Jones is hot for a long time now.

333
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,000
Rogan's saying it.

334
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,000
Everyone's saying it.

335
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,000
Everyone's saying it now.

336
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,000
And then he's even putting it in his ads.

337
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,000
He should have used us saying it in his ads.

338
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,000
What else?

339
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,000
Show us a little bit of love back.

340
00:16:55,000 --> 00:17:02,000
Yeah, we got the Gazzelli Award stolen from us by another Latino podcast.

341
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,000
That's what it's called, another Latino podcast.

342
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,000
It's not just another Latino podcast.

343
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,000
Listen, folks, we don't want to be sore losers.

344
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,000
We want to be sore winners.

345
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000
Yeah, because we won.

346
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,000
You can have your one Gazzelli.

347
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,000
You can have your...

348
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000
We have multiple.

349
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,000
Yeah, you can have your little trophy, but we won.

350
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,000
I wish there was a Gazzelli capital.

351
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,000
Is Jerry's house the publishing office?

352
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,000
We should storm it.

353
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:38,000
I'm going to storm his house no matter what the results are.

354
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,000
Yeah, we should home invade Jerry Homity.

355
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:45,000
We're going to release the Jerry client list, everyone that voted for us.

356
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,000
Yeah.

357
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:51,000
And if you double voted or you actually double crossed us...

358
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,000
Yeah, we'll know.

359
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,000
You're going to be on a different list.

360
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,000
Yeah.

361
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,000
And we're going to kill you.

362
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:03,000
And slap you and then whip you.

363
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:08,000
I am your father.

364
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,000
2023, that was a year.

365
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,000
2023, that was a big year.

366
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,000
That was a big year.

367
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,000
Yeah.

368
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,000
A lot happened in this room, in this studio.

369
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,000
It's kind of sad.

370
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,000
We're doing our last episode of Friends or something.

371
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,000
Yeah.

372
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,000
They packed up.

373
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,000
They're leaving the apartment.

374
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,000
I hope you had the time.

375
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:35,000
Well, actually, we're going to save all the memories for the Patreon.

376
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:42,000
These plebs don't deserve our memories.

377
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:52,000
If you're a poverty-free listener and you're not on the Patreon, then there's no reason to go to the next podcast.

378
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:58,000
There's no reason to listen to this one because this one's going to lead to the Patreon, which is way better.

379
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,000
You're telling me you're not sold on this yet?

380
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,000
Yeah.

381
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000
You see this right now?

382
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,000
Yeah.

383
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000
It's a word from last year.

384
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,000
Yeah, show it to the camera.

385
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,000
That's a word from last year.

386
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,000
It's harder than it looks.

387
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000
Yeah.

388
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,000
It's made of...

389
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,000
It has a chip in it.

390
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,000
It's like a chip.

391
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,000
It's like a chip in my shoulder.

392
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000
How can I say that, too?

393
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,000
Am I a pringle?

394
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:27,000
You actually have a Maxine wound on your shoulder, I think.

395
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,000
What's that?

396
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,000
Oh, yeah.

397
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:36,000
I remember when I got Band-Aids just appeared after I got the second ouchie.

398
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,000
Yeah.

399
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,000
Weird side effect.

400
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,000
Yeah, you're probably like...

401
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,000
Yeah, I'm like, these are not Princess Band-Aids.

402
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,000
I feel like Band-Aids, like...

403
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,000
It's kind of a weird name for a band, AIDS.

404
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000
AIDS, yeah.

405
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,000
Band-Aids.

406
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000
Is it...

407
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,000
What's that?

408
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,000
Yeah.

409
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,000
Is that like the band from the movie?

410
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,000
Right.

411
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,000
From that movie, yeah.

412
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,000
That's what I was going to say, from Red.

413
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:08,000
The one that sings, 525,600 minutes.

414
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,000
Damn!

415
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,000
Everyone has AIDS.

416
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:19,000
Now, what I did like about that movie, because didn't they have a guy playing the drums,

417
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,000
but it was like a bucket?

418
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,000
It was like Stomp.

419
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,000
Yeah.

420
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,000
Or maybe it was a mix of all these movies up.

421
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000
Stomp was a good movie.

422
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,000
He was one of those...

423
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000
Oh, no.

424
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,000
Thank God for the sensors.

425
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000
Yeah.

426
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,000
We always do post editing.

427
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,000
That's what we do right there.

428
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,000
We'll chop it up in post.

429
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,000
Oh, we do a lot in post.

430
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,000
You guys have no idea how much I have to do in post on this.

431
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,000
There's so much to fix.

432
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,000
Yeah.

433
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,760
You don't even fix half of it.

434
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,000
It's pretty much like a post-op trans person.

435
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,000
Sometimes people change their mind.

436
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,000
They used to go on pre-op and post-op, and now they're all the same.

437
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,000
Now they're all just trans people.

438
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:04,000
I think they're all just ops, if you ask me.

439
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,000
Yeah.

440
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,000
They've all been psy-opped.

441
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,000
Is that Josie?

442
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,000
Folks, we got a dog.

443
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,000
Josie is Tim Allen reincarnated.

444
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,000
We got a dog in the house, folks.

445
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,000
We got Josie.

446
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,000
We'll bring her in for the Patreon.

447
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:27,000
We're really trying to build the value of the Patreon in comparison to this by just

448
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,000
dropping a bunch of teasers.

449
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,000
Yeah.

450
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,000
Kind of downplaying.

451
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,000
I mean, this doesn't matter.

452
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:39,000
The people that listen to this are just Gavin Newsome snakes.

453
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,000
Oh, wow.

454
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,000
I was wondering what that sound effect was.

455
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,000
Snake.

456
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,000
Slytherin is very brat.

457
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,000
Yeah.

458
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,000
So brat.

459
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,000
I think Hillary Clinton is good, probably.

460
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,000
Slytherin, yeah.

461
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,000
No, she's good.

462
00:21:55,000 --> 00:22:01,000
Yeah, she'd be like probably captain of the Quidditch team.

463
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,000
Yeah.

464
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,000
I think I wish Harris won.

465
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Now I like that Harris got us so much cheap labor with putting so many firefighters in

466
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,000
prison, future firefighters.

467
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:21,000
She just loaded up the, as Gavin Newsome calls it, the fire fighting army.

468
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,000
Yeah, Gavin Grusam also.

469
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,000
Of prisoners.

470
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:31,000
That's so scary thinking about there's already these massive fires and then now there's all

471
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,000
these prisoners.

472
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,000
Slave labor.

473
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:39,000
There's like a thousand prisoners that are out there quote unquote fighting fires.

474
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,000
You know what they probably should have done?

475
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,000
It was clean up the brush.

476
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,000
They made it illegal to clean up the brush on your property.

477
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,000
Yeah.

478
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,000
Which is the, how can you explain that?

479
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:54,000
And they won't use ocean water either because the salt is bad for the.

480
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,000
Yeah, but still, what about all these coastal homes?

481
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,000
You can use it there.

482
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:04,000
Yeah, and it's just like, you know, fire is like probably the worst.

483
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,000
Right.

484
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:12,000
It's literally like all these, all these homes burning and then there's this giant thing

485
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,000
of water right next to it.

486
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,000
Yeah.

487
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,000
That's like sometimes the problem is all the water there.

488
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:22,000
But I mean, I think that, I mean, they put.

489
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,000
Yikes.

490
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:27,000
50% of the reservoir water, you know, they pumped into the ocean for the smelt fish,

491
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,000
the little smelt fish.

492
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,000
That's good, though, I think.

493
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:35,000
I was thinking like maybe they should have like no smoking signs.

494
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,000
Yeah.

495
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,000
Without help, but just to try it.

496
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:43,000
Well, there was also like Antifa people running around just lighting fires also on top of

497
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,000
it.

498
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:48,000
It was probably George Soros who won the Medal of Freedom.

499
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:54,000
Well, I feel like they might be freedom fighters like fight fire with fire kind of.

500
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,000
Yeah.

501
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,000
Eye for an eye.

502
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,000
I don't know if they're fighting fire with fire, though.

503
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,000
They're fighting.

504
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,000
They're feeding fire.

505
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,000
They're feeding fire with fire.

506
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,000
Fire feeders.

507
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,000
Yeah.

508
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,000
The only way you can feed fire is with fire.

509
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,000
I don't know.

510
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,000
I think, I think Gavin Come has to resign.

511
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,000
The mayor needs to resign.

512
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:18,000
I think the mayor fired the, the lesbian chief of fires.

513
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,000
Uh huh.

514
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:28,000
Well, because she spoke up and said that, uh, that the mayor, Karen Bass, uh, like didn't

515
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,000
get them enough money when they asked.

516
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,000
Well, I care in my ass.

517
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:36,000
She was too busy in Ghana watching their king get, uh, become a king.

518
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,000
Uh, I thought you were going to say getting gone.

519
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,000
Oh, Ria.

520
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,000
She probably got that too.

521
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,000
I wouldn't put a pastor.

522
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,000
There's too many.

523
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,000
I believe anything these days.

524
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,000
Oh, also California is still our whole lesbian thing.

525
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,000
Oh really?

526
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,000
Yeah.

527
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,000
Cause their whole fire fighters are all lesbians.

528
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,000
Now we're talking.

529
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,000
Now we're onto something.

530
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:06,000
Cause I thought this Stan Halen sounded kind of like your lesbian voice.

531
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,000
I'm Stan Halen.

532
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,000
Stan Halen.

533
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,000
I drive a Subaru.

534
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,000
So yeah.

535
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,000
So Max's dad drives a Subaru.

536
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,000
He is not a lesbian.

537
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,000
He's cool guy.

538
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:25,000
Very, uh, we were talking about probably get laid at any bar and this side of the

539
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,000
Mississippi.

540
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,000
Let me tell you something.

541
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,000
My dad likes chicks.

542
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,000
He does like your dad.

543
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:36,000
He does look a little bit like Harvey Weinstein though, or sorry, Jeffrey Epstein, even worse.

544
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:44,000
That's a guy who had a lot of power, but my dad's in power, not Jewish, not Jewish.

545
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:49,000
Just another checking another box.

546
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:54,000
And also folks, not all Weinsteins are good.

547
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,000
Weinsteins are bad.

548
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000
I like Brett Weinstein.

549
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,000
And you know what I like?

550
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,000
Whoever has the most poll and that's your dad.

551
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Yeah.

552
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,000
Here I like.

553
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:08,000
The consequences will never be the same.

554
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,000
Yeah.

555
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,000
The consequences will never be the same.

556
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,000
That's what's going to happen in California.

557
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:19,000
So that leadership, you know, when your dad is selling like a tabletop like this and I

558
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,000
don't know what I'm going to do this table.

559
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:28,000
I know what your dad's selling points probably hinting kind of what could happen on this

560
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,000
table and it's not going to break.

561
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:36,000
I don't know if you sell into a woman and be like, yeah, I mean, it's got four legs

562
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,000
just like us.

563
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,000
Yeah.

564
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,000
Very sturdy.

565
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,000
He tells you do anything on this table.

566
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:47,000
He tells the ladies selling to go on to see how sturdy this thing is.

567
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,000
We could test it.

568
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,000
Yeah.

569
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,000
No, let's test it.

570
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,000
And then they have sex on top of it.

571
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:56,000
And that's that's first base for your dad.

572
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,000
Yeah.

573
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,000
Sex.

574
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,000
Yeah.

575
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:05,000
Well, I mean, that's how you that's that's how you that's how you sell sex sells.

576
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,000
Yeah.

577
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,000
I mean, that's my dad came up with that.

578
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,000
That sex sells.

579
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Oh, it's from his selling technique.

580
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:19,000
Is this does this remind you of a place that you go a lot?

581
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,000
Yes.

582
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,000
Oh, my gosh.

583
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,000
Be careful.

584
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:29,000
Now I see that train game that I lost a shit ton on.

585
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,000
Oh, really?

586
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,000
Yeah.

587
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,000
Mac just instantly won a bunch.

588
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,000
I just lost a shit ton.

589
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,000
Trying to catch him.

590
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,000
Foolish.

591
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,000
I have a foolish nature sometimes.

592
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,000
The train.

593
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,000
Cha-ching.

594
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,000
Train and keeps it coming.

595
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,000
I keep losing money.

596
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,000
The train gang.

597
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,000
Train gang.

598
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,000
They call me the purple train man.

599
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,000
Trains all day. Trains all night.

600
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,000
I'm gay.

601
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:13,000
I was thinking if I was ever on Kill Tony and then they asked me like about like I would obviously bad comedy would come up and they'd be like, what's your podcast called their way?

602
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,000
What's your podcast?

603
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,000
It's called Bad Comedy Podcast.

604
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:21,000
And I thought that'd be such a great clip to start the podcast.

605
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,000
Me saying that on Kill Tony.

606
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,000
And then he'd be like, it's called Bad Comedy.

607
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:31,000
That's something your set sounded like. It was bad.

608
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,000
No surprises there.

609
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,000
I'm gay.

610
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,000
He is like the Joker.

611
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,000
That was just like your set Bad Comedy.

612
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:43,000
Good thing your podcast is named that.

613
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:49,000
Fucking incredible.

614
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:53,000
Yeah, I keep just delaying going.

615
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:57,000
That is Brian Redban.

616
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,000
I remember when Jason pointed out like, yes, just an open mic.

617
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:05,000
Fuck that is. I don't even like going to like comedy bar for a bucket draw.

618
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,000
Yeah.

619
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,000
Let alone riding a plane.

620
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:15,000
Yeah. It is just an open mic.

621
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,000
I'm not doing shit for free anymore.

622
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,000
Yeah.

623
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:23,000
I say show me the money.

624
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,000
Yeah. Oh, do you want to do our show? Blah, blah, blah.

625
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,000
It depends. What are we talking about?

626
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,000
Do I get chump change?

627
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,000
Yeah, I'm talking about show me the money.

628
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:37,000
Like he said back in the movie.

629
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,000
That's from Rain Man.

630
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,000
The Tom Cruise said show me the money.

631
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,000
Wow, that's actually really significant.

632
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:47,000
I like change, but I'm no chump.

633
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,000
Nice.

634
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,000
About this sex sells.

635
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,000
Sex sells.

636
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,000
With the gong noise.

637
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,000
Arbitrage.

638
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,000
This is the church bells.

639
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,000
This is where the demonic pope is.

640
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,000
I guess we have a demon pope now, guys.

641
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,000
What are you going to do?

642
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:15,000
It's like, it's Gryffindor is kind of demonic because it's like has the lion combined with the bird.

643
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:19,000
Well, that's all these bird is a very satanic creature.

644
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:23,000
Birds are definitely back to dinosaurs.

645
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,000
It's vultures.

646
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:33,000
Yeah, we should probably say, can we finish extincting dinosaurs and just kill the chickens?

647
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,000
Kill chickens.

648
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,000
But then we got to get rid of the lizard people.

649
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,000
And yeah, that's a lot of people.

650
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,000
And we can't we don't want to say who they are in here.

651
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:47,000
We'd be doxing 80 percent of Chicago.

652
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,000
We'll talk about the lizard people on the Patreon, actually.

653
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:53,000
We should make a list of lizard comics.

654
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:59,000
I love that Louie thing when he was asking that politician, like, are you a lizard person?

655
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:03,000
And then they just won't even answer.

656
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,000
It's like it's a simple question.

657
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:10,000
Just are you a lizard?

658
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:11,000
He's baffled.

659
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:16,000
What do you think Donald Trump's going to say to most of the deep state?

660
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,000
You're fired.

661
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,000
Nice.

662
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,000
Yeah.

663
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,000
All right.

664
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:26,000
People have been saying that they're worried about some kind of black swan event on the inauguration, but I never seen the movie Black Swan.

665
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:31,000
So we'll go to the next news story on that.

666
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,000
The swan steals a flat screen.

667
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:34,000
Yeah.

668
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,000
I think the movie was about what?

669
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,000
Ballet.

670
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,000
So there's going to be a ballet happening at the Trump inauguration.

671
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,000
Okay, cool.

672
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,000
Yeah, it'd be a good inauguration on ice.

673
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,000
What I want at the inauguration is Trump walking in.

674
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:57,000
So I want him to be wearing a like Hurt Locker bomb suit.

675
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,000
That way he's going to be sworn in.

676
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,000
Wait, a Hurt, a what?

677
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Like one of those bomb technician bomb suits.

678
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:10,000
I think it would be sick if he had like a bubble boy costume.

679
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:14,000
Yeah, a lot of people want him to just do it in a bunker.

680
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,000
Maybe he could wear ear muffs.

681
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,000
It's a good show on the ear.

682
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,000
Yeah.

683
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,000
He'll get bulletproof ear muffs.

684
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:34,000
I've been thinking a lot about ears, my ears being all fucked up and just different ear words, irrigation, John Deere.

685
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:40,000
Good thing about your ears, if you got shot in the ear like Trump, it probably just bounced off your ear.

686
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,000
Yeah, right back at the guy.

687
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,000
Yeah.

688
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,000
That would be sick and ironic.

689
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,000
It would be so embarrassing for that guy.

690
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,000
Oh my gosh.

691
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:56,000
Sometimes you take a risk and you still don't expect it to totally backfire.

692
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,000
You know, it's kind of weird.

693
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:02,000
We never learned anything about either of those assassinators.

694
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,000
To me, I think that's pretty normal.

695
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,000
Yeah.

696
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,000
It can't surprise me anymore.

697
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,000
I've seen it all.

698
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,000
I mean, it's pretty normal to not even look into that kind of stuff.

699
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,000
You trace it back, you saw money.

700
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,000
Yeah.

701
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,000
I kind of know what's going on at this point.

702
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,000
Yeah, when people used to say money is a devil, I think it is.

703
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,000
That wouldn't surprise me one bit anymore.

704
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:30,000
Honestly though, if Jesus showed up, I think it would make me believe in him less.

705
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,000
You know what I mean?

706
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,000
It's like, you got to leave a little bit of mystery.

707
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:42,000
If he showed up, I think the alien stuff is...

708
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:51,000
I think if Hillary transformed into a giant creature with big horns,

709
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,000
then I would not be surprised at this point.

710
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,000
No, I really wouldn't be.

711
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,000
I really wouldn't.

712
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:02,000
It's fucked up that they've broken us down to this point.

713
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:06,000
That's what they want, is to make anything seem...

714
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,000
Well, now we're...

715
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,000
I really wouldn't be surprised if they were lizard people.

716
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,000
We're close to exiting the Matrix.

717
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000
It's got to break soon.

718
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:21,000
Everyone feels this momentum and this buildup and the tension...

719
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,000
...of these last several years.

720
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:30,000
If the inauguration happens, or if something doesn't happen to him...

721
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,000
Something's happening.

722
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,000
Something's definitely planned.

723
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,000
There's a crossover event that's coming.

724
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:43,000
I don't want to rile up my cult followers or anything, but I just feel like...

725
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,000
Everyone's worried about that.

726
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,000
Things have been too quiet.

727
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:51,000
Kamala was too cool about letting him...

728
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,000
Things used to be so chill, man.

729
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:59,000
I think information and everything started unraveling.

730
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,000
What happened was...

731
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:09,000
The people in control the whole time, they've been slowly screwing us over...

732
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:13,000
...getting the country into debt, but then they started overplaying their hand.

733
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:16,000
At least there's a screwdriver, not a lizard drill.

734
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,000
We were like, it actually wasn't chill this whole time.

735
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:26,000
And it's all falling apart at the same time because of the alien stuff.

736
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,000
There's no aliens.

737
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,000
You believe in the blue beam?

738
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:37,000
I don't think any of this current drone stuff has anything to do with aliens.

739
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:41,000
Maybe not the current drone stuff, but I just think...

740
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:45,000
I know that there's aliens in the universe.

741
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,000
It's so fucked.

742
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,000
Remember when you didn't think that?

743
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,000
I always thought that, kind of.

744
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:57,000
Did you ever think that they had never been to Earth?

745
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,000
Elon doesn't think that, yeah.

746
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:04,000
But then he might have a huge conflict of interest.

747
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,000
He definitely has.

748
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,000
And he does act all weird about it.

749
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:12,000
Elon does have a pretty big conflict of interest in this alien debate.

750
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:17,000
I mean, obviously an alien's going to say, dude, there's no aliens.

751
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,000
Yeah.

752
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,000
As an alien, he has a big conflict of interest.

753
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,000
But it's also, even if he just...

754
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,000
Is Trump in the aliens versus the New World Order?

755
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,000
I don't know.

756
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:34,000
It's just a little bit weird that Trump was the one that created Space Force.

757
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,000
Well, there's been...

758
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:38,000
And everyone else was like...

759
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,000
I mean...

760
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,000
He does, he can't say what he's told.

761
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:46,000
You should listen to this guy called Dark Journalist, I think.

762
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,000
I like this guy.

763
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:52,000
There's a lot of Trump's uncle, John Trump.

764
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:56,000
He was something.

765
00:36:56,000 --> 00:37:03,000
That's concerning because I saw people say maybe the people dismantling the Deep State...

766
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,000
Isn't it kind of weird that it's like...

767
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:10,000
I don't know if these people...

768
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,000
Tucker Carlson's dad worked in intelligence.

769
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,000
Did you know that?

770
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:18,000
And then it's just like, yeah, so did Obama's, though.

771
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,000
Yeah.

772
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:23,000
I mean, it could be double-sided.

773
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,000
And I remember thinking that about Tucker, too.

774
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:31,000
I was just like, maybe he's just posing as the freedom-like...

775
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:36,000
But all he does these days is really interview people.

776
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,000
It's just like, trust me.

777
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:43,000
Trust me, I'll expose the stuff that's all going to come out anyways.

778
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:50,000
I don't know, but Alex Jones has been saying the same stuff for 30 years.

779
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,000
Only now people are listening.

780
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:55,000
I feel kind of bad for him.

781
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:59,000
He got so discredited and kicked out of every platform.

782
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,000
They're still releasing his fat pics.

783
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,000
Everyone just forever...

784
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:09,000
I mean, he actually has a certain amount of credibility now among people.

785
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:20,000
I'm so afraid of the gazelle pictures because I was always telling Danny Happy Plants when he'd take the pictures...

786
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:23,000
No comedy fatty pics.

787
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,000
And he would still sometimes...

788
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,000
You know, it's not his fault.

789
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,000
They were all comedy fatty pics sometimes.

790
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,000
But now my fly was open, I believe.

791
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:40,000
You got to take the ultimate sea moss from theelkshowsstore.com slash bad comedy.

792
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:46,000
Did you see Alex Baldwin was on SNL and his fly was open?

793
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,000
Was it?

794
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,000
Yeah, mine was just broken.

795
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,000
Did they say your barn door is open?

796
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,000
Yeah, on SNL.

797
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,000
Oh my gosh, how embarrassing.

798
00:38:55,000 --> 00:39:00,000
What would be more embarrassing, that or getting your shot deflected back and hitting you in the head?

799
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,000
Off an ear.

800
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:06,000
I think you're going to get shot anyways if you accidentally shoot yourself.

801
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:10,000
I think Alex Baldwin should be the death penalty for shooting that person.

802
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:15,000
I forgot that Tim Dillon had him on his podcast after all that.

803
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,000
It is?

804
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,000
Yeah.

805
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,000
It's like, jeez.

806
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:28,000
I heard Alex Baldwin's brother was...actually I think Patrick Ben David had both of Alex Baldwin's brothers on.

807
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,000
Two of them on.

808
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,000
One of them played Barney Rubble.

809
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,000
Oh really?

810
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,000
Yeah, and then it's like you trace it back, the Flintstones.

811
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:39,000
Trace it back far enough, it's all money.

812
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:43,000
I know how this world works, it's all money.

813
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,000
I wonder what they're trying to do with California.

814
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,000
So they probably burn it down on purpose most likely.

815
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,000
It's to make a statement, it's not about money.

816
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:56,000
Well the Olympics are supposed to be there in 2028, so they're going to try to build a smart city.

817
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,000
They're going to pass the torch really carefully.

818
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,000
With what money?

819
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:04,000
You should have thought about that folks.

820
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:09,000
Trump's not going to give you money if you continue to not listen to him and clean up your forests.

821
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,000
Yikes.

822
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:20,000
We're going to have to put some cool athletes in charge of the Olympics, just to be cool.

823
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:27,000
Like you know, you would put John Cena and The Rock are in charge of the Olympics or something.

824
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:31,000
But I have to be like, who would be the coolest?

825
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,000
I don't even think Tom Brady is cool enough.

826
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:42,000
I think it would be funny if the 2028 Olympics in LA was just all ash.

827
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,000
It's not even a city.

828
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:49,000
They already treat Olympic people like shit.

829
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:54,000
They gave them cardboard boxes for beds last time.

830
00:40:54,000 --> 00:41:01,000
These are premier specimens of human beauty.

831
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,000
My favorite swimmer is Mike Phillips.

832
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,000
Yeah, maybe Michael Phelps.

833
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,000
It's Phillips actually.

834
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,000
I thought it was Michael Flathead.

835
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:16,000
He looks like an alien from a water planet.

836
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,000
Yeah.

837
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,000
Either that or he's like a Neptune.

838
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,000
Yeah, he's probably from Neptune.

839
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:27,000
A lot of people call me Mac Neptune.

840
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:30,000
Yeah, you're Mac Neptune.

841
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,000
What do they say about Jerry?

842
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,000
No talent.

843
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:36,000
Wow.

844
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,000
And then everyone goes...

845
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,000
That's supposed to be a clap.

846
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,000
I was talking mad shit about him.

847
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,000
And he goes...

848
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,000
Well, Jerry, you got your wish.

849
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,000
Yeah, your wish came true.

850
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,000
You're a loser.

851
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,000
No, it's not his fault.

852
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:04,000
I don't think maybe next year don't make extra clips about him being gay.

853
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:08,000
Because then maybe he's going to motivate the Mexicans to rally.

854
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,000
You know what I think I'm going to do?

855
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,000
We're going to make more clips.

856
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,000
More clips about him being gay.

857
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,000
It's called the Double Down.

858
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:20,000
We weren't supposed to win though.

859
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,000
We have to remember that at the end of the day.

860
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,000
We're a bad comedy podcast.

861
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:29,000
Us winning two years in a row too.

862
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,000
We were supposed to win.

863
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,000
It's good that someone else won.

864
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:40,000
Because it means that we're not the only ones.

865
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,000
We weren't the only ones before, but we really...

866
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:46,000
I think they thought it actually mattered for their podcast.

867
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:50,000
I only wanted it so that we had three years in a row.

868
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,000
It definitely wasn't going to matter for us.

869
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,000
It was only going to be bragging.

870
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,000
Exactly.

871
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,000
It would give us less to talk about.

872
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,000
The other guy hit up probably two Mexican people.

873
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,000
They probably all had a thousand kids each.

874
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,000
Yes, two families.

875
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,000
Two Mexican families.

876
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:10,000
It's like a thousand white normal families.

877
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:16,000
It's better for the culture if there's more competition and just better podcasts coming out.

878
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:22,000
That one seems better than the other ones that were nominated.

879
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,000
We should be the only one.

880
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:28,000
I don't know.

881
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:36,000
When it was just us and then Grace Baylor's 12-minute podcast she had for a week or something nominated.

882
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,000
There was an improv one last year.

883
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:44,000
It was three different podcasts we faced up against last year.

884
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:51,000
Yes, and it's like these ones are better this year, which is better.

885
00:43:51,000 --> 00:44:01,000
We also, just for the folks who don't know, I took home best host of Bad Comedy podcast.

886
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:07,000
Brandon told me that if Jason had been in attendance they would have given it to Jason.

887
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,000
That would have been the funnier one.

888
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:12,000
Brandon would have done anything to make me sad.

889
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:17,000
Then Mac took home the most likely to go home and shoot himself in this kind of award.

890
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:27,000
Now he was most likely to shoot himself if someone broke into his house or something.

891
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,000
Shoot himself with his own gun if someone broke into his house.

892
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,000
Oh, okay. That's way different.

893
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,000
I thought they were saying that you'd be so sad.

894
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,000
That's what I said at the end.

895
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,000
I set the mic down.

896
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:41,000
I said, I'm going to go home and shoot myself with my gun.

897
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,000
Then I got a lot of claps for that.

898
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:47,000
Thanks everyone for wanting me to shoot myself with my gun.

899
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:51,000
I do want to take issue with the Gazellis for their bullying.

900
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:58,000
They actually had a category for biggest hack this year, which was not voted on by people.

901
00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,000
It was always Brian Rowe.

902
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:04,000
They gave it to Brian Rowe again, who has won fair and square before.

903
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,000
He deserves it.

904
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,000
And does deserve it.

905
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,000
I'm proud of him.

906
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:11,000
But I feel like that's kind of bullying.

907
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,000
And they also had a porous comical word.

908
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:18,000
I don't think we should money shame people.

909
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,000
We should. The Gazellis shouldn't.

910
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,000
I know.

911
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,000
It's our job.

912
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:28,000
The problem is the awards were too funny.

913
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:33,000
So the baddies are supposed to be like that, but more offensive.

914
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,000
But they are already offensive.

915
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:41,000
Do you think Jerry ever worries if the Gazellis are too cool?

916
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,000
Or if the comedy Gazellis are too good?

917
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:48,000
He came up with none of the funny ideas.

918
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:53,000
Do you think he ever worries if the Gazellis are too important?

919
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:58,000
I think that Jerry Homidy should go to hell.

920
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:02,000
I think Jerry?

921
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,000
Yeah.

922
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:08,000
You're like one of my least favorite Jerrys in this scene.

923
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,000
Jerry Homidy is by far my least favorite Jerry.

924
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:15,000
For me it would be the one that would go to power hour.

925
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,000
That old guy.

926
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:19,000
Yeah, I prefer that Jerry.

927
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:22,000
I like Jerry Seinfeld more.

928
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,000
But he's not in our scene.

929
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:29,000
Yeah, well, I like Jerry CK more.

930
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,000
I'm actually going to try to become a scene king.

931
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,000
I don't know if you remember this from MySpace.

932
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:34,000
No.

933
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:41,000
It was like when people are like scene or they look like emo.

934
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:45,000
But I remember there was a term called a scene darling for the Chicago comedy.

935
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:48,000
Oh yeah, that's very different.

936
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,000
Scott Darling.

937
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,000
I've always felt like the opposite.

938
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,000
Yeah.

939
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:57,000
It was more like they try to squish you like a bug if you have a speck of talent.

940
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:00,000
Why did Scott Darling stop doing comedy?

941
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:05,000
I haven't seen him around, but he was like really good.

942
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:09,000
I think it might have been the Brian Rowe Association.

943
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,000
Yeah.

944
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:14,000
Plus he probably couldn't afford to stand up anymore after his car got packed up.

945
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:15,000
Packed up.

946
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,000
Yeah, all packed up.

947
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:21,000
I saw Adam Addis, by the way, at Galway Bay.

948
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,000
How's he looking?

949
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,000
Was he walking?

950
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,000
He's walking weird.

951
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,000
Yeah.

952
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,000
Stephen Haas was walking behind him.

953
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:31,000
He slapped his ass.

954
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:34,000
Maybe he should make a skit about that.

955
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,000
He said that was a good ride, boy.

956
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:40,000
I was like that seems like really gay and kind of racist too.

957
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,000
Yeah.

958
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,000
I call him boy.

959
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,000
I mean he looks kind of like a little boy.

960
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:47,000
Might be part of their dynamic though.

961
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,000
Yeah.

962
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,000
Consensual.

963
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,000
Gay dynamic duo.

964
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,000
I think that's good for the scene if you have.

965
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,000
Gay dynamic duo.

966
00:47:56,000 --> 00:48:02,000
Yeah, if you have gay sex like in Zany's bathroom, I think that might be good.

967
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:03,000
Yeah.

968
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,000
In the scene.

969
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:07,000
It's probably one of the better things for the comedy scene.

970
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:11,000
Adam Addis and Stephen Haas having sex in the Zany's bathroom.

971
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:12,000
It's diversity.

972
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:19,000
It's like how much more diverse can Zany's be than having gay sex in the club.

973
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:20,000
Yeah.

974
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:21,000
That's diverse.

975
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,000
Yeah.

976
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:25,000
We need more DEI.

977
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,000
Yeah.

978
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:29,000
We lost coin shortage.

979
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:30,000
She was.

980
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,000
Not on the podcast.

981
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:32,000
This isn't the world.

982
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,000
It just needs more DEI.

983
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,000
Definitely not on the podcast.

984
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:39,000
This is not the place for.

985
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,000
No.

986
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,000
We have a hive mind.

987
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,000
Folks, do you know what that means?

988
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,000
Hive minds think alike.

989
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,000
You guys ever heard about that?

990
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,000
Yeah.

991
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,000
If you're in our hive mind.

992
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:54,000
We're just a couple of bees in a fish bowl.

993
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,000
If you want to join the hive mind folks, you know, you know where to find it.

994
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,000
Patreon.com slash bad comedy.

995
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,000
That's where we keep the real honey pot.

996
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:05,000
Next week you're going to see some Malort stuff going on.

997
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:06,000
You're going to like it.

998
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:11,000
There's going to be a lot of illness on this podcast.

999
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:14,000
You're going to see a lot of illness in a good way.

1000
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:15,000
Toxicity.

1001
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:16,000
No, it's going to be ill.

1002
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,000
Like that's ill.

1003
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,000
Chicago, Illinois.

1004
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,000
I actually backtrace that.

1005
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,000
Because I backtraced it.

1006
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,000
I'm so Chicago.

1007
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,000
Yeah.

1008
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:27,000
That's so Chicago.

1009
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:28,000
You know, that's so comedy.

1010
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,000
Oh, listen to this.

1011
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,000
Zach Orion.

1012
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,000
You're out.

1013
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:32,000
MC Lightsey.

1014
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:33,000
You're out.

1015
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Matt Bannward.

1016
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,000
You're out.

1017
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,000
See folks, that's what we did in the comedy scene.

1018
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,000
Okay.

1019
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,000
What's going to happen to Jerry?

1020
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,000
Jerry.

1021
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,000
You're out.

1022
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,000
He's done.

1023
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:46,000
I mean, I really could see him giving it all up.

1024
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,000
I'm going to do the battle horn.

1025
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,000
That's for the patrons.

1026
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:51,000
Patrons unite.

1027
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,000
So we're going to try to ruin his life.

1028
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:55,000
Yeah.

1029
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,000
And everywhere we can, we're going to ruin Jerry's life.

1030
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:05,000
And hey, Jerry, remember when I got on your vouch thing, not the actual tournament of

1031
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:12,000
the fair and square one, but when one person submits my name to the thing, you never put

1032
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:13,000
me on the show.

1033
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000
Yeah.

1034
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,000
So now that's just long gone.

1035
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:17,000
Hey, Jerry.

1036
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:18,000
That was like two years ago.

1037
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,000
Where's our op-ed?

1038
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,000
Yeah.

1039
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,000
What happened to that?

1040
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,000
Yeah.

1041
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:24,000
Where does that go?

1042
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:25,000
You see this?

1043
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:32,000
Remember when you told us a year ago, if we won the, if we won the gazelles two years

1044
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:35,000
in a row, we'd have an issue in the gazelles.

1045
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,000
What happened to that?

1046
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,000
Jerry.

1047
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,000
Where is that?

1048
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:40,000
And it wasn't three years.

1049
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,000
We did exactly two.

1050
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:46,000
We did two for the op-ed and you lied to us.

1051
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,000
Do you see, do you remember how much publicity?

1052
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:49,000
This gun got you.

1053
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,000
Yeah.

1054
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:53,000
This gun saved your whole fucking career.

1055
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:54,000
Career.

1056
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,000
And that's temporary.

1057
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:57,000
Yeah.

1058
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:06,000
Just like how we can ignite your career, Jerry, we can take you out just as easily.

1059
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:10,000
You want to look like your friend, California?

1060
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,000
Yeah.

1061
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,000
We brought you into this world.

1062
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:15,000
We can take you out just as easily.

1063
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:20,000
I would just, if I was Jerry, I would just give them the op-ed.

1064
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:21,000
Yeah.

1065
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:26,000
I would just give us a vouch and make sure they were good friends again.

1066
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,000
Yeah.

1067
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,000
I don't even, I don't need a vouch from him.

1068
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,000
I'll just go to PD.

1069
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,000
I'm just, I am sad, Jerry.

1070
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:40,000
I feel like you, you don't like me or, and Mac especially.

1071
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,000
No, Jerry's.

1072
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,000
Most of the scene, to be honest.

1073
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:47,000
Jerry is just a sad, miserable guy.

1074
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:51,000
I was asking him a gal, why are you always sad and miserable?

1075
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:56,000
And did he say, it was just, you're talking to him?

1076
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:59,000
And then he said, I ran away.

1077
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:08,000
Did he say that it's maybe, cause I've heard him talk about how you called him gay and then people think he's gay and keep bringing it up.

1078
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:15,000
And it's kind of a stain on his career, which I think isn't the right way to say it, but it shouldn't be.

1079
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,000
I mean, it should help me.

1080
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,000
It's a distraction.

1081
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:18,000
It should help him get booked more.

1082
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,000
It should.

1083
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,000
So that is another way that we're helping Jerry.

1084
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,000
Right.

1085
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,000
By calling him gay.

1086
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,000
We defended him at all costs.

1087
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:26,000
Yeah.

1088
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,000
Got him huge press.

1089
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,000
Made him gay to get booked.

1090
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:35,000
And then, and we're treated by him rigging the elections.

1091
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:37,000
It just makes me sad.

1092
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,000
I just, it's like ham talon all over again.

1093
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:41,000
I thought we were tight.

1094
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,000
Yeah.

1095
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:43,000
We were tight.

1096
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:48,000
Jerry, remember all the times that we hung out at North Bar and then you do this to us?

1097
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:49,000
We feel shunned right now.

1098
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,000
I feel like.

1099
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:54,000
Actually, no, I like Jerry cause they gave me the best host award.

1100
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,000
So actually I'm all good.

1101
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,000
Brandon gave you that.

1102
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:03,000
Brandon, and then he wrote the L into my name, which he didn't, he spelled my name wrong.

1103
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,000
Yeah.

1104
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,000
Everyone thinks you're Bill Maher's brother.

1105
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:07,000
It's crazy.

1106
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,000
It's just what I think I am in my head.

1107
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,000
And then it's like, people don't even know how to spell your name.

1108
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:15,000
People don't know how to say your name.

1109
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:17,000
And you're not that.

1110
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,000
You probably feel like WTF.

1111
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,000
Yeah.

1112
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,000
I'm well more like WTH.

1113
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,000
Yeah.

1114
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:25,000
What the heck?

1115
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:31,000
Folks, we got a really cool Patreon episode coming up.

1116
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:34,000
So.

1117
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,000
Catch it.

1118
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:38,000
It's going to come out on Thursday.

1119
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:41,000
The whatever the.

1120
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,000
Thursday.

1121
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,000
It's enough.

1122
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,000
It's on Thursday.

1123
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:48,000
If you're, if you're a patron, if you're a patron, you have early access.

1124
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:53,000
You know, you're obviously listening on Monday when this episode drops.

1125
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:57,000
If you're, if you're a peasant, then you're listening on Wednesday.

1126
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,000
Just fucking subscribe to us.

1127
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:03,000
And just, if you don't like it, just unsubscribe.

1128
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,000
Yeah.

1129
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:05,000
I still haven't raised.

1130
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:06,000
It's a four dollar.

1131
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,000
I was supposed to raise the price in November and I still forgot.

1132
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:10,000
So it's cutting into our profits.

1133
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,000
We're actually, we're, we are heavily losing money.

1134
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:15,000
I've lost so much money from this.

1135
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,000
So is Mac.

1136
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:17,000
We are.

1137
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:18,000
This studio folks.

1138
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,000
Our studio is burning down.

1139
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:23,000
Like we're in LA right now.

1140
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:27,000
And in a matter of probably hours, this studio will be rubble.

1141
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:33,000
They have no idea though, honestly, the blood, sweat and tears that have gone into this production.

1142
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,000
Yeah.

1143
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:41,000
Just real like there's so much like six hours a week, every week, like, yeah.

1144
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:47,000
Which takes your basically your whole day from social battery comedy energy.

1145
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:51,000
Mac was letting us use this room, which could have been rented out.

1146
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:52,000
Yeah.

1147
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,000
As like a, as a studio.

1148
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:57,000
This is my LA condo.

1149
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:58,000
Yeah.

1150
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:01,000
And it's like, okay, maybe we're in talks with New York.

1151
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,000
Maybe you weren't talks with.

1152
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:06,000
Well, I think next week we have a problem.

1153
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,000
Next week we'll be back in Chicago studio.

1154
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,000
Also the flights out here to LA have been kind of expensive too.

1155
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:18,000
But to say like we make money from this is it's a, it's a funny idea.

1156
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,000
Back in my day.

1157
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:23,000
But we get just a little kickback.

1158
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:24,000
Yeah.

1159
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:28,000
But then just the ways it costs us in opportunity cost.

1160
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:29,000
Oh yeah.

1161
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:32,000
We get like, uh, like two bucks.

1162
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,000
We really get paid like less than minimum wage.

1163
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:37,000
Oh, way less.

1164
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:44,000
And so we'd like to pretend to flex, but it's really going to help us out.

1165
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,000
Yeah.

1166
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:47,000
Give us $4, man.

1167
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:48,000
Yeah.

1168
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:53,000
You don't even have to listen to supports of the goddamn broadcast, but you should.

1169
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:54,000
Two bucks each.

1170
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,000
And then Apple takes a cut.

1171
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:59,000
Apples takes an additional 30% now.

1172
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:05,000
So we're talking about you might give me a dollar 40 a month.

1173
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:06,000
Yeah.

1174
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,000
For.

1175
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:08,000
Yeah.

1176
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,000
This is fucked up.

1177
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,000
This fucking subs.

1178
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:12,000
It's like 10 cents an hour.

1179
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:17,000
Just go to Patreon.com slash bad comedy.

1180
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:23,000
Or if you want to support Alex Jones and us, then go to the Alex Jones store.com slash bad comedy.

1181
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,000
And buy Malort.

1182
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:27,000
Picture us making shoes.

1183
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:28,000
Yeah.

1184
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,000
And we're children.

1185
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:35,000
What if, what if we started guys, you realized if you fund this operation more, we can start doing way cooler shit.

1186
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:44,000
We can get, um, I mean, we have all these, we have this whole crew that we have to pay back here to do the production for us.

1187
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:47,000
Like, do you think that that's cheap?

1188
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:51,000
No, it's, I mean, shout out to the crew.

1189
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:52,000
Love you guys.

1190
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:56,000
Yeah. And I mean, they do this essentially for free.

1191
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:58,000
We don't even live on camera.

1192
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:03,000
Um, but I mean, if it wasn't for the crew, this wouldn't be able to happen.

1193
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:09,000
And if you don't, if we don't get more patrons, then we're gonna have to fire the crew.

1194
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:16,000
And it's tough when you have people whose livelihood and their lives really depend on.

1195
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:18,000
Well, the show must go on.

1196
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:23,000
The crew is losing their homes probably because of the, because of LA.

1197
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:25,000
And do they deserve it?

1198
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:26,000
No.

1199
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:27,000
We'll see.

1200
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:28,000
We'll see what the fans think.

1201
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:29,000
Yeah.

1202
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:30,000
I'll see what the fans think.

1203
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:31,000
Um, so.

1204
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:36,000
There's so many stylistic choices where we just stay true to ourselves.

1205
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:42,000
Still say whatever we want, even though we can't make money from it on YouTube or whatever.

1206
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,000
Yep.

1207
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,000
And it's harder to grow.

1208
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:49,000
Three years, it's still $3.99 a month.

1209
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:50,000
Okay.

1210
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:52,000
Think about that inflation.

1211
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:55,000
Basically we make a cent per patron.

1212
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,000
We're really making a doll.

1213
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:58,000
That's crazy.

1214
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,000
We make one cent.

1215
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:04,000
We're making one dollar, one dollar and 40 cents a month per person.

1216
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:07,000
We make one cent per patron.

1217
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,000
That's literally what it is.

1218
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,000
It doesn't even make sense.

1219
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,000
In dollar cost.

1220
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:12,000
In dollar cost averaging.

1221
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,000
That's what it is.

1222
00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:16,000
I did the math.

1223
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,000
You want to get one cent.

1224
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:19,000
Actually, no, we get one cent total.

1225
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:20,000
Wait, is actually true.

1226
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,000
Each.

1227
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:22,000
Yeah.

1228
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:23,000
Once a month.

1229
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:29,000
That's more than my deal was written up to include, but yeah, I'm want to renegotiate.

1230
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:33,000
We get used to smelling salts and stuff in there.

1231
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,000
It's true.

1232
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:35,000
Yeah.

1233
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:42,000
But folks, hey, um, subscribe because we got a huge episode dropping Thursday.

1234
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:43,000
This Thursday.

1235
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:51,000
If you're listening to this after Wednesday or Monday, then it's already out on Patreon.

1236
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:52,000
Massive.

1237
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:57,000
Guys, one thing you might not realize is we have about 250 episodes behind the paywall

1238
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:04,000
that, actually probably closer to 275 that have never seen the light of day.

1239
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:09,000
Every guest episode and every episode until we went public like fucking what?

1240
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,000
Public with half of our episodes.

1241
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:14,000
Not even half probably probably guest episode.

1242
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:18,000
Probably over over half of our regular episodes are behind the paywall too.

1243
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:24,000
So we're probably talking shit about you and you need to know that you need to see that.

1244
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:25,000
Find out.

1245
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:26,000
Yeah.

1246
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:27,000
Find out.

1247
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:29,000
Man, we'll see cats to feed.

1248
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:30,000
We'll see it.

1249
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,000
Yeah.

1250
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:34,000
I got bills to pay.

1251
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:38,000
I got cats to feed and ain't nothing in this world for free.

1252
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:39,000
Pay my telephone bill.

1253
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,000
Pay my telephone bill.

1254
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,000
Pay my automobile.

1255
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,000
Pay my automobile.

1256
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:47,000
Pay my pay for me to get another.

1257
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,000
Pay for me to get another gun.

1258
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,000
Oh, follow me.

1259
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,000
Yeah.

1260
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:55,000
Follow me at bad boy comedy center money at comedy baddie.

1261
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:56,000
Baddie.

1262
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,000
You just send me money directly instead of.

1263
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:00,000
No, send to the Patreon.

1264
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,000
It's cool.

1265
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:03,000
Now you send it to the Patreon.

1266
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,000
Got two cats at home.

1267
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:07,000
So they're all kind of important.

1268
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,000
They're starving to his operation.

1269
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:12,000
His cats are starving.

1270
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:13,000
I went to his house.

1271
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:14,000
They're so skinny.

1272
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:17,000
They're very they're thinning.

1273
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,000
Yeah.

1274
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,000
I call it fasting for cats.

1275
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:21,000
That's smart.

1276
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,000
You intermittent fast.

1277
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:24,000
I just don't feed them for a week or so.

1278
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:25,000
Yeah, that's good.

1279
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:28,000
They're like, I mean, daddy.

1280
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:29,000
Yeah.

1281
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:30,000
Like you're still here.

1282
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,000
It's a good diet.

1283
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:32,000
It's intermittent fasting.

1284
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:35,000
So you just got to let the cats fast for a while.

1285
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,000
And they are locked in.

1286
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:39,000
And then you give a little bit of food.

1287
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:40,000
Yeah.

1288
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:44,000
Like maybe you're at someone's house and like you get a little bit of dog food and bring

1289
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:45,000
it back to them.

1290
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,000
And I'm always surprised they don't know how to break out.

1291
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:52,000
Like I love it, but I'm just have to withhold food sometimes.

1292
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:54,000
So they think I'm a god.

1293
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,000
Yeah, that's true.

1294
01:00:56,000 --> 01:01:01,000
You think that cats would be able to break out of your house because cat woman, she can

1295
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:02,000
break in anywhere.

1296
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:03,000
They broke into my closet.

1297
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:06,000
They flooded the apartment beneath me.

1298
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,000
Maybe they just like me.

1299
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:15,000
I locked Josie in my bedroom because I wanted to run my little vacuum robot vacuum thing.

1300
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:19,000
And then Josie eventually just sort of like ramming into the door.

1301
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:20,000
Wow.

1302
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:23,000
Josie gets scared.

1303
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:26,000
They'll do anything.

1304
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:28,000
All right, folks, catch that.

1305
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:34,000
We have Josie as a guest coming up and it's going to be quite exciting.

1306
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,000
We love you all and stay true.

1307
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,000
God bless America.

1308
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,000
God bless America.

1309
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:42,000
Stay true to God.

1310
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:59,000
Keep it real.