Hey everybody and Merry Christmas. Welcome to the Bad Comedy Podcast. I want to give
an extra special Merry Christmas to our friends in Israel and Palestine really suffering over
there. I know they could really use a Merry Christmas. My name is Mac and I'm here with
Dylan Roof-Dommer and coin shortage. Adam Kwanzaa. How are you guys and Merry Christmas.
I'm great. I have a lot of coins today. Do you think the people, the Israel's and the
Palestinians are happy about my Merry Christmas? Listen to this folks. Listen to this morning.
I don't think they have. They probably don't celebrate that. I don't want to say they don't
have access to this podcast. They do. They do. It's the public. Yeah. You know it's
Netanyahu's first name is Bibi. Who's it? Who's it? Hey baby. Hey baby. Who is this?
Hey baby. You don't know Netanyahu is? No. You don't know anything. Well this is the
Bad Comedy Podcast. Not the Bad Political Alignment Podcast. You were calling Herbs
Herbs. Herbs. Herbs. I knew how to pronounce Herbs when I was one year old. One year old.
It's Herb. It's Herb. H E R B. It's silent. It's like how my last name is silent K at
the beginning but not on my social media. It's secret. What? It's Canepar. But it's
Nepper. Oh. I just took off the K because it would have been Neeper. Well it's normally
no it's normally like when it's an open mic like hosted by like a black guy or something
they can't pronounce it. I mean that I mean is Matt Canepar here? There are many. There
are many names. There's not that many like black guy last names that have silent letters.
There's like non Jefferson. Washington. What do they have against K? No Lincoln. What
am I trying to say? Alex does not. What? So I'm hungover. Alex. You're hungover? No.
I was up till 7.30 AM. Doing what? I mean caffeine. Caffeine at the at the I don't want
to blow up my spot. I was at the John Hancock building. Why? Because I was just doing caffeine.
Collecting signatures. You were doing coke at in the John Hancock? Well actually. For
what? Weddings. Caffeine pills to stay up and chat and talk about world war two and
stuff. He's trying to make a marriage illegal. So you don't understand men. What men do is
they take a bunch of caffeine and they talk about world war two really fast. No. In circle.
That's what men do. Or they or they won't do drugs at all and talk about world war two.
Yeah. Or they'll be like Brad Kaufman and just buy a bunch of subscribers. I think just
in the open instead of instead of secretly buying fake it for ones from India through
Sohrab. What is the ratio? He gets two dollars. They get one dollar. One dollar. For out of
what five dollars? I'm actually going to go on a campaign and like make a bunch of people
subscribe to his channel. No, he has to pay a bunch of money and then I want the receipts.
We need to do that. We need to do the Paul Farvar 50 50 deal with Parkinson's but maybe
for autism. We'll call it no. We'll call it Mark and sends and it goes to my pocket and
I split it with you guys. Yeah. We should make puzzles. Yeah. What about Mark? What about
what about Mark? What about Mark? What about Mark? What about Mark? Mark? Mark? Mark? Mark?
That's a puzzle. Hey, what's up? What's up? Oh, I'm Jody Foster and every other. I'm
a lesbian. I'm a lesbian. Do you guys know that? Yeah. So Mac has this great new voice.
I drive a Subaru. I'm back and I have. Yes. I have six dogs and I work at the zoo and
I wear cargo shorts. I want to get my back blown out with my back. I love when my wife
puts on her strap on. Yes. But we're not allowed at the gay bars. They hate us like.
They don't they don't play. They don't play this bullshit of my body. We listen to Leonard
Schumer. You got to listen to Mac Nepper's joke. No, this is the game. But a lesbian
bar is they listen to like Ledgerplin. A little bit of Metallica. Right. What John Hickock
listens to. And they go to. Yeah, up a steakhouse. Yeah. So I was. I was guns. Oh man. So I was
hanging out with him at the John Hancock building and he just forced me to watch like Metallica
and Slayer. Every time I hang out with him and we get drunk. John Hickock. John Hickock.
John Hickock. Yeah. Bearded guy. Okay. The guns. Yeah. He has access to the John Hancock.
Yes. Why? Because it's his birthright. His name is John Hickock. So we can go to John
Hancock. Well, no, Hickock is like it's that's like a trailer park name. Hancock is like
skyscraper name. It's on a trailer park name. It's actually the name of Wild Bill Hickock,
one of the best coolest cowboys around the Root and Tootin. He died playing poker. Yeah.
He didn't know what to fold. Well now they're all trailer park trash. You made a living
with them. They're not a thing anymore. You know that I used to be a river gambler. I
made a living dealing cards. My clothes were smooth and honest, but my heart was cold and
dark. Okay. I was shuffling for some Delta boys on the way to New Orleans. There's have
to be lyrics. I was the biggest shark. I was the biggest shark they'd ever seen. But the
captain bumped a sandbar and an ace fell from my sleeve. They threw it through me overboard
as I swear I didn't cheat. But I could swim and I'll you know, I'll I'll write again.
They call you a fish. Yeah, they call me a gay fish. They call me a Roscoe's and I don't
know how to play poker. Roscoe's never played. Yeah, that's a gay bar. It's like like go.
I used to live between I was on Newport in it was right between Wrigleyville and Halstead
where the Roscoe's and stuff was. And then I didn't shoot many leisure beans walking
in there. Lots of gay guys. It's like the old gay spot. Isn't it kind of crazy how many
gay guys are on Boys Town? What the heck? It's like this all day over there. Yeah, it's
a great spot for comedy. You know, I hated I would walk to the 7 11 hung over on Sundays,
you know, hung over a shit. And then I was like, I need to get a rage. And I would go
to go to get a raise. But Sunday, literally, I would Sunday is the fucking main party day
for gay guys. So I would have to deal with a bunch of guys do like this. We'll have a
big ass like 3 p.m. Yeah, they're like, Hey, like Matt Brown would be walking like prancing
around in his sequins, sequined tuxedo. Honestly, I want to start wearing more. He can he sings
opera so well. You guys really? Yeah, I sing opera for my last show. No one went to see
it. Sing it not not. Do you want me to sing? No. I was gonna sing. I was gonna sing. I
was gonna sing. I used to be in the church choir. Really? Yeah. Do you know this song
threw him with him in him in the unity of the Holy Spirit, a glory and honor as heroes
almighty father forever and ever. Yeah, but we sing like like Christmas Carols. What about
Christ has died Christ is risen. Christ will come again. No, let's take a bite out of
comedy folks. So what? So you do some comedy. The other night. Yeah, but I like comedy the
other day. I did. I did. Six people impressive. Thank you. It wasn't my show. And then it
was mostly. Lesbians with purple hair. No, it wasn't Ukraine. No, they weren't off. No,
no, no. There was one lady from Romania. And I talked to her like I try to do crowd work.
Was she a lesbian? I don't think so. Yeah, I haven't asked to be fair. Did she drive
a Subaru outback? You can tell by that. I didn't see what she drove, but she talked
throughout like the entire show. I love those people. Yeah. I mean, there were six people
there. It's that's where you are supposed to do your improvised crowd work. And I that's
why I try to say you say shut up, you lesbian. Yeah, because she'll talk during my set. So
I was like, go back to your dog. Yeah, so I was like, possessed by a lesbian demon. Yeah,
I'm Dr. Fauci. So anyways, I I was doing crowd work with this Romanian chick. And I was like,
so like what's going on over there? Like what's the politics? It's like million dead. Yeah,
and she's like, well, the one I kind of was zoning out because I was like three cucumber
lime meals in and I had two free drink tickets. So I was going fucking nuts. I love the cucumber
limes. You guys are done a cute full cucumber. I love that shit. So I like meals. That's
strength. It's a good animal. I want to be a hundred percent sober. But cucumber lime
meals at beauty bars. The reason why I keep relapsing. I think it's mules that can't reproduce
because it's a mix between I think it's a horse and a donkey mix. That's why I love
fucking. Oh, do you? Oh, that's a good idea. Idea for only fans. You do a donkey show where
you get banged. Oh, thank you. Oh, guys. That was a good joke. Leave your comments below
and I don't want you to think about it. So keep your eye on only fans. She's going to
be launching coin footage where she's going to show her hobbit feet. Yeah, taking pictures
of her hobbit feet next week. I will be bathing it in your substance of choice. So just leave
it in the comments below and send $5 right because we're bumping up the price soon. $5
I got to make an announcement that as a New Year's gift to new people, the price is going
to go up. This is going to be very Christmas. Pick in some scabs. What about, what's, what
is the, is Kwanzaa? I don't think Zako had his Kwanzaa party at Life Factory this year,
which is pretty Zako Ryan. Yeah, he always had he always hosted the Kwanzaa party. That's
Kwanzaa party. That's yeah. I laugh at three because he's black. He's a black guy. You're
joking. Okay. No, he's an Austin now. But he refused to come back to the Kwanzaa party.
Why is everyone going to Austin? They all sent me a Zako. I want to pet your dog. They
all sent me a picture of the exact code. Zako was like, he was on the Instagram live,
like doing an unboxing. And obviously, me and Zako each other blocked because props.
I thought you guys like talked it out. No, he's he's terrified of me. Oh, yeah, I'd
be too. After he threatened to kill me. Oh, I was like, what the heck? What the frick?
That's so mean. When I see all these millions of people dying all over the world, I'm like,
dude, I started making my 9 11 reaction. And like few of the clips are like, what the heck?
Really? Oh, my gosh. What the? Or I'll be like, Oh, yeah, just do a bunch of like,
just do a bunch of different like, like the, the Hindenburg going down and just like a bunch of
different, find a bunch of different like tragedies. Oklahoma City bombing. Yeah, you're just like
reacting to all the historical tragedies and you're facing just in the corner like,
no, you're like, what the? I think it would be too far. It's like, no.
But Hindenburg would be good. Yeah, George Floyd would be kind of awkward. Yeah.
It's about be like content. Yeah, but I would say 9 11 Hindenburg, maybe even
in the I don't I want I want to say this word without getting in trouble on YouTube.
Poly polycost. We can do the you do that.
But yeah, I feel like the the Pentagon and so they have a lot of pens square now. They have a
lot of pens over there. We're all we're spending on pens, which is part of I think what the
Department of Government efficiency is going to get rid of at the Pentagon through through.
I think it's Pete Hegg, Seth Rogen or something. I was thinking like you'd be cool if you saw like
Jack Black at like 9 11 Seth Rogen. Holy shit. Seth Rogen and Joe Rogan are brothers.
Really? They have the same last name. Oh, yeah. They don't talk. They might be cousins. Wait,
Tom Brady, Wayne Brady. Yeah, that's why they both like wheat though. Wayne Brady is pansexual.
He fucks pans. Is Wayne Brady going to have to choke a pan? Wayne Brady. That's the one who made
out with his son, right? No, that was that was me. I made out with my son. Okay, my son got
taken away by my Brady did the thing. The black guy. No, no, that's the Tom. No, Tom Brady would
would kiss his kids on the lips, but he didn't make out with them. Okay. It was just like a family
thing or just a family thing. It's family tradition. If it's cultural, it's different,
but then if it's just a weird one, yeah, especially on camera. Yeah, like, that's white cultural. We
smoocher our kids or I would never touch my kid. That's fucking gross. Oh, speaking of
something, never get a hip on my hug or anything. Speaking of smooching the
the what's that in Home Alone? There's that three or two or there's that there's that crime
movie that he watches in it where the guy always like shoots the people. He's like one, two, 10.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yellow. No good. Get your yellow. No good. Keaster off my property before
I pump your guts full of lead. Yeah, I love that. But when I heard smooching, he's like, I think he
says like, I caught you and this person smooching. So that's why for Christmas, Home Alone, it all
comes full circle. I watched the movie pig. Pig. Yep, it was a recommendation from Senator John
Kennedy, the cool John Kennedy. Oh, I love Nick Cage. I love I love
I hear it's like no wonder if it doesn't get done in like Congress or because they end up on
these like little personal trying to be funny anecdotes and stuff. Well, I think so it was a
it was a flood insurance bill where what the fuck are they talking about with?
Well, they're talking about share being cool and stuff like I cut out the
substantial stuff that Rand Paul was saying. Basically, Rand Paul is saying that we don't
need to give people like share and Nicholas Cage, they're rich enough to buy their own flood
insurance. Yeah, it's gonna be coming from the government. So he's trying to drill. They're
going to move you, John. He was trying to trim John Kennedy's bill that basically covers
fucking everyone for flood insurance, which is a good national program because like,
a lot of private companies won't sell flood insurance in certain areas. So they lose a
shitload of money to do can't really ensure for flood. I'm the insurance whisperer. If you guys
didn't know if you ever have questions about insurance. Yeah, well, if you want, if you need
property casualty, you talk to him, you need life insurance advice, talk to me. And if you just need
someone to talk to, that's me. Well, you need someone to talk to. So she really needs someone
to talk to. So if you could give her a call at 847 362, I'm probably putting therapy so I can
afford to run. Yeah, you're gonna therapy. This is a I just stand comedy therapy actually. No, you
because you don't do it. No, I do. I do it as like a I see it as therapy. I do. I do. I see
I see a very therapeutic as well. Yeah. Yeah. That's the back. Hack is thing people say.
Even people say that. No, no, I just said a therapy. Yeah. Like, no, go back to therapy. Okay,
this is where we talk about guns and pans. Yeah, I literally, I literally made this joke.
I literally made this joke where I was like,
that's supposed to be a yawn, but it's not like somebody was fucking yeah, that sounded like
that sounded too. Yeah, too much. Really out of time. Should have turned it down to seven.
So I continue. I'll support each other. How many coins so how many coins you got there?
I haven't counted. Are you short? I don't know. That's a lot of pennies. Yeah, this is 50 cents.
We're dude, I think that I was hanging out with John Hinchcliffe yesterday. Yeah. And the machine
gun guy and there was his girlfriend's birthday and then junior met up with us and Dale was there
too. And John really wants to have sex with Junior Stapka. John Hitchcliffe. He says he's the best.
Well, he is the best. But John wants to bang, they're get banged by him, I think. I asked John,
like, if junior in front of his girlfriend, I said, like, yeah, that sounds familiar.
I said, yeah, he's he's he's a tour with Stan Hope. He's still friends with Stan Hope and probably
still could tour with him. But he just is in and out of shows, but he'll he'll do shows.
Part. It's cool seeing just a really talented comic and get no love from the scene, basically.
But yeah, then once you but also not he's not like reaching out to get booked, you know,
it's like Dale. I saw Anthony Fuentes for the first time last night. I was you saw like one
dozen person. Impressed me. I've never seen him before. Where did you see Nick Fuentes? No, I said
Anthony Fuentes. Oh, the big fish. Yeah, he's funny. He's funny. I like him because he's scary.
He's very like he's like a lot, though. He'll like come up to you and grab your arm and be like,
listen, kid, I want to put you on something big. You like you like to stop. He likes my TikTok
videos. So I'll give him that. Yeah, yeah. He's like, I got I got a cousin who needs a little
help. You know what I'm saying? And maybe you want to like, yeah, maybe you want to. Well,
that's probably just me because I have like I'm do video stuff. But he's like, maybe, maybe you
want to like film me do comedy. I can like edit it. I can like give you like 20 bucks for it. Do
you want to do that? He doesn't talk like that. He does. No, he doesn't. He does. Not at all. He's
like, I can offer you a cigar outside. He's more like, and you'll make it a video bar. Me. I have
to be on the media. Can you believe that? Media for me. He did a little major voice.
It was so good. It was like an Adam Gilbert voice. He's like, yo, man. I was like a midget that
was getting thrown with her ass or something. Like, hey, man, like, I don't know. It sounded like
a, I don't, I don't. He's like, he's like, I'm I need me. Oh, I saw tiny. I saw the tamale guy
and Dale was like, I hate that. That's my only guy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, you Dale, you
hate the tamale guy. Yeah, you. Oh, why? You like you do you at Coles or where? I had a star bar.
Oh, star bar. Star bar has a slot machine. Oh, nice. And it's it's not real gambling. I just want
to say it for the record for YouTube. God. No, no, but I happened to win in fake money. I won
like 200 bucks putting in 20. I hate gambling. And when I say fake money, is that why you only have
these coins? I hate gambling. Do they have an open mic there? No. Oh, why are we there?
Because I don't need boys. The boys at night and we're fucking rocking and we're we're we're
we're sucking the night's D. I'll tell you that much all night. Sucking the night's D all the way
till 7am. Why? Some people wake up at 7am. I go to bed at 7am. You were you were partying? He was
partying last night. You were partying. You didn't invite Dylan. I wear sunglasses. And he didn't
watch pigs a movie with me either. No, I watched pig by myself. That's so fucked up. Well,
we're really just like, Hey, Dylan, could you just come over so we can make her another 35 cents?
Oh, I also tried to overstay my welcome at John Hickah Ock's house. And I never stand. I would
never hang out with me. Yeah. I know I would hang out with John Hickock just like not at his place.
His place rules. Like a block away. Dude. He's literally the nicest guy in the world. Oh, no,
I bet he is. He's like Paul Farvar accepts he doesn't run a Ponzi scheme. You just know better,
you know what happens. These freak off sometimes and yeah, those you wake up. Yeah, I mean, he's
behind you. He has cameras all over, right? So that he can blackmail his friends like me. He has
a bunch of blackmail on me. So like what? Like, I can't I guess you can't say blackmail. That
sucks. No, you said no, actually, he introduced me to a blackmail. That's what I meant. Okay,
cool. Black friend that I met. That's good. Isn't it kind of fucked up that they call a crime black
male? Is that not the most systemic racist thing you ever heard? I don't think has anything to do
with racism. You get arrested for being a black. I think it just I don't know they label everything
like there's like black Friday. I mean, that's that's not a crime. Yeah, black is kind of just
like an overall term. But it's also it's also a color. Yeah, it's our it's our favorite color.
But it's associated with knowing the race racism of it. Yeah, the critical race theory of it. I
have a critical race theory. What's white male or a white collar? White male is not even a crime.
What is it? It should be. It should be. We got to equalize these laws. This is a good joke. What's
Asian male? Asian male spam probably is probably a spy spy for China. Yeah, because they're they
have a big population. Alright, so on top of deporting, you know, all the illegal immigrants,
we also need to deport people that people like about this. Zeezer. I like the legal immigrants
here, honestly, it's kind of a party. Well, no, we'll keep the we'll keep the ones that have been
here for a while that have are paying taxes and stuff. We'll get rid of all the criminals and
then we'll get rid of the people Zeezer. But what if they're good at stand of comedy?
I'm just thinking if they're funny. Yeah, I want them to be in the pod. Actually, could they work
on the pod? Well, no, it is always isn't funny enough. He's funny, but he's got to get deported.
No, no, no, no, no, no. That was probably the last definitely like the last time. No,
no, the last time he was our guest before. He's the he's the fucking Mexican. Can we bring him back?
You just remember people. I remember Noe. You don't remember people of color. She's doing
proud. I remember Noe. I remember Noe. It just she's not even the last time I've ever gonna see
him. She's not even blind. She can't even see. She can't even see. I have these fucking sunglasses.
Not like an aesthetic thing. I need them. Oh, I need to get rose color.
For what? Well, if you have rose color lenses, it's like a kind of a filter that makes the world
like brighter, nicer. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's a saying like it's like looking through the world
through rose color lenses. It's an old adage. Yeah. We have a lot of adages. Yeah. I should get I
should get yellow sunglasses. So everything looks like P. It probably wouldn't look like P. It probably
looks look more yellow. No. So there's that Brian was making fun like at one point he was like I
was making fun of Brian Rowe or something like said really loud and I was like, Oh, yeah, I would
never make fun of that guy in public. Hey, I'm Brian. Hey, I'm Brian. I'm Brian. I'm Brian.
I'll suck your penis if I can get going to it with you. Oh, you would never. Where is Scott
Darling? I would go on. Darling of the comedy scene. That would be the worst show ever.
I'm not as risky. You got to be with the right people. He's that car Ryan. I'm going to India.
Indiana. I'm going to all the hotspots in Indiana. India is is that say named after Indians?
Because what because because it's all calling someone an Indian is bad or indigenous.
And I'm I'm an indigenous person from Indian. So they should change it to indigen, indigen,
indigeniana. Okay, indigen, indigen, indigen, sorry, indigenian is people. Anna. It's funny.
There's a lot of Indians there. Even for like the ones that are like, I'm Indian or like I am
Indian like they spicy food. That's our feathers. Jerry. So yeah, connected. Also, they need more
feathers and that's right. But both do dots and feathers. No, the dots are the dots are the ones
from the fake India. Yeah, they're no real the real Indians are the American Indians. Yeah,
yeah. So I had to destroy a Native American last roast battle. Oh, yeah. That's kind of bad for
their community. What was their spiritual animal? They do you probably love them because they may
have casinos. So he's saving horse. Right. He said I was I was like, has CTE from getting kicked
in the head with a horse or something. I was like, that's my name American name. What are your
thoughts on this point? I've been thinking about hiring one half of the one half of the port to
kill the other half. Wait, what? One half of the port it like hunger games? No, well, I hire each
side to kill the other half. Yeah. What what do you mean? Like what side how to kick the sides?
It's just maybe politically that might be the easiest and then and then I'll keep doing that
until so it'll be half and then I'll they're higher I'll hire two halves of that until there's
one guy left. It's like one. Yeah, but politics aren't like just a binary system even though
you're told it's non binary. Yeah, it has it's like a spectrum. Woke is bullshit.
It's a quote from the Donald. Thank you. Thank you, Donald. Once we get our money right, then
we don't like Donald Trump. Why would he ever do to you? Did he brainwash my father? Did he
select him for like eight years? Are you sure that you're not the one who's been brainwashed?
No, I'm not brainwashed because I don't bring him up every fucking podcast.
He either brought him up. No, I didn't. She's implying that you're what about a movie called
Donald clumps like the clumps but they're all it's an Eddie Murphy. It's Donald Trump.
Right. Different fat suits. That's funny. Yeah. Fat Albert. Fat Albers.
That's good. That's good. He should say that on stage. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Chris Fort. Gay, gay, gay.
He tried to like do that last night. I'm Chris Fort. He's like I'm fat Albert.
Like, hey, hey, hey. I think I think I might have given him a fat that idea. The fat Albert idea.
Give him you gave him a hack albers. Because I talked to Chris Fort quite a bit.
He's a good, very good dude. Fort Albert. He's like, Chris Fort. He's like,
thank you. I'm Chris Fort. Have a good night. Or that's like I'm dark. I'm dark Vader.
Did he actually play Darth Vader? Well, when he was in his imagination with this with his friends
in school. Okay, that's cool. But he would they would call them they would they would call him
dark Vader because he was black. Oh, okay. I'm dark Vader. They used to say I smell like barbecue.
Yeah, in high school. You do kind of barbecue. Why? I don't know. It's pheromones. You actually
got a swing. You feel like sulfur kind of like Hillary Clinton. Holy. I've been smelling sulfur
like ever since I was seven. Yeah, ever since I got the Maxine I've been smelling sulfur. I've been
I've been seeing like, like the future. been staying up till eight a.m. seven a.m. actually
central standard time. Sometimes we'll be up for our international listeners.
How much how much did you drink? Probably like 80 gallons. Yeah, a coffee. Oh coffee.
Joe Joe kill gallon killing gallon of coffee was there serving us. I've gone on like benders of like
three or four days sometimes where I'm on Adderall don't sleep and it's horrible for you obviously.
But then by the end of that song, it's fun though. I got to hear like hearing a song like
like a new way that I never heard before. I'm like, I need to get some sleep. Yeah, I mean sleep
deprivation is kind of a drug in itself. Yeah, it's kind of like it's kind of like the choking game.
You know, guys won't you guys want to do the choking game? Yeah, it would be cool. You want us
to make you pass out? Well, we're going to all choke each other in a triangle. I'm good. What
about a triangle choke? Oh, you know, being a prank if we did if we did it, if we were a human
centipede, we sewed ourselves. Oh, that would be such a good prank. Yeah, we should call it like
our podcast like the human centipede. We made a cast of over Trump.
It was awesome. Strength and numbers. There's so much we have so much power. It's insane.
We literally made them we forced a cast his hand of over Trump. I wasn't going to even vote at all.
Actually, the main reason I did vote is because I saw on MSWC, they said, yeah, Trump was a fascist,
like Hitler. And I was like, I love Hitler. Come in and vote for Trump. Yeah, I know you love
Hitler. I think that I'm totally like, okay, with him just being a dictator. Yeah, I know. I'm not.
I love good guys. Yeah, I like people that don't try to take all of our guns so they can rule over us.
Yeah, I like when they point the guns at me already. Well, the thing is a fascist leader or a dictator
wouldn't be pro second amendment because they would want to take the guns away from the civilians.
They can control them. Right. That's how that works. That is how it works. Yeah, there needs more
school shootings. We need more of that. Yeah, because we put ourselves in a place because guns
shoot people on their own. Actually, the most recent school shootings have been mostly non
binary and trans people if you want to look into it. And his pistols actually, his pistols,
they're trying to ban AR 15. You can't buy it. You can't also so many, so many liberals don't
understand that you can't like this store and buy a machine gun. People think that like AR 15s
are fully auto machine. I can literally go buy a gun right now. You have to you have to you have to
get your foot hard and then you'd have to have a few days. I'm literally gonna go buy a car to just
make you shut up by a car, but a gun. Also, it's gonna be so easy. Cars killed people by their own.
Yeah, I don't like cars either. It's a good movie. So we do need less. Okay, so you should
give away your car. I can't give it to Paul Farrakhan's because we're in a car dependent society.
Yeah, I have to fucking drive everywhere. I have to go to Skokie. I can't roller skate because
Trump said it's too low. No, he didn't fucking roller skate anymore. He's trying to give women
the freedom to roller skate whenever they want and put on makeup. Well, as long as they're,
they look like like the have sex with you. I love that like Burkhard joke. I look like the guy.
Yeah, Elon Musk. Elon Musk rules and everyone loved Elon Musk. Trump and Elon Musk are fucking
interesting. What you hate gay people? No, I just don't. I hate when gay people are hypocrites,
but that would kind of be like a funny movie like let's be real. Like a Republican president,
like fall in love with like a CEO billionaire like Nepo baby. What's it like cute? What's a
hypocrite? Is it like a hippo with a critter on it or something? Yeah, it's like Cinco Fan.
Cinco Fan is an elephant that goes bye bye bye with its trunk. Yeah. Ew, that was such a stretch.
I've been hearing the word. We were thinking about it. I've been hearing the word Cinco
Fan on the news a lot and it concerns me because I think Bob Keen is behind the deep state
mockingbird media now because Bob Keen is the only person that knows that word. More like Bob
or I haven't seen. Yeah. What about Bean Cub? He's on he's an easy bar because that bar is
really easy to get. Yeah. And then you say he gets books a lot on his own shows.
Oh, I got I want to bulk him on a show. I want to have a show that's just like edgy comedians
and I want to have at the annoyance and have it be a musical and I want him to be in it.
Oh, yeah. It's gonna be so gross. Have it at the annoyance and then I'll be like super racist.
Actually, maybe Buckhouse because I kind of want to show my face at the annoyance.
Buckhouse theater just sounds like the worst bullwoke bullshit. That's why you want to do
it. There's no drinking there. Really? Oh, I just imagine a bunch of no bar. I just imagine a
bunch of bug eyes. It used to be a church. But you would like the chaos of producing a show like that.
There. Yeah. There's something about the annoyance. Yeah. It used to be a church. Yeah. And they have
this what the satanic Buckbug House theater. I don't know. They just lost. I don't know. That's
like what Steven. I don't even remember what religion Stephen Hofstetter took over a church
and turned it into an indentured servitude compound. I commented on one of the yeah and then I
deported him from Pittsburgh. I've never been. Why is this guy getting heckled all the time?
Maybe it's because he sucks. Who gets heckled. The redhead guy who was like destroyed the heckler.
He's the guy who kind of started that whole thing of guy destroys heckler video.
The layman should have all time. It's all set up.
It's like maybe maybe you just suck. He does a Q and A.
I got like five times maybe. That's I'm going to steal that. He does a Q and A after the show.
And then he asks a controversial questions. And then when someone like says like an answer that's
like like conservative or something and he destroys them. It would be funny to have like one of us
be a plant for the other audience. Yeah. But he would I bet he would he would recognize my face
and let those people like a bigger mustache on. But I kind of caused a rebellion in Pittsburgh
behind the scenes. It's kind of a proxy war. Why. Because I want to Stephen Hofstadter out.
I like Pittsburgh. I'd be like you suck. He was ruining the comedy scene there. And he had all
these lame ass rooms and he would Stephen. Stephen Hofstadter. Hofstadter. Yeah. No Stephen
Hofstadter is the guy who has sex with Adam and you like show me a photo of him. Stephen Hofstadter.
You will die if you see it. Really. I just on the iPad. It's on airplane mode. Why is it on
airplane mode. Lazy mode. Access denied. See. I tried to try it. Oh. Yeah. Well I watched this.
Hey what's up. I'm a lesbian. It's a cancel police. They're gonna give me for pretending
I will identify as a lesbian actually. Can I do that. Yeah. You can. But I might run into some.
I don't know if the lesbians are going to take you. I'll just change the way I talk.
Now there's something about like your specific frequency that just matches that a little too.
Oh I found out. Yeah. I could be a lesbian. I have transitioned a few times. He looks like
Adam Burke. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All redheads look like racist. Stop. It's just like the jaw.
What. It's the jaw. The jaw. Jaundice. You had jaundice one time right. Yeah. I fucking love.
I bet that Blake Burkhardt would have. No. Sorry. It would have been super attracted to you
with you. With your jaundice because he loves the Simpsons. Oh. Because he well you know he beats off
to the videos of Homer f-ing and Lisa. Yeah. It's actually a well known fact that I've walked in on
Blake watching the porn or Homer fucks Lisa. Yes. Kind of gross. Not even just the Simpsons.
It's that one. No. I mean Dale's seen him do it. I have a lot of people. It's weird because he's like
beating off several times a day to the same video or maybe a variance of the video of Homer f-ing
Lisa. It's cartoon incest. He was a Nobel Peace Prize nominee. I was at. I was at. He was a Nobel
Peace Prize nominee. You look at the wrong person. What does that mean? I could I could probably be a
nominee. Well then you try being a Nobel Peace Prize nominee and I'll try getting it done. I think
you can try getting something this week. I think I can just nominate Mac for that. Yeah. And then I
should win it because I got Stephen Hofstadter out of let's try to get we should all do that for
each other with a K. What about the more official about the Brian Crowbell Peace Prize.
How about that. Well one night even probably going to win the gazelles because you you made a
swear word comment. Oh very nice. Oh. Merry Christmas guys. It's all my hose. So do you know
these are y'all little hoes. I think I'm stealing this joke from someone. Why are someone I listen
to. Well they all these UFOs are Santa has too many people so Santa has to get a bunch of drones
to help deliver presents. So that's why that's what all these not aliens are Santa. I can't wait
till like people just stop. So it's just a digital man.
Talking over you. So I go ahead. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm really sorry. Oh.
Oh. I'm so sorry. Cannot sleep tonight. I can't. I can't wait till like Christmas. No till till
like. OK. Every time you hit that there's like a really high frequency. Right. Yeah. Right next to
the mic. Yeah. It's kind of like when that episode where you were just like where you were chewing
the whole time under the microphone. I did that. I was. I was at a mic where it would make like
a noise. No one told me it would be annoying. You can't say away that you're not Jewish. No I asked
my Jewish friend. She said it's fine. Well guess what. After a Jewish joke that doesn't
you can ask me. I'm 13 percent. Ask me if it's OK. No she's like fully Jewish. I got her permission
on her mom's side or dad's side. Look I don't know because it only passes down from the mom's side.
I'm 13 percent Jewish on my mom's side. She's like really Jewish. She's like hi. Can I get some coins
from your coin. No she's not. She's not that Jewish. She's not like like Fox News. Like Fauci.
I'm. Hey take this shot. I'm. It's going to kill you. I'm so happy. I'm just.
I mean hey take it's super liberal to take the shot. I was at Zany's the other day and I saw Blake
go in the bathroom and me and I was like I just heard. What's going on. You deserve.
Bum bum bum bum bum. And then. Yeah it came out kind of sweaty. Yeah. Yeah. Then you probably
and then you probably heard like something that I'm like I'm here. That's actually exactly.
Not that. Yeah Blake Blake Burhart. We're like jerk to Bart. Yeah. Yeah more like Blake.
Blake. How about this more like Blake Birkenstock. Blake. Wait I don't get that.
You wear Birkenstocks. Blake Birkenstock. Blake Jerk Bart. Yeah Jerk Bart. I like that because
he jerks off to Bart. Yeah. So actually he I think he has been switching more to the male
characters. He's watching more to future. Well now he's watching the porn where we
were where Bart were Barney from the Simpsons. Fox Bart. I don't remember that one. I got
a lusted. I got molested. He's evolved to the gay gay Simpsons cartoon porn. No. Go back to the OG.
I'm just talking about truth. I'm speaking truth to power. So I. Oh my little spiel about Christmas
and then I got to go give us your your Jessica. I feel I yeah I feel like the people are going
to stop spreading the lie of Santa Claus to their to their kin. OK. Well well first of all take the
that back. That's a lie. What do you mean. Santa is real. Santa is real. Are you talking about Israel.
No. Do you think it's going to be Santa is real. But he is on. He's going to come back
like the second coming of Christ. Honestly I hope I could use the. Oh sorry. The magic of
Christmas again and then it got taken away. Do you. Or do you hate Christmas. Oh but I just
feel like it's your thought that there's this magical thing and then they're basically gas
lighting you into believing it and then all of a sudden yeah my parents were so pissed and they're
like why didn't you thank me for your for from your gifts and I was like because fucking Santa did
it you dumb bitch. Yeah. I don't do shit. Yeah. Why would I thank you. I'm thinking Santa. Yeah.
It was like it was always weird. Well and then she pushed me down a flight of stairs. I knew Santa
was real was that Santa never did that. So my parents would put out cookies like by the
tell Fytherin deer and they would be they'd be like nibbled in the morning. So that's literally
proof that you know. Yeah. It makes sense. I found shit on the floor. You probably got coal every
year. I know the Polar Santa. It's different. We talked about this. This is what I.
If you're up to the men's Xenia's bathroom or Stephen house and that it's have sex. It just
sounds like it sounds like this. It's not funny. I literally have to record a sketch with them and
like. All right. And then you got another bathroom. Blake Burkhard is he's going like
any last words because I'm going to literally piss and leave. So bad. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm gonna
this is definitely the piss and poop episode. Have you ever pissed in your head. I can see why a lot
of podcasts detour to this. I'm learning the art of prodding because I've realized that it's an
art and I listened to the last episode and I was kind of just saying fuck fuck shit fuck.
To be fair I was on a four loco and it made me a little loco. No I was my favorite four letter
words. I was off to four loco. I was off of four loco that day. I didn't say like that. But yeah.
Oh be and please don't hate me. I'm sorry for what I said at Beauty Bar. This is Stephen house.
All right. Okay. So I'm going to wait now. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let's do prugs.
Do you have any prugs? Oh, plugs. Do you have any plugs?
Do you have any shows? I you can plug my movie my Christmas movie.
You can plug Christmas or Christmas movie. I'm in a called Uncle Santa. Fuck me.
Watch it. Watch it. What. Yeah. How long is it? I don't know if I should be promoting it. I'd rather
watch the documentary. Thank you Dr. Fauci where it explains how Fauci basically started AIDS and
maybe the fans can let us know should she be promoting this or not. Uncle Santa 2024 wait
what's it by state park media I play Parker. Wait, wait, it is a fun rewind there. Your
character is Parker. It's it's it was funded by the state run media. No, it that's called.
That's what it's called. So the government made you make propaganda for them? No,
this isn't this is really funny, but I have to go. So the name it's Maddux McDonald on his
YouTube channel. Check it out. That's a douchey as a name anyone can have. He's from Lagrange,
dude. From Lagrange. Lagrange. Yeah, I know Lagrange. Yeah, I fucking love Lagrange. I don't.
I wouldn't live there, but I love going there. But about home home on Lagrange.
Right. Yeah, it's easy top Lagrange. I love. So okay, catch her movie. Catch her movie on
it's not my movie. Where do you watch it? YouTube YouTube. It's 14 minutes long as a
standard film. What's your well that's but it's not that's not a film. That's like a short.
That's a short Stephen Hodge bullshit thing. You got it being that stuff. Okay. And it's a
lovely movie. It's very cute. It's very adorable. I like the script. I have a quick question. I did
not see it yet for you. What is he a person or is he a robot built by his father Bert Haas?
He's he's probably just a Libra. What the fuck is that?
Fauci's fucking daughter. He's like a lesbian zebra or some shit. People just assume.
I'm a zebra. I'm a lesbian zebra cap cap Capri son. I want to I'm a lesbian zebra.
People call me a Libra. Have you ever got like fat shamed for drinking a Capri son? Because I
have fucking nuts. Yeah, right? Probably behind my back. Really fat. No. Like it was like a week
ago. You don't get to say you are getting pretty fat. Yeah, dude. My legs are fucking they hurt so
bad because I like like weight lifted. I like squat weight lifted for the first time in a long
time. I did want to say go to patreon.com for the good episodes. I also do want to pitch proposals
to you guys. I kind of want to like move like become more like the Alex Jones show.
But but hold on. Meaning meaning we need to get we need to get hotter like Alex Jones.
All of us all of us need to get hotter 2025. We're all going to get hotter like Alex Jones.
And then if you want if you want to get hot and healthy. Yeah, let's all be tan but like not like
racially insensitive tan. Please. Well, you can get healthy by getting the ultimate CMOS at the
Alex Jones store.com sending money to that tool. I'd rather send it a Paul Stamets and get some
fucking mushrooms. Well, I got what happened was I offered offered the CIA to pay off the podcast
to be mockingbird media. They probably shove insures down his fucking gullet which is why it
looks like a listen to me. All right, I'm listening. So I offered the CIA or else Jones to buy us off
to buy us off and out. The most Jewish looking thing ever. And then I just like you. Well,
what happened was I offered the CIA to buy us or Alex Jones. Alex Jones bought us. That's why
I'm promoting the ultimate CMOS at Alex Jones store.com. I buy it. But I buy the show. But then
then the CIA found out about this. See, hey, find out that buy things with that purse. See,
CIA found out about this another blackmailing me. How much does this and so I also have to say
we're not affiliated with Alex Jones. Okay, Alex Jones, our calm where you can get ultimate CMOS.
Yeah. Um, you can do it. It helps all your glands. It helps like it's a good group. It's Irish
CMOS when this Paltrow, right? Yes, you wouldn't know who the fuck is when it's
when it's Paltrow. What a bad name. Dylan, you ever do you plug comedy baddie on
Venmo and cash? Oh, yeah, please. Vem know me. Alex Domegala. Vem know me. Your favorite
fun word to tell. You can bully me. I don't care when 20. When are you when are you when are you
dropping the coin footage only fans when I make more than $10 on this pod? So keep
definitely hold on. Keep typing it in. Well, you'll probably make like you might make like 15 books this month. Please, please feed me. I want some
leather butter lettuce when I get home with some vinaigrette. Anyone that that sends her money, it's
got to be at least five bucks. It's gonna be at least five bucks, but she'll she'll thank you on the podcast in like a
sexy way. She'll be like, I'll just say your tag. No, say like, uh, thank you, Mr. President. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. James Najara.
He's so much changed. Oh, you blocked him. Oh, you didn't block. He's not blocked. Also,
I have money to bipolar BJ on cash up. Okay. Is that literally your name on there? Brian Johnson.
Oh, yeah, he's he's still in his favorite comedian. And he's banned from the podcast.
Why? Because it's hilarious to ban him from the podcast. What's wrong with Brian Johnson?
Well, he's been on the Lobo Den podcast like eight times. Okay. But I mean, we're allied with the
Lobo Den podcast. We're actually co sponsored with them. I'm gonna go on the Lobo Den podcast.
I've been on it. No, I'd have to like beg like 500 comedians because they're like you're a hack.
No, you just ask. I'll use as Giovanni Diaz. I can ask for you. Oh, yeah. No, well, I'll just show up
under the influence like I usually do. And I'll just I showed up like really hung or
he's gonna ask you weird sex stuff. Oh, I'm just gonna be like, I don't know what that is.
Well, I don't think I don't think he gets it's like you mean like when he has women,
like he gets into well, what he does is what he does is all he tells the same like sex stories
every single episode. Sitting there. He loves Jack. He's like, I love this time when I got tickled.
Hey, Oh, I also want to this package also sponsored by Shax. Shax. Or something. Baby mama's calling
me sex. They already already plugged to that Nord VPN. Oh, that's a good one. What about?
I want to plug in Mac of Maca fees security cybersecurity, make a fee. Yeah, we'll plug that.
What about your password? Yeah. Guys, send us your social security numbers and we'll send you
a dollar. God, I really G fuel. I really want to be sponsored by G. Yeah, let me hair escape
kind of kind of my plugs. Do you're sorry. Mac, what is your follow me a bad boy comedy.
Every single platform and then catch me in Zaini's not in the bathroom with Stephen
Hosch and that a mattress. He did he have comedy catch me at a laugh factory and I mean every
Janie's actually every weekend for the most part. Madison Square Garden. Yes. And the
yeah, catch me at the dome at the bug house theater as well. Catch me at the bug eye bug
eye theater. Definitely. Do they have bugs there? Um, that'd be kind of cool. There's like ants.
No. Okay. Well, I think there might be like one painted on the wall. Okay. So you call the bug
house name one bug there. No, that's a that place is bullshit. That's some bullshit. Well,
if you ever want to throw your own gazelles, that's it's open. The gazelles is not there. More
like the baddies. The bad. Yeah, we could do a baddie. Social climbers. Ellies. Jerry is so
better promoting the fucking comedy. Gazelle. He's like, I like the artwork. Who's the guy who
does the art? Ryan. He's love the artwork. Awesome. You know that he has a Tourette's. Yeah,
he's like, he's all the work. Shake heart. No, he's, uh, that's what they call him. No, they call him
Tom, shake, right? Shaker. Okay. Catch me in shakers. I'm not. Oh, I'm banned. I'm just kidding.
I'm not gonna get banned. Yeah, we're both. We're both banned. I bet you could. If you both walked
in with like Matt Brown or something, they probably let you back in because it's gay bar.
No, they wouldn't even let me in with my fucking theater friends. No, literally. If you walk in
with no, literally with glittered up Matt Brown and Matt Brown, I thought about showing up with
like a mustache and being like, I don't know who the fuck you're talking about and not making a
trans joke out of a mustache, like a mustache in a hat and then maybe like another person, like to
make myself taller and like a big trench coat, those funny gags and then turn on the touch
tunes and play the fucking. Hey, I got to go. So we'll close it off. I actually have to go. Follow
me at bad boy comedy. We have a big guest coming up. We have a big guest coming up episode dropping
Thursday. He's actually he's very actually big and wait. He's going to be the next big thing.
I'll give you a clue. He toured of Louis CK. He's big. Jim Flanagan. He has a lisp. He works at
Frank and Mary's. That's all. I mean, that's all I can give you. He's really cute. He's he's a dude.
We need to get him hot. Anyways, thanks for listening, folks. Merry Christmas and I gotta do
it. So you yeah, you got to do like an alarm sound effect or Christmas. Oh, telling me I'm not.
Okay, I'll start jingling my coins. Christmas. We're gonna be the hottest podcast. Yeah. 2025.
We're gonna be the hottest podcast. Almost as hot as Alex Jones.
Merry, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to again, everyone in Israel and Palestine. Oh my god.
And folks, we'll catch you. We'll catch you on the other side.
I think we're out of the matrix soon, right?
I'm like a pea. What if I told you I'm gay? It's see a coin footage. But hey, thanks for listening
and go to patreon.com slash Brad comedy for the guest episodes and 300 other episodes that have
been behind the paywall for years. And we love you and we hope that you continue to listen.
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