1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,560 Hey everybody, welcome to bad comedy podcast. My name is bully Madison and I'm here with 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:17,920 Dylan Mahler, Dylan Internet and coin shortage Alex D. Yeah. What's up folks? It's another 3 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:27,640 beautiful day out in Maga country. That's where coin shortage here is from. She's a 4 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:32,720 she's coach here of the RNC, the Republican National Committee. Congrats on the win. No, 5 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:41,040 I didn't say that. Okay, congrats on winning this the smallest dick competition in Michigan. 6 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:53,000 It was actually it was the biggest dick competition in Michigan. Okay, whatever. It's fine. All 7 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:59,480 right. All right. So I was thinking about something. Well, I do have some bad news, but 8 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:06,960 we can talk about that later. I was thinking about, isn't it how gay is it being nice? Being 9 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:12,560 nice? There's this trend going around. I accidentally was nice one time. And I was, I was like, I 10 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:17,240 shouldn't have been nice because then they started talking to me. Like, like, like they, 11 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:23,160 they attempted suicide the night before. Okay. Oh, I hate when I have to say something reassuring 12 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:27,160 the next day because they made a whole video the next day. Oh, I messaged them and they 13 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,400 just kept messaging me and I was like, was it private or public? Was it? It was a like 14 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:36,720 a cry for help or was it like a direct message for help? But I probably messaged them and 15 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:41,880 then they started just messaging me a bunch. And then I was like, probably just do it. 16 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:46,640 Yeah, you should probably do it. I don't know. I had a friend who literally did that in high 17 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:52,040 school and I'm not going to call them out. But yeah, I literally generally happened. 18 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:56,480 Yeah. But it was like, what did they say to someone that they knew was just like, like 19 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:05,160 they just like kept, they kept going up to them and being like, I just, I'm really sad. 20 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:08,600 I really want to kill myself. Like I really want to, and then, and then he was like, just, 21 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:13,880 just sorry. Oh yeah, it's a huge. It's like, just do it. Is the girl the crowd? Yeah. It's 22 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:19,840 like, this is math class in high school. Like, yeah, you can't be a boy or a girl a crowd 23 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,360 wolf too much, right? Because then people aren't going to come and the wolves actually 24 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:37,120 there. You know, that's the old adage. What? The old adage that look at adage. It's a word. 25 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:42,880 No, wait, what does that even mean? No, that phrase. No, the whole entire the boy or crowd 26 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:49,960 wolf. Yeah. So it's a story about a boy. No, I understand. There's wolf. And then it turns 27 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:54,800 out the whole time there wasn't a wolf every time. And then people he did it all the time. 28 00:02:54,800 --> 00:03:00,640 And then one time there was a wolf. Added. Yeah. It's like the opposite of the question. 29 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:07,560 I don't know. I don't know. It's like a old to go. Oh, fuck you. There's a magazine called 30 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:15,400 adage. What does it mean? A proverb or short statement expressing a general truth. There 31 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:23,080 we go. I like what do we do? I like proverbs more than like adverbs, because like they're 32 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:27,640 like the professional version, kind of like pronouns, like pronouns more than nouns. 33 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:33,160 Yeah, because it's like the pro. I'm more of a premium noun gal. Yeah, the upgraded version. 34 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:42,920 Yeah, I yeah. A lot of pronouns these days, huh? I was thinking we should rank like there 35 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:50,560 should be one of those things like what's the worst racism, sexism. I mean, yeah, I 36 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:56,960 think it's like black racism. And then you can go to like, I'm a homophobia. You can 37 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:03,840 literally only talk about Italians. Yeah, so you know how Dylan for a long time I've 38 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:09,080 been trying to get rid of synonyms in general on the full thesaurus. Oh, yeah, that's kind 39 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:14,000 of part of my agenda. Yes, part of my agenda. And I had a mandate to get this done. So now 40 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:21,400 I have to I said I'm deleting most words goes on a lot of mandates. Yeah, which words are 41 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,360 you censoring? I'm just getting rid of words that are we don't need. So I'm getting rid 42 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:31,680 of all pronouns. It's just dude. All right, he's a dude. She's a dude. We're all dudes. 43 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:37,440 I like that. So that's easy right there. Yeah, whatever you are, you can't express yourself. 44 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:43,400 Well, you can use no dude. Yeah, girls are dudes that dudes are dudes. Everyone's dude. 45 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:48,640 You don't need to express yourself with a pronoun. Right. So and then if everyone has 46 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:53,120 the same one, then there's no reason to what is it? Well, yeah, what if like, all right, 47 00:04:53,120 --> 00:05:00,120 keep going fuck it. No matter what you're dude. So and I also want to get rid of some 48 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:07,440 words like syncophan. That's one of my first to get rid of xenophobic. I don't know what 49 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:13,440 that means. No one knows what that means. You're afraid of immigrants. No. And what 50 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,200 it means, right? It's something. Yeah, it's like you're like people not in the 51 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:24,200 technical means alien like Xeno alien. Yeah, let's get rid of that word. It's it's dumb. 52 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:32,920 We cried. Let's get rid of the word. About unprecedented. Let's get rid of the word novel. 53 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:39,880 Let's get. Oh, I like that one. Well, I'm not wrong. Not like a book. Like new like 54 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:48,000 like the novel coronavirus. Great book. What's wrong with that? Not everything has to be 55 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:56,720 novel. You can use a different word. Mandate the window. Yeah, you can go on a date with 56 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:06,360 a man if you want, but it's not a mandate. It's a date. What else? What the heck? I think 57 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:13,560 I had some more. I wrote them down. It's like, hold on. Let me find the boo. Yeah, they 58 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:18,880 got the teacher. Tranko. Yeah, I told you it's hard. What did you pay for this app? Quagmire, 59 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:25,040 the word Quagmire. But not the family guy. Not the character owns. No, not the character. 60 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:31,720 Okay, when did you see the word? I've been hearing on the news a lot. People people. 61 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:38,800 How people explain the pull up from Afghanistan? A quagmire, a quagmire. Yeah. Well, that's 62 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:44,600 kind of downplaying it. What? No, it's not help your ear case. No, a quagmire means 63 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:50,880 like a huge boondoggle another word we need to get rid of. Well, yeah, it means just like 64 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:58,840 a massive fuck up. Yeah. I like that. We'll get rid of quagmire boondoggle. You're fired. 65 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:07,320 I don't even know. I don't like that one. I'm gonna say to all the synonyms. Is you're 66 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:16,200 fired. So what about like, like the simple ones like hot, cold, big, small, those stay. 67 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:21,280 Okay, so the simple like five little words probably do will probably do little instead 68 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:27,400 of small. Anything three letters or little, little, little. Yeah, but there doesn't need 69 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:39,000 to have a little small, tiny puny. It's pointless. Okay, large, huge, big, huge, huge, huge. 70 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:45,600 That's what they actually said at the Michigan Dick Contest about my call back call. That's 71 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:52,440 a call back. Yeah, folks. You ever heard of that? I'm I take I take stand up comedy classes 72 00:07:52,440 --> 00:08:00,800 at Chicago comedy.com. Chicago. Have you seen those billboards? No, you haven't seen those 73 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:08,440 like signs that are like randomly placed around about like comedy, Dan Cassis, like comedy, 74 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:16,000 comedy, Dan Cassis. All right. I think I have seen those. Yeah. I don't know. Are there 75 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:23,080 one about Chris Piggins? I kind of want to do commie. Maybe I'm not sure I kind of want 76 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,280 I kind of want to check it out just to see who runs it because it has to be someone affiliated 77 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:32,680 with Lincoln law. I'm not sure maybe I don't want to pay though. It could be someone they 78 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:36,960 do stand up classes second city that don't teach you how to be funny. I think it's funny 79 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:42,200 to virtue signal on teaching classes ripping people off like you're like, what's her name 80 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:46,640 Angie McMahon? I want to I want to hold the class like that. She's like women are women 81 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:51,840 are funny. And also they should give me money to teach them how to do stand up. And she 82 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:57,440 also harasses the shit out of me or she would to get on to get booked on shows. Yeah, she 83 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:03,160 messaged me her availability and I don't book anything. Guess what I did not respond. I 84 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:10,960 don't think I just sent you an email. I don't look girls. I just looked dando CMO. Yeah, 85 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:16,560 I want yeah, I want danda CMO to host everything. I mean, if you get a non binary person that 86 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:21,960 counts as like three things. So you can just have the rest all be other white males. 87 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,440 Um, 88 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,960 favorite sound effects. 89 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:36,360 It is pretty funny on the south side show that PD runs he pretty much just books white 90 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:44,400 males. Yeah, but it's too far for the girls. The girls like it's so far. I gotta get my 91 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:49,680 can I get my makeup on. Wait, which fucking show and then I have to rollerblade there. 92 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:56,680 It's the show on the south side doesn't imply the riddles the riddles. It's a bar. Hello, 93 00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:03,360 the bar show. So he can't get girls to do the show because they're like, it's too far. 94 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:07,440 I'll do I'll do it for money. I gotta put my makeup on and rollerblade. 95 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:15,640 There's no girls. Yeah, every girl rollerblades. That's what I thought. And it's listen to 96 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,120 Blondie. Yeah. 97 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:27,240 They're like, they're like shit, I can't drink beer. I got to drink this white claw. 98 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:34,200 Yeah. And vodka. Yeah, I love vodka. So my impression of a girl, I just want to have 99 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:41,480 fun. Who wants to do vodka shots? I got a vodka water. I got a vodka water lime. Oh, 100 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:46,600 man, vodka water with lime. That's way too many calories. What the fuck? That's what 101 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:54,560 all the bitches wanted in college. Oh, oh, what? Yeah, now we're all just sober. We're 102 00:10:54,560 --> 00:11:03,840 all lame. I'm not sober. I hate me and sober. Why? You want to talk about it? Yeah. Well, 103 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:09,200 I'm sad. I'm sad. Sometimes we like to do one of my best friends died today. Chris 104 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:17,360 Grieva. Let's grieve. Rest in power. You don't even know he's he was a good friend. Let's 105 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:26,120 grieve. When nice. No, I got a call real griever. I mean, I'm what about Chris Mourna? 106 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:34,600 Honestly, I don't know why you're joking about this. Oh, okay. My friend died. And I just 107 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:40,440 wanted to let you guys can I see a photo of him? My friend, the crusher, he let me know 108 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:46,240 that Chris Grieva died in his sleep. It was somehow a hot dog related. So either you have 109 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,680 his pants down to either choke. So I think what happened was probably get a picture of 110 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:56,360 that he was eating. He was eating a bunch of hot dogs because he normally does that. 111 00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:00,440 And then I think that he was choking, but everyone assumed he was having a heart attack 112 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:07,440 because he's fat. And then then he died from choking is kind of what I gathered. But I 113 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:13,200 can you generate that but I called Chris Grieva and he said he that's not how he died. So 114 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:21,040 how do you die? Oh, my God. Did you see the news about the chainsaw? No, the guy the fucking 115 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:26,840 chainsaw when he got shot. He got he was like a nursery. It was like I think it was like 116 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:32,440 literally an old guy too. Like it was like one of the people at the fucking like hospice 117 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:38,280 like a nursing home that yeah and then the cops like just shot him. And that was it. 118 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:46,800 Like a chain like wielded a fucking chainsaw. It's okay. It's kind of your inner frame. 119 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:54,640 Like it's like a dirty angle. I'm too tall. Like it's like I'm in film school. He moved 120 00:12:54,640 --> 00:13:01,480 his seat up to be cool. Yeah, I'm all the way. It's not it's it's like it's like over 121 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:12,240 the shoulder negotiation to Fibonacci sequence. I love golden ratio. It's self referential 122 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:19,720 and continuous. It's a nice picture of Greece. Greece Greece Greece Greece Greece Greece 123 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:25,040 Greece. I don't know what you're making fun of my my dead fat dude with his pants. I don't 124 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:30,520 I just probably what do you know what my reaction was once I heard that Chris Grieva died from 125 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:35,880 the crusher. He like literally didn't die though. You know right. Well, I don't know him. I 126 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:40,520 whenever there was a post that he died and people were saying rest in peace Chris Grieva. 127 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:46,080 So when I heard you call can call. No he's dead. I couldn't pick up. How do you call 128 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:50,800 a dead guy. Just listen to his voicemail. He can hear his voice one more time. Alright, 129 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:55,520 so the first thing I thought was where am I going to stay when I perform in Pittsburgh. 130 00:13:55,520 --> 00:14:00,600 Because it's your life. I was like how am I gonna I'm not gonna really get booked out 131 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:06,120 there as easily. Even though I yeah what can happen your world tours. Yeah, that was what 132 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:12,080 I thought of the most. You better help PDs. Okay. Yeah, I gotta check on PD or some out 133 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:25,360 of places to start from scratch. Yep. I got one. I got the comedy bar and PD and Pittsburgh. 134 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:32,240 Those are the three places I went the fuck is PD PD. PD Rodriguez is a guy. Oh, he's 135 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:38,680 a show on the South side that girls won't roll a blade to. Oh, yeah. It's all connected. 136 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:49,400 Do you ever roller skate? And why is the answer? Yes. Yeah. I did. And bitch, I was going through 137 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,840 it and it was like a discounted sale on these beautiful roller skates. And I'm like, dang, 138 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:59,000 I really just I really just should try this and then I did. Yeah. And then yeah. And then 139 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:06,640 every time I would like I tried it on the 606 and just I would fucking eat cement. Yeah, 140 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:11,720 it's so sad. I bust I bust my shit and I was like, okay, you know what, this would be funny 141 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:16,520 if I made a video of me busting my shit. But then I was too afraid to fall like on purpose. 142 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:22,880 I'm such a fucking coward. Because a lot of experience. I did a bunch of catamine with 143 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:30,040 the Albers is and Brandon and we walked this is a joke. No. And we walked down the 606 144 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:37,360 and we thought it was like like Jurassic Park, like a jungle. It was it was in the summer. 145 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:44,440 Yeah, we walked we walked like 100 miles, I think that's what rainforest and it's like 146 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:50,440 5am and like people are like biking to work. Holy fuck. Did you scare him? We were just 147 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:56,120 walking around tweaking. Probably. Yeah, they probably thought we were zombies. I'm tweaking 148 00:15:56,120 --> 00:16:01,040 out man. Yeah, I don't know. I've never done catamine. Those are those are that's like 149 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:06,080 with the wine drunk. I probably will never do all it is is the opposite of cocaine. I 150 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:13,480 actually need a cat. It sounds miserable. I'm trying to what's what I saw an advertisement 151 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:19,400 for if you've been affected by if he did anything to you. And so I need some catamine to try 152 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:25,800 to unlock if I've repressed any memories. Yeah, I think yeah star, baby. I think you 153 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:31,840 might have been a victim. I saw that lawsuit too. And I thought about pretending that I 154 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:38,680 was a victim just that I could get some money. You know, people do that all the time. There's 155 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:46,000 some good. Yeah, they check out your profile. Yeah. And they're like, dang, I don't think 156 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:50,800 he did he would like fuck with you. I was pretty sad when I saw the line. I think you're 157 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:57,200 lying. No, he grape. He grape to me. There's a real he read the party. That's not funny. 158 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,600 That's not funny. That's not funny. That's not funny. Maybe it is. No, it's not. No, 159 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:06,440 it's not. No, it's not. Maybe it's funny because it's awful. Hey, what's up, Mac? You want 160 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:12,480 to try this dream comedy? He said it's not going to knock you out. And I said, okay, 161 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:21,600 they knocked me out. I woke up and I got great. I was covered in. I think I just got great. 162 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,800 Yeah. And then I tried to try to walk out of this house, but my feet were covered in 163 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:32,360 blue. I slipped. I slipped and just like flew up like a cartoon on my back. And I was like, 164 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:37,760 what the heck? Just like a banana or something. No, because my feet was blue on my feet. 165 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:43,120 Okay. And then I just kept like falling and sliding everywhere because there's a loop 166 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:48,920 everywhere. Oh, yeah. But now I'm going to press charges. So there's not a banana. No, 167 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:53,800 no, it was no, I wouldn't say that. There's a there's a lot of there was a banana I think 168 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:58,160 involved for while I was knocked out. This is the potassium you ever seen, honey. I shrunk 169 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:04,240 the kids. I think I got Gilbert Grape. And it's like who's eating Gilbert Grape? Turns 170 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:09,120 out it was Puff Daddy. I got Adam Gilbert Grape. What movie were you watching? Yeah. 171 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:14,160 I want to know that. Yeah. Not Leo's Best Work. What's your what's your favorite P Diddy 172 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:23,320 song? Adam Gilbert. Probably ain't nobody gonna hold me down or whatever. I like I like 173 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:31,640 a whoa. What? I like more money and more problems. True that. That's about it. It's like when 174 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:38,120 you have all these blackmail tapes of you. Gilbert Grape man. He's like those are the 175 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:48,680 problems. What about you? I don't every I'll be missing you. So what all of the songs are 176 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:54,840 just they're not even they're just the original song and then other people rapping over it 177 00:18:54,840 --> 00:19:01,320 and he's like the kingpin. Yeah, he doesn't have any songs where it's just him. I feel 178 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:06,480 like I think that he has like albums but then none of the songs are ever just him. Yeah, 179 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:12,960 because he has that one song last night. Couldn't even get an answer. But then there's a girl 180 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:20,920 in it. He changed it from P Diddy to Diddy. Yeah, I think his name changes before that. 181 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:25,680 My theory is that well, he's like a reason he's changing them like related to all the 182 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:32,920 darkness because he there was like some guy that basically I think kind of griped him. 183 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:39,840 There's this like record producer that he basically was griped by the West Coast. Wait, 184 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:45,040 the West Coast one. You talking about Shug Knight? No, it was like this old guy that 185 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:50,640 P Diddy hung out with and I think that that guy did what he's doing to other people. There's 186 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:58,560 a big conspiracy that basically Wow, there's a big conspiracy. You're way to the top that 187 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:05,200 that should night and P Diddy had to park and Biggie both killed. Yeah, I think he's 188 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:11,080 not even a conspiracy anymore. Definitely paid a guy a million who did he? Yeah, like 189 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:19,560 he said, did he did he did he did he do that? So isn't how that's how gay is it being nice? 190 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:27,200 I want to go back to that. I mean, you know, I mean, sometimes these gay guys, it's on 191 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,760 a spectrum like being gay. How is it? How how gay is it if you're a straight guy being 192 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:39,680 nice? Um, okay, this is like, what is what is someone's being super nice? I think if 193 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:46,280 you're a mean gay person, you're generally kind. And if you're a mean straight person, 194 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:51,760 you're generally a mean straight person. I don't mean it doesn't have to be to I think 195 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:56,840 polar sides. Just being nice. No, it's like a graph, though. I'm pretty sure like, well, 196 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:02,160 there's like a spectrum of nice and mean. Yeah. And there's a difference between being 197 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:07,000 kind and nice. That's like the big thing. Everyone's like, Oh, I'm kind, but I'm not 198 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:14,520 nice. Like nice is like, kind is kind might be gay or I do. Yeah, kind, like, kind regards, 199 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,960 like when people say that shit to me, I'm like, they're so I'm like shut your damn mouth. 200 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:25,480 Yeah, or like, we're saying since last day. Yeah, have a blessed day. Yeah. Okay. Bless 201 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:37,040 these nuts. Have a blessed day. But now like, yeah, it's just it is gay, but gay is okay. 202 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,720 And that's why they expelled Lucifer from heaven is because he was gay. Play went to 203 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:46,760 hell. No, he was pansexual. He was pansexual. You fuck you fuck pans. He slimed God that 204 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:51,120 one day. Oh, that's why he slammed God. I forgot about that. That joke's like 10 years 205 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:56,560 old. A little bit too much. Not even it's like not even. It's actually older than the 206 00:21:56,560 --> 00:22:04,200 universe. Actually, the new to our listeners. That was not via group chat. But so you got 207 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:08,320 to pretend like the group chat has never happened. That's we can say jokes like we just came 208 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:17,720 up with them. chaos. chaos. We need to get rid of kind or nice. Yeah, so it was a two 209 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:23,920 strike rule they haven't had. So what happened was Lucifer is gay and God didn't like that. 210 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:30,200 And then Lucifer as a prank, it's lying to God. Nickelodeon style and God was pissed. 211 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:35,360 He's not a big sense humor. Send him down to hell. And then he became Satan and ran 212 00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:41,600 out. So it turns out yeah, what he's just a cool guy now. What chapter is that? I think 213 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:53,400 that's Proverbs two forty nine delta. Trap. Fox Trap. Oh, man, I've never been a Fox Trot. 214 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:59,880 I've heard. I think Lucifer fucking was the reason why I shut down. I've never seen a 215 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:09,400 Fox Trot. Yeah, that's a really gay story. You want to talk about? Trot. Let me just 216 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:14,640 trot to Fox Trot my way there. No, what about Fox Trot? There's another great word. It's 217 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:19,360 kind of like trotting. It's a I would have rolled her blade. What's what do you call 218 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:24,280 it if you're like running around like this and just like jumping and skipping galloping 219 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:33,840 and not galloping prancing and prancing. Oh, prancing. That Wow. That Wow. That's what 220 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:38,920 I've been doing all day. I'm a little tired. I was prancing around Humboldt Park. I got 221 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:44,240 threatened. You got humbled. Yeah, I did. I feel certain to kill me for being super 222 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,480 lame. Yeah, no, I mean, I feel like Humboldt Park. It's really there's no in between. They're 223 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:57,200 either like the most hipstery fucking person from like a wealthy ass China or you're like 224 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:02,400 stuck there because your family can't move. Yeah, that's more Logan Square is a little 225 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:10,200 more hipster. Here it's like here it's like like either completely hood or completely. 226 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:16,360 Yeah, that's why I'm trying to say more more yuppie than hipster. So more like this neighborhood 227 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:20,600 skip the hipster phase because normally the hipsters come in to the bad neighborhoods to 228 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:28,080 be ironic. Yeah, and then they are the foundation for gentrification like me. Like I'm a gentrifier. 229 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:35,240 I colonize this area. But I mean, I did it. I did it without even the hipsters leading 230 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:42,080 the way for me. They led the way in Logan Square and Wicker Park to actually so park 231 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:47,320 with us pretty nice. What they do is their hipsters are kind of the pilgrims of so they're 232 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:53,200 actually the worst because most of the time gentrification wouldn't happen if it weren't 233 00:24:53,200 --> 00:25:00,200 for hipsters landing there first. It's just I don't know. So it's like the pilgrims landing 234 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,680 on America every time. Yeah. And then the gentrification is a British empire that comes 235 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:12,560 after. Yeah, and they kill the Native Americans. No, we're your ancestors. I don't know. I 236 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:18,560 got to call them. You're Polish. They're yeah, colonizer. I apparently this is my dad's 237 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:23,760 fucking nuts though. Apparently everybody was colonizers at some point. 238 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:30,320 Especially not me. We were all probably our ancestors were all slaves at some point to 239 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,920 where we're all wearing chains, right? You used to be mostly I guess we're still wearing 240 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:41,760 chains, huh? We're all slaves at one point. I'm more like a scavenger than a colonizer. 241 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:48,040 Scavenger. I'm kind of more of a nomad. IMO. No, no, man. Yeah, all these numbers and 242 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:54,440 symbols is identified to me. It like doesn't actually match who I am. And it's like the 243 00:25:54,440 --> 00:26:00,600 government telling me that this is my social security. Sure. It's 43812. 244 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:05,440 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. That's the fuck you. Right. That's what the vaccine makes you do. 245 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:11,040 I told you about the side effects. I can't stop getting the boost. It makes you say it. 246 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:16,440 It makes you say your social security. Moderna, dude. I love Moderna so much. Give me more 247 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:21,840 of that. Moderna. I keep taking them. I'm just like six feet. Yeah. I love how postmodern. 248 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:28,600 It feels so great. Like have you ever played one of those like video? Sorry, wait, that's 249 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:35,360 I have. I played that. No, it's because I'm high on this cart. I know you're talking about 250 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:43,360 it. Definitely has fentanyl or something in it. Anyway, but no, like Dave and Buster. 251 00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:51,800 Yeah. What the fuck do you want from me? I knew I know Dave. I never met Buster. Yeah, 252 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:56,320 I have about Dave and boost. He's in the back. Even booster shop. You got to pay a little 253 00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:03,800 extra. Yeah. He'll be already for some Boston. I love I love Pfizer too. That's a good company. 254 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:08,800 Pfizer just felt way too uppity for me. It was like Pfizer. It's like shut up. Fuck you. 255 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:15,400 Moderna was like Moderna. Like, oh, no, Moderna is a fancy sounding Moderna. No, no, Pfizer 256 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:24,680 is like Pfizer. Like that's like like, like chill, chill the fuck. Yeah. Oh, I'm gonna 257 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:31,440 rather. Yeah, I was playing with my cats the other day. I was having them practice hailing. 258 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:38,240 Yeah. Nice. It's pretty cute. They're a little too good at it. That happens though. Yeah, 259 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:46,720 little kitlers, little killers. Little baby, Hitler. I miss I miss Josie. I want to be 260 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:53,480 a dog back. Josie never would hail, right? Josie would hail sometimes. Yeah, for sure. 261 00:27:53,480 --> 00:28:00,240 Yeah, it's a when there's bad weather, she would hail. Yeah, because you get a little 262 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:07,600 bit more racist when you experience bad weather. Yeah. That's like that's why I think of like 263 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:15,360 a rainy day thing to do. Just get a little bit more intolerant in your head. Yeah. Because 264 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:22,080 you just kind of upset about the way it is like translated to some group of people. Exactly. 265 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:27,240 I mean, I never get depressed because instead of that, I translate it into like extremist 266 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:33,240 anger and hate. You know, that's kind of like a good way to kind of channel your stress 267 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:39,680 and depression is turned it into like really terrible hate. It makes a lot of sense and 268 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:47,720 it resonates with me, I think. Yeah, it's kind of like yeah. The outsourcing kind of 269 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:53,760 exactly. It's like the four hour work week. Yeah, pretty much. It's kind of like it's 270 00:28:53,760 --> 00:29:03,760 like you be you be I what your verse will basically you be I you by you be you be I 271 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:12,120 by sex are you me you be I always be buying. Yeah, I was a ABB. I was thinking one time 272 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:19,480 about how sales tactics people buy a story, you know, they buy they like the salesperson. 273 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:27,680 Yeah. So in a way, people buy people they do and they do. Yeah. So imagine being a salesman, 274 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:34,960 you're trying to sell kid. Yeah. Easy sell. Yeah. I my sales skills, I could sell kids. 275 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:40,480 Yeah. Easily. I mean, if you're an adoption agent, agent, the only thing something is 276 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:47,520 that I need the kids. Yeah, that is funny. We still sell people. You just adoption is 277 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:54,160 you sell yourself. You could sell your organs and you can do that. But you can also yeah, 278 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:58,440 if you're a woman, you can be an incubator. The best thing about being an organ donor, 279 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:03,800 you know, is when like you're they declare your brain dead, we really not but they still 280 00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:09,800 like take you away and put you down as they get organs. Or in my case, they're just like, 281 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:15,520 no, we you can't sell. We don't want your yeah, for me, though, like those lungs are 282 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:23,400 toast. Use it for science. Yeah, use it to see how someone's lungs get this bad. Use 283 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:30,640 it to scare kids. Thomas, you put that picture on packs of cigarettes. Yeah. This is what 284 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:37,680 your lungs will look like if you don't smoke. This is what your looks will long like. Nathan 285 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:51,960 Lund. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever? Yes. Sorry. That was like the sound of Alex sitting 286 00:30:51,960 --> 00:31:00,000 down. Would you ever do guys? Do you ever donate a kidney to someone? Hell no. Not even one. 287 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:06,280 Hell no. Maybe I was trying to have them literally me be inside of them. You know what I'm trying 288 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:13,120 to say? So you have to have sex with them while the transplant is going on. I know, 289 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:20,680 but if I'm really into them, I would give them a kidney. If one of my cats. Yeah. I 290 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:27,400 actually like they can have mine. Dylan, that won't work. Give them to that's not no, because 291 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:33,480 you're human. What's wrong with your cat? Nothing. Oh, okay. Fuck me. I guess. I just 292 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:39,560 think if they needed my kidney, I would give it. What's your cat's name? I have two. So 293 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:45,360 the black one is Sabbath. Black Sabbath. Oh, funny. Orange one is Floyd. Orange Floyd. 294 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:51,920 That's good. Not Garfield. No. Why not Garfield? There's not movement about Garfield. Yeah. 295 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:56,280 What the fuck are you trying to say? Orange lives matter. Remember the Orange Floyd movement? 296 00:31:56,280 --> 00:32:05,800 Backing? Yeah. Hit me like a ton of bricks one day. I had already named the black ones 297 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:13,080 Sabbath. I remember the Orange Floyd thing. You should have named them like Dante Devonte. 298 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:23,840 I had no choice. The matter. Yeah, even what? Dante is inferno. He believed in volcanoes. 299 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:33,400 I like volcanoes. Do you like volcanoes? More of a geyser type of gal. Geyser. More of a 300 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:41,040 geyser. Yeah, that's a Pfizer's name for I was going to say. Have you been to Yellowstone? 301 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:47,000 No. This jacket, it's giving Pfizer. Really? It's from fucking... 302 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:55,600 Let me say Pfizer. Just a sentence. Let me just say a fucking sentence. It won't stop. 303 00:32:55,600 --> 00:33:03,320 Okay, there it is. Thank you. Her whole acorn account is in Pfizer. Go ahead. Tell us. 304 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:11,400 Notice the ladybug shirt. Why not a malebug? Yeah. You feminist? I bought this at New York 305 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:16,040 and it was like way too expensive and it was called... It's from only New York. A store 306 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:21,400 called New York? Yeah. It's called only New York and New York. I was in New York. Oh, 307 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:25,840 it's in New York. Yeah, it was like three years ago. It was like two years ago. A lot 308 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:30,680 of listeners don't know but this is our New York studio. Our New York City studio. I 309 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:37,800 love New York. Yeah, unique New York. Great show. Folks, if you're a first time listener, 310 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:43,360 you got to keep listening and if you're a multi-time listener, then join patreon.com 311 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:48,680 slash bad comedy. I just want to apologize. Those are the better episodes are. Oh my 312 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,800 god. If you're a first-time listener, then this is the first day of the rest of your 313 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:59,600 life and... Apologize because of an ad or what? I call them a rad. I would always ruin 314 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:05,640 the ads because I'm so punk rock and I don't sell out and then I realize maybe I shouldn't 315 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:11,320 ruin the ads because it's pissed me off. Yeah, when you're in the ads, I'm like... We're 316 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:17,320 just trying to make a little bit of money. No, we just want to make the army larger of 317 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:22,920 baddies. Yeah. Do you like... So now you're part of a network where if hell breaks loose, 318 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,400 which I think it's probably going to break loose. Yeah, we have an army, so you have 319 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:34,120 an army. Nice. Yeah. So we got our guy coming over later. So yeah, so baddies get to protect 320 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:40,960 coin shortage now. All costs. Take bullets for her. Yeah, they take bullets for us. Even 321 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:50,640 if there aren't any, find a guy and then dive in front of that bullet. Yeah. Yeah, stand 322 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:57,600 up for us. Dude, I'm going to fucking bomb this place. Yes, that's the energy. So you 323 00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:02,480 look so cool. Talking about bombing this place. Yeah, you've already been kind of bombing 324 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:13,920 all day on this place. Oh, my God. Everyone hates that pun. It's just too overdone. What 325 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:19,480 about the Unibrowmer? Like every Broward comic. More like Unibrower. I feel like I'm bombing 326 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:27,320 right now. Unibrow. What about Unibrowers? The Unibrower. Unibrowers. Yes. Ted Kizinski 327 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:39,480 more like that. Ted Kizinski. About a hiding like Ted Kizinski because he's crappy. What 328 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:45,680 about the Unibrow? Tina's costume. She had a Unibrow and Halloween. I didn't notice. 329 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:53,680 Who's that Oklahoma city bomber that got framed for doing it? Didn't really do it. It was 330 00:35:53,680 --> 00:36:03,480 Bill Clinton. Thanks. I don't know. I've mind she's becoming a bee. I've minds think alike. 331 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:12,560 That's what we always say. Is that it's kind of kind of profound. Man, it's a novel. It's 332 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:18,080 pretty novel in my opinion. I fucking I have a few of these. Did you know? Did you know 333 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:24,600 that? We talked about that. We did. I talked about how. Oh, man, I was really drunk. I 334 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:32,200 talked about how your fear of bees was not it was unfounded and mine made more sense because 335 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:37,440 they had to take by hive bees. I stuck my glove in a baseball net as a child and there's 336 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:43,240 a bee. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, you guys are. He also hit his sister in the head of the 337 00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:51,800 school bit. I'm in a little bit. Okay. Pissing me off that day. And yeah, she's okay. He 338 00:36:51,800 --> 00:37:02,240 was like, I want her to be like me. She bullied me hard. Sorry, folks, I dropped the board. 339 00:37:02,240 --> 00:37:13,920 Your ACT score. I was 25. All right, one attempt. What was yours? Nothing. Oh, it's 340 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:21,280 because it was more. It was so high. You don't want to make us feel bad. Yeah. 36. You got 341 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:30,000 36. Yeah. Okay. And what was that was on the IQ. I went to what that was on the IQ. No, 342 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:36,320 that was on the ACT. I went to Stanford. Stanford. I always like to bring IQ test. 343 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:41,120 What did you study? Well, I thought I thought it was a car college. I thought it was standing 344 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:49,520 for Ford. And then so I dropped out. I fucking hate when the app. Yes, I went to Harvard 345 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:56,120 and then it was pretty hard. So then I went to University of Iowa instead. I went to 346 00:37:56,120 --> 00:38:03,240 a lot of colleges, but I have my master's in, you know, farming and business, like all sorts 347 00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:12,080 of things like racing, agriculture, most sciences like physics. I was really one. Yeah, medical 348 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:19,600 law, political science, political law, policy side. Yeah, we call it policy. We always call 349 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:26,600 policy for short. It's kind of cool. It was like a little inside joke we all had. It's 350 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:32,240 just easier to say. Yeah, but how'd you hear about the inside joke we all had in policy 351 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:39,160 science major? I was eavesdropping. I thought that was an art school. I had a classic mix 352 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:46,120 up. Turned out it was policy. It's probably a policy op. They're probably doing multiple 353 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:53,520 psyops on you. A bunch of psyops at once. A lot of experiments. Yeah, schools really 354 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:59,000 fucked up if you really think about it. Yeah, it's like they brainwash you. I got a conservative 355 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:11,400 arts degree. They have selective information. Oh, nice. I got a conservative arts. Yeah. 356 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:19,680 I got a degree in weaving like painting Donald Trump as a class. Yeah. It's like knitting 357 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:28,240 American flags. It's like basically Hobby Lobby. No, it's also you shoot guns. Hobby. 358 00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:33,240 It's a lifestyle. I really like Hobby Lobby, but walking in there is like, well, I learned 359 00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:41,240 a lot about building because we practice building walls and stuff like that. And we also, 360 00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:46,040 you know, learned how to they teach you a different type of writing where you do like 361 00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:53,760 all caps in certain areas of emphasis for tweeting, you know, and then also we learned 362 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:59,520 how to, well, it's xing now. We learned how to I think this is called tweeting. No, it's 363 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:07,440 xing because the liberals would use Twitter. No, it's xing. It's sexing. And I'm like a 364 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:14,600 man. Oh, we did something about building walls and Twitter. That's not Twitter. So we learned 365 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:22,240 how to learn how to tweet in a threatening way or a mean way. Did you use 4chan? I use 366 00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:31,280 5chan level five. Yeah. And I've never been on 4chan or 8chan. I've only been on the second 367 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:38,920 one. Yeah. That one was kind of a I couldn't really never I could never really get into 368 00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:47,960 a tumbler. I couldn't really tumbler. Pinterest. I lost Pinterest. Nice. I lost the app. I 369 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:53,200 love Pinterest. I find so many graphs on there. I did too. I did too, but I lost lost Pinterest. 370 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,920 I don't know where the app went. What kind of guy was on my home? I kind of like made 371 00:40:56,920 --> 00:41:02,040 for like, like 30 year old, like, moms who have nothing better to do other than like 372 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:08,360 craft and the best products. I'm pretty much like, yeah, and I wait really? Yeah. I'm 31. 373 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:15,320 What are you crafting? I made do epoxy. He's obsessed with epoxy. Oh my God. He's got his 374 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:20,560 teeth on epoxy. epoxy this table. He chipped his tooth. 375 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:28,760 He boxy. That's awesome. Wait, what was that for? What? You you epoxy this? Yes. Wait, 376 00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:35,600 did you like hold on? No, wait, you say that's okay. But no, that's like beautiful. You wait. 377 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:43,240 Did you chop this? Did you chop this dollar up? Well, it was really expensive. So I had 378 00:41:43,240 --> 00:41:51,760 to go to the mint. Uh huh. And I had to pay I use some around $50 million for that. Like 379 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:57,400 this huge dollar bill, $100 bill. Yeah, you know, series 2006. That's what that's worth. 380 00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:03,640 It's like, it's like, worth its weight in gold. And it's really heavy. The table. You 381 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:10,080 went to UPS and you were like, can you print out a huge dollar bill? I'm going to put it 382 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:16,040 in a table. You know why that's not true? Because I didn't go to UPS and it's also not 383 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:27,280 a dollar bill. No, it's 100. Yeah, you said a dollar bill. That's girl math. Yeah. Whatever. 384 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:33,680 So you actually your landlord's like, how much is rent? They're like $800 a month. 385 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:40,680 And you're like, okay, and you can make dollars. Because you think a dollar and $100 is the 386 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:48,960 same thing. They're both dollar bill. I do. I do do that a lot. I do that a lot. I'm 387 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:53,120 not even fucking joking. I like, I'm like, shit, I got to do the dishes. I only have 388 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:59,960 like only one dish. And it's like, and then and then I'm like, oh, I can't get through 389 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:06,800 my kitchen. Girls are just like, I know, and I'm just I'm just useless. Like, I don't 390 00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:11,760 even know how to really, I don't know how to do like a sandwich. How do you do a sandwich? 391 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:16,680 What even is a sandwich? I think I've heard it before. I've get it. I've heard it like 392 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:23,520 getting yelled at me. Sandwich. Make a sandwich. Dando seem a yelled yelled about sandwiches 393 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:28,000 on Instagram. He was talking about what's what's their joke. Something with the Earl 394 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:35,000 of sandwich was the first guy who invented the sandwich about a little bill. Wait, I'm 395 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:42,560 going to watch the real right now. Okay. Should I then to see mo looks like non binary Mozart 396 00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:50,280 a little bit. You're going on a binary Mozart a little bit. Fucking bad ass. Yeah, bad ass, 397 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:58,200 dude. He's got a fucking sit in front of their face. It's like him just talking. It's like 398 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:07,560 my friend. No, he's like, I got a sandwich. He's like, I got a sandwich. No, he's like 399 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:12,160 they talk about religion a lot. He's like, I'm gay. If you don't like sandwiches, you're 400 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:17,840 gay. Fire religion jokes. But then I heard that in Wisconsin, if you're talking about 401 00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:22,280 that, or you should have our religion, people, that's the thing that they just or the Bible 402 00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:28,120 about accept. Yeah, dude, people like God. Yeah, I talk about my God like that. Yeah. 403 00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:35,160 My God is just watching Dan those seamos reels on this podcast. I'm like, gosh, they're so 404 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:41,240 funny. You know what? Sometimes we like to put our own reels up and have the guest. Yeah, 405 00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:46,320 we did that one episode. It's pretty sweet. I checked this one. We just lost my reels. 406 00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:52,840 Oh my gosh, I want to go pro like an open mic this week. I might do that accident one 407 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:58,760 time I had my phone in my pocket like filming but just to record the sound and it was like 408 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:03,720 it looked really cool. But then I was like, I'm these people aren't agreeing to be on 409 00:45:03,720 --> 00:45:10,000 camera right now. I secretly wear a GoPro at a meetings. Oh, just kind of like because 410 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:13,560 I want to I want to make a documentary about all these people's stories. I'm not going 411 00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:17,240 to tell them about it. And then I'm going to, you know, put it out. Yeah, I'll put their 412 00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:21,200 names in the credits over and knows who it is. Yeah, because I want them to get the credit 413 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:28,160 they deserve for all their stories from a literally carry on gift that keeps on given 414 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:33,920 a no like fucking that's what America's all about. I'll put their name, their address 415 00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:39,640 for them to express themselves. And then I'll put together, you know, maybe like a crime 416 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:47,320 task force to if they confessed any crimes. You know, yeah, because I got a whole mccountable 417 00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:51,640 to you know, like you can give them their five minutes of fame in my movie. But then 418 00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:55,680 you get a hold of mccountable if they're anonymous secrets that I'm releasing. Yeah, 419 00:45:55,680 --> 00:46:03,480 put their date of birth, their credit card. Yeah, so social. Yeah. Or if or call them 420 00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:07,680 out if they don't have a social, you know, if they're an illegal immigrant, love credit 421 00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:16,920 card. Yeah, we love credit cards. I love credit cards. I love being like a Wayne credit. 422 00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:21,760 Being in credit card debt is great. Oh my God. It's just something like this. I have 423 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:28,960 a discover. Is it the it? Yeah. That's what I call most people that sit around binary. 424 00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:36,560 I was free today. So I call it. Or some it is it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that it 425 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:40,120 never sounds like it's pretty sure we talked about earlier that all pronouns are going 426 00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:44,840 away. So everyone's dude. I like, I have, yeah, like if they're non binary, I think 427 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:48,360 that I don't want to be labeled as either one. But then we're like, all right, you're 428 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:54,200 this one. I think Dan is cool with dude because girls call each other dude sometimes and stuff. 429 00:46:54,200 --> 00:47:00,120 I think Dan Dan is cool with dude, but not like not like bro or man, but only because 430 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:06,200 Dan says like stuff rules. I say, what's up, bro Han man, dude. You're so masculine. 431 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:13,080 Yeah, I just shove them in the box. I said, I said, you're the man doce emo. Get in the 432 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:20,160 box. I mean, their name is very yeah, like they need a cigar. Yeah, it should be like 433 00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:29,280 Daniel or Daniel at least. Then Daniel's kind of binary Daniel with two L's but no 434 00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:38,920 E at the end. How about that? Yeah. Daniel start Daniel, Daniel, the Lewis, Patrick 435 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:48,560 done done. Don't see you on a dime, Daniel, Dom, Dom, Daniel, my God, if he was European, 436 00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:55,560 but you got the white, you're wearing white shoes, Daniel. The video was Dom, Daniel, 437 00:47:55,560 --> 00:48:05,080 Dom, am I going to be like this forever? No, what are those? 438 00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:11,360 Ever like, like, like just sit there and just kind of think about stuff. Yeah, sometimes 439 00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:16,960 I'm I'd be thinking he's not thinking. No, I got to put a fucking YouTube like I got 440 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:21,280 to watch something 24 seven. I got to watch like someone like talking to my ear and being 441 00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:27,320 like the latest Joker to movie is like some of those lines. Yeah, what I like to do is 442 00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:35,960 watch the like a short like real or an X a video on X like saying an opinion and then 443 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:43,200 I just respond to the phone and with my copy exactly what it says. I just say I give my 444 00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:51,240 argument to the phone. I talk to my phone. I say actually I think this. Yeah, dude, my 445 00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:56,840 dad. You ever do that? No, he had rumble, though. Remember that? 446 00:48:56,840 --> 00:49:06,760 I'll say dad. Rumble appreciates free speech. No, brumbles still rumble. It's like an app. 447 00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,840 I don't even know if it exists anymore, but like it's like an app where you literally 448 00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:15,040 just like pick a topic to debate about and it's all like conservative people. So they're 449 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:19,760 like, I agree. I agree. And like the whole point is that you're supposed to be bumping 450 00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:25,120 in heads. And it's just like they basically just like gathered all these fucking people 451 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:29,200 who are basically like my dad who are like, man, I just got like ran about immigrants 452 00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:37,200 somewhere and it just became basically X. Yeah. Well, X is actually half and half now. 453 00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:44,400 Yeah, it is. No, I don't really I don't know. I like Twitter. I think I just showed up 454 00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:49,720 way too late to the game. I think what you did is you were watching all of the conservative 455 00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:55,520 stuff. So the algorithm is sending you conservative stuff. So it looks like, I mean, no, obviously 456 00:49:55,520 --> 00:50:00,800 conservative. No, I think I know I literally just have like fucking 35 followers on there 457 00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:04,200 because I like started it like I mean, it's gonna leak two years ago and then I just gave 458 00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:09,880 up. I don't get it. I mean, you're the coach or the RNC. So I'm sure you do have some like 459 00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:14,360 right leaning belief. Yeah, I feed him really well. What do you want me to say? I don't know. 460 00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:19,960 I don't know what the fuck that even means. RNC. It's easy as one, two. What am what are 461 00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:27,120 you addressing me as right now? My school fucking failed me. Well, I was saying that 462 00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:32,960 you all the left social media failed. I'm saying you're the top level of the Republican 463 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:38,720 Party. Mark Zuckerberg. Who's actually right now? 464 00:50:38,720 --> 00:50:46,560 Eric Trump's wife or someone else? Do I look like her? No. Okay, well, I don't know. All 465 00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:53,880 girls look like kind of like Chinese people. Yeah. You know, I'll be long hair. Yeah, 466 00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:59,400 long hair. And they're all like, they're all blading and shit. I'm gonna have like pixie 467 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:05,960 cats. They got makeup on shit. Yeah, chill to swim. Swinton. Yeah. I think all girls 468 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:09,520 who use that to be the same long hair, they wear makeup on a roll of bleeding. What's 469 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:15,200 your opinion on and they chew gum and the microphone for girls that now I can take 470 00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:22,520 a do Molly at a festival. Do you do that? I don't do Molly. I feel like I'd get like 471 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:30,400 I don't do pills because I feel like I just go way to ham. Dr. Pill. Yeah, actually, the 472 00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:36,520 reason that this girl stopped doing it at a roll just pretty bad. She told me on accident. 473 00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:42,360 Thank you. Inspiration. I did Molly at a concert. I had sex with a girl named Molly in the 474 00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:51,320 Porta Poti in Palo Paloza. Okay. Claimed a fame. I did Molly. Amazing. You can go. You 475 00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:59,120 can find that you wrote in the or you love or was it just like a situation? Yes, lost. 476 00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:05,360 You got a you got a call that number is in the pristine Porta Poti. Jesus never known 477 00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:12,360 talking about was that where it's like eight, eight, three dash truth. That's these are 478 00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:17,640 people. Truth social. That's the phone number when there would be a guy like yelling about 479 00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:22,960 Jesus in public. When I was a kid, I would like stand there and like debate with them 480 00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:30,120 and I'd be like, you have no evidence of I don't know why I would be like the kid arguing 481 00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:36,720 like logic points to like the guy when was he did he Charlie Kirk you? I think we did 482 00:52:36,720 --> 00:52:41,480 change each other's opinion. I don't think you change his opinion if he's going on campus 483 00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:48,560 to breathe. Oh, you guys got to do that. You guys got to have like a booth outside and 484 00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:54,280 just start yelling all of your fucking conspiracy theories. I'm level five change my mind. So 485 00:52:54,280 --> 00:53:02,480 people level. No one's gonna get like that's too niche. But like, you know, no, oh, this 486 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:08,120 let's see it. We make it the zeitgeist by just saying it over and over. We've created 487 00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:16,680 eventually level five. Are you banning zeitgeist? I don't even know. I'm pretty sure that bad 488 00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:23,960 comedy if you're a regular bad comedy listener you're in a new zeitgeist. And you're bad. 489 00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:27,520 That's another word that's going away by the way. So use it what you can. God bless. I 490 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:34,440 fucking hate that word zeitgeist. It's like my goodness gracious. And we're back. Ladies 491 00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:42,880 and gentlemen, I'm trying. I'm trying to have a good time. You're so good wholesome time. 492 00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:49,160 Yeah, this is no use. I'm trying to keep this PG. I swore way too much Swiss Swiss cheese 493 00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:55,960 is flipping dang it Swiss cheese is pretty wholesome. Isn't it? Yeah, what the heck? 494 00:53:55,960 --> 00:54:05,320 It's pretty Swiss cheese is very wholesome. Fuck. Nice. Keep swearing. Are you doing Tourette's 495 00:54:05,320 --> 00:54:10,920 idea of Tourette's? I think I do. What's your problem? No, I literally what is it starting 496 00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:17,560 to tick lately? What is a woman? You love your talk about tick tock a woman is. 497 00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:18,560 Um. 498 00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:27,800 Hashtag dove. Yeah, that's not an answer. No, this is actually maybe the best answer so far. 499 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:34,120 Hashtag deadass. Keep more hashtags. Hashtag. Yeah, I have to use hashtags. There are women. 500 00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:45,360 I used to say hashtag yellow all the time. Oh, yeah, I was like your ideology. I've 501 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:52,200 been eating iron. It's based on truth. I've been eating iron. A lot of iron vitamin gummy 502 00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:57,160 bears. I love how there's just everything in a gummy bear now. Yeah, I guess so much 503 00:54:57,160 --> 00:55:02,400 fucking magnesium through my gummy bears. You know that. Your energy drink the other 504 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:08,640 day. You can become like Magneto. You know, Magneto. Yeah, a lot of spoons have been kind 505 00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:15,320 of flying my direction. I don't know why. Magnetium. You can be kind of like that. Yeah, 506 00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:18,760 that's probably why I'm ticking. But that's why I'm so ironic is all the iron in my blood. 507 00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:25,920 Yeah, I just have a lot of lead poisoning too. Yeah, you just have to have a lot of pencils. 508 00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:30,600 You get bullied and people would stab you with pencils in school. Well, yeah, and they 509 00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:35,920 were the like mechanical ones, too. I was like, yeah, I was born like 10 years ago. 510 00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:39,200 Mechanical pencils, they need to get rid of because that's going to take everyone's jobs 511 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:43,840 because that's like way too sophisticated. I remember like mechanical pencils. What do 512 00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:50,520 we do next AI? I can't hold. Yeah. What a mechanical pencil. What's next? Waymo cars 513 00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:56,120 taking everybody at that was the number two pencil factories jobs. What's next AI taking 514 00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:02,080 everyone's jobs and universal basic income? Is that what's next? Hopefully both. Hope 515 00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:07,800 that's pretty big. Yeah, there's mechanical pencils and also there's AI. And don't get 516 00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:17,480 the UBI thing. It will be the greatest depression. Yeah, we can't even stathom. I feel inequality 517 00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:22,800 of the job. We're just gonna be depressed. And there will be eight people with all the 518 00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:30,600 technology. I might work for Amazon. You could be you could be their mascot. You dress up 519 00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:37,400 as an Amazonian. Wonder Woman. No, I was gonna say, like, I kind of want to like dress up 520 00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:43,320 for their commercials. If I ever get like, you know, you want to even let me in that 521 00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:49,360 warehouse delivery driver commercial. Yeah. Kyren Harrell is in all the McDonald's commercials. 522 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:54,720 I think it's a good idea to Kyren Harrell. Yeah, well, he looks like a guy that would 523 00:56:54,720 --> 00:57:00,000 be in McDonald's commercials. And he wasn't one. He'd be like, this burger is amazing. 524 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:03,480 Yeah. Yeah, I think Jason told him he looks like he would be in McDonald's commercial. 525 00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:08,920 And I think he said that he was. Yeah. And then I saw McDonald's commercial. I look 526 00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:13,320 like I have a compliment kind of sort of. I don't think so. Well, they like they want 527 00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:19,320 to get the most like they want someone that's multi multicultural and also ethically ambiguous. 528 00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:24,160 That's the word. And also has my own which is funny because he's just a black guy. I 529 00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:29,200 have black. Yeah, I don't know who knows. You definitely round down with him. I don't 530 00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:34,000 really talk. I don't really talk about race. I love Kyren Harrell. I'm kind of I feel like 531 00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:39,040 a lot of the comics in the scene. They don't accept me as one of their own. Ask him. Ask 532 00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:44,240 him. I'm starting to get a little ticked off. That's not funny. That's not funny. That's 533 00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:50,160 not funny. Ask him the question. Yeah, I will ask. Why? Oh, why? You don't you hate 534 00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:56,720 his culture? So you don't need you only ask him. Why is that? Oh, I'll have to do is 535 00:57:56,720 --> 00:58:04,240 appropriating. I'm not misappropriating. I'm using Kyren's. You know what he what he says? 536 00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:10,560 I don't. Well, I'm going to start talking about Dr. Fauci to or yeah, I got the talk about 537 00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:22,320 Fauci. The devil. I was almost died of covid. We could talk about Dr. Evil as I call him. 538 00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:28,520 No, happens after we die. He's evil. I don't know. It's all gonna crumble. We got about 539 00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:33,560 two minutes. So let's talk about what happens after we die. We think I heard it's like a 540 00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:40,560 DMT trip and then you just kind of like keep tripping and then you get born again. Apparently 541 00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:48,040 born again. Is a Christian? No, like in like you would be I think like I believe in multiple 542 00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:58,880 lives, I think multiple lives matter. It is kind of crazy for only in God. Do you think 543 00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:06,480 there's Republicans and Democrats in heaven? There's Republicans in heaven. Maybe a couple 544 00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:17,000 of Democrats. Oh, brother. I mean, demo. I want to. Yeah, SpongeBob is in heaven. I 545 00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:21,760 want to get reincarnated. That was the word you were looking for. What wouldn't the multiple 546 00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:26,680 lives? Thank you. Yeah, no problem. We're gonna get rid of that word too, though. Incarnated 547 00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:36,200 why? That's a really gnarly word. Yeah, gnarly is reborn. Isn't like gnarly. No, this is 548 00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:43,960 Patrick. So, oh my gosh, I think that we get I want to get reincarnated as a dog because 549 00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:49,360 you don't have to get a job because then you're like anxiously attached to someone. You're 550 00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:54,440 like, fuck, when is my owner gonna fucking come back? Oh, my God, excited when they walk 551 00:59:54,440 --> 01:00:00,320 in and you don't have to get a job. You just kind of sit around to watch TV. I want to 552 01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:06,120 be a cool cat. I don't want to be a cat. You can't turn on the TV. I think you forget 553 01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:15,080 that we like loser autonomy as like people once we're reborn, like whatever animal. Yeah, 554 01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:20,400 this is sorry. This is not funny. You'll be you'll be you'll be born as a like a praying 555 01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:27,160 mantis or something. Why the fuck do people keep saying that shit? Wait, if I literally 556 01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:32,200 not you're not joking. My sister said the same exact thing. I'm not even fucking with 557 01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:36,400 you. You're gonna be reincarnated as a praying mantis. You look like a praying mantis. I'm 558 01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:41,200 like, what the fuck is wrong with you? There's way more praying mantis looking people like 559 01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:47,040 dank as it's really just the man's sunglasses. These are my dad's. I started those when she 560 01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:54,760 said that. Probably. I like I don't like showing my real eyes. I don't know. It's like it's 561 01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:59,000 like the windows to the soul. What color eyes do you have? So what are you hiding in your 562 01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:07,000 song? It's like Hazel. It changes depending on how I feel. That's demonic. Yeah, that 563 01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:12,680 is definitely demonic right now. Right now. It's kind of like a purple. Do they ever 564 01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:19,440 go full black? No, we're getting you arrested by the church. The Catholic Church. Which 565 01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:30,400 one? The Catholic Church. Can it be a better one? Nope. They only like little boys. Well, 566 01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:35,960 I think that we all go to hell. Although I think yeah, I think like everyone like since 567 01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:40,240 we're we created highways and shit like I think we're going to hell. Yeah, I think like 568 01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:44,880 we we're going to stop getting reincarnated to be honest because like we're in that era 569 01:01:44,880 --> 01:01:49,760 where we're like literally like freaking out about Cyber Monday and shit. What if it turns 570 01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:54,440 out though that that did break all the good things we think are good? It turns out it 571 01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:59,120 was the bad things the whole time. And we're like, see that word God is like thank you 572 01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:06,720 so much for creating Amazon Prime. I've been trying to do that for God's cool. He's like 573 01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:13,200 sick that you killed people. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was totally the mission. You're right. 574 01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:20,440 Sex. Then people that like were like Christian thought all the rules like fucking nerd. You're 575 01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:26,800 going to hell. Yeah. And then he has the bounce up in heaven is like St. Peter or something. 576 01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:32,760 I mean, it doesn't make sense if you go to heaven, you get to do anything you want. Yeah. 577 01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:38,360 That stuff's probably yeah, like is there a club in heaven? Like I think according to 578 01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:45,120 the biggie Smalls, he says, is it heaven? He said God, probably if you if you went to 579 01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:50,280 heaven, he said God, probably have me on some real strict shit. No sleeping all day. No 580 01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:56,120 getting my dick lick. Yeah, I think it's too heavy for no. I see. I think it's kind of 581 01:02:56,120 --> 01:03:01,440 like I feel like if heaven were or to exist, I feel like it would be kind of like Chicago 582 01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:07,200 would be like heavily like, yeah, well, biggie didn't want to go to heaven. He said, he 583 01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:12,880 said, not really, he said, hanging with the goodie goodies dressed in white. I like black. 584 01:03:12,880 --> 01:03:18,800 He said, wait, no, he said, fuck that shit. I want to tote guns and shoot dice. So that's 585 01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:23,560 what you do in hell. You shoot dice, which is pretty fun. No, that's really clever. It's 586 01:03:23,560 --> 01:03:27,200 warmer down there. It's probably cold as heck up in heaven. That's like what that's like 587 01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:34,680 in Norfolk. No, hell is like saying heck. No, I feel like I feel like hell is not that 588 01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:39,680 cool. Can you please call it heck? We don't swear. HG double hockey stick. I feel like 589 01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:44,040 people are like, oh, there's flames and cool canyons and we could smoke weed and have a 590 01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:50,320 lot of sex. No, I feel like hell is like the TSA airport. Yeah, because I feel like it 591 01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:56,720 should be like a DMV. I get to say in line list. Listen, yeah, yeah, you just hear like 592 01:03:56,720 --> 01:04:04,600 a like a crying baby in the distance. Like a lot of crying babies. Yeah. And then you 593 01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:09,520 just get searched 24 sevens. I don't have anything. I put on like it's on a German. 594 01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:15,520 I put on like stuff to go to sleep. Like it sounds on my phone. It's just crying babies. 595 01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:23,320 No, I put I put like the fucking ASMR of cutting soap. I put babies going like I have a 9 11 596 01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:29,400 compilation. It's just 50 different angles. We should switch places. God damn. We should 597 01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:33,120 get a we should get a I mean, I don't really want to try to train. I don't want to live 598 01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:40,920 here. 9 11 gives me bad memories. Oh, yeah. I was there. Ground zero. I was working there. 599 01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:47,400 Yeah. It's tough. It just wasn't that long ago. Now if you really think about it, time 600 01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:57,560 is just a flat circle. You feel like you're working at ground swan. That is why that's 601 01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:03,800 because ground zero was not funny to Mac. Not funny at all. It's personal to me. Oh, 602 01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:11,440 he did he worked with him. He did he I'm grounded. I guess. Nice. I worked with P. Diddy and 603 01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:19,600 Dow Jones there at the 9 11. I was trying to think of like the people that jumped and 604 01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:25,560 making that somehow ground zero. They were grounded. Yeah, they didn't jump and then 605 01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:30,960 they were waiting. They didn't land on the tree. No, you're not P. Davidson. You can't 606 01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:34,920 joke about it. Yeah. How many reasons these families how many people that jump thought 607 01:05:34,920 --> 01:05:43,240 they would land it? I know you should call their relatives and ask. I'll ask. Yeah. 608 01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:49,760 This is a question to the public. If you have a family, let's do a poll. Also, we wouldn't 609 01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:57,400 know. We'll do a poll on Patreon. We're going to close this one out. So my computer 610 01:05:57,400 --> 01:06:06,400 is in charge a little bit. So folks join patreon.com slash bad comedy for the good episodes and then 611 01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:11,640 this was not this was trash. Yeah, I mean, on purpose, the normal episodes are bad. The 612 01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:18,480 guest episodes is the funniest thing in the whole world. The funny number one Patreon, 613 01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:22,600 they say in the world and we're going to win number one podcast that is gazelles. 614 01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:29,120 It's going to be too big to rig. So vote for us for the gazelles. And do you have anything 615 01:06:29,120 --> 01:06:33,920 you want to plug going shortage? I'm not one of Grace's shows. I totally forgot about 616 01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:39,800 you're going to watch a show. No, I'm in one of her shows. I mean, yeah, which grace 617 01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:46,640 Baylor. Okay, well, one grace. There's Leishman. There's she's in New York making it. There's 618 01:06:46,640 --> 01:06:54,520 Petra. Wait, which one? I don't know that one. Leishman. Oh, she's a good giant. Yeah, 619 01:06:54,520 --> 01:06:58,800 she's like so funny and famous. And like, I don't under like she's not funny. She's 620 01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:04,000 so fun. She's so funny and untouchable. And like she just so like generally like, Oh my 621 01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:10,320 god, like I just want to be her. Yeah, I want to be her like she's on the red carpet every 622 01:07:10,320 --> 01:07:14,880 five seconds. Oh my god. It would take you like an hour to climb up her because she's 623 01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:23,760 a giant. I feel like it's got me worth getting level. Whatever she's done. I'm sure. Oh, 624 01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:28,040 it's getting banned. A lot of people call her race Leishman. She's so racist. Why? What 625 01:07:28,040 --> 01:07:33,960 she said in hearing in New York, she says a lot of, you know, that one, that word. Oh, 626 01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:42,720 he says a lot on stage. Yeah. In all black rooms. I heard it's safe. Oh, yeah. She goes 627 01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:46,640 under the brown. So just because yeah, just because you're tall doesn't mean you can play 628 01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:56,280 basketball. She thinks she thinks that. Oh, I hate when I'm becoming okay. No, in comedy, 629 01:07:56,280 --> 01:08:02,480 it's different. It's a totally different universe. Yeah, it's different zeitgeist. Dylan, do 630 01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:07,120 you have any plugs? I love electricity. Shout out to electricity. Okay. And follow me at 631 01:08:07,120 --> 01:08:12,280 comedy Betty. Oh, I'm also going to be in a Christmas movie. I don't know when it's coming 632 01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:20,880 out. It's called Uncle Santa. It's like a who's who shot a Brad Kauffman. Fuck. He hates 633 01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:28,640 me now. Who cares? I do. You have to let go of that too. No, he has a like, if you want 634 01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:34,400 the honor to be my guest, you have to cut ties with Brad Kauff. He has money. I don't 635 01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:42,200 want it. So many fans with money. He spent it all on likes. All right. 636 01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:51,480 No comment. Well, we can go through the pattern and do no comment. We're three. I just looked 637 01:08:51,480 --> 01:08:54,560 at two videos and then I would end up doing a deep dive and I was like, this guy's like 638 01:08:54,560 --> 01:09:03,360 complete fraud. Anyways, I want to plug Brad Kauffman unfollow him. No, no, go watch his 639 01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:08,200 movies support the craft. Yeah, check out Steven. Maybe check out Steven the house and 640 01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:15,040 Adam Addis having sex in the same bathroom or check out. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I meant check 641 01:09:15,040 --> 01:09:22,320 out Steven Haas films. It was a little short. All these are talented and offer things and 642 01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:27,560 that doesn't mean they're perfect and we can't make fun of him. I'm telling to he's a hand 643 01:09:27,560 --> 01:09:35,920 talent. He's not ugly at all. All right, folks. Hey, folks, thanks for listening. You've 644 01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:43,840 been a real bullet son of a gun. My dad is a gun. I try to think of something bullet 645 01:09:43,840 --> 01:09:52,560 something cool to say. Yeah, you're real. Thanks for thanks for giving us a shot. Oh, 646 01:09:52,560 --> 01:10:02,720 fuck me. Tell me and put a bullseye episode and join patreon.com slash comedy for more 647 01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:06,200 for the good stuff. Should I sing? Yeah, no.