comedy podcast. It's another great day. My name is Mac nipples and I'm here with Dylan
and our she was on the she's on the Trump transition team voted for Trump. No, I didn't
her name is coin shortage on Instagram. But her real name is Alexandra. Yeah, and she's
our intern. Yeah, this is very important. We hired her as a DEI hire. We wanted to have
a woman on the show. I'm sorry. Yeah, but she's very funny. So we're glad to have her
have you. Thank God. So yeah, we're not. What misogynist, they're really not sexes.
Yeah, see, they're not sexes at all. Yeah, that's what I thought. I guess I see this
is a bunch of white males. I just I want to throw up. Yeah, like Jonah Jerkins and Joe
Killgallon's podcast. Yeah, I've listened to like five seconds of it. Yeah, we're actually
going to do a crosscast with them when I see a show. I don't know if you can be on that
one because we only have four microphones. That's okay. I don't care. The whole lineup
is just men. It's just like, yeah, that's not comedy. A man. Yucky. I kind of want like,
can we have two more people who look like Joe Killigan and Jonah Jerkins? They do look
like they're from the same test to Jim Bo kill a gun or whatever. Yeah, they were. Well,
Joe kill killing a gallon of coffee, right? They're killing out Joe. The guy drinks a lot
of coffee. Yeah, I love coffee. Coffee's good. Yeah, I don't really drink it. I just eat caffeine
pills. I bet that Joe killing a gallon probably drinks Irish coffee. Yeah, true. George Kara
George allegedly was the name George Kara George. Very I remember that guy wasn't that
wasn't any part of the Declaration of Independence. He was one of the George's. Yeah, back then
they had George Washington. They had King George who was Santos. They had another George.
They like they had like 80 George's back then. Yeah, now we had to say like George Soros,
who controls the the New World Order. Curious, curious, George, George Howington, who's a
runs Mike. It's about it. I like coffee, too. Coffee. John coffee was that was the name
of in Green Mile. Michael Clark Duncan, the big black dude. Is that a movie? Fuck. Yeah,
it's a movie where the the watch it right now. Michael Clark Duncan, the giant, the
giant black actor. He's dead now. Oh, Tom Hanks was in it. Oh, I know. Yeah, he is the guy
that gets locked up for killing a girl. They didn't kill her. He was trying to save her
by he was like a magic guy. And he was trying to how's he magic? He would like be able to
breathe like magic bees into people and then they cure them to cancer or whatever. Suck
diseases out of people, I believe. No, that's Michael Clark sucking. I always get that's
the other one. Yeah. Are you confused? I like coffee. Yeah. I'm not a big fan of Starbucks.
But I yeah, I love eight mile. Okay. That's a good movie. Yeah, I love it. I love that's
where he's like, I'm a white boy, but my neck is red. I'm a wonderful. Yeah. Oh, I like
mom's Piscetti. No, that's what I call it. Piscetti. Oh, yeah, I didn't know how to say
spaghetti. Wait, wait, slap him upside the head. And yeah, it was only it was only good
when I was a kid and now it's bad. My mom's spaghetti sucks ass. But when it was Piscetti,
I was so young that why are you calling it Piscetti? That's what I would call it when
I was a kid. Why? Because I was retarded. Okay, it feels Freudian. It feels like Freudian.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like crossing a boundary. What? Like a taboo. He's always
interested in Freud and all of his ideologies. Right on George. George Freud is another one.
Because you don't have sense with his mom. That's not George. You messed up. You messed
up the last name. George Freud. Yeah, I like I don't know the story. Eminem is okay. I
like Eminem. I like what he did with he took like a million and a half dollars from Kamala
Harris to talk for one minute on stage. Yeah, I love that coconut lady. She's so she I wish
she was my president. My gosh, you're a commie. Actually, yeah, I love communism. Yeah, me
too. Yeah, I like it like from a distance. Oh guys, I wanted to tell you something. I'm
guys, I'm I'm trans. Oh, I mean, I mean, I'm a trans man. So I transitioned to become
a girl and then back to man. So I'm a man again. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. That was this
during this week. As long as you're doing well, I was trying to play women's sports.
Yeah. And I wasn't good enough. Yeah, I was trying to get a gold medal in the Olympics,
but didn't work out. I thought it was all based on gender. I think it's more of a feeling
kind of thing. More than a brother.
All right. I know. But someone was brought up that damn.
No, they I think because they know that I love it. Yeah, I'll find it. But I'm a huge supporter
of trans people, trans women playing women's sports, because I want I want men that turned
women to win all the Olympic medals. I want to bring back the patriarchy baby. I want
men to have all of it. We got a king in England. I think I think stand up comedy should be
an Olympic sport. It's a it's a real it's a real like good art. Yeah. Yeah. And then
like for the other countries, they should translate it all to English. It might it might
be the hardest thing to do. Yeah. I will I will actually yeah, you wouldn't I guess
someone in like Turkey would find like, they'd kind of go wow, we wow, wow, and then like
say their own jokes that make sense in their own culture. Yeah. But okay, so I guess we
can't do stand them. Why are we doing sports with other countries? Well, that's to kind
of, you know, bring everyone together and then we beat all of them and make them sad.
So that's the reason we participate. It's got to show our dominance. We force them all
to come and then Russia gives her real steroids and get kicked out. But then China, they have
so many people and they just like, just walk around and find the strongest ones. They tie
us in the number of gold medals this year. China. Yeah, we beat everyone with total medals.
Yeah. The mic is is Michael Phillips still in the thing. Michael Phillips. He was a hell
of a swimmer. I think he did water polo. You guys remember the show pepper and yes pepper
and pepper and I think I was like a baby is one in a million like 16. I don't remember
the show. I just remember the song, but it was probably really good. Did you watch a
rocket power growing up? What? What the fuck is that? What is that? I don't even know what
that is. I watch a lot of rock. What did you watch? Sam? I am Sam. I want. Yeah. No,
no, no, no, no, I watched I Carly. I car. I watched like Drake and Josh spin off of I
Carly. Yeah, crazy. Yeah. Yeah. The shows where kids got molested on them. Yeah. Honestly,
when I found that out about all those shows, I just thought my child was ruined. There's
is a buggy. That was I Carly when the producers Nickelodeon were, you know, doing bad things.
Yeah. Well, she came back. So she obviously Amanda though. Amanda show. Oh, she didn't
know that she was not the dancing lobsters were sick. I yeah, that was funny. I like
the Amanda buying show. She was like a virtuoso. She was so ready to be famous and then they
just, you know, really hurt her. Sad. Yeah. Yeah, what happened? She started saying like
I like eggs. Oh, yeah. We're in the girls room was about the girls bathroom. And then
there was one girl that was mentally handicapped. I like I love that. I like eggs. Yeah. That
was like a recurring thing. It was pretty cool. I was in high school. It was in my
zeitgeist. I would walk in the bathroom and the boys room and maybe I don't know people
liked it as much as on the show. So yeah. And I've noticed in the doing it though in
the news. They've been saying the word Cinco Fanta lot. Mm hmm. They've been saying what
which news Cinco every news they were calling like like Matt Gates like us like a like a
Trump Cinco Fanta. I'm like no one's ever used that word. He's ever Bob Keen. So I
think Bob Keen is running the deep state. Oh, Bob Keen called me a vapid Cinco Fanta.
He doesn't he doesn't know me like that. He doesn't know me like that. But I would love
to buy him a tracksuit. Like a Brian Crow. Oh, no. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I do know him.
I do know him. But do I know know him? No, no. He's a big no. I is a big no. I heard
he's a good engineer or whatever. They're actually you got fire from his job. Oh, see,
probably not probably a bad engineer. WTF. Whoa, that girl. Yeah, I like that one. So
how about this? Santa Claus is God. Oh, change my mind. You change what change my mind.
Santa Claus is God. Yeah, Santa Claus is God. Change my mind. He is not God. If anything,
he is Satan because he gives the kids the kids what they want what they desire. And
he believes that it's you have to be good to get what you karmically get back in materialistic
form. He gives the bad kids. Yes. Yeah, but the satanic it's cool. He's not. Yeah. And
he's on the North Pole. He doesn't. Well, the poor kids get nothing. But yeah, though
it's no, I deliver cold to all the poor kids. I've been I'm part of charity. We bring cold
to all the poor kids. I don't know. It's a communist argument. They're like different
Santa Claus is to from different places of the world. If you're talking about the American
Santa Claus. Yes, he is basically our Jesus because it helps the economy. It helps motivate
young kids to work. But if it's Yeah, yeah, it's like what's St. Nick. St. Nick. That's
the same person. Right? Yes. But what about Chris Kringle?
Yeah, Chris Kringle. Chris Pringles. Yeah. He does. Paul Farrakhan. Oh, yes. Oh my god,
that's my Santa Claus. Yeah, yeah, he just brings you to him though. You don't like write
a letter to like God. Well, you he makes a list and he checks it twice to make sure that
it's not your nice if you're sinful or good. And if you're bad, he gives you a coal. And
then I also started a charity to make sure all the poor kids get cold. But they only
get they only get half the proceeds, which is like his t shirt sounds go to win. Yeah,
they'll be the funniest, funny as charity ideas pass out. Fucking cold. All the kids
that don't get gifts. He's bring him coal. Oh my gosh, kids that get gifts. But yeah,
his t shirt, he sells t shirts for Parkinson's to I don't know raise something about it.
Yeah, he keeps half the money because it's kind of his own side hustle. So I guess I
just want to know if you get a lot of sure from him. I think I threw it though. How to
be mean? Paul Favar. Did you know was it better called Paul? Yeah, I has the phone on it.
I liked it. I liked it. But I it was kind of I have this. I wore it as a gym shirt.
And then someone was like, it was them. Paul. Yeah, Paul Favar shirt for Parkinson's. If
someone said that about looking hate that he keeps all the money for sure. No, well, he
gives him what he says inside. Husband about to shoot me. No, he keeps all the money. You
told me the high closed doors. Yeah, he told me he said I keep it all. He like changes
the disease every year. Yeah, he's like for COVID this time. Oh, I think if in them half,
he's doing the work, he's investing in it, they get half. That's a fair shake for I told
him one time want to do that. Sorry. Wait, I'll go. I told him one time, you should call
the shirt better call Saul, not better called Paul, right? He didn't laugh and you don't
follow me on Instagram. We don't want to. This is this is a while. Okay, well then listen
to this. He's a lawyer. He knows I would be two months later. Jason said the same thing
and he laughed. Because Jason knew I did that and he was like, he was like, you know, Max
said the same thing to you and he didn't laugh like a couple of months ago. And he was like,
who? Yeah, so I was like, you know, who I am, Paul Farrakhan. So big time. Yeah, what
charity would you guys make a shirt for? I don't bring cold pork kids. I've always been,
I guess a UNICEF guy, but you're you're UNICEF UNICEF. Yeah, it's about it tries to help
kids become UNICEF and struggling. Yeah, I think that every kid in their life should
to get to get gap year and also transition at least once.
You're very I did like improv for kids in hospitals. Pretty much the same thing. What's
that like annoying acting? Some improv? Yeah, improv. I don't really know what it is. You
never did it. You guys never did improv. See, I feel like what you're doing improv there
though is way different. Like you did a human good thing. It's hard for me to understand
no, it's not a good thing. They call improv a bunch of kids kind of what people call improv.
I've been doing for 31 years. Yeah, but but have you got that's like a genuine human thing
that everyone should know how to do and provides like a conversation on the spot. Well, that's
my but I've been doing comedy for 31 years. Amazing. So proud of you. Anyway, I don't
need to go to class second second city. I'm already on fifth city accepted that Mac thinks
he's level five level. Wait, what level? Oh, wait, you got promoted levels. I don't
know what I am. I don't want to know what level I am. What you're like, well, stop.
Just tell me the levels. Just tell me that. No, don't fucking know. Don't label me. Well,
level five is like Pat. So level level four is like Louis CK, like Dave Chappelle, like
the people the ones who people think are the best. She's so but then level five is one
level above that. It's like where it's so not funny that it's really funny, you know,
level three is the one you want to be. You're well, you're really well to one or some maybe
zero maybe a half. No, it's just I feel like we have to be one and a half. Alex isn't as
used to you as I am. Mac will think he's funnier. I mean, sometimes you'll just, you know, do
a whole thing and keep going and over you. You're up to you and we want to give you space
to talk. Yeah, we need to sometimes we're on Adderall. I think I'm not Mac might be
on Xanax, which might relax his senses. But either ways, I like when told him like, stop.
Well, I was it seemed like it was a stalemate because you can have this if you want to.
Oh, oh, shit. Yeah, I totally forgot about this. I'm not. I'm not sure what I'm supposed
to touch on this table. You can touch anything. But oh, should we show the coins? We just
want to and this is happening. Can I can I hit it like whenever I'm just gonna hit it
whenever you should hit it when you need to tend chaos chaos. If you just hit it like
randomly all the time, people are going to turn off listening to the firecast order means
shut the fuck up. But no, but if you have something to say and you can't get it through
that has hit it a few times. Okay, say order order. All right. And everybody. Those are
the rules. Alex. But yeah, so well, I found this gem on Amazon or team or something. I
got that. Oh my god. Jacob the jeweler, Jacob the jeweler. Jacob the jeweler. Either guy
who makes like jewelry for all the famous rappers and stuff. His name is Jacob. That's
not true. I went to Jake. Look it up. 25,000 on the way to Kanye. I don't have my phone
in here. Like Kanye's Kanye talks about Jacob on it in the songs. Oh, was like you went
to Jacob. Okay. And the song diamonds forever. He talks about it. Yeah. So all right. A lot
of urban music lyrics. Okay. Yeah, they call me I say urban ironic. They call me Kurt or
Bain. Not. Yeah, more like Kurt cocaine. Nice. That's also ironic. Okay. We know we're this
is bad comedy podcast iconic. Yeah. She might have to go to level two. But yeah, so Mac
got this coin collection and knowing coin shortage. You probably probably appreciate
that. I'm appreciate it. And I feel like you'll probably like what can I touch it now? All
right. You can't cough on it. Yeah, don't cough on it. So I sort of wash your hands.
Oh, it's really funny. Does this money actually go to this dude to the to that Donald. Jacob
is gonna get a piece of it for sure. 24 karat gold. Yeah, maybe Paul Farver. I'll be I'll
be checking that again before we leave. Make sure you didn't try to make sure you didn't
try to get a coin surplus. Yeah, we know how many are in there. Were you like when you
saw that those were available? Those names were you like, Oh, I'm about to change my
identity. No, because sometimes I would look at just handles on Instagram and be like,
this might be just because I can't believe this is available. The coin shortage was a
real scare. I was more afraid of that than I got. But I was so surprised. I'm like a
bad boy comedy on all all players. No, I'm not. No, I was just like, Well, all right,
it was like my spam originally. Really? Yeah. And then I deleted my like normal account.
And I was like, I could just like post on here. And that's what happened. And that's
the story of my Instagram account. I why how many how much money I mean, probably $80,000
dollars. No, you fucking what 25 bucks. If you're listening to listening on audio, she's
looking at my gold collectible Trump coins. Guys, can I take it out of the no, no, no,
you can. Okay, that might just have it might scratch it. I don't know, man. We just want
I got those before before he won too. So I mean, I was I was I'm just a good at the
betting markets. No, it's like, all right. Just know like Alex is you basically like
the ethical person. She's going to be our voice of reason at times. And she voted for
whoever you wanted her to vote for. We're just trying to say let's go around and not
I'm having a panic attack. Unlike my professors are watching they're being like, Oh, well,
let's be real. Well, that's where I'm trying to just I'm in college, man. Yeah, I'm gonna
get fucking canceled. And then see them looking at Donald. I like I don't like him. See, I
don't like him. What does that say about our society?
That's like, well, you also got to say, you also, but you don't want to be a test. Maddox
yesterday. The other way to know I can't I can't speak about my real life on here. You
got to say free Israel free Palestine like Ukraine Russia. Yeah. No, I like the world
and like I just wish like people could stop hurting each other. Your anti genocide. Yeah,
that's Trump's platform is that's Trump's platform is peace in Ukraine Russia. We're
not trying to convert Alex. We're just saying yeah, I just don't want you to feel I'm not
even allowed to vote. So fuck fuck it. Well, maybe that's not even allowed. Honestly, you
probably could. It's pretty easy just to fake it. It's like if you just you would know
right. They wouldn't even take my idea. I wrote down my name and stuff. And then and then
I wrote in Donald Trump. What was your name like? Which time? Pickle? What time where
pickle weasel pickle weasel back in line a few times. That's Russia shooting. No, I'm
like, dude, I'm Polish. Okay. I'm like next. Well, no one wants Poland. Let's be real.
Yeah. I wanted well, no. Yeah. I don't think he wants to keep going. I think that he kind
of wants peace. And then Friday's going to happen. We're just like trying to say Alex
is not endorsing this. I and Supreme Leader. I am like, I'm just like here for good vibes.
Well, I have no credibility in politics. Please. It's oh my God, shut up. I literally talk
about Trump. No. Yeah, she yeah, dude. I'm like, Oh my God, please. Okay, fine. Why don't
you change subjects? Let's take a bite out of comedy. All right. So what you guys bit
what you've been up to in comedy? Just been thinking a lot about how to talk about politics
and yeah. Yeah, sometimes people are like, should I talk about religion instead? What
do you guys want? Let's talk about religion. Yeah. What do you get? What if God was real
what they're doing is it's pretty real. I'd say that. Yeah, they're not really pals with
this. Last time it wasn't so real. Yeah. But now they're the ones doing the holocausting.
I guess you could say. Yeah. Okay. Well, I when I've been working on what I've been
working on is I've been I've been doing a lot of just like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm
like, it wasn't a sound. No, what I've been working on is I've been I've been doing a
lot of jar comedy. What I put things in jars and say that it's like a spell. Oh, wow. Yeah.
What do you mean? Like, you know, like, I don't know. I have like a coin jar. Yeah.
No, no, no, no, like when you put, I don't know, like, let's say, like you have a jar
or a pocket. No, it's like you have a jar and then you have like, not in it. And then
you put like things in it and then you seal it off and then you tell people that's like
a love jar, or you put common it and then you put money in it and then you say that's
a money jar. And then you put common money and then and and then you put food in it and
then you say that's a diet jar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then yeah, well, no, no, no, I don't
have them. Those are the jokes. Where do you get all this comfort? Check please. But I
go I you know, I walk around with a jar during my set and I say this. And yeah, and then
I hand the jar over to that's my crowd work. So we've been needing an alt person on the
pod. Oh my god, I took out my septum ring a year ago. My septum. Oh, really? Yeah. You
took it out. Yeah. Your septum should I put it back in? That's the bull ring. I put it
back in. It was making my nose fucked up. I never liked bull ring. I enjoy I enjoy it.
I enjoyed it. It did feel a little weird. I did feel like like a like a bicycle. Yeah,
like half machine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I was I was an art school
kid and then I was like, and then yeah. And then I was like, wait, this is fucking this
is like boring. How many how many colleges have you gone to? Are you like three genius?
No, are you like it? They're all TV. That's film and and I'm doing like I'm doing one
for sustainability. Well, I'm doing another one for political science. Oh, no, I'm joking.
This is a lie. This is all lie. I'm not going to college. I was saying sustainability. Yeah,
I don't think that's what no, no, sustainability. You put everything in a hole and then it just
like goes back into the earth because like the fungus or whatever. It's not garbage.
It's compost. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a fun guy. Yeah. I it's like a fun guy in
the comedy scene. I say, yeah, I'm a fun guy. People call me a cancer. People call me
cancer. The college knows what you got herself into. She does. I think I do. I knew we were
gonna take a bite out of comedy. No, no, I'm sorry. I keep staring at fucking Joe.
This is a scary good fuck out of Joe. Banana. Life size room is a little overstimulating.
So many like men in their 30s. Oh, God. 40 maybe. No.
Me and Mac are 31 but what? Let's get red. No, no. We need the blue one to help. The
blue one calms Dylan down. Well, the orange one is a good happy mood. No, that's like
a electricity. Yeah, very. No, this one's like a warm feeling. You know, yeah, it feels
like a river. If you're listening, you should watch on video. Actually, you can't even see
the color change on video. So maybe don't get the blue doesn't look at all different.
No. Yeah, it's the exact same. Yeah. So wait, so are you in school or in not school? Do
you want me to joke or lie or dogs? Be an actual person. Make up. Okay, I can say yes
to that. I don't got to stay like the class. So I go to right college. Wrong college, my
opinion. Oh, it's like a pyramid and Norwich. I don't know what the fuck was. I don't like
that. That's bringing me back to when I worked in a factory. No, I don't want to do laugh
back. No, I know Norwich. You know, yeah, the mall next to the hit mall. Another mall.
Yeah, they have a big gym. Yeah, they have a well, I think it's now a fitness. I don't
know what the fuck happened to export. I wait, it's not export. It's not export anymore.
I want my membership back. Please, please God, I've played less. I've snicked no money
in my fucking face. I think they exported it. They fuck. Yeah, it's not even 24 hours
anymore. When am I supposed to go like workout? When did you normally go at like like five
a.m. Like I go manically in the middle of the like night because what when it's empty.
Yeah. And like literally just I fucking you just get really stoned and then you just like
go nuts and no one's like looking at you. No one's like sweating and coughing near you.
I like when it's party time. No, no, all the hot chicks and everyone's just pumping on
here and I'm like, yeah, check out. I'm about to max 800 pounds. No, I'm not. What's this
squat? Can you spot me? Like I'm not asshole. Yeah, I know I like I literally like I literally
will like wait there for three minutes and be like, Hey, do you have like how many how
many more sets do you have? And they're like, Oh, I don't like three more. Yeah, or they're
like as many as I want. Yeah, yeah, and they and they have like, you know, the whole gear
on and they fucking have the chalk and the belt like die. It is. Yeah, gloves. Oh my
god. When they're too many combinations like that or whatever it's like, like get a real
hobby. Yeah, it's like when can I use this? You can't really next and then they're like,
I do unlimited reps. Really like learn how to learn how to fucking like why is your drive
how come your back can't handle this one? You're putting a thing on you. Yeah, yeah,
it's like, Oh, you're gonna go work out for the bill for the billionth time. Oh my god.
Yeah, there's this oh my god, you're so fucking cool. Fucking like flip over tire or something
like do so like I like yeah climb a fucking mountain. You're gonna go to the export with
your with your bros and you're gonna help help them out. Thank you. Into the in the
bathroom. That's that's why are you doing that toxic masculinity? Yeah, that's why that's
why I go to the gym. I put on a put on a girl wig and I go to the women's. Yeah, like
literally my my excerpt takes so long in the bathroom with his friends and it's just
no it's just like it's so annoying. Like men. There's come there's come with the strap
and everything. We're a cup. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's not a crop. It's not a cup.
You're a cup. Yeah, you had a whole duffel bag. You want to show me I don't know why
like you wouldn't fucking show me. You need a towel to snap kind of snap hits hits your
friends ass and say no man we're just kind of rambunctious in this locker room that come
right. I remember the coaches used to cup check us. But what they would do is to make
sure that you have a cup on your supposed to but nobody wanted to wear a cup is yeah
they're walking by and to hit you in the big white window with the with the stick.
They would have the lacrosse stick. They're hitting you. They'd hit you and not to the
lacrosse stick. Right. They hurt really bad games. They would calm hand games. Yeah.
Come at it. Personal tutor. I have I'm so scared to say things. No, no, I feel like
this is a public episode. I wish I should like yeah I wish I could green light. You'll
get into the groove over time. This is a comedy podcast. I'm like younger. How much younger
are you? I don't know. She's in. Yeah. Well, 24. I had a fucking I really I'm not joking.
You're not much younger. I know. I know. But I'm like, what's that say? No, I know. I know.
But like I'm like not in the like I'm like scared. I have a career. I don't need a like
real house. Like I live. Alex, no one listens to this. I'm not saying that people will listen
to this or no one. I'm just saying that. No, okay. Well, no, it's also your comedy podcast
where you're playing a character right now an extension of yourself where you might say
the opposite of what you think. Yeah, me too. I'm definitely a character and nothing I say
is actually true. I was like nervous kind of felt vulnerable talking and and then after
a little while it was like, Oh, like I'm just being myself on. Yeah, what kind of career
are you afraid of? Wait, so should I should I lie or should I be honest? Sometimes you
sometimes you do a bit in real life as I do. I see real stuff and fake stuff and then if
you will ask. Yeah, but but that's the thing afterwards. Yeah. Well, I'm great. I brought
it back and I forgot to take it off. I do it my phone. It's called bad. It's called bad
comedy podcast. So it's an ironic podcast. You can tell people so obviously, okay, I'll
just like go joke. You can go in because I might get kicked out of my fucking college.
No, you don't get kicked out. Please don't kick me out of you have to realize like your
college. Your college is not going to listen to this scared is because of the administration
we've been living in. Sue me. Okay, no, I'm just saying the free speech one, the one
that everyone's favorite color. Black. I guess. You like white. She likes white. Is
white your favorite color? I'm wearing as like a silver, actually, honey. My favorite
is rainbow. That's how okay I am. So that's not a color and rainbow is not a color. Black
is an absolute shade. Black's not a color. Rainbow is multiple colors. I'm speaking in
the scientific in terms. She's color blind if it's black. I'm hacking it. Black cancel
police. Black's not a color. Is there black on the rainbow flag? There actually is a
version with brown and black at the bottom of it. Yeah, it's like the BIPOC. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is. Yeah, I was on a I was on a stupac. It's like that some white
guys making money off. I guess the whole time is BIPOC. I thought it was two pack. Yeah,
I'm pretty sure he was by sexual or by annual or something by annual, I think you would
go gay twice a year and it would really put a rift. Yeah, I'm biggie Smalls was kind of
an oxy kind of an oxy kind of a oxy. So I'm like fucking turning red dude. Biggie Smalls
is kind of an oxy moron. Explain that. Yeah, explain. He did it. Do P duty would be oxy
more. He probably considered that someone talked him out of it. Like, don't do don't do P duty.
He's like, man, I really am P duty, though. That's like my actual real like, like legal name.
You're been to China. I've seen a lot of tick talks about it.
About China. Yeah. What do they say? It's cool. It's just really polluted. Yeah. But it's like,
but it's kind of like Blade Runner over there. What do you mean? Like we have Wesley Snipes there.
That's Blade. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I play like, like a horn? Just one horn. I got you.
It's just one horn, please. Okay, here. Hold this. No, like an air horn. Okay. We did not
dry fire that either. I'm glad that so it's good. I dry fired it. Not. How do I I'm holding a gun
right now the top back. This is sick. Yeah, that's right. Oh my gosh. I saw some cops on bikes
like yesterday. Not even real cops. Yeah, that's pretty gay. And they had like guns in their holsters.
And I was like, Oh my God, just imagine like dude, I want to go see the tree, the tree at
Millennium Park. What is it? Just a tree? It's a Christmas tree. It's a Christmas tree. It's a
Christmas tree. It's a Christmas. I hope our paper picked a pack of pickle peppers. A pack of pickle
peppers. Peter. If you pick the pick the pick the pick. New York, New York, New York. Brown. Fuck you.
Peter. I can. I'm very like you have your team the bean at the I oh you mean the cloud gate.
The bean is probably the best thing in Chicago. You know, they have to pat you down it goes
before you see it really. Yeah. Well, I've that's because I've tried to explode it before.
Yeah, I think like too many people like try to bomb. I want to plant C4 under it. I was trying. Yeah.
I was by the energy drink because it reminds me of dynamite. Yeah.
TNT is kind of like dynamite.
I just feel like I'm like I'm looking at us under the microscope right now. Yeah, you are. You're
always thinking I know sometimes it's like when we have a guest I think about the where's this
person feels. No, it's it's it's it's it's you want to like sign it to you know she's doing great.
I'm not Jake Pita.
She's also not a guest. She's a probationary co host. Dude, I had a okay some tea on Jake
Pita. He was like hitting me up nonstop through the DM. He's oh really? No, no, I thought he was
hitting you up to or something. He's just very active on social media. He's just comments a lot
on stuff. No, I've been sometimes me and him are it's like he I feel like he's the loudest person
on Facebook because he's the you know can't hear. Yeah, he has a voice on faith. Yeah, yeah. But
also you can say you know you can love someone and you can be honest about who they are. It's part
of their character. What does he say? Jake is very active. I love you. Yeah, yeah, like two years ago
I had to block him because he like couldn't read. He was like I he like couldn't read between the
lines like I think he's not blind. Right. Yeah, well I don't know. Braille definitely blind is
the kind of the same thing right. Love is color blind actually. Yeah. Thank you so much for that.
I feel blessed. She should really have that. I think she needs it more than another horn.
But maybe just for Jake Peter she needs a
Jacob Pete Braille Jacob Peter. If you're listening to this, I'm sorry that I blocked you but I
ignored your DMs like 12 times and they were all very creepy and I did not feel the same and I'm
sorry. I don't know. He was probably like yeah. He was like like he's probably like that fucking
bitch like blocked me. They see a smooth dog. Yeah. She deleted her. I had a smooth.
And not saying it. I'm like I'm like short. But every right here you gotta be real. I think
about it. No, not not with other people. He's like yeah. I've been you know I start being real.
Just be you know when people fucked up things. Look okay maybe if you're funnier I would have
not blocked you. Oh well you know what he could say so much about me. I'm not even like Jake
Peter a lot. No okay. He always does new material so he could be he could be killing with all these
different especially if he did a whole set of deaf jokes. Yeah my first year I did it. He doesn't
want to lose every week. But do you think that the messages he was sending because I think he's very
kind of outgoing and it might not be in a creepy way. He might just be genuinely friendly messaging
you a bunch. Well but definitely not reading between the lines. Yeah I don't know. I like don't
remember and I don't want to like claim anything. It's possible. You felt like he's trying to. I'm
a people yeah I'm a people pleaser. I won't I won't do it unless I have to. Yeah so or I don't
know maybe I was just like in a fucking weird time. That was a weird time in my life. Sometimes
so I don't know. Maybe I'll block you. Give me another chance. Because he would be the one that
goes out extra. I'm not touching you. DM him. Hey baby. I'm not touching you. Not even as a friend.
We're not even hugging but we could be acquaintances from five miles apart. Okay I promise you Jake
would respect that. Yeah he would say oh completely that's that's okay. I can't hear you. Bring him
out. He's like one of the nicest people I know in comedy but he might be like yeah he would keep
messaging you because he wants to tell you something and maybe it's like what's up shoddy.
Yeah shoddy.
So he was good shod. Okay okay I feel that no he's a jet he was nice. He is nice. He is so he is so
nice that I blocked him. For some reason I don't remember why I'm sorry. Well that's probably
because you're ableist. You're ableist. You hate. Well I think that's why it took me so long.
I think he's dating an Asian one now. So you would have blocked him way earlier if he was not deaf.
He's dating an Asian woman.
Asian. I don't think he is anyone else.
But no we love Jake Peta baby. Yeah we were asking him like is being deaf. I think it was like
we had some of our questions. Well we brought in on Jake Peta a long time ago. We got white
dry raceboards. So we could just write on it and ask some questions. You should do that for this.
Yeah yeah. It'd be tough. Like instead of talking we should just write it down. Tough for the audio
people. Yeah I could translate. I'm trans but I'm never late. I'm a later.
You know translator alligator. What's the thing about alligators. They're kind of like
where they just they always have with these allegations and you know do you believe them.
Alligate. Yeah. You believe all alligators. In Florida in Florida that it should be the instead of the
like the Florida. Whenever a girl blocks me I say oh this is really see you later. Oh did that
like trigger you or something. I see now I see. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's the no I just love
Jake Peta. And my third eye is open. What's the state level of attorney general general. No what
are they called assistant attorney like a state of attorney attorney general of no it's not states
have it's called something else country. I'm just thinking about the bigger word here.
He's I've been top lawyer in the state. You just can the top top prosecutor of the state.
Yeah because I have something that has to do with alligators and that word but I forgot that word.
This is really important for the folks. The state attorney general is a specific one. It's not
called attorney general. Is it like the general blah blah blah blah. No it's not the general the
word general is not in there. Attorney might be an attorney. I have to put this right down.
Of a state. Maybe it could be. Hold on a second.
Oh my this is just bang bang bang bang. Exactly. I love guns so much. I just like will never
probably shoot one because I can't even drive properly sober but you can vote like I can vote
I can't vote but under a pseudonym. So yeah did you like dress up or oh I was yeah so
long story. I was supposed to be an angler fish like those that creepy fish from Halloween.
Wait the one with the light bulb. Yeah I was like yeah right but I like was in New York and I don't
I was going to do face pain. I was going to go all ham and then I was like oh I don't want to
fucking spend all that money so then I just ended up wearing a bikini and a mask and everyone was
like what the fuck are you supposed to be. Like I had like the little light thing I like made it
like last minute but it wasn't I only had tape like my friends didn't have glue in their apartment
so I was like okay I guess I'm not gonna have the light bulb thing so no one knew what the fuck I
was so I was just like a I couldn't figure it out. A plane. Ow. You're like I'm a sexy. Wait so
wait so you did the fish thing. I not really like I was just a superhero. I guess and everyone and
like people kept asking me what that always fucking happens every Halloween like I half
ass like a costume and then everyone just asked me like what I'm supposed to be. It's tough. I dressed
up as Dan Marino for the past 10 years. I just wear a Dan Marino jersey. You also made people
call him Dan college. Yeah people call me Don Marino. What's up Don. I had a couple different
names. Oh there's a. Alex despises this character. Well I had a couple different characters that I was.
I was pretty popular in college. You know the University of Iowa. I was not. People would call
me Pat McAllister. That was one of my. Pat McAllister. Pat McAllister. Pat McAllister. But he's like
what's up my name is Pat McAllister and my dad's a lawyer so you have to let me into the bar. Oh
that's a good one. That would have fucking like you know who my fucking dad is. If you're like
what's up pot. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Yeah during that era people would find that so fucking funny.
She's saying it's done. No. All the bros. I mean we did we did add you for a little Gen Z
flare so everyone all the Gen Z's. All the Gen Z's listening are like goddesses. She's telling me to
shut her up. Oh yeah. Wait what what's the next generation after Gen Z. That's the last one. The
Alphas the Alphas the Alphas the Alphas and then the Segmas and then the Omega's and the
Beta's and the we know Beta and then Omega and then Beta's. Oh yeah. They're probably gonna be pretty
Beta's pretty Beta. I can't clock this gun clock clock it. Yeah I got clocked. It's kind of good.
It's called cocking a gun. 65 cock a gun. This is really fun. This would be like a fidget toy for
you. 20 years. That's how I use it. I've never taken a shooting except for off my back deck.
Oh shoot. This one. Yeah on the 4th of July a few years back. Oh okay okay okay. Yeah I was gonna
say how could you get away with that. I don't know. It's probably still within the statute of
limitations. Thank you so much. What blend is it? I know. Dark horse. It's a little bit oaky you know.
With hints of. When people say oaky it's like what do you eat oak in trees. No this is.
In the face no sense right. Premium. But my mom always says that she my mom goes to a shitty
ass bar and they're like what kind of chardonnade you have like we have white wine or red wine.
She's like oh well I'll do white wine or black. They'll be like they'll say we have like a chardonnay
and whatever the fuck the other white wine is. They bring them in. And then she'll be like is
the chardonnay. They'll say they have one type of chardonnay and she'll ask a bunch of questions
about it even though she knows she's gonna get the chardonnay anyway. You're dumbass.
She's like is it oaky or sweet. Your mom should just carry a flask like everyone else. You know my
dad says they're divorced but it says when they walk around with a waiter asks what they want.
Off the wine menu says ABC anything but chardonnay. Nice. And so. Wow. Does he have like a cigar in
his mouth while he says that. Yeah. Well that's that's a dad joke. I love that. He's a comedy.
Yeah he's a he's a comic. He got a lot of laughs or a live show. Really. Yeah. Oh I want to see his
comedy. Yeah he got the biggest laugh on our live show. Yes. Zach Albers. One word. Because we did
during the live show we have a comic to a set and then we do a little little podcasting with them.
Yeah. And Albers is doing a little bit of crowd work. Zach Albers and he he asked people who their
favorite rapper was. He was my dad but that's an M&M. Oh no. Oh no. Everyone is cracking. Oh no.
This is M&M. And then they asked the black guy and he said Lil Wayne. I was like this is amazing
because I'm a huge Lil Wayne fan. You see that right there. I have the book of Wayne. It's my bible.
I was joking about the Santa Claus being god thing. It's Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne. He says what and
huh. And why. You know he's god. He's basically. Are you thinking of Lil John. Oh fuck. I'm
fucking fucking fucking fucking. No Lil John. No Lil John does the same thing. Why because they're
both black. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You mix up a little
Wayne and whoopee gold. Okay. Well. I'm sorry. You have to confess your sins. Yeah. You mixed up
two black guys. I'm having a panic attack. Okay. So she's blaming it on her mental health. Yeah. No.
No. No. It's all my fault. Sorry. Urban community. Let's. No. She's a DEI hire so we can't hire her.
No. I. You just go to the urban community. Oh my god. It would be so funny if I just like actually
like queved. Yeah. The be gross. That would be funny though. I mean. Ew. Okay. It'd be funny. Yeah.
It'd be so fun. It'd be like so funny if I like said a good show. Yeah. No. That's no. That would be
funny. The problem is if you if you if you try too hard then it's not gonna be funny. No. Like I have
like a whole story set up and it just ends up. Yeah. So that's exactly what Mac does a lot of the
time. I should just like look up Louis said and like just say it word for word. Yeah. Did you see
I mean you're a commie but I saw Kamala's like not accepting speech but rejection speech was
very very similar to Hillary's rejection speech but we don't want to get is that the Obama voice.
Did she do a bomb voice during her concession speech. She does a lot of voices cringe to do a
president voice. Well I love president. I've heard a lot of different. I've heard a lot of
different Kamala's I've heard. Do you want to hear. You have no shame man. And then I've also I've also
heard. I've also heard. Welcome brothers and sisters. The divine nine. Oh. I've also heard.
I've also heard Donald Trump is a terrible guy. No I didn't do it. I didn't say any of that. I was
you know that I was prosecutor. Why. And I was born in the middle class. I was middle class.
I was born a lower middle class. I was born. Climbed up your boots. And I climbed the ladder.
I was born in the middle class because I'm Lee and I was prosecutor. Yeah. For what.
For San Francisco. Oh did you. Did you do. Did you good. Do you. Did you do a good job.
I became the rice. The rice president. That's a vice president at China. Oh all right.
hierarchy. I really like the minions. The minions. Well let's talk about that. I don't I don't like
because there's there's slaves and I'm a big fan of slavery. Oh my god. So I guess I like pro slaves.
No I I like when that it's the no you have an iPhone. Join the. Give an iPhone. Stop you're
going to talk about how it's like mine by like kids and slaves made. There is a bunch of different
slaves slaves of the mines. Do you do stuff for the chips and then slaves putting it together in
China with nets around the building for when they jump off. That's why I always like I check my
battery percentage. I spend fighting slavery on my phone. I try to keep it. Yeah. I have an app
called Fighting Slavery. It's I guess. Yeah. So. The good fight. I have it. Well I have an app
for for finding weed dispensaries. Oh well I'm fighting slavery. You're just looking to smoke
pot. Yeah that's also helping. Smoking a reefer while I'm trying to fight the good fight
and speaks truth to power. Like. Okay. Explain how the app works. Let's see. Let's see which one
the immigration app. All right. All right. Let's stick with that one. Not one that you brought
up this slavery and the slavery. So I go on there and then you kind of stop. So you're
just a button. You start your slave owner. No. No. They're slaves. I don't know what you call
a group of them. No. It's kind of like a no. You're basically a big echo chamber. We all say slavery
is bad. It's like yeah I agree. Yeah. And then I'm like how about what about iPhones and people
like well aside from iPhones you know. Well thank God we're on here on these because if I was on an
Android it doesn't the game doesn't. And why. And I'm also good. Androids also give me a
worse. Yeah. So we're doing the right thing by having a well. The same Steve. Steve Apple is
a good visionary Tim Apple. Steve Apple passed down to Tim. Fuck it. I'll make some iPhones.
Do it. Okay Steve. I want to be. No I want to go move to China more like Steve slaves. Steve slaves.
That's that's some good alliteration. Yeah. That's what user name on this. No it's not.
That's my fourth my fourth account. Yeah. On X. Steve's stand on there for being two races.
Whatever that means. Are you a big fan of Steve Bannon. I don't know who that fuck that is.
He's a guy. Are you big. Alex Jones. Yeah. I mean I know of him. I've watched some of him.
Yeah. He's hot. No he's he's someone passed. No. You haven't seen him in a while. I had to watch the.
This is not a bit. I watched the episode where he covers Hillary Clinton being a reptile.
Where he like spits in like Hillary Clinton like fucking well that one is yet to be proven.
Like spits. Oh yeah. Water. What is that. Because I was like do people actually believe
she's like a reptile. No. Well it's see for me I used to not believe any of that stuff.
You don't believe in the reptilian stuff. One by one like Domino's bunch of stuff became real.
So now I'm thinking about demons and their connection. I think I stopped at reptiles and
stuff. I think everyone has like fluoride in them. That's the problem. Well no. It's a fact that
they put fluoride in the water for tooth decay. That's a fact. Flam was that. And to make this
this fuck you. That was before they had fluoride in my toothpaste and stuff. They're like yeah it
should be a toothpaste. I don't think the dentist can fluoride. I don't know if he would try to put
that in our water. Yeah. Can fluoride would be pissed if we took it out of the water. No but
what was having him as a dentist. We still have it in the water. I would love. What the fuck was
I talking about. We still have to tell about Hillary. What did she put in the water. Yeah.
Well nothing. Nothing. Nothing. She was giving a speech. She was giving a speech and she was
drinking her cup of water and she spat out in her like glass of water some like white fluid
and Alex Jones was like that's an egg. That's an egg. That's an egg right there. That's proof
that he's a breath. That is Alex. Because no it's not even just Google it. It looks like a
can I pee during this podcast. The video of her like passing out and they put her in the van.
I'm going to take a break. Can you play a sound effect. Watch this clip of Alex Jones.
You know what was going on with any day. Well yeah. And especially if he takes his shirt off
he took a shirt off recently during the election and it was I didn't know that it was going to
be like that. I was going to be kind of wholesome. But no yeah. So Hillary basically threw up.
I'm happy we saw that live though. The Jones thing. You hated the Steven Crowder thing.
He was obviously the best part of it. Yeah. But we got to see that live and then that he replays
that on his stuff. That clip. Oh that's good. He also have you seen his Cardi B ad for his
No I'm definitely hitting this. No what is his Cardi B ad. Oh he's trying to you know how he
always plugs his like supplements. Yeah what does he say. The clip of Cardi B being like oh
y'all business puts these like pH balance off because you'd be riding like dirty and words
dicks. Wow. And then he's like I want to tell Cardi B that if you want to have a good pH level
in your fat pussy then you can get it. Wow. See he's with the times in the culture. It's very funny.
I love just you know just down in a bottle of wine and by myself. How about getting a rooster
for the morning. I don't get out of bed for less than one rooster noise. Yeah. Yeah. A million bucks.
I feel like a million bucks lately. What do roosters do. Before inflation. Aside from being
alarm clock. I guess they're kind of just like you know incubator because we should all become
Amish. That's probably what's going to happen now. The Amish there's no autism there. So if we can
and it's they don't need alarms on their iPhones. They're roosters. It's like hey I'll wake you up
every morning and people are like no we don't need that. They don't need Alex Jones. They have
they have some guy who's like crazy in the town. I'm like I'll be a whistleblower for you like
we don't have anything to just become Amish. Yeah. Well they won't take us. You want to become Amish.
They're not going to take the autism. There's none in there. Yes. Yeah. They have zero autism.
Yeah. Well I'm actually working on a vaccine for yeah. Well autism. We're talking about how
roosters are their alarm clocks. So we should we should all have roosters.
Yeah. I want to ride a horse again. That's not a rooster. That's a different. Well no but like if
we're going to bring. No I don't want to ride. It's really easy to get a fucking rooster.
Why don't you save a cowboy. You buy it off of Amazon. Really. Just go literally Google it.
I've been roost. Well literally Bing dot com. It literally daddy go go go go go go go daddy.
Fuck. I use ask Jeeves. I use ask Jeeves. Ask Jeeves dot what what com. X Jeeves dot
that's the black version. X Jeeves. I do ask. It can be better advice depending on the question.
I am a good person. Yeah. So Alex I am a good person. Yeah. No you can be in we can vote we're
two heels and then yeah yeah you're the rest of the body. You're the good guys. We're just here to
be the bad guys. Yeah. And then you're like oh my gosh. If we were in town. Yeah I just have to laugh
at everything you guys say. No I do. Yeah. No I don't. What are those. That's bad. That's bad for us.
I'm going to ask you the vocabulary of dead ass. How many times you get dead ass.
Yeah I saw that clip. I was like wow I got to see one thing. That's awesome. I love that. It was
awesome. Well dad. Well why why can I not say dead ass. No you know I know we're welcoming it. So
we're trying to what can I not say. We're trying to grow our Gen Z. Like if I can't you can't say
cringe because I was you said cringe like 15 I know but I'm saying what I feel cringe saying
it to Alex because I know she's thinking he's still saying cringe that is and then you put
another word in there. You threw like eight words at me in one thing earlier. What were they. It was
just like excited. What were they. But it wasn't excited. It was saying I don't know. Thrilled.
Yes. Thrilled. That's not like a normal word. I know but you use that on a thought. Thrilled.
I didn't mean to hit that one. But when I say no one says that I mean
fuck dude how many words are there. So that's why I'm like there's too many words than like
stupid toilet like no that's like a zippity dude as a pity day. But that's a good song.
I don't know. Like yeah all those. OK so that's like still well with comedy. Oh God.
Yeah. Rest in peace. No this is just this wedding. I was just thinking how much I spent so much
time on the Internet. Such an unhealthy amount. How much do I have to spend to always know the words
or where do I have to always look. Where do I have to talk to miners. Well I think yeah I think the
effect is there shouldn't be there shouldn't be synonyms. There's one word for every you know
there should be one word for everything for each different thing. It should be just one
phonic and you just say over and over again. We don't need books with eloquent writing. Let's just
have simple. We'll talk native Americans would be like this is like like scare pro. And you
know that's how you name scare. Scarecrow. Scarecrow. No yeah. Then they're human beings. Yeah we
don't you don't need words like in perpetuity. Oh my God. What's like people say aura but that
used to be do you want the same thing. Or it's Cincofant. I don't need that. Rez used to be
Cicofant. Should it be the permanent background music of the podcast. Yeah. No this is I'll
keep this going. Wait let me think that I have a note out and I've I've been writing my favorite
words. Will you please. Well I think it's Cincofant. It's a bunch of elephants. I won't steal
the elephants that are in sync and they go bye bye bye with their trunks. Okay. Yeah. Should I say
them or Sam. All right. Pervade words I words that I like pervaded vivacious facsimiles
prescendence. Oh yeah. Thank you. Myopia elation. Perprescendence. Caligua. That's a well that's
not a fuck you. That's a person. Fuck you. You know that he made a it's a it's a verb. He made a he
made a horse a senator. No that was a Roman emperor. No well it's like they named the thing
after the emperor. He made a he made a horse senator named Kamala Harris. Oh my god. He made
some new clothes. Beat it to shebang fruition. You know that Paul Miller has those little
shebang. Paul Miller has a very similar list except his words like squeegee.
Oh it shows different markets. But I was doing a podcast for Paul Miller and Blake and Bobby
Buds. He brought out a list in his words like squeegee and like zip. I'm mad that I stopped on
this. It's like a very unsophisticated version of that. Goop. Goop. Is that one of them. But in my
in my world in my world none of those words exist. He doesn't want me to know. Zenith. Zenith.
Zenith. Zenith. What about him. He's a neat. He's a new Berg. I'm going to do some reaction content
to the Hindenburg and do you want some like sound effects to like edit me like reacting. Yeah.
Like oh my gosh that's so cool. And then you roll your eyes and yeah I have I have I have
sunglasses. Yeah. Wait. OK. Here are those. You have sunglasses. Wait. Oh you know no gag. No
gag. This is from the Vietnam era. Wait. Is that a new. Did you just invent a new slang for Gen Z.
No gag. No gag. Motherfucker. This is from like the normal Americana times when we started doing
modern language. No gag. No no bits. I think you invented that. I did not. That's like no gap but it's with bits.
Sorry. So you're going to make us younger. It's like in a lickser of life. You know all the words.
Do you have the founder of youth. You make me feel so young. Yeah. So that's an old person
way of saying it. What do the young kids say. Were the new kids. Yeah. I feel your frequencies.
The new kids on the block. What are they saying. I feel your frequencies. I can feel your
new kids on the block. Existence hover my bubble. No she's doing this. Tell us the words.
Yeah. It's all about feeling feelings. I'm still it's good feelings. They're like feelings or
yeah I'm coming. Yeah feelings can. No but that's kind of like the two that's kind of like this.
Sometimes. No just keep firing. Just say anything right. No I love feelings.
It's a lot of like yeah yeah yeah it's a lot of like oh this is a this is the part of
this is when you do this and then you this is how you remind me of what I really am.
It's not like you say sorry. And then yeah we just say sorry a lot and like more artistic
way like ours. He's like I apologize. He's like I really do if you want me to but if it's funny
I don't. Yeah. Like okay Michael Cooper you fucking wrote the communist manifesto. Yeah.
Dude I'd love to go fishing with you Michael Cooper. Oh so yeah said no one ever. Yeah.
Yeah. I fishing makes you feel so bad. Well just imagine it with Michael Cooper.
Are you one of the people that makes someone else take the hook up. He's gonna be like yeah
you have an iPhone. Okay. Is he have a window pixel. I got worms. I just don't have a cell phone.
He just pulls worms like out of his like nose and his butt. He's like yeah. I had a really long
period. I don't need to stop for worms. I got one. I'm like an apple. How you like. I'm
infested with war. I was gonna say a lot of people have parasites. Well some people are
a pair and I ever make them helps. You got it. Yeah. I'm a pair. You should do an episode where
you guys just detox. Have you been on Alex Jones. I have. I know. Are you. Yeah. I am related.
That's why that's how it works. Every Alex is related. Her same basis. Really. No. That's true.
Obviously. Why. No. I'm pretty sure that. That's Polish. I want to play for you.
That was my culture. It's like polka. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know Polish. I used to work in
Portage Park. Yeah. Sausage. Yeah. I'd be like a. My name is Popo. I'm a popo. I'm a popo.
I. Yeah. Alex. We like instigator to do something like start doing like voices of other
cultures and then you do it once and say well Alex. I don't know. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. Like Louie said that he like never did improv and then when he did it like one time
he just every idea someone had you're supposed to support it and he would just be like No.
That's no. That's not what happened actually. Yeah. That's good. That's what I would do.
Being supportive is not constructive. You can't do it. You need to have constructive criticism.
So what I do on this podcast is I talk about comedians behind their back.
But I wait till the paywall normally which is a service like it is because you need to hear it
if you're going to get. Yeah. We spill all the tea behind the paywall if there's some
at patreon.com slash bad comedy folks. The price is getting raised soon. I forgot to raise it but
we got the fucking economy. No. It's not the economy. Apple is charging us 30 percent. What
more fees because they have switched in at purchases but only for new patrons. So if
you're a patron you're a better than slaves. We have like a thousand patrons. I see better respect
them. Say I respect you patrons. OK. I want to shout out some comedians. Can I do that.
Yeah. Like in a nice I love Grace Baylor because she fucking helped me out with my.
She's going to get her. She works on a farm. She works on a farm. Grace Baylor told me I was
thinking about how I want to be a charismatic kind of friendly kind of happy comic that.
Yeah. She probably kill yourself and give up because it's not going to that's smart. I agree.
She told me that I was I don't really agree with you. Who else. Who else you like.
AJ late late dig. You don't like him. Why not. I like cancel. Cancel. Why. Why.
Why cancel. Actually. AJ is so much ahead of the game. AJ guys.
They never get canceled. That's less than guy did guys dick. But he'll never get.
Yeah. I thought it was Ludwig Ludwig. I think John Wick.
Yeah. Wig leg. Something like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. So I'm yeah. Grace Baylor
and then AJ AJ. John Wick and yeah they helped me a lot with my stuff. Who else.
I don't know. Hannah Belmont. Okay. She's cool. She's cool. Red Dale. McPeek. Yeah. I like him.
He's really funny. Notice the difference. Why is it so fast. What the fuck is so awkward.
Oh my god. And that rings out. Wow. Those are beautifully time. It takes a while. Who else.
Oh god. I don't know. I like the bad one on the bad comedy podcast like Ryan row. The bad
comedy podcast. I'm thinking about like the new ones you guys probably hate. She kind of seem
to skip past the bad podcast. Like if she was in court and they were writing the text of
who'd say inaudible noise. Yeah. There's a there's a max suggest saying bad comedy podcast.
And that coin coin shortage. Sandwich into a bunch of other people. She didn't say yes.
I love Mac Nipper stand up. He's just awesome every time he hits the fucking stage. So I like
Dylan Mars. Bill Mars brother. Dylan Mars. Dylan Mayer's one liner. You should go on time. Dylan
Mayer sounds like it's like John Mayer. A lot of people can remember at least one of my jokes.
You should go by Dylan Mayer. It's like John Mayer. It's like I want to scream.
He kind of owns the guitar. Who else John Mayer.
John Mayer. John Mayer is always he's got this wisdom. Skyler Hickley is cool.
Yeah. But his name is Skyler. Yikes. Yeah. It's a bit cringe. Sorry. Sorry. I forgot. I forgot.
I forgot. That's a bit. No one even says that anymore. I just need to cringe cringe.
That's what I'm saying. But what do you replace that with? There's no cringe. Bad. Yeah. I used to
call like I used to call it like digra like digra. See if something was like kind of lame. It was like
lame and cliche. That's beautiful. That's so digra. I'm stealing that. You can have it. I'm
stealing that. That's fucking awesome. What was the other thing that she said earlier. I don't know.
She's only no gags. No. Is that bad. Oh fuck. No. It's a garage. Digra digra digra digra. You
know what I use the one thing I use to say to people in college when I was hammered. I'd be like
do you know people? Do you know people? Tell us about your house and shit. Do you know people?
I do. You know people. You know people? No. We're talking about people. I'm the worst.
You people. I'm the worst person. Yeah. No. That's what I would always say to people.
Do you say that to people who are like highly hammered? Like super hammered? No. I would be
hammered and they'd be like what the fuck is wrong with this guy. Oh. I would say I'm the worst
person. So I would say they know people. They'd be like what? This has probably been done but most
of the time when I don't want to talk to people and I'm drunk I will just mumble and they'll be
like what? Shut up. That's what you told them. Yeah. They were all in color. I'd be like.
What do you find? Well if you start out of nowhere it depends on the guy that's talking to you
because you never know if it's Dan Cass and you start slurring your words. You might just
Dan Cass. No. I carry my PH strips around. I'm good. He hasn't done that yet. You might get
Cass in the house. I think he runs out when he gets to me. I'm just worried about like a minute
ago you said that you were Tim Allen. Tim Allen stole my panjo. What? That's what I'm saying. You
don't want to beat Tim Allen. He did a tweet. I'll show it to you later but he stole my panjo.
If you're Tim Allen. Sue. This guy's loaded. We got to close this one off for battery purposes.
Oh brother. Plus our guest could be here soon. We have to beat the shit out of Alex.
All right. No. Not that type of battery. No we're just joshing you guys.
It was a prank. Wait who's our guest? Max. Oh Max Shanker. He shanks a lot of.
He shanks the most people. No it's actually Jelly Roll. He's a rapper producer from the south.
Max Jelly Roll Shanker. All right where can people find you at coin shortage?
You can find me on I guess YouTube now. I have a YouTube. TikTok. A lot of TikTok.
Okay so is. Maybe not. Instagram at coin shortage.
TikTok is just raw. Instagram for sure. That's my main one. What's your two view?
Coin shortage as well. Everything's. All coin. Okay cool. That's like me. Yeah. Soundcloud.
Soundcloud is coin shortage. I have like. Are you a rapper?
I feel like you've been. I feel like you'd be like really good. Yeah. Yeah. I ran because I can in a
van. I ran. Yeah. And I love Iran. And I love cans. You love Iran. So you hate it. It's real
interesting. Okay. And eat poop. Because I knew. I got coops. Yeah. That's actually really good.
I can keep going. Yeah we can. I got a rooster. That's on. And a booster. That's on Soundcloud.
No. I well. I have Party Song 1. I have a cover of the nasty song. I have. Are you cutting me out?
But I've been a nasty good. Nasty. I got a cover of that. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Motherfucker. What is this? What is this right now? I'm at plugs. So I feel like I'm in an episode of
Curb. Call her at coin shortage. I feel like I'm on an episode of like Seinfeld. Well, we know what
Curb is. I feel like I'm in an episode of Friends or something. You have to clarify by saying the
writer of Seinfeld's show. Yeah. I love Larry David. We know what Curb you're going to do. Yeah. Oh,
you do. I thought I never curbed my enthusiasm for it. I love it. I'm enthusiastic. Yeah. Oh my
god. Yeah. I don't curb it at all. I'm like, let's watch. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny when
he's like, oh, yeah. And then Jeff Garland's like, I'm fat. And then he's like, my wife,
a fucking bitch wife. I'm a fat Jewish guy. And then Larry David's like, I'm a skinny Jewish guy.
There's someone at McDonald's who delivers to my apartment and I just stole it. And then I was in
my car. Well, it was because it was five hours later. Okay, sure. Sure. It was wrong. But then
I was thinking you're wrong for that. Yeah, I was wrong for that. And then if someone walked by,
I would have looked like Larry David. And that's yeah, that Oh, no, it's a different bag. Yeah. I
love Larry David so much. There is an episode I think where like, it's like, everyone's voting. And
then it was off by one vote because he yeah, he talked the other person. Larry David so much.
That's a genius idea. He's so fucking. Yeah. So did you see one of those just in town? Well,
because I didn't Dylan, where do they find you? You can find me outside of Larry's apartment.
I'm not looking in there. Larry David's apartment. Where is it? Twitter X is the first floor because
moving sucks. But yeah, so I'm not looking into his apartment. I'm looking in the reflection of it.
I just happened to be there. Yeah. And I have a it's pretty cool. You live in a studio apartment.
I wanted to get I always wanted to get an apartment with a studio on it. Yeah, I know. So
dance studios out the window. There's not enough room. Is it a rap studio? Then it's pretty much
a size of one. Okay, that's it's basically be you're a you're after your cats. Yeah,
it's kind of cool. It's about time I talk back. Yeah. I'm not taking that.
All right. And folks, you can find me a bad boy comedy. I feel like we're watching like,
like blue collar comedy tour. Well, I'm I'm that's kind of like a Jeff. I feel offended by that.
Now you're not you're in Seinfeld and folks find me a bad boy comedy catch me at the
laugh factory comedy Barzanie some had lighting pretty much every weekend in front of Paul
Farrakhan and Chris Bader Ginsburg. So what? And what and watch, you know what? What? Watch,
we have a really big guest coming up. So we already told you who it was, but we didn't
actually say who it was. You join patreon.com slash bad comedy. You won't be. Sorry. You won't be
sorry, folks, and we'll catch you soon.