Where's just audio right now?
Hold on.
I feel like an audio sound.
You know that song?
Yeah, we're back to where we're audio.
But there's that one song that's like a stone
and I'm like, I'm rock hard.
And you're high, I long to be.
Rest in power.
Roomba room.
You know the gate corner, which I have one in my room,
but it's a little bit different.
We'll just leave it at that.
Yeah.
What's different about it?
Well, no, I said that we'll leave it at that.
Oh, I wanted to talk about my playlist.
My song.
I had to imagine the gay corner of your house
is naked men or something.
Well, I said that we'll leave it at that.
But you just hit the nail in the head.
But yeah, it's a corner.
You know, so the beta male has to watch the other males.
OK, gotcha.
The alpha and the sigma.
Yes.
Well, I mean, you keep the other four, the other three
corners like, oh, with all cool shit.
Yeah, like, and you take one.
And then you got like, you know, once I got the WWE,
like, like wrestlers and stuff.
Paul Abdul.
Yeah.
And then you got like some other cool shit.
And yeah, then you got a bunch of hot chicks
in one corner like Kim Klasek.
They're kind of a bunch of a bunch of hot Republican women.
So a bunch of hot Republican women.
Yeah.
Especially minority Republican women.
Strong, strong, strong black Republican women.
That's that's a parlay.
Oh my god.
That's a strong woman.
Because you got to stand up against the other ones that
that hate will hate you for it just because, you know,
like they're like, I'm a strong independent.
No, I'm not an independent.
I'm a Republican.
Yeah.
And I don't I do need a man's.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
I'm a strong Republican woman.
And I do need a man's.
What about I'm a strong dependent woman.
I'm a weak dependent man child.
That's what all men should be is simps.
We need guys as a culture.
Can we just take some notes from Tim Walls and with Kamala
Harris, his husband, Jeff Bush, these these weak men,
we need to be we need to be weak like that.
Like, let's let women take the man's role.
But women, I mean, I'm totally cool with the the woman goes
to work, does all the work.
I hang out at home.
I'll clean the kitchen.
I'm doing drugs.
I'm watching daytime TV.
Right.
I'll clean the house during the daytime.
I'll clean the house once a week and then I'll make dinner.
Yeah, order dinner.
Yeah.
I'm totally cool with being a house husband.
I get an allowance.
Yeah.
And you know, and then and then I respect my wife.
I just yeah, I respect my wife for for doing work and you know,
but we need to switch the roles.
They have to work.
We don't.
It sounds like a well, the only problem is kind of like,
why do they need us then?
That's the main problem now is if I used to just have like,
they couldn't get credit cards and now it's like.
Now they can kind of do their own thing.
Yeah.
Well, what?
Well, they need.
Well, they need us.
They need us.
So economic.
Then they need us for love.
Yeah.
And they care more about love than dudes do because they're more
emotional.
They got because they got their their brains are like, like,
like our brains are just like.
Hey, like we're just.
Yeah, we're just like old machine with like one one metal piece
turning or one or two metal gears turning and then their brains
are like we like yeah, it's like alarms and all these.
It sounds like a casino kind of in their head.
Just going crazy on some bonus or something.
Yeah.
And then like, like you'll wake up next to them and they're like,
did you have a dream about another woman and what graphics
are going?
So how could you think about that?
Like what?
Some kind of hell of an imagination.
Little is she know.
Yeah, women do.
That's my gears.
They do have good imaginations, to be honest, even if it's
like complete delusions.
No.
And so then it's like, OK, so the love thing and then they just
do self love or woman love.
And that is OK.
So I guess they can do their kind of healed and stuff.
Yeah.
Really.
I think they need they need a love.
But then they realize like just the toxic like traits and stuff
in there.
Maybe just better off just kind of like doing their own thing.
Yeah, but.
But but there are women that work now.
You know, yes, hard.
Yeah, I think that women are physically stronger than men.
Absolutely. I mean, they should be.
I feel like they always are.
And that's why they should be competing in.
That's why men should be able to compete in women's sports.
I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm sorry.
Lifting weights.
I don't mean men.
I mean, transitioned.
Or I mean, trans women should should be able to compete in women's
sports since biological women are clearly stronger than men.
When I see a man, I think that's just an untransitioned woman.
Exactly.
Yeah, it's like should be temporary.
Yeah.
One way or another.
That's why I'm voting for Tim Walls.
Tim Walls is basically the best like female.
Yeah.
Like it's like a Kale agenda.
You don't need to be an alpha male.
You should be a you should be an omega male.
That's the last that's the last letter of the Greek alphabet.
Alf of female.
Alf female.
I think you should be a female.
I think it's a little bit of a female.
A female.
Wow.
OK, is that a coincidence?
Oh, I think not.
Yes.
Isn't there there's a military trans person
and Bruce Jenner is kind of alpha.
And they have a military industrial complex.
Yeah.
I don't know what their deal is, their personality.
Yeah, I think that Trump will probably change it
to a military industrial simplex.
Yeah, it's like simplify stupid.
Yeah.
And then make my head sometimes.
So this is what I'm thinking that Trump should do it.
If he wins because I want him.
Walt's I like I like watching Tim Walt's jump around
and like kind of like have his limp hand.
Like like, you know, like it's not gay.
It's just kind of it's just showing that.
It's hot.
Just hop, Scott.
Yeah.
For that.
Wave when he waves with two hands.
Like that's just kind of that's the new man.
That's the modern man.
Probably gets his nails did.
He probably gets his toenails painted.
Oh, yeah, he's probably pretty.
I bet he's got pink toenails.
And that's that's the kind of men that we need in this nation.
And his little way I bet he's going to fly away.
Yeah.
One of these days.
Yeah.
So then women should probably be doing
the all the ones in the military and coal mines.
Yeah.
And it's like a man should never be lifting weights.
No, no.
That's disgusting to try to extend your biological.
It's like male privilege and you're
supposed to be taking estrogen therapies
and doing estrogen storms.
Yeah.
And that's the scariest storm.
Well, what I'm thinking is Jesus, these women
need to take the wheel.
Right.
Yeah.
It's like, can we get the Virgin Mary to take the wheel?
Yeah.
Fine.
It's it's clearly.
Clearly, it's a cultural thing that men, you know,
have become the hunter hunters that
gathers with women and the homemakers.
That's all cultural.
And it's BS.
Yeah.
It's brainwashing.
Yeah.
The cavemen were brainwashed.
You've seen the you've seen the caves that they drew in the caves.
The women they drew.
Yeah.
They're brainwashed.
Yeah.
They got brainwashed by probably the Neanderthals.
Hard.
Yeah.
I hate it.
I just think, you know, it's given them our roles.
I think it's no, we're giving women their roles back.
Yeah, exactly.
The ones that they deserve.
You've always been the one, the real fighters.
Yeah.
I think about most most bugs, the women or the alphas.
The queen bee.
Is that a.
Yeah.
This is pretty much only with bugs.
But I mean, we're pretty much in a bugs life right now,
I tell you.
Yeah.
It's like, where's my beautiful black and yellow queen bee?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
It's pretty much in the last, like, 10 years,
so we've kind of moved to an alternative reality.
This is pretty much the world we're in is like ants
mixed with bugs life.
Yeah.
It's just like, these are groundbreaking, literally
groundbreaking feature films.
I might watch ants tonight.
I want to watch ants in bugs life and bee.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll watch ants first because ants is more,
because you got to pay attention more with ants
because it actually has like real world like connotations
and like war and stuff like that.
A lot of symbolism.
Yeah.
There's just some sexual undertone.
And Woody Allen is the voice.
And he's, I mean, he's toxic.
Yeah.
So that's, I'm going to have to maybe, when he goes,
I'll have to mute whenever the character Flick is talking.
I think his is the name.
Yeah.
He's like, Z, Z is his name.
Yeah, and there are some good apps.
And then Flick, I think, is the name of the one
in bugs life.
Is the main character of ant in bugs life?
I don't know.
I feel like I forgot.
I remember the big caterpillar.
Yeah.
A bug's life.
And it's like, Dan, what is it like being a bug?
Shit.
Yeah, shit.
I ain't never been no bug.
I love to be a fly on that wall.
Shit.
I like to be a bee on that wall.
So you think?
Who knows?
How much would it suck to be like a normal bee?
Uh-huh.
That doesn't sting.
And then, being a spider.
Everyone is supposed to get it.
Yeah.
But then again, sometimes people keep the spider
to protect them from the other bugs.
You keep a pet spider.
Most people don't do that.
Well, I'd say.
But now you're right.
But maybe unlike a back porch, I don't like that.
But yeah, they are creepy.
They can't fly away.
Because they kill mosquitoes and stuff and flies.
Why eight legs?
It's just so many legs.
That's too many.
What I call them is eight-legged freaks.
Yeah, something like my ex-wife and her three ex-wives.
That's an eight-legged freak on a leash.
They're all voting for JD Vance, that toxic guy.
Yeah, it was going to advance misogyny.
Yeah, what is he?
Is that what he's short for?
Alpha and the chipmunks.
That's what I call him in Trump.
I do want to watch that movie too,
soon the Christmas version, the chipmunks.
Yeah.
God, when they're singing and it's like so beautiful.
I know.
Yeah, the chipmunk voice.
That is that movie, a Christmas movie.
No, only Die Hard is.
I don't think the Christmas story or Santa Claus
or Santa Claus has come to town.
None of those Christmas movies, only Die Hard is.
Die Hard, how about Live Soft?
Sounds like my marriage.
My last three marriages.
Honestly, if we want to get society on track, equitable,
we should change the name of Die Hard, Live Soft.
Yeah, and especially because, you know,
Bruce not doing so good.
He's not almighty.
Yeah.
And instead of Live Free or Die,
it should be Live Controlled and and and be OK with it.
Yeah, it's just like it sounds like my last three marriages.
Sounds like my wife, to be honest.
And I loved it.
So I mean, my all my wives divorced me, you know.
But that's their I mean, they're they're strong women.
Like I probably had a common.
The common denominator is they're women.
Yeah.
And they have beautiful lives to go live and be free.
Yeah.
And to go work and you got to let them go.
You got to let them go work and make millions.
And you stay at home.
The men stay at home in the kitchen.
The men get back in the kitchen, men.
Yeah.
Just getting the corner.
Yeah, I'm tired of these.
He's toxic.
Andrew.
What this Andrew Tater top.
Nice.
Because she should be in the kitchen.
Yeah, a little loser.
What this?
He means Joe Rogan.
Really Joe Brogan.
Nice.
Yeah.
It takes all these all these alpha toxic bros listen to him.
Rogue Joe.
It's disgusting.
No, it is.
It's but sex.
I have anything but sex in my marriage.
Yeah.
My last three marriages.
Dude, Donald Trump is deranged.
I don't.
People say I have a syndrome.
No, he's deranged.
It's like, why is he drive deranged Rover parked out there?
Is that his?
Yeah, probably.
That's how deranged he is.
Yeah.
He's drive something like deranged fascists.
I mean, what I call not being a fascist first
semi president second time.
That's how it goes.
Be president once.
Shame on you.
Be president twice.
Be a fascist.
Nice.
Yeah.
It's honestly just what a good long con.
And you know that Don would be the one to do a long con.
Yeah.
He's a con artist.
But yeah, I mean, four years.
The biggest con artist of all time.
He's stolen 12 years of our lives.
He got himself impeached.
He's stolen our freedom.
He stole our hearts.
Remember when you back in when you were president?
He was so mean.
And folks, it's a scam.
Sorry to get I'm sorry to get emotional.
No, it's OK.
It'll just let it out sometimes.
Yeah.
Not.
All right.
You got a baby.
Yeah, guys, we're not we're not cucks.
We're not beta cucks.
That was that was a long bit.
No, it's like that.
I'm nobody puts I was in the corner.
Yeah.
Honestly, my I started feeling like such a pussy.
You were talking like that for that long.
No, it's like that'd be one hell of a movie.
A cuck's like I could feel my testosterone levels
lowering as I was saying this stuff.
Good.
And I was like, I can't I can't continue this bit
without without breaking it.
No, it's just like the Astrid and Storm is past.
A cuck's life starring Tim Walsh.
This two shall pass.
Yeah.
My ass.
I think Tim Walsh would do a musical and called Tim
Tim Walsh dance the the the the gay joke.
The dancing generation.
The sensation.
You know, I love when he does jazz hands and stuff.
He's so gay.
Is he the Joker, dude?
I think so.
He's actually I mean, he's going to do a reveal at the end.
He's a gay guy with a fake crazy wife with a giant.
She's like she seems like an insane demon.
No, it sounds so he had sex with a boy or something.
Yeah.
Well, there's I think one of the things got debunked.
But OK.
He like got out of the bunk bed.
Yeah.
I'm we're both the bottom.
I told you this.
Yeah.
Accusations around the bunk bed and then they got coming down
to the bottom bunk.
But I think there's still stuff out there,
but it just needs to be corroborated.
I mean, he's he's definitely done something.
Yeah.
You just tell by him.
It's very funny when Tucker Carlson first saw him.
He made that call.
Yeah.
Why does he have on?
I'm sorry.
It's like it is like an advanced like vision or something.
Yeah, literally, because he really knew who Tim Walls was.
I mean, he knew that he was a bad governor in Minnesota
during the riots.
I mean, just with all the stuff that he probably
saw in the people he was around probably does
have like a computer like vision for like.
Yeah.
I mean, and you bad governor.
Yeah.
I mean, just like gay.
A lot of there's a lot more sharp people
in the independent right media than you have on the left media
because you got like Tucker never catch him slipping.
Like he always has to come back to stuff like Ben Shapiro,
Charlie Kirk, none of them are going to ever lose a debate.
No, this is like the big class.
Like some of the goats.
Yeah.
And then you have just a rambling like trying to dance.
Or it's like they really are dancing physically around
questions.
Sometimes she's like, are there any way I am.
Lie away because I have a different like, you know,
feed than other people, of course, on X and stuff.
But are there any people on the left that have a booth
or it says something left wing and change my mind?
Are they open?
Are they open to discussing?
Discussing things.
No, it's like, this is how it is.
And don't you dare try to change my mind.
Yeah.
For longer sign.
Too long to enrave.
You ain't going to change my mind.
Shit.
I'll let you try to change my mind because you might.
Yeah.
No, it's so I don't want to have no alignment.
I need to.
Yeah.
I think the issue is they.
Tognitive dissonance.
They refuse to have dialogue on that side, which
is a pretty big problem.
And a strength because it's ignorance is bliss.
Yeah.
It's like you playing poker.
They have no idea what they're saying.
Yeah.
And I don't want to be corrupted with structured art.
Yeah.
I don't want to learn what a fucking royal flush is.
Believe me.
The only thing, the only one that I know
is what a straight is.
That's all I know.
Yeah.
So you have no idea if you're gay.
Yeah.
So keep it that way.
Yeah.
That's why I only have a gay corner of quotes,
not of guys having sex with you.
And my playlist is gay songs.
And you had a gay songs playlist, too.
Yeah.
It's like five songs.
It was more like yours is a little more gay.
Yeah.
Mine's like a, well, I would call it de gras.
De gras.
This is like cliche.
It's like Goo Goo Dolls and shit like that.
Yeah.
That's why I got some of them are, they're like the positive.
Just kind of like, go put your records on.
Tell me or, well, I'll tell you my favorite 50 gay songs.
Mine are more like, not set.
Mine are more like just emotional songs.
I don't even know.
I haven't even heard sounds gay.
I haven't listened to that playlist since I left my old job.
Was it like a depressing time?
And that's where you listened to like the same five songs?
I mean, I can listen to one song on repeat a thousand times.
For a while, I had this outlaw country playlist that I,
I mean, it probably had 15 songs.
But I listened to only that for a year.
And then you get your Spotify wrapped.
You're like, yeah.
Well, it was funny because it said top genre hip hop.
But top five artists were, it was Willie Nelson, Waylon
Jennings, Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, and another country
saying Chris Christopher.
My gay songs playlist is growing because the other day
Spotify was pretty good at suggesting.
I don't know what there's something going on there
connection, but they were just firing out just like songs
I forgot about.
And I'm like, oh, I need to add some.
Yeah, I need to add some Fleetwood Macs.
Oh yeah, you should definitely like you should.
Underly happens when it's rain.
And then man, I just wish we had like so much more time
because just do a whole Fleetwood Mac out.
You change.
Yeah.
10 Fleetwood Mac songs to Mac songs.
I wish we had more time in life.
Think about how many, how many if what if we had clock stoppers?
Yeah, exactly.
That's what we need.
See, this isn't this is a gold watch, but it's not.
It doesn't have the clock stopper.
No one can see this because we're audio, but I'm wearing
a gold watch.
It's got it's got a clock, but it doesn't stop.
You need this.
Yeah, the stop.
And guys, think about this is see this is the kind of advice
that I would normally only give on Patreon,
but I'm going to give it to you here for free as a sample teaser.
Every minute you waste.
Wait, hold on.
I just want to say like say like you're about to say and then
I want to say hit it and then you say it.
OK, I got I got some real real good for you guys.
I'm about to say a little teaser.
Hit it.
Folks, every minute of your life, it's it's ticking away.
You only have a limited amount of time here on earth
and treat it like that.
Treat every minute of your day as if it could be your last.
You never know.
Do something productive for your life.
Be motivated.
Make yourself build your future, you know, every minute
that you are sitting around doing nothing being hypnotized
by your phone watching Tim watching Congress.
Yeah, just watching a lot of Trump clips watching Trump
clips watching get off your watching.
Tim Dillon's new show watching the penguin get off your ass.
Yeah.
And why don't you learn a new craft?
OK, watch a Joker movie.
Why don't you learn how to dance?
But learn the waltz.
Yeah, do something.
Do something with your life.
Get a hobby.
OK, technology, TV is not your friend.
Go go get a friend.
I mean, of course, we're your friends
if you're a patron listening.
We're not a patron.
We hate you.
Yeah, so pay us to get.
We literally hate you.
Pay up or stop listening right now.
You could, we'll vouch.
You know, you could call us your friend,
but just unless someone really important,
you better know what they say like.
You can tell people that.
Check in with us if you come to Chicago.
Yeah, yeah.
If you're a patron, even if we don't know you very well,
you can tell people that you're friends with us
because we're pretty big.
So just kind of, you know, don't throw it around, though.
Yeah, don't like throw it around like,
oh, that we're good friends.
You know, you can say like, oh, yeah, that's my friend.
Yeah, you don't lie.
Yeah.
But time is slipping away.
It's of the essence.
Yeah, it's of the essence for now,
but there's less every second.
Think about it.
Get a stopwatch.
Money to start that.
Just multiply the amount of hours, you know, 24 hours a day.
And then multiply that times seven.
That's a week.
Multiply that times 52.
That's a year.
Multiply that times 70.
And then start to count down.
That's how long you have left to make a difference.
That's how long you have left to be whatever your dreams are,
to become rich, to help people, to smile, to be positive,
to dream big, to work hard, to provide for your family.
That's my farmer voice.
Yeah, and you love working hard.
I fuck it, dude.
You love working hard.
I admire it, dude.
When people, when I say working hard or hardly working,
and someone says hardly working, I want to punch them in the face.
Yeah, no, it's brainwashed.
No one wants to work anymore.
Except Mac loves to work hard.
I love working.
And that's something that this new generation is losing
is the hard work.
That's why I'm holding a hammer.
You guys can't tell on audio, but that's not the gavel.
See, this is the gavel?
Yeah, that's the legal hammer.
That's the gavel.
This is when you want to fix the laws.
Yeah, that's fixing laws.
This is repairing the house.
You don't see us holding nails, do you?
And then you also got to be a man.
Yeah, Dylan's got a machete in his hand.
And it's because I have a mic in my other hand.
We're also going to have two guns.
Well, I just wanted to tell our audio listeners
because they can't see you.
But it's also just talk about it.
Yeah, made in Brazil.
In Frank and Mary's, they call me machete.
It's such a cool nickname.
Yeah, it's all the Mexicans that are called machete.
I feel pretty cool.
Yeah.
No, I don't like, you know, some nicknames are.
Yeah, I mean, being the white guy,
being called machete by all these Hispanics,
they're probably all Venezuelan gangbangers.
And they're probably all named spider and stuff like that.
It's like in sick names.
Yeah.
And they give me one of the coolest ones, machete.
Well, I feel like I don't know.
Pendeja, they've been calling me.
I feel like it's pretty fucking.
Oh, like a puto pendeja.
I don't know what it means, but it's.
Yeah, yeah, I think it's a compliment.
I think it means like cool guy, a good punter,
or something maybe.
Yeah, I was telling me, you guys call me the hammer.
They say, they started laughing.
I'm like, I don't know.
Maybe there's a loss in translation.
Yeah, that's good movie.
Good movie, yeah.
Hivemine.
Hivemines think alike.
Yeah.
We don't not even great minds.
Yeah, me and Dylan's periods are synced up.
Order, order, how about chaos?
We're kind of in sync, offense.
We are just like a boy band in a way.
It's like we both play multiple characters, I guess,
because boy bands, those are five.
You know what?
Level five.
Yeah.
You know what I do?
I say to Bob Keen, Bob Keen says hello to me.
I say, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Bye, bye.
Sorry, I'm making money selling your likeness on my.
Yeah.
And then Bob Keen goes, what the heck?
And his face gets really red because of all the blood
that Ruff's had from sleeping upside down like a bath.
Yeah.
And it's just like, dude, that's cool.
Yeah.
It's like, dude, where's my car?
They should call him, yeah.
It's like, dude, sweet.
It's like, where's your car, dude?
He's like, where's Ariel?
Dude, where's Ariel?
And then she's like, where's Bob?
Dude, sweet.
Right?
Sweet.
Dude.
And it's disgusting.
No, it's written in blood.
It's cool.
It's bats.
They're bats.
Dude, where's Ariel?
Where's Ariel, dude?
Where's Bob?
That movie is really good.
That movie's level five.
That movie has the best bad comedy in it.
He was saying he was like, I think
that we're going to win the Oscar or something.
They didn't get nominated for anything.
It's a comedy, though.
Comedies rarely do unless they have a gay woke message.
I mean, it's wildly funny.
And it's just like, it's a lot of meta humor,
or just like level five humor.
It's humor that's so dumb that it's funnier
than the funniest comedy.
They're so dumb that they just keep repeating.
Where's your car, dude?
Yeah, and then they get tattoos.
Sweet.
Oh, dude, in scary movie one, they reference that.
Three of them, they're in the locker room and they have tattoos.
And it's like one person says, I, and it's like,
fuck, to them, but everyone says, Ray, or something.
One of them's Ray.
And then the one guy's like, I fucked Ray.
And they say, oh, wait.
No, so you don't want to find something out like that.
Yeah.
But yeah, so.
Hey, guys.
Oh, can you guys message Malort and tell them
that I want more giveaway?
I want to win the raffle.
I did send them a picture of my back tattoo
to see if I can get extra points for their raffle they have.
Yeah.
And then let's like, obviously.
Even though they pay it for the tattoo.
Yeah.
I'm hoping it's a new marketing person.
But then I like that you tagged me in the Malort thing.
And then I saw you tag like 40 other comics.
So I was like, this is.
Yeah.
And I was trying to get them to give me that tag.
But it was tags people that you'd like to have Malort with.
I would like to have Malort with a lot of people.
And just it's like, you know, you want to tag back sometimes
like playing tag.
Yeah.
And you know.
Well, Tyler.
Tyler Childers said I'd love to have Malort with you.
Who's that Tyler Shoulders?
Tyler, I just couldn't think of the actual Tyler's last name.
So I just said the name of a country singer Tyler Childers.
Tyler, not Fowler.
He's like a stand up.
But he's a man.
No, he does videos with Stephen Haas.
He just does production stuff.
Oh, wait.
I think OK.
Tyler.
Short last name.
Yeah.
Tyler Tiger Woods.
Yeah, I'll figure out after the podcast who cares.
Is it Lon Guy?
No, he wears a backwards hat.
And he's a little chubby or kind of a beard.
And so what did he do?
He tagged you back.
He responded to my comments.
I would love to have Malort with you, Mac.
Yeah.
And sometimes you find out.
But he's really he's been on the podcast before.
I think it was before you were on the living room.
And he hasn't come back on yet.
But we talked about him coming back.
I've talked to him a bunch of times back up back on.
Got to bring him back on.
We got to get some Malort.
Maybe he hates me now.
He can my birthday party the last year.
But then it didn't come this past year.
Yeah, so I mean, definitely it's the year before he also
brought me gifts.
He brought me some DVDs.
He got it at a DVD store.
He got me Peter Pan.
What?
He got me his fanfare.
Oh, Pansexual.
Yeah.
Because not a context.
It's a little.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
He got me a few.
It was actually a very thoughtful gift.
He got me some DVDs that were all kind of something
to do with my retarded shit.
I think he got me like bad boys or something.
Nice.
That is a you might as well hunt those down.
No, I think it's like a thrift store that has a bunch.
Because I mean, nobody uses DVDs anymore.
So they probably have them at thrift stores.
Yeah, but then you have like enough bits that's like, yeah,
I can think of an application for this.
Yeah.
Like Fahrenheit 9-11.
Yeah, I mean, I think he got me that book probably.
Fahrenheit 9-11, yeah.
So that's my favorite temperature.
Yeah, it is.
It's hot.
Yeah.
I run hot, I guess.
Yeah.
In the summer.
Summer's over.
It was hot.
Summer's so old.
It was hot.
I'm over summer.
Are you?
I was so.
It was a hot one.
Over, dude.
That's what I think about it.
It really was a hot one.
It was fucking hot when you wear winter clothes.
Yeah.
It was hot.
Yeah.
Over.
Now it's autumn.
Oh.
And this ought to be a good football season.
Yeah.
We got Halloween coming up.
Wait, you got plans?
Halloween?
No, I'm just going to probably just be, you know,
my cats are spooky themed.
I got spooky and pooky or little nicknames for them.
Are you going to pop out and scare them?
No, I feel like they're just, you know,
one of them is a pumpkin and one of them is a bat.
You should drop them off in Springfield, Ohio.
No, yeah.
That might be a little bit too real of a haunted house.
That's where.
So OK, we'll travel to Pittsburgh to a live podcast.
You can have the Haitians babies.
No, no.
So that's a Halloween.
That's a haunted house for me.
That's a horror story for me.
Oh, should I do a haunted house here?
Yeah.
But like it's actually we actually like hurt you when
you go through it.
Like you have a like a Jason Borges mask on.
And then you have the machete and you actually hit him.
Yeah, give me like ramped up before it.
Just like a psychomotor.
And then like there's they have to have a blindfold on.
There's a bunch of different things they reach into.
They reach into one and take those are brains
and it's actual brains.
Yeah.
Tell me stuff about the people that's not even true at all.
Just make stuff up.
Yeah.
You know, people reach into one and they'd be like peeled grapes
and like that's eyeballs.
But it would be real eyeballs.
Yeah.
And it's like, you know, you got to find them.
You got to get them.
Yeah.
It's not pretty.
But that's a pretty cool haunted house.
I think I know a guy.
I think it's Adam Gilbert Gilbert, same helium guy.
Yeah.
So eyeballs.
All these connections, you got to New York, New York.
Oh, I got I got I got connects.
I got connects.
Got an eyeball guy.
I got an eyeball guy.
Got helium guy.
Yeah.
They actually make helium helium comedy club in Philadelphia.
So I was wondering if like if that's kind of like what they
do there.
Because that's why you that's why it's called
the one thing I don't like about the Laf Factory.
I don't see any conveyor belts.
Yeah, no, it's where where's where's the factory part of this?
Yeah, is there a union or something?
Yeah.
I want to make sure the labor laws are counted.
Right.
Like I I just don't get what part of it is a factory.
Yeah.
That's like Amazon.
Is anything being made there?
Is it where's the where's the sweatshop?
Right.
Exactly.
The apartment in here.
Yeah.
Like do you who do you ship your stuff to?
What's the stuff?
What do you make?
Books.
This thing.
Yeah.
How do I buy a laugh from there?
Yeah.
How do I buy a spot?
Yeah.
It's not a factory if you don't make anything.
So yeah, it's like maybe they're maybe that's the fact.
Maybe they should call it Laf Laf Place.
Probably laughs are us or something.
Comedy bar is pretty straight up.
Yeah.
It's what it is.
Comedy bar.
It's they have comedy and as a bar in the back.
Yeah.
And then Zany's.
Like where's Zany?
Before I was a comedian, I thought it was called Zany's.
But when I would see the billboards.
You're like, yeah, I don't want to buy tickets to that show.
Well, I went there looking to buy some Benzos.
And I was like, hey, you guys are Zany's.
Can I buy like 20?
You go to Benzos.
It's a clown.
Well, and they said, oh, yeah, you
want to pay $20 for the big Pandia show?
And I was like, yeah, this annex, I get the money.
I didn't really listen to what they were saying.
I wasn't my phone.
And then I had to watch a full big Pandia set.
They wouldn't let me leave.
They tied me up.
They strut me down to the chair.
You got got.
Well, because I was the only one there.
They call it captive audience.
They physically restrained me to stay.
Well, if you're sold out.
Not going back to Zany's Rosemount, I'll tell you that much.
Kind of want to stay away from Zany's old town too.
Because every time I go in there, I hear screeches
from the bathroom.
Adam and Steve, you know what they're doing there.
Yeah, they're like, if you're a listener,
you know what's going on here.
Yeah, it's not Adam and Steve.
It's Adam and Steve having sex in the Zany's bathroom,
folks.
Adam Addison, Steven Haas.
No, but you know, you're trying to.
I'm not high enough for this.
I need some Zany's.
Can I get a two pill minimum?
Like, I didn't have time to watch anybody.
I just needed to get those Zany's and go.
Oh, yeah.
You're kind of not trying to stick around.
No, I had to sit around for an hour set of Big Pandia.
And I was like, this is not what I signed up for.
No, I mean, it's just like not.
I also didn't get signed up.
Well, they didn't have me sign a receipt.
So that was probably a contract for me to have to watch it.
No, it's just like, I mean, this is kind of for the Patreon,
I guess, but that, you know, chicken bone,
you don't know what you're getting when you're not
supposed to don't sign anything.
I'm not signing anything except autographs on a dotted line.
Yeah, folks, I'm not signing an autograph
unless it's on a track.
I'll get I'll give you a very I'm not.
I'll give you a couple of hints whether you used to be
this restaurant on Western and there was some bad stuff
that went down there.
We only talk about it on the Patreon.
Do you want to know more?
Join the Patreon, maybe comment that you want to hear about.
The chicken bone.
Uh huh.
What happened there?
What happened to Joe bananas when he went there?
Great.
Well, I've ruined it.
Well, there's more to this a lot more of the story.
Yeah, there's not that much.
You got no, you got to figure out how, why, when, when.
I mean, it wasn't just Joe that came forward.
There's a lot of people.
It was.
Yes.
But so we'll drop some more names on the Patreon,
but you got to join and then join with promo code chicken bone.
I keep doing that.
If you join with promo code chicken bone,
probably won't do anything.
I'm doxing other people's trauma.
Just not.
I can't help it.
I have Tourette's when it comes to doxing people and just
gossiping.
I'm just like, I can't help it.
I have turrets.
I have turrets on my I have like a 50 Kels mounted on my back
in front of my house.
You just can't stop shooting people.
Yeah.
What is this?
Yeah.
But when the FBI ever comes by, I'm like, like, what are those?
I'm like, I've I've tried.
Like, OK, but they're in reality, they're turrets.
Uh-huh.
So just from from defense.
I guess he's just like, yeah, there's like, like the beeper thing
is just kind of a noise covers up.
Just swearing a lot.
Yeah.
It's like, I have like a shooting jar like every time every bullet
I put it quarter and the and then.
And the shell.
So you got to put the shell casing along
with along with the quarter in the jar.
Yeah.
And then so it's like I hopefully just keep yourself accountable.
Yeah.
You definitely because if they don't if they don't add up
at the end, you didn't put enough quarters in.
Yeah.
And it's like, is this his old tar?
Yeah.
We talk about the movie big a lot.
Yeah.
And this is a this movie.
It's no bugs life.
We should have a movie.
No.
How about bug?
So I like that.
And he becomes a bug.
He goes to his old tar machine and becomes a bug.
I'm a mom.
I'm a bug.
It's like, get out of this.
Yeah.
And then he gets like a he gets like a cool bug condo
with trampoline.
It's so cool.
And he has sex.
Maybe my condo is kind of like like his cool condo that he got.
Yeah.
I mean, you don't have the trampoline.
The trampoline or is the arcade game?
Yeah.
Well, I guess I have like the I have the cooler version.
I have like the if he was 10 years.
I have like the version if you're like 18.
That'd be really cool if you're 18.
He has like 12.
As long as I have the gun, it's cool at any age.
But if I just had the swords and stuff,
it's only cool like up until you're like 17 probably.
So it's like big, but you wake up and you're like 30
and you missed your best years.
But about this, Babe big in the city.
And then he becomes a pig.
He's like, I'm not a bug anymore.
I'm a big.
He's Normie Donald.
Why am I Tom Hanks?
I can't stop.
I'm Tom Hanks.
They do have a similar type of voice.
Like they have like a kind of like an old timey type
of like an old timey person on an old timey actor voice.
Yeah.
It's like, geez, get with the times.
Yeah.
Give the New York Times.
Rest in peace.
Very reputable newspaper.
Yeah, they get tons of views now.
They get things correct.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Pfft.
I love that.
I don't want to spit into the mic.
No, but honestly, ABC and MSNBC is pretty good.
I heard that.
Fox.
I heard that Mark Cuban and Rachel Maddow
were the same person.
That's what Elon Musk was saying.
Mark Cuban, how about Mark Prism?
It was funny that Elon Musk did share.
It was a screenshot of Rachel Maddow interviewing Mark
Cuban over Zoom.
And they both looked like the same, just like short brown
hair and glasses.
And it's like, I can't tell the difference.
Oh, wow.
He is just taking a personal shot.
Yeah.
Not even about politics.
You look like this lesbian.
That's one thing that, see, if this, if Trump's Justice League
didn't have Elon, it would be a lot less powerful,
because we need one person that's big in the tech world
and all the satellites he has.
So even if, we'll get demodiatized if we go into this.
But let's say the country split up,
and then they were agreeing a lot,
and then the states got separated kind of.
Then we have satellites that we could use against them
for stuff.
And if they wipe out the internet grid for the one side,
then we have the satellites and stuff,
and then we have a genius that could probably build anything.
Yeah, and just cleaning up the money or just like,
yeah, let's not have foolish.
Yeah.
All I'm saying is liars.
Yeah.
Like if Trump gets elected and then the other side decides
to do something and kind of succeed.
Yeah.
But then you know who else is it?
Just like the not so silent crusader who's in that is.
Elshos.
Kanye likes.
Loves Elon, loves Trump.
Yeah, he's got a lot of good allies.
So it's like he's in that Justice League too,
but he's the one that comes in later.
It's like, you know.
The thing that would make it so tough is for the left
to like to steal it is because there are so many people,
so many cultures now that are on Trump's side
that they're not going to be able to get away with doing that.
It's got to be embarrassing to have to run for president.
You're just like losing.
And you're like.
Well, like they couldn't have it.
It looks like they're throwing it, but I don't think they are.
I think they just she's just turned out to be the biggest
shit show of all time.
And it really doesn't seem like they're throwing it.
Like I don't think they are, but it seems like every answer
she gives is so bad.
I don't know.
She's just kind of, you know, I was raised to be average.
I'm an average wine ma.
And I don't wine ma.
And she'll just drop bars that are not good.
Well, there's the first time the first time it's OK bar,
you know, but if you say the exact same platitudes
and every single thing that you go on,
I make some dramatic and I don't know what it means.
It was fine when she used to do like just like one interview
a month.
But when she's out there doing that, she talks.
She's been she's been saying that Donald Trump has been ducking
from doing interviews and and and won't accept another debate.
And it's like, actually, he did accept another debate with Fox
and you said no.
And then now you're trying to get it.
It's like, also, if if you're if he's winning,
like clearly it's a desperation move on your part.
If he's winning, why would you?
There's no reason for him to do it if he's winning.
Let me tell you a story about when I was a little girl.
He knows he could win with a different strategy now.
And also if they do it with Fox, she'd be cooked.
But there's no reason for him to do it.
I don't think you should do it.
When I was a little girl, I sat in class
and we played a little game called Duck Duck Goose.
We play remember this game.
I sat in the middle because I'm middle class.
When I was just a little baby, my first Christmas gift
was a teleprompter.
And ever since then, they've been giving me lines to read.
And I never had to make anything of my own mind.
I'm middle class.
I've had a teleprompter my whole life.
And let me tell you, I think I know who's goose.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen Top Gun?
Let me tell you.
It's a good move.
Let me prompt you.
Let me tell you.
Let me prompt you on this.
I never use no teleprompter my whole life.
This is all off the cuff.
I'm not reading a teleprompter right now.
No one prompted me to tell you that.
Yeah.
And there's no microphone in my earring.
Nobody's telling me stuff to say in my ear.
Where am I?
I'm not drunk.
Who am I?
That little girl.
It's just like if you say stuff with confidence,
people are like, she did not make sense, but she's confident.
Do you have no shame, man?
She's confident.
You know she has balls because she
knows that didn't make sense.
Do you have no shame, man?
That's what she said on the Cold Bear.
She did a full-on Jamaican.
I have no shame.
Hey, I'm a Rastafarian, man.
You're Donald Trump and no shame.
I'm doing Haitian and Jamaican at the same time.
I'm so middle class.
I don't eat cats.
She does.
That's how we're doing.
She hates a cat.
She's a, I don't know, women.
You know, it's like, what more is there to say?
Yeah, I mean, Trump, OK, so I mean,
it's not a big deal that Trump said that they eat cats
because Trump kills Sole Manny like a dog.
So he kills dogs.
Trump is a dog.
So he's just saying that they're kind of like him.
And Trump is a man.
And that's kind of.
He died like a dog.
See, Trump killed a dog.
He said they killed cats.
He's not saying that's bad.
He's just saying we can't.
I killed small animals.
He's saying, can we just all get along?
Can we all get along?
And she's saying, yeah, we can.
And that's why I think we should.
I hope to both of them get in.
She's saying this is a campaign of joy.
And then now she's more like it yesterday, I think,
or the day before she was like screaming angrily.
Like like Hitler angry.
Like we can never ever again.
Oh yeah, because she got ramped up and.
It's it's I mean it.
You could just give her a machete.
Yeah, well, I think the mask has been ripped up.
She lost her Jim Carrey mask.
Yeah. No, yeah, it's like that is that movie is about covid.
Yeah. And it's like.
Finally, it's time.
Yeah, she lost her mask.
And then Trump's like, somebody stop me.
Because he keeps doing awesome shit.
And then, yeah, she's she's more like.
Her whole campaign is kind of like a dumpster fire.
She's smoking.
It's smoking.
Cameron Harris.
Yeah, Camila Diaz.
Diaz is Mexican.
All right.
For you.
Well, let's close this up.
Because I got to upload stuff.
I got to watch ants.
Yeah, I watch ants bugs.
I've got to log.
I might have to watch big.
Big the original.
Because I got to watch.
Yeah, bugs life and big so that I'll write.
I have some ideas.
So you can make this a feature film.
And then they can make sense when it's the big.
We're going to need folks.
We're really going to need you to help us out on Patreon.
Because if we're going to make this movie,
we're going to need people to do a lot of like CGI and AI.
And we're going to need to probably hire Colin Farrell
to play a bug.
We will basically dress him up as a as an ant.
Let's do two.
Let's do an ant and a bee.
And we have Christian Bell is going to be Christian B.
Christian Beal.
Yeah.
Beal.
And then Jessica Beal will be his wife.
The queen bee.
And you're going to have this method acting.
They're going to be going to make him.
We could put a lot away.
They'd lose a lot away.
And then in bug with Tom Hanks, we'll have he's an ant.
And then we'll have Daniel DeLuis as like the caterpillar
or something.
He's got to be one of the one of the bugs
because he's a really good method actor.
And then he would like become a bug.
He'd probably get four extra legs added on.
I know a lot of times we talk about how I'm kind of like the Heath
Ledger Joker.
And you're kind of you kind of say that.
So he's the he gets the Oscar after his death.
Most hummest.
If that's how you say it.
All right.
Well, posthumously.
I thought we had an agreement here, Dylan.
We're both half Heath Ledger Joker.
And then you're the other half.
And then your other half is Joaquin Phoenix.
My other half is Jack Nicholson.
That makes the most sense because I like to watch the world burn.
And I would go like here we go with Zacko.
I create chaos like that.
Yeah, but it's also that's two-faced to be half of two people.
No, no.
And you can be two-faced, but it's two different jokers.
But neither of them.
Two-faced would be Haco.
Yeah.
Just because there's another villain named Two-Face
doesn't mean if we split Heath Ledger half and half.
The important thing is that we don't split it in half.
We both get full Heath Ledger amount just mixed in
with the other one.
No, I mean, it's like you can I guess.
And then none of us are Jared Leto.
I'm just probably.
I'm probably.
Well, I mean, you're probably.
Yeah, I think I think I'm full Heath Ledger actually turns out
the whole time.
I don't know.
Just, you know, well, well, like a pole.
It already happened 10 years ago.
It's just make a poll already consensus.
Just doppelganger at the time.
Just little things in my cheeks right here.
It's kind of there'll be a poll that you can only take if you're
chocolate brown eyes.
You're on patreon.com.
If you want to chime in on this poll.
Yeah, yeah, you can be broke back mountain.
He throws that.
No, yeah.
And you can be half Heath and half Jake Jill and all.
How about how about OK?
Not.
But then maybe not again after that.
Not not.
See, I can't let the other not.
But I go OK, well, you did again.
Not not.
That's still an even number.
So it's see.
See what I said it again after at the end.
Add to it.
Folks, thank you so much for listening today.
Sorry the video cut out midway through.
As you guys know, my computer is it's it's got a it's like Joe
Biden kind of the woke mind virus.
Yeah, I think it has the woke mind virus.
And it's it's got old timers, you know.
I got old timers.
Yeah, whatever happened.
Good old days and they called all samers old timers, you know,
you go to cracker barrel.
Yeah, all the time.
That person's got old timers.
I'll have the all timers special.
Do me and my friend chat.
We used to skateboard around.
And then there's this old folks.
Sounds right.
There's old folks.
This is old folks home near us and well, there's this radio
station oldies 104.3.
And whenever we go past old people, we go all these 104.3.
Roasted.
They probably didn't.
It's like, you don't have to say it.
Yeah, we know we're old and they would forget about it.
They should have called it goodies.
Yeah, goodies 104.3.
Well, oldies 104.3.
That's that they play.
Well, you know, it's weird.
But goodies, you know, they're bad.
You know, it's weird that oldies now is like 90s stuff.
That's just so weird.
Because when we were kids, it was like, it was like Beatles,
Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith.
That was oldies.
Now, oldies is 90s.
Probably.
What does that say about 80s at the earliest?
Because this means these kids these days are just crazy,
is what I have to say.
Yeah.
That's all that means.
Yeah.
Is to see these kids are fucking crazy, dude.
Yeah.
The oldest songs they can find are like,
Want some meth, kill yourself.
New year's gone.
Polly wants a crack.
And that's like that does sound like a 50 song now.
Polly wants a crack.
A drink down by the soda fountain.
Those are the real lyrics.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, these kids are fucking out of control.
Nirvana stole that song.
It was like, Want some candy?
Steal a joke.
Go to the store.
Steal a damn.
Want some laughs.
Kill myself.
Steal Max says.
Danny wants a joke.
All right, folks.
We got a very, very funny guest, international guest,
flew in, well, from Canada, but also from Greece.
And you're not going to really believe who it is.
So just, yeah, we got some big stuff coming up.
Also, I just don't want to spoil anything.
Yeah.
All I want to say, big things are coming.
Big things popping.
Little shit stopping.
We are rocking and rolling.
And we're going to kick this popsicle stand.
Sometimes I say, yo, guys, let's get out of here.
Yeah, let's get out.
Yeah.
Life.
Hey, fellas.
Sandy.
Hey, five.
Get over here.
Five-oh.
Everybody split.
I'm going to slap you upside the head.
It's like, you better split before I give you a knuckle
sandwich.
You know?
Let's get out of here.
Yeah, let's get out of here.
We got to go.
We got to go leave.
Hey.
Yeah, forget about these goons.
He's like, this is whack.
Shit.
This guy's crazy.
I'm just getting black now.
I got a lot of hair.
Man, these motherfuckers.
Sweet.
They motherfuckers.
Why?
Hey, Chai.
He's worth wearing.
Oh, man.
All right.
There's just a lot going on.
Yeah, we love you guys.
Follow me at Bad Boy Comedy.
Follow him at Comedy Baddie.
Comedy the Hammer, the Legal Hammer.
Follow Sahara Comedy Barbie.
Yeah.
Follow Comedy Bar at Comedy Bar.
We like those guys.
Oh, Kyle at Comedy Ken.
Yeah.
Bang, bang.
We'll give you Comedy Bar's email on the Patreon
if you want it so that you can email Kyle for bookings.
And that's just we like a place with just a very clear name.
Comedy Bar.
Right.
I don't want to be confused.
I don't want to.
The first time I walked into the lab factory
was almost as bad as my Xanny's experience.
I didn't see a factory.
I gave them one star on Yelp.
No one was having sex.
I was like, OK, at least in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
It was awesome.
There was like a chocolate river and like lollipop plants.
And the lab factory, it's just like bad.
You walk into a shitty entrance, and then there's
just like a bar that you can't get drinks at
if you're not a comic.
There's this girl that said that she needs some space.
And I gave her five stars.
I bought her five stars, and I named them after.
That's the jokes we had.
Stars in the sky?
Yeah, use a telescope.
I bought her a telescope.
I hope it wasn't one of the stars that I own.
I bought the rights to the sun, all the energy on it.
A while back, before anyone knew that it was important.
That's the original Trump coin.
The sun.
No, when I was, I mean, this is how good I am at investing.
When I was 15, I bought the sun, essentially.
I bought the patent to own the sun.
This is how we're tearing folks.
This owns a lot of patents.
So if any energy that comes off the sun, I get.
And then Patton Oswald probably gets his little cut.
Well, he's patenting pockets just a little bit.
Just because I like you, I'm going to give you
a little bit of the sun equity.
Yeah.
A little steak.
I wish he was bald.
Patton is bald.
Oh, man.
Me too.
And on that note, folks, we love you guys.
And we'll seriously tune in on the Patreon on Thursday.
It's wild.
I can't even.
But no, you can't put it into words.
How do you even put it into words?
You might have two words.
I don't even have a teleprompter to explain
the episode that's coming up.
I want to check my my back says.
Oh, it says.
But it says sweet.
Yeah, it's because I just think I'm kind of a.
What does my what does my back say?
Says dude.
It's kind of let's just was my say.
This is my lord.
What is my son?
And and folks, what is your what is your fortune?
Say Patreon.com slash bad comedy.
We love you and we'll talk to you.
On the flipiddy flop.
Sweet on the other side when the moon hits the sky.