1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,000 Hey everybody, welcome to the bad comedy podcast. My name is Kirkland water. I'm here with a 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:15,440 Dylan Muller. If you've read the Muller report, now I haven't read the report. Oh, I forgot 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:21,760 my glasses. I can't see without my sunglasses. You know, grab you some. Everyone. This is 4 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:27,600 the bad comedy podcast. And if you're a first time listener, this is a podcast. I mean, 5 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:32,760 it's the number one podcast in Chicago. Listen to the whole thing. We also got a patreon 6 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:45,880 patreon.com slash bad comedy. But most importantly, what I love my chart. I'm really worried that 7 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:52,720 I love my I love my chart. Oh yeah, we're referencing this great Donald Trump bit. Oh, 8 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,320 Trump's just talking about it. He gets so excited. He's done that. He's talked about 9 00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:04,320 his chart at many, many things. Yeah, it's like, but this was my favorite one. He says 10 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:09,480 that he snuggles it and he has sex with it. Yeah. And then the chart for people that don't 11 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:17,280 watch the news. I only watch Fox News snippets and random shorts now because we'll okay, 12 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:22,520 I'm actually breaking news. He actually watches the news. It's not a baby breaking news. 13 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:29,840 Willie Nelson endorsed Kamala. We say breaking news. We're talking about breaking Max Hart 14 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:38,560 break. Yeah. My achy breaky heart. Does he know he just lost a vote? He lost a vote. 15 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:43,800 I'm still a fan of his but I can't I can't give him my vote and I'm sorry. So before 16 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:51,080 I was voting Willie Nelson, but what does it call when you back someone and endorsing 17 00:01:51,080 --> 00:02:00,920 I was endorsing Trump but voting Willie. Now that Willie is backing the the Cinco fans, 18 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:08,240 I would call them on the other side. I got to vote Trump. Yeah, so it's like I used to 19 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:14,840 think are we you know, Chicago's number one bipartisan podcast. Yeah. And I wish that 20 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:19,040 we could say that but I don't know. I think it's time that we put our endorsement out 21 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:26,280 there and but then I also saw Pat my home. What about I think we're the talisman talisman 22 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:32,240 podcast. Talisman. Like remember when Jackie Chan had to find the talisman? It was like 23 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:39,480 a cartoon. It was like Jackie Chan find the talisman. I didn't see that but I've been 24 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:47,120 thinking a lot about the tuxedo that dude a super tuxedo it would is cooler. Okay. I 25 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:51,760 mean that's a great that's like clockstoppers kind of yeah it's like these are classics 26 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:57,880 I feel like I've probably watched 100 movies growing up and the tuxedo was definitely one 27 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:03,360 of them and then the only one I thought that like when I when I became a cool rich guy 28 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:07,920 with a condo that I was going to be able to buy one of those tuxedos doesn't exist. Clock 29 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:14,720 stoppers watch I guess I found out doesn't exist but I found out on snopes. I'm so much 30 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:20,440 like nops. Yeah because you can I believe that you can reverse it this is all I don't 31 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:25,920 know we don't want to give away the whole yeah actually sorry we have a feeder podcast 32 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:33,040 to this podcast but just check out the wrong side of history pod on YouTube. We have a 33 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:40,040 whole episode about time and we talk a lot about clock stoppers. A clock. Yeah. We did 34 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:45,200 it's a clockwork it was like clockwork and bars after bars you know so hit subscribe 35 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:51,680 on that channel. Sorry for all these plugs. I'll plug my mouth shut when it comes to those 36 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:58,240 nice I feel like yeah so you can check that out as a feeder back to this yeah feeder feeder 37 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:04,760 pumpkin eater you know what I see when I see when I see the Democrats setting up all the 38 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:10,680 voting stuff I see I say cheater cheater pumpkin eater yeah and it's like I don't know sometimes 39 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:17,120 you you think that are we mature at this point do we have to do this name calling yes you 40 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:23,440 don't lie or lie or pants on fire well I mean they say that Trump's threat to democracy 41 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:30,640 is all Trump talks about is his chart you know and why is he a ghoul and we're not 42 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:39,360 talking about astrology here this isn't yeah this is a podcast we're political fund it's 43 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:45,920 yeah we like to have fun here but we like to stay based in reality we're based fake 44 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:51,840 news it used to be kind of funny to think oh yeah good one Trump and then you realize 45 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:59,360 that all the news is fake yeah I know Rachel Mancow fucking I can only listen to I listen 46 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:05,680 to one podcast that's like that's left leaning it's got it's got the mooch Anthony square 47 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:11,880 mooch who hates Trump the mood and then this like moderate woman who has a British accent 48 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:16,440 that's and it's a decent podcast to get the other side because I get mooch who hates 49 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:20,440 it's Trump could he I mean the only reason he hates him is because Trump fired him in 50 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:25,680 like a day this is the thing yeah and it's like this that's like reality TV like that 51 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:31,840 is like the apprentice but I just like I like that Tim Dillon take is almost just like this 52 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:37,360 is going to be the most entertaining downfall it's going to be so funny yeah that it's like 53 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:45,040 sometimes I appreciate people even if they're just like trash people playing poker sometimes 54 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:51,160 I'm surrounded by just scumbags and lowlifes and bad influences one lady was trying to 55 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:56,160 get me to smoke my first cigarette the other day really yeah it was just like like how 56 00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:02,600 bad of an influence can you there's a song about that it goes smoke smoke smoke that 57 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:09,200 cigarette from like the 50s puff puff puff until you smoke your time to death oh man 58 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:13,200 blast from the past that song is from that was in the was in the movie thank you for 59 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:19,320 smoking oh thank you thank you for smoking thank you thank you they kind of are mean 60 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:24,960 you have to thank you that thing I think mine's thank you yours is definitely mine's thank 61 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:32,680 you so it's the reverse my used to be in college it was thank you and people would be like 62 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:37,320 we're they're going to remember that thank you right thumbs you working you have to have 63 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:43,120 a special thank you because then people will remember that you are a thoughtful and person 64 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:50,040 that gives thanks like you need to give thanks when people help you out you know that that's 65 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:57,000 that's what it's all about and I sometimes will say like you're so welcome or I'll say 66 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:03,880 of course I say anytime oh yeah or of course of course is good anytime is good yeah unless 67 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:09,160 they but once they start if they take you up on any time yeah no it's you're sending 68 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:15,200 a yeah well at that point it's like well I've I've given you a you know I held I kind of 69 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:20,240 helped you out here a lot and pissed off at the casino sometimes because these some of 70 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:26,120 these scumbags they lose all their money and then they just want like you know like 10 71 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:35,280 $20 okay good and it's just like you know what I can't do that yeah it's gonna happen again 72 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:40,920 and I'm not a piggy bank I think people should I think people should go to should do slot 73 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:46,960 machines for their careers yeah I think that that's just a good you know it's almost like 74 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:53,800 the lottery except I love a machine I love electricity there are a couple machines that 75 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:59,560 I have my yeah that new fan I installed maybe you can help me out with getting that fan going 76 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:06,440 yeah I mean I do have a book from 30 years ago as for it's for kids does it say how to 77 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:15,920 for boys install a modern like a fan yeah no I'm pretty sure it's just a kind of a grooming 78 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:21,040 kind of an avenue for grooming you probably it probably shows Ben Frank in it event our 79 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:26,080 boy Ben Ben Franklin a little Ben they called them back in the day the two I think the two 80 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:35,040 most prevalent people in America are Ben Frank and and William to come to Sherman because 81 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:41,280 he was in every war and probably an Iraq right now it's just like some people were born for 82 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:48,960 war it's like Alexander the Great I think he's great and there I actually think he's great 83 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:58,080 it's kind of a good kind of a very good characterizations characterization of him I'd say but going back 84 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:05,600 to everyone should do slot machines for their career and then you're rich you're rich you 85 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:12,080 know it's pretty simple you put money in my gun oops thank God we know so we did a is 86 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:17,640 loaded you know what do we call it a testing it beforehand what does it call there's an 87 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:23,040 official name and show business is called a fact check we fact check the gun we fact 88 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:31,560 check the gun fake news yeah unlike a Alec Baldwin yeah that tore us apart at one point 89 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:39,320 it was just like come on guys we're better than this the situation there is a gun I just 90 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:46,080 like summarizing it like that well guns are there's a state thing right and it's just 91 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:51,360 why do why do you democous want to make everything a national thing I don't know all that's gonna 92 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:59,120 do is all the Indiana all that's gonna do is divide people do you want to United States 93 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:04,960 yeah divided states exactly bring back Roe v Wade is just making it national why don't 94 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:11,080 how about Roe and Wade get along yeah Brian Roe and Dwayne Wade why is that I think it's 95 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:17,040 one of Dwayne Wade is famous and he probably I mean if you were to Brian Roe show you probably 96 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:22,440 walk and then Brian Crowe is just sort of a weird he might be my pack him over the top 97 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:29,960 of the bleachers you might pack him but I could see how that's yeah Roe v Wade I get 98 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:36,520 it but a lot of people think that that Republicans want a total ban on abortion and that now they 99 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:42,760 just want to give it to the states and there's more women in the US than men right so that 100 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:48,920 means that the state is gonna vote and that means that most of the women there don't want 101 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:55,840 abortions in that state so it's a really good time because they see it as murder right 102 00:10:55,840 --> 00:11:01,520 but then they're trusting the states that also of course see it as murder like give 103 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:06,840 it give the power to the states because the states are all gonna individually make the 104 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:11,840 right decision I mean in most things I think you should give it to the states but it's 105 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:17,320 a you know the male voice has never been more important than it is today because we're the 106 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:22,520 minority now yeah we're the male we're minority we're the male and ballot well I mean that's 107 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:28,160 why we had a discussion about this but I think that we need to become the majority again 108 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:33,640 by everyone because trans women become men all men become women that way men have the 109 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:38,920 majority so we'll transition to women that's why I was the slick business deals where someone 110 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:44,880 gets 51% yeah and then they control it's like yeah I can't believe you can't the controlling 111 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:53,520 stake yeah can 51 is just a random number generator they should have a stake that you 112 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:59,880 call the controlling stake no the stakes stakes never do restaurant idea could they controlling 113 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:04,480 controlling stake one time someone was just you know I feel like they must have just not 114 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:09,640 respected me which makes sense but it was like they thought that my way wait wait wait 115 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:14,360 why does it make sense all I just because of the way that they pitched this business idea 116 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:25,000 to me they were just saying it'll be blazing patterns sorry there'd be a ping pong I just 117 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:31,400 want to give you ptfd it wasn't like funny but no I know guys for for context one time 118 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:36,600 some asshole played a cricket sounds a guy called by cricket a Dylan joke and Dylan 119 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:42,880 it was the only he crushes and he didn't go last on one joke maybe and the guy played 120 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:47,920 crickets no I just I don't know I'm gonna review the tape on that we're gonna bring 121 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:53,000 I'm gonna bring it back and yeah we're gonna hear the cricket noise in the audio because 122 00:12:53,000 --> 00:13:00,120 I don't remember where it was it was early in my set but there was no other sound effects 123 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:06,960 used throughout the whole show mm-hmm it was an unpaid show like really far yeah I still 124 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:12,400 have I still have my record of never doing bad on a paid show I ever bombing on a paid 125 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:19,520 show but my last PD show I didn't like stand up in the longest time I opened the just the 126 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:25,520 saying I was the observational humor you know so I said Russell Crowe he used to be fat 127 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:30,120 he didn't use to be fat now he's fat this is just like you know some people just see 128 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:37,040 the world differently yeah I was like I mean I observed that in movies and well they people 129 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:42,720 thought it was funny you know I was like I thought he just became fat like Christian 130 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:48,880 Bale did to play dig Cheney or Mike Myers his transformation to be fat bastard the things 131 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:55,040 he would the weight swings that he had to do he was like well speaking of Mike Myers 132 00:13:55,040 --> 00:14:05,040 the famous one Michael Myers Chicago comedian he his body rapidly aged he's so he's in his 133 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:11,800 late 30s I think maybe mid 30s and he looks 70 years old yeah so he it's like is he on 134 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:17,880 some kind of rapid growth hormone that you know when berserk and maybe I mean maybe it's 135 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:24,040 an aging serum but it's the opposite you know yeah it's like it's it's proof that white 136 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:32,120 does crack yeah definitely does crack but what was the what do they say is a he's maybe 137 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:38,120 he's a method comic maybe method I mean maybe he wanted to look old to match his voice and 138 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:43,280 he talks like an old man he wants to tap into that old market which is smart because he's 139 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:49,880 gonna get there it's kind of like a tapestry tap tap it's happening yeah it's like what's 140 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:58,120 what yeah yeah tap tap this tree what's on tap yeah what's what's on tap for the day folks 141 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:11,200 we got tab so we'll talk about my the chart let's talk about okay so the chart is referencing 142 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:16,480 Donald Trump in a current has had to look at a chart it's his immigration chart that 143 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:22,480 he references at every rally but normally he does it at the end this time he decided 144 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:28,120 to do more towards the beginning which is just clutch is fuck this I mean this is this 145 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:33,960 is God dude he turns his head to look at the chart dodges a bullet his guy dodges a bullet 146 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:39,960 yeah which how did it sound he just oh yeah he said he said I turned to look at the chart 147 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:47,720 and huh being being yeah which is like being he got bought out by Google yeah that would 148 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:52,560 have been good for the being was bad yeah but now Google's getting sued by a bunch of 149 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:59,440 companies or it's a monopoly so people are like we love the game monopoly you're ruining 150 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:04,480 the sanctity we got to make sure there's more companies love that the game and not Elon's 151 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:12,400 Elon's making his own Google good you like then I saw Gary V was saying people they're 152 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:18,280 not even gonna have a concept of a search engine because you'll just always ask a chat 153 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:26,360 GPT type thing and I think well I'm testing out Google has a it's called Google Genesis 154 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:31,120 maybe or Google one and it's their AI thing and I haven't really messed around with it 155 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,600 yet but you can get a free month so I got my free month and I set my calendar to cancel 156 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:45,080 it you know what AI makes me think gay guy no it stresses me out so I think yeah yeah 157 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:52,400 like that yeah so is there any way I can get my hands on the sound effect no we kind of 158 00:16:52,400 --> 00:17:03,000 do it but oh god oh dude this come on let me get my okay you can get the gun actually 159 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:08,680 I want to do some like found a gun I want to do some like cool nice lights like the orange 160 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:15,400 is kind of a it's a it's a vibe though well that we do the orange one the light what the 161 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:22,900 heck I found a gun last night Mac is this real well it was a fake gun but I found a real 162 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:32,000 fake gun is a Zerg gun Zerg is Buzz Lightyear's nemesis a Serb gun is Zerg is the name of his 163 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:39,080 rival I think kind of his James Nijjar I think you might be so are you sure you didn't read 164 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:46,560 the gun wrong are you sure it wasn't a Serbian gun and because it is this piece Serbia has 165 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:52,800 weapons to fight Bosnia unless they're using toy story guns they probably are to be honest 166 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:57,560 that's Eastern Europe that's like when these broke ass countries get the wrong team Super 167 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:05,720 Bowl winning gear yeah that's always that only goes to Africa or actually to Cuba I 168 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:11,160 remember when I was in Cuba I did go to Cuba folks you have any questions about Cuba put 169 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,960 them in the comments I'll respond to them it was very interesting because I was able 170 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:22,000 to go there in between the times where you weren't able to go me and my dad slid in there 171 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:28,640 and we saw this I mean outside the capital of Havana super nice and outside of it it's 172 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:37,840 all dead dogs and this is not hyperbole high-supprised 20 dead dogs if I had a chart of dead dogs 173 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:44,280 I would love that chart and there's all these crumbled down buildings and yet communism doesn't 174 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:51,520 work guys but I was a me was like this is a chart of dogs who got to go to a big farm 175 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:57,040 and they got to play and run around and yeah they're still live and they're just well we 176 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,520 gave them away yeah well now down there they're sending him said a big farm to say a big farm 177 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:09,360 probably yeah yeah he attested by Fauci and put their face put in Belcher bees oh ouchy 178 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:16,520 I feel like ouchy is what they should call him because he tortures he's torturing the 179 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:23,400 dogs yeah he kind of killed a lot of people yeah he should probably be a prisoner yeah 180 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,600 he should probably be put to they put that guy to death who was like everyone's like 181 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:34,400 hey this we fucked up this guy's innocent you see that they there's some black guy of 182 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:41,640 course yeah but then well but I do want to say I do want to say well how long goes this 183 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:47,760 like a week ago maybe but it was just like the prosecutor that prosecutor was like yeah 184 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:53,280 let's not execute him and then this like I don't know Supreme Court of that state was 185 00:19:53,280 --> 00:20:03,160 like now we're just gonna proceed what was the charge I think it was maybe it was it 186 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:10,000 was something political no oh really he was some guy I think okay but he was he was definitely 187 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:19,280 guilty the murder no no no okay everyone was saying like no we shouldn't actually this 188 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,040 is the state supreme court yeah and then this I think the state supreme court was like we're 189 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:31,000 gonna just actually just kill on Texas I don't remember I probably I just Texas loves killing 190 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:35,640 people you see they kill they kill they kill retarded people this happens like once a year 191 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:41,560 it's like there's one person that's like everyone's like let's not kill him and they try to do 192 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:48,440 the social media thing well I well I would want to look into how guilty he was exactly 193 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,800 you'd want to look into well I want to look into it because he could have been like super 194 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:56,920 guilty well you can fact check it well but then I'd have to go to snopes and then get 195 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:03,400 the opposite answer so what if snopes says he didn't or he did it he did it what if snopes 196 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:08,520 says he did it which you know you well I would not say I would not ask that question I'd 197 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:19,200 say snopes how guilty was he and then I don't know peruse you know would you know his name 198 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:25,520 no just like just execution and it's just like they executed the execution they definitely 199 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:31,960 nailed it was he like anything in politics or no okay no and that's like I saw you know 200 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:37,080 it's like his last thing you get to do a last statement yeah there's no way that they his 201 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:43,360 last statement was just like I don't know something like God bless everybody but it was like the 202 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:51,720 like all I think I was just like man people that's fucking stoic he stoicism videos ain't 203 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:57,480 god shit on that guy he's chilling he's dead but he was that's how stoic he was he was like 204 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:02,960 they're about to kill me and I'm innocent and he's still chill and I think about the little 205 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:09,200 things I freak out about wait wait I think this goes white okay so we're gonna have to 206 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:17,480 no no okay no he's black but he killed her mind he'll three people three I think so hold on I 207 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:26,800 feel like if it's you know strengthen numbers it's more likely if there's three let me just 208 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:32,480 tell you ever someone say hey you know I like joke writing you know it's like the rule of three 209 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:37,480 okay I just think shat a man convicted of killing three people and back to back work 210 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:44,640 play workplace shootings I think they're they're they're trying to why did they want to stop it though 211 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:52,400 well people that are the prosecutor want to stop because probably his constituents are against 212 00:22:52,400 --> 00:23:02,080 the death penalty no he Miller was convicted of killing three men blah blah blah in 1999 and 213 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:06,840 and wonder where the man in the state had previously attempted to execute him a lethal 214 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:14,080 injection I didn't do anything in here Miller said in his final words they're at times muffled 215 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:22,920 look up why they wanted to stop it yeah that's the smoking gun and sometimes it is actually 216 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:29,400 a smoking gun it's like oh yeah I just shot that and they're Dylan I was thinking about rebranding 217 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:36,960 as a shooter comic I mean this has been on he's been on death row since 1999 but you know you 218 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:43,080 know you know that also so he was already he was already sentenced to that and they were 219 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:51,840 thinking like the Supreme Court but they were appealing it but the both sides were appealing 220 00:23:51,840 --> 00:24:01,480 it you got peel the layers on this yeah I'm feeling it I feel I this is the problem you 221 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:08,200 needed the you needed yeah yeah yeah I need to be the supreme you need to be judge yeah 222 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,840 yeah I'll judge this but talk in the meantime about maybe something else well I've been 223 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:21,640 getting some legal trouble lately I'm supposed to not be talking about it but there's a gag 224 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:29,480 order I've been trying to gag on things I'm so they put me in a straight jacket I gave 225 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:38,720 my white my wife she got a gag order yeah I'm a dick no but you know I ordered a gag 226 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:44,560 on my ween every wife every once in a while she every once in a while she does something 227 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:52,640 for me otherwise she's always just nagging me but at the end of the day you know she 228 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:58,600 she does a gag order no that's what my ex-wife is she can do she's a real hag I'm not even 229 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:04,360 gonna talk about my ex-wife she does two things she can nagging she can get yeah and she's 230 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:12,760 all out of gagging yeah so I mean I did to be honest I love my wife but when I married 231 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:19,040 my wife I didn't think I'd have to marry a whole family of terrible in-laws oh my gosh 232 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:25,280 every time I gotta go I gotta go to a thing let's let's say it's a we have to every other 233 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:30,080 year we have to go there for Thanksgiving my favorite year was 2020 because we had an 234 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:34,240 excuse not to go we're like oh we want to COVID yeah but yeah and you get there for 235 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:38,400 Thanksgiving and you're like this is how I spend my holiday thank you yeah and they're 236 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:44,320 all yelling at me for no reason this is I'm saying that that Nancy Pelosi's instead of 237 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:50,440 trading and then they're saying Dylan you're drunk and they're like yeah and they're like 238 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:55,480 Mac she's not inside her trading why do you always have to make it political she's like 239 00:25:55,480 --> 00:26:01,040 Mac you're not she's not inside her trading at all her husband is just really smart and 240 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:05,960 knows the exact times to buy and sell right before a political thing happens it's called 241 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:11,600 you know it's a rain man it's a profit it's like this stuff happens it's psychic her husband 242 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:20,880 sold visa two days before the TOJ sued visa I don't know it's just that's the most obvious 243 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:27,160 insider training of all time yeah it's cool it's like you know sometimes my my in-laws 244 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:33,160 that they seem more like outlaws to me because they're always just telling Dylan stop making 245 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:42,920 it a you know we don't have to get political I have like my ex-wife you should meet her 246 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:53,040 moms in law mmm got you hold on sorry I wasn't listening much but I finished my judgment 247 00:26:53,040 --> 00:27:02,960 so he he pled not guilty by reason of insanity but later withdrew that plea and he's convicted 248 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:09,440 after 20 minutes of deliberation and but tended to receive the death penalty at the beginning 249 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:17,280 then they were appealing it because he was oh wait hold on he did it because oh my God 250 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:23,280 all I care about is why the other side but he was paranoid that his coworkers were gossiping 251 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:29,960 about him he killed them but hold on so so so the re so in 2022 the state called off previous 252 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:37,320 attempts after being unable to connect IV line to the 351 pound in matey's too fat for the 253 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:47,480 IV initially go to zoo challenge of nitrogen gas protocol but dropped his lawsuit so it 254 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:53,320 was because it was it was for not because he was I just I think you're doing he's guilty 255 00:27:53,320 --> 00:28:02,280 I mean he was clearly guilty 100% and he said he was guilty so thank God Mac is not what 256 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:08,520 do you mean court because I just think you you're not bringing up the the why the prosecutor 257 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:14,240 wanted to stop it and that Ham said this why does it change protocol Miller among other 258 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:22,120 things had requested to be given a sedative him to find this is a relevant it's not even 259 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:27,320 no it's because he was too fat to to to get the you think that the other side was saying 260 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:32,880 don't kill him he's too fat what do you say I'm saying why did they not want him to get 261 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:39,160 executed anymore because the only way to do it is their lethal injection is too fat no 262 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:46,280 that's they wouldn't say yeah don't kill him then I guess he's he gets to live sorry keep 263 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:52,280 keep you talking because I'm I'm looking at it one that's that talks about some X Y's moms 264 00:28:52,280 --> 00:29:01,840 in laws were a real piece of work I guess you could say I like to think of my old lady 265 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:16,120 I got my ma she's my old lady I got my my X old lady I got my my in laws in laws and 266 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:23,800 they were all driving me crazy I love my wife when she's in another room I love my wife 267 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:33,120 when she's lend me watch the game I love my wife when she she gives me instead of a piece 268 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:44,280 of her mind some peace of mind and here at amica insurance we're here to do enduring 269 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:50,360 relationships and peace of mind I tell these customers I'm gonna give them a piece of my 270 00:29:50,360 --> 00:30:01,480 mind and they say are you high customers always right and they call back because they were 271 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,760 upset they didn't want to talk to me my voice I guess sounded different the second time I 272 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:11,240 pick up the the next call and they say God that guy was just talking to such an imbecile 273 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:18,600 okay no it's it so now I have to try to disguise my voice the whole time and I have to think 274 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:24,760 of different ways to say this stuff is scripted and just like I'm trying to be president I'm 275 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:31,440 trying to be in the moment I try to be present when I'm trying to ride an escalator I gotta 276 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:39,640 be locked in in the moment these things for the white man it's a real it's a test can 277 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:50,720 you be smooth are you gonna fuck this up luckily you fuck up a handshake with a black guy he 278 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:58,600 knows oh yeah sometimes especially the gd handshake or the bd handshake they know which 279 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:06,040 is a high stakes they both start the same too for the two folk nation handshakes if you 280 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:16,000 fuck up an escalator you know you know but it's like a tree falling in the woods or whatever 281 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:21,960 if a tree falls on a pope who's gonna shit in the woods my maternal side of my family's 282 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:30,400 trees I don't know if you know that but my family tree is actually trees and your son 283 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:36,280 their dad is one of those right well no they say I'm a son of a gun my dad is a gun probably 284 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:45,640 an older type of gun I assume that's a that's a Glock 19 gen 5 I think he was I mean basically 285 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:54,560 yeah I mean I'm as the Supreme Court basically he tried to get a lot of media attention behind 286 00:31:54,560 --> 00:32:03,840 it to not get executed and did a bunch of appeals but in the end so basically the prosecutor 287 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:09,560 was like all right whatever just no you're not you're just making something up I mean 288 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:16,000 that's what I was reading it's like the it like the NWACP got into it and then the and 289 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:26,680 then basically the state was like we're we're we'll basically you're stressing me out because 290 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:33,960 this is how a man got murdered is this the this malpractice this careless you know okay 291 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:44,800 I see I see okay it's intellectually disabled that's why guilty saying it's because he's 292 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:55,560 retarded yeah but I don't need more he's dead as a dad is a dog he died like a dog I 293 00:32:55,560 --> 00:33:03,960 just I'm a and it wasn't because he was black I mean the Supreme Court steps in they vacate 294 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:14,320 like that sentence is to but I don't know he killed three people it's kind it's like well 295 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:19,920 he did write a book if I if I cute did it if I killed those three people this is how 296 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:26,080 I would have done okay yeah which smoking God yeah I like how he probably thought that 297 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:31,360 that if he titled it that that he would he'd be good if I had to kill three people so well 298 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,800 that's an act with him with the men and his brothers like he's like we're gonna write 299 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:40,960 a book in the future and one of the men and his brothers was talking to a girl I was gonna 300 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:45,760 help him write this book but she was recording all the calls and he's like telling her the 301 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:50,680 full real truth and this one court stuff was still going on and then she released the 302 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:56,800 book with all this shit these book deals and it's just yeah it's like just wait until it's 303 00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:01,560 done and then write your book and get your money like wait at the bad yeah you gotta 304 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:07,560 be out you gotta get out of jail first don't spill the beans North Korea expands expands 305 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:13,400 list of crimes punishable by death interesting if I had to fuck Mary kill three people how 306 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:21,880 about my ex-wife and her in-laws oh yeah well wait what would you do who I would probably 307 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:30,800 marry my ex-wife wait no no Sherry's gonna be mad about that I would fuck I would fuck 308 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:41,120 my mother-in-law like a war like a war and I'd I'd fuck kill the five fuck my chart I 309 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:47,440 would fuck her dad guys the chart saved the the the president's life it's just I don't 310 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:52,760 know dodging a bullet it's like the this is the matrix is and your tape will say sometimes 311 00:34:52,760 --> 00:35:00,120 he also says the n word a lot on his ex account mm-hmm hey guys my ex-wife hey guys think 312 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:07,000 about how many people have been shot and then like they have PTSD if the rest of their life 313 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:15,080 and like they're they're kind of like they just go become like I don't know like an addict 314 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:18,920 or an alcoholic or it just like kind of like ruins their whole life he just stood up and 315 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:27,320 said fight and then the whole media was like oh he's saying fight like de january 6 yeah 316 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:32,400 it's just well you know if you get shot you get to talk shit you're just saying fight for 317 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:37,320 like democracy later fight is there just like adversity is this fight I think you're saying 318 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:45,440 fight fight racism to be honest fight the issues I mean the racist ones are the only people 319 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:51,880 bringing up race now is the other side mm-hmm and the other side I mean the democrats I'm 320 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:58,520 not it's rough and you know some people are you know they got dirty minds they might need 321 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:03,320 they might need a brainwash I just I just subscribe to Fox News to get North Korea's 322 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:08,640 new list of death penalties I didn't know that I would end up you know a lot of people are 323 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:16,080 going to be disappointed in me because I just feel like you know we have kind of we got 324 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:23,320 to this point for a reason well I mean it's like I'm I'm just I'm a real independent I've 325 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:33,000 I've been a democrat I've been a libertarian I I vote for whatever I think is like right 326 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:39,480 at and make sense what's the other problem I don't even know if I will vote because I 327 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:45,800 don't know everyone tries to hurt my belief in myself to change the outcome well what 328 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:53,160 I want is what I will say don't even try buddy no what I want what if it's one vote I know 329 00:36:53,160 --> 00:37:00,000 I just want the in this district just to see them there's a little bit Trump you know but 330 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:04,600 the hive mind that we have with if there are enough of us with the same hive mind if we 331 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:09,720 can reach their hive mind I mean there's gonna be a lot we will flip this state there's gonna 332 00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:19,000 be a lot more black voters in Chicago and in New York Trump needs that is wayland black 333 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:31,160 men these I mean if they allow these Venezuelans and and the what was it the Haitians to vote 334 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:37,760 then I mean that's just fraud they literally boss they bust them in yeah and it's and they 335 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:45,280 give them welfare that we can't afford we're 13% of our GDP we pay in is there is interest 336 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:49,560 we've been telling you know just we spend more money on our interest than we pay on our 337 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:56,000 whole military spending and see this is why once again one of the goats Tim Dylan will 338 00:37:56,000 --> 00:38:03,520 emphasize don't worry about all this shit just you know get get a corn dog just check 339 00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:10,280 out of this stuff because the last 24 hours all the different issues we've talked about 340 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:15,560 you know just off you know behind the scenes this is yeah yeah camera yeah we have some 341 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:21,720 off camera like we have debates kind of formal debates I was like will you stand in my in 342 00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:28,320 well we get over and now we're in the New York studio so outside of here we have it's 343 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:32,680 kind of a different studio there's two podiums it's really a debate stage we call them the 344 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:39,400 twin towers and then we hire to like new open microsoft stupid if we don't pay it we tell 345 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:43,600 them to the internship and then the moderators the debate and they're usually homeless I 346 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:50,320 usually I usually throw some money on the side defect check Dylan I just slipped my couple 347 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:55,760 bucks and it's a good investment yeah so I I went a lot of them but mostly just because 348 00:38:55,760 --> 00:39:03,200 I slipped the internship the interns of money so if I had just a if I could see a chart just 349 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:10,440 a list of all the that guy getting executed you say rightfully but then it's like it's 350 00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:18,600 all to opinion 15,000 murderers added to our country we kill one guy who's maybe a triple 351 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:24,560 no I think which isn't even you know if he's innocent that's not still it's not good yeah 352 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:29,280 yeah well you don't know he did it then and then no no they know he did it but it was 353 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:35,440 the the it I think yeah yeah no they know he did it it was about his mental competence 354 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:44,000 yeah I mean our president is you know I mean if you if you if you shot and killed three 355 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:50,920 people then if then they probably say that and the stream core would probably execute 356 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:58,120 you well I would plead and said and I'd plead for them to kill you it's so fun to do this 357 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:05,000 voice I can't believe I spent years yeah and you're the best at it too if besides Trump 358 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:15,200 yeah so if you had life without parole or or I was just watching that that show or whatever 359 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:21,200 try to scare kids out of you know what I'm talking about he's I have you tried parole 360 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:27,040 there ain't no parole that could chill out man we're gonna irp you when you get in here 361 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,600 we're gonna go for a great view you won't need glasses your eyes will be closed the whole 362 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:36,240 time it's like we shouldn't tell a kid that yeah no I should just say you're gonna need 363 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:41,560 them glasses cuz when I'm just in your face you don't want to get in your eyes yeah no 364 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,280 it's a good point honestly I don't mean to do it in a certain voice with it that's that's 365 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:52,080 actually a white guy talking like it's a it's a it's a huigar well your culture around 366 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:58,000 the world is off on you and that kid would be in the live in prison yeah he's lucky he's 367 00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:03,000 on TV they should throw a couple of those kids in there in the showers I feel like if 368 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:08,920 everything they walk out of the showers we're like we'll be like they'll interview them 369 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,920 and be like how is that and they're like I never want to go to jail that's what you 370 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:17,080 have to do is actually have them experience it oh yeah I'm just seven or thirteen year 371 00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:23,960 old in the shower well they get guilt or grapes you know and you'll but the problem is that 372 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:28,560 sometimes they end up suppressing that and then it comes out 20 years later on some kind 373 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:36,200 of main he's just I was just a kid I mean what the heck yeah that's what I would be saying 374 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:47,000 if that happens I would be so you know I'm sad about Senate and and Congress 375 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:53,520 is closed until election because of it and I love watching actually I'm sure there's 376 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:58,120 a lot of highlights that I haven't watched yet you've been yeah I'm worried my OD on 377 00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:05,200 C-SPAN well now it's just a I just watched clips from the things which is a problem with 378 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:09,560 our country some of them depending on what the issue is I watched the whole thing but 379 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:15,080 every single Democrat just references projects 2025 and all their answers I'm like he doesn't 380 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:20,840 he's not he doesn't he doesn't know what that is I need to do kind of actually a mock you 381 00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:27,320 know Trump does a mock debate or anything Kamala does too but I need to do a mock like 382 00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:33,280 the questions I'm gonna ask Mr. Katz who's gonna be our guest I can ask the first question 383 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:38,200 but then later on you throw softballs that they kind of agree with them you like under 384 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:46,600 hand mm-hmm so like nice easy toss and then he'll he'll rip it but then you're gonna be 385 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:52,600 that diving catch that says no no you yeah you should be like no no yeah kind of like 386 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:59,320 how Kamala's moved a little moderate with her economic policy and then I'll be like let's 387 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:10,760 work on our and let's work is right because I grew up working is that's what people do 388 00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:15,000 I wish I wish you were more studied in it so that you could be my part because then you 389 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:21,880 could do it in the Trump voice because yours is way better I would be yeah I don't know 390 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:28,600 everybody's excited Trump is the funniest person in the whole world and in history not 391 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:38,280 just not just so live when you watch this guy just type in Trump talks about chart you he's 392 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:42,960 done a million times but at this specific one I think it was in New York they packed out 393 00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:48,280 in Long Island in New York like 60,000 seats and there are a lot more people that weren't 394 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:57,120 able to get in like and Kamala has the bus people in they're all on the short bus that's 395 00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:04,080 a lot of buses I'll okay you know what it's like I'm sick of feeling guilty I feel like 396 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:11,080 I'm coming out right now because it's just we're you're ashamed and just taught to just 397 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:19,160 be ashamed of yourself if you even it's like why am I taught to like not like one person 398 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:23,080 just so overwhelmingly and it's like well people seem as a caricature of some evil 399 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:29,880 like Hitler which they would all the time like just they went back to talk to my family 400 00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:36,480 about him they get this really angry leaf it's like it's like it's been it's like what 401 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:43,000 okay so Hitler killed at least six million maybe six billion yeah I've actually done 402 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:48,400 a study of dissertation on that and I think it's probably closer to six billion and then 403 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:57,240 what about Stalin was like Stalin 18 billion Stalin I look like the guy so yeah guys I'll 404 00:44:57,240 --> 00:45:04,840 be making I made this really stunning picture where I that's art yeah I'm where I'm Stalin 405 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:09,200 I'm gonna make Dylan Hitler we'll see how good that one is I think that could be good 406 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:14,720 just says a bit but mm-hmm because if I can make it black and white then I can make it 407 00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:22,320 I can make it good it's a lot tougher with the coloring but the problem is you don't 408 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:28,680 have enough pictures online I was like telling producer that Mike last night I was telling 409 00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:36,520 her about how you I was thinking he probably spent like two hours on I don't I want to 410 00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:41,200 know what the real time was because if it's actually in it if it's probably 30 minutes 411 00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:48,080 on Stalin 15 on you I try to try to try to make yours good at first you're like it's 412 00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:53,720 not this is too hard yeah with you got cut your losses sometimes I have a fucked up 413 00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:57,320 head because normally what I'll do is I'll do I'll do a filter on that I'll save it 414 00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:02,360 then I'll go back into the new photo and then put it on again and hopefully that'll blend 415 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:08,800 the two skin colors better but it didn't work so I'm the darker tone you're yeah you're 416 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:15,600 like a black man I'm late I'm so late like Darius the first of Persia 417 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:26,720 Darius sorry it's not the history of Darius the first of wait hold on North Korea's new 418 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:36,120 laws about what you put to death for I mean they are United States they are called the 419 00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:40,720 Democratic People's Republic of Korea so I mean they gotta be Democrat I mean he got 420 00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:45,440 a he got a hundred he got a hundred percent of the so these are all democracy these are 421 00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:53,280 all facts from North Korea itself he had a perfect golf game okay you get a hole in 422 00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:58,080 one in every hole this is the propaganda this is from Korea I mean it's it's it's from 423 00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:07,000 fact from Korea he got a hundred percent of vote their vote he's so slating every he doesn't 424 00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:17,000 even he doesn't poop this is not a bit at all this is real I mean the president there 425 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:24,840 says about or the dictator supreme has them put out I got a perfect I don't poop that's 426 00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:30,520 not a flex yeah well I think I think that's why he got so fat this because he doesn't 427 00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:36,920 poop yeah it's a what do you and Dale he's basically saying one time Dale told me I don't 428 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:42,520 eat that much and I said you've eaten at least 400 pounds of food in your life this is the 429 00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:52,280 thing about Matt you know super super obesity or just no any obesity he did eat that much 430 00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:58,400 at one point but now he just maintains yeah I mean you have to because he's pooped a lot 431 00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:03,360 of it out but I was saying even if you hold on even if even if he didn't poop he's still 432 00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:10,960 eating 400 pounds yeah but it's just like it's a it's like if you get in debt you know you 433 00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:20,360 borrowed weight way more than you could make back so now you're living with that debt but 434 00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:26,000 you're not taking out more debt you're just maintaining your past mistake I'm a you're 435 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,480 you're a lot for a while. 436 00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:34,880 Baring debt to your food yeah yeah because it's the calorie deficit. 437 00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:38,880 The bud the caloric budget. 438 00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,880 Thomas Massie would hate that. 439 00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:45,840 Oh my gosh Thomas Massie because he loves he loves the budget. 440 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:51,320 He would be like that that sales guy who's just like he has so many videos where he's 441 00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:56,600 telling the people he's training on set take your shirt off take off your shirt and he's 442 00:48:56,600 --> 00:49:01,480 like if you don't have a six pack you're not working for my company and a lot of people 443 00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,560 are hating on it like this guy is like crazy blah blah and I have a friend from high school 444 00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:12,000 who's like a sales guy like that he sells sales like conferences. 445 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,880 That's the biggest sale that's so sick. 446 00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:20,880 He lives in Miami he's the doucheiest guy but he's always he's always always in the 447 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:25,320 doucheiest guy this is like his life and this is the life he was made for. 448 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:30,840 That's so funny to shout out to Kenny Kenny got sober too he used to you know it's about 449 00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:38,200 the resale it's he sells sales yeah he sells high sales high sales sales he sells sales 450 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:43,760 that's I mean you gotta say that but we sell like sales for like sale boats but dude you 451 00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:48,360 gotta be a pretty good salesman to sell sales because if you sound like a bad salesman trying 452 00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:53,320 to sell sales to people the bill salesman you're selling it to salesmen and sales while you're 453 00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:58,080 selling it to struggling salesmen and sales women suckers yeah so they might not even 454 00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,840 know if you're a good salesman or not if they just suck ass at it and you're okay at it 455 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:06,760 maybe it maybe I might work with Kenny but then I gotta get spray tan and some abs but 456 00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:12,920 sometimes it can be a win-win if the person buying it is that big of a loser and it's 457 00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:18,000 okay to you know sometimes if you're a loser and you realize it's a fix yes I mean some 458 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:24,280 people that are doing well in sales I still like that they've been doing pretty well but 459 00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:29,600 they want to do better they'll go to those types of things yeah so you're saying like 460 00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:35,360 you might have done that and that doesn't make you a loser I wouldn't ever go to a live 461 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:42,280 one of those if they had a free one like through my company then I would but or I just watch 462 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:47,720 videos no I mean just like watching some of these videos it's just like so sometimes these 463 00:50:47,720 --> 00:50:53,600 people are I don't know they're doing so nuance you love nuance one of your favorite words 464 00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:58,400 yeah I don't know what it means but I like it I mean yeah so maybe ask your your new 465 00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:08,600 uncle who Tom my ex-wife's okay it's this we tried to kind of force this in here we 466 00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:14,920 were riffing so goddamn good yesterday with off-camera sorry yeah most of the in-laws 467 00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:21,040 and axes and yeah I don't know if you guys know but we've we've been married and I mean 468 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:29,240 not together obviously we love our why gay marriages wrong love love our our active marriages 469 00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:33,320 and I'm just kidding gay marriages not wrong if you want to get who fuck get any of us 470 00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:40,200 get divorced yeah go ahead and get married good luck have fun in the divorce proceedings 471 00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:46,440 I've dealt with that if you want to deal with that by all means get married how about this 472 00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:52,080 gay marriage should be legal gay divorce illegal because if now how about this how about this 473 00:51:52,080 --> 00:52:03,120 be men how about this normal marriage illegal gay marriage legal and and divorce legal and 474 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:08,160 then they'll see how it feels and you're not allowed to have sex because of the Bible yeah 475 00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:13,480 well yeah they can because we're cool with that I think it feels better because it's 476 00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:21,640 wrong yeah yeah you LG's yeah and then sometimes the wrong thing sometimes the wrong thing is 477 00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:28,400 is the right thing you got to do wrong sometimes to do right well what's your buzz of man can 478 00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:35,080 you come back in we got like five more minutes hey guys we're letting in our guest it's gonna 479 00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:49,160 be a fun one so North Korea has a new list of penalties that will get you put to death 480 00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:56,520 and it's for reactionary and counter-revolutionary associations so other reactionary behavior 481 00:52:56,520 --> 00:53:03,960 that warrants death includes wearing outside fashion such as white wedding dresses blue 482 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:12,920 jeans or sunglasses yo Dylan you get put to death in North Korea if you wear sunglasses 483 00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:19,240 or blue jeans you they would wreck you and my slim straight jeans would be I'd be gone 484 00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:25,240 in sunglasses to straight to death there's no way that they would they would let us you 485 00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:34,800 know use this podcast there we should do a poll how or unlikeable we looked just on stage 486 00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:42,120 with sunglasses on indoors what so so so like keep just keep holding it down kind of until 487 00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:52,160 it you might have to there you go earlier this month North Korea promised to refine its 488 00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:57,600 weapons and development and strengthen its nuclear capabilities no one cares North Korea 489 00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:13,640 is not on shit North Korea is like a I love my chart Dylan we're so we're so alive by 490 00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:23,800 the way we're so live Dylan hey we'll be right back Dan can you give us five more minutes 491 00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:29,520 to finish this episode thanks just you can we can watch whatever you want in there you 492 00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:38,000 can beat off in there all right so yeah so North Korea big daddy dance huge penis election 493 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:45,480 huge dick loves his love this cock so that's a preview of who we got coming up next week 494 00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:52,120 folks so oh so they actually the people's assembly of North Korea they have amendments 495 00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:57,360 in a constitution I'm sure they really use that I'm sure it's not a direct dictatorship 496 00:54:57,360 --> 00:55:04,240 this is that it's just a very thin line for you think my jeans are slim I mean dude they 497 00:55:04,240 --> 00:55:10,680 would if you wore jeans mm-hmm they would you'd be put to death is that real yes that's that's 498 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:16,360 what I'm reading right now they expand the sound because well because blue jeans sunglasses 499 00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:22,520 that type of fashion is like associated with Western culture and South Korea which has adopted 500 00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:26,820 Western culture and there's some aspects that that I like where it's just like I like we're 501 00:55:26,820 --> 00:55:35,640 teen I like Western culture cowboy hats cowboy hats I'm talking about when Tina does we know 502 00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:43,960 I'm talking about the these these hot no these hot little hot little hot girls their jeans 503 00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:49,920 painted on on dirt road man they should make a song about that like driving on dirt road 504 00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:58,240 or like hot girls are drinking a beer yeah I mean I just feel like there's a reason that 505 00:55:58,240 --> 00:56:03,480 this stuff is we keep talking about it North Korea as a reputation you know it gives us 506 00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:07,240 some shit about this country are great we're gonna keep talking North Korea has like one 507 00:56:07,240 --> 00:56:20,240 nuke like they're they have like no new I got called in little rocket man I like and 508 00:56:20,240 --> 00:56:24,680 then we became friends almost like we were like I was a little bit scared of because 509 00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:30,680 that Seth Rogen movie with making fun of them I was kind of like I don't know who knows what 510 00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:36,600 he's gonna do now he's gonna snap but then isn't Trump friends with him too oh wait did 511 00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:41,640 he go there yeah yeah he went there and they're cool and they became cool see this is insane 512 00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:50,400 his diplomacy it's just being chill yeah yeah but hold on there's a very thin line yeah 513 00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:56,840 a thin line in us a thin line is not the kind of line that I want when I'm doing my booger 514 00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:05,160 sugar yeah and funded by your grandma funded but yeah only on New Year's though yeah my 515 00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:13,800 grandma she I mean rest in peace yeah rest in power so my grandma give me $100 every 516 00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:21,320 Christmas so nice for her because I wouldn't have to go to the ATM on New Year's to get 517 00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:26,800 to get a bag of blow you know so it's like this is grandma's blow basically yeah so 518 00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:32,320 every time I say every every New Year's cuz I still get the hundred dollars grandpa I 519 00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:38,320 feel like I'm snorting my grandma it's his like Keith Richards I was like what about 520 00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:43,680 Heath Bar Richards you know it'd be something like that it's something like that Heath yeah 521 00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:57,760 and Heath Heath Bar obviously what about Heath Heath Barn nice about Heath Ledger but 522 00:57:57,760 --> 00:58:03,200 it's like a general ledger and accounting I have a real question for you all right Red 523 00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:09,280 Sea Dead Sea what's the difference yeah to me yeah they're dead as a dog they're one 524 00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:17,440 of the same or maybe get different names because otherwise no one I don't know shit about what 525 00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:23,320 shit is and where stuff is in the Middle East Asia you didn't learn that who cares I just 526 00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:28,120 I think of it as when those paintings where they just throw paint at the wall those make 527 00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:39,640 me wanna off my yeah my fucking yeah that is the the worst the worst thing about about 528 00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:49,600 like modern culture is or postmodern culture is abstract like really abstract art yeah 529 00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:54,880 well a lot of it is just money laundering yeah they just they just say this is worth 530 00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:59,880 like five million yeah I for a while I never thought about that actually I think you might 531 00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:04,160 just be telling me about this now I might just be learning this but you a new thing 532 00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:11,840 but it's basically just an investment you can just hold it there and this is worth this 533 00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:15,800 also casinos you can money laundering to a certain amount now things were regulated 534 00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:21,960 now and get rid of your dirty money dirty money go to the casino and put it all on red 535 00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:29,200 but they question the Red Sea and the Dead Sea did Brian row walk the Dead Sea I think 536 00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:35,680 he he walked the Red Sea was there the Red Sea was it the Red Sea yeah yeah didn't you 537 00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:42,280 walk the Red Sea didn't God turn the Red Sea into blood I think it was or is it or is 538 00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:49,040 that was it pretty sure is blood and it was like okay this is kind of weird well I know 539 00:59:49,040 --> 00:59:53,360 that need to be that some people are the Dead Sea I don't know if you knew this but it has 540 00:59:53,360 --> 01:00:00,000 such a high concentration of salt that like do you know about this you can basically like 541 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:05,760 you automatically like float in the water like it's like super salty water oh man because 542 01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:12,920 like I think around it is like mountains with like sodium that come to sound but like yeah 543 01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:16,600 like yeah like like you know it's kind of hard you go on the lake and you can't you 544 01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:20,400 don't know it's automatically float you have a perfect kind of position unless you're like 545 01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:30,400 that Dale but in the Dead Sea there's so much sodium that you just float my dad was so jacked 546 01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:36,800 and dense that he would just sink to the bottom is he dead no he said you said Jack you just 547 01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:42,480 swam back to the top does he look like does he look like RFK he looked like it like it's 548 01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:48,640 like a jacked like Bruce Willis without the whatever disease he has now Bruce Willis I 549 01:00:48,640 --> 01:00:56,480 was always a big fan of I also like a strong William Scott well girls I went to high school 550 01:00:56,480 --> 01:01:03,720 with fancy my father and his all his tattoos and tan and bald head and oh I just thought 551 01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:13,160 about something so that it's a Louis Vuitton hat however could also be vice lords vice 552 01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:21,240 lords I was just a BL Lord Voldemort so it's Lord the singer combined with Voldemort and 553 01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:27,840 so and beat me to it but just don't just don't run into any BD's or GD's there's a guy outside 554 01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:33,120 of the casino that he might have said something about vice he she pulled up his shirt and it 555 01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:39,880 was he showed me tattoos that was why he thought your shirt that was vice or maybe he asked 556 01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:46,120 me if I was Puerto Rican okay at least he asked me and said Sam Talant misracing me 557 01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:51,280 it is like that's funny actually in public I mean I mean I understand it because the 558 01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:55,280 jewelry and stuff you wear yeah you present as Puerto Rican but I think it was just he 559 01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:59,600 said good luck bro because it was just hanging out of course to hang out right outside the 560 01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:07,120 casino and I've been given too many random people money and yeah but you're Puerto Rican 561 01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:14,240 passing you know it's like it's kind of like how trans people like you like some of them 562 01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:18,840 aren't passing some of them just have a long hair and a dress and like hey what's up I'm 563 01:02:18,840 --> 01:02:25,080 trans you get mad when people like misrace you like they'll be like well a lot of people 564 01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:32,160 think I'm black and does that it shouldn't anger you know it makes me happy I like that 565 01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:36,960 more than when they call me the color of my skin because I make on the on the inside I'm 566 01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:46,520 black my black soul I feel like I feel like I'm black and one problem is when people call 567 01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:53,720 me the n word I I love it so I feel like okay well that means I'm not black yeah well I 568 01:02:53,720 --> 01:03:00,480 have I collected a lot of n word cards over my tenure with Mike and I mean I'm so I still 569 01:03:00,480 --> 01:03:07,600 have them so I was gonna save them for doing a set probably at like barred barred barred 570 01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:15,320 10 doors yeah and then just just do like a Kramer set and bartender's folks is like mostly 571 01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:20,120 all black people and I would do a Kramer set there but then I would present all my all 572 01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:25,760 my passes and I'd be good and I could be like what's the deal with that after yeah it'd be 573 01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:31,360 like a one-two punch it would be like in like a scaring week three with all of guns there's 574 01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:37,760 all shoot me that was the worst scare I've ever ever had is there scaring week three 575 01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:42,920 is good I did I do good with black bikes well a lady tried to take the mic from me so that 576 01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:48,680 wasn't yeah that's not cool well folks there's a hurricane supposedly coming in here from 577 01:03:48,680 --> 01:03:56,160 Florida it's right now it's crossing Chicago so we get bigger we have to go we'll catch 578 01:03:56,160 --> 01:04:02,040 you in we're gonna have a very folks hatred patreon.com slash bad comedy you're not gonna 579 01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:09,280 want to miss the next one it's gonna be to tell talk about the next time like it's your 580 01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:13,800 chart like it's your chart talk about it like next episode like a chart and how can they 581 01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:20,480 get guest episodes to you go to the patreon and you're gonna want to buy it folks yep 582 01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:28,160 patreon.com so you buy it it's pretty easy my favorite website patreon.com there's so 583 01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:36,560 many episodes as I was looking at it there's 350 episode I can't even listen to them any 584 01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:42,960 yeah you gotta listen to so just listen back to all of them and folks we love you we'll 585 01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:49,760 see you where do you think we'll see him hopefully at the voting booth yeah we'll see you at 586 01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:55,640 the voting booth I'm gonna be peeking over as if it's a urinal or a stall yeah me and 587 01:04:55,640 --> 01:05:00,600 me and Dylan we're watching yeah no we're gonna be whole watchers and we're gonna make 588 01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:08,480 sure that all the black guys are able to vote for Donald Trump I want a woman to look at 589 01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:16,360 me the way I look at her binoculars binoculars what what if you what if you were you were 590 01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:20,960 stalking girl binoculars and she was doing the same thing oh my god and then he goes 591 01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:25,200 locked out locked binoculars to be like that sniper saw another sniper and then it'd be 592 01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:31,240 like kiss me that would be yeah it's like I wonder if she's staring at the same can't 593 01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:38,680 be binoculars is me folks we have a guest waiting in the waiting room near near the debate stage 594 01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:46,080 so we'll be we'll see you on we'll see you on if you're a patron on the right side we'll 595 01:05:46,080 --> 01:05:53,240 only see you if you're a patron for the next episode patreon.com slash bad comedy it's four 596 01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:59,360 bucks a month it's gonna be five bucks a month we'll re-announce that in October but you 597 01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:04,360 can afford it only for new patrons everyone else's grandfather then like Michael Myers 598 01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:30,360 but folks we'll see you at the in the Venezuelans take over the world.